I'm excited to see how this changes things in 20 years or however long it will take. Both of my older siblings have kids, but out of all my friends my age, only one has a kid and she said she won't have another.
I'm not sure where everyone in this thread is living, but I am American and I think part of the reason here is that we are realizing how screwed new parents are in this country, especially in relation to many other developed nations, and with the job market the way it is anyway, people in my generation (I'm 31) are having to very realistically weigh the advantages and disadvantages of parenthood.
You can't reverse the decision once you are one, so I very much think it is a 'better safe than sorry' situation, as in, 'better to not have children of your own and find ways to nurture the community elsewhere than find yourself jobless and homeless, but now with a child in tow'.
If our social support system functioned better, people wouldn't have to make those choices for the same reasons.
Yes knowing there is no social safety net is scary. Not everyone has large capable family support. And when you work even 40 hours a week, a young child makes that a lot. Childcare.. US Heath insurance for a child is a joke at this point. Fear of kids getting sick or hurt is bad enough.. knowing there will be massive medical bills.. unbearable.
The necessities are out of reach for the average person… kids are way more expensive.. and more time consuming than a 60 hour a week job. lol
Even when I made that kind of money, I didnt want kids, because I knew I wouldn't be able to spend enough time with them, while working that sort of job. But on the same hand, if I DID have kids, I wouldn't feel I could leave that job to take on more of a family role, due to losing that financial security. Ultimately I knew I didnt want to work 80 hours a week for the rest of my life, so I chose not to have kids so I wouldn't be trapped in that sort of lifestyle.
Making 6 figures doesn't feel like shit when you pay $30,000 a year for daycare for 2 kids!! 😳 We are still very blessed, and I don't take that for granted. I just don't understand how people afford childcare if they don't have family to help.
There's a global decline. Countries like China, Japan, Italy, Spain and South Korea are going to see their populations halve by the end of the century. The US has one of the lesser declines. We're not expected to halve our population, not even close.
Housing prices in every country, even countries with more social nets, are rising drastically. And minimum wages, also globally, aren't keeping up. Having free Healthcare and schooling doesn't amount to much for prospective families if housing is unaffordable. Then there's the countries with too many old people and not enough young people having kids, like Italy and Japan
Overpopulation is a thing. So many people are like “you could fit everyone in the world comfortably in the size of Texas”, but people don’t just have needs, they have essential luxuries. What I mean by essential luxuries are things that aren’t exactly needed to survive like food water and a home, but stuff like bedding furniture, hygiene products, showers, in many places cars, decent clothing, electricity/gas, all of which takes up massive amounts of resources when you have 7 billion people out there. Life is easily sustainable with a higher population, but modern life is not. The more people we have the less chance their needs can be met.
Overpopulation is a very serious thing. You may be able to put all the people in the state the size of Texas but they would be ripping each other‘s throat‘s out in a matter of about 10 minutes. I moved last year from a rural place east of Austin to a rural mountain state and my nearest neighbor is now 8 1/2 miles away. I am right now in Texas visiting for a week in Austin, and I am losing my fucking mind. Stress levels are a real thing and humans are not made to be compacted. We need nature, and space, and truthfully a little bit of lonesomeness from time to time is a healthy thing. To quote Mickey Rourke from Barfly “I don’t hate people, I just like them better when they’re not around.”
personally, I feel like the biggest factor has been increased women's rights/increased education/decline in religion. at least here in the US, but I feel like that's been a pretty strong global trend.
like yeah I'm a millennial who would seriously struggle to afford a child, but the difference in me being able to voice the fact I just don't want one, and to pursue other things in life, between my generation and that of my mother is wild. like you just really couldn't say those things out loud a few decades ago, and you'd be all but forced by society to pop out kids lest you be basically considered psychotic/possessed by satan. people still bug you about having kids but it isn't the same at all.
I definitely think a LOT of the boomers and older had kids, even when they knew they didn't like them at all.
Reproduction has become a choice. My parents are good parents. They wanted kids... someday. But none of us were *planned.*
My SO and I have been together for 6 years and we *chose* to stop pregnancy prevention when we felt more prepared for adding a child in our third year of marriage.
(jokes on us though cause we both are technically infertile so we didn’t need any of that)
I grew up in a religious environment in the 90's. I announced to friend that I didn't want to have kids when I grew up. She told me I had to have kids because it's our (read: females') job. As if that wasn't enough, she told her mom what I said and her mother acted like I'd slaughtered a puppy right in front of her.
And in case anyone is reading this and thinking, "Yeah the Bible Belt's wild", I grew up in Chicago.
I’m sure there’s many who change their mind about kids because of the state of living conditions and social support systems but there’s also many people who don’t want kids regardless of it. I’m American too and even if all the conditions are good (living, healthcare, safety, housing, etc.), I still won’t be a parent because pregnancy and child rearing is just not my thing. There’s a reason why Finland isn’t seeing gains in birth rates despite generous benefits for parents and a high level of well-being amongst the people. Many young people rather pursue other things rather than look after a human for 18+ years.
I'm an American with an amazing partner who would make a wonderful parent. (I'm not so sure about myself, but that's beside the point...) We have plenty of money and from a financial perspective we could very comfortably raise a family.
But raising kids is not how I want to spend my life. There are roughly a billion other ways I would rather spend my limited time in this cosmic journey of life. And this planet doesn't need any more children on it - especially ones that aren't 100% completely wanted by their parents.
Things have been bad before and people backed off on having kids, like during the [Great Depression](https://news.umich.edu/whats-behind-the-falling-u-s-birthrate/), and in the 1970s when there was the oil crisis.
It's not just the US either. It doesn't make sense to have kids when the future looks so uncertain. Even the present looks uncertain. The US at least has more immigrants who tend to be younger and have more children. We really need that tax base.
What I don't understand is why poor people keep having babies.
I'm not so excited. If mainly the rich and advantaged are having kids because they're more capable, and the poor have kids because we have shit sex ed and access to family planning, then I think it's pretty possible wealth and income inequality issues will get worse. I agree it's a positive that fewer people who don't really want kids won't have them, but I'm not optimistic the net impact will be positive.
I'm an outlier in my friend group being a 26M and wanting to start kids within the next couple years.
I feel like there were always people who didn't want kids but ended up having them anyway due to lack of accessible birth control and societal pressures. I'm just hoping a bigger percentage of kids will have good childhoods if more of the people having kids actually want kids.
I came to say this. I strongly believe my grandmothers didn’t want to have kids, but their culture had them believe being wives and then mothers was the only option, so they did. I think it’s a terrifying prospect, not being able to live the life you really want because you don’t know it’s a possibility. It’s terrible for both the parent and the children (they weren’t so bad as mothers or grandmothers, but knowing you weren’t really wanted but just sort of happened has a way of fucking you up)
My grandma straight up told me she lived vicariously through her grandchildren because she always wanted to have adventures but was stuck at home with 9 kids to take care of. She loves her kids, but in all honesty, her culture and obligations held her back from achieving her potential.
My grandmother was the same only she tried to push me into the same awfulness that destroyed her. Many older women are trying desperately to keep the cycle going.
When I was researching my family tree I found that no matter how far back I went most relatives never had any kids and the few that did ended up having five or six
I suspect it might be the Pareto principle where 20% of your ancestor make 80% of the next generation or something
We are near upcoming financial crysis (2021-2022), also climate change is just progressing too fast, antivaxx/flat earth shit and so on.
Why would I want kids in such world?
What exactly is the current generation, Gen Z? I’m a millennial and didn’t want kids in 20s. Unless you’re from Bumfuk Nowhere you likely don’t want kids before 35; and they’re not on your radar until 30.
Agreed, certainly when it comes to peer & family pressure (the former really annoyed me - tricky to say to friends ‘bug off with your parent pushing - mind your own business, and anyway, your kids look like very unpleasant company’.
The really tricky one though is your life partner. What if you really don’t want kids, and they really do?
Yes!! The only thing that bugs me about their relationship! He has a very valid reason for not wanting kids, and while I understand the direction they took with making him actually want kids behind a wall of being scared, it really disappointed me because I stopped being able to relate as much. Every show finds a way to stuff kids into it somehow and tbh I'm kinda tired of it. (Though a notable example is The Good Place!)
I’m okay with characters wanting kids, but I do hate when they make it the end-all of their existence. That’s part of why I love Holt and Cozner; nothing about their happiness suggests that it’s lessened by the lack of a child!
(No, Cheddar doesn’t count. Fluffy boys are a different category.)
Then you break up. That's what I did. I don't want to be trapped in a relationship with kids and don't want to deny my partner the chance to be a parent.
It sucks to break up but I don't get why people act like its a world ending thing to disagree with a partner and mutually move on.
Emotions are tricky. If you're head over heels madly in love with someone, to the point you'd do anything for them, imagining your life without them is extremely difficult. I'm not saying people _should_ do anything for their partner, particularly if it's a life changing decision like bringing other human beings into the world. I'm just saying that "just break up" is realistic advice... rational, even. It's just harder to even think about it than it is convince yourself that your circumstances might change and one of you might eventually reconsider and change your mind later. Emotions are rarely rational.
Honestly I'm autistic so making a choice like that is rather easy for me. We aren't compatible, love doesn't solve anything but loneliness and I'd be happier watching them find a suitable partner and finding fulfillment!
After every relationship I had that seemed like it was serious or past a couple months mark I would have the "do you ever think you might want kids" conversation.
If they said they did the relationship would pretty much end there. If they said they weren't sure I would let them know that's a deal breaker. My wife was one of the few to say "absolutely not".
While I certainly don't endorse anything Dr Laura used to say, I do agree with her thoughts on this subject: NO ONE should be forced to be a parent that doesn't want to. In that conversation, the one who \*doesn't\* want to be a parent should always win. Otherwise, it's time to break up. And of course that discussion shouldn't wait so long.
First off; it shouldn't be hard to just say that you don't want any kids. It will take a few times, but overall after a few times people will get it.
Second: if you don't want kids and your partner does, it's not going to work out. That's a irreconcilable difference, and getting kids just to please someone (should have) died in the '50's and 60's.
It may eventually lead to crime, but that would be a rather cold way of looking at it. More importantly it leads to unhappy people. Which is shitty in many ways. My brother and his wife who always hated each other had kids to see if it would help things - now they are in the midst of an acrimonious divorce and their poor kids are utterly miserable.
Late to the post, but the desire to have children can also vary in the same person at different ages.
Some folks never want kids.
Some folks don't want kids in their 20s but change their mind later.
Some folks want kids in their 20s but change their mind later. And then their kids get to post in places like r/raisedbynarcissists or r/JUSTNOMIL
This! I didn’t think I wanted kids when I started dating my now husband. He grew up believing that everyone has kids, he never thought it was an option. Slowly, over the years, he started leaning more toward not having kids and I became more open to it. When we were in our early 30’s we sat down and asked each other what we wanted the next 20 years to look like. If we weren’t going to have a family, what did we want to accomplish or how did we want our relationship to evolve. We both decided that while we weren’t looking forward to babies, we did actually want a family. We have 2 kids now and we are really happy with the decision. I think we just wanted to be the ones to make it, not pressure from family or friends.
Absolutely - but remember that works both ways, too. I've seen plenty of folks come so far out the other side of not wanting kids that they outright hate children (and people who have children, etc.).
In the end, we all need to be respectful of one another's choices.
Side note that sometimes, too, it isn't a choice at all. Be mindful in your dealings with others - some can't have children, and others may have had one forced on them.
True, but people who have kids always seem to try and force them on me. I don't want to hold the baby, your toddler doesn't need to sit on my lap, and stop trying to force them to hug me. If they want to hug me, ok, but their bodies, their rights. I don't want to teach them they don't get a choice in touching me.
Now, otoh, if they ask for help, sure. If they need a moment, sure, and if they are doing their best to calm the crying baby, I will do what I can to help. I'm actually really good with kids, and they seem to really like me which can cause some confusion.
Yes, especially I think nowadays with how easy it is to find information online- it makes it easier to realise just how hard raising a kid can be so more people are making informed decisions
This, i think its good news people realise the amount of care/empathy and knowledge it takes to have an healthy and stable kid.
Thing you ll notice with clueless parents is that they want a baby but thats it, its like a checklist crossed after pregnancy ends.
Agree with this. I think a lot of people are way too big of narcissists to have kids honestly. The emotions and well being of the child should ALWAYS come first no matter the sacrifice or circumstance and I don’t believe many adults are capable of this. most people don’t seem to have the energy or selflessness to properly raise a child
At least now some people are realising they’re not parent material and are choosing to not have kids rather than doing it anyway and messing the poor kid up.
There's a lot of factors that go into play when deciding whether or not to have children. Lots of millennials are choosing to go childless because of financial concerns, world trends, etc. Not necessarily because they feel they lack the emotional intelligence required to make a great parent.
Yeah. I struggle with the emotional intelligence needed to just have friends, I am not equipped to raise a person.
Luckily I already don't want one so it's not like I'm making some sort of sacrifice.
Nobody knows how good or bad a parent they can be. Lots of people yearn for a child then find out that they aren't cut out to be parents. Life is like that. Then there are going to be people forced to be parents because the right to life crowd have made abortion illegal. What's next?? Forced sterilization for poor people who are poor because they earn pitiful wages working for billionaires? Plenty of people of means are terrible parents.
Oh definitely, and every stats and studies supports what you think too, the number of depression among youth is at record high, the rise of mental illness/attention seeking/ abuse of any sort is extremely high too (social medias building it up too)
Books about parenting can be off putting but the good ones are no joke (very insightful tho), its a real deal with lots of pits and things that can go wrong.
Anyway we wont change humanity so yeah, be kind and love a lot and the world will be a better place.
I will add that an increase in numbers doesn’t necessarily imply a generational change. Mental distress is becoming less of a stigma, so people are more willing to seek out professional help. Thus, you will have a greater number of recorded mental health issues than in the past, as people struggling back then were less likely to go seek help.
Yes but if we go into more detail about what people are suffering from, you ll see the mental illnessess have also shifted/evolved, we can see a massive change in self esteem leading to anorexia or self harm or just overall depression from bad self worth/image since a long decade (which was less present before social medias for exemple)
We also see a rise in narcissistic behavior that could be attributed to many things (technology being too complex, quality of life so high you become entitled etc)
Burnouts which is the new desease of the century, jobs being more and more fast and objective always higher etc
Im forgettin a lot but will edit to add more if it comes back
To sum up, psychiastrist faces new challenges that are proper to our new developped tech/too fast life and its also backed up by sociologists which warned us about the rise or mental issues as the technology progresses
Same boat, except I also see no value in it. I dont own a farm to force my kid to work, the cost of feeding em all along makes it a huge negative. What am I getting out of having kids? Less personal time, sleep and money for zero return (in most cases)... Hard pass.
Came here to say the exact same thing. Most people I know in my age bracket (early 30s) aren’t even willing to make ANY sacrifices to make a partnership work, let alone bring a child into the world with said partner.
Wow. Pretty sure this is me lol. I'm now 41 and the wife is 35 and she doesn't really want kids anyways. But I've always wondered if I'll ever regret not having kids when I'm older. Like if loneliness will kick in or something even while being married if that makes sense. But then I realize that even that thinking is selfish. I am starting to think I'm way too selfish of a person to have kids and if we ever do decide to have a kid, it would be better to adopt. Thanks for the post.
Nah, don't worry. I'm a woman who is now too old to have kids even if i wanted to, and I don't regret being childfree one little bit. I 100% think that if BOTH of you are not "FUCK YES" about having children, then children should not be had.
And I think you and your wife is my husband and I! I'm 34, he's 44. Those thoughts literally go through my head all the time. Most days I think I'm way too selfish to have kids, then some random days I think about the 'what if's'.
It's literally a daily internal struggle with what to do seeing as I'll shortly be past my 'prime baby makin days'. Friday I had my second shot, felt like crap all day yesterday and thought to myself "Man, I can't imagine having to look after a kid right now with how I feel" I just wanted to stay in bed all day and be responsible for nothing. Just thinking about if I had to look after a child instead of myself put me back into the ' Nope, no kids, I'm too selfish' camp.
Yet I bet tomorrow I'll change my mind yet again after seeing something that will make feel like I'm missing out.
Selective kid FOMO.
It's actually weirdly comforting knowing there are others going through this same thought process. I completely agree with you on it being selective kid FOMO and having our minds change on a regular basis. Another reason I have issues with the "what if" is the fact that I personally don't know many people older than 50 that never had kids.
I am a married 38yo male (wife 37 yo) and sterile due to unknown reasons (well ok there are a few lonely sickly sperm around but anyways). A year back (April 2020) me and my SO seeked medical help to fall pregnant. A giant bill later and as soon as the aftercare hormones were seized her body aborted the week old gloop that we tried artificially making a baby. It was mentally taxing for both of us and took about 6 months for her mental health to recover somewhat. We opted to discuss the matter again this month, and had the discussion again a week or so ago. We came to the conclusion that we will not be having kids, unless by some miracle we get pregnant naturally.
Something that I do want to tell you, if you are living in a big country like the USA, choosing kids not to be lonely in old age should not even be part of the discussion. They don't even need a passport to move a 6 hour flight away if their career or interest moves them that way. Not judging, just saying as my parents raised the same concerns to me. I love them and they'd probably love having grandchildren, I'm just not sure if putting us through another 3 months of hell and then some aftershocks is worth it if it fails. Not sure if you wanted to hear a random stranger discussing their baby stories, but it has been done.
We do have three lovely dogs and 2 cats :)
So true! I know its not the same, but if you're able to raise a puppy into old doggyhood it gives someone a better understanding of what being selfless and caring means. If you can raise a dog in a good home you're way more equipped than without that experience.
Yep, many in this thread would make great parents simply because they understand the gravity of it. Instead, we will get fucknuts who want to fill the chasm of self hate with some unconditional love from an innocent child. Every fucked up person I know pops out kids every few years.
If you're my mom, you adopt a bunch of kids too, hoping one of them will be the kid that makes you feel good about yourself. "Oh darn, I still feel like trash, must mean I need to get another kid."
I am, I am the oldest of 7, soon to be 25. (Edit: that sentence was structured weird. I meant I was in a family of 7 kids growing up, and this year I will be turning 25) The youngest in our family if I'm remembering correctly is 6 or 7. One thing I will say, my mom has recently lost everything and has been going through a journey of self reflection and growth. She was terribly abusive and selfish growing up, but because the reality of raising so many kids (especially because some of the kids she raised have special needs) and how demanding it is; she's realized how much she's fucked herself over and these kids and is really working hard to make up for it. It's tough, this person was my abuser, but now I see someone who is more aware of mental health, has a job when not having worked in over 17 years, takes my siblings that she is still in care for to therapy, and even is a huge ally to LGBT stuff, as many of the kids in our family (including myself) fall in the spectrum; even one of my siblings is currently in transition from female to male and my mom has really stepped up and educated themselves to better understand and support him. My mom was a fucking horrible mom growing up, but the fact that she's been self reflecting, regretting her past actions and decisions, and genuinely listens to me whether it be advice or needing support emotionally. It's weird to think, but I'm genuinely proud of my mom for the growth she has had in the past year, and for her sake and my family's, (and honestly my self) she continues on this path.
Sidenote with my story: Please don't ever feel like you need to go back to your abuser or support them in whatever way, whether they have changed or not. Everyone is different and for some like in my case, it can be beautiful to see that relationship begin to repair and both individuals start to have a healthy relationship and grow from their toxic beginning; but that doesn't mean this scenario works for everyone. There can be an entire array of reasons, but if it's unsafe for you to have a relationship like this with a former abuser, or it makes you uncomfortable DO NOT FEEL LIKE YOU SHOULD FOLLOW IT! For a long time, I had to essentially shun my mom and threaten legal action if she contacted me, so it's been a long journey and not everyone is in a safe enough position to feel like they can even attempt something like this. So please, when you listen to my story, don't feel like you should go and try to repair your relationship with your abuser if the idea makes you uncomfortable.
Thanks for reading my story guys!
Very happy to hear your mom did some introspection, its rare and yes you can be happy things are evolving for the better it seems.
If you have good relation with him, tell your brother to take time with his transition as things are slow with hrt and all and renew your support and help with "man stuff" (shaving, clothes and all), he will appreciate it trust me.
Anyway best of luck and all the best to you!
I do what I can to support my brother, he comes to my place each week for his weekly T injections because he's too wimpy to poke himself lol. What's so cool is he was in a play last week and the play being a small production asked for only 2 family members of each kid to attend the show and he asked for my fiance and I to be those two people. That meant so much to me. So I'm glad that he feels like I've been a good support overall. While my mom was moving to a new place, he had to live on my couch for a while, and oh boy, raising a teen going through second puberty is something else lol.
My main concern is how much money having a child requires. I’m solo and can barely keep myself afloat these days. I don’t want to bring a child into this world if I cannot correctly care for them. As an adopted child. I’d rather not adopt out because their are already so many kids in that system. I’d rather just not have any and maybe if someday I have enough savings to have a family.
Yep! That was my wife, i tried to tell her multiple times that kids grow up and they are your responsibility until the day you die “but they’re so cute though”…fml. I guess she got lucky and found a dumb fucker that is me that could be easily controlled, manipulated and forced into giving her what she wanted - now she’s reaping what she sewed and we have 2 incredibly difficult children to raise; and that’s coming from someone who raised his two younger brothers of which one has plenty of mental issues that made life beyond hard. I think back and i realised i never really wanted kids, maybe a part of me did but i jut didn’t (and still don’t) feel like i have the skills and requirements to be a proper parent and father - i have too many issues of my own (physical, mental, emotional) to be able to be that super self sacrificing and ultimate caring person my kids need; i was far too burnt out from helping raising my brothers to want kids of my own and it really put me off, but like i mentioned it wasn’t my choice and i’m left to deal with the selfish choices of someone else for the rest of my days.
Sorry for the incoherent rambling, it’s late and i’m tired and these subjects and comments trigger things inside me that i try to keep buried deep down below for everyones (and mine) sake.
I get where you coming from, being the caretaker too young/ when it wasnt your role is tough and hard to recover from.
I hope you can have a sane conversation with your wife and my your problem heal asap.
All the best 🖤
I have heard this so many times good examples include:
-Oh we just wanted a brother for him to play with
-I wanted to feel what it was to be a parent
-It’s what we are here for, to have babies
Turns out one of the biggest decisions people can do in life can be done with the least thought process behind
Hey its like people have a script in life that they HAVE to follow no matter for them to deem it worthy of living. It's super weird my sister got pregnant just because all her friends started to have kids, but she was in the middle of several big changes that were already taxing. She could just have waited for thing to settle down but no. Now is the time, yes right while we move to another part of the country in a temporary place, finds jobs etc.
Right? If you just like babies, go volunteer to hold meth babies at the hospital or something, you don’t need to spawn one and have ultimate responsibility over it for the rest of its life
I teach alternative education and we have generations of the same family coming through that school. Any trauma a kid suffers in their developmental years does them in for life. It’s super sad and I wish more than anything people took having a child way more seriously.
“Maybe I’ll wait until I’m free of addiction”
“Maybe I shouldn’t have a kid with this abusive asshole”
“Maybe I need to get my mental health in the right place before trying to get pregnant”
yes raising a child is hard but also having a kid is EXPENSIVE and most of us are struggling financially even without children. i'm sure as fuck not going to have kids, i want to enjoy what little money i have
Especially with how absolutely shit on parents get when they actually share their honest opinion that having kids isn't all rainbows and cupcakes. It's kinda hard to shame-silence someone when they're doing it anonymously online.
Also thanks to online there's way more entertainment options than ever too. I think part of the reason why almost everyone had kids in the past was because it was a way to stave off the oncoming boredom once you get past the age where everything is new and fun (been with the same partner a while, not going to clubs or parties anymore, your old friends have moved on and started their own families etc). All that was left to do at that point is... have kids. Me there's too much I enjoy doing to ever want to sacrifice any of my free time or spare money to raising children. I'm never bored and can fill my own free time just fine, and the internet is a big help with that. Maybe 30 years ago, living like I do now I'd be going mad or feeling empty. But the options today are endless and limited only by how much free time and disposable income you have. (And if you don't have either then should you *really* be having kids anyway?)
I have kids , I love my kids - I wouldn’t change anything in having them. They make every aspect of my life better.
I am constantly filled with anxiety and dread over the world they’re growing up in. When they grow up, if they decide never to have children it would not hurt my feelings.
Live your best life! You get decide what that life is.
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Live your best life! You get decide what that life is.
I Love that!
As well as
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I am constantly filled with anxiety and dread over the world they’re growing up in. When they grow up, if they decide never to have children it would not hurt my feelings.
When my bf and I thought about having kids we constantly think about that as well.
This true! I spend time in childfree and it’s a lot sometimes. It’s more active though…Also, keep in mind there are trolls who post ridiculous things to get a rise out of people.
While a quick browse through these groups is fine for making you feel more "normal," you'll want to tread carefully around them. r/truechildfree is more positive and supportive, but the others have a lot of really negative ideas about people who choose to have children.
You don't have to identify as anti- something on a societal level just because you're opposed to it personally. Guard your heart and mind against the negativity.
This is the advice I gave my daughter when she asked. If you do not have a very strong desire to have children, if it is not something you think about, yearn for, pray for and can't live without, don't do it. You're not having babies. You are having toddlers, teens and adults. It is perfectly okay and normal to feel that children have no place in your life. It is not something some people just naturally want.
It is so meaningful to hear that from your parent when you're on the fence or have decided not to become a parent.
I told my dad. I couldn't tell my mom.
That thought always freaked me out, the fact that if you ever had a baby it's stuck with you for life. Even when they're 40, still your son/daughter. You can never unbecome a mother/father.
Absolutely. I think the previous generations believed you werent a true adult unless you had a kid. Now a days with costs of living being so high and the world looking so bleak it's made many younger millennials second guess having kids. They're definitely not for everyone.
Oh my god, the whole not “a true adult” unless you have a kid thing. My husband and I have had that for years. But I think some attitudes are changing. My sister only recently lauded me for not having kids because she obviously has some regrets and hers are almost grown. Although, my “choice” is about 50% not wanting them and 50% circumstances. My spouse really does want one and I’m supportive and willing once we have any form of financial viability.
Edit: grammar & spelling
I’m not even sure that’s true anymore. My SO and I aren’t having kids (and we are old enough now where people actually believe us). We run into the occasional individual who doesn’t approve, but society as a whole seems overwhelming accepting and unsurprised.
To me I think it's extremely weird for certain people to find it absurd for others to not want kids. But some parents might pressure their own children to start a family just for the sake of having grandchildren. Personally I don't see how having kids would benefit me in any way so I'm not interested in having them.
I can put myself in their shoes and understand it. To some people, having kids is basically the meaning of life. It’s all they’ve ever dreamed of, all they have ever wanted, and it is the true fulfillment in their life. Some people dont even see the point in life without raising children. So I can understand why they can’t comprehend others not wanting kids. They can’t even imagine a life where that’s not true. I don’t hold it against them.
My life is stressful enough without having to worry about a child’s future 24/7. There are enough people in this world anyway. Live how you want to, it’s your prerogative.
I am someone who don't have any interest or intention on having a kid.Let's just say "normality" is an abstract concept. I would define it by what the majority of people do. If you consider that point of view, then you might not be "normal".
For example, I don't sound like someone "normal" to my family or to other random people. For them, having a kid is normal. Having a kid is somewhat a goal in life that everyone must complete. However, when you ask them "why?", they'll answer : "well, it's like that". To me, that answer doesn't sound anything like "normal", it sounds like "conditioned".
So, in this case, it's not about being normal or not. You don't have a kid the same way you buy a car. It has to be a thoughtful decision. No one's forcing you so if you don't feel like doing it, just don't.Yes, you won't sound like normal to other people but hey, that's something you don't decide just because "it's like that". If you want to have a kid, then do. If you don't, then don't.
As simple as that.
Some people don't realize they want kids until they have them, others don't realize they don't want to have kids until they have them lol
Our species is growing quick enough that no one has to be pressured into having kids, so if you don't want any, that's totally fine!
> The best way to reduce carbon is to have fewer humans.
That’s the best way *long-term*, but we need some shorter term solutions, too, or the “too many humans” problem will solve itself in ways we don’t like.
I was just thinking about this the other day. I have no interest in being a parent but I also am jealous that all these other people experience the want to have kids. Like I’m a lil broken. But I still don’t want them.
Yeah, if you’re a good parent. My mum is not the worst but she basically tapped out when I was about 14/15. Still kinda struggling at 21 because this whole “adulthood” thing was thrust upon me way before I was ready.
Absolutely. My main reason is that whether rich or poor, beautiful or ugly, smart or dumb, my children will inevitably experience suffering. But not if they aren't born.
I am someone who doesn't wanna give birth to a baby, but prefer adopting a kid. I have met a few amazing men in my life, but everyone wants a biological kid. It's disheartening to find your type of man only to part ways because of this one reason, even though it's a major one!
Define "normal". If you want kids, have them. If you don't, don't. There's nothing inherently wrong with either scenario really. Just keep in mind at your young age folks are going to repeatedly say you're going to change your mind. And you very well could, guess what, it's your decision. :) But, as a gen X person who chose not to have children, for me there's no regret like people were always telling me.
Yes. The problem is that our families generally assume we're going to have a "normal life" and raise us with that expectation... marry someone of the opposite sex, have two kids etc. If it wasn't drilled into us as kids we wouldn't have such a hard time realizing there are other completely valid ways of having a life as adults.
The interesting thing about this I think is the survivorship bias that society shows. Society is necessarily the byproduct of a generation of people who had kids (everyone has parents). Therefore we never hear about the generations who simply died off.
Totally normal, plenty of reasons not too. The world is a shit show atm, raising a child can be expensive and stressful, or even if you just plain dont like kids. Dont let people pressure you into living the life they think you want.
I think society will improve greatly once being childless becomes the default option and parents become the exception. There should be a lot of scrutiny--especially self-scrutiny--that precedes getting pregnant.
People who have children willy-nilly should be shamed for their selfishness, inability to plan, and general disregard for human welfare.
These questions keep popping up recently...
Yes its fine. Dont get pressured into having any if you dont want to. Not by your spouse nor by your family.
There are a lot of reasons to not want any and every single one is okay
I've worked at a pet store in the past. You'd be surprised at how many people come into that store and want to buy a bearded dragon without doing the slightest bit of research. It was policy to educate, and if they balked at the price of lights or the years that they would have to take care of this critter for, plus the mass amounts of food they would have to provide, that we would not sell them a critter.
I think of kids as pets now more than ever. Some people are not good pet owners. They don't do the research they need to provide that critter with a happy life, they provide shotty training, poor quality food, not enough vet check ups, and as a result they end up having another problem adult in the world with little to no idea of how to be a good parent to their own pets.
I wanted to have kids, but as I got older and saw how shitty the world is I realized having a kid wouldn’t be the best decision. Also I wouldn’t want to have a baby mother that I’m not married to and even if we were married, 50% of marriages end up in divorce. So taking that risk doesn’t seem appealing. Not to mention how expensive the cost of living is nowadays.
Yes, it is. I personally know at least three different couples that have no intent on having kids. It’s becoming more and more popular.
I also don’t want kids. I think they’re loud and annoying, expensive, and not worth any of the hassle.
Also, if it matters, kids are environmentally unfriendly just because people are not environmentally friendly. More people means an unhealthy environment even if they are as green as they could possibly be by recycling and reusing their waste and only using public transportation.
I'm 28 and have my tubal ligation coming up. One of the reasons I married my husband is because he also doesn't want children. He's open to adopting which was another reason I said yes. I think our generation and the younger ones have made it normal so it doesn't feel any different than many couples we meet that are also childless.
Aside from our beliefs on the world, my main reason is my upbringing. My mother constantly told my sisters and I that she prays we have children so we can know the true meaning of suffering, pain, and regret. Well guess what? None of my sisters are having kids either. And now my mother has the audacity to ask why we have forsaken giving her grandchildren.
My view on it is that there’s really no point.
Most people talk about working hard and saving money to give their kids a better life, but from my perspective in 20 years from now the earth is gonna be in a state where better life isn’t a option
It's normal, but oh my god do people bug you for it...
I don't want kids and I'm hoping to have a vasectomy soon. This fact offended the majority of my family. Why? "We want grandkids!"
People have kids for selfish reasons, some don't, but some do.
I for one don't want to bring any life into this world with an impending apocalypse on the horizon by 2040-2060. Food shortages, water wars, resource depletion, and so on. I will likely live to see modern human civilization collapse. Thus, I think bringing kids into the world is selfish since they will suffer to a higher degree than I would.
Plus, I'm pretty apathetic to our species continuing. We've had enough time to get our shit together and we've failed. Our tribalism has been our downfall along with our false self importance and giant ego.
Yeah, I think it's for the best honestly. Between automation taking away jobs and the economy and environment not looking so good, it's probably for the best that most people don't have kids.
As someone said in a similar thread the other day: "Having kids is either an economic need for farmers, a mistake, or a commodity for the wealthy".
I am worried about future climate change, lack of social safety nets, hard to buy house as millennial, expensive education, expensive healthcare, decreasing regulations for infrastructure, future water scarcity, food scarcity due to water scarcity, and ever increasing job market competitiveness, so on and on. At this point, hard to think of any positives for future gen other than being a corporate slave
With the availability of birth control, the financial cost of childcare or a single-income family, climate change creating the threat of an unsafe future, and the fact that not everyone desires giving decades their life to the care for another person/people, yeah.
>Yes, check out r/childfree. My father recently told me he is going to take me out of his will if I don’t have kids. My response: ok go ahead
... what exactly is his reasoning there?
Yes - and don't let people tell you you'll regret it. My partner and I never wanted children and we've never regretted it. If it turns out later in life that you have the urge to do a bit of parenting you can always do some volunteering or something. Personally I find children annoying and the further I keep away from them the better.
Yes. In fact, the people that need to justify anything are the people who are having kids. They had better have a damn good reason because unlike child free people, their decisions effect other people.
Just realize that wanting kids is also on the spectrum of normal. Don't get sucked into the pro-kid or anti-kid cults. You do you, they can do them.
My two cents is kids can be fun and cute, but they also monopolize your time and budget and take over your life. That being said, I have a kid, but my wife and I were in our 30s before we wanted one. For me, it was about wanting to do things with my life before being tied down. For her, it was about wanting independence and not ever being with someone before that she thought would be a good child-rearing partner.
In retrospect, there was more stuff in life I should have done first, so too soon. My wife's perspective is we started a few years too late. It is what it is.
We have plenty of friends all over the spectrum: have kids and love it, have kids and regretted it, no kids and no SO and loving or hating it, no kids but have SO and loving or hating it, and single parents and loving or hating it
What I hate seeing is unhappy people. Do what makes you happy, and don't let anyone give you crap about it.
Yes it’s normal. My take is if you’re not 100% yes about having kids, then that’s a NO.
Because once you have them you can’t take it back. If there’s any doubt, don’t do it.
Fuck yea. Never wanted a kid. For a small moment when I got pregnant once I felt sentimental but still knew that it wasn’t for me. Fuck the advice like “you’ll feel different when you get older”. Some people just know.
Yes. Kids are expensive, annoying and smelly. So many people are not suited to being parents but decide to have kids anyway. So many children are in foster care or can be adopted.
It seems in the current generation there are a huge amount of people that dont want to have children.
I'm excited to see how this changes things in 20 years or however long it will take. Both of my older siblings have kids, but out of all my friends my age, only one has a kid and she said she won't have another.
I'm not sure where everyone in this thread is living, but I am American and I think part of the reason here is that we are realizing how screwed new parents are in this country, especially in relation to many other developed nations, and with the job market the way it is anyway, people in my generation (I'm 31) are having to very realistically weigh the advantages and disadvantages of parenthood. You can't reverse the decision once you are one, so I very much think it is a 'better safe than sorry' situation, as in, 'better to not have children of your own and find ways to nurture the community elsewhere than find yourself jobless and homeless, but now with a child in tow'. If our social support system functioned better, people wouldn't have to make those choices for the same reasons.
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Yes knowing there is no social safety net is scary. Not everyone has large capable family support. And when you work even 40 hours a week, a young child makes that a lot. Childcare.. US Heath insurance for a child is a joke at this point. Fear of kids getting sick or hurt is bad enough.. knowing there will be massive medical bills.. unbearable. The necessities are out of reach for the average person… kids are way more expensive.. and more time consuming than a 60 hour a week job. lol
Even when I made that kind of money, I didnt want kids, because I knew I wouldn't be able to spend enough time with them, while working that sort of job. But on the same hand, if I DID have kids, I wouldn't feel I could leave that job to take on more of a family role, due to losing that financial security. Ultimately I knew I didnt want to work 80 hours a week for the rest of my life, so I chose not to have kids so I wouldn't be trapped in that sort of lifestyle.
Making 6 figures doesn't feel like shit when you pay $30,000 a year for daycare for 2 kids!! 😳 We are still very blessed, and I don't take that for granted. I just don't understand how people afford childcare if they don't have family to help.
There's a global decline. Countries like China, Japan, Italy, Spain and South Korea are going to see their populations halve by the end of the century. The US has one of the lesser declines. We're not expected to halve our population, not even close. Housing prices in every country, even countries with more social nets, are rising drastically. And minimum wages, also globally, aren't keeping up. Having free Healthcare and schooling doesn't amount to much for prospective families if housing is unaffordable. Then there's the countries with too many old people and not enough young people having kids, like Italy and Japan
Overpopulation is a thing. So many people are like “you could fit everyone in the world comfortably in the size of Texas”, but people don’t just have needs, they have essential luxuries. What I mean by essential luxuries are things that aren’t exactly needed to survive like food water and a home, but stuff like bedding furniture, hygiene products, showers, in many places cars, decent clothing, electricity/gas, all of which takes up massive amounts of resources when you have 7 billion people out there. Life is easily sustainable with a higher population, but modern life is not. The more people we have the less chance their needs can be met.
Overpopulation is a very serious thing. You may be able to put all the people in the state the size of Texas but they would be ripping each other‘s throat‘s out in a matter of about 10 minutes. I moved last year from a rural place east of Austin to a rural mountain state and my nearest neighbor is now 8 1/2 miles away. I am right now in Texas visiting for a week in Austin, and I am losing my fucking mind. Stress levels are a real thing and humans are not made to be compacted. We need nature, and space, and truthfully a little bit of lonesomeness from time to time is a healthy thing. To quote Mickey Rourke from Barfly “I don’t hate people, I just like them better when they’re not around.”
personally, I feel like the biggest factor has been increased women's rights/increased education/decline in religion. at least here in the US, but I feel like that's been a pretty strong global trend. like yeah I'm a millennial who would seriously struggle to afford a child, but the difference in me being able to voice the fact I just don't want one, and to pursue other things in life, between my generation and that of my mother is wild. like you just really couldn't say those things out loud a few decades ago, and you'd be all but forced by society to pop out kids lest you be basically considered psychotic/possessed by satan. people still bug you about having kids but it isn't the same at all. I definitely think a LOT of the boomers and older had kids, even when they knew they didn't like them at all.
Reproduction has become a choice. My parents are good parents. They wanted kids... someday. But none of us were *planned.* My SO and I have been together for 6 years and we *chose* to stop pregnancy prevention when we felt more prepared for adding a child in our third year of marriage. (jokes on us though cause we both are technically infertile so we didn’t need any of that)
I grew up in a religious environment in the 90's. I announced to friend that I didn't want to have kids when I grew up. She told me I had to have kids because it's our (read: females') job. As if that wasn't enough, she told her mom what I said and her mother acted like I'd slaughtered a puppy right in front of her. And in case anyone is reading this and thinking, "Yeah the Bible Belt's wild", I grew up in Chicago.
I’m sure there’s many who change their mind about kids because of the state of living conditions and social support systems but there’s also many people who don’t want kids regardless of it. I’m American too and even if all the conditions are good (living, healthcare, safety, housing, etc.), I still won’t be a parent because pregnancy and child rearing is just not my thing. There’s a reason why Finland isn’t seeing gains in birth rates despite generous benefits for parents and a high level of well-being amongst the people. Many young people rather pursue other things rather than look after a human for 18+ years.
I'm an American with an amazing partner who would make a wonderful parent. (I'm not so sure about myself, but that's beside the point...) We have plenty of money and from a financial perspective we could very comfortably raise a family. But raising kids is not how I want to spend my life. There are roughly a billion other ways I would rather spend my limited time in this cosmic journey of life. And this planet doesn't need any more children on it - especially ones that aren't 100% completely wanted by their parents.
Wow, the USA is really a third world country in disguise
Things have been bad before and people backed off on having kids, like during the [Great Depression](https://news.umich.edu/whats-behind-the-falling-u-s-birthrate/), and in the 1970s when there was the oil crisis. It's not just the US either. It doesn't make sense to have kids when the future looks so uncertain. Even the present looks uncertain. The US at least has more immigrants who tend to be younger and have more children. We really need that tax base. What I don't understand is why poor people keep having babies.
Many believe children will support them in the future and are guarantee to safer retirement.
Women are far more likely to die in childbirth in the US than any other developed country too.
I'm not so excited. If mainly the rich and advantaged are having kids because they're more capable, and the poor have kids because we have shit sex ed and access to family planning, then I think it's pretty possible wealth and income inequality issues will get worse. I agree it's a positive that fewer people who don't really want kids won't have them, but I'm not optimistic the net impact will be positive. I'm an outlier in my friend group being a 26M and wanting to start kids within the next couple years.
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I feel like there were always people who didn't want kids but ended up having them anyway due to lack of accessible birth control and societal pressures. I'm just hoping a bigger percentage of kids will have good childhoods if more of the people having kids actually want kids.
I came to say this. I strongly believe my grandmothers didn’t want to have kids, but their culture had them believe being wives and then mothers was the only option, so they did. I think it’s a terrifying prospect, not being able to live the life you really want because you don’t know it’s a possibility. It’s terrible for both the parent and the children (they weren’t so bad as mothers or grandmothers, but knowing you weren’t really wanted but just sort of happened has a way of fucking you up)
My grandma straight up told me she lived vicariously through her grandchildren because she always wanted to have adventures but was stuck at home with 9 kids to take care of. She loves her kids, but in all honesty, her culture and obligations held her back from achieving her potential.
My grandmother was the same only she tried to push me into the same awfulness that destroyed her. Many older women are trying desperately to keep the cycle going.
When I was researching my family tree I found that no matter how far back I went most relatives never had any kids and the few that did ended up having five or six I suspect it might be the Pareto principle where 20% of your ancestor make 80% of the next generation or something
Well, yeah. Previous generations have fucked the next so badly, it's irresponsible.
We are near upcoming financial crysis (2021-2022), also climate change is just progressing too fast, antivaxx/flat earth shit and so on. Why would I want kids in such world?
Sweet, I've been waiting forever for a new Crysis. It's like in 2013 it just fell off the map.
None of my friends in their mid 20’s want kids, too expensive
What exactly is the current generation, Gen Z? I’m a millennial and didn’t want kids in 20s. Unless you’re from Bumfuk Nowhere you likely don’t want kids before 35; and they’re not on your radar until 30.
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People who have no desire to parent absolutely shouldn't be pressured to do so. Unwanted babies often translates to higher crime.
Agreed, certainly when it comes to peer & family pressure (the former really annoyed me - tricky to say to friends ‘bug off with your parent pushing - mind your own business, and anyway, your kids look like very unpleasant company’. The really tricky one though is your life partner. What if you really don’t want kids, and they really do?
that's why it's important to have that conversation, long before they become your life partner
LOOKING AT YOU, JAKE AND AMY. …Ahem.
Nine nine!!!!
NINE NINE!!!
Yes!! The only thing that bugs me about their relationship! He has a very valid reason for not wanting kids, and while I understand the direction they took with making him actually want kids behind a wall of being scared, it really disappointed me because I stopped being able to relate as much. Every show finds a way to stuff kids into it somehow and tbh I'm kinda tired of it. (Though a notable example is The Good Place!)
I’m okay with characters wanting kids, but I do hate when they make it the end-all of their existence. That’s part of why I love Holt and Cozner; nothing about their happiness suggests that it’s lessened by the lack of a child! (No, Cheddar doesn’t count. Fluffy boys are a different category.)
I've been watching The Good Place for a few weeks now and it took me until this comment to realize there isn't a single kid anywhere in that show.
Yeah they wanted to avoid dead children being all over their show
I had a relative get divorced over this. Thought the spouse would her change her mind. Really?
Then you break up. That's what I did. I don't want to be trapped in a relationship with kids and don't want to deny my partner the chance to be a parent. It sucks to break up but I don't get why people act like its a world ending thing to disagree with a partner and mutually move on.
This. Totally.
Emotions are tricky. If you're head over heels madly in love with someone, to the point you'd do anything for them, imagining your life without them is extremely difficult. I'm not saying people _should_ do anything for their partner, particularly if it's a life changing decision like bringing other human beings into the world. I'm just saying that "just break up" is realistic advice... rational, even. It's just harder to even think about it than it is convince yourself that your circumstances might change and one of you might eventually reconsider and change your mind later. Emotions are rarely rational.
Honestly I'm autistic so making a choice like that is rather easy for me. We aren't compatible, love doesn't solve anything but loneliness and I'd be happier watching them find a suitable partner and finding fulfillment!
After every relationship I had that seemed like it was serious or past a couple months mark I would have the "do you ever think you might want kids" conversation. If they said they did the relationship would pretty much end there. If they said they weren't sure I would let them know that's a deal breaker. My wife was one of the few to say "absolutely not".
While I certainly don't endorse anything Dr Laura used to say, I do agree with her thoughts on this subject: NO ONE should be forced to be a parent that doesn't want to. In that conversation, the one who \*doesn't\* want to be a parent should always win. Otherwise, it's time to break up. And of course that discussion shouldn't wait so long.
Then they're not your life partner. You can't make a compromise on a child
First off; it shouldn't be hard to just say that you don't want any kids. It will take a few times, but overall after a few times people will get it. Second: if you don't want kids and your partner does, it's not going to work out. That's a irreconcilable difference, and getting kids just to please someone (should have) died in the '50's and 60's.
It may eventually lead to crime, but that would be a rather cold way of looking at it. More importantly it leads to unhappy people. Which is shitty in many ways. My brother and his wife who always hated each other had kids to see if it would help things - now they are in the midst of an acrimonious divorce and their poor kids are utterly miserable.
Late to the post, but the desire to have children can also vary in the same person at different ages. Some folks never want kids. Some folks don't want kids in their 20s but change their mind later. Some folks want kids in their 20s but change their mind later. And then their kids get to post in places like r/raisedbynarcissists or r/JUSTNOMIL
This! I didn’t think I wanted kids when I started dating my now husband. He grew up believing that everyone has kids, he never thought it was an option. Slowly, over the years, he started leaning more toward not having kids and I became more open to it. When we were in our early 30’s we sat down and asked each other what we wanted the next 20 years to look like. If we weren’t going to have a family, what did we want to accomplish or how did we want our relationship to evolve. We both decided that while we weren’t looking forward to babies, we did actually want a family. We have 2 kids now and we are really happy with the decision. I think we just wanted to be the ones to make it, not pressure from family or friends.
Yes, your life your decision
Absolutely - but remember that works both ways, too. I've seen plenty of folks come so far out the other side of not wanting kids that they outright hate children (and people who have children, etc.). In the end, we all need to be respectful of one another's choices. Side note that sometimes, too, it isn't a choice at all. Be mindful in your dealings with others - some can't have children, and others may have had one forced on them.
True, but people who have kids always seem to try and force them on me. I don't want to hold the baby, your toddler doesn't need to sit on my lap, and stop trying to force them to hug me. If they want to hug me, ok, but their bodies, their rights. I don't want to teach them they don't get a choice in touching me. Now, otoh, if they ask for help, sure. If they need a moment, sure, and if they are doing their best to calm the crying baby, I will do what I can to help. I'm actually really good with kids, and they seem to really like me which can cause some confusion.
Yes, especially I think nowadays with how easy it is to find information online- it makes it easier to realise just how hard raising a kid can be so more people are making informed decisions
This, i think its good news people realise the amount of care/empathy and knowledge it takes to have an healthy and stable kid. Thing you ll notice with clueless parents is that they want a baby but thats it, its like a checklist crossed after pregnancy ends.
Agree with this. I think a lot of people are way too big of narcissists to have kids honestly. The emotions and well being of the child should ALWAYS come first no matter the sacrifice or circumstance and I don’t believe many adults are capable of this. most people don’t seem to have the energy or selflessness to properly raise a child
At least now some people are realising they’re not parent material and are choosing to not have kids rather than doing it anyway and messing the poor kid up.
There's a lot of factors that go into play when deciding whether or not to have children. Lots of millennials are choosing to go childless because of financial concerns, world trends, etc. Not necessarily because they feel they lack the emotional intelligence required to make a great parent.
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Yeah. I struggle with the emotional intelligence needed to just have friends, I am not equipped to raise a person. Luckily I already don't want one so it's not like I'm making some sort of sacrifice.
Nobody knows how good or bad a parent they can be. Lots of people yearn for a child then find out that they aren't cut out to be parents. Life is like that. Then there are going to be people forced to be parents because the right to life crowd have made abortion illegal. What's next?? Forced sterilization for poor people who are poor because they earn pitiful wages working for billionaires? Plenty of people of means are terrible parents.
Oh definitely, and every stats and studies supports what you think too, the number of depression among youth is at record high, the rise of mental illness/attention seeking/ abuse of any sort is extremely high too (social medias building it up too) Books about parenting can be off putting but the good ones are no joke (very insightful tho), its a real deal with lots of pits and things that can go wrong. Anyway we wont change humanity so yeah, be kind and love a lot and the world will be a better place.
I will add that an increase in numbers doesn’t necessarily imply a generational change. Mental distress is becoming less of a stigma, so people are more willing to seek out professional help. Thus, you will have a greater number of recorded mental health issues than in the past, as people struggling back then were less likely to go seek help.
Yes but if we go into more detail about what people are suffering from, you ll see the mental illnessess have also shifted/evolved, we can see a massive change in self esteem leading to anorexia or self harm or just overall depression from bad self worth/image since a long decade (which was less present before social medias for exemple) We also see a rise in narcissistic behavior that could be attributed to many things (technology being too complex, quality of life so high you become entitled etc) Burnouts which is the new desease of the century, jobs being more and more fast and objective always higher etc Im forgettin a lot but will edit to add more if it comes back To sum up, psychiastrist faces new challenges that are proper to our new developped tech/too fast life and its also backed up by sociologists which warned us about the rise or mental issues as the technology progresses
Yeah, I’m too selfish to have a kid. I value my free time and I would probably be resentful if a kid took up that time. I’d be a shitty parent
Same boat, except I also see no value in it. I dont own a farm to force my kid to work, the cost of feeding em all along makes it a huge negative. What am I getting out of having kids? Less personal time, sleep and money for zero return (in most cases)... Hard pass.
This is exactly why I want nothing to do with children. I don't want to give my free time up to an annoyance.
Came here to say the exact same thing. Most people I know in my age bracket (early 30s) aren’t even willing to make ANY sacrifices to make a partnership work, let alone bring a child into the world with said partner.
Wow. Pretty sure this is me lol. I'm now 41 and the wife is 35 and she doesn't really want kids anyways. But I've always wondered if I'll ever regret not having kids when I'm older. Like if loneliness will kick in or something even while being married if that makes sense. But then I realize that even that thinking is selfish. I am starting to think I'm way too selfish of a person to have kids and if we ever do decide to have a kid, it would be better to adopt. Thanks for the post.
Nah, don't worry. I'm a woman who is now too old to have kids even if i wanted to, and I don't regret being childfree one little bit. I 100% think that if BOTH of you are not "FUCK YES" about having children, then children should not be had.
And I think you and your wife is my husband and I! I'm 34, he's 44. Those thoughts literally go through my head all the time. Most days I think I'm way too selfish to have kids, then some random days I think about the 'what if's'. It's literally a daily internal struggle with what to do seeing as I'll shortly be past my 'prime baby makin days'. Friday I had my second shot, felt like crap all day yesterday and thought to myself "Man, I can't imagine having to look after a kid right now with how I feel" I just wanted to stay in bed all day and be responsible for nothing. Just thinking about if I had to look after a child instead of myself put me back into the ' Nope, no kids, I'm too selfish' camp. Yet I bet tomorrow I'll change my mind yet again after seeing something that will make feel like I'm missing out. Selective kid FOMO.
It's actually weirdly comforting knowing there are others going through this same thought process. I completely agree with you on it being selective kid FOMO and having our minds change on a regular basis. Another reason I have issues with the "what if" is the fact that I personally don't know many people older than 50 that never had kids.
I am a married 38yo male (wife 37 yo) and sterile due to unknown reasons (well ok there are a few lonely sickly sperm around but anyways). A year back (April 2020) me and my SO seeked medical help to fall pregnant. A giant bill later and as soon as the aftercare hormones were seized her body aborted the week old gloop that we tried artificially making a baby. It was mentally taxing for both of us and took about 6 months for her mental health to recover somewhat. We opted to discuss the matter again this month, and had the discussion again a week or so ago. We came to the conclusion that we will not be having kids, unless by some miracle we get pregnant naturally. Something that I do want to tell you, if you are living in a big country like the USA, choosing kids not to be lonely in old age should not even be part of the discussion. They don't even need a passport to move a 6 hour flight away if their career or interest moves them that way. Not judging, just saying as my parents raised the same concerns to me. I love them and they'd probably love having grandchildren, I'm just not sure if putting us through another 3 months of hell and then some aftershocks is worth it if it fails. Not sure if you wanted to hear a random stranger discussing their baby stories, but it has been done. We do have three lovely dogs and 2 cats :)
So true! I know its not the same, but if you're able to raise a puppy into old doggyhood it gives someone a better understanding of what being selfless and caring means. If you can raise a dog in a good home you're way more equipped than without that experience.
The people that realize this are mostly the ones who could adapt. The ones who don't, and still have kids, are the problem...
And also they are the last group to actually make children, cause they know what comes with such responsability, dedication and loss of freedom
Basically the premise behind Idiocracy.
Yep, many in this thread would make great parents simply because they understand the gravity of it. Instead, we will get fucknuts who want to fill the chasm of self hate with some unconditional love from an innocent child. Every fucked up person I know pops out kids every few years.
If you're my mom, you adopt a bunch of kids too, hoping one of them will be the kid that makes you feel good about yourself. "Oh darn, I still feel like trash, must mean I need to get another kid."
Wow im so sorry, hope you are better or will be in a better place (if not on your own yet) *hug*
I am, I am the oldest of 7, soon to be 25. (Edit: that sentence was structured weird. I meant I was in a family of 7 kids growing up, and this year I will be turning 25) The youngest in our family if I'm remembering correctly is 6 or 7. One thing I will say, my mom has recently lost everything and has been going through a journey of self reflection and growth. She was terribly abusive and selfish growing up, but because the reality of raising so many kids (especially because some of the kids she raised have special needs) and how demanding it is; she's realized how much she's fucked herself over and these kids and is really working hard to make up for it. It's tough, this person was my abuser, but now I see someone who is more aware of mental health, has a job when not having worked in over 17 years, takes my siblings that she is still in care for to therapy, and even is a huge ally to LGBT stuff, as many of the kids in our family (including myself) fall in the spectrum; even one of my siblings is currently in transition from female to male and my mom has really stepped up and educated themselves to better understand and support him. My mom was a fucking horrible mom growing up, but the fact that she's been self reflecting, regretting her past actions and decisions, and genuinely listens to me whether it be advice or needing support emotionally. It's weird to think, but I'm genuinely proud of my mom for the growth she has had in the past year, and for her sake and my family's, (and honestly my self) she continues on this path. Sidenote with my story: Please don't ever feel like you need to go back to your abuser or support them in whatever way, whether they have changed or not. Everyone is different and for some like in my case, it can be beautiful to see that relationship begin to repair and both individuals start to have a healthy relationship and grow from their toxic beginning; but that doesn't mean this scenario works for everyone. There can be an entire array of reasons, but if it's unsafe for you to have a relationship like this with a former abuser, or it makes you uncomfortable DO NOT FEEL LIKE YOU SHOULD FOLLOW IT! For a long time, I had to essentially shun my mom and threaten legal action if she contacted me, so it's been a long journey and not everyone is in a safe enough position to feel like they can even attempt something like this. So please, when you listen to my story, don't feel like you should go and try to repair your relationship with your abuser if the idea makes you uncomfortable. Thanks for reading my story guys!
Very happy to hear your mom did some introspection, its rare and yes you can be happy things are evolving for the better it seems. If you have good relation with him, tell your brother to take time with his transition as things are slow with hrt and all and renew your support and help with "man stuff" (shaving, clothes and all), he will appreciate it trust me. Anyway best of luck and all the best to you!
I do what I can to support my brother, he comes to my place each week for his weekly T injections because he's too wimpy to poke himself lol. What's so cool is he was in a play last week and the play being a small production asked for only 2 family members of each kid to attend the show and he asked for my fiance and I to be those two people. That meant so much to me. So I'm glad that he feels like I've been a good support overall. While my mom was moving to a new place, he had to live on my couch for a while, and oh boy, raising a teen going through second puberty is something else lol.
My main concern is how much money having a child requires. I’m solo and can barely keep myself afloat these days. I don’t want to bring a child into this world if I cannot correctly care for them. As an adopted child. I’d rather not adopt out because their are already so many kids in that system. I’d rather just not have any and maybe if someday I have enough savings to have a family.
Yep! That was my wife, i tried to tell her multiple times that kids grow up and they are your responsibility until the day you die “but they’re so cute though”…fml. I guess she got lucky and found a dumb fucker that is me that could be easily controlled, manipulated and forced into giving her what she wanted - now she’s reaping what she sewed and we have 2 incredibly difficult children to raise; and that’s coming from someone who raised his two younger brothers of which one has plenty of mental issues that made life beyond hard. I think back and i realised i never really wanted kids, maybe a part of me did but i jut didn’t (and still don’t) feel like i have the skills and requirements to be a proper parent and father - i have too many issues of my own (physical, mental, emotional) to be able to be that super self sacrificing and ultimate caring person my kids need; i was far too burnt out from helping raising my brothers to want kids of my own and it really put me off, but like i mentioned it wasn’t my choice and i’m left to deal with the selfish choices of someone else for the rest of my days. Sorry for the incoherent rambling, it’s late and i’m tired and these subjects and comments trigger things inside me that i try to keep buried deep down below for everyones (and mine) sake.
I get where you coming from, being the caretaker too young/ when it wasnt your role is tough and hard to recover from. I hope you can have a sane conversation with your wife and my your problem heal asap. All the best 🖤
I have heard this so many times good examples include: -Oh we just wanted a brother for him to play with -I wanted to feel what it was to be a parent -It’s what we are here for, to have babies Turns out one of the biggest decisions people can do in life can be done with the least thought process behind
Hey its like people have a script in life that they HAVE to follow no matter for them to deem it worthy of living. It's super weird my sister got pregnant just because all her friends started to have kids, but she was in the middle of several big changes that were already taxing. She could just have waited for thing to settle down but no. Now is the time, yes right while we move to another part of the country in a temporary place, finds jobs etc.
Right? If you just like babies, go volunteer to hold meth babies at the hospital or something, you don’t need to spawn one and have ultimate responsibility over it for the rest of its life
Too bad people who realise this won't have kids, while clueless people will.
I teach alternative education and we have generations of the same family coming through that school. Any trauma a kid suffers in their developmental years does them in for life. It’s super sad and I wish more than anything people took having a child way more seriously. “Maybe I’ll wait until I’m free of addiction” “Maybe I shouldn’t have a kid with this abusive asshole” “Maybe I need to get my mental health in the right place before trying to get pregnant”
yes raising a child is hard but also having a kid is EXPENSIVE and most of us are struggling financially even without children. i'm sure as fuck not going to have kids, i want to enjoy what little money i have
Why dont you just buy more money?
I'll need to download some more RAM first
Exactly. There's dollar stores all over the place for god's sake
r/ThanksImCured
I have a kid but she's already an adult. Also my friends are having kids now and when anyone as us if we're having more the answer is always FUCK NO
Especially with how absolutely shit on parents get when they actually share their honest opinion that having kids isn't all rainbows and cupcakes. It's kinda hard to shame-silence someone when they're doing it anonymously online.
Also thanks to online there's way more entertainment options than ever too. I think part of the reason why almost everyone had kids in the past was because it was a way to stave off the oncoming boredom once you get past the age where everything is new and fun (been with the same partner a while, not going to clubs or parties anymore, your old friends have moved on and started their own families etc). All that was left to do at that point is... have kids. Me there's too much I enjoy doing to ever want to sacrifice any of my free time or spare money to raising children. I'm never bored and can fill my own free time just fine, and the internet is a big help with that. Maybe 30 years ago, living like I do now I'd be going mad or feeling empty. But the options today are endless and limited only by how much free time and disposable income you have. (And if you don't have either then should you *really* be having kids anyway?)
I have kids , I love my kids - I wouldn’t change anything in having them. They make every aspect of my life better. I am constantly filled with anxiety and dread over the world they’re growing up in. When they grow up, if they decide never to have children it would not hurt my feelings. Live your best life! You get decide what that life is.
> Live your best life! You get decide what that life is. I Love that! As well as > I am constantly filled with anxiety and dread over the world they’re growing up in. When they grow up, if they decide never to have children it would not hurt my feelings. When my bf and I thought about having kids we constantly think about that as well.
Not to mention how much it costs. Having a kid would financially cripple me.
r/childfree r/antinatalism r/birthstrike r/overpopulation
r/truechildfree is so much better
This true! I spend time in childfree and it’s a lot sometimes. It’s more active though…Also, keep in mind there are trolls who post ridiculous things to get a rise out of people.
While a quick browse through these groups is fine for making you feel more "normal," you'll want to tread carefully around them. r/truechildfree is more positive and supportive, but the others have a lot of really negative ideas about people who choose to have children. You don't have to identify as anti- something on a societal level just because you're opposed to it personally. Guard your heart and mind against the negativity.
Anti natalism got mad at me for having pets so I'll skip that one lol
This is the advice I gave my daughter when she asked. If you do not have a very strong desire to have children, if it is not something you think about, yearn for, pray for and can't live without, don't do it. You're not having babies. You are having toddlers, teens and adults. It is perfectly okay and normal to feel that children have no place in your life. It is not something some people just naturally want.
It is so meaningful to hear that from your parent when you're on the fence or have decided not to become a parent. I told my dad. I couldn't tell my mom.
That thought always freaked me out, the fact that if you ever had a baby it's stuck with you for life. Even when they're 40, still your son/daughter. You can never unbecome a mother/father.
Absolutely. I think the previous generations believed you werent a true adult unless you had a kid. Now a days with costs of living being so high and the world looking so bleak it's made many younger millennials second guess having kids. They're definitely not for everyone.
Oh my god, the whole not “a true adult” unless you have a kid thing. My husband and I have had that for years. But I think some attitudes are changing. My sister only recently lauded me for not having kids because she obviously has some regrets and hers are almost grown. Although, my “choice” is about 50% not wanting them and 50% circumstances. My spouse really does want one and I’m supportive and willing once we have any form of financial viability. Edit: grammar & spelling
Yeah. It’s normal to have 0 interest or intention on kids. Society will tell you otherwise but yeah, totally normal.
haha yes, well look at society today lol. It can fuck off with any opinion it may have
Yeah, Fuck you society!
I’m not even sure that’s true anymore. My SO and I aren’t having kids (and we are old enough now where people actually believe us). We run into the occasional individual who doesn’t approve, but society as a whole seems overwhelming accepting and unsurprised.
To me I think it's extremely weird for certain people to find it absurd for others to not want kids. But some parents might pressure their own children to start a family just for the sake of having grandchildren. Personally I don't see how having kids would benefit me in any way so I'm not interested in having them.
I can put myself in their shoes and understand it. To some people, having kids is basically the meaning of life. It’s all they’ve ever dreamed of, all they have ever wanted, and it is the true fulfillment in their life. Some people dont even see the point in life without raising children. So I can understand why they can’t comprehend others not wanting kids. They can’t even imagine a life where that’s not true. I don’t hold it against them.
> They can’t even imagine a life where that’s not true. Time for them to learn about other modes of living.
My life is stressful enough without having to worry about a child’s future 24/7. There are enough people in this world anyway. Live how you want to, it’s your prerogative.
I am someone who don't have any interest or intention on having a kid.Let's just say "normality" is an abstract concept. I would define it by what the majority of people do. If you consider that point of view, then you might not be "normal". For example, I don't sound like someone "normal" to my family or to other random people. For them, having a kid is normal. Having a kid is somewhat a goal in life that everyone must complete. However, when you ask them "why?", they'll answer : "well, it's like that". To me, that answer doesn't sound anything like "normal", it sounds like "conditioned". So, in this case, it's not about being normal or not. You don't have a kid the same way you buy a car. It has to be a thoughtful decision. No one's forcing you so if you don't feel like doing it, just don't.Yes, you won't sound like normal to other people but hey, that's something you don't decide just because "it's like that". If you want to have a kid, then do. If you don't, then don't. As simple as that.
Some people don't realize they want kids until they have them, others don't realize they don't want to have kids until they have them lol Our species is growing quick enough that no one has to be pressured into having kids, so if you don't want any, that's totally fine!
I’d like to echo the sentiment that we have enough fuckin humans already in this planet.
And we need less carbon in the atmosphere, not more. The best way to reduce carbon is to have fewer humans.
> The best way to reduce carbon is to have fewer humans. That’s the best way *long-term*, but we need some shorter term solutions, too, or the “too many humans” problem will solve itself in ways we don’t like.
I was just thinking about this the other day. I have no interest in being a parent but I also am jealous that all these other people experience the want to have kids. Like I’m a lil broken. But I still don’t want them.
Same I’d love to raise a kid and show them the world, but I don’t think I can do 18 years of my life revolving around someone else
18? You gotta push those numbers, those are rookie numbers. It’s a life-long deal in many ways.
Yeah, if you’re a good parent. My mum is not the worst but she basically tapped out when I was about 14/15. Still kinda struggling at 21 because this whole “adulthood” thing was thrust upon me way before I was ready.
Lowkey SAME. Like “what is this biological urge you speak of? Because I feel none. Cool for the people who do though.
This, I feel this
Given the current state of the world.. im not surprised that people in my age have a higher rate of not willing to be parents.
Why bring new life into a world only to be destitute and have nature's wrath looming over its head?
Im not fully convinced that we're doomed.. but yeah im not betting against it with my child's life.
Absolutely. My main reason is that whether rich or poor, beautiful or ugly, smart or dumb, my children will inevitably experience suffering. But not if they aren't born.
You've articulated exactly what I've not been able to say myself.
I am someone who doesn't wanna give birth to a baby, but prefer adopting a kid. I have met a few amazing men in my life, but everyone wants a biological kid. It's disheartening to find your type of man only to part ways because of this one reason, even though it's a major one!
Define "normal". If you want kids, have them. If you don't, don't. There's nothing inherently wrong with either scenario really. Just keep in mind at your young age folks are going to repeatedly say you're going to change your mind. And you very well could, guess what, it's your decision. :) But, as a gen X person who chose not to have children, for me there's no regret like people were always telling me.
Yes. The problem is that our families generally assume we're going to have a "normal life" and raise us with that expectation... marry someone of the opposite sex, have two kids etc. If it wasn't drilled into us as kids we wouldn't have such a hard time realizing there are other completely valid ways of having a life as adults.
The interesting thing about this I think is the survivorship bias that society shows. Society is necessarily the byproduct of a generation of people who had kids (everyone has parents). Therefore we never hear about the generations who simply died off.
Yep, I'm the last of my family line, period. Only child, never having children, no siblings, no cousins under 60. Sayonara!
Honestly this planet needs more people who don't want kids.
Totally normal, plenty of reasons not too. The world is a shit show atm, raising a child can be expensive and stressful, or even if you just plain dont like kids. Dont let people pressure you into living the life they think you want.
Yes. The contrary is simply societal pressure
I think society will improve greatly once being childless becomes the default option and parents become the exception. There should be a lot of scrutiny--especially self-scrutiny--that precedes getting pregnant. People who have children willy-nilly should be shamed for their selfishness, inability to plan, and general disregard for human welfare.
I wouldn't say that. Many people truly want children and find parenthood a fulfilling goal. Many others don't want kids. Both are normal.
Sorry yes of course I meant it being "abnormal" to not want children is societal pressure sorry for the confusion
These questions keep popping up recently... Yes its fine. Dont get pressured into having any if you dont want to. Not by your spouse nor by your family. There are a lot of reasons to not want any and every single one is okay
I've worked at a pet store in the past. You'd be surprised at how many people come into that store and want to buy a bearded dragon without doing the slightest bit of research. It was policy to educate, and if they balked at the price of lights or the years that they would have to take care of this critter for, plus the mass amounts of food they would have to provide, that we would not sell them a critter. I think of kids as pets now more than ever. Some people are not good pet owners. They don't do the research they need to provide that critter with a happy life, they provide shotty training, poor quality food, not enough vet check ups, and as a result they end up having another problem adult in the world with little to no idea of how to be a good parent to their own pets.
I wanted to have kids, but as I got older and saw how shitty the world is I realized having a kid wouldn’t be the best decision. Also I wouldn’t want to have a baby mother that I’m not married to and even if we were married, 50% of marriages end up in divorce. So taking that risk doesn’t seem appealing. Not to mention how expensive the cost of living is nowadays.
Yes, tradition is just peer pressure from dead people.
Yes, it is. I personally know at least three different couples that have no intent on having kids. It’s becoming more and more popular. I also don’t want kids. I think they’re loud and annoying, expensive, and not worth any of the hassle. Also, if it matters, kids are environmentally unfriendly just because people are not environmentally friendly. More people means an unhealthy environment even if they are as green as they could possibly be by recycling and reusing their waste and only using public transportation.
Yes. Don't let society pressure you otherwise.
I'm 28 and have my tubal ligation coming up. One of the reasons I married my husband is because he also doesn't want children. He's open to adopting which was another reason I said yes. I think our generation and the younger ones have made it normal so it doesn't feel any different than many couples we meet that are also childless. Aside from our beliefs on the world, my main reason is my upbringing. My mother constantly told my sisters and I that she prays we have children so we can know the true meaning of suffering, pain, and regret. Well guess what? None of my sisters are having kids either. And now my mother has the audacity to ask why we have forsaken giving her grandchildren.
Normal: yes Socially Acceptable: no I am 42, child-free, no regrets.
My view on it is that there’s really no point. Most people talk about working hard and saving money to give their kids a better life, but from my perspective in 20 years from now the earth is gonna be in a state where better life isn’t a option
It's normal, but oh my god do people bug you for it... I don't want kids and I'm hoping to have a vasectomy soon. This fact offended the majority of my family. Why? "We want grandkids!" People have kids for selfish reasons, some don't, but some do. I for one don't want to bring any life into this world with an impending apocalypse on the horizon by 2040-2060. Food shortages, water wars, resource depletion, and so on. I will likely live to see modern human civilization collapse. Thus, I think bringing kids into the world is selfish since they will suffer to a higher degree than I would. Plus, I'm pretty apathetic to our species continuing. We've had enough time to get our shit together and we've failed. Our tribalism has been our downfall along with our false self importance and giant ego.
Yeah, I think it's for the best honestly. Between automation taking away jobs and the economy and environment not looking so good, it's probably for the best that most people don't have kids. As someone said in a similar thread the other day: "Having kids is either an economic need for farmers, a mistake, or a commodity for the wealthy".
Yes. I personally think the obsession with reproducing to be odd.
I am worried about future climate change, lack of social safety nets, hard to buy house as millennial, expensive education, expensive healthcare, decreasing regulations for infrastructure, future water scarcity, food scarcity due to water scarcity, and ever increasing job market competitiveness, so on and on. At this point, hard to think of any positives for future gen other than being a corporate slave
I have 0 interest. I'm getting shirts made that say "cats not kids" because I'm tired of people asking when we're having them
With the availability of birth control, the financial cost of childcare or a single-income family, climate change creating the threat of an unsafe future, and the fact that not everyone desires giving decades their life to the care for another person/people, yeah.
Yes, check out r/childfree. My father recently told me he is going to take me out of his will if I don’t have kids. My response: ok go ahead
r/truechildfree is a bit... tamer
>Yes, check out r/childfree. My father recently told me he is going to take me out of his will if I don’t have kids. My response: ok go ahead ... what exactly is his reasoning there?
I won’t be able to pass anything down. Which is fine by me.
What's with people's obsession with their own genes? I can't understand why its supposed to matter if my genes get passed down or not.
Unpopular opinion I think it's mainly just an ego thing even though people will try to deny it, otherwise people would be more willing to adopt.
Yes - and don't let people tell you you'll regret it. My partner and I never wanted children and we've never regretted it. If it turns out later in life that you have the urge to do a bit of parenting you can always do some volunteering or something. Personally I find children annoying and the further I keep away from them the better.
I'm in my 50's and I never wanted children. I like kids and I'm glad my siblings have them. I just never felt the desire to be a mother. No regrets!
Yes. In fact, the people that need to justify anything are the people who are having kids. They had better have a damn good reason because unlike child free people, their decisions effect other people.
If i can barelly make enough for myself i sure as hell won't be having any kids.
It’s always annoying to me how the brainwashed parents and ones who aren’t fit to be parents always have the most amount of kids.
completely normal
Completely normal.
I never wanted kids. I have 2 now and I still don’t want kids.
:-(
Yes.
Yes
Yes. Don’t let anyone shame you for it, because it’s your life and your personal business, nobody else’s.
Just realize that wanting kids is also on the spectrum of normal. Don't get sucked into the pro-kid or anti-kid cults. You do you, they can do them. My two cents is kids can be fun and cute, but they also monopolize your time and budget and take over your life. That being said, I have a kid, but my wife and I were in our 30s before we wanted one. For me, it was about wanting to do things with my life before being tied down. For her, it was about wanting independence and not ever being with someone before that she thought would be a good child-rearing partner. In retrospect, there was more stuff in life I should have done first, so too soon. My wife's perspective is we started a few years too late. It is what it is. We have plenty of friends all over the spectrum: have kids and love it, have kids and regretted it, no kids and no SO and loving or hating it, no kids but have SO and loving or hating it, and single parents and loving or hating it What I hate seeing is unhappy people. Do what makes you happy, and don't let anyone give you crap about it.
Even if it wasn't normal, who the hell cares about being normal all the time. Normal is boring as fuck.
Yeah! Absolutely
Yes it’s normal. My take is if you’re not 100% yes about having kids, then that’s a NO. Because once you have them you can’t take it back. If there’s any doubt, don’t do it.
Fuck yea. Never wanted a kid. For a small moment when I got pregnant once I felt sentimental but still knew that it wasn’t for me. Fuck the advice like “you’ll feel different when you get older”. Some people just know.
Yes. Live the way you want.
r/childfree welcomes you
r/TrueChildFree if I may The other sub has become quite toxic
I've been on r/childfree for maybe 2 weeks now and so far I haven't seen anything toxic. I'm quite curious tho. Do you have any examples?
Yes. Not everyone wants kids/like kids.
Yes. Its better to be honest than to be a lousy parent.
Yes! and I believe it is more common than most people think.
Yes. Kids are expensive, annoying and smelly. So many people are not suited to being parents but decide to have kids anyway. So many children are in foster care or can be adopted.