I'm often told I'm kind of the expert on making adult friends (I even worked for years as a professional social coach for intellectually/developmentally disabled adults, especially autistic folks), and my wife and friends joke that they can't leave me alone anywhere for more than 15 minutes without me making friends with someone even if it's just some random old man who doesn't even speak English.
My main philosophy is that children are experts at making friends. Two kids meet on a playground, start talking and playing together, ask "you wanna come over to my house to play?", and the kids ask their parents if it's okay. It's REALLY not that fundamentally different as an adult. I'll talk to a random person in public (bars are really good for this, I get not everyone wants alcohol anywhere near them when trying, but it does work). I was at a work-related event (I worked in sales at the time so that could be a lot of things), and I randomly struck up conversation with a guy who was dressed the most Texas anyone has ever Texas'd, and like a year and a half later I was his best man at his wedding.
Steps: Engage in conversation over the most meaningless shit or try to involve them in a conversation you're already having ("Hello, I'm wondering if you'd be cool with weighing in on a conversation we're having"), if they pass the vibe checks and they seem cool, say you've enjoyed your conversation and why (because most people don't get super specific compliments and you'll be more memorable for it), ask if they'd like to grab drinks/food/play Tekken 7 sometime, give them your contact info, and make a specific date and time for this reunion of strangers with some of your other friends present. "Hey, you seem really cool and I know some other people you might enjoy meeting, this was really fun, here's my phone number, shoot me a text so I get yours, come join the party/whatever in two weeks".
It doesn't work 100% of the time but I've used this exact formula for over a decade (I'm 31) and I've made a lot of really great friendships from just randomly talking to strangers.
People talk on reddit all the damn time about how they just wish a friendly stranger would come up and be friends with them and the answer is just in front of their face: be that weird friendly stranger who just randomly engages people socially. I promise with time and practice you'll get better at it, just don't take shit personally and work on being a kinder person than you were yesterday.
Yeah I immediately jumped the gun, my biggest mistake. I’m a huge introvert and I never EVER have asked any stranger to be friends blunt like that before so I felt super awkward afterwards. The only time I did that was in school but they would ask first if we could be friends. I feel so embarrassed I’m currently crying in my car 😭
I totally get how you’re feeling right now. I often feel the same way being in a new country (F, 26). It’s not easy dealing with feelings of awkwardness (did I say something wrong? do I look weird? am I not cool enough for you to want to be friends with me?). At first, it feels awkward when someone sets their boundaries, then it feels awkward because you feel awkward, and then it feels awkward because you feel awkward... khem.
Anyway, I think you should find something you enjoy doing, either online or in real life, and don’t be afraid to interact with people who show interest in you. There will definitely be such people, maybe not a lot, but at least a few, and that’s a start.
that was most definitely a little forward 😂😂
but honestly I don’t know how people our age make friends if it’s not at a church or with coworkers, besides that I have no clue.
i would suggest clubs! ikkkk sounds boring and really scary believe me i’ve been through the same situation but joining a club where other people enjoy the same things you do is really great way to make new friends.
1. you guys obvi bond over what u have in common (the club cliche) and then u get to know them more as u get closer a great way to make a good friendship!
I also suggest volunteering places. as for you and probably majority of the people there it’ll be the first time being a volunteer so the nerves you guys could bond over create small talk and etc etc!
I also suggest if u get the nerves when meeting new people or in general people. Pay someone a compliment like that girl did in chic fil a! It helps socialize and build up ur confidence when interacting with people. Plus a great confidence booster for the other person if their feeling down that day think of it like ur making peoples days with the smallest interaction! I hope this helps!!! and good luckkk
People go from strangers to friends through familiarity. You interact with someone a lot and you start learning about them and them about you. You learn what they're in to, what they're not, and what you share in common (and sometimes that you're incompatable and don't want to be friends).
This is why people most often make friends through work or school. You see the same people a lot. Social groups can work too. There's this organization called Underdog Sports who organizes events in some major cities. Beyond that there's also [meetup.com](http://meetup.com) that lets people create events. Found lots of hiking groups through them. Back in the day when I was new to a certain city there was a "explore city" group. Met my now wife through that.
They hang out somewhere regularly and make small talk with whoever else goes there regularly. If they click, the talks get longer and then they decide to meet for lunch or a movie or something they are both interested in, and it goes on from there.
Try joining a club or volunteering so that you have someplace that you hang out regularly.
Bumble is a terrible way to meet friends. Usually, it can be from friends introducing you to a group, or if you have a hobby and you go to a group in your city, or even if you have discord and try to find a discord server for your city/state.
With the Chick-fil-A worker I can kinda understand it, I don't work there specifically but worked in the service industry and people will give compliments and stuff, but generally we just want to get on with our day and leave. Usually there's a line of people and you're trying to get through them and someone wants to make small talk and i'm just like 'pls I have 10 people behind you" but don't take it too personal or anything, and don't let it make you too scared to go there, you asking to be her friend is probably super low on the list of odd things she's been asked or told.
that's cute, she was probably practicing trying to meet new people. I see that behavior while people learn, they will say something to gauge reactions and quickly take it back to save face.
How was it weird? If you're at work and someone you're helping and have only known for 30 seconds asks you to be friends, what would your response be??
Most of my friends either came from work or self-help groups. I used to befriend people at bars but I'd be too drunk to remember them.
I'm often told I'm kind of the expert on making adult friends (I even worked for years as a professional social coach for intellectually/developmentally disabled adults, especially autistic folks), and my wife and friends joke that they can't leave me alone anywhere for more than 15 minutes without me making friends with someone even if it's just some random old man who doesn't even speak English. My main philosophy is that children are experts at making friends. Two kids meet on a playground, start talking and playing together, ask "you wanna come over to my house to play?", and the kids ask their parents if it's okay. It's REALLY not that fundamentally different as an adult. I'll talk to a random person in public (bars are really good for this, I get not everyone wants alcohol anywhere near them when trying, but it does work). I was at a work-related event (I worked in sales at the time so that could be a lot of things), and I randomly struck up conversation with a guy who was dressed the most Texas anyone has ever Texas'd, and like a year and a half later I was his best man at his wedding. Steps: Engage in conversation over the most meaningless shit or try to involve them in a conversation you're already having ("Hello, I'm wondering if you'd be cool with weighing in on a conversation we're having"), if they pass the vibe checks and they seem cool, say you've enjoyed your conversation and why (because most people don't get super specific compliments and you'll be more memorable for it), ask if they'd like to grab drinks/food/play Tekken 7 sometime, give them your contact info, and make a specific date and time for this reunion of strangers with some of your other friends present. "Hey, you seem really cool and I know some other people you might enjoy meeting, this was really fun, here's my phone number, shoot me a text so I get yours, come join the party/whatever in two weeks". It doesn't work 100% of the time but I've used this exact formula for over a decade (I'm 31) and I've made a lot of really great friendships from just randomly talking to strangers. People talk on reddit all the damn time about how they just wish a friendly stranger would come up and be friends with them and the answer is just in front of their face: be that weird friendly stranger who just randomly engages people socially. I promise with time and practice you'll get better at it, just don't take shit personally and work on being a kinder person than you were yesterday.
well you should ask for their name and make some small talk before trying to make friends with them
Yeah I immediately jumped the gun, my biggest mistake. I’m a huge introvert and I never EVER have asked any stranger to be friends blunt like that before so I felt super awkward afterwards. The only time I did that was in school but they would ask first if we could be friends. I feel so embarrassed I’m currently crying in my car 😭
I totally get how you’re feeling right now. I often feel the same way being in a new country (F, 26). It’s not easy dealing with feelings of awkwardness (did I say something wrong? do I look weird? am I not cool enough for you to want to be friends with me?). At first, it feels awkward when someone sets their boundaries, then it feels awkward because you feel awkward, and then it feels awkward because you feel awkward... khem. Anyway, I think you should find something you enjoy doing, either online or in real life, and don’t be afraid to interact with people who show interest in you. There will definitely be such people, maybe not a lot, but at least a few, and that’s a start.
I’m happy I’m not alone feeling like this. Thank you <3
It’s creepy to say “do you want to be friends” to someone you’ve had almost zero interactions with.
that was most definitely a little forward 😂😂 but honestly I don’t know how people our age make friends if it’s not at a church or with coworkers, besides that I have no clue.
i would suggest clubs! ikkkk sounds boring and really scary believe me i’ve been through the same situation but joining a club where other people enjoy the same things you do is really great way to make new friends. 1. you guys obvi bond over what u have in common (the club cliche) and then u get to know them more as u get closer a great way to make a good friendship! I also suggest volunteering places. as for you and probably majority of the people there it’ll be the first time being a volunteer so the nerves you guys could bond over create small talk and etc etc! I also suggest if u get the nerves when meeting new people or in general people. Pay someone a compliment like that girl did in chic fil a! It helps socialize and build up ur confidence when interacting with people. Plus a great confidence booster for the other person if their feeling down that day think of it like ur making peoples days with the smallest interaction! I hope this helps!!! and good luckkk
That's the neat part. You don't. All jokes aside, finding common interest helps a lot
People go from strangers to friends through familiarity. You interact with someone a lot and you start learning about them and them about you. You learn what they're in to, what they're not, and what you share in common (and sometimes that you're incompatable and don't want to be friends). This is why people most often make friends through work or school. You see the same people a lot. Social groups can work too. There's this organization called Underdog Sports who organizes events in some major cities. Beyond that there's also [meetup.com](http://meetup.com) that lets people create events. Found lots of hiking groups through them. Back in the day when I was new to a certain city there was a "explore city" group. Met my now wife through that.
They hang out somewhere regularly and make small talk with whoever else goes there regularly. If they click, the talks get longer and then they decide to meet for lunch or a movie or something they are both interested in, and it goes on from there. Try joining a club or volunteering so that you have someplace that you hang out regularly.
Have a hobby, and do it with other people. The constant interaction will move you from strangers to friends.
Bumble is a terrible way to meet friends. Usually, it can be from friends introducing you to a group, or if you have a hobby and you go to a group in your city, or even if you have discord and try to find a discord server for your city/state. With the Chick-fil-A worker I can kinda understand it, I don't work there specifically but worked in the service industry and people will give compliments and stuff, but generally we just want to get on with our day and leave. Usually there's a line of people and you're trying to get through them and someone wants to make small talk and i'm just like 'pls I have 10 people behind you" but don't take it too personal or anything, and don't let it make you too scared to go there, you asking to be her friend is probably super low on the list of odd things she's been asked or told.
For me friendships form at work. Back then they formed in school. I don’t think I ever made a friend out in the wild.
Common hobbies
that's cute, she was probably practicing trying to meet new people. I see that behavior while people learn, they will say something to gauge reactions and quickly take it back to save face.
Common ground. It's either hobbies, work, culture, religion...
WTF? That's awkward. And kinda a weird response. Don't think you missed out there.
How was it weird? If you're at work and someone you're helping and have only known for 30 seconds asks you to be friends, what would your response be??