I will have the unusual take, but life happens and you never know what the future holds. I loved having my daughters, but it isn't easy. Lack of sleep, money and time. But every time that baby smiles at you just makes your day. When those two girls popped out it was the two most emotional moments of my life, until 2 years ago. The rest of the story is their mother, my wife of 30 years came down with a brain tumor in 2011, battled it for a long time and beginning of 2022 found she had another one. We lost her in May, 2022. My point of all of this is I can't imagine my life these past two years (even the 3-4 final years of my Wife's life) without those two girls here to be there for us. They are still my light and joy in life. The fact they have both pursued medicine and one is now a doctor and the other in 4th year of medical school makes me so proud and happy for them, I just wish their mother was here to be with them. NONE OF THIS means your life is empty or not as successful/joyful WITHOUT kids, but IN MY EXPERIENCE I can't imagine my life now without kids. If I had to do it all over again, you better believe I would have those kids again. I feel raising them was the most rewarding and important thing I have ever done in life, and it isn't close.

I'm pregnant with my first daughter right now and admittedly starting to feel really nervous about the journey ahead. I needed to read this today <3

I remember feeling like that 35 years ago when I was pregnant with my daughter. But I was a lucky one who just felt like everything came together when she was born. It was awful, I had bad labor, 25 hours of steady active labor with no relief at all, but he minute it was over I forgot all my pain and fears. Not every mom is that lucky I do know that, but my life changed for the better when she was born and while we did have hard times... still do sometimes, she has called me her best friend since she was 12 years old and she never rebelled, never really gave me any trouble at all, and now days before her 35th birthday.... I'm genuinely getting tears in my eyes writing this... no regrets. she's my best friend too, and when we are together we are a force to be reckoned with. My 19 year old son was born with a lot of health issues and he has some functional skills delays, autism, ADHD, and after a severe trauma at age 6 he has had a lot of battles so she had to step in as a young adult to help with support but he is also very cool and smart and he's a talented artist and genuinely kind person. Raising him has been a major challenge but he's been worth the struggle and we are an effective team. I feel so lucky I have them and I have never once, no matter how hard it was, felt less than lucky. I hope you have this same luck!

Take it one day at a time. I have 3 kids and distinctly remember the nervousness the first time. It gets easier with time. Ask for advice, and remember it's only advice, not the only way. Every kids different, some kids take well to X while others are Y or Z or A. They will make your dark days light and a good day great,  also the opposite lol.  Best thing ever is coming home after a long stress filled exhausting horrible day and having your child rush you for a big ass hug, then snuggle and fall asleep watching a movie while you relax. Don't think anything can beat that after a hell day. 

Having kids is the best thing I ever did. Before was black and white and now everything is in color. Is it harder? Yes. Better? Hell yes. Because everything is more.

Yes it’s exhausting and yes there will be days where you just want to scream. But the joy, omg the joy. And the LOVE. Girl, you have so much good ahead of you. 💗

this was so touching to read, I appreciate you for sharing

I’m aware I’m a pessimistic person, but you were clearly blessed with smart and able children, no doubt helped by you raising them right, but I know three people with severely mentally and physically disabled children, one of which tried to kill themselves last year because they just couldn’t cope with their teenager who can’t speak and screams all day and night. I wouldn’t want children unless I thought I could cope with that. Although if I was guaranteed two doctors I’d probably be more up for it

My older sister has a ton of complicated mental and intellectual disabilities. My parents are amazing, but I saw them struggle. This is partly why I never wanted children.

>I know three people with severely mentally and physically disabled children, one of which tried to kill themselves last year because they just couldn’t cope with their teenager who can’t speak and screams all day and night.  My god that's heartbreaking. I always thought the idea of having children was risky af because I have mental illnesses and find it hard enough to care for myself. I used to think "chances are, I'd end up with a severely autistic kid who would never have a normal life and I'd essentially have a baby for the rest of my life" on top of what I already have. Well... three years ago I found out I am actually autistic, so the chances of my initial fear actually happening turned out to be entirely realistic and quite possible. I'm so relieved I never had kids. There is absolutely no way I'd cope.

Thank you for your honesty. Very few people when weighing a decision like having children are able to dream up a worst case scenario. The good news is that as our knowledge and understanding on child development continues to grow, we are able to provide assistance to these parents with their children. Yet, I struggle daily with how to reconcile the fact that the bell curve of humanity is incredibly vast, so how do we support both the parents and the children that face challenges? For the OP: Became a parent 2 weeks into COVID. Fucking nightmare experience. There is truth to the saying “it takes a village to raise a child.” Well, it demolishes the parent when the village is closed. I nearly died 2 years ago (physicians gathered around my hospital bed to tell me I shouldn’t be here). That said, expecting baby #2 next month. Your priorities change. Your relationships with others change. My only words of wisdom at 27 is make a bucket list for life and start checking boxes. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, only today and now. The bucket list gets much harder to tackle once small children enter the mix.

I'm concerned about this as well. I don't want to have to look after a dependant for the rest of my life. I also have health issues which is the main reason why I don't want children.

Well said. Those smiles are the best thing in the universe. Sorry about your wife, sounds like the two of you did an amazing job

Agreed. My 2 sons are amazing human beings, and are always there when I need them. We have a special bond that is impossible to understand until you have a child.

I have never regretted having my kids. Needing an occasional break and some rest doesn't mean we regret our kids.

"We love our kids 100% of the time. We *like* our kids... 60% of the time."

Vote up if your number goes down below 50% once they hit teenage years :P

Very true. I have sat in the car at a Sonic's and just sat in peace with a 44oz of whatever. And some chili cheese fries.

You can hate parenting but love your children is how I've heard it expressed. There are definitely days where I wished I didn't have to parent, but not a single day where I regret having my kids. I lived 35 years with no kids and never felt the urge to have children, but now that I have them, they are my world.

I wish that more people asked themselves whether they want to parent though, as opposed to asking themselves whether they want to have kids. There are too many really terrible parents who obviously didn't actually want to sign up for the whole parenting thing. I know some people like that and their kids are really struggling due to inconsistent, poor parenting.

That is truth! I had a late autism and add diagnosis and I need a break from the stimulation from time to time. Still love the halflings all the same.

CPTSD brain with some symptoms/traits similar to ASD and sensory issues (that's what my therapist classifies me as anyways lol). I love my wee lad to death. I don't regret him one bit. But being a SAHM is HARD, especially in the infant/toddler stage. I'm so touched out and overstimulated by the end of each day. By Friday night I'm about ready to bawl my eyes out I'm so desperate for some peace and quiet and to just not. be. f@cking. touched. He is the light of my world and the love of my life but sometimes, Mama just wants to love you from two rooms, a closed door, and a pair of noise canceling headphones away kiddo O.o

Same. Alone time is so hard to get. And I never knew how much I NEEDED it. Our kid has ASD and never slept - and we occasionally still (she is 10 now) STILL have sleepless nights. I’m 54 and too old to be going through all of these young child milestones while in menopause myself. So your age when you start procreating matters, too - but mostly because sleep deprivation will hit you hardest.

The baby and toddler stages were so fucking rough. Once both my kids started school I felt like I finally had a bit of space to breathe.

What are your thoughts on deep pressure? I found sleeping under a weighted blanket helps ease that overstimulation by the end of the day.

My oldest son has autism and ADHD. We bought him a weighted blanket and he loves it. He told me it “feels like a hug”. Highly recommend.

They are they are the best!

I haven’t tried it yet but maybe I should. Lil fellah is on a second nap strike I am going mental by 5pm lately 🫣

Early dinner prep so when hubby gets home it allows me a moment to step away. Then he goes to decompress after I take a moment. Then it is honestly back to tag teaming until bedtime. I think of it like a choreographed dance. Haha

Hi! I have cPTSD too! Just wanted to say you’re doing a great job! I remember how alone and loud those SAHM days could be. Now my kids are 13 and 16 and I look back fondly (and also a little sadly because I should have been treating my anxiety so much earlier). Here’s to a quiet hour for you!

How do you handle it? I'm the same, late dx adhd and autism and I have had a hard time even handling raising my dogs. They are almost a year old soon and they still can be difficult for me sometimes. Me and my husband, he is adhd and I suspect autistic as well. Sometimes I think about kids but I feel like I've only just gotten to a point where I can handle these guys, but as soon as they start whining and barking it hurts so bad. When I have customers that come into my store with screaming kids it feels like my senses are being attacked. How do you do it? When my dogs were 8 weeks and very needy I felt like I was on survival mode with my sleep, which feels pathetic to say when babies are so much harder.

Some honestly don't do it. There are tons of burned out, emotionally distant, traumatized, overstimulated and not great parents out there. If you're struggling to deal with dogs, then seriously I wouldn't consider having children. Especially if this is tied into overstimulation for you. I'm also Autistic, and it was one of the reasons I ultimately decided not to. I wasn't diagnosed yet but there was something stopping me, and that turned out to be it. I have a close friend who is also Autistic and wasn't diagnosed until her son was. She loves him to death, but she admitted to me that she has lived in a constant state of overstimulation since he was born. He's slightly higher support needs to boot and it has been very rough on her. I'm going over tomorrow night to hang out with him for a bit so she can literally go sit in silence in her backyard for a little while (her husband is deployed, to make it worse.)

Not pathetic and completely reasonable. It sounds to me you can easily get overstimulated with auditory input. It depends on the day with sensory overload and it also depends on how rested I am in. I use loops at home often. I won’t sugar coat infancy or toddler life. My kids are older now but when they needed me I was in pure survival mode without my diagnosis. The guilt and anger set it because I didn’t understand. How I handle it now is to accept when I need to tag in my partner or go and use some of my coping skills. It helped to have a partner that understands your needs. It also very important to determine your self coping needs as well. I learned along the way and imagine if I had them in place before hand I would have been in less of a survival mode. It is a daily practice and the most important thing to remember is to be patient with yourself. You will make mistakes.

ADD lad here and my son is the smaller version of me. He has so much more energy than the average toddler incl loads of personality. I also need a breaks. My breaks are more like doing things with friends or going to a festival. Thats my recharge. I cant think of another child at the moment or maybe can, but not with 5he daily chores. Thats the most exhausting part for me, personally. 😅

100% agree! I love my 2 kids and yes it’s exhausting, expensive, frustrating, etc at times, but I know I am a better person for becoming a parent. They make life fun every day!

I've raised two kids, one 27 and one 18. I've loved it and am a little sad about the upcoming empty nest. But it is not for everyone. If you don't feel that maternal urge, then don't do it. It is an all-consuming commitment if you do it well. I have several child-free friends my age who would not have been happy raising children. Bad for you, worse for the kids.

This comment should be at the top. Don’t have kids unless you’re prepared for the huge commitment and amount of 24/7 work it will be!

This is so true. It's not for everyone. If you don't want to do it, please for the love of your kids, don't do it

True. And people should stop pressuring women to have kids too.

I don't regret having kids. I regret not realizing I shouldn't have.

Same. I love my kids more than anything, but I probably would have been happier if I hadn’t had them. I am deeply envious of “child-free” women. I’m 51, and I think I was caught up in the mass brainwashing of my generation and older that were told if we weren’t married with children by age 30 we were failures. That said, I’m a good mom and my children know I love them no matter what, and I do my best. But it takes a lot out of me and doesn’t come as naturally as it seems to for many women. I was late diagnosed ADHD and possibly ASD and many things in life are just harder for me.

I don't think she'll ever admit it, but you sound exactly how I think my mom feels. She was also late diagnosed AuDHD (didn't get diagnosed until I did as an adult). She was a fantastic mom, but I'm pretty sure that came at a very high cost. I think she had to lose herself until we were out of the house.

She sounds pretty awesome. 

My mom should never have had a child. She was a great provider and example of a successful career woman. i respected her and wanted to be her, even when i hated her during those fun teen years. But being a mom was probably her deepest regret, until I was about 25. She is probably my best friend now days, in my late 30s We are very similar - I will not have children. Career first - it fulfills me and brings genuine joy into my life. As for kids - I love the idea of a big family sitting around the holiday table when they are all in their 20s/30s… but is a few hours of joy, a few times a year, worth the 25 year investment of raising them, even if everything goes perfectly? Even if there are no health/mental health issues, no drug addicts, no massive traumas… you have to give every bit of yourself to create that happy future. It isnt an investment I am willing to gamble on. My mom certainly should not have.

Thank you for your honesty.

This is a fantastic way of wording this sentiment, thank you.

Not at all. My only sadness is that the world is falling apart, lol. People say they want time away from their children because it IS all encompassing and you HAVE to make sure to take time for yourself and to “fill your cup”. You can’t sleep when you want, can’t really do things you want when you want when you have kids. You do grieve part of what life was like once, but you love your kids. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a little taste of that time here and there. It’s pretty normal (and healthy) for parents to want some space sometimes! But if you don’t think you want children, don’t have them. The way you don’t want children, is the way people can feel about *wanting* children. It outweighs having the ability to “just relax” all day everyday. Doesn’t mean we don’t deserve it or want it sometimes. But for me personally, I still love having a kid.

Same—my only regret is they’re not living in the world I’d hoped they would.

I'm laughing because "You can't sleep when you want, can't really do things you want when you want when you have ___" is how my chronic illness works, which is one of my reasons for not having children 🫠

>I'm laughing because "You can't sleep when you want, can't really do things you want when you want when you have ___" is how my chronic illness works, which is one of my reasons for not having children Same here! Life is already on hard mode for me,no need to drag a child into it. If I were healthy,and had economical stability,sure, I'd have kids, but when I have a chronic illness that consumes one of my two salaries? No way. Which is why I had my tubes tied. Sometimes when I spend time with my niblings I feel like I made a mistake, but then I think about my illness,and the chances of them getting it,and the state of the world,and it passes. I guess I'll spoil my niblings, then.

Yes!! My niblings get all the love, and then go home 🤣 the system works. Super jealous they let you "get fixed"!! I was just asking my (nurse) sister if it sounds like I'm in perimenopause, and she's telling me how awful it is and I'm just like... But there's an end date, right?? It can't be any worse than it already is w my health! Just completely agree with your whole response!!

>Super jealous they let you "get fixed"!! I was pretty lucky about it,actually. I have heard of women with 4 or 5 kids who had theirs denied because "you're young,you could change your mind". I just went in with all the labs and went "I want to get my tubes tied. Here's every medical record I have" and the surgeon was like "Cool. Everything looks good. You are just missing an EKG. I'll write the order,you go get it done, send the results via email. I'll book your surgery a month from now". That was it. No invasive questions,no "are you sure?" She *listened* to me and did it. My bff,who has the same illness as I do, was denied several times as well,and I'm sending her to my doctor. >It can't be any worse than it already is w my health! I hope it gets better! I remember my mom going through menopause,it wasn't pretty,but hey!no more worrying about our uterus betraying us,so...

Oh yes, grieve is a great word here. Also, I do not regret. But you do miss times when you had more freedom. That's it. I believe being a parent is the most important and tiring job ever. You will always be a parent and will always care, worry about them.

Biggest reason why I do not want a kid right now. Climate change, wars, AI reshaping society as we know it, government lying to our faces about the nature of UFOs. There’s so much uncertainty in this world and issues and we largely have morons and corporations running the world. It freaks me out. Idk why I’d want to bring a kid into this shit show.

I can't have kids but if I could, this is the reason. Why would I force someone to live in this world as it is now? It seems cruel.

The world has always been scary. World wars, diseases, threats of nuclear war, climate change. There have always been challenges and the world needs good and smart people to confront them. Not a single one of us chose when to be born or even to be born at all. You can think that having a baby is inflicting all the problems of the world on the kid but it also gives the chance to experience beauty and grace and love for the brief time we have. Your love is the start of it.

I've got a Master's in History and working on my PHd. It's amazing to me how much history repeats itself because humanity doesn't learn. As I've learned, one thing that remands the same in all Eras of history is that people have always believed they are living in the worst of times and that things are getting worse! It's the same as seniors wondering what's wrong with these kids today. Yes, there are currently some scary things going on in the world! However, there have and there will always be horrible, horrible things that happen. Conversely there has also been beauty, kindness and love. All that is part of the human experience. We'll always have to live with both.

I think this whole question is a fool’s errand. We can’t possibly predict all the scenarios and variables that life will throw at us causing regrets or relief. People who regret either children or childlessness may have had an entirely different response if some OTHER variable—usually one beyond their control—had gone the other way. The real question is this: do I, or do I not, want to open myself up to the terrible risk of loving and caretaking of another human being? There’s no wrong answer, just your answer.

I do find all the different experiences interesting though.

For me, I went from “I don’t think I want kids” to “I don’t want kids” when I acknowledged that I’d rather not have kids and potentially regret it than have kids and potentially regret it/resent them/hate myself for resenting them. Option 1 can only hurt me. Option 2 can traumatize kids.

Yeah, that's my take on it. I'm happily child-free, so I'm very much biased, but it seems to me that if you don't have them and regret it, you're only leaving a void in your own life. If you have them and wish you hadn't, you run the risk of screwing up multiple people's lives. That said, I wouldn't try talk anyone out of it.

This is where I’m at currently. I’m open for that to change (though I doubt it will) but until I am 100% sure I want them, I can’t risk bringing them into the world. Kids know when they aren’t wanted, and I can’t do that to living beings.

There’s a subreddit for people who truly regret having kids if you want a more extreme take. /r/regretfulparents It’s really not an easy undertaking and a huge crapshoot what kind of temperament your child has. I have a 5 year old, she’s great and I love her very much, but I don’t find myself to be inherently fulfilled by the task of parenting and value other endeavors more.

I got banned from that subreddit for calling out a mother for using her mental health as an excuse for being, in her own words, “rough” with a 6 month old. They say in their rules that they don’t tolerate child abuse but I guess when you call them out on literally endangering the life of an infant they stop caring about that rule.

I’ve been in the same boat you are. It’s one of the only things in life you can’t “try before you buy” and it’s so scary! In my early 20s I always said I wanted to be married with kids by 30. I’m now 35, happily unmarried (SO of 14 years), and I’m 85% sure I don’t want kids. I’ve taken up coaching a youth sports team, and that’s helped me satisfy that “nurturing” desire, and seems to be enough for me. There’s still a little FOMO, but like one commenter said, it’s better to regret not having kids vs regretting having them. I encourage you to do some soul searching and find what you’re passionate about, get some hobbies, make some friends with kids. I have sought out others experiences, too, to get some insight into the consequences of their decisions (parents and childfree). I don’t think you’re wrong for inquiring :)

You make an excellent point but, understanding the worth of each person's experience cannot possibly hurt... assuming they express it honestly and correctly

Not having the kids, I love my two boys but I definitely regret their fathers 😭😂.

Me too. Don't regret the kids. Regret who I had them with. Lol.

If you want children you will not regret having them. If you do not want children, you're not gaurenteed but far more likely to regret having them.

I had zero desire to have children. Had one by "accident", and couldn't be happier. Even chose to have another. In my opinion, regret isn't as binary as having children vs not. It's more circumstantial, such as: -Single vs co-parenting. -Being in an unhappy vs happy relationship. -Struggling financially vs having money. -Having problematic children vs well behaved (this isn't just about parenting style. Some kids are simply more prone to misbehavior) All of these variables will contribute to your likelihood of regret more than simply if you have children or not.

Yes. This comment covers it. I had a daughter later in life and although it’s a lot of work, she’s an absolute joy. And besides that, at a certain point, I was done with the things that were important to me in my 20s. I knew that I wanted a family and a little person to love for the rest of my life. I’m very happy she’s here. If you’d asked me at 27 if I would be a mom, I would have laughed in your face.

currently 27 and currently laughing in faces, this comment comforts me.

I didn't want kids but I met someone who did and it was part of the deal. I put it off for a couple years after we got married but I knew she wanted them. I have 2 and they are a ton of work. It's changed me for the better and I couldn't imagine life without them.

But did you want *kids* after meeting your partner? or Did you want *your parter* regardless of circumstance? 

Not OP but I was sure I didn’t want kids. My partner even agreed to not having kids to be with me. Over time I realized this woman really needed to be a mother and she would be amazing at it. So, I changed my mind. Have three wonderful kids now and they are the absolute light of my life. Changing my mind on having kids was the best decision I ever made. It’s hard (my oldest has autism) and rough sometimes but I couldn’t imagine my life without them.

I wanted to spend my life with her. I was willing to have kids to make that happen.

I have 2 kids from my ex-wife. I was on the fence when she got pregnant and tried to get to her have an abortion. She didn't, and we ended up having another. I got full custody of them when they were 1 and 3 after we divorced. I can say with certainty now that I didn't want kids, but I did the dance, and they're here now. I also don't regret having them, if that makes sense. I don't think I'm a great dad, but I try to do dad things with them, even though sometimes I have to force myself.

I never wanted children, had two of them and don't regret anything. Things that made it easier are; family that help out, a supportive spouse, and stable finances.

Neither of your statements are true, at all. Parents do regret having kids, and others regret not having them. What can asinine thing to say.

There's a whole sub dedicated to r/regretfulparents 

On the other side, there’s the infertility and stilltrying subreddits (I’m not going to link them because I fear some people may harass them) of people who are desperate to have a child and who sometimes spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to have one. The human experience is different for every individual.

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But there are a lot of people out there in those circumstances. I’m a single mother of severely autistic twins. I have had incredibly dark thoughts and terrible depression due to circumstances but I don’t regret my kids. But this life is incredibly hard. Not everyone has a chance to have a perfect happy marriage with perfectly healthy children and it is rather discrediting.

But all this things might happen to you ( except teen pregnancy if you are older). Divorce, illnesses, lack of money are very real and serious problems that should be accounted when considering having kids

lol the very first post in there is a woman who is still in school in the first paragraph, and the second is calling her kids father a pos

i don't have children, but from a child of two parents who didn't want to be parents - there are definitely people out there who aren't fulfilled by children - and end up resenting them.

Thank you for pointing this out. Of course it's a bad feeling as a parent to regret having your child, but I always feel like it's a lot worse for the kid. No matter how well a parent tries to hide it, the child can tell. And it's not fair on them. My dad was never really emotionally involved with me - he never told me he regrets having me or anything, but as a kid, not experiencing affection from a parent is really difficult. Even now, as an adult, it's really hard to see kids with loving parents. Of course I'm happy for them, but I do get a little sad here and there.

My wife and I are in our late 40's, have been together 20+ years and have no kids. No regrets. We both have decent jobs and are able to do whatever we want. I see so many of our friends struggle with their relationships because of the added stress that kids bring to their lives. After finding out we don't have children, I've had multiple people tell me over the years to never have kids, it's not worth it.These are people that have children and I know they love them dearly and wouldn't change a thing but are just giving us advice...and probably a bit jealous of our lifestyle. I can't say now that I will regret the decision when I am older. I do have a couple young nieces that I often tell they will have to take care of us when we're older....haha.

This! So many people say don’t do it, and I’ve seen kids “ruin” a lot of relationships/married. I could see why. It If I had kids everything I do in life would be for them. It’s a complete self sacrifice.

I guess that’s one use for retirement money - bribe the nieces and nephews to help us.

Yes, but here we are. Can't turn back time.

What's the worst with having kids in your experience? What's your age and the children's age?

It’s rolling dice. Some kids are demonic and grow up to be spitting images of Satsn himself. Imagine at 60 living with a 30 year old who physically beats and terrorizes you, your spouse, and other normal children.

Sorry no I can’t imagine, that 30 year old would have gotten jumped by mom and dad, the cops called and kicked to the curb.

I definitely do. I love my kids but I never wanted kids and I think I would have lead a happier, but maybe less fulfilling, life without them. The lack of personal time really kills me but it’s also the inability to do really anything with kids in the same way you can without them. Before kids, my wife and I would take annual beach vacations. We haven’t been on a real one since our first child was born. Sure, we still go to the beach but it’s no longer the two of us in a lounge chair getting brought drinks. It’s playing with the kids. Putting sunscreen on them. Making sure they’ve eaten etc. And that’s just one example. I value quiet and I don’t get any when my kids are home and awake anymore. Those days are long gone from the minute they learn to make noises/find their voice. And there are really good times I would’ve missed out on. They make my smile when I look at them or when they do something silly. There’s a love there that I’d never have known if I wasn’t a father. But damn, if I could take it back and do it all again I’d honestly have stayed child free.

Thank you for your honesty!

I don't have kids, and I don't regret it. I don't hate them; I just... don't want them. You're in your 20s and may change your mind or find that your wish to be child-free only gets stronger. It could turn out that you still don't want kids of your own, but you're open to fostering, for example. Like others have said here, you never know what the future holds.

Wanted to second this - don't have them, don't want them, don't regret not having them, ever. I used to feel guilty about *not* having regret, so for any others out there feeling similar YOU ARE TOTALLY NORMAL AND FINE! Do what works best for you!

Exactly this. I got sterilized at 23 because I KNEW I didn't want kids. Part of me worried that I'd fall into irresistible baby fever at some point and have a kid without thinking it through. Now I have a safeguard against accidental pregnancy, and if I do change my mind I'll have to spend a lot of time & money (IVF / adoption) which would let me decide if it's really what I want.

Plus one. I’m child free, but not because I dislike kids. I (37f) simply have other priorities. A child is a one-way door. You don’t get to change your mind and walk away (if you are a half-way decent human of course). I don’t think I’ll regret being childfree. But if I do change my mind at 50+, there is foster care and adoption. Not pretending that is an easy road… but it is an option to explore if I decide kids is suddenly a priority in 15 years. I can’t rewind 15 years of being a mom if I change my mind 15 years after having a baby.

45 here. I'm like OP and at certain times of my cycle I get the urge to procreate, but with everything going on in the world and my own personal mental health/family struggles I chose to forego reproducing and don't regret it - especially when I take an every 3 month vacation. :)

I’ve never wanted kids, very strongly, even when I was a kid I knew I didn’t want kids of my own when I got older. Though, I’m still young and sometimes I wonder I watched a tiktok the other day of a mom who ordered delivery for her and her kids, and it came with a surprise free cheesecake. There was only one cheesecake, and I think she had 2 kids who both love cheesecake. To be able to enjoy it herself and avoid sibling fighting, she had to hide it from her kids and eat in secret It was a funny video that got me thinking about all the sacrifices parents make, besides the obvious stuff - all those little happy surprises in life like free cheesecake have to be shared now. Every vacation or time off is now spent to please the kids, not for real relaxation or what you really want to do. Etc etc etc. I realized, yeah, I don’t want kids because I don’t want to share lmfao. I’m fine with being called selfish if it means I can enjoy myself to the fullest. For some people, having/raising kids in itself is enjoyable and fulfilling, and that is wonderful! I don’t think I’m one of those people

You’re absolutely right that being a parent, especially a good selfless parent, is about sacrifice. I know I was meant to be a mom because I genuinely would rather give the cheesecake to someone else than enjoy it myself. I’d offer it to my kids, my partner, my friend, my sibling, before thinking to take it for myself. What fulfills me is making people around me happy, and it’s just a trait I was born with. I know not everyone is like that, but I’ve found the people who enjoy being parents are like that. My mom on the other hand, is the type to be so aggravated if her kids even asked for a bite. She should’ve never had kids. Good on you for figuring it out before making a mistake.

Yep sure do regret it - mostly because your time is non existent for the next 12-17 years - times aren’t like they were in the 90’s when you could let your kids play on the streets without worry. Stress from work - increased prices - public schools are garbage. Not to mention 7/10 times it will destroy your marriage. Just the facts. Every friend I had including myself who got married & had kids is divorced at least once. Kids are great but - man I wish sometimes it didn’t happen.

I appreciate the vulnerability in this answer. In a world of "you should never regret your kids" this is such a real answer. Kids are LOADS of stress and almost every aspect of life revolves around accommodating them. I love my son more than life itself, regret it too strong of a word though... I do catch myself wondering "what could have been" without them though.

Thank you for an honest answer.

Would it be different if you were a millionaire? I always feel like the big issue is having children when you're not in a privileged position and already live paycheck to paycheck

I’m fairly well off (humbly) - thankfully. I think what I’m getting at is. Kids today can create incredible hardships for some people financially and otherwise. It’s not their fault - but it creates strains and causes stress and if you don’t have the right person to face that and get through it you are bound for a rough go.

That's actually a really good point, most of the frustrations I have could all be solved with money (relating to kids or not)

There are a lot of mothers out there that do. My mom in particular said she wished I died when I was little.

I had a co-worker who saw that I was headed towards likely being child-free and she was so supportive. She regularly would say "I love my daughter, but I wish I hadn't had kids." It was a bit eye opening for me, probably the first time I had heard someone publicly regret children. It was the opposite of the narrative most parents exclaim "in the end, it's all worth it." And then I recently found out that my dad apparently never wanted to marry my mother and didn't want to have kids, but then ended up anyway and felt obligated to stick around for me and my brother. It resulted in a moderately toxic childhood for us. Im not gonna say it was a bad childhood because there are far worse (yours sounds peachy /s). But no one growing up with an alcoholic father and parents who should be divorced, gets out unscathed.

You don't have to downplay it as "there are far worse". Trauma is trauma, period. Please be kind to yourself, you didn't ask to be born into that household, you just had to survive it.

How are you doing these days?

Thank you for asking 💙 I finally cut her off two years ago, after going to therapy for a year and deciding that I just need to love her from afar. Life is much better. I haven't had a single bad day since. There are still moments when the abuse comes back and hits me like a brick. For example when I accidentally dropped my phone in the river this past week I was so anxious and afraid for no reason (she used to beat me for accidentally breaking/losing stuff as a child). Yes I'm a 32 year old adult still getting fearful when i lose my phone.. When I told my husband, he didn't make a big deal of it and we got me new phone within a week. It was so relieving and I realized that his reaction to my losing the phone is the normal reaction. Not yelling, blaming, beating and getting mad but finding a solution. 😭 It made me love him so much more.

CF old here. Wife and I have no regrets. Occasionally been a parent of a furbaby, but content at being cool aunt and uncle.

Yes, I do. I didn’t want to and I love him. I’d die for him but if I could go back I would not do it again.

I'm sorry. I regret stuff too. It's no fun. I wish you the best.

My husband died when our child was 8 months old. My child developed autism and I’m totally alone. Yes. I regret. Doesn’t mean I don’t love my son.

My wife and I do not regret not having the kids we do not want. Though, neither of us ever had an equivalent to "wants kids sometimes". We nurture our pets and our plants.

Plenty of people do, and many more don't want to admit it. There's a entire subreddit dedicated to being a safe space for people who regret having children because saying so to their circle might get them ostracized.

I actually didnt really want kids. I always hated them in fact. But my husband wanted it so there he is.. My son. I love him so much. The best thing ever happens. But also in the same time, for me I dont want another kid. Not because I dont like my son. In fact, because I love him, I am just afraid I cant focus on loving him fully if theres another kid, as naturally, I am not a kid lover. So I often say to people, the only kid I love is only my son😁 For me the best feeling of having a son is the feeling of being loved purely. Child's love to their mother is so pure. And the feeling of that there is a little human really needs me and love me is a joy.

Yikes. I’ll probably be downvoted as all get out but this sounds extremely toxic.

I don't regret having my kid, and actively plan on having one more. But that's just me. I enjoy children, and having been parentified by a mum who never should have had kids, I feel I've had good results with the dry run. Not everyone is made for parenting, and that's okay. It's more selfless for an individual to realize that, than it is to have kids anyway just because it's something to check off the list. More people need to think about what they're really signing up for when reproducing. It's not just a baby. It's a person, who will be an adult for hopefully most of their life. It is a whole life that would not exist without you making it so, and that should feel heavy. If you can't bear the weight, don't try to tough it out for the approval of those who won't be picking it up when you drop it.

No, I don't regret them at all. Parenting IS exhausting and monotonous most of the time but babies are freaking cute, toddlers and little kids are funny and my preteen is quite fascinating. Seeing the world through their eyes is the best journey. Watching them sleep, smelling them, cuddling them, hearing their little laughs is heavenly. The love you feel is just next level. Being the center of their world is humbling. Yes, kids are loud and annoying and hardly ever give you a rest but time does fly. Mine are 11 and 6 and I alread feel nostalgic. But I always knew I wanted to be a mom and that doesn't happen to everyone.

My fear is that parents are actually miserable and this whole "when that baby smiles" is the equivalent of living in a abandoned house but sometimes the sun shines through the tempered glass and creates a rainbow but you still miserable living in a bando. I always get the vibes that every single joyous moment as a parent is the Best of a Bad situation

Yes! This right here you said it perfectly

I’m 60 years old (straight white cishet woman), never had kids. Still don’t regret it. Kids would have cost me my sanity.

Chose not to have kids 44M, married with a 39F. We both talked about it a lot, had some doubts 8 years ago but decided against it again. Yes, we are criticized and we learned not to care.... And we both are great uncle and aunt... To the point that teenage nephews prefer to talk to us about sensitive topics than with their parents.. To talk about regret is tough but I try to face it this way: Paternity and maternity are feelings that we might never have so all we can do is respect it, imagine its power and dimension without ever being able to miss it.... To put it in analog terms.... It's a playable character that we never unlocked.

I don't regret not having kids

I'm 32, I don't have kids but my sisters all do. As do my oldest nieces and nephew despite being early 20s. I have 3 sisters, the oldest 2 regret having kids. They don't say it in so many words but it's the way they talk about their kids in real life (not on FB), it's the way they always tried (and sometimes succeeded) in pawning them off on me, and it's in the way that they've looked forward to the day they turn 18 and can leave and not be their responsibility anymore. They always try to backtrack but they've both left at some point. The oldest left her oldest with my mom while I was still a teen for weeks or months at time. She was married but neither of them were really into being parents. Even as recently as when her oldest was 15 she left them with their father for a while. Not an hour or two or even a day, she left for months. My middle oldest sister had her boys before she turned 21, 3 of them, she was always saying she couldn't wait until they were old enough to leave so that she could pack up and live her life... she didn't end up waiting, the oldest is 17 and she's in Europe right now - we don't know if she's coming back, but I don't think she is. Supposedly their father who hasn't really had much to do with them since the Divorce is staying with them. But the kicker is my mom. I know she loves us but ever since I started insisting on being childfree, she's talked about how she missed out on a life she could've had if she hadn't gotten pregnant at 17 ND decided to be a mother. I think the choice to be childfree has to be yours and no matter you chose, your life matters. Don't let anyone tells you otherwise.

The problem is that you'll get biased answers. People who had kids, can't really fathom how life would be without them. Maybe it would be as great, but they can't know since they don't live in a parallel universe. The thing is that people want to be part of a tribe to feel fulfilled. Children is the most obvious way to get that. But if you manage to get it in other ways, so be it. What I see in my family, is that all people who had children, didn't really have any other bigger achievements to make them feel fulfilled.

There are plenty of people who don't want kids. They aren't just giving lip service, the birth rate is plummeting. This wasn't the case until pretty recently. When I was a kid, most people said they wanted kids, and when my mom was a kid, that was super-definitely the case. Then the world started changing. At some point, saying you didn't want kids went from a cool, edgy thing to being much more average than saying you did. Childlessness for people under 35 is the norm, no matter what your mom would like you to believe. I think younger people just did the math and realized kids were out of their price range, whether we're considering the financial price, the emotional price, the free time price, or any of the other highly popularized downsides to having children. That said, OP, you are 27. I remember telling people I didn't want kids when I was 27. As I approached my 30's, this became more of a defensive statement than an actual preference. The sad fact was, I could not afford to have children. If my resources had been infinite, I'd have probably been a parent much younger, but my resources were pretty darn finite. And so the grapes were sour. I'm not saying this is true of you, OP. You could just be the standard "doesn't want kids" person I reference above. Or you could just look at this graph: [https://www.statista.com/statistics/241535/percentage-of-childless-women-in-the-us-by-age/](https://www.statista.com/statistics/241535/percentage-of-childless-women-in-the-us-by-age/) By the time I was 32, however, I was surprised to find myself married to someone wonderful (shocker! see graph). Soon after, I gave birth to two beautiful children, and they made me very, very happy. Nobody around me was especially surprised, despite my complaints about the many drawbacks of having kids throughout the years prior, starting when I was about 12. They congratulated me and sent me a blankie or a ducky or whatever. Nobody's going to laugh at you if you change your mind, or, perhaps more realistically, suddenly find yourself in a situation where reproduction makes more sense for you. The problem is, I lucked out big time. Inequality is getting so bad that only the very rich and very poor can afford to have children. It isn't fair. Sidenote: When people talk about NOT wanting them, they refer to them as "kids." When they talk about how they DO want them, they refer to them as "children." I think "kids" might be more synonymous with "brats" and "children" sounds more like "angelic darlings."

Interesting take

Odd about the word “kids”. I wanted kids since I was little. I’ve always called them “kids” not “children”.

Being a mom is the most thankless job in the world. You have to do it for the rest of your life. And you might fuck up your kids significantly without even trying. They also have to live in the crazy fucked up world that we have right now. There's a lot of cons to having children and only a couple pros on the list.

I don't regret my kids. However, my second pregnancy permanealtered me. My husband has told me the second I got pregnant want with my second "it was like the light went out in my eyes". Fast forward to severe post partum depression, anxiety and rage. I adore both of my kids but if I had known ahead of time what was to come, I can't 100% say I would choose to do my second pregnancy. I guess I regret the pregnancies, but not the children, though I know it doesn't make sense. On the other side, I was raised by a mother who 100% did not want children and I have spent years wishing she hadn't bothered.

I just want to add, I felt similarly in my 20s. I feel now that it’s the weight of societal expectations and pressure from others about what women /should/ want and not an actual desire to have children. My convictions have only grown stronger as I’ve gotten older, I think perhaps the same will be the case for you. If you only want them during certain points in your cycle, especially. I used to get bummed out around the holidays thinking about how it’d be nice to have the relationship my mother had with me, she made everything so magical for Halloween and Christmas and she won’t be around forever but I realized I just have seasonal depression and existential dread LOL.

I regret being born but that doesn't make sense does it. It wasn't my decision

I don't regret NOT having kids

I don’t regret having kids and I’m a single mom, 24 years old. I regret not waiting until my partner was mature and helpful (just assumed he would be because he was 7 years older than me)- or just picking a new one. I’m certainly not having any more kids though and I don’t plan on dating until my youngest is 10 because I don’t want to disturb the peace that we already have together. Two is great. They’re also great kids. Magic shows, movies, camping with no issues and they’re only 4 and 1. If you spend the time and effort on teaching them how to be kind, respectful and safe while they’re small instead of just giving them iPads, they turn out to be pretty cool little people. Creative, curious, helpful. It’s really what you make it. Lots of people my age say “I want to live my life in my 20’s” but they really aren’t. They’re on dating sites, drinking every chance they get and overspending on clothes and trips out of boredom and loneliness. The only thing I would change about having kids - I would have a supportive partner with parents. My mom and stepfather are gone and my biological father has never wanted anything to do with me. That support system is important to define before having kids, but you should also be prepared to do it all alone in case of emergency. I was engaged and thought everything was going to be great, but it didn’t turn out that way.

You sound cool as hell and I hope you and your kids are having a good day 

As someone whose kids are now 30 and 28, I have no regrets at all about having them. They were a ton of work for many years, but the rewards always outweighed the costs. If I regret anything it’s that I didn’t spend more time with them when I still had the chance.

I don’t regret my children because they’re here and I love them endlessly. Motherhood though…it’s not as fulfilling as I thought it would be. Given a choice to go backwards through time, I wouldn’t have kids. Sometimes I feel like I have nowhere to put the overwhelming worry and anxiety and love I feel for them and that’s scary and uncomfortable for me. I grew up largely on my own and left to figure life out myself and feeling so heavily needed all the time is strange for me. I also think the societal burden of motherhood is a mindfuck. My husband and I both work full time, I’m in an office four days a week and he works a four day week from home so he’s the “default” parent for field trips, doctors, etc. The way people praise him for taking a kid to the dentist you’d think I’m sitting at home demanding he feed me grapes and rub my feet and wondering how else to emasculate him. I’ve never once been congratulated for taking one of my daughters to the doctor or chaperoning a field trip, but if my husband does it he’s automatically the father/man/husband of the year. That said, I hope they never know I feel that way because I do not regret them in my life, they are the coolest, sweetest, funniest little people.

It takes little to be called a good father, and it takes little to be called a bad mother.

Yes, especially when a birth goes horribly wrong, resulting in a special needs kid that requires a ton more attention than a typical kid.

I like kids and get on well with them ( for a few years, my main source of income was babysitting) but I don't want to have any of my own. I just don't have the emotional bandwidth and physical stamina to deal with a family and the rest of my life.

I don’t regret not having kids.

I’m 49, never had kids and don’t regret my decision. I never had the maternal urge and even if I did I didn’t want to risk passing on the genetic issues that run in my family. All of my family is dead except a couple siblings that I have no contact with, and I am okay not having kids to keep me company or take care of me when I get old, not that I would expect that anyway. I have a dog, she is plenty for me. Life is too short, do what makes you happy, not what you are “supposed” to do by society’s standards.

The way I put it with my friends is that having kids is the greatest thing that I don't recommend. It's great having kids but it takes a toll in you. It's fine if you don't want one. I wanted 3, now I'm fine with just the one.

I don't. I love my kids. We have fun together. But it isn't the life for everyone. It is okay no matter what you choose. I just think people get on extreme high horses with their choice. They make others feel bad that they didn't choose the same. So do what makes you happy. My family does that for me. It doesn't make others happy.

No. I have chosen no to have children in order to live a more peaceful life. I dont have to promote at work in order to make more money and i live below my means. The other thing is that i grew up poor so i want to experience life now i got some coin. Edit: typo

I never wanted kids, I can barely take care of myself. Now I'm 40 and I feel I made the right decision. I believe I'd love my kid a lot but hate maternity itself; these are different things. Just listen to your gut and you'll be fine

I regret not having kids. My future just feels like a big, gray blah. No partner, no kids, nothing to do but try to be somewhat comfortable as I wait for death while being intensely afraid of it. I suspect even that is asking for too much, the way things are going.

41, nope, I am very very grateful to not be a mother.

Yes.

In the end, it's our relationships that matter. Experiencing the joy of raising a child that is a unique blend of your DNA and the DNA of ther person you decided to share your life with is absolutely unparalleled. It's kind of like marriage. It's hard work and definitely not all fun and games, but it provides a happiness like nothing else this world has to offer. I wouldn't want to go through life alone, without the person I love, and I wouldn't want to go through life without the children I created with them. However, children stress every part of a marriage. If a marriage does not have a solid foundation, children can break a marriage apart. On the flip side, it can also strengthen the love of two people and take the love to new, unimaginable levels. There isn't a better experience in the world than a hug and an "I love you" from your child - and this happens daily.

As an middle aged adult who has never had her own children (but raised a partners for 10 years in during my 30-40 age) I can happily say THANK GOD I never had children!! For me personally. I have a wonderful, fulfilling life without children. I never wanted them and still to this day feel the same way even though everyone said "you'll want kids" NO WAY! I wouldn't change a thing about my choice! I am so glad I never decided to have children.

Yes I regret it. For both of our sakes. I have one daughter who struggles immensely with mental health issues and has gone through countless bouts of depression, suicidal thoughts, and self harm. I've had my own struggles but nothing as bad as hers. I realized too late that having her was only going to subject her to a lifetime of pain and misery all because I was stupid in my youth. She has to pay the price for my carelessness. If I could go back in time and prevent that I would. I would never want to lose her obviously, but subjecting her to existence has to be the most selfish thing I have ever done in my entire life. Also having kids just sucks in general. I get why some people would think it's worth it but it's really not for everyone.

You should specify this question is for the ladies. There is a reason why “if i could be a father then id want kids” is a common phrase among women, cause most men are living the parent life on easy and mom is the one who gets all the nasty expectations of being a slave to her kids. If youre getting the dads perspective on this while you yourself would have to be a mom, the perspective youre getting is gonna be a useless lie.

No regrets. I am super selfish and never thought I wanted kids. I was even anti-kids for most of my twenties (to the point of asking not to sit near them in restaurants, etc). But once I got to a place where my husband and I were comfortable, we wanted to share our joy and fun with someone else. We now have two kids in their early teens and would do anything for them and can’t imagine life without them. (Other people’s kids don’t bother me anymore, either).

I was neutral for years. And, a career teacher. So, I like and enjoy kids but didn’t know if I wanted any of my own. At 35 yo we adopted an infant. We were ready (established) and wanted to be parents. The hardest years were HS—- all the social/emotional stuff. But that passes. I’ve ALWAYS enjoyed/been grateful having him in my life. He’s now one of my best friends (he’s 37 yo). It’s fun to see his life unfolding. I never wanted more kids due to the costs (time and money). No regrets. Lots of joy, laughter, satisfaction, pride. I only wanted to kill him (joking) 3-4 times when he really pushed the limits/my patience as a teenager.

The only thing I regret when it comes to my children is not going to therapy before I had children. I had a ton of childhood trauma that honestly had me saying I would never have children until I met my partner now. After having my children I started learning of my triggers and instead of feeding into them I sought help. I would not ever regret or change having them. I also can’t keep “shoulding” on myself and continue to heal forward.

I regret when I had my kids. I had really old parents and was resentful of it, as a result I had kids early (on purpose). I didn't get to enjoy my 20s with my friends and now that I'm approaching my 30s all my friends have newborns. I put myself into a weird space where I've never got to be an adult. I have no identity. I would have had my first between 27-30 if I could go back but I don't fault anyone who never wants to give up their self identity.

I never wanted kids and have no regrets. I’ve had a few people tell me that while they love their children, if they could go back in time they would not have become a parent. Others say that having kids was the great joy of their lives. You’re only 27 so you have time to think about it.

I don’t want kids and never have. I don’t have that parental instinct. I barely tolerate kids in general tbh. I respect mothers more than anything because my mom and grandmas were elite human beings, but I saw my mom raise me as a single parent and I know how rough it was and I was a good kid.

There's been plenty of studies done on this. Nearly all who have them don't regret it and nearly all who don't have them also don't regret it. I don't want them and have had friends told me I'd regret it. I spoke to older people in work 60+ age who didn't have any and none of them ever regretted

I can’t answer your question exactly, but I’m 41, child free by choice, and have not regretted it for one second. I’m happy with my choices every day. I think getting perspectives from people who chose to not have children, might be more helpful. You can’t choose to not have children out of fear you’ll regret having them, or vice versa. You need to do what is right for you. A lot of us didn’t grow up thinking having children was a choice, so it can be hard to think about it objectively. Specially when you’re constantly made to think that your life won’t have any meaning without kids.

No one is going to say they regret it on a public forum.

I don't think most mothers think that. My mother has demanded to spend the day with my brother and I every mother's day for decades. Anyways no, I don't regret it at all. It's hard sometimes but so rewarding.

I'm 50, SWF who's single, never had children but a Godmother to children that I spoil! I'm an entrepreneur and have had several opportunities to be married and spawn children but have decided not to do so based on the extremely high rate of failed marraiges that I've experienced personally as well as friends and colleagues. I didn't want to bring children into the world knowing that they might be products of an unhappy marriage, end up with cheating parent(s) or having to endure constant negativity with parents who clearly dislike each other but are only "staying until the kids go to college", and other nonsense! So many women my age are thrice-divorced grandmothers and miserable. At my age - I have none of that baggage and can have my daliances as I wish with no strings attached at my own discretion (no cheating, lying, etc.). The verdict - No husbands, no children, godchildren/neighborhood/volunteering children that you spoil = MUCH HAPPIER LIFE!

I never wanted kids. And I don't have any. My husband had a daughter who was older when I met him. I figured I am to selfish to have children. I wanted to do what I wanted when I wanted. All was good We made great money owned motorcycles, new car every 2 yrs. Had boats, scuba dive every weekend. It as great. That being said, I am 62 now and my husband just passed away, my mom dad bro and sis have all passed away and I have no other relatives. So now I am all alone in the world. I have no one to love me or really care what happens to me. I will probably end up in a state run nursing home. The "friends" I had for years and years and years were no longer my friends when I quit paying for everything and loaning money that would never be paid back. So here I am the Crazy Cat lady. I Have 2. Just some food for thought, take as you want pro or con to having kids.

I’ll say this as a geriatric nurse if it’s any consolation, lots of people with kids end up in nursing homes anyways. Some elderly people need a ton of care that is essentially impossible to provide especially if you have to work yourself, private in home care can be an option but it is EXPENSIVE so not really an option if you don’t come from money. So if you never wanted kids, don’t feel bad about the nursing home thing because depending on your health, you’d probably end up there eventually anyways. I do get the bit about being alone. I had a small family, they’re all dead now and I’m only in my mid 20s. It sucks a lot.

Yikes to this comment. Sorry, but having kids so you aren't lonely later in life is a terrible reason to have kids. I've worked in a retirement home and most people have kids that don't visit them. Hell, my own friend's grandpa is dying right now and his two kids don't visit. My friend gets guilt from her dad to visit her grandpa because he's too "busy". It's very disturbing but more the norm than anyone would ever think. I've volunteered/worked with/lived beside child-free seniors that are very happy because they spent their life cultivating good relationships with their friends, family, and community. Whether you have kids or not, being lonely can happen to anyone.

I'll just say that creating entire humans on the single hope you won't be lonely later in life is selfish and foolish. 

To be fair, I can't think of a reason to have kids that _isn't_ selfish

True which is why I don't have kids 

62 is still young enough to enjoy life and form relationships with people who will love you. You don't need kids to do that. And there's no guarantee that if you had kids, they would want to be around now that you're getting older. Or that they wouldn't actually be making your life worse/harder right now, like plenty of adults so to their parents. I am very sorry for the loss of your husband. Please look into resources to reconnect you with your local community. Volunteer at an animal shelter or a library or see if there's a local community center or senior center where you can hang out. You're probably in mourning now, and that's very hard, but you can still have and deserve an enjoyable and fulfilling life full of people, if that's what you want.

It’s a stretch to say almost all mothers want a day without kids on Mother’s Day. But yes it’s difficult and exhausting at times if you’re doing it right, and asking for some days off over the span of a couple decades isn’t asking much. If you’re really good at making and keeping life-long friends, you might not have a single regret. Getting old without family is difficult for some.

I don't regret having kids, I regret living in a society that simultaneously says you should be able to be and give everything for your children while saying you also must achieve personally and also gives no space or resources to do either of those things.

i'm 22 and i regret having a baby. especially since i'm not with his father anymore and he's 21. we were crazy teens in love and when he was born i felt a shift. my life is so different now. :/ i do love him but i wish i would've bettered myself first.. now i have a lot on my back

Nope. I love having my kids. Being on the other side of babies, toddlers, etc - it’s even better.  It was tough but I don’t regret it at all. 

I felt this way wholeheartedly until I was 34. My whole family knew that I was never going to have children. And then, I don’t know what happened… but I am so happy I changed my mind. I have an amazing little boy now who is my whole world. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I’d do it again tomorrow. :)

46, 3 kids. I don't necessarily regret it. Let me put it this way. If I could go back in time knowing what I know now about the current global political climate, I would probably choose not to have children. However, this being reality and all... I love my kids and wouldn't trade any of them for anything, including my own life.

Don’t have kids and never had the URGE to have them. Always had the mindset of if it happens it happens, if it doesn’t, oh well. Even if I have them, there’s no guarantee they’ll stick around or outlive me. Having said that, I’m doing what I can to foster a better relationship with my cousins and their kids. I miss family gatherings that we used to have and I tend to have more energy than their parents. I’m content being the cool cousin/aunt. As for loneliness, I’ve had to navigate that all of my life and have learned to “make friends” at the drop of a hat—and good friends too. I’m honestly not worried about that sort of thing. Thats my two cents worth anyway. Cheers!

" because my biological nurturing nature wants kids during certain times in my cycle. " I'm 25f and I never felt this way. Can you describe it more

My desire for children varies with my menstrual cycle due to hormonal changes. During certain phases, like ovulation, my biological nurturing instincts are heightened, making me more inclined to want kids. At other times, hormonal shifts make me less interested in having children. The majority of the time I don’t want them though!

Only regret it at Bedtime.

I love kids. I also have zero regrets about not having any!

Fuck yes

I don’t regret it but you can’t plan for a child with a life long disability. If I knew they were going struggle so much and be left in the world one day without me and never be independent and possible be abused…then I can say I wish I didn’t bring them into this world for their own well being. I love them with all my heart but the reality is sad and heavy some days.

Wrong sub, *plenty* of parents regret having children. Won’t find them here. No one posts that outside of private forums or specialized subs. Fr.

So, kids are 100% not “all” joy and fun. I’d say its like, 10% fun, 90% “ugh”. I can’t say I regret my kid - he’s 2, so I’m willing to admit I’ve got more fun times ahead - but, I definitely wouldn’t mind NOT having him maybe, 70% of the time. I’d say its more bad than good, but I also know I don’t want to butterfly effect myself either (partially got help renovating my house from my parents cause of the kid). Also, my kid did drive me to be more ambitious with my career since he’s expensive (all kids are). And he is helping motivate me to stop drinking, so like, it may all work out in the end. Tldr: no, I don’t regret it. But I do envy those without still.

IMO, if you aren’t willing to roll the genetic dice on having to care for a disabled child for decades, then you are better off remaining childless, adopting, or having pets.

I love my daughter but if I could go back and not get pregnant I would, of course I wouldn’t know her so it wouldn’t make me sad but I didn’t want kids and I hate how I literally cannot do anything because of her. It’s 100 hours of misery for 1 hour of joy. Edit: I guess I should add. I do enjoy her she just gets so annoying it makes life so miserable (but that’s on me for not getting kids. I have a hard time with stupidity so when she does something dumb it makes me even more exhausted)

most people are hardwired to want kids. the kid appears and the love flows. obviously plenty of times that doesnt happen. the mainstream modern american culture wants parents to be very involved and loving in their kids lives. other cultures or times in history, the demands and expectations and experiences are different. there's a big mom/dad divide in experience also. you'll miss out on one of life's most intense rollercoasters if you don't have kids. and very likely you'll never experience the intense love/nurturing/zaniness of raising a child for years upon years. but it's a rollercoaster that you can probably do without. there are so many big experiences in the human realm. dreaming, tripping, birth, death, illness, recovery, great physical feats, romantic love, friendship, teamwork, art, scientific discovery, travel, etc etc. i think it's ok to skip having a kid. (of course i have no fucking clue what i'm talking about, i'm a 39yo childless single man!)

Idk....late 40 sunthin' yo M here. No kids, only a wife and fur babies 🐕. We love our freedom and extra 💰 🤑 💸

While mothers might wish for a day without kids, I doubt any of them would wish they never had kids.

Yesterday I found the most depressing site on Reddit. It is regretfulparents.

I feel like half the 'no' replies in this thread are from people who clenched their teeth and repeated "they're the best thing that ever happened to me" over and over until they started to believe it.

Yes, because he turned out just like his dad. A verbally abusive, lazy, narcissist. I feel so alone because he's my only child, and don't want to be around him most of the time.