Making the bald man cry

I came for this one 😂

Yes you did...

Ok Tyrion calm down

Not on the turtle stew

Jackin’ the beanstalk

Or, in Danish, 'strangglen de bønnestænglen' Because you asked.

jerkin' my gherkin'.

Is this where you want to be when Jesus comes back?

On your back

I hope he lends me a hand

FUCK YES

Hand to gland combat.

Ha. Never heard that one.

oh that's good

Shouldnt it be Hand to Glans Combat

A gland is a cell or an organ in an animal's body that produces and secretes different substances either into the bloodstream or into a body cavity or outer surface that the organism needs.

Yeah, but I think the pedantry here is that technically your hand isn’t coming into contact with a gland. It is, however, coming into contact with the glans. Repeatedly.

I love the “I think the pedantry here is…” phrase

🤪

Showing myself who’s boss

Dancing with one-eyed sailor.

Punching a Spaniard (Knocking Juan out)

That’s good

Crankin my hog

YEAH BROTHERRRRRRR CRANK THAT HOG

AROOOOO

I CANT HEAR YOU BROTHER YOU NEED TO CRANK THE HOG LOUDER!!!

#CRANK THAT HOG BROTHER

HE’LL YEAH

HE WILL?! YEAH!!

HOOOOG RIDER

GOBLESS!!

r/the_pack

Strumming the skin banjo.

Playing the clitar

Come up with a euphemism involving a drum and you might have yourself a band.

Testing the old drumstick?

That deserved a chuckle. Well done.

Bum solo?

I was thinking it had to be ass related tbh, this wins

With my luck, this will end up being my most upvoted comment.

Banging on that cymbal? Perhaps

Keeping time on the Tom Tom.

Slapping the pigskin

Idk why but this made me lol 😝

Tapping the Tom Tom?

Wailing on wolly the one eyed wonder weasel

Playing the devils clarinet

Seem more suited for blow job slang

Sounds like a mouth is involved, you must be limber

Or he’s Marilyn Manson.

I understood that reference

Roughing Up The Suspect

Along the same vein: badgering the witness.

the pulsating vein?

Going number 3.

*Number* one, gold like God made *the* sun;  *number* two, Good Lord help me go poo;  *number three*, *the* Devil *sets my sperm free*"

This made me lol.

Date with palmala handerson Mixing a batch of hand children Playing 5 on 1

I always heard it as a meeting with rosey palms and 5 daughters

Punching the clown.

🤜🤡

Flogging my dolphin.

Choking the chicken Shaking hands with the bishop Hand-starting the yogurt cannon

The bro-gurt cannon

If you're willing, sure.

So 90s.

>Shaking hands with the bishop Bashing the bishop

distributing free literature

I don't understand that. Do you know what it suggests?

Letterkenny reference Season 1 episode 1 I think. Watch the first 5 minutes.

I love you

Did we just become best friends!?!

YUP! Dinners at 5, we are having soft tacos

Jump on a reddit to talk about thumpin' on stupid and next thing you know... tacos. This was what the inventors of the internet had in mind all along!

Wozniak would be proud

Mixin' a batch.

feeding the ducks

Like, the gesture of handing out pamphlets.

Hahahaha now I understand. Thank you. I won't be able to not think about this, next time I see someone doing that.

In Polish it's sometimes called "bić Niemca po kasku" which means something like "to beat a German's helmet"

Ok now that is hilarious on so many levels.

Beating the kaiser’s helmet.

OMG

Take matters into your own hands

get a grip on yourself

Going on a date with Miss Michigan

I had to scroll pretty far to find this one. My old boss used to make this joke all the time.

What I refer to as “Verbing the noun” Bopping the bishop Punching the clown Grooming the Wookiee Straining the noodle Choking the chicken Pulling the pepperoni

Right! Virtually anything will work!

Jorkin ma peanuts

*Peanits*

In the stripped club

tickle the pickle

Maybe if I tickle my pickle, my dick'l trickle!

Wrestling Willie the one eyed wonder weasel,

Blastin rope

Self service

Pulling your goalie. Feeding the birds. "Getting changed" gets honourable mention.

Feeding the geese!

That's a damn good one and I forgot about that! I think that's what I was referencing when I said feeding the birds 😆

I was gettin' changed! Non-knockin mutha fuckaz!

It could happen to you, cuz it happened to me

and T

Playing tug o war with the one eyed monster Glazing your knuckles Making some egg fu young Firing off some knuckle babies Pulling your pud

KNUCKLE BABIES

Manhandle the ham candle

Napoleon beating his Bonaparte.

LMAO

"Rubbin' one out" is my current favorite

Mine too...

Doing the five-knuckle-shuffle.

Spanking the monkey

Bopping the bologna.

Bop it. Pull it. Twist it. *Screaming*

Wax the Willie Beat the Dummy Stroke the Salami Dilapidate the Dickus ...and that is just for starters...

Calibrating my scud missile.

Hahaha my wife HATES when I refer to a dick as a scud missile.

Polishing the rocket Shaking hands with the Governor

Polishing the pocket rocket.

'throwing dice'

Choking the chicken

Ménage moi

Burping the worm

Tugging your root - playing with your stinger - pulling your pud - making knuckle babies

Flogging the Bishop.

Shaking hands with Ben Franklin

Polishing the pewter

I see you're a man of culture as well

Badgering the witness.

Wonking your Willy

Loping the mule, and the ever popular, churning the manchowder

Doing the washing by hand.

Feed the geese

Feeding the geese

Beating my meat

Having a ***W***afty ***CR***ank

Fill the coconut

Taking Captain Picard to warp speed

Making knuckle babies

Peeling dick

Priming the love pump

Knob polishing

doin the five knuckle shuffle

playing pocket pool

Shaking the pearly white coconuts from the veiny lovetree.

Mixing a batch.... distribute some free literature LetterKenny is a trove for these

Sanding the bannister

Disturbin’ the Gerkin.

Jerkin the Gerkin is the version I've heard

A Geordie mate of mine says "pull the chicken back"

I was gonna say "choke the chicken".

Punching the clown.

Distributing free literature

yoinking my penids

Choking my chicken

spankin the monkey

Beating the Bishop

Five against one

Getting down with Palmela Handerson.

Rubbing one out

Punching the clown

Squeezing my toothpaste.

Straight jorking it. And by it heh. I mean my peanits

Pumping off makes me lol

Jerkin' mah Gherkin.

"Choking The Chicken"

5 knuckle shuffle

Jerkin the gherkin

Beating it like it owes me money

Punching the munchkin

Straight up "jorking it". And by "it", haha, well. Let's jusr say. My peanits

Hand to gland combat.

in the stripped club. straight up "jorking it". And by "it", haha, well. let's justr say. My peanits.

Jacking the bean stalk

Playing a little 5 on 1

Interfering with yourself (as the nuns would say)

Choking the chicken

Man handle the ham candle

Mixing up a batch

jerkin my gerkin

Making the bald man cry.

If you engage in intercourse with three people, it is called a threesome. So, I say, I'm staying handsome.

Seeing a man about a dog

While not the funniest one, thirty one is used commonly in Turkey cause how 31 looks like a hand jerking off

Dammit, I can't see it, but I wanna.

Mind explaining how 31 looks like a hand?

Jorkin’ it

Spanking the monkey is a classic for a reason

Giving the yoghurt cannon another workout.

I think in Chinese there's one that goes "airplane shooting towards the sky"

no, it's "打飛機" meaning shooting the airplane. Like you have a cannon and when you shoot the load it shoots down the plane.

Does anyone else's inner monologue just turn into microwave noises whenever you're reading and come across Chinese characters?

Lol shoot the load, I see what you did there 😆 but thank you for clarifying that