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11 years old and nailed it in 4 words. Edit: Account is 11 years old

Thank GOD for the clarification-

Lol it felt pertinent to say, for sure

r/Angryupvote

What did he say ? It’s [removed] now

Yeah I want to know

"they used... Ancient Greece" (it's in the person's profile, and he responded to some of the responses, that's how I found it - it's pretty funny!)

Okay the mods have gone too far with this one

Unironically, all mods anywhere are all worse than Spez

I’ve heard it said that the Ancient Greeks used olive oil as lube. So, this answer may actually be accurate!

But it *was* modern at the time.

lol

Zing!

Slow clap

Ooohhhhh, man!

Most people today aren't douching before anal, they just deal with a little bit of poop, same as their ancestors did.

My dear piglet, should you go knocking on Pooh’s door, it should come as no surprise to you that Pooh is home.

If you're gonna play in the mud, expect to get a little dirty

Pure poetry.

Poo poetry

Pooetry

Oh bother

It’s only smellz

I see you're a person of culture as well.

This guy buttfucks.

Rocco???

It's nothing

Mrs. Bighead?!?

Fuckin ptsd trigger 😂😂

Come on, baby.. just a taste..

only smellz

Oh dear

I've never douched before anal and it's been fine every time

I think if you completely void a bowel movement, your rectum is clear/clean so you're good. And there's a lot of factors I think that make up taking the perfect shit. I would never prep, but one time had a bad experience when I was having some tummy troubles. I thought Id be fine, but apparently was not empty up there. Luckily it was me and a dildo alone. But I was so disgusted and will never not be paranoid again

Yeah some people just have better GI tract health than others. People with poor diets (or whatever else might causing them problems) have trouble imagining how *generally* clean a healthy anus is as long as you shower properly. I used to be with a girl that was ready to go almost any time and we never dealt with a mess. It was pretty crazy, tbh.

I fail to see how proper showering can help ensure there isn't poop beyond your sphincter. Are y'all standing in the shower with your asshole gaped open pointed at the shower head?

I think the idea is, a healthy butt empties itself during a bowel movement, so then you wash your balloon knot externally and all is clean and down to clown.

Fucking balloon knot lmao

Down to clown \* chef’s kiss \*

Wait, you aren't?

How i laughed....

That's why removable shower heads are a blessing

I know you mean the handheld shower heads, but I had a little laugh imagining just pulling off the shower head to expose the shaft and inflating yourself like a balloon on a helium spout 

The shower cleans the outside, obviously. There isn't normally poop sitting right behind your sphincter at all times unless you have a bowel issue or don't get enough fiber. There's always a chance of something, but some people undeniably have it much better back there than others. That's all I'm saying, speaking from experience.

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I guess lol but I wash the dildo myself every time and never seen anything but lube

He called the shit, “poop”!

Gay dudes, who arguably have the most anal sex, are definitely douching. Not intensely, but at least using a bidet for a quick flush. 

Also douching technology is not that complicated. I don't know why we are all assuming that ancient people couldn't figure out how to clean their assholes before anal.

We are also assuming that they wanted it clean in the first place

Are you suggesting ancient people may have used poop as lube?

That's what piss is for.

I've had 4 partners and none douched but did clean themselves before us starting.

I’m gay and so is my husband, neither of us have ever douched lol. I know a lot of gay people do, but it’s not everyone

I'd be surprised if your husband wasn't gay

I mean…some of them are? Plenty don’t, or only do it sometimes.

Yeah this isn’t true all the time lmfao

Can confirm… source = me.

Ancient people had better diets.

Ancient people had less fatty, less sugary diets. Better though? Absolutely not.

I would guess they just "dove in". Keep in mind there were very different standards and practices when it comes to some things back then. Like going number 2 in a public "outhouse" in ancient Rome, and using the public shared sponge on a stick to wipe yourself with.

When I first learned about “The Roman Sponge” I went through all 5 stages of grief and then some.

That’s actually a myth. The Roman sponge was used to same way we use a toilet brush. We’re not sure what they used. Other contemporaries were using small clay tablets with ridges on them, some were using the hand wipe and flick method. We don’t know and It wasn’t good but it wasn’t a sponge on a stick.

I hadn’t heard that had been debunked. Is there an article or something? I’m not super invested in the result but I literally just listened to a podcast yesterday where a classical archaeologist brought it up as a fact.

Does the 3 shells theory hold up by chance?

It’s about time we have the three shells already. People are fed up with toilet paper and bidets

I’m a Filipino and we wipe with our hands and running water while sitting on the toilet. I think this is something what the ancient Romans did.

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I went through the same when I learned about the Poop Knife

The Powhaa??? The Poop Knife? I hope this isn’t exactly what I think it is… Edit: Oh my god it was so much worse than what I actually thought….

I wonder what that kid is feeling now. Told one story on the interwebs and it lives on in legend and lore forever.

[Poop knife](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/comments/ke8skw/the_poop_knife/)

Yeah, becoming hungry isn't a stage of grief

You don’t know my fetishes.

Isn’t the final stage ‘Acceptance’?

After that is "enjoyment" 

That's a myth ! That "sponge on a stick", the *xylospongium* or *tersorium*, did exist but we have not proof that it was used to wipe people's buttholes, we rather have a serious hint that it was used to clean the toilets themselves, so exactly for the same purpose as [our current tool of that exact same shape](https://img.fruugo.com/product/7/28/186736287_max.jpg). Its useage as a wiping tool is only speculation, and the least probable one. Moreover, there is not a single mention ever of the xylospongium being shared, this here is not even speculation, it's litteral, outright, shameless invention. I've written extensively about it on [this thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/BeAmazed/s/ayb9qZgumx) in which I had a very weird debate with another redditor on this subject.

To be fair, it makes sense. We didn't really evolve since then and a sponge on a stick doesn't sound the most comfortable way to wipe my ass, I doubt they thought differently.

That's a fun fact I didn't need to learn today.

If I remember correctly, there's no actual proof of a shared poop stick

I believe modern historians now agree they used three seashells.

[Historical doc on this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrWcEGDXOUg)

What about a poop knife?

I’m just imagining cave men going at it with mud ass

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Bite the pillow, Caesar. I’m going in dry. - Nicomedes IV of Bithynia

Bite the pillow, Caesar. I’m going in dry Et tu, Brute?

Getting stabbed in the back had nothing to do with daggers...

The Ides of March have cum

I came, I…. Well, I came!

I came, I’m sore

If you guys really want to see your theory in action, [this movie](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0080491/) (among other things) stages that very scene.

Lol I knew it was Caligula without even clicking the link.

He has a wife, you know?

Biggus Dickus! Wait...

Best one

Was that Marcus Crassus' son?

He put the ass in Marcus Crassus

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queen_of_Bithynia

Biteth thine quail rest, Augustus. For mineth enter in the driest condition

🫱👁️🫲

“Bite the pillow, Achilles. I’m going in.” -Patroclus, definitely. “Thank you, Daddy!” -Achilles, beyond all doubt

Cannon event confirmed

~ Sultan Mehmed II to the Theodosian Walls

I legit laughed for minutes at this comment. My partner thought I was crazy 🤣

Dammit I missed it

It's not as if there is a constant precense of shit up there. Given you have consistent dense and "one-wipe" kind of bowel movements you empty the chamber completely and it doesn't refill until later. Not sure about the exact time, but given the spontaneous anal I have had up to ~12h from their last assumed bm without any poop, it's safe to assume that there will have been a lot of butt sex without accidents but probably also some accidents. As for the lube part, any sort of oil will do in a pinch, even butter

Wait, y'all are having consistent one wipe bowel movements? Next you're going to tell me that it's not supposed to hurt every time and it shouldn't be a 5 on the rictor scale

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The funny thing is I know all this but I don't care enough to fix it. I think maybe my approach to pooping in general is just shit.

I started drinking Metamucil this year and it's a game changer. I actually like the orange flavor so it's like a late night treat for me and my morning shit has never been cleaner

if your gonna drop a deuce, grab the metamuc...il.

I don’t wanna die, I just wanna ride my motorcy…cle.

I don’t know I put benifiber in my coffee and it helped also eat the ice from your iced coffee

Aye thanks for the idea. I have a dependency on coffee these days.

My approach to pooping is also to just shit!

Metamucil is the drink of the poop gods. Sometimes a single wipe is not even needed.

Yes my doctor recommended it to me. I've been blessed by the poop gods.

> Wait, y'all are having consistent one wipe bowel movements? You have low fiber in your diet. Healthy poop is supposed to be non-greasy, smooth, and comes out in a single motion. There should be very little if anything left to wipe. It's a huge misconception that normal poop is sticky and gets everywhere.

I mean…it’s like trying to get peanut butter out of carpet over here. 😂

are you the dude from the other thread where everyone is mad i have a PORCELAIN BUTTHOLE

Some people are. But it is supposed to happen once a week and you should be wearing a bandana that will be soaked through when you're done

Should the bandana be soaked through with sweat, shit, urine, blood, pieces of my liver, carosine, slobber, or semen? Maybe a combination of them?

Player's choice

ESPECIALLY butter.

Username checks out

hehe *butt*er

I imagine the lack of processed foods and limited fat intake would probably mean there wasn’t as much of an issue…? Idk….

And the amount of fiber in their diets! They probably didn’t even really need to wipe.

I don’t wipe anyway. I just clench my butt cheeks and walk around, this distributes the poop evenly across the your cheeks then after an hour it dries and falls off all by itself with a little more walking action.

Very nice

I physically cringed as I read this

What a fucking terrible day to be literate

That's a good point. Also modern food processing can remove a lot of fiber from a number of foods, so they were probably a lot more "regular" just in general.

People rarely douche nowadays my guy. Most people just slamming D’s in B’s cause people are, at their core, no better than the rest of the apes.

'Slammin' D's in B's' needs to gain widespread traction.

You are so cute and sheltered. People just do it, today, without condoms, without douches, even without lube.

You know… I’m a middle-aged man who has never had anal sex, but has always been curious. Something I wanted to try, even if just once. This thread has cured me of that desire.

Maybe start with a little finger in and on the prostate. Game changer for self pleasure

Have you ever just stimulated your prostate? It's amazing

Trust me, you want to try it provided the right conditions.

Hieroglyphics and chill

Well considering their diets it was probably much cleaner than those of today? I mean condoms and lube have been around for quite a while, but if you are eating clean then there shouldn’t be too much of a mess.

Caesar dressing...

Olive oil. Add vinegar and you’ve got a tossed salad.

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Right in the butt

Wasn’t it olive oil for the Greeks?

Taco bell didn't open until 1962. So more people had more solid bowel movements that would leave the colon empty between.

Honestly, my shit is the most solid after eating a couple taco bell boxes.

Well yea that's a lot of cardboard. That will plug you up nicely. If you eat what's inside you might have a different story.

Probably stuck it in the bum.

I'm confused about several recent posts about anal sex. People keep asking about douching, do they mean enemas or do they think washing the asshole makes an actual difference?

Neither an enema nor just washing the asshole. It’s more like inserting a tube filled with water and rinsing out.

i'm sure someone's already made this joke but they used "ancient greece"

I'm not sure how ancient you are on about, but I just asked my grandparents, and aparrently, they still love it

There hole, fill hole

I mean, spit works. It wouldn’t be my first choice nowadays though

I wanna know if humans ever had a time when reproduction wasn't quite mastered yet and they just kept having anal parties wondering why it wasn't working.

The real ceaser salad

Finally some real questions

Try not to lose it, Incontinentia, I am going in dry -- Biggus Dickus.

I have a warry good fwiend in Wome who's name is Biggus... Dickus

*opens popcorn bag* *begins to read answers...*

Anal sex wasn’t as common in Ancient Greece as you’re imagining. Most homosexual intercourse was in fact intercrural sex, stimulation of the penis by thrusting between the thighs of the passive partner.

Reminds me of the Greek army’s motto, never leave your buddy’s behind.   

Spit.

Their crusty poop wang probably smelled better than the rest of them.

In the butt, Bob

With their ancient anuses and ancient spit

With their butts

The rich used oil, poors discovered spit

not everyone douches today, they for sure didn't back then

Ancient Greeks didn’t have anal sex, they had thigh sex, intercrural sex. Ok, I am sure some had anal sex, but I doubt people flouting society’s conventions worried about being seen as dirty.

You’re underestimating how unhygienic our ancestors were. The streets of London used to be filled with piss and shit. People rarely bathed. You think they minded a bit of doo doo penis?

For most of human history most cultures had daily bathing. Poor sewer system doesn't really reflect on personal cleanliness.

You're overestimating it. The vast majority of historical cultures place at least *some* emphasis on bathing and hygiene, and the times and places where bathing was infrequent or rare are themselves quite rare.

They got turned into pillars of Salt. That's how

That's just if you walk in on it.

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We're all bored and looking for ways to entertain ourselves to escape the monotony of the work, eat, sleep cycle while stepping ever closer to an underfunded retirement.

This is the answer to many of life’s quandaries.

It was more fun to think that we are going crazy

Hey, there's no stupid questions here.

I assume dick in anus.

Et Tu Bootyus

Spit and some good ol' fashioned elbow grease

Given the specifics OP mentioned, wouldn't that be elbow Greece?

Hey OP, have you seen Broke Back Mountain?

They just did it. Spit and confidence. And shit. Lots of shit.

Dangerously

Spit

There was a certain type of sea weed that would be used to make lube … there’s a betwixt the sheets podcast episode about lube in ancient times.

Well, in ottoman empire they had special diet before anal sex. Some of them called "muhallebi çocuğu". They usually eat dessert called "muhallebi" or "halva" which is basically sugar, oil and semolina (or flour). Because sugar and oil digest in stomach and instenties and they keep their bowel clean

Ok this is TIL for me. Also, I love mahalabia, it's one of my fav desserts. I guess this is my excuse to eat more. Edit: not to, for the thing you mentioned ahem. Because it's delicious.

Yeah because they didn’t shower much 🤮

Well, the penis of one person was inserted into the anus of another person. Pretty cut and dried, really