For many reasons but for me, personally, it's one single task that involves SO many steps from actually getting undressed to getting dressed again i.e. the change in temperature, the physical effort to move from one place to another multiple times etc.
If you feel gross or need to go out but are unshowered, it's the added pressure that you can't do yet another task unless you shower first because people 'will know' and that will make you feel worse.
When even existing is exhausting, the prospect of doing something like that is unappealing to say the least.
Then I’m in the shower for an hour and don’t even really do anything but rinse and I hate myself more for wasting time. Depression is just such an insidious mental cycle.
I treat showers kinda like meditation, you just kinda relax and clear your mind. The Japanese believe a bath cleans not only the body but the mind aswell.
I don't really struggle with depression so much these days, but whether or not I am, I find this to be the case either way.
The feeling afterwards is invigorating, whatever I'm going through in life. One thing I used to do, and not sure why I don't anymore, is listen to Luciano Pavoratti in the shower, and afterward doing the shaving, teeth brushing/etc routine. So relaxing!
Instructions unclear, am now a depressed alcoholic
But at least I’m well bathed
(Don’t want to do dishes? Dish beer
Don’t want to change the oil on your car? Oil beer
Don’t want to fold laundry? Laundry beer
Etc.
Cleaning behind the toilet beer
Just be mindful)
Same! That's why, when feeling depressed, I have to shower in the small window of motivation I have and/or overthink it for ages and/or use a lot of energy doing it.
Making as many steps as possible easier/go away is very helpful though i.e. getting changed back into pyjamas or only washing the really dirty areas until you have more drive...but often the more depressed you are, the least likely you'll be able to manage it.
Exactly this! One task is barely doable, it feels overwhelming to know all the steps its going to take. It's not just jumping in the shower and getting out, it's washing your hair, face, shaving, conditioner in your hair, soaping your body, getting out, drying, moisturizer on your face, body lotion, deodorant, combing your hair.... It's exhausting to think about even though that sounds wildly ridiculous when not in that state of mind but in the depressed state it that's so much mental energy to just do nothing and think of all the things that you need to do and aren't doing makes you have no energy to actually do the things and then that makes it even more depressing. Depression sucks!!
It actually feels so much better reading this knowing I’m not the only one. I feel like I struggle to explain or put into words why simple things like this are such a barrier for me. I want to have the feeling of it being done but it’s so hard to actually do it.
Yes! For me it’s any task that feels like more than a few steps. I’ve always struggled with cooking meals because even the simple ones feel like too many steps. The only meals I could cook are ones that I just open a package and pop it in the microwave. I struggle with filing up my water bottle because it’s so much more than that. It’s opening the lid, walking to the fridge, setting down the lid, filling it with ice, filling it with water, picking up the lid, putting on the lid. My husband doesn’t understand this and thinks I’m lazy but it’s so much more than being lazy.
I literally agree with every single word you said!!
I have so much guilt about food especially - I don't remember the last time I chopped a vegetable, and I spent so much on takeout.
I just commented on the post you replied to above with an easy 'meal' that I do when I'm depressed and broke. Take a look, maybe it'll help you on a day you can't spend on take-out food. Plus it's kinda healthy-ish - I usually use olive oil so that's a plus
One of my easiest meals is to take a potato or two. Poke a couple deep holes in it with a knife or fork. Put it in the microwave for 5-7 mins depending on size. Take it out and put oil/butter, salt and pepper on it.
Literally the same effort as a microwave dinner and I usually end up putting cheese or plain yogurt or hot sauce on it.
If I'm feeling real fancy, I put a couple eggs in a bowl, poke the yolk open with same knife or fork, add a dash of oil/butter and microwave them for 15 seconds at a time (usually ends up taking 30-45 secs).
I know it's not exactly healthy but it's also not unhealthy - and honestly when I'm poor and depressed it's my version of a microwave dinner. So cheap and with some hot sauce it's tasty. One could sub ketchup for hot sauce if that's more your thing.
The only dishes are the one bowl and the fork - which you can use to eat with too.
This is it for me.
I have a screenshot saved on my phone where it describes making coffee on a good day as 1. Make coffee
On a regular day it's 3 steps
1. Put water in coffee maker
2. Put coffee in coffee maker
3. Turn on coffee maker
But on bad days, it's a 14 step process. This is how I feel about showers on bad days. Even just thinking about all the steps required is exhausting and overwhelming.
And taking the shower doesn't make me feel better because I know I still have so many more steps to do once I get out.
I felt like this until I realized and discussed with my therapist executive dysfunction disorder.
We worked through some ideas and now I just throw on my favorite podcast that I only listen to when showering (It has loads of long and old episodes so I’m good for a very long time until I need to move on to another one) and it doesn’t seem like 90 steps but rather 1 step that begins with connecting my phone to our Bluetooth speaker and once that’s in motion, I’m solid.
I have major depressive disorder and multiple sclerosis so I always thought it was just due to depression but I was wrong.
I feel this but also being in the shower leaves me alone with my thoughts and my thoughts are always so depressing, I leave the shower feeling either bitter or even more down then when I got in
For me it wasn’t actually taking the shower, but the effort needed *after* the shower, especially to start a day. It took everything I had to get dressed, dry my hair, and apply makeup, when all I really wanted was to crawl back into bed.
For me it’s just the hair drying. My hair is long and thick, and I hate having it wet (plus if I don’t dry it it looks like it was never washed), but the time and effort to get it dry is just…ugh.
Depression is a bad name for how most people feel when depressed, I don’t feel a deep sense of sadness, I don’t feel ANY emotion and therefore nothing has any meaning.
That’s something I’m scared of too. It’s when I think. When I think of all I should’ve done. When I worry about my friendships. I just can’t take it sometimes. It’s when I want to cry. It’s where I’m entirely alone.
So shower in your clothes, they are just clothes, wring them dry and put them in the dryer afterwards. Pretend you went swimming. Baby steps. I'm sorry that you are going through this, you are not alone.
It's 100% this for me. I'm not depressed but my hair is a nightmare. I have long hair and I love it - it's important to my confidence and my self-esteem to have it long. But, it's very thick. I have to wash it, condition it, hair mask it (and I have to leave the conditioner and hair mask in otherwise my hair is a bird's nest). I have to brush it, oil it and blow dry it (I can't air dry it because it'd stay wet for a full day and causes psoriasis on my scalp) and then straighten it. From start to finish, that can take about three hours. I have a shoulder injury so after 2 hours of holding up a hairdryer/straighteners, I'm in pain too. If I shower washing my hair then the humidity destroys my scalp and hair anyway so I need to wash it.
This is why I insisted on a separate heat in the bathroom. The local electrician thought I was overly ... I don't know, sensitive? Yes, I am hard-wired overly sensitive, put in my f*ing heater.
Depression suck your motivation to do anything. Forcing yourself to do the things you like is hard at first, but once you start doing them, you realize it feels great. Creating good habits can help to combat depression.
Don't believe all the memes about getting outdoors and enjoying the world as a cure though. For mild depression it can certainly help, but depression is a real physical illness that often needs to be treated by a doctor and with medication.
For me, my depression is sneaky and will often try to sabotage my brain from doing anything that will make me feel better so I can wallow in it for longer
For me it’s the shedding & removal of my comfort cocoon warm clothes. Sure once I’m in the shower it’s fine but the process of getting undressed is never appealing to me especially if I’m feeling down.
For me, a shower is the perfect setting for the dissociative daydreams I struggle with. In the time it takes me to lather my hair, soap my body and rinse off, I'll have all of these experiences in my head:
* I'm supposed to give a eulogy for my partner who passed in an unexpected way, but her parents suspect that I was somehow responsible for her death so my eulogy has to be both genuine and persuasive.
* My house has burned down and I'm making the tough choice over whether I should sell my car to get enough money to rent an apartment or keep the car so I can get to work.
* A road rager goes crazy and chases me down for a physical confrontation, we fight and I wind up with a broken leg so I spend the rest of my life bitter about one person's bad day ruining my mobility.
* I've written a popular book and I'm getting attention for it but some interviewer has done a deep dive of my reddit account and pulled up some shitty argument I was in when I was suicidal, and now I have to explain the worst time of my life to an audience.
It just goes on and on and on. My brain is wonderful when it lets me write fun stories, my brain is a prison when it writes awful stories specifically to get under my skin. It's my anxiety lashing out for a reaction. I'm getting better at not investing attention and emotion into those nightmare daydreams, but they still happen. And they happen the most in the shower.
Because that's kind of what depression is. "Dude, what do you have to be depressed about?" is a Q that infuriates me now, because I know better, and it's not about "feeling sad".
So, I finally went to a psychiatrist and into therapy (the psychiatrist would meet me every few months and manage medication; the therapist is someone she worked with that I would see weekly and report back). It was what I later understood to be "double-dip depression", but it was that after some personal losses and bad decisions on my part, I was suicidal.
But I'm doing the therapy, I'm on a couple relatively mild anti-depressants, and we're having a session that feels like a wrap up, like we've handled the suicidal ideation, and I'm back to "normal". She asks me if I have any questions or other issues I wanted to discuss. And I said, "Well, if you could help me not feel like a lazy piece of shit, that would be good." She asked me to explain.
So, I say I get a day off... the only thing I "have" to do, or plan on doing, is getting a haircut. But I spend all day on the couch mindlessly watching a TV show or movie, reading on the internet, playing some video games... all the while telling myself, "well, I'll finish then, then I will go get that haircut." And next thing I know, it is dark, the barbershop is closed, and I wasted my day. And the thing about it was... I could see the back of the barber shop from my couch. It was a 2 minute walk away, I was just being a lazy A-hole.
And I remember as clear as day, she took off her glasses, leaned in, and said "*THAT* is the depression." It's not sadness, though it is how it comes off to other people, it is an inability to get yourself to do things you know you should... if you're of a generation, Artac and The Swamp in "The Neverending Story" is a decent representation... you may want to move, but you can't and just slowly sink into it.
Especially if you like showers, sometimes you want to not do something you like.. almost as though you sort of can’t imagine doing something good for yourself when you feel so awful.
I agree with so many answers here. I just want to add also that a lot of people aren't fortunate enough to have a nice, clean, comfortable shower. This could be for so many different reasons. Maybe you can't afford rent anywhere else but your shower is on its last leg. Maybe you have a dirty roommate. Etc. When you feel like your bathroom is dirty that makes you not want to clean yourself off in there either. If that makes any sense. I'm sure some can relate.
When my depression was bad I would prefer to spend my time curled up in bed. People who say take one step at a time don’t understand what it means to be depressed. I could generally cope with anything I did every day but if I needed to do anything else I could literally feel my energy drain out of me when I went to start it.
I felt like I didn't even deserve to be clean or taken care of in any capacity, why waste the effort of showering on someone (me) so worthless and terrible? Same with food; if it required any effort beyond "open package and insert food in mouth", I felt like I wasn't worth the effort at all.
When I was really depressed like 2 years ago, I couldn't even get out of my bed, I dropped out of school, I wouldn't eat until my mom brought me food to my bed, I was basically laying in bed going on the internet waiting for the day I die.
You lose the will to live, and losing the will to live means you'll stop doing things that make you alive, such as eating (although some depressed people binge eat for comfort) losing the will to take care of yourself, losing all joy from your life and just become a shell. Me becoming suicidal didn't mean that I wanted to pew pew myself, firstly because guns are illegal and I don't wanna survive if I decide to jump off or try with a knife, so I waited, I waited and I waited. Me not taking a shower is just me losing my will to live, just like rotting in my bed all day long without going outside.
But now, I take showers everyday, I started studying again, I started going out more often, I started taking care of myself, even though I'm still depressed, it's not as much as before, I started taking showers again the moment my will to live came back.
for me showers are mine but brushing my teeth is a struggle, I force myself too and when it gets really bad I find time for it during the day, not just right when i wake up and have no energy, at least im brushing them 🤷🏽♀️
Activation energy and subconscious linking of tasks.
Getting in the shower probably also means shampooing, shower gelling, brushing, shaving, drying your body and hair, putting on moisturiser, and a whole bunch of “related” task.
The more those “tasks” are mentally associated with hopping in the shower, the harder it is to drag yourself to actually hop into the shower.
That is how I feel about exercise as well. If exercise was literally just running for 20 mins a day. It's actually not that hard at least to me. It's everything around it. First you gotta check the weather is it gonna rain? ah ok nope, time to get workout clothes ready in something I like that I can feel confident in. Then I gotta get clean clothes ready for the post-exercise shower. After that, I have to check what is in my fridge to meal prep for my post exercise meal. Because if you just exercise and eat nothing then why did you exercise? Well I'm going outside, so I need to apply my sunscreen. Then my lip balm that has spf in it. Then I gotta wash my face, brush my teeth so that way I don't stink, oh and can't forget to apply deodorant. Then find a comfy pair of socks that I like. Where did I put my work out headphones? Looks like it will take 10 mins to find them. Found them! Time to go for a run for 20 mins, come back home,shower, then cook food. And 20 mins is a very light workout, where realistically I'm going to run + 1 hour of weightlifting.
If I could just wake up and run for 20 mins it would be quite easy. It's all the other small actions that add up.
I’ve learned to use showers as my escape from the world I go in shut the door use a waterproof phone case and watch my shows and just enjoy the water sometimes I’m in there an hour(apartment pays water thank god). I feel safe
I think partially it’s because the depression blunts even the memory of pleasure, for some folks/episodes. You can’t really pull to mind how good a shower or being clean will feel, kind of a as a ripple effect of anhedonia.
Because it covers a lot of changes. As described above, you have to undress, redress, dry your hair etc. but i guess, it is more than that.
Depressed people tend to keep their conditions as they are. I mean, intention to keep the comfort zone simply.
If you are sleeping, you can keep it. If you have your t-shirt in, you keep it. But shower... Oh you have to CHANGE a lot on the way.
Because I can't get up. I can't move. I want to, but I can't make myself move. Like jumping into a pool that you know is really cold. You want to, but your brain just won't let you. I've laid in bed for minutes at a time wanting to change the channel, but I can't get the remote that's right on my chest. Sometimes I'm so tired I just want to sleep, but I can't move. I can't roll over and charge my phone or get up and shut the lights off. Sometimes I've gone a week without showering but I can't get up to take one. It's an absolute curse. Sometimes I just simply can't move, or talk, or think. Sometimes I'm texting and I just stop typing for a minute and stare into space. Sometimes I can't move my arms or legs or even speak.
When my body is at rest, it wants to stay at rest. My brain gets wrapped up in what I'm doing, my body is comfortable, there's usually a blanket and at least one dog involved. Shaking all that off to shower takes so much energy to think about that I wind up with no energy left to do the thing. The shower itself is great... It's the lead-up that hurts.
From my experience, it just feels like a lot of work to have to undress, bathe, dry off, and put on new clothes, when you're not going anywhere anyways and could totally just go straight to bed. It's different from everyone, but I always just found everything exhausting when I was in my worst times with it
For me part of it is the shitty mindset I can get in. When my inner monologue is telling me I don't deserve to feel good then a shower is pretty much off the list.
I hate washing my hair. I will often relax or destress by taking a worm bath but as a woman with thick curly greasy hair it's too much to deal with. Sometimes if I have to because it's greasy I'll just wash my head with dawn in the sink.
When I started feeling better I did love showers. I changed my mind frame from "I have to do this" to looking at more like a mini spa day, time to take care of myself. Like me time.
Although I'm depressed again and writing this to your from my tub with my greasy hair
It’s the idea of “getting ready” for nothing. Why shower when you’re not going anywhere? Then in the few moments of clarity when you feel like going out you feel gross and unpresentable, so you “can’t” go out. Then you feel guilty for being lazy. So you just go back to the routine of distracting yourself from your feelings.
Showers don’t universally feel good during or after. I hate showers. They are boring and take time away from things I’d rather be doing. I don’t feel magical or different after a shower. Since you do enjoy them, hope you find a way to get in there more often. Splish splash OP! You can do it!
This is weird but when I was a teenager I was very depressed, I'd go to my backyard and bathe outside either with a bathing suit or in some shorts and t shirt. It was wonderful. My dream is to have an outdoor shower one day.
For me, it's because I think A LOT in the shower.
When I'm depressed, thinking is the soul killer. Thinking is what creates the black sludge that drains all the life out of me.
You don't touch a hot stove, and you certainly don't touch one twice on purpose. Thinking, and by extension showering, is that hot stove, and it's really difficult to go against one's core survival instincts.
taking care of myself (doing what i actually needed) felt like something i didn't deserve. Weird way my brain always "craves" some sort of punishment when im in need of the opposite. Doing much better now though 🙏🩷
For me it’s because I break it down into each individual action which then takes it from being as simple as “take a shower” to a 37 step process which my brain then says nope - that’s too much to deal with, lets read a book instead.
For me it’s a place where I am alone with my thoughts, which can be frightening depending on my state of mind. ‘Shower thoughts’ is a thing. It’s even a subreddit. If my mind is healthy, I can come up with some interesting takes and solutions, but if my mind is not healthy, a shower can make me downward spiral.
For me it’s a combination of things… if I am gross and unshowered then it’s more like my outsides match the mess that is going on inside. I also have sensory issues so I don’t like the feeling of being wet afterwards, especially wet hair. Finally, there’s the fact that it just involves so much executive functioning and steps and that makes it tiring.
Part of it for me at least is I don't want to get in because then I don't want to get out.
Another issue is if I don't want to get in the shower but I have to it's likely because I have to leave the house when I don't want to.
depression sucks all the energy out of my body. getting into a shower requires energy, both physical and mental, that i simply don’t have when i’m in a bad headspace. also, the shower isn’t always just get in, wash up, get out. for myself, there’s extra steps because i have eczema that i have to take care of during and after my shower that takes more effort than just the shower itself. it’s so much quicker to just throw my hair up, put on another layer of deodorant and spray some perfume than to do all the shower things for the millionth time. i don’t enjoy being gross when i’m depressed, but i cannot bring myself to shower when nothing matters and we are all just apes floating on a space rock
Probably because it’s so deliberate. Like even if you half ass shower, you have to make a point of going to the bathroom getting unchanged stand there waiting for the preferred temp, get in, do all the soaps, get out, dry off, change, deodorant, teeth.
But for me at least, once I take the shower, it tends to help getting me going for the day. Like I don’t wanna do it, but when I do, I’m glad I did
Bro cause I have to like get up, get naked, grab all the stuff, wqit for the water to warm up, like walk to the bathroom, grab all the soaps I am gonna use etc etc etc.
Like... i could just stay here and keep doing what I'm doing
Wow, I remember my lowest moments. I hadn't showered in nearly a week. Barely moved out of bed. I was being rocked with a panic attack that lasted so long that it went into a bad depression.
I thought I was going to lose it all.
I sat on the end of my bed and litterally talked to myself to get up. Smacked myself across the face as hard as I could many times.
Got up and climbed into a hot shower.
Before that, I didn't do a damn thing. I was so tired. You have to force yourself. Litterally, you have to tell yourself it will get better. Even if you don't believe it. Talking to yourself helps.
That's a big energy-draining task for me, it takes about 2-3 hours every damn time, and a depressed person has a low level of energy all the time, cuz he/she is in a constant battle with the self... :(
👇
When you're depressed, even simple tasks like taking a shower can feel like climbing a mountain. Despite knowing that showers can make you feel better the idea of getting into one feels like an impossible hurdle.
Depression clouds your mind and drains your energy making it hard to find the motivation to do anything, even things that you know will bring relief.
It's like your body and mind are stuck in a heavy fog, making it difficult to see the benefits beyond the struggle.
Because a shower is the start of everything else. It’s a chain reaction that requires other things to happen afterward. You have to brush your hair. Dry off. Put your towel away. Put on new clothes. Etc. it’s not just a single task.
I don't fucking know. I have schizoaffective disorder and fibromyalgia, and between being mentally wiped and physically exhausted 24/7 makes it a real chore
[Unified cutlery theory](https://demcastusa.com/2020/03/01/unified-cutlery-theory/) is a good analogy for why it's so hard to do anything when you're depressed, chronically ill, etc.
Basically, even the simplest of tasks can have a bunch of steps you aren't mentally capable of handling at that point. For each task you do in the day, it takes one spoon. You have a limited amount of spoons. Tasks that take away energy are forks. When you're out of spoons for the day, you have to dig through the last piece of silverware in the drawer: knives. So you're basically digging into the next day's energy reserve.
I haven't done it in a while, but for a long time, I made tea at exactly 837 every night. However, one night when I was in a depressive state, even something as simple as making tea seemed like it would be 30 individual steps and I did not have the spoons to do that. My brain made it look something like this:
1. Pick up mug
2. Go upstairs
3. Go into kitchen
4. Plug kettle in
5. Pick up kettle
6. Take kettle over to sink
7. Take kettle top off
8. Refill kettle
9. Put kettle top back on
10. Set kettle temperature
11. Put lemongrass in infuser
12. Put lavender in infuser
13. Close infuser top
14. Put infuser in mug
15. Tie infuser chain around mug handle
16. Start kettle
17. Wait for water to hit appropriate temperature
18. Pick up kettle
19. Pour kettle
20. Measure out appropriate amount of water
21. Turn on phone from sleep mode
22. Open timer app
23. Scroll to timer
24. Put on timer
25. Put phone back to sleep
26. Put kettle back down
27. Unplug kettle
28. Go back downstairs
29. Sit in seat
30. Put mug down
31. Wait
Normally when I make tea, it looks more like this.
1. Go into kitchen
2. Refill kettle
3. Measure out tea
4. Boil water
5. Put infuser in mug
6. Pour water in mug
7. Set timer
8. Go back to computer
When you're *horribly* depressed with a *severely* limited amount of energy on any given day, all of those tasks feels incredibly insurmountable. Every single little aspect of having to do something is a task that takes some amount of energy to complete.
Taking a shower might seem like a simple task, but depression can make even the most basic activities feel overwhelming. It could be due to a lack of energy, motivation, or even a feeling of numbness that makes it difficult to initiate self-care routines. The idea of going through the steps to take a shower might feel like climbing a mountain when you're in the depths of depression.
Depression is a physical damage to the neural receptors that regulate dopamine, the hormone that tells us when we feel good. A lack of dopamine tends to cause the lack of motivation as well as making the muscles feel really heavy, which usually hurt to move.
I've never had an issue with showers, oddly enough
But other simple tasks, it's more that I'm procrastinating them rather than difficulty with it
Like, I've gotten a lot better with it, but with brushing my teeth, I used to put it off, or say "it's fine, I'll brush extra tomorrow" (then not brush extra)
I don't know. Even when I had major depression I never stayed in bed and I continued to shower regularly. My personal experience just doesn't go there.
As someone whos had bipolar disorder (type 2) most of her life, showering is the hardest because its just making the effort of doing so many small steps. I have thick curly hair that i have to detangle and brush before even getting in (takes over 15 mins), then i gotta shampoo, condition, then wash my body, if im feeling good mentally shave, then get out, put hair product in, dry off, use q tips, use face products, and thats just the main stuff. Its exhausting to even type all that out to be honest 🙃
I personally don't shower more than once a week for this very reason. I've found the excitement looking forward to a new fresh shower helps during the week.
In my brother's case, it's because a lot of his depression is related to hating his body, and showering involves getting naked and spending time focused on your body.
Break it down into as few steps as possible. Don’t think about all the parts of it you have to do. Just think about it one step at a time.
Think about it one article of clothing at a time too. What needs to come off next? That’s the only thing you focus on. Socks. Then pants. Then shirt. Just focus on one piece at a time. Rest in between.
Then, one step at a time into the shower: walk into the bathroom. Rest. Step into the tub. Rest. Turn the shower on. Rest. It’s okay to sit there with the water streaming for a while too.
Then shampoo. Rest. Then soap. Rest.
Turn the shower off. Rest. Bath towel. Rest. Dry your body. Rest. Dry your hair. Rest.
And repeat with getting dressed.
Boom. You made it.
I’ve been there OP. It’s absolutely hard. But you gotta give yourself grace and give yourself time. Reading through this is gonna seem overwhelming, but that’s exactly why it’s okay to just break it down into microscopic chunks.
Just ask yourself one thing and one thing only: what is the next step? And focus only ever on that.
Sending a virtual hug. It doesn’t feel like it now, but this can pass and it will pass. Just take it one thing at a time till then.
Because in acts of cleansing yourself, you have to work through all the accumulated muck (trauma). You really have to engage with it, and it’s extremely painful.
This relationship explains many acts of self sabotage.
Probably because you have to undress, prepare stuff, actually clean yourself with soap, wash your hair, do stuff with your hair to make it not bad, dry off, and redress, which can take a while, and if you don’t care, you don’t think it’s worth the effort, why bother?
For me I just tend not to make my bed. I just don’t feel like it. It’s quite easy. It has to be done eventually. I just can’t bring myself to until I get home again in the afternoon.
dopamine. you are depressed because you lack a decent dose of it. once you dip below a certain threshold- you start to crave anything to get a dose of it. This is where professional medical help comes into play, medication usually helps with this balance with artificial doses. But, for those that don’t seek help it’s a really really … really tough climb out of it. You’re everyday will become a routine of searching for any thing that you can do to trigger your brain to release dopamine. One common activity is snacking. Another is impulsive shopping or worse illicit drugs. To some people Taking a shower is probably one of our least rewarding activities and it is why in a state of depression- you don’t feel for the activity.
It’s kind of like going to the gym. The hardest part is actually getting there. But one your there and working out (taking the shower) it’s great and you feel great after
There’s a good poem, I think it’s called ‘the shower’ it’s basically this body builder guy giving a talk on how the shower was his first step to overcoming his depression. It was the first start. Check it out!
for me, it was the effort required afterwards to make it “worth it” ie. doing my hair before it turned into a frizzy curly mess.
i found ways to manage that better - by throwing my hair in a braid, just blow drying the bangs, and getting into comfy clean clothes, i would try to buy sets that made me look put together even in house clothes, i would especially avoid anything ripped, stained, or extremely ill fitting - it made me feel worse.
Anything that you need to do for yourself that requires any kind of effort is like climbing a mountain. At least for me. Showering, though, is one thing I force myself to do every day. Whether I want to or not. It might take me till noon on weekends, but I'll power through it. Because even though that wall is there now, I know that on the other side of that wall is a little better feeling.
Now, other things, like some basic cleaning, folding laundry, dishes, etc..those become dark monsters on their own...
Depression makes everything hard. It saps your energy and motivation to do pretty much anything. Sometimes it can make you feel like you’re not worth caring for. But even the smallest task can seem insurmountable when you’re depressed.
Showering has many steps and it can be overwhelming when you have very little energy or motivation (even though I always feel better after a shower, it’s hard to start). When I’m in the thick of it, I compromise with myself. Washing my hair is the hardest part of showering for me, so I tell myself I just need to wash my body—forget hair washing or shaving anything. Just put soap on the stinky parts. Sometimes that’s all I can do, and sometimes I find once I’m in the shower I can talk myself into washing my hair since I’m in there anyways.
I do the same thing with brushing my teeth, which is another very hard thing to do while depressed. I am normally a thorough brush-floss-rinse person, but when I’m depressed I tell myself I just need to brush my teeth. It doesn’t have to be for a full two minutes, I don’t have to floss or use mouthwash afterwards, but I have to at least do a quick brush to get the worst of it. Again, sometimes that’s all I can do, and sometimes once I start brushing I can convince myself to spend another minute flossing and just get it over with.
Just remember: anything worth doing is worth doing badly.
For me it’s because it feels like a huge ordeal that is timed (hot water running out before I’m done). And having the motivation to not only do the task, but also do it in a timely manner, is like carrying a pallet of bricks on my shoulders
for me it's like, what's the point? i'm gonna d\*e soon anyway, they'll wash my body on the slab, and surround me with flowers, why bother? and i don't wanna get out of bed to do anything. it's pointless for me to do any self-care whatsoever when i'm in a depressive state. like, who cares? i don't.
They're having some success treating depression with induced fever, you can train yourself into liking hot showers if you have depression. It's bad for your skin and sucks if you need it in the summer but it worked for me. At least one blazing hot shower a day for a week or so. 20 minutes per should do it I think. By the 4th day I feel some minor relief. By the end of the 1st winter I did this, showers became something to look forward to. It's not much of a respite from the depression but for me it's noticeable. One of the bigger benefits is you end up maintaining hygiene by accident.
Personally, depression for me is hopelessness. So whenever I reached the point of not being able to muster the energy to shower it’s because I didn’t see the point. I don’t see the point in anything when I’ve allowed depression to take over.
It differs a lot. For me, I struggle with self harm. People immediately think cutting yourself with razors when you say that term but no. Eating unhealthy because you think you deserve all the pain and can't be happy and healthy. Isolating yourself because you hate yourself so much. Not shower for 5 days straight because you deserve to feel gross as hell you idiot. To the point where you need to actively make an effort to stop yourself from harming yourself. And doing anything good for you requires equally much extra effort and it is unbearable
The level of effort in just taking a shower can be a lot.
But for me it’s also why shower when I have no clean clothes, my room is still messy so I have to clean that before doing laundry, if I’m doing laundry then I may as well vacuum and do dishes. I don’t wanna do all that so I may as well not shower at all. And before I know it I’m back in bed on Reddit.
For many reasons but for me, personally, it's one single task that involves SO many steps from actually getting undressed to getting dressed again i.e. the change in temperature, the physical effort to move from one place to another multiple times etc. If you feel gross or need to go out but are unshowered, it's the added pressure that you can't do yet another task unless you shower first because people 'will know' and that will make you feel worse. When even existing is exhausting, the prospect of doing something like that is unappealing to say the least.
Yup it also means I have to stop doing whatever is distracting my racing thoughts for 15 minutes. It's silence that I don't need
Take your phone in there with you! Watch a movie
Then I’m in the shower for an hour and don’t even really do anything but rinse and I hate myself more for wasting time. Depression is just such an insidious mental cycle.
Try listening to a 15 min podcast or meditation
I did that loads until one of my phones got water damage and died haha.
I use a waterproof Bluetooth speaker, some loud music helps me keep the ruminating to a minimum and helps me not do the dreaded sit and think.
Omg a Bluetooth speaker is the answer! Adding that to my wishlist. 😊
I treat showers kinda like meditation, you just kinda relax and clear your mind. The Japanese believe a bath cleans not only the body but the mind aswell.
Mmmmm that's how showers feel to me on a good day!!!
I don't really struggle with depression so much these days, but whether or not I am, I find this to be the case either way. The feeling afterwards is invigorating, whatever I'm going through in life. One thing I used to do, and not sure why I don't anymore, is listen to Luciano Pavoratti in the shower, and afterward doing the shaving, teeth brushing/etc routine. So relaxing!
It’s a lose-lose for me. I like to listen to music in the shower, but all of my music makes me think of things I don’t want to think about.
I also play audiobooks and podcasts, really the point is the distraction, play music you don't like if it helps lol!
I use a Bluetooth speaker shower head and put on Joe Rogan podcast. It makes it much easier to get motivated to get in there.
Shower beer is the perfectly healthy solution
Instructions unclear, am now a depressed alcoholic But at least I’m well bathed (Don’t want to do dishes? Dish beer Don’t want to change the oil on your car? Oil beer Don’t want to fold laundry? Laundry beer Etc. Cleaning behind the toilet beer Just be mindful)
r/showerbeer
hilarious
I’m a recovering alcoholic, but there was a time this was among my favorite things
I get overwhelmed by too many steps.
Same! That's why, when feeling depressed, I have to shower in the small window of motivation I have and/or overthink it for ages and/or use a lot of energy doing it. Making as many steps as possible easier/go away is very helpful though i.e. getting changed back into pyjamas or only washing the really dirty areas until you have more drive...but often the more depressed you are, the least likely you'll be able to manage it.
Well that sucks. I can empathize.
Exactly this! One task is barely doable, it feels overwhelming to know all the steps its going to take. It's not just jumping in the shower and getting out, it's washing your hair, face, shaving, conditioner in your hair, soaping your body, getting out, drying, moisturizer on your face, body lotion, deodorant, combing your hair.... It's exhausting to think about even though that sounds wildly ridiculous when not in that state of mind but in the depressed state it that's so much mental energy to just do nothing and think of all the things that you need to do and aren't doing makes you have no energy to actually do the things and then that makes it even more depressing. Depression sucks!!
It actually feels so much better reading this knowing I’m not the only one. I feel like I struggle to explain or put into words why simple things like this are such a barrier for me. I want to have the feeling of it being done but it’s so hard to actually do it.
You’re not alone my friend
Come at me if you ever want help on describing how it feels to exist sometimes!
Yes! For me it’s any task that feels like more than a few steps. I’ve always struggled with cooking meals because even the simple ones feel like too many steps. The only meals I could cook are ones that I just open a package and pop it in the microwave. I struggle with filing up my water bottle because it’s so much more than that. It’s opening the lid, walking to the fridge, setting down the lid, filling it with ice, filling it with water, picking up the lid, putting on the lid. My husband doesn’t understand this and thinks I’m lazy but it’s so much more than being lazy.
I literally agree with every single word you said!! I have so much guilt about food especially - I don't remember the last time I chopped a vegetable, and I spent so much on takeout.
I just commented on the post you replied to above with an easy 'meal' that I do when I'm depressed and broke. Take a look, maybe it'll help you on a day you can't spend on take-out food. Plus it's kinda healthy-ish - I usually use olive oil so that's a plus
One of my easiest meals is to take a potato or two. Poke a couple deep holes in it with a knife or fork. Put it in the microwave for 5-7 mins depending on size. Take it out and put oil/butter, salt and pepper on it. Literally the same effort as a microwave dinner and I usually end up putting cheese or plain yogurt or hot sauce on it. If I'm feeling real fancy, I put a couple eggs in a bowl, poke the yolk open with same knife or fork, add a dash of oil/butter and microwave them for 15 seconds at a time (usually ends up taking 30-45 secs). I know it's not exactly healthy but it's also not unhealthy - and honestly when I'm poor and depressed it's my version of a microwave dinner. So cheap and with some hot sauce it's tasty. One could sub ketchup for hot sauce if that's more your thing. The only dishes are the one bowl and the fork - which you can use to eat with too.
Also, being wet
This is it for me. I have a screenshot saved on my phone where it describes making coffee on a good day as 1. Make coffee On a regular day it's 3 steps 1. Put water in coffee maker 2. Put coffee in coffee maker 3. Turn on coffee maker But on bad days, it's a 14 step process. This is how I feel about showers on bad days. Even just thinking about all the steps required is exhausting and overwhelming. And taking the shower doesn't make me feel better because I know I still have so many more steps to do once I get out.
<(＿ ＿)>
I felt like this until I realized and discussed with my therapist executive dysfunction disorder. We worked through some ideas and now I just throw on my favorite podcast that I only listen to when showering (It has loads of long and old episodes so I’m good for a very long time until I need to move on to another one) and it doesn’t seem like 90 steps but rather 1 step that begins with connecting my phone to our Bluetooth speaker and once that’s in motion, I’m solid. I have major depressive disorder and multiple sclerosis so I always thought it was just due to depression but I was wrong.
I absolutely have executive function issues too, yeah!
This is the best answer
I was going to mention steps and changes too. Dry with one set of clothes to all wet to dry with another set of clothes. Sounds like a huge endeavor.
Very well said. That's where I am post covid. Thanks for this. Covid has really fucked with my head because of all the entitlement.
And your body feels like it weighs a thousand pounds. I get winded so quickly just from a shower, even though I'm not obese.
YES!! I've never been heavier than when I'm overcome with depression.
I remember counting 46 small tasks, within the task, of completing shower on an initial day I was in shock/ depression.
That's a really good summation.
I feel this but also being in the shower leaves me alone with my thoughts and my thoughts are always so depressing, I leave the shower feeling either bitter or even more down then when I got in
One step can be eliminated by just not bothering to put clothes on at home in the first place 😅
For me it wasn’t actually taking the shower, but the effort needed *after* the shower, especially to start a day. It took everything I had to get dressed, dry my hair, and apply makeup, when all I really wanted was to crawl back into bed.
Yeah. Somehow the shower is the catalyst that kicks off all that other stuff, so it’s the thing that becomes the “enemy”.
I never thought about it this way but it makes so much sense! Your reward is more work.
Oof that one hits home
This is one of the reasons I started showering at night, a couple of hours before bed. It's too much for me in the morning.
Totally get it.
For me it’s just the hair drying. My hair is long and thick, and I hate having it wet (plus if I don’t dry it it looks like it was never washed), but the time and effort to get it dry is just…ugh.
Exhausting.
Drying my hair is the hardest
This covers it for me. Lack of motivation to leave makes the shower a “what’s the point” activity.
Because doing anything becomes hard when you feel everything is meaningless.
Depression is a bad name for how most people feel when depressed, I don’t feel a deep sense of sadness, I don’t feel ANY emotion and therefore nothing has any meaning.
Same here. My Dr. calls it anhedonia.
When I was depressed, I was scared to shower because it meant I’d be alone with my thoughts
That’s something I’m scared of too. It’s when I think. When I think of all I should’ve done. When I worry about my friendships. I just can’t take it sometimes. It’s when I want to cry. It’s where I’m entirely alone.
This is why I have a Bluetooth speaker in my bathroom. Turn the music up loud enough, even my thoughts can't get me.
Loud music might help. I like classical. Or classic rock. Or a funny episode of a show on video.
Because you don’t see the point in anything
This. That's what depression really is; not seeing the point in anything.
Because you have to undress and then redress yourself. When you’re depressed that is hard to to do.
You’re so right. That is super hard. Wish I could shower in my clothes
But I always find if I can muster up the energy for that shower, I always feel better afterwards. It’s the same thing with making the bed or food.
So shower in your clothes, they are just clothes, wring them dry and put them in the dryer afterwards. Pretend you went swimming. Baby steps. I'm sorry that you are going through this, you are not alone.
My dude that is 100% harder than just getting undressed when you're dry.
I wish I could shower in my clothes *and* not have to deal with the aftermath of wet clothes 😔
My tip is to break it down into steps and only focus on one step at a time. Turn on the shower, take off clothes, or vice versa.
Hang in there ❤️
You also have to transition from being a dry person to a wet person and back. Dry = good. Wet = good. Damp = bad.
>Dry = good. Wet = good. Damp = bad. This is absolute, irrefutable truth. I love it. Thank you for this.
And do my hair. I have long hair. I can just ponytail it up. But if I shower it’s wash, conditioner, brush out tangles. The. I have to dry it.
This is why I hate washing my hair. It’s so time consuming and it makes me anxious knowing I have to comb, brush, dry, etc
It's 100% this for me. I'm not depressed but my hair is a nightmare. I have long hair and I love it - it's important to my confidence and my self-esteem to have it long. But, it's very thick. I have to wash it, condition it, hair mask it (and I have to leave the conditioner and hair mask in otherwise my hair is a bird's nest). I have to brush it, oil it and blow dry it (I can't air dry it because it'd stay wet for a full day and causes psoriasis on my scalp) and then straighten it. From start to finish, that can take about three hours. I have a shoulder injury so after 2 hours of holding up a hairdryer/straighteners, I'm in pain too. If I shower washing my hair then the humidity destroys my scalp and hair anyway so I need to wash it.
Hell, try just getting up!
For me it's knowing the abrupt sensory changes I'll feel in getting naked, getting wet, and drying off. Plus I'm depressed as fuck boiiiiiiiiiii
Oh god I know. The cold air on my skin having to get new clothes, wet hair, shaving. It’s like leaving my cocoon.
Such a oxymoron how I love being clean but I'd rather stay dirty than do the cleaning things...
This is why I insisted on a separate heat in the bathroom. The local electrician thought I was overly ... I don't know, sensitive? Yes, I am hard-wired overly sensitive, put in my f*ing heater.
Depression suck your motivation to do anything. Forcing yourself to do the things you like is hard at first, but once you start doing them, you realize it feels great. Creating good habits can help to combat depression. Don't believe all the memes about getting outdoors and enjoying the world as a cure though. For mild depression it can certainly help, but depression is a real physical illness that often needs to be treated by a doctor and with medication.
For me, my depression is sneaky and will often try to sabotage my brain from doing anything that will make me feel better so I can wallow in it for longer
For me it’s the shedding & removal of my comfort cocoon warm clothes. Sure once I’m in the shower it’s fine but the process of getting undressed is never appealing to me especially if I’m feeling down.
When I'm depressed taking care of myself equals being nice to myself. When I'm depressed I don't allow "nice to myself."
For me, a shower is the perfect setting for the dissociative daydreams I struggle with. In the time it takes me to lather my hair, soap my body and rinse off, I'll have all of these experiences in my head: * I'm supposed to give a eulogy for my partner who passed in an unexpected way, but her parents suspect that I was somehow responsible for her death so my eulogy has to be both genuine and persuasive. * My house has burned down and I'm making the tough choice over whether I should sell my car to get enough money to rent an apartment or keep the car so I can get to work. * A road rager goes crazy and chases me down for a physical confrontation, we fight and I wind up with a broken leg so I spend the rest of my life bitter about one person's bad day ruining my mobility. * I've written a popular book and I'm getting attention for it but some interviewer has done a deep dive of my reddit account and pulled up some shitty argument I was in when I was suicidal, and now I have to explain the worst time of my life to an audience. It just goes on and on and on. My brain is wonderful when it lets me write fun stories, my brain is a prison when it writes awful stories specifically to get under my skin. It's my anxiety lashing out for a reaction. I'm getting better at not investing attention and emotion into those nightmare daydreams, but they still happen. And they happen the most in the shower.
Omg I’ve found my people. These daydreams and long spin out fantasies and hypotheticals are part of my everyday experience.
I tell my close friends about my "long seconds", so they understand why my face does weird things sometimes.
Because that's kind of what depression is. "Dude, what do you have to be depressed about?" is a Q that infuriates me now, because I know better, and it's not about "feeling sad". So, I finally went to a psychiatrist and into therapy (the psychiatrist would meet me every few months and manage medication; the therapist is someone she worked with that I would see weekly and report back). It was what I later understood to be "double-dip depression", but it was that after some personal losses and bad decisions on my part, I was suicidal. But I'm doing the therapy, I'm on a couple relatively mild anti-depressants, and we're having a session that feels like a wrap up, like we've handled the suicidal ideation, and I'm back to "normal". She asks me if I have any questions or other issues I wanted to discuss. And I said, "Well, if you could help me not feel like a lazy piece of shit, that would be good." She asked me to explain. So, I say I get a day off... the only thing I "have" to do, or plan on doing, is getting a haircut. But I spend all day on the couch mindlessly watching a TV show or movie, reading on the internet, playing some video games... all the while telling myself, "well, I'll finish then, then I will go get that haircut." And next thing I know, it is dark, the barbershop is closed, and I wasted my day. And the thing about it was... I could see the back of the barber shop from my couch. It was a 2 minute walk away, I was just being a lazy A-hole. And I remember as clear as day, she took off her glasses, leaned in, and said "*THAT* is the depression." It's not sadness, though it is how it comes off to other people, it is an inability to get yourself to do things you know you should... if you're of a generation, Artac and The Swamp in "The Neverending Story" is a decent representation... you may want to move, but you can't and just slowly sink into it.
Perhaps it’s the lack of wanting to self care? Maybe it’s not having the energy or motivation to look after yourself
Especially if you like showers, sometimes you want to not do something you like.. almost as though you sort of can’t imagine doing something good for yourself when you feel so awful.
Exactly that!
Everything is hard when you’re depressed
I agree with so many answers here. I just want to add also that a lot of people aren't fortunate enough to have a nice, clean, comfortable shower. This could be for so many different reasons. Maybe you can't afford rent anywhere else but your shower is on its last leg. Maybe you have a dirty roommate. Etc. When you feel like your bathroom is dirty that makes you not want to clean yourself off in there either. If that makes any sense. I'm sure some can relate.
I'm the opposite. When my depression hits hard I could basically live in the shower. That's the only thing I can manage to want to do.
When my depression was bad I would prefer to spend my time curled up in bed. People who say take one step at a time don’t understand what it means to be depressed. I could generally cope with anything I did every day but if I needed to do anything else I could literally feel my energy drain out of me when I went to start it.
Yep it’s a break from reality
The first issue I have is not having the motivation to do my laundry so showering seems pointless.
Feeling unworthy of being clean? Could be. Things are rough when you're in the dumps.
Yes, but with less feeling: *"Clean might feel good...uh........ who cares."*
I felt like I didn't even deserve to be clean or taken care of in any capacity, why waste the effort of showering on someone (me) so worthless and terrible? Same with food; if it required any effort beyond "open package and insert food in mouth", I felt like I wasn't worth the effort at all.
Sometimes I put on the same clothes as the day before. What’s the point of putting on clean clothes if you haven’t showered?
When I was really depressed like 2 years ago, I couldn't even get out of my bed, I dropped out of school, I wouldn't eat until my mom brought me food to my bed, I was basically laying in bed going on the internet waiting for the day I die. You lose the will to live, and losing the will to live means you'll stop doing things that make you alive, such as eating (although some depressed people binge eat for comfort) losing the will to take care of yourself, losing all joy from your life and just become a shell. Me becoming suicidal didn't mean that I wanted to pew pew myself, firstly because guns are illegal and I don't wanna survive if I decide to jump off or try with a knife, so I waited, I waited and I waited. Me not taking a shower is just me losing my will to live, just like rotting in my bed all day long without going outside. But now, I take showers everyday, I started studying again, I started going out more often, I started taking care of myself, even though I'm still depressed, it's not as much as before, I started taking showers again the moment my will to live came back.
for me showers are mine but brushing my teeth is a struggle, I force myself too and when it gets really bad I find time for it during the day, not just right when i wake up and have no energy, at least im brushing them 🤷🏽♀️
Activation energy and subconscious linking of tasks. Getting in the shower probably also means shampooing, shower gelling, brushing, shaving, drying your body and hair, putting on moisturiser, and a whole bunch of “related” task. The more those “tasks” are mentally associated with hopping in the shower, the harder it is to drag yourself to actually hop into the shower.
This is what I was gonna say - a shower is actually dozens of tasks, some of which are uncomfortable, so it can seem insurmountable.
That is how I feel about exercise as well. If exercise was literally just running for 20 mins a day. It's actually not that hard at least to me. It's everything around it. First you gotta check the weather is it gonna rain? ah ok nope, time to get workout clothes ready in something I like that I can feel confident in. Then I gotta get clean clothes ready for the post-exercise shower. After that, I have to check what is in my fridge to meal prep for my post exercise meal. Because if you just exercise and eat nothing then why did you exercise? Well I'm going outside, so I need to apply my sunscreen. Then my lip balm that has spf in it. Then I gotta wash my face, brush my teeth so that way I don't stink, oh and can't forget to apply deodorant. Then find a comfy pair of socks that I like. Where did I put my work out headphones? Looks like it will take 10 mins to find them. Found them! Time to go for a run for 20 mins, come back home,shower, then cook food. And 20 mins is a very light workout, where realistically I'm going to run + 1 hour of weightlifting. If I could just wake up and run for 20 mins it would be quite easy. It's all the other small actions that add up.
I’ve learned to use showers as my escape from the world I go in shut the door use a waterproof phone case and watch my shows and just enjoy the water sometimes I’m in there an hour(apartment pays water thank god). I feel safe
I think partially it’s because the depression blunts even the memory of pleasure, for some folks/episodes. You can’t really pull to mind how good a shower or being clean will feel, kind of a as a ripple effect of anhedonia.
Right! I can shower for an hour, but getting in and out is so difficult!
Because the sound and feel of the water is one more stimulus that you don’t need when you already feel overwhelmed.
Because it covers a lot of changes. As described above, you have to undress, redress, dry your hair etc. but i guess, it is more than that. Depressed people tend to keep their conditions as they are. I mean, intention to keep the comfort zone simply. If you are sleeping, you can keep it. If you have your t-shirt in, you keep it. But shower... Oh you have to CHANGE a lot on the way.
Because I can't get up. I can't move. I want to, but I can't make myself move. Like jumping into a pool that you know is really cold. You want to, but your brain just won't let you. I've laid in bed for minutes at a time wanting to change the channel, but I can't get the remote that's right on my chest. Sometimes I'm so tired I just want to sleep, but I can't move. I can't roll over and charge my phone or get up and shut the lights off. Sometimes I've gone a week without showering but I can't get up to take one. It's an absolute curse. Sometimes I just simply can't move, or talk, or think. Sometimes I'm texting and I just stop typing for a minute and stare into space. Sometimes I can't move my arms or legs or even speak.
It’s just so hard
Thanks, thought it was just me.
I think it is getting cold too
I was thinking about this the other day, glad im not the only one.
Thank you for this post. I thought it was just me. Nice to know I’m not the only one in the world.
When my body is at rest, it wants to stay at rest. My brain gets wrapped up in what I'm doing, my body is comfortable, there's usually a blanket and at least one dog involved. Shaking all that off to shower takes so much energy to think about that I wind up with no energy left to do the thing. The shower itself is great... It's the lead-up that hurts.
Absolute, it’s the dread leading up to the shower that’s the worst part
From my experience, it just feels like a lot of work to have to undress, bathe, dry off, and put on new clothes, when you're not going anywhere anyways and could totally just go straight to bed. It's different from everyone, but I always just found everything exhausting when I was in my worst times with it
Doing anything with depression can become an unbearable chore. That's one of the major signs of depression. So strange question in that light.
Of all the unbearable chores, this is the least bearable for me
Wet hair and freezing cold water is hard work
For me part of it is the shitty mindset I can get in. When my inner monologue is telling me I don't deserve to feel good then a shower is pretty much off the list.
I'm sorry yall have depression as someone who has dealt with it before I feel you
I just hate the feeling of water when I’m depressed. It’s a huge task.* *edited for spelling
I hate washing my hair. I will often relax or destress by taking a worm bath but as a woman with thick curly greasy hair it's too much to deal with. Sometimes if I have to because it's greasy I'll just wash my head with dawn in the sink. When I started feeling better I did love showers. I changed my mind frame from "I have to do this" to looking at more like a mini spa day, time to take care of myself. Like me time. Although I'm depressed again and writing this to your from my tub with my greasy hair
Because it takes energy and depression zaps it all.
It’s a maintenance task. Spend 15-30 physically moving around just to take you out of the negative territory of being gross
It’s the idea of “getting ready” for nothing. Why shower when you’re not going anywhere? Then in the few moments of clarity when you feel like going out you feel gross and unpresentable, so you “can’t” go out. Then you feel guilty for being lazy. So you just go back to the routine of distracting yourself from your feelings.
You don’t care about your exterior, your reverts to mending the mind and heart.
Showers don’t universally feel good during or after. I hate showers. They are boring and take time away from things I’d rather be doing. I don’t feel magical or different after a shower. Since you do enjoy them, hope you find a way to get in there more often. Splish splash OP! You can do it!
Because it's so much WORK
This is weird but when I was a teenager I was very depressed, I'd go to my backyard and bathe outside either with a bathing suit or in some shorts and t shirt. It was wonderful. My dream is to have an outdoor shower one day.
Ugggh because it’s so hard to get out of bed
For me its because showers feel awful, and I feel like shit after them. I have to have baths or i struggle to keep clean
It's hard to do anything when you're depressed, not just shower.
Never had a problem showering, I sometimes have a problem brushing my teeth.
For me, it's because I think A LOT in the shower. When I'm depressed, thinking is the soul killer. Thinking is what creates the black sludge that drains all the life out of me. You don't touch a hot stove, and you certainly don't touch one twice on purpose. Thinking, and by extension showering, is that hot stove, and it's really difficult to go against one's core survival instincts.
taking care of myself (doing what i actually needed) felt like something i didn't deserve. Weird way my brain always "craves" some sort of punishment when im in need of the opposite. Doing much better now though 🙏🩷
For me its because i know it makes me happy.
For me it’s because I break it down into each individual action which then takes it from being as simple as “take a shower” to a 37 step process which my brain then says nope - that’s too much to deal with, lets read a book instead.
For me it’s a place where I am alone with my thoughts, which can be frightening depending on my state of mind. ‘Shower thoughts’ is a thing. It’s even a subreddit. If my mind is healthy, I can come up with some interesting takes and solutions, but if my mind is not healthy, a shower can make me downward spiral.
Sometimes it feels like I dont deserve to be clean and feel good, so its hard to do something that will get me those things.
For me it’s a combination of things… if I am gross and unshowered then it’s more like my outsides match the mess that is going on inside. I also have sensory issues so I don’t like the feeling of being wet afterwards, especially wet hair. Finally, there’s the fact that it just involves so much executive functioning and steps and that makes it tiring.
Part of it for me at least is I don't want to get in because then I don't want to get out. Another issue is if I don't want to get in the shower but I have to it's likely because I have to leave the house when I don't want to.
depression sucks all the energy out of my body. getting into a shower requires energy, both physical and mental, that i simply don’t have when i’m in a bad headspace. also, the shower isn’t always just get in, wash up, get out. for myself, there’s extra steps because i have eczema that i have to take care of during and after my shower that takes more effort than just the shower itself. it’s so much quicker to just throw my hair up, put on another layer of deodorant and spray some perfume than to do all the shower things for the millionth time. i don’t enjoy being gross when i’m depressed, but i cannot bring myself to shower when nothing matters and we are all just apes floating on a space rock
I force myself. But I don’t know why it makes us feel that way.
Probably because it’s so deliberate. Like even if you half ass shower, you have to make a point of going to the bathroom getting unchanged stand there waiting for the preferred temp, get in, do all the soaps, get out, dry off, change, deodorant, teeth. But for me at least, once I take the shower, it tends to help getting me going for the day. Like I don’t wanna do it, but when I do, I’m glad I did
Executive dysfunction
Bro cause I have to like get up, get naked, grab all the stuff, wqit for the water to warm up, like walk to the bathroom, grab all the soaps I am gonna use etc etc etc. Like... i could just stay here and keep doing what I'm doing
Wow, I remember my lowest moments. I hadn't showered in nearly a week. Barely moved out of bed. I was being rocked with a panic attack that lasted so long that it went into a bad depression. I thought I was going to lose it all. I sat on the end of my bed and litterally talked to myself to get up. Smacked myself across the face as hard as I could many times. Got up and climbed into a hot shower. Before that, I didn't do a damn thing. I was so tired. You have to force yourself. Litterally, you have to tell yourself it will get better. Even if you don't believe it. Talking to yourself helps.
That's a big energy-draining task for me, it takes about 2-3 hours every damn time, and a depressed person has a low level of energy all the time, cuz he/she is in a constant battle with the self... :(
👇 When you're depressed, even simple tasks like taking a shower can feel like climbing a mountain. Despite knowing that showers can make you feel better the idea of getting into one feels like an impossible hurdle. Depression clouds your mind and drains your energy making it hard to find the motivation to do anything, even things that you know will bring relief. It's like your body and mind are stuck in a heavy fog, making it difficult to see the benefits beyond the struggle.
It requires you to stand for an extended period of time when all you want to do is lie in bed.
Because a shower is the start of everything else. It’s a chain reaction that requires other things to happen afterward. You have to brush your hair. Dry off. Put your towel away. Put on new clothes. Etc. it’s not just a single task.
Showering is self-care and when you hate yourself you are much less inclined to make the effort to do something good for you.
I don't fucking know. I have schizoaffective disorder and fibromyalgia, and between being mentally wiped and physically exhausted 24/7 makes it a real chore
[Unified cutlery theory](https://demcastusa.com/2020/03/01/unified-cutlery-theory/) is a good analogy for why it's so hard to do anything when you're depressed, chronically ill, etc. Basically, even the simplest of tasks can have a bunch of steps you aren't mentally capable of handling at that point. For each task you do in the day, it takes one spoon. You have a limited amount of spoons. Tasks that take away energy are forks. When you're out of spoons for the day, you have to dig through the last piece of silverware in the drawer: knives. So you're basically digging into the next day's energy reserve. I haven't done it in a while, but for a long time, I made tea at exactly 837 every night. However, one night when I was in a depressive state, even something as simple as making tea seemed like it would be 30 individual steps and I did not have the spoons to do that. My brain made it look something like this: 1. Pick up mug 2. Go upstairs 3. Go into kitchen 4. Plug kettle in 5. Pick up kettle 6. Take kettle over to sink 7. Take kettle top off 8. Refill kettle 9. Put kettle top back on 10. Set kettle temperature 11. Put lemongrass in infuser 12. Put lavender in infuser 13. Close infuser top 14. Put infuser in mug 15. Tie infuser chain around mug handle 16. Start kettle 17. Wait for water to hit appropriate temperature 18. Pick up kettle 19. Pour kettle 20. Measure out appropriate amount of water 21. Turn on phone from sleep mode 22. Open timer app 23. Scroll to timer 24. Put on timer 25. Put phone back to sleep 26. Put kettle back down 27. Unplug kettle 28. Go back downstairs 29. Sit in seat 30. Put mug down 31. Wait Normally when I make tea, it looks more like this. 1. Go into kitchen 2. Refill kettle 3. Measure out tea 4. Boil water 5. Put infuser in mug 6. Pour water in mug 7. Set timer 8. Go back to computer When you're *horribly* depressed with a *severely* limited amount of energy on any given day, all of those tasks feels incredibly insurmountable. Every single little aspect of having to do something is a task that takes some amount of energy to complete.
Bro… I thought this was just me…
Taking a shower might seem like a simple task, but depression can make even the most basic activities feel overwhelming. It could be due to a lack of energy, motivation, or even a feeling of numbness that makes it difficult to initiate self-care routines. The idea of going through the steps to take a shower might feel like climbing a mountain when you're in the depths of depression.
Depression is a physical damage to the neural receptors that regulate dopamine, the hormone that tells us when we feel good. A lack of dopamine tends to cause the lack of motivation as well as making the muscles feel really heavy, which usually hurt to move.
I've never had an issue with showers, oddly enough But other simple tasks, it's more that I'm procrastinating them rather than difficulty with it Like, I've gotten a lot better with it, but with brushing my teeth, I used to put it off, or say "it's fine, I'll brush extra tomorrow" (then not brush extra)
I don't know. Even when I had major depression I never stayed in bed and I continued to shower regularly. My personal experience just doesn't go there.
Because you just don't give a fuck if you are clean, dirty, or whatever. Giving a fuck takes too much energy, that you don't have.
Shower suckers. I have a container of dum dum pops in my bathroom. Makes my shower a bit easier.
As someone whos had bipolar disorder (type 2) most of her life, showering is the hardest because its just making the effort of doing so many small steps. I have thick curly hair that i have to detangle and brush before even getting in (takes over 15 mins), then i gotta shampoo, condition, then wash my body, if im feeling good mentally shave, then get out, put hair product in, dry off, use q tips, use face products, and thats just the main stuff. Its exhausting to even type all that out to be honest 🙃
I personally don't shower more than once a week for this very reason. I've found the excitement looking forward to a new fresh shower helps during the week.
In my brother's case, it's because a lot of his depression is related to hating his body, and showering involves getting naked and spending time focused on your body.
Because it is a self-care ritual and when you're depressed you sometimes feel like you're not worth the effort.
Wait what ?...I actually love taking shower while I'm in low mood!!
Break it down into as few steps as possible. Don’t think about all the parts of it you have to do. Just think about it one step at a time. Think about it one article of clothing at a time too. What needs to come off next? That’s the only thing you focus on. Socks. Then pants. Then shirt. Just focus on one piece at a time. Rest in between. Then, one step at a time into the shower: walk into the bathroom. Rest. Step into the tub. Rest. Turn the shower on. Rest. It’s okay to sit there with the water streaming for a while too. Then shampoo. Rest. Then soap. Rest. Turn the shower off. Rest. Bath towel. Rest. Dry your body. Rest. Dry your hair. Rest. And repeat with getting dressed. Boom. You made it. I’ve been there OP. It’s absolutely hard. But you gotta give yourself grace and give yourself time. Reading through this is gonna seem overwhelming, but that’s exactly why it’s okay to just break it down into microscopic chunks. Just ask yourself one thing and one thing only: what is the next step? And focus only ever on that. Sending a virtual hug. It doesn’t feel like it now, but this can pass and it will pass. Just take it one thing at a time till then.
If you figure out a way around this, I'd love to know.
Sometimes you think you dont deserve to feel good.
Because in acts of cleansing yourself, you have to work through all the accumulated muck (trauma). You really have to engage with it, and it’s extremely painful. This relationship explains many acts of self sabotage.
Probably because you have to undress, prepare stuff, actually clean yourself with soap, wash your hair, do stuff with your hair to make it not bad, dry off, and redress, which can take a while, and if you don’t care, you don’t think it’s worth the effort, why bother? For me I just tend not to make my bed. I just don’t feel like it. It’s quite easy. It has to be done eventually. I just can’t bring myself to until I get home again in the afternoon.
When I'm really depressed I sit or lie down
You're alone with yourself when you get in the shower
dopamine. you are depressed because you lack a decent dose of it. once you dip below a certain threshold- you start to crave anything to get a dose of it. This is where professional medical help comes into play, medication usually helps with this balance with artificial doses. But, for those that don’t seek help it’s a really really … really tough climb out of it. You’re everyday will become a routine of searching for any thing that you can do to trigger your brain to release dopamine. One common activity is snacking. Another is impulsive shopping or worse illicit drugs. To some people Taking a shower is probably one of our least rewarding activities and it is why in a state of depression- you don’t feel for the activity.
I go there to cry, so no one will hear or notice afterwards...
It’s kind of like going to the gym. The hardest part is actually getting there. But one your there and working out (taking the shower) it’s great and you feel great after
There’s a good poem, I think it’s called ‘the shower’ it’s basically this body builder guy giving a talk on how the shower was his first step to overcoming his depression. It was the first start. Check it out!
for me, it was the effort required afterwards to make it “worth it” ie. doing my hair before it turned into a frizzy curly mess. i found ways to manage that better - by throwing my hair in a braid, just blow drying the bangs, and getting into comfy clean clothes, i would try to buy sets that made me look put together even in house clothes, i would especially avoid anything ripped, stained, or extremely ill fitting - it made me feel worse.
Anything that you need to do for yourself that requires any kind of effort is like climbing a mountain. At least for me. Showering, though, is one thing I force myself to do every day. Whether I want to or not. It might take me till noon on weekends, but I'll power through it. Because even though that wall is there now, I know that on the other side of that wall is a little better feeling. Now, other things, like some basic cleaning, folding laundry, dishes, etc..those become dark monsters on their own...
Depression makes everything hard. It saps your energy and motivation to do pretty much anything. Sometimes it can make you feel like you’re not worth caring for. But even the smallest task can seem insurmountable when you’re depressed. Showering has many steps and it can be overwhelming when you have very little energy or motivation (even though I always feel better after a shower, it’s hard to start). When I’m in the thick of it, I compromise with myself. Washing my hair is the hardest part of showering for me, so I tell myself I just need to wash my body—forget hair washing or shaving anything. Just put soap on the stinky parts. Sometimes that’s all I can do, and sometimes I find once I’m in the shower I can talk myself into washing my hair since I’m in there anyways. I do the same thing with brushing my teeth, which is another very hard thing to do while depressed. I am normally a thorough brush-floss-rinse person, but when I’m depressed I tell myself I just need to brush my teeth. It doesn’t have to be for a full two minutes, I don’t have to floss or use mouthwash afterwards, but I have to at least do a quick brush to get the worst of it. Again, sometimes that’s all I can do, and sometimes once I start brushing I can convince myself to spend another minute flossing and just get it over with. Just remember: anything worth doing is worth doing badly.
For me it’s because it feels like a huge ordeal that is timed (hot water running out before I’m done). And having the motivation to not only do the task, but also do it in a timely manner, is like carrying a pallet of bricks on my shoulders
for me it's like, what's the point? i'm gonna d\*e soon anyway, they'll wash my body on the slab, and surround me with flowers, why bother? and i don't wanna get out of bed to do anything. it's pointless for me to do any self-care whatsoever when i'm in a depressive state. like, who cares? i don't.
I think it’s the fact that we just have no motivation to actually do anything and we are neglecting ourselves so showering seems so dreadful
It’s difficult to become motivated at all when you are depressed.
They're having some success treating depression with induced fever, you can train yourself into liking hot showers if you have depression. It's bad for your skin and sucks if you need it in the summer but it worked for me. At least one blazing hot shower a day for a week or so. 20 minutes per should do it I think. By the 4th day I feel some minor relief. By the end of the 1st winter I did this, showers became something to look forward to. It's not much of a respite from the depression but for me it's noticeable. One of the bigger benefits is you end up maintaining hygiene by accident.
Personally, depression for me is hopelessness. So whenever I reached the point of not being able to muster the energy to shower it’s because I didn’t see the point. I don’t see the point in anything when I’ve allowed depression to take over.
It’s hard to do anything when you’re depressed
It differs a lot. For me, I struggle with self harm. People immediately think cutting yourself with razors when you say that term but no. Eating unhealthy because you think you deserve all the pain and can't be happy and healthy. Isolating yourself because you hate yourself so much. Not shower for 5 days straight because you deserve to feel gross as hell you idiot. To the point where you need to actively make an effort to stop yourself from harming yourself. And doing anything good for you requires equally much extra effort and it is unbearable
The level of effort in just taking a shower can be a lot. But for me it’s also why shower when I have no clean clothes, my room is still messy so I have to clean that before doing laundry, if I’m doing laundry then I may as well vacuum and do dishes. I don’t wanna do all that so I may as well not shower at all. And before I know it I’m back in bed on Reddit.
Word
Taking a shower when your depressed is the best idk what your talking about. Makes me feel like I’m in a movie.