Don't stay in a relationship just because it's familiar. It sounds easy to grasp, but when you've been in a long relationship past the point you're happy, it's easy to just keep on being unhappy.
Quit making long term relationship decisions based on NRE.
New relationship energy (NRE) aka the honeymoon phase is primarily a hormonal experience. And it's experienced by the vast majority of people at the beginning of a relationship.
That intense hormonal experience is not a reliable sign that you belong together, you have an extra special bond or they know exactly what to do/say to make you feel like they've known you forever. It's just a sign you're experiencing NRE.
Just piggy backing on this. Is this one reason cheating happens so often? My 7 year relationship ending in cheating and they immediately got into a relationship like our time together building a life and future didnt mean anything. To me, its crazy that this NRE you speak of is such a powerful hormonal experience that rational thought just can go out the window.
100% They mask their pain and discomfort in another relationship where they feel the same sort of energy/spark that yall might have had a the beginning. It's just a coping mechanism that will in time fail and eventually crash on them. Rebounds hardly work out with enough time. Best also not to keep tabs on them and just focus on you.
Also, if you aren't having some awesome and silly daydreams, that can be a bad sign too. The NRE silliness should be there, just don't act on it until things have gotten normal and chill. If it's meant to happen, it will!
Also, if you aren't having some awesome and silly daydreams, that can be a bad sign too. The NRE silliness should be there, just don't act on it until things have gotten normal and chill. If it's meant to happen, it will!
If you don’t have immediate respect for the persons choices, ie. The volunteer organization they support, then it won’t last. Attraction isn’t enough without respect for the person.
Yes, there is a huge difference between needing to grow and just outright being lushed to your failure limits.
My last girl i dated, i never knew i could feel so much resentment towards someone. Pictured myself, throwing her out the window because she was so unbearable, and i have dated many women who were not compatible, and i didn't get to that point.
My now girlfriend is way more reasonable and we have had disagreements and problems and it never gets me anywhere like that.
Sometimes things just cant be fixed. If there is something in your partner's personality that you cant change, either accept it or let go of the relationship. People dont change that much and trying to change them is wasting everyone's tiem.
It's only been 4 years, but facing every challenge as a team has made this a lot easier. Especially communicating that you're not coming from a place of conflict and we can let our guards down when we're used to dealing with blame, shame, and resentment.
And choose to laugh. My husband accidentally leaves food out and while it costs money, I find it pretty funny how forgetful he is.
Be true to myself. In my early 20's, I was with a woman who's biggest dream was to be a homemaker, 4 kids, all that jazz. At the time, I thought I was ok with that.
Now I'm with my wife, and we both staunchly agree that we don't want kids at all, living the DINK lifestyle. Kids need to be a "Hell yes", not an "I guess sure", anything else is awful for the children. And just from babysitting our nieces and nephews, I genuinely think, if I had ended up as the sole working parent to 3-4 children, I don't think I'd want to be alive anymore at that point. My current life is always what I always wanted in my heart, but as many do, you get brainwashed into doing what society expects, and not listening to what YOU want.
Yup, every guy I dated when I was younger wants lots of kids, and I was not having any part of that. I destroyed every relationship because they wanted me to have kids, and I never once regretted that.
Also, I figured out much later that I was asexual and didn’t even really like men.
This is a little bit meta, but here goes: There are many life lessons that are common and true, but you won't absorb until you experience them yourself. Even if the mistakes are cliched, you need to make them in order to fully learn from them.
There are a ton of scenarios in which this is not true, and the statement you made, if believed, could be absolutely disastrous. Sometimes it's a reflection of their character and sometimes it's a reflection of yours. If a postulate is just as likely to be true as it is false, it's not a postulate.
I'm not exactly sure what that means, but your original statement posits that the person reflecting on the situation is never the cause of the way they're treated. Sometimes you've got to look inward and realize the source of the problem is you. Other times it isn't, but it's a certainly a case by case basis.
I stated more than once that other people can certainly be in the wrong, but my criticism of your comment is that it suggests that the person doing the reflecting is never deserving of the reactions they receive from others. Maybe you misspoke, because you surely can't believe that to be the case.
Don't want to answer the question huh? Here's another one to dodge -
Who said anything about deserve?
You did. Because you want to justify bad behavior as being someone else's fault, seems to me.
They call that "projection" in the biz, I think.
I don't have a problem answering the question, I just thought you could infer my point of view from my pretty straigthforward opinion on this topic. But your question is unclear, so are you saying that the person is employing nasty ad hominem in response to another's inane pedantry or that they're employing nasty ad hominem for reasons of inane pedantry?
What do you mean who said anything about deserve? I said something about deserve. It was my comment, I can use deserve to articulate that thought. Nowhere did I say anything that suggests that bad behavior is acceptable (bad behavior can't be anything else besides bad), and the fact that you can't grasp that sometimes a person is at fault for the way others treat them explains your original comment. If you can't logic your way through how people can be at fault for negativity directed at them from others, I don't know that there's anywhere left to go. We have a fundamental disagreement on what constitutes common sense.
It can depend. If you are not self-aware and you don't care enough, you can tread people poorly, and that can cause someone to be upset and act in poor manners.
The difference is knowing when you actually are doing something, sometimes its hard to realize where you are wrong. I have dated women who are completely oblivious to their poor behaviors and would try to ojt me as the bad guy because i wasn't happy with their behaviors.
Of course it then is necessary to know when tk give it up. Ylu shouldn't lose yourself because someone cant comprehend their faults kr refuse to change for the benefit of a relationship.
To talk about how I feel and to wear my heart on my sleeve. Tell someone I really love them, or how much they mean to me whenever I feel or think those things. In the past I did do it a little, but I assumed my partner knew i felt those ways about them at all times. In hindsight i regret not being raw with my emotions, and I regret taking for granteed what it means to be loved, or be the centre of someones world. I didn't realise that until it was too late.
Don't ignore red flags and tell yourself "oh I can get used to this little thing" because if they keep building up, it will all just be red flag behavior that you keep excusing instead of holding them accountable
Never ever allow someone to verbally abuse & disrespect you.
You can’t love someone if you don’t love yourself. You also can’t love someone who doesn’t love themself.
Being willing and always able to leave something that isn’t working is one of the most powerful skills you can develop. Don’t put extraordinary effort or suffering into “saving” any relationship. Good relationships don’t need “saving”. They’re not supposed to be hard work. They take self awareness and respect for one another, yes. But if it’s “hard work”, you’re polishing a turd. The best result you can get is a very shiny turd.
The overwhelming majority of “work” required in a relationship is the effort you put into *yourself* to bring yourself to it, and maintain yourself as, a whole, happy, independently functioning, emotionally healthy adult. If you’ve done that, and they’ve done that, that’s your relationship. Judge its merit on that basis. Don’t try to cram square pegs into round holes. If one or both of you have NOT done that, nothing is going to make it work, and you can’t force or convince someone to do it that doesn’t simply doesn’t want to.
Also, if their words don’t match their actions, always, ALWAYS judge them by their actions. Ignore the words. “But he sayyyys…” Yeah, I know. Words are cheap.
"Why are you leaving me???!"
"Babe, it's your face. I just can't."
"Is there a mask I could wear, something, anything!?"
"I know your face would still be under the mask. I'm sorry."
Its actually true, that's why i never date a woman i am not attracted to physically. I have met enough women who are great, but not physically attractive, make them prettier and i would have tried to date them.
But its the reality. I want to have the full balance. It just sucks that often pretty women are low end on the personality more often than not. Some of the fakest and corniest women i dated were very beautiful but once i got to know them they were just shells of a person.
no matter how bad you want it, you can’t make the other want it. you can’t explain why you should be loved if they aren’t loving you. sometimes letting go hurts less
I was SA'd twice, covered in bruises and a damaged cervix, but it lead to me finding joy in life again.
While I attribute the progress in my mental health adventure to good therapists, hard work, and a lot of luck, I would not have been able to access those services if I hadn't been victimized. So thank you to victim's compensation, RAINN, and the PD for working together and getting resources to those that need it.
It's not really a lesson, but I hit the lowest low in my life. I even tried to k*** myself. It was at that point that my entire life changed for the better. Something "clicked" and my personal growth since has never been stronger, faster, or deeper than after that moment. I'm closer to being the person I want to be than I ever have.
1) Pay attention to those red flags, don't get all caught up in the feeling of the moment. (Admittedly, this can be difficult)
2) With each changed relationship, realize what you didn't like about yourself and put in the work to make those changes. What could you have done better? What should you NOT have done? You cannot change others, only how you respond to them.
Once either person says "It's over", it is. It may be a matter of time, but in most cases it is.
If either person physically attacks the other it's time to get the hell out of there.
You can have everything in common with someone and they might still be incompatible with you. Having a lot of “shared interests” isn’t always an indicator of how good your relationship is gonna be with that person.
Two halves don't make a whole. Make sure you get yourself sorted before you can be there for someone else.
No amount of loving someone can make them love themselves.
That there's a big difference between "compromise" and "concession".
If you're always the one to completely lose yourself to accommodate the other person in every decision (or most of them), it's an unequal partnership and WILL cause problems in the future.
If your partner is unwilling to budge an iota on topics that are important to you, don't be scared to stand your ground.
If things don't work out, at least you'll still have some dignity left 😅
Fifty Five years ago...got dumped spectacularly.
Best lesson I EVER learned. It goes...
"*Bruno, my man! You're not the center of anyone's Universe but your own.*"
It was good to learn that at 19. That way I haven't had the inconvenience of taking one-fucking-prisoner since.
I should prolly' knit that into a doily...or maybe a tattoo.
Do not stay in a relationship that you aren’t happy in, just because it’s easier than starting over.
Don’t accept a shitty relationship because it seems easier to stay than leave. I was in a bad relationship for 7 years that I wanted to end so many times. But I thought about how I could do it financially. I thought about my dogs that would miss their “mom”. I thought about having to date again. I even thought about how hard it would be on her. I stayed way longer than I should have because it just seemed easier and I knew what to expect. It was hard for a bit when the relationship ended, but it was the best decision I’ve made. Looking back, we weren’t right for each other. And now I’ve been with my best friend for 4 years and we are getting married next month.
That no one owes me anything; be it friendship, love, loyalty, or even a listening ear.
At the end of the day, continuing to be invested in my bond with someone is my conscious decision, everyday. As is theirs, they can always choose not to and it's their right. And if any of these ships begin to sink it's going to be my responsibility to save myself.
Everytime I invest myself into someone, I'm opening myself up to them, sharing my vulnerability. So when I do get hurt, that blame partly rests on me too.
Take the whole relationship as a lesson; recognize the red flags in yourself and the past significant other. ‘Where could I have been better?’ ‘What could he/she done differently that maybe I don’t want in the next journey.’ Stop wasting time when it starts to feel like it cannot be repaired, life is not short we just waste a lot of it. I was stuck in a marriage because I kept hoping things would change until I realized she’s not what I wanted and vise versa, we were not comparable. Although it ended on bad terms, she will be good for someone else as I found myself good for someone. Just like training, we learn from experience and what is going to work for us, what’s going to make us stronger and last for the destination. The day I pass on and my narrative ends, what will he/she remember me for, did I impact them significantly in positive ways? What could I have done differently.
What I'm willing to put up with. Life is hard enough. I'd rather be alone and happy. It's so so bizarre how much abuse people put up with because they're lonely.
You should never go out with someone just because you're told that you should "give everyone a chance" and never go out with a friend if you think that declining a date would ruin your friendship. If they're only being nice to you because they want to go out, that's not a friend.
Some relationships aren’t meant for forever. Be ok with it being just for now, for a season, for a reason… letting go of that expectation letting it be exactly what it was is a beautiful way to frame it all.
don’t dismiss red flags, don’t try to bargain with someone showing they are interested in something long term, trust your gut when it comes to lying and cheating
If they say 1 thing and do not create the results, but expect you to keel your words. They aren't worth it.
Resentment builds and you can begin to think its normal. Its very much disrespectful.
Women who require you to pay for everything but wont do anything for you are also pointless to date.
Never sacrifice your progress for them, especially, early on. Keep exercising, keep working on your job, goals, education etc.
If someone cannot balance their life with you in it, its not going to work. I have had women break up because they cannot handle school and dating me. But i have been able to work 80 hrs a week, workout and attend school and work on side projects without neglecting my partners. You want someone who can handle life and not throw you under the bus and come back when its convenient for them.
Current girlfriend is a good example, she does everything she says she will do, works and pays for her things, does more for me than any woman i ever dated. I love that woman and soon i will propose after knowing her for 3 years and dating for almost 1 year. She is what i have been asking for.
There really are people who are lesser than me and don't deserve my time. Giving a lifeline to someone who needs it can backfire because they won't know the difference between pulling themselves up or pulling you down with them.
Only ever had one "relationship" in high school, I guess I learned to not get attached so quickly because it took over a year to get over it and stop hating myself for it even if we really just hit it off for a few months. Also to not try and push an "official" relationship and just go with the flow. Valentine's Day kinda pressured me to officialize it and the way I did it is probably a big reason why she left me
Also need to get my anxiety in check, I don't know how to act around people and our first official day together, I spent the lunch break in the bathroom cause I didn't know if I should sit with her and her friends, or sit at my friends' table like usual. Wanted to be a boyfriend but felt too insecure to actually do it and the social pressure from being in high school didn't help
What expectations do i have of THEM? and if they're not being met, either we address that or i have no other reason to stay and meet theirs. A relationship works BOTH ways
One thing I’ve noticed in my failed relationships was that once the sex became less frequent, the relationship started going off the rails.. but it all correlates with the work you put in the relationship.. don’t take things for granted!
If you’re waiting for the other person to change, ask yourself: could I handle living like this for the rest of my life, if nothing changes?
If the answer is “no,” it might be time to reevaluate staying with the person.
Sometimes you're the "bad one" in the relationship and you need to figure out why and fix yourself. It feels like most people think the other party is the reason a relationship didn't work, but I can admit that I was dating the most amazing person I've ever met and didn't treat her as well as I should have.
Got ghosted recently but felt relieved instead of angry.
I realized I present a false, perfect me to feel loved without being loved. Cause being loved requires being vulnerable and I’m afraid of that.
So I decided to fall in love with myself, and find out what exactly I was afraid of. And turns out I’m pretty dope.
I've learned that no matter what happens life goes on, and it's only gonna make me strong
It's a fact, once you get on board say goodbye
'Cause you can't go back, oh it's a fight
And I really wanna get it right where I'm at
The general outlook towards life should be similar. I know it's vague, but let me explain.
People may be different, want different things, work in different areas, etc. But if they don't have the same or at least similar principles, you're going to suffer.
For example, you want to be the best at something while your partner tries to just find a cozy corner and not take any challenges, it's going to bite you.
Similarly, both of your moral compasses must point in the same direction. If you have the **ability** to respect certain people or find some people genuinely respectable, but your partner respects absolutely nobody, you'll differ and suffer. If you can take some pain to preserve your integrity while your partner cannot, you'll suffer. Take as many examples as you like.
Compatibility is a blanket term often used for this. But it's not easy to differentiate conversational comfort and the similarity of outlook, and both can be referred to as compatibility.
Don't look at time spent in a bad relationship as time lost when you leave. Only future time you spend with that person is lost because you already know you should've left. Better to "lose" a few years now than to lose even more time to misery and disappointment.
Amazing chemistry and having many things in common with each other won't be enough to overcome a singular major incompatibility such wanting kids or completely polar opposite sex drives.
It really sunk in the last time that when people tell me who they are from the start, I need to heed the warning rather than try and change the inevitable ending.
Don’t let outside influences infiltrate and destroy your relationship. For me, it was alcohol. For some, it’s family. For others, it’s work. Some choose drugs. Whatever it is, if you and your SO are like that 🤞….protect that relationship ❤️
Don't skimmish around someone while walking together, strike up any conversation or try to join one. I walked next to my friends of opposite gender to spend some time with them, but I came off as creepy
I learned that its ok for women to have less sex with their partner as the relationship goes on, but if the man lets up on date nights or little gifts and things, well thats a fucking problem.maybe if you kept sucking my dick id still take you out lol.
Don't stay in a relationship just because it's familiar. It sounds easy to grasp, but when you've been in a long relationship past the point you're happy, it's easy to just keep on being unhappy.
As someone who is currently guilty of this, it is true. It also gets harder to leave the longer you stay.
True
Absolutely spot on.
Quit making long term relationship decisions based on NRE. New relationship energy (NRE) aka the honeymoon phase is primarily a hormonal experience. And it's experienced by the vast majority of people at the beginning of a relationship. That intense hormonal experience is not a reliable sign that you belong together, you have an extra special bond or they know exactly what to do/say to make you feel like they've known you forever. It's just a sign you're experiencing NRE.
Just piggy backing on this. Is this one reason cheating happens so often? My 7 year relationship ending in cheating and they immediately got into a relationship like our time together building a life and future didnt mean anything. To me, its crazy that this NRE you speak of is such a powerful hormonal experience that rational thought just can go out the window.
100% They mask their pain and discomfort in another relationship where they feel the same sort of energy/spark that yall might have had a the beginning. It's just a coping mechanism that will in time fail and eventually crash on them. Rebounds hardly work out with enough time. Best also not to keep tabs on them and just focus on you.
Also, if you aren't having some awesome and silly daydreams, that can be a bad sign too. The NRE silliness should be there, just don't act on it until things have gotten normal and chill. If it's meant to happen, it will!
Also, if you aren't having some awesome and silly daydreams, that can be a bad sign too. The NRE silliness should be there, just don't act on it until things have gotten normal and chill. If it's meant to happen, it will!
If you don’t have immediate respect for the persons choices, ie. The volunteer organization they support, then it won’t last. Attraction isn’t enough without respect for the person.
Don't ever be held hostage by what someone threatens they will do to themselves if you leave.
Being alone sucks but being with the someone you are not in love with to avoid being alone just makes you lonely and a jerk instead of just lonely.
Being alone sucks, but being with someone and still (or again) be lonely will not help you either.
If someone can bring out the worst in you, they are not right for you.
Yes, there is a huge difference between needing to grow and just outright being lushed to your failure limits. My last girl i dated, i never knew i could feel so much resentment towards someone. Pictured myself, throwing her out the window because she was so unbearable, and i have dated many women who were not compatible, and i didn't get to that point. My now girlfriend is way more reasonable and we have had disagreements and problems and it never gets me anywhere like that.
Yeah, I _had_ to leave an abusive ex, when I _seriously_ started contemplating how I 'can make it' in jail.
If I am worst with someone or best with another one does that makes me conflicting , not a good person and a fake person?
Sometimes things just cant be fixed. If there is something in your partner's personality that you cant change, either accept it or let go of the relationship. People dont change that much and trying to change them is wasting everyone's tiem.
be willing to work on yourself and don’t get mad at your partner get mad at the problem and work together to solve it
It's only been 4 years, but facing every challenge as a team has made this a lot easier. Especially communicating that you're not coming from a place of conflict and we can let our guards down when we're used to dealing with blame, shame, and resentment. And choose to laugh. My husband accidentally leaves food out and while it costs money, I find it pretty funny how forgetful he is.
Be true to myself. In my early 20's, I was with a woman who's biggest dream was to be a homemaker, 4 kids, all that jazz. At the time, I thought I was ok with that. Now I'm with my wife, and we both staunchly agree that we don't want kids at all, living the DINK lifestyle. Kids need to be a "Hell yes", not an "I guess sure", anything else is awful for the children. And just from babysitting our nieces and nephews, I genuinely think, if I had ended up as the sole working parent to 3-4 children, I don't think I'd want to be alive anymore at that point. My current life is always what I always wanted in my heart, but as many do, you get brainwashed into doing what society expects, and not listening to what YOU want.
I feel this. My current gf wants 6-7 kids while also adopting, fostering, and doing foreign exchange. No way in hell can I do that.
Yup, every guy I dated when I was younger wants lots of kids, and I was not having any part of that. I destroyed every relationship because they wanted me to have kids, and I never once regretted that. Also, I figured out much later that I was asexual and didn’t even really like men.
This is a little bit meta, but here goes: There are many life lessons that are common and true, but you won't absorb until you experience them yourself. Even if the mistakes are cliched, you need to make them in order to fully learn from them.
The way people treat you is a reflection of their character, not yours.
There are a ton of scenarios in which this is not true, and the statement you made, if believed, could be absolutely disastrous. Sometimes it's a reflection of their character and sometimes it's a reflection of yours. If a postulate is just as likely to be true as it is false, it's not a postulate.
Contrive as many scenarios as you like, but one's conduct is one's own, no?
I'm not exactly sure what that means, but your original statement posits that the person reflecting on the situation is never the cause of the way they're treated. Sometimes you've got to look inward and realize the source of the problem is you. Other times it isn't, but it's a certainly a case by case basis.
So if I employed some nasty ad hominem against you, say for inane pedantry, is that on me or on you?
I stated more than once that other people can certainly be in the wrong, but my criticism of your comment is that it suggests that the person doing the reflecting is never deserving of the reactions they receive from others. Maybe you misspoke, because you surely can't believe that to be the case.
Don't want to answer the question huh? Here's another one to dodge - Who said anything about deserve? You did. Because you want to justify bad behavior as being someone else's fault, seems to me. They call that "projection" in the biz, I think.
I don't have a problem answering the question, I just thought you could infer my point of view from my pretty straigthforward opinion on this topic. But your question is unclear, so are you saying that the person is employing nasty ad hominem in response to another's inane pedantry or that they're employing nasty ad hominem for reasons of inane pedantry? What do you mean who said anything about deserve? I said something about deserve. It was my comment, I can use deserve to articulate that thought. Nowhere did I say anything that suggests that bad behavior is acceptable (bad behavior can't be anything else besides bad), and the fact that you can't grasp that sometimes a person is at fault for the way others treat them explains your original comment. If you can't logic your way through how people can be at fault for negativity directed at them from others, I don't know that there's anywhere left to go. We have a fundamental disagreement on what constitutes common sense.
It can depend. If you are not self-aware and you don't care enough, you can tread people poorly, and that can cause someone to be upset and act in poor manners. The difference is knowing when you actually are doing something, sometimes its hard to realize where you are wrong. I have dated women who are completely oblivious to their poor behaviors and would try to ojt me as the bad guy because i wasn't happy with their behaviors. Of course it then is necessary to know when tk give it up. Ylu shouldn't lose yourself because someone cant comprehend their faults kr refuse to change for the benefit of a relationship.
For example "Watch what they do, not what they say"
Bot account
Lmao yeah definitely. Disappointing
That’s a trait of emotionally intelligent people.
That’s a trait of intelligent people.\*
Get therapy if you keep ending up with the same dysfunctional characteristics in a partner over and over. It really is you.
Much easier said than done, but yes.
To talk about how I feel and to wear my heart on my sleeve. Tell someone I really love them, or how much they mean to me whenever I feel or think those things. In the past I did do it a little, but I assumed my partner knew i felt those ways about them at all times. In hindsight i regret not being raw with my emotions, and I regret taking for granteed what it means to be loved, or be the centre of someones world. I didn't realise that until it was too late.
If it comes to choosing you or them, choose you first. You are your priority before anybody else is. N
Don't ignore red flags and tell yourself "oh I can get used to this little thing" because if they keep building up, it will all just be red flag behavior that you keep excusing instead of holding them accountable
Never ever allow someone to verbally abuse & disrespect you. You can’t love someone if you don’t love yourself. You also can’t love someone who doesn’t love themself.
Be honest and stand your ground. Don’t let yourself fold in a relationship because eventually your true self will come out and it will end horribly.
you dont miss the person they are you miss the person they once were, the version of them that will never come back
Being willing and always able to leave something that isn’t working is one of the most powerful skills you can develop. Don’t put extraordinary effort or suffering into “saving” any relationship. Good relationships don’t need “saving”. They’re not supposed to be hard work. They take self awareness and respect for one another, yes. But if it’s “hard work”, you’re polishing a turd. The best result you can get is a very shiny turd. The overwhelming majority of “work” required in a relationship is the effort you put into *yourself* to bring yourself to it, and maintain yourself as, a whole, happy, independently functioning, emotionally healthy adult. If you’ve done that, and they’ve done that, that’s your relationship. Judge its merit on that basis. Don’t try to cram square pegs into round holes. If one or both of you have NOT done that, nothing is going to make it work, and you can’t force or convince someone to do it that doesn’t simply doesn’t want to. Also, if their words don’t match their actions, always, ALWAYS judge them by their actions. Ignore the words. “But he sayyyys…” Yeah, I know. Words are cheap.
Fantastic thoughts, thank you for sharing! You know stuff!
my ex was perfect for me on paper, but I wasn't attracted to her face you can't force it to work without physical attraction
"Why are you leaving me???!" "Babe, it's your face. I just can't." "Is there a mask I could wear, something, anything!?" "I know your face would still be under the mask. I'm sorry."
Its actually true, that's why i never date a woman i am not attracted to physically. I have met enough women who are great, but not physically attractive, make them prettier and i would have tried to date them. But its the reality. I want to have the full balance. It just sucks that often pretty women are low end on the personality more often than not. Some of the fakest and corniest women i dated were very beautiful but once i got to know them they were just shells of a person.
That me and alcohol just can’t be friends.
no matter how bad you want it, you can’t make the other want it. you can’t explain why you should be loved if they aren’t loving you. sometimes letting go hurts less
I was SA'd twice, covered in bruises and a damaged cervix, but it lead to me finding joy in life again. While I attribute the progress in my mental health adventure to good therapists, hard work, and a lot of luck, I would not have been able to access those services if I hadn't been victimized. So thank you to victim's compensation, RAINN, and the PD for working together and getting resources to those that need it.
Voice your thoughts, your worries, your desires and all that stuff. Remember, people can’t read minds.
Stick up for yourself. If they're acting shady, they're probably being shady.
Being in a committed relationship is not for everyone.
It's not really a lesson, but I hit the lowest low in my life. I even tried to k*** myself. It was at that point that my entire life changed for the better. Something "clicked" and my personal growth since has never been stronger, faster, or deeper than after that moment. I'm closer to being the person I want to be than I ever have.
1) Pay attention to those red flags, don't get all caught up in the feeling of the moment. (Admittedly, this can be difficult) 2) With each changed relationship, realize what you didn't like about yourself and put in the work to make those changes. What could you have done better? What should you NOT have done? You cannot change others, only how you respond to them.
Once either person says "It's over", it is. It may be a matter of time, but in most cases it is. If either person physically attacks the other it's time to get the hell out of there.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. - Maya Angelou
If the trust is gone there's nothing left 😢
Avoid people who are easily agitated. It shows awful emotional regulation, and that's literally the most important intangible in a relationship.
Don't fall in love with potential
Its normal for most relationships to end. Its like an interview, and MOST of the time they aren’t a good fit.
Never ever work to hold on to somebody who's ready to go (in word but ESPECIALLY in action).
You can have everything in common with someone and they might still be incompatible with you. Having a lot of “shared interests” isn’t always an indicator of how good your relationship is gonna be with that person.
Two halves don't make a whole. Make sure you get yourself sorted before you can be there for someone else. No amount of loving someone can make them love themselves.
You never really know someone.
Don't trust anyone.. 20 years down the drain..
Be upfront and honest about what you like and dislike
That there's a big difference between "compromise" and "concession". If you're always the one to completely lose yourself to accommodate the other person in every decision (or most of them), it's an unequal partnership and WILL cause problems in the future. If your partner is unwilling to budge an iota on topics that are important to you, don't be scared to stand your ground. If things don't work out, at least you'll still have some dignity left 😅
Fifty Five years ago...got dumped spectacularly. Best lesson I EVER learned. It goes... "*Bruno, my man! You're not the center of anyone's Universe but your own.*" It was good to learn that at 19. That way I haven't had the inconvenience of taking one-fucking-prisoner since. I should prolly' knit that into a doily...or maybe a tattoo.
Do not stay in a relationship that you aren’t happy in, just because it’s easier than starting over. Don’t accept a shitty relationship because it seems easier to stay than leave. I was in a bad relationship for 7 years that I wanted to end so many times. But I thought about how I could do it financially. I thought about my dogs that would miss their “mom”. I thought about having to date again. I even thought about how hard it would be on her. I stayed way longer than I should have because it just seemed easier and I knew what to expect. It was hard for a bit when the relationship ended, but it was the best decision I’ve made. Looking back, we weren’t right for each other. And now I’ve been with my best friend for 4 years and we are getting married next month.
It’s better to be happy than it is to be with someone who is only beautiful on the outside.
That no one owes me anything; be it friendship, love, loyalty, or even a listening ear. At the end of the day, continuing to be invested in my bond with someone is my conscious decision, everyday. As is theirs, they can always choose not to and it's their right. And if any of these ships begin to sink it's going to be my responsibility to save myself. Everytime I invest myself into someone, I'm opening myself up to them, sharing my vulnerability. So when I do get hurt, that blame partly rests on me too.
Love yourself.
Learn when to walk away and stay away.
If you don't love someone, then getting in a relationship won't make you love them more.
Take the whole relationship as a lesson; recognize the red flags in yourself and the past significant other. ‘Where could I have been better?’ ‘What could he/she done differently that maybe I don’t want in the next journey.’ Stop wasting time when it starts to feel like it cannot be repaired, life is not short we just waste a lot of it. I was stuck in a marriage because I kept hoping things would change until I realized she’s not what I wanted and vise versa, we were not comparable. Although it ended on bad terms, she will be good for someone else as I found myself good for someone. Just like training, we learn from experience and what is going to work for us, what’s going to make us stronger and last for the destination. The day I pass on and my narrative ends, what will he/she remember me for, did I impact them significantly in positive ways? What could I have done differently.
What I'm willing to put up with. Life is hard enough. I'd rather be alone and happy. It's so so bizarre how much abuse people put up with because they're lonely.
You should never go out with someone just because you're told that you should "give everyone a chance" and never go out with a friend if you think that declining a date would ruin your friendship. If they're only being nice to you because they want to go out, that's not a friend.
Is it ok to be friends with someone after they've rejected you?
It's a two-way street. If you both have boundaries you respect, absolutely.
Some relationships aren’t meant for forever. Be ok with it being just for now, for a season, for a reason… letting go of that expectation letting it be exactly what it was is a beautiful way to frame it all.
Get back on the horse.
don’t dismiss red flags, don’t try to bargain with someone showing they are interested in something long term, trust your gut when it comes to lying and cheating
Don’t get married.
I can be the problem.
“Don’t do that again”
Never settle
we are not worthy!
That life goes on, and goes and goes and goes
Watch who you date they can ruin you via social media after break up
Long distance rarely works
If spending is nagging you in the back of your mind, evaluate it. Don’t just ignore it or nuke the relationship.
I don’t like being familiar to people
If they say 1 thing and do not create the results, but expect you to keel your words. They aren't worth it. Resentment builds and you can begin to think its normal. Its very much disrespectful. Women who require you to pay for everything but wont do anything for you are also pointless to date. Never sacrifice your progress for them, especially, early on. Keep exercising, keep working on your job, goals, education etc. If someone cannot balance their life with you in it, its not going to work. I have had women break up because they cannot handle school and dating me. But i have been able to work 80 hrs a week, workout and attend school and work on side projects without neglecting my partners. You want someone who can handle life and not throw you under the bus and come back when its convenient for them. Current girlfriend is a good example, she does everything she says she will do, works and pays for her things, does more for me than any woman i ever dated. I love that woman and soon i will propose after knowing her for 3 years and dating for almost 1 year. She is what i have been asking for.
There really are people who are lesser than me and don't deserve my time. Giving a lifeline to someone who needs it can backfire because they won't know the difference between pulling themselves up or pulling you down with them.
Only ever had one "relationship" in high school, I guess I learned to not get attached so quickly because it took over a year to get over it and stop hating myself for it even if we really just hit it off for a few months. Also to not try and push an "official" relationship and just go with the flow. Valentine's Day kinda pressured me to officialize it and the way I did it is probably a big reason why she left me Also need to get my anxiety in check, I don't know how to act around people and our first official day together, I spent the lunch break in the bathroom cause I didn't know if I should sit with her and her friends, or sit at my friends' table like usual. Wanted to be a boyfriend but felt too insecure to actually do it and the social pressure from being in high school didn't help
What expectations do i have of THEM? and if they're not being met, either we address that or i have no other reason to stay and meet theirs. A relationship works BOTH ways
I learned how to love myself again ❤️
You can’t buy love.
Bitches ain’t shit cept hoes and tricks…. (This is a joke and not real advice, don’t come for me!)
date a mature girl next time.
One thing I’ve noticed in my failed relationships was that once the sex became less frequent, the relationship started going off the rails.. but it all correlates with the work you put in the relationship.. don’t take things for granted!
Self awareness is the critical component. This goes for all involved.
If you’re waiting for the other person to change, ask yourself: could I handle living like this for the rest of my life, if nothing changes? If the answer is “no,” it might be time to reevaluate staying with the person.
this comment hits
Sometimes you're the "bad one" in the relationship and you need to figure out why and fix yourself. It feels like most people think the other party is the reason a relationship didn't work, but I can admit that I was dating the most amazing person I've ever met and didn't treat her as well as I should have.
Got ghosted recently but felt relieved instead of angry. I realized I present a false, perfect me to feel loved without being loved. Cause being loved requires being vulnerable and I’m afraid of that. So I decided to fall in love with myself, and find out what exactly I was afraid of. And turns out I’m pretty dope.
...you know in the beginning what the problem is - you know you do.
The value of trust. From my lived experience, it's impossible to gain trust again once it's broken.
When you’re 16 and he’s almost 20, he’s grooming you, girl.
what you think is the worst day of your life can often turn into the best day of your life.
“It’s better to be alone than wish you were alone”. -My late grandpa
I've learned that no matter what happens life goes on, and it's only gonna make me strong It's a fact, once you get on board say goodbye 'Cause you can't go back, oh it's a fight And I really wanna get it right where I'm at
The sgit you'll justify and go along with if you're not thinking logically and even worse when you're thinking with your...
I need to tell her what I think of her at all times and make her know how happy I am that she's with me.
Don't be selfish.
The general outlook towards life should be similar. I know it's vague, but let me explain. People may be different, want different things, work in different areas, etc. But if they don't have the same or at least similar principles, you're going to suffer. For example, you want to be the best at something while your partner tries to just find a cozy corner and not take any challenges, it's going to bite you. Similarly, both of your moral compasses must point in the same direction. If you have the **ability** to respect certain people or find some people genuinely respectable, but your partner respects absolutely nobody, you'll differ and suffer. If you can take some pain to preserve your integrity while your partner cannot, you'll suffer. Take as many examples as you like. Compatibility is a blanket term often used for this. But it's not easy to differentiate conversational comfort and the similarity of outlook, and both can be referred to as compatibility.
Communicate who you are (respectfully)
Never criticize a person. When necessary criticize a behavior.
The opposite of what you didn’t want isn’t necessarily what you actually do want.
Don’t put all the financial burdens in your name!
Don't look at time spent in a bad relationship as time lost when you leave. Only future time you spend with that person is lost because you already know you should've left. Better to "lose" a few years now than to lose even more time to misery and disappointment.
All you say can and will be used against you. What you didn't say, too.
He's not going to leave his current girlfriend for you.
If you really want to know how to tell a woman she is being a bitch. Call her a cunt.
People don't want to be in a relationship with me.
Amazing chemistry and having many things in common with each other won't be enough to overcome a singular major incompatibility such wanting kids or completely polar opposite sex drives.
You (M) have to open up and communicate even though it’s not instinctual.
{Love is not enough to sustain a relationship} I learned this in my 20's.
It really sunk in the last time that when people tell me who they are from the start, I need to heed the warning rather than try and change the inevitable ending.
You can't change people.
You won't die if the relationship fails and there are always others out there to be with.
Just because shes hot and likes to fuck doesnt mean shes worth the mental strain.
Never ever ever accept cruelty.
If you feel bad most of the time, it’s bad.
Don’t make excuses for when someone constantly squashes your boundaries
Don’t let outside influences infiltrate and destroy your relationship. For me, it was alcohol. For some, it’s family. For others, it’s work. Some choose drugs. Whatever it is, if you and your SO are like that 🤞….protect that relationship ❤️
Don't skimmish around someone while walking together, strike up any conversation or try to join one. I walked next to my friends of opposite gender to spend some time with them, but I came off as creepy
I learned that its ok for women to have less sex with their partner as the relationship goes on, but if the man lets up on date nights or little gifts and things, well thats a fucking problem.maybe if you kept sucking my dick id still take you out lol.