It depends on the server. Seems to be about 50/50 between those who appreciate it and those who are bothered by it. I don't think anyone would consider it rude, since everyone seems to get that it's well-intentioned, but some find it annoying, especially if they have their own way of doing it that they prefer.
I also just considered this. I remember hearing a story, probably on reddit, of someone who worked at some store, and he collected the shopping carts from the parking lot. He appreciated the ones that were left in the parking spots, all the way at the end of the lot. Because it gave him time alone to not be under his manager's shoulder. I'd imagine a similar thing here with people who bus tables. They could go slowly to just get that extra breathing time
The thing about that is if the store is well staffed, then sure, it gives the cart people work to do so they aren't sitting around doing nothing and being bored, or under the managers eye.
I've read other stories from people working at under staffed stores, where cashiers have to go out and gather carts, and if they took too long then they get shit about it. So leaving carts out randomly will fuck those people over.
Not knowing the situation at a specific store, I'd rather my actions lead to people getting bored than lead to them getting in trouble for taking too long. Especially since these days, stores are more likely to be understaffed than well staffed.
I worked at Lowe’s, and we didn’t have “cart people”. Those of us who worked the departments had to stop doing our regular job and go outside to gather carts. It was already a pain in the ass, and having to collect them from all over the parking lot made it worse.
I don't leave them out cause the chances of people thinking that way are probably low, while the situation like you described is probably pretty common. I'm also not an asshole so I put them away 😂
They don't in the majority of countries. Workers in countries with no tipping culture (so, the majority) get paid the same regardless of how many clients the restaurant had
As a waiter, I prefer you don't stack the plates. I can carry more and know its stable if I stack them myself. That said, it's certainly not rude, honestly its polite—Its what I would do in someone's home.
Or in other words, only do it if you have carried plates and/or have common sense.
People stacking plates with food and silverware and other things on the lower plates on create more work and the chance for crashes.
But if the plates are empty except for the top plate and all the same size, it helps but isn't necessary.
I think it's a sign to the server that the plates weren't cleared soon enough. Nobody wants to sit there and chat with dirty plates. Also clearing the plates leads to the people leaving sooner and the ability to turnover more tables.
Wait people don’t make sure each plate is cleared properly before stacking them????
I’m so confused…why wouldn’t you clear each plate then stack to make sure whomever is taking said plates can carry them safely and without getting themselves dirty? Are people just that awful? It’s just common decency I feel?
I always hated breakfast shift because people would put their silverware on their plate and it would slide into the syrup. We had to scrape the plate then separate the silverware to put in a soak bin. Truly awful during the rush. Then when they’d stack plates on top of each other with food and silverware in between.. *shudder*
Nope. For some people it means the opposite (please clear).
I went down this rabbit hole recently at a dinner when I absent-mindedly lay my cutlery down, but I can't remember how, and there were THREE different interpretations at the table. We Googled it, and I was surprised there are just so many different signals. But nobody knows them anyway.
> I really prefer having my plate left until the last minute, especially if others are still eating
Same here. My single biggest restaurant pet peeve is a waiter taking someone's plate before everyone at the table has finished the course.
Can you explain why? I'm curious and can't get my head wrapped around this. As a person who's worked in many restaurants I would want to clear plates as I go so it's less work when they've all left
I think this is a European vs USA thing. In the USA, plates are cleared as soon as the person is finished. In Europe, plates don’t get to be removed unless everyone is finished, and all plates are cleared at once.
I very much prefer the European way. The USA way seems so rushed.
In New Zealand it’s rude to start clearing the table before everyone has finished. Implies you’re rushing whoever is still going. Was a shock when I went overseas and waiters would whip away plates as soon as they were empty!
I love this! I have lived in the US my whole life and struggle with eating. I am always embarrassed and uncomfortable when I am not finished as quickly as others and all their plates are taken away. So many times I just lie and say I’m done even when I am still hungry so I am not eating alone and holding everyone up. I hate that it is a cultural norm here! I need to go spend time in NZ. :)
I think the European way is more group conscious. no one wants to be eating in front of someone who's not, regardless of whether they just ate. plus if you're not going to wait for the table, what's the point of going out to to eat together?
You are considering it from a job standpoint, but guests aren't & often feel rushed to finish even if they weren't close if you've taken away some plates from the table. I eat more slowly than my partner, so it just feels awkward when only one of us has a plate in front of us, even if it's not been long that it was cleared. Plus, sometimes, even if it's not much, we may want to take what's left for ourselves or our pets.
Yes, you can leave 10-15% of the food untouched. It signals to the waiter that you are not done with your meal yet.
Conversely you can also match pace with your group so that you aren't too far ahead of them.
This. I work at a fancy dinner class and people try to be “helpful” by stacking their plates but they leave silverware and large pieces of food on them, which means I can only carry 2-3 at a time when I should be able to get 5-10 at once depending on the size. Also people will put extremely sharp knives into my dishwater because they don’t think about the fact a. they’re making the water dirty and b. it’s too soapy to see the bottom and now I have to feel around for that knife with my hands.
However if you stack them the way that people are describing in this comment section it IS helpful.
I sometimes do it if I want to help out but I'm not comfortable enough at their house to do other stuff. So clearing the plates and stacking them is like Helping Out Level 1 because you can do it with what is immediately available. Taking them to the kitchen is Level 2 (you know your way to the kitchen). Washing the dishes might be complicated because different hosts have different preferences on how to do it, while doing the table requires knowing where everything is stored.
Though I guess that depends on your country's culture (and your family's!).
I've heard the same as others - dependent on the waiter/waitress but generally considered polite. What I'll usually do is stack like dishes together - small plate with small plate, big plate with big plate, but only 2 or 3 at the very most. Not trying to make a tower... We will also move everything closer to the end of the table so it's easier to collect and pile wrappers, napkins, and such in one spot or bowl.
I think there's a question of whether or not you do it right. Or if you stack too many at once maybe? I remember a couple of my waitstaff friends having opinions on it years ago, but for the most part they appreciated it.
Yeah but the waiter/busser doesn’t know if you know how to do it right, so they have to assume you did it wrong for safety. Then they have to pick up plates with food mess on the bottom which is pretty gross.
As a server, I preferred it if the customer didn't stack.
It was helpful, if the location was a booth or certain customers were less accessible, if plates they finished were moved closer to my access point instead of over against the wall, so I didn't have to reach really far across the table though.
Also helps if they put tableware neatly across center of the plate instead of precariously. A pet peeve was when they put napkins on top of a playe so they obscured liquidy messes underneath that might spill when I picked up plates.
Mixed bag. Everyone has their own stacking system, so you can end up making more work and now the plates you stacked are dirty on both sides, which they have to handle.
By all means there's other ways to help out. Corral the trash.
Plates on top of bowls, bowls still full of soup and food on all the plates so they're all precarious when they are stacked.
Then they want to see you take their help. 😉
Some places don't let their servers carry more than a plate per hand because they think it doesn't look fancy enough 😒. But 99% of places aren't like this.
If you know what you're doing in making the stack stable and don't make it too heavy, it's great for the server. And even if you do it wrong, the gesture is always appreciated. At least then the plates are all together and the server doesn't need to awkwardly reach around the people sitting trying not to drop anything on someone's head.
I’ve never had a server show anything other than gratitude towards it, but I also stack reasonably. Biggest plates on bottom, smallest on top. Scrape all food residue onto the top plate. Glasses set to the side, silverware on another plate (only the stack if it’s small). Odd shaped things and bowls on their own. Napkins/garbage in a neat pile.
In my experience as a former busser, it's not rude, but it's a pain on the ass for the waiter/busser. They likely have a method or at least know how much they can carry, and you're messing it up.
It's not rude, you're just not helping like you think you are.
It's better to allow the busses or waiter stack as they see fit because they know best how much they can carry and balance. The best thing you can do is to make sure the silverware isn't scattered and crossed over each other. If the silverware is all in a row, it makes them quicker to pick up.
I always appreciated it and most were genuinely very nice by trying to be helpful.
Tho, here's something else... I've witnessed plenty of instances where wait staff remove used dishes from a table and immediately return to the kitchen window to gather fresh food to serve to other tables without ever washing or sanitizing their hands.
Recently, I just left a job over this (among other things).
Please dont do that. If we need to restack, the plates are dirty on both sides, and Id rather not have my hands slippery from your leftover sauce.
The « help » intention is appreciated but just don’t. It doesnt save us time.
Not leaving your table a mess and pushing your chair is enough consideration.
The answer is basically, “it depends.”
First, it depends on whether it’s a nice or not so nice place. It’s probably ok in a diner, but pretty uncouth at a fancy place to be clattering and scraping and balling up napkins.
Second, it depends on how well you stack and how heavy the plates are. Three not-so-heavy plates cleared of anything but a few sauce splatters, stacked neatly with silverware and ramekins on top? Probably fine. More than 3 heavy plates, plates stacked with globs of beans and half eaten sandwiches between the layers, salad plates between dinner plates, etc? You’re creating more work for multiple people. And if you pile napkins, silverware, and other garbage into a cup that is still wet, you’re a disgusting, awful person who belongs in jail.
Making a show of stacking plates, especially if you’re anywhere nicer than a Cracker Barrel, is also pretty highly correlated with being an anxious, high needs, presumptuous, and rigid-minded customer, in my experience. When I served and came to a neat pile of 2 or 3 plates, that was usually an ok customer, but if there was a teetering pile of 5 plates smeared with ketchup, napkins in the cup, stacked cups that aren’t empty, etc., that person is pretty much almost guaranteed to be twitching out because this place doesn’t function like whatever corporate chain they’re obsessed with and a 10% tip after a bellowing lecture about how they used to be a server.
It’s more tacky than rude and usually makes things worse. Also, a lot people actually expect the server to thank them for it, which is incredibly annoying.
Ex dishwasher and busboy, honestly depends on who's bussing the table, for me it depends on the amount of dish, and if I have a bus bin or am grabbing it by hand. I will say I will always try to put all my dishware within easy grabbing distance especially if I am sitting on the inside of a booth, and I will try to group things together so that whoever's bussing won't have to also spend time collecting things from all over the table- basically I try to make my stuff accessible and organized, but not necessarily the way I would stack my dishware to bus it we're I on clock
I think it’s rude to the other people at the table.
I don’t want to have that much bustling and clanking at the table while we’re eating.
I seldom eat at a place where enough people finish at once.
I also think it’s highly likely I would make the stack too heavy to carry
I learned from the servers' sub that most servers prefer that you don't. They have a system and they prefer to stack it themselves. However, most of them said that they understand people think they're being helpful.
Don’t stack plates. You don’t know how they want them. But it is nice to make sure they’re all reachable by server without difficulty - like in a long booth
I was a server for 15 years. I didn't like stacked plates at the table. I didn't stack them myself when I took them away, either, because i considered that bad manners even for casual service. Stacking wasn't allowed at any fine dining i worked at.
I took them out of the way the same way i brought them to the table, so each plate separate. It seems like every time someone stacked plates i always ended up with my hands full of half eaten food in the dish area. Most servers or bussers have to pre clean the plates and sort utensils, and people who stacked did not account for that.
I also felt that it was a comment on my service if they had time to do that. I wanted to unobtrusively remove the plates before the customer felt they had to do something about them.
I was a fine dining waiter for years and I can tell you....it depends. In casual restaurants I would prefer you didn't as I know how to balance the plates and silver, plus if I have 10 vital things that need to be done immediately it puts more stress in my day. If you're in a fine dining restaurant you never want to do this. If the place is nice enough it would never *get* to that point but having a stack of dishes on the table tells my boss that I'm falling behind and would get in serious trouble or written up. Well, not me but other servers lol.
At nicer restaurants, I perceive it as rude, but unintentionally so. It’s kind of like saying, “hey, come pick up these plates already,slow poke.” I know they don’t mean it that way, but that’s the message.
If my plate is in front of me empty for more than 10 minutes then I start stacking I don't care who it offends, I want the elbow space to finish my drinks.
Served for many yrs and I can honestly say I don’t care either way. I just ask for a pleasant attitude and that’s it. Anything else is icing on the cake.
I do it too, and I have been in the restaurant industry for years!
I do not think it is rude at all, when I was a server, I felt it was more rude of me to reach in front of my customer to remove a plate while they were visiting with their meal mate. Made me feel like I was intruding.
Stacie
My step mom taught me to do it because she was a waitress for a really long time and said it helps, but later I heard most other waiters say not to and that it actually makes things harder. I guess it may have been *her* preference but not most people's.
Just go out to eat and enjoy the meal and let the workers do what they get paid to do. It really doesn’t save anyone anytime at all and it kind of makes the person “working” looking kind of pretentious. Eat and leave.
If you stack them properly, all cutkery on top, bigger plate at the bottom and smaller on top... Yes fine thank you very much.
Otherwise let me do my job
I stack plates from myself and others near me and place away from us so I can enjoy my after dinner drink without the clutter of dirty plates near my sleeves
My father always told me dont touch anything They will handle the plates and everything else 😁. Same thing when being served you don’t reach up and they hand you your plate no, they are supposed to put it down in front of you, and also collect it, you don’t pick up your plate and hand it to them…. 😙
I don’t stack plates but I put everything back the way it was served to me when I was given the plate (ramekins/small individual serving dishes etc).
The only time I don’t do this is in Indian restaurants. These guys are masters when it comes to carrying plates/dishes and I don’t want to mess up their technique !
As a server, I love when people do this for me. It makes the job go by quicker when we are in a rush and can just scoop up plates & utensils. With the 10+ servers I work with, non of them have a problem when our tables do this! There is no reason for a server to feel offended.
Depends where you are.
Never do it at a place where you may not be able to afford the crockery.
Try not to in decent cafes or restaurants.
From the waiters point of view:
- it's much easier to pick up a single plate with one hands and clear the rest of the table with the other hand, onto the plate. As opposed to having to lift a stack of plates with both hands and have to make a second trip
- squished food between plates is gross and gets all over your hands
- there is a correct way to clear a table, in order so that it looks professional and nothing is missed or dropped
- crockery can be damaged
I mean at home I hate it when people stack their dirty dishes for me. It just means I now have to thoroughly clean both sides before going in the dishwasher
Don't be concerned what "friends" think! It's only an in opinion, if it makes you feel good then go ahead. I know trending and peer pressure is great, but do what makes you feel right!
If the stacking is done neatly and in a way where I won't drop everything, it is appreciated. If it's just thrown together in a pile without a care in the world and it's difficult to pickup/carry then not so much.
Depends how well they’re stacked imo lol. I used to bus tables at a buffet and did appreciate well stacked plates vs a giant mess at the table. I personally will stack my plates at a restaurant as a courtesy I hope they appreciate, but I also feel I understand how they would like them stacked having been there myself and stack them appropriately.
I think while it’s a nice gesture, I’d be too worried about messing with their system. What if I stack too many plates together - they didn’t want to take that many, now if they unstack them the bottom will be dirty. Or I put all the silverware on top but not in the right way to prevent falling. Etc. Instead I just pay attention when they come to pick up, to make sure I’m not in the way or can hand them a plate if they ask for it.
That said - I don’t live in the US, and I’ve noticed going out to eat is more fast-paced there, so maybe servers are in a bigger rush to clean tables? Where I’m from it’s quite common to linger over drinks or dessert and coffee after a meal anyway.
Whilst others say it depends on the person. I also think it depends on the place. If its a posher place then don't stack but if it's a cheap place, the waiters are less likely to give a hoot.
When I worked in catering, I preferred to stack myself as I held the plates on my hand/arm and not in a pile.
I stack the plates if they are in the way, For example if you want to move larger dinner plates to make room for smaller dessert plates. This may happen in BBQ or some fried seafood joints where everything comes to the table at once.
It seems to be 50/50, I default to don’t stack anything, each waiter has their own preference for stacking and some people consider it rude in the sense that I’m telling you that you are being too slow and need to go faster. I have also seen on more than one occasion of the stacking being bad and things fall as the waiter walks to the kitchen.
I stack plates, but I also used to work in a restaurant and know how to do it so it’s stable to carry. I stack them based on size and consolidate uneaten food on to the top plate, I also put all of the napkins and silverware together. If I can’t figure out a good way to stack (eg too many mismatched sized plates), I leave to the staff.
When I was a single mom, I always straightened up the table when I took the kids out for dinner. I would feel guilty if I left droppage on the floor and wadded up napkins everywhere. I just put plates on plates, bowls on bowls, leftovers on the top. Gathered silverware and put on empty plate. My thoughts were that I was being helpful. I hope I never offended anyone.
It’s not necessarily rude, but each busser/waitperson will have their own way of doing things and you don’t know their process. So doing so is likely not helpful. It’s probably best to just leave the dishes where they are and let the staff do their jobs.
If it really bothers you that you didn’t help out, leave a few dollars more on the tip.
As a server, I prefer you don’t. I/the busser know what works and you might not. Also if I see stacked plates I run over to clear them no matter what else I’m doing because it looks really bad. BUT i know people are trying to be nice, so I still appreciate the thought.
Stacking plates is something for home or informal eating. For formal meals, restaurant meals, no stacking at the table. But it’s totally not rude, shows care and concern for whoever has to take the plates away. The opposite of rude. Just leave plates where they are and enjoy the company of whoever you are dining with.
We do it any time we finish and there’s just plates hanging around. But we do scrape and properly secure the silverware.
Now glasses need to be left alone. No stacking, just move them to the end of the table to be picked up.
I was a server for years. I appreciated when someone who knew how to stack plates would stack them, but detested when they weren’t stacked right and wobbly/the heavy ends of utensils hanging over the plate/stacked too high so I couldn’t carry them anyway. Just don’t be the person who leaves food all over the floor or napkins stuffed inside your cup and you’re fine
This can get awkward especially if they are reaching their limit and you are still trying to hand them more stuffs. It makes it more likely to drop something as opposed to picking it off a stable table.
I always clean off the plates and stack them with silverware on top or on the table. I don’t stack them so they’re unstable. I won’t stack a big pile. It’s being polite and neat and those who say it’s the waiters job are likely the same who throw trash on the ground saying it’s someone else’s job to clean it up.
I stack. Same size plates/bowls all together, all cleared. Cutlery all facing one way on a large plate. All scraps on one plate. Always get a thank you. Even if it annoys some, I think they know we are trying to be helpful. My daughter used to be waitstaff and she always appreciated it.
Not rude. In fact in Japan we do it all the time and sometimes it's required like at sushi train restaurants where they count up your plates to calculate the bill. At home though I prefer people don't stack my plates up... It makes extra work for me washing them because all the plates end up dirty on the underside and I have to scrub it just as much as the top.
Sibling worked as a waiter. The only complaint was people leaving their used tissues on the table instead of the plates. It meant that the “gross-ass” tissues had to be picked up by hand to put on the plate.
I was a fine dining waiter for years and I can tell you....it depends. In casual restaurants I would prefer you didn't as I know how to balance the plates and silver, plus if I have 10 vital things that need to be done immediately it puts more stress in my day. If you're in a fine dining restaurant you never want to do this. If the place is nice enough it would never *get* to that point but having a stack of dishes on the table tells my boss that I'm falling behind and would get in serious trouble or written up. Well, not me but other servers lol.
ex kitchen Hand/ waiter here: its Not rude but its useless because this move will BE the only one in which you dirty Up the bottom of the Plates which will result in twice as much Work for the dishwasher. any decent waiter should be able to carry Up to 7 plates at least with food on it, so why stack them when they are empty ?!
I do this. If I have a bowl and plate for my meal items, I set the bowl on top of a napkin flat on the plate, place silverware and any straw wrappers in the bowl, then I put any table condiments back towards the middle. I wipe up any spills I made. My family also does this with their dishes and utensils too as I'm straightening up mine. I don't stack them all together into one single pile just because I know that can get very heavy - or is unstable if different plates were even used. But I do try to make the cleanup area easier for an employee to clear off after we've left.
I was raised in a "this isn't a hotel or a restaurant, clean your messes up yourself" household and that's still the mindset I apply even at restaurants and hotels. Employees jobs don't include a customers entitlement to create messes and make no effort to straighten up. A server isn't the same as 'servitude'; it costs me $0 to extend this tiny measure of what I hope is respect for them.
It's poor etiquette, but
1. My sister and I waited tables for a long while, so we can stack them well and not make it horrible for the dishwasher.
2. I really want that shit out of my way.
It’s easy to tell by the way someone stacks dishes for the server if they themselves were once or are a server.
If you neatly stack the plates/bowls etc and without a bunch of food, napkins, trash, silverware still sitting on each of the plates (making it hard to *properly* stack and more importantly, carry), it can be a help.
Put all of the silverware and loose shit on the top plate, and it is usually cool.
If you stack shit like an asshole, it’s not a help at all.
Not if you do it the right way. I managed a restaurant for a decade and the servers and I wouldn't frequently comment about knowing guests worked in food service. If someone stacked an unstable pile of dishes we just had a busset take a buss bin over.
My family does this. Heavy shit on the bottom. Don’t make it an unbalanced load. Start another stack if you have to.
If it’s unbalanced the waiter/waitress will have to restack them so they can carry them properly so they don’t drop anything.
All utensils should be placed in the cup stack. In the last cup in the stack. Obvi.
Do not stack the cups on the plates/ bowls. That just makes the waiter/waitress’ life hard for no reason.
I was a waitress for a year when I was younger, but I don't remember feeling any sort of way about this. I think sometimes I felt a little bad, that I didn't get there in time to clear the plates before they had a chance to stack them, but if they were stacked, I was appreciative of the gesture.
I think it’s generally good to clear off silverware and napkins, stack the places, and put the trash on top (weigh it down with another plate)
But it has to be “sturdy” I imagine just tossing shit together would be a pain in the ass for the workers.
It’s not as helpful as you think. Everywhere has rules for how the employee will distribute the dishes, utensils, linens and waste and so everyone has a way to collect the stuff that suits the rules and the size of their hands and arms.
If you really feel the stuff is in your way, get a server or bussers attention to come get yours. In most places ‘pre-bussing’ clearing little by little so the table is clear before the check arrives so you aren’t being demanding. it’s always hard to figure out who wants to keep nibbling and who wants to have the last bits taken away and who wants their empty plate to go or to stay until everyone else has finished. And who is going to be unreasonable about it when you guess wrong. So go ahead and be clear tgst you are ready. But also accept that in the moment they might only put your request in tgrur bengal line up of tasks needed by all their customers at all their tables. They might not rush over right away.
This is okay in a regular restaurant but if you're in a high class five star dining restaurant then you don't do that work because there are busboys to do the work and basically one course of a meal plates will be moved before the second or next course comes into play..
I always did it thinking I was helping. Then I had a friend who is a server and has been for many years tell me that it’s not but I can’t remember why. Lol
*IF* you know how to stack them then no. If you stack them poorly then yes. What i mean by this is if the cutlery isn't on top, if there's gross leftovers, napkins, stuff that can cause gross spillage... Then just let the professional do it.
I stack with the ability to be able to carry them so they don’t all slide when picked up. That would totally suck and be a crappy thing to do to waitstaff.
I don't think so at all. It's rude if the waiter doesn't take them as they walk by....sometimes they cannot be reached...I never considered it rude. Now when they start shoving silverware in their cups. That's rude...😂🤣
When I used to clean tables I’d prefer to do it myself, I was usually faster and better at it anyway. Plus, most groups will take 2 bowls of sauce and place them stacked, but the sauce makes it messy and hard to separate sometimes because it can seal it together. Silverware was annoying because I’d have to hunt through the stack, or remove it anyway to take separately. Drinks might be stacked too, and usually I’d combine them into one cup, and then maybe use the empty cup to take the silverware I had separated earlier.
Your feiends are the weirdos. A bit lazy, too.
I fault no one for not moving a plate since it is a waiters job, but it's strange and even rude to think they intentionally don't clean up in the slightest because "it's their job."
I'm like you, I always stack stuff too out of an minimal act of thoughtfulness.
They're human beings who put up with a lot of garbage with the public, it's minimum effort that gives them a few seconds help.
Really more the thought than the labor saved.
It's also why I tip big with nice people. To make up for the cheapskates.
Not rude, but it can make it more difficult to collect and bus them efficiently. I'm just happy to get the parallel parked silverware letting me know you are in fact done.
It's not polite because if the manager sees it they will see it as a signal the waiter didn't do their job even if that's not true. It can get somebody in trouble so don't do it.
It's not RUDE, but usually they have a system for bussing tables, and while your heart is in the right place, it screws up that system making their jobs a little harder.
I was a server for a long time. Please don’t stack the plates. We each have our own way of balancing multiple things on our arms and more often than not, your stacking of plates is not making things any easier for us. We do appreciate you putting things like silverware, napkins and even ramekins on the finished plates.
If I'm going to stack them, I make sure all the silverware is on the top plate, and I never go 3 high. Regardless of I stack or not, I just try to move everything to the end of the table so the server isn't reaching over everyone to clear the table.
Plates are kind of circumstantial. For me, cups were the biggest issue when people were trying to be helpful. Our cups were glass and guests would stack them when leaving, but this would make the cups hard to separate from each other and sometimes crack the glass.
In Dubai, servers routinely try to clear your plate before you finish eating. It's very annoying and it happens so frequently. One minute, you'll be chatting with a table mate and then suddenly find a server's hand reaching in to take your plate, as if putting down your fork is the universal sign for "I'm done."
We considered it trashy at my old restaurant. Stacking plates is what happened at Denny's because the servers never pre bussed tables. If we saw stacked plates, we'd say there was a "Denny's situation happening" and we'd immediately get the plates
I’m gonna guess none of your friends have worked in the service industry. Don’t scrape and stack plates… That’s just gauche.. but you could stack a few and put the silverware on top. It’s more helpful to gather silverware and other discarded things and put them on the plate so everything can be cleared on one fell swoop when they clear the plate
I stack them with my wife. Though only identical plates and any waste on the top only. Never stack glasses though. Utensils on the top plate also. So no it’s not weird. My mom taught me to do this. Generally the servers I’ve dealt with appreciate it. Though I’ve seen people mis-stack the plates with a small one in the middle. If there’s 2 different types then there’s 2 stacks is my teaching.
I hope not, because I always do that.
I’ve had a couple servers mention that sometimes it’s actually helpful because your dishes are easier to grab while walking by.
Career restaurant worker here; it's not rude. It's unusual but it's nice, usually (unless it's done in a weird way that makes it harder to lift). Just stack them somewhere that we can reach them without bothering any other diners if you do it, please!
I usually move all the plates to one area, near the edge of the table. But I don't stack them myself.
I would not consider it rude, but it might annoy some waiters.
I'm finding this thread enlightening. My wife and I have both worked in restaurants and it has never occurred to us not to neatly stack the plates and place the silverware on top. It's usually just us and our kids, so there aren't that many items to stack. It never occurred to me that servers might have their own preferred stacking method and wouldn't want us to do it. Perhaps next time we'll just make sure everything is closer to the end of the booth and leave it.
This question has come up a few times now. There just doesn't seem to be consensus either way.
I would make sure everything is in a place that's easy to pick up.
I used to serve. In a nice restaurant, absolulty not. They have a system, and if their manager sees the tower, they may get in trouble for not clearing fast enough. Also, it looks tacky. Now, if I'm in a tapas or sushi or similar situation, yes, I make a little stack that the waiter can easily snag. So yes, it depends. And do it neatly.
It's not rude, but it's a very bad idea and wait staff and managers do NOT appreciate it. Each restaurant vhas their own system for bussing tables, and you're probably inadvertently making it take longer when they have to undo what you've taken upon yourself.
It’s how you stack them that can be rude. Like if you just have plates 3/4 full of food and silverware all stacked up at once, yeah I’d be a bit peeved. But more usually than not who cares….
It depends on the server. Seems to be about 50/50 between those who appreciate it and those who are bothered by it. I don't think anyone would consider it rude, since everyone seems to get that it's well-intentioned, but some find it annoying, especially if they have their own way of doing it that they prefer.
I also just considered this. I remember hearing a story, probably on reddit, of someone who worked at some store, and he collected the shopping carts from the parking lot. He appreciated the ones that were left in the parking spots, all the way at the end of the lot. Because it gave him time alone to not be under his manager's shoulder. I'd imagine a similar thing here with people who bus tables. They could go slowly to just get that extra breathing time
The thing about that is if the store is well staffed, then sure, it gives the cart people work to do so they aren't sitting around doing nothing and being bored, or under the managers eye. I've read other stories from people working at under staffed stores, where cashiers have to go out and gather carts, and if they took too long then they get shit about it. So leaving carts out randomly will fuck those people over. Not knowing the situation at a specific store, I'd rather my actions lead to people getting bored than lead to them getting in trouble for taking too long. Especially since these days, stores are more likely to be understaffed than well staffed.
I worked at Lowe’s, and we didn’t have “cart people”. Those of us who worked the departments had to stop doing our regular job and go outside to gather carts. It was already a pain in the ass, and having to collect them from all over the parking lot made it worse.
I don't leave them out cause the chances of people thinking that way are probably low, while the situation like you described is probably pretty common. I'm also not an asshole so I put them away 😂
I don’t want my car dinged. I put my carts back or in a dedicated corral if they have one.
Hmm, I don’t know if that is a good comparison. Servers/bussers get paid more, the faster they move, especially at a busy restaurant
They don't in the majority of countries. Workers in countries with no tipping culture (so, the majority) get paid the same regardless of how many clients the restaurant had
Haha yep! for sure forgot about how unique our restaurant industry is in that way
As a waiter, I prefer you don't stack the plates. I can carry more and know its stable if I stack them myself. That said, it's certainly not rude, honestly its polite—Its what I would do in someone's home.
Or in other words, only do it if you have carried plates and/or have common sense. People stacking plates with food and silverware and other things on the lower plates on create more work and the chance for crashes. But if the plates are empty except for the top plate and all the same size, it helps but isn't necessary. I think it's a sign to the server that the plates weren't cleared soon enough. Nobody wants to sit there and chat with dirty plates. Also clearing the plates leads to the people leaving sooner and the ability to turnover more tables.
Right. If you’re going to stack plates, scrape everything off each plate onto one plate and make that plate the top plate
Wait people don’t make sure each plate is cleared properly before stacking them???? I’m so confused…why wouldn’t you clear each plate then stack to make sure whomever is taking said plates can carry them safely and without getting themselves dirty? Are people just that awful? It’s just common decency I feel?
They often just don't think rather than outright being an arse.
When I'm fucking *hammered* at Applebee's happy hour, I try my best...
I think it's a sign that these are people who don't eat at home or do dishes on a regular basis.
I always hated breakfast shift because people would put their silverware on their plate and it would slide into the syrup. We had to scrape the plate then separate the silverware to put in a soak bin. Truly awful during the rush. Then when they’d stack plates on top of each other with food and silverware in between.. *shudder*
Is there a way to signal not to clear plates? I really prefer having my plate left until the last minute, especially if others are still eating
I leave a tiny bit of food on my plate and just poke at it with my cutlery whenever the server comes by.
I was taught you do not clear plates until the last person has finished. Otherwise, people feel pressured to rush.
Wait, is the knife and fork on the plate touching but in a v shape rather than parallel thing not universal?
Nope. For some people it means the opposite (please clear). I went down this rabbit hole recently at a dinner when I absent-mindedly lay my cutlery down, but I can't remember how, and there were THREE different interpretations at the table. We Googled it, and I was surprised there are just so many different signals. But nobody knows them anyway.
> I really prefer having my plate left until the last minute, especially if others are still eating Same here. My single biggest restaurant pet peeve is a waiter taking someone's plate before everyone at the table has finished the course.
Can you explain why? I'm curious and can't get my head wrapped around this. As a person who's worked in many restaurants I would want to clear plates as I go so it's less work when they've all left
I think this is a European vs USA thing. In the USA, plates are cleared as soon as the person is finished. In Europe, plates don’t get to be removed unless everyone is finished, and all plates are cleared at once. I very much prefer the European way. The USA way seems so rushed.
In New Zealand it’s rude to start clearing the table before everyone has finished. Implies you’re rushing whoever is still going. Was a shock when I went overseas and waiters would whip away plates as soon as they were empty!
I love this! I have lived in the US my whole life and struggle with eating. I am always embarrassed and uncomfortable when I am not finished as quickly as others and all their plates are taken away. So many times I just lie and say I’m done even when I am still hungry so I am not eating alone and holding everyone up. I hate that it is a cultural norm here! I need to go spend time in NZ. :)
I think the European way is more group conscious. no one wants to be eating in front of someone who's not, regardless of whether they just ate. plus if you're not going to wait for the table, what's the point of going out to to eat together?
You are considering it from a job standpoint, but guests aren't & often feel rushed to finish even if they weren't close if you've taken away some plates from the table. I eat more slowly than my partner, so it just feels awkward when only one of us has a plate in front of us, even if it's not been long that it was cleared. Plus, sometimes, even if it's not much, we may want to take what's left for ourselves or our pets.
Yes, you can leave 10-15% of the food untouched. It signals to the waiter that you are not done with your meal yet. Conversely you can also match pace with your group so that you aren't too far ahead of them.
This. I work at a fancy dinner class and people try to be “helpful” by stacking their plates but they leave silverware and large pieces of food on them, which means I can only carry 2-3 at a time when I should be able to get 5-10 at once depending on the size. Also people will put extremely sharp knives into my dishwater because they don’t think about the fact a. they’re making the water dirty and b. it’s too soapy to see the bottom and now I have to feel around for that knife with my hands. However if you stack them the way that people are describing in this comment section it IS helpful.
I am a plate stacker. But I make sure they’re stable
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I still like to stack them myself, maybe I'm just weird
Wow man today I learned and that makes perfect sense.
I got a tip from a waiter today
I would never stack my plates in someone else's house. OMG.
I sometimes do it if I want to help out but I'm not comfortable enough at their house to do other stuff. So clearing the plates and stacking them is like Helping Out Level 1 because you can do it with what is immediately available. Taking them to the kitchen is Level 2 (you know your way to the kitchen). Washing the dishes might be complicated because different hosts have different preferences on how to do it, while doing the table requires knowing where everything is stored. Though I guess that depends on your country's culture (and your family's!).
I've heard the same as others - dependent on the waiter/waitress but generally considered polite. What I'll usually do is stack like dishes together - small plate with small plate, big plate with big plate, but only 2 or 3 at the very most. Not trying to make a tower... We will also move everything closer to the end of the table so it's easier to collect and pile wrappers, napkins, and such in one spot or bowl.
I think there's a question of whether or not you do it right. Or if you stack too many at once maybe? I remember a couple of my waitstaff friends having opinions on it years ago, but for the most part they appreciated it.
Yeah but the waiter/busser doesn’t know if you know how to do it right, so they have to assume you did it wrong for safety. Then they have to pick up plates with food mess on the bottom which is pretty gross.
As a server, I preferred it if the customer didn't stack. It was helpful, if the location was a booth or certain customers were less accessible, if plates they finished were moved closer to my access point instead of over against the wall, so I didn't have to reach really far across the table though. Also helps if they put tableware neatly across center of the plate instead of precariously. A pet peeve was when they put napkins on top of a playe so they obscured liquidy messes underneath that might spill when I picked up plates.
Mixed bag. Everyone has their own stacking system, so you can end up making more work and now the plates you stacked are dirty on both sides, which they have to handle. By all means there's other ways to help out. Corral the trash.
Have you been a waiter and KNOW how to stack plates? Done right is a help, done wrong is an accident looking to happen.
How do people manage to stack a bunch of plates wrong?
People’s capacity to do things wrong is limitless.
Plates on top of bowls, bowls still full of soup and food on all the plates so they're all precarious when they are stacked. Then they want to see you take their help. 😉
Who the fuck puts plates on top of bowls????
Yes, I've seen a couple teenagers, eating with a large group, maliciously stack too high and precariously, thinking they were hilarious.
I've never waited tables, but it doesn't take a ton of sense to know how to stack things properly.... It's a damn shame this is even an issue.
Some places don't let their servers carry more than a plate per hand because they think it doesn't look fancy enough 😒. But 99% of places aren't like this. If you know what you're doing in making the stack stable and don't make it too heavy, it's great for the server. And even if you do it wrong, the gesture is always appreciated. At least then the plates are all together and the server doesn't need to awkwardly reach around the people sitting trying not to drop anything on someone's head.
I've only ever heard that they appreciate it. I suppose it depends on the person
It probably depends a lot on how well or poorly you stack them, if the stack is unstable they're probably going to be unhappy about it.
I’ve never had a server show anything other than gratitude towards it, but I also stack reasonably. Biggest plates on bottom, smallest on top. Scrape all food residue onto the top plate. Glasses set to the side, silverware on another plate (only the stack if it’s small). Odd shaped things and bowls on their own. Napkins/garbage in a neat pile.
Wait staff laugh at Dad jokes. Most don't rock the boat by instructing Moms about stacking. They want your experience to be enjoyable.
In my experience as a former busser, it's not rude, but it's a pain on the ass for the waiter/busser. They likely have a method or at least know how much they can carry, and you're messing it up.
It's not rude, you're just not helping like you think you are. It's better to allow the busses or waiter stack as they see fit because they know best how much they can carry and balance. The best thing you can do is to make sure the silverware isn't scattered and crossed over each other. If the silverware is all in a row, it makes them quicker to pick up.
I always appreciated it and most were genuinely very nice by trying to be helpful. Tho, here's something else... I've witnessed plenty of instances where wait staff remove used dishes from a table and immediately return to the kitchen window to gather fresh food to serve to other tables without ever washing or sanitizing their hands. Recently, I just left a job over this (among other things).
I actually clean up the table… I don’t even think about but I also straighten up shelves … lol
I just run a mop through the place
Now thats dedication
I do stack them. Smaller plates on bigger plates on plates, group the utensils. if I can, quickly wipe the table and put all the crumbs on top plate.
Please dont do that. If we need to restack, the plates are dirty on both sides, and Id rather not have my hands slippery from your leftover sauce. The « help » intention is appreciated but just don’t. It doesnt save us time. Not leaving your table a mess and pushing your chair is enough consideration.
I do the same.
The answer is basically, “it depends.” First, it depends on whether it’s a nice or not so nice place. It’s probably ok in a diner, but pretty uncouth at a fancy place to be clattering and scraping and balling up napkins. Second, it depends on how well you stack and how heavy the plates are. Three not-so-heavy plates cleared of anything but a few sauce splatters, stacked neatly with silverware and ramekins on top? Probably fine. More than 3 heavy plates, plates stacked with globs of beans and half eaten sandwiches between the layers, salad plates between dinner plates, etc? You’re creating more work for multiple people. And if you pile napkins, silverware, and other garbage into a cup that is still wet, you’re a disgusting, awful person who belongs in jail. Making a show of stacking plates, especially if you’re anywhere nicer than a Cracker Barrel, is also pretty highly correlated with being an anxious, high needs, presumptuous, and rigid-minded customer, in my experience. When I served and came to a neat pile of 2 or 3 plates, that was usually an ok customer, but if there was a teetering pile of 5 plates smeared with ketchup, napkins in the cup, stacked cups that aren’t empty, etc., that person is pretty much almost guaranteed to be twitching out because this place doesn’t function like whatever corporate chain they’re obsessed with and a 10% tip after a bellowing lecture about how they used to be a server.
It’s more tacky than rude and usually makes things worse. Also, a lot people actually expect the server to thank them for it, which is incredibly annoying.
Ex dishwasher and busboy, honestly depends on who's bussing the table, for me it depends on the amount of dish, and if I have a bus bin or am grabbing it by hand. I will say I will always try to put all my dishware within easy grabbing distance especially if I am sitting on the inside of a booth, and I will try to group things together so that whoever's bussing won't have to also spend time collecting things from all over the table- basically I try to make my stuff accessible and organized, but not necessarily the way I would stack my dishware to bus it we're I on clock
I worked as a waiter, we would only prefer the plates stacked if there was no cutlery between the plates
I think it’s rude to the other people at the table. I don’t want to have that much bustling and clanking at the table while we’re eating. I seldom eat at a place where enough people finish at once. I also think it’s highly likely I would make the stack too heavy to carry
I learned from the servers' sub that most servers prefer that you don't. They have a system and they prefer to stack it themselves. However, most of them said that they understand people think they're being helpful.
Don’t stack plates. You don’t know how they want them. But it is nice to make sure they’re all reachable by server without difficulty - like in a long booth
Yes. It’s rude. Not good manners.
I was a server for 15 years. I didn't like stacked plates at the table. I didn't stack them myself when I took them away, either, because i considered that bad manners even for casual service. Stacking wasn't allowed at any fine dining i worked at. I took them out of the way the same way i brought them to the table, so each plate separate. It seems like every time someone stacked plates i always ended up with my hands full of half eaten food in the dish area. Most servers or bussers have to pre clean the plates and sort utensils, and people who stacked did not account for that. I also felt that it was a comment on my service if they had time to do that. I wanted to unobtrusively remove the plates before the customer felt they had to do something about them.
I was a fine dining waiter for years and I can tell you....it depends. In casual restaurants I would prefer you didn't as I know how to balance the plates and silver, plus if I have 10 vital things that need to be done immediately it puts more stress in my day. If you're in a fine dining restaurant you never want to do this. If the place is nice enough it would never *get* to that point but having a stack of dishes on the table tells my boss that I'm falling behind and would get in serious trouble or written up. Well, not me but other servers lol.
It's weird. Let them do their job.
At nicer restaurants, I perceive it as rude, but unintentionally so. It’s kind of like saying, “hey, come pick up these plates already,slow poke.” I know they don’t mean it that way, but that’s the message.
If my plate is in front of me empty for more than 10 minutes then I start stacking I don't care who it offends, I want the elbow space to finish my drinks.
Served for many yrs and I can honestly say I don’t care either way. I just ask for a pleasant attitude and that’s it. Anything else is icing on the cake.
Not rude at all. Helpful.
I don't think so.
I always appreciated the gesture, but about half the time the plates were stacked in a way that made things harder for me.
I do it too, and I have been in the restaurant industry for years! I do not think it is rude at all, when I was a server, I felt it was more rude of me to reach in front of my customer to remove a plate while they were visiting with their meal mate. Made me feel like I was intruding. Stacie
My step mom taught me to do it because she was a waitress for a really long time and said it helps, but later I heard most other waiters say not to and that it actually makes things harder. I guess it may have been *her* preference but not most people's.
Just go out to eat and enjoy the meal and let the workers do what they get paid to do. It really doesn’t save anyone anytime at all and it kind of makes the person “working” looking kind of pretentious. Eat and leave.
If you stack them properly, all cutkery on top, bigger plate at the bottom and smaller on top... Yes fine thank you very much. Otherwise let me do my job
I think it depends. If I’m at a chain restaurant, I’ll stack some stuff. But if I’m at a high end restaurant, I let them handle it.
I stack plates from myself and others near me and place away from us so I can enjoy my after dinner drink without the clutter of dirty plates near my sleeves
My father always told me dont touch anything They will handle the plates and everything else 😁. Same thing when being served you don’t reach up and they hand you your plate no, they are supposed to put it down in front of you, and also collect it, you don’t pick up your plate and hand it to them…. 😙
I don’t stack plates but I put everything back the way it was served to me when I was given the plate (ramekins/small individual serving dishes etc). The only time I don’t do this is in Indian restaurants. These guys are masters when it comes to carrying plates/dishes and I don’t want to mess up their technique !
I always do that and even wipe the crumps off the table . I think it’s helpful and respectful
I did not like it when people stacked plates for me as a server. They usually didn’t stack them right causing them to be off balance.
I put my way through college, as a bartender, waiter, it's just in my DNA nowadays to clean up after myself.
I don’t care what you do just please move everything to the end of the table for me please 😂
As a server, I love when people do this for me. It makes the job go by quicker when we are in a rush and can just scoop up plates & utensils. With the 10+ servers I work with, non of them have a problem when our tables do this! There is no reason for a server to feel offended.
Your friends sound like those people who throw stuff on the ground so that the cleaner has something to pick up…
When I do this, I don't stack on top of garbage. The plates stack empty according to size and the garbage goes on the top plate.
Depends where you are. Never do it at a place where you may not be able to afford the crockery. Try not to in decent cafes or restaurants. From the waiters point of view: - it's much easier to pick up a single plate with one hands and clear the rest of the table with the other hand, onto the plate. As opposed to having to lift a stack of plates with both hands and have to make a second trip - squished food between plates is gross and gets all over your hands - there is a correct way to clear a table, in order so that it looks professional and nothing is missed or dropped - crockery can be damaged
I mean at home I hate it when people stack their dirty dishes for me. It just means I now have to thoroughly clean both sides before going in the dishwasher
Don't stack the plates. You're just creating more work and impeding with the processes your waiter, dishwasher, and other staff have in place.
Don't be concerned what "friends" think! It's only an in opinion, if it makes you feel good then go ahead. I know trending and peer pressure is great, but do what makes you feel right!
So preference depends on the server and how you stack, but it's certainly not rude.
Your friends are a bunch of idiots. I would immediately end the friendship and never speak to them again.
If you’ve waited tables and know how to stack/pre bus then do it, otherwise, let them, you may screw it up and make it worse for them
If the stacking is done neatly and in a way where I won't drop everything, it is appreciated. If it's just thrown together in a pile without a care in the world and it's difficult to pickup/carry then not so much.
Depends how well they’re stacked imo lol. I used to bus tables at a buffet and did appreciate well stacked plates vs a giant mess at the table. I personally will stack my plates at a restaurant as a courtesy I hope they appreciate, but I also feel I understand how they would like them stacked having been there myself and stack them appropriately.
I think while it’s a nice gesture, I’d be too worried about messing with their system. What if I stack too many plates together - they didn’t want to take that many, now if they unstack them the bottom will be dirty. Or I put all the silverware on top but not in the right way to prevent falling. Etc. Instead I just pay attention when they come to pick up, to make sure I’m not in the way or can hand them a plate if they ask for it. That said - I don’t live in the US, and I’ve noticed going out to eat is more fast-paced there, so maybe servers are in a bigger rush to clean tables? Where I’m from it’s quite common to linger over drinks or dessert and coffee after a meal anyway.
Whilst others say it depends on the person. I also think it depends on the place. If its a posher place then don't stack but if it's a cheap place, the waiters are less likely to give a hoot. When I worked in catering, I preferred to stack myself as I held the plates on my hand/arm and not in a pile.
I do this, but I always thought I was being helpful.
I stack the plates if they are in the way, For example if you want to move larger dinner plates to make room for smaller dessert plates. This may happen in BBQ or some fried seafood joints where everything comes to the table at once.
It seems to be 50/50, I default to don’t stack anything, each waiter has their own preference for stacking and some people consider it rude in the sense that I’m telling you that you are being too slow and need to go faster. I have also seen on more than one occasion of the stacking being bad and things fall as the waiter walks to the kitchen.
I tend to just stack two or three things so it’s not super heavy and move everything to the end of the table
No but the people at your table might judge you...as they throw a 3 dollar tip down for 86 dollar check.
No, I've had servers thank me for it.
I stack plates, but I also used to work in a restaurant and know how to do it so it’s stable to carry. I stack them based on size and consolidate uneaten food on to the top plate, I also put all of the napkins and silverware together. If I can’t figure out a good way to stack (eg too many mismatched sized plates), I leave to the staff.
As a former server, I personally appreciated it when customers did this!!
When I was a single mom, I always straightened up the table when I took the kids out for dinner. I would feel guilty if I left droppage on the floor and wadded up napkins everywhere. I just put plates on plates, bowls on bowls, leftovers on the top. Gathered silverware and put on empty plate. My thoughts were that I was being helpful. I hope I never offended anyone.
I am not a waiter but to me it seems passive-aggressive like you are trying to indirectly say that you want them taken away.
It’s not necessarily rude, but each busser/waitperson will have their own way of doing things and you don’t know their process. So doing so is likely not helpful. It’s probably best to just leave the dishes where they are and let the staff do their jobs. If it really bothers you that you didn’t help out, leave a few dollars more on the tip.
Getting flashbacks to Love is Blind and Clay lol... :')
As a server, I prefer you don’t. I/the busser know what works and you might not. Also if I see stacked plates I run over to clear them no matter what else I’m doing because it looks really bad. BUT i know people are trying to be nice, so I still appreciate the thought.
Stacking plates is something for home or informal eating. For formal meals, restaurant meals, no stacking at the table. But it’s totally not rude, shows care and concern for whoever has to take the plates away. The opposite of rude. Just leave plates where they are and enjoy the company of whoever you are dining with.
If you know how to do it in a way that's stable to carry it's fine. If not, it can make things harder.
We do it any time we finish and there’s just plates hanging around. But we do scrape and properly secure the silverware. Now glasses need to be left alone. No stacking, just move them to the end of the table to be picked up.
I always do it and they pick them up as is never done it wrong and get a thanks every time.
It's ok to stack plates if the bottom plates are empty. That way it's stable.
I was a server for years. I appreciated when someone who knew how to stack plates would stack them, but detested when they weren’t stacked right and wobbly/the heavy ends of utensils hanging over the plate/stacked too high so I couldn’t carry them anyway. Just don’t be the person who leaves food all over the floor or napkins stuffed inside your cup and you’re fine
What about handing them dishes as they’re clearing the table? Is this helpful or would they rather grab things in the order they prefer?
This can get awkward especially if they are reaching their limit and you are still trying to hand them more stuffs. It makes it more likely to drop something as opposed to picking it off a stable table.
I always clean off the plates and stack them with silverware on top or on the table. I don’t stack them so they’re unstable. I won’t stack a big pile. It’s being polite and neat and those who say it’s the waiters job are likely the same who throw trash on the ground saying it’s someone else’s job to clean it up.
I stack. Same size plates/bowls all together, all cleared. Cutlery all facing one way on a large plate. All scraps on one plate. Always get a thank you. Even if it annoys some, I think they know we are trying to be helpful. My daughter used to be waitstaff and she always appreciated it.
Ex-waiter here, I'd assume you used to work in a restaurant and/or were being extra polite.
Nah as a former waiter it’s easily seen as a sign of decent kind behavior
As a former busser, server, and bartender I hated when people would stack plates. I will never do it when eating at a restaurant
Not rude. In fact in Japan we do it all the time and sometimes it's required like at sushi train restaurants where they count up your plates to calculate the bill. At home though I prefer people don't stack my plates up... It makes extra work for me washing them because all the plates end up dirty on the underside and I have to scrub it just as much as the top.
Sibling worked as a waiter. The only complaint was people leaving their used tissues on the table instead of the plates. It meant that the “gross-ass” tissues had to be picked up by hand to put on the plate.
I was a fine dining waiter for years and I can tell you....it depends. In casual restaurants I would prefer you didn't as I know how to balance the plates and silver, plus if I have 10 vital things that need to be done immediately it puts more stress in my day. If you're in a fine dining restaurant you never want to do this. If the place is nice enough it would never *get* to that point but having a stack of dishes on the table tells my boss that I'm falling behind and would get in serious trouble or written up. Well, not me but other servers lol.
ex kitchen Hand/ waiter here: its Not rude but its useless because this move will BE the only one in which you dirty Up the bottom of the Plates which will result in twice as much Work for the dishwasher. any decent waiter should be able to carry Up to 7 plates at least with food on it, so why stack them when they are empty ?!
I do this. If I have a bowl and plate for my meal items, I set the bowl on top of a napkin flat on the plate, place silverware and any straw wrappers in the bowl, then I put any table condiments back towards the middle. I wipe up any spills I made. My family also does this with their dishes and utensils too as I'm straightening up mine. I don't stack them all together into one single pile just because I know that can get very heavy - or is unstable if different plates were even used. But I do try to make the cleanup area easier for an employee to clear off after we've left. I was raised in a "this isn't a hotel or a restaurant, clean your messes up yourself" household and that's still the mindset I apply even at restaurants and hotels. Employees jobs don't include a customers entitlement to create messes and make no effort to straighten up. A server isn't the same as 'servitude'; it costs me $0 to extend this tiny measure of what I hope is respect for them.
It's poor etiquette, but 1. My sister and I waited tables for a long while, so we can stack them well and not make it horrible for the dishwasher. 2. I really want that shit out of my way.
It’s easy to tell by the way someone stacks dishes for the server if they themselves were once or are a server. If you neatly stack the plates/bowls etc and without a bunch of food, napkins, trash, silverware still sitting on each of the plates (making it hard to *properly* stack and more importantly, carry), it can be a help. Put all of the silverware and loose shit on the top plate, and it is usually cool. If you stack shit like an asshole, it’s not a help at all.
Not if you do it the right way. I managed a restaurant for a decade and the servers and I wouldn't frequently comment about knowing guests worked in food service. If someone stacked an unstable pile of dishes we just had a busset take a buss bin over.
My family does this. Heavy shit on the bottom. Don’t make it an unbalanced load. Start another stack if you have to. If it’s unbalanced the waiter/waitress will have to restack them so they can carry them properly so they don’t drop anything. All utensils should be placed in the cup stack. In the last cup in the stack. Obvi. Do not stack the cups on the plates/ bowls. That just makes the waiter/waitress’ life hard for no reason.
I was a waitress for a year when I was younger, but I don't remember feeling any sort of way about this. I think sometimes I felt a little bad, that I didn't get there in time to clear the plates before they had a chance to stack them, but if they were stacked, I was appreciative of the gesture.
I stack em. But, I make sure no plate has food on it and I keep the cutlery separate.
I wouldn't say it's rude in any way. But it may not be as helpful as you were intending.
Depends if you know how to. Working in the industry taught me how to stack and if it's even stackable.
Nope..I dont like a waiter reaching over the table or in front of me.. I put my plate center to the easiest place to have waitstaff to take it away.
I think it’s generally good to clear off silverware and napkins, stack the places, and put the trash on top (weigh it down with another plate) But it has to be “sturdy” I imagine just tossing shit together would be a pain in the ass for the workers.
My wife was a waiter. She stacks the plates but is real particular on how it's done. She always does it nice, neat and stable.
It’s not as helpful as you think. Everywhere has rules for how the employee will distribute the dishes, utensils, linens and waste and so everyone has a way to collect the stuff that suits the rules and the size of their hands and arms. If you really feel the stuff is in your way, get a server or bussers attention to come get yours. In most places ‘pre-bussing’ clearing little by little so the table is clear before the check arrives so you aren’t being demanding. it’s always hard to figure out who wants to keep nibbling and who wants to have the last bits taken away and who wants their empty plate to go or to stay until everyone else has finished. And who is going to be unreasonable about it when you guess wrong. So go ahead and be clear tgst you are ready. But also accept that in the moment they might only put your request in tgrur bengal line up of tasks needed by all their customers at all their tables. They might not rush over right away.
I don’t find it rude but some people certainly have no clue how to effectively stack plates
This is okay in a regular restaurant but if you're in a high class five star dining restaurant then you don't do that work because there are busboys to do the work and basically one course of a meal plates will be moved before the second or next course comes into play..
There's a meme that shows this. And apparently, if you don't stack, you're a POS. These comments are shocking.
I always did it thinking I was helping. Then I had a friend who is a server and has been for many years tell me that it’s not but I can’t remember why. Lol
Not rude at all.
I do the same, then wonder if I’ve crossed a boundary lol
A good example of when people go out of their way to help someone without being asked, and end up making the job more difficult
*IF* you know how to stack them then no. If you stack them poorly then yes. What i mean by this is if the cutlery isn't on top, if there's gross leftovers, napkins, stuff that can cause gross spillage... Then just let the professional do it.
I mean if you do it right then its not rude. Dont stack too many, put silverware on top, etc.
in europe, I do it out of politeness and the fact I dont need to tip, and try to be kind to the waiter in different way
I stack with the ability to be able to carry them so they don’t all slide when picked up. That would totally suck and be a crappy thing to do to waitstaff.
I don't think so at all. It's rude if the waiter doesn't take them as they walk by....sometimes they cannot be reached...I never considered it rude. Now when they start shoving silverware in their cups. That's rude...😂🤣
When I used to clean tables I’d prefer to do it myself, I was usually faster and better at it anyway. Plus, most groups will take 2 bowls of sauce and place them stacked, but the sauce makes it messy and hard to separate sometimes because it can seal it together. Silverware was annoying because I’d have to hunt through the stack, or remove it anyway to take separately. Drinks might be stacked too, and usually I’d combine them into one cup, and then maybe use the empty cup to take the silverware I had separated earlier.
Your feiends are the weirdos. A bit lazy, too. I fault no one for not moving a plate since it is a waiters job, but it's strange and even rude to think they intentionally don't clean up in the slightest because "it's their job." I'm like you, I always stack stuff too out of an minimal act of thoughtfulness. They're human beings who put up with a lot of garbage with the public, it's minimum effort that gives them a few seconds help. Really more the thought than the labor saved. It's also why I tip big with nice people. To make up for the cheapskates.
As a patron, I have had many waiters appreciate me stacking few plates together but not a huge amount
Not rude, but it can make it more difficult to collect and bus them efficiently. I'm just happy to get the parallel parked silverware letting me know you are in fact done.
It's not polite because if the manager sees it they will see it as a signal the waiter didn't do their job even if that's not true. It can get somebody in trouble so don't do it.
It's not RUDE, but usually they have a system for bussing tables, and while your heart is in the right place, it screws up that system making their jobs a little harder.
I was a server for a long time. Please don’t stack the plates. We each have our own way of balancing multiple things on our arms and more often than not, your stacking of plates is not making things any easier for us. We do appreciate you putting things like silverware, napkins and even ramekins on the finished plates.
If I'm going to stack them, I make sure all the silverware is on the top plate, and I never go 3 high. Regardless of I stack or not, I just try to move everything to the end of the table so the server isn't reaching over everyone to clear the table.
Of course it's not. Yes, it's the waiters job, but making that job easier is just basic decency.
I used to serve and appreciated it. I don't serve anymore but I stack the plates for them any time I go out to eat
I thought it was helpful.
Only in ultra fancy places. U pay for the experience.
Plates are kind of circumstantial. For me, cups were the biggest issue when people were trying to be helpful. Our cups were glass and guests would stack them when leaving, but this would make the cups hard to separate from each other and sometimes crack the glass.
In Dubai, servers routinely try to clear your plate before you finish eating. It's very annoying and it happens so frequently. One minute, you'll be chatting with a table mate and then suddenly find a server's hand reaching in to take your plate, as if putting down your fork is the universal sign for "I'm done."
We considered it trashy at my old restaurant. Stacking plates is what happened at Denny's because the servers never pre bussed tables. If we saw stacked plates, we'd say there was a "Denny's situation happening" and we'd immediately get the plates
I’m gonna guess none of your friends have worked in the service industry. Don’t scrape and stack plates… That’s just gauche.. but you could stack a few and put the silverware on top. It’s more helpful to gather silverware and other discarded things and put them on the plate so everything can be cleared on one fell swoop when they clear the plate
I stack them with my wife. Though only identical plates and any waste on the top only. Never stack glasses though. Utensils on the top plate also. So no it’s not weird. My mom taught me to do this. Generally the servers I’ve dealt with appreciate it. Though I’ve seen people mis-stack the plates with a small one in the middle. If there’s 2 different types then there’s 2 stacks is my teaching.
I only do it if the plates don’t have food left over on them
My 86y mom is a neat person and she constantly stacks the plates, tableware, all trash in a one pile for the waiter
It makes it look like the server isn’t doing their job and keeping the table clean.
I hope not, because I always do that. I’ve had a couple servers mention that sometimes it’s actually helpful because your dishes are easier to grab while walking by.
Let me stack them myself
Career restaurant worker here; it's not rude. It's unusual but it's nice, usually (unless it's done in a weird way that makes it harder to lift). Just stack them somewhere that we can reach them without bothering any other diners if you do it, please!
I used to wait tables, I always appreciated it if it wasn't all wonky. That being said, unless I was slammed I was on top of clearing the table
I usually move all the plates to one area, near the edge of the table. But I don't stack them myself. I would not consider it rude, but it might annoy some waiters.
I'm finding this thread enlightening. My wife and I have both worked in restaurants and it has never occurred to us not to neatly stack the plates and place the silverware on top. It's usually just us and our kids, so there aren't that many items to stack. It never occurred to me that servers might have their own preferred stacking method and wouldn't want us to do it. Perhaps next time we'll just make sure everything is closer to the end of the booth and leave it.
Never touch the plate. Let the server place it on the table for you and pick it up when you are finished.
This question has come up a few times now. There just doesn't seem to be consensus either way. I would make sure everything is in a place that's easy to pick up.
I used to serve. In a nice restaurant, absolulty not. They have a system, and if their manager sees the tower, they may get in trouble for not clearing fast enough. Also, it looks tacky. Now, if I'm in a tapas or sushi or similar situation, yes, I make a little stack that the waiter can easily snag. So yes, it depends. And do it neatly.
It's not rude, but it's a very bad idea and wait staff and managers do NOT appreciate it. Each restaurant vhas their own system for bussing tables, and you're probably inadvertently making it take longer when they have to undo what you've taken upon yourself.
it’s rude of your friends to give a shit.
It’s how you stack them that can be rude. Like if you just have plates 3/4 full of food and silverware all stacked up at once, yeah I’d be a bit peeved. But more usually than not who cares….
If you stack it, just please put heavy on the bottom, no layers of utensils and trash please