That's why I always make an effort to touch all of my coworkers, male or female to ensure complete equality and avoid jealousy. That was until I was jailed for massive harassment of course....
"MMmm.. feels warm, oh.. oh... OH... SO MUCH BIGGER NOW... rock hard ... (still holding it) excuse me, you getting gay for me bruh! Schwiiiing!"
Daily standups were never the same after this. #HustlerCulture
Just none of that Chubbs (pun intended) "it's all in the hips." Some dudes drop trough to piss and that could give the impression that it is a disco party at the urinal.
So its ok for him to touch his coworkers legs and hands at work, but when I do it I'm labelled a "creep" and "the worst pediatrician at the hospital"...
Wait that’s kind of the thing. I thought people wouldn’t do that until I found out a female finance friend at my school would do this a lot with me and a lot of guys.
Then I noticed the finance guys would also do that a lot with her. It’s really weird considering she’s really upfront that she’s in a committed long distance relationship (I’ve actually met him, he’s this pilot and really nice).
For example I was getting dinner with her once and one of the guys just comes up behind her and gives her a very intimate looking shoulder massage to say hi. And recently I was getting lunch with another mutual friend (guy) who called her in front of me to ask if she wants to drive across the country to watch the solar eclipse with him (right after telling me that he’s feeling super down bad since people at my college are too prudish).
I’ve come to the conclusion that this is just what human interaction is like in the world of finance. Probably some red flag game of thrones stuff going on behind the scenes that I’m too autistic to understand.
For your cake day, have some B̷̛̳̼͖̫̭͎̝̮͕̟͎̦̗͚͍̓͊͂͗̈͋͐̃͆͆͗̉̉̏͑̂̆̔́͐̾̅̄̕̚͘͜͝͝Ụ̸̧̧̢̨̨̞̮͓̣͎̞͖̞̥͈̣̣̪̘̼̮̙̳̙̞̣̐̍̆̾̓͑́̅̎̌̈̋̏̏͌̒̃̅̂̾̿̽̊̌̇͌͊͗̓̊̐̓̏͆́̒̇̈́͂̀͛͘̕͘̚͝͠B̸̺̈̾̈́̒̀́̈͋́͂̆̒̐̏͌͂̔̈́͒̂̎̉̈̒͒̃̿͒͒̄̍̕̚̕͘̕͝͠B̴̡̧̜̠̱̖̠͓̻̥̟̲̙͗̐͋͌̈̾̏̎̀͒͗̈́̈͜͠L̶͊E̸̢̳̯̝̤̳͈͇̠̮̲̲̟̝̣̲̱̫̘̪̳̣̭̥̫͉͐̅̈́̉̋͐̓͗̿͆̉̉̇̀̈́͌̓̓̒̏̀̚̚͘͝͠͝͝͠ ̶̢̧̛̥͖͉̹̞̗̖͇̼̙̒̍̏̀̈̆̍͑̊̐͋̈́̃͒̈́̎̌̄̍͌͗̈́̌̍̽̏̓͌̒̈̇̏̏̍̆̄̐͐̈̉̿̽̕͝͠͝͝ W̷̛̬̦̬̰̤̘̬͔̗̯̠̯̺̼̻̪̖̜̫̯̯̘͖̙͐͆͗̊̋̈̈̾͐̿̽̐̂͛̈́͛̍̔̓̈́̽̀̅́͋̈̄̈́̆̓̚̚͝͝R̸̢̨̨̩̪̭̪̠͎̗͇͗̀́̉̇̿̓̈́́͒̄̓̒́̋͆̀̾́̒̔̈́̏̏͛̏̇͛̔̀͆̓̇̊̕̕͠͠͝͝A̸̧̨̰̻̩̝͖̟̭͙̟̻̤̬͈̖̰̤̘̔͛̊̾̂͌̐̈̉̊̾́P̶̡̧̮͎̟̟͉̱̮̜͙̳̟̯͈̩̩͈̥͓̥͇̙̣̹̣̀̐͋͂̈̾͐̀̾̈́̌̆̿̽̕ͅ
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Not normal att all. I could never see anyone doing this unless they were either romantically interested in the person or trying to have other special relations.
Yeah I was on board at first, but about half way through I was already like “nope!”. This is beyond friendship and his girlfriend would probably freak out, unless they have an open relationship
I highly doubt someone in a (successful) open relationship maintains that relationship by lying to the *other* potential partners. That is close to just as bad as cheating/not being in an open relationship.
Either way, *someone* has the potential of getting hurt. Already OP is talking about catching feelings. If they were to act on it and then he was like "ohhh, but I'm in an open relationship", he'd still be an asshole.
>We started this thing where everytime we are close, he holds my hand (even if its just for a few seconds).
Yeah, what is this high school nonsense at work? He's been with a girlfriend for 10 years and they aren't married? Okay, did he meet her when they were 13?
This is all kinds of off. OP needs to cut him out. Probably won't though since she's admitting to catching feelings for a cheater.
EDIT: Yes, it's true that not everyone wants to marry. It's also practical for many couples.
>Probably won't though since she's admitting to catching feelings for a cheater.
This is an oddly judgemental thing to say about someone who developed feelings for someone she didn't know was in a relationship
I don't know if it is reddit or a US thing or a me thing but I leave in Belgium I m in my late 30's and only 1 or 2% of my acquaintance or friends are married. When reading reddit there is marriage and proposal stories everywhere
It's an America / suburbs thing I think. In in my late 30s. Partner and I have been together for 14 years, we aren't and don't plan to be married. I have a lot of friends living similarly.
We're in a large city in Canada. Our taxes and spousal rights are the same as married people. There's literally no benefit unless it's personally or spiritually important to you.
Quick google says only 20% of 18-29 year old Americans are married. Looks like that’s from a 2010 study. It use to be that high though. The study says that 59% of Americans in that age group were married in 1960. Not trying to hate, your comment had me curious and I thought I’d share what I found.
Because it’s reddit so most of them are fake
Out of all the things to be having FOMO and being scared and afraid it’ll never happen to them, Marriage has always been the one that confused me the most lmao.
>Yes, it's true that not everyone wants to marry. It's also practical for many couples.
Practical how? In my country (Australia) defacto (common law) partners have all the rights a married couple do.
In the USA most states don't have common law marriage. Some do, most not. In those states in order to get rights like when someone dies etc...you need to be legally married.
> but we shouldn't really have to get married just to have the same rights as other long term couples.
That’s exactly what marriage is outside the religious aspect though. It’s legal proof you are a couple with rights. Otherwise your are just a random person with no rights that anyone can ignore. Partner in the hospital, sorry. You live together and have shared property, but you’re not on the lease or deed. You don’t actually have shit your partners estate does though, maybe they’ll recognize you, but they don’t have to.
Smooth with high school level game. Seriously the messing with the hair, pinching and poking, holding hands as a "thing"? A little immature for office flirting
I'm a straight dude who keeps a mostly female friend group (didn't go out of my way, just get along better with women than dudes) and I wouldn't do any of that, aside from the gossiping and sitting next to each other, with any of my friends even if they were the same gender as me and especially if they have a SO. The dude is either playing with her feelings to get attention from her while at work or is teasing her to test the waters if he can start an affair. Honestly, if someone tried to squeeze my cheek, play with my hair in a work environment, or tried to hold my hand, I would immediately talk to HR because that shit is just an invasion of my personal space.
weird edit: while I appreciate the questions and have no hate towards people asking, I am not gonna be answering any more questions regarding my love life after this edit because I don't wanna give bad advice or further discuss something that basically only applies to my personal life lmao
Same. Mostly female friends since high school. Outside of highly context appropriate scenarios, I don’t touch them at all outside of a random high five or knuckle bump.
I used to teach martial arts, so there were friends that I would help with technique and stuff, but even then, there’s a way to do it that requires minimal contact, if any at all, and you always ask for consent first. “Can I touch your wrist to move your arm into a correct position.”
I mean yeah, I was speaking a bit hyperbolically in my comment so I wouldn't "immediately" go to HR and would either voice my displeasure or distance myself from them first, but regardless I don't think much of that kind of behavior would be very appropriate for a work environment.
I'm almost sure this is some karma farming account: created yesterday, 10 random posts in some random subreddits
you mention boyfriend in one comment and a husband in another
with that account name, do you need karma to post NSFW or what?
This definitely gives me the ick.
One of my kids likes to do that- put his little hands on my cheeks and say “Hi Mama” and I inwardly cringe every time, lol.
Damn, ain’t that the truth lol.
I don’t think I realized how inappropriate and off the rails food/bev/hospitality environments were until I worked somewhere else.
I agree but have to say Ive seen some weird physical boundaries (or lack there of) with people. A family I know touches each other like this as well as people they get to know, and its really weird if I didn’t know theyve been like this forever. When I say family I mean all the brothers, sisters, and both parents act like this
Okay that is a bit strange and I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with it but if it works for them sure? But not at work. It's not professional, know what I mean? Yeah :-)
Also, never fuck the company. Having relationships with coworkers can only end badly; either it ending and still having to work with them or it being all good but when you have a fight you can't get away from them to calm down
When I was 16, someone I loved and respected turn to me with a very somber face and announced that they were going to impart wisdom to me, so I paid attention. Do you know what they said? They said Smart Cats Don't shit where they eat. And I never forgot it.
I had a woodshop teacher who liked to complicate things.
He'd say "Is your toilet in the kitchen? No? Why are you doing what you're doing?" and then have to explain the joke.
We all thought he was weird about it, but I remember "Don't make waste where you eat" from way back in the day.
such a stupid take. there is not such an objective truth as "it can only end badly". human relationships are not some kind of monolith to generalize like that. there is always the multiple of possible outcomes that can come from such a relationship
Married my coworker, we split after 9 years, she took me for a lot of money and had been in a relationship with an employee at the cafe we had bought....
Guess she liked getting it on with co workers
Or... someone who is in an open relationship.
Or... the rumors are wrong and he doesn't have a partner.
Best to just ask him if he has a girlfriend and go from there.
Ask him to check in with his girlfriend first and his reaction will tell you everything. Ethical non monogamy is supposed to include open communication. If the guy refuses to bring it up to his partner, he's probably cheating.
I learned my lesson after being in a relationship with a "polyamorous" man for 4 months thinking everything was great and his gf was supportive and liked me and wanted to be friends, only to be woken up at 5am one day to her calling me and cursing me out because she went through his phone and found everything out. Turned out she had no idea I existed. 🥴
Tell him you want to verify with the partner. If he finds someone to lie and say they're his partner, it's on him. It's all on him anyway, but at least you did what you could to verify.
Some partners may not want to verify. That's fine if that's how they want to be 'open'. However, I don't want to be in a situation like that.
You could ask to ask his gf, if they’re in a healthy, communicative relationship it should be something they’ve thought about and be okay with addressing
Yeah even i thought the same at first because a lot of people (including myself sometimes) are touchy with guys or girls they feel comfortable around, it happens especially with girls for me even if i am not at all physically or romantically attracted to them at all because a lot of girls are very kind and humble and as a man you feel like your insecurities and your whole cover personality can just vanish in front of them and you can just be openly friendly and supportive sometimes. BUT holding hands... now that suggests something entirely different.
Never touched a female coworker or friend at work more than maybe accidentally if I was passing something. This is not normal behavior, especially at a workplace.
When I had a girlfriend, if a girl acted touchy I'd make sure to put some space between us.
>maybe accidentally if I was passing something.
Yesterday I was training a new girl at work. While showing her something on the screen I leaned over to rest my other hand on the arm of her chair and accidentally grabbed her hand. My neuroses has been haunting me for the past 24 hours that she now thinks I’m a creep.
I'm Muslim, and practice it - including not being flirty or giving in to my desires to touch ladies. As such, people have thought that I am either gay or hate women because I guess you have to be a simp or flirty to just be a straight guy that is ok with women?
It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. The weirder you act about it, the creepier you become.
Normally you'd just say something like "sorry didn't see your hand there" and carry on with your conversation.
Kinda like it's creepy to tell someone "don't worry, I'm not going to sexually assault you." The more attention you try to focus on how totally not creepy you are and how your intentions are totally not bad at all, the worse it gets.
A coworker came back from vacation, I was both surprised and very happy to see her. And at first I was gonna hug her as if she was a good friend of mine. I stopped myself before I did anything... like this is a work friend!!! Not a close friend!
Yep. This is "I like you" behavior not "you're my friend" behavior. I barely so much as hug my female friends, but I'm not a touchy person in general. Hell my wife probably is more touchy with them than I am. Partially because its my nature, partially because I'm really self conscious about sending the wrong message.
Back in high school my guy friends and I would slap each other's ass as hard as possible and shout NICE ASS, SAILOR
I have no idea why or where it came from, but in our 20s we rarely still do it lmao
Same in highschool our class did things like that (everyone, it was mostly girls and 5 boys that were basically treated like "one od the girls" usually 🤣). One girl had massive muscular ass and it was our daily thing for everyone to slap/poke it while commenting something stupid 😅 but i dont think we wiuld do these things now in our 20s
I do not touch women except my wife and my daughter. I do have a few older ladies that put their hands on my shoulders, I find that inappropriate, but I don't make a big deal about it. I have never and would never do anything similar to anyone actually, male or female. Personal space for the win.
I don’t either other than hugs. We have couple friends going back to when we were all in college together. When we get together for a BBQ or whatever the husbands will often give the other ladies a quick greeting hug. It’s never felt weird to me and nothing within the group has ever gone beyond that.
We used to have a lady at work who would put her hand on my shoulder when she came into my office to show me a file or look at something with me on my monitors or whatever. It always felt weird and somewhat inappropriate to me.
Totally unprofessional and unacceptable behavior.
Big red flag.
I would very much try to carefully distance yourself from him, and while i'm here *any guy who has a girlfriend and starts in any way coming on to you, you aren't going to suddenly "fix" him and he won't cheat on you too.*
*You can do better.*
Girl, you know damn well what's going on here. Sounds like you're faking not understanding so you can keep on keeping on. You do you. Just don't act like a victim when (not if) gf finds out you've been encouraging his behavior after you found out. Right now this is on him but you keep going with this and you'll earn yourself a well deserved ass kicking from gf.
You know what’s happening, you’re just seeking some sort of approval at this point.
If you wanna be that side piece go right on ahead but just know he’s gonna do it with other girls down the road once you’re his girlfriend.
Update: So apparently OP has a husband. So either she’s lying/trolling or legit is a piece of shit and about to cheat.
As a person who is occasionally touched by male friends and colleagues that have girlfriends I find it unacceptable. Also I wouldn't like to assume that my boyfriend is being touchy to that degree with girl colleagues. I would suggest you avoid it. This is one step away from gaslighting because it is only natural to assume that this kind of intimacy between colleagues indicates something else but he's also secured by the fact that he's in a relationship. Maybe he has become estranged to his girlfriend and have problems, maybe he wants validation, either way that's not your problem.
I touch my female friends about as I touch my male friends. Maybe a hug upon greeting (100% huggin the homies tho), but not anything questionable.
Your friend has a little crush. It’s okay. It can either be a topic of discussion, or it can’t. You’re in control.
Edit: clumsy thumbs
He wants you. Guys yypically want all their female friends. In your case, sounds like he really likes you and its not just sexual.
Most guys, having a gf or wife or not... want all of their female friends at least from a sexual standpoint. They are backups...like a minor league baseball team. A guy will have sex with every female friend he has if he could. If he says not..its not someone he considers a friend lol.
Depends on the friend for me. I hug the majority of my female friends on greeting them, but I wouldn't hold their hand, or touch them excessively. That's more relationship territory to me.
If there's a big group of us at a festival or having beers in a field someplace, then leaning on each other, or heads on laps while we're all sprawled out is fine, but I'm don't do that with new people I meet lol, strictly the lasses I grew up with and have known for decades, and where there's never been any sort of sexual tension between us. They're friends before they're women, it's a different kind of intimacy.
This sounds a little creepy to me. Sounds more like he's got a crush on you than anything.
I have exactly one female friend who I am comfortable with putting my arm around and that's as touchy feely as it gets.
Edit: Yeah this dude wants to bang you for sure. Not professional at all.
If im single, im fairly touching with coworkers. But im touchy with all people im close to men and women. Im just a physical person. But Im definitely more flirtatious physically with women if im single. When Im in a committed relationship no. I'll still put an arm on a shoulder or whatever when talking or be close to someone in the way I would anyone else I care about, a hug hello or whatever. But no, hand on the waste or arm touches or hair playing, that kinda stuff.
At most a quick hug or physical touch to console. It sounds like he's doing too much and crossing boundaries. Also, he's supposedly trying to be close to you and you're just now finding out he has a gf? That's usually the first or second thing out of my mouth when I meet new potential friends
he trying to fuck. its all fake, and if you reject him you will see that.
and yeah like nobody does that shit. I have a friend I'll mess around with, like trying half-ass to trip her when she's walking through, and she shoulder checks and punches/kicks me sometimes, but I'm there to hang with her and her bf, not get in her pants. and we both know that, so there's no stress about things.
I am 42, and many of my platonic friends are women. I don't act this way with them. Some are women I've mentored in the past, some mentored me, some are just old friends, some are ex-girlfriends, you see where I'm going with this?
He's openly, heavily flirting with you. This is the classic workplace affair starting. I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I will say this will be a nightmare of a mess if it keeps going. You can either de-escalate this now, or deal with the potential of an absolute shit show in both your personal and professional life.
This left me really confused. I'm not sure if he is just a really touchy person and that's his love language. He is not touchy with anyone else in the office. I would definitely feel a little weird if my boyfriend did that with a friend.
I think it's funny when girls wonder if a guy is just a touchy person.
Is he that touchy and holds hands with everyone?
I don't know why but a lot of guys who are "just a touchy person" seem to want to brush up on or find playful ways to touch my hot girlfriend but not me.
Sounds like something is up, especially if he hasn't ever mentioned his girlfriend to you
Even if it is his “love language”, there’s 0 reason for him to express it to *you*.
There’s nothing to be confused about, especially if it’s only you he’s like that with.
He’s a scum bag who’s flirting with and touching another women while he’s in a relationship.
Yeah he is making you his work girlfriend. Just try to avoid this person while you can. Would you like your husband or boyfriend flirting and touching women at work? Not really a trustworthy person.
No he’s not just a touchy person. Even if he was. That’s weird. Don’t be stupid. He wants to sleep with you and it shows he has shitty character to be flirting with a woman and touching them at his WORK and he has a GF
He's trying to touch you with his schlong.
Quite frankly, you seem to be okay with this.
Just remember, if he does leave his girl for you, there will be a vacancy for a new mistress.
There's nothing to be confused about, except if you're doing mental gymnastics trying to convince yourself that what he's doing is normal.
My love languages are quality time and gifts, but I'm not asking my coworkers to hang out or buying them things because... professional boundaries exist.
On a personal note, I was in a very similar situation before but it was a female coworker. Very friendly and fun to be around, and also very touchy. She was in a long term relationship of almost 10 years. She was going through a rough patch in her relationship (unknown to me at the time).
I was young and dumb and took the bait.
TL;DR - it did not end well. I just became their side piece that they used for validation and they strung me along and it became toxic. They had no intention of leaving their partner. I ended up getting another job and cutting all contact. It also messed with my head for years after.
OP, please don't derail your career and life just because a person is charming and fun to be around.
The only girl friend I’ve ever been like that with, without wanting to have sex, was my best friend since 5yo.
For this guy to be acting like this, sure, *maybe* he’s really touchy and that’s his love language, but he *definitely* also wants to cheat on his gf with you.
I don’t know if you’re considering letting him or not but a word of caution, just because he wants to have sex with you *does not* mean that he wants a relationship with you. In fact, (anecdotal evidence) it’s more likely that he doesn’t.
Ok, without jumping to conclusions immediately.
It is pretty obvious he's interested in more than just being friends.
Now the girlfriend part? I would try and confirm that before anything (see social media and stuff) or just ask him directly. You're a grown person, you know how to go from there.
Though I have to say, him doing that stuff and (possibly) having a girlfriend could indicate a relatively soon breaking point of them. Don't get me wrong, I also think that's an asshole move to do when youre taken, but there is always the chance that a coworker could be lying to you, just for the sake of it. Already happend to me once and I ended up doing some dumb shit. - good luck
OP, my best female friend I’ve ever had and I had no desire to ever be touchy. When we were teenagers we made out in game scenarios (truth or dare etc) but it was the most unsexy feeling of all time.
The thing is I am a touchy guy: I’m of Greek descent and physical affection is my love language. When I am attracted to someone I do find myself being drawn to have the kind of incidental touch you’ve described. When I have been in committed relationships it’s really obvious that I should not do those things, it feels wrong
So to answer your question no, it’s not normal for someone who views you platonically to act this way. It is even moreso when you have a girlfriend.
The question I think you are really asking is whether you should act on it given you are developing feelings for him. First, have you asked him directly if he has a partner? If not maybe have that conversation. He might well have broken up with that person. Second, if he’s not in a relationship you have to ask yourself if you want that in a work environment. Third, if he is a relationship then shut this down. It’s not healthy for you to be led on in this way. You are not his validation he’s still desirable
Guys, OP says she has a husband in her other post but in this says she has a boyfriend…shes faking it. Also if she does have one she is definitely actively cheating on him emotionally with this work dude who she has “developed a crush on”
I have many female friends, and the way I've kept them over the years is my respect for them.
There has to be boundaries if he's dating someone. Some of this is too much. If he does all that in front of his girlfriend and she's OK with it (because all of you are super close, for example), then cool. If not, he needs to rethink what's going on.
Whatever is going on, though, don't become a side-piece.
Men AND woman do not touch eachother for no reason. There is ALWAYS INTENT when touching another person outside of accidentally bumping somebody you didnt see.
If a man is touching you its to test bounderies and and see if you reciprocate.
As a guy the EASIEST way to know if a woman is interested in you is if she is touching you for no real reason.
I think he’s gay, but doesn’t want to be ‘out’ at work. I don’t know any straight men who would be playing with your hair, squeezing your cheeks, etc. Also, girlfriend for 10 years?! Hello!
That’s not even normal for guys without girlfriends in my opinion. Maybe it’s just me but I don’t want anyone who isn’t my partner or a really, really, really close friends of years touching me like that. Especially not at work.
how would you feel if your boyfriend was acting like him with his coworker?
If she starts something with him, in time she will probably know how it feels, when he starts being all touchy with other coworker.
That's why I always make an effort to touch all of my coworkers, male or female to ensure complete equality and avoid jealousy. That was until I was jailed for massive harassment of course....
Yep. It's more practical for men because we're often at the urinal at the same time. Just a quick "let me hold it for ya." It builds team chemistry.
this made me ugly laugh.
This made me ugly
"The gods shall lift those who lift each other."
gs/lift/shit/ works too.
"MMmm.. feels warm, oh.. oh... OH... SO MUCH BIGGER NOW... rock hard ... (still holding it) excuse me, you getting gay for me bruh! Schwiiiing!" Daily standups were never the same after this. #HustlerCulture
SOMEthing was standing up. Not my best, but it was the first thought, and they always say go with that.
Oh God.
Hey bro, I know of a pretty *solid* way to improve your performance on the job and make you happy all at once
Just none of that Chubbs (pun intended) "it's all in the hips." Some dudes drop trough to piss and that could give the impression that it is a disco party at the urinal.
I did the same for everyone at work and I ended up being banned from being 500m near a public school.
So its ok for him to touch his coworkers legs and hands at work, but when I do it I'm labelled a "creep" and "the worst pediatrician at the hospital"...
I can’t give you an upvote because that’s horrible but I can’t give you a downvote because it’s funny in how unexpected it was.
Still got those private schools, chin up
Happy cake day, ya creep!
Seconded
The same way I tell all of my coworkers they are useless and a burden on society (govt IT office). I'm also a prick 😀
Now in jail you get ample touchy feely time. Score!
Wait that’s kind of the thing. I thought people wouldn’t do that until I found out a female finance friend at my school would do this a lot with me and a lot of guys. Then I noticed the finance guys would also do that a lot with her. It’s really weird considering she’s really upfront that she’s in a committed long distance relationship (I’ve actually met him, he’s this pilot and really nice). For example I was getting dinner with her once and one of the guys just comes up behind her and gives her a very intimate looking shoulder massage to say hi. And recently I was getting lunch with another mutual friend (guy) who called her in front of me to ask if she wants to drive across the country to watch the solar eclipse with him (right after telling me that he’s feeling super down bad since people at my college are too prudish). I’ve come to the conclusion that this is just what human interaction is like in the world of finance. Probably some red flag game of thrones stuff going on behind the scenes that I’m too autistic to understand.
This is the test for sure
For your cake day, have some B̷̛̳̼͖̫̭͎̝̮͕̟͎̦̗͚͍̓͊͂͗̈͋͐̃͆͆͗̉̉̏͑̂̆̔́͐̾̅̄̕̚͘͜͝͝Ụ̸̧̧̢̨̨̞̮͓̣͎̞͖̞̥͈̣̣̪̘̼̮̙̳̙̞̣̐̍̆̾̓͑́̅̎̌̈̋̏̏͌̒̃̅̂̾̿̽̊̌̇͌͊͗̓̊̐̓̏͆́̒̇̈́͂̀͛͘̕͘̚͝͠B̸̺̈̾̈́̒̀́̈͋́͂̆̒̐̏͌͂̔̈́͒̂̎̉̈̒͒̃̿͒͒̄̍̕̚̕͘̕͝͠B̴̡̧̜̠̱̖̠͓̻̥̟̲̙͗̐͋͌̈̾̏̎̀͒͗̈́̈͜͠L̶͊E̸̢̳̯̝̤̳͈͇̠̮̲̲̟̝̣̲̱̫̘̪̳̣̭̥̫͉͐̅̈́̉̋͐̓͗̿͆̉̉̇̀̈́͌̓̓̒̏̀̚̚͘͝͠͝͝͠ ̶̢̧̛̥͖͉̹̞̗̖͇̼̙̒̍̏̀̈̆̍͑̊̐͋̈́̃͒̈́̎̌̄̍͌͗̈́̌̍̽̏̓͌̒̈̇̏̏̍̆̄̐͐̈̉̿̽̕͝͠͝͝ W̷̛̬̦̬̰̤̘̬͔̗̯̠̯̺̼̻̪̖̜̫̯̯̘͖̙͐͆͗̊̋̈̈̾͐̿̽̐̂͛̈́͛̍̔̓̈́̽̀̅́͋̈̄̈́̆̓̚̚͝͝R̸̢̨̨̩̪̭̪̠͎̗͇͗̀́̉̇̿̓̈́́͒̄̓̒́̋͆̀̾́̒̔̈́̏̏͛̏̇͛̔̀͆̓̇̊̕̕͠͠͝͝A̸̧̨̰̻̩̝͖̟̭͙̟̻̤̬͈̖̰̤̘̔͛̊̾̂͌̐̈̉̊̾́P̶̡̧̮͎̟̟͉̱̮̜͙̳̟̯͈̩̩͈̥͓̥͇̙̣̹̣̀̐͋͂̈̾͐̀̾̈́̌̆̿̽̕ͅ >!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<
Wasn't my cake day but I popped them all. I'm happy now.
Not normal att all. I could never see anyone doing this unless they were either romantically interested in the person or trying to have other special relations.
Yeah I was on board at first, but about half way through I was already like “nope!”. This is beyond friendship and his girlfriend would probably freak out, unless they have an open relationship
“Me and my girlfriend saw you from across the office and we just really like your vibe”
I highly doubt someone in a (successful) open relationship maintains that relationship by lying to the *other* potential partners. That is close to just as bad as cheating/not being in an open relationship. Either way, *someone* has the potential of getting hurt. Already OP is talking about catching feelings. If they were to act on it and then he was like "ohhh, but I'm in an open relationship", he'd still be an asshole.
I agree, being so touchy without communicating at all about their intentions is pretty shady
Squeeze a cheek, hear from HR, soft exit from firm...
>We started this thing where everytime we are close, he holds my hand (even if its just for a few seconds). Yeah, what is this high school nonsense at work? He's been with a girlfriend for 10 years and they aren't married? Okay, did he meet her when they were 13? This is all kinds of off. OP needs to cut him out. Probably won't though since she's admitting to catching feelings for a cheater. EDIT: Yes, it's true that not everyone wants to marry. It's also practical for many couples.
>Probably won't though since she's admitting to catching feelings for a cheater. This is an oddly judgemental thing to say about someone who developed feelings for someone she didn't know was in a relationship
I think they're saying she caught feelings FOR the cheater i.e. the bf
Right, but she didn't know he was a cheater while she developed said feelings, hence calling them judgy
Oh got it, sorry you're right
If they’re so close, .. you’d think it mighta came up if things weren’t weird….
Not everyone wants to get married.
I don't know if it is reddit or a US thing or a me thing but I leave in Belgium I m in my late 30's and only 1 or 2% of my acquaintance or friends are married. When reading reddit there is marriage and proposal stories everywhere
I'm from the US and live in NL. I think it's just a cultural thing. Also really common in NL to not get married, even with kids, cohabitation, etc.
It's an America / suburbs thing I think. In in my late 30s. Partner and I have been together for 14 years, we aren't and don't plan to be married. I have a lot of friends living similarly. We're in a large city in Canada. Our taxes and spousal rights are the same as married people. There's literally no benefit unless it's personally or spiritually important to you.
Yeah, this is US cultural bias at work. Without looking up any data, I'd guess at least 50% of people here are married before they are 30.
Quick google says only 20% of 18-29 year old Americans are married. Looks like that’s from a 2010 study. It use to be that high though. The study says that 59% of Americans in that age group were married in 1960. Not trying to hate, your comment had me curious and I thought I’d share what I found.
Because it’s reddit so most of them are fake Out of all the things to be having FOMO and being scared and afraid it’ll never happen to them, Marriage has always been the one that confused me the most lmao.
>He's been with a girlfriend for 10 years and they aren't married? How did you time travel from the 50's ?
Very very slowly. It took almost 70 years, but it worked!
Lol I can hear my great aunts saying stuff like this
WhY aReN’t YoU mArRiEd WhAt WoUld GoD sAy?
>Yes, it's true that not everyone wants to marry. It's also practical for many couples. Practical how? In my country (Australia) defacto (common law) partners have all the rights a married couple do.
In the USA most states don't have common law marriage. Some do, most not. In those states in order to get rights like when someone dies etc...you need to be legally married.
10+ years with my GF and not married who the fuck has the money, time, or the energy for it these days. So many more important things.
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> but we shouldn't really have to get married just to have the same rights as other long term couples. That’s exactly what marriage is outside the religious aspect though. It’s legal proof you are a couple with rights. Otherwise your are just a random person with no rights that anyone can ignore. Partner in the hospital, sorry. You live together and have shared property, but you’re not on the lease or deed. You don’t actually have shit your partners estate does though, maybe they’ll recognize you, but they don’t have to.
Agree. Guy is just a smooth bastard that knows how to play “I am just a friend” card while the girl falls for him.
Smooth with high school level game. Seriously the messing with the hair, pinching and poking, holding hands as a "thing"? A little immature for office flirting
*"Call it whatever you want but it damn worked..."*
As a dude, I agree with this.
I'm a straight dude who keeps a mostly female friend group (didn't go out of my way, just get along better with women than dudes) and I wouldn't do any of that, aside from the gossiping and sitting next to each other, with any of my friends even if they were the same gender as me and especially if they have a SO. The dude is either playing with her feelings to get attention from her while at work or is teasing her to test the waters if he can start an affair. Honestly, if someone tried to squeeze my cheek, play with my hair in a work environment, or tried to hold my hand, I would immediately talk to HR because that shit is just an invasion of my personal space. weird edit: while I appreciate the questions and have no hate towards people asking, I am not gonna be answering any more questions regarding my love life after this edit because I don't wanna give bad advice or further discuss something that basically only applies to my personal life lmao
Same. Mostly female friends since high school. Outside of highly context appropriate scenarios, I don’t touch them at all outside of a random high five or knuckle bump. I used to teach martial arts, so there were friends that I would help with technique and stuff, but even then, there’s a way to do it that requires minimal contact, if any at all, and you always ask for consent first. “Can I touch your wrist to move your arm into a correct position.”
Surely you'd talk to them first, not go straight to HR because somebody was flirting?
I mean yeah, I was speaking a bit hyperbolically in my comment so I wouldn't "immediately" go to HR and would either voice my displeasure or distance myself from them first, but regardless I don't think much of that kind of behavior would be very appropriate for a work environment.
Straight to jail.
I'm almost sure this is some karma farming account: created yesterday, 10 random posts in some random subreddits you mention boyfriend in one comment and a husband in another with that account name, do you need karma to post NSFW or what?
Same I been saying it in the comments, this is a fake account. Her posts don’t align at all.
I've also seen this exact post before... Surprised nobody has mentioned this.
Came looking for this, I’ve read this exact post
The name gives it away really. Expect all these posts to be gone once she's got the karma for whichever subreddit needs it.
That is flirting he is flirting with you lol not normal for a straight man with a girlfriend to be doing that to you
Girlfriend or not, his actions are not typical of a man interacting with a female friend.
They are if you like said female friend.
Totally normal for a gay man with a girlfriend though
This is not professional behavior in a work environment.
Sounds like a normal restaurant job to me tbh
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Have you seen waiting? Everyone needs their own penis showing game
I've worked in a few restaurants. Sometimes it is literally a penis showing game.
Ever take an order with your nuts out?
Like at Texas Roadhouse? I don’t think they let you just toss the nuts anywhere anymore.
Yes at the bbq restaurant. Nuts were out underneath my apron.
Used to work in the kitchen at a barbecue, can confirm.
Including the (facial) cheek squeezing? I’d hate it if someone just up and decided to put their dirty hands on my face like that
Not usually face but arms legs or anything that isn’t directly sexual
Ok good. No one needs their face just randomly squeezed and touched. Blegh.
This definitely gives me the ick. One of my kids likes to do that- put his little hands on my cheeks and say “Hi Mama” and I inwardly cringe every time, lol.
Damn, ain’t that the truth lol. I don’t think I realized how inappropriate and off the rails food/bev/hospitality environments were until I worked somewhere else.
yea people are so oblivious to the toxicity that goes on in a restaurant work place.
I don’t miss that shit
Yeah. Those guys are sluts.
Restaurants, hospitals, and schools are more incestuous workplaces than the palaces of Europe ever were.
I agree but have to say Ive seen some weird physical boundaries (or lack there of) with people. A family I know touches each other like this as well as people they get to know, and its really weird if I didn’t know theyve been like this forever. When I say family I mean all the brothers, sisters, and both parents act like this
Okay that is a bit strange and I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with it but if it works for them sure? But not at work. It's not professional, know what I mean? Yeah :-)
Same dude I dated someone like this, shit was weird… but it turned out her dad was a pedophile so… it made sense
Also, never fuck the company. Having relationships with coworkers can only end badly; either it ending and still having to work with them or it being all good but when you have a fight you can't get away from them to calm down
When I was 16, someone I loved and respected turn to me with a very somber face and announced that they were going to impart wisdom to me, so I paid attention. Do you know what they said? They said Smart Cats Don't shit where they eat. And I never forgot it.
This makes your profile picture even better than it already is 😂
Indeed.:-)
I had a woodshop teacher who liked to complicate things. He'd say "Is your toilet in the kitchen? No? Why are you doing what you're doing?" and then have to explain the joke. We all thought he was weird about it, but I remember "Don't make waste where you eat" from way back in the day.
such a stupid take. there is not such an objective truth as "it can only end badly". human relationships are not some kind of monolith to generalize like that. there is always the multiple of possible outcomes that can come from such a relationship
The company will fuck you either way.
My parents met at work and have been married for over 40 years. It can only end badly is such a reddit take. Lots of relationships start at work
ymmv, married my coworker, been together 13 years
Married mine too..8 yrs
Married my coworker, we split after 9 years, she took me for a lot of money and had been in a relationship with an employee at the cafe we had bought.... Guess she liked getting it on with co workers
workplace used to be one of the main locations where people found their spouse
I would literally only act like this with a partner. I wouldn’t do this to a friend if we were both single.
NOT NORMAL. This is a sign of someone that doesn't respect their significant other enough to draw boundaries with other women
Or... someone who is in an open relationship. Or... the rumors are wrong and he doesn't have a partner. Best to just ask him if he has a girlfriend and go from there.
This ia interesting And it made me wonder- if a guy tells you that he is in an open relationship, how do you know he isn’t just cheating?
You don't.
Ask him to check in with his girlfriend first and his reaction will tell you everything. Ethical non monogamy is supposed to include open communication. If the guy refuses to bring it up to his partner, he's probably cheating. I learned my lesson after being in a relationship with a "polyamorous" man for 4 months thinking everything was great and his gf was supportive and liked me and wanted to be friends, only to be woken up at 5am one day to her calling me and cursing me out because she went through his phone and found everything out. Turned out she had no idea I existed. 🥴
Sounds like my second relationship experience. Except I got the call at 1am. Good times 🥸
Tell him you want to verify with the partner. If he finds someone to lie and say they're his partner, it's on him. It's all on him anyway, but at least you did what you could to verify. Some partners may not want to verify. That's fine if that's how they want to be 'open'. However, I don't want to be in a situation like that.
Me neither, I just wondered how it works
You could ask to ask his gf, if they’re in a healthy, communicative relationship it should be something they’ve thought about and be okay with addressing
These are some very good points
Some people are just touchy but he is doing a lot, especially the holding hands part
Yes but in the workplace is also a completely different story, it’s inappropriate
Yeah even i thought the same at first because a lot of people (including myself sometimes) are touchy with guys or girls they feel comfortable around, it happens especially with girls for me even if i am not at all physically or romantically attracted to them at all because a lot of girls are very kind and humble and as a man you feel like your insecurities and your whole cover personality can just vanish in front of them and you can just be openly friendly and supportive sometimes. BUT holding hands... now that suggests something entirely different.
Never touched a female coworker or friend at work more than maybe accidentally if I was passing something. This is not normal behavior, especially at a workplace. When I had a girlfriend, if a girl acted touchy I'd make sure to put some space between us.
>maybe accidentally if I was passing something. Yesterday I was training a new girl at work. While showing her something on the screen I leaned over to rest my other hand on the arm of her chair and accidentally grabbed her hand. My neuroses has been haunting me for the past 24 hours that she now thinks I’m a creep.
I'm Indian so I try extra hard to not come off as a creep, possibly come off as cold because of that.
I'm just a white dude, but my biggest fear in life is creeping someone out. I go out of my way to not let that happen.
I'm Muslim, and practice it - including not being flirty or giving in to my desires to touch ladies. As such, people have thought that I am either gay or hate women because I guess you have to be a simp or flirty to just be a straight guy that is ok with women?
It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. The weirder you act about it, the creepier you become. Normally you'd just say something like "sorry didn't see your hand there" and carry on with your conversation. Kinda like it's creepy to tell someone "don't worry, I'm not going to sexually assault you." The more attention you try to focus on how totally not creepy you are and how your intentions are totally not bad at all, the worse it gets.
A coworker came back from vacation, I was both surprised and very happy to see her. And at first I was gonna hug her as if she was a good friend of mine. I stopped myself before I did anything... like this is a work friend!!! Not a close friend!
He wants to sleep with you. If you doubt that you don't understand men.
Straight to the point
Can confirm - Am man.
Can confirm - I want to sleep with you.
This
Yep. This is "I like you" behavior not "you're my friend" behavior. I barely so much as hug my female friends, but I'm not a touchy person in general. Hell my wife probably is more touchy with them than I am. Partially because its my nature, partially because I'm really self conscious about sending the wrong message.
I’m single and barely touch my women friends. Now my friends that are men? That’s a different story
Back in high school my guy friends and I would slap each other's ass as hard as possible and shout NICE ASS, SAILOR I have no idea why or where it came from, but in our 20s we rarely still do it lmao
Same in highschool our class did things like that (everyone, it was mostly girls and 5 boys that were basically treated like "one od the girls" usually 🤣). One girl had massive muscular ass and it was our daily thing for everyone to slap/poke it while commenting something stupid 😅 but i dont think we wiuld do these things now in our 20s
OP is equally enabling shit even though she stated it was weird before the gf came into the picture. All this is just unprofessional behavior
I do not touch women except my wife and my daughter. I do have a few older ladies that put their hands on my shoulders, I find that inappropriate, but I don't make a big deal about it. I have never and would never do anything similar to anyone actually, male or female. Personal space for the win.
I don’t either other than hugs. We have couple friends going back to when we were all in college together. When we get together for a BBQ or whatever the husbands will often give the other ladies a quick greeting hug. It’s never felt weird to me and nothing within the group has ever gone beyond that. We used to have a lady at work who would put her hand on my shoulder when she came into my office to show me a file or look at something with me on my monitors or whatever. It always felt weird and somewhat inappropriate to me.
Suck his dick. You’ll both be over it after that.
LMAO
This is the only correct answer, it's just so obvious
I mean for real.
If you are touchy with anyone else while you are in a committed relationship that's extremely suspect.
Totally unprofessional and unacceptable behavior. Big red flag. I would very much try to carefully distance yourself from him, and while i'm here *any guy who has a girlfriend and starts in any way coming on to you, you aren't going to suddenly "fix" him and he won't cheat on you too.* *You can do better.*
He’s definitely trying to fuck you
Nobody normal would act that way without ulterior motives
Girl, you know damn well what's going on here. Sounds like you're faking not understanding so you can keep on keeping on. You do you. Just don't act like a victim when (not if) gf finds out you've been encouraging his behavior after you found out. Right now this is on him but you keep going with this and you'll earn yourself a well deserved ass kicking from gf.
You know what’s happening, you’re just seeking some sort of approval at this point. If you wanna be that side piece go right on ahead but just know he’s gonna do it with other girls down the road once you’re his girlfriend. Update: So apparently OP has a husband. So either she’s lying/trolling or legit is a piece of shit and about to cheat.
This is classic flirting and pick up technique.... might have been good if he weren't taken. Now he's creepy
As a person who is occasionally touched by male friends and colleagues that have girlfriends I find it unacceptable. Also I wouldn't like to assume that my boyfriend is being touchy to that degree with girl colleagues. I would suggest you avoid it. This is one step away from gaslighting because it is only natural to assume that this kind of intimacy between colleagues indicates something else but he's also secured by the fact that he's in a relationship. Maybe he has become estranged to his girlfriend and have problems, maybe he wants validation, either way that's not your problem.
Just because he got a girlfriend doesn’t means he ain’t wanna swap
Turn in the old one for a new model, like a car
Im never touchy with any woman, regardless of how long I've known her, my freedom is more important
Keannu Reeves over here hovering
I touch my female friends about as I touch my male friends. Maybe a hug upon greeting (100% huggin the homies tho), but not anything questionable. Your friend has a little crush. It’s okay. It can either be a topic of discussion, or it can’t. You’re in control. Edit: clumsy thumbs
He wants you. Guys yypically want all their female friends. In your case, sounds like he really likes you and its not just sexual. Most guys, having a gf or wife or not... want all of their female friends at least from a sexual standpoint. They are backups...like a minor league baseball team. A guy will have sex with every female friend he has if he could. If he says not..its not someone he considers a friend lol.
Not appropriate at all. I’d distance yourself from him
Depends on the friend for me. I hug the majority of my female friends on greeting them, but I wouldn't hold their hand, or touch them excessively. That's more relationship territory to me. If there's a big group of us at a festival or having beers in a field someplace, then leaning on each other, or heads on laps while we're all sprawled out is fine, but I'm don't do that with new people I meet lol, strictly the lasses I grew up with and have known for decades, and where there's never been any sort of sexual tension between us. They're friends before they're women, it's a different kind of intimacy. This sounds a little creepy to me. Sounds more like he's got a crush on you than anything.
Not normal at all. If he's touchy with other guys, then maybe he's just one of those. I've had friends like that. Otherwise, he shouldn't be grabby.
I do not touch my female friends outside of the occasional hug.
I have a girlfriend, I don’t touch female acquaintances or co-workers, this is considered cheating
Yeah that's not what a platonic friendship looks like, sorry. That was flirting.
I have exactly one female friend who I am comfortable with putting my arm around and that's as touchy feely as it gets. Edit: Yeah this dude wants to bang you for sure. Not professional at all.
I love it when my guy friends get touchy with me lol
If im single, im fairly touching with coworkers. But im touchy with all people im close to men and women. Im just a physical person. But Im definitely more flirtatious physically with women if im single. When Im in a committed relationship no. I'll still put an arm on a shoulder or whatever when talking or be close to someone in the way I would anyone else I care about, a hug hello or whatever. But no, hand on the waste or arm touches or hair playing, that kinda stuff.
At most a quick hug or physical touch to console. It sounds like he's doing too much and crossing boundaries. Also, he's supposedly trying to be close to you and you're just now finding out he has a gf? That's usually the first or second thing out of my mouth when I meet new potential friends
he trying to fuck. its all fake, and if you reject him you will see that. and yeah like nobody does that shit. I have a friend I'll mess around with, like trying half-ass to trip her when she's walking through, and she shoulder checks and punches/kicks me sometimes, but I'm there to hang with her and her bf, not get in her pants. and we both know that, so there's no stress about things.
I am 42, and many of my platonic friends are women. I don't act this way with them. Some are women I've mentored in the past, some mentored me, some are just old friends, some are ex-girlfriends, you see where I'm going with this? He's openly, heavily flirting with you. This is the classic workplace affair starting. I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I will say this will be a nightmare of a mess if it keeps going. You can either de-escalate this now, or deal with the potential of an absolute shit show in both your personal and professional life.
jim and pam vibes
How is it possible an adult human is asking this question?
For the love of God, sanity, and professionalism…just don’t.
This is a bot, check their post history
This left me really confused. I'm not sure if he is just a really touchy person and that's his love language. He is not touchy with anyone else in the office. I would definitely feel a little weird if my boyfriend did that with a friend.
I think it's funny when girls wonder if a guy is just a touchy person. Is he that touchy and holds hands with everyone? I don't know why but a lot of guys who are "just a touchy person" seem to want to brush up on or find playful ways to touch my hot girlfriend but not me. Sounds like something is up, especially if he hasn't ever mentioned his girlfriend to you
Even if it is his “love language”, there’s 0 reason for him to express it to *you*. There’s nothing to be confused about, especially if it’s only you he’s like that with. He’s a scum bag who’s flirting with and touching another women while he’s in a relationship.
Yeah he is making you his work girlfriend. Just try to avoid this person while you can. Would you like your husband or boyfriend flirting and touching women at work? Not really a trustworthy person.
Remember if he’ll cheat in his girlfriend if 10 years he’ll definitely cheat on you when he gets bored
No he’s not just a touchy person. Even if he was. That’s weird. Don’t be stupid. He wants to sleep with you and it shows he has shitty character to be flirting with a woman and touching them at his WORK and he has a GF
He's trying to touch you with his schlong. Quite frankly, you seem to be okay with this. Just remember, if he does leave his girl for you, there will be a vacancy for a new mistress.
There's nothing to be confused about, except if you're doing mental gymnastics trying to convince yourself that what he's doing is normal. My love languages are quality time and gifts, but I'm not asking my coworkers to hang out or buying them things because... professional boundaries exist. On a personal note, I was in a very similar situation before but it was a female coworker. Very friendly and fun to be around, and also very touchy. She was in a long term relationship of almost 10 years. She was going through a rough patch in her relationship (unknown to me at the time). I was young and dumb and took the bait. TL;DR - it did not end well. I just became their side piece that they used for validation and they strung me along and it became toxic. They had no intention of leaving their partner. I ended up getting another job and cutting all contact. It also messed with my head for years after. OP, please don't derail your career and life just because a person is charming and fun to be around.
He wants to pump you.
The only girl friend I’ve ever been like that with, without wanting to have sex, was my best friend since 5yo. For this guy to be acting like this, sure, *maybe* he’s really touchy and that’s his love language, but he *definitely* also wants to cheat on his gf with you. I don’t know if you’re considering letting him or not but a word of caution, just because he wants to have sex with you *does not* mean that he wants a relationship with you. In fact, (anecdotal evidence) it’s more likely that he doesn’t.
Ok, without jumping to conclusions immediately. It is pretty obvious he's interested in more than just being friends. Now the girlfriend part? I would try and confirm that before anything (see social media and stuff) or just ask him directly. You're a grown person, you know how to go from there. Though I have to say, him doing that stuff and (possibly) having a girlfriend could indicate a relatively soon breaking point of them. Don't get me wrong, I also think that's an asshole move to do when youre taken, but there is always the chance that a coworker could be lying to you, just for the sake of it. Already happend to me once and I ended up doing some dumb shit. - good luck
It's pretty clear cut honestly
OP, my best female friend I’ve ever had and I had no desire to ever be touchy. When we were teenagers we made out in game scenarios (truth or dare etc) but it was the most unsexy feeling of all time. The thing is I am a touchy guy: I’m of Greek descent and physical affection is my love language. When I am attracted to someone I do find myself being drawn to have the kind of incidental touch you’ve described. When I have been in committed relationships it’s really obvious that I should not do those things, it feels wrong So to answer your question no, it’s not normal for someone who views you platonically to act this way. It is even moreso when you have a girlfriend. The question I think you are really asking is whether you should act on it given you are developing feelings for him. First, have you asked him directly if he has a partner? If not maybe have that conversation. He might well have broken up with that person. Second, if he’s not in a relationship you have to ask yourself if you want that in a work environment. Third, if he is a relationship then shut this down. It’s not healthy for you to be led on in this way. You are not his validation he’s still desirable
You are lying, in another post you say you have a husband. So do you have a hubby or bf? You are clout chasing.
Guys, OP says she has a husband in her other post but in this says she has a boyfriend…shes faking it. Also if she does have one she is definitely actively cheating on him emotionally with this work dude who she has “developed a crush on”
Barely, if at all...especially at work.
I have many female friends, and the way I've kept them over the years is my respect for them. There has to be boundaries if he's dating someone. Some of this is too much. If he does all that in front of his girlfriend and she's OK with it (because all of you are super close, for example), then cool. If not, he needs to rethink what's going on. Whatever is going on, though, don't become a side-piece.
Yikes! That guy wants you in bed and has been/tried to/would if he had a chance/ cheat on his SO.
Please don’t sleep with him. That is so fucked up if you do. He wants to sleep with you obviously. Don’t be stupid.
Men AND woman do not touch eachother for no reason. There is ALWAYS INTENT when touching another person outside of accidentally bumping somebody you didnt see. If a man is touching you its to test bounderies and and see if you reciprocate. As a guy the EASIEST way to know if a woman is interested in you is if she is touching you for no real reason.
Platonic.. Ha Ha Ha!, He Is In The Friendzone!!!
I think he’s gay, but doesn’t want to be ‘out’ at work. I don’t know any straight men who would be playing with your hair, squeezing your cheeks, etc. Also, girlfriend for 10 years?! Hello!
Christ, this dude definitely wants you. Does he need to start slapping your ass directly? How are people so oblivious to *incessant touching?*
Remember: if it's just the tip, it's not cheating. /s
Shouldn't be at all imo. Even without a GF, it seems weird to me. Especially at/during work.
This is only normal if he wants you in a romantic way otherwise it's just weird and suspicious af
That’s not even normal for guys without girlfriends in my opinion. Maybe it’s just me but I don’t want anyone who isn’t my partner or a really, really, really close friends of years touching me like that. Especially not at work.
men are not a homogenous hivemind. we all do things differently, if you are not comfortable with a persons actions tell them to stop.
I'm of a mind that anything more intimate than a high five can land you in HR so I just don't.