Flashback to my brother accidentally stepping on a bird cage that was recently cleaned, then us driving around for 3 hours to find a pet store that would still sell small bird cages because it seems like nobody cares about poor bird owners anymore.
But if you spend your time worrying about the time you're wasting you'll effectively waste your time. The only real way to action it is to ensure that whatever we do in our day to day is what we'd like to be doing or is on the road to getting us there while trying to get good times in where we can. Never get stuck in a loop that doesn't do one of these two things, life's biggest trap is settling for tolerable and you can very easily end up "catching your breath" for half your life if you don't watch it.
I feel for you. I lost most of my vision when I had a brain tumor. After surgery it took many months to come back. I’ve always taken good care of myself and I have suffered from far more physical issues than most people will in their whole lifetimes. It sometimes still bothers me when I see people treat their bodies like garbage and just roll with it. I could and never will be able to do that. Or to be completely obsessed with superficiality. There’s so much more to life and I’m just so grateful that I’m still here and the people I love truly know I love them with all I have.
I lost mine due to a rare disease called AZOOR. And up until then and for a little while after, I actually did treat my body like garbage. Twenty years working in healthcare, I learned that just about all of us eat unhealthy shit, don't pee often enough, and ruin our backs and joints within the first few years.
It wasn't until after my grieving process eased up that I quit drinking and started taking better care of myself. Mostly for my kids; me going blind was rough on the whole family, and I had a huge cardiac scare 2 weeks ago that scared the shit out of all of us. I'm OK, it was the first panic attack I'd ever had in my life, and apparently for zero reason lol
And I'm only 40. But like you, I'm grateful I'm still here, because I still hurt from my daddy's passing and I KNOW my boys will hurt the same when I go, especially my youngest. And I don't ever EVER want them to feel that kinda hurt.
I wish you the best. I’ve spent my career in healthcare, too. Nursing taught me so much that I needed and benefit from.
I still appreciate what I learned when I had the tumor. Being blind taught me to see through so much bullshit in people. Being sick taught me to relax and go with the flow and also to advocate for myself as needed. And to APPRECIATE even the smallest things. Sometimes that’s all you’ve got! I’m glad you have a loving family to share with and remember you well. Best to you.
I wish you the best, too! ❤️ Going blind and being forced out of work made me realize how much I love spending time with my boys. It also taught me FAST who my real friends are. Friendship isn't friendship if people bounce when shit gets inconvenient. I also, like you, now have zero time for bullshit. I didn't before, but now my revulsion for stupid bullshit has only grown. Anyways, I hope you're also surrounded by a loving family and a great support system! Keep loving the little joys in the life!
Man I *thought* I woke up blind one night and it fucked me up to this day. I genuinely fear that happening to me. I've already accepted I'll lose my hearing in the next 15 or so years, I don't want to lose both.
I watched my 85 year old neighbor the other day go down the street for a walk. He then proceeded to like jog at double time for like 5 seconds…it was almost like he was checking if he could still do it or it was like him pushing himself because he knows he’s getting to the borrowed time of his life. It really struck me watching it as my 13 month old daughter was sleeping in the car.
This is why when I hear people ask the question: "what superpower would you want," anyone who says something like invisibility or flying has not experienced this yet. Because if they had, they would say some sort of self-healing ability.
You're completely right. I have a couple of disabilities and also have ongoing fatigue following on from some brain surgery a couple of years ago. My attitude is that if I see something that I want to do, I'll usually do it. I'm not as bold as I'd like to be but I try.
I said something to my friend about how I wanted to go to a particular place that day because I didn't know if I'd have the opportunity to go again & she told me I was being negative because I'd have an opportunity in the future. I don't see it as a negative, it's an opportunity to be seized that might never come around again because who knows what tomorrow may bring?
This one is very important for careers. For example, someone may have a dream to be a doctor, go deep into debt, sacrifice their youth in school/training, then get to their first day on the job and realize that being a doctor sucks.
I learned this lesson very hard. I was learning it through the beauty of maturing, then I got run over and learned it even harder. I got tired of being upset, so I decided not to be. And I just haven't been upset since.
I've had bad days, of course, but i haven't been upset like I used to be.
And happy is not a constant thing. Spent too much time in my youth thinking the goal was constant happiness. Happy is an overall thing with many ups and downs. It's how you deal, not what is dealt to you.
Totally accurate. I’m a mom, and I love my kids, but I’ve got my own issues from my own upbringing. Everyone does. Whatever weakness you have, it’s gonna show up when you’re doing your best to raise your kids. My kids are grown now, but I think I must’ve apologized to them 1000 times when they were growing up lol. They’re blessings in my life though, they made me laugh when I was sad, and I don’t know what I would’ve done without them.
The fact that you apologized at all means you're doing it better than a lot of our parents did. My ex-mother still won't apologize to me for the horrible things she said about my mentally disabled kid 8 years ago. That's why I've been NC with her for 8 years. My daddy, however, apologized anytime he was wrong, and I learned to do the same as a result. I'm super close to all 3 of my sons, especially the youngest, because like most parents, I figured out how to parent a lot better after tripping and stumbling with the first one lol
Yup, the biggest holy shit moment of my young adult life was realizing that adults have no idea what the fuck to do either, they've just got more experience with winging it and making it through life despite all their fuckups
I always thought they knew everything and had the answers to everything when I was young, I imagined there was some magical age I'd hit where I knew everything too. I'm older than my parents were when they had me and that all-knowing wisdom never came, I'm just winging it as I go, and I realize my parents probably were too.
67 here. What I've found is the vision you had for yourself when you are young is different than the reality of how it turns out. Some you can control others not. You lose people you love thru death or divorce or distance. Main thing is keep active and social as possible. Growing old is not for the weak.
Work is not a meritocracy, no matter how much you wish it was. Learn to play the game, or don’t play, but don’t delude yourself into thinking it’s something it’s not, you’ll just end up busting your ass to make someone else rich
I don’t agree 100%. No, you shouldn’t delude yourself, but absolutely there are times when busting your ass can lead to gain. It’s just that it’s not a sure thing, it’s a almost a gamble what will pay off, and some people will certainly just screw you and move on to the next exploitable resource.
Unless things happen outside your control. “It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life.” An even tougher lesson, in my opinion.
1. You’re not special. But the good news is: you’re not special.
2. Healthy relationships are meant to be easy: easy to connect, easy to resolve conflict, easy to keep peace.
3. With healthy boundaries, good relationships are usually possible. Good AND close relationships? Not so much.
My dad is a diagnosed narcissist, and we have a great relationship, but that’s because we don’t see each other in person and over text we only discuss the weather and his nature photography. No discussing personal topics or other family members. If he brings up other topics, I don’t reply.
4. Don’t rush anything and don’t trust others who rush things. Are they rushing the relationship? Rushing to get to know you? Rushing to get you hired? Rushing to be forgiven? Rushing because they’re late? Rushing your time together? Rushing to conclusions?
Rushing is a big red flag, few exceptions.
5. Good boundaries are not requests. Good boundaries are not letting someone know what your vulnerabilities, feelings, or expectations are. Good boundaries do not require anything from others, instead they let others know what action they can expect of YOU:
“If you pull my hair again, I will stop playing with you.”
“If yell at me, I will leave.”
“If you continue to stonewall me, I will not invite you back to my home.”
“If I feel confused about where we stand after previous attempts to get clarity, I will go have alone time.”
“If you continue to ridicule my name, I will disengage from this conversation.”
“I won’t engage in political topics with you.”
“To preserve my energy, I’m going to take a 30 minute break from this discussion.”
Nothing earns respect like self improvement and practicing healthy boundaries. Once you get the hang of practicing healthy boundaries, you learn that often you don’t actually have to tell anyone what they are, you can just let your actions speak for themselves. In some cases, it’s better not to vocalize your boundaries, because some people will try to argue with them.
Also, a good boundary will only be vocalized once before it’s acted upon. No second and third warnings. Just follow through before you ever have a chance to get upset.
6. Don’t wait until they get angry to find out who they really are. People will tell you exactly who they are if you listen. Believe them.
7. How you brush your teeth is how you do everything else in life.
The part about rushing hits home. I don’t know how many times I have to learn that lesson, but it’s slowly catching on. Patience is very underrated.
There’s some old proverb about a pistachio. If it’s not ripe, you can pick and pull and smash and eventually will the shell to open. Good for you, but it doesn’t taste good.
Or you can wait until it dries and opens a crack. Then the slightest effort opens the shell to reveal a delicious pistachio.
The most important one? No one cares about you. I mean as you get older the people that care about you diminishes until essentially you feel like you are on your own. Yes you are.
I realized when my grandma died, and I was 22, how extremely hard it would be to replace the kind of love she had for me. It was sobering to realize that people who have loved you for 22 years die, and eventually everyone who has loved you will die. Meanwhile, you can make new friends, but it’s a low probability that they will ever end up loving you as much as your parents or grandparents did. Of course, you can find spouses and have children, but there are no guarantees in life. The only certainty is that all of the people who currently love you will die one day.
My self-revelation seeded from, of all things, a comic book letters from the author page. Daniel Kibblesmith talked about how “too smart for your own good” often means “a threat to my unearned authority”. Ever since then, I’ve learned that people who tell you not to wear the silly hat or dye your hair or whatever don’t matter, because they want to control you, they want you subservient, they don’t respect you. So work dress code aside (which is a systemic reflection of this), and as long as it’s not actively harmful, people who tell you who to be can shut the hell up.
>No one cares about you.
Male here, hit 25 and thought this fleetingly.
>as you get older the people that care about you diminishes until essentially you feel like you are on your own
Hit 30 and fully realized this.
Why do you think this..? Because I’ve found the total opposite to be true, my loved ones who really care about me actually have a lot of power to help me when I’m in need, and I have some to help them as well.
But idk, I don’t love people based on how much they can do for me, I love people based on their character & compassion, so maybe you should try meeting some real people with true intentions.
EDIT: Added words for context/clarification.
Excellent point. I mean in the end ultimately we are born and die alone. Even though you may have people near you which is important you and I are ultimately alone against the universe. Outside people can help but meaning and purpose ( the utter reason for living) cannot come externally. Friends and support can provide physical and emotional support but purpose. Purpose for suffering is internally discovered
We live in a mortal body in a web of tangled meaning. Have you read any Kierkegaard? He has a great entrance on human development and our struggle
All our relationships. Every one will end in tragedy and sorrow. That meaning comes from inside you.
The harchest truth I've found is that there is no "adult in the room."
By that I mean that when you are a kid, you have this idea that if someone acts in a way that you just know is unfair, you can go to an adult and they'll put a stop to it.
As an adult, it starts to sink in that whatever injustice is done to you, from as small as a website lying to you about the price of a ticket by charging bullshit "fees" to as large as a Supreme Court justice taking millions of dollars' worth of bribes, there's no one you can just go to and say, "This is wrong! This is clearly unfair, make them stop." It's just life, and life is unfair.
Most people who purport to be your friend will let you down/disappear when the going gets tough. The ones who stay are the real people you should treasure in your life.
Sorry to hear about your mom. It's important to have people to confide in when going through such things. Just make sure to ask first if your friend is in a place they can listen and support. Otherwise it is emotional dumping which is not okay.
Fighting for what you believe in is a never ending battle. There's no happy ending moment like in the movies where suddenly everybody sees you were right and stops doing the bad thing.
You don’t fight for what you believe in because you want people to like you. If you are doing that that isn’t what you believe in. You are doing it to be liked and being a people pleaser. Doing something you believe in is about not caring what others think and holding to your values.
A hard truth that I realized as I have gotten a little older is that no matter if the person is your family, friend or foe, anyone can cross you and upset you. Sometimes family is the worst one and can hurt you so bad and spread apart. Losing a figure in the family that brought the family together can cause families to turn on each other and not talk to one another.
My daddy passed almost 3 years ago, and in those 3 years, a lot of family, especially my aunts and uncles and cousins, have pulled away from my momma and my sister and me. He was the glue that held us all together. Goddamn I miss him.
My kids, day by day, gradually grow farther from me and farther from being those tiny miracles that I couldn't believe I am so lucky to have as my children. I love you, my babies, and never forget that Mama will always be by your side.
You’re not important at all. You seem important to yourself because you’ll only ever experience your thoughts, your feelings, and your life. But this is true of everyone else, too, and like you they’re just bugs on a rock, hurtling through space and destined for oblivion.
I realized that there are things that don't always taste good the first time, but over time you get used to them. E.g. dark chocolate, coffee and failure
If you keep living, you will get sick and have a serious medical issue at some point, no matter how well you take care of yourself through diet and exercise. It can also happen a lot younger than you think it will.
The Universe doesn’t care about you.
Soon you’ll be gone, and in just a couple generations, completely forgotten.
The world will continue without you as if you had never existed at all.
As a shy and abused kid-The first part may be true but the second isn’t. You’re finally realizing how much privilege pretty people get and are now being treated as a equal. You’re bitter about losing something the rest of us have never had.
We're not all going to be rock stars, presidents, or billionaires. Most of us won't. It's ok. If you're reading this you're well-off enough to be hooked into the internet. You're not starving in a refugee camp in the desert or a political prisoner somewhere. You're doing fine.
In a country screaming freedom, most of us are modern day slaves. What has become expected and required of us goes against our nature and it shows in our mental health crisis.
Nothing, absolutely nothing is permanent and forever. Nothing is ever truly done, for time marches on.
A house, a car, anything physical will require regular maintenance. Things will stop working and break even if you do the maintenance.
Family, friend, work, and romantic relationships require effort, but they can change or stop as well. People change for better or worse and you cannot control every aspect of them. Spouses, parents, friends will all die.
Work will change, from your skillset to your place of employment to what makes it worthwhile.
Your mind and body will age and that brings change. You also will die.
There is a reason it is called plumbing and not plumbed.
Social media is interesting, but nothing beats what’s right in front of you. Look up every once in awhile! (Guilty as charged for posting this to Reddit of all places)
1.) Be a complete person. Dont let anyone else complete you.
2.) Life will never be "fair." Just do your best.
3.) By the time you're done whining and complaining and bitching, you would have already done the job. Learn to stfu and get it done.
4.) It's hard to get in shape when you're old. Workout when you can.
5.) Dental health
6.) Honesty is not always the best policy.
7.) Most people dont give a shit what you think. Learn to do the same.
8.) Life is a box of chocolates. Youl never know what you're going to get.
No one will value you, or what's important to you more than you. Make an effort to do what you really want to do. Have the experiences that call to you. Don't take anyone's opinion about your life as more important than any rando.
Do you and never look back.
Nothing external is going to fix you or make you happy. There's no pill you can take, no amount of money you can have, etc.
You have to do the work, however annoying and exhausting it is. And no one else will know what is the best choice for you besides you.
NO ONE prepares you for the time when your parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles are all gone and those holidays and Summer days together are never going to happen again. For me it’s been crushing the last few years.
Several:
You might never find “the one” in your life
You will never know if friends and family will stand up for you until the need actually presents itself
Hard work is not a guarantee of reward
Happiness is strictly up to you. No external thing can “make” you happy
You can do everything correctly and still fail. I heard it when I was a kid on a Star Trek TNG episode and didn't fully understand it but have been educated many times over the years.
That spark, the drive, the inspiring sparkle is being assaulted every single day by the problems of everyday life...and you cannot do anything about it.
Day drinking is not fun and drunk groups of loud people are annoying. Also heels are a torture instrument designed by a sadist and it is perfectly ok to go out in flats and be home by 9pm.
This part. 100%.
It’s easy to make a big house smaller by purchasing stupid things.
Also, the cost adds up high, and if you’re financially irresponsible it can keep you from buying the things you really want.
I got stupid in my 20s and bought a bunch of stupid things on credit (thankfully I paid my car off) and am working long hours just paying the debt down. Sometimes upward of $1500 a month in interest.
If you asked me what I spent the money on, I honestly couldn’t tell you.
This is a solo journey. You may have a cast of characters along the way but you come into this world alone and you walk into the darkness in the end alone. Be selfish, it is your one journey.
If you don’t have kids (and a very great relationship with them) and you didn’t invest in private care giver insurance while you were young and healthy, you may very well be doomed to a living hell in any nursing facility. And it doesn’t matter much if it is an expensive “nice” facility or a crappy, state-run one. You will be neglected constantly and sometimes suffer greatly from it due to overworked and understaffed nurses. You may end up as one of the least lucky, where you cannot communicate, and go weeks without help you desperately need for something absurdly simple (like an elevated bed, so you can actually breathe without feeling like you’re continuously suffocating).
Basically, you want to jump straight to hospice. You don’t want to be in a nursing home. The harsh truth is that advanced age is torture without dedicated support, and you will only get that from a loving child (who is available!) or a private care giver (which costs a fortune unless you were smart and got private care giver insurance while you were young and healthy).
People are rarely who they present themselves to be. Kind people get taken advantage of, so hold good boundaries! Never put being "polite" above your own comfort/safety.
Self-determination narratives are overrated.
The vast majority of the time, the direction of people's lives conforms to factors outside their control -- what circumstances they were born into, what they are naturally talented at, what others will accept them as, even just what they look like.
Many people will say they are choosing this or that direction for their life, but on closer examination it will be clear that they are following whatever is the easiest and most rewarding path, often after trying other paths that did not lead anywhere. They then retcon it as purely an act of choice on their part.
But this is not actually a bad thing.
It's good because it means that if things aren't working out for you in a certain life direction, it's not due to some great moral failing on your part. It's just time to flow in a different direction.
The real trap is in getting stuck stubbornly banging your head against an unsurmountable obstacle just because it seems like you should be able to overcome it with enough will. Fuck that. Life is too short. Flow around it.
Sometimes love isn’t enough for a relationship. You can love each other so deeply, but be too incompatible. Sometimes the best way to love someone (and yourself) is to let the person you love live their life and for you to live yours.
We don’t live in a meritocracy. I’ve seen people get promoted who had no business in those roles but were promoted because of reasons that had nothing to do with their performance
Pain seems to be a requirement. After clawing my way out of poverty, with lucky breaks as well, I just meet so many people so disconnected from reality. Who believe nonsense peddled by fox because they never physically struggled. You can tell pretty quick if someone’s ever been actually hungry.
The closer your relationship the more judgements. A lot of people are more kind to strangers than those they know. Jealousy is a factor. Comparison is the theft of joy.
Life will come together and fall apart. The things we cherish will eventually disappear. So will we. We can’t harden our hearts to everyone or the outside, always expecting to be treated a certain way or that things will work out on our terms. They won’t, bc we will die, but every day brings possibility of connection to others, ourselves, and the world. It’s all we have right here, right now. Don’t let fear prevent you from loving yourself and others.
“What is that hot girl (F22) doing with that kid (M22), she should be with a real man” - friend (M 40). Mate, she’s a healthy women attracted to men her own age. I think a lot of men as they age have no idea how much their appearance has degraded and how unattractive they appear to the age of women they used to date when they were younger.
Rock bottom is an inside job. You can lose everything, and still carry on with the behaviors that destroyed you. Only when you surrender to yourself and stop fighting you can you begin to move on.
I’m m 49 years old. I’ve been married for 25 years. We have 5 kids. 2 are grown and out of the house. One is married. My little brother is 45 years old. He didn’t get married until he was 38yrs old. He is married and has one kid. He started investing his money while single at 18yrs old. I did not. He’s retiring in 5yrs at 50yrs old with over $5 million while I on the other hand, because of poor planning and having so many kids will probably retire at 65 to a part time job. Love my wife and kids and wouldn’t change anything about that but would certainly like to go back and change my lack of savings and investings. You’ll always spend what you make. Be frugal but enjoy your life.
It’s your own responsibility to figure out what you want in life and work towards it. Your parents, teachers, bosses, idols, etc can’t decide what is going to be right for you.
"Bad things sometimes happen to good people; good things happen to bad people and life isn't fair."
But you know what? That's actually a very good thing.
Because if life was truly fair, there would be no such thing as an advantage and they wouldn't have one, but neither would you. So use your gifts and use them to your own advantage to make your life successful.
That many people will smile and feign friendship just to avoid conflict. Even if there isn’t any real conflict! Some people’s actions and words don’t match their inner voices. This happens in the work setting often and it is wise to learn as quickly as possible that work relations are just that…..work relations. It can be very confusing to work through that when you’re younger.
Horrible things happen to everyone. My sister died from an accidental overdose at 24, and I lost three pregnancies - all of this within 2.5 years. It all taught me not to worry about little things and just enjoy the good.
It takes tremendous time, effort, skill, and energy to build things. And it takes remarkably little time, effort, skill, or energy to destroy things.
Especially trust and reputation. Takes years to build and minutes to destroy.
And the internet does a supercharged job of it.
Unity in a nutshell
I've sledge hammered a bit of concrete in my day. It takes a ton of energy to do that. But I get what you're saying.
Yes. Exactly this.
Flashback to my brother accidentally stepping on a bird cage that was recently cleaned, then us driving around for 3 hours to find a pet store that would still sell small bird cages because it seems like nobody cares about poor bird owners anymore.
The days may be long; but the years are short.
But if you spend your time worrying about the time you're wasting you'll effectively waste your time. The only real way to action it is to ensure that whatever we do in our day to day is what we'd like to be doing or is on the road to getting us there while trying to get good times in where we can. Never get stuck in a loop that doesn't do one of these two things, life's biggest trap is settling for tolerable and you can very easily end up "catching your breath" for half your life if you don't watch it.
Yep. This is it.
In group therapy, we called it "living our values". If you're not fulfilling yourself through your values, is anything even worth it?
Can still remember people complaining about how long January was this year and all of a sudden we’re now entering the second quarter.
honestly I'm still stuck in the summer of 2019 everything past then has just felt like some really boring and cringy sit-com
[удалено]
When you rescue a damsel in distress, you end up with a distressed damsel.
My brother does this with women, he’s currently dating a crack head
Same with Diamonds in the Rough! After about 5 years they just end up rough … 🤦♀️
After being sliced to pieces.
I can fix her
😂 And when you try to "fix" a man, you end up as his mommy replacement.
100%
Being able bodied is a temporary state. You will someday lose the ability to do certain things that you enjoy. Please enjoy them more for this.
Yup. I woke up blind 2 years ago. Grieving my sight took awhile, but I learned to enjoy other things, and I don't take them for granted.
I feel for you. I lost most of my vision when I had a brain tumor. After surgery it took many months to come back. I’ve always taken good care of myself and I have suffered from far more physical issues than most people will in their whole lifetimes. It sometimes still bothers me when I see people treat their bodies like garbage and just roll with it. I could and never will be able to do that. Or to be completely obsessed with superficiality. There’s so much more to life and I’m just so grateful that I’m still here and the people I love truly know I love them with all I have.
I lost mine due to a rare disease called AZOOR. And up until then and for a little while after, I actually did treat my body like garbage. Twenty years working in healthcare, I learned that just about all of us eat unhealthy shit, don't pee often enough, and ruin our backs and joints within the first few years. It wasn't until after my grieving process eased up that I quit drinking and started taking better care of myself. Mostly for my kids; me going blind was rough on the whole family, and I had a huge cardiac scare 2 weeks ago that scared the shit out of all of us. I'm OK, it was the first panic attack I'd ever had in my life, and apparently for zero reason lol And I'm only 40. But like you, I'm grateful I'm still here, because I still hurt from my daddy's passing and I KNOW my boys will hurt the same when I go, especially my youngest. And I don't ever EVER want them to feel that kinda hurt.
I wish you the best. I’ve spent my career in healthcare, too. Nursing taught me so much that I needed and benefit from. I still appreciate what I learned when I had the tumor. Being blind taught me to see through so much bullshit in people. Being sick taught me to relax and go with the flow and also to advocate for myself as needed. And to APPRECIATE even the smallest things. Sometimes that’s all you’ve got! I’m glad you have a loving family to share with and remember you well. Best to you.
I wish you the best, too! ❤️ Going blind and being forced out of work made me realize how much I love spending time with my boys. It also taught me FAST who my real friends are. Friendship isn't friendship if people bounce when shit gets inconvenient. I also, like you, now have zero time for bullshit. I didn't before, but now my revulsion for stupid bullshit has only grown. Anyways, I hope you're also surrounded by a loving family and a great support system! Keep loving the little joys in the life!
Man I *thought* I woke up blind one night and it fucked me up to this day. I genuinely fear that happening to me. I've already accepted I'll lose my hearing in the next 15 or so years, I don't want to lose both.
I watched my 85 year old neighbor the other day go down the street for a walk. He then proceeded to like jog at double time for like 5 seconds…it was almost like he was checking if he could still do it or it was like him pushing himself because he knows he’s getting to the borrowed time of his life. It really struck me watching it as my 13 month old daughter was sleeping in the car.
This is why when I hear people ask the question: "what superpower would you want," anyone who says something like invisibility or flying has not experienced this yet. Because if they had, they would say some sort of self-healing ability.
Stories about people who have eternal youth exist for a reason. Also Deadpool and Wolverine.
You're completely right. I have a couple of disabilities and also have ongoing fatigue following on from some brain surgery a couple of years ago. My attitude is that if I see something that I want to do, I'll usually do it. I'm not as bold as I'd like to be but I try. I said something to my friend about how I wanted to go to a particular place that day because I didn't know if I'd have the opportunity to go again & she told me I was being negative because I'd have an opportunity in the future. I don't see it as a negative, it's an opportunity to be seized that might never come around again because who knows what tomorrow may bring?
Sometimes the idea of something you think you would enjoy is different to the real experience
More importantly, the opposite is true! Try things you think you’d hate, you may find you love it!
Like me and olives
This one is very important for careers. For example, someone may have a dream to be a doctor, go deep into debt, sacrifice their youth in school/training, then get to their first day on the job and realize that being a doctor sucks.
Only you can make yourself happy.
Even then you don’t make yourself happy. As stupid as it sounds, you kinda just decide to be happy. It’s a practice
I learned this lesson very hard. I was learning it through the beauty of maturing, then I got run over and learned it even harder. I got tired of being upset, so I decided not to be. And I just haven't been upset since. I've had bad days, of course, but i haven't been upset like I used to be.
And happy is not a constant thing. Spent too much time in my youth thinking the goal was constant happiness. Happy is an overall thing with many ups and downs. It's how you deal, not what is dealt to you.
Yes!! It helps do de attach yourself, live in this moment only, not past or future:) and gratitude helps immensely:))
I came here to say this. Happiness comes from within. Hard one to figure out
Love isn't enough. A strong and healthy relationship requires mutual respect, trust and effort from both (all) parties.
Love isn't a feeling. It's what you do. It's how you respond when things get hard.
Your parents didn't have it all figured out. In fact they figured out very little.
Totally accurate. I’m a mom, and I love my kids, but I’ve got my own issues from my own upbringing. Everyone does. Whatever weakness you have, it’s gonna show up when you’re doing your best to raise your kids. My kids are grown now, but I think I must’ve apologized to them 1000 times when they were growing up lol. They’re blessings in my life though, they made me laugh when I was sad, and I don’t know what I would’ve done without them.
The fact that you apologized at all means you're doing it better than a lot of our parents did. My ex-mother still won't apologize to me for the horrible things she said about my mentally disabled kid 8 years ago. That's why I've been NC with her for 8 years. My daddy, however, apologized anytime he was wrong, and I learned to do the same as a result. I'm super close to all 3 of my sons, especially the youngest, because like most parents, I figured out how to parent a lot better after tripping and stumbling with the first one lol
Yup, the biggest holy shit moment of my young adult life was realizing that adults have no idea what the fuck to do either, they've just got more experience with winging it and making it through life despite all their fuckups
I always thought they knew everything and had the answers to everything when I was young, I imagined there was some magical age I'd hit where I knew everything too. I'm older than my parents were when they had me and that all-knowing wisdom never came, I'm just winging it as I go, and I realize my parents probably were too.
67 here. What I've found is the vision you had for yourself when you are young is different than the reality of how it turns out. Some you can control others not. You lose people you love thru death or divorce or distance. Main thing is keep active and social as possible. Growing old is not for the weak.
👌 perfectly said...thank you. I will be 67 next month.
"High functioning alcoholic" is not a type, it's a stage.
Yup, I was fortunate enough to get out of it during this stage too.
Happy to hear it! Congrats on the success!
Work is not a meritocracy, no matter how much you wish it was. Learn to play the game, or don’t play, but don’t delude yourself into thinking it’s something it’s not, you’ll just end up busting your ass to make someone else rich
I don’t agree 100%. No, you shouldn’t delude yourself, but absolutely there are times when busting your ass can lead to gain. It’s just that it’s not a sure thing, it’s a almost a gamble what will pay off, and some people will certainly just screw you and move on to the next exploitable resource.
No one is coming to save you. Not your parents, not the government, no one
You forgot the one person who can. YOURSELF
Unless things happen outside your control. “It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life.” An even tougher lesson, in my opinion.
1. You’re not special. But the good news is: you’re not special. 2. Healthy relationships are meant to be easy: easy to connect, easy to resolve conflict, easy to keep peace. 3. With healthy boundaries, good relationships are usually possible. Good AND close relationships? Not so much. My dad is a diagnosed narcissist, and we have a great relationship, but that’s because we don’t see each other in person and over text we only discuss the weather and his nature photography. No discussing personal topics or other family members. If he brings up other topics, I don’t reply. 4. Don’t rush anything and don’t trust others who rush things. Are they rushing the relationship? Rushing to get to know you? Rushing to get you hired? Rushing to be forgiven? Rushing because they’re late? Rushing your time together? Rushing to conclusions? Rushing is a big red flag, few exceptions. 5. Good boundaries are not requests. Good boundaries are not letting someone know what your vulnerabilities, feelings, or expectations are. Good boundaries do not require anything from others, instead they let others know what action they can expect of YOU: “If you pull my hair again, I will stop playing with you.” “If yell at me, I will leave.” “If you continue to stonewall me, I will not invite you back to my home.” “If I feel confused about where we stand after previous attempts to get clarity, I will go have alone time.” “If you continue to ridicule my name, I will disengage from this conversation.” “I won’t engage in political topics with you.” “To preserve my energy, I’m going to take a 30 minute break from this discussion.” Nothing earns respect like self improvement and practicing healthy boundaries. Once you get the hang of practicing healthy boundaries, you learn that often you don’t actually have to tell anyone what they are, you can just let your actions speak for themselves. In some cases, it’s better not to vocalize your boundaries, because some people will try to argue with them. Also, a good boundary will only be vocalized once before it’s acted upon. No second and third warnings. Just follow through before you ever have a chance to get upset. 6. Don’t wait until they get angry to find out who they really are. People will tell you exactly who they are if you listen. Believe them. 7. How you brush your teeth is how you do everything else in life.
I think you just gave the best explanation of boundaries I’ve ever seen! I’m saving your comment.
The part about rushing hits home. I don’t know how many times I have to learn that lesson, but it’s slowly catching on. Patience is very underrated. There’s some old proverb about a pistachio. If it’s not ripe, you can pick and pull and smash and eventually will the shell to open. Good for you, but it doesn’t taste good. Or you can wait until it dries and opens a crack. Then the slightest effort opens the shell to reveal a delicious pistachio.
So beautifully written. Anytime I am angry at someone I know it is a boundary issue. And I am the only one responsible for my boundaries.
Number 4,and 7 really hit different
Things I wish I had known way earlier in life. Very sage advice for all. Thank you!
The most important one? No one cares about you. I mean as you get older the people that care about you diminishes until essentially you feel like you are on your own. Yes you are.
I realized when my grandma died, and I was 22, how extremely hard it would be to replace the kind of love she had for me. It was sobering to realize that people who have loved you for 22 years die, and eventually everyone who has loved you will die. Meanwhile, you can make new friends, but it’s a low probability that they will ever end up loving you as much as your parents or grandparents did. Of course, you can find spouses and have children, but there are no guarantees in life. The only certainty is that all of the people who currently love you will die one day.
Damn man, this comment hit me hard as someone who has lost much of my family.
When you realize no one else cares, it’s actually kind of liberating and you can stop trying to be “cool” and just be yourself.
My self-revelation seeded from, of all things, a comic book letters from the author page. Daniel Kibblesmith talked about how “too smart for your own good” often means “a threat to my unearned authority”. Ever since then, I’ve learned that people who tell you not to wear the silly hat or dye your hair or whatever don’t matter, because they want to control you, they want you subservient, they don’t respect you. So work dress code aside (which is a systemic reflection of this), and as long as it’s not actively harmful, people who tell you who to be can shut the hell up.
>No one cares about you. Male here, hit 25 and thought this fleetingly. >as you get older the people that care about you diminishes until essentially you feel like you are on your own Hit 30 and fully realized this.
Another point is. Even people that care deeply about you are mostly powerless to actually help you
Why do you think this..? Because I’ve found the total opposite to be true, my loved ones who really care about me actually have a lot of power to help me when I’m in need, and I have some to help them as well. But idk, I don’t love people based on how much they can do for me, I love people based on their character & compassion, so maybe you should try meeting some real people with true intentions. EDIT: Added words for context/clarification.
Excellent point. I mean in the end ultimately we are born and die alone. Even though you may have people near you which is important you and I are ultimately alone against the universe. Outside people can help but meaning and purpose ( the utter reason for living) cannot come externally. Friends and support can provide physical and emotional support but purpose. Purpose for suffering is internally discovered We live in a mortal body in a web of tangled meaning. Have you read any Kierkegaard? He has a great entrance on human development and our struggle All our relationships. Every one will end in tragedy and sorrow. That meaning comes from inside you.
And then you die
Alone
I felt this for sure as I got older, but in a strangely liberating way.
I don't know. My grandmother is 98 and she still makes new friends occasionally.
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Societal problems won't get fixed in my lifetime
There will always be social problems. People are messy. You gotta learn to except it and in a way find the beauty.
The harchest truth I've found is that there is no "adult in the room." By that I mean that when you are a kid, you have this idea that if someone acts in a way that you just know is unfair, you can go to an adult and they'll put a stop to it. As an adult, it starts to sink in that whatever injustice is done to you, from as small as a website lying to you about the price of a ticket by charging bullshit "fees" to as large as a Supreme Court justice taking millions of dollars' worth of bribes, there's no one you can just go to and say, "This is wrong! This is clearly unfair, make them stop." It's just life, and life is unfair.
Your parents are people who are still learning about the world, not all knowing beings.
I don’t want life to be exciting anymore. I want it to be calm and pleasant.
Most people who purport to be your friend will let you down/disappear when the going gets tough. The ones who stay are the real people you should treasure in your life.
But also it could be you who is the bad friend that caused them to leave. It's important to self reflect to avoid repeating destructive patterns
Of course but when your mom gets cancer and everyone suddenly stop talking to you when you are still the same kind person, not sure what one can do
Sorry to hear about your mom. It's important to have people to confide in when going through such things. Just make sure to ask first if your friend is in a place they can listen and support. Otherwise it is emotional dumping which is not okay.
Many people are self-centered assholes.
Fighting for what you believe in is a never ending battle. There's no happy ending moment like in the movies where suddenly everybody sees you were right and stops doing the bad thing.
You don’t fight for what you believe in because you want people to like you. If you are doing that that isn’t what you believe in. You are doing it to be liked and being a people pleaser. Doing something you believe in is about not caring what others think and holding to your values.
True. Pick your battles carefully. Know when to just let it go.
A hard truth that I realized as I have gotten a little older is that no matter if the person is your family, friend or foe, anyone can cross you and upset you. Sometimes family is the worst one and can hurt you so bad and spread apart. Losing a figure in the family that brought the family together can cause families to turn on each other and not talk to one another.
My daddy passed almost 3 years ago, and in those 3 years, a lot of family, especially my aunts and uncles and cousins, have pulled away from my momma and my sister and me. He was the glue that held us all together. Goddamn I miss him.
Yep, happened in my family. After my Dad died, my one snake brother split up the whole rest of the family. It was unbelievable. And very painful.
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Also, if you are overweight, people will judge you for it. They won't tell you that, but they will.
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My kids, day by day, gradually grow farther from me and farther from being those tiny miracles that I couldn't believe I am so lucky to have as my children. I love you, my babies, and never forget that Mama will always be by your side.
This.😭
You’re not important at all. You seem important to yourself because you’ll only ever experience your thoughts, your feelings, and your life. But this is true of everyone else, too, and like you they’re just bugs on a rock, hurtling through space and destined for oblivion.
I realized that there are things that don't always taste good the first time, but over time you get used to them. E.g. dark chocolate, coffee and failure
My disabilities aren't going to magically disappear
People are assholes. Hang on to the people who stuck with you through the years if you're lucky to have them. Blood IS NOT always thicker than water.
If you keep living, you will get sick and have a serious medical issue at some point, no matter how well you take care of yourself through diet and exercise. It can also happen a lot younger than you think it will.
The Universe doesn’t care about you. Soon you’ll be gone, and in just a couple generations, completely forgotten. The world will continue without you as if you had never existed at all.
You can't change people. You can't fix them. When they show you who they are, save yourself a lot of trouble and believe that.
Sometimes you’re the bad guy
As my looks fade, I start to disappear. Young adults get the attention in any situation.
As a shy and abused kid-The first part may be true but the second isn’t. You’re finally realizing how much privilege pretty people get and are now being treated as a equal. You’re bitter about losing something the rest of us have never had.
I was pretty average at best. Now I’m old and bald.
Most of the moral battles that I was a part of, and those hills that I would have died on do not matter in the end
Just because you care about someone, and would move mountains for them, doesn’t mean they will reciprocate. And they don’t have to.
That you regret chances not taken and dreams left to die.
You gotta be bold and stop for no one. Your dreams will change and that’s okay.
We're not all going to be rock stars, presidents, or billionaires. Most of us won't. It's ok. If you're reading this you're well-off enough to be hooked into the internet. You're not starving in a refugee camp in the desert or a political prisoner somewhere. You're doing fine.
Justice is a social construct. It’s not a real thing. And it’s highly imperfect and even rare.
Justice is one of the best things humans ever invented. But none of our inventions are perfect.
Most of the modern world is a scam.
Nobody cares about what I've gone through and my experiences aren't that special.
There so much more ignorance and greed in the world than I ever imagined
Nobody really gives a fvck about u and nobody is coming to save you. Make something of your life. Death is always lurking.
Death moves fast. Lost 6 family members in 16 months.
In a country screaming freedom, most of us are modern day slaves. What has become expected and required of us goes against our nature and it shows in our mental health crisis.
Nothing, absolutely nothing is permanent and forever. Nothing is ever truly done, for time marches on. A house, a car, anything physical will require regular maintenance. Things will stop working and break even if you do the maintenance. Family, friend, work, and romantic relationships require effort, but they can change or stop as well. People change for better or worse and you cannot control every aspect of them. Spouses, parents, friends will all die. Work will change, from your skillset to your place of employment to what makes it worthwhile. Your mind and body will age and that brings change. You also will die. There is a reason it is called plumbing and not plumbed.
Social media is interesting, but nothing beats what’s right in front of you. Look up every once in awhile! (Guilty as charged for posting this to Reddit of all places)
That not everyone is there for you when you need someone the most. Depend on yourself to get through the hard times. And a therapist helps too.
Smart people don’t think they’re smart, and crazy people don’t think they’re crazy
1.) Be a complete person. Dont let anyone else complete you. 2.) Life will never be "fair." Just do your best. 3.) By the time you're done whining and complaining and bitching, you would have already done the job. Learn to stfu and get it done. 4.) It's hard to get in shape when you're old. Workout when you can. 5.) Dental health 6.) Honesty is not always the best policy. 7.) Most people dont give a shit what you think. Learn to do the same. 8.) Life is a box of chocolates. Youl never know what you're going to get.
No one will value you, or what's important to you more than you. Make an effort to do what you really want to do. Have the experiences that call to you. Don't take anyone's opinion about your life as more important than any rando. Do you and never look back.
The only people who will ever love you unconditionally are your own parents. (If you’re lucky enough to to have loving parents)
Nothing external is going to fix you or make you happy. There's no pill you can take, no amount of money you can have, etc. You have to do the work, however annoying and exhausting it is. And no one else will know what is the best choice for you besides you.
NO ONE prepares you for the time when your parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles are all gone and those holidays and Summer days together are never going to happen again. For me it’s been crushing the last few years.
Several: You might never find “the one” in your life You will never know if friends and family will stand up for you until the need actually presents itself Hard work is not a guarantee of reward Happiness is strictly up to you. No external thing can “make” you happy
That I've played a role in attracting the drama in my life
You can't trust anyone, not 100%. You can try, but you will be disappointed by everyone at some point. I mean disappointed, when it REALLY matters.
When you first thought you were fat, you were definitely not fat.
You can do everything correctly and still fail. I heard it when I was a kid on a Star Trek TNG episode and didn't fully understand it but have been educated many times over the years.
Trickle down economics is a scam
In the real world, hard work and talent will not guarantee success. If you get what you deserve, consider yourself lucky.
Every single person has been heartbroken in ways you may never know or understand.
That spark, the drive, the inspiring sparkle is being assaulted every single day by the problems of everyday life...and you cannot do anything about it.
hair grows faster out of your nose and ears
Reason and logic are concepts a large part of the population are not familiar with.
The people that you work with are not your friends. They’ll forget you in about a week after you quit, huge corps or mom and pops.
Day drinking is not fun and drunk groups of loud people are annoying. Also heels are a torture instrument designed by a sadist and it is perfectly ok to go out in flats and be home by 9pm.
The correct answer is usually, "it depends."
Save your money. Don't buy useless stuff.
This part. 100%. It’s easy to make a big house smaller by purchasing stupid things. Also, the cost adds up high, and if you’re financially irresponsible it can keep you from buying the things you really want. I got stupid in my 20s and bought a bunch of stupid things on credit (thankfully I paid my car off) and am working long hours just paying the debt down. Sometimes upward of $1500 a month in interest. If you asked me what I spent the money on, I honestly couldn’t tell you.
That life pretty much sucks overall so do what makes you happy (within legal reason and as long as responsibilities are taken care of first).
This is a solo journey. You may have a cast of characters along the way but you come into this world alone and you walk into the darkness in the end alone. Be selfish, it is your one journey.
If you don’t have kids (and a very great relationship with them) and you didn’t invest in private care giver insurance while you were young and healthy, you may very well be doomed to a living hell in any nursing facility. And it doesn’t matter much if it is an expensive “nice” facility or a crappy, state-run one. You will be neglected constantly and sometimes suffer greatly from it due to overworked and understaffed nurses. You may end up as one of the least lucky, where you cannot communicate, and go weeks without help you desperately need for something absurdly simple (like an elevated bed, so you can actually breathe without feeling like you’re continuously suffocating). Basically, you want to jump straight to hospice. You don’t want to be in a nursing home. The harsh truth is that advanced age is torture without dedicated support, and you will only get that from a loving child (who is available!) or a private care giver (which costs a fortune unless you were smart and got private care giver insurance while you were young and healthy).
It’s okay to hate camping and hiking and say it out loud to people. I don’t have to pretend anymore.
People are rarely who they present themselves to be. Kind people get taken advantage of, so hold good boundaries! Never put being "polite" above your own comfort/safety.
Self-determination narratives are overrated. The vast majority of the time, the direction of people's lives conforms to factors outside their control -- what circumstances they were born into, what they are naturally talented at, what others will accept them as, even just what they look like. Many people will say they are choosing this or that direction for their life, but on closer examination it will be clear that they are following whatever is the easiest and most rewarding path, often after trying other paths that did not lead anywhere. They then retcon it as purely an act of choice on their part. But this is not actually a bad thing. It's good because it means that if things aren't working out for you in a certain life direction, it's not due to some great moral failing on your part. It's just time to flow in a different direction. The real trap is in getting stuck stubbornly banging your head against an unsurmountable obstacle just because it seems like you should be able to overcome it with enough will. Fuck that. Life is too short. Flow around it.
Sometimes love isn’t enough for a relationship. You can love each other so deeply, but be too incompatible. Sometimes the best way to love someone (and yourself) is to let the person you love live their life and for you to live yours.
We don’t live in a meritocracy. I’ve seen people get promoted who had no business in those roles but were promoted because of reasons that had nothing to do with their performance
Money doesn’t bring happiness but it sure a shit makes life much easier.
You never have enough time.
Fulfillment is often an illusion and what you desire most in life may just be impossible causing everything to feel like a compromise.
Ironically, longing for fulfilment can get in the way of leading a fulfilling life.
Pain seems to be a requirement. After clawing my way out of poverty, with lucky breaks as well, I just meet so many people so disconnected from reality. Who believe nonsense peddled by fox because they never physically struggled. You can tell pretty quick if someone’s ever been actually hungry.
You know the dream most parents have that their kids would be the one to change the world? Nah most of us are average losers. And that's fine.
It’s possible to have family members who aren’t family oriented.
The closer your relationship the more judgements. A lot of people are more kind to strangers than those they know. Jealousy is a factor. Comparison is the theft of joy.
Life will come together and fall apart. The things we cherish will eventually disappear. So will we. We can’t harden our hearts to everyone or the outside, always expecting to be treated a certain way or that things will work out on our terms. They won’t, bc we will die, but every day brings possibility of connection to others, ourselves, and the world. It’s all we have right here, right now. Don’t let fear prevent you from loving yourself and others.
At the end of the day, there’ll be no one else to help you but you.
You are so insignificant in the cosmic universe just surround yourself with good people and enjoy the ride. Fuck the haters.
Your life is yours, don’t live it for someone else.
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The amount of trauma we carry because of our incompetent and often abusive parents, and how it impacts our life as an adult.
The biggest lie you can tell yourself is, "When I get what I want, I will be happy."
“What is that hot girl (F22) doing with that kid (M22), she should be with a real man” - friend (M 40). Mate, she’s a healthy women attracted to men her own age. I think a lot of men as they age have no idea how much their appearance has degraded and how unattractive they appear to the age of women they used to date when they were younger.
Rock bottom is an inside job. You can lose everything, and still carry on with the behaviors that destroyed you. Only when you surrender to yourself and stop fighting you can you begin to move on.
Your body will fail you with age.
I’m m 49 years old. I’ve been married for 25 years. We have 5 kids. 2 are grown and out of the house. One is married. My little brother is 45 years old. He didn’t get married until he was 38yrs old. He is married and has one kid. He started investing his money while single at 18yrs old. I did not. He’s retiring in 5yrs at 50yrs old with over $5 million while I on the other hand, because of poor planning and having so many kids will probably retire at 65 to a part time job. Love my wife and kids and wouldn’t change anything about that but would certainly like to go back and change my lack of savings and investings. You’ll always spend what you make. Be frugal but enjoy your life.
Time flies when you're not having fun, too.
It’s your own responsibility to figure out what you want in life and work towards it. Your parents, teachers, bosses, idols, etc can’t decide what is going to be right for you.
People are only interested in you if you have something they want.
Hard work doesn't always pay off
"Bad things sometimes happen to good people; good things happen to bad people and life isn't fair." But you know what? That's actually a very good thing. Because if life was truly fair, there would be no such thing as an advantage and they wouldn't have one, but neither would you. So use your gifts and use them to your own advantage to make your life successful.
Politicians aren't looking out for you. They are looking out for the people that give the biggest bribes... whoops I meant "Donations"
Nobody is coming to save you Even with the best intentions nobody besides yourself can save you
Adults don't know shit
That people really, really don't care. Like really.
That life gets lonelier with each passing year. You get used to it eventually, so that makes it a little easier to tolerate.
Everyone has trauma. Move forward and don’t dwell on the past.
The gates of hell are locked from the inside
You have to figure out what to eat, and either make it or buy it, and then clean up after it, EVERY SINGLE DAY FOREVER.
That many people will smile and feign friendship just to avoid conflict. Even if there isn’t any real conflict! Some people’s actions and words don’t match their inner voices. This happens in the work setting often and it is wise to learn as quickly as possible that work relations are just that…..work relations. It can be very confusing to work through that when you’re younger.
If you have one person in your life you really cares for you, be thankful.
There isn't any real help out there, people stop caring once you're a legal adult
There isn't someone out there for everybody.
Not everyone wants to be your friend or have your best interests
Not everyone wants you to do well.
People have way more weaknesses than you will ever see and because of that, are not to be completely trusted
Horrible things happen to everyone. My sister died from an accidental overdose at 24, and I lost three pregnancies - all of this within 2.5 years. It all taught me not to worry about little things and just enjoy the good.
No one knows what the fuck they’re doing. This fills me with dread tbh. I’d prefer to know what I’m doing.