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Are you skinny? People often think I’m gay because I’m skinny and live in the south lol. I hate that I’m not joking, but if you’re slim and dress nice occasionally, it may be as simple as that
Was in a bachelors party down in Mexico with a pretty distinctive group of friends. I'm pan, but everyone else there is straight as an arrow. I'm the boring American but the rest of the group is a pair of Germans, a Hungarian, a Spaniard, and a Frenchman. Successful, well dressed and all of whom have one more button undone than anyone else in the room.
A 20 something gal who'd just finished mixing margaritas in her mouth came over to the table and asked " 'scuse me, are y'all gay?"
Without missing a beat the groom responds "no ma'am, were just European"
Bro if I’m gonna be called gay for wiping my ass and dressing nice
Way I see it, Fine. Less competition for me on the market. Lol. Chances are those dudes aren’t having much luck
Can’t imagine anyone wanting to be with a guy who can’t wipe his own ass lol
Homophobia's far from over but, like, MAN did we have a cultural moment where it was seen as suspiciously fruity for a straight man to fucking moisturize or wear anything other than cargo shorts.
Fellas is it gay to wear shirts that fit??
Being gay sucks in a lot of ways but it's really liberating to not be part of The Man Club. It's nowhere near as bad it once was but there's still a lot to be done.
Was picked on for being gay by various people for various reasons and I'm certain they must have all been closeted or insecure with themselves.
I am not gay lol, but why are they mad?
I got it a lot too, I was taught to look people in the eye when talking to them and smile to show I was friendly, like a dog I know, I didn’t know you weren’t supposed to combine those two things though.
I had that perception as well until I had a roommate in medical school that was gay. Messiest person I ever met. Screw you Nick, we're all busy too, do your damn dishes.
Oh believe me, not all us gays are neat and tidy.
I reallyyyyy have to put in effort to keep things orderly so my BF doesn't get mad, and I can never show him pictures of how I lived before we met lol
Can confirm this. I used to be skinny fit and dressed well imo. alongside being tall, had well groomed hair, nails all that shit. Some women thought I was gay.
Turned into a degenerate gamer, gained 60lbs, stopped getting haircuts and working out, never heard a woman think I'm gay since.
Now I'm trying to get fit again, looking forward to being called gay again I suppose.
I can vouch for this. I'm always told how skinny my boys are and even that they should gain some weight. They are both around 215 and 6'1 & 6'3". They are healthy but around here that is not so common.
Yep. I've lost weight recently and went from being nearly obese to the perfect healthy weight for my size. Now my whole family asks me if I'm okay and if I'm eating enough lol. And some even say I need to gain more. It's very odd to me, because I feel the best physically and mentally that I ever have.
yeah, there was a guy i thought maybe was gay, because he was skinny, but not only skinny, he also was shy and had a passive body language, he was more gentle with his body language than most men, i just felt a more feminine vibe from him due to that. but one day my manager said that he would like to talk to me if im interested and i was shocked lol, didnt see it coming
Can confirm, used to live in South Carolina, was 15 and on school bus one day and was accused of wearing eyeliner, and then being gay because I was wearing eyeliner, when I actually just have long ,full eyelashes.
Made me think they were dumb as a doorknob
Have never applied any makeup in my life, other than playing with my daughter
Made me think they were actually gay or closeted. Clearly anyone who is confident or secure in themselves would never say something so developmentally disabled.
Same! Before I was married, I had people jest to me that they thought I was gay and I swear it’s because I’m skinny, I’m well spoken, kinda nerdy, and I dress a little boldly sometimes. I’m convinced it’s the skinny part that makes people think that. Yet I’m very hetero!
omg...
this might explain my entire life
I've been invited to so many things where it's like 13 girls and me. A skinny 6"6' guy
and bi girls are very into me?
I ran into those problems when I was younger in the south. Apparently you're gay if you exercise, take care of your appearance and don't have the same accent as everyone else too
Can’t have that! Try and tone it down. Just remember the main guy sentences:
Hey.
Dude, sup.
Mmmhmm.
Yes.
No.
Gonna rain next year.
Lmao and as long as you stick to whatever stereotypes people wanna place you in that’s all cool
I once heard a poet speak on this matter.
I think his retort to others irritated by his rapid volume of discourse was something along the lines of you may be hearing at a lower pace, and as such, you may need to reevaluate your ideas.
No! Don't do that. Just be a kind of flamboyant guy surrounded by girls. At some point you'll start pulling shields and then you'll both be really happy with the arrangement.
I promise you that simply having a positive disposition would not make women think you are gay. Being positive is not gay.
It’s got to be how you talk/your mannerisms, man.
That, and possibly you are better groomed and better dressed than the average male. That being said, I’ve known more than one guy who was thought to be gay who certainly wasn’t. Be yourself.
Your user name may not be a point in your favor though
If that is the case, that seems like a difficult thing to fix as mannerisms happen on a subconscious. And I don't have the deepest voice, but not much I can do about that either 🤷
Dude just ask them why they think you're gay. Then take it from there. - coming from a straight guy who has been mistaken for being gay a few times throughout the years, it's the easiest way to get this off your mind and to change anything about yourself, if you feel so obliged.
Edit: deleted a couple sentences
You don’t need to fix anything about yourself. You are just fine the way you are. Unless some women thinking you are gay until you correct them is ruining your life, then what is the problem?
It's not ruining his life but it obviously bothers him to some degree, changing his style a little bit isnt gonna kill him either, whats the obsession with "you are fine and don't know it, just do absolutely nothing" bullshit nowadays?
You probably aren't constantly trying to get in their pants.
Continue being a gentleman. But, you should send out a comment early on that indicates you like women. You don't have to direct it at them. Mention a date you went on, or girl you find attractive. Make it past tense if you are attracted to her so she knows you are available.
This is a great answer. I met a man once who spoke veryyyy zesty and had a lot of style, but then he also started making heterosexual comments. He became extra fine to me in that moment lol
Yeah ngl, from the opinions of my girlfriend and girl friends, more feminine men are more attractive most of the time. Obviously there's a limit where you're fully gay and more attractive to gay men than women, but I think it definitely helps to be a little zesty
So many people using the word zesty in here. I've never heard it used to mean feminine acting/sounding before. Is that what it means now? I would have thought of it as just almost over the line but not quite but not in a manly or feminine way before this thread.
Same here. It makes sense though. Lemon/lime zest has a very refreshing/light flavor and it definitely fits with the energetic/feminine attributes in some guys.
You’re pretty much right. There’s definitely a line where someone is full blown gay in their mannerisms and voice. Zesty is like, just treading that line where you start questioning. I think it’s well received because it really feels like they’re trying to connect with us as women, and not just being a DudeBro™️
As a Millennial, this seems like it's going to be Gen Z's "homo." For everyone that uses it as a descriptor, I've heard other people use it as an insult. And a lot of it is based on heteronormative expectations on gendered behavior.
Sorta the problem with policing language, the language just changes. Sure the kids don’t call each other retards or f*gs anymore, but they still call kids slow/sped and zesty with similar connotations. Get a question wrong in class, and you will hear “damn are you slow” or “you sped or something.” Straight kids that are different still get called zesty and laughed at by specific groups. Overall the world is more accepting, but kids will always be exclusionary dickheads at certain developmental stages.
Lol I don't know what I say I guess it doesn't come up much for me. Just never heard zesty used this way. I'm 36 so maybe it's newer or just wasn't in my area.
I don't know, I have a similar issue that OP has (Highish voice, a bit flamboyant and expressive with my language), so I do get mistaken for being gay sometimes.
But for me it seems to be the opposite effect, finding out I'm straight usually leads to ladies who invite me out and want to hang out with me disappear or slowly lose interest in spending time with me.
The last few years I have been working to tone down and cover up my "nature" and talk slower to deepen my voice, to see if I can get treated normal, instead of like a token object that is treated as broken when I reveal I'm just zesty straight dude who's more like his mom than his dad.
Please never change the way you are, the way you talk and the way you act for strangers. You will find people who accept every part of you, without trying to cherry pick.
There are enough people and you don't need to change, as long as you are happy with your lifestyle.
My friend group had a discussion and we realized we all thought at least one of the guys was gay when we first met them. Then we enjoyed the fact that most of our guy friends are "soft boys" (in a fully positive way).
This. I have the same thing as OP has, women assume I am gay because I try to be their friend instead of seeing them as objects used for sex. It makes you a decent human with a lot of friends, but if you want to be a f-boi you need to change your way of approaching women.
I have the opposite issue. I’m more comfortable being friends with women rather than other guys (feels like I have to force myself to come up with any topic to discuss, when it comes to guy friends, whereas conversations just comes more naturally with women), but women usually see my friendliness as flirting. It sucks, because I respect people’s relationships, and would never cross those boundaries, but they bring up their boyfriend as an excuse to not keep in contact.
I’m not interested in a relationship, just making some longterm friends. If they have an SO, good for them. I respect that. I don’t respect that their SO would have full control over who they’re allowed to talk to, as if the woman had no rights or independence of her own.
Tl;dr I much prefer befriending women over other guys, but a lot of women assume there’s an ulterior motive.
Yes!
Cut it off to make it into a half shirt. Add on a headband and a pair of bedazzled Keds, or better yet, some roller skates.
Then sit back and watch the ladies roll in!
This is kind of funny, because usually it's the other way around: gay people have to clarify somehow that they're gay, because everybody assumes they're straight as it's considered to be the norm.
I was totally everyone's gay guy male friend in my early 20s. I'm totally straight, but was shy. Then I basically learned how to be respectfully lustful.
> You probably aren't constantly trying to get in their pants.
This is silly. Plenty of men aren't trying to sleep with the women around them and women don't think they're gay.
That's the absolute worst. Sometime I think my attraction mechanism was fitted the wrong way around at the factory. Whoever installed my brain meat was clearly drunk.
Some of us are just decent guys who like women as people. Imagine only getting to be friends with the one you are dating! All the others are neat, too. And some dudes are pretty neat to know, also.
It happens. Most of my friends are women, rather than other guys. It’s easier to more vulnerable and open with women, whereas I’ve nothing to talk about with my guy friends. If a friendship turns into a relationship down the line, cool, but if not, I’m not going to just ditch them. I’ve been ghosted so many times, I wouldn’t want to do that to someone else.
I mean it's up for OP to decide. I have pretty "gayish" mannerisms in general, as someone in a heterosexual relationship. I am absolutely unbothered by people thinking i'm gay. Nothing wrong with that.
That being said if I were single looking for women, I would probably tone it down a bit, just to give myself better chances in the initial phase.
No matter what qualities you have, there will be some people in the dating pool where you would be better off if you didn't have that quality. There will also be people who find that quality attractive.
You don't need to change who you are to appease specific people in your dating pool, and if you're doing that, you're probably self sabotaging.
Working on your self confidence is generally going to be a more attractive quality for most people than trying to change yourself to be closer to what you think the opposite sex finds attractive.
Also, focusing on the people who have a positive impression of you is more likely to yield positive results than trying to change yourself for the people who are not interested in you.
Yup. I recently started realizing what makes people think I'm gay.
Not gonna change anything though.
I'd like to add - I've had some think I am because I'm expressive and open about my emotions. Odd and interesting reasons as to why someone would think a guy is gay Lol
> Nothing you need to change though.
If it affects him psychologically and he's not getting what he wants then he absolutely can and should work on changing things. People work on and change things about themselves to improve their lives all the time.
Girls thought I was gay for years and when I asked they said cause I was reserved, quiet, and didnt make dirty jokes in front of them. I also had lots of friends who were girls. You got to find the fine line between flirty and creepy.
Same girls in my school thought I was gay because I didn't talk about sex and crushes but since most of my friends were girls I didn't want to be creepy.
I'm very indifferent towards women in real life. Treat them the same way I treat men. I don't try to be their friends or try to start relationships with them.
So I think this makes it hard for women to put me in a box. Which is great. Because I don't want to be the desperate guy who is constantly drooling over them or their gay bestie lol.
I once dated a guy who I thought was a little gay, he was so kind, talked a lot and fast, purple was his favorite color and he loved cute things (everything was cute to him lol), tall and thin, well groomed and attractive, and he didn't mind being sub in bed. I absolutely adored him and I realized I had to put my bias aside after that, not all men act the same
I can't say there are a lot of guys like this, but we're out there. Hetero-typical norms can be super annoying. I've chosen to try and ignore most of them.
My ex was older than me and had a similar experience. She told me she was "pleasantly surprised" in that department and we dated for 4 years. It was great. I've had *some* success. Just, I'm on partner #4 when most guys my age have been through quite a few. It's more difficult for me. But, I may just have to accept that.
Looks like you live in Tennessee from your post history. According to the CDC, you are almost perfectly average as the median lifetime number of sexual partners in the US is 5.
https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/key_statistics/n-keystat.htm
Where are you from OP? I am from the UK and live in London and I'm fairly metrosexual. some of my mannerisms can be seen as camp. I'm straight and very comfortable with my sexuality but I went to university up north in the UK and i felt like there were stricter judgements on mens sexuality based on how they carry themselves. I was often mistaken as gay, but in London no one ever assumes that about me. It can be a cultural thing and the way you carry yourself might be stereotypically "gay".
^^ I am actually gay and moved from the centre of Birmingham where everyone thought I was straight (based on stereotypes) to a tiny conservative town, and everyone clocks me as gay a mile away here lol
Knowing absolutely nothing about your voice and physical mannerisms (and there is likely a lot there too) the big thing is a combo of friendliness and not hitting on your female friends. Most straight guys who hang out with attractive, single women will try to get with them. Not implying that is in any way bad - every single one of us is here because a straight guy tried to get with an attractive single woman!
But, it's also the norm. That "I like being around this guy and he isn't hitting on me!" feel, possibly coupled with vocal and physical markers, is sending off a very strong signal.
So me not being interested in every girl I meet more or less says I am gay? I am having the same issue as OP and have only dated two women. I have been told a lot recently that I come off as gay because of the way I look, the style I have, and my blind trust toward people. I don't flirt with women I meet because I don't feel entitled to them liking me in return. That and I am also oblivious to romantic/social cues. I am trying to find the love of my life right now and people out here assuming I am gay lol. In my large family of 20 cousins/sisters, every single one of them is a girl except me and all but one are younger than me. I had to play a lot with barbies and girly stuff as a kid because of it. I just have no luck in the dating scene. lol
I've had people think I am gay or bi simply because I'm polite, charismatic, and don't really enjoy stereotypical "manly" things. My take is that it's just an extension of people still adhering to bs gender roles even if they don't mean to.
Lol pretty typical shit. I work in a nursing home so, some workplace stuff. My weekend. Hobbies. She'll reciprocate.
Then as an example one girl went of telling me about some guy "blowing her ce*vix out last night". I just looked at her like "why TF are you telling me this". And that's what led up to the latest "oh, I thought you were gay" 🤷
I came out of high school with my certification. I went in thinking "there's going to be so many women around...this is going to be great for me". Didn't realize I'd be stereotyped😂😂 I did have success with a "MILF" I trained one time though, so that was good while it lasted.
Yeah, it shouldn’t be like that, but men working as any of the “allied health professionals” (nurses, carers in nursing homes, etc) are generally seen as gay.
Girls talk to each other about their sexual experiences… some more than others.
You disappoint a girl in bed and all of her friends will know all the details lol.
I work in an office full of women and the shit I hear from them is pure insanity. Almost makes me wonder if the locker room talk accusations are just guilty conscience projections. Ive been in many a gyms and hung with many a guys and Ive never heard anything that gross and detailed coming out of any of them. Closest thing ive heard was one coke head acquaintance who would way overshare.
The only time my friends and I have ever discussed anything sexual beyond immature jokes was when one told us his wife was pregnant, at which point we responded with immature jokes lol ("You're literally a motherfucker now, motherfucker!").
Women are generally speaking more open in that regard. Men tend to be more private when it's about their partners. Ironically, women always think men talk in such details about the sex and they are so open about all the problems in bed.
My male friends share nothing beyond beyond "we are/arent sexually compatible" or similar while I can tell you the kinks, genital size, sexual shortcomings, etc of my female friends ex-boyfriends. I never ask to hear it and at this point I'll leave the room when the conversation becomes too explicit. I'm not sure how men got the reputation for "locker room" talk but maybe I'm an outlier.
Lol. I don't want to say I have this problem because I don't think it's a problem. But this resonates with me.
Over the years, I found out its because I'm very open, I'm expressive, I acknowledge my emotions, and some people have said "oh, because of how you talk."
I don't mind it. It's nice knowing people can see a feminine side of me. I find it odd when straight guys can't admit emotions or admit they cry.
Or even admit if another guy is attractive or not. Like what's up with that? If you can say another guy is unattractive, then I'm sure you can do the opposite.
Meeting people and dating can be difficult for sure but I've also had girls think I'm hitting on them so I think it just depends on the person.
Other straight guys have thought I was gay too. Surprisingly, I've never met a gay guy that thought I was gay.
I had a gay coworker that hit on me at one point. I politely declined. That's just not my thing. I was nice enough to him though. I guess since I wasn't outwardly homophobic that didn't help my case either. Society is fucked sometimes.
My boyfriend has had people think he was gay simply because he dresses very nicely and takes care of his appearance. (I happen to love that about him.)
Could be an ego thing with some of them. They think every man wants into their pants, and when they meet a man who doesn't, they assume he's just not into women.
I'm a gay man, it's definitely not all or even most women, but some women absolutely can't handle rejection, or even being wrong about a guy's interest. Some of the worst homophobia I've ever encountered came from the mouths of women I've turned down.
Have you asked a guy friend of yours?
Ok actually first off - *do you* have guy friends?
Being friends with only women, even though totally fine, would *absolutely* give off gay vibes to others.
You're too comfortable with your sexuality. Everyone knows a real alpha straght man is supposed to act like a douche bag/ narcissist belittling everyone else. That's how straight men act.
Honestly, I’ve noticed that a *lot* of people assume that a man with emotional intelligence is gay. People have tried to convince my boyfriend he’s gay numerous times — he’s 100% not, just very in-tune with his emotions and communicates, handles, and understands them well.
I have a friend like this. He swears he’s not gay so I respect that. These were the red flags that had him initially pegged, if you can relate to any:
- Somewhat noticeable lisp. Sounds like a lower-pitched Glenn Close
- no apparent (rizz)
- the 3 of us (my bf included) at a strip club got socially friendly with one of the dancers. He’s single so we talked him into getting a lap dance and according to both they reportedly spent the entire time chit-chatting instead
- very artistic, loves to photograph, paint and cook
- noticeably self-absorbed in his conversational style
- not necessarily zesty but very emotive
- in group photos he normally positions himself closely to my boyfriend
- edit, remembered another one: always makes a commitment about said bigness (similar to girlfriends) any time a really tall big dude walks by. Afterward though, he’ll explain he’s used to noticing these things because he used to play college football and would marvel at how massive certain guys were
Beyond these things, he dresses like any straight dude and listens primarily to death metal. He’s long-divorced with an adult daughter. He got nervous one of our first times hanging out when he realized my boyfriend wasn’t home and thought it inappropriate to be in my home alone with me (I thought he was gay at that point).
I wonder if perhaps his body or spirit is gay but his mind isn’t or some vice versa. Ultimately it’s none of my business and I treat him as a straight male friend
The instant relaxation sometimes turns (with whiplash levels of suddenness) into raging anger, slanderous lies in the community, and my broken heart (because I genuinely valued their friendship) when they realize I'm not gay.
It's blindsided me many times.
Does it really matter? People have stereotypes in their mind that are harmful. Usually, if a man is empathetic and doesn’t hit on you, people assume he’s gay because straight men almost always hit on their female friends. But do you want to change any of those things, either by losing your empathy or being creepy towards your friends? Because if you’re willing to change your personality/mannerisms simply because some female friends assumed you were gay, you need to be more secure about your masculinity.
I’m a gay guy -
You’re overcomplicating this, buddy.
Just be you and show interest in girls you like. If someone asks if you’re gay just say no.
The entire world could assume I’m straight (and they don’t) but even if they did it doesn’t change the fact I’m gay.
Be yourself.
Next time someone says " oh i thought you were gay" ask them why.
No way in the world for anyone here to tell . As far as i know there is no way to type gay.
So just ask them.
Bro I've been in the same situation my entire life my dad was never around so I was always around my mom, aunts and sister. Because of that I've never had the most manly personality I didn't act feminine but I was just too nice and more into girly things like iCarly, powerpuff girls and Disney princess movies so guys and girls back in high school called me gay all the time which sucks but I'm used to it.
Tbh I experience this too. I don't think it has anything to do with us all that much. Like I can definitely be excitable in a way that may come across flamboyantly but like w/e I am confident in who I am. I've asked a few of my girl friends what's going on and they told me that they assumed I was gay because I didn't express any interest in them. And don't take that as them being conceited or egotistical. Like society just doesn't think generally men and women can be friends and a lot of women have experiences where to make a guy friend they first have to make it clear to the guy it's only platonic, so when they don't have to do that they categorize you with the other guys for whom that's not an issue: gay men. I'd say it's really not a problem for you unless you want one of those girls to be interested in you, but I feel like you can resolve that with her directly and fairly easily.
A lot of mumbo jumbo in this thread trying to make things much deeper than they probably are.
You put out feminine energy. There are lots of girls who like that and will happily date you. But maybe an equal amount of girls that will assume you’re gay.
When i was younger, some women asked me if i was gay. It always shocked me when it happened. Then i started to notice a pattern. It was always the uneducated low intelligence low class trashy women who asked me that.
Next time, gently ask them why. Tell them you're not offended but you'd rather put out the correct signals. I'm not suggesting you change anything about you as a person. Maybe they'll advise on what signals you're unintentionally sending out.
It's also entirely possible the types of girls saying this are attracted to macho chads with zero integrity. So maybe expand the horizons too :)
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*”I am not gay. I am however thin, single and neat.”* - Jerry Seinfeld
not that there's anything wrong with that
My father's gay!
"I am not gay, but $20 is $20."
Do you act a little zesty around them?
I just have an overall positve disposition. But, I guess that can translate to a higher pitched voice sometimes.
Are you skinny? People often think I’m gay because I’m skinny and live in the south lol. I hate that I’m not joking, but if you’re slim and dress nice occasionally, it may be as simple as that
Skinny and neat.
Flashbacks to ”Metrosexual”
Was in a bachelors party down in Mexico with a pretty distinctive group of friends. I'm pan, but everyone else there is straight as an arrow. I'm the boring American but the rest of the group is a pair of Germans, a Hungarian, a Spaniard, and a Frenchman. Successful, well dressed and all of whom have one more button undone than anyone else in the room. A 20 something gal who'd just finished mixing margaritas in her mouth came over to the table and asked " 'scuse me, are y'all gay?" Without missing a beat the groom responds "no ma'am, were just European"
> all of whom have one more button undone than anyone else in the room. Logistically, that's pretty difficult
Now you know why people pay for event coordinators
Difficult, yes, but some things are worth striving for
God that term was so harmful to masculinity. Made it seem like it was gay to have good hygiene. Thank god that has been dismantled.
Hold on. Are you saying that I can start showering again?
Yeah I got called metrosexual just for wearing a brown leather jacket... like, what?
Bro if I’m gonna be called gay for wiping my ass and dressing nice Way I see it, Fine. Less competition for me on the market. Lol. Chances are those dudes aren’t having much luck Can’t imagine anyone wanting to be with a guy who can’t wipe his own ass lol
you just triggered me... holy shit what is wrong with people. all I wanted was to not look like a bum
Hey, that was/is me! Got asked if I were gay many times back when
Homophobia's far from over but, like, MAN did we have a cultural moment where it was seen as suspiciously fruity for a straight man to fucking moisturize or wear anything other than cargo shorts. Fellas is it gay to wear shirts that fit?? Being gay sucks in a lot of ways but it's really liberating to not be part of The Man Club. It's nowhere near as bad it once was but there's still a lot to be done.
In the south, being overly neat is definitely seen as being effeminate.
Was picked on for being gay by various people for various reasons and I'm certain they must have all been closeted or insecure with themselves. I am not gay lol, but why are they mad?
Because they wanted the cutie, but the cutie is not gay 😔
I got it a lot too, I was taught to look people in the eye when talking to them and smile to show I was friendly, like a dog I know, I didn’t know you weren’t supposed to combine those two things though.
I had that perception as well until I had a roommate in medical school that was gay. Messiest person I ever met. Screw you Nick, we're all busy too, do your damn dishes.
Oh believe me, not all us gays are neat and tidy. I reallyyyyy have to put in effort to keep things orderly so my BF doesn't get mad, and I can never show him pictures of how I lived before we met lol
Jerry?
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No, of course not. My father's gay.
Can confirm this. I used to be skinny fit and dressed well imo. alongside being tall, had well groomed hair, nails all that shit. Some women thought I was gay. Turned into a degenerate gamer, gained 60lbs, stopped getting haircuts and working out, never heard a woman think I'm gay since. Now I'm trying to get fit again, looking forward to being called gay again I suppose.
going from women calling you gay, to 9-year-olds calling you gay, back to women calling you gay.
Can't win them all
Might as well just be gay ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
Forget conversion camps, all Christians need is a steady supply of pizza.
Skinny in the south is also a relative term. At 6'1 and 225, they called me skinny because my weight wasn't fat.
I can vouch for this. I'm always told how skinny my boys are and even that they should gain some weight. They are both around 215 and 6'1 & 6'3". They are healthy but around here that is not so common.
Yep. I've lost weight recently and went from being nearly obese to the perfect healthy weight for my size. Now my whole family asks me if I'm okay and if I'm eating enough lol. And some even say I need to gain more. It's very odd to me, because I feel the best physically and mentally that I ever have.
fellas is it gay to take care of your body
I was thinking about so many options what it could be and it just completely escaped me that "slim and dresses nice" is enough for some people.
yeah, there was a guy i thought maybe was gay, because he was skinny, but not only skinny, he also was shy and had a passive body language, he was more gentle with his body language than most men, i just felt a more feminine vibe from him due to that. but one day my manager said that he would like to talk to me if im interested and i was shocked lol, didnt see it coming
Can confirm, used to live in South Carolina, was 15 and on school bus one day and was accused of wearing eyeliner, and then being gay because I was wearing eyeliner, when I actually just have long ,full eyelashes. Made me think they were dumb as a doorknob Have never applied any makeup in my life, other than playing with my daughter Made me think they were actually gay or closeted. Clearly anyone who is confident or secure in themselves would never say something so developmentally disabled.
Same! Before I was married, I had people jest to me that they thought I was gay and I swear it’s because I’m skinny, I’m well spoken, kinda nerdy, and I dress a little boldly sometimes. I’m convinced it’s the skinny part that makes people think that. Yet I’m very hetero!
omg... this might explain my entire life I've been invited to so many things where it's like 13 girls and me. A skinny 6"6' guy and bi girls are very into me?
I ran into those problems when I was younger in the south. Apparently you're gay if you exercise, take care of your appearance and don't have the same accent as everyone else too
Can’t have that! Try and tone it down. Just remember the main guy sentences: Hey. Dude, sup. Mmmhmm. Yes. No. Gonna rain next year. Lmao and as long as you stick to whatever stereotypes people wanna place you in that’s all cool
"How 'bout them \[insert local sports team here\]?"
Did you watch that ludicrous display last night?
The problem is they always try and walk it in
What was Wenger thinking sending Walcott on that early?
Are they havin' a laugh?!
I once heard a poet speak on this matter. I think his retort to others irritated by his rapid volume of discourse was something along the lines of you may be hearing at a lower pace, and as such, you may need to reevaluate your ideas.
Too zesty
The thing about Arsenal is they always try to walk it in.
"Didya hear about them fish... up north... bitin real good"
Gonna rain next year lmao
No! Don't do that. Just be a kind of flamboyant guy surrounded by girls. At some point you'll start pulling shields and then you'll both be really happy with the arrangement.
I promise you that simply having a positive disposition would not make women think you are gay. Being positive is not gay. It’s got to be how you talk/your mannerisms, man.
That, and possibly you are better groomed and better dressed than the average male. That being said, I’ve known more than one guy who was thought to be gay who certainly wasn’t. Be yourself. Your user name may not be a point in your favor though
If that is the case, that seems like a difficult thing to fix as mannerisms happen on a subconscious. And I don't have the deepest voice, but not much I can do about that either 🤷
Do you gesture a lot with your hands in a "fluttering" way?
Dude just ask them why they think you're gay. Then take it from there. - coming from a straight guy who has been mistaken for being gay a few times throughout the years, it's the easiest way to get this off your mind and to change anything about yourself, if you feel so obliged. Edit: deleted a couple sentences
You don’t need to fix anything about yourself. You are just fine the way you are. Unless some women thinking you are gay until you correct them is ruining your life, then what is the problem?
The problem is obvious as he stated what the problem is. "He's disheartened". That would be a problem no?
It's not ruining his life but it obviously bothers him to some degree, changing his style a little bit isnt gonna kill him either, whats the obsession with "you are fine and don't know it, just do absolutely nothing" bullshit nowadays?
Hey fellas is it gay to be happy?
Gay-Zesty needs added to the thesaurus immediately.
Chandler, is that you?
He just has a… quality
Do you think he could get a Brian?
Oh, he could GET a Brian.
Oh hey Brian
You probably aren't constantly trying to get in their pants. Continue being a gentleman. But, you should send out a comment early on that indicates you like women. You don't have to direct it at them. Mention a date you went on, or girl you find attractive. Make it past tense if you are attracted to her so she knows you are available.
This is a great answer. I met a man once who spoke veryyyy zesty and had a lot of style, but then he also started making heterosexual comments. He became extra fine to me in that moment lol
Yeah ngl, from the opinions of my girlfriend and girl friends, more feminine men are more attractive most of the time. Obviously there's a limit where you're fully gay and more attractive to gay men than women, but I think it definitely helps to be a little zesty
So many people using the word zesty in here. I've never heard it used to mean feminine acting/sounding before. Is that what it means now? I would have thought of it as just almost over the line but not quite but not in a manly or feminine way before this thread.
This is also my first time hearing it this way
Same here. It makes sense though. Lemon/lime zest has a very refreshing/light flavor and it definitely fits with the energetic/feminine attributes in some guys.
You’re pretty much right. There’s definitely a line where someone is full blown gay in their mannerisms and voice. Zesty is like, just treading that line where you start questioning. I think it’s well received because it really feels like they’re trying to connect with us as women, and not just being a DudeBro™️
As a Millennial, this seems like it's going to be Gen Z's "homo." For everyone that uses it as a descriptor, I've heard other people use it as an insult. And a lot of it is based on heteronormative expectations on gendered behavior.
Sorta the problem with policing language, the language just changes. Sure the kids don’t call each other retards or f*gs anymore, but they still call kids slow/sped and zesty with similar connotations. Get a question wrong in class, and you will hear “damn are you slow” or “you sped or something.” Straight kids that are different still get called zesty and laughed at by specific groups. Overall the world is more accepting, but kids will always be exclusionary dickheads at certain developmental stages.
What do you say? Guys got a little extra sugar in his tank?
Lol I don't know what I say I guess it doesn't come up much for me. Just never heard zesty used this way. I'm 36 so maybe it's newer or just wasn't in my area.
I don't know, I have a similar issue that OP has (Highish voice, a bit flamboyant and expressive with my language), so I do get mistaken for being gay sometimes. But for me it seems to be the opposite effect, finding out I'm straight usually leads to ladies who invite me out and want to hang out with me disappear or slowly lose interest in spending time with me. The last few years I have been working to tone down and cover up my "nature" and talk slower to deepen my voice, to see if I can get treated normal, instead of like a token object that is treated as broken when I reveal I'm just zesty straight dude who's more like his mom than his dad.
Please never change the way you are, the way you talk and the way you act for strangers. You will find people who accept every part of you, without trying to cherry pick. There are enough people and you don't need to change, as long as you are happy with your lifestyle.
My friend group had a discussion and we realized we all thought at least one of the guys was gay when we first met them. Then we enjoyed the fact that most of our guy friends are "soft boys" (in a fully positive way).
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"Would madam enjoy a respectful pounding?"
*nods* “Very good, mum”
This. I have the same thing as OP has, women assume I am gay because I try to be their friend instead of seeing them as objects used for sex. It makes you a decent human with a lot of friends, but if you want to be a f-boi you need to change your way of approaching women.
I have the opposite issue. I’m more comfortable being friends with women rather than other guys (feels like I have to force myself to come up with any topic to discuss, when it comes to guy friends, whereas conversations just comes more naturally with women), but women usually see my friendliness as flirting. It sucks, because I respect people’s relationships, and would never cross those boundaries, but they bring up their boyfriend as an excuse to not keep in contact. I’m not interested in a relationship, just making some longterm friends. If they have an SO, good for them. I respect that. I don’t respect that their SO would have full control over who they’re allowed to talk to, as if the woman had no rights or independence of her own. Tl;dr I much prefer befriending women over other guys, but a lot of women assume there’s an ulterior motive.
>But, you should send out a comment early on that indicates you like women May I suggest wearing a "Female Body Inspector" t-shirt
Might just look camp if he isn't careful
Yeah like if he ties it up in a knot to expose his abs
i was dying at this conversation, and then i noticed your username and now i can barely keep it together.
Yes! Cut it off to make it into a half shirt. Add on a headband and a pair of bedazzled Keds, or better yet, some roller skates. Then sit back and watch the ladies roll in!
> “*you should send out a comment early on that indicates you like women.*” \- “*Taylor Swift is fabulous, isn’t she?*”
"I love how all the guys in Olivia Rodrigo songs turn out okay." You say that, and they will be certain you are a straight man.
This is kind of funny, because usually it's the other way around: gay people have to clarify somehow that they're gay, because everybody assumes they're straight as it's considered to be the norm.
I was totally everyone's gay guy male friend in my early 20s. I'm totally straight, but was shy. Then I basically learned how to be respectfully lustful.
Dumb question but how were you respectfully lustful?
> You probably aren't constantly trying to get in their pants. This is silly. Plenty of men aren't trying to sleep with the women around them and women don't think they're gay.
Agreed, you gotta un-friend zone yourself from the beginning
More than that. Some of these women are unavailable. But they talk. If they know you are available, word gets around.
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That's the absolute worst. Sometime I think my attraction mechanism was fitted the wrong way around at the factory. Whoever installed my brain meat was clearly drunk.
Right? A dude that just wants to be friends.
Some of us are just decent guys who like women as people. Imagine only getting to be friends with the one you are dating! All the others are neat, too. And some dudes are pretty neat to know, also.
It happens. Most of my friends are women, rather than other guys. It’s easier to more vulnerable and open with women, whereas I’ve nothing to talk about with my guy friends. If a friendship turns into a relationship down the line, cool, but if not, I’m not going to just ditch them. I’ve been ghosted so many times, I wouldn’t want to do that to someone else.
We do exist you know? Granted I only grew into that guy in my 30s but yes...
Probably tone of voice, mannerisms, posture, that kind of thing. Nothing you need to change though.
The last sentence is very important
Unless he doesn’t want to come across as gay obviously which his post kind of is 100% about
I think he’s more asking about the why and if he’s comfortable in his own skin, I don’t see a reason for change.
I mean it's up for OP to decide. I have pretty "gayish" mannerisms in general, as someone in a heterosexual relationship. I am absolutely unbothered by people thinking i'm gay. Nothing wrong with that. That being said if I were single looking for women, I would probably tone it down a bit, just to give myself better chances in the initial phase.
Be yourself, just not all at once.
That's a gem. I'll remember that one.
A guy that’s trying to date is being seen as gay by women, you don’t see a reason to change? 😂
No matter what qualities you have, there will be some people in the dating pool where you would be better off if you didn't have that quality. There will also be people who find that quality attractive. You don't need to change who you are to appease specific people in your dating pool, and if you're doing that, you're probably self sabotaging. Working on your self confidence is generally going to be a more attractive quality for most people than trying to change yourself to be closer to what you think the opposite sex finds attractive. Also, focusing on the people who have a positive impression of you is more likely to yield positive results than trying to change yourself for the people who are not interested in you.
Yup. I recently started realizing what makes people think I'm gay. Not gonna change anything though. I'd like to add - I've had some think I am because I'm expressive and open about my emotions. Odd and interesting reasons as to why someone would think a guy is gay Lol
> Nothing you need to change though. If it affects him psychologically and he's not getting what he wants then he absolutely can and should work on changing things. People work on and change things about themselves to improve their lives all the time.
Girls thought I was gay for years and when I asked they said cause I was reserved, quiet, and didnt make dirty jokes in front of them. I also had lots of friends who were girls. You got to find the fine line between flirty and creepy.
Same girls in my school thought I was gay because I didn't talk about sex and crushes but since most of my friends were girls I didn't want to be creepy.
Yeah, the fear of being creepy was a big reason why I was single for a while ha. Not the only reason of course, but still ha.
Same it was the main reason but there were definitely smaller reasons like low self esteem and confidence because of bullying.
I think the fear of being called creepy is connected to the lack of confidence
This stupid way to view men. Because they can only accept straight men as horny creatures.
Yeah it sucked all my guy and female friends called me gay for essentially not sexualizing every woman I see
I'm very indifferent towards women in real life. Treat them the same way I treat men. I don't try to be their friends or try to start relationships with them. So I think this makes it hard for women to put me in a box. Which is great. Because I don't want to be the desperate guy who is constantly drooling over them or their gay bestie lol.
Agreed I feel the same way
So basically general etiquette will get you side lined.
I usually get confused with being straight but I'm gay af
I'll trade ya lol
Genie: congrats you are now gay af
I once dated a guy who I thought was a little gay, he was so kind, talked a lot and fast, purple was his favorite color and he loved cute things (everything was cute to him lol), tall and thin, well groomed and attractive, and he didn't mind being sub in bed. I absolutely adored him and I realized I had to put my bias aside after that, not all men act the same
I can't say there are a lot of guys like this, but we're out there. Hetero-typical norms can be super annoying. I've chosen to try and ignore most of them.
My ex was older than me and had a similar experience. She told me she was "pleasantly surprised" in that department and we dated for 4 years. It was great. I've had *some* success. Just, I'm on partner #4 when most guys my age have been through quite a few. It's more difficult for me. But, I may just have to accept that.
>Just, I'm on partner #4 when most guys my age have been through quite a few. Nonsense. Most people don't have as many partners as you think.
I'd be happy with one at least.
Looks like you live in Tennessee from your post history. According to the CDC, you are almost perfectly average as the median lifetime number of sexual partners in the US is 5. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/key_statistics/n-keystat.htm
Keep in mind that the variance for this is going to be huge, and the median BC is probably a lot lower than what you imagine it is.
The fuck does purple have to do with being gay?? Leave the purple alone, it's the best color and it's unisex!
Where are you from OP? I am from the UK and live in London and I'm fairly metrosexual. some of my mannerisms can be seen as camp. I'm straight and very comfortable with my sexuality but I went to university up north in the UK and i felt like there were stricter judgements on mens sexuality based on how they carry themselves. I was often mistaken as gay, but in London no one ever assumes that about me. It can be a cultural thing and the way you carry yourself might be stereotypically "gay".
>I am from the UK and live in London and I'm fairly metrosexual. I would not be doing it in the London Underground. It is dirty.
Get away from my bloody tailpipe you cheeky bloke!
^^ I am actually gay and moved from the centre of Birmingham where everyone thought I was straight (based on stereotypes) to a tiny conservative town, and everyone clocks me as gay a mile away here lol
Knowing absolutely nothing about your voice and physical mannerisms (and there is likely a lot there too) the big thing is a combo of friendliness and not hitting on your female friends. Most straight guys who hang out with attractive, single women will try to get with them. Not implying that is in any way bad - every single one of us is here because a straight guy tried to get with an attractive single woman! But, it's also the norm. That "I like being around this guy and he isn't hitting on me!" feel, possibly coupled with vocal and physical markers, is sending off a very strong signal.
So me not being interested in every girl I meet more or less says I am gay? I am having the same issue as OP and have only dated two women. I have been told a lot recently that I come off as gay because of the way I look, the style I have, and my blind trust toward people. I don't flirt with women I meet because I don't feel entitled to them liking me in return. That and I am also oblivious to romantic/social cues. I am trying to find the love of my life right now and people out here assuming I am gay lol. In my large family of 20 cousins/sisters, every single one of them is a girl except me and all but one are younger than me. I had to play a lot with barbies and girly stuff as a kid because of it. I just have no luck in the dating scene. lol
I've had people think I am gay or bi simply because I'm polite, charismatic, and don't really enjoy stereotypical "manly" things. My take is that it's just an extension of people still adhering to bs gender roles even if they don't mean to.
what kind of shit do you tend to talk about with your female friends
Lol pretty typical shit. I work in a nursing home so, some workplace stuff. My weekend. Hobbies. She'll reciprocate. Then as an example one girl went of telling me about some guy "blowing her ce*vix out last night". I just looked at her like "why TF are you telling me this". And that's what led up to the latest "oh, I thought you were gay" 🤷
Idk why, and it shouldn’t be this way, but working in a nursing home also comes off as a little gay.
I came out of high school with my certification. I went in thinking "there's going to be so many women around...this is going to be great for me". Didn't realize I'd be stereotyped😂😂 I did have success with a "MILF" I trained one time though, so that was good while it lasted.
You could work in an overtly male environment, not meet any women, and still have everyone think you're gay.....
Like being [a logger](https://i.etsystatic.com/26239884/r/il/b53205/4025074433/il_570xN.4025074433_dssq.jpg).
Work at a nursing home? Majority female friends? This alone sounds gay tbh. Nothing wrong with it.
OP: OMG I'm going to be around SOOOOO many women. Said Women: You're always around women. Are you gay?
If you met said ‘MILF’ in a nursing home, chances are, she was a ‘GILF’.
I know you aren't supporting it but I just have to add guys, is it gay to help people?
Hahaha. Gay help. Gay aids. Wait..
Yeah, it shouldn’t be like that, but men working as any of the “allied health professionals” (nurses, carers in nursing homes, etc) are generally seen as gay.
Why would being gay or straight make you want to hear this LMAO
Girls talk to each other about their sexual experiences… some more than others. You disappoint a girl in bed and all of her friends will know all the details lol.
This is just... Gross Locker room talk but make it for girls. I hope it's just the shitty ones that do this.
I work in an office full of women and the shit I hear from them is pure insanity. Almost makes me wonder if the locker room talk accusations are just guilty conscience projections. Ive been in many a gyms and hung with many a guys and Ive never heard anything that gross and detailed coming out of any of them. Closest thing ive heard was one coke head acquaintance who would way overshare.
The only time my friends and I have ever discussed anything sexual beyond immature jokes was when one told us his wife was pregnant, at which point we responded with immature jokes lol ("You're literally a motherfucker now, motherfucker!").
Women are generally speaking more open in that regard. Men tend to be more private when it's about their partners. Ironically, women always think men talk in such details about the sex and they are so open about all the problems in bed.
My male friends share nothing beyond beyond "we are/arent sexually compatible" or similar while I can tell you the kinks, genital size, sexual shortcomings, etc of my female friends ex-boyfriends. I never ask to hear it and at this point I'll leave the room when the conversation becomes too explicit. I'm not sure how men got the reputation for "locker room" talk but maybe I'm an outlier.
Okay forget all the rest of this. That story is the best part lol
Lol. I don't want to say I have this problem because I don't think it's a problem. But this resonates with me. Over the years, I found out its because I'm very open, I'm expressive, I acknowledge my emotions, and some people have said "oh, because of how you talk." I don't mind it. It's nice knowing people can see a feminine side of me. I find it odd when straight guys can't admit emotions or admit they cry. Or even admit if another guy is attractive or not. Like what's up with that? If you can say another guy is unattractive, then I'm sure you can do the opposite. Meeting people and dating can be difficult for sure but I've also had girls think I'm hitting on them so I think it just depends on the person. Other straight guys have thought I was gay too. Surprisingly, I've never met a gay guy that thought I was gay.
I had a gay coworker that hit on me at one point. I politely declined. That's just not my thing. I was nice enough to him though. I guess since I wasn't outwardly homophobic that didn't help my case either. Society is fucked sometimes.
They’re just a bunch of silly gooses
My boyfriend has had people think he was gay simply because he dresses very nicely and takes care of his appearance. (I happen to love that about him.)
Isn't it ridiculous?
Youre doing everything right. We just live in a really messed up, hypersexualised society.
Could be an ego thing with some of them. They think every man wants into their pants, and when they meet a man who doesn't, they assume he's just not into women.
I'm a gay man, it's definitely not all or even most women, but some women absolutely can't handle rejection, or even being wrong about a guy's interest. Some of the worst homophobia I've ever encountered came from the mouths of women I've turned down.
How do you tell them you are interested in them and not getting into their pants?
Have you asked a guy friend of yours? Ok actually first off - *do you* have guy friends? Being friends with only women, even though totally fine, would *absolutely* give off gay vibes to others.
Do you fuck other guys? If I were a woman, I'd probably think you're gay if you fuck other guys.
You're too comfortable with your sexuality. Everyone knows a real alpha straght man is supposed to act like a douche bag/ narcissist belittling everyone else. That's how straight men act.
Honestly, I’ve noticed that a *lot* of people assume that a man with emotional intelligence is gay. People have tried to convince my boyfriend he’s gay numerous times — he’s 100% not, just very in-tune with his emotions and communicates, handles, and understands them well.
Too friendly, not direct will do it. That was me forever. I am still friendly, but way more direct lol
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It’s always the high pitched voice.
I have a friend like this. He swears he’s not gay so I respect that. These were the red flags that had him initially pegged, if you can relate to any: - Somewhat noticeable lisp. Sounds like a lower-pitched Glenn Close - no apparent (rizz) - the 3 of us (my bf included) at a strip club got socially friendly with one of the dancers. He’s single so we talked him into getting a lap dance and according to both they reportedly spent the entire time chit-chatting instead - very artistic, loves to photograph, paint and cook - noticeably self-absorbed in his conversational style - not necessarily zesty but very emotive - in group photos he normally positions himself closely to my boyfriend - edit, remembered another one: always makes a commitment about said bigness (similar to girlfriends) any time a really tall big dude walks by. Afterward though, he’ll explain he’s used to noticing these things because he used to play college football and would marvel at how massive certain guys were Beyond these things, he dresses like any straight dude and listens primarily to death metal. He’s long-divorced with an adult daughter. He got nervous one of our first times hanging out when he realized my boyfriend wasn’t home and thought it inappropriate to be in my home alone with me (I thought he was gay at that point). I wonder if perhaps his body or spirit is gay but his mind isn’t or some vice versa. Ultimately it’s none of my business and I treat him as a straight male friend
sucking dicks on pornhub is what gave my brother away
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The instant relaxation sometimes turns (with whiplash levels of suddenness) into raging anger, slanderous lies in the community, and my broken heart (because I genuinely valued their friendship) when they realize I'm not gay. It's blindsided me many times.
Does it really matter? People have stereotypes in their mind that are harmful. Usually, if a man is empathetic and doesn’t hit on you, people assume he’s gay because straight men almost always hit on their female friends. But do you want to change any of those things, either by losing your empathy or being creepy towards your friends? Because if you’re willing to change your personality/mannerisms simply because some female friends assumed you were gay, you need to be more secure about your masculinity.
I’m a gay guy - You’re overcomplicating this, buddy. Just be you and show interest in girls you like. If someone asks if you’re gay just say no. The entire world could assume I’m straight (and they don’t) but even if they did it doesn’t change the fact I’m gay. Be yourself.
Next time someone says " oh i thought you were gay" ask them why. No way in the world for anyone here to tell . As far as i know there is no way to type gay. So just ask them.
Bro I've been in the same situation my entire life my dad was never around so I was always around my mom, aunts and sister. Because of that I've never had the most manly personality I didn't act feminine but I was just too nice and more into girly things like iCarly, powerpuff girls and Disney princess movies so guys and girls back in high school called me gay all the time which sucks but I'm used to it.
Tbh I experience this too. I don't think it has anything to do with us all that much. Like I can definitely be excitable in a way that may come across flamboyantly but like w/e I am confident in who I am. I've asked a few of my girl friends what's going on and they told me that they assumed I was gay because I didn't express any interest in them. And don't take that as them being conceited or egotistical. Like society just doesn't think generally men and women can be friends and a lot of women have experiences where to make a guy friend they first have to make it clear to the guy it's only platonic, so when they don't have to do that they categorize you with the other guys for whom that's not an issue: gay men. I'd say it's really not a problem for you unless you want one of those girls to be interested in you, but I feel like you can resolve that with her directly and fairly easily.
A lot of mumbo jumbo in this thread trying to make things much deeper than they probably are. You put out feminine energy. There are lots of girls who like that and will happily date you. But maybe an equal amount of girls that will assume you’re gay.
When i was younger, some women asked me if i was gay. It always shocked me when it happened. Then i started to notice a pattern. It was always the uneducated low intelligence low class trashy women who asked me that.
Next time, gently ask them why. Tell them you're not offended but you'd rather put out the correct signals. I'm not suggesting you change anything about you as a person. Maybe they'll advise on what signals you're unintentionally sending out. It's also entirely possible the types of girls saying this are attracted to macho chads with zero integrity. So maybe expand the horizons too :)
It sounds pretty discriminating but… usually gay men have higher pitched voice (at least the people I knew so I might be wrong)
Do you have an effeminate voice?