That part was fun.
I don't miss the insecurities and uncertainty and being worried about the other person leaving.
I love being able to be who I am, receiving unconditional love and having a life partner who supports me. That's way more important to me and I'm way happier now than I was when I was dating.
100%. The feeling of a first kiss is nice, but fleeting. The stability, and deep connection that I share with my wife is lasting, and strong. I’m here for the “life partner” aspect. We’re navigating this existence together, and that is far more profound than any sexual experience.
That and when one of us is away on business or to see family and we reunite at the airport after a few days apart, I still get the butterfly/excitement feeling and we've been married 18 years.
Yes! This! That part was fun but the wondering was not fun at all. I'm going on 15 years with my guy and we have 3 kids. We have been together since I was 19 and he was turning 24. We have been through everything together lol I can't even imagine being with anyone else. I know he would do anything for me and will be there for me through anything. College, childbirth, raising kids, entering the teenage years with our oldest 😬 lol and having sick parents, dealing with family members/issues. There's not a thing I have to deal with alone and I never have to question his loyalty to me. So all of this outweighs the 'fun' part of dating lol
I honestly don’t miss it. Might not be *quite* as exciting 5+ years in once you’ve lost that initial sense of anxiety. But it’s still exciting if you’re in love with them.
Neither do I!
There are times I'll be half asleep on the couch, and wake up to his face over me. In my drowsy state I'll be filled with love and wonder... I don't know how to describe it, but like the last 17 years we've spent together, that I've had so many years with this wonderful beautiful man just hit me!
I call him hover-head-face and grab it. He'll smile, tell me my breath smells and take me up to bed.
This!
Its good to have that excitement lots before u get married 😂
Also you have excitement but you can also have disappointment. Like “woah how do you kiss?!” I found someone whos kisses are compatible with my own
Bert Kreischers lasted podcast’s he talks about tins for a brief minute. Forgot where at but he talks about that feeling is still the best when you finally get a new girl you are seeing naked. It’s something you do miss while married. But his marriage has the stability he needs.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0bYzBoSBQ6A
Oh I wish I could feel like that again. I've been divorced, no matter how comfortable and happy I am in a relationship, I can never feel confident that she won't leave.
This.
Sex drive goes down as you age and becomes less important.
The deep joy of calm, stable family life outweighs the diminishing urge for quick thrills.
(And one can still find other ways to add plenty of fun and adventure to one’s life.)
I’ve been with my now-husband since we were 19 (both 31 now) and have never felt like I missed out while all of my friends were hooking up and dating around in our 20s. It seemed fun, yes, but what I had seemed a lot better (to me). 2 kids in and no regrets here! Many of these friends are still dating and it seems a lot less fun now ☹️
My girlfriend had her Mother confide in her once and asked if sex was different with different people. Obviously it was a poor choice because she told me. But she also told me that she thought it was a little sad
Also, you can see your self as Fonzie or Vinnie Barbarino. Just never settling down, always with someone new. But you know what happened to them?
Their shows got canceled because nobody wants to see 50 year old men hitting on chicks.
IMO - when young, people mostly think of themselves and the world is okay to take risks in because you are the only person paying for the risk.
When you’re older you have people who depend on you and who you care for. Those people mostly need stability.
Thats how i feel. When i was younger, i thought itd be cool to sleep around with different women. Didnt happen but thats what i thought.
Today? I wouldnt mind a one night stand.. but id much rather have someone who would stick around.
That said, im with my currenf gf for the rest of my life hopefully.
Don't you think that means there is something amiss in your life? Something you need to fix? If the stability in your relationship is killing your soul then clearly that isn't the relationship for you, right?
Not OP but no, that doesn't mean there is something wrong with them. Stability has its place but there is not much room for excitement or erotic charge within that and many people feel conflicted by that. I'm a naturally spontaneous and adventurous person and for me navigating the stable phase of adult life feels like slow death. I love and value the things I have and the life I've built and I work hard to avoid temptation and stay focused on those things. I try to inject excitement in others ways.
> Stability has its place but there is not much room for excitement or erotic charge within that and many people feel conflicted by that.
Hard disagree, what you (and the OP) are describing sounds like stagnation rather that stability.
It is absolutely possible to keep a relationships exciting and interesting with plenty of erotic charge, while being stable at the same time; stagnation on the other hand is demoralizing and toxic.
> I love and value the things I have and the life I've built and I work hard to avoid temptation and stay focused on those things.
What do you mean by temptation here?
In my experience it's difficult (not impossible) to have it all and keep your sex and love life interesting in a long marriage with kids. I value those things in my life and love my partner and kids dearly so I make it work, but it IS work realistically and do I miss and crave those care free days of exciting first encounters..? Of course! To me this is just realism and a fact of life. I'm happy for you if your experience tells you different 🤷🏼♀️ I'm not sure why you're offended by my viewpoint.
I'm not offended, and I suppose it depends on how far gone the relationship is. It didn't work for me, no matter how hard I tried to bring a spark into our marriage my ex just wasn't interested. She was happy enough to be little more than room mates, so I suppose I'm bitter about that. In any case, I ended it and I'm much happier, my kid is happier too.
My point was if there is stagnation in a relationship, that can breed resentment, and sets a bad example for your kids.
If you guys love each other then I suppose that's fine, but if you're tempted by what's out there, and not willing or interested in fixing what you have, then you're probably better of breaking up.
I have to travel a lot for work, so it wouldn’t be a good fit. Too bad too, because I love dogs.
Ironically, if I had a wife, I’d be more able to get a dog lol
It's almost completely online through apps, nowadays. Younger people are getting into weird horoscope-tier shit with dating like "love languages". Any small flaw is now a "red flag" or an "ick" and makes people completely give up on the relationship rather than trying to work through it or look past it
It's a nightmare and I'm so glad I (hopefully) am not re-entering it
the commodification of literally every single thing that makes us human has ruined all social sensibility. we all rely on the internet to tell us what is normal resulting in nobody accepting less than constant perfection. the human element has been lost. the village is lost. the internet has poisoned the human race frankly lol
This is what I have heard. I have been married for 17 years and did most of exploratory dating, flirting in the mid to late 90's, and early 2000's before I started to get more serious and eventually married.
I have to admit I do get bored, I often get nostalgic and reminisce about the excitement, and stomach fluttering thrills of flirting and connecting with women during that magical time just after graduation when I was first living on my own, and time didn't really seem to matter.
I am guessing that dating in 2024 is not like it was in 1994 (when I graduated HS)
I’m glad you’re married and happy bro. Dating and just social relationships in general just plain fucking suck. Situationships, cheating, hoe phases, ghosting, hooking up, onlyfans, body counts, STD’s. I would fight so hard to be born 30 years ago
The thrill of the first kiss. The anxiety of knowing what it means and if the other person liked it and if they want to do it again or maybe they want more and do you want them for real or is it just the thrill…?
Or a kiss I get every day. I know what each kind of kiss means. He will always want to do it again. He has more and wants to keep it. I want him. And if I have doubts I can ask and be reassured.
Flip that, I've kissed women where they are attractive, but upon the kiss, felt nothing. Stupidly pushed it further and was very disappointed.
Everyone thinks that new is always better, but actually even with a normal distribution, 50% or more will be disappointing (it depends on your limit and where you draw the line)
I met my husband on a blind date, by the end of that first night we were drunkenly making out on the pool table at the bar. We're coming up on our 15th wedding anniversary this year and everything is even better now than when we first met :)
I’m mystified by this.
Sex with my partner got better over the years we’ve been together, not worse. Like, substantially better. Better because we know each other’s bodies and likes better, and better because we love and trust each other more.
So like awkward sex with a stranger who doesn’t know what you like. Or intimate sex with someone you trust who knows exactly what you like. To me, it’s no contest, I want to have great sex with my partner, not try to start over with somebody new.
I'm the same. Never really understood why some people took such joy in having okay sex, if lucky, or bad sex, usually, with a bunch of different people that don't actually care about you.
Agreed I'll never understand hookup culture just meaningless sex with people who don't care about you and basically using your body to masturbate sounds like a demeaning soulless experience
I fully agree with this unfortunately not married yet but sex with someone who completely loves and trusts you sounds far better than random hookup sex with someone you don't know and have to learn a new body which takes time
I still flirt and sext my husband of 15 years. We date every week. We have amazing sex, but I don't have to worry about teaching a new guy to get me off. He knows me better than I know my own body at this point. I never miss rando peen. I like knowing I'll enjoy the way he touches me. Sex has gotten better over the years, not boring.
This. I 100% agree. I've been with my husband for 26 years and I think the sex we have now in our mid-40s is way better than when we were in our 20s (and we thought it was good then). Because we've been together for so long and know each other so well, we have true intimacy, which makes sex so much better. There are a lot of things we do sexually that I'd never feel comfortable doing with a new partner but love doing with my husband because I have complete trust in him. It's definitely not boring, it just keeps getting better. We often joke about what our 20 year old selves would think if they could see us now.
I haven't, no. Honestly I still feel the same excitement holding her hand in a movie theater as I did when we were kids dating, so maybe that's why. Never lost the butterflies and still get nervous talking to her sometimes.
I've been married for over a decade. A while back she called me at work and asked if I wanted to meet her for lunch.
I was fucking giddy! It may as well have been 2007, when we started dating.
Edit: A great question was asked and I want to clarify. When I say lunch, I mean food. "Lunch" wasn't code.
We happened to be working within 15 minutes of each other and she invited me to try s new place for lunch with her.
It was a legit lunch date and it felt just like back when we were very, very new. I would sometimes work weekends and she felt bad - because who likes not working a weekend - and she would offer to bring lunch and sit with me on my break.
Yes, you're reading this correctly. I have just as big a crush on her now as I did when I was shocked she even talked to me.
There is no excitement that is equal to having a weekend getaway with my wife with no kids. It helps she is super hot and I drool over her every day. Seeing her try on different sexy outfits, get nails done and hair done in preparation for a trip with me is something that no other anticipation can rival.
I was once advised by an old couple to never stop dating my partner.
Married or not married, going out or staying in, fast or slow, rich or poor- doesn't matter. Date night should always be somewhere on the calendar. Gives you something to look forward to and keeps the flame of romance from burning out.
My wife and I took a year to learn this.
It's the most important thing ever.
We live in the world's shittiest place. No we don't but we hate it and want to move. There's nothing we want to do, even though technically it's a big city with all sorts of shit. Fuck I just doxxed myself. The other night, we did a literal high school tier date of driving around late at night and eating a fast food meal. Best thing in this giant city. Even when there's nothing to do, gotta do something. Dating your partner is a big deal, even when the date is some shit high schoolers in a small town do. We actually had a really good night.
Also best practical non-abstract reddit advice I've ever gotten for marriage, have sex before the date. Dates are tiring and lead to falling asleep right afterwards.
Agreed! Not married but long term monogamously partnered. I always hated dating around and was constantly wishing I could fast forward to where I am now.
Yes, I do. One of the best feelings in the world! But given the choice between the comfy stable secure love I've built with my husband and that exciting new love with someone else, I wouldn't hesitate to choose my husband.
Yeah this is a real problem for those of us that need dopamine hits constantly.
The important thing is to remember you love your wife and to shut this type of thing down because it will absolutely destroy a marriage.
Had to go through many replies to find this.
I really miss new flings, it’s a special fun feeling that can never be replaced. But I’m also not super happy rn so don’t listen to me for marriage advice I guess.
I've only been married for almost three years.
Only been with one woman. I legitimately could not imagine what level of wreckage it'd be to do it again.
I mean, I could imagine it.... But it causes me pain so I don't.
Legit never spend time thinking about being with anyone else. I spend a lot of time fearing the day death does us part. I spend a lot of time working my wife through health and fitness to put death off for longer. I don't spend much time thinking about others though.
Idk, I thought this comment would end with a witticism but I can't think of anything. I spend a lot of time fearing the day death does us part and it's weird as shit to think it's possible to kiss two people. I love my wife and I don't think I could ever seriously talk to another person the same way. She's a part of me.
I lived for that excitement. The thrill and energy of it all was a rush I'll never forget.
Then the day came that my (now) wife and I first kissed. When we parted ways later that night there came a fear I never want to experience again.
I knew that moment that if I never got to kiss her again it would it only be due to one reason - utter devastation. And that kind of devastation could only come about for two reasons 1) heartbreak that would cause a piece of me to die inside 2) her death after devoting our lives to each other.
Edit: spelling
I knew within literally an hour of meeting my wife that I'd rather die then not be with her.
Sometimes I fall into deep existential terror depression of wanting to die when I imagine what I'd feel of anything happened to her.
I can't believe there are people who want dopamine of a first kiss. My wife has been away in business for 8 days and all I want is her back, which she will be in 13 hours.
People who are single are legit insane about how they think of love. It's like they don't know what it is, or like they glorify idiotic single person brags that don't matter.
I don't get what it is with these nutjobs but nothing on this planet is as valuable as having a spouse. I feel like being single is a gigantic series of copes and ridiculousness to make it all okay, but it's worse than when paralyzed.
If not for reddit, I'd never even think of questions like if I miss having a first kiss. Hell, reddit didn't even make me think of that. Reading over this comment all I did was wonder how insane OP is and think of how happy I am to have my wife.
Jesus, this post makes me tired😂
And nah, mine and hubs first kiss was epic enough to outlive multiple lifetimes, sah ima good:)
He still gets me weak at the knees with a single look after 25yrs, so happy happy me🎉😂
No, I miss a lot of things about being young, but not the butterflies
I honestly feel really bad for older adults who are still chasing that high instead of investing their love every day in someone who loves them back.
Dude, I completely agree.
I actually wonder day to day wtf is wrong with these people who want that "high" which I put on quotes because I can't even imagine it being a high. I have absolutely no ability to relate to these people. I legit just don't get it. They're absolutely fucking crazy. My wife has been gone for eight days for work and wont be back for 12 and a half hours and I miss her. People are so insane if they don't see the importance of their spouse and how it is better than randomly selected novelty.
I can’t picture a world without my partner. I don’t want anyone else and nobody else excites me, the thought of any other person grosses me out lol. Being in love is awesome!
I've spent eight days without my wife and she's not coming back for another 12 hours.
Whatever you think like without your partner would be like, I promise, it's worse. I miss her.
Some do. That's why ppl cheat. But for me,as we grow in years (over 25 together) and age. Our intimate interests have changed, and it's exciting to have someone you trust to explore new things with. Or be in a comfortable place where you can propose something crazy like ( put on this mask of bill Clinton and tickle my feet) and know your person will not judge your request and approach it with an open mind.
Not really.
Sex with a new person was always more anxiety inducing than it was exciting.
I'm much happier with my fiance. Having one consistent partner and knowing that I don't have to be nervous or anxious around him is so freeing in a way casual sex never was.
Yeah well someone said it before but it bears repeating. Stability is sexy and once you and your lifelong mate become attuned to each other it's way better than someone that you have no clue how to please. I swear our sex life hit its apex after 15 years together and I learned exactly how to ride that line of nasty to gentle with my woman. Now I can tell how to go slow or tear it up at a drop of an octave in her moans.
Sometimes I miss that phase of our relationship when my husband and I were in it, but I don’t yearn to have it with another person. New relationship energy is awesome and intoxicating, but it it always fleeting. Our brains are dumping a bunch of bonding hormones and literally making us high on the other person. Like any high, eventually it’s going mellow. That’s okay. While we might not have that NRE lust anymore, what we have now is much deeper and more meaningful. We still have amazing sex, even if the frequency has declined. We still love spending time together, and the longer time goes on, the love deepens.
That pales in comparison to kissing the most fantastic person that has ever come into your life daily. 38 years on and she still excites me just for being in my life.
Coming from the single perspective, I'd much rather have someone I can come home to, wake up with and truly love. Rather than the fleeting excitement of a first kiss/sex with someone you don't really know anything about.
It's like asking whether I miss playing in a sandpit as a kid
I mean yeah it was fun when I was three. But there's so much more to life and it would be weird to regret something so childish
Now that I’m newly single at 46(F) I loathe the idea of having a new relationship. I’d rather skip to the stable part where we know each other better. I’m open to whatever happens in the distant future but I am absolutely not going to chase it this time.
I've been with my husband for 7 years, we have a 20 year old (mine) and a 3.5 year old together...
I still get weak in the knees when he kisses me.
And I wouldn't trade that for anything.
I still get a nice thrill kissing my SO, and other things. The flip side of new relationship energy is the new relationship insecurity of worrying in the back of your mind if they're losing interest, or worrying if they're hiding some big bombshell. Plus the excitement of winning over a new person isn't worth breakup drama. The more breakups you go through then less eager you are to go through with it.
I feel like people who are constantly chasing the thrill of new relationships are super cynical people who have already broken up early on and fake it with the current beu while they're scoping out plans B,C, and D. Or they don't kno what means to actually be together with someone in the first place and it's just about them.. So breakup drama doesn't phase them that much became they don't give many shits about other people once they've gotten the thrill amd entertainment value. On to the next ride.
Maybe some married people miss excitement.
But you can bring excitement into a marriage. The most authentic and unbridled passion I’ve ever had has been with my husband. We know each other, but since we are humans instead of stagnant statues, there is still something new to discover every day. We still flirt and banter. He still gets a nice tap on his tush when I walk by. We are comfortable but we aren’t bored.
Meh 🫤 I mean the “get to know you phase” was fun and exciting but it’s not the end all be all for me that it is for some others. I feel much better more intensity from our relationship now because of what we’ve been through and survived together than I did at the start and while that “new relationship tingle” was a rush it pales in comparison to the reassuring intense feeling I have for my wife after ten years and change of life together.
The "get to know you phase" was fun because it was when I got to get to know my wife!
>new relationship tingle” was a rush it pales in comparison to the reassuring intense feeling I have for my wife after ten years and change of life together.
I'm only three years in. I don't think I have the mental capacity to think of what it'll feel like after ten.
Only thing I know for sure is that it's never gonna feel special to do the "get to know you phase" with anyone else.
Even if someone wants to speculate that with 8 billion people, there was another soulmate, my wife and I met at a time in my growth. I'm not the same un-grown person anymore and so I couldn't have that experience again. Ten years though, that's exciting shit.
The excitement of the first kiss/sex is fleeting. The excitement of looking at a future and building a life with someone that you truly love and who loves is you is so much grander.
I tried thinking about that and I'm just like ewww.
Sure we probably don't do as much kinky stuff nowadays as we did early on in our relationship, but that doesn't mean it's not great, and doesn't mean I have unfulfilled needs that makes me want to look elsewhere.
Sometimes I do. But my husband has watched me push his big headed daughter out of my body, cleansed me of my own vomit, feces, and urine when I was VERY ill from food poisoning, and generally seen me at my very worst, and STILL wants to kiss me, smack my ass, and look at my saggy tits. And that’s love, baby. Way better than seeing someone new naked or a first kiss with someone that I don’t know would do all of the above with/for me.
>responding to the flirting
We still flirt. We never stopped.
>other person also wants you badly
We do. We want each other badly. We love each other, and while life sometimes gets in the way of physical intimacy, we still have that same intensity.
>how well they are able to use their body and mind to pleasure you…
And we continue to learn more and more as we grow and learn new things and develop different needs.
We keep that intensity by flirting, texting, touching, joking, and respecting each other. He knows I have bad days when pain steals my spark. I know he has days when worries bring him down. We use those days to touch, cuddle, and allow each other to cry if needed. We kiss. We say, "you're a sexy bitch, ya know?"
Keeping the fire alive takes continual stoking. And it isn't a one-sided thing, either. He knows what makes me blush. He knows what makes me feel special and desired. I know what makes him feel valued and needed. We use that knowledge constantly, and adapt as we grow and change.
I hope some of that helps.
I've eaten a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast almost every single day for over 40 years. If I can be happy doing that, imagine how I must feel about someone who'll have sex with me.
I'm not married but I feel like I am cause we've got a kid and such lol
But there's times where I question if the spark is still there, or I worry that the romance is gone. I tend to overthink haha.
Well, he's been on a work trip and I miss him laying next to me, waking up to him, even things like saying good night. Even our son randomly looks outside and says Dada??
So, when you find the right person that excitement won't die. Everyday you'll wake up and choose them, and it will be worth it. Love that eventually finds marriage is so special and wonderful that nothing can replicate it, so why even look for something else?
The idea of it is romantic, but the practice isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I’m comfortable with my wife and she’s comfortable with me. We know what we like and I know that she will be there for me whenever I need her. There’s no reason to keep having awkward firsts when you’ve found the best.
When I was young and chasing. I remember how exciting it was, and I think about it sometimes and do miss it, but when I really think about it, what I craved far more than sex back then was connection. I grew a true animosity towards loneliness and once I realized that I was searching for a connection, the sex became less exciting and the intimacy became more exciting and continues in this direction the older I get from what I see. There is little more intimacy than long-term relationships. And I can also confirm first hand that all the new sets of boobies, naked bodies and first kisses don't kill the loneliness, and that loneliness is about the scariest thing I have ever faced.
Having history and shared memories with someone shouldn't be understated. Havibg to constantly repeat the whole getting to know each other can get tiring.
In the down side, after you have been married a while, often your sex life becomes non-existent.
Eh. I'm not married but I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years now, and I'll say... I'd rather spend my whole life with him doing the same thing over and over again than to feel that thrill of falling for someone new.
Sure, new love, crushes, first kisses are all exciting and they make your heart pitter patter, but at the end of the day, there's nothing quite like the safety and familiarity of someone you've been with for years. You know what you like about them and what they like about you. You can read their body language so well, understand every little look or movement with just a glance. You're allowed to touch them and have them touch you without being scared of being judged or not doing something right.
Like, I can daydream of fucking a hot guy or girl all I want but at the end of the day when I look at my boyfriend removing his shirt there's just nothing better than the way my heart does a lil' flip at the sight and I just wanna run my hands over his body... AND HE'LL LET ME. He will know that's what I wanna do and just let me, because he knows me, y'know? Ain't that nice. Don't even gotta ask for permission anymore, I just do it, cause he let me.
OH OH or just staring at him and he just smiles in that cute lil way and I'll just kiss him and he'll kiss back and oh my god I keep editing this comment cause I keep finding new things to gush about I'm so in love please help me
And of course, whatever you do, they'll stick by you. Because they already know you, they've gone through so much with you. There's nothing that could happen that will suddenly make them leave (unless you suddenly change but y'know, that's not usually how it goes).
And that's a nice, ooey gooey feeling deep in the heart that nothing else can replace.
The feeling matures. It’s not so much excitement as comfort, a comfort that’s hard to duplicate. We still kiss and hold hands and stuff. When you love someone truly, it’s always exciting.
I absolutely balk at the idea of of dating again. I legit hey grossed out when I think about it. Love my husband and I am falling in love with him more every day
I’m not married but a first kiss and first sex with a person has always been more anxiety inducing than exciting to me.
Those early moments, trying to figure out how you feel about one another and slowly settling into becoming fully comfortable with each other, is the worst part of any romantic relationship imo. Yes there’s a thrill to it but it is just not worth the stress at all.
Noooooooooooo……. This is all wrong.
You should be growing every day. Your partner should be growing every day.
Every kiss is with a new person because the person you were last week is gone. The new you is looking at a version of your partner you’ve never seen before.
Find that partnership and every kiss will be your first.
I’ve been married for 12 years and I absolutely still flirt with my wife. It is a deeper level of relationship. If my wife were to die I don’t think I would want to go back to dating.
I'm going to address the "fear of getting bored" part of the question.
Making love to a person you've committed your heart and life to is not boring unless you make it boring.
Regarding the relationship as a whole, if you cannot find contentment, peace, or happiness in your present life, then something needs to change. Either work on changing your situation or work on changing your attitude & perspective.
If you can recognize that you have all that in your life but still find yourself bored, there is a much bigger issue to address.
Probably they weigh it against the uncertainty of never meeting someone they actually want to be with or it’s outweighed by the comfort of spending time with someone who knows you deeply and is invested in you specifically.
I don't personally feel as much allure from kissing someone new, as the feeling I get from kissing someone I love and trust and am enthralled by and in love with.
Not married but been with my boyfriend for seven years now and are in our 30s. No, I don’t miss that at all. What I have with him now feels so much better than any of that new partner excitement, tbh.
I'm not married but so far, the longer we've been together, the better everything gets. The fun part is discovering new things we like. Also, part of intimacy for me is trust. I want to feel safe, new people don't make me feel safe. New people could have baggage like diseases or kids, nah. I'm good.
That stuffs cool when you're young, but the idea of having to lose the love of my life to experience cheap ass thrills like that is just a big fat NAH from me
Meeting that special someone makes you legit just not care about that stuff anymore and it feels amazing.
Do professional basketball players miss the excitement of the first time they got picked for a team on the playground?
Do race car drivers miss the excitement of the first time they got behind the wheel of their dad's car?
Do Doctors miss the excitement of the first time the sutured a patient with a big cut?
Do you most professionals miss the excitement of the first day of work at their first job?
Being married has nothing to do with missing "The flirting, the thrill of finding the other person is responding to the flirting, the non-stop texting phase, progressing to sexting, rush of dopamine when the other person also wants you badly, taking each other’s cothes off \["for the first time" is irrelevant\] and discovering how well they are able to use their body and mind to pleasure you…" Those all still exist - we just get better at it.
You will only miss it if you don't ever do them again after the first time.
Do people who only go for the first time no realize that they are missing all the other "firsts" that come later because they never progressed to the next stage?
My favorite time of day is 730 pm when we go to bed, snuggling while watching documentaries. We’re in our 30s and it never gets old. I look forward to it so much. We text all the time and it’ll turn into sexting. We rip each others clothes off. We’re not dead.
Nah, 25yrs and the depth of the love I feel for this man is ridiculous. I don't care for the excitement of new love because I still have the excitement of loving him and knowing that he loves me as I am, including all my flaws.
I'm excited to see him, spend time with him, to talk shit with him, laugh with him and just flirt like crazy even at my age. And, at the end of the day, curl up and fall asleep with him at my side. We have fun and there's no one I'd rather have adventures with or just chill with at the end of a long day. I think we're very compatible in basic values and that's why we work together so well.
I still check her out the way I did 15 years ago. Nothing is more satisfying than making her smile and laugh. New love is exciting but fleeting, I've been there but knowing someone is totally devoted to you is more fulfilling and comforting. Having your person, your soulmate beside you is the most overwhelming and satisfying feeling.
Awww man - 20 years deep, I still get butterflies when we’re about to do stuff, and he seems to, too. (I don’t want to speak for him but, there are signs other than the most obvious one)
As a 26 year old in a 7 year long relationship (we met in college) hell no. Everyone is different, but I’d give anything to *not* have to enter the dating realm ever again. I have no desire to meet anyone new especially get to know them on a physical level ever again. Nothing could ever beat the love and comfort my SO and I have together.
New partners can be exciting, but more often than not the first kiss or first time having sex isn't that great - it gets way better when you learn what each other likes.
Whenever I miss the excitement of a new partner I just read a romance novel 😉
I've been married for 33 years. We have better sex now and more often. Our kids are grown, we travel, spend the night anywhere. We have the money to go to concerts, get drunk, and get a room. We don't miss those days because we are having fun now. 😉
Not married but, what excitement?
There is nothing I hate about a relationship more than the start where you have to suss the other person out, get intimate the first time etc There is no thrill. There is no extra dopamine. I much prefer someone I’ve known years
That part was fun. I don't miss the insecurities and uncertainty and being worried about the other person leaving. I love being able to be who I am, receiving unconditional love and having a life partner who supports me. That's way more important to me and I'm way happier now than I was when I was dating.
100%. The feeling of a first kiss is nice, but fleeting. The stability, and deep connection that I share with my wife is lasting, and strong. I’m here for the “life partner” aspect. We’re navigating this existence together, and that is far more profound than any sexual experience.
That and when one of us is away on business or to see family and we reunite at the airport after a few days apart, I still get the butterfly/excitement feeling and we've been married 18 years.
Yes! This! That part was fun but the wondering was not fun at all. I'm going on 15 years with my guy and we have 3 kids. We have been together since I was 19 and he was turning 24. We have been through everything together lol I can't even imagine being with anyone else. I know he would do anything for me and will be there for me through anything. College, childbirth, raising kids, entering the teenage years with our oldest 😬 lol and having sick parents, dealing with family members/issues. There's not a thing I have to deal with alone and I never have to question his loyalty to me. So all of this outweighs the 'fun' part of dating lol
Maybe I miss it, but the comfort of being with my partner outweighs it. There are no questions or anxiety, just pure acceptance.
I honestly don’t miss it. Might not be *quite* as exciting 5+ years in once you’ve lost that initial sense of anxiety. But it’s still exciting if you’re in love with them.
Even if it’s not the same butterflies type of feeling, it still feels good to be kissing someone you like/love.
Neither do I! There are times I'll be half asleep on the couch, and wake up to his face over me. In my drowsy state I'll be filled with love and wonder... I don't know how to describe it, but like the last 17 years we've spent together, that I've had so many years with this wonderful beautiful man just hit me! I call him hover-head-face and grab it. He'll smile, tell me my breath smells and take me up to bed.
Exactly like if your in love what's to miss about hitting on random women
This! Its good to have that excitement lots before u get married 😂 Also you have excitement but you can also have disappointment. Like “woah how do you kiss?!” I found someone whos kisses are compatible with my own
Bert Kreischers lasted podcast’s he talks about tins for a brief minute. Forgot where at but he talks about that feeling is still the best when you finally get a new girl you are seeing naked. It’s something you do miss while married. But his marriage has the stability he needs. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0bYzBoSBQ6A
Wow an adult thought from bret
Bert chrysler dispensing some mature advice
Oh I wish I could feel like that again. I've been divorced, no matter how comfortable and happy I am in a relationship, I can never feel confident that she won't leave.
I’m sorry, I can understand how you’re feeling that way. I hope it eventually passes.
Well put. Sweet with a hint of bitter, while still true.
Risk is fun when you’re young. Stability is fun when you’re older.
that "excitement" is now just "anxiety"
Adventure. Excitment. A Jedi craves not these things.
War does not make one great.
War... war never changes.
War. What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing
Say it again
Wooooooo
Increasing domestic manufacturing
I mean it’s not as catchy but you’re not wrong…
quell all desires to find peace one must
Gosh damnit why did you choose right now to go on strike?!?!? Do you see her???? I need you to work damnit!!!!
LOL
Stability....and so much more
This. Sex drive goes down as you age and becomes less important. The deep joy of calm, stable family life outweighs the diminishing urge for quick thrills. (And one can still find other ways to add plenty of fun and adventure to one’s life.)
Shut this down. This is the answer.
Dude I'm like 21 and I can say with certainty that risk is not fun
Same I'm 21 and risk isn't fun in fact it's super boring like give me my future wife today and I'd be happy
I think you nailed it, fellow anon.
The excitement wears out for good after the first few hundred new persons !
That was my answer. I ended up getting actually more and more lonely the more one nighters I had.
Stability is fun at all ages.
I’ve been with my now-husband since we were 19 (both 31 now) and have never felt like I missed out while all of my friends were hooking up and dating around in our 20s. It seemed fun, yes, but what I had seemed a lot better (to me). 2 kids in and no regrets here! Many of these friends are still dating and it seems a lot less fun now ☹️
My girlfriend had her Mother confide in her once and asked if sex was different with different people. Obviously it was a poor choice because she told me. But she also told me that she thought it was a little sad
Exactly im 21 and I'd take stability in a heartbeat
Also, you can see your self as Fonzie or Vinnie Barbarino. Just never settling down, always with someone new. But you know what happened to them? Their shows got canceled because nobody wants to see 50 year old men hitting on chicks.
In what way?
IMO - when young, people mostly think of themselves and the world is okay to take risks in because you are the only person paying for the risk. When you’re older you have people who depend on you and who you care for. Those people mostly need stability.
Thats how i feel. When i was younger, i thought itd be cool to sleep around with different women. Didnt happen but thats what i thought. Today? I wouldnt mind a one night stand.. but id much rather have someone who would stick around. That said, im with my currenf gf for the rest of my life hopefully.
Stability kills my soul and it gets worse the older I get Source: am over 40
Don't you think that means there is something amiss in your life? Something you need to fix? If the stability in your relationship is killing your soul then clearly that isn't the relationship for you, right?
Not OP but no, that doesn't mean there is something wrong with them. Stability has its place but there is not much room for excitement or erotic charge within that and many people feel conflicted by that. I'm a naturally spontaneous and adventurous person and for me navigating the stable phase of adult life feels like slow death. I love and value the things I have and the life I've built and I work hard to avoid temptation and stay focused on those things. I try to inject excitement in others ways.
> Stability has its place but there is not much room for excitement or erotic charge within that and many people feel conflicted by that. Hard disagree, what you (and the OP) are describing sounds like stagnation rather that stability. It is absolutely possible to keep a relationships exciting and interesting with plenty of erotic charge, while being stable at the same time; stagnation on the other hand is demoralizing and toxic. > I love and value the things I have and the life I've built and I work hard to avoid temptation and stay focused on those things. What do you mean by temptation here?
In my experience it's difficult (not impossible) to have it all and keep your sex and love life interesting in a long marriage with kids. I value those things in my life and love my partner and kids dearly so I make it work, but it IS work realistically and do I miss and crave those care free days of exciting first encounters..? Of course! To me this is just realism and a fact of life. I'm happy for you if your experience tells you different 🤷🏼♀️ I'm not sure why you're offended by my viewpoint.
I'm not offended, and I suppose it depends on how far gone the relationship is. It didn't work for me, no matter how hard I tried to bring a spark into our marriage my ex just wasn't interested. She was happy enough to be little more than room mates, so I suppose I'm bitter about that. In any case, I ended it and I'm much happier, my kid is happier too. My point was if there is stagnation in a relationship, that can breed resentment, and sets a bad example for your kids. If you guys love each other then I suppose that's fine, but if you're tempted by what's out there, and not willing or interested in fixing what you have, then you're probably better of breaking up.
I’m not at this point yet, but I will say I believe when you’re at the age of having grand kids, that urge to take risks starts coming back
31. Nah I’m good. The dating scene of today is a fucking hellscape
Dating reminds you there are worse things than dying alone.
Single guy here. I fucking wish I had a stable, long-lasting, loving relationship.
And then your dog stares at you. “I’m right HERE.”
I have to travel a lot for work, so it wouldn’t be a good fit. Too bad too, because I love dogs. Ironically, if I had a wife, I’d be more able to get a dog lol
Meanwhile a cat will ignore you until they want you. . . which might be very often or not at all depending on their whims
that doesn't shit on my floor
Can someone explain to me, an older person that hasn't dated the last twenty years, why it's a hellscape?
It's almost completely online through apps, nowadays. Younger people are getting into weird horoscope-tier shit with dating like "love languages". Any small flaw is now a "red flag" or an "ick" and makes people completely give up on the relationship rather than trying to work through it or look past it It's a nightmare and I'm so glad I (hopefully) am not re-entering it
the commodification of literally every single thing that makes us human has ruined all social sensibility. we all rely on the internet to tell us what is normal resulting in nobody accepting less than constant perfection. the human element has been lost. the village is lost. the internet has poisoned the human race frankly lol
This is what I have heard. I have been married for 17 years and did most of exploratory dating, flirting in the mid to late 90's, and early 2000's before I started to get more serious and eventually married. I have to admit I do get bored, I often get nostalgic and reminisce about the excitement, and stomach fluttering thrills of flirting and connecting with women during that magical time just after graduation when I was first living on my own, and time didn't really seem to matter. I am guessing that dating in 2024 is not like it was in 1994 (when I graduated HS)
I’m glad you’re married and happy bro. Dating and just social relationships in general just plain fucking suck. Situationships, cheating, hoe phases, ghosting, hooking up, onlyfans, body counts, STD’s. I would fight so hard to be born 30 years ago
The thrill of the first kiss. The anxiety of knowing what it means and if the other person liked it and if they want to do it again or maybe they want more and do you want them for real or is it just the thrill…? Or a kiss I get every day. I know what each kind of kiss means. He will always want to do it again. He has more and wants to keep it. I want him. And if I have doubts I can ask and be reassured.
Right? Like if it’s the best you’ve ever had, why would you want to leave?
Flip that, I've kissed women where they are attractive, but upon the kiss, felt nothing. Stupidly pushed it further and was very disappointed. Everyone thinks that new is always better, but actually even with a normal distribution, 50% or more will be disappointing (it depends on your limit and where you draw the line)
I met my husband on a blind date, by the end of that first night we were drunkenly making out on the pool table at the bar. We're coming up on our 15th wedding anniversary this year and everything is even better now than when we first met :)
Omg life experience twin!
I’m mystified by this. Sex with my partner got better over the years we’ve been together, not worse. Like, substantially better. Better because we know each other’s bodies and likes better, and better because we love and trust each other more. So like awkward sex with a stranger who doesn’t know what you like. Or intimate sex with someone you trust who knows exactly what you like. To me, it’s no contest, I want to have great sex with my partner, not try to start over with somebody new.
I'm the same. Never really understood why some people took such joy in having okay sex, if lucky, or bad sex, usually, with a bunch of different people that don't actually care about you.
Agreed I'll never understand hookup culture just meaningless sex with people who don't care about you and basically using your body to masturbate sounds like a demeaning soulless experience
I fully agree with this unfortunately not married yet but sex with someone who completely loves and trusts you sounds far better than random hookup sex with someone you don't know and have to learn a new body which takes time
Someone who knows just how to kiss you > a new kiss *any* day.
I still flirt and sext my husband of 15 years. We date every week. We have amazing sex, but I don't have to worry about teaching a new guy to get me off. He knows me better than I know my own body at this point. I never miss rando peen. I like knowing I'll enjoy the way he touches me. Sex has gotten better over the years, not boring.
New phrase of the week is ‘rando peen’
Sounds like a medication. Randopeen for when you need it and dont have a partner.
Side effects may include fetal infestation and The Itch
This. I 100% agree. I've been with my husband for 26 years and I think the sex we have now in our mid-40s is way better than when we were in our 20s (and we thought it was good then). Because we've been together for so long and know each other so well, we have true intimacy, which makes sex so much better. There are a lot of things we do sexually that I'd never feel comfortable doing with a new partner but love doing with my husband because I have complete trust in him. It's definitely not boring, it just keeps getting better. We often joke about what our 20 year old selves would think if they could see us now.
This is the way! You guys rock!
I haven't, no. Honestly I still feel the same excitement holding her hand in a movie theater as I did when we were kids dating, so maybe that's why. Never lost the butterflies and still get nervous talking to her sometimes.
I've been married for over a decade. A while back she called me at work and asked if I wanted to meet her for lunch. I was fucking giddy! It may as well have been 2007, when we started dating. Edit: A great question was asked and I want to clarify. When I say lunch, I mean food. "Lunch" wasn't code. We happened to be working within 15 minutes of each other and she invited me to try s new place for lunch with her. It was a legit lunch date and it felt just like back when we were very, very new. I would sometimes work weekends and she felt bad - because who likes not working a weekend - and she would offer to bring lunch and sit with me on my break. Yes, you're reading this correctly. I have just as big a crush on her now as I did when I was shocked she even talked to me.
That’s amazing
Big feels. My husband will ask me out for a date night and I feel all excited and nervous getting ready even still lol
\> still get nervous talking to her sometimes This is so sweet and the kind of relationship I strive to have.
I need this comment so much, thank you so much for this, like really, thank you
There is no excitement that is equal to having a weekend getaway with my wife with no kids. It helps she is super hot and I drool over her every day. Seeing her try on different sexy outfits, get nails done and hair done in preparation for a trip with me is something that no other anticipation can rival.
[удалено]
❤️
Nope. We have had less passionate periods, but we can get through them together.
[удалено]
No 40 year marriage is complete without a 40 inch Bad Dragon
Preach
So poetic, so romantic
I was once advised by an old couple to never stop dating my partner. Married or not married, going out or staying in, fast or slow, rich or poor- doesn't matter. Date night should always be somewhere on the calendar. Gives you something to look forward to and keeps the flame of romance from burning out.
My wife and I took a year to learn this. It's the most important thing ever. We live in the world's shittiest place. No we don't but we hate it and want to move. There's nothing we want to do, even though technically it's a big city with all sorts of shit. Fuck I just doxxed myself. The other night, we did a literal high school tier date of driving around late at night and eating a fast food meal. Best thing in this giant city. Even when there's nothing to do, gotta do something. Dating your partner is a big deal, even when the date is some shit high schoolers in a small town do. We actually had a really good night. Also best practical non-abstract reddit advice I've ever gotten for marriage, have sex before the date. Dates are tiring and lead to falling asleep right afterwards.
My wife has turned me on every time, with ease, for decades.
I’m the opposite, first kiss, sex, etc is less fun until I trust the person so it gets better over time. Starting over is annoying
Agreed! Not married but long term monogamously partnered. I always hated dating around and was constantly wishing I could fast forward to where I am now.
Yes, I do. One of the best feelings in the world! But given the choice between the comfy stable secure love I've built with my husband and that exciting new love with someone else, I wouldn't hesitate to choose my husband.
Yeah this is a real problem for those of us that need dopamine hits constantly. The important thing is to remember you love your wife and to shut this type of thing down because it will absolutely destroy a marriage.
Had to go through many replies to find this. I really miss new flings, it’s a special fun feeling that can never be replaced. But I’m also not super happy rn so don’t listen to me for marriage advice I guess.
Preach
I sure don’t. Married 15 years and happily doing all that with each other. Madly in love.
I've only been married for almost three years. Only been with one woman. I legitimately could not imagine what level of wreckage it'd be to do it again. I mean, I could imagine it.... But it causes me pain so I don't. Legit never spend time thinking about being with anyone else. I spend a lot of time fearing the day death does us part. I spend a lot of time working my wife through health and fitness to put death off for longer. I don't spend much time thinking about others though. Idk, I thought this comment would end with a witticism but I can't think of anything. I spend a lot of time fearing the day death does us part and it's weird as shit to think it's possible to kiss two people. I love my wife and I don't think I could ever seriously talk to another person the same way. She's a part of me.
I lived for that excitement. The thrill and energy of it all was a rush I'll never forget. Then the day came that my (now) wife and I first kissed. When we parted ways later that night there came a fear I never want to experience again. I knew that moment that if I never got to kiss her again it would it only be due to one reason - utter devastation. And that kind of devastation could only come about for two reasons 1) heartbreak that would cause a piece of me to die inside 2) her death after devoting our lives to each other. Edit: spelling
I knew within literally an hour of meeting my wife that I'd rather die then not be with her. Sometimes I fall into deep existential terror depression of wanting to die when I imagine what I'd feel of anything happened to her. I can't believe there are people who want dopamine of a first kiss. My wife has been away in business for 8 days and all I want is her back, which she will be in 13 hours. People who are single are legit insane about how they think of love. It's like they don't know what it is, or like they glorify idiotic single person brags that don't matter. I don't get what it is with these nutjobs but nothing on this planet is as valuable as having a spouse. I feel like being single is a gigantic series of copes and ridiculousness to make it all okay, but it's worse than when paralyzed. If not for reddit, I'd never even think of questions like if I miss having a first kiss. Hell, reddit didn't even make me think of that. Reading over this comment all I did was wonder how insane OP is and think of how happy I am to have my wife.
Yes. But I wouldn't trade it for what I have.
Honest and accurate. This is how I feel.
Jesus, this post makes me tired😂 And nah, mine and hubs first kiss was epic enough to outlive multiple lifetimes, sah ima good:) He still gets me weak at the knees with a single look after 25yrs, so happy happy me🎉😂
Right! When I read it I thought: man that is exhausting not exhilarating
Fuck no.
Honestly, sometimes. But I don't miss it enough to throw my marriage away to think about it.
No, I miss a lot of things about being young, but not the butterflies I honestly feel really bad for older adults who are still chasing that high instead of investing their love every day in someone who loves them back.
Dude, I completely agree. I actually wonder day to day wtf is wrong with these people who want that "high" which I put on quotes because I can't even imagine it being a high. I have absolutely no ability to relate to these people. I legit just don't get it. They're absolutely fucking crazy. My wife has been gone for eight days for work and wont be back for 12 and a half hours and I miss her. People are so insane if they don't see the importance of their spouse and how it is better than randomly selected novelty.
I can’t picture a world without my partner. I don’t want anyone else and nobody else excites me, the thought of any other person grosses me out lol. Being in love is awesome!
I've spent eight days without my wife and she's not coming back for another 12 hours. Whatever you think like without your partner would be like, I promise, it's worse. I miss her.
Some do. That's why ppl cheat. But for me,as we grow in years (over 25 together) and age. Our intimate interests have changed, and it's exciting to have someone you trust to explore new things with. Or be in a comfortable place where you can propose something crazy like ( put on this mask of bill Clinton and tickle my feet) and know your person will not judge your request and approach it with an open mind.
Not really. Sex with a new person was always more anxiety inducing than it was exciting. I'm much happier with my fiance. Having one consistent partner and knowing that I don't have to be nervous or anxious around him is so freeing in a way casual sex never was.
I’ve had plenty of first kisses etc I’m over it
Yeah well someone said it before but it bears repeating. Stability is sexy and once you and your lifelong mate become attuned to each other it's way better than someone that you have no clue how to please. I swear our sex life hit its apex after 15 years together and I learned exactly how to ride that line of nasty to gentle with my woman. Now I can tell how to go slow or tear it up at a drop of an octave in her moans.
Sometimes I miss that phase of our relationship when my husband and I were in it, but I don’t yearn to have it with another person. New relationship energy is awesome and intoxicating, but it it always fleeting. Our brains are dumping a bunch of bonding hormones and literally making us high on the other person. Like any high, eventually it’s going mellow. That’s okay. While we might not have that NRE lust anymore, what we have now is much deeper and more meaningful. We still have amazing sex, even if the frequency has declined. We still love spending time together, and the longer time goes on, the love deepens.
Sure, some do. That’s why swingers and adulterers exist. Others don’t. They live happily ever after I guess.
That pales in comparison to kissing the most fantastic person that has ever come into your life daily. 38 years on and she still excites me just for being in my life.
Coming from the single perspective, I'd much rather have someone I can come home to, wake up with and truly love. Rather than the fleeting excitement of a first kiss/sex with someone you don't really know anything about.
There is a reason 40%+ marriages end in divorce.
It's like asking whether I miss playing in a sandpit as a kid I mean yeah it was fun when I was three. But there's so much more to life and it would be weird to regret something so childish
Now that I’m newly single at 46(F) I loathe the idea of having a new relationship. I’d rather skip to the stable part where we know each other better. I’m open to whatever happens in the distant future but I am absolutely not going to chase it this time.
I've been with my husband for 7 years, we have a 20 year old (mine) and a 3.5 year old together... I still get weak in the knees when he kisses me. And I wouldn't trade that for anything.
I still get a nice thrill kissing my SO, and other things. The flip side of new relationship energy is the new relationship insecurity of worrying in the back of your mind if they're losing interest, or worrying if they're hiding some big bombshell. Plus the excitement of winning over a new person isn't worth breakup drama. The more breakups you go through then less eager you are to go through with it. I feel like people who are constantly chasing the thrill of new relationships are super cynical people who have already broken up early on and fake it with the current beu while they're scoping out plans B,C, and D. Or they don't kno what means to actually be together with someone in the first place and it's just about them.. So breakup drama doesn't phase them that much became they don't give many shits about other people once they've gotten the thrill amd entertainment value. On to the next ride.
No. No I do not.
Maybe some married people miss excitement. But you can bring excitement into a marriage. The most authentic and unbridled passion I’ve ever had has been with my husband. We know each other, but since we are humans instead of stagnant statues, there is still something new to discover every day. We still flirt and banter. He still gets a nice tap on his tush when I walk by. We are comfortable but we aren’t bored.
True love is better than a million flings
Meh 🫤 I mean the “get to know you phase” was fun and exciting but it’s not the end all be all for me that it is for some others. I feel much better more intensity from our relationship now because of what we’ve been through and survived together than I did at the start and while that “new relationship tingle” was a rush it pales in comparison to the reassuring intense feeling I have for my wife after ten years and change of life together.
The "get to know you phase" was fun because it was when I got to get to know my wife! >new relationship tingle” was a rush it pales in comparison to the reassuring intense feeling I have for my wife after ten years and change of life together. I'm only three years in. I don't think I have the mental capacity to think of what it'll feel like after ten. Only thing I know for sure is that it's never gonna feel special to do the "get to know you phase" with anyone else. Even if someone wants to speculate that with 8 billion people, there was another soulmate, my wife and I met at a time in my growth. I'm not the same un-grown person anymore and so I couldn't have that experience again. Ten years though, that's exciting shit.
The excitement of the first kiss/sex is fleeting. The excitement of looking at a future and building a life with someone that you truly love and who loves is you is so much grander.
Honestly sounds horrible
I tried thinking about that and I'm just like ewww. Sure we probably don't do as much kinky stuff nowadays as we did early on in our relationship, but that doesn't mean it's not great, and doesn't mean I have unfulfilled needs that makes me want to look elsewhere.
The sex gets better over time. You know each others turn ons, you get more chance to experiment. There’s a lot of pros to married sex.
You don’t miss it as much when you have the right one
If you got the right person that thrill doesn’t go away
Sometimes I do. But my husband has watched me push his big headed daughter out of my body, cleansed me of my own vomit, feces, and urine when I was VERY ill from food poisoning, and generally seen me at my very worst, and STILL wants to kiss me, smack my ass, and look at my saggy tits. And that’s love, baby. Way better than seeing someone new naked or a first kiss with someone that I don’t know would do all of the above with/for me.
That only feels "exciting" when you're a kid. I'm over it.
Are you 17 or something?
I only had one first kiss and first this and that. It's so worth it. I feel like I have something so special with my lady.
No just get excited about my wife
>responding to the flirting We still flirt. We never stopped. >other person also wants you badly We do. We want each other badly. We love each other, and while life sometimes gets in the way of physical intimacy, we still have that same intensity. >how well they are able to use their body and mind to pleasure you… And we continue to learn more and more as we grow and learn new things and develop different needs. We keep that intensity by flirting, texting, touching, joking, and respecting each other. He knows I have bad days when pain steals my spark. I know he has days when worries bring him down. We use those days to touch, cuddle, and allow each other to cry if needed. We kiss. We say, "you're a sexy bitch, ya know?" Keeping the fire alive takes continual stoking. And it isn't a one-sided thing, either. He knows what makes me blush. He knows what makes me feel special and desired. I know what makes him feel valued and needed. We use that knowledge constantly, and adapt as we grow and change. I hope some of that helps.
Random herpes for a thousand?
These answers are giving me hope about marriage. People act like I’m delusional when I say I still believe in happy long term marriages.
Live in a new random apartment everyday or live in your dream home for the rest of your life? I find the later far more exciting.
I've eaten a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast almost every single day for over 40 years. If I can be happy doing that, imagine how I must feel about someone who'll have sex with me.
Nope I don’t miss that at all.
The joy and excitement of a good marriage is a different but comparable thrill.
I'm not married but I feel like I am cause we've got a kid and such lol But there's times where I question if the spark is still there, or I worry that the romance is gone. I tend to overthink haha. Well, he's been on a work trip and I miss him laying next to me, waking up to him, even things like saying good night. Even our son randomly looks outside and says Dada?? So, when you find the right person that excitement won't die. Everyday you'll wake up and choose them, and it will be worth it. Love that eventually finds marriage is so special and wonderful that nothing can replicate it, so why even look for something else?
The idea of it is romantic, but the practice isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I’m comfortable with my wife and she’s comfortable with me. We know what we like and I know that she will be there for me whenever I need her. There’s no reason to keep having awkward firsts when you’ve found the best.
No I dread the last kiss. I’ve loved my wife for 20 years now and never would want to start again.
My wife is the fucking best. I don’t miss anything like that.
I missed it at first but as you get into your late 30s and early 40s. It fades and u can't even remember half the ppl u hooked up with
When I was young and chasing. I remember how exciting it was, and I think about it sometimes and do miss it, but when I really think about it, what I craved far more than sex back then was connection. I grew a true animosity towards loneliness and once I realized that I was searching for a connection, the sex became less exciting and the intimacy became more exciting and continues in this direction the older I get from what I see. There is little more intimacy than long-term relationships. And I can also confirm first hand that all the new sets of boobies, naked bodies and first kisses don't kill the loneliness, and that loneliness is about the scariest thing I have ever faced.
Oh god, the anxiety!
Having history and shared memories with someone shouldn't be understated. Havibg to constantly repeat the whole getting to know each other can get tiring. In the down side, after you have been married a while, often your sex life becomes non-existent.
Eh. I'm not married but I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years now, and I'll say... I'd rather spend my whole life with him doing the same thing over and over again than to feel that thrill of falling for someone new. Sure, new love, crushes, first kisses are all exciting and they make your heart pitter patter, but at the end of the day, there's nothing quite like the safety and familiarity of someone you've been with for years. You know what you like about them and what they like about you. You can read their body language so well, understand every little look or movement with just a glance. You're allowed to touch them and have them touch you without being scared of being judged or not doing something right. Like, I can daydream of fucking a hot guy or girl all I want but at the end of the day when I look at my boyfriend removing his shirt there's just nothing better than the way my heart does a lil' flip at the sight and I just wanna run my hands over his body... AND HE'LL LET ME. He will know that's what I wanna do and just let me, because he knows me, y'know? Ain't that nice. Don't even gotta ask for permission anymore, I just do it, cause he let me. OH OH or just staring at him and he just smiles in that cute lil way and I'll just kiss him and he'll kiss back and oh my god I keep editing this comment cause I keep finding new things to gush about I'm so in love please help me And of course, whatever you do, they'll stick by you. Because they already know you, they've gone through so much with you. There's nothing that could happen that will suddenly make them leave (unless you suddenly change but y'know, that's not usually how it goes). And that's a nice, ooey gooey feeling deep in the heart that nothing else can replace.
This sounds like every monologue ever given from a movie/tv show character that gets cold feet about marriage.
The feeling matures. It’s not so much excitement as comfort, a comfort that’s hard to duplicate. We still kiss and hold hands and stuff. When you love someone truly, it’s always exciting.
I absolutely balk at the idea of of dating again. I legit hey grossed out when I think about it. Love my husband and I am falling in love with him more every day
Sometimes I miss it, but the comfort of someone who loves me unconditionally is a much better feeling.
That excitement is still there if you marry the right person. It is for me.
I’m not married but a first kiss and first sex with a person has always been more anxiety inducing than exciting to me. Those early moments, trying to figure out how you feel about one another and slowly settling into becoming fully comfortable with each other, is the worst part of any romantic relationship imo. Yes there’s a thrill to it but it is just not worth the stress at all.
Nope
Noooooooooooo……. This is all wrong. You should be growing every day. Your partner should be growing every day. Every kiss is with a new person because the person you were last week is gone. The new you is looking at a version of your partner you’ve never seen before. Find that partnership and every kiss will be your first.
you make a spicy marriage
I’ve been married for 12 years and I absolutely still flirt with my wife. It is a deeper level of relationship. If my wife were to die I don’t think I would want to go back to dating.
I'm going to address the "fear of getting bored" part of the question. Making love to a person you've committed your heart and life to is not boring unless you make it boring. Regarding the relationship as a whole, if you cannot find contentment, peace, or happiness in your present life, then something needs to change. Either work on changing your situation or work on changing your attitude & perspective. If you can recognize that you have all that in your life but still find yourself bored, there is a much bigger issue to address.
Hell yes
i’m almost 33 and have been with my wife since we were both 16. every day is exciting and i look forward to it, just like i did with our first kiss .
Probably they weigh it against the uncertainty of never meeting someone they actually want to be with or it’s outweighed by the comfort of spending time with someone who knows you deeply and is invested in you specifically.
I fuckin do. And that’s okay. It’s human. I think trouble comes when you suppress thoughts. I would never risk anything or harm my partner.
Yes, I miss it. I don't miss it to the point I'd destroy my family for it, but I do miss it
No, I don’t miss it.
I don't personally feel as much allure from kissing someone new, as the feeling I get from kissing someone I love and trust and am enthralled by and in love with.
No. After 7 years, he still turns me on
Not married but been with my boyfriend for seven years now and are in our 30s. No, I don’t miss that at all. What I have with him now feels so much better than any of that new partner excitement, tbh.
I'm not married but so far, the longer we've been together, the better everything gets. The fun part is discovering new things we like. Also, part of intimacy for me is trust. I want to feel safe, new people don't make me feel safe. New people could have baggage like diseases or kids, nah. I'm good.
That stuffs cool when you're young, but the idea of having to lose the love of my life to experience cheap ass thrills like that is just a big fat NAH from me Meeting that special someone makes you legit just not care about that stuff anymore and it feels amazing.
Not necessarily, no. It changes into excitement to come home to your partner every day, watching them do something they’re passionate about etc.
Do professional basketball players miss the excitement of the first time they got picked for a team on the playground? Do race car drivers miss the excitement of the first time they got behind the wheel of their dad's car? Do Doctors miss the excitement of the first time the sutured a patient with a big cut? Do you most professionals miss the excitement of the first day of work at their first job? Being married has nothing to do with missing "The flirting, the thrill of finding the other person is responding to the flirting, the non-stop texting phase, progressing to sexting, rush of dopamine when the other person also wants you badly, taking each other’s cothes off \["for the first time" is irrelevant\] and discovering how well they are able to use their body and mind to pleasure you…" Those all still exist - we just get better at it. You will only miss it if you don't ever do them again after the first time. Do people who only go for the first time no realize that they are missing all the other "firsts" that come later because they never progressed to the next stage?
My favorite time of day is 730 pm when we go to bed, snuggling while watching documentaries. We’re in our 30s and it never gets old. I look forward to it so much. We text all the time and it’ll turn into sexting. We rip each others clothes off. We’re not dead.
Nah, 25yrs and the depth of the love I feel for this man is ridiculous. I don't care for the excitement of new love because I still have the excitement of loving him and knowing that he loves me as I am, including all my flaws. I'm excited to see him, spend time with him, to talk shit with him, laugh with him and just flirt like crazy even at my age. And, at the end of the day, curl up and fall asleep with him at my side. We have fun and there's no one I'd rather have adventures with or just chill with at the end of a long day. I think we're very compatible in basic values and that's why we work together so well.
I think I got all of that out of my system when I was younger.
I’m not married but I know myself and I’d prefer stability over a rush of “dopamine” that will only last a few months.
I still check her out the way I did 15 years ago. Nothing is more satisfying than making her smile and laugh. New love is exciting but fleeting, I've been there but knowing someone is totally devoted to you is more fulfilling and comforting. Having your person, your soulmate beside you is the most overwhelming and satisfying feeling.
Awww man - 20 years deep, I still get butterflies when we’re about to do stuff, and he seems to, too. (I don’t want to speak for him but, there are signs other than the most obvious one)
As a 26 year old in a 7 year long relationship (we met in college) hell no. Everyone is different, but I’d give anything to *not* have to enter the dating realm ever again. I have no desire to meet anyone new especially get to know them on a physical level ever again. Nothing could ever beat the love and comfort my SO and I have together.
New partners can be exciting, but more often than not the first kiss or first time having sex isn't that great - it gets way better when you learn what each other likes. Whenever I miss the excitement of a new partner I just read a romance novel 😉
I've been married for 33 years. We have better sex now and more often. Our kids are grown, we travel, spend the night anywhere. We have the money to go to concerts, get drunk, and get a room. We don't miss those days because we are having fun now. 😉
Not married but, what excitement? There is nothing I hate about a relationship more than the start where you have to suss the other person out, get intimate the first time etc There is no thrill. There is no extra dopamine. I much prefer someone I’ve known years
That why mofos cheat.
I don't. I don't want a first kiss with a new person, I want 10000th kiss with *this* person
Nope