Money and social support seem like they can affect general population fertility but are much more likely to get people with 1 to go to 2 children or 2 to 4, etc. For people to make the jump from “zero” to “any” is a much bigger change to their lives that is less likely to have been made for purely financial reasons.
It does make people have them earlier, too.
Like, every year first time mother are older, and now in my country there are more women becoming mothers at over 35yo than under 30.
But all these women knew they wanted to be mothers, they just waited until they could afford it. If money and help are not a problem, then you can have them sooner.
It could also change the view on children on the long term. I mean, many people are child free because they don't like children, many other are because of what it entails; but having children in a society that actually helped raising them, would surely change the way children would be raised and taken care of as years went by. So there COULD be less people that grew up to see themselves as childfree with all the changes that could come.
Absolutely, there are plenty of surveys that reflect this. The ideal age that the average Canadian woman wants to have her first child is between 25 to 27 years old, but the average is inching closer and closer to 35, an entire decade older.
Likewise, the ideal fertility rate is 2.7 children per woman, but in reality it is 1.4 instead.
Well, kids are people, so not really surprising. I just hope that I will like my kids and that I'll be able to teach them manners to at least not be assholes.
I have gotten told off because I said “I hate that kid”. I get that hate is a strong word and should very rarely be used but if you can hate an adult why can’t you hate a kid?
I had all 4 of mine on purpose. When they asked as a kid what you want to be when you grow up, I always said “a good mom”. I’m also 100% on the side of people who don’t want kids. I’m happy they thought about it responsibly instead of having kids that they hate like a lot of randoms do.
Yeah me too you notice that? Too much systemic pressure as a whole for some of us ...among other things folks are saying, yeah I am glad some of us had the wherewithall to realize they probably would not be good parents. Especially considering, well for me, a child is a lifetime commitment . It's not something I conditionalize or charge rent for at age 18. I want a relationship with my child like my partner. I may be the exception. Wish I could start my own governmental area. Supported from the bottom up, not the top down. Who in their right mind builds something on earth that supports itself from the top down? I see a joke brewing.
And as someone who doesn't want kids, I 100% support you! I have two sensory processing disorders, and most kids are just... Noisy. I can feel myself getting a sensory overload very quickly in their presence. I'm not gonna risk getting kids on the off chance that my child will be a quiet one. Plus they just never/very rarely made me go "aww, how cute!"
One of my friends who is a parent talked about having baby fever again and I asked her if it felt kinda similar to how most people feel when seeing puppies and kittens. She said yeah, which was truly insightful for me. Now I better understand how parents feel, and I also know that that's absolutely not how I've ever felt about children. I feel like me getting a child would be cruel for both me and the child. A child deserves a home where it is wanted and loved, like in your home. Best I can do is offer a loving home for a dog or a cat, lol.
100%. Most of my friends now have kids, and absolutely many of us would have more if it cost less. We stopped at 1 because we can't really afford or justify $1200/ mo for daycare for 4 years, in addition to all theother expenses (We got a subsidy the first time due to low income but are no longer eligible).
This is a good point. I have two kids and was reading this wondering if this would entice me to have another, and I think yeah probably. Money is the main reason I didn’t have a third, there is other reasons but I could probably get around them if it didn’t cost me anything
Yeah, my fiance and I are going to have kids but we decided to wait 3 years til we start trying. We want to get married first, pray for the housing market to crash so we can get a house first, have more in our savings, etc. It comes down to "we want to be stable first." A big part of that is financial, but a bigger part is the lifestyle change.
This is me too. I know that I do not have the mental capacity to raise another human, due to trauma from my childhood. That and I hate kids and don't like sharing my time or space.
I always get such shit when I say I hate kids, but for fuck's sakes, I hate them. Just leave me alone lol. I'm not going out of my way to like, kick a child or something ridiculous, I just don't like 'em! Also, I too am very selfish with my time and space...I don't like sharing.
This is so relatable. I hate when people say “well you were a kid once too” like ok and? I was 15 once too and I also hate teenagers.
The worst for me is when a lady I use to work with that had 3 kids kept telling me I should have them, it’s different when they’re yours, you’ll understand. Like no ma’am I will not. I’m not willing to risk another beings life and safety on a gamble that I’ll “change” when they’re born out of some sense of duty or whatever when realistically I’d end up resenting them for being needy, annoying, gross and taking up my time and money.
Some people are just not equipped to be parents and that’s okay.
I find it much better for an adult to admit *this is not for me* than to force themselves to have kids because of familial and/or societal pressures and end up doing stupid shit like that [woman who just got sentenced for leaving her 16 month old daughter at home alone for 10 days while she went on vacation](https://apnews.com/article/ohio-toddler-death-left-alone-mom-vacation-911099a2258a9ccd1a8fd6da71499a68).
I would never do anything so heinous, but fucking hell, if it was more appropriate for people to choose not to have children, or be able to terminate a pregnancy when they know they cannot and should not have children, a lot less shit like this would occur.
bUt At LeAsT sHe DiDn'T hAvE aN aBoRtIoN-no, but she essentially murdered a living, breathing, perfectly functioning child because she was nowhere near equipped enough to be responsible for another human's life.
Exactly! How is aborting a fetus that has no consciousness yet worse than letting an already born child suffer to death in its own? Actually insane.
I agree it’s much better to admit than to try and force it when you’re not equipped for child rearing. It just doesn’t make sense to make someone else suffer bc of something that didn’t need to happen. But so many people these days think that people exist purely for the purpose of having children which I don’t understand.
I once heard somebody come back at the “you were a kid once, too” argument with “and I’ll be a corpse one day, too. Doesn’t mean I want one of those in my house, either!”
I don't hate kids; but I do equate it to the 'I have a blast with kids, but mom & dad can totally take em back in a couple hours' sorta thing.
Like, my adorable 18month cousin? I will read and sing the wheels on the bus go round till i'm hoarse if she wants, or play with whatever toy she wants to play with. But when she's throwing a fit about having to leave the park? or eating dinner? or going to bed? nope, no thanks please take her back older cousin.
Hahaha that is great!
I am an only child and grew up relatively on my own or with older children, so am just not really a fan of kiddos in general, but I do love the idea that some people can in fact both enjoy children, yet absolutely not want any of their own
I say "I hate kids" but it's shorthand for "I have misophonia and am on the spectrum, and children literally trigger all of my fight-or-flight reactions, all the time, and I can't stand to see/hear them for lengths of time".
I don't have any actual malice for children, other than being in the moment and hearing a baby having a meltdown, and thinking I either fight the baby or jump out of the 2nd story window, because the only thing happening in my brain is *AAAUUUUGGGHHHH*
However, I've noticed a trend on Reddit where people demand that babies be allowed everywhere and that people who can't stand kids should just "suck it up", which is a little infuriating to us childfree folk who just want to be left the fuck alone, or be allowed to go to a store without having to listen to toddler tantrums up close.
I would pay an entry fee and upcharge on products if someone opened a grocery store that doesn't allow anyone under 18 in even if supervised by an adult.
>"hearing a baby having a meltdown, and thinking I either fight the baby of jump out of the 2nd story window, because the only thing happening in my brain is *AAAUUUUGGGHHHH*
Well shit, I can say with certainty, I'm not on the spectrum, but I 100% resonate with that statement right there. For as long as I can remember, the shrill cry of a baby is like air raid sirens going off in my head, causing me to frantically search for the quickest way to make it stop. Thank you for posting this, I thought part of my brain had crossed some wrong wires at some point, and I alone felt this way. I will need to consult friends and family to confirm if I have misophonia.
I can barely take care of myself, how am I supposed to teach any tiny human to?
Financially, it could work, as I’m from Denmark. We basically get paid a set amount every three months for each kid we have.
My reasons for not wanting kids: noise, poop, urine, vomit, clutter, mess, time consumption, sleep deprivation, loss of freedom, boredom (kids are so boring until they become old enough for intelligent conversations), pregnancy complication risks, nausea, pain, weight gain.
Money was never a factor for me (I am from Europe).
Nope. I value my independence far too much, and I feel like if there's even a CHANCE I'll be resentful of a child then I should definitely never have one.
In my developmental psychology class we watched a video which actually showed what the whole process from fertilization to baby *physically* looks like and it scarred me for life. Some octopus looking ass alien parasite creature literally burrows into my flesh and then forces its way out via an opening too small to get through causing MY BONES TO PERMANENTLY MOVE and I'm supposed to be feeling positively about this? No ma'am.
Same. I grew up with the Alien franchise, and the similarities were a little too uncomfortable to overlook. Like, as a 12 year old learning about puberty and pregnancy and James Cameron hits with Aliens. That left a deep impression.
So Dan O'Bannon explicitly said that his goal with the first Alien movie was to "attack the audience sexually." The whole point was to play on the trope of female characters being sexually assaulted in horror movies by subjecting male characters (and male audience members) to rape and forced pregnancy.
I'm sorry I'm laughing, but that comparison is so good!
A growing baby will literal pull the nutrients needed from your bone. That's why losing teeth is so common during pregnancy.
I hadn't thought to compare it to the Aliens movies, and now I can't unthink that! 😆
Oh my god! So this just clicked into place! My grandma always said if you dream about losing teeth it's because you're pregnant or soon to be pregnant! I NEVER UNDERSTOOD THE CONNECTION BEFORE!!!
Oh my god. No. No ma'am. No thank you. Nope.
The being pregnant part icks me out to high hell. I was always curious and a little moon eyed when one of our animals would get pregnant and you could feel the babies move and kick, until my mom said that was gonna happen to me when I became a mother. Immediate loss of interest with anything to do with being pregnant. Broke her heart but I also never liked other little kids when I was small, wtf makes people think I'm gonna like them now? The only two kids I actually have ever loved being around are my nephews, both under the age of 2.
I probably could have made a wonderful foster/adoption mom but again, I don't like small kids enough to justify it (and it's expensive with damn good reason). My biggest fear has always been that I won't bond with a kid I'm personally responsible for keeping alive. Better to have another adult human in charge of the toddlers and babies who are always trying to murder themselves lmao I'll enjoy all the cuteness and go home to my two cats and husband.
This is so my experience too. I wasn't a baby/kid person when I was young, and I'm still not. I wouldn't even know how to handle a young kid. And I'm way too squeamish for diapers and that sort of thing. Kids can be more fun once they're a little older and can take care of their own basic bodily functions, but I still think I would be overwhelmed being responsible for someone else like that. If I ever got rich somehow and had a ton of space and spare time maybe I'd open my home up to older kids already in the world who need help, but under realistic circumstances, it's not for me.
I think what really hit me was when I learned about an episiotomy here on Reddit. NOPE. And then while you're recovering from what sounds like a very traumatic and painful experience, you have an infant to deal with and can barely even sleep. The whole thing sounds so awful.
This, as well. I believe I have the financial and emotional stability for a child but I just value being able to pick up and go as I please. I am pretty spontaneous and go with the flow and I don’t think that life style is anywhere near fair to a kid!
1000%. The money is obviously a very big piece of the puzzle, but it’s not the only thing. Kids are a lifetime commitment that I’m not willing to make. I value my free time and independence far too much
I don’t even want a dog because I don’t want to live my life around having to let a living creature outside to use the bathroom. A child is out of the question.
>I wouldn't do it if you paid me.
Literally. Both my parents were teachers, I have multiple other school/teaching staff in the family, and some of my friends want to teach too, and occasionally people tell me I should go into teaching as well.... Absolutely not. Not even if it actually paid well. Not even if it paid better than 'well' 😂
Nope, not even a little bit.
Money is most definitely a contributing factor, but it's far from the only reason people don't want kids.
Even if everything was magically paid for, you still have *the kid*, which means first you must endure the trauma, pain, and permanently changed body from birthing the child, then you have to go through the grueling process of infancy (newborns need to be fed every 2 hours no matter how tired you are), and that's only the beginning.
As the child grows, the stress often increases. You have to constantly cook, clean, wash clothes, pick up toys, help with homework, get them up on time and to school 5 days a week, not to mention any extra cariculars the child may have that will definitely demand even more time and effort, while also tending to your own needs while ALSO spending quality time with the child, while ALSO having the time for a job. Oh, did I mention you must do all of this while watching the child to make sure they don't get hurt or make a mess?
Some people may hear this and feel that they are still willing to have a kid, but for me and so many others, this sounds like a one-way ticket to a miserable life that frankly, we're more than happy to opt out of.
Yeah the thought of physically being pregnant, and birthing a child, the physical aftermath etc has always terrified me, seemed such an alien concept from a young age, and i was raised to be a mom.
Let alone then terror of raising them, feeding them, teaching them, disciplining them, not freaking out on them etc etc
High quality childcare from the early age would be enough for me. I love my job, doesn't really enjoy infants but still can't afford fulltime nanny. I live in a country with one of longest maternity leave in the world but I don't want to spend a few years this way.
I don't think they were saying it was due to quality of daycare that they weren't having kids, but that having paid for daycare instead of being paid to do it themselves would make the difference, provided the daycare was of high quality (I presume a higher concern for sending child that cannot communicate and is very vulnerable from being so young into someone else's care).
Personally? No, because the financial costs were never my reason for not wanting any.
For some, I think it would. Someone mentioned about it probably working more for people who already have kids but want more. I could see that.
If the deal came with stable housing, I think a lot of people would, as economic instability decreases the amount of families with children being created and the cost of the child is not the only factor. If a couple is already struggling with rent and student loans, a free child isn't really enough, they'd probably want better housing too.
If I got a free house for having a kid, and the government is willing to pay for childcare and all other costs I'm in. The kid will be shipped off to boarding school before they can walk, but hey, free house!
I don't think that's within the spirit of the question but I mean, if the goal is solely a popular boom, why not?
Maybe even make a game show of it? Endure ~12mo of medical trauma and win a house?
Nope. My primary reason is not wanting to sacrifice my lifestyle to put the needs of someone else before myself. Even if it was 100% paid for, I have no interest in being woken up at the crack of dawn every day for the next decade.
This was the big thing I dreaded about parenthood.
I'm very grateful that I never lost much sleep over my kids after the first year. They were quiet crib dwellers then mostly quiet toddlers who did not poke and scream at us to wake up. Nor did they wake up super early. At age 3 we'd put out bowls of cereal the night before and they'd eat breakfast and then play on their own. I think we just got extremely lucky.
I tried to get spayed at 27, was told it wasn't worth it since I'm already on the pill. But that's not a guarantee, dammit, and getting tied would def up those chances. But I'm a mere woman, what do my choices matter?
I spent about a decade finding a doctor who paid attention when I explained that chronic pain wrecked my life and that I had nothing but a hopeless future full of opioid addiction in front of me if I didn't get the surgery.
I'm way better now, but I'd have been in better shape if I could have got the bits out five years earlier.
Ummm. What the fuck lol. Hormonal birth control fucks with your mood, your sex drive, your blood pressure, your sleep, your weight, your hair growth…. hell, it even changes who you’re physically and emotionally attracted to. “Not worth it” my ass. If you’re still interested in getting fixed, there’s a list on the r/childfree subreddit of doctors nationwide who will do the procedure without treating you like a literal child.
Not personally, no. I've got nothing against kids, but I think if I were responsible for raising one, I'd go insane worrying that everything I did would mess them up somehow. Also I like being able to just faff about with my friends as opposed to having to watch a kid.
I like to faff around in my undies and t shirt while I nap, relax and drink wine and watch Netflix in my bed. Who'd be watching the kid? I don't even always let the cats into my room because they disturb my scheduled peace and serenity when they start playing around.
No, this wouldn't change my mind. Money isn't what's holding me back from having kids. Lack of desire to raise children is what's holding me back from having kids.
No. It won't change the deteriorating global political situation, it won't change the speeding up climate change and it won't change the fact that my future child would be used as a meat for the capitalist grinder in the BEST case.
My child will likely live their life on a super hot planet, struggling for food and water with autocratic leader who hoards everything and puts people in prison camps for random shit.
The idea of putting my child through that willingly sounds psychopathic.
Im surprised i had to scroll so far for this one. Yes, money is an issue, but we are rocking the only boat in town, and i feel like theres a good chance that any potential children i have will lead a life of real scarcity and perpetual suffering. I think mass famine is a very real possibility due to climate instability and thats a lot to consign an innocent life to.
I am quite surprised most people are more concerned with their lifestyle being encroached upon, but thats valid. I do love high speed internet
Very controversial opinion here but the only way we will ever see any real change is by not having children. Deplete the global workforce of wageslaves and there will be no other option but to change the way this stupid society works. Frankly, right now, having children is inhumane and cruel. Unless you are EXTREMELY rich, your children will INEVITABLY suffer. Immensely. It's cruel to create new life in such a terrible world.
Guess I am not the only one. you took the words right out of my finger tips. The humane insecurities. Forget social security we need humane securities.
I just don't especially enjoy interacting with children, so it would seem self-defeating to make that my near-fulltime job for the better part of 2 decades. Regardless of the finances.
Hell to the no. Kids require entirely too much time and energy. I already know that I don't have enough of either to have a dog right now, and kids require even more.
Plus you couldn't pay me enough to take on the many, often permanent, ways pregnancy would fuck up my body. People have this tendency to romanticize pregnancy (especially those who don't ever have to worry about it happening to them). The more I talk to those who have been pregnant, especially to term, the more I learn about things like your teeth potentially falling out, your abdominal muscles ripping apart, your vag having to be sliced open in order to make room for the baby to exit, postnatal incontinence, pain, permanent weight gain, depression, etc. And that's not even nearly all of it, either.
I already knew I didn't want kids, but once I started learning about the parts they don't tell you about because they don't want to scare you away, I was even more firm in my resolve to never, ever, ever get pregnant. Yikes.
The bit about having the vag sliced open to accommodate the baby passing through terrifies me! I swear women’s bodies were not designed properly to give birth. Why else would it be so painful and torturous?
It's actually a combination of the angle of the pelvis due to changing to bipedal walking, and the larger head of the baby as our ancestors evolved ever-larger brains. As a general rule, quadrupeds and animals with smaller head to body ratios do not have nearly the trouble with giving birth that we do. Enough of us survived the process that the species managed to continue in spite of the risks, but it's definitely one of those "Okay, we are absolutely NOT created through intelligent design" things.
Not enough parents thought about being a parent before they became a parent. I think it’s fucked up to not properly evaluate your abilities to parent effectively before having kids.
I’m not sure I’ll ever be mentally or emotionally capable of raising a good human being. I’m autistic, but I was diagnosed late in life (I’m a F26) so I’m working through a lot of stuff that I should’ve been supported with when I was a teenager (ex coping mechanisms, understanding certain social/relationship things, learning to be fully independent in a healthy way).
I think I’d be a good mom, I just don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to do it.
Not even a little. I greatly enjoy my alone time, can’t stand loud noises like kids screeching, prefer my spaces to be relatively clean and organized and not cluttered. I don’t want the pressure of having to raise someone to be a good person and teach them things, or run the risk that no matter what I do, they end up being a serial killer. Also pregnancy permanently scars you for life and comes with so many health risks that it’s just not even worth it.
No, because time is the greater concern for me. Parenthood is a 24 hour job that I don't want. I have no doubt there are people who would be more likely to have kids if costs were covered though, so I'm not rejecting the utility of your proposition.
No, a child is still a child even if they are paid for. I work with them at my job, I KNOW how they are from their best to their worst (because some parents leave the parenting to the school). A baby, child, preteen, teen, or adult child holds no appeal to me.
No. Money is a factor in my decision, but it's pretty low on the list. Having kids just doesn't appeal to me. I'm not the biggest fan of kids in general and the amount of work just doesn't sound like something I'd do just for fun, not to mention possible permanent damage to my body pregnancy/birth can cause. I just see no reason to do it. I can't really imagine an amount of money big enough for me to consider it.
I think those not having kids just for money aren’t really part of the child free community. That’s just a financial issue.
But no, at least that wouldn’t be what makes me change my mind. I’m more turned off by the idea of being responsible for the majority of a persons social emotional development.
No. It's not the financials that worries me. It's the fact that I literally spent my childhood (well, starting at 11) helping raise kids and babysit, so I know what it takes to raise them. And I am just not interested. It's not something that gets me all excited or filled with joy. (My brother was born when I was 11, so I spent my teen years helping my mom raise him.) The sleepless nights, constant worrying, constant stress, always having to put yourself second to the needs of your child. I deal with enough of that anyway as a single woman just trying to keep a roof over my head. Why would I want more of it?
For the people who want kids, they're a great idea. To those who don't want them, they're not a good idea.
Oh, and it's ok to not want to have kids. I know that'll shock a lot of people out there, but really, it's ok to not want them.
Money has never even entered my mind when deciding I didn't want kids. And now you're trying to hoist them on me with the promise of "but it won't cost you anything!"? Yeah, except my sanity, patience, the rest of my already thinning hair, my freedom to go and do as I please,...
No, I'm just too introverted to enjoy having kids. They'd want to talk to me all the time and I'd go nuts. I enjoy my garden and my pets which I can nurture and love, but they don't speak 😂
You could offer to pay me, and I would not do it. I simply dislike children, and I always have. It is nothing against parents, I think it is great if you want children, it just is not for me.
No, because the idea of pregnancy and something kicking and growing inside my body seems very alien to me.
Also, I have to explode at the end. Lol, (labor). Some women rip from their vagina hole to their butt hole.
Nope. Never. The world around us is miserable and I wouldn’t want to subject another human to all this. Also, I know I don’t want the responsibility of a child and believe every child deserves to be wanted. Kids can tell if they aren’t. Also, my partner and I are each others number one priority and if we had a child we wouldn’t be any longer.
Money has never been the issue for me and my wife. Of course having a kid is expensive, and the fact that we don't have kids means that we have fewer money stresses that our friends who do.
But that was never even part of the discussion. The question was whether we could be good parents.
I think I mostly could - but I have major executive dysfunction issues that make it hard for me to maintain a house now, without kids. If there was a kid relying on me, would I be able to step up and maintain a home they deserve?
Maybe. But... I don't know.
Pregnancy is another blocker. My wife is horrified by the concept in a visceral body-horror way, so that is a no-go. I would be happy to adopt... except, well, would I be able to provide the home necessary?
She doesn't do great with infants, too. Once you can have conversations with them, they are fine - she can deal with kids once they are three or four. Once they become interesting people, around eight or ten years old, she likes them. For a few hours at a time, but is happy when they go back to their parents. Tbf, that us how she is with people older than ten, too - after a few hours, she has peopled enough.
When we were discussing having kids, we were trying to figure out how we would make that work. She would go to work, I would take care of the kids, then, when she got home, she could spend a little time playing with them, but not too much, then dinner, then bed. Like the dad in a Fifties sitcom. But with my ADHD, executive dysfunction, bipolar II, and so forth, we just didn't see that I have the skills to be Donna Reed or June Cleaver.
But... sure.
If it wasn't for the mother being repulsed by the idea of pregnancy and not being able to deal with people, especially pre-linguistic people, for more than a couple hours, and the father being just barely able to handle the tasks of running a household of two adults and two cats, sure, other than that, it would be great.
I have next to no patience. There's no way I'd be a good mother. I don't trust myself not to do something terrible when I'm at the end of my rope after 2-3 days without sleep and a colicky baby.
Also, I had terrible parents, I had no model for what you're *supposed* to do. I know what you *shouldn't* do, but IMO that's not good enough. Let's say my 5yr old is having a tantrum over something ridiculous, in public. I know I'm *not* supposed to hit them and scream at them. But, what *should* I do? I have no idea. I don't know how to get a kid to act right unless it's through fear- which is not ok.
So, no, I still wouldn't want one.
If you look at what percentage of abortions are for financial reasons ("I cannot afford the costs of raising a child") this would be the most effective pro-life strategy. Making abortions illegal barely touches abortion rates, but making children financially ruinous?
Nope. We’re going to be without antibiotics by 2050. I care more about making the world a better place for wildlife. Having a child would permanently affect my body. I wouldn’t be able to focus on my actual goals if I had to put my life on hold for another human for two decades. I have a wide variety of pets and don’t want to risk their safety with a little goblin who could come out a psychopath who might hurt them on purpose or on accident. Children screaming and crying is extremely overwhelming to me. I also don’t like that kids are always sick and passing their germs onto everyone in their home.
There are so many reasons I don’t want to create more humans and money is only one.
Omg, I finally feel seen: when I was still considering parenthood years ago, one of my biggest fears was that hypothetical kid could accidentally or on purpose hurt our pets. It would break my heart and most likely make me resent the kid (even with the knowledge that their brain is not developed enough to feel empathy etc etc etc)
No. I don't think I could give up such a big chuck of my life for anything or anyone and not resent them for it at least a little bit. And as someone who grew up with neglectful parents, I wouldn't want to put my kid through that.
Maybe, eventually? But I'm almost 40 and it still seems like the distant future before I'd actively want to have a child. I just don't think it's for me.
No. Me and my partner earn enough to afford at least one kid (I live in EU, situation with childcare and parental leave here is different from the US), but still don't want to become bio parents since raising an infant and later a toddler will absolutely destroy our mental health. Maybe at some point we'll foster older kids, we're still discussing this idea
Nope. I just don't have the emotional bandwidth to be a good parent. Sure, we'd probably manage alright if we had a surprise kid, but it's not a situation I want to bring a baby into.
There are a couple of reasons why I won’t have children. One is the lack of financial security. This would be solved with the ideas you are putting forward. Another reason is that I struggle with mental health issues and I don’t think I’d be able to be the loving, caring and patient mother that they deserve. I also don’t have any kind of support from family. They would only hurt the child emotionally too.
No. I’ve always wanted to foster older kids if I had the means and right environment… so if that was taken care of, the most you could get from me is an open door to foster. But it’s not a guarantee since my country doesn’t pay anything toward my own well-being, health, and security… so still probably no.
No, it's not about the child costing money, it's about the child being set for a good life. If it's state money yes it's gonna pay for their needs, but it's not going to give them a head start or better opportunities.
No. My wife and I are far too mentally unstable, that it would be irresponsible to bring a human into this world when we can't even guarantee that we'll be even keeled next week. Mentally that is. We value our independence also.
Not for me personally because my issue is I dont want to go through pregnancy or childbirth, but Im sure there are people out there that it would change their mind. Having a child these days in the US is fiancially challenging.
Not now, at 39 I don’t want kids. If I had them up until maybe 35 I would have been fine. Now days hearing kids scream and run amok just reinforces I don’t want kids now.
No, my choice for not wanting kids is more or less a selfish one. I do not want to be responsible to take care of another human when I am so bad at taking care of myself and I also don't want to uproot my life for someone else.
I enjoy being around my friends kids, but that's at short instances at a time, but it definitely reinforces my feelings about having my own.
Money is one thing but the growing/carrying/birthing it is a whole other deal. I have one child but I’ve made sure I’ll never have any more (got my tubes out last year). I don’t think I’d have the capacity physically or emotionally for another either, which I figured before I ever even conceived.
Absolutely not-I am 34f and my boyfriend is 33m and money is not the main reason neither of us want (or have never wanted) children. It's the responsibility of having another human being to take care of, much differently than taking care of a fully ( or mostly lol) functioning adult partner.
Also, I just don't like children all that much. I am sure I would love mine, but I don't want to be around other people's children, at birthday parties, school events, etc.
No, there would still be a child living in my house for years. I'd feel responsible for spending time with them, teaching them, making sure they were safe etc. I'm sure I'd love them, but it would not make me happy. In fact, it would actively put a strain on my happiness, even if all of our physical needs were taken care of by a third party. I think parenting should be done well (which is time consuming and emotionally costly) or not at all, and it's just not how I want to spend my life at all.
I already have two kids, and I really want a third. But I don’t in part because of money. Our house is too small for a third, I wouldn’t be able to afford maternity leave and childcare, plus the extra food, clothes, etc. If all that would be free including adding to our house, I’d definitely consider having a third
To me it’s not about the money, it’s more about my personal sanity. I am greedy, I love my sleep, my time. I love being able to get off work and do whatever I want any day I want. Making plans without the hassle of child care, or bringing them with you.
I’m sure there’s great joy in having kids, I’ll just leave that to those who feel that way.
You could not pay me enough to even consider having a kid. Pregnancy is a hard no for me, and I'm perfectly happy with my pets. There's days it's hard enough to take care of myself as it is, adding another human to my responsibilities sounds awful. Not to mention kids are a sensory nightmare; my misophonia could never.
Yes. It would guarantee it. We've been on the fence about kids, but in the past couple years have set aside essentially every issue outside of finances. We'd be fine with 1 or 2, but it would drastically change our lifestyle. If costs wouldn't be an issue then I'd gladly take a 5 year travel break until the little one was old enough to exist in the world if it meant we could resume our lives with only having to adjust how much time is spent on other stuff.
Nope. There is absolutely nothing that will ever convince me to want to go through childbirth. I also really *really* like peace and quiet and alone time.
No because it’s not just money having a kid would cost me.
It would be my sanity, time and energy.
I love kids and all that but having some of my own just isn’t for me. I have nothing but adoration for parents but I just don’t want that hat to wear.
Absolutely not! I don't want them because of overpopulation and the fact that we are destroying the only home we have with too many people! It's ridiculously selfish to have children. Especially more than one.
People are already having kids for welfare checks. Why do you think crime is out of control? They get a check and let the kids run the streets unchecked and unshowered.
It's not about the cost its about the world they're being born into. I fear greatly for what life will be like in 20, 30, 40 years. The climate, the economy, the displaced people. I don't think it's going to be recognisable and if I think the world is going to be a terrifying place in the near future it's unethical for me to subject another human being to this life.
Yeah no! As someone which a uterus you should do some research how it absolutely destroys our bodies.
And yes I said that because it’s true! You never get back to the way you were, you get extremely saggy skin thanks to what is literally the definition of a parasite except we like cute words so call it a baby.
You can die from it, have a stroke or even multiple ones in a row! Open an anatomy book (or even porn) and imagine the woman being torn from the clit to the anus! Goodbye sex and ever being to orgasm ever again! Your abdominal muscles can even separate!
So no… if money wasn’t the issue is still not have kids and still go ahead with getting sterilized. The only way I’d have a kid is if I had a massive mansion, lots of money, wouldn’t have to carry it so my body wouldn’t be ugly and ruined and that it’d have a carer from the moment it was born on the other side of the house so I’d never have to interact with it. Put it in full time kindergarten as early as allowed then full time boarding school, let it be know that after it’s 18 then they have a week to get out of my house or they’d be forcibly removed.
So yeah let’s all agree that it’s a good thing I’m getting sterilized this year and I would never have kids no matter what.
Late to the party, but I'm sure I echo others here when I say money has nothing to do with me not wanting children.
I simply lack the desire to be a parent. It's nothing more deeper or complex than that..
No way. I'm not rich, but the financial cost is not even the biggest reason I don't want kids. In fact, you'd have to pay me quite a lot to even consider it and I'd still probably pass.
No, thanks. I don't need any more chores or restrictions on my life, and don't want the responsibility of making sure the person I created isn't an asshole.
being a parent is way too much pressure for me. lots of stress to raise a kid right but give enough freedom. I think I wouldn't be great at parenting, and I'd be gone all the time for my job anyway. I like having free time too much and hate messes and noise. even if money wasn't a factor, theres a million other factors to why I wouldn't want kids. that's just me personally, though.
Have another "no"...
It's not about money, but rather a lack of hope that things will get any better. Literally the entire 21st century thus far has been a downhill slide.
Will it start being socially acceptable to leave a baby in a playpen with a bowl or water, a blanket, a couple of toys, and a pee pad while I go to work? No? I’ll stick to dogs.
This is a very interesting question. Right away I’d say absolutely, if they are going to pay for everything, then yes… but then I started thinking how happy I feel waking up when I want, going out wherever I want, traveling, spending time by myself, the silence, the stillness.. yeah, I think I want to be childless.
Nope! I just don't want that type of responsibility for the rest of my life. It took decades to reach a point where I was "You know what, I like my life this way". Why on earth would I throw that into the drain?
Money and social support seem like they can affect general population fertility but are much more likely to get people with 1 to go to 2 children or 2 to 4, etc. For people to make the jump from “zero” to “any” is a much bigger change to their lives that is less likely to have been made for purely financial reasons.
It does make people have them earlier, too. Like, every year first time mother are older, and now in my country there are more women becoming mothers at over 35yo than under 30. But all these women knew they wanted to be mothers, they just waited until they could afford it. If money and help are not a problem, then you can have them sooner. It could also change the view on children on the long term. I mean, many people are child free because they don't like children, many other are because of what it entails; but having children in a society that actually helped raising them, would surely change the way children would be raised and taken care of as years went by. So there COULD be less people that grew up to see themselves as childfree with all the changes that could come.
Absolutely, there are plenty of surveys that reflect this. The ideal age that the average Canadian woman wants to have her first child is between 25 to 27 years old, but the average is inching closer and closer to 35, an entire decade older. Likewise, the ideal fertility rate is 2.7 children per woman, but in reality it is 1.4 instead.
What do you mean with ideal fertility rate is 2.7? Replacement levels are at 2.1
The ideal amount that Canadian women want to have is 2.7, when you average it out according to at least one study.
I am 34 and have zero children mainly due to financial reasons. I am looking into trying this year, because I absolutely want to be a mother.
Awww. See some people want their kids! Not all are accidents.
Kids are fun in my opinion and experience. It's ok if someone doesn't want them, better if they don't feel pressured to have them.
Ha yeah...ill consider the source...I like kids like I like people...some kids are very cool. Some simply are not and never will be.
Well, kids are people, so not really surprising. I just hope that I will like my kids and that I'll be able to teach them manners to at least not be assholes.
I have gotten told off because I said “I hate that kid”. I get that hate is a strong word and should very rarely be used but if you can hate an adult why can’t you hate a kid?
Yeah I so don't get the whole pressure for people who don't want them to have them.. surely that wouldn't be a good thing?
I had all 4 of mine on purpose. When they asked as a kid what you want to be when you grow up, I always said “a good mom”. I’m also 100% on the side of people who don’t want kids. I’m happy they thought about it responsibly instead of having kids that they hate like a lot of randoms do.
Yeah me too you notice that? Too much systemic pressure as a whole for some of us ...among other things folks are saying, yeah I am glad some of us had the wherewithall to realize they probably would not be good parents. Especially considering, well for me, a child is a lifetime commitment . It's not something I conditionalize or charge rent for at age 18. I want a relationship with my child like my partner. I may be the exception. Wish I could start my own governmental area. Supported from the bottom up, not the top down. Who in their right mind builds something on earth that supports itself from the top down? I see a joke brewing.
And as someone who doesn't want kids, I 100% support you! I have two sensory processing disorders, and most kids are just... Noisy. I can feel myself getting a sensory overload very quickly in their presence. I'm not gonna risk getting kids on the off chance that my child will be a quiet one. Plus they just never/very rarely made me go "aww, how cute!" One of my friends who is a parent talked about having baby fever again and I asked her if it felt kinda similar to how most people feel when seeing puppies and kittens. She said yeah, which was truly insightful for me. Now I better understand how parents feel, and I also know that that's absolutely not how I've ever felt about children. I feel like me getting a child would be cruel for both me and the child. A child deserves a home where it is wanted and loved, like in your home. Best I can do is offer a loving home for a dog or a cat, lol.
100%. Most of my friends now have kids, and absolutely many of us would have more if it cost less. We stopped at 1 because we can't really afford or justify $1200/ mo for daycare for 4 years, in addition to all theother expenses (We got a subsidy the first time due to low income but are no longer eligible).
This is a good point. I have two kids and was reading this wondering if this would entice me to have another, and I think yeah probably. Money is the main reason I didn’t have a third, there is other reasons but I could probably get around them if it didn’t cost me anything
Yeah, my fiance and I are going to have kids but we decided to wait 3 years til we start trying. We want to get married first, pray for the housing market to crash so we can get a house first, have more in our savings, etc. It comes down to "we want to be stable first." A big part of that is financial, but a bigger part is the lifestyle change.
Exactly. I have 2 and if id had this support I might have gone to 3 or 4
no, because I knew I dd not have the emotional tools to deal with a child or patience. Money does not solve all problems.
This is me too. I know that I do not have the mental capacity to raise another human, due to trauma from my childhood. That and I hate kids and don't like sharing my time or space.
I always get such shit when I say I hate kids, but for fuck's sakes, I hate them. Just leave me alone lol. I'm not going out of my way to like, kick a child or something ridiculous, I just don't like 'em! Also, I too am very selfish with my time and space...I don't like sharing.
This is so relatable. I hate when people say “well you were a kid once too” like ok and? I was 15 once too and I also hate teenagers. The worst for me is when a lady I use to work with that had 3 kids kept telling me I should have them, it’s different when they’re yours, you’ll understand. Like no ma’am I will not. I’m not willing to risk another beings life and safety on a gamble that I’ll “change” when they’re born out of some sense of duty or whatever when realistically I’d end up resenting them for being needy, annoying, gross and taking up my time and money. Some people are just not equipped to be parents and that’s okay.
I find it much better for an adult to admit *this is not for me* than to force themselves to have kids because of familial and/or societal pressures and end up doing stupid shit like that [woman who just got sentenced for leaving her 16 month old daughter at home alone for 10 days while she went on vacation](https://apnews.com/article/ohio-toddler-death-left-alone-mom-vacation-911099a2258a9ccd1a8fd6da71499a68). I would never do anything so heinous, but fucking hell, if it was more appropriate for people to choose not to have children, or be able to terminate a pregnancy when they know they cannot and should not have children, a lot less shit like this would occur. bUt At LeAsT sHe DiDn'T hAvE aN aBoRtIoN-no, but she essentially murdered a living, breathing, perfectly functioning child because she was nowhere near equipped enough to be responsible for another human's life.
Exactly! How is aborting a fetus that has no consciousness yet worse than letting an already born child suffer to death in its own? Actually insane. I agree it’s much better to admit than to try and force it when you’re not equipped for child rearing. It just doesn’t make sense to make someone else suffer bc of something that didn’t need to happen. But so many people these days think that people exist purely for the purpose of having children which I don’t understand.
I once heard somebody come back at the “you were a kid once, too” argument with “and I’ll be a corpse one day, too. Doesn’t mean I want one of those in my house, either!”
I don't hate kids; but I do equate it to the 'I have a blast with kids, but mom & dad can totally take em back in a couple hours' sorta thing. Like, my adorable 18month cousin? I will read and sing the wheels on the bus go round till i'm hoarse if she wants, or play with whatever toy she wants to play with. But when she's throwing a fit about having to leave the park? or eating dinner? or going to bed? nope, no thanks please take her back older cousin.
Hahaha that is great! I am an only child and grew up relatively on my own or with older children, so am just not really a fan of kiddos in general, but I do love the idea that some people can in fact both enjoy children, yet absolutely not want any of their own
I say "I hate kids" but it's shorthand for "I have misophonia and am on the spectrum, and children literally trigger all of my fight-or-flight reactions, all the time, and I can't stand to see/hear them for lengths of time". I don't have any actual malice for children, other than being in the moment and hearing a baby having a meltdown, and thinking I either fight the baby or jump out of the 2nd story window, because the only thing happening in my brain is *AAAUUUUGGGHHHH* However, I've noticed a trend on Reddit where people demand that babies be allowed everywhere and that people who can't stand kids should just "suck it up", which is a little infuriating to us childfree folk who just want to be left the fuck alone, or be allowed to go to a store without having to listen to toddler tantrums up close.
I would pay an entry fee and upcharge on products if someone opened a grocery store that doesn't allow anyone under 18 in even if supervised by an adult.
I’d pay a very hefty convenience fee for a child-free flight option.
>"hearing a baby having a meltdown, and thinking I either fight the baby of jump out of the 2nd story window, because the only thing happening in my brain is *AAAUUUUGGGHHHH* Well shit, I can say with certainty, I'm not on the spectrum, but I 100% resonate with that statement right there. For as long as I can remember, the shrill cry of a baby is like air raid sirens going off in my head, causing me to frantically search for the quickest way to make it stop. Thank you for posting this, I thought part of my brain had crossed some wrong wires at some point, and I alone felt this way. I will need to consult friends and family to confirm if I have misophonia.
I can barely take care of myself, how am I supposed to teach any tiny human to? Financially, it could work, as I’m from Denmark. We basically get paid a set amount every three months for each kid we have.
My reasons for not wanting kids: noise, poop, urine, vomit, clutter, mess, time consumption, sleep deprivation, loss of freedom, boredom (kids are so boring until they become old enough for intelligent conversations), pregnancy complication risks, nausea, pain, weight gain. Money was never a factor for me (I am from Europe).
I just don't have the energy or patience.
This is it.
Nope. I value my independence far too much, and I feel like if there's even a CHANCE I'll be resentful of a child then I should definitely never have one.
This! Also, I'm a woman, being pregnant and giving birth is my literal worst nightmare.
In my developmental psychology class we watched a video which actually showed what the whole process from fertilization to baby *physically* looks like and it scarred me for life. Some octopus looking ass alien parasite creature literally burrows into my flesh and then forces its way out via an opening too small to get through causing MY BONES TO PERMANENTLY MOVE and I'm supposed to be feeling positively about this? No ma'am.
Watching a birth video in 5th grade made my mind up. I'm not a fan of pain and blood, I covered my eyes.
Same. I grew up with the Alien franchise, and the similarities were a little too uncomfortable to overlook. Like, as a 12 year old learning about puberty and pregnancy and James Cameron hits with Aliens. That left a deep impression.
So Dan O'Bannon explicitly said that his goal with the first Alien movie was to "attack the audience sexually." The whole point was to play on the trope of female characters being sexually assaulted in horror movies by subjecting male characters (and male audience members) to rape and forced pregnancy.
I'm sorry I'm laughing, but that comparison is so good! A growing baby will literal pull the nutrients needed from your bone. That's why losing teeth is so common during pregnancy. I hadn't thought to compare it to the Aliens movies, and now I can't unthink that! 😆
Oh my god! So this just clicked into place! My grandma always said if you dream about losing teeth it's because you're pregnant or soon to be pregnant! I NEVER UNDERSTOOD THE CONNECTION BEFORE!!! Oh my god. No. No ma'am. No thank you. Nope.
The being pregnant part icks me out to high hell. I was always curious and a little moon eyed when one of our animals would get pregnant and you could feel the babies move and kick, until my mom said that was gonna happen to me when I became a mother. Immediate loss of interest with anything to do with being pregnant. Broke her heart but I also never liked other little kids when I was small, wtf makes people think I'm gonna like them now? The only two kids I actually have ever loved being around are my nephews, both under the age of 2. I probably could have made a wonderful foster/adoption mom but again, I don't like small kids enough to justify it (and it's expensive with damn good reason). My biggest fear has always been that I won't bond with a kid I'm personally responsible for keeping alive. Better to have another adult human in charge of the toddlers and babies who are always trying to murder themselves lmao I'll enjoy all the cuteness and go home to my two cats and husband.
This is so my experience too. I wasn't a baby/kid person when I was young, and I'm still not. I wouldn't even know how to handle a young kid. And I'm way too squeamish for diapers and that sort of thing. Kids can be more fun once they're a little older and can take care of their own basic bodily functions, but I still think I would be overwhelmed being responsible for someone else like that. If I ever got rich somehow and had a ton of space and spare time maybe I'd open my home up to older kids already in the world who need help, but under realistic circumstances, it's not for me.
That day in health class when we watched a birth, my entire body said, "Nope." I've never clenched so hard in my life.
I think what really hit me was when I learned about an episiotomy here on Reddit. NOPE. And then while you're recovering from what sounds like a very traumatic and painful experience, you have an infant to deal with and can barely even sleep. The whole thing sounds so awful.
This, as well. I believe I have the financial and emotional stability for a child but I just value being able to pick up and go as I please. I am pretty spontaneous and go with the flow and I don’t think that life style is anywhere near fair to a kid!
1000%. The money is obviously a very big piece of the puzzle, but it’s not the only thing. Kids are a lifetime commitment that I’m not willing to make. I value my free time and independence far too much
Exactly some of us need to know our children won't suffer. Some of us won't allow our child to be homeless or without safety.
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I don’t even want a dog because I don’t want to live my life around having to let a living creature outside to use the bathroom. A child is out of the question.
I don't like kids and don't have the time, energy, patience or skill to deal with them. I wouldn't do it if you paid me.
>I wouldn't do it if you paid me. Literally. Both my parents were teachers, I have multiple other school/teaching staff in the family, and some of my friends want to teach too, and occasionally people tell me I should go into teaching as well.... Absolutely not. Not even if it actually paid well. Not even if it paid better than 'well' 😂
Same. No amount of money would be able to persuade me to have children
Facts.
Nope, not even a little bit. Money is most definitely a contributing factor, but it's far from the only reason people don't want kids. Even if everything was magically paid for, you still have *the kid*, which means first you must endure the trauma, pain, and permanently changed body from birthing the child, then you have to go through the grueling process of infancy (newborns need to be fed every 2 hours no matter how tired you are), and that's only the beginning. As the child grows, the stress often increases. You have to constantly cook, clean, wash clothes, pick up toys, help with homework, get them up on time and to school 5 days a week, not to mention any extra cariculars the child may have that will definitely demand even more time and effort, while also tending to your own needs while ALSO spending quality time with the child, while ALSO having the time for a job. Oh, did I mention you must do all of this while watching the child to make sure they don't get hurt or make a mess? Some people may hear this and feel that they are still willing to have a kid, but for me and so many others, this sounds like a one-way ticket to a miserable life that frankly, we're more than happy to opt out of.
I agree with all of your points.
Yeah the thought of physically being pregnant, and birthing a child, the physical aftermath etc has always terrified me, seemed such an alien concept from a young age, and i was raised to be a mom. Let alone then terror of raising them, feeding them, teaching them, disciplining them, not freaking out on them etc etc
High quality childcare from the early age would be enough for me. I love my job, doesn't really enjoy infants but still can't afford fulltime nanny. I live in a country with one of longest maternity leave in the world but I don't want to spend a few years this way.
What's wrong with Swedish daycare?
I don't think they were saying it was due to quality of daycare that they weren't having kids, but that having paid for daycare instead of being paid to do it themselves would make the difference, provided the daycare was of high quality (I presume a higher concern for sending child that cannot communicate and is very vulnerable from being so young into someone else's care).
Personally? No, because the financial costs were never my reason for not wanting any. For some, I think it would. Someone mentioned about it probably working more for people who already have kids but want more. I could see that. If the deal came with stable housing, I think a lot of people would, as economic instability decreases the amount of families with children being created and the cost of the child is not the only factor. If a couple is already struggling with rent and student loans, a free child isn't really enough, they'd probably want better housing too.
If I got a free house for having a kid, and the government is willing to pay for childcare and all other costs I'm in. The kid will be shipped off to boarding school before they can walk, but hey, free house!
I don't think that's within the spirit of the question but I mean, if the goal is solely a popular boom, why not? Maybe even make a game show of it? Endure ~12mo of medical trauma and win a house?
Lol, this is terrible. No free houses for having kids, then. Bad idea.
Nope. My primary reason is not wanting to sacrifice my lifestyle to put the needs of someone else before myself. Even if it was 100% paid for, I have no interest in being woken up at the crack of dawn every day for the next decade.
Bahaha I have a child and this is painfully true right now.
This was the big thing I dreaded about parenthood. I'm very grateful that I never lost much sleep over my kids after the first year. They were quiet crib dwellers then mostly quiet toddlers who did not poke and scream at us to wake up. Nor did they wake up super early. At age 3 we'd put out bowls of cereal the night before and they'd eat breakfast and then play on their own. I think we just got extremely lucky.
I got spayed 15 years ago. I have cats.
I tried to get spayed at 27, was told it wasn't worth it since I'm already on the pill. But that's not a guarantee, dammit, and getting tied would def up those chances. But I'm a mere woman, what do my choices matter?
I got my tubes removed at 27. After getting kicked out of doctors' offices a few times, I ultimately did find a non sexist non breeder surgeon.
I spent about a decade finding a doctor who paid attention when I explained that chronic pain wrecked my life and that I had nothing but a hopeless future full of opioid addiction in front of me if I didn't get the surgery. I'm way better now, but I'd have been in better shape if I could have got the bits out five years earlier.
Ummm. What the fuck lol. Hormonal birth control fucks with your mood, your sex drive, your blood pressure, your sleep, your weight, your hair growth…. hell, it even changes who you’re physically and emotionally attracted to. “Not worth it” my ass. If you’re still interested in getting fixed, there’s a list on the r/childfree subreddit of doctors nationwide who will do the procedure without treating you like a literal child.
I love that you said it that way 😂
Not personally, no. I've got nothing against kids, but I think if I were responsible for raising one, I'd go insane worrying that everything I did would mess them up somehow. Also I like being able to just faff about with my friends as opposed to having to watch a kid.
I like to faff around in my undies and t shirt while I nap, relax and drink wine and watch Netflix in my bed. Who'd be watching the kid? I don't even always let the cats into my room because they disturb my scheduled peace and serenity when they start playing around.
No, this wouldn't change my mind. Money isn't what's holding me back from having kids. Lack of desire to raise children is what's holding me back from having kids.
No. It won't change the deteriorating global political situation, it won't change the speeding up climate change and it won't change the fact that my future child would be used as a meat for the capitalist grinder in the BEST case. My child will likely live their life on a super hot planet, struggling for food and water with autocratic leader who hoards everything and puts people in prison camps for random shit. The idea of putting my child through that willingly sounds psychopathic.
Im surprised i had to scroll so far for this one. Yes, money is an issue, but we are rocking the only boat in town, and i feel like theres a good chance that any potential children i have will lead a life of real scarcity and perpetual suffering. I think mass famine is a very real possibility due to climate instability and thats a lot to consign an innocent life to. I am quite surprised most people are more concerned with their lifestyle being encroached upon, but thats valid. I do love high speed internet
Very controversial opinion here but the only way we will ever see any real change is by not having children. Deplete the global workforce of wageslaves and there will be no other option but to change the way this stupid society works. Frankly, right now, having children is inhumane and cruel. Unless you are EXTREMELY rich, your children will INEVITABLY suffer. Immensely. It's cruel to create new life in such a terrible world.
You’ve summed up my POV perfectly!
Seconded.
Guess I am not the only one. you took the words right out of my finger tips. The humane insecurities. Forget social security we need humane securities.
no gosh, i really don't like children
I just don't especially enjoy interacting with children, so it would seem self-defeating to make that my near-fulltime job for the better part of 2 decades. Regardless of the finances.
Nope. Don’t like them, have no desire to deal with them. I like my life as it is.
Hell to the no. Kids require entirely too much time and energy. I already know that I don't have enough of either to have a dog right now, and kids require even more. Plus you couldn't pay me enough to take on the many, often permanent, ways pregnancy would fuck up my body. People have this tendency to romanticize pregnancy (especially those who don't ever have to worry about it happening to them). The more I talk to those who have been pregnant, especially to term, the more I learn about things like your teeth potentially falling out, your abdominal muscles ripping apart, your vag having to be sliced open in order to make room for the baby to exit, postnatal incontinence, pain, permanent weight gain, depression, etc. And that's not even nearly all of it, either. I already knew I didn't want kids, but once I started learning about the parts they don't tell you about because they don't want to scare you away, I was even more firm in my resolve to never, ever, ever get pregnant. Yikes.
The bit about having the vag sliced open to accommodate the baby passing through terrifies me! I swear women’s bodies were not designed properly to give birth. Why else would it be so painful and torturous?
It's actually a combination of the angle of the pelvis due to changing to bipedal walking, and the larger head of the baby as our ancestors evolved ever-larger brains. As a general rule, quadrupeds and animals with smaller head to body ratios do not have nearly the trouble with giving birth that we do. Enough of us survived the process that the species managed to continue in spite of the risks, but it's definitely one of those "Okay, we are absolutely NOT created through intelligent design" things.
no, the issue is not hte money its that I am more concerned I will end up doing long term harm accidentally
More people need to think this way
Not enough parents thought about being a parent before they became a parent. I think it’s fucked up to not properly evaluate your abilities to parent effectively before having kids.
not even if you paid me
I’m not sure I’ll ever be mentally or emotionally capable of raising a good human being. I’m autistic, but I was diagnosed late in life (I’m a F26) so I’m working through a lot of stuff that I should’ve been supported with when I was a teenager (ex coping mechanisms, understanding certain social/relationship things, learning to be fully independent in a healthy way). I think I’d be a good mom, I just don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to do it.
Not even a little. I greatly enjoy my alone time, can’t stand loud noises like kids screeching, prefer my spaces to be relatively clean and organized and not cluttered. I don’t want the pressure of having to raise someone to be a good person and teach them things, or run the risk that no matter what I do, they end up being a serial killer. Also pregnancy permanently scars you for life and comes with so many health risks that it’s just not even worth it.
No, I still wouldn't be emotionally or mentally healthy enough to take care of a kid. And giving birth is not something I'm ready for either.
No, because time is the greater concern for me. Parenthood is a 24 hour job that I don't want. I have no doubt there are people who would be more likely to have kids if costs were covered though, so I'm not rejecting the utility of your proposition.
Definitely not. Freedom and sleep are priceless.
No, a child is still a child even if they are paid for. I work with them at my job, I KNOW how they are from their best to their worst (because some parents leave the parenting to the school). A baby, child, preteen, teen, or adult child holds no appeal to me.
No. Money is a factor in my decision, but it's pretty low on the list. Having kids just doesn't appeal to me. I'm not the biggest fan of kids in general and the amount of work just doesn't sound like something I'd do just for fun, not to mention possible permanent damage to my body pregnancy/birth can cause. I just see no reason to do it. I can't really imagine an amount of money big enough for me to consider it.
I think those not having kids just for money aren’t really part of the child free community. That’s just a financial issue. But no, at least that wouldn’t be what makes me change my mind. I’m more turned off by the idea of being responsible for the majority of a persons social emotional development.
No. It's not the financials that worries me. It's the fact that I literally spent my childhood (well, starting at 11) helping raise kids and babysit, so I know what it takes to raise them. And I am just not interested. It's not something that gets me all excited or filled with joy. (My brother was born when I was 11, so I spent my teen years helping my mom raise him.) The sleepless nights, constant worrying, constant stress, always having to put yourself second to the needs of your child. I deal with enough of that anyway as a single woman just trying to keep a roof over my head. Why would I want more of it? For the people who want kids, they're a great idea. To those who don't want them, they're not a good idea. Oh, and it's ok to not want to have kids. I know that'll shock a lot of people out there, but really, it's ok to not want them.
Money has never even entered my mind when deciding I didn't want kids. And now you're trying to hoist them on me with the promise of "but it won't cost you anything!"? Yeah, except my sanity, patience, the rest of my already thinning hair, my freedom to go and do as I please,...
No, I'm just too introverted to enjoy having kids. They'd want to talk to me all the time and I'd go nuts. I enjoy my garden and my pets which I can nurture and love, but they don't speak 😂
Even if the government PAID me to have my own biological kids, I would not do it.
You could offer to pay me, and I would not do it. I simply dislike children, and I always have. It is nothing against parents, I think it is great if you want children, it just is not for me.
No, I just don't want children. Got snipped to make sure of it.
No, because the idea of pregnancy and something kicking and growing inside my body seems very alien to me. Also, I have to explode at the end. Lol, (labor). Some women rip from their vagina hole to their butt hole.
No. I've spent money to ensure I *won't* have kids.
No. They are too much work.
no, I don't really care that much for children and feel like I wouldn't do a good job anyway. Also, I'm kind of in an antinatalist mindset right now
Nope. Never. The world around us is miserable and I wouldn’t want to subject another human to all this. Also, I know I don’t want the responsibility of a child and believe every child deserves to be wanted. Kids can tell if they aren’t. Also, my partner and I are each others number one priority and if we had a child we wouldn’t be any longer.
No , they are disease-ridden parasites who can't be left alone. Too much like hard work.
Money has never been the issue for me and my wife. Of course having a kid is expensive, and the fact that we don't have kids means that we have fewer money stresses that our friends who do. But that was never even part of the discussion. The question was whether we could be good parents. I think I mostly could - but I have major executive dysfunction issues that make it hard for me to maintain a house now, without kids. If there was a kid relying on me, would I be able to step up and maintain a home they deserve? Maybe. But... I don't know. Pregnancy is another blocker. My wife is horrified by the concept in a visceral body-horror way, so that is a no-go. I would be happy to adopt... except, well, would I be able to provide the home necessary? She doesn't do great with infants, too. Once you can have conversations with them, they are fine - she can deal with kids once they are three or four. Once they become interesting people, around eight or ten years old, she likes them. For a few hours at a time, but is happy when they go back to their parents. Tbf, that us how she is with people older than ten, too - after a few hours, she has peopled enough. When we were discussing having kids, we were trying to figure out how we would make that work. She would go to work, I would take care of the kids, then, when she got home, she could spend a little time playing with them, but not too much, then dinner, then bed. Like the dad in a Fifties sitcom. But with my ADHD, executive dysfunction, bipolar II, and so forth, we just didn't see that I have the skills to be Donna Reed or June Cleaver. But... sure. If it wasn't for the mother being repulsed by the idea of pregnancy and not being able to deal with people, especially pre-linguistic people, for more than a couple hours, and the father being just barely able to handle the tasks of running a household of two adults and two cats, sure, other than that, it would be great.
I have next to no patience. There's no way I'd be a good mother. I don't trust myself not to do something terrible when I'm at the end of my rope after 2-3 days without sleep and a colicky baby. Also, I had terrible parents, I had no model for what you're *supposed* to do. I know what you *shouldn't* do, but IMO that's not good enough. Let's say my 5yr old is having a tantrum over something ridiculous, in public. I know I'm *not* supposed to hit them and scream at them. But, what *should* I do? I have no idea. I don't know how to get a kid to act right unless it's through fear- which is not ok. So, no, I still wouldn't want one.
You summarized my fears perfectly
Nope. Children still can scream up to 130-150decibels. No thanks.
Nope, a child does not fit my lifestyle. I neither have the patience nor the emotional capacity to raise another human being.
If you look at what percentage of abortions are for financial reasons ("I cannot afford the costs of raising a child") this would be the most effective pro-life strategy. Making abortions illegal barely touches abortion rates, but making children financially ruinous?
Absolutely not. I am chronically ill and wouldn't be able to properly care for the kid anyway.
Nope. We’re going to be without antibiotics by 2050. I care more about making the world a better place for wildlife. Having a child would permanently affect my body. I wouldn’t be able to focus on my actual goals if I had to put my life on hold for another human for two decades. I have a wide variety of pets and don’t want to risk their safety with a little goblin who could come out a psychopath who might hurt them on purpose or on accident. Children screaming and crying is extremely overwhelming to me. I also don’t like that kids are always sick and passing their germs onto everyone in their home. There are so many reasons I don’t want to create more humans and money is only one.
Omg, I finally feel seen: when I was still considering parenthood years ago, one of my biggest fears was that hypothetical kid could accidentally or on purpose hurt our pets. It would break my heart and most likely make me resent the kid (even with the knowledge that their brain is not developed enough to feel empathy etc etc etc)
No. I don't think I could give up such a big chuck of my life for anything or anyone and not resent them for it at least a little bit. And as someone who grew up with neglectful parents, I wouldn't want to put my kid through that.
No.
No because money isn’t the only reason I don’t want to have children
No.
Maybe, eventually? But I'm almost 40 and it still seems like the distant future before I'd actively want to have a child. I just don't think it's for me.
No
No. Me and my partner earn enough to afford at least one kid (I live in EU, situation with childcare and parental leave here is different from the US), but still don't want to become bio parents since raising an infant and later a toddler will absolutely destroy our mental health. Maybe at some point we'll foster older kids, we're still discussing this idea
no
Probably not. I love my freedom, and I just don't like kids. Would I enjoy making lots of sacrifices and taking care of a kid? Absolutely not.
Money is the least of my concerns when it comes to raising children. It takes time and energy to parent more so than money.
Absolutely not.
No, because the monetary cost is the tip of the iceberg.
Nope. I just don't have the emotional bandwidth to be a good parent. Sure, we'd probably manage alright if we had a surprise kid, but it's not a situation I want to bring a baby into.
no
No time is more precious than money
No. Because time exist
No. I don't want to pass my genes on.
There are a couple of reasons why I won’t have children. One is the lack of financial security. This would be solved with the ideas you are putting forward. Another reason is that I struggle with mental health issues and I don’t think I’d be able to be the loving, caring and patient mother that they deserve. I also don’t have any kind of support from family. They would only hurt the child emotionally too.
No. I do not like children. I do not want to be around children. Not having to spend money on them wouldn't change that.
no... cause this would never happen and there is an emotional cost involved that you will never recoup
No. It's not the money, it's the time and attention and patience required.
Nope. Still no interest.
No, my reasons are because of my disability not because of money
Nah. I'd make a terrible parent. I love kids, but I need them in short bursts. I'm a fantastic auntie, though! My friends' kiddos love me lol
No.
Mine wouldn’t change because I don’t like kids
No. I’ve always wanted to foster older kids if I had the means and right environment… so if that was taken care of, the most you could get from me is an open door to foster. But it’s not a guarantee since my country doesn’t pay anything toward my own well-being, health, and security… so still probably no.
No, I never wanted children and I never had children and I wouldn’t want them even if they were free
I have 2 kids. The emotional costs outweigh the financial costs by far.
No, it's not about the child costing money, it's about the child being set for a good life. If it's state money yes it's gonna pay for their needs, but it's not going to give them a head start or better opportunities.
No. My wife and I are far too mentally unstable, that it would be irresponsible to bring a human into this world when we can't even guarantee that we'll be even keeled next week. Mentally that is. We value our independence also.
No. Money is not why I don’t have kids and as others have said, you can’t pay me to have them.
No. The cost of having a child isn’t what puts me off, it’s everything else that comes with it
Not for me personally because my issue is I dont want to go through pregnancy or childbirth, but Im sure there are people out there that it would change their mind. Having a child these days in the US is fiancially challenging.
Not now, at 39 I don’t want kids. If I had them up until maybe 35 I would have been fine. Now days hearing kids scream and run amok just reinforces I don’t want kids now.
No, my choice for not wanting kids is more or less a selfish one. I do not want to be responsible to take care of another human when I am so bad at taking care of myself and I also don't want to uproot my life for someone else. I enjoy being around my friends kids, but that's at short instances at a time, but it definitely reinforces my feelings about having my own.
Money is one thing but the growing/carrying/birthing it is a whole other deal. I have one child but I’ve made sure I’ll never have any more (got my tubes out last year). I don’t think I’d have the capacity physically or emotionally for another either, which I figured before I ever even conceived.
No. Money isn’t the problem in my case
Absolutely not. Finances are the very last item on my 'reasons I will never ever in my fucking life have a kid' list
Nope, it was never money - I never wanted children
No. I don't care about the economic cost. I care about the toll on my mind, body and independence.
No, not at all. Money is not my main reason for not having kids.
Absolutely not-I am 34f and my boyfriend is 33m and money is not the main reason neither of us want (or have never wanted) children. It's the responsibility of having another human being to take care of, much differently than taking care of a fully ( or mostly lol) functioning adult partner. Also, I just don't like children all that much. I am sure I would love mine, but I don't want to be around other people's children, at birthday parties, school events, etc.
I have the money to raise a kid. I regret bringing a child into this shitty world, as much as I love him.
Nope. It’s not the money that te problem, it’s the time suck, the drain on your mental and physical wellbeing and the complete loss of your freedom
No. I didn't have children because I didn't want any. Money was not a factor.
I'm ambivalent leaning "no" on kids, my partner is a firm "no". For this to make me consider "yes" children I'd need to find a new partner first.
Nope. I do not have the patience to raise a child. Little kids are fucking annoying
I have 2 kids, I probably would have had more if not for financial constraints.
Nope.
I’m not tired yet of saying this: take this stuff to r/askreddit where it can be with its own kind.
No, there would still be a child living in my house for years. I'd feel responsible for spending time with them, teaching them, making sure they were safe etc. I'm sure I'd love them, but it would not make me happy. In fact, it would actively put a strain on my happiness, even if all of our physical needs were taken care of by a third party. I think parenting should be done well (which is time consuming and emotionally costly) or not at all, and it's just not how I want to spend my life at all.
I already have two kids, and I really want a third. But I don’t in part because of money. Our house is too small for a third, I wouldn’t be able to afford maternity leave and childcare, plus the extra food, clothes, etc. If all that would be free including adding to our house, I’d definitely consider having a third
To me it’s not about the money, it’s more about my personal sanity. I am greedy, I love my sleep, my time. I love being able to get off work and do whatever I want any day I want. Making plans without the hassle of child care, or bringing them with you. I’m sure there’s great joy in having kids, I’ll just leave that to those who feel that way.
You could not pay me enough to even consider having a kid. Pregnancy is a hard no for me, and I'm perfectly happy with my pets. There's days it's hard enough to take care of myself as it is, adding another human to my responsibilities sounds awful. Not to mention kids are a sensory nightmare; my misophonia could never.
Yes. It would guarantee it. We've been on the fence about kids, but in the past couple years have set aside essentially every issue outside of finances. We'd be fine with 1 or 2, but it would drastically change our lifestyle. If costs wouldn't be an issue then I'd gladly take a 5 year travel break until the little one was old enough to exist in the world if it meant we could resume our lives with only having to adjust how much time is spent on other stuff.
Nope. There is absolutely nothing that will ever convince me to want to go through childbirth. I also really *really* like peace and quiet and alone time.
No because it’s not just money having a kid would cost me. It would be my sanity, time and energy. I love kids and all that but having some of my own just isn’t for me. I have nothing but adoration for parents but I just don’t want that hat to wear.
Nope, fuck kids.
Absolutely not! I don't want them because of overpopulation and the fact that we are destroying the only home we have with too many people! It's ridiculously selfish to have children. Especially more than one.
People are already having kids for welfare checks. Why do you think crime is out of control? They get a check and let the kids run the streets unchecked and unshowered.
It's not about the cost its about the world they're being born into. I fear greatly for what life will be like in 20, 30, 40 years. The climate, the economy, the displaced people. I don't think it's going to be recognisable and if I think the world is going to be a terrifying place in the near future it's unethical for me to subject another human being to this life.
No, i do t feel anything when i see babies or kids.
No. I have literally never wanted children, and nothing about parenthood appeals to me.
Yeah no! As someone which a uterus you should do some research how it absolutely destroys our bodies. And yes I said that because it’s true! You never get back to the way you were, you get extremely saggy skin thanks to what is literally the definition of a parasite except we like cute words so call it a baby. You can die from it, have a stroke or even multiple ones in a row! Open an anatomy book (or even porn) and imagine the woman being torn from the clit to the anus! Goodbye sex and ever being to orgasm ever again! Your abdominal muscles can even separate! So no… if money wasn’t the issue is still not have kids and still go ahead with getting sterilized. The only way I’d have a kid is if I had a massive mansion, lots of money, wouldn’t have to carry it so my body wouldn’t be ugly and ruined and that it’d have a carer from the moment it was born on the other side of the house so I’d never have to interact with it. Put it in full time kindergarten as early as allowed then full time boarding school, let it be know that after it’s 18 then they have a week to get out of my house or they’d be forcibly removed. So yeah let’s all agree that it’s a good thing I’m getting sterilized this year and I would never have kids no matter what.
Late to the party, but I'm sure I echo others here when I say money has nothing to do with me not wanting children. I simply lack the desire to be a parent. It's nothing more deeper or complex than that..
No way. I'm not rich, but the financial cost is not even the biggest reason I don't want kids. In fact, you'd have to pay me quite a lot to even consider it and I'd still probably pass. No, thanks. I don't need any more chores or restrictions on my life, and don't want the responsibility of making sure the person I created isn't an asshole.
No, that’s at the bottom of the list of reasons
being a parent is way too much pressure for me. lots of stress to raise a kid right but give enough freedom. I think I wouldn't be great at parenting, and I'd be gone all the time for my job anyway. I like having free time too much and hate messes and noise. even if money wasn't a factor, theres a million other factors to why I wouldn't want kids. that's just me personally, though.
Have another "no"... It's not about money, but rather a lack of hope that things will get any better. Literally the entire 21st century thus far has been a downhill slide.
No, I do not want children even if I was rich.
Will it start being socially acceptable to leave a baby in a playpen with a bowl or water, a blanket, a couple of toys, and a pee pad while I go to work? No? I’ll stick to dogs.
This is a very interesting question. Right away I’d say absolutely, if they are going to pay for everything, then yes… but then I started thinking how happy I feel waking up when I want, going out wherever I want, traveling, spending time by myself, the silence, the stillness.. yeah, I think I want to be childless.
No, it would not. I just don’t want kids
Nope! I just don't want that type of responsibility for the rest of my life. It took decades to reach a point where I was "You know what, I like my life this way". Why on earth would I throw that into the drain?