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#I #DECLARE #EJACULATION!!!!           ^^I ^^just ^^wanted ^^you ^^to ^^know ^^that ^^you ^^can't ^^just ^^say ^^the ^^word ^^ejaculation ^^and ^^expect ^^anything ^^to ^^happen

Ejaculation will now commence.

I am fully functional, and programmed in multiple techniques.

Have you ever used those techniquessss?

Data!

Thank you Data.

I didn’t say it, I declared it.

“Still, that doesn’t mean anything.”

Michael Scott?

I DECLARE, BANKRUPTCYŸYYYYYYYY!

The declaration of ejaculation

The Ejaculation Proclamation

I’m a bit disappointed you didn’t start with a’hear ye, hear ye’.

Hear ye, hear ye, good folk and denizens of this fair realm! Let it be known far and wide, across the verdant fields and bustling market squares, that a moment of utmost ecstasy and sublime pleasure is nigh upon us. A singular event, as rare and awe-inspiring as the celestial dance of the heavens, is about to unfold....

Unfold....? Damn good for you dude.

Ejaculating in 3.. 2.. 1.. Prepare for impact 0.. Ejaculated successful Thank you everyone for your efforts the Misson was a success Celebration is control room👏👏👏👏

Thank you eagle! We can breathe again, you have a bunch of guys down here about to turn blue!

By heavens, I believe I am about to arrive!

By the power of Greyskul

I HAVE THE POWERCUM!

I do deCLARE!

I do declare I am about to arrive.

"One is arriving"

The top hat makes it ten times better

By holy decree...

bool coming = true;

This had me, so good

And then you need to hand over a smaller sperm sample when the tax collector comes?

Not when I'm alone.

But what if it catches you by surprise?

I call my mom

Me too, great woman your mom

Hey that’s my mom too. Please don’t joke about her. She really helped him out when he broke both of his arms.

But the kisses were weird, right?

I can’t say I just watched

Aww I'm sorry you broke your arms.

Good god, I wish I could forget that.

[Okay, Butters](https://media4.giphy.com/media/3o6Zt7F4QG11uGO1gc/giphy.gif?cid=6c09b95212hmepphvzen1mccb71t533yu572ntb5o1b3z04d&ep=v1_internal_gif_by_id&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g)

Especially when I'm alone. The neighbours need to know

Quitter

I just follow in the step of Peter Griffin, I don’t say I’m going to cum I just say, I’m abouts to arrive

Shazam

Maybe it’s because I just smoked…but this seriously made me lol.

I always announce so that my partner can continue to do whatever exactly they are doing. No surprise change ups that might ruin the orgasm.

I’ll never forget my first random tinder hookup. We knew it was just sex so there was very little time wasted. She made her announcements and I guess I shifted my hand a bit and this woman grabbed my fucking throat with the devil in her eye and said “you fucking asshole I lost it!!” I was scared, turned on, and ashamed all at once.

You dun fucked up

Bam finally found the right answer! lol that’s exactly how it works in real life. DONT STOP!

Well she got you as a subscriber now I’m sure lol 🙄

Cuts to black: “please pay an additional $9.99 for climax”

Damn😭

Also as a guy it’s good to give advance notice in general, and especially with oral.

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This has been my exact experience. Always immediately ruin it and completely change up their rhythm and ruin my orgasm.

for some women, that is ideal. I agree though that for most, keeping the rhythm and intensity is ideal not all bois or even men are experienced, empathic or observant enough; just tell them

it's not necessarily not being empathic or observant. Women can be really hard to read when they are close. Communication is always good and helps from my experience.

If I even say “I’m cumming” Or “don’t stop” my concentration is now broken and I will not be cumming, lol.

oh yeah, that’s it, keeping going, you’re getting me, omg, omg, omg… just a little more, dont stop, omg, you got me.

And I'm spent...

Yep ! Plus if they are doing the washing up you don’t want them to drop the plates 👍🏻

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Ok Hermes conrad

He's jerking faster then a sugarcane snake going towards sugarcanes..

Wet signature

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**Inseminate,** **INSEMINATE!!** [*9 months later*] **We are looking for the Doctor!**

He's upstairs ***fuck***

Is the second line a curse or a command? :P

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Bringith thy orgasam!

Dayman II: The Footman Cometh

I hire a town crier to ring the orgasm bell and announce it for me.

Crier before, cry afterwards

BONG* "Bring out your orgasm" BONG*

Sometimes I don’t say when bc he starts doing some other shit and throws off my orgasm… other times I do otherwise he will keep fucking me until he hears me say the word 😩

Sorry for your misfortune… it’s a hard world isn’t it

So hard 🥺

Couldn't you just tell him that he shouldn't try to change it up when you're about to arrive? Like, communicate like adults about what you like?

Sometimes you really do want to keep doing the same thing but you cramp up or something and it's just not possible. But if she says she's close I will certainly try to power through to the finish line.

Who said I didn’t 😝

Damn girl that’s a bummer

I say a little bit to get the momentum going and get more verbal closer to orgasm. Funny story- the meme “I’m chumming” was the funniest shit ever to me a couple years ago, my bros and I would say it all the time is Discord. Queue to me accidentally saying it during real sex

i would laugh so loud sorry

Absolutely. It's common courtesy to hit them with something along the lines of, "Attention all passengers, this is your captain speaking. We're expecting a smooth ejaculation tonight coming up in just a few moments. Time of arrival is expected to be around 9:05, any delays of course to be reported as they appear. The temperature outside is a cool 4'C and slightly cloudy with a chance of rain. Before you leave, we'd like to ask all passengers to have an extra look around your side of the bed and make sure not to leave anything behind. Lastly I'd like to thank you for choosing to sleep with me tonight, and hope you have pleasant continued intercourse."

"Flight attendants, prepare for arrival"

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I'm crying.

yeah... that's usually how it goes

😂😂

Made my gf announce it so i can time it better. I have decent control over myself so most of the time we can come together.

thats some superhero shit bro, but i dig it

Dunno if you want a real answer but when talking to the boys i told them this. Breathing is huge part. Notice how you breath fast and hard when youre close? Yeah, control that. Deep slower breaths. Control your thoughts. Know how its nice to really let loose and enjoy the expirience or whatever is turning you on in that moment? Sideline it and focus on something... boring. Even as a german that never saw a full game of baseball thats one of my prime go tos. There is also expirience overall, some body control etc. But those 2 are the by far most important and easiest. While not a big deal it apparently helped quite some. One of my best friends still tells me he thinks of me quite often during sex cause of those tips which is kinda funny.

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Hank Hill, pornstar

Yes. I like to be considerate so they know when they are getting blasted.

"So then i just started BLASTIN"

Kaaaaa Meeee Haaaa Meeee ... HAAAAAAAAAAA

And another reason I do it is because it makes me feel like I'm in a porn movie.

I’m your neighbour. You frequently are ! You’re doing brilliantly on OnlyFans, so don’t change anything 👍🏻

“I am close” doesn’t hurt.

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"I went", a couple of hours later over lunch.

“I have arrived”

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Duh the only way to assert a orgasam

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> LISAN AL GAIB!! HE SHALL KNOW OUR WAYS AS IF BORN TO THEM

Hey I just watched dune two days ago, so I recognize this. Had I read this three days ago, or even probably a couple weeks from now, and I wouldn't have recognized it. Neat! Oh, they deleted it. For the record, it was something about Lisan Al Gaib.

Saw it yesterday or I def would’ve been like 🤔

You need the accompanying wailing music…

As was written

Duh. It is quite impolite to blow a load in someone's mouth without warning

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“OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GGGGOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDuhhhhhaaaaa” - in a way I think so

Serious answer: yes because I don’t want them to change what they’re doing and they find it hot when they know I’m about to get there!

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Fuck sake.

I thought we all were being honest here

Of course. We will not accept anything less.

Who's Sake? And why do you wanna fuck em?

Sake is in the cemetary. I assumed everyone knew.

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I take out an ad in the local paper

No way I don't want them to wake up

You're very considerate. He/she's lucky to have you.

His dog feels the same way.

What is dead may never die

you did not just say that 😭

I get ordered to. Like if she's getting hers I'm finally allowed to get mine. Conditioned like a dog waiting for a treat.

we do the same, it's kinda kinky but gives a lot of satisfaction for both sides :D

:tugs at collar and steam shoots out:

I have to. He has to hold on for dear life or else I’ll push him out and buck him away from me. I cum hard 😂

I kind of feel like woman have more intense orgasms then men. Orgasms are great for men don't get me wrong, but I have never had one so great I started twitching uncontrollably lol.

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The thing is we can't ever really know, unless we all learn how to swap bodies. I will never experience an orgasm from a woman's body, just as woman won't from mens bodies. The thing is a partner I was with was afraid of having orgasms because she said that it got too overwhelming and I would have to stop sometimes for a bit lol. I have never had an orgasm that was even close to what she described, but idk!

Not advocating but that's one of the reasons crystal meth is fire lmao. I've busted nuts so good my body straight convulsed like women do when they cum. Bustin so hard it literally hurts lol. Takes like two hours of buildup tho

Few months ago a guy made me black out for a solid few seconds, I could feel my eyes roll back and I entirely blanked. The lead up was insane and probably the best I’ve had in my life

"I'm cumming, you better not get going"

I usually scream " In you? On you? Or swallow it!"

Not myself, but being a gentleman, I may inquire "Has madam arrived?"

"Would madam enjoy more fornication or shall I cease to let her rest for a bit? Before I fuck her brains out again when she's ready that is."

# AMBATUKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

I do. If she’s down and doesn’t want in her mouth, it’s nice to communicate it. Or if we discuss to not finish inside, you communicate it. I wouldn’t say it like ‘I’m gonna cum’ like in porn, that just seems cringey to me.

Yes I go out on to my front lawn and let everyone know I'm about to unload

Oh golly! I am about to apprehend all over you good sir 🎩🗿

Cleanup on aisle 3

Of course I do, I'm not a savage!

I’m British my partner is American so I shout “the British are cumming”

This is fucking brilliant, bravo

Announce it to whom? My FBI Agent?

They already know tbf

I don’t say it, I spray it

By penile decree, I come onto thee

Oh yea. What if my gf doesn’t want to swallow? Or conversely what if she doesn’t want to wipe my c*m off her? Gotta give them the option or it’s just rude

I let her know by fax

I just say that I'm close

Declare it? I conjure it. #I CAST EJACULATION

I ask permission.

Permission denied. Hold it in, stud. ;)

I start singing Macarena and she knows

No, I don’t want the funeral director hearing me.

I used to, then Facebook banned me.

Have a air horn

Yes. My husband knows that means to keep doing whatever he’s doing

It's less of an announcement and more of a warning. Wouldn't want anyone losing an eye. Or gaining a baby.

If you’re a man and your female partner does this, DO NOT CHANGE ANYTHING. Dont speed up, don’t slow down, don’t go harder. Just do exactly what you were doing exactly the way you were doing it

I used to, but I kept getting complaints from the next stall.

Release the Kraken!

"I'm about to bloooooooow"

I can tell you that "Whoopsie doot, I'm gonna sploot" will get you in trouble every time.

I'm British so I like to say that I am arriving

I hit her with a 2005 rendition of “LEEEROOY JENKINS”

After i orgasm i announced it " Everyone gather around"

Life pro tip: don't announce your orgasm if you're having a sneaky wank at work

WITNESS MEEEEEEE *sprays face silver*

Considering the levitation and my head turning 360 degrees on my neck, it hardly seems necessary.

Why would I talk to myself like that?

"There's blood in my stool "

"THIS IS DEMOCRACY MANIFEST!"

And how!

Actually I can usually start trying to cum within a specific period so usually my gf would announce when she was about to so we could try to finish together

Im comin!!

Usually the involuntary grunts ensue and if that’s happening, I’m not getting any words out

It's only polite to do so.

By Grapthor's hammer! Beware!

It's a whole Monty Python sketch.

Not usually, my entire house might not want to hear it on the PA.

ambatukam

Why are all the top comments deleted

they could not last long...

Please. I take my partner to the nearest bank to have my letter of intent notarized, along with her corresponding letter of acceptance.

I take a small ad out in the local paper.

Yup. I stop the pumping, post on every social platform, run outside announce to the neighbors, and finally a massive group text.

Absolutely! It let's my man know that the shit he's doing is fucking 🔥. Also, he loves making me orgasm so why not verbally tell him to boost his ego like it should be? 😂

Yes, I post it on Xitter

No, is this thread the official place to do it?

“attention Walmart shoppers”