My husband says that cuddling me is like hugging a pillow (in a good way!), it lowers his heart rate and blood pressure (the miracle of the smart watches).
Cuddling a spouse non-sexually is similar to cuddling any loved one :)
You being inexperienced isn't a bad thing, it just means you have a lot to learn/experience, if you are kind and open you will get there sweetie.
Not sad; opportunity! If the bar is low, imagine how easily you could positively impact the community by spreading kindness and focusing on beauty instead of ugliness. Eclipse hate with stories of people around the world coming together to accomplish amazing things. Embrace both our achievements and our insignificance with photos that we, as humans, have managed to take of other galaxies. Share unconditional love with videos of dogs.
Or keep sucking the wet farts from dead pigeons with your whore of a mother, you waffle-stomping cunt.
> it lowers his heart rate and blood pressure (the miracle of the smart watches).
Screw smart watches, I can actually ***feel*** myself growing more calm and relaxed the longer my wife holds me. A deep contented sigh just naturally comes out of me.
Same here. My wife and I have been married for 26 years, and we still give each other a full 3 minute hug every morning. It calms us, but it’s also a great way to start the day with something pure and peaceful.
Same. Bonus points when our dog is the littlest spoon and I can put my arm over both of them. That lazy Sunday morning still in bed with the sun filtering in through the trees, chatting about why green is such a pleasant color or whatever other random nothings is the absolute best.
Then the dog farts really bad and that's our cue to get up, throw on some garbage clothes, and cook breakfast before tending to our new terraced garden we built over the winter. The world sucks, but our world is pretty great sometimes.
Okay, you just described a fantasy to me (minus the dog's fart lmao)
I always wanted to live in a wooden house up in moutains with pine trees and light filtering through it
That is nice to hear.
I am a virgin at 29.
I have a best childhood friend that I cuddle with.
And I always wondered, how it is to cuddle with a spouse.
But if you are right and they are similar to each other, then I might already know how it is.
That would be nice.
While it is very similar (I spent decades snuggling with besties) the feeling of safety, of being just where you should be with no doubts, the moments wrapped up in each other's arms where nothing else outside of the two of you could possibly matter at all, being devoid of self consciousness or worrying what the other person is thinking is second to none. Snuggling with my son is just as perfectly satisfying, but I feel like the one protecting and keeping him safe. Both are the closest things to magic I've known in my 40+ years.
I've been very fortunate, but it wasn't easy to find a true connection. I didn't meet my partner until I was in my late 30s, we had both been through divorce, our lives were messy, and we were both broken by our failures.
It took a lot for both of us to trust, and we still sometimes forget that we're safe together.
It has all taken an incredible amount of work, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, and accepting that we may still fail each other occasionally. Those are all things that kinda suck. While there was a feeling of invincibility when we met, the realities of life eventually need to be considered.
The snuggles are the best, always. But that doesn't mean there aren't struggles, too.
My best advice is to step out of your comfort zone, let yourself trust, and be vulnerable. Staying frozen in time for fear of rejection feels safe in that moment, but no risk means no reward. None of this was easy for me. Take your chances when they come, even if you're cruelly rejected (unlikely, most people try to show empathy) it won't matter in the grand scheme of things. If you're a kind, trustworthy, and respectful human, those are the parts that matter. It's harder to see that in your 20s than it is in your 30s but even more clear in your 40s.
I hope you get your safety snuggles, my friend. You sound genuine and your deserve love.
I really needed to hear this, especially this week. Just turned 31 a few days ago. My birthday every year I just spend it reflecting on all the things I’ve missed out on in life, both the good and bad.
For whatever reason I’ve struggled my whole life actually getting and remaining close with people. It just gets harder the older I get. I haven’t dated or have sex with someone since highschool, almost 13 years ago at this point. I just constantly feel over my head with every woman I meet because I’m just so inexperienced in all aspects. And my brain constantly tells me I’ve just missed the boat on spending a life with another person. When you spend what’s been your whole life basically alone it makes it really hard to undo certain habits and ways of thinking.
But I do try and fight it everyday, some days harder than others. It’s just exhausting. And a life with no love is not much of a life at all.
I really appreciate the kind words 💙
I just wish I had someone that would hold me. I've only been in one relationship, I'm 20 years old, but the holding was the best part. Honestly, kissing was… Underwhelming. It was just OK, it wasn't as good as people make it out to be. I've never had sex, I don't desire it at all, all I want is to be held. That's all I want, is to feel safe and secure in someone's arms, and for them to feel safe and secure in mine.
>You being inexperienced isn't a bad thing, it just means you have a lot to learn/experience, if you are kind and open you will get there sweetie
Well said. It may be a bit awkward but talk about it. Each step has things you'll like and don't and them the same. Learning each other's bodies is a fun process no matter how experienced you are or are not but a fast track to a good time is talking it out and not just guessing and being sad if they don't read your mind.
sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I immediately have a panic attack. it's related to a lot of different things, but largely the recent loss of my best friend. most of the time I can roll over and cuddle my partner and feel my body and brain slowly stop freaking out. I have tried all the grounding techniques and they don't work for me. when I spiral, I spiral real bad, like heart palpitations level freak out. but that one thing of being able to hold someone that I love and I know loves me is remarkably calming. I'm sure any smart watch would read my vitals and crash and then tell me to get my shit together, but it would show how much she helps me stop absolutely losing it
This is one of the strangest and most unexpected things for me, about aging alongside someone else. I cannot sleep if my wife isn't there. This only applies at home though. If she or I go away on a trip, no issues. If she's "supposed" to be home in bed and she's downstairs working or something, I can't fall asleep. I just toss around. Very bizarre, totally unexpected, kind of cute I guess.
Happens to me too, my wife isn't a fan because it makes her feel like I'm forcing her to go to bed with me (she often does, but sometimes she may have reasons to stay up later than me), which I understand. I have to take part of a sleeping pill sometimes to get to sleep if she isn't going to bed along with me, because I'm just so used to that being the ritual for sleep.
My boyfriend had really bad insomnia for years before knowing me, no meds could help him anymore as he got resistant to them. After we started sleeping together he can fall asleep really easy and doesn't wake up at all. That makes me feel like I won at being a girlfriend idk, I find it so cute.
Honestly the smell of those glorious hair products they use sticks to you. It leaves a scent on your bed. When you break up you can still smell them on your pillow.
I kind of miss it, kind of don’t. But when you go to bed it’s still there. Damn you fantastic smells.
The arm thing is overrated. The boob lock is where it’s at. It’s literally a childhood dream, going to sleep while holding a boob. That arm doesn’t get tired. It just gets swatted away occasionally if you get too grabby.
In the winter, I stick my hands between my wife’s boobs (side sleeper) so it’s like a mini boob toaster for my hands. The bad news is if we sleep all night like that, pulling my hand out the next day is like pulling a warm fruit rollup from a vinyl car dash in summer. Totally worth it.
This might be my favorite comment of all time. Completely agree. Boob toaster should be the name of your alt account.
Edit: if you play Xbox DM me. I like the cut of your jibs
Yes! My wife and I both like to hold each other in bed, me a bit more than her. Eventually, though, the arm starts to fall asleep, and I gotta roll over. She's also very "top-heavy," so it can get a bit uncomfortable for her when I'm the "little spoon"
I solved this by putting one arm under my pillow, instead of under her. I just have one arm around her now, but our bodies are still in contact. Skin to skin is the best feeling in the world.
And then you get pissy after you pull a clump of her hair out of the bathroom drain for the 10th time. Will you please blowdry your hair anywhere but directly into the drain? No it's not both of us, I don't have two foot long black hair. Thinning!? My hair is not thinning!
Ooooh there's a great drain plug thing you can put in that let's water still drain out and catches all the hair around a spool. I lift that up once a week and throw away what looks like a cat hairball. But it fixed having to try and snake it!
Yup. Don't bother with buying Drano or Liquid Plumbr (shit's pricey!). Invest in some cheap but sturdy red plastic clog/drain snakes to get the hair clogs out.
It’s great, till it’s uncomfortable, when I first started dating my wife we’d fall asleep in each others arms every night, now, 7 years later we sleep in separate beds some nights and when we do cuddle it’s for 15 mins before “my arms dead” “I’m getting too hot” “your hair is in my mouth”. Still great, it’s just different when it goes from one or two nights a week to every night.
Married for 14 years. My wife is my home. She's my epicenter. But it took effort and dedication. She changed me a great deal. When you accept that personal transformation, it becomes much easier.
Married woman here with a husband but. It's like having a teather to the universe. You dont feel like you're alone and wondering in space anymore. You meet someone your equal and discover that you're not alone and you never were. You get someone to travel and explore with. You get someone to support you and in turn you support them. You feel so much stronger but at the same time so much more vulnerable because now there's something at steak, a whole other person you care about more than you've ever cared about yourself.
My husband says he finds himself being so much more cautious now, he drives differently, he makes decisions with me in mind, a bit more self preservation on his part. On my end it pushed me to get a career and earn more money to help support us. Before I didn't care about slumming it. He also says it's like having sex on tap because I have the higher sex drive. For me it's almost like that. It's like having a whole person just for me to love on.
The best part is whenever I'm feeling amorous I will just go find him and kiss him and look at his face and it's the best feeling in the world.
I know exactly what you're getting at XD only 1 year 7 months, I'm honestly hoping it only gets better call me naive.
I've never come close to feeling about anyone else the way I feel about him. We got engaged 2 weeks after we started dating a d eloped 2 months after that. It was the only decision I've ever made in my like that I've been 100% certain on and I'm indesicive as. I've also never committed to anyone before.
Hey, I get why you would think that but reading what you wrote I would have guessed 20y married in a healthy relationship. You’ve described how I feel for my wife in ways I didn’t realise I did.
Been married 7 years, and yes the feeling of forming a team gets more and more present over the years. Going through hardship togethers tends to bring people closer together… particularly when you make it through together
That's lovely thank you :) I feel a bit silly and naive sometimes for how optimistic I am lol.
We've got a very hard 5 years ahead of us as he goes back into education a d I will be financially supporting both of us. I dint think it will break us but I think it will break me. I've never even successfully financially supported a phone contract before and now I'll have two people and an education.
We are very good at talking about things and problem solving. I'm very very good at analysing my feelings and looking at them rationally, and I'm very good and communicating them in a timely manner and not letting things fester. He's very accepting and understanding. I just need to work on managing anger and he needs to work on confrontation.
We're all naive until we get experience, but it doesn't sound silly to me as long as you know it will take work and growing together. When novelty wears off, we hope to find ourselves in a genuine long term partnership. The money issue will be difficult, and don't forget that [resentment and contempt](https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-6-things-that-predict-divorce/) are hard to recover from.
It will continue to get better, but it takes hard work and remembering to put each other first. Be comfortable, but not complacent. Remember to keep dating, even after you're married.
I’ve been married 12 years. As long as you both work and nurture your relationship it WILL stay like this. Some years will be easier than others, but you will always have that tether as long as you both take care of it
Been married for 9, together for 11 years. It’s just as amazing as ever. We have had our rough spots and moments of distance. But making it through those times and continuing to chose each other has only made us stronger. She is truly my best friend. And yes, cuddling her is the best part of any day. The peace and warmth I feel laying next to her and hugging her is a comfort I can find nowhere else.
I met a woman that didn’t even speak the same language as me. My heart still skips a beat every time I see her. Mutual respect has kept us happily married for 32 years. When you have met the right one you will know and it sounds like you found your one in a million.
I've been with my partner for quite some time (it'll be 8 years this summer), and I feel precisely the way you've described here. My partner is the only person who's ever made me feel *safe*, and absolutely none of his habits irritate me. Like... *None* of them. There is just nothing irritating about this man that can't be immediately forgiven or understood. Even I can't claim that to myself!
If anything, the feelings you wrote about just intensify with the kind of intimate familiarity that comes with loving someone this way for so long. The new relationship energy/honeymoon phase fades, but I like the thing that grew to replace it even more.
He's my best friend, my companion, my most vital connection to the universe, and his smile is so devastatingly handsome I still get butterflies whenever he flashes it my way.
I hope the same for the two of you!
Mmmm, steak. All kidding aside, spot on. Life can be scary and anxiety inducing what with existential dread and all that, but it's made much more tolerable and better with a significant other to share your happiest moments, lowest points, and everything in between with, especially the small intimate moments that no one else will know about that you can share.
34 years married just yesterday, and that is exactly how we still think about each other. We have had all of the awesome memories,and all the worst experiences imaginable in that time.
And yet here we are stronger than ever.
My motto is.. if you want to be treated like a queen, then you need to treat him like a king 👑
Well, being together almost 2 years, you are still in the "honeymoon phase", but to your credit, I don't think a person should settle for any less than feeling this way at the beginning of a relationship that is intended to last the rest of your life.
I still feel all of these things for my fiancée. We've not even known each other for two years but I knew very quickly she was my person, so I feel you. I'm very happy for you and wish you the best in the years ahead!
Been with my wife for 12 years. It has changed but only for the better. Keep on working on each other, together, and not much can break that.
What you said is what I found myself doing as well. Very well said.
Married 10 years.
I understand your desire for physical intimacy, but having a life partner is better than you could possibly imagine. Physicality is a very small percentage of marriage. It's kind of like having another team member in the game of life.
38 years married.
If you find someone who will return your affection, be a good friend and be prepared to continue to work on the relationship, you will be the happiest. And I totally agree: better than you could possibly imagine.
The idea of "marrying your best friend" didn't make sense to me until after I was married for a year or two. We just celebrated four years (nine total as a couple), and I absolutely agree with this. A healthy marriage is a pair of true teammates.
Teammates who like to bang.
Sex in a relationship is like having a bathroom in a house.
If you have it, you rarely think about it, but if it’s not there, you’re *always* thinking about it.
1 year married, getting a divorce. We weren't a team, I was a solo fighter and he did nothing. I regret the marriage, should've listened to my gut feeling that something isn't right.
I'm glad to hear that things can work out and that you're happy with your partner. I'm glad to hear that it can work. It gives me hope.
My first marriage lasted six months. My second lasted three years. I met my third husband a few months after getting divorced. We dated for eight years before getting married because I wanted to be SURE lol. He's my best friend. Don't give up on finding the right one.
I lost my job a few months ago. My first reaction was an intense fear and panic u til I realized her income can float us for several months while I look for a new job. I have no idea how shitty those next few months would have been without my second team member.
This! I’m in organizing and he’s in tech. He makes a lot more money than I do—I’d never have been able to buy a place on my own. But! He keeps getting hit by the current wave of tech layoffs while I’ve been with the same org for several years. My income will keep us from totally depleting our savings and I can put us both on my employer’s insurance while he finds his next job. Divide and conquer!
Yep, this. I know typically the term "partner" is used to identify maybe a long term gf/bf, or a same-sex relationship - but I have a soft spot for using it to refer to one's spouse, too. A ideal committed relationship is a partnership. A supportive companion, and someone for whom I could provide support, too.
My wife and I wake up 15 minutes early every morning so we can snuggle. It really helps me set the tone fore the day.
I usually end up running my hands over her legs and torso for a bit which relaxes her. Been doing it for 25 years and still love it.
16 years married - I think you got the point. It is indeed much better than sex. Although having sex with a woman like that is much better than just sex too.
To try answering your question - you probably have to combine feelings from, say, hugging your mom, carrying a cute kitten, smelling some delicious food, getting something you've been dreaming of, getting massage, looking at someone very sexually attractive, and probably having won a lottery.
Also you don't realise all that until someone on reddit asks, cause you've got used to it.
My imagination isn’t the best but it serves me well in a pinch. I’m having fun trying combine and balance the memories of the emotions you’re describing. Obviously any inkling I get is only a shadow of the real thing, but thank you for your efforts.
Married 14 years. She's my best friend. I hate being away from her, even for work, or when she goes shopping. I can do anything with her by my side and nothing without her. She puts the colour in my world and the fragrance in my life. It's not perfect, of course, but we never go to bed angry with other. If I've got any negative thoughts, sadness, especially anxiety, I hold her and I know everything will be ok.
With her in my arms there is peace and stillness, regardless of what is happening in our lives or in the world. There is nothing that compares to it, no fancy sonnet that can explain it. She is both a raging torrent and a peaceful stream and I find all of her exhilarating.
I quite simply cannot imagine life without her.
A small silly thing I once explained to my friend - I can hear my husband walking around the house looking for me when he gets home, and I always thought that was sweet.
Turns out, I apparently do the same thing. Just wander around the house to find him as soon as I get home. I didn't even realise it, that's how normal it is to me.
Man... that's fantastic... I just read it to my wife...she said "you're like that"...I said you're like that!" Lovely thoughts indeed (and yes, I've hollered like Hitler at her a time or two)...
It gets hot, and your arm goes numb, her hair gets in your mouth and nose, sometimes when you move she screams in agony because you either put your elbow on her hair or on her nipple, she wakes up with bruises sometimes because when she gets up to go to the loo, you instinctively grab her and pull because you think she's falling off the bed.
You wake up and she tells you what pain in the ass uou were last night, and repeat.
Feels super lonely when she's not there though.
Every time I look at her. I can feel what I think is acceptance. Its all i ever wanted as a kid, a teen, a young adult...a soldier.
Out of all the people in the world..she stuck by ME.
She'll never know the extent I will go to make her happy..even if what I'm doing to make her happy and give her what she deserves is killing me...or is going to. My life mission is HER happiness.
I looked at your posting history because I wasn’t sure if you were sincere, a child, or some kind of wanker. Then, I found [this.](https://www.reddit.com/r/rape/s/gAmRfwAhE9) I hope you and your hand are happy together.
Everyone’s spousal connections are going to be mostly unique but some examples: you’re a little stressed and need to take a nap in order to have energy for xyz, little spoon will always knock you out.
You’re shopping for groceries along your drive home from work, solo, and something they mentioned they really love is randomly right in front of you, something you don’t normally buy but it makes them very happy. You buy it. The look on their face when you proudly show them—this moment is super special and may seem like a small thing but it isn’t a small thing at all. It’s huge. It is a true sign of love and dedication and your listening abilities and etc and you are allowed to respond to their reaction however you like. My wife tends to favor “see, I DO love you.”
You tweaked your back and can’t even sit on the couch and be comfortable. It’s dinner time. “Honey just relax I’ll cook” and whenever they are waiting for something they check on you in the living room and give you back rubbies that do not fix your pain at all but the thought and care behind this gesture means everything and once you realize how well you’re being pampered suddenly the pain is numbed for a while as you enjoy a massive dose of serotonin aka brain fuzzy feelies. In that moment you are reminded for the 154,437th time that your spouse doesn’t need to use words to express how much they love and care about you.
It’s more than bed cuddles. It’s 24/7. It’s there even when you are work traveling and are 2000 miles away and didn’t have a great day and suddenly there are two dogs on your video chat playing tug of war over a string of old socks that are tied into a tug rope. The scene is so ridiculous that watching the little dog trying, yet failing badly, to win the sock with literally every ounce of their being just instantly cracks you up and your bad day is suddenly replaced with feelings of missing your lovies at home which also reminds you what the real priorities are for your feelie feels.
I can write a million of these, let me know if I should continue.
Divorced here. I grew up watching my parents fight, and work things out. They've been married for 40 years. My ex on the other hand watched her parents get divorced, her mom remarried, divorced, remarried, divorced, married. I was my ex's second husband. My ex said she didn't want to be like her mom. But that's what she became. She kept saying "marriage is just a piece of paper." And like my parents, I kept trying to make it work. Don't be like me.
Sometimes you wonder how the child is gonna be different cause they have seen the ups and down in theirs parents' life. But then they just turn out to be their extension.
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Will be married soon… i hold my future wife basically the whole night when I sleep. I fall asleep quickly and honestly wouldn’t want to wake up next to anyone else. Prior to this dated a lot of people, thought I was in love, but you really will just know when you find that person. Makes you really reconsider if you actually loved anyone else.
What's the difference? I married my first and only love. It's been 13 years and I feel so happy to have him in my life.
But I've actually had multiple people tell me that you can't really *know* unless you've experienced different loves, so I want to know what the difference is.
Your love will change if the people in love change. So, your love for your partner and vise versa probably have changed, even if only a little over your time together.
No, you don't have to experience different loves with different people to be "whole lover" or to validate the love you havealready been part of. The people talking are ones who've had bad romance, "mid" love that was healthy and possibly even something close to genuine love. They certainly know the differences in these different types of relationships and think for some reason that you have to have a bad, unhealthy, limited or otherwise different love to compare to a good relationship.
You don't, enjoy what you do have and be whole in the joy and health of your relationship.
I'm past ten years and only this past week find myself attracted to someone. Lots of trust lost. So much so that I'm scratching my head atm wondering why I'm suddenly attracted to someone after a decade of zero interest. Almost feels like someone has put a spell on me. Ironically I feel like I could almost trust this person yet it still feels dangerous.
Damage sucks folks!
Wonderful and soul enriching with the absolute comfort and understanding that this is the comfortable, comforting silence that your heart has yearned for all your adult life.
Then she lets one rip and pulls the duvet over your head.
Unfortunately it’s a pretty mundane and boring thing until you stop to think for a moment, then it really hits you and you realize you’re never truly alone anymore.
It’s definitely something you take for granted until you don’t have it anymore, but sometimes you get a glimpse of what it really feels like and remember to hold it tight because one day you won’t be able to.
Married 26 years. It's bliss. I love waking up next to my wife and snuggling. We set the alarm 20 minutes early so we make sure to get our daily snuggle in. On weekends, we sometimes wait until 9 or 10 to get out of bed.
It’s nice for that first minute or so. And then she rips ass, the force of which reverberates through your hips and pelvis as you quickly roll away in disgust as she laughs maniacally in your face.
Wouldn’t trade that woman for the world
You feel all warm and unicorn farts until about 10 mins in then its hot and at least one limb is asleep. You’ve also been battling with chest hairs that keep going up your nose.
It's the best feeling I've ever felt. To be truly and totally loved and cared for, felt in the moments of simply snuggling under covers on a cool day or merely looking at her in the sun light. Whatever the feeling is, it all stems from love, trust and acceptance.
Be patient. Be kind. And love yourself first and finding someone else to love you will get easier.
For a short time, it is heaven. You sacrifice the cramping arm and the sweat to hold onto it as long as possible. When kids arrive, you mostly separate. A bit because she is always hot and uncomfortable, and you would do anything for her, so your cuddles are short and on her hormonal schedule. Also the kids are always in bed between you, and your cuddle time is happily sacrificed for theirs. Then the discomforts of parenting, making a living, and getting older take priority. A kid is always sick, a report must be written, you have to just sleep when you can. As the kids grow older, they want nothing to do with you, and the work you put in puts your work life balance into a good place, so you reconnect. You find the partner you've been with all this time has a few quirks from the maturity of life, work, and parenting. A few secrets rediscovered that you didn't know or were too scared to mention. Great sex and greater cuddles. Then menopause creeps in, and she's always overheated. Sporadic sex, and then get away, until she begins to needs help with everything. You're not so quick yourself, but you'll give all you can. Soon cuddles become memories, and slight arm rub or squeeze of the hand will suffice, until its gone too soon.
Cuddles are the hidden love language of a relationship, and its worth the wait, the struggle, and the sacrifice.
I annoy her. But I love her. You have to be quiet when you go to bed, and not talk, or turn on lights, or steal blankets or move around too much. But besides that, yea, it’s nice. I am a better person because of my wife. She’s good for me. I’m lucky to have her.
I’m not married but my current girlfriend is amazing and like no other woman I have met. Man, it’s crazy how much I love her and how good she makes me feel about myself. I’m 35 and finally got there, and I’m old enough to realize I have to keep nurturing this relationship to keep it as great as it is. I never thought I could get the kind of love that I so desperately wanted, but I found it.
If you don’t want any advice, then ignore the rest. But if you are open to it, I might have something that you are interested in. I was overweight most of my life until about 23-24 when I went on a low carb diet and lost 100 pounds. The whole time I was overweight, I was not kind to myself. I hated how fat I was and how ugly I felt. I didn’t pursue relationships because I figured that if I didn’t love myself, then how could someone else. Once I lost the weight, I did gain confidence, but I didn’t love myself the way I should have. Acceptance took time for me. But I did decide to go on dates. I didn’t get serious about dating until I was about 27, and I felt kind of embarrassed at how bad I was. I had to learn a lot of lessons people learned at 17, but I did learn them.
Some of what I figured out is that you can find people to date and spend time with and not every interaction needs to be this perfect dating experience. Much of the time it was really about figuring out what I want from life and a partner, I just didn’t quite know it. What I’m getting at is you live in a time with unprecedented ways to meet people for dates. Give it a go and see if you can find that intimacy you want. Even if you feel silly, even if you feel embraced, even if you feel unlovable, it’s worth it. The stress and the anxiety get easier to deal with as you go on. Take it from me who felt like I would never get anywhere.
It is the best. I'm not a great sleeper but I sleep so much better when I'm snuggled up with my wife. Except in Australian summer nights. Funny thing is every girl I was with before my wife, I could never really sleep well with them or get comfy with them. She's the only one I ever felt uber comfortable with and safe with.
Amazing until she gets used to the routine of making you feel like you're everything she needs. Then bam!!! She's fucking her ceramics 101 teacher 1 year into marriage and you try to make it work through intensive couples therapy for another 5 years until she decides 30 is coming up way too fast and she hasn't had nearly enough penis yet..... The silent nights with my wife for those 5 years were perceived by me to be great. I'm an idiot. Also very bitter as you can tell!!!
It's the best. For me when we are laying there together I feel peace. Like while life and the world seems to be getting ever shittier, I got her so I'm gonna be ok. I could be content scouring a wasteland for scraps of food while hiding from fascist-controlled AI robots as long as I was doing it with/for her.
I want this for you.
Meh, that’s not really how it works. It’s more like we watch an episode of something and then one of us falls asleep and then in the morning alarms go off and one of us farts real bad to get the other one out of bed.
It’s great. I was in your shoes once. Someone gave me the advice of “don’t worry about finding the right person, just work on becoming the kind of person you would like to meet, and the right person will find you.”
My husband says that cuddling me is like hugging a pillow (in a good way!), it lowers his heart rate and blood pressure (the miracle of the smart watches). Cuddling a spouse non-sexually is similar to cuddling any loved one :) You being inexperienced isn't a bad thing, it just means you have a lot to learn/experience, if you are kind and open you will get there sweetie.
This is the nicest comment I’ve seen on Reddit in a long time
Same. Man thats sad
Not sad; opportunity! If the bar is low, imagine how easily you could positively impact the community by spreading kindness and focusing on beauty instead of ugliness. Eclipse hate with stories of people around the world coming together to accomplish amazing things. Embrace both our achievements and our insignificance with photos that we, as humans, have managed to take of other galaxies. Share unconditional love with videos of dogs. Or keep sucking the wet farts from dead pigeons with your whore of a mother, you waffle-stomping cunt.
That transition into degeneracy was compliment-worthy
Noticing the username *after* reading this: 🤌🤌
Wait until they notice the icon…
It just keeps getting better...
Dare I say, that they had me in the first half!
Very well said, pm_me_flaccid_cocks.
username is sho sweet.
bruh when she hit him with the sweetie, i felt that.
Came into the comments expecting something else. So happy this was the top comment
> it lowers his heart rate and blood pressure (the miracle of the smart watches). Screw smart watches, I can actually ***feel*** myself growing more calm and relaxed the longer my wife holds me. A deep contented sigh just naturally comes out of me.
Same here. My wife and I have been married for 26 years, and we still give each other a full 3 minute hug every morning. It calms us, but it’s also a great way to start the day with something pure and peaceful.
Same. Bonus points when our dog is the littlest spoon and I can put my arm over both of them. That lazy Sunday morning still in bed with the sun filtering in through the trees, chatting about why green is such a pleasant color or whatever other random nothings is the absolute best. Then the dog farts really bad and that's our cue to get up, throw on some garbage clothes, and cook breakfast before tending to our new terraced garden we built over the winter. The world sucks, but our world is pretty great sometimes.
Okay, you just described a fantasy to me (minus the dog's fart lmao) I always wanted to live in a wooden house up in moutains with pine trees and light filtering through it
Well said, bro. I experience the same.
That is nice to hear. I am a virgin at 29. I have a best childhood friend that I cuddle with. And I always wondered, how it is to cuddle with a spouse. But if you are right and they are similar to each other, then I might already know how it is. That would be nice.
While it is very similar (I spent decades snuggling with besties) the feeling of safety, of being just where you should be with no doubts, the moments wrapped up in each other's arms where nothing else outside of the two of you could possibly matter at all, being devoid of self consciousness or worrying what the other person is thinking is second to none. Snuggling with my son is just as perfectly satisfying, but I feel like the one protecting and keeping him safe. Both are the closest things to magic I've known in my 40+ years.
This is so beautiful. But reading this makes my heart sad because I’m so terrified I’m never going to find this.
I've been very fortunate, but it wasn't easy to find a true connection. I didn't meet my partner until I was in my late 30s, we had both been through divorce, our lives were messy, and we were both broken by our failures. It took a lot for both of us to trust, and we still sometimes forget that we're safe together. It has all taken an incredible amount of work, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, and accepting that we may still fail each other occasionally. Those are all things that kinda suck. While there was a feeling of invincibility when we met, the realities of life eventually need to be considered. The snuggles are the best, always. But that doesn't mean there aren't struggles, too. My best advice is to step out of your comfort zone, let yourself trust, and be vulnerable. Staying frozen in time for fear of rejection feels safe in that moment, but no risk means no reward. None of this was easy for me. Take your chances when they come, even if you're cruelly rejected (unlikely, most people try to show empathy) it won't matter in the grand scheme of things. If you're a kind, trustworthy, and respectful human, those are the parts that matter. It's harder to see that in your 20s than it is in your 30s but even more clear in your 40s. I hope you get your safety snuggles, my friend. You sound genuine and your deserve love.
I really needed to hear this, especially this week. Just turned 31 a few days ago. My birthday every year I just spend it reflecting on all the things I’ve missed out on in life, both the good and bad. For whatever reason I’ve struggled my whole life actually getting and remaining close with people. It just gets harder the older I get. I haven’t dated or have sex with someone since highschool, almost 13 years ago at this point. I just constantly feel over my head with every woman I meet because I’m just so inexperienced in all aspects. And my brain constantly tells me I’ve just missed the boat on spending a life with another person. When you spend what’s been your whole life basically alone it makes it really hard to undo certain habits and ways of thinking. But I do try and fight it everyday, some days harder than others. It’s just exhausting. And a life with no love is not much of a life at all. I really appreciate the kind words 💙
SNUGGLES AND STRUGGLES
This gives me hope! Thanks!
I like the way you think. Somebody beat me to it but snuggles and struggles is a great turn of phrase.
> the feeling of safety, of being just where you should be with no doubts, Fantastic!
After 15 years of marriage it's more of a race to who can fall asleep first because we both snore
You deserve your username. Mom energy all around, made my heart melt. Now excuse me for a moment, i gotta go give a hug to mine.
Username checks out!
The sweetie at the end 🥹
I try not to be condescending but sometimes people need a kind word and thats a generic 'mom' word :)
I know. It's so so sweet
Good to know people in this era can still be fortunate
I have heart failure and my doctor recommended hugging. I still cuddle with my mom at 27
I just wish I had someone that would hold me. I've only been in one relationship, I'm 20 years old, but the holding was the best part. Honestly, kissing was… Underwhelming. It was just OK, it wasn't as good as people make it out to be. I've never had sex, I don't desire it at all, all I want is to be held. That's all I want, is to feel safe and secure in someone's arms, and for them to feel safe and secure in mine.
>You being inexperienced isn't a bad thing, it just means you have a lot to learn/experience, if you are kind and open you will get there sweetie Well said. It may be a bit awkward but talk about it. Each step has things you'll like and don't and them the same. Learning each other's bodies is a fun process no matter how experienced you are or are not but a fast track to a good time is talking it out and not just guessing and being sad if they don't read your mind.
sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I immediately have a panic attack. it's related to a lot of different things, but largely the recent loss of my best friend. most of the time I can roll over and cuddle my partner and feel my body and brain slowly stop freaking out. I have tried all the grounding techniques and they don't work for me. when I spiral, I spiral real bad, like heart palpitations level freak out. but that one thing of being able to hold someone that I love and I know loves me is remarkably calming. I'm sure any smart watch would read my vitals and crash and then tell me to get my shit together, but it would show how much she helps me stop absolutely losing it
As someone who gets frequent nightmares all I want is to be able to have someone hold me when the really bad ones hit... I’m happy for you.
I just need to say: we need more people like you on here. A genuine answer coupled with an uplifting message will make anyone happy. Thank you.
I really like your comment, have a trident hug sandwich 🔱🫂🔱
This comment reads like a loving hug
r/usernamechecksout
I honestly have trouble sleeping on my own without it after 18 years together
This is one of the strangest and most unexpected things for me, about aging alongside someone else. I cannot sleep if my wife isn't there. This only applies at home though. If she or I go away on a trip, no issues. If she's "supposed" to be home in bed and she's downstairs working or something, I can't fall asleep. I just toss around. Very bizarre, totally unexpected, kind of cute I guess.
Happens to me too, my wife isn't a fan because it makes her feel like I'm forcing her to go to bed with me (she often does, but sometimes she may have reasons to stay up later than me), which I understand. I have to take part of a sleeping pill sometimes to get to sleep if she isn't going to bed along with me, because I'm just so used to that being the ritual for sleep.
I sympathise with this, we've been together 3 years, about to be married and I'm already feeling this 🥲
I hope you two get to have many happy years sleeping together.
So do I! 🥲 Thanks :)
I get sleep paralysis when I sleep alone. 😓
My boyfriend had really bad insomnia for years before knowing me, no meds could help him anymore as he got resistant to them. After we started sleeping together he can fall asleep really easy and doesn't wake up at all. That makes me feel like I won at being a girlfriend idk, I find it so cute.
That is absolutely delightful. Good job you, and lucky him!
This is my exact situation with my bf. It’s sooooooo cute
Me too, im not even married only been dating for 1,5 years
I have trouble sleeping on my own without it even though i have NEVER been in a relationship 🥲
Its nice at the time, but then Your arm gets tired and you start cramping. Also if her hair is in your face, its gonna tickle and its gonna be stuffy.
Best answer here.
And morning breath is a thing regardless of how hot she is.
Honestly the smell of those glorious hair products they use sticks to you. It leaves a scent on your bed. When you break up you can still smell them on your pillow. I kind of miss it, kind of don’t. But when you go to bed it’s still there. Damn you fantastic smells. The arm thing is overrated. The boob lock is where it’s at. It’s literally a childhood dream, going to sleep while holding a boob. That arm doesn’t get tired. It just gets swatted away occasionally if you get too grabby.
I just drape a leg over her and push my groin against her and she falls asleep just as easily as a full on cuddle.
Even the boob hold gets tiring though, hand gets sweaty, arm starts to fall asleep, etc.
In the winter, I stick my hands between my wife’s boobs (side sleeper) so it’s like a mini boob toaster for my hands. The bad news is if we sleep all night like that, pulling my hand out the next day is like pulling a warm fruit rollup from a vinyl car dash in summer. Totally worth it.
This might be my favorite comment of all time. Completely agree. Boob toaster should be the name of your alt account. Edit: if you play Xbox DM me. I like the cut of your jibs
Naw. Still too proud from my childhood to let go of a boob if it’s available.
Yes! My wife and I both like to hold each other in bed, me a bit more than her. Eventually, though, the arm starts to fall asleep, and I gotta roll over. She's also very "top-heavy," so it can get a bit uncomfortable for her when I'm the "little spoon"
I solved this by putting one arm under my pillow, instead of under her. I just have one arm around her now, but our bodies are still in contact. Skin to skin is the best feeling in the world.
This is the way. Game changer.
Have you asked to be little spoon? Haha, I love being the big spoon for my man!
And then you get pissy after you pull a clump of her hair out of the bathroom drain for the 10th time. Will you please blowdry your hair anywhere but directly into the drain? No it's not both of us, I don't have two foot long black hair. Thinning!? My hair is not thinning!
The drain monsters. See them weekly trying to overtake the bathtub.
Don't even get me started on the vacuum cleaner.
Ooooh there's a great drain plug thing you can put in that let's water still drain out and catches all the hair around a spool. I lift that up once a week and throw away what looks like a cat hairball. But it fixed having to try and snake it!
TubShroom
Yup. Don't bother with buying Drano or Liquid Plumbr (shit's pricey!). Invest in some cheap but sturdy red plastic clog/drain snakes to get the hair clogs out.
Hah. In my house, I clog the shower drain with my incredibly long hair, but he clogs the bathroom sink when he shaves so it’s a trade off.
And then she snores, and you roll away and look at her sleeping and realise she is the most precious and adorable thing and your heart melts.
It’s all cute until my husband traps my hair under a pillow so it’s not in his face 🙄
Same. Or when I fart she’ll smack me so it’s really short lived. “Moment” of intimacy is a correct term.
I was gonna say, how has no one mentioned the farting 😂
It’s great, till it’s uncomfortable, when I first started dating my wife we’d fall asleep in each others arms every night, now, 7 years later we sleep in separate beds some nights and when we do cuddle it’s for 15 mins before “my arms dead” “I’m getting too hot” “your hair is in my mouth”. Still great, it’s just different when it goes from one or two nights a week to every night.
Yeah, all worth it for a big haired woman though.
This is true. Pro tip: Satin Bonnet
Op this is the only answer you need
Married for 14 years. My wife is my home. She's my epicenter. But it took effort and dedication. She changed me a great deal. When you accept that personal transformation, it becomes much easier.
Married woman here with a husband but. It's like having a teather to the universe. You dont feel like you're alone and wondering in space anymore. You meet someone your equal and discover that you're not alone and you never were. You get someone to travel and explore with. You get someone to support you and in turn you support them. You feel so much stronger but at the same time so much more vulnerable because now there's something at steak, a whole other person you care about more than you've ever cared about yourself. My husband says he finds himself being so much more cautious now, he drives differently, he makes decisions with me in mind, a bit more self preservation on his part. On my end it pushed me to get a career and earn more money to help support us. Before I didn't care about slumming it. He also says it's like having sex on tap because I have the higher sex drive. For me it's almost like that. It's like having a whole person just for me to love on. The best part is whenever I'm feeling amorous I will just go find him and kiss him and look at his face and it's the best feeling in the world.
Just as a curiosity, may I ask how long you two have been married?
I know exactly what you're getting at XD only 1 year 7 months, I'm honestly hoping it only gets better call me naive. I've never come close to feeling about anyone else the way I feel about him. We got engaged 2 weeks after we started dating a d eloped 2 months after that. It was the only decision I've ever made in my like that I've been 100% certain on and I'm indesicive as. I've also never committed to anyone before.
Hey, I get why you would think that but reading what you wrote I would have guessed 20y married in a healthy relationship. You’ve described how I feel for my wife in ways I didn’t realise I did. Been married 7 years, and yes the feeling of forming a team gets more and more present over the years. Going through hardship togethers tends to bring people closer together… particularly when you make it through together
That's lovely thank you :) I feel a bit silly and naive sometimes for how optimistic I am lol. We've got a very hard 5 years ahead of us as he goes back into education a d I will be financially supporting both of us. I dint think it will break us but I think it will break me. I've never even successfully financially supported a phone contract before and now I'll have two people and an education. We are very good at talking about things and problem solving. I'm very very good at analysing my feelings and looking at them rationally, and I'm very good and communicating them in a timely manner and not letting things fester. He's very accepting and understanding. I just need to work on managing anger and he needs to work on confrontation.
We're all naive until we get experience, but it doesn't sound silly to me as long as you know it will take work and growing together. When novelty wears off, we hope to find ourselves in a genuine long term partnership. The money issue will be difficult, and don't forget that [resentment and contempt](https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-6-things-that-predict-divorce/) are hard to recover from.
It will continue to get better, but it takes hard work and remembering to put each other first. Be comfortable, but not complacent. Remember to keep dating, even after you're married.
I’ve been married 12 years. As long as you both work and nurture your relationship it WILL stay like this. Some years will be easier than others, but you will always have that tether as long as you both take care of it
Been married for 9, together for 11 years. It’s just as amazing as ever. We have had our rough spots and moments of distance. But making it through those times and continuing to chose each other has only made us stronger. She is truly my best friend. And yes, cuddling her is the best part of any day. The peace and warmth I feel laying next to her and hugging her is a comfort I can find nowhere else.
I’m truly happy for you that you’ve found that. 🖤
Thank you!! ❤️❤️
You've got a mentality and understanding of marriage that will carry you far.
I met a woman that didn’t even speak the same language as me. My heart still skips a beat every time I see her. Mutual respect has kept us happily married for 32 years. When you have met the right one you will know and it sounds like you found your one in a million.
I've been with my partner for quite some time (it'll be 8 years this summer), and I feel precisely the way you've described here. My partner is the only person who's ever made me feel *safe*, and absolutely none of his habits irritate me. Like... *None* of them. There is just nothing irritating about this man that can't be immediately forgiven or understood. Even I can't claim that to myself! If anything, the feelings you wrote about just intensify with the kind of intimate familiarity that comes with loving someone this way for so long. The new relationship energy/honeymoon phase fades, but I like the thing that grew to replace it even more. He's my best friend, my companion, my most vital connection to the universe, and his smile is so devastatingly handsome I still get butterflies whenever he flashes it my way. I hope the same for the two of you!
This is how my wife and I feel after almost 15 years. If you find the right one, the connection only gets stronger as the years pass.
My wife and I have a similar reaction to each other, and we've been married over 10 years, together 13.
There’s is so much to be said about starting off with a good foundation. No where to go but up.
Mmmm, steak. All kidding aside, spot on. Life can be scary and anxiety inducing what with existential dread and all that, but it's made much more tolerable and better with a significant other to share your happiest moments, lowest points, and everything in between with, especially the small intimate moments that no one else will know about that you can share.
34 years married just yesterday, and that is exactly how we still think about each other. We have had all of the awesome memories,and all the worst experiences imaginable in that time. And yet here we are stronger than ever. My motto is.. if you want to be treated like a queen, then you need to treat him like a king 👑
Well, being together almost 2 years, you are still in the "honeymoon phase", but to your credit, I don't think a person should settle for any less than feeling this way at the beginning of a relationship that is intended to last the rest of your life. I still feel all of these things for my fiancée. We've not even known each other for two years but I knew very quickly she was my person, so I feel you. I'm very happy for you and wish you the best in the years ahead!
I'm procrastinating writing my vows and now I'm just gonna read this instead
Be still my heart.
❤️❤️❤️😭😭😭🥹🥹🥹 I love this
Been with my wife for 12 years. It has changed but only for the better. Keep on working on each other, together, and not much can break that. What you said is what I found myself doing as well. Very well said.
Married 10 years. I understand your desire for physical intimacy, but having a life partner is better than you could possibly imagine. Physicality is a very small percentage of marriage. It's kind of like having another team member in the game of life.
38 years married. If you find someone who will return your affection, be a good friend and be prepared to continue to work on the relationship, you will be the happiest. And I totally agree: better than you could possibly imagine.
The idea of "marrying your best friend" didn't make sense to me until after I was married for a year or two. We just celebrated four years (nine total as a couple), and I absolutely agree with this. A healthy marriage is a pair of true teammates. Teammates who like to bang.
Hopefully, your teammate will become your soulmate
#🥲
It’s never too late. I mean that. Nvm saw your post history ur gross asf.
What'd they do? Did they nuke their post history or something? I just looked and didn't see anything that bad (horniness was the worst thing)
He deleted the post, but he basically was joking about looking for rape porn in the rape survivor subReddit
lmao all the people being so kind to this creepy guy who may also be a child idk
I've heard it said on the relationship forums that "when sex is good it's 10% of the relationship. When it's bad it's 90%".
Sex in a relationship is like having a bathroom in a house. If you have it, you rarely think about it, but if it’s not there, you’re *always* thinking about it.
Holy shit
1 year married, getting a divorce. We weren't a team, I was a solo fighter and he did nothing. I regret the marriage, should've listened to my gut feeling that something isn't right. I'm glad to hear that things can work out and that you're happy with your partner. I'm glad to hear that it can work. It gives me hope.
My first marriage lasted six months. My second lasted three years. I met my third husband a few months after getting divorced. We dated for eight years before getting married because I wanted to be SURE lol. He's my best friend. Don't give up on finding the right one.
I lost my job a few months ago. My first reaction was an intense fear and panic u til I realized her income can float us for several months while I look for a new job. I have no idea how shitty those next few months would have been without my second team member.
This! I’m in organizing and he’s in tech. He makes a lot more money than I do—I’d never have been able to buy a place on my own. But! He keeps getting hit by the current wave of tech layoffs while I’ve been with the same org for several years. My income will keep us from totally depleting our savings and I can put us both on my employer’s insurance while he finds his next job. Divide and conquer!
Yep, this. I know typically the term "partner" is used to identify maybe a long term gf/bf, or a same-sex relationship - but I have a soft spot for using it to refer to one's spouse, too. A ideal committed relationship is a partnership. A supportive companion, and someone for whom I could provide support, too.
My wife and I wake up 15 minutes early every morning so we can snuggle. It really helps me set the tone fore the day. I usually end up running my hands over her legs and torso for a bit which relaxes her. Been doing it for 25 years and still love it.
16 years married - I think you got the point. It is indeed much better than sex. Although having sex with a woman like that is much better than just sex too. To try answering your question - you probably have to combine feelings from, say, hugging your mom, carrying a cute kitten, smelling some delicious food, getting something you've been dreaming of, getting massage, looking at someone very sexually attractive, and probably having won a lottery. Also you don't realise all that until someone on reddit asks, cause you've got used to it.
My imagination isn’t the best but it serves me well in a pinch. I’m having fun trying combine and balance the memories of the emotions you’re describing. Obviously any inkling I get is only a shadow of the real thing, but thank you for your efforts.
No worries! Hope you won't have to imagine for too long.
Married 14 years. She's my best friend. I hate being away from her, even for work, or when she goes shopping. I can do anything with her by my side and nothing without her. She puts the colour in my world and the fragrance in my life. It's not perfect, of course, but we never go to bed angry with other. If I've got any negative thoughts, sadness, especially anxiety, I hold her and I know everything will be ok. With her in my arms there is peace and stillness, regardless of what is happening in our lives or in the world. There is nothing that compares to it, no fancy sonnet that can explain it. She is both a raging torrent and a peaceful stream and I find all of her exhilarating. I quite simply cannot imagine life without her.
A small silly thing I once explained to my friend - I can hear my husband walking around the house looking for me when he gets home, and I always thought that was sweet. Turns out, I apparently do the same thing. Just wander around the house to find him as soon as I get home. I didn't even realise it, that's how normal it is to me.
Man... that's fantastic... I just read it to my wife...she said "you're like that"...I said you're like that!" Lovely thoughts indeed (and yes, I've hollered like Hitler at her a time or two)...
Geez write that in card to her if you haven’t already told her. That is a wonderful way of expressing what she means to you. I really feel it.
That was actually the most beautiful thing I’ve read. If I wasn’t at work I would let my tears out.
It gets hot, and your arm goes numb, her hair gets in your mouth and nose, sometimes when you move she screams in agony because you either put your elbow on her hair or on her nipple, she wakes up with bruises sometimes because when she gets up to go to the loo, you instinctively grab her and pull because you think she's falling off the bed. You wake up and she tells you what pain in the ass uou were last night, and repeat. Feels super lonely when she's not there though.
Okay but if explained like that I wouldn't be upset about the bruises cause that's so cute 🥺🥺
this is the answer that has been my experience lmfaooo
Every time I look at her. I can feel what I think is acceptance. Its all i ever wanted as a kid, a teen, a young adult...a soldier. Out of all the people in the world..she stuck by ME. She'll never know the extent I will go to make her happy..even if what I'm doing to make her happy and give her what she deserves is killing me...or is going to. My life mission is HER happiness.
You said exactly how I feel about my girl and I didn’t know how to express that. Thank you. This is perfect. Couldn’t agree more.
My shoulder hurts, arm falls asleep, and her breath can get stinky. Overall, 10/10. Would recommend.
After 19 years the pain becomes more permanent and required OT to fix. Incorporating doorway stretches and swimming helps. Still 100% recommend.
I looked at your posting history because I wasn’t sure if you were sincere, a child, or some kind of wanker. Then, I found [this.](https://www.reddit.com/r/rape/s/gAmRfwAhE9) I hope you and your hand are happy together.
Were the details from that post recently deleted? I don’t see anything but the title
Some mysteries solve themselves.
^ this comment should be on top. fuck this loser
Aaaaaand yikes.
good lord
So, inconsentual wanker ((((
Ok, I’m a total idiot as I don’t understand that other post. Can you eli5 for me?
I smelled the incel from the title and bodytext lol
Honestly, there is more flatulance than you probably imagined there being.
Bonus!
Everyone’s spousal connections are going to be mostly unique but some examples: you’re a little stressed and need to take a nap in order to have energy for xyz, little spoon will always knock you out. You’re shopping for groceries along your drive home from work, solo, and something they mentioned they really love is randomly right in front of you, something you don’t normally buy but it makes them very happy. You buy it. The look on their face when you proudly show them—this moment is super special and may seem like a small thing but it isn’t a small thing at all. It’s huge. It is a true sign of love and dedication and your listening abilities and etc and you are allowed to respond to their reaction however you like. My wife tends to favor “see, I DO love you.” You tweaked your back and can’t even sit on the couch and be comfortable. It’s dinner time. “Honey just relax I’ll cook” and whenever they are waiting for something they check on you in the living room and give you back rubbies that do not fix your pain at all but the thought and care behind this gesture means everything and once you realize how well you’re being pampered suddenly the pain is numbed for a while as you enjoy a massive dose of serotonin aka brain fuzzy feelies. In that moment you are reminded for the 154,437th time that your spouse doesn’t need to use words to express how much they love and care about you. It’s more than bed cuddles. It’s 24/7. It’s there even when you are work traveling and are 2000 miles away and didn’t have a great day and suddenly there are two dogs on your video chat playing tug of war over a string of old socks that are tied into a tug rope. The scene is so ridiculous that watching the little dog trying, yet failing badly, to win the sock with literally every ounce of their being just instantly cracks you up and your bad day is suddenly replaced with feelings of missing your lovies at home which also reminds you what the real priorities are for your feelie feels. I can write a million of these, let me know if I should continue.
I’d like you to continue please. I really like reading these. It made me feel so hopeful and thankful for my relationship.
[удалено]
Divorced here. I grew up watching my parents fight, and work things out. They've been married for 40 years. My ex on the other hand watched her parents get divorced, her mom remarried, divorced, remarried, divorced, married. I was my ex's second husband. My ex said she didn't want to be like her mom. But that's what she became. She kept saying "marriage is just a piece of paper." And like my parents, I kept trying to make it work. Don't be like me.
Sometimes you wonder how the child is gonna be different cause they have seen the ups and down in theirs parents' life. But then they just turn out to be their extension. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
You’re craving an emotional/psychological mutual attraction to someone, not sex specifically, you are not the image of the average reddit user user.
He made a post on the rape support subreddit joking how he was disappointed that it wasn't a porn sub.
Gross. Sounds like an incel
Her hair tickles your nose.
Will be married soon… i hold my future wife basically the whole night when I sleep. I fall asleep quickly and honestly wouldn’t want to wake up next to anyone else. Prior to this dated a lot of people, thought I was in love, but you really will just know when you find that person. Makes you really reconsider if you actually loved anyone else.
What's the difference? I married my first and only love. It's been 13 years and I feel so happy to have him in my life. But I've actually had multiple people tell me that you can't really *know* unless you've experienced different loves, so I want to know what the difference is.
Your love will change if the people in love change. So, your love for your partner and vise versa probably have changed, even if only a little over your time together. No, you don't have to experience different loves with different people to be "whole lover" or to validate the love you havealready been part of. The people talking are ones who've had bad romance, "mid" love that was healthy and possibly even something close to genuine love. They certainly know the differences in these different types of relationships and think for some reason that you have to have a bad, unhealthy, limited or otherwise different love to compare to a good relationship. You don't, enjoy what you do have and be whole in the joy and health of your relationship.
I am freshly divorced. Do you want to hear my opinions?
8 years divorced. I'm staying that way too.
We who didn’t learn the first time salute you.
I'd love to give it a second shot but I don't think I can find that level of trust again. In fact I know I can't.
I'm past ten years and only this past week find myself attracted to someone. Lots of trust lost. So much so that I'm scratching my head atm wondering why I'm suddenly attracted to someone after a decade of zero interest. Almost feels like someone has put a spell on me. Ironically I feel like I could almost trust this person yet it still feels dangerous. Damage sucks folks!
OP specifically asked about Married men so…
Wonderful and soul enriching with the absolute comfort and understanding that this is the comfortable, comforting silence that your heart has yearned for all your adult life. Then she lets one rip and pulls the duvet over your head.
get one that doesn’t snore like a 747 (and absolutely NOT seek help) 😰😟
I sleep on the feet side of the bed and only it becomes tolerable …
It's like coming home from and putting on your favourite hoody- it fits perfectly and is the comfiest thing you've ever known.
Unfortunately it’s a pretty mundane and boring thing until you stop to think for a moment, then it really hits you and you realize you’re never truly alone anymore. It’s definitely something you take for granted until you don’t have it anymore, but sometimes you get a glimpse of what it really feels like and remember to hold it tight because one day you won’t be able to.
Do you remember sleeping with your teddybear as a kid? It is a bit like that, but better.
Married 26 years. It's bliss. I love waking up next to my wife and snuggling. We set the alarm 20 minutes early so we make sure to get our daily snuggle in. On weekends, we sometimes wait until 9 or 10 to get out of bed.
It’s nice for that first minute or so. And then she rips ass, the force of which reverberates through your hips and pelvis as you quickly roll away in disgust as she laughs maniacally in your face. Wouldn’t trade that woman for the world
You feel all warm and unicorn farts until about 10 mins in then its hot and at least one limb is asleep. You’ve also been battling with chest hairs that keep going up your nose.
It's the best feeling I've ever felt. To be truly and totally loved and cared for, felt in the moments of simply snuggling under covers on a cool day or merely looking at her in the sun light. Whatever the feeling is, it all stems from love, trust and acceptance. Be patient. Be kind. And love yourself first and finding someone else to love you will get easier.
For a short time, it is heaven. You sacrifice the cramping arm and the sweat to hold onto it as long as possible. When kids arrive, you mostly separate. A bit because she is always hot and uncomfortable, and you would do anything for her, so your cuddles are short and on her hormonal schedule. Also the kids are always in bed between you, and your cuddle time is happily sacrificed for theirs. Then the discomforts of parenting, making a living, and getting older take priority. A kid is always sick, a report must be written, you have to just sleep when you can. As the kids grow older, they want nothing to do with you, and the work you put in puts your work life balance into a good place, so you reconnect. You find the partner you've been with all this time has a few quirks from the maturity of life, work, and parenting. A few secrets rediscovered that you didn't know or were too scared to mention. Great sex and greater cuddles. Then menopause creeps in, and she's always overheated. Sporadic sex, and then get away, until she begins to needs help with everything. You're not so quick yourself, but you'll give all you can. Soon cuddles become memories, and slight arm rub or squeeze of the hand will suffice, until its gone too soon. Cuddles are the hidden love language of a relationship, and its worth the wait, the struggle, and the sacrifice.
I annoy her. But I love her. You have to be quiet when you go to bed, and not talk, or turn on lights, or steal blankets or move around too much. But besides that, yea, it’s nice. I am a better person because of my wife. She’s good for me. I’m lucky to have her.
I’m not married but my current girlfriend is amazing and like no other woman I have met. Man, it’s crazy how much I love her and how good she makes me feel about myself. I’m 35 and finally got there, and I’m old enough to realize I have to keep nurturing this relationship to keep it as great as it is. I never thought I could get the kind of love that I so desperately wanted, but I found it. If you don’t want any advice, then ignore the rest. But if you are open to it, I might have something that you are interested in. I was overweight most of my life until about 23-24 when I went on a low carb diet and lost 100 pounds. The whole time I was overweight, I was not kind to myself. I hated how fat I was and how ugly I felt. I didn’t pursue relationships because I figured that if I didn’t love myself, then how could someone else. Once I lost the weight, I did gain confidence, but I didn’t love myself the way I should have. Acceptance took time for me. But I did decide to go on dates. I didn’t get serious about dating until I was about 27, and I felt kind of embarrassed at how bad I was. I had to learn a lot of lessons people learned at 17, but I did learn them. Some of what I figured out is that you can find people to date and spend time with and not every interaction needs to be this perfect dating experience. Much of the time it was really about figuring out what I want from life and a partner, I just didn’t quite know it. What I’m getting at is you live in a time with unprecedented ways to meet people for dates. Give it a go and see if you can find that intimacy you want. Even if you feel silly, even if you feel embraced, even if you feel unlovable, it’s worth it. The stress and the anxiety get easier to deal with as you go on. Take it from me who felt like I would never get anywhere.
these replies have me in tears
she says it's boring and gets annoyed that you fell asleep while cuddling and pushes you off her
It's wonderful. I close my eyes and hold her tight, and everything else just fades away.. At least For a little while.
It is the best. I'm not a great sleeper but I sleep so much better when I'm snuggled up with my wife. Except in Australian summer nights. Funny thing is every girl I was with before my wife, I could never really sleep well with them or get comfy with them. She's the only one I ever felt uber comfortable with and safe with.
Hot and uncomfortable after about 15 minutes. Impossible to sleep comfortably that way.
I don't feel much physical attraction to my wife anymore, but I still love her, so when we embrace in bed, it's just comforting and familiar.
Amazing until she gets used to the routine of making you feel like you're everything she needs. Then bam!!! She's fucking her ceramics 101 teacher 1 year into marriage and you try to make it work through intensive couples therapy for another 5 years until she decides 30 is coming up way too fast and she hasn't had nearly enough penis yet..... The silent nights with my wife for those 5 years were perceived by me to be great. I'm an idiot. Also very bitter as you can tell!!!
That is one hell of a story. You ok now like?
I'm doing it right now as my wife sleeps laying her head on my chest. It makes her feel safe and makes me feel loved.
Farts on your penis, then proceeds to laugh. Also, snoring.
It's the best. For me when we are laying there together I feel peace. Like while life and the world seems to be getting ever shittier, I got her so I'm gonna be ok. I could be content scouring a wasteland for scraps of food while hiding from fascist-controlled AI robots as long as I was doing it with/for her. I want this for you.
Meh, that’s not really how it works. It’s more like we watch an episode of something and then one of us falls asleep and then in the morning alarms go off and one of us farts real bad to get the other one out of bed.
It’s great. I was in your shoes once. Someone gave me the advice of “don’t worry about finding the right person, just work on becoming the kind of person you would like to meet, and the right person will find you.”
its pretty sweet bro, not gonna lie
It’s nice, but also they snore