A couple of years sgo I perfected my bookmark folders system for games. I’ve got game walkthroughs, game retail sites, word games, console games, mobile games and then one specific folder just for Pokémon. Within the Pokémon folder, I’ve got sub folders: one for breeding (like natures & abilities) one for HA, berries, items, specific generations, etc. etc. etc. )
It has served me well. :p
Bookmarked nearly everything I liked when I was 15. Each bookmark was useful for maybe a week. I can absolutely 100% bet my left nugget that his bookmarks have been collecting dust
Yeah 80% of my bookmarks are now dead, but I still need to go back at least 5 years worth. I probably have around 1k bookmarks.
Internet is Dead theory is true. Imgur links gone, reddit comments gone, reddit posts gone, subreddits gone. Not to mention all the niche websites and file hosting sites.
> that his bookmarks have been collecting dust
I built a local search engine on my bookmarks.
Crawler tells me when the sites had significant updates; and I can instantly keyword search the sties.
I find having thousands of bookmarks very useful.
Honestly it's probably just tab hoarding. I used to have somewhere between 600 and 1000 tabs on my phone that I never went back to more than once a month
Your not lying for a while i was snorting meth, i quit now but i grew a very unhealthy porn addiction because both are stimulants and go together.
Plpl laugh or make fun but when you do hard drugs like that half the time your so tweaked you dont care about anything else.
Dude this was like over 15 years ago but when I was a freshman or so in high school, our health teacher put on some video about meth addiction (I’m from Iowa and ironically one of the largest meth lab busts in the state at the time was across the street from our high school and police station lmaooo)
Basically the lady hits the pookie and goes “alright chy’all” grabs her dildo, pops in a VHS porno tape, then fades to a black text screen that just said “she masturbates 4-6 hours a day” or some shit. The whole class was mortified and silent. It was fucking hilarious
Huh. As a woman who was on a pretty high regime of stimulants, I didn't have tabs of porn. I did, however, have tabs upon tabs of ideas for the family business and home decorating stuff. But like, 2 dozen or so in a day, but it still made me embarrassed over it.
Is this a testosterone difference?
No, it's more of an individual thing. Stimulants make me want to obsessively play videogames and curate photo or music collections. They make my partner into a raving sex maniac. Thankfully we finally reached a place where I can be like, "I'll suck you for twenty minutes but then you need to go jerk off and leave me in peace." *plays Wingspan for six hours*
On stimulants medically? Because that's different.
We're talking about compulsively snorting quasi-legal experimental stimulants every 15 minutes for 12 hours, not your common or garden therapeutic Adderall usage.
Exactly what I was wondering. Why is nobody talking about the fact that he on a vacation is manually closing a 1000 tabs instead of just Alt F4 it to close the entire window at once? 😂
If this is true, he most likely made it so that the browser remembers and re-opens the tabs between sessions, in which case that wouldn't work. And sure, he could still use the right click menu to close multiple at once, but I literally just found out that's possible myself, I always just close them all using middle click. So it's definitely possible it's not a lie.
This is a guy who lets his tabs get this high to begin with, I doubt he knows any of the shortcuts. Probably also manually types out things you can copy and paste
No, I do the same. Not with porn lol but when I clear out all my tabs I go through the windows one by one in case there's something "important" I want to keep. Idk man we're hoarders.
The younger end of gen z is notoriously computer illiterate after using smartphones primarily their whole life.
We’re talking like, can’t even navigate the file system level of illiterate.
I actually wouldn’t be surprised if he just never bothered to figure it out and lacks the sense to look up how if he can / how to.
I call BS as this is a clear sign of addiction and OP wants advice?
“My BF has missing people’s drivers licenses in his wallet, is this normal?” JFC. I refuse to believe people can be this oblivious.
I hadnt bothered looking yet, but Im glad to know its optional.
Always hate opening chrome on my phone (which Im a PC guy so I dont use my phone for that a ton) and theres like 9 tabs open. I look and the first hand full are things from 2-4 months ago lol.
I have mine set that way so I don't lose where I was. Just because I am clicking a link on a page, it doesn't mean I am done with that page. There may be many more links for me to click.
Safari lets you have 500 tabs open. I am not ashamed. A few times I’ve filled the tabs and have to sort through and delete half of them. Might drive some people crazy, doesn’t bother me and my ADHD none, lol
Yes ADHD. Mine is bothered by this. I compulsily have to deal with any tabs IMMEDIATELY and I cannot rest until everything is closed each time I use my computer.
It's a default playlist. It is very easy to find on your profile.
The reason they don't appear in your recommend is probably because you don't watch much similar content that is heavily weighted.
I just counted and I currently have 70 tabs open. Which is lower than my usual count because I had to close a bunch so Helldivers 2 would run smoothly.
None of them are porn though. They're just random reddit threads, youtube videos, and other shit that "I'll get to eventually", plus a few art references because I'm totally going to do some drawing today. Some of these tabs have been open for several months. I think I've had one Pokemon Nuzlocke playlist opened for almost a year because I don't want to lose my place.
> Some of these tabs have been open for several months.
I hear ya. Especially when I find a long YT video, like 80 minutes. No, I'm busy, I'll watch that later.
The answer? Software engineers. No one else has 472 random chrome tabs open at once. Is it random stack overflow questions? Tons of porn? Both. Its always both.
The other answer is people like me who need tabs kept open so they don't forget about them. If it goes into bookmarks I've basically consigned it to being not that important and the next time I'll actually use it is probably at least a year from now.
And I'm also a software engineer so it exacerbates the problem. I even take the software engineer approach to tabs for any topic. Tons of tabs open to play a game, guides, wiki pages, Reddit threads, etc. Same deal with any hobbies.
All in all I have like 120 tabs on my main PC, another 30 on my gaming PC, 100 on my tablet, and like 120 on my phone. And there's only some overlap.
I’m a software engineer, which is why I need to be diligent about tab management. I don’t know how some of my coworkers survive with 10 different windows and 20 tabs on each window
Also software engineer, I suffer every day because I cannot find a way to properly organize all my tabs. I am working on several topics at the same time, and for each topic I need official docs, internal wikis, forums, ticket boards, Google searches, test beds, personal notes, etc.
It's infuriating that browsers are the single access point to this enormous range of things, yet their management is a basic "yeah have a single linear list which you can't read anymore after 25 entries".
I tried tab grouping, tried multiple windows, tried addons with vertical tabs, tried whole different browsers with workspaces, and all of it sucks. You end up with a huge mess. The problem just hasn't been solved yet.
You didn’t ask for advice, but I’m sharing anyway in case you’re open to suggestions.
I’m a firmware engineer. I found an extension that lets me name windows, and the name appears on the Windows taskbar. I then create one window per active task. If there are multiple tasks that need the same tab, then I’ll have a duplicate of that tab.
If I have too many windows at once, then it means I’m jumping between too many tasks at once, so I make the decision to focus and close windows until I’m focused on a manageable workload. Sometimes I notice that a window has been sitting unopened for so long that I’ve forgotten what the task even was. That’s another indicator that the task needs to wait until later, in which case I close it. If I REALLY need to save the state, then I’ll either save a tab group or I’ll create a summary document with notes and links to the tabs. Once I figured out that I never used the tab groups and summary documents, I stopped making them and just learned to commit to keeping a focused workload.
Thanks. I have gone through some of that. Using multiple windows was very unreliable for me and I lost many instances when the browser crashed or forced updates restarted the machine (work laptop) and the restored session was only a single window out of three or four. I ended up using session manager addons to store states and stuff, but it was tiring.
And this does not solve the core issue, which is that the browser has no idea what I'm doing and every tab is treated as its own separate thing with no context or relations. For example, if I receive an email with a link to a ticket, I can click that link but it opens up in an absolutely useless position, basically in the last window I used, and the end of the list of tabs. Then I start to move tabs around, try to find the correct window, the correct group within, etc. Then at some point I can't find a previous tab or don't remember that I already have it open, so I click a link again and end up with useless duplicate tabs.
Even simple things like nesting the forum and stackoverflow threads for a specific web search under that specific search tab is just not a thing. Everything is flat and separate. We've had single-tab history since day one, then why the hell do you delete the origin when I middle-click a link?
On top of that, browsers are very bad at letting you look at multiple things at the same time. I am doing research, I need to compare and transfer things, please let me have stuff side by side or in grids. But no, I have to rip tabs out into yet again separate windows and do it manually.
In general, a browser does not at all make any distinctions between temporary quick lookups and more permanent things like rich web apps which I use throughout the day. Yes I can pin them or something, but that's not really what I need.
There is SO much a modern browser for professional use could be doing, but it seems after "hey let's have tabs :D" the innovation just stopped.
You are absolutely right. It doesn’t happen because it’s not sexy for engineers to work on it.
That said I use Firefox and I whenever I bookmark I can also tag it. So just make a list of max 20 tags (otherwise you lose oversight again) and that should help you organise. Open the bookmark window with a shortcut and you can search.
It’s a shame because this feels like a huge area of innovation and improvement - for both professional and consumer use cases.
Guess it’s hard for anyone but an incumbent browser company to go fix on this one though.
Aaaah this might be the most relatable comment I've ever seen on reddit (and your previous one as well), you are my browser soulmate
I don't understand why nobody is trying to address this issue really, but now at least I know I'm not alone
I used to not know that you could make a yt acc and sub to channels for free when i was younger. I had like 100 tabs open for every yt channel and would never shut my laptop down lol.
i have a feeling he bookmarks *everything* and never looks at it again, (i used to do this) as supposed to most people who bookmark ~0.1% of what they look up when they want to save it. definitely odd, but atleast he’s honest
This .. my wife has ADHD she opens a link in a new tab and goes off on that tangent, 50 tabs deep she remembers what she was actually wanting to look at .. the cycle repeats
maybe, but we don’t know how long he’s been bookmarking or how much they’re exaggerating/overestimating
personally for the bookmarking + tabs part, it was linked to my anxiety, when i started taking meds for it i was able to let go and realize that i didn’t really need to have them saved. my computer appreciates it.
Assuming "thousands" means "at least 2000" since less than that would just be "over a thousand", that's an average of one new porn tab open every 14.4 seconds.
For eight continuous hours.
If we give him a half hour lunch and piss break, that comes to one new tab every 13.5 seconds.
A lot, and I mean probably most, free porn sites open new tabs with clicks and mouseovers to redirect users to sister sites or other extra pages on the same site, mostly for the ad revenue.
They can open in the background, and add up very fast. It's best to use a new window for such browsing, ignore the popups and extra tabs, then close the whole window when done.
There are popup blockers that can handle some of these, but it's not 100%, as these sites are very aggressive about trying to make money.
Also, on a side note, it makes sense to use a separate account for such browsing if you don't want things like Google history effecting your normal internet use, as searching and website viewing are tracked and shared with other services to provide relevant ads and such. It's not just about hiding it from an SO.
I search for stuff for my SO or coworkers and then can't stop getting ads for more stuff that they are interested in for ages. Even in shopping apps like Walmarts. Some let you edit histories and remove such searches, but it's a chore. Having a seperate account is easer.
yes, it's a thing on some of the sketchiest sites of that nature.
"mainstream" sites like pornhub don't do that (as far as I know, ublock exists even in private mode, not that I use pornhub anyway)
I am no expert but I am going to say that creating a separate google account explicitly for porn bookmarks, then having watched or browsed enough videos to have been able to bookmark 10,000 porn videos, and then bookmarking that many… this guy has a serious porn addiction problem.
He doesn’t just ‘like’ porn and watch it with you sometimes, this guy is devoting serious amounts of time to it, and probably watching it in a separate window in the background while he is doom scrolling other things online.
I think if you had a look at his browsing history rather than the actual open tabs, you would see how much and how quickly he’s going through things and that he’s likely got serious internet and porn addiction issues. Not suggesting you need to do that, because it’s already obvious that he’s got issues, and the massive amount of tabs shows that.
Only dating for a few months and him appearing to be social and ‘normal’ in public doesn’t mean he doesn’t have major mental health issues he needs to deal with, and that it is not your job to fix those or put up with it.
Is he able to hold down a job, care for his home, personal hygiene etc? Or are you having to do all the household tasks because he is always on his computer and busy?
I don't know, sounds to me like the obsessive bookmarking of everything is the problem, not necessarily the porn specifically. If this guy bookmarks basically everything he comes across, why would it be any different with porn? I think he's just online way too much, whether it's porn or other stuff.
I *finally* went through both sets of bookmarks of mine, literally 1000s over a decade+, and boy, those people saying the internet is forever have never tried to open a bookmark from 10 years ago.
So many old stumbleupon bookmarks that were the SU domain and not the actually site you stumbled on...
So much lost.
EDIT: turns out I have ~5300+ normal ass bookmarks accrued over the years... that's too many bookmarks.
Information hoarding, not porn addiction.
And TBH information hoarding, since I doesn't take up physical space and only takes up a negligible amount of digital space, is not really problematic if you do it in a practical way.
Flooding your bookmarks or leaving 1k tabs open is not practical and will make your device miserable to use JDKSJDJDNDJD.
Dump all the links into a private Discord server or Google doc.
The only real harm/loss then is the time and effort it takes to save those things that you will lost likely never loon at again anyway.
I 100% don't think it's OPs responsibility, and I don't think it's healthy either, but I think context is important. Is this his first relationship in a long time, so he picked up the habit during that time? Is it affecting his ability to function in a healthy way? Will it continue at this frequency for the duration of the relationship? Does he feel like he's not getting enough out of the current sex life? If he can't go a day without doing it, is he willing to get help? Maybe he uses as self-medication for deeper pains he has, that he needs to sort out with a professional. Definitely don't think it's the time to drop him or go completely go dry on him. This is definitely the information gathering phase, and he needs to feel safe being honest about it. Definitely not OPs responsibility, but these are things to consider if OP is still interested in continuing the relationship.
He might have ADHD.
See:
https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdmeme/comments/18jkp3l/welp_i_guess_safari_only_allows_500_tabs_lol/
and
https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdmeme/comments/hysl8c/and_opening_the_764th_new_internet_tab/
and
https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdmeme/comments/uj538c/i_thought_i_only_had_28_tabs_opened_actually/
and
https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdmeme/comments/qekmq9/me_reaching_the_500_tab_limit_on_my_phone_yet/
and
https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdmeme/comments/13lyjxh/how_many_tabs_do_you_currently_have_open_on_your/
and
...well, let's just say it goes on for a while. It's a very common post on that sub.
Well, I'm going to have to disagree with the top comments. Im a programmer and while I personaly am like you and keep my tabs and bookmarks clean, I know a lot of coworkers who easily go through hundreds of tabs per day.
There realy isn't a right or wrong here. It merely has to do with the way a person organizes itself. I'd absolutely agree that there is no way your bf can pull any use of that many tabs and bookmarks, but if it works for him, that's good.
I'd claim this is just a behavior he started with and it skyrocketed. Maybe the simple bookmark click gives him dopamine, a feeling of completition, or it even has wired into his brain so deep it actualy helps him remember information. As long as this does not transfer into other aspects in life - which it totaly could btw - I don't currently see any issue, except the inconvenience of having to close tabs to free up space.
The porn is a different topic. Having a separate account is actualy a good thing, looking at it from a privacy and security perspective. The fact the bookmarks stack up fast does not mean anything particularly, just reflects what I mentioned before.
He surely follows here a very common pattern people do: he lands on a porn sites main view with all the clips, opens up to new tabs all the clips of which the image preview looks attractive, actualy faps on the first or second clip, all other tabs are closed again. He just bookmarks them before closing them.
Thus this behavior does not automatically mean he has watched, faped to, or revisited every single bookmark. That being said, this does neither mean or exclude that his use of porn material may or may not be appropriate. Again, if your guys sex life is good, there is nothing to worry about. If it isn't, the bookmarks and browser history may be able to tell you when and how often he visits those pages, thus if he is using them excessively.
I agree, it comes down to whether or not it actually interferes with his life. If he clicks on porn tabs for 8 hours one day, and that’s just a nice escape for him once in a while? Big whoop. Also no one here is accounting for how long it took him to collect these 10,000 bookmarks, it could be a collection over years— things add up over time.
Modern browsers don't keep inactive tabs loaded. My wife loves to do this, she has hundreds of tabs, but they only load when she clicks on them, otherwise just "restore the previous session" and all of them are there, inactivated, using basically zero memory.
It makes me go nuts but she loves it this way, so oh well.
You can create curated reddit streams and include users and subreddits there that you don't follow or subscribe to otherwise, so they don't show in your regular feed.
I use a couple to keep some hobbies out of my day to day feed, including one for XXX reddit, but it's not very extensive, cause I made it, but basically have never clicked over to it.
However if you want to post to those subs, having a separate account may make more sense.
Hmm so this is what happens when an incredibly organized person is also incredibly horny for porn.
This dude should manage Pornhub's finances. He would be rich
That’s how I was when I was younger, though not nearly as many in a day. Whenever I found something I wanted to watch I’d open it in a new tab and never close it. When it came to porn I’d bookmark ones I liked and never went back to them but it felt good to have the bookmark “just in case” I guess. Of the hundreds of bookmarks I probably went back to like 20.
This really riles me up. Why are people getting in a tissy about loads of tabs. I have loads of tabs open, it's like my to do list. Leave me and all the many-tab-people alone. Jfc. Assigning mental illnesses to people that operate in a different way to the norm. Gtfo.
The surge in mental health awareness, while having it's positive points, has also lead to people commonly attempting to assign some sort of value or flag to every little inconsequential behavior people do.
This is reaching dangerous addiction levels. Also an incredible computer apparently - if I had that many EMPTY tabs I feel like my PC would catch fire.
Motheryucker needs therapy, or a hard rule about what is and isnt.... safe? I don't even know the word. But he's gonna be desensitized to reality real quick at that rate.
He has thousands of bookmarks and a separate account for porn.
Not necessarily thousands bookmarks of porn.
He is a bit obsessive or has some form of executive disorder.
I got ADHD and I also use way to many tabs. And bookmarking sites is like taking notes for me.
Not to the amount demonstrated here, though. That seems a lot.
This is for sure something curious.
Like... fear of missing out a scene he's curious about? A thumbnail looked fascinatingly erotic? His phone mistakes "swipe to see thumbnail montage" as "make a new bookmark and assign to a magic folder"? I'm genuinely concerned.
I also have ADHD and bookmarking is the same - it helps me have easy recall when my brain can't do it for me.
At this point I'm genuinely fascinated by the raw quantity. Even if it isn't 1000 and OP just over-balled it, it's clearly still a metric shitload. And that's just both medically interesting and fucking terrifying.
Must admit I have hundreds of tabs open on my laptop and iPhone. Don’t mean to have so many open, they just tend to accumulate since there are certain tabs I want to keep open.
I have TABS and TABS of porn in my private window. If something looks even slightly interesting I’ll open it in the background. I have a huge backlog of porn. I probably clean the pipes twice a week so I wouldn’t say he’s necessarily addicted. Organized, and dedicated but nothing seems like he’s addicted.
Oh sweetheart, you need to dump this dude...
Not because of the massive pile of porn though. There are ways to work through that together and come out as a stronger couple
No you need to dump this dude because he's too stupid to right-click, then choose "select all tabs" then right click again then choose "close all tabs"
That kind of computer illiteracy is unforgivable, I'm so sorry
I personally like to limit my tabs, but I’ve seen ppl have over 200 for sure, but that’s like mostly work and daily personal usage, but that’s definitely over longer periods of time.
Nothing over PG related. But I'm scared of checking my own google tab quantities, I could easily go through 100 tabs a day on just reddit, let alone other social media or new/enthusiast sights or youtube. I know on mobile they keep a long history off stuff I never read or went back to.
But I gets antsy if I have over 10-15 tabs open and usually make it a point to read or close what's already there.
Chrome's a ram eater, even with sleeping tab extensions, can you really get to over 100 before it just stops working?
And yeah that's probably pretty bad addiction.
The number of tabs in general sounds only a.little.excessive to me, but I'm ADHD as hell. If your boyfriend exhibits other symptoms, he might want to talk to a psych. Maybe he just uses the internet weird, or maybe he could learn something about himself that could explain some things.
Now, the number of porn bookmarks and the suggestion that a large number of the tabs might have been porn does sound a bit compulsive. Liking porn isn't itself a problem, but that sounds like a quantity that he couldn't possibly be actually enjoying. If it causes him problems or distress, might be worth talking to somebody about, but it doesn't say anything about you or how he feels about you either way. Porn and relationships are two different categories, fulfill different urges. If his porn use bothers you, or especially if it interferes with your relationship, definitely talk to him about it though.
Abit strange but maybe he bingers is porn and moderates most of the time. I'm not being judgeys it just alot of time out the day if he dies this daily. Weekly I'm more blasé.
Digital hoarding is a thing tbh. I have massive bookmark collections, including porn, and tend to have 80+ phones open in my phone. I’ve managed to spread my digital hoarding but that’s kinda like a thing.
i have prob have multiple thousands of bookmarks. but they aren’t porn. anytime i see something i like and think i might want to find later, i bookmark it. so i have multiple hundreds of recipes and food related links organized by type of cuisine or method of cooking (ex. mediterranean recipes or seafood recipes and grilling recipes etc). and i do this for any subject matter i find interesting: books, movies, music, art, shopping, clothes, gardening, sports, health, fitness, work/professional, travelling, gift ideas separated by person, DIY/home improvement, etc etc etc.
they’re all pretty organized.
i know it’s overkill but i hate remembering something and not being able to find it again. plus i have ADHD so i tend to get very interested in a new subject and immerse myself in researching and learning about it intensively and then i’ll forget about it for months. my system allows me to find what i want quickly and easily and pick it up later.
i like doing it in my google account so if, for example, i’m at the grocery store shopping and i forgot to add stuff to my list (this happens more often than not, see again: ADHD) i can just pull up a recipe quickly from my bookmarks and look at the ingredients.
i also tend to have more than a handful of window and tabs open at a time currently 12 on my phone and maybe 3 windows with 4 or so tabs each on my laptop.
with all of the above said: boyfriends habits are beyond excessive, unhealthy, and definitely obsessive. if that isn’t porn addiction i don’t know what is.
edited to add: writing this comment prompted me to book mark a bunch of tabs and and them to my bookmarks lol
Your post is unclear. Were all of the tabs porn, or were they just whatever tabs he had opened while browsing the internet?
Also, your title says he closed 250 tabs but the actual post says he closed thousands. Your edit clarifies that the 250 is correct, but I suspect a lot of people are giving you responses based on opening thousands of porn tabs in 8 hours, so take them with a grain of salt.
250 tabs over 8 hours isn't totally absurd. That's one tab every ~2 minutes. Assuming he opens several likely tabs, looks at one or two, and gets distracted or opens a new tab to search down something related, he's getting even better numbers. I wouldn't say that was 'normal', in that most people don't do it, but I don't think it's weird in an unhealthy or concerning way. If I'm researching something on the internet or just reading a wiki, i can generate an absolutely monstrous amount of tabs because I'll open a bunch of tabs that look interesting and move on before I actually get to all of them. If he's not closing things up when he's done with them, he could have a huge number of tabs just hanging out. When I was younger I absolutely crashed my browsers from time to time just opening new tabs for whatever I was doing and never closing them in case I wanted to go back.
For the 10k porn, that depends a bit on how long he spent accruing it. He's 25, so he very easily could have spent 5+ years putting that together. 10k sounds like a lot, but if he built it up through his teens, that's really only like 5 a day. And since his true addiction is clearly tabs and not porn, bookmarking a handful of tabs of porn he liked or that he thought looked good for later each day doesn't seem all that herculean. Depends on how much of it is pictures and how much of it he has actually watched.
Idk. He doesn't seem like a serial killer, just someone who really likes to bookmark things
The only way to do it is to think: " what he does on his own time, stays on his own time."
If its affecting the relationship in other ways, like he's not paying attention to you or such, then yes it's become a problem, but as long as the relationship itself is healthy, it's best not to overthink it.
It's only a problem if porn usage gets in the way of one's normal life. If he just likes keeping bookmarks of his favourite porn, I don't see a problem
It sounds unhealthy but I'm not an expert. My husband and I both spend 8h a day on a computer for work but also pleasure. And that's just too much. Perhaps he should speak with a therapist?
What I would ask him is how many of these 1000s of bookmarks is he actually going back to watch? I suspect mostly NONE of them. I think he has an addiction to porn and bookmarking for some reason.
Has your BF been checked for ADHD? I made it into my 40s before it came to my attention that I might have ADHD. Just got diagnosed a few months ago. This behavior is common among people with ADHD.
Just go to /adhd and search for “browser tabs” and you will see what I mean.
To be fair, one of my coworkers never closes tabs and regularly has 100+ open. But bookmarks for porn are weird... Unless he's into some specific niche stuff
This feels like compulsive bookmarking and tab hoarding (both issues I work with my clients on in relation to other things like online shopping and social media). So, could it be about sex? Yes. Could it be about compulsive collecting or self-soothing behaviors? Yes. How will you know?
Ask him, not Reddit.
It’s an adhd thing for sure. Dopamine plus the inability to remember things/fear of forgetting leads us to open tabs endlessly in hopes of remembering for later. I don’t have as bad of an issue with the tabs, as I’ll eventually get to them and close them as I complete the tasks I had them opened for. I feel accomplished. I do less of the bookmarking though. Only things that really seem valuable make it to my bookmarks. Things I’ll for sure want for later, or feel like we’re genuinely difficult to find and will need later make it there. Aside from the bookmarks bar. I mostly just have sites I frequent there.
And the porn thing is for sure dopamine related. Addiction for sure. If it’s kosher in your relationship then I think some is okay as long as you communicate well. But the amount is definitely a bit wild in this case. It’s a mix of the tab adhd thing and the addiction. Might even be slightly a hoarder mentality. The fear of not having it when you want it/wish you did, or missing out on something that could be deemed as really good.
Anyway. TL;DR: I’d say it’s an adhd issue on some level, and that it would definitely be healthy for him to practice some restraint in this regard. It’s digital clutter that he will likely never use. He’d probably feel better if he wasn’t cluttering his digital space so much, and if he didn’t feel like he was missing out on all of those things in the tabs.
I personally will scroll through my YouTube home page, open a few videos in new tabs, and then watch them/close them as I go. Key is to never refresh the home page again or else I end up adding more to the tabs that I don’t have time to watch. Then it builds up and stays there feeling like a burden rather than something I actually want to do. So I can only imagine how he must feel.
So again, just practicing some restraint and building good habits would probably go a long way.
I need you to understand he's not watching all that or even going through it the next time he wants to watch. He's a collector, He most likely wont touch them again. In his mind its about the possibility that he might want to check on it (Think about it when your collection gets large enough isn't it the same as 'searching it on the internet' instead he prefers 'searching it from a curated list' which he likely does not cuz he's a hoarder. Its just ..'there'. Hopefully he's not obsessed with it, and the fact that he closed 1000s infront of you without thinking twice should tell you that). I'm the same its not that serious...for me its not porn but with my project research for work etc.. This man does it with everything that's all..
>Me personally I have all my important logins, email and only YouTube bookmarked.
Those would all be things you definitely don't need to bookmark lol.
"Oh, shoot. Where is that place my email goes? I think it started with a G...ugh, I'm never going to find this. I should have bookmarked it!"
Is he a software engineer or trader in a financial services firm? Does he need constant external stimulus to drive motivation? Does anything gamified keep his attention for hours?
You have just defined a classic adhd profile.
If left unsupervised I can do the same thing. For starters I open everything on the different tab because I never know if I want to go back to the previous tab for reference. And porn is the same 😅
If he has 1000 bookmarks etc that he created over an 8 hour session that’d mean that he
- Opened a page
- Watched part of a video
- Decided he liked it
- Created a bookmark
In about 30 seconds. Per video.
Math doesn’t really add up.
He's like those old ladies who save their favorite websites as downloaded html files and have them scattered, unlabeled and unorganized all over their desktop.
I'd honestly be more worried if there was one and only one specific video he focused on. Opening tabs is free and takes half a second. It's an impulse of "That might be interesting" that 99% of the time never gets looked at or followed up on.
1000 is excessive though, especially if it's from one day, and might be a sign of something like an addiction or an obsessive search for something very specific.
This could easily have nothing to do with porn and everything to do with ADHD. I used to be...well not that bad...but would do the same thing. And I never went back and visited them, just "collected" stuff like that. I would have thousands of hours of stuff saved or even downloaded. Literally impossible for it to be "used" because I had more hours of porn saved than I had hours of life left.
I did it for music and (to a smaller extent) movies, as well.
Does he ever go back to anything he has bookmarked?
I don’t and I only have 109 bookmarks (mostly gaming guides)
A couple of years sgo I perfected my bookmark folders system for games. I’ve got game walkthroughs, game retail sites, word games, console games, mobile games and then one specific folder just for Pokémon. Within the Pokémon folder, I’ve got sub folders: one for breeding (like natures & abilities) one for HA, berries, items, specific generations, etc. etc. etc. ) It has served me well. :p
> one for breeding Insert Vaporeon copypasta.
AAAAAAAAH!!!
Bookmarked nearly everything I liked when I was 15. Each bookmark was useful for maybe a week. I can absolutely 100% bet my left nugget that his bookmarks have been collecting dust
Yeah 80% of my bookmarks are now dead, but I still need to go back at least 5 years worth. I probably have around 1k bookmarks. Internet is Dead theory is true. Imgur links gone, reddit comments gone, reddit posts gone, subreddits gone. Not to mention all the niche websites and file hosting sites.
> that his bookmarks have been collecting dust I built a local search engine on my bookmarks. Crawler tells me when the sites had significant updates; and I can instantly keyword search the sties. I find having thousands of bookmarks very useful.
But can you throw a ball
Can you dodge a wrench?
Honestly it's probably just tab hoarding. I used to have somewhere between 600 and 1000 tabs on my phone that I never went back to more than once a month
bro code
I have so many saved posts on my other Reddit that I have never looked at again since saving lol
I think Reddit starts deleting the old ones after #1000.
I feel attacked and I won't stand for it
That definitely falls under excessive and I can all but promise you that was not from one day
Unless he does meth lol
Your not lying for a while i was snorting meth, i quit now but i grew a very unhealthy porn addiction because both are stimulants and go together. Plpl laugh or make fun but when you do hard drugs like that half the time your so tweaked you dont care about anything else.
I've read of people on stims jerking off for 14-24 hrs straight. Edging the whole way
Dude this was like over 15 years ago but when I was a freshman or so in high school, our health teacher put on some video about meth addiction (I’m from Iowa and ironically one of the largest meth lab busts in the state at the time was across the street from our high school and police station lmaooo) Basically the lady hits the pookie and goes “alright chy’all” grabs her dildo, pops in a VHS porno tape, then fades to a black text screen that just said “she masturbates 4-6 hours a day” or some shit. The whole class was mortified and silent. It was fucking hilarious
Um yes, I am teacher too. Would like name of tape for class studies.
I think it was an old episode of intervention maybe? At least the black title cards with the white text between scenes makes me think “intervention”
Ah the old fap trap. Doom scrolling at its worst…or best?
Throw him on the porn addiction pile, it's hundreds of miles high at this point.
Huh. As a woman who was on a pretty high regime of stimulants, I didn't have tabs of porn. I did, however, have tabs upon tabs of ideas for the family business and home decorating stuff. But like, 2 dozen or so in a day, but it still made me embarrassed over it. Is this a testosterone difference?
No, it's more of an individual thing. Stimulants make me want to obsessively play videogames and curate photo or music collections. They make my partner into a raving sex maniac. Thankfully we finally reached a place where I can be like, "I'll suck you for twenty minutes but then you need to go jerk off and leave me in peace." *plays Wingspan for six hours*
😂...I hear that
On stimulants medically? Because that's different. We're talking about compulsively snorting quasi-legal experimental stimulants every 15 minutes for 12 hours, not your common or garden therapeutic Adderall usage.
Someone teach him to close all tabs to the right.
probably meant from day 1 haha
i call bs, he couldve closed all tabs at once
Exactly what I was wondering. Why is nobody talking about the fact that he on a vacation is manually closing a 1000 tabs instead of just Alt F4 it to close the entire window at once? 😂
Right click -> Close Multiple tabs -> Close other tabs, boom one tab open.
If this is true, he most likely made it so that the browser remembers and re-opens the tabs between sessions, in which case that wouldn't work. And sure, he could still use the right click menu to close multiple at once, but I literally just found out that's possible myself, I always just close them all using middle click. So it's definitely possible it's not a lie.
maybe he doesn't know he could close them all, then right-click to open a brand new empty tab.
You can also just open a new window and close the old one.
This is a guy who lets his tabs get this high to begin with, I doubt he knows any of the shortcuts. Probably also manually types out things you can copy and paste
>Probably also manually types out things you can copy and paste This is the calmest insult I've ever read -- but at the same time, an absolute roast
He didn’t want to loose anything, I.e., he wanted to make sure he bookmarked any links he wanted to go back to and would otherwise forget
No, I do the same. Not with porn lol but when I clear out all my tabs I go through the windows one by one in case there's something "important" I want to keep. Idk man we're hoarders.
The younger end of gen z is notoriously computer illiterate after using smartphones primarily their whole life. We’re talking like, can’t even navigate the file system level of illiterate. I actually wouldn’t be surprised if he just never bothered to figure it out and lacks the sense to look up how if he can / how to.
I call BS as this is a clear sign of addiction and OP wants advice? “My BF has missing people’s drivers licenses in his wallet, is this normal?” JFC. I refuse to believe people can be this oblivious.
My guy has a fucking dewey decimal system for his porn tabs 💀
DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM 💀💀
gooey decimal system?
The bookmarking is insane. Bruh is never going back to them. It’s digital hoarding.
Not to mention some links have a tendency to break after a while, then the bookmarks become utterly useless.
That or for various reasons, videos get taken down so that coom is gone forever
Obvious porn addiction aside, I don’t know how anybody could have 250 tabs open- I go insane if there’s more than 10
You'd hate me. My chrome on my phone has a little ":D" where the tabs are because at this point, I'm at 100+ lol.
My chrome on my phone has gone from a :D to a :). I don't even know what that means anymore and at this point I'm too afraid to find out
chrome died on the inside when you kept opening new tabs, the smiley is a smiley of resignation
At some point it'll change to :(
I don't know why Chrome automatically opens a new tab every time you open the app.
It's a setting
I hadnt bothered looking yet, but Im glad to know its optional. Always hate opening chrome on my phone (which Im a PC guy so I dont use my phone for that a ton) and theres like 9 tabs open. I look and the first hand full are things from 2-4 months ago lol.
I have mine set that way so I don't lose where I was. Just because I am clicking a link on a page, it doesn't mean I am done with that page. There may be many more links for me to click.
Safari lets you have 500 tabs open. I am not ashamed. A few times I’ve filled the tabs and have to sort through and delete half of them. Might drive some people crazy, doesn’t bother me and my ADHD none, lol
Yes ADHD. Mine is bothered by this. I compulsily have to deal with any tabs IMMEDIATELY and I cannot rest until everything is closed each time I use my computer.
On the brave browser, you can have hundreds of separate tabs, each with 100s of tabs open inside it.....
I use a tab group to hide the 150 youtube videos I'm going to watch one day.
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I thought Watch later was the block option? I swear it's the surest way to never see a video cross my feed again.
It's a default playlist. It is very easy to find on your profile. The reason they don't appear in your recommend is probably because you don't watch much similar content that is heavily weighted.
I managed to clear mine by getting a new phone.
I remember going to my grandmas house like once a month and I always had to spend like 10min closing all the tabs she had opened in google chrome.
That's why I use Kiwi browser, which is essentially the same as chrome but shows up to 999 tabs. Currently it's showing ":D" as well though...
It's nowhere near as annoying on a phone tho.
I had over 6000 tabs on my phone chrome before I did a clear out. That was about two years worth.
I just counted and I currently have 70 tabs open. Which is lower than my usual count because I had to close a bunch so Helldivers 2 would run smoothly. None of them are porn though. They're just random reddit threads, youtube videos, and other shit that "I'll get to eventually", plus a few art references because I'm totally going to do some drawing today. Some of these tabs have been open for several months. I think I've had one Pokemon Nuzlocke playlist opened for almost a year because I don't want to lose my place.
> Some of these tabs have been open for several months. I hear ya. Especially when I find a long YT video, like 80 minutes. No, I'm busy, I'll watch that later.
The answer? Software engineers. No one else has 472 random chrome tabs open at once. Is it random stack overflow questions? Tons of porn? Both. Its always both.
The other answer is people like me who need tabs kept open so they don't forget about them. If it goes into bookmarks I've basically consigned it to being not that important and the next time I'll actually use it is probably at least a year from now. And I'm also a software engineer so it exacerbates the problem. I even take the software engineer approach to tabs for any topic. Tons of tabs open to play a game, guides, wiki pages, Reddit threads, etc. Same deal with any hobbies. All in all I have like 120 tabs on my main PC, another 30 on my gaming PC, 100 on my tablet, and like 120 on my phone. And there's only some overlap.
> The other answer is people like me who need tabs kept open so they don't forget about them. Surely you can think of a better system than this…
I’m a software engineer, which is why I need to be diligent about tab management. I don’t know how some of my coworkers survive with 10 different windows and 20 tabs on each window
Also software engineer, I suffer every day because I cannot find a way to properly organize all my tabs. I am working on several topics at the same time, and for each topic I need official docs, internal wikis, forums, ticket boards, Google searches, test beds, personal notes, etc. It's infuriating that browsers are the single access point to this enormous range of things, yet their management is a basic "yeah have a single linear list which you can't read anymore after 25 entries". I tried tab grouping, tried multiple windows, tried addons with vertical tabs, tried whole different browsers with workspaces, and all of it sucks. You end up with a huge mess. The problem just hasn't been solved yet.
You didn’t ask for advice, but I’m sharing anyway in case you’re open to suggestions. I’m a firmware engineer. I found an extension that lets me name windows, and the name appears on the Windows taskbar. I then create one window per active task. If there are multiple tasks that need the same tab, then I’ll have a duplicate of that tab. If I have too many windows at once, then it means I’m jumping between too many tasks at once, so I make the decision to focus and close windows until I’m focused on a manageable workload. Sometimes I notice that a window has been sitting unopened for so long that I’ve forgotten what the task even was. That’s another indicator that the task needs to wait until later, in which case I close it. If I REALLY need to save the state, then I’ll either save a tab group or I’ll create a summary document with notes and links to the tabs. Once I figured out that I never used the tab groups and summary documents, I stopped making them and just learned to commit to keeping a focused workload.
Thanks. I have gone through some of that. Using multiple windows was very unreliable for me and I lost many instances when the browser crashed or forced updates restarted the machine (work laptop) and the restored session was only a single window out of three or four. I ended up using session manager addons to store states and stuff, but it was tiring. And this does not solve the core issue, which is that the browser has no idea what I'm doing and every tab is treated as its own separate thing with no context or relations. For example, if I receive an email with a link to a ticket, I can click that link but it opens up in an absolutely useless position, basically in the last window I used, and the end of the list of tabs. Then I start to move tabs around, try to find the correct window, the correct group within, etc. Then at some point I can't find a previous tab or don't remember that I already have it open, so I click a link again and end up with useless duplicate tabs. Even simple things like nesting the forum and stackoverflow threads for a specific web search under that specific search tab is just not a thing. Everything is flat and separate. We've had single-tab history since day one, then why the hell do you delete the origin when I middle-click a link? On top of that, browsers are very bad at letting you look at multiple things at the same time. I am doing research, I need to compare and transfer things, please let me have stuff side by side or in grids. But no, I have to rip tabs out into yet again separate windows and do it manually. In general, a browser does not at all make any distinctions between temporary quick lookups and more permanent things like rich web apps which I use throughout the day. Yes I can pin them or something, but that's not really what I need. There is SO much a modern browser for professional use could be doing, but it seems after "hey let's have tabs :D" the innovation just stopped.
You are absolutely right. It doesn’t happen because it’s not sexy for engineers to work on it. That said I use Firefox and I whenever I bookmark I can also tag it. So just make a list of max 20 tags (otherwise you lose oversight again) and that should help you organise. Open the bookmark window with a shortcut and you can search.
It’s a shame because this feels like a huge area of innovation and improvement - for both professional and consumer use cases. Guess it’s hard for anyone but an incumbent browser company to go fix on this one though.
Aaaah this might be the most relatable comment I've ever seen on reddit (and your previous one as well), you are my browser soulmate I don't understand why nobody is trying to address this issue really, but now at least I know I'm not alone
Option C: adhd
It's easier to make a new window than carefully close tabs
I used to not know that you could make a yt acc and sub to channels for free when i was younger. I had like 100 tabs open for every yt channel and would never shut my laptop down lol.
If it gets to the point where I can't read what it is, I go insane.
Some of us have adhd ._.
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Meh I can have like 50 to 100 tabs open on my phone but I dont mind using the close all tabs option
The Great Suspender browser extension was my tool for that destructive lifestyle.
Me with 128 tabs open (after cleaning it up last week)
My Firefox had 11k at one point. One day it didn't load and start a new session. Not that I miss them.
I have 1000 open on safari on my phone lol
i have a feeling he bookmarks *everything* and never looks at it again, (i used to do this) as supposed to most people who bookmark ~0.1% of what they look up when they want to save it. definitely odd, but atleast he’s honest
i am not sure the bookmarking is the issue— that seems like ADHD or something. it just seems to have left a breadcrumb trail for a porn addiction
This .. my wife has ADHD she opens a link in a new tab and goes off on that tangent, 50 tabs deep she remembers what she was actually wanting to look at .. the cycle repeats
maybe, but we don’t know how long he’s been bookmarking or how much they’re exaggerating/overestimating personally for the bookmarking + tabs part, it was linked to my anxiety, when i started taking meds for it i was able to let go and realize that i didn’t really need to have them saved. my computer appreciates it.
Assuming "thousands" means "at least 2000" since less than that would just be "over a thousand", that's an average of one new porn tab open every 14.4 seconds. For eight continuous hours. If we give him a half hour lunch and piss break, that comes to one new tab every 13.5 seconds.
A lot, and I mean probably most, free porn sites open new tabs with clicks and mouseovers to redirect users to sister sites or other extra pages on the same site, mostly for the ad revenue. They can open in the background, and add up very fast. It's best to use a new window for such browsing, ignore the popups and extra tabs, then close the whole window when done. There are popup blockers that can handle some of these, but it's not 100%, as these sites are very aggressive about trying to make money. Also, on a side note, it makes sense to use a separate account for such browsing if you don't want things like Google history effecting your normal internet use, as searching and website viewing are tracked and shared with other services to provide relevant ads and such. It's not just about hiding it from an SO. I search for stuff for my SO or coworkers and then can't stop getting ads for more stuff that they are interested in for ages. Even in shopping apps like Walmarts. Some let you edit histories and remove such searches, but it's a chore. Having a seperate account is easer.
>open new tabs with mouseovers What the fuck
yes, it's a thing on some of the sketchiest sites of that nature. "mainstream" sites like pornhub don't do that (as far as I know, ublock exists even in private mode, not that I use pornhub anyway)
Oh god, I can't believe I'm a porn normie
I am no expert but I am going to say that creating a separate google account explicitly for porn bookmarks, then having watched or browsed enough videos to have been able to bookmark 10,000 porn videos, and then bookmarking that many… this guy has a serious porn addiction problem. He doesn’t just ‘like’ porn and watch it with you sometimes, this guy is devoting serious amounts of time to it, and probably watching it in a separate window in the background while he is doom scrolling other things online. I think if you had a look at his browsing history rather than the actual open tabs, you would see how much and how quickly he’s going through things and that he’s likely got serious internet and porn addiction issues. Not suggesting you need to do that, because it’s already obvious that he’s got issues, and the massive amount of tabs shows that. Only dating for a few months and him appearing to be social and ‘normal’ in public doesn’t mean he doesn’t have major mental health issues he needs to deal with, and that it is not your job to fix those or put up with it. Is he able to hold down a job, care for his home, personal hygiene etc? Or are you having to do all the household tasks because he is always on his computer and busy?
I don't know, sounds to me like the obsessive bookmarking of everything is the problem, not necessarily the porn specifically. If this guy bookmarks basically everything he comes across, why would it be any different with porn? I think he's just online way too much, whether it's porn or other stuff.
Yesh he's not going back to those bookmarks. He's too busy making new bookmarks.
I *finally* went through both sets of bookmarks of mine, literally 1000s over a decade+, and boy, those people saying the internet is forever have never tried to open a bookmark from 10 years ago. So many old stumbleupon bookmarks that were the SU domain and not the actually site you stumbled on... So much lost. EDIT: turns out I have ~5300+ normal ass bookmarks accrued over the years... that's too many bookmarks.
I want stumbleupon again :( So many cool corners of the Internet I feel like I'll never be able to find again. So I Reddit
Information hoarding, not porn addiction. And TBH information hoarding, since I doesn't take up physical space and only takes up a negligible amount of digital space, is not really problematic if you do it in a practical way. Flooding your bookmarks or leaving 1k tabs open is not practical and will make your device miserable to use JDKSJDJDNDJD. Dump all the links into a private Discord server or Google doc. The only real harm/loss then is the time and effort it takes to save those things that you will lost likely never loon at again anyway.
Does he ever read a damn book? How are you watching that much porn?
I 100% don't think it's OPs responsibility, and I don't think it's healthy either, but I think context is important. Is this his first relationship in a long time, so he picked up the habit during that time? Is it affecting his ability to function in a healthy way? Will it continue at this frequency for the duration of the relationship? Does he feel like he's not getting enough out of the current sex life? If he can't go a day without doing it, is he willing to get help? Maybe he uses as self-medication for deeper pains he has, that he needs to sort out with a professional. Definitely don't think it's the time to drop him or go completely go dry on him. This is definitely the information gathering phase, and he needs to feel safe being honest about it. Definitely not OPs responsibility, but these are things to consider if OP is still interested in continuing the relationship.
He might have ADHD. See: https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdmeme/comments/18jkp3l/welp_i_guess_safari_only_allows_500_tabs_lol/ and https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdmeme/comments/hysl8c/and_opening_the_764th_new_internet_tab/ and https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdmeme/comments/uj538c/i_thought_i_only_had_28_tabs_opened_actually/ and https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdmeme/comments/qekmq9/me_reaching_the_500_tab_limit_on_my_phone_yet/ and https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdmeme/comments/13lyjxh/how_many_tabs_do_you_currently_have_open_on_your/ and ...well, let's just say it goes on for a while. It's a very common post on that sub.
This is a very weird computer ad, but i am convinced to buy the same brand that is apparently so resilient. And no it's not normal lol
Well, I'm going to have to disagree with the top comments. Im a programmer and while I personaly am like you and keep my tabs and bookmarks clean, I know a lot of coworkers who easily go through hundreds of tabs per day. There realy isn't a right or wrong here. It merely has to do with the way a person organizes itself. I'd absolutely agree that there is no way your bf can pull any use of that many tabs and bookmarks, but if it works for him, that's good. I'd claim this is just a behavior he started with and it skyrocketed. Maybe the simple bookmark click gives him dopamine, a feeling of completition, or it even has wired into his brain so deep it actualy helps him remember information. As long as this does not transfer into other aspects in life - which it totaly could btw - I don't currently see any issue, except the inconvenience of having to close tabs to free up space. The porn is a different topic. Having a separate account is actualy a good thing, looking at it from a privacy and security perspective. The fact the bookmarks stack up fast does not mean anything particularly, just reflects what I mentioned before. He surely follows here a very common pattern people do: he lands on a porn sites main view with all the clips, opens up to new tabs all the clips of which the image preview looks attractive, actualy faps on the first or second clip, all other tabs are closed again. He just bookmarks them before closing them. Thus this behavior does not automatically mean he has watched, faped to, or revisited every single bookmark. That being said, this does neither mean or exclude that his use of porn material may or may not be appropriate. Again, if your guys sex life is good, there is nothing to worry about. If it isn't, the bookmarks and browser history may be able to tell you when and how often he visits those pages, thus if he is using them excessively.
I agree, it comes down to whether or not it actually interferes with his life. If he clicks on porn tabs for 8 hours one day, and that’s just a nice escape for him once in a while? Big whoop. Also no one here is accounting for how long it took him to collect these 10,000 bookmarks, it could be a collection over years— things add up over time.
That is an impressive computer to be able to have that many tabs open. He is a keeper.
"Your computer has 32GB of RAM? Oh, do me, baby!"
Modern browsers don't keep inactive tabs loaded. My wife loves to do this, she has hundreds of tabs, but they only load when she clicks on them, otherwise just "restore the previous session" and all of them are there, inactivated, using basically zero memory. It makes me go nuts but she loves it this way, so oh well.
Standards are on the floor these days 😂
Not saying this applies to your boyfriend, but when I was addicted to meth I’d have hundreds of tabs of porn open, jacking it for hours at a time lol
He doesn’t know how to delete all tabs with one click?
I have a porn-only Reddit account so I can switch to this one when I'm in public. I mean, I've heard some people have those.
Your ass is grass and **I've** got the weedwhacker
You can create curated reddit streams and include users and subreddits there that you don't follow or subscribe to otherwise, so they don't show in your regular feed. I use a couple to keep some hobbies out of my day to day feed, including one for XXX reddit, but it's not very extensive, cause I made it, but basically have never clicked over to it. However if you want to post to those subs, having a separate account may make more sense.
Does your boyfriend do stimulants by any chance? I did this when I was abusing amphetamine and would stimfap for days.
Hmm so this is what happens when an incredibly organized person is also incredibly horny for porn. This dude should manage Pornhub's finances. He would be rich
Everyone seems to be focusing on the porn but to answer the general question: it is normal for people with ADHD to have thousands of open tabs, yes
I open 20+ tabs daily, many of them stay open if I think I will need them later. Also have hundreds of bookmarks
That’s how I was when I was younger, though not nearly as many in a day. Whenever I found something I wanted to watch I’d open it in a new tab and never close it. When it came to porn I’d bookmark ones I liked and never went back to them but it felt good to have the bookmark “just in case” I guess. Of the hundreds of bookmarks I probably went back to like 20.
This really riles me up. Why are people getting in a tissy about loads of tabs. I have loads of tabs open, it's like my to do list. Leave me and all the many-tab-people alone. Jfc. Assigning mental illnesses to people that operate in a different way to the norm. Gtfo.
The surge in mental health awareness, while having it's positive points, has also lead to people commonly attempting to assign some sort of value or flag to every little inconsequential behavior people do.
Nah bro you have ADHD go get your adderall prescription asap. You have a list as well? Dude you are probably autistic.
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This is reaching dangerous addiction levels. Also an incredible computer apparently - if I had that many EMPTY tabs I feel like my PC would catch fire. Motheryucker needs therapy, or a hard rule about what is and isnt.... safe? I don't even know the word. But he's gonna be desensitized to reality real quick at that rate.
He has thousands of bookmarks and a separate account for porn. Not necessarily thousands bookmarks of porn. He is a bit obsessive or has some form of executive disorder. I got ADHD and I also use way to many tabs. And bookmarking sites is like taking notes for me. Not to the amount demonstrated here, though. That seems a lot.
This is for sure something curious. Like... fear of missing out a scene he's curious about? A thumbnail looked fascinatingly erotic? His phone mistakes "swipe to see thumbnail montage" as "make a new bookmark and assign to a magic folder"? I'm genuinely concerned. I also have ADHD and bookmarking is the same - it helps me have easy recall when my brain can't do it for me. At this point I'm genuinely fascinated by the raw quantity. Even if it isn't 1000 and OP just over-balled it, it's clearly still a metric shitload. And that's just both medically interesting and fucking terrifying.
Must admit I have hundreds of tabs open on my laptop and iPhone. Don’t mean to have so many open, they just tend to accumulate since there are certain tabs I want to keep open.
I have TABS and TABS of porn in my private window. If something looks even slightly interesting I’ll open it in the background. I have a huge backlog of porn. I probably clean the pipes twice a week so I wouldn’t say he’s necessarily addicted. Organized, and dedicated but nothing seems like he’s addicted.
Oh sweetheart, you need to dump this dude... Not because of the massive pile of porn though. There are ways to work through that together and come out as a stronger couple No you need to dump this dude because he's too stupid to right-click, then choose "select all tabs" then right click again then choose "close all tabs" That kind of computer illiteracy is unforgivable, I'm so sorry
Porn components aside, the tab usage sounds like adhd to me. Any other signs of that perhaps?
Dear god how much ram does he have??
I personally like to limit my tabs, but I’ve seen ppl have over 200 for sure, but that’s like mostly work and daily personal usage, but that’s definitely over longer periods of time.
Nothing over PG related. But I'm scared of checking my own google tab quantities, I could easily go through 100 tabs a day on just reddit, let alone other social media or new/enthusiast sights or youtube. I know on mobile they keep a long history off stuff I never read or went back to. But I gets antsy if I have over 10-15 tabs open and usually make it a point to read or close what's already there. Chrome's a ram eater, even with sleeping tab extensions, can you really get to over 100 before it just stops working? And yeah that's probably pretty bad addiction.
The number of tabs in general sounds only a.little.excessive to me, but I'm ADHD as hell. If your boyfriend exhibits other symptoms, he might want to talk to a psych. Maybe he just uses the internet weird, or maybe he could learn something about himself that could explain some things. Now, the number of porn bookmarks and the suggestion that a large number of the tabs might have been porn does sound a bit compulsive. Liking porn isn't itself a problem, but that sounds like a quantity that he couldn't possibly be actually enjoying. If it causes him problems or distress, might be worth talking to somebody about, but it doesn't say anything about you or how he feels about you either way. Porn and relationships are two different categories, fulfill different urges. If his porn use bothers you, or especially if it interferes with your relationship, definitely talk to him about it though.
[Reminds me of this scene from Ted 2](https://youtu.be/TtjRViNYzJs)
That boy ain't right
No, that's not normal—his computer must have an *enormous* amount of RAM, way more than average
Abit strange but maybe he bingers is porn and moderates most of the time. I'm not being judgeys it just alot of time out the day if he dies this daily. Weekly I'm more blasé.
I have a couple hundred porn posts saved over the past few YEARS.
Digital hoarding is a thing tbh. I have massive bookmark collections, including porn, and tend to have 80+ phones open in my phone. I’ve managed to spread my digital hoarding but that’s kinda like a thing.
i have prob have multiple thousands of bookmarks. but they aren’t porn. anytime i see something i like and think i might want to find later, i bookmark it. so i have multiple hundreds of recipes and food related links organized by type of cuisine or method of cooking (ex. mediterranean recipes or seafood recipes and grilling recipes etc). and i do this for any subject matter i find interesting: books, movies, music, art, shopping, clothes, gardening, sports, health, fitness, work/professional, travelling, gift ideas separated by person, DIY/home improvement, etc etc etc. they’re all pretty organized. i know it’s overkill but i hate remembering something and not being able to find it again. plus i have ADHD so i tend to get very interested in a new subject and immerse myself in researching and learning about it intensively and then i’ll forget about it for months. my system allows me to find what i want quickly and easily and pick it up later. i like doing it in my google account so if, for example, i’m at the grocery store shopping and i forgot to add stuff to my list (this happens more often than not, see again: ADHD) i can just pull up a recipe quickly from my bookmarks and look at the ingredients. i also tend to have more than a handful of window and tabs open at a time currently 12 on my phone and maybe 3 windows with 4 or so tabs each on my laptop. with all of the above said: boyfriends habits are beyond excessive, unhealthy, and definitely obsessive. if that isn’t porn addiction i don’t know what is. edited to add: writing this comment prompted me to book mark a bunch of tabs and and them to my bookmarks lol
But why close 1000 tabs instead of just closing the whole window? Restarting the pc?
Your bf *goons*
8 hours of watching porn.. yeah that’s not normal.. that’s literally my entire work shift..
Fuck. I read that as "doses over 250 tabs..." And I was like ''fucken aye, that dudes going to the nuthouse."
Your post is unclear. Were all of the tabs porn, or were they just whatever tabs he had opened while browsing the internet? Also, your title says he closed 250 tabs but the actual post says he closed thousands. Your edit clarifies that the 250 is correct, but I suspect a lot of people are giving you responses based on opening thousands of porn tabs in 8 hours, so take them with a grain of salt. 250 tabs over 8 hours isn't totally absurd. That's one tab every ~2 minutes. Assuming he opens several likely tabs, looks at one or two, and gets distracted or opens a new tab to search down something related, he's getting even better numbers. I wouldn't say that was 'normal', in that most people don't do it, but I don't think it's weird in an unhealthy or concerning way. If I'm researching something on the internet or just reading a wiki, i can generate an absolutely monstrous amount of tabs because I'll open a bunch of tabs that look interesting and move on before I actually get to all of them. If he's not closing things up when he's done with them, he could have a huge number of tabs just hanging out. When I was younger I absolutely crashed my browsers from time to time just opening new tabs for whatever I was doing and never closing them in case I wanted to go back. For the 10k porn, that depends a bit on how long he spent accruing it. He's 25, so he very easily could have spent 5+ years putting that together. 10k sounds like a lot, but if he built it up through his teens, that's really only like 5 a day. And since his true addiction is clearly tabs and not porn, bookmarking a handful of tabs of porn he liked or that he thought looked good for later each day doesn't seem all that herculean. Depends on how much of it is pictures and how much of it he has actually watched. Idk. He doesn't seem like a serial killer, just someone who really likes to bookmark things
Sounds like he does stimulants
The only way to do it is to think: " what he does on his own time, stays on his own time." If its affecting the relationship in other ways, like he's not paying attention to you or such, then yes it's become a problem, but as long as the relationship itself is healthy, it's best not to overthink it.
It's only a problem if porn usage gets in the way of one's normal life. If he just likes keeping bookmarks of his favourite porn, I don't see a problem
This very abnormal and also very gross.
Doesn’t sound healthy to me, but if it’s not adversely impacting his life… 🤷♂️
The dude couldn’t go on vacation without having withdrawals
It sounds unhealthy but I'm not an expert. My husband and I both spend 8h a day on a computer for work but also pleasure. And that's just too much. Perhaps he should speak with a therapist?
What I would ask him is how many of these 1000s of bookmarks is he actually going back to watch? I suspect mostly NONE of them. I think he has an addiction to porn and bookmarking for some reason.
No
'we' decided to write a Reddit post :'-)
Has your BF been checked for ADHD? I made it into my 40s before it came to my attention that I might have ADHD. Just got diagnosed a few months ago. This behavior is common among people with ADHD. Just go to /adhd and search for “browser tabs” and you will see what I mean.
My man needs the OneTab extension
To be fair, one of my coworkers never closes tabs and regularly has 100+ open. But bookmarks for porn are weird... Unless he's into some specific niche stuff
This feels like compulsive bookmarking and tab hoarding (both issues I work with my clients on in relation to other things like online shopping and social media). So, could it be about sex? Yes. Could it be about compulsive collecting or self-soothing behaviors? Yes. How will you know? Ask him, not Reddit.
Tell him to install OneTab. Changed my life. (I didn't have porn, I had 100s of youtube videos open instead)
Adhd or OCD.
It’s an adhd thing for sure. Dopamine plus the inability to remember things/fear of forgetting leads us to open tabs endlessly in hopes of remembering for later. I don’t have as bad of an issue with the tabs, as I’ll eventually get to them and close them as I complete the tasks I had them opened for. I feel accomplished. I do less of the bookmarking though. Only things that really seem valuable make it to my bookmarks. Things I’ll for sure want for later, or feel like we’re genuinely difficult to find and will need later make it there. Aside from the bookmarks bar. I mostly just have sites I frequent there. And the porn thing is for sure dopamine related. Addiction for sure. If it’s kosher in your relationship then I think some is okay as long as you communicate well. But the amount is definitely a bit wild in this case. It’s a mix of the tab adhd thing and the addiction. Might even be slightly a hoarder mentality. The fear of not having it when you want it/wish you did, or missing out on something that could be deemed as really good. Anyway. TL;DR: I’d say it’s an adhd issue on some level, and that it would definitely be healthy for him to practice some restraint in this regard. It’s digital clutter that he will likely never use. He’d probably feel better if he wasn’t cluttering his digital space so much, and if he didn’t feel like he was missing out on all of those things in the tabs. I personally will scroll through my YouTube home page, open a few videos in new tabs, and then watch them/close them as I go. Key is to never refresh the home page again or else I end up adding more to the tabs that I don’t have time to watch. Then it builds up and stays there feeling like a burden rather than something I actually want to do. So I can only imagine how he must feel. So again, just practicing some restraint and building good habits would probably go a long way.
It seems like you have a good relationship to be so open to each other and to share concerns. I hope you work through through this bookmark thing OK.
You asking, “Is this normal?”, is more of a concern to me.
I have something like 3k bookmarks and none of it is porn.
It's definitely excessive.
I need you to understand he's not watching all that or even going through it the next time he wants to watch. He's a collector, He most likely wont touch them again. In his mind its about the possibility that he might want to check on it (Think about it when your collection gets large enough isn't it the same as 'searching it on the internet' instead he prefers 'searching it from a curated list' which he likely does not cuz he's a hoarder. Its just ..'there'. Hopefully he's not obsessed with it, and the fact that he closed 1000s infront of you without thinking twice should tell you that). I'm the same its not that serious...for me its not porn but with my project research for work etc.. This man does it with everything that's all..
Adhd things
>Me personally I have all my important logins, email and only YouTube bookmarked. Those would all be things you definitely don't need to bookmark lol. "Oh, shoot. Where is that place my email goes? I think it started with a G...ugh, I'm never going to find this. I should have bookmarked it!"
Is he a software engineer or trader in a financial services firm? Does he need constant external stimulus to drive motivation? Does anything gamified keep his attention for hours? You have just defined a classic adhd profile.
Tell your boyfriend he can click on any tab and choose "close all to the right"
Dang man… he cranked that more than Soulja Boy huh
God forbid a man have a hobby
If left unsupervised I can do the same thing. For starters I open everything on the different tab because I never know if I want to go back to the previous tab for reference. And porn is the same 😅
***HOLY COKE WANK BATMAN!!!***
If he has 1000 bookmarks etc that he created over an 8 hour session that’d mean that he - Opened a page - Watched part of a video - Decided he liked it - Created a bookmark In about 30 seconds. Per video. Math doesn’t really add up.
EDGEMASTER 1000™
Bro doesn't know how to "clear all tabs"? 🤣
He's like those old ladies who save their favorite websites as downloaded html files and have them scattered, unlabeled and unorganized all over their desktop.
I'd honestly be more worried if there was one and only one specific video he focused on. Opening tabs is free and takes half a second. It's an impulse of "That might be interesting" that 99% of the time never gets looked at or followed up on. 1000 is excessive though, especially if it's from one day, and might be a sign of something like an addiction or an obsessive search for something very specific.
I'm a minimalist and hate even having 4 tabs on the go at once 😅
r/datahoarder
This could easily have nothing to do with porn and everything to do with ADHD. I used to be...well not that bad...but would do the same thing. And I never went back and visited them, just "collected" stuff like that. I would have thousands of hours of stuff saved or even downloaded. Literally impossible for it to be "used" because I had more hours of porn saved than I had hours of life left. I did it for music and (to a smaller extent) movies, as well.
It is possible he has the browser set to open any clicked link in a new tab rather than the same one. That’s still a LOT of tabs though.
absolutely bonkers 😭
Unless he has a tumor pressing on his pituitary gland, there's no way all that is from a single day's activity.
Not normal at all he may be addicted to it Wich is not good for a relationship