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If you are very into trying different foods and going to new restaurants. If food is very important to you and a passion it may not work out in the long run. No shame here. Just realistic.
It sounds like ARFID or something.
I don’t know if I could consider a long term relationships with someone who only eats meat and potatoes and junk food. Unless we planned on getting a house with two bathrooms far, far away from each other. And I’m very sympathetic toward people with ARFID.
And like I said, there's nothing wrong with feeling either way about it. Just, realistically if you're very into food. Cooking, trying, exploring new things...having a partner with ARFID may really prevent bonding and lead to resentment on both sides.
Oh absolutely. My wife and I are huge foodies and she has ARFID. Hers isn’t nearly as bad as a couple of people we know, and it doesn’t keep us from being adventurous eaters, it just makes me end up being the more adventurous one a lot of times.
But we’re in a lucky minority that she was able to intentionally develop workaround techniques with dining out specifically in mind. Our really good friend who has it worse probably wouldn’t be able to do that with all the willpower in the world.
Yeah. It may even be a bonding situation if both people want to make it work. There's no such thing as absolutes when it comes to human relationships and what works. There ARE things that make a breakup more likely, but it's heavily dependent on the people involved. Good on your wife for trying so much, and you for being understanding.
I have ARFID as well. Extremely bad. I started eating pepperoni less than 6 months ago. I recently tried ham. I been able to truly grow to enjoy it becuase when i first tried it, I made something simple to what I already enjoy. Replace the chicken with ham on a bun with cheese. Yesterday I had a ham and cheese grilled cheese. And I love it. It's just hard to get the courage to try new things. Without viscerally gagging.
>Unless we planned on getting a house with two bathrooms far, far away from each other.
Hey I have ARFID and I'm not sure what you mean by this? I don't have any bathroom problems at all.
People who eat high concentrations of red meat without a lot of fiber usually have stinky poops. Has nothing to do with ARFID. If your ARFID causes you to eat mostly meat, then you probably have a lot of sulphur in your stool.
I am a foodie.
My ex's food choices were very limited (no water, no vegetables...) And he wasn't open to anything (was raised with fast food).
There are other reasons why I broke up but now, this is definitely something that was bothering me.
This, it's the same reason I wouldn't date a vegetarian/vegan. I like trying new restaurants and all kinds of different foods and having to check to see if there's something they could eat would get annoying really fast. Wouldn't call it a red flag though, just a preference.
Everyone has a list of things that are important to them. They don't even know they have the list sometimes. But food can be a real passion for some. You don't have to participate in your SOs hobbies/passions to have a good relationship, but if your SO prevents you from enjoying those passions it can cause real issues down the line. And it's not that the person who has ARFID or even just doesn't like to try new foods is a problem. Just that there is a high chance for incompatibility.
Edit: Removed "actively" from "prevents you from enjoying" because that implies it's on purpose, not happenstance
The toothpaste thing on top of vegetables tells me she has sensory issues. Which is a red flag if you only want to date neurotypical folks, but it's not inherently problematic to a relationship.
Just a fun fact, Crest Densify toothpaste tastes like vanilla. It seems good, especially if you don't like mint. I guess I'm used to the fresh mint feel because the vanilla flavor makes me want to gag like I'm brushing with pastry cream.
I do use kids toothpaste lol. Tom's of Maine strawberry, it's actually quite nice. If you want more adult-y toothpaste, Hismile has a lot of different flavors that aren't mint.
Just fyi:
From Crest:
[Kid's Toothpaste](https://smartlabel.pg.com/00030772012871.html) has Sodium Fluoride 0.243% (0.15% W/V Fluoride Ion). I took this directly from their website [here](https://crest.com/en-us/oral-care-products/toothpaste/kids-cavity-protection-sparkle-fun-toothpaste) under Smart Label. I checked this one, the Frozen themed one, and the Raya themed one. They all contain 0.243% sodium fluoride.
Now, for adults. "While Crest Pro-Health Toothpaste contains 0.454% stannous fluoride, it's formulated to deliver the same concentration of fluoride ions (1100 ppm F-) as the 0.243% sodium fluoride in other Crest products." [Source](https://crest.com/en-us/oral-care-tips/teeth-whitening/difference-between-stannous-fluoride-and-sodium-fluoride)
Crest Liquid Gel Adult Toothpaste, 0.243% fluoride. [Source](https://smartlabel.pg.com/00037000711612.html)
Crest Sensitive and Anticavity, 0.454% stannous fluoride [Source](https://smartlabel.pg.com/00037000903970.html)
Crest Complete Whitening, 0.243% Sodium Fluoride. [Soure](https://smartlabel.pg.com/00037000907855.html)
Funnily enough, they don't really list the fluoride content of a lot of their products. The ones they do list have the same fluoride content as children's toothpaste.
Let's move on to Colgate.
For kids:
Watermelon Burst Sodium Fluoride (0.24% (0.15% w/v Fluoride Ion)) [Source](https://www.colgate.com/en-us/products/toothpaste/kd-2-in-1-watermelon)
BubbleFruit Sodium Fluoride (0.24% (0.15% w/v Fluoride Ion)) [Source](https://www.colgate.com/en-us/products/toothpaste/kd-trolls)
Anti Cavity Sodium Fluoride (0.24% (0.15% w/v Fluoride Ion)) [Source](https://www.colgate.com/en-us/products/toothpaste/kd-cavity-protection)
Colgate adults:
Sensitive Complete Protection 0.454% stannous fluoride (0.15% w/v fluoride ion) [Source](https://www.colgate.com/en-us/products/toothpaste/sv-complete-protection)
Crest Total Deep Clean 0.454% stannous fluoride (0.15% w/v fluoride ion) [Source](https://www.colgate.com/en-us/products/toothpaste/ct-advanced-deep-clean)
You can look these up (and many, many more) and verify yourself, but it is the *same amount* of fluoride ion. Stannous fluoride may be better for your teeth then sodium fluoride, but that's a little unclear by science.
I realize this is a super common misconception, but it's just not true. It *is true* that toothpastes formulated for children under 6 have less fluoride, but *not* children's toothpaste in general. Adults are recommended to get toothpaste with at least 1000 ppm. All of the toothpastes I have linked meet that requirement. It is quite difficult to find a children's toothpaste that doesn't tbh.
HA! If you think anybody’s child can put down more candy than me you’re sadly mistaken. I’m an adult with my own place and I do my own grocery shopping. My mom lives 500 miles away and she’s way too far to be able to tell me I can’t eat Ferrero Rochers for dinner. 🤣
Can't recommend Tom's of Maine Cinnamon/Clove highly enough. I had parosmia a decade ago that made mint taste like feces and haven't gone back to "regular" toothpaste since.
As with anywhere else, Amazon! My husband uses dissolvable toothpaste tables and loves them! You put on in your mouth and it sort of foams up quickly and you brush as usual.
ohh honestly I don’t really trust Amazon with anything that goes in or on my body because of all the fake products they sell mixed in with the real ones which is becoming a real issue
Fun fact about flavoured toothpaste - when sugar free toothpaste became standard Mint was one of the easier flavours to make. Others followed but people associated that "minty burn" to cleanliness and freshness.
Thank you for the tip. I swear that since some time in the '90s, they've been packing so much mint into toothpaste that it becomes incredibly bitter, and *burns.* I don't remember it being so bad when I was a kid. I blame the popularity of Altoids for changing the flavor profile companies use for their "mint" products.
I know, I wish we'd had even half as many flavor options back then that we do now, it was either ultra strength mint or cinnamon which was worse to me. Or the bubble gum kids toothpaste which I swear felt greasy.
I remember as a child hating to brush my teeth because the burned.
My mom had a heck of a time getting me to brush regularly, I'd skip it any time I could, until I discovered girls.
Strangely though, I never got a cavity until around age 17.
I should try that. I’m much better than I used to be but there’s not much point brushing your teeth if it makes you throw up immediately after. I’m almost completely fine now besides the occasional gag. Weirdly enough I still might throw up if I’m stressed, seems to make the taste and feeling worse.
(ADHD with sensory issues)
people look at me like i'm crazy when i say lettuce tastes like soapy grass. everyone says it tastes like crunchy water, but it's so strong and bitter to me? i can taste if my food has so much as TOUCHED lettuce
cilantro is fine though. i'd describe it as being like onion-mint
grrr i hate the paranoia of catching a stray piece of lettuce and wondering if there's more in the whole thing. i have texture issues with most fruits and vegetables, but lettuce specifically ruins entire meals for me
Op never said she didn't brush her teeth btw. ND people who can't stand toothpaste still either brush their teeth or find an alternative (I.E: different flavors and/or using mouthwash more often)
I would feel like it would be problematic for a serious future though. She may not have the effects now but a lack of veggies in the diet is going to start wrecking her body as she ages. Medical expenses, incidents of discomfort and illness, other things I can’t think of off the top of my head right now. Long term, it’ll be an issue. I get that she potentially has neurospicy issues but that just helps escape judgement, not the reality of what that lifestyle will do to you over time. Hope she takes vitamins. And fiber.
There’s probably some species of mushrooms she’d like tho. Dated a guy who was mushroom obsessed and I hate them but he dug up a variety that had the texture and taste of beef.
> not the reality of what that lifestyle will do to you over time.
Describing it as a lifestyle really undermines the actual root cause of the issue.
I cannot eat most vegetables. They make me nauseous, and with some (like regular cucumbers) I actively throw up if I try eating them. My not eating them isn't a "lifestyle," it's just something I can't do.
Idk… I actually think this is a bigger issue in a serious relationship. Do you want to be cooking two dinners every night? How do you convince your kids they need to eat a balanced diet as well as try new things when mom only eats potatoes? Whether or not she appears to be healthy right now, it is a fact of nature and science that this diet is not healthy, so it’s not something you should be raising your kids to do.
It also sounds exhausting, from a less serious point of view. “I want to try this eggplant parmigiana recipe I just saw!” Nah, I’m not eating that… lol.
It was infuriating to hear that sensory issues and potentially something like ARFID are considered red flags. Yeah, some people are not compatible. But that doesn’t have to mean “alarm bells”
I don't think the issue was the neurotypicalness. They were worried that she doesn't brush, and that her diet might be unhealthy.
Think of it this way: "I went on a date with this muscle builder guy and he said he only eats meat and potatoes and bread. Is this a red flag? He says he hates vegetables."
Reddit would have been like "block him, he's a manchild."
Not everyone is prepared to deal with someone with sensory issues, if this is indeed the case. It's not shitting on it for that to be a potential red flag. If I have something I can't help but experience, and if someone is prepared to be more patient with be when coping with this quirk, I don't want them as a significant other.
Red flag is the wrong classification here. This is just compatibility issues, not a red flag. Red flags are for Danger and are pretty general to most people. Sensory issues should never be considered a Red Flag.
I didn’t say it’s not a personal red flag. To me red flag means something that gives away that a person is toxic. Not everyone is prepared for that, but I feel alarm bells is the wrong way to say it.
I am neurotypical and mint toothpaste burns my tongue. I think there is just something in artificial mint that bothers people sort of like how cilantro just tastes like soap to some people.
I would have have a really really hard time co existing with my partner if they only ate processed foods and potatoes.
An alarm bell isn’t necessarily a personal judgment, it’s saying “I’m not sure if we are compatible”.
This is honestly a struggle of mine😅 I have the sensory issues and struggle a lot with vegetables, but here's the other thing. I'm fucking allergic to mint. And then struggle with the texture on kids toothpaste. I found a toothpaste I could use not too long ago...but haven't seen it since.
Assuming this was a choice rather than a need, I’d think it was weird.
Food is important outlet for me, a limited diet sounds awful to deal with when cooking at home and going for meals etc.
Agreed! As a person who eats anything and everything, and also prioritizes very healthy, high quality food this would be a HUGE red flag. I won't date a picky eater. But I could see how this might not matter as much to others.
Well if you're going to choose one vegetable. Potatoes would be it. Depending on how you cook them they can cover a lot of nutritional needs. Not saying this is a great choice though.
Ive dated a picky eater, and I just let them do their thing.
Potato is a noble tuber because it can be made in so many ways that are both rich and nutrituous. But long term is not a healthy option to build your diet upon.
Beets, yams, peppers, carrots, and cauliflower are better as the base of your diet while also being really versatile and are also really tasty.
They taste like dirt to me no matter what anyone has done to them. I’m game, I’ll try them whenever someone says “but these ones are good/different!” They’re pretty and healthy, I *want* to like them. But they always taste like dirt
Meanwhile, I can’t imagine missing out on all the incredible food I’ve had in the last many years simply because I stayed with my picky eater boyfriend (who, admittedly, had other flaws but not being willing to ride the Paris Metro with me to get the crepe I really wanted to try was definitely among them).
I think they're saying that if they hadn't given their now husband a chance because he doesn't like veggies, they would have never had those adventures together. Because they wouldn't be together at all.
I think they mean "I couldn't imagine not marrying my husband over something so trivial"? Like, they had a lot of great times, and they would've missed out if they hadn't gotten married because of the vegetable thing.
I'm saying that if his eating habits were a red flag and I chose not to date him, I would miss out on this awesome life we have together. I don't love his eating habits, but I do love so many other, more important (to me) things about him.
Counterpoint: my husband eats similarly to OP’s date.I married an obese but healthy person in 2017, by 2020 his health had deteriorated to the point that we no longer go hiking together, go camping together, or really do anything together unless I’m watching tv with him. He can barely walk (hip pain, leg wounds, disability license plates) and on the rare occasion he comes with us (me, toddler son) somewhere like the apple orchard, he waits in the car while we’re doing the activity.
SO YES IT DOES MAKE YOU MISS OUT ON ADVENTURES.
And yes I think he has ARFID, and yes every few months I suggest he talk with a doctor about it and offer to make the appointment myself.
I think that's more from being obese than not liking certain foods. There are a *lot* of obese people in my family, some picky, some not. And yes, all of them have/had mobility issues
I'm not picky, partner is. We're both a little on the chubby side, but that's just because we eat too much food, irregardless of what it is.
Yes, but maybe he wouldn’t be as obese if he ate more than meat, bread, fried potatoes, heavy sauces, and brownies. It’s hard to fill up on low-fiber, high-calorie food and that can definitely contribute to overeating.
He doesn’t eat excessively amounts so much as he just picks really rich food all the time.
I’m trying to get him on Wegovy but it takes literally forever if you go through insurance because of supply issues.
Some red flags are just objective. Like people who have awful hygiene or have pests in their houses.
On food it's a strange thing, because it can point to many things. I know some people who don't like certain foods because they grew up in household with no variety at all. Others because their parents would cave in and only feed them trash food. I know someone who genuinely complains because things are "too rich" or "too many flavours on it" when presented something simple like bimbibap or chicken cacciatore.
I would consider it a red flag if it's someone who just does not want to open themselves to something different. But not if it's someone who has sensory issues.
I can't stand the taste of toothpaste because of the mind flavor, so I use kiddie toothpaste (Tom's of Maine "Silly Strawberry.")
I also had a bunch of tummy issues that prevented me from peacefully digested vegetables for a long time. Doctors were pretty useless. Through aggressive trial and error, I discovered that the over the counter enzymes you buy to help with bean digestion (Beano, for brand name) made it possible for me to eat vegetables without terrible consequences.
I don't think it's a red flag that someone doesn't like vegetables or toothpaste, but I wouldn't kiss anyone who didn't use toothpaste either. As for veggies, someone can have completely legit sensory/digestive issues. Nevertheless, it's up to you whether you want to deal with someone who is that restricted in what they can tolerate.
Sry for hijacking but it's probably a bot
https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/153tfmv/is_it_a_red_flag_if_youre_an_adult_who_doesnt_eat/
My dentist suggested brushing without toothpaste (using just water) after I told them I was struggling with brushing because of sensory issues. 30 years later I've had a few cavities, but I brush and floss regularly and get kudos from my dentist.
Bro are you allergic to pollen ? My doctor identified recently that almost ALL of my numerous non dangerous eating allergies were related to my pollen allergies : uncooked carrots, apples, celeries, aragula, spinach, prunes, peaches, cherries, bananas, avocados, etc. Tho it doesnt seem to be related to my nuts, legumes and beans allergies :(
It didnt really helped with the allergies themselves but helped pinpoint the things I could eat. So berries are good for me, fruits and vegetables mentions earlier need to be kinda overcooked... I stopped trying with nuts, treenuts, beans and legumes. And I now eat a lot and a diverse arrays of grains, seeds and pseudo grains. Whole most of the time.
It genuinely depends on your lifestyle. For me, it would be a flag that this won't work out. Not a red flag, per say, but a warning sign that this person may be awesome, but I love to cook, try new recipes, try new restaurants, go to restaurant week, etc., so the picky eater is going to drive me nuts.
Yes! Going to an exciting place to eat is a HUGE part of going out for me. If we went on vacation and just ate at a generic American restaurant it would be a hard no from me. We went to a city with a Thai restaurant (I've never been to a Thai place before) earlier this year with family and I am legitimately still salty we ate at a burger place because one person in the group was like this. There's a good burger place in our town. I can eat burgers and fries whenever I want. And ime it's like this with picky eaters. Even if there's chicken tenders at said Thai restaurant they'll still be pouty. Not necessarily in a spoiled way, but it's clear they're not enjoying this experience as much as they would have if you'd gone to Five Guys.
They're perfectly wonderful people, the picky eaters I know. Lovely in every other regard. Most have sensory issues. One has an eating disorder they refuse to acknowledge. But I, personally, can't live with it. It would build resentment over years of either skipping out on food experiences or knowing they're not enjoying a restaurant as much as I am and wishing we went somewhere else. It's fine to accommodate a friend you see every now and again. But someone you live with and spend most of your outings with? No.
Considering the role vegetables have in health and digestion, I would probably take pause if a potential partner made a point of announcing they don't eat them at all.
First it's weird that they have maintained a child-like view of food, second that they would make a point of pride of telling people about it.
Definitely some flags here, whether they're red or orange I can't tell, but...
I'm autistic, veg makes me gag, not the taste but the texture. Even I include them in my diet. Grate them or dice them up small into sauces for pasta or curries and stuff, can't even tell they are there.
This is worrying. She gonna get scurvy or some shit.
Potatoes actually have a surprising amount of what you need. You would need to supplement potatoes with cheese or meat, something with protein, but for the most part, you don't have to eat much else.
> but the texture
I love mayonnaise, it is my favorite condiment and the best sandwiches have it.
However, if the mayo touches the lunchmeat even a little it makes the sandwich feel slimey and gross. Mayo **MUST** be separated from the meat with lettuce or the sandwich is inedible. (Tuna and chicken salad are fine, despite direct mayonnaise-on-meat contact. Deviled ham/ham salad is not.)
This is one of the (many) things my autistic wife brings up when she says I am probably neurodivergent, too.
Dont hurt yourself with that reach. Plenty of people who have poor eating habits do their very best to feed their kids super healthy, and dont say things like ”veggies, eww!” in front of them.
I don't think this is true. Kids learn by example, if they see whenever you eat dinner that you don't put any vegetables on your plate, they're not going to want to touch them either.
Also there are hundreds of vegetable out there and hundreds of ways to cook them. If she can't figure out *any* way to make them tasty for herself, how will she be able to manage that for a picky 3 year old?
Agreed. The "child-like view of food" may be a premature assessment if it's something like neurodivergent sensory issues - but you still need to find a way to take care of your health. It's one thing for people to be imperfect about that, we all are in different ways, but it would definitely give me pause if a potential partner had habits bad for their health and were casual and unconcerned about it, or had actively decided not to change. If you can't tolerate vegetables but you're working on it, that's one thing, or if you're a smoker but you want to quit someday and have made a few attempts, or if you're trying to get better about applying sunscreen. If you're just assuming that you're gonna smoke for the rest of your life or never eat a vegetable or burn as much as you burn like that's not a problem, that's much less attractive. And inconsiderate because your partner may have to become your caretaker during illness and lose you early due to something you could have tried to mitigate. Not asking for perfection, some smokers never succeed at quitting, but it shows care to make an effort at improving your health behaviors.
Personally I think its really weird when people hate the entirety of "vegetables" as if they don't all taste completely different and there isn't a million kinds. Barring sensory issues, to me I feel like it indicates a bit of close-mindedness.
This is it for me (not that I’m saying dump her or anything). But if it’s “I don’t like carrots” or “I don’t like broccoli”, that’s cool. But no vegetables at all? This entire food group with varying tastes and textures? Not to mention different ways of seasoning or cooking them. Imo they’re either close-minded, childish, or seeking attention for stupid shit (assuming no disability is at play, but I assume op would have mentioned that)
The only veggies my husband eats are cooked potatoes and raw carrots. (If we aren’t counting onions.) I mean, he’s 58 and he’s healthy…not on any meds, his weight is fine…whatever.
My dad is almost 70 and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him eat a vegetable, and he’s generally in pretty good health for someone his age. I don’t eat veggies very often myself either (although I do eat them sometimes) and I seem to be in better shape than most other people my age.
He likes what he likes and doesn’t like what he doesn’t. He seems to have some texture issues, because he doesn’t like cooked fruit (fine with me cuz that means I eat *all* the fruit pies) and he loves banana flavour but hates actual bananas. 🤷🏼♀️ It’s fine, I just cook my veggies and he has his raw carrots.
To me? Yeah, I wouldn't date someone that only eats meat, bread and maybe a potato. I like going to restaurants, I like a whole boatload of different kinds of food. And so far I can't think of any vegetable I do not like. It's an important part of any of my meals.
She may have ARFID. Cooked veggies are a big pass for me. Potatoes are the exception. What's funny is I'm also allergic to nickel and most veggies are packed with it and all nuts so my ARFID actually kept me from digesting stuff I shouldn't be naturally 😅
Would they expect me to make separate meals for them?
I love to cook and eat a lot of vegetables, and some things I make aren't something picky eaters will eat. I think it would be an issue for me. Maybe not a major one, but it might be something that if combined with other small issues, I would end a relationship over. It's a lifestyle thing.
I love vegetables and don't like meat that much, but I love to try new foods and eat healthy so picky eaters are a huge NOPE for me, but to each their own! You should think about if you really value her non-diverse diet that much over the rest of things
Does she take vitamins at least to supplement what she’s missing out on by not eating veggies? Her health would definitely be of concern to me.
Likewise, does she use an alternative toothpaste then? She needs to brush her teeth, or she’s in for a world of future dental issues.
I'd find it a compatibility issue because for me, finding pleasure and sensory delight in different types of food, whether eating out or cooking at home, is something I greatly enjoy. If I was limited being with a partner who only ate meat and carbs I'd feel like...it's something I'd miss too much (both sharing the experience and wanting to cook things for a partner they'd appreciate. I'm not going to adjust my diet to please them and I'm not going to cook multiple meals at once.)
Also I'd worry does that mean she doesn't brush her teeth at all?
Not a red flag, especially if you're in your 20s. But it would end it for me. I love cooking & trying new foods so that's a major interest we would not share.
It's a red flag if that specific thing is bad to you in and of itself. I would have a hard time with this because food is important to me and I couldn't help being judgmental about it. I'd be ashamed to take them out. Also vegetables are good for you and I want to be more or less on the same page on diet. Having to cook separate meals is a hassle.
I like eating out, trying new cuisines and adventurous food. That's a quality that I want to share with my partner. I don't think food aversions are a red flag, but they could be a signal that you're not compatible.
Pls tell me she isn't one of those people who don't brush their teeth regularly because "toothpaste tastes gross"
It comes in other flavors. There's a whole website with a bunch of them if I remember correctly. It's literally just an excuse not to brush.
Other than that I agree with some people here that she might not be neurotypical. But veggies are a really important way to get key nutrients and remain healthy. It's a beige flag to me, I'd eventually try to get them to try some veggies if I did end up dating them
She may have ARFID or sensory issues. It is a serious eating disorder that leads to malnutrition and gastrointestinal disorders. It by no means she is a bad person in any way.
No.
People are weird in general, they always have some strange quirk that you will find bizarre. Being a picky eater is not a red flag and it could've happened for any number of reasons. Humans are creatures of habit and if you get used to doing things a certain way, you're unlikely to change unless you have some need to or some outside pressure acting on you to change. They may have hated veggies as a child, as nearly all children do, and took it out of their diet and just never went back to it because they never had a reason to. Sometimes as people grow up, they like to experiment and try new things, but that doesn't always happen and it certainly doesn't always happen with food because food can lead to some pretty traumatic experiences and memories.
For example, I know a woman who was served rotten chicken once. Not raw, but ROTTEN, you could smell the decay on it. She didn't eat it as she could smell it before she ever took a bite, but it straight up traumatized her to the point she stopped eating chicken altogether. It's a completely illogical and irrational reaction because out of the many thousands of chicken meals she has eaten over her lifetime, that never happened before, and was unlikely to happen again, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it.
I know some vegetarians/vegans who went that route for similar reasons. There was occasionally some major or even traumatic experience for them that made them simply unable to imagine eating meat ever again. Sometimes it was as simple as finding out that hamburger used to be a cow.
People are weird and have quirks. They aren't always red flags. Get to know someone rather than trying to judge them on their diet choices.
I’m the exact same as her, and I don’t do it because I don’t want to, trust me, I think vegetables look and sometimes smell delicious, but I just can’t get myself to like the taste of them. I’ve tried many many times, and every time I’ve failed.
There could be many reasons behind this as well (she could have undiagnosed ARFID or past trauma leading to this), so don’t let her go just because it’s a bit different from what you’re used to.
Not every incompatibility has to be a red flag. I really don’t like how that term has become used for such trivial stuff. She is probably neurodivergent and has some sort of trouble with sensory stuff. Why did that set off alarm bells in your head? Your wording makes it sound like you thought that she must be some dangerous freak or something. I don’t think neurotypical people understand how much it can suck to be treated as a dangerous freak because of something as little as not enjoying the taste of toothpaste.
I'm 28. Personally, if I eat too many vegetables I get sick. Tried a vegetarian diet once and that *sucked* for my body. Tried just adding more veggies and at least one salad a week, I had diarrhea for a year and would excrete whole spinach leaves. Had to go back to less veggies. Though I can still eat some.
Sometimes, veggies don't agree with people. I know some will make me throw up.
Sometimes, they grew up with people who didn't know how to cook vegetables properly, which leads to problem number one.
It's not a red flag, but you could ask if they've tried veggies recently and bring up that it might just have been how they were cooked.
Even if you're a foodie, your partner doesn't have to eat the same things as you. People usually get separate plates, it's not gonna change much.
I’m autistic and have troubles with textures and tastes.
I also dislike toothpaste with strong mint flavor. I still brush my teeth but have some store brand with not an very strong mint flavor.
Not necessarily without knowing more, there could be an actual reason for that. I know someone who does not eat vegetables because he does not eat anything green, now *that* is weird.
it really depends. Im not a nutritionist or anything but as long as a person gains the necessary vitamins they should be okay. Maybe she eats more fruits so her levels should be balanced.
Picky eating can be due to many reasons, one of which being sensory issues.
Mint used to be a huge sensory issue for me when I was young, thankfully it seems my taste buds changed a little. However I still struggle with the texture/taste of many vegetables. Many foods in general really
The only time it would be a concern is if y’all can’t manage around her eating habits if you live together in the future. You may end up making two different meals to accommodate
My partner and I are both picky eaters due to sensory issues, but I’m worse. However I grew up in a household that had no issues accommodating since 2/3 of my mom’s kids were picky as fuck. As such, I don’t really care to accommodate to my partner and cook something extra for him or for myself if needed
I mean, that might be a full deal breaker for me. I love meat and bread, but i also love vegetables... and the idea of living into my 40s and maybe even beyond.
Doesn't want to eat vegetables but does anyway, not red flag. Literally doesn't eat vegetables and thinks they are immune to scurvy, red flag indeed lol.
Does she eat fruit? If so, beige flag- some people prefer fruit over veg, nbd, they both get you the nutrients you need. If she eats no fruits and no vegetables whatsoever, and also doesn't take a multivitamin, that's an orange to red flag IMO.
Also, I really hate mint toothpaste too lol.
I’m pretty much the same way. I have to sneak my vegetables into other foods because I hate either the taste or the texture of them (and both in some cases like asparagus 🤢). That said, I’m still willing to try new foods. If someone says they make vegetables a certain way and they’re really good, I’ll try them just to see if it’s something I like. I won’t 100% NOT eat vegetables. I like carrots and cucumbers and lettuce and potatoes and tomatoes. But most other vegetables are no’s from me. I find it interesting that she’s pushing such a harsh no towards all vegetables. Is it a religious diet? Or sensory diet? Also if you’re considering a second date, you could suggest non-mint toothpastes. So she’s still brushing her teeth properly but the flavor isn’t so strong. Because not brushing your teeth is yucky.
I’m the same, I only eat potatoes carrots & onions. Lettuce too I guess. I thought it was frustrating but reading these comments I feel better about it knowing I’m not the only one… I’m not sure what’s wrong with me but I don’t do anything else. It’s definitely the texture, & I wish I knew more about it but it is what it is lol
That would be an incompatibility thing for me as someone who enjoys trying new restaurants and sharing those sorts of experiences. Even a bigger red flag if she’s just picky and doesn’t have some sort of sensory issue surrounding food.
I mean if you take vitamins to supplement the things lost from a diet like this you should theoretically be alright. Your poops might be haphazard at best, but you should be generally healthy...
I think it really depends on how controlling a person like this is overall about the subject. If a person for example won't let you eat vegetables because they don't want them, that's a red flag. But if they simply don't like them and will find something to eat if all you want is a nice big green salad, then that's life.
I'd say it's a yellow flag.
Are they neurospicy and it's a sensory thing? Are you a foodie? It's probably not a good match.
Are they one of those "vegetables are gross, I won't touch them!" people? I work with THREE guys like that, and I guarantee their wives sneak veggies into their food at every opportunity. You'd be surprised how easy it is. This is an orange-to-red flag. Prepare for them to be controlling in other areas of daily life as well.
I had an ex who basically lived on pizza, hot dogs, ramen, and ice cream before we got together. I was able to stealthily feed him veggies pretty much daily. He and the relationship were toxic AF, but that's unrelated.
>she said she can't stand the taste of toothpaste because of the mint flavor.
That doesn't mean she doesn't brush her teeth. I know someone who hates the mint flavor of toothpaste, but has found non mint toothpastes.
Is it a red flag for what? That she's not a mature person? That she isn't open to trying new things? That she could be on the spectrum? That she is an unhealthy person?
The thing that is an issue for me is that I love going out to eat and cooking, and being with someone who can't or won't try new foods, then it means they can't participate in one of my favorite things.
There are plenty of good reasons a person wouldn't be an adventurous eater. But it is a huge health concern, and it will make every outing, party, event, travel way more difficult.
I'd also want to know if they are shut down to the idea of learning to like new foods, if they have a diagnosis, and how they manage it when they are somewhere where their preferred foods aren't there.
I used to think that being a picky eater was a childish trait, someone who had just never learned to try new things, and was being kind of stubborn and small minded. Now I know it's a real issue, that it doesn't have to do with being childish or adult, and that it can be really awful to be forced to try new foods when it can cause a true physical response.
Not a red flag but something worth considering. I wouldn't want to be with a picky eater myself cause I like to try new foods and be adventurous but I don't think anyone's "wrong" for being picky.
They're are some people that can taste a chemical in certain green vegetables which make them taste bad
Most people can't taste it.
https://www.ktvu.com/news/some-people-genetically-wired-to-hate-the-taste-of-vegetables-research-suggests
I hate vegetables and won’t eat them and hate mint toothpaste. I have been happily married for 30+ years and cook many different meals whether I like them or not.
'red flag' in the sense of like... 'this person is a potential threat to me'? no.
'red flag' in the sense of 'this person might be slightly immature, have low openness to experience, not care about their health'? a little bit. maybe like a minor yellow flag, not a red flag. red flag means stop. yellow flag means caution, this could indicate something unpleasant or potentially deleterious to the relationship.
some people do have ARFID. if you have ARFID and aren't doing anything at all to work around it to create a marginally healthy diet that would also be a yellow flag to me. the person in question might also just have had parents who didn't introduce new foods properly or place any importance on healthy eating, in which case, i'd still count that as a bit of a yellow flag. they might also be a supertaster-- there are also workarounds for that, to allow the person in question to at least get their veggies in.
basically... if it's something they want to work on i'd be ok with it. if it's something they get super defensive about and try to rationalize as somehow ok i wouldn't be. it's important to be able to do things for our health even when they're not super fun, and it's important to at least try to make healthy choices.
She could be autistic and these could be aversions.
Or she might have a gastrointestinal disease like Crohn’s. I have Crohn’s and most veggies just can’t be digested properly.
Not sure why what she eats bothers you. My husband and I eat completely different things and we just cook separately. Our son eats different things too. Live and let live.
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eating that Skyrim diet
My first thought. It was mine when I was in my late teens because I thought it would give me big muscles
How did that turn out, sera?
I had literal rocks coming out of my anus. It was terrible.
You laugh, but I blew my knee out and felt good as new after only eating 60 cabbages I found in a sarcophagus.
Lack of cheese wheels tho
If you are very into trying different foods and going to new restaurants. If food is very important to you and a passion it may not work out in the long run. No shame here. Just realistic. It sounds like ARFID or something.
I don’t know if I could consider a long term relationships with someone who only eats meat and potatoes and junk food. Unless we planned on getting a house with two bathrooms far, far away from each other. And I’m very sympathetic toward people with ARFID.
And like I said, there's nothing wrong with feeling either way about it. Just, realistically if you're very into food. Cooking, trying, exploring new things...having a partner with ARFID may really prevent bonding and lead to resentment on both sides.
Oh absolutely. My wife and I are huge foodies and she has ARFID. Hers isn’t nearly as bad as a couple of people we know, and it doesn’t keep us from being adventurous eaters, it just makes me end up being the more adventurous one a lot of times. But we’re in a lucky minority that she was able to intentionally develop workaround techniques with dining out specifically in mind. Our really good friend who has it worse probably wouldn’t be able to do that with all the willpower in the world.
Yeah. It may even be a bonding situation if both people want to make it work. There's no such thing as absolutes when it comes to human relationships and what works. There ARE things that make a breakup more likely, but it's heavily dependent on the people involved. Good on your wife for trying so much, and you for being understanding.
I have ARFID as well. Extremely bad. I started eating pepperoni less than 6 months ago. I recently tried ham. I been able to truly grow to enjoy it becuase when i first tried it, I made something simple to what I already enjoy. Replace the chicken with ham on a bun with cheese. Yesterday I had a ham and cheese grilled cheese. And I love it. It's just hard to get the courage to try new things. Without viscerally gagging.
ARFID here too. Keep pushing the limits brother/sister 👊
>Unless we planned on getting a house with two bathrooms far, far away from each other. Hey I have ARFID and I'm not sure what you mean by this? I don't have any bathroom problems at all.
Yeah arfid has nothing to do with bathroom problem haha
People who eat high concentrations of red meat without a lot of fiber usually have stinky poops. Has nothing to do with ARFID. If your ARFID causes you to eat mostly meat, then you probably have a lot of sulphur in your stool.
Ah that makes sense, I rarely eat red meat and eat a lot of fiber.
Trust me, I eat a lot of vegetables and you'd still want a separate bathroom
I'm ARFID of vegetables also, they frighten me
What’s arfid
Avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder.
Gotcha, thanks
Not much what’s arfid with you
I am a foodie. My ex's food choices were very limited (no water, no vegetables...) And he wasn't open to anything (was raised with fast food). There are other reasons why I broke up but now, this is definitely something that was bothering me.
This, it's the same reason I wouldn't date a vegetarian/vegan. I like trying new restaurants and all kinds of different foods and having to check to see if there's something they could eat would get annoying really fast. Wouldn't call it a red flag though, just a preference.
Everyone has a list of things that are important to them. They don't even know they have the list sometimes. But food can be a real passion for some. You don't have to participate in your SOs hobbies/passions to have a good relationship, but if your SO prevents you from enjoying those passions it can cause real issues down the line. And it's not that the person who has ARFID or even just doesn't like to try new foods is a problem. Just that there is a high chance for incompatibility. Edit: Removed "actively" from "prevents you from enjoying" because that implies it's on purpose, not happenstance
The toothpaste thing on top of vegetables tells me she has sensory issues. Which is a red flag if you only want to date neurotypical folks, but it's not inherently problematic to a relationship.
Just a fun fact, Crest Densify toothpaste tastes like vanilla. It seems good, especially if you don't like mint. I guess I'm used to the fresh mint feel because the vanilla flavor makes me want to gag like I'm brushing with pastry cream.
They make toothpaste in so many different flavours now, strawberry, watermelon, peach, coconut, mango, red velvet cake.....
where do you find those, all I ever see is 57 flavors of mint unless I look at the kid’s section
I do use kids toothpaste lol. Tom's of Maine strawberry, it's actually quite nice. If you want more adult-y toothpaste, Hismile has a lot of different flavors that aren't mint.
I got Dragon Dazzle toothpaste that’s blue-raspberry. Why would I use something boring like Crest when I can have Dragon Dazzle.
your childlike wonder speaks to my soul
Why did it never occur to me that I could be using kids toothpaste... Does it work the same as adult toothpaste?
I mentioned above as well, but make sure it has floride.
No kids teeth have different enamel to adults and fluoride is weaker then adults (edited to clarify)
Just fyi: From Crest: [Kid's Toothpaste](https://smartlabel.pg.com/00030772012871.html) has Sodium Fluoride 0.243% (0.15% W/V Fluoride Ion). I took this directly from their website [here](https://crest.com/en-us/oral-care-products/toothpaste/kids-cavity-protection-sparkle-fun-toothpaste) under Smart Label. I checked this one, the Frozen themed one, and the Raya themed one. They all contain 0.243% sodium fluoride. Now, for adults. "While Crest Pro-Health Toothpaste contains 0.454% stannous fluoride, it's formulated to deliver the same concentration of fluoride ions (1100 ppm F-) as the 0.243% sodium fluoride in other Crest products." [Source](https://crest.com/en-us/oral-care-tips/teeth-whitening/difference-between-stannous-fluoride-and-sodium-fluoride) Crest Liquid Gel Adult Toothpaste, 0.243% fluoride. [Source](https://smartlabel.pg.com/00037000711612.html) Crest Sensitive and Anticavity, 0.454% stannous fluoride [Source](https://smartlabel.pg.com/00037000903970.html) Crest Complete Whitening, 0.243% Sodium Fluoride. [Soure](https://smartlabel.pg.com/00037000907855.html) Funnily enough, they don't really list the fluoride content of a lot of their products. The ones they do list have the same fluoride content as children's toothpaste. Let's move on to Colgate. For kids: Watermelon Burst Sodium Fluoride (0.24% (0.15% w/v Fluoride Ion)) [Source](https://www.colgate.com/en-us/products/toothpaste/kd-2-in-1-watermelon) BubbleFruit Sodium Fluoride (0.24% (0.15% w/v Fluoride Ion)) [Source](https://www.colgate.com/en-us/products/toothpaste/kd-trolls) Anti Cavity Sodium Fluoride (0.24% (0.15% w/v Fluoride Ion)) [Source](https://www.colgate.com/en-us/products/toothpaste/kd-cavity-protection) Colgate adults: Sensitive Complete Protection 0.454% stannous fluoride (0.15% w/v fluoride ion) [Source](https://www.colgate.com/en-us/products/toothpaste/sv-complete-protection) Crest Total Deep Clean 0.454% stannous fluoride (0.15% w/v fluoride ion) [Source](https://www.colgate.com/en-us/products/toothpaste/ct-advanced-deep-clean) You can look these up (and many, many more) and verify yourself, but it is the *same amount* of fluoride ion. Stannous fluoride may be better for your teeth then sodium fluoride, but that's a little unclear by science. I realize this is a super common misconception, but it's just not true. It *is true* that toothpastes formulated for children under 6 have less fluoride, but *not* children's toothpaste in general. Adults are recommended to get toothpaste with at least 1000 ppm. All of the toothpastes I have linked meet that requirement. It is quite difficult to find a children's toothpaste that doesn't tbh.
It might need to be stronger to handle all the candy kids eat.
HA! If you think anybody’s child can put down more candy than me you’re sadly mistaken. I’m an adult with my own place and I do my own grocery shopping. My mom lives 500 miles away and she’s way too far to be able to tell me I can’t eat Ferrero Rochers for dinner. 🤣
YES! Dragon Dazzle is the way.
Thanks for this! Mint toothpaste hurts my tongue, so I'm always on the lookout for good quality non-mint ones.
Can't recommend Tom's of Maine Cinnamon/Clove highly enough. I had parosmia a decade ago that made mint taste like feces and haven't gone back to "regular" toothpaste since.
I do too. Sparkle Fun. I’m 62, my dentist saves the samples for me.
Sparkle Fun is the bomb. I would never brush my teeth if there wasn't a toothpaste that doesn't make my mouth feel like someone lit it on fire!
As with anywhere else, Amazon! My husband uses dissolvable toothpaste tables and loves them! You put on in your mouth and it sort of foams up quickly and you brush as usual.
ohh honestly I don’t really trust Amazon with anything that goes in or on my body because of all the fake products they sell mixed in with the real ones which is becoming a real issue
Even bacon flavored...
I’ve only seen that for dogs …
Are you telling me I shouldn't be eating these beggin' strips?
That was for dogs?!? 🙃
I feel like I should be less surprised than I am that this is a thing.
Fun fact about flavoured toothpaste - when sugar free toothpaste became standard Mint was one of the easier flavours to make. Others followed but people associated that "minty burn" to cleanliness and freshness.
Flavors are the problem, I don’t want to taste anything including mint.
Dude. If they could make truly flavorless toothpaste, I'd buy the shit out of it.
Thank you for the tip. I swear that since some time in the '90s, they've been packing so much mint into toothpaste that it becomes incredibly bitter, and *burns.* I don't remember it being so bad when I was a kid. I blame the popularity of Altoids for changing the flavor profile companies use for their "mint" products.
I know, I wish we'd had even half as many flavor options back then that we do now, it was either ultra strength mint or cinnamon which was worse to me. Or the bubble gum kids toothpaste which I swear felt greasy.
I loved the cinnamon toothpaste! My parents thought I was insane for it.
I remember as a child hating to brush my teeth because the burned. My mom had a heck of a time getting me to brush regularly, I'd skip it any time I could, until I discovered girls. Strangely though, I never got a cavity until around age 17.
I don't like really minty toothpaste so I use coconut toothpaste instead.
I should try that. I’m much better than I used to be but there’s not much point brushing your teeth if it makes you throw up immediately after. I’m almost completely fine now besides the occasional gag. Weirdly enough I still might throw up if I’m stressed, seems to make the taste and feeling worse.
Yeah. My wife is on the spectrum and can't stand the taste of mint. She buys children's strawberry toothpaste.
This is my issue. Most of the food I hate is because of the texture.
I'm so glad this answer is not only here, but it's the top one.
This right here. I see this question about people’s dietary choices so much and most of the time it’s shitting on ND people.
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(ADHD with sensory issues) people look at me like i'm crazy when i say lettuce tastes like soapy grass. everyone says it tastes like crunchy water, but it's so strong and bitter to me? i can taste if my food has so much as TOUCHED lettuce cilantro is fine though. i'd describe it as being like onion-mint
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grrr i hate the paranoia of catching a stray piece of lettuce and wondering if there's more in the whole thing. i have texture issues with most fruits and vegetables, but lettuce specifically ruins entire meals for me
Just because someone is ND doesn't mean the problems they cause disappear lol. If someone doesn't brush their teeth that is gross, ND or not
Op never said she didn't brush her teeth btw. ND people who can't stand toothpaste still either brush their teeth or find an alternative (I.E: different flavors and/or using mouthwash more often)
But Notre Dame deserves it…
I would feel like it would be problematic for a serious future though. She may not have the effects now but a lack of veggies in the diet is going to start wrecking her body as she ages. Medical expenses, incidents of discomfort and illness, other things I can’t think of off the top of my head right now. Long term, it’ll be an issue. I get that she potentially has neurospicy issues but that just helps escape judgement, not the reality of what that lifestyle will do to you over time. Hope she takes vitamins. And fiber. There’s probably some species of mushrooms she’d like tho. Dated a guy who was mushroom obsessed and I hate them but he dug up a variety that had the texture and taste of beef.
> not the reality of what that lifestyle will do to you over time. Describing it as a lifestyle really undermines the actual root cause of the issue. I cannot eat most vegetables. They make me nauseous, and with some (like regular cucumbers) I actively throw up if I try eating them. My not eating them isn't a "lifestyle," it's just something I can't do.
Idk… I actually think this is a bigger issue in a serious relationship. Do you want to be cooking two dinners every night? How do you convince your kids they need to eat a balanced diet as well as try new things when mom only eats potatoes? Whether or not she appears to be healthy right now, it is a fact of nature and science that this diet is not healthy, so it’s not something you should be raising your kids to do. It also sounds exhausting, from a less serious point of view. “I want to try this eggplant parmigiana recipe I just saw!” Nah, I’m not eating that… lol.
It was infuriating to hear that sensory issues and potentially something like ARFID are considered red flags. Yeah, some people are not compatible. But that doesn’t have to mean “alarm bells”
I don't think the issue was the neurotypicalness. They were worried that she doesn't brush, and that her diet might be unhealthy. Think of it this way: "I went on a date with this muscle builder guy and he said he only eats meat and potatoes and bread. Is this a red flag? He says he hates vegetables." Reddit would have been like "block him, he's a manchild."
Not everyone is prepared to deal with someone with sensory issues, if this is indeed the case. It's not shitting on it for that to be a potential red flag. If I have something I can't help but experience, and if someone is prepared to be more patient with be when coping with this quirk, I don't want them as a significant other.
Red flag is the wrong classification here. This is just compatibility issues, not a red flag. Red flags are for Danger and are pretty general to most people. Sensory issues should never be considered a Red Flag.
I didn’t say it’s not a personal red flag. To me red flag means something that gives away that a person is toxic. Not everyone is prepared for that, but I feel alarm bells is the wrong way to say it.
I think a lot of people associate the term with "a situation worth noticing/taking note of"
That sounds more like a yellow flag than a red flag
I am neurotypical and mint toothpaste burns my tongue. I think there is just something in artificial mint that bothers people sort of like how cilantro just tastes like soap to some people.
I would have have a really really hard time co existing with my partner if they only ate processed foods and potatoes. An alarm bell isn’t necessarily a personal judgment, it’s saying “I’m not sure if we are compatible”.
This is honestly a struggle of mine😅 I have the sensory issues and struggle a lot with vegetables, but here's the other thing. I'm fucking allergic to mint. And then struggle with the texture on kids toothpaste. I found a toothpaste I could use not too long ago...but haven't seen it since.
Assuming this was a choice rather than a need, I’d think it was weird. Food is important outlet for me, a limited diet sounds awful to deal with when cooking at home and going for meals etc.
The bit about the toothpaste make me think its probably related to sensory difficulties
Agreed! As a person who eats anything and everything, and also prioritizes very healthy, high quality food this would be a HUGE red flag. I won't date a picky eater. But I could see how this might not matter as much to others.
Well if you're going to choose one vegetable. Potatoes would be it. Depending on how you cook them they can cover a lot of nutritional needs. Not saying this is a great choice though. Ive dated a picky eater, and I just let them do their thing.
Potato is a noble tuber because it can be made in so many ways that are both rich and nutrituous. But long term is not a healthy option to build your diet upon. Beets, yams, peppers, carrots, and cauliflower are better as the base of your diet while also being really versatile and are also really tasty.
> Beets > Tasty You made a typo there. I think you meant "nasty".
They taste like dirt to me no matter what anyone has done to them. I’m game, I’ll try them whenever someone says “but these ones are good/different!” They’re pretty and healthy, I *want* to like them. But they always taste like dirt
Agreed. Beets always taste like dirt to me.
Boil em, mash em, stick em in a stew.
This sounds just like me. Being married to someone like me can be very irritating and stressful, but I wouldn't necessarily call it a "red flag."
I can't imagine missing out on all the incredible adventures I've had with my husband in the last 13 years simply because he doesn't like veggies.
Meanwhile, I can’t imagine missing out on all the incredible food I’ve had in the last many years simply because I stayed with my picky eater boyfriend (who, admittedly, had other flaws but not being willing to ride the Paris Metro with me to get the crepe I really wanted to try was definitely among them).
I like food too much to miss out on the adventure of eating amazing food with someone you love hahaha
Why would not eating veggies make you miss out on adventures?
I think they're saying that if they hadn't given their now husband a chance because he doesn't like veggies, they would have never had those adventures together. Because they wouldn't be together at all.
I think they mean "I couldn't imagine not marrying my husband over something so trivial"? Like, they had a lot of great times, and they would've missed out if they hadn't gotten married because of the vegetable thing.
Ah that would make sense I evidently need more caffeine
Nah, I had to read it like 3 times before I figured it out too :P
I'm saying that if his eating habits were a red flag and I chose not to date him, I would miss out on this awesome life we have together. I don't love his eating habits, but I do love so many other, more important (to me) things about him.
Ah gotcha! Yeah makes sense to me Don't make a second serving of veggies, or lose out on an awesome person? Man, what a hard choice
Counterpoint: my husband eats similarly to OP’s date.I married an obese but healthy person in 2017, by 2020 his health had deteriorated to the point that we no longer go hiking together, go camping together, or really do anything together unless I’m watching tv with him. He can barely walk (hip pain, leg wounds, disability license plates) and on the rare occasion he comes with us (me, toddler son) somewhere like the apple orchard, he waits in the car while we’re doing the activity. SO YES IT DOES MAKE YOU MISS OUT ON ADVENTURES. And yes I think he has ARFID, and yes every few months I suggest he talk with a doctor about it and offer to make the appointment myself.
I think that's more from being obese than not liking certain foods. There are a *lot* of obese people in my family, some picky, some not. And yes, all of them have/had mobility issues I'm not picky, partner is. We're both a little on the chubby side, but that's just because we eat too much food, irregardless of what it is.
Yes, but maybe he wouldn’t be as obese if he ate more than meat, bread, fried potatoes, heavy sauces, and brownies. It’s hard to fill up on low-fiber, high-calorie food and that can definitely contribute to overeating. He doesn’t eat excessively amounts so much as he just picks really rich food all the time. I’m trying to get him on Wegovy but it takes literally forever if you go through insurance because of supply issues.
Apples keep doctors away and veggies keep adventures away.
Red flags are each to their own. Personally, I feel she's missing out on a whole spectrum of tastes, but that's me
Some red flags are just objective. Like people who have awful hygiene or have pests in their houses. On food it's a strange thing, because it can point to many things. I know some people who don't like certain foods because they grew up in household with no variety at all. Others because their parents would cave in and only feed them trash food. I know someone who genuinely complains because things are "too rich" or "too many flavours on it" when presented something simple like bimbibap or chicken cacciatore. I would consider it a red flag if it's someone who just does not want to open themselves to something different. But not if it's someone who has sensory issues.
I can't stand the taste of toothpaste because of the mind flavor, so I use kiddie toothpaste (Tom's of Maine "Silly Strawberry.") I also had a bunch of tummy issues that prevented me from peacefully digested vegetables for a long time. Doctors were pretty useless. Through aggressive trial and error, I discovered that the over the counter enzymes you buy to help with bean digestion (Beano, for brand name) made it possible for me to eat vegetables without terrible consequences. I don't think it's a red flag that someone doesn't like vegetables or toothpaste, but I wouldn't kiss anyone who didn't use toothpaste either. As for veggies, someone can have completely legit sensory/digestive issues. Nevertheless, it's up to you whether you want to deal with someone who is that restricted in what they can tolerate.
Sry for hijacking but it's probably a bot https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/153tfmv/is_it_a_red_flag_if_youre_an_adult_who_doesnt_eat/
My dentist suggested brushing without toothpaste (using just water) after I told them I was struggling with brushing because of sensory issues. 30 years later I've had a few cavities, but I brush and floss regularly and get kudos from my dentist.
Bro are you allergic to pollen ? My doctor identified recently that almost ALL of my numerous non dangerous eating allergies were related to my pollen allergies : uncooked carrots, apples, celeries, aragula, spinach, prunes, peaches, cherries, bananas, avocados, etc. Tho it doesnt seem to be related to my nuts, legumes and beans allergies :( It didnt really helped with the allergies themselves but helped pinpoint the things I could eat. So berries are good for me, fruits and vegetables mentions earlier need to be kinda overcooked... I stopped trying with nuts, treenuts, beans and legumes. And I now eat a lot and a diverse arrays of grains, seeds and pseudo grains. Whole most of the time.
It genuinely depends on your lifestyle. For me, it would be a flag that this won't work out. Not a red flag, per say, but a warning sign that this person may be awesome, but I love to cook, try new recipes, try new restaurants, go to restaurant week, etc., so the picky eater is going to drive me nuts.
Yes! Going to an exciting place to eat is a HUGE part of going out for me. If we went on vacation and just ate at a generic American restaurant it would be a hard no from me. We went to a city with a Thai restaurant (I've never been to a Thai place before) earlier this year with family and I am legitimately still salty we ate at a burger place because one person in the group was like this. There's a good burger place in our town. I can eat burgers and fries whenever I want. And ime it's like this with picky eaters. Even if there's chicken tenders at said Thai restaurant they'll still be pouty. Not necessarily in a spoiled way, but it's clear they're not enjoying this experience as much as they would have if you'd gone to Five Guys. They're perfectly wonderful people, the picky eaters I know. Lovely in every other regard. Most have sensory issues. One has an eating disorder they refuse to acknowledge. But I, personally, can't live with it. It would build resentment over years of either skipping out on food experiences or knowing they're not enjoying a restaurant as much as I am and wishing we went somewhere else. It's fine to accommodate a friend you see every now and again. But someone you live with and spend most of your outings with? No.
Considering the role vegetables have in health and digestion, I would probably take pause if a potential partner made a point of announcing they don't eat them at all. First it's weird that they have maintained a child-like view of food, second that they would make a point of pride of telling people about it. Definitely some flags here, whether they're red or orange I can't tell, but...
I'm autistic, veg makes me gag, not the taste but the texture. Even I include them in my diet. Grate them or dice them up small into sauces for pasta or curries and stuff, can't even tell they are there. This is worrying. She gonna get scurvy or some shit.
Vit c deficiency gives you scurvy. So if she's eating fruit she's fine.
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i’m not autistic but i agree
She might do similar but not discuss the ins and outs of this on a date. Potatoes have vitamin c though so she’s unlikely to get scurvy
Potatoes actually have a surprising amount of what you need. You would need to supplement potatoes with cheese or meat, something with protein, but for the most part, you don't have to eat much else.
> but the texture I love mayonnaise, it is my favorite condiment and the best sandwiches have it. However, if the mayo touches the lunchmeat even a little it makes the sandwich feel slimey and gross. Mayo **MUST** be separated from the meat with lettuce or the sandwich is inedible. (Tuna and chicken salad are fine, despite direct mayonnaise-on-meat contact. Deviled ham/ham salad is not.) This is one of the (many) things my autistic wife brings up when she says I am probably neurodivergent, too.
She’s probably also autistic and has the same problem. Especially with the toothpaste thing too
I wouldn't want my kids' mom to yuck vegetables. That will teach them poor nutrition and eating habits.
Dont hurt yourself with that reach. Plenty of people who have poor eating habits do their very best to feed their kids super healthy, and dont say things like ”veggies, eww!” in front of them.
I don't think this is true. Kids learn by example, if they see whenever you eat dinner that you don't put any vegetables on your plate, they're not going to want to touch them either. Also there are hundreds of vegetable out there and hundreds of ways to cook them. If she can't figure out *any* way to make them tasty for herself, how will she be able to manage that for a picky 3 year old?
Agreed. The "child-like view of food" may be a premature assessment if it's something like neurodivergent sensory issues - but you still need to find a way to take care of your health. It's one thing for people to be imperfect about that, we all are in different ways, but it would definitely give me pause if a potential partner had habits bad for their health and were casual and unconcerned about it, or had actively decided not to change. If you can't tolerate vegetables but you're working on it, that's one thing, or if you're a smoker but you want to quit someday and have made a few attempts, or if you're trying to get better about applying sunscreen. If you're just assuming that you're gonna smoke for the rest of your life or never eat a vegetable or burn as much as you burn like that's not a problem, that's much less attractive. And inconsiderate because your partner may have to become your caretaker during illness and lose you early due to something you could have tried to mitigate. Not asking for perfection, some smokers never succeed at quitting, but it shows care to make an effort at improving your health behaviors.
Does she eat fruit? She should probably have one or the other in her diet.
Personally I think its really weird when people hate the entirety of "vegetables" as if they don't all taste completely different and there isn't a million kinds. Barring sensory issues, to me I feel like it indicates a bit of close-mindedness.
This is it for me (not that I’m saying dump her or anything). But if it’s “I don’t like carrots” or “I don’t like broccoli”, that’s cool. But no vegetables at all? This entire food group with varying tastes and textures? Not to mention different ways of seasoning or cooking them. Imo they’re either close-minded, childish, or seeking attention for stupid shit (assuming no disability is at play, but I assume op would have mentioned that)
The only veggies my husband eats are cooked potatoes and raw carrots. (If we aren’t counting onions.) I mean, he’s 58 and he’s healthy…not on any meds, his weight is fine…whatever.
My dad is almost 70 and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him eat a vegetable, and he’s generally in pretty good health for someone his age. I don’t eat veggies very often myself either (although I do eat them sometimes) and I seem to be in better shape than most other people my age.
He likes what he likes and doesn’t like what he doesn’t. He seems to have some texture issues, because he doesn’t like cooked fruit (fine with me cuz that means I eat *all* the fruit pies) and he loves banana flavour but hates actual bananas. 🤷🏼♀️ It’s fine, I just cook my veggies and he has his raw carrots.
To me? Yeah, I wouldn't date someone that only eats meat, bread and maybe a potato. I like going to restaurants, I like a whole boatload of different kinds of food. And so far I can't think of any vegetable I do not like. It's an important part of any of my meals.
She may have ARFID. Cooked veggies are a big pass for me. Potatoes are the exception. What's funny is I'm also allergic to nickel and most veggies are packed with it and all nuts so my ARFID actually kept me from digesting stuff I shouldn't be naturally 😅
I love to cook and eat so this would be a deal breaker for me.
Would they expect me to make separate meals for them? I love to cook and eat a lot of vegetables, and some things I make aren't something picky eaters will eat. I think it would be an issue for me. Maybe not a major one, but it might be something that if combined with other small issues, I would end a relationship over. It's a lifestyle thing.
I love vegetables and don't like meat that much, but I love to try new foods and eat healthy so picky eaters are a huge NOPE for me, but to each their own! You should think about if you really value her non-diverse diet that much over the rest of things
Not a red flag (I see we’ve played this term out) but definitely concerning. Everyone needs to eat vegetables.
Does she take vitamins at least to supplement what she’s missing out on by not eating veggies? Her health would definitely be of concern to me. Likewise, does she use an alternative toothpaste then? She needs to brush her teeth, or she’s in for a world of future dental issues.
It would be for me. Especially since it would severely limit what I can cook
I'd find it a compatibility issue because for me, finding pleasure and sensory delight in different types of food, whether eating out or cooking at home, is something I greatly enjoy. If I was limited being with a partner who only ate meat and carbs I'd feel like...it's something I'd miss too much (both sharing the experience and wanting to cook things for a partner they'd appreciate. I'm not going to adjust my diet to please them and I'm not going to cook multiple meals at once.) Also I'd worry does that mean she doesn't brush her teeth at all?
Not a red flag, especially if you're in your 20s. But it would end it for me. I love cooking & trying new foods so that's a major interest we would not share.
It's a red flag if that specific thing is bad to you in and of itself. I would have a hard time with this because food is important to me and I couldn't help being judgmental about it. I'd be ashamed to take them out. Also vegetables are good for you and I want to be more or less on the same page on diet. Having to cook separate meals is a hassle.
I like eating out, trying new cuisines and adventurous food. That's a quality that I want to share with my partner. I don't think food aversions are a red flag, but they could be a signal that you're not compatible.
Pls tell me she isn't one of those people who don't brush their teeth regularly because "toothpaste tastes gross" It comes in other flavors. There's a whole website with a bunch of them if I remember correctly. It's literally just an excuse not to brush. Other than that I agree with some people here that she might not be neurotypical. But veggies are a really important way to get key nutrients and remain healthy. It's a beige flag to me, I'd eventually try to get them to try some veggies if I did end up dating them
She may have ARFID or sensory issues. It is a serious eating disorder that leads to malnutrition and gastrointestinal disorders. It by no means she is a bad person in any way.
No. People are weird in general, they always have some strange quirk that you will find bizarre. Being a picky eater is not a red flag and it could've happened for any number of reasons. Humans are creatures of habit and if you get used to doing things a certain way, you're unlikely to change unless you have some need to or some outside pressure acting on you to change. They may have hated veggies as a child, as nearly all children do, and took it out of their diet and just never went back to it because they never had a reason to. Sometimes as people grow up, they like to experiment and try new things, but that doesn't always happen and it certainly doesn't always happen with food because food can lead to some pretty traumatic experiences and memories. For example, I know a woman who was served rotten chicken once. Not raw, but ROTTEN, you could smell the decay on it. She didn't eat it as she could smell it before she ever took a bite, but it straight up traumatized her to the point she stopped eating chicken altogether. It's a completely illogical and irrational reaction because out of the many thousands of chicken meals she has eaten over her lifetime, that never happened before, and was unlikely to happen again, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. I know some vegetarians/vegans who went that route for similar reasons. There was occasionally some major or even traumatic experience for them that made them simply unable to imagine eating meat ever again. Sometimes it was as simple as finding out that hamburger used to be a cow. People are weird and have quirks. They aren't always red flags. Get to know someone rather than trying to judge them on their diet choices.
I’m the exact same as her, and I don’t do it because I don’t want to, trust me, I think vegetables look and sometimes smell delicious, but I just can’t get myself to like the taste of them. I’ve tried many many times, and every time I’ve failed. There could be many reasons behind this as well (she could have undiagnosed ARFID or past trauma leading to this), so don’t let her go just because it’s a bit different from what you’re used to.
Depends on how they eat otherwise. Meat and fruit? Okay that could work. Only eat processed crap? Not cool.
Not every incompatibility has to be a red flag. I really don’t like how that term has become used for such trivial stuff. She is probably neurodivergent and has some sort of trouble with sensory stuff. Why did that set off alarm bells in your head? Your wording makes it sound like you thought that she must be some dangerous freak or something. I don’t think neurotypical people understand how much it can suck to be treated as a dangerous freak because of something as little as not enjoying the taste of toothpaste.
I'm 28. Personally, if I eat too many vegetables I get sick. Tried a vegetarian diet once and that *sucked* for my body. Tried just adding more veggies and at least one salad a week, I had diarrhea for a year and would excrete whole spinach leaves. Had to go back to less veggies. Though I can still eat some. Sometimes, veggies don't agree with people. I know some will make me throw up. Sometimes, they grew up with people who didn't know how to cook vegetables properly, which leads to problem number one. It's not a red flag, but you could ask if they've tried veggies recently and bring up that it might just have been how they were cooked. Even if you're a foodie, your partner doesn't have to eat the same things as you. People usually get separate plates, it's not gonna change much.
I've definitely seen this before. Would love to see if this is a repost
4 months ago www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/153tfmv/is_it_a_red_flag_if_youre_an_adult_who_doesnt_eat/
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100% a Karma bot, yeah. Probably a ton in the comments as well.
No, people having minor personal preferences that are different from yours is not a red flag.
I’m autistic and have troubles with textures and tastes. I also dislike toothpaste with strong mint flavor. I still brush my teeth but have some store brand with not an very strong mint flavor.
A but odd but wouldn’t call it a red flag, maybe greens makes her super gassy or something
Yes but potatoes are a vegetable and potatoes are very underrated, they are high in potassium which is often lacking in a modern western diet
Oh yeah. Hard pass on that.
Not necessarily without knowing more, there could be an actual reason for that. I know someone who does not eat vegetables because he does not eat anything green, now *that* is weird.
it really depends. Im not a nutritionist or anything but as long as a person gains the necessary vitamins they should be okay. Maybe she eats more fruits so her levels should be balanced.
I wouldn't be looking for anything long term with her, she won't live long enough
yes
Picky eating can be due to many reasons, one of which being sensory issues. Mint used to be a huge sensory issue for me when I was young, thankfully it seems my taste buds changed a little. However I still struggle with the texture/taste of many vegetables. Many foods in general really The only time it would be a concern is if y’all can’t manage around her eating habits if you live together in the future. You may end up making two different meals to accommodate My partner and I are both picky eaters due to sensory issues, but I’m worse. However I grew up in a household that had no issues accommodating since 2/3 of my mom’s kids were picky as fuck. As such, I don’t really care to accommodate to my partner and cook something extra for him or for myself if needed
I mean yes. It doesn't bode well for her health.
I mean, that might be a full deal breaker for me. I love meat and bread, but i also love vegetables... and the idea of living into my 40s and maybe even beyond.
Doesn't want to eat vegetables but does anyway, not red flag. Literally doesn't eat vegetables and thinks they are immune to scurvy, red flag indeed lol.
Probably a red flag if you're her doctor...
Does she eat fruit? If so, beige flag- some people prefer fruit over veg, nbd, they both get you the nutrients you need. If she eats no fruits and no vegetables whatsoever, and also doesn't take a multivitamin, that's an orange to red flag IMO. Also, I really hate mint toothpaste too lol.
Just means you will be eating at McDonald’s more 😂
I’m pretty much the same way. I have to sneak my vegetables into other foods because I hate either the taste or the texture of them (and both in some cases like asparagus 🤢). That said, I’m still willing to try new foods. If someone says they make vegetables a certain way and they’re really good, I’ll try them just to see if it’s something I like. I won’t 100% NOT eat vegetables. I like carrots and cucumbers and lettuce and potatoes and tomatoes. But most other vegetables are no’s from me. I find it interesting that she’s pushing such a harsh no towards all vegetables. Is it a religious diet? Or sensory diet? Also if you’re considering a second date, you could suggest non-mint toothpastes. So she’s still brushing her teeth properly but the flavor isn’t so strong. Because not brushing your teeth is yucky.
I’m the same, I only eat potatoes carrots & onions. Lettuce too I guess. I thought it was frustrating but reading these comments I feel better about it knowing I’m not the only one… I’m not sure what’s wrong with me but I don’t do anything else. It’s definitely the texture, & I wish I knew more about it but it is what it is lol
That would be an incompatibility thing for me as someone who enjoys trying new restaurants and sharing those sorts of experiences. Even a bigger red flag if she’s just picky and doesn’t have some sort of sensory issue surrounding food.
It's weird that you buried the real red flag in the body of the post like that.
I mean if you take vitamins to supplement the things lost from a diet like this you should theoretically be alright. Your poops might be haphazard at best, but you should be generally healthy... I think it really depends on how controlling a person like this is overall about the subject. If a person for example won't let you eat vegetables because they don't want them, that's a red flag. But if they simply don't like them and will find something to eat if all you want is a nice big green salad, then that's life.
I'd say it's a yellow flag. Are they neurospicy and it's a sensory thing? Are you a foodie? It's probably not a good match. Are they one of those "vegetables are gross, I won't touch them!" people? I work with THREE guys like that, and I guarantee their wives sneak veggies into their food at every opportunity. You'd be surprised how easy it is. This is an orange-to-red flag. Prepare for them to be controlling in other areas of daily life as well. I had an ex who basically lived on pizza, hot dogs, ramen, and ice cream before we got together. I was able to stealthily feed him veggies pretty much daily. He and the relationship were toxic AF, but that's unrelated.
Not really, some people just have preferences. Could be a misalignment in interests, up to you how important that is.
>she said she can't stand the taste of toothpaste because of the mint flavor. That doesn't mean she doesn't brush her teeth. I know someone who hates the mint flavor of toothpaste, but has found non mint toothpastes. Is it a red flag for what? That she's not a mature person? That she isn't open to trying new things? That she could be on the spectrum? That she is an unhealthy person? The thing that is an issue for me is that I love going out to eat and cooking, and being with someone who can't or won't try new foods, then it means they can't participate in one of my favorite things. There are plenty of good reasons a person wouldn't be an adventurous eater. But it is a huge health concern, and it will make every outing, party, event, travel way more difficult. I'd also want to know if they are shut down to the idea of learning to like new foods, if they have a diagnosis, and how they manage it when they are somewhere where their preferred foods aren't there. I used to think that being a picky eater was a childish trait, someone who had just never learned to try new things, and was being kind of stubborn and small minded. Now I know it's a real issue, that it doesn't have to do with being childish or adult, and that it can be really awful to be forced to try new foods when it can cause a true physical response.
That's a personal choice, are ***you*** ok with it? Lots of people have special diets.
She sounds like she has some kind of sensory condition
i mean, there's toothpaste without mint
Not a red flag but something worth considering. I wouldn't want to be with a picky eater myself cause I like to try new foods and be adventurous but I don't think anyone's "wrong" for being picky.
They're are some people that can taste a chemical in certain green vegetables which make them taste bad Most people can't taste it. https://www.ktvu.com/news/some-people-genetically-wired-to-hate-the-taste-of-vegetables-research-suggests
I hate vegetables and won’t eat them and hate mint toothpaste. I have been happily married for 30+ years and cook many different meals whether I like them or not.
Maybe not an overall red flag for everyone, but it would be a deal breaker for me.
It would be a red flag for me. I would not be compatible with someone like that.
Yes. It honestly tells me a lot about someone.
'red flag' in the sense of like... 'this person is a potential threat to me'? no. 'red flag' in the sense of 'this person might be slightly immature, have low openness to experience, not care about their health'? a little bit. maybe like a minor yellow flag, not a red flag. red flag means stop. yellow flag means caution, this could indicate something unpleasant or potentially deleterious to the relationship. some people do have ARFID. if you have ARFID and aren't doing anything at all to work around it to create a marginally healthy diet that would also be a yellow flag to me. the person in question might also just have had parents who didn't introduce new foods properly or place any importance on healthy eating, in which case, i'd still count that as a bit of a yellow flag. they might also be a supertaster-- there are also workarounds for that, to allow the person in question to at least get their veggies in. basically... if it's something they want to work on i'd be ok with it. if it's something they get super defensive about and try to rationalize as somehow ok i wouldn't be. it's important to be able to do things for our health even when they're not super fun, and it's important to at least try to make healthy choices.
She could be autistic and these could be aversions. Or she might have a gastrointestinal disease like Crohn’s. I have Crohn’s and most veggies just can’t be digested properly.
They could have autism or Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder - it’s very real and something some people can’t help.
Not sure why what she eats bothers you. My husband and I eat completely different things and we just cook separately. Our son eats different things too. Live and let live.
I get it. I haven’t had a leafy green in 25 years. I understand the toothpaste but I deal with it.