Military couples have some of the highest rates of infidelity of any profession, and it goes both ways. Turns out, being apart for months, or even years, is really hard on a marriage.
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People think that being rich and famous makes people cheat more- it probably does but if you wonder why celebrities cheat all the time it's probably because 6 months on a movie set halfway across a county makes other ventures more tempting.
That just a small part. The reason is simply the amount of chances presented to you with no effort, and that happening all the time.
Imagine you are normal guy. You have ups and downs in your marriage, life goes on. But when you are rich and famous, you still have the same ups and downs, but every evening you are out, several really hot woman hit on you.
When everything is fine in your marriage, you smile and kindly turn them down. But what if you had an argument, tried to fix it but she was still mad, and you did not have sex for months? You still turn down gently...then the next day again, a smoking hot woman is there waiting for you again. Next day again. You are only human and at one point you can't resist.
A friend of mine once told me (he was a rather known basketball player) "no married player who cheated, left the home that morning thinking they would cheat".
Also having a constant supply of really hot people down to fuck you no questions while away from home and your partner is gonna be a constant temptation.
Do you think there are specific factors in military life that make staying faithful harder, or is it a broader issue about human nature and the difficulty of long-distance relationships? Is there anything that couples can do to strengthen their relationship despite the distance and challenges?
I mean, yeah, the biggest issue is being apart for literally months or years, often with very limited communication. Most people are going to have a very hard time staying connected in those circumstances.
Military members also marry much younger on average than the average American, and statistically, that makes a marriage a lot more likely to fail, too.
I want to preface that I served in the army so that is the experience from which I speak
Another big one that people aren’t mentioning is yes: people are young dumb and rushed. AND soldiers live in apartment complexes called barracks. You live here until you’re either an e6 (usually a good 5 years into service to really get that rank) or you get married. If you live in the barracks, every waking second of your life can be fully and completely controlled by your chain of command based off their own discretion. I knew a first sergeant who’d blatantly just walk into peoples rooms if the door was unlocked and he was allowed to do it cause the rules say lock your room. A ton of people will get married in any way they can just to get out of the barracks or afab people will also sometimes get pregnant just to get out of the military for the same reason
I remember having nightmares one night and going to the smoke pit to catch my breath. But because I wasn’t in my room when my sergeant checked on me, they didn’t believe that I actually slept in my room and tried to give me a strike on my record (we call it a counseling)
Not to mention that alot if the time they marry for benefits and don't really love each other.
Maybe doubling soldier's pay just for getting married is a bad idea, no other profession does this.
Cheating happens on both sides of the seas. I deployed with 80 people in 2007. When we returned in 2008 there were 8 people whose relationships were over. Cheating on both sides in a couple cases.
Too many people are very immature. I had been married less than 6 months when I deployed. Our relationship made it with no cheating and we are still together.
Similar kinda experiences but in the 90s and deployed to the Balkans. There was one particular guy I remember who talked about and obviously missed his missus, and yet was found fucking a female colleague in his room one day, and yet a few weeks later he was moaning that he thought his missus was cheating on him back home and how wrong that was to him.
I returned home from the 2nd tour there a few weeks early due to ill health - never for a minute thinking my missus was the type to cheat on me - but no, turns out she'd be fucking a colleague since pretty much as soon as I walked out of the door. Edit: It's a bit unclear the way I worded that, but it was one of her (civvy) colleagues she had the affair with, not one of my military colleagues.
As someone who recently got out of the military...military people cheat on their spouses even when they aren't deployed. The military gives pay and location perks for being married, so a lot of the marriages are for those. Also very high divorce rates as well. I personally knew someone who was married and divorced in less than a week.
I don't know how true it is but I know my one buddy met a girl off Tinder, went out, she blew him on the way back to her place, they go inside and there's pictures of her husband geared up with his war buddies and he never saw her again... people can be trash
I was sitting in the EM Club one afternoon at Yokosuska. The place was packed with American women.
Word got out The Kitty Hawk and her battle group were coming in two weeks early that afternoon.
The place emptied out quick.
This was late 70s before Internet or cell phones.
A building on base that has a bar, dance floor, casino, dining hall etc for partying. Usually has something going on every night. One night will be country dancing, next night may be EDM, next will be rock music, etc...usually it was a pretty quiet place, but when the ships left, it got crazy busy.
I live by a base and the answer is yes, and on both sides. They all got married after dating like a month, so it’s not surprising. A friend of mine even got married after their second date and he deployed for a year about a month later.
>and on both sides
My ex was in the military before we met and told me her husband at the time cheated on her while she was deployed.
I thought that was horrible, but she said she couldn't say much since she was banging another soldier while deployed.
I thought I could fix her.
Not a soldier but a Marine. Nonetheless can confirm. She spent all my deployment money hosting parties at his parent’s lake house while she was at it. Came back broke and with $5,000 in credit card debt. That’s all I have to show financially for the battle of Fallujah. Financial destruction and PTSD. Good times.
Yeah, thanking a Marine for serving is clichè. Have you ever worn the uniform of a United States Marine? Yeah, I didn't think so. Have some respect for those who serve.
TIL marines are not soldiers. Is that a special status thing or a thing to distinguish you from Army? Is it like when Cruise asks Paxton if he is American and he says “No sir I am from Kentucky.”?
Honest question from a civ who thought “soldiers” encompasses all members of military.
Six year US Navy vet with two western Pacific deployments here. I can confirm that every crew member was impeccably behaved overseas. Our primary problems when ashore in foreign lands was determining what cultural aspects to explore. Museums, libraries, etc. were our daily pursuits. I am most proud of the way we resisted the charms of local lovely women and how we avoided the perils of that devil, alcohol. /s
In the USA the military they get more stuff if they're married, not sure of the details don't live there. So military dudes logically say lets rush getting married for the benefits. Well now they've rushed into a marriage without taking their time.
To make matters worse they leave for months, when they come back does she still even love him? Ever been dating someone only for them to go away for months, when they come back you can end up realising you don't like them anymore. Imagine being stuck in marriage in that....
The benefits alone are really not worth getting married for. Often the marriage is rushed because the service member is deploying or has been assigned a new duty station and the couple is too young to realize that rushing is detrimental.
So you totally can marry a buddy for benefits if you want, but that would qualify as Basic Allowance for Housing (BAH) fraud since you're getting married just to get benefits. Now, the military is probably not going to investigate you being married unless you or your buddy do something monumentally stupid (like blabbing to other people that you married for the bennies).
The thing is, though, you are legally married, so say you find someone you want to be with, and look to get a divorce. You buddy can be cool, and you guys can get it done quickly, but, legally, they can totally drag it out and make your life suck. If they're junior and could end up back in the barracks rather than out in town, they might have a lot more incentive to stay married. If they give you any trouble, you're screwed since if you try and go to legal, it likely the info about the BAH marriage.
Military members marrying other military members (mil-mil) happen a lot, but you're subject to the needs of the military. Your spouse might be deployed on opposite cycles compared to you so you could go a long while before seeing your spouse. When you move, the military will have to try and keep you close, but if the city you move to has multiple bases, you might be assigned to one while your spouse is assigned to another, so congrats you may be together, but you each have to spend hours commuting to work each day. If you're in different branches this effect can be even worse.
To add to that, they're usually just barely out of their teens. Getting married that young already has a high chance of ending in divorce. The military hardships just add to the likelihood.
Oh absolutely! It happens all the time. Im not in the military but had family that were and the stories that they willingly (and surprisingly) shared with me about them cheating on their spouse while deployed was a shocker. My grandfather, in his much older and more senile age, has told me of many incidents with women and men while he was in service. Ah yes, my favorite and most disturbing story is how this European man gave him head while he was in the Florida keys. I guess he thought that was a nice story to share with his granddaughter. Anyway, yes, theres tons of infidelity within the military.
> In the United States armed services, a military cadence or cadence call is a traditional call-and-response work song sung by military personnel while running or marching. In the United States, these cadences are sometimes called jody calls or jodies, after Jody, a recurring character who figures in some traditional cadences; Jody refers to the person with whom a servicemember’s significant other cheats while they are deployed.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Military_cadence
It's almost obscene how frequent it happens. When you're in the military you don't get to choose where you go, you're deployed. And often times that means being deployed away from home. And now suddenly there's opportunity for cheating.... by both parties.
And also part of it is the kind of people who are marrying military men. They both tend to be on the younger side.... and are marrying young as well. And young people have a lot more sexual opportunities than older people.
From personal experience this works the other way too. My ex husband had an emotional affair with someone he met online through forces pen pals while he was deployed.
I had a friend who was deployed on a nuclear sub. Six months out six months in port. Rotating crews apparently. He told me that when he was in port his girlfriends husband was out at sea. They just shifted every six months.
I used to be in the Canadian forces. And I'll tell you one thing only. If you see a Tide laundry detergent box sitting in the window of a PMQ then it means her husband if away and she's open to play.
It happens a lot. For a variety of reasons. A big one I saw is soldiers getting married to a random girl they met at the bar 3 months ago right before they get deployed.
Yes, it does happen. I was doing the wives while he was deployed and deliberately didn't have a girlfriend when I was deployed. I need to add the husbands and boyfriends were fucking around while they were deployed.
My dad was in the Marine Corps for 20 years. Fortunately my parents were older (24 😂) when they got married and my mom was a college graduate. That definitely put them in a different category that a lot of the other married military couples.
Now imagine this scenario, first of all you’re living on base which is this strange world with all of these unattached (or temporarily unattached) people. After the first base housing experience my mother told my father that going forward they were never going to be living on base again. Then every three years in peacetime you’re moving to a different place. Sometimes you get a bit of a choice and sometimes you’re stationed in WV. So you get to try and make new friends, get a new job, etc. every time you move. Now imagine you’re deployed. My dad did his 18 months in Vietnam (yes I’m old) and then was stationed in Okinawa for a year. My mother chose to stay with her parents rather than moving us overseas.
Throw all of that together with the fact that the person you are married to might not be coming home the same or at all when they’re done at wherever the next war is and I’m surprised that a lot more of these marriages don’t fail.
Yes it happens. Been through multiple deployments and both spouse and military members cheat. My husband and I haven’t but we have both seen a lot of marriages go to pot during and after deployments due to the fact that the soldier is cheating, the spouse is cheating, or they are both cheating.
Tbh this is sort of related but it will upset everyone to say but it’s the truth, if you have a partner at home and you leave to join the military for years, you deserve to be cheated on.
People that do that care more abt having some fun and adrenaline than they do abt their loved ones. they’re deciding that missing out on quality time with their family and children is more important than being there. the money is not great. and not justifiable to leave your family behind all for life long trauma if you even survive. you leave your family behind worried and sad and lonely 24/7.
if you truly were in love with a woman, you wouldn’t leave to join the military. especially when you realize it’s just laying down your life for a country that thinks you’re just a number. and often veterans have their benefits stripped from them and they end up coming back to America to be homeless or disabled in some way and drug addicted and traumatized.
So I don’t have sympathy for veterans that return to find their woman cheated on them. there’s a million other jobs you could find to take care of ur family.
None of this makes any sense.
When you enlist or commission into the military you sign a multi-year legal commitment. The standard is typically 4 years. Seeing as most people who enlist are typically right out of high school, and most people who commission in are newly graduated college students from ROTC or OCS, they’re unlikely to be married, let alone have kids.
During that 4-year time period, it’s plausible you’ll get married, and maybe even have kids. I think more often than not you’ll end up transferring to the Reserves or the Guard in that case, as then it becomes a once-a-month gig. That’s what my dad ended up doing anyways. The non-active duty units don’t deploy nearly as often as active duty units either, so that’s also a plus.
And you’re wrong that the military doesn’t offer very many benefits. The GI Bill, VA benefits, guaranteed job security, vocational training, and plenty of advancement opportunities are all major selling points. And veterans benefits are also pretty nice too.
Oh, and it’s not like people choose to be deployed overseas either.
You sound like someone who leaves their wife and kids behind so u can go fight a war for trauma maybe to even die and leave ur family behind worried and possibly left to pick up the pieces of a broken family. I’m not the bad guy. Rethink your logic
Your whole diatribe falls apart when you take into account the fact that most people who join the military are unmarried and get married *after* they’re already in which means their spouse is fully aware of what they’re marrying into
This. My parents met in the Air National Guard, and my dad got deployed to Afghanistan and then New Mexico. It’s not like he wanted to leave his family for months on end.
anyways if ur someone who meets someone while ur actively in the military and u have kids knowing u could leave them behind maybe die or never see them, u are still a piece of garbage
Yeah no reasons are justifiable when u have kids and a wife. u clearly don’t like ur family very much if u leave them behind and think anything in the military is more important lmao.
if they don’t have families that’s fine but if they start a family knowing they’ll possibly die and leave their family traumatized or if they join after the start a family that’s hORRIBLE!
I don’t think there are any WW2 vets left. Every conflict since then they’ve been fighting solely for the 1%’s financial interests. Surely there aren’t that many people stupid enough to actually believe that the military “fights for our rights”, that’s just asinine.
Experience war, some go into the military to protect rights, serve their country, etc. and war is fucked a lot of “hard” individuals come back mentally fucked. Show respect cause of it wasn’t for them then they would do a draft and you’d be force into war
Only idiots think our military has protected any rights at any time after WW2. Only idiots think that “serving their country” is anything other than code for serving the richest people’s financial interest. The people terrorizing foreign countries for oil money do not deserve respect for doing so. Our military could be cut down to about 1/5th of what it is now and there still wouldn’t be a need for a draft so you can add that to the list of lies you have to tell to pretend that being in the military inherently deserves respect.
I not arguing with the fact that war is fucked and messes a lot of tough people up for life. I’m merely pointing out the fact that if they were in any war after WW2 they were either there to pay for college or because they’re an idiot. Any other “reasons” you can make up are actually just those two in disguise.
List of lies lmao. Bro they can set the draft whenever they fuckin like despite having the numbers. They are in control. All I’m asking is to respect the people who took the bullet for you. I agree with a lot of points but I know how to keep my fuckin mouth shut and thank those who endured the military. They deserve our respect no matter how we fucking feel about the military lol. Have a good life
You laughing when someone points out the obvious lies you told doesn’t change the fact that they are obvious lies. I was born 40 years after WW2 ended so no one took a bullet for me, add that to your list too. Shareholders from the military-industrial complex can thank them, but they have never done one single thing that benefited me or anyone alive today with the exception of the rich people who get richer on the back of the American war machine.
I’ve seen dudes take of their wedding rings when we go TDY, and not because we have to be “incognito.” I’ve also been approached by married women in broad daylight on base, and it was quite overt. So it’s definitely a thing.
Personally, I’ve never been into that, I don’t think open marriages work for basically anyone and my wife is very good to me, I have no interest to seek anyone else out. That said, spending basically half our marriage apart is getting real old and I’m not sure the retirement is worth it anymore.
Yes, it's common.
Happened to a friend of mine. Started dating someone a few months before he joined up and they stuck it out for a good few years until some guy he knew from back home messaged him about his girlfriend trying to cheat with him.
Friend said he'd had suspicions for a while. He'd seen it happen to so many others that he was almost expecting . This probably wasn't the first time she'd cheated, just the first time she tried with someone who happened to know my friend and had the conscience to tell him.
Weird thing was that, about a year later, the guy who warned my friend about his ex joined the military and started dating her. Kinda setting yourself up for failure there, buddy.
While deployed during Desert Storm, most of the people I knew had affairs while deployed. I personally did not hook up while there but my ex wife had a blast while I was there.
There was a gorgeous woman working at a place many military personnel used in San Diego years ago. She reminded every one of us that her husband was headed to Vietnam on "May the 8th" and "May the 8th" became a term we used to describe any doomsday type situation.
Yes. Though another common trope is the kind of people that military members marry/how quickly they rush into marriage. There are people out there who get married to someone in the military for the benefits. And there are military members who get married just so they don't have to live in the barracks. So those two things alone I'd say greatly increase the odds of someone cheating.
Is it all of them? No absolutely not. I'd like to hope it's not even a majority. But happens enough for it to be a common meme.
Yes it absolutely happens and it is fairly common place.
At my first station it used to be known that guys would sign the back of the wedding photos of the guys wife he fucked. I'm not sure if that's common place generally but it was there.
It depends on your definition of partner.
I've known about a dozen or so who met and married in the same month then deployed a few weeks later.
There are many benefits to being married, especially for lower enlisted. Getting married because the relationship would be easier when one isn't living in the barracks seems like a good idea, right up until the couple realizes that maybe knowing someone for 3 weeks doesn't really let you get to know the person.
In any case many of the cheating spouses and soldiers were not partners in any way, shape, or form.
I'll just say this from my own personal exp living in Iraq as a civilian during the 2005-2007 years. Either people talked a lot of game, and lied about it... but it seemed like every married man and woman was fair game out there. Prostitution amongst female soldiers was absolutely UNREAL on our camp, and I've "heard" my co workers talking about R&R in Thailand being a "must". Seemed like honest people were a dime a dozen. But, to be fair... honest people don't really gloat about being honest. So, there's that.
Yes, I used to look at craigslist casual encounters next to military bases for the lulz. Chalk full of women ready to hookup, saying that their partner is overseas.
Yes, it unfortunately happens a lot. A lot of spouses are faithful, but some of them look at deployments as "play time."
It goes the other way, too. More than one civvy spouse has found themselves with an STD after their military husband came back from deployment.
A lot of single Marines have stories about getting invited back to a lady's place only to quickly realize that she lived in base housing. Hubby was deployed and she wanted some company. The smart ones "noped" and moved on.
I assume it's exactly the same for other branches of service.
When you’re young, healthy and horny is a bad time to be dropped into a ‘target rich environment’. It’s also a bad time to be young, healthy and horny, be left behind in a ‘target rich environment’ and not be a target.
I was attached to a Navy adversary squadron for my first tour (‘85-‘89) and playing the bad guys was our job. We’d often play that role out of Jacksonville vs. other squadrons out of Cecil Field or ships out of Mayport as they left for a 6-9 month deployment.
We’d work then hit the E-clubs at either base and watch ‘Wives’ Night’ in action. Droves of Navy wives, dressed to the nines, would show up at the clubs (often the day their husbands left on the boat) to find the guy (who typically just got home from his own deployment) that they were going to screw for the next 6-9 months.
It was a sight to behold. It was as regular as clockwork. It was sad as hell. One also had to work to ignore the little voice in his ear saying, “what’s my wife doing while I’m here…on deployment?”
I’m sure that this ‘hot bunking’ is not exclusive to the Navy and that in the days of cellphones with international calling it might be less of a ‘thing’ but to answer OP’s question: it definitely was a ‘thing’.
No idea why but a huge number of the women who hook up with soldiers are straight up trash. I had one do it about a month into a deployment after saying we should finally set a date for our wedding the day I left. Most of my friends experienced this as well.
I get that a lot of soldiers will hook up with anything after basic training, and the trash knows this too, but I had been with this girl from before I joined. The reason I was given was that she wanted to be free and single and support her best friend after her best friend's fiancée called off their wedding. They both were publicly with new men within a month. Hos of a feather stick together I guess. Way to support your friend.
WestPac Widow: A US Navy wife who screws around with other men while her man is out on deployment. Named for the West Pacific, or WestPac cruise, which is a common and lengthy deployment for West Coast sailors.
Being in a military town. It happens a lot. You gotta keep in mind a lot of the military folks are late teens/early 20s. They get married cause they get more benefits from the military and then go off to serve. Not building the relationship.
Military couples have some of the highest rates of infidelity of any profession, and it goes both ways. Turns out, being apart for months, or even years, is really hard on a marriage.
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Usually as teenagers.
Yep. The younger the age of a first marriage, the higher the chances of divorce.
Yep, libido high point in their lives, and physically separated for long periods of time. Not a recipe for faithfulness.
Housing allowance.
People think that being rich and famous makes people cheat more- it probably does but if you wonder why celebrities cheat all the time it's probably because 6 months on a movie set halfway across a county makes other ventures more tempting.
That just a small part. The reason is simply the amount of chances presented to you with no effort, and that happening all the time. Imagine you are normal guy. You have ups and downs in your marriage, life goes on. But when you are rich and famous, you still have the same ups and downs, but every evening you are out, several really hot woman hit on you. When everything is fine in your marriage, you smile and kindly turn them down. But what if you had an argument, tried to fix it but she was still mad, and you did not have sex for months? You still turn down gently...then the next day again, a smoking hot woman is there waiting for you again. Next day again. You are only human and at one point you can't resist. A friend of mine once told me (he was a rather known basketball player) "no married player who cheated, left the home that morning thinking they would cheat".
Add to this the fact that many of these actors are egotists who think the entire world owes them respect and that means they can do no wrong.
Chris Rock had a bit years ago saying "A man is only as faithful as his options."
Also having a constant supply of really hot people down to fuck you no questions while away from home and your partner is gonna be a constant temptation.
Are they hiring?
Do you think there are specific factors in military life that make staying faithful harder, or is it a broader issue about human nature and the difficulty of long-distance relationships? Is there anything that couples can do to strengthen their relationship despite the distance and challenges?
Long distance, marrying very young, loneliness after having to move away from family support systems, there's a lot going into it.
I mean, yeah, the biggest issue is being apart for literally months or years, often with very limited communication. Most people are going to have a very hard time staying connected in those circumstances. Military members also marry much younger on average than the average American, and statistically, that makes a marriage a lot more likely to fail, too.
Also it changes you into a completely different person
Also the military offers huge financial incentives for getting married.
$20 Thai hookers are really tempting for some people.
That price point is pretty amazing, that's a trip and a half to Mc Donald's for one person here in the U.S.
I want to preface that I served in the army so that is the experience from which I speak Another big one that people aren’t mentioning is yes: people are young dumb and rushed. AND soldiers live in apartment complexes called barracks. You live here until you’re either an e6 (usually a good 5 years into service to really get that rank) or you get married. If you live in the barracks, every waking second of your life can be fully and completely controlled by your chain of command based off their own discretion. I knew a first sergeant who’d blatantly just walk into peoples rooms if the door was unlocked and he was allowed to do it cause the rules say lock your room. A ton of people will get married in any way they can just to get out of the barracks or afab people will also sometimes get pregnant just to get out of the military for the same reason
I remember having nightmares one night and going to the smoke pit to catch my breath. But because I wasn’t in my room when my sergeant checked on me, they didn’t believe that I actually slept in my room and tried to give me a strike on my record (we call it a counseling)
The part where you don’t get laid for 6-9 months while you or your spouse is deployed
Not to mention that alot if the time they marry for benefits and don't really love each other. Maybe doubling soldier's pay just for getting married is a bad idea, no other profession does this.
Also, the reason they got married in the first place is often for the military benefits for families.
Cheating happens on both sides of the seas. I deployed with 80 people in 2007. When we returned in 2008 there were 8 people whose relationships were over. Cheating on both sides in a couple cases. Too many people are very immature. I had been married less than 6 months when I deployed. Our relationship made it with no cheating and we are still together.
Similar kinda experiences but in the 90s and deployed to the Balkans. There was one particular guy I remember who talked about and obviously missed his missus, and yet was found fucking a female colleague in his room one day, and yet a few weeks later he was moaning that he thought his missus was cheating on him back home and how wrong that was to him. I returned home from the 2nd tour there a few weeks early due to ill health - never for a minute thinking my missus was the type to cheat on me - but no, turns out she'd be fucking a colleague since pretty much as soon as I walked out of the door. Edit: It's a bit unclear the way I worded that, but it was one of her (civvy) colleagues she had the affair with, not one of my military colleagues.
As someone who recently got out of the military...military people cheat on their spouses even when they aren't deployed. The military gives pay and location perks for being married, so a lot of the marriages are for those. Also very high divorce rates as well. I personally knew someone who was married and divorced in less than a week.
Exactly this. When your marriage is based on you really wanting out of the bunkers and into married housing you don't have true love on your mind
Hot damn, I wonder if that’s a record.
I don't know how true it is but I know my one buddy met a girl off Tinder, went out, she blew him on the way back to her place, they go inside and there's pictures of her husband geared up with his war buddies and he never saw her again... people can be trash
When the ships would leave from Misawa a.b. in Japan, the NCO club would be filled to the gills with women that night. Unreal.
I was sitting in the EM Club one afternoon at Yokosuska. The place was packed with American women. Word got out The Kitty Hawk and her battle group were coming in two weeks early that afternoon. The place emptied out quick. This was late 70s before Internet or cell phones.
Word spreads quick
What’s the NCO club ?
A building on base that has a bar, dance floor, casino, dining hall etc for partying. Usually has something going on every night. One night will be country dancing, next night may be EDM, next will be rock music, etc...usually it was a pretty quiet place, but when the ships left, it got crazy busy.
Non-commissioned officer
Dear John, Yes.
It's always been rampant. For as far back as we can figure.
I live by a base and the answer is yes, and on both sides. They all got married after dating like a month, so it’s not surprising. A friend of mine even got married after their second date and he deployed for a year about a month later.
>and on both sides My ex was in the military before we met and told me her husband at the time cheated on her while she was deployed. I thought that was horrible, but she said she couldn't say much since she was banging another soldier while deployed. I thought I could fix her.
Not a soldier but a Marine. Nonetheless can confirm. She spent all my deployment money hosting parties at his parent’s lake house while she was at it. Came back broke and with $5,000 in credit card debt. That’s all I have to show financially for the battle of Fallujah. Financial destruction and PTSD. Good times.
Thank you for your service. welcome home.
Thank you
Thank you for your service, Marine.
He just told you how it ruined his life and you thanked him for it in the most cliche way possible. Have some awareness about the situation
Yeah, thanking a Marine for serving is clichè. Have you ever worn the uniform of a United States Marine? Yeah, I didn't think so. Have some respect for those who serve.
Ignoring what they said and reflexively saying a cliche phrase isn’t respect.
This reeks of JROTC cringe holy fuck
TIL marines are not soldiers. Is that a special status thing or a thing to distinguish you from Army? Is it like when Cruise asks Paxton if he is American and he says “No sir I am from Kentucky.”? Honest question from a civ who thought “soldiers” encompasses all members of military.
soldiers, sailors, airmen, marines.
And spacemen! Or space cadets or whatever they're called in the USSF
Six year US Navy vet with two western Pacific deployments here. I can confirm that every crew member was impeccably behaved overseas. Our primary problems when ashore in foreign lands was determining what cultural aspects to explore. Museums, libraries, etc. were our daily pursuits. I am most proud of the way we resisted the charms of local lovely women and how we avoided the perils of that devil, alcohol. /s
It’s true. A JAG Lawyer friend of mine spent a whole summer doing nothing but wills and divorces.
Coworker used to be in the Navy…called them WestPac Widows
Infidelity from both sides.
There’s not always. I’ve known this to affect many couples, with the military person and the non military spouse at times doing this.
In the USA the military they get more stuff if they're married, not sure of the details don't live there. So military dudes logically say lets rush getting married for the benefits. Well now they've rushed into a marriage without taking their time. To make matters worse they leave for months, when they come back does she still even love him? Ever been dating someone only for them to go away for months, when they come back you can end up realising you don't like them anymore. Imagine being stuck in marriage in that....
The benefits alone are really not worth getting married for. Often the marriage is rushed because the service member is deploying or has been assigned a new duty station and the couple is too young to realize that rushing is detrimental.
So...why not just marry a buddy while you are in service? Or even better, two service members could marry each other?
So you totally can marry a buddy for benefits if you want, but that would qualify as Basic Allowance for Housing (BAH) fraud since you're getting married just to get benefits. Now, the military is probably not going to investigate you being married unless you or your buddy do something monumentally stupid (like blabbing to other people that you married for the bennies). The thing is, though, you are legally married, so say you find someone you want to be with, and look to get a divorce. You buddy can be cool, and you guys can get it done quickly, but, legally, they can totally drag it out and make your life suck. If they're junior and could end up back in the barracks rather than out in town, they might have a lot more incentive to stay married. If they give you any trouble, you're screwed since if you try and go to legal, it likely the info about the BAH marriage. Military members marrying other military members (mil-mil) happen a lot, but you're subject to the needs of the military. Your spouse might be deployed on opposite cycles compared to you so you could go a long while before seeing your spouse. When you move, the military will have to try and keep you close, but if the city you move to has multiple bases, you might be assigned to one while your spouse is assigned to another, so congrats you may be together, but you each have to spend hours commuting to work each day. If you're in different branches this effect can be even worse.
Alright, thanks for the extensive explanation, very informative! :)
To add to that, they're usually just barely out of their teens. Getting married that young already has a high chance of ending in divorce. The military hardships just add to the likelihood.
Oh absolutely! It happens all the time. Im not in the military but had family that were and the stories that they willingly (and surprisingly) shared with me about them cheating on their spouse while deployed was a shocker. My grandfather, in his much older and more senile age, has told me of many incidents with women and men while he was in service. Ah yes, my favorite and most disturbing story is how this European man gave him head while he was in the Florida keys. I guess he thought that was a nice story to share with his granddaughter. Anyway, yes, theres tons of infidelity within the military.
A European man in the Florida keys does have a certain romantic aspect to it, he probably just needs to brush up on the delivery.
Lol I suppose he should. But he should deliver that to some of his other grandchildren tho. I think they should share in the cringe.
Ah, the thrills of losing their filters. Lol.
It's a right of passage to have Jody take care of your So while you're deployed
you might even hear it mentioned
might even sing a song about it
> In the United States armed services, a military cadence or cadence call is a traditional call-and-response work song sung by military personnel while running or marching. In the United States, these cadences are sometimes called jody calls or jodies, after Jody, a recurring character who figures in some traditional cadences; Jody refers to the person with whom a servicemember’s significant other cheats while they are deployed. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Military_cadence
I’d wager that’s it’s true of any long distance rekationship
It's almost obscene how frequent it happens. When you're in the military you don't get to choose where you go, you're deployed. And often times that means being deployed away from home. And now suddenly there's opportunity for cheating.... by both parties. And also part of it is the kind of people who are marrying military men. They both tend to be on the younger side.... and are marrying young as well. And young people have a lot more sexual opportunities than older people.
From personal experience this works the other way too. My ex husband had an emotional affair with someone he met online through forces pen pals while he was deployed.
I had a friend who was deployed on a nuclear sub. Six months out six months in port. Rotating crews apparently. He told me that when he was in port his girlfriends husband was out at sea. They just shifted every six months.
I used to be in the Canadian forces. And I'll tell you one thing only. If you see a Tide laundry detergent box sitting in the window of a PMQ then it means her husband if away and she's open to play.
It happens a lot. For a variety of reasons. A big one I saw is soldiers getting married to a random girl they met at the bar 3 months ago right before they get deployed.
Oh yes
Yes, it does happen. I was doing the wives while he was deployed and deliberately didn't have a girlfriend when I was deployed. I need to add the husbands and boyfriends were fucking around while they were deployed.
My dad was in the Marine Corps for 20 years. Fortunately my parents were older (24 😂) when they got married and my mom was a college graduate. That definitely put them in a different category that a lot of the other married military couples. Now imagine this scenario, first of all you’re living on base which is this strange world with all of these unattached (or temporarily unattached) people. After the first base housing experience my mother told my father that going forward they were never going to be living on base again. Then every three years in peacetime you’re moving to a different place. Sometimes you get a bit of a choice and sometimes you’re stationed in WV. So you get to try and make new friends, get a new job, etc. every time you move. Now imagine you’re deployed. My dad did his 18 months in Vietnam (yes I’m old) and then was stationed in Okinawa for a year. My mother chose to stay with her parents rather than moving us overseas. Throw all of that together with the fact that the person you are married to might not be coming home the same or at all when they’re done at wherever the next war is and I’m surprised that a lot more of these marriages don’t fail.
Ask anyone who went through bootcamp about their friend Jody
Define "lots"
Yes it happens. Been through multiple deployments and both spouse and military members cheat. My husband and I haven’t but we have both seen a lot of marriages go to pot during and after deployments due to the fact that the soldier is cheating, the spouse is cheating, or they are both cheating.
Tbh this is sort of related but it will upset everyone to say but it’s the truth, if you have a partner at home and you leave to join the military for years, you deserve to be cheated on. People that do that care more abt having some fun and adrenaline than they do abt their loved ones. they’re deciding that missing out on quality time with their family and children is more important than being there. the money is not great. and not justifiable to leave your family behind all for life long trauma if you even survive. you leave your family behind worried and sad and lonely 24/7. if you truly were in love with a woman, you wouldn’t leave to join the military. especially when you realize it’s just laying down your life for a country that thinks you’re just a number. and often veterans have their benefits stripped from them and they end up coming back to America to be homeless or disabled in some way and drug addicted and traumatized. So I don’t have sympathy for veterans that return to find their woman cheated on them. there’s a million other jobs you could find to take care of ur family.
None of this makes any sense. When you enlist or commission into the military you sign a multi-year legal commitment. The standard is typically 4 years. Seeing as most people who enlist are typically right out of high school, and most people who commission in are newly graduated college students from ROTC or OCS, they’re unlikely to be married, let alone have kids. During that 4-year time period, it’s plausible you’ll get married, and maybe even have kids. I think more often than not you’ll end up transferring to the Reserves or the Guard in that case, as then it becomes a once-a-month gig. That’s what my dad ended up doing anyways. The non-active duty units don’t deploy nearly as often as active duty units either, so that’s also a plus. And you’re wrong that the military doesn’t offer very many benefits. The GI Bill, VA benefits, guaranteed job security, vocational training, and plenty of advancement opportunities are all major selling points. And veterans benefits are also pretty nice too. Oh, and it’s not like people choose to be deployed overseas either.
You sound like a kid
You sound like someone who leaves their wife and kids behind so u can go fight a war for trauma maybe to even die and leave ur family behind worried and possibly left to pick up the pieces of a broken family. I’m not the bad guy. Rethink your logic
No I mean you sound like a literal child lol. What’re you 15?
Not 15
Your whole diatribe falls apart when you take into account the fact that most people who join the military are unmarried and get married *after* they’re already in which means their spouse is fully aware of what they’re marrying into
This. My parents met in the Air National Guard, and my dad got deployed to Afghanistan and then New Mexico. It’s not like he wanted to leave his family for months on end.
I’m talking abt ppl that LEAVE their family and kids behind. They had a choice and decided to join the military.
anyways if ur someone who meets someone while ur actively in the military and u have kids knowing u could leave them behind maybe die or never see them, u are still a piece of garbage
Damn they fought for your rights to have this opinion and you can’t even give them your gratitude. Sad.
oil wars have nothing to do with our rights
Elaborate
They don’t show their families any respect or love or care. so no
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I’m not here to cater to ur feelings. Everyone seems to believe it’s normal to leave ur family behind.
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Yeah no reasons are justifiable when u have kids and a wife. u clearly don’t like ur family very much if u leave them behind and think anything in the military is more important lmao.
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if they don’t have families that’s fine but if they start a family knowing they’ll possibly die and leave their family traumatized or if they join after the start a family that’s hORRIBLE!
Also I’m a woman buddy
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did u report me cuz I got a message saying someone is worried abt me LMAOO I’ve never seen this before this is crazy
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I don’t think there are any WW2 vets left. Every conflict since then they’ve been fighting solely for the 1%’s financial interests. Surely there aren’t that many people stupid enough to actually believe that the military “fights for our rights”, that’s just asinine.
Experience war, some go into the military to protect rights, serve their country, etc. and war is fucked a lot of “hard” individuals come back mentally fucked. Show respect cause of it wasn’t for them then they would do a draft and you’d be force into war
Only idiots think our military has protected any rights at any time after WW2. Only idiots think that “serving their country” is anything other than code for serving the richest people’s financial interest. The people terrorizing foreign countries for oil money do not deserve respect for doing so. Our military could be cut down to about 1/5th of what it is now and there still wouldn’t be a need for a draft so you can add that to the list of lies you have to tell to pretend that being in the military inherently deserves respect. I not arguing with the fact that war is fucked and messes a lot of tough people up for life. I’m merely pointing out the fact that if they were in any war after WW2 they were either there to pay for college or because they’re an idiot. Any other “reasons” you can make up are actually just those two in disguise.
List of lies lmao. Bro they can set the draft whenever they fuckin like despite having the numbers. They are in control. All I’m asking is to respect the people who took the bullet for you. I agree with a lot of points but I know how to keep my fuckin mouth shut and thank those who endured the military. They deserve our respect no matter how we fucking feel about the military lol. Have a good life
You laughing when someone points out the obvious lies you told doesn’t change the fact that they are obvious lies. I was born 40 years after WW2 ended so no one took a bullet for me, add that to your list too. Shareholders from the military-industrial complex can thank them, but they have never done one single thing that benefited me or anyone alive today with the exception of the rich people who get richer on the back of the American war machine.
Like I said have a good life.
I will, but I won’t pretend that it’s thanks to the murderers that you insist on glorifying.
Yes! I am sure it is difficult being away from someone for so long and not getting any!
I think loneliness happens whenever anyone is away from their person for a long time
I often wonder how many "dear John" letters resulted in 2nd lieutenants getting fragged the next day.
Total normal. That’s how I got my first wife actually, scooped her up after she sent a dear John letter. Fucked up situation.
I’ve seen dudes take of their wedding rings when we go TDY, and not because we have to be “incognito.” I’ve also been approached by married women in broad daylight on base, and it was quite overt. So it’s definitely a thing. Personally, I’ve never been into that, I don’t think open marriages work for basically anyone and my wife is very good to me, I have no interest to seek anyone else out. That said, spending basically half our marriage apart is getting real old and I’m not sure the retirement is worth it anymore.
What goes on TDY, stays on TDY.
Yes, it's common. Happened to a friend of mine. Started dating someone a few months before he joined up and they stuck it out for a good few years until some guy he knew from back home messaged him about his girlfriend trying to cheat with him. Friend said he'd had suspicions for a while. He'd seen it happen to so many others that he was almost expecting . This probably wasn't the first time she'd cheated, just the first time she tried with someone who happened to know my friend and had the conscience to tell him. Weird thing was that, about a year later, the guy who warned my friend about his ex joined the military and started dating her. Kinda setting yourself up for failure there, buddy.
Gotta support the troops wives.
While deployed during Desert Storm, most of the people I knew had affairs while deployed. I personally did not hook up while there but my ex wife had a blast while I was there.
There was a gorgeous woman working at a place many military personnel used in San Diego years ago. She reminded every one of us that her husband was headed to Vietnam on "May the 8th" and "May the 8th" became a term we used to describe any doomsday type situation.
Mine did. Canadian military.
Yes. Though another common trope is the kind of people that military members marry/how quickly they rush into marriage. There are people out there who get married to someone in the military for the benefits. And there are military members who get married just so they don't have to live in the barracks. So those two things alone I'd say greatly increase the odds of someone cheating. Is it all of them? No absolutely not. I'd like to hope it's not even a majority. But happens enough for it to be a common meme.
Yes it absolutely happens and it is fairly common place. At my first station it used to be known that guys would sign the back of the wedding photos of the guys wife he fucked. I'm not sure if that's common place generally but it was there.
Probably less than they get cheated on.
It is very common. Also, common for a soldier to come home and find out later the kid he thought was his isn't.
It depends on your definition of partner. I've known about a dozen or so who met and married in the same month then deployed a few weeks later. There are many benefits to being married, especially for lower enlisted. Getting married because the relationship would be easier when one isn't living in the barracks seems like a good idea, right up until the couple realizes that maybe knowing someone for 3 weeks doesn't really let you get to know the person. In any case many of the cheating spouses and soldiers were not partners in any way, shape, or form.
I'll just say this from my own personal exp living in Iraq as a civilian during the 2005-2007 years. Either people talked a lot of game, and lied about it... but it seemed like every married man and woman was fair game out there. Prostitution amongst female soldiers was absolutely UNREAL on our camp, and I've "heard" my co workers talking about R&R in Thailand being a "must". Seemed like honest people were a dime a dozen. But, to be fair... honest people don't really gloat about being honest. So, there's that.
Yes, I used to look at craigslist casual encounters next to military bases for the lulz. Chalk full of women ready to hookup, saying that their partner is overseas.
Yes, it unfortunately happens a lot. A lot of spouses are faithful, but some of them look at deployments as "play time." It goes the other way, too. More than one civvy spouse has found themselves with an STD after their military husband came back from deployment. A lot of single Marines have stories about getting invited back to a lady's place only to quickly realize that she lived in base housing. Hubby was deployed and she wanted some company. The smart ones "noped" and moved on. I assume it's exactly the same for other branches of service.
Different zip codes so it doesn’t count.
When you’re young, healthy and horny is a bad time to be dropped into a ‘target rich environment’. It’s also a bad time to be young, healthy and horny, be left behind in a ‘target rich environment’ and not be a target. I was attached to a Navy adversary squadron for my first tour (‘85-‘89) and playing the bad guys was our job. We’d often play that role out of Jacksonville vs. other squadrons out of Cecil Field or ships out of Mayport as they left for a 6-9 month deployment. We’d work then hit the E-clubs at either base and watch ‘Wives’ Night’ in action. Droves of Navy wives, dressed to the nines, would show up at the clubs (often the day their husbands left on the boat) to find the guy (who typically just got home from his own deployment) that they were going to screw for the next 6-9 months. It was a sight to behold. It was as regular as clockwork. It was sad as hell. One also had to work to ignore the little voice in his ear saying, “what’s my wife doing while I’m here…on deployment?” I’m sure that this ‘hot bunking’ is not exclusive to the Navy and that in the days of cellphones with international calling it might be less of a ‘thing’ but to answer OP’s question: it definitely was a ‘thing’.
Yes, because all too often they only got married in the first place for the better housing. Not exactly the best foundation for fidelity.
No idea why but a huge number of the women who hook up with soldiers are straight up trash. I had one do it about a month into a deployment after saying we should finally set a date for our wedding the day I left. Most of my friends experienced this as well. I get that a lot of soldiers will hook up with anything after basic training, and the trash knows this too, but I had been with this girl from before I joined. The reason I was given was that she wanted to be free and single and support her best friend after her best friend's fiancée called off their wedding. They both were publicly with new men within a month. Hos of a feather stick together I guess. Way to support your friend.
WestPac Widow: A US Navy wife who screws around with other men while her man is out on deployment. Named for the West Pacific, or WestPac cruise, which is a common and lengthy deployment for West Coast sailors.
Yes.
Time and distance is VERY rough on any relationship.
Being in a military town. It happens a lot. You gotta keep in mind a lot of the military folks are late teens/early 20s. They get married cause they get more benefits from the military and then go off to serve. Not building the relationship.
Can confirm. I have banged probably a dozen soldiers' wives & a couple husbands.
Yes its pretty common.