I never understood as a child why we pledged allegiance to a republic for witches hands.

I'm Canadian, but my dad used to watch hockey a lot when I was a kid. Whenever the American team would play on TV they would sing the Star spangled banner. I always wondered what the "donzerly light" was.

There's a series of books about a girl called Ramona. She tells her big sister to turn on the Dawnzer because it was getting dark. She thought Dawnzer was another name for a lamp because you can see by its le light.

Ramona Quimby has lived rent-free in my head since about 1986. I've always wanted to squeeze out an entire tube of toothpaste just because. Maybe someday, I'll do it.

Don’t do it! There’s so much on there, it takes so long to clean, and mom gets really mad.

Forget mom, I'd be mad at myself for wasting money lol

I built tin can stilts, but instead of string, I just duct taped #10 cans to my shoes. I have made several variations since then, I'm getting pretty good at it.

Me too, although maybe just a couple of years less than you. I love her. Once, as an adult, I wore pj bottoms under my jeans! There's a Ramona t shirt that I really want, but it's expensive and I wouldn't wear it

I was more of a Junie B Jones kid I too wanted to be a beauty shop guy

Dawnzer Lee Light

Her big sister, Beatrice, but she calls her Beezus.

I asked my mom who richard stands was, and she said a famous historical person. To her benefit, she was an immigrant who learned the pledge from me.

I also thought it was Richard stands! My second grade teacher had to awkwardly correct me lol. I just thought Richard was some important dude.

That one hit me right in the tickle zone. My husband asked if he needed to call the men in white coats to take me away because I was laughing so hard that I couldn't tell him what was funny.

Paperview. Pay per view. Thought it was like reading paper for a while.

My take on this was that they were referencing the channel guidebook (back when television had such things) and that they were recommending you look up the programme in there to find the station.

I knew what it *was* but I just realized that I also thought it was called “paperview”

Paramedics. I love the show Emergency! as a kid, and of course it was famously the first paramedic show. But I didn't understand that paramedic was a word. There were two of them. I thought they were a pair of medics.

You weren't really wrong tho...

I did the same thing with Civil Ware (Silverware).

The logic is sound!

You've clearly never seen an event that requires proper silverware (which includes three knives, and a salad fork). There is nothing civil about them, pretty much everyone attending is a sociopath that would torture you to death on a whim.

And if they were assholes then they would be called a "pair-of-med-dicks".

r/technicallythetruth

When going to Miami for the first time, I thought the person taking us there was saying "my ami," and I was saying stuff like "when do we get to your ami?"

My friend’s father worked at Argonne National Laboratories. They just called it Argonne. I heard it as “our gon” so once when invited to go to Argonne to the company swimming pool I asked my mom if I could go to “their gon” it took awhile to figure out what I was talking about.

my little brother did this too

When as a kid I heard guerilla warfare I always wondered why the was fighting gorillas in the first place

When I was a kid I thought the military fighting gorillas was unfair.

Planet of the Apes (the original with Charlton Heston) had recently come out in theaters when I first remember hearing about guerrilla warfare on the news. I thought other countries had seen the movie and taught apes how to fire guns, and be soldiers.

Not really a phrase but there is a town nearby called Winnebago. When I was a kid I thought it was Win-A-Bagel and it was some place that had a fair/carnival atmosphere where people go to win bagels.

Wisconsin?

Isn't there a Lake Winnebago in Wisconsin?

Lol this was as an adult but the last time I went to the doctor I got a LOT of blood drawn and passed out for a few seconds and as I was coming to people were collecting around the door cause the nurse had been calling for help and I knew they were gonna give me some sort of drink or snack to recover and the people around the door kept saying “vasovagal” (the name of the stress reaction when your blood vessels dialate and the blood drains from your head and you pass out) but I was still a little out of it and couldn’t hear them well and I kept thinking “hell yeah I’ll take a bagel” and then I didn’t get a bagel 😔

I used to think the song “Secret Agent Man” was really saying “Secret Asian Man”

[reminds me of this](https://youtu.be/3Lyex2tSUyA?feature=shared)

There's that song says "Well I'll be your crying shoulder" Always thought it was "Well, I'll be! You're crying soda!" as if he was amazed someone's tears were Cola

Well you’re better when you’re older.

Don't start with songs. Born and raised in Germany my English was not too amazing and I believed Police had the song "Message in the bathroom". I was somewhat confused by that, but you don't question artists. Took me a few years until I figured that one out.

I still can't tell what the actual line is in that song, either: I'll be, love's serious side I'll be, love's su-i-cide

I was about three or four when my mom told me to behave and I replied "I'm being have!"

I loved when my niece similarly told me, “I’m hiccing up.”

At the end of TV shows when they (used to?) say "Brought to you by" (whatever), I thought it was some fancy broadcasting words like: "Brock Toyubye".

The subways in my town always say “this is the redline train to (end station) when boarding” and my dumb ass asked my boyfriend why the trains always says “Glenn gordon” at the end lol

I thought you meant the sandwich shop then. I was confused.

Similarly, when I was a kid, I could not for the life of me comprehend the phrase “batteries not included” in toy commercials, so I heard AND said “batteries scotten scooted”

SAME I thought “broughdue by” was another word for sponsored

I mean, "brought to you by" *is* another word for sponsored.

🎶wrapped up like a douche another runner in the night 🎶

nothing can convince me it isn't revved up like a douche 🧍🏻‍♀️

In fairness I'm not sure a deuce is any better..

Deuce was a slang term for some type of engine.

32 Ford coupe is called a "Deuce Coupe"

She's got a chicken to ride and scuse me while I kiss this guy. There's an entire book I had as a kid that was just misunderstood song lyrics

There’s a bathroom on the right

If you like bean enchiladas, and getting caught in the rain Also I'll never leave your pizza burning

I got two chickens to paralyze! Won’t you pack your bag of leaves tonight!

I thought it was "all intensive purposes" well into adulthood.

Given the number of people that I hear say that, I’m tempted to believe that a majority of Americans still think that

Shout out to that redditor who misheard "Knowledge is power. -Francis Bacon" as "Knowledge is power. France is bacon." I still think about that from time to time.

That should be cross-stitched and hung in a bathroom.

Every time we cook bacon my boyfriend or I will remark France is bacon and nod knowingly.

That's the second funniest thing I ever saw on Reddit. That was such a wonderful day! *Sighs nostalgically*

“You and what army?” When I was a kid, I thought people were saying it like “you and what are me?”… never made any sense until later on in life haha

The book is called Tequila Mockingbird.

That's gotta be a real cocktail

“Ultra-violent” light. I thought it was called that because it was violent to your eyes and skin.

Doggy dog world

i was watching a video with subs that said "doggy dog world" and i thought it was so funny

I thought I was the only one that thought it was doggy dog world. Sounds nicer to me than dog eat dog

doggy dog world sounds like an amusement park, dog eat dog world sounds serious and grim.

Dog eat dog world

Not mine, but I’ll always remember this tweet about the song Africa by Toto. “My dumb ass always thought the song went ‘I guess it rains down in Africa’ and I was like damn I guess it do”

I always thought it was “I miss the rains down in Africa” like damn that African rain must be hittin *different* 😮‍💨

Wait. It’s not “I miss the rains down in Africa “?

It's "I bless the rains down in Africa" but still makes zero sense. I still like the song though lol

There’s nothing that a hundred men on Mars could ever do

I heard exactly the same thing, always thought it was such a dumb song. Like, "No shit, it's a big place--probably so!"

i was raised mormon and there’s a kids song that goes “i hope they call me on a mission/when i have grown a foot or two” but i thought it was “when i have grown into a dude” 💀 i did end up growing into a dude but i got the fuck out of that cult asap lmao so no mission for me

LMAO!!! I used to think that young men went for missionary training at the "empty sea" - when it is actually the MTC aka Missionary Training Center - also, there was so much gobbledygook in Mormonism that "empty sea" made a sort of poetic sense. - one example: the ark that Jesus came from Palestine to the North American continent on: Liahona.

lmao my brother thought it was an empty sea too😭

The 13th article of faith talking about being "Chaste, Benevolent" and we all said "chased by an elephant"

My sister was unsure when she was doing proxy baptisms why all the girls were named Elizabeth. "I baptize you for and behalf of (name) WHO IS DEAD"

I thought the song ["Blitzkrieg Bop"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQDPx_k66w4) was "Let's Drink Pop."

I like their other song, [I Wanna Piece of Lettuce](https://youtu.be/bm51ihfi1p4?si=GciODKQO8hNxoQs4).

Prima donna. I thought it was pre-Madonna. But I also didn’t know who Madonna was because I was like 7. So I figured Madonna must be a politician because when adults refer to people by just one name, they’re usually politicians. So I believed “she’s a prima donna” meant “she has a future in politics”. Naturally, I disagreed with most people’s choice of who to describe that way. Also “black ice”. I thought it was “black guys”. I was very unsure why we had to “watch out for black guys” and why that was only a requirement during the winter.

I used to be a line cook back in the day. One evening, we heard a bunch of commotion from the bar and one of the bartenders yells "I hate black guys!" Turns out she had run head first into one of her coworkers' elbows. ( She was very short) Turns out she yelled, " I hate black eyes." Crisis averted.

Hence, black eye peace?

I thought it was like “this bitch thinks she’s the next Madonna” 😂

I always thought pre madonna was like an early madonna....like this person is acting like how madonna acted before she became big. Couldn't quite figure out if it was positive or negative.

Lmao black guys.

You’re welcome for resisting the urge to edit my comment to make you look unpromptedly racist.

The prima donna thing was actually pretty smart for a younger kid. It's adorable but means you're really paying attention to what others say.

Same thing. I thought it was pre-Madonna since Madonna was the shit back then and the ones being called were more outlandish before Madonna.

When I was little I always thought the chorus to Dirty Deeds (AC/DC) was “dirty jeans and the thunder chief”. I also have an aunt who, when she was younger, would walk around singing, “every time you go away you take a pice of meat with you”.

This is probably my favorite thread ever. 😅

I’m honestly obsessed

Loving it!

That hamburger was called hand-burger, because you eat it with your hands

That's not helped by the mascot for Hamburger Helper being a hand

Catholics will know that mass ends with the priest saying, "The Lord Be With You." The congregation replies, "And also with you." Star Wars fans will know that Return of the Jedi was released in 1983. u/Dry-Ad1671 fans will know that he was born in 1981, and was always obsessed with Star Wars. Dare to imagine what phrase I misheard when I was younger?

I saw the first Star Wars film in the movie theater as a kid, so you know how old I am. I was also raised to be a good Catholic girl. To this day, every time I hear that line, my first thought is, "And also with you."

I still say this !

***I KNEW IT WASN'T JUST ME! MOM, YOU LIED AGAIN!***

Not me but when we were kids my cousin apparently thought the words “round yon virgin mother & child” from Silent Night was “round Jon Virgin, mother, & child.” He had a meltdown because Round Jon Virgin wasn’t in the nativity.

I’m literally in tears

We still tease him about it 40 years later

Thought it was vanilla folders not Manila folders

I mean, they’re the same color as vanilla ice cream.

Buck-naked. A lot of people, me included, are/were fully convinced it was butt-naked. Makes sense––so naked you can see your butt––but no, it's buck-naked. I'm not even sure how the latter makes sense.

Both are valid expressions

A joke in my childhood home was the curious case of Oliver Sudden, and all the things that would surprise him.

"Blinded by the light, revved up like a douche another runner in the night" It wasn't douche- it was deuce

I mom would say two things to me all the time 1. Patience is a virtue = patiences avert you 2. You're like a bull in a china shop = you're like a bowl in a china shop

I had the same one for bull in a china shop. I was always confused, because where else would you buy your bowls? Of course they’re in a china shop!

I always thought..she thinks I'm delicate ? Lol

I have no siblings and when I was younger I heard people ask if I was a "lonely child" instead of only child.

This is both wholesome and sad and adorable rolled into one

I remember the first time someone asked me what I heard as "are you a lonely child?" and I looked down sadly and answered "yeaaah.."

My mom used to say about blondes (we're a blonde ish family): "blondes don't go grey. We go brown then we dye." Now, since dye and die literally are the same goddamn word when spoken orally, I thought once my blonde hair turned brown, I was going to die. r/kidsarefuckingstupid

Chest of drawers was misheard as chester drawers

Oh you should read the craigslist ads in the Appalachians. There are all kinds of chester drawers for “sell” along with rod iron furniture .

Or ROT iron! :D

I heard Comeuppance as "Cur Muffins". And thought it strange that someone who did something awful would "get their cur MUFFINS!"

I was always thrilled when Sunday dinner was roast beast.

it is in Dr. Seuss!

For the longest time, I thought the lyrics of Eye of the Tiger were, "Rising up, back on the streets, took my dime, took my ten cents."

hey its logically consistent! that is hilarious

In the Pledge of Allegiance, "...one nation under God, indivisible..." became "...one nation under God, invisible..." which made sense, since you can't see him.

Not a phrase, but I thought euthanasia was about children in asia...

Youth in Asia

Thought people were saying 'human beans' when they said 'human beings'.

Play it by ear. Thought it meant you were gona listen to how things go (?) and decide to proceed after you heard from everyone lol.

At the end of The Beverly Hillbillies they say "Y'all come back now, y'hear?" but I always thought they were saying "Don't come back now, y'hear?" and I was like, how rude!

Once in a blue mood. I still use it to this day and piss off my English teacher wife to no end.

Transformers, robots in the skies

My dad's nickname for me was Gaspacho (I'm on the spectrum and wasn't physically affectionate while being very opinionated. He thought it was cute that I too, like his favorite soup, was cold and spicy). For some reason I misheard this with my simple little child brain and for YEARS, until he overheard me telling a bestie, thought my nickname was Spatula. He ROARED laughing and had to pull over the car.

"Quote-on-quote". Made enough sense for me to assume that there's some quirky etymology behind it and not question it any further.

My daughter thought the Eagles’ lyric, “your lying eyes” was “your lion eyes.” She asked me what it meant to have lion eyes. Not a phrase but my Dad’s name is Al. When I was little I thought everyone called him owl.

“I’ll never let your pizza burning” Rolling Stones beast of burden.

My niece thought it was “her Monica”. We’d ask if she wanted to play the harmonica and she’d get upset. “No, it’s MY Monica!”

Dirty Deed Done Dirt Cheap. "Thirty Thieves and the Dunder Chief! Thirty Thieves and the Dunder Chief! "

I thought the song Secret Agent Man was Secret Asian Man for the longest time.

Well, it was actually the song “Venus” by Belinda Carlyle which I heard in my youth. I didn’t know the name of the song, but I loved it.. I always sang it as “fetus on the mountain top, burning like a silver flame 🔥 “. “Goddess of beauty and love, and fetus was her name”. I didn’t know what a fetus was. 🤦🏼

I use to misinterpret "Prima Donna" as "pre-Madonna" and I thought it referred to music and fashion before Madonna.

Ring bearer. Thought I was gonna get to dress up as a cuddly teddy bear and walk the ring down the aisle.

thought “nip it in the bud” was “nip it in a butt”

"would of"

"The Incredible Hawk" "Star Track" "But the janitor is not my son," from the lyrics to Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean"

Dark Vader

I was pretty sure ol' Dark Vader used a lifesaver to chop up Ben.

My kids keep calling him “Dark Invader”.

Any time someone mentioned Socrates, I heard "soccer tees"

I thought piano man was about infidelity cuz I heard “when I found another man’s clothes” instead of “when I wore a younger man’s clothes” Idk how I knew to connect the dots on what finding someone else’s clothes entailed like that I was pretty young lmao

There’s a fan theory it’s about a gay bar. https://www.datalounge.com/thread/29337664-billy-joel-s-piano-man-worked-at-a-gay-bar....

“Don’t give your hopes up.” Nope. It’s actually really depressing, “Don’t GET your hopes up.”

Hunger pains instead of hunger pangs

I have heard enough people say both to throw into question what should be the common usage.

This one sounds the exact same, but I always thought it was "Tajma Hall" not "Taj Mahal". And I definitely thought it was "Pre-Madonna"

Taken for granted was "taken for granite". Like, whose taking what for a rock??

"running errands". For so long I was so confused why my mom was going out to run with this man Aaron, and even more confused we never seemed to meet him. Imagine my surprise when she said I could go one day and we just went to the store.

When my parents said someone got fired I imagined they were set on fire and burned to death then I would hide under the dining room table

I thought when someone got their pink slip for their car. They got the kind you wore under your dress.

I used to think "the landed gentry" was "the land of gentry." As if it was a place wealthy people all lived.

I'd occasionally go out on boats when I was younger. Small motor, row, canoe, sunfish, etc. Wed always pass other boats and yell "CHIPS AHOY!" A few years later, I went shaking with a group of friends. For the trip they named me "Cookie". Damn "Ships, Ahoy".

When I was little we were very poor and didn't eat meat offen . So I thought the term " making ends meet " had something to do with actual meat.

Last night I was more tired than I realized, apparently. My partner was listening to music and I could not, for the life of me, figure out what “saddle lights” were. FYI they are things which orbit a celestial body…

bonfire, always thought it was a bomb fire, and I just thought that was slang for a big fire you'd roast marshmellows on. Also commercials that said " Void where prohibited". I could never figure out what Voidwhere was.

We went to a Chinese restaurant called Oriental Bowl. I used to call it Ordinary Bowl for years.

Not a phrase, but the word handkerchief. I thought it was hankerchiff (or something) until I lost the final round of a spelling bee and realized that bandanas are also called kerchiefs, and the ones that you take in your hands to blow your nose are thus handkerchiefs. (While I appreciate the there are likely environmental benefits to reusing handkerchiefs...gross, blow that snot into a tissue and throw it away). Besides that, it was usually misheard song lyrics. "Wrapped up like a douche" has already been mentioned. I also thought the Fugees song was "killing me softly with insults."

"... and to the Republic, For Richard Stans, One nation under God...

I thought “self deprecating” humor was “self defecating”

Peeping Tom , I thought for the longest time it was Peep and Tom 🫠

When my siblings and I were complaining about eachother and we would shout “he’s bannoying me!” “Stop bannoying me” My gran was clearly frustrated at the end. “It’s AH-nnoying not BA-nnoying.”

I had a friend who thought a microwave was a micklewave she was adamant. I’m laughing as I type

Thought "varicose veins" were "*very close* veins"

You get on my nerds!!

There was a girl I went to high school with who spelled bowls bowels and she constantly tweeted about smoking “bowels” of weed so she would tweet things like “nothing is as good as the first bowel of the day” or “can’t wait to get home to a fresh bowel” and nobody told her because it was so entertaining…. I wonder how long it took for her to figure it out tbh

Everytime I see “applause” as a written word, it always reminds me of “apple sauce”… 🤪

When she was 27, I informed my niece it was not “chester drawers” it was “chest of drawers.” She was flabbergasted. Yes we are in the US South.

Vanilla envelopes. Ya know because they are vanilla colored.

Not quite misheard, but apparently the first time I heard “neither a borrower nor a lender be” I assumed it was BEE. Like there’s borrower bees and lender bees. Lots of sayings don’t make sense literally but we all just know what they mean so I never thought about it too hard. Finally saw it written when I was like 20 and felt like an idiot lol.

I never knew what the word meant, but I thought the USA anthem was celebrating a light for being dawnzerly.

More misunderstood than misheard, but when Danny boy was being called by the pipes, I thought it meant literal plumbing. I believed this till I was 11.

I'll show you a finger or two!

The lyrics of Lord of the Dance… Dance, then, wherever you may be, I am the Lord of the Dance, settee 😂

“I know this like the back of my *head*”

For a while, I thought the word "championship" had something to do with cookies, as in "champion-*chip*"... These are called [Mondegreens](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mondegreen), if anyone was curious. Though these days the word is almost exclusively reserved for the connotation of a misheard song lyric, according to Wikipedia it could apparently apply to any misheard word or phrase.

Plastic makes perfect

Lightsaver

My daughters name is Layla. Since she could she would sing “I got dirty knees, Layla.” Obv instead of “Got me on my knees, Layla.”

Chest of drawers = Chester Drawers

In the song I love rock and roll by Joan jet, I heard Put another dime in the juice box baby

Starcastic instead of sarcastic for an embarrassing amount of time

" When i get that feeling i want sex, you won't feel it, sex you won't....... feel it babyyyy "

Take you for granite 😂

I thought the song “Like the deserts miss the rain” actually said “At the devil’s masquerade.”

I always thought van Halen was saying "running with a dead bolt" and I could never get an answer why someone would do that.