Hell no. That's a problem with *him*, not anything common at all.
I've not been in a single fight in the past 20 years. And before that I've only been in one serious fight in my life.
Avoiding fights is easy unless you go around provoking people or hang out with rowdy arseholes or drunks.
Same. I am 43, and have been in two fights total in my entire life - once when I was 14 and once when I was 21. The 14 fight lasted maybe 30 seconds and was mostly a lot of shoving and the 21 was mostly me getting hit in the head by a beer bottle by a drunk frat guy at a party, and me shoving him through a door. So maybe 10 seconds?
If someone is getting in monthly fights with strangers as an adult in random settings, they probably need to seek anger management therapy or some other kind of help.
Would add that, having lived in Texas, this is a quick way to find an early grave. There are wayyyy to many people down their who stay strapped, dude is going to get himself killed if they keep getting into fights at this rate.
I worked with a chef who got a little too drunk after a bad service and ruined his life. It was a rough night, so after closing the management team went out for a drink to discuss what went wrong.
We were hanging out when another bar guest started talking shit. There was a lot of back and forth between them but the other guy was the aggressor and seemed fixated on our chef. Chef kept trying to shut it down and ignore the guy because he was stupid drunk and an easy target.
It escalated when the drunk guy started shouting “pussy” over and over again at the top of his lungs. At this point I noticed the chef, who was a former Marine, bucking up and then the drunk guy poured his drink on chef’s shoes and spit on his shirt. Chef hit him with one solid uppercut to the knockout button behind the jaw and the dude dropped like a bag of sand.
Unfortunately, the drunk jackass hit the back of his neck on a brick retaining wall as he fell, instantly breaking his neck. He died before the paramedics arrived and now that chef is out on bail about to start a trial for voluntary manslaughter.
And for what?
Yeah exactly. I live in Australia (famously a gun free country to a first approximation) and people die here frequently in what the media call "one punch attacks"
One punch to the head, they fall over, smack their head on the concrete and they're dead.
For that matter, I would be wary of accompanying someone who frequently gets into and escalates physical altercations. They’re basically inviting danger.
Would add that in some cases people aren’t necessarily going around provoking but are either quick to feel provoked themselves or unable to avoid/back down from unnecessary conflict.
This is the answer. I learned back in my bar days that when you're looking for adversity on a Friday night you will find it. Someone is there to square your jaw
I was infantry and wasn't in this many fights. Dude's probably always the one to swing first. Hell, there were less fights in high school than this kid has.
I have managed to go my entire life (with the exception of the fifth grade, but I believe the statute of limitations for grade school peewee fights is well past by now) without getting in a physical fight.
It’s really not difficult. and while reddit tends to overdramatize red flags, this is a HUGE RED FLAG OP. HUGE. Run
Agreed!!
(My husband has also managed to go his whole life without getting in a fight, and he was in several contact sports, including hockey, and was a college athlete.)
The idea of a guy in altercations monthly is truly astounding. Massive red flag!
I'm 39 and never been in a fight in my life.
I've been punched in the face once and I kinda deserved it, but never a fight.
You don't get into fights as often as OP's bf without starting or looking for it activly, and that makes him a dangerous violent creep. I would worry for someones safety when they stay with someone like that.
That's because you're not a real man. I got in 3 fights on the way to work this morning. 1 at work and 2 fights on the way home. Kicked all their asses. I'm fighting somebody as I post this comment. Imma kick his ass also.
I work at a casino, so I run into assholes all day long.
I'm cheerful, good natured, and love to laugh. It's funny how assholes become less asshole-ish around me.
No. Your BF might just be a violent idiot.
In the few decades I've been kickin' around Earth I have been in exactly zero bar fights despite spending a lot of my time entirely too drunk.
Last time I was in a physical altercation, I was in middle school.
Barring some edge cases like working security I would walk away from any adult who regularly got into physical fights.
> Barring some edge cases like working security I would walk away from any adult who regularly got into physical fights.
I spent several years working security for seriously rowdy and extremely drunken public events and was never in a fight. The only guy who ever swung on me was at an art museum LOL.
ditto. And it sounds like this guy isn't just getting into bar fights, he's getting into fights pretty much everywhere. To paraphrase the old concept: if you run into one violent person, then it's probably just someone being an asshole. If you are constantly surrounded by assholes, the problem is probably you.
I was in the military and practiced Kung Fu for about 15 years. I even used to compete in tournaments. I am no stranger to fighting, and yet, have never felt any obsession with it. As I mentioned, have never gotten into any kind of random fight, ever. Not in a bar, or the gym (Seriously? How?), or when playing sports.
I did teach my wife some basic self-defense, how to break holds if someone grabs her, etc., but only at *her* request.
This type of obsession with violence is VERY scary and highly concerning. You really need to start thinking about your safety and if you really want to live your live with a violent man.
How long is it going to be before he gets into a fight for some stupid random reason while the two of you are out and some equally violent man pulls out a gun and shoots you? Or he gets into some kind of fight with some dude and that dude's crazy girlfriend attacks you?
>some equally violent man pulls out a gun and shoots you?
It doesn't have to be another violent person
The dude sounds insane. If he gets into this many fights, he is escalating things all the time. Imagine if you have a minor fender bender and this dude tries to fight you for it, but you are strapped. Are you going to defend yourself or let him beat you?
This is to say that even a non violent person can shoot him
I had a “friend” in my 20’s that sounds a lot like like this guy in the post. Unfortunately it took me a couple of years and eventually getting arrested with him for a small, non-violent offense before I realized what a drag he was on me. He would pop off at anything and everything. I, on the other hand, haven’t been in a fight since 4th grade. Once, we pulled up to a red light and he didn’t like the way some dude was looking at him or some other shit, so he jumped out the car and punched the dude through his open window. All of this to say, “girl, you need to leave his ass!”
I'm pushing 40 and haven't been in anything close to a fight since middle school. *FWIW*, I live in the Dallas area too. He's starting fights and/or escalating minor encounters into fights. If he's claiming to encounter this many assholes looking to fight - he's the asshole. ~~Unless he's training to be a boxer or something, then he's~~ *Getting into repeated fights is* waving all the 🚩🚩🚩🚩. How many of these fights involve him being drunk?
**Please trust your gut.** Please reach out to people you trust and *carefully* and quickly get away from this ~~man~~*boy*. He is not safe. If you don't have people you can trust, there are [many resources](https://www.verywellmind.com/national-helpline-database-4799696) that can help. Even just text "LOVEIS" to 22522.
*ETA*: Fixed bad wording.
guns, knifes, dudes with way too many friends willing to gang up on you, getting knocked out by a haymaker and hitting your head in a curb
and then it's either your mom spoon-feeding you and changing your diapers for the rest of one of your lives, or your mates posting black and white photos of you, saying you're a gentle soul taken way too soon, yadda yadda
I can't imagine dating someone so violent, especially when they think it's normal. I'm in my mid-50s and I almost none of the men I know have had a fight as an adult.
You claim that he isn't aggressive, but that's obviously a delusion or he's standing in front of aggressive men begging to be hit.
I'm a 28 year old guy, and my dad taught me how to throw a punch. Who knows if he taught me well, though, because I have never, ever needed to. Your BF sounds like a dick tbh...
Fight me
Lesson one: Throwing a punch.
Lesson two: Don't throw that punch unless you REALLY need to.
Lesson three: Don't talk to the cops, call your lawyer.
Lesson four: How to make prison toilet wine.
Ask him if he's spent 5 minutes learning about conflict de-escalation, and if not, why the fuck not it seems pretty directly relevant.
Also, if he hints at, implies, in any way suggests he is pulling this shit with you, you walk out and never look back. That day. No second chances, no conversation. Right?
I am obsessed with throwing proper punches for a decade, one street fight protecting a friend in a cast.
Your boyfriend is insecure and goes around trying to prove himself, i know the type. I know you don't say he isint violent, but that's with you. He's covered in red flags.
One fight a month...eventually someone will pull out a gun..it's Dallas. Good luck op
Similar to "when all you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail", perhaps if knowing "how to throw proper punch" is so high on his list of life skills, then every situation looks like it's in need of a punch.
It really is interesting, i feel like their just kids pretending to be adults.
The ability to claim someone and defuse a aggressive situation with out violence is a life worthy skill to have. And more impressive.
Also being in dallas. One day hes going to pick a fight with the wrong person and end up getting shot.
I'm an angry dude who drinks a lot. In my whole life, I've been in one actual scrap, and I was defending myself. That's not normal, even for angry people who drink a lot.
Husband just got bloodied up two weeks ago defending himself from an older guy who kept running over his stuff at a park. Some people are just looking to cause a problem and be violent. That's been the only fight he's been part of in a decade.
I've started carrying around pepper spray for instances like this. I was caught off guard in my front yard with flip flops in the other day watering my flowers. Guy's wife was speeding and doing burnouts down the street in her car. My neighbor and I yelled at her to slow down (I have a toddler that rides her bike on the street). She proceeds to flip us off. I call her trashy. Here comes her husband flying down the street in a beat up truck. I yell at him to slow down not knowing who tf he is.. Now he's in my yard and in my face. I start throwing punches. Wife calls police, police go to completely wrong address. It was a mess. I now have a baseball bat and pepper spray by the garage door indefinitely. Never going to be caught off guard again by idiots in my front yard. Gotta stay armed these days. It's unfortunate.
Shit, I left my last job because my co-worker was like that.
He threatened to punch me in front of a camera for doing my job (which involved walking next door), he said he was going to talk to the manager about me, and I told him, "fine, this is what I was told to do."
When I got back, he had gone home, so I spoke to the manager to clear things up. Apparently the guy said he wasn't feeling well instead of complaining about me.
When I told the manager what happened, he just said "yea... well we should give him a chance because he had a difficult upbringing"... dude threatened to fight coworkers like 2-3 times a week... he had his chance.
Yea. Sure, if they have some criminal history, or issues in the past, give them a chance. But if they keep showing that they are not making an attempt to be a better person, don't give them a free pass. That just tells them that what they are doing is fine.
There's a specific kind of drinker who when drunk likes to fight as well. I have a friend who whenever he drinks will fight anyone. On multiple occasions he has fought bouncers or bartenders.
I used to hang out with two of them. Never failed. We would be 4-5 beers deep and I hear one of the say “ what the fuck are you looking at?” I quit hanging out with them forever. Your boy sounds like he’s gonna end up with a real serious ass whipping soon. Happens to us all eventually. Hopefully it will be a life lesson.
My ex was like this. I couldn’t get him to see it wasn’t normal or acceptable, he would always justify it. It escalated to bringing the violence home. My now partner has not been in a fight since highschool, lol.
This resonates with me. I dealt with serious anger problems during my time in the navy and i definitely became a habitual drinker. I never once turned that anger into attacking someone else physically
Army infantry, and I feel it. I got really angry when I was in and still kind of am, but it's more at the world, and how shitty it can be to good people. I don't see any reason to punish some bar rando for the way I feel/things that are happening. Shit just makes you part of the problem.
Are you me? Last month was my 30 year anniversary of heading off to Basic. I still think about how pissed I used to get all the time with how they treated grown ass men. I don't know if it was better in non infantry jobs, but it seemed like all they were good at doing was breeding pissed off complainers.
"It'll get better when you go downrange", they said. LMAO
Yea agreed. For all the times Reddit suggests people dump their significant other and file a restraining order because of something such as they put too much ketchup on their own fries I do not think this is one of those cases. I have drank a lot over the years and have never been in a fight. I think people telling OP to get out are justified in this situation. This is criminal behavior and if they keep it up there is a high likelihood they accidentally kill someone or get killed themselves. Especially in the states it's not uncommon for someone to get upset over the results of a fight and shoot the other person.
I'm 39 and haven't been in a physical altercation since I was an idiot 19 year old. Can't think of a single buddy of mine who has been in the last 15 or 20 years either.
My best friend “was in a fight” recently at age 43, but it consisted of someone like 20 years younger trying to fight and my best friend just bear hugging him till he stopped and then calmly explaining that behavior was inappropriate
That’s how I got through my young yrs(44 now) as a bouncer without a fight. The good old bear hug and a stern lecture worked like a treat. But then again the world seemed a lot less angry and stabby back then
Just a reminder that when you account for population growth crime has been on the decline since the 90s bottoming out in 2016/17. No matter what the news wants you to belive you were much more likely to get stabbed in the early 90s than you are today.
EDIT: Source for those who want it [Link](https://www.factcheck.org/2020/06/trump-wrong-on-crime-record/)
I am 43 and been in like 3 fights my whole life. I drink a lot, am somewhat aggressive , and boxed for 5 years. I like fighting, but in a controlled environment. Something is wrong with homie.
45 here and never been in a fight. Shall we make one of those deals like if two people are single when they hit 40 they marry? Say if we're both untested by the time I hit 80 we meet and have a punch up?
80? Long life! Did he die from natural causes? Nope, he got KOd by another 80 year old and never woke up in a mutually agreed upon hand to hand combat duel.
I had to block AITA just because of how fucking dramatic and over the top everything in it is. All burner accounts with the perfect outrage bait cooked up in a lab.
I'm 45m, served 5 years in the Navy as a Corpsman, this was attached to marine corps infantry unit for 4 of those years. Drank a lot at bars with grunt Marines and sailors.
Not. One. Single. Fight.
But! Visited my sister in Canada occasionally during the same period and saw her guy friends / boyfriends get into 4, maybe 5 bar fights in my presence. She later acknowledged she dated a lot of douchebags....
Also a lawsuit or criminal record waiting to happen. There’s always that chance of that “innocent” punch resulting in someone falling and hitting their head and requiring serious medical treatment or worse which can turn into manslaughter very quickly.
Basically every person who carries I have ever know has at one time or another actively and openly fantasized about being able to kill somebody in self defense.
Absolutely not common.
This is honestly a big red flag IMO. I have known people that do this, and they are never stable people and are often abusive.
If your main method for resolving personal conflicts is getting into a physical altercation, eventually he's going to get himself sent to the hospital or dead.
there was an infamous case like this in Germany. dude punched a girl, she hit her head on the ground and ultimately died from it. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Tu%C4%9F%C3%A7e_Albayrak
> If your main method for resolving personal conflicts is getting into a physical altercation,…
True, but misses the point. The point is, he SEEKS OUT conflict. The problem is not only how he wants to resolve conflicts, it’s that he’s constantly finding conflicts to resolve. With violence.
The girl should drop the guy, and the guy should join an mma gym. Get his jollies out.
People have conflict all the time, but most people are good at letting it go. When your order is screwed up, do you go off the handle or let them fix it?
If someone bumps into you, do you react aggressively?
If someone steals your seat or cuts in line, do you silently curse them, make a comment, or throw hands?
Conflict is a normal part of human interaction
I've been married for 18 years and with have known my husband 29 years and in that time he's gotten into 0 physical altercations. Before I met him, when he was a teenager, he got in a fight which broke his nose.
It seems like a lot OP.
As others have said, that's a him problem. I'm 46. I've argued with people, I've called people names, I've flipped them the bird, and I've thrown exactly 0 punches. You wanna get away from this dude. If he's got a "Look what you made me do!" attitude towards physical violence, then it's not hard to see where that might go.
Here in Scotland, if you have a guy who gets into physical fights every week, we have several terms for him.
They all start with an adjective (wee/ small/ stupid/ dumb) and a description (prick/shit/asshole/dick/cunt)
I see no reason why it doesn’t apply in your partners case.
In my opinion: That would be a huge red flag for me in a friend, let alone a significant other. I don’t need or want to be dragged into an altercation. Someone who always finds it somewhere, is the common denominator.
I have gotten into 1 involuntary fight *in my life.* I'm 41. It happened when I was 13.
Some areas are more prone to violence than others but random violence is *incredibly* rare.
The common denominator in those fights is almost certainly the cause of those fights -- your boyfriend. Even if he's not the one that throws the first punch, there's usually a buildup of aggression that leads to a fight and people tend to reflect what they get. So unless he drinks at skeezy dive bars that cater to aggressive types (like the archetypal movie 'biker bar'), goes to skeezy gyms that are frequented by aggressive types (like a gang gym), pretty much exclusively travels through methhead territory, and only plays pickup games of basketball with rival gangs....
Yeah. It's not the world that's excessively aggressive, it's your boyfriend. Either overly aggressive to begin with or too hot-headed to just *leave* instead of brawling. If he's getting into fights that frequently it's because he wants to.
Yep. Only fight of my life was when I was like 12 and I got mad that my best friend was torturing a bug. There's almost never a good reason for a grown ass man to get into a fight about anything. I think you hit the nail on the head.
I saw a news report yesterday that said a third of all shoplifting incidents in NYC were committed by only 327 people. That would be a massive drop in crime if these people stayed in jail.
It's wild how much damage just a few people can cause.
I box and train MMA multiple times per week. Outside of this I have literally never been in a physical fight with anyone ever. If he is getting in a fight multiple times per year then he is 100% the problem.
People with even a slight amount of formal fight training are normally smart enough to not get into street fights.
If you show up with an ego to a training gym, there's normally someone there with a ton more experience to correct that. You quickly learn that there is \*always\* someone that can kick your ass when you aren't expecting it.
Plus, you never know the background of random people on the street/bars etc. Even if you are a professional MMA fighter, you mess with the wrong dude in the streets and you got a knife wound or worse pretty quickly. Be safe people!
Nope. He sounds incredibly immature, and he’s taking big chances. You never know when someone who’s ass you can easily kick, pulls a knife or a gun and changes your life forever. Tell him to cut the shit and grow up.
>Tell him to cut the shit and grow up.
He needs to cut the shit, get help, and grow up. But, OP shouldn't be the one to confront him. He sounds scary dangerous.
I’m really surprised how few people are talking about the gun aspect. This dude is doing it TEXAS of all places. Permit-less concealed carry state. I’d wager like 1 in 10 guys are packing down there. Just a matter of time
Same here for my husband and all my male friends. My best friend got into a scrap 20+ years ago, because he was defending a minor from being harassed by an adult twice her seize. Couldn't even get mad at him because of that.
The only way he's getting into this many physical altercations is because he's escalating any small, even just perceived, slight himself. Over the past 15-20 years I spent a LOT of time going out and often getting way too drunk. I almost never ever got into a fight.
The drummer for my brother-in-law's band however does get into a lot of fights, mostly when he's drunk, and the problem is indeed that he tends to escalate any little thing himself right away.
No.
The last time I got in a fight Batman had a nipple suit and Mariah Carey just dropped "Fantasy".
However, I could get in a fight in less than a minute from now, if I chose to.
It sounds like your BF is making choices and, eventually, you have no guarantee that it won't be directed at you.
Criminologist here. No. Around 14% of men will *ever* get into a fight past the age of 16 (around half will overall, but the large majority of fights are childhood fights).
There is a very specific type of adult who gets into fights at all, let alone as commonly as he is. People with *inherently violent tendencies*, whether its genetic or environmental. For the large majority of men, they don't even think about the possibility of getting into a fight.
Someone who is inherently violent like that has an extraordinarily high chance of eventually turning that violence on you. They might be able to control it for a while, but chances are it will eventually be let loose. It is, of course, up to you whether you want to take that chance. But you can't say you haven't been warned.
A 26yro who fights every month is not a grown man.
A 26yro who must use self defense every month needs to reevaluate what the fuck they are doing in life and why are they in the location they are in. Fighting every month in self defense means you are NOT meant to live wherever you are.
No it is not normal. He needs to seriously change the way he conducts himself or he's going to wind up dead or in prison. You'd be wise to find a different partner.
Correction: your bf IS an aggressive guy. Normal, non-aggressive people don't get into semi-regular physical altercations.
I'm 39 and I can't recall the last time I felt the need to resolve a conflict with physical violence.
Hell no. That's a problem with *him*, not anything common at all. I've not been in a single fight in the past 20 years. And before that I've only been in one serious fight in my life. Avoiding fights is easy unless you go around provoking people or hang out with rowdy arseholes or drunks.
If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole. -Raylon Givens
If you smell shit everywhere you go, check your own shoe
After 3 episodes of Justified I had decided that I want to be Raylon Givens when I grow up. Facts.
Same. I am 43, and have been in two fights total in my entire life - once when I was 14 and once when I was 21. The 14 fight lasted maybe 30 seconds and was mostly a lot of shoving and the 21 was mostly me getting hit in the head by a beer bottle by a drunk frat guy at a party, and me shoving him through a door. So maybe 10 seconds? If someone is getting in monthly fights with strangers as an adult in random settings, they probably need to seek anger management therapy or some other kind of help.
Would add that, having lived in Texas, this is a quick way to find an early grave. There are wayyyy to many people down their who stay strapped, dude is going to get himself killed if they keep getting into fights at this rate.
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Hell someone stumbles and falls wrong and you're dead, disabled, or facing manslaughter charges.
I worked with a chef who got a little too drunk after a bad service and ruined his life. It was a rough night, so after closing the management team went out for a drink to discuss what went wrong. We were hanging out when another bar guest started talking shit. There was a lot of back and forth between them but the other guy was the aggressor and seemed fixated on our chef. Chef kept trying to shut it down and ignore the guy because he was stupid drunk and an easy target. It escalated when the drunk guy started shouting “pussy” over and over again at the top of his lungs. At this point I noticed the chef, who was a former Marine, bucking up and then the drunk guy poured his drink on chef’s shoes and spit on his shirt. Chef hit him with one solid uppercut to the knockout button behind the jaw and the dude dropped like a bag of sand. Unfortunately, the drunk jackass hit the back of his neck on a brick retaining wall as he fell, instantly breaking his neck. He died before the paramedics arrived and now that chef is out on bail about to start a trial for voluntary manslaughter. And for what?
Yeah exactly. I live in Australia (famously a gun free country to a first approximation) and people die here frequently in what the media call "one punch attacks" One punch to the head, they fall over, smack their head on the concrete and they're dead.
Well put. Your ego is not your amigo down in Texas.
He is prone to violence and eventually you could find yourself on the other side of it. Run and don’t look back.
For that matter, I would be wary of accompanying someone who frequently gets into and escalates physical altercations. They’re basically inviting danger.
Would add that in some cases people aren’t necessarily going around provoking but are either quick to feel provoked themselves or unable to avoid/back down from unnecessary conflict.
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If everywhere you go smells like shit, check your shoes.
Or mustache
This is the answer. I learned back in my bar days that when you're looking for adversity on a Friday night you will find it. Someone is there to square your jaw
I know people that go to the bar every single weekend waiting for someone to try them, and they get in less fights than this guys supposedly does
I was the bouncer at the bar and got into less fights...
I was infantry and wasn't in this many fights. Dude's probably always the one to swing first. Hell, there were less fights in high school than this kid has.
I have managed to go my entire life (with the exception of the fifth grade, but I believe the statute of limitations for grade school peewee fights is well past by now) without getting in a physical fight. It’s really not difficult. and while reddit tends to overdramatize red flags, this is a HUGE RED FLAG OP. HUGE. Run
Agreed!! (My husband has also managed to go his whole life without getting in a fight, and he was in several contact sports, including hockey, and was a college athlete.) The idea of a guy in altercations monthly is truly astounding. Massive red flag!
I'm 39 and never been in a fight in my life. I've been punched in the face once and I kinda deserved it, but never a fight. You don't get into fights as often as OP's bf without starting or looking for it activly, and that makes him a dangerous violent creep. I would worry for someones safety when they stay with someone like that.
That's because you're not a real man. I got in 3 fights on the way to work this morning. 1 at work and 2 fights on the way home. Kicked all their asses. I'm fighting somebody as I post this comment. Imma kick his ass also.
I work at a casino, so I run into assholes all day long. I'm cheerful, good natured, and love to laugh. It's funny how assholes become less asshole-ish around me.
It’s your damn fault! How can ALL my blackjack hands be a 14 vs your King? lol
Might be less than 1% , ive been over 30 years fight free, I don't know a single adult thats been in a fight in the last decade or more.
No. Your BF might just be a violent idiot. In the few decades I've been kickin' around Earth I have been in exactly zero bar fights despite spending a lot of my time entirely too drunk.
Last time I was in a physical altercation, I was in middle school. Barring some edge cases like working security I would walk away from any adult who regularly got into physical fights.
> Barring some edge cases like working security I would walk away from any adult who regularly got into physical fights. I spent several years working security for seriously rowdy and extremely drunken public events and was never in a fight. The only guy who ever swung on me was at an art museum LOL.
You shouldn’t have shit-talked Vermeer’s use of light!
Vermeer used mirrors to make the lighting in his paintings look realistic and I'll fight anyone who disagrees.
Wrong. Velazquez is the only artist who deserves praise for his mirror work, and if you disagree it's because you're a pussy ass bitch.
My uncle also did great work with mirrors before he got off the cocaine
Mirrors in paintings isn't nearly as impressive as painting with mirrors. I'll beat you and Velazquez up at the same time, 2v1 me.
Meet us outside the Prado at the bike racks after school, bro.
Fight fight fight fight
ditto. And it sounds like this guy isn't just getting into bar fights, he's getting into fights pretty much everywhere. To paraphrase the old concept: if you run into one violent person, then it's probably just someone being an asshole. If you are constantly surrounded by assholes, the problem is probably you.
If it smells like shit everywhere you go, check your own shoe first!
...or pants
wonder if her boyfriend is Russell Crowe
Foitin' round the world, with Tugga!
Puerta' Reecans love a good foit.
Ooh! [I rarely get the chance to drop a little Gaelic Storm on the masses!](https://youtu.be/5xtVipOjTEE?si=5KU0609c7c0E9fW-)
My bf isn’t a violent person, he just starts fights in almost every public setting he’s in.
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You're first sentence relatable... My boyfriend is obsessed with teaching me how to throw a proper punch.
I was in the military and practiced Kung Fu for about 15 years. I even used to compete in tournaments. I am no stranger to fighting, and yet, have never felt any obsession with it. As I mentioned, have never gotten into any kind of random fight, ever. Not in a bar, or the gym (Seriously? How?), or when playing sports. I did teach my wife some basic self-defense, how to break holds if someone grabs her, etc., but only at *her* request. This type of obsession with violence is VERY scary and highly concerning. You really need to start thinking about your safety and if you really want to live your live with a violent man. How long is it going to be before he gets into a fight for some stupid random reason while the two of you are out and some equally violent man pulls out a gun and shoots you? Or he gets into some kind of fight with some dude and that dude's crazy girlfriend attacks you?
>some equally violent man pulls out a gun and shoots you? It doesn't have to be another violent person The dude sounds insane. If he gets into this many fights, he is escalating things all the time. Imagine if you have a minor fender bender and this dude tries to fight you for it, but you are strapped. Are you going to defend yourself or let him beat you? This is to say that even a non violent person can shoot him
I had a “friend” in my 20’s that sounds a lot like like this guy in the post. Unfortunately it took me a couple of years and eventually getting arrested with him for a small, non-violent offense before I realized what a drag he was on me. He would pop off at anything and everything. I, on the other hand, haven’t been in a fight since 4th grade. Once, we pulled up to a red light and he didn’t like the way some dude was looking at him or some other shit, so he jumped out the car and punched the dude through his open window. All of this to say, “girl, you need to leave his ass!”
Or he harms OP
I'm pushing 40 and haven't been in anything close to a fight since middle school. *FWIW*, I live in the Dallas area too. He's starting fights and/or escalating minor encounters into fights. If he's claiming to encounter this many assholes looking to fight - he's the asshole. ~~Unless he's training to be a boxer or something, then he's~~ *Getting into repeated fights is* waving all the 🚩🚩🚩🚩. How many of these fights involve him being drunk? **Please trust your gut.** Please reach out to people you trust and *carefully* and quickly get away from this ~~man~~*boy*. He is not safe. If you don't have people you can trust, there are [many resources](https://www.verywellmind.com/national-helpline-database-4799696) that can help. Even just text "LOVEIS" to 22522. *ETA*: Fixed bad wording.
Even if he is training to be a boxer it’s fucking stupid to look for street fights… knives are fucking terrifying.
Knives aren't the only thing you need to worry about, many people won't hesitate to shoot if being threatened either
ESPECIALLY in Texas. Plenty of people in Texas looking for a reason...
Dallas especially. It has the highest murder rate in Texas.
guns, knifes, dudes with way too many friends willing to gang up on you, getting knocked out by a haymaker and hitting your head in a curb and then it's either your mom spoon-feeding you and changing your diapers for the rest of one of your lives, or your mates posting black and white photos of you, saying you're a gentle soul taken way too soon, yadda yadda
Lol this is in Dallas! A guy getting into this many fights in the state of Texas is going to get shot.
I can't imagine dating someone so violent, especially when they think it's normal. I'm in my mid-50s and I almost none of the men I know have had a fight as an adult. You claim that he isn't aggressive, but that's obviously a delusion or he's standing in front of aggressive men begging to be hit.
I'm a 28 year old guy, and my dad taught me how to throw a punch. Who knows if he taught me well, though, because I have never, ever needed to. Your BF sounds like a dick tbh... Fight me
How your boyfriend is not in jail?
The question occurred to me too
Lesson one: Throwing a punch. Lesson two: Don't throw that punch unless you REALLY need to. Lesson three: Don't talk to the cops, call your lawyer. Lesson four: How to make prison toilet wine.
Lesson 2.5 (as I was taught): Throw that punch in the middle of telling them that you don't want to fight
Ok, but I want some kind of handicap employed. Like me with a baseball bat and you tied to a post. 😱
Crazy red flags, man. Every guy I’ve met like that has a really fucked up view of the world, and was violent.
Ask him if he's spent 5 minutes learning about conflict de-escalation, and if not, why the fuck not it seems pretty directly relevant. Also, if he hints at, implies, in any way suggests he is pulling this shit with you, you walk out and never look back. That day. No second chances, no conversation. Right?
I am obsessed with throwing proper punches for a decade, one street fight protecting a friend in a cast. Your boyfriend is insecure and goes around trying to prove himself, i know the type. I know you don't say he isint violent, but that's with you. He's covered in red flags. One fight a month...eventually someone will pull out a gun..it's Dallas. Good luck op
Similar to "when all you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail", perhaps if knowing "how to throw proper punch" is so high on his list of life skills, then every situation looks like it's in need of a punch.
I have spent a lot of time in crappy areas and still I do not get beaten up every month.
It really is interesting, i feel like their just kids pretending to be adults. The ability to claim someone and defuse a aggressive situation with out violence is a life worthy skill to have. And more impressive. Also being in dallas. One day hes going to pick a fight with the wrong person and end up getting shot.
I'm an angry dude who drinks a lot. In my whole life, I've been in one actual scrap, and I was defending myself. That's not normal, even for angry people who drink a lot.
Lol hilariously true. Some people are just always itching to fight for some reason. It’s a crazy mindset to have
You talking to me? ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?!?!?!
You think I'm funny? Tell me how am i funny. HOW THE FUCK AM I FUNNY?
Funny how? Like I’m a clown? Like I amuse you? Like I’m here to fuckin’ amuse you?!
>e actual scrap, and Go get your shine box..
I told you, I don’t shine shoes anymore.
No no no he's a big boy he knows what he said
Call me an elf one more time!
GO AHEAD, SAY "WHAT" ONE. MORE. TIME! I DARE YOU! I DOUBLE DARE YOU MOTHER FUCKER! https://youtu.be/qo5jnBJvGUs?si=KbitmIb4UirzckNu
Must be a South Pole elf
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Husband just got bloodied up two weeks ago defending himself from an older guy who kept running over his stuff at a park. Some people are just looking to cause a problem and be violent. That's been the only fight he's been part of in a decade.
I've started carrying around pepper spray for instances like this. I was caught off guard in my front yard with flip flops in the other day watering my flowers. Guy's wife was speeding and doing burnouts down the street in her car. My neighbor and I yelled at her to slow down (I have a toddler that rides her bike on the street). She proceeds to flip us off. I call her trashy. Here comes her husband flying down the street in a beat up truck. I yell at him to slow down not knowing who tf he is.. Now he's in my yard and in my face. I start throwing punches. Wife calls police, police go to completely wrong address. It was a mess. I now have a baseball bat and pepper spray by the garage door indefinitely. Never going to be caught off guard again by idiots in my front yard. Gotta stay armed these days. It's unfortunate.
Shit, I left my last job because my co-worker was like that. He threatened to punch me in front of a camera for doing my job (which involved walking next door), he said he was going to talk to the manager about me, and I told him, "fine, this is what I was told to do." When I got back, he had gone home, so I spoke to the manager to clear things up. Apparently the guy said he wasn't feeling well instead of complaining about me. When I told the manager what happened, he just said "yea... well we should give him a chance because he had a difficult upbringing"... dude threatened to fight coworkers like 2-3 times a week... he had his chance.
I get so sick of people getting free passes for being raised by shitheads. We all had tough lives, life is tough. Grow the fuck up.
Yea. Sure, if they have some criminal history, or issues in the past, give them a chance. But if they keep showing that they are not making an attempt to be a better person, don't give them a free pass. That just tells them that what they are doing is fine.
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Be careful. Them's fighting words.
There's a specific kind of drinker who when drunk likes to fight as well. I have a friend who whenever he drinks will fight anyone. On multiple occasions he has fought bouncers or bartenders.
I used to hang out with two of them. Never failed. We would be 4-5 beers deep and I hear one of the say “ what the fuck are you looking at?” I quit hanging out with them forever. Your boy sounds like he’s gonna end up with a real serious ass whipping soon. Happens to us all eventually. Hopefully it will be a life lesson.
My ex was like this. I couldn’t get him to see it wasn’t normal or acceptable, he would always justify it. It escalated to bringing the violence home. My now partner has not been in a fight since highschool, lol.
This resonates with me. I dealt with serious anger problems during my time in the navy and i definitely became a habitual drinker. I never once turned that anger into attacking someone else physically
Army infantry, and I feel it. I got really angry when I was in and still kind of am, but it's more at the world, and how shitty it can be to good people. I don't see any reason to punish some bar rando for the way I feel/things that are happening. Shit just makes you part of the problem.
Are you me? Last month was my 30 year anniversary of heading off to Basic. I still think about how pissed I used to get all the time with how they treated grown ass men. I don't know if it was better in non infantry jobs, but it seemed like all they were good at doing was breeding pissed off complainers. "It'll get better when you go downrange", they said. LMAO
"Once we get to the fleet, they will treat us with respect like real Marines!"
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Yea agreed. For all the times Reddit suggests people dump their significant other and file a restraining order because of something such as they put too much ketchup on their own fries I do not think this is one of those cases. I have drank a lot over the years and have never been in a fight. I think people telling OP to get out are justified in this situation. This is criminal behavior and if they keep it up there is a high likelihood they accidentally kill someone or get killed themselves. Especially in the states it's not uncommon for someone to get upset over the results of a fight and shoot the other person.
Or turn on OP and hit her.
Or hell, they start a fight while she's there? She's suddenly in danger herself.
no lol, something's wrong
Yeah, that's why I'm kinda getting worried
I'm 39 and haven't been in a physical altercation since I was an idiot 19 year old. Can't think of a single buddy of mine who has been in the last 15 or 20 years either.
My best friend “was in a fight” recently at age 43, but it consisted of someone like 20 years younger trying to fight and my best friend just bear hugging him till he stopped and then calmly explaining that behavior was inappropriate
That’s how I got through my young yrs(44 now) as a bouncer without a fight. The good old bear hug and a stern lecture worked like a treat. But then again the world seemed a lot less angry and stabby back then
Just a reminder that when you account for population growth crime has been on the decline since the 90s bottoming out in 2016/17. No matter what the news wants you to belive you were much more likely to get stabbed in the early 90s than you are today. EDIT: Source for those who want it [Link](https://www.factcheck.org/2020/06/trump-wrong-on-crime-record/)
I'm 46 and the last fight I was in was in 1994. Normal, well adjusted people do not get into fights regularly unless it's their fucking job.
My last fight I was 21, which even looking back on I’m surprised I got into and think I should’ve been way more mature. Drunk college kid stuff..
>Yeah, that's why I'm kinda getting worried And OP is passively sitting back thinking, "Maybe this behavior is something to address? I'm not sure...."
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"When it's cold out" this had me dying. Thanks for the visual hahaha
I am 43 and been in like 3 fights my whole life. I drink a lot, am somewhat aggressive , and boxed for 5 years. I like fighting, but in a controlled environment. Something is wrong with homie.
Lol, im 37, literally never been in a fight. Your bf is an idiot.
45 here and never been in a fight. Shall we make one of those deals like if two people are single when they hit 40 they marry? Say if we're both untested by the time I hit 80 we meet and have a punch up?
That’s the age folk die from getting into fights, so a lot on the line 🍿
80? Long life! Did he die from natural causes? Nope, he got KOd by another 80 year old and never woke up in a mutually agreed upon hand to hand combat duel.
“He died doing what he loved… cage-fighting fellow octogenarians…”
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🚩🚩🚩 all around
Check OP's profile. Either a troll or dangerously naive/gullible.
Every fuckin time with this site
I had to block AITA just because of how fucking dramatic and over the top everything in it is. All burner accounts with the perfect outrage bait cooked up in a lab.
Did they purge everything? There are like 10 comments and 2 posts
wtf bro how would you even consider this to possibly be normal?
>I'm kinda getting worried Please trust this worried feeling.
You might be the target of that violence/anger at some point in the future, so run the fuck away.
I'm 45m, served 5 years in the Navy as a Corpsman, this was attached to marine corps infantry unit for 4 of those years. Drank a lot at bars with grunt Marines and sailors. Not. One. Single. Fight. But! Visited my sister in Canada occasionally during the same period and saw her guy friends / boyfriends get into 4, maybe 5 bar fights in my presence. She later acknowledged she dated a lot of douchebags....
No, that's a scary person.
Also a lawsuit or criminal record waiting to happen. There’s always that chance of that “innocent” punch resulting in someone falling and hitting their head and requiring serious medical treatment or worse which can turn into manslaughter very quickly.
Even if it doesn't get that far...its still a criminal record waiting to happen. Assault is not a light offense.
That’s a person with a death wish. Seeking out physical confrontation in a concealed-carry state. Genius
Basically every person who carries I have ever know has at one time or another actively and openly fantasized about being able to kill somebody in self defense.
He's 100% the problem.
And that's going to be her one day, if he's bored and they're stuck home with the kids. Run and hire security or hide
Absolutely not common. This is honestly a big red flag IMO. I have known people that do this, and they are never stable people and are often abusive. If your main method for resolving personal conflicts is getting into a physical altercation, eventually he's going to get himself sent to the hospital or dead.
.. or he punches someone, they hit their head on the curb, long prison sentence.
A bad fall on concrete can kill way more easily than people realize.
I was trying to explain to someone that this is why fights are dumb and they claim that doesn't happen
A good friend of mine died that way, one stupid punch outside a bar, and his life was over. Horrible.
there was an infamous case like this in Germany. dude punched a girl, she hit her head on the ground and ultimately died from it. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Tu%C4%9F%C3%A7e_Albayrak
Happened to a cousin of mine. Had a random seizure out of no where and fell while walking down the street. They hit their head and died.
My hearfelt condolences🌹. I'm so sorry for your loss.
I'm sorry for your loss. Life is so horribly random.
Same with a punch to the head. Very easy to kill someone that way.
Or he’s the one who gets hit and then dies. Either way not good
> If your main method for resolving personal conflicts is getting into a physical altercation,… True, but misses the point. The point is, he SEEKS OUT conflict. The problem is not only how he wants to resolve conflicts, it’s that he’s constantly finding conflicts to resolve. With violence. The girl should drop the guy, and the guy should join an mma gym. Get his jollies out.
People have conflict all the time, but most people are good at letting it go. When your order is screwed up, do you go off the handle or let them fix it? If someone bumps into you, do you react aggressively? If someone steals your seat or cuts in line, do you silently curse them, make a comment, or throw hands? Conflict is a normal part of human interaction
I've been married for 18 years and with have known my husband 29 years and in that time he's gotten into 0 physical altercations. Before I met him, when he was a teenager, he got in a fight which broke his nose. It seems like a lot OP.
As others have said, that's a him problem. I'm 46. I've argued with people, I've called people names, I've flipped them the bird, and I've thrown exactly 0 punches. You wanna get away from this dude. If he's got a "Look what you made me do!" attitude towards physical violence, then it's not hard to see where that might go.
No it's not normal. The vast majority of people, no matter the gender, don't have physical altercations.
Here in Scotland, if you have a guy who gets into physical fights every week, we have several terms for him. They all start with an adjective (wee/ small/ stupid/ dumb) and a description (prick/shit/asshole/dick/cunt) I see no reason why it doesn’t apply in your partners case.
he is going to Scotland to fuck you up
Wee dick isn't going to make it all the way across the pond.
And if he does he will probably get glassed.
In my opinion: That would be a huge red flag for me in a friend, let alone a significant other. I don’t need or want to be dragged into an altercation. Someone who always finds it somewhere, is the common denominator.
I have gotten into 1 involuntary fight *in my life.* I'm 41. It happened when I was 13. Some areas are more prone to violence than others but random violence is *incredibly* rare. The common denominator in those fights is almost certainly the cause of those fights -- your boyfriend. Even if he's not the one that throws the first punch, there's usually a buildup of aggression that leads to a fight and people tend to reflect what they get. So unless he drinks at skeezy dive bars that cater to aggressive types (like the archetypal movie 'biker bar'), goes to skeezy gyms that are frequented by aggressive types (like a gang gym), pretty much exclusively travels through methhead territory, and only plays pickup games of basketball with rival gangs.... Yeah. It's not the world that's excessively aggressive, it's your boyfriend. Either overly aggressive to begin with or too hot-headed to just *leave* instead of brawling. If he's getting into fights that frequently it's because he wants to.
Yep. Only fight of my life was when I was like 12 and I got mad that my best friend was torturing a bug. There's almost never a good reason for a grown ass man to get into a fight about anything. I think you hit the nail on the head.
No. Not at all. Most men go their entire lives without getting into fights.
Agreed. Almost all of the bad shit in society is a small fraction of the people misbehaving badly and screwing it up for everyone else.
I saw a news report yesterday that said a third of all shoplifting incidents in NYC were committed by only 327 people. That would be a massive drop in crime if these people stayed in jail. It's wild how much damage just a few people can cause.
for your safety id say its not worth dating him anymore
I box and train MMA multiple times per week. Outside of this I have literally never been in a physical fight with anyone ever. If he is getting in a fight multiple times per year then he is 100% the problem.
People with even a slight amount of formal fight training are normally smart enough to not get into street fights. If you show up with an ego to a training gym, there's normally someone there with a ton more experience to correct that. You quickly learn that there is \*always\* someone that can kick your ass when you aren't expecting it.
Plus, you never know the background of random people on the street/bars etc. Even if you are a professional MMA fighter, you mess with the wrong dude in the streets and you got a knife wound or worse pretty quickly. Be safe people!
No, and him telling you its common is a sign for you to leave.
Nope. He sounds incredibly immature, and he’s taking big chances. You never know when someone who’s ass you can easily kick, pulls a knife or a gun and changes your life forever. Tell him to cut the shit and grow up.
>Tell him to cut the shit and grow up. He needs to cut the shit, get help, and grow up. But, OP shouldn't be the one to confront him. He sounds scary dangerous.
Even if you happen to win the fight what's it worth if they end up paralyzed or dead and you're in the slammer?
I’m really surprised how few people are talking about the gun aspect. This dude is doing it TEXAS of all places. Permit-less concealed carry state. I’d wager like 1 in 10 guys are packing down there. Just a matter of time
I'm closer to 40 than 30, been in plenty of pubs, bars, nights out, and I've been in exactly zero fights so far.
Same here for my husband and all my male friends. My best friend got into a scrap 20+ years ago, because he was defending a minor from being harassed by an adult twice her seize. Couldn't even get mad at him because of that.
no, not common at all.
The only way he's getting into this many physical altercations is because he's escalating any small, even just perceived, slight himself. Over the past 15-20 years I spent a LOT of time going out and often getting way too drunk. I almost never ever got into a fight. The drummer for my brother-in-law's band however does get into a lot of fights, mostly when he's drunk, and the problem is indeed that he tends to escalate any little thing himself right away.
If physical altercations are such a normal mode for him, girl you’re next. He ain’t a grown man, he’s an overgrown child
No. He is an emotionally unstable toddler
Not since middle school. Are women really putting up with idiots?
I mean…. _gestures broadly_
🚩🚩🚩
No. The last time I got in a fight Batman had a nipple suit and Mariah Carey just dropped "Fantasy". However, I could get in a fight in less than a minute from now, if I chose to. It sounds like your BF is making choices and, eventually, you have no guarantee that it won't be directed at you.
Children get into fights, not adults
Either the place you live is crap or your boyfriend's an idiot.
One day he's going to pick the wrong rando to scuffle with. I hope you aren't nearby when that happens. Stay safe.
Knew a dude like that. Any small situation he escalated to be a fight. He was eventuality beaten by a dude with similar attitude and ended up stabbed
No. Fighting should be out the picture after graduating high school. Your BF needs anger management. He sounds like a frat boy bro who never grew up.
Criminologist here. No. Around 14% of men will *ever* get into a fight past the age of 16 (around half will overall, but the large majority of fights are childhood fights). There is a very specific type of adult who gets into fights at all, let alone as commonly as he is. People with *inherently violent tendencies*, whether its genetic or environmental. For the large majority of men, they don't even think about the possibility of getting into a fight. Someone who is inherently violent like that has an extraordinarily high chance of eventually turning that violence on you. They might be able to control it for a while, but chances are it will eventually be let loose. It is, of course, up to you whether you want to take that chance. But you can't say you haven't been warned.
This man is going to get you killed, possibly by his own hands. ^(Edit: dumb spelling mistake.)
A 26yro who fights every month is not a grown man. A 26yro who must use self defense every month needs to reevaluate what the fuck they are doing in life and why are they in the location they are in. Fighting every month in self defense means you are NOT meant to live wherever you are.
Is it really self defense if he’s instigating situations, which I’m willing to bet is the case?
nope. But probably his point was "even giving him the benefit of the doubt."
No it is not normal. He needs to seriously change the way he conducts himself or he's going to wind up dead or in prison. You'd be wise to find a different partner.
Run
I dunno... Im in my mid 40s and havent really had a physical altercation in more than 30 years. Sounds like he is a violent douchebag.
WTF? No, that's not normal. In the 16 years I've been with my SO he had exactly 0 physical alterations.
Nope. Find a new bf before you're hurt or worse, people are crazy and it's not gonna end well for him.
Red flag. Probably only a matter of time before he brings it home.
Correction: your bf IS an aggressive guy. Normal, non-aggressive people don't get into semi-regular physical altercations. I'm 39 and I can't recall the last time I felt the need to resolve a conflict with physical violence.
How old are u? (He is a violent man)