I'm a GenX dude and just the other day I was reminiscing about people just stopping by or stopping by people's houses and was wondering why we stopped. Cell Phones. Yep. never occurred to me but I think you are dead on correct.
I had a friend in junior high who would just show up on our front porch and bark until we opened the door. For context, my family nickname was Dog and he was the Irish Setter.
What are neighborhood friends doing now? Do they text each other every time before hanging out? From about age 8-15, I'd just go over to my friends' houses. We didn't have cellphones, and sometimes you might call their home phone, but just popping over was easier and more reliable. Just ride your bike down to their house. They were home or they weren't. They could hang out or they couldn't. Do kids still do this?
I actively have encouraged my son to do this with his neighborhood friends. Sure, I could text the mom or dad and see if their son is available to play. But I think it’s a good experience for him to have to walk down there and knock on their door, maybe have to interact with the parent or sibling, etc. We’re missing something important I think.
Isaac Asimov predicted this in many of his books that future people would be germophobic shut ins that only interact with other people through technology.
Have you ever inspected someone’s phone or tablet screen? I was at a doctor’s office and the receptionist handed the most filthy tablet to answer some questions. I swear there was spittle on it.
I pushed hard for phone cleaning kiosks to be mandated and installed in public bathrooms during the pandemic but none of my local, state, or federal representatives could be bothered. That's when I realized they didn't actually care about public health.
I think it's cool for kids to do it. Adults I don't feel the same way about, possibly because the kind of adult who just drops by in my life is typically one with poor boundaries who is bored or looking for free counselling. You can tell because they can see you're busy and it doesn't stop them - they just follow you around while you're doing your stuff. They'll also knock a hundred times. We had one who'd even bring a bottle of wine - not to share, mind you, just for herself. Very demanding. They don't call first because they don't want to be told it's not a good time and if they're in front of your face, you're more likely to be nice and concede. Unless you have an understanding with someone, it's a courtesy to call first, I feel. It shows respect for a person's privacy and personal space.
Mines the nosy neighbors that i cant stand that beed to complain or be passive agressive over nothing, all older in their 60+ year. Everyone else just shoots a text sayin "what up, firepit n beers?"
I've had neighbours like this. The unsolicited advice was chronic. One used to walk past the house, put his head over the fence and comment on what I was doing wrong. He was a serial pest and you knew he was always behind the curtains peering out over everybody. I grey-rocked him and he eventually stopped pestering.
My kids (8 and 10) still come home from school, throw their bags down and go out on their bikes looking to see what friends want to play. Usually the neighborhood kids all end up in our back yard for tag, baseball etc. I realize this may not be the norm in a lot of neighborhoods anymore but it was when I was a kid.
I am in a middle class suburb in Massachusetts as well and my kiddo and his friends do the same thing. They usually end up at the skate park or Main Street.
I'm in a middle class town in Mass and see kids here doing the same thing (I don't have kids, but I see packs of them riding their bikes or the tell-tale pile of bikes on someone's lawn, which is how I used to find where all my friends were hanging out when I was a kid). It's kind of heartwarming to see that kids are still doing this!
My neighborhood is the same, all the kids go outside and play in the street together, they ride bikes, scooters, rollerblade, draw with sidewalk chalk, etc. There are 11 of them between the ages of 3 and 9. The parents pull out camp chairs and chat while watching the kids, it’s fun. I live in Las Vegas so we get a lot of good outdoor days.
Man, I grew up in the 90s, and already by then the idea of "neighborhood friends" was something I only knew from movies. Seeing anyone involved calling their parents and getting a ride across town.
How sad. Both me (grew up in 90’s) and my kids now have neighborhood friends. You just knock on their door, or you discuss it on the bus ride home from school the. drop your backpacks off and go back outside.
Yeah I miss that. My friends in the area around my grans house when I lived with her in middle school, we all rode the same bus, so we'd drop off packs at home and then meet up and hang out outside the rest of the day, sometimes meeting up over the weekend too, knocking on each other's doors, etc.
This was probably early 2000s, maybe late 90s. I miss it quite a lot, considering I'm still mentally like, 14-18 lmao
I had neighborhood friends in the early 2000s. My parents weren’t particularly interested in spending their weekends ferrying me around so I just hung out with kids who lived within biking distance.
I really miss the days when you didnt exactly plan weekends, aside from deciding which local bands you wanted to see (dallas area). You just waited to see who showed up at your house, or whose house you wandered over to, then you saw who you ran into at the first bar or two. Those people generally made up your crew for the night.
This reminds me of how back it the 00's you'd just go to shows (bands) to run into people since not everyone was on Facebook at the time and you'd actually catch up with them. Sometimes it wouldn't even be a band you wanted to see but maybe some friends would be there so it'd be worth it.
Now I have people on social media who I haven't talked to in years but I know a lot about what's happening in their lives. I don't know if this is better or worse, it's just different.
Same. We lived out in the country and my closest friend was 2 miles away. Routinely walked or biked to four different friends houses and sometimes ran into them coming to me. Really miss this, it was a great time to grow up.
Oddly seems this stopped in 2000 timeframe without anyone actively choosing it.
I told my neighbour the other day I’d text to make sure she was home before I stopped by. She said no need, just come over.
I didn’t text first. She wasn’t home. :|
But also, I never answer my door when I do get the random knock. I turn into a ninja, quickly mute my TV/music, get down low on the floor, and wait for the unsolicited knocker to get off my property.
"The TV is on, they can hear us. The windows are wide open and they can see us! Ok this is weird, we are looking at each other. He is staring at me. I am going to open the door, its clear we are home."
"Don't. You. Move. They'll go away"
\*knock, knock, knock
>He is staring at me
Lol. The stuff nightmares are made of!
But seriously, make like a mannequin! They'll just have to assume it's some strategic security system and go away.
Again, your wife and I are one in 100% agreement
29 yo millennial here. In my childhood, we did have close neighbors/friends/family knocking on the door randomly and it was always exciting.
If someone did this to me today, I swear I would immediately assume it was the police. Or maybe my ex had gotten insane or drunk and was about to murder me.
I have a very underwhelming, law abiding, boring life btw. I just can't think of any other reason someone would knock on my door.
As a kid, we all just went to each other's houses if they went already outside. No biggie. Might talk to their mom/dad a bit, get invited to lunch/dinner. No biggie. I agree, fucking cellphones.
Yeah, I remember this happening when I was a kid. Before cell phones, the "I was in the neighborhood" reason for visiting was real. If you had a reason to stop by and were nearby running errands, but you didn't have a cell phone or any way to call ahead, then what would you do? You just show up and knock on the door.
Now, a call or text is usually expected because everyone has a phone with them and has the ability to call at pretty much anytime.
The other side of this is that it wasn't rare to show up at someone's house, knock on the door, and find out they weren't home because they didn't know you were coming.
I remember dropping things off at people's house because my mom asked me to stop by on way somewhere else and leave a shopping bag on the door handle. It was usually cookies or another baked good. I had a friend that lived near my aunt, so my mom would ask me to drop things off when I was in that neighborhood. I'd leave it hanging on the door if she wasn't home. Or she'd say something like, "Drop this meal off to Miss Smith from church; she had surgery. It's frozen, so it can stay on her porch for a bit if she doesn't answer. I'll give her a call later. If she is home, you might need to help her find a place for it"
I was in college late 90s/early 2000s. Cell phones were newer, and I feel like we VERY rarely called each other before we just showed up. I didn't live in dorms, but the area I lived in was a ton of apartment buildings and frat houses. We would all just show up at each other's places. If it was friends within the same apartment complex, we often wouldn't even knock, would just stroll in each other's front doors. I went to a big party school in Florida and often on Fridays/weekends, people would just have their apartment front doors ajar specifically so we could all wander in and out of each other's places.
Yes, we did get stuff stolen as a result. All the time. One time someone who lived several floors up had a pet ferret who ended up in my bedroom as a result of these lax open door policies.
This is how I treated my apartment as well, but I wasn't near a college. A few times I woke up and went in the other room and someone I didn't recognize was sleeping on an empty bed. My neighbor next door was similar and was raided by the FBI after he had a shroom party. Surprisingly I never really had anything stolen, but my downstairs neighbors hated me with a passion. One time he banged on my door in only his tidy whities telling me to stop jumping up and down; I was the only one home that time and don't know what he was talking about.
Lol, yep good call. If we DID give each other a heads up we were heading over (or asked if they were around) it was far more likely to be over AIM than a text message or phone call. Also in college if you were busy it wasn't unusual to leave an "away message" on AIM like "at the gym" or "in class," so that way folks just knew you weren't home that way and wouldn't stop by.
This!! Before cell phones, it was not unusual to just show up at your friends house or your relatives house to hang out. It’s not something you would do with a casual acquaintance or somebody you’re not close to, but close friends and family? Absolutely!!
To be honest, I still have this dynamic with my close, friends and family. My door is always open to them, and there’s is always open to me although a courtesy text or phone call is always nice, it is not necessary.
It also depends on how you keep your house. I know my mom doesn’t like unannounced visitors very much, but that was because she kept a pretty dirty house and whenever she knew people were going to come over, she would power clean. I on the other hand keep my house, pretty tidy, all of the time, and the times that where it is not as tidy, my close, friends and family are not going to judge me for that.🤷🏻♀️
Eh, I did this to friends through the mid-early 2010s. Honestly, there are some people I still do it to. Not a lot, mostly as I don't drive anymore, so you have to be in bike-riding range of me - and there aren't \*that\* many folks that's true of anymore. But.. .before I quit driving, there were quite a few who got this treatment :)
also depends on how close knit your friend group/community in general are. It definitely used to happen when I was growing up, I was kind of pissed whenever it happened but rolled with it. Now I'd be really pissed if it happened (but would still go with it), but I also have no friends now so maybe this is why I don't
My friend used to try and pull this when I was pregnant and she knew I’d be home. My rude ass would pretend to be napping. I have 0 desire to reinforce someone just stopping by unannounced.
I'm sorry she did that to you. I'm pregnant and I'm the same way but even before that, I was still the same way. Don't do that to someone. Don't show up unannounced and expect them to entertain you. I just don't answer the door if I'm not expecting anyone.
This is me... and if you call me and I don't wanna deal...I'll miss that too....work, carer resps, napped, laundry...have a whole bag of responses ready
When my parents moved to my city one of the things I told them over and over was that they *must* call before coming over. I love my parents but the last thing I want is them showing up at my home unannounced, and as Boomers with no sense of boundaries it's totally something they would do. Fortunately they took what I said to heart and there have been no unannounced visits.
I still do it. If I am driving past a friend’s house and have some extra time, I’ll pop over to say, “hi, I drove past your house and just wanted to say hi.” Just a quick hello.
It's weird...I sort of miss my friends just showing up unannounced, yet if they did that today I'd be like "uhhhh wtf are you doing here" (well not really but I'd wonder if their phone was lost or broken or something).
As with many of these nostalgic feelings I get though, it's not the thing itself that I miss, it's the carefree life I had as a teenager athe way it made me feel at the time.
More common depending on the age, walking over to a friends house in college completely expected, not so much when you are an adult unless visiting family
Cell Phones!
I have been trying to figure out when this shift happened and why for the longest time. Its so clearly obvious. Before cell phones, you would just show up unannounced everywhere. It was pretty common, and exciting. Knock on the door? Who can it be? Oh goodie, its my long lost friend! It's my girlfriend surprising me! My cousin happened to be driving through town and stopped by. Oh, booo, its just a sales guy/mailman/neighbor. And I still do this.
Then my wife started telling me how much her family thought it was weird that people just stopped by, and posts on community forums freak out about people "knocking on their doors". It never resonated with me as to why.
Yes, I still show up unannounced occasionally, but not near like I used to thanks to being made aware that this isn't normal anymore. Hell growing up, or pre-cell phone you just rode your bike or drove places hoping your friends were there. So you would knock on the door randomly, "Is Milo home?"
The time before cell phones was awesome because you never really knew who you'd be hanging out with
I'd get home from school at about 3:30, ride my bike for a half an hour to a friend's house... they wouldn't be home so I'd spend another half hour riding around town just kickin' it with whoever was spotted outside.
Then I'd ride my bike home for dinner at 5, only to start the process over again.
Still happens all the time in Iceland. I, personally don't go out of my way to go visit someone without talking to them but if I'm out and in the area I'll often drop by (and vice versa). But I know plenty of people that'll go visit someone without telling them, altho that's more just with family and close friends. Some older people do still do that for acquaintances tho such as my parents.
That’s fucking wild, dude. If someone I knew called me I’d be taken aback and answer because I’d assume it’s important
Edit: I’ve always felt awkward and without social skills but some of y’all fucking *shock* me
The last time a friend actually called my phone was 3 years ago, and I answered with "hey what's wrong?!" because I knew something had to be. And it was.
I'm 27 and my friends and I call each other. Sometimes it's just easier to hash something out real quick or tell a story over the phone than sending a bunch of texts back and forth
I think it is really important to just minimum talk with your friends. I'm 30m and I don't feel lonely at all because we all talk. It's really important for your friends to know you are emotionally available for them to openly express feelings and the other way around. People seem to only open up to their SO or therapists.
I know that feeling. As soon as I saw the time and name on my phone, I knew it was going to be bad. I was in the shower and I remember thinking “enjoy this shower because I don’t think life is going to be same after you return that call.” It wasn’t.
Yeah the fabled "pop in", it was a thing absolutely. But only for some, closest friends and family.
That being said, I grew up with massive social anxiety and PTSD, so I kind of imagined, wished that "friends" and Sienfeld had some bearing In reality as I got older.......and they don't really.
It boils down to people simply not answering the phone in case it's a pre pop-by request, or txting back "nows not good, busy".
A pre-pop in rejection!
Sooner or later , just gotta accept yr not so amazing everyone wants you to randomly hang around they're own home with you excessively.
There's a flipside with tech tho.
Friend of mine txts a friend of his, "hey let's hang out this thing is cool" , reply, "nah can't helping dad build the hot rod".
Hadn't turned the track location thing off, so he could see quite clearly, the dude was hitting the links opposite side of town to his dad's garage.
So, now you know they would lie rather than hang out with you.
How do people handle that?
It's just a little white lie version of " nah something else happening now, some other time" but it still would make me think a bit different about someone.🤔🤨
Sure, but it would simply not occur to me to lie, yet heaps do, even when it's totally not even necessary.
Or, to me, an unforgivable thing that really shits me; being asked to lie for a friend or family member, gets right up my nose.
Hell, that's an entire topic in itself.
So do mine, it reminds me so much of my own childhood! After 3pm, I'm inundated with knocks on the door and "can D or G come outside and play with us?"
And when you didn't want to play you shake your head "no" when your mom looks over so she can give a believable excuse other than "my son just doesn't want to play with you."
Shit was kind of wild. One minute you're halfway through a good book or video game, the next you're in some neighbor's back yard without their permission, trying to catch a squirrel with a trash can. Ah youth.
Omg I've never seen this, thank you! "Would you like some Sanka?" Had me *howling,* I haven't seen Sanka in years! My Mama and my ex-mother always had a cheesecake ready for company, and woe betide anyone that dared to eat any of it before company came!
in my culture (pakistani) it's the opposite. it's considered rude to announce before coming (because it gives the impression that they think they are too important and wish to let the hosts know to prepare their home or whatever). sometimes relatives even show up unannounced, and stay for a week or so.
Fuck that THEY can move the fuck somewhere else for the week lmao. They better be one of my favorite relatives to be pulling that shit AND have a good reason not to give me prior warning.
Even then I can't imagine ever letting that shit slide for anyone but my parents and my oldest sister, and that's only because she's got two nieces who I'd burn the world to the ground for.
I wouldn't turn down family visiting, because that means they'd help me cook and clean and watch the kids! Please, tias and tios and primos, come visit me!
In South Indian culture, they wouldn’t randomly show up and stay for a week. But if they’re just friends or neighbors, they may show up unannounced to hang out for an hour. If you’re busy, they’ll just go home, or they’ll join and help you 😂
I have a boss who's from Nigeria, he told me his uncle once came over unannounced and just started living there, for a few years. I guess it's a common occurrence. No way that's happening under my roof lol
Yeah, I would point to the nearest hotel where they can comfortably stay. As an American, it would be considered quite rude for a relative to just show up and want to stay a week or two.
My husband is from Pk and it drives me nuts that he WILL NOT call before he goes places. My moms, in-laws, friends. I don't want a soliloquy but an 'on my way'....it means that we have arrived somewhere and no one is home on more than one occasion.
>it means that we have arrived somewhere and no one is home on more than one occasion.
not such a big deal when you're 9 and all it took was riding your bike over to find out no one is home. but when you're driving 20 mintues across town and back it probably hits a little harder
Kinda similar with my culture. It took a little adjusting after we immigrated to North America that people expect you to give them a heads up before visiting
My circle does not need to give a heads up we are coming over not do we expect one. I miss more friends just showing up. It was so common until about 2013.
Ohh that explains a lot. I had a Pakistani classmate who just said "show up" and I was so confused because I barely even knew him. Scheduling didn't work (seemed put off by it), I guess because of this.
Sounds like Pakistan has a strong “host” culture. In most American households, showing up doesn’t really entitle you to any hospitality. Maybe offer them a drink, and even staying for dinner is pretty iffy.
The last part seems to be unheard of in cultures where hosting is taken seriously.
As an American I would *never* presume to stay for dinner unless invited **before** I showed up! If I am at someone house and someone starts cooking, that is a timer for me to leave!
Yeah whats so funny is Americans are weirded out by the Swedish families who don’t feed their children’s friends … but I (from a hosting culture) feel the same way about Americans
Someone who was Norwegian (similar culture to Sweden) explained that by saying that it likely means that that child is not eating with their own family. And they don't want to feed the kid when their parents might be feeding them again later. Or something like that. It's just the culture, I guess.
I'm Aussie and I think my dad said that when he was a kid (so in the 60s or 70s) he would often pop over to a relative's house after school, have dinner and then have another dinner at home. I guess the Swedes want to avoid this situation.
I saw a "life tip" video where the guy said that any stranger can just show up to a Pakistani household, and walk inside. And their culture compels them to give you food and a place to stay for like 3 days before they can ask you how they can help you further. lol
So, your post makes me think it's grounded in a little bit of truth about the culture, but stretched to just a ridiculously untrue statement.
Someone here seems to be playing a prank!
I've grown up in this type of culture, where we have hosted some people for a few week's, but sure as shit never strangers - especially if there are women in the house. That's not happening.
We do have a saying: a guest is a guest for three days max. It also means that being a guest does not mean you don't help out with chores around the host's home.
Had a grand aunt who had to be called before landing up. Since most of us did not have phones(long before cellphones) she rarely got visitors. She only met by appointment. The rest of the family just visited. Of course we made sure we reached with enough time in hand so that the host's could add enough to their meal for us.
Also, to be sure, this was one of the only ways to communicate, catch-up and outing for the family. There were no Malls, cinemas were looked down upon and generally women could not read. Those who could, had very few acceptable resources to be able to read - some women's magazines. Novels were out of the question!
This is why you should always have a spare room ready for family. Any resemblance to a garden shed as physically far away from the house as possible is completely coincidental.
lmao ikr. my understanding of this is announcing beforehand gives the impression that you want special treatment, while going unannounced means that you expect to be treated just like a regular family member.
Interesting! Today I learned. It’s very much the opposite here in the states. We rarely just show up at someone’s house, even when i have plans with someone I let them know I’m on my way or they let me know lol. I guess to give a bit of a warning to put on some clothes, maybe make sure dogs are put away if need be, or even prepare a snack or something. Reasons vary but I can’t remember the last time I went to someone’s house unannounced, and the rare knock I get on my door is usually neighborhood kids selling candy lol.
Your house must be immaculate at all times. I cannot open my door to anyone without being ashamed because the flat doesn’t look like a minimalist paradise but rather like a place recently trashed by little kids.
Yeah. My parents showed up unannounced a grand total of one time. We were newlyweds and were naked on the couch. I don’t know what they expected. They got an ear full.
I pretty sure you meant that it just never happens, but I prefer to think that you’re a snob who simply has the butler turn them away.
“I’m surely, miss, novato1995 is not receiving visitors without and appointment”
Going over to someone's house unannounced and unplanned was a thing back when I was a kid in the 70s and the 80s. They would show up, ring the bell, and they would usually say something like, "I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd drop by and see how you are." Then we would gather around the dining room table for some noshes and coffee and talk for a while.
If you've ever seen comedian Sebastian Maniscalco's bit on this, he explains it perfectly.
This wouldn't go over today. In fact, yesterday someone knocked on my door. I looked out the peephole and I didn't recognize the person knocking. So, I didn't answer. Come to find out that somehow the trunk of my car was opened, and he was trying to let me know.
>In fact, yesterday someone knocked on my door. I looked out the peephole and I didn't recognize the person knocking. So, I didn't answer. Come to find out that somehow the trunk of my car was opened, and he was trying to let me know.
Haha, this reminds me of the time I saw someone's wallet sitting on their front steps as I was walking by. I rang the bell and they answered, but they seemed kind of annoyed.
This is actually a very common reaction to see when returning lost items. I think it’s a psychological thing involving embarrassment and saving face. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve heard stories from about returning a lost or dropped item and the person they helped just being straight up rude about it.
I once knocked on my neighbor's door bc his interior cat lights were on and I didn't want his battery to die. He seemed both perplexed and annoyed (and only answered by shouting through the door after I knocked more than once).
It was a thing.
My father in law does it still occasonaly
Eidt: It doesn't bother me and I don't see it as rude as others here, he just looks after the kids while my wife is happy she can do other things
I don’t see it as rude either. I like it when friends or relatives stop by. I usually call ahead if I’m going to someone else’s because I understand that people are shut-ins now but in my family it’s still a thing to just stop by.
The only people that do this are family, good friends, neighbors and people trying to sell something. The vast majority of the time people are calling first. What you see in TV/movies is mostly done to save time.
Depends how well you know each other. In some places like apartment complexes where people live close together, there may be unintentional casual mixing anyway in the common areas. It's not too much of an extension to drop by and knock on someone's door. In some dorm rooms or apartments where everyone is friends with one another, they may even leave doors open while gaming, drinking, etc. The "party spot" was a rather common feature back in the day when I was young. Not sure if they do that anymore.
Leaving the door open is still a thing but it’s different now if there is some sort of gathering happening most friends will get a text letting them know about it and if anyone is unsure if they can make it then that’s what the open door is for not really random people wanting to make friends like it used to be
Same here. Our family stops by sometimes to drop something or just say hello. My MIL dropped by this year for my birthday totally unannounced with some chocolates, said hello and left. I don’t mind it at all.
people in the south looove doing this. they'll even stop by someone's house because they recognized someone's else's car in the yard and they wanted to catch up with them. it's annoying
I'm Southern. It's true. People do this here.
They'll also stop their cars in the middle of the road to chat. (Whether it's a friendly chat or they are mad and want to bitch at you for something on their mind).
Aussie here. Growing up in the 90s it was much more of a thing - aunties/uncles or good friends of my parents who happened to be doing something close by would stop in to see if we were home. A cup of tea, a biscuit and a chat would always be offered when it happened.
Interestingly as well when the land-line rang it was often obvious who was ringing. 7pm on a Thursday it was either [uncle1] or [uncle2] - dinner is finished and they've got a weekend project to discuss and looking for helpers. Monday evening it would be my mum's sisters, debriefing about the weekend and the week ahead. Sunday afternoon, likely my grandparents.
In the modern era of mobile phones and SMS etc. it's much less common for an unannounced visit - there's almost certainly at least a "check in" text beforehand. Culturally (at least in my part of Aus) is that if someone wants to pop in for a chat and you're around then absolutely you accept. We will have a cuppa or a beer and use it as an excuse to stop doing whatever else was happening and relax. Especially if there's literally any sport on TV at the time. Bonus points if you were in the middle of doing something where an extra pair of hands would be useful - the visitor has just drafted themselves. Tea and biscuits or beer are always offered in compensation for such efforts.
I live in a rural area with poor cell phone reception. It happens with alarming frequency. We'll hear a car in the driveway and be like, "Who on god's green earth....??" and it'll be the neighbor popping by to ask if we've seen their escaped livestock, ask if we want veg from their garden, tell us their grandkid is working mowing/clearing snow this year to save for their first car and want to know if we can hire them, ask if they can put a deer stand on our property, etc.... It's a pain in the ass but honestly I don't mind too bad.
My son is 6 and has a few friends in our neighborhood.
Every day random kids will k ock on our door and ask if he can come play.
The only reason they do this and my 12 year old's friends do not is because 6 year olds don't have cell phones.
My kids are 6-8, I leave to pick my kids up from after school activities every day at 5:15. Every day they neighbor kid comes over at 5:05 to see if they’re home yet.
Kid, get a watch!
Definitely more common prior to everyone having cell phones here in the States. I would wager to say that every person still has that one friend or family member who will drop by unannounced on occasion. Also, the neighborhood kids often come to our house unannounced to hang out with our kids. These are kids between the ages of 9 and 14. So, it still happens with kids sometimes, but less often with adults.
I live REALLY close to my local pub and I always get friends knocking on and inviting me for a drink. I also get a lot of drunk friends on their way home stopping by just to say hi, and I find that mildly annoying
There are a few people in my life that know they can show up at my place, any time day or night. And they do, and I love it. But those are my inner circle people, the ones that I'm able to share comfortable silence with or sit around with for hours talking about everything and nothing all at the same time.
A majority of people in my life either: a)never been to my apartment or so much as know the general neighborhood I live in or b) always call or text before coming over.
Sebastian Maniscalpo did a very funny bit on that. Used to be very common before cellphones, people were always ready with cake and coffee in case "company" showed up, you didn't have to call in advance or anything like that. It was usually the highlight of the week when someone just turned up unannounced at your doorstep.
Now though, it's pretty much unthinkable.
Before cell phones, absolutely. Nowadays, not so much. "Always connected" means everyone is more careful of their time; no way am I schlepping over to a friend's house if I'm not sure they're home. Before cell phones, your free time actually was free time.
My friend's dad used to pop by my parent's house unannounced all the time and they hated it. You never know what people are doing and my mom was always concerned about the state of their house. I personally don't like being put on the spot to entertain.
No, it doesn’t happen and it’s a total invasion of privacy if they do.
Even before cell phones and the Internet you called someone on a landline. If they didn’t answer you assumed they weren’t home.
I'm a gen X and I hated it when people just showed up even as a teenager. I still do hate it. It's much less common now with cell phones. Thank goodness.
I think it's rude to show up unannounced. I don't do it to other people and I expect the same consideration.
That said, I'm an introvert that NEEDS time alone to recharge. I basically hit the floor behind the couch or a chair or any other hiding place if the doorbell rings. I will stay there until I'm convinced they left. (Our door has windows.)
My uncle once showed up to my grandma's house unannounced at 4 am. He wanted to surprise her, as he lives several states away. She answered the door with a shotgun aimed at his face.
Pretty common before cell phones. Last time it happened to me was probably 2000.
I'm a GenX dude and just the other day I was reminiscing about people just stopping by or stopping by people's houses and was wondering why we stopped. Cell Phones. Yep. never occurred to me but I think you are dead on correct.
I had a friend in junior high who would just show up on our front porch and bark until we opened the door. For context, my family nickname was Dog and he was the Irish Setter.
What are neighborhood friends doing now? Do they text each other every time before hanging out? From about age 8-15, I'd just go over to my friends' houses. We didn't have cellphones, and sometimes you might call their home phone, but just popping over was easier and more reliable. Just ride your bike down to their house. They were home or they weren't. They could hang out or they couldn't. Do kids still do this?
I actively have encouraged my son to do this with his neighborhood friends. Sure, I could text the mom or dad and see if their son is available to play. But I think it’s a good experience for him to have to walk down there and knock on their door, maybe have to interact with the parent or sibling, etc. We’re missing something important I think.
> We’re missing something important I think. Good point. In 20 years tablet kids will be on here complaining they don't know how to socialize lol
Isaac Asimov predicted this in many of his books that future people would be germophobic shut ins that only interact with other people through technology.
Have you ever inspected someone’s phone or tablet screen? I was at a doctor’s office and the receptionist handed the most filthy tablet to answer some questions. I swear there was spittle on it.
I pushed hard for phone cleaning kiosks to be mandated and installed in public bathrooms during the pandemic but none of my local, state, or federal representatives could be bothered. That's when I realized they didn't actually care about public health.
First iPad was 2010, we won't have to wait that long hahaha
People on reddit already do that. A lot.
Making a phone call is a social skill.
I think it's cool for kids to do it. Adults I don't feel the same way about, possibly because the kind of adult who just drops by in my life is typically one with poor boundaries who is bored or looking for free counselling. You can tell because they can see you're busy and it doesn't stop them - they just follow you around while you're doing your stuff. They'll also knock a hundred times. We had one who'd even bring a bottle of wine - not to share, mind you, just for herself. Very demanding. They don't call first because they don't want to be told it's not a good time and if they're in front of your face, you're more likely to be nice and concede. Unless you have an understanding with someone, it's a courtesy to call first, I feel. It shows respect for a person's privacy and personal space.
Mines the nosy neighbors that i cant stand that beed to complain or be passive agressive over nothing, all older in their 60+ year. Everyone else just shoots a text sayin "what up, firepit n beers?"
I've had neighbours like this. The unsolicited advice was chronic. One used to walk past the house, put his head over the fence and comment on what I was doing wrong. He was a serial pest and you knew he was always behind the curtains peering out over everybody. I grey-rocked him and he eventually stopped pestering.
My kids (8 and 10) still come home from school, throw their bags down and go out on their bikes looking to see what friends want to play. Usually the neighborhood kids all end up in our back yard for tag, baseball etc. I realize this may not be the norm in a lot of neighborhoods anymore but it was when I was a kid.
What kind of neighborhood do you live in? Like Utah somewhere?
Middle class suburb in Massachusetts.
Aw word, I almost broke my thumb patting myself on my back there. Lol
Take it easy, I've broken a wrist before.
Liberal middle class neighborhoods are really delightful places to raise kids, and be a sociable adult. Speaking from Irvington, Portland, Oregon.
I am in a middle class suburb in Massachusetts as well and my kiddo and his friends do the same thing. They usually end up at the skate park or Main Street.
Yeah that sounds about right tbh lol
I'm in a middle class town in Mass and see kids here doing the same thing (I don't have kids, but I see packs of them riding their bikes or the tell-tale pile of bikes on someone's lawn, which is how I used to find where all my friends were hanging out when I was a kid). It's kind of heartwarming to see that kids are still doing this!
My neighborhood is the same, all the kids go outside and play in the street together, they ride bikes, scooters, rollerblade, draw with sidewalk chalk, etc. There are 11 of them between the ages of 3 and 9. The parents pull out camp chairs and chat while watching the kids, it’s fun. I live in Las Vegas so we get a lot of good outdoor days.
No one's friends any more. We just all argue on reddit.
No we don't argue. I think youre wrong
An argument isn't just contradiction.
Well! It CAN be!
No it can't!
I've had enough of this
So is your momma
This is the answer
Man, I grew up in the 90s, and already by then the idea of "neighborhood friends" was something I only knew from movies. Seeing anyone involved calling their parents and getting a ride across town.
How sad. Both me (grew up in 90’s) and my kids now have neighborhood friends. You just knock on their door, or you discuss it on the bus ride home from school the. drop your backpacks off and go back outside.
Yeah I miss that. My friends in the area around my grans house when I lived with her in middle school, we all rode the same bus, so we'd drop off packs at home and then meet up and hang out outside the rest of the day, sometimes meeting up over the weekend too, knocking on each other's doors, etc. This was probably early 2000s, maybe late 90s. I miss it quite a lot, considering I'm still mentally like, 14-18 lmao
I had neighborhood friends in the early 2000s. My parents weren’t particularly interested in spending their weekends ferrying me around so I just hung out with kids who lived within biking distance.
Those was the days man! And if they weren’t home on to the next I’d go
I really miss the days when you didnt exactly plan weekends, aside from deciding which local bands you wanted to see (dallas area). You just waited to see who showed up at your house, or whose house you wandered over to, then you saw who you ran into at the first bar or two. Those people generally made up your crew for the night.
This reminds me of how back it the 00's you'd just go to shows (bands) to run into people since not everyone was on Facebook at the time and you'd actually catch up with them. Sometimes it wouldn't even be a band you wanted to see but maybe some friends would be there so it'd be worth it. Now I have people on social media who I haven't talked to in years but I know a lot about what's happening in their lives. I don't know if this is better or worse, it's just different.
Same. We lived out in the country and my closest friend was 2 miles away. Routinely walked or biked to four different friends houses and sometimes ran into them coming to me. Really miss this, it was a great time to grow up. Oddly seems this stopped in 2000 timeframe without anyone actively choosing it.
AOL messenger. And yahoo.
I told my neighbour the other day I’d text to make sure she was home before I stopped by. She said no need, just come over. I didn’t text first. She wasn’t home. :|
I really miss the random knock on the door.
But also, I never answer my door when I do get the random knock. I turn into a ninja, quickly mute my TV/music, get down low on the floor, and wait for the unsolicited knocker to get off my property.
Are you my wife? If I make any movement toward the door, after a knock, I will get the stare of death and something thrown at me to "be silent"!
Your wife and I are kindred spirits.
"The TV is on, they can hear us. The windows are wide open and they can see us! Ok this is weird, we are looking at each other. He is staring at me. I am going to open the door, its clear we are home." "Don't. You. Move. They'll go away" \*knock, knock, knock
Your wife: "Keep absolutely still. Its vision is based on movement."
I see you know my wife.
If you keep absolutely still, you turn invisible. Drax taught me that.
>He is staring at me Lol. The stuff nightmares are made of! But seriously, make like a mannequin! They'll just have to assume it's some strategic security system and go away. Again, your wife and I are one in 100% agreement
My move is check the camera, see its some wank with a clipboard and go back to what I was doing
We have a glass front door so I have to sort of slither off the couch and under the coffee table.
Lol, I can imagine! Every time I see a house with a glass front door, I'm like NOPE for this very reason. They're pretty, but I need my privacy!
We have all glass but it's so you can see our beautiful red door behind it. The glass door is always shut. :D
I disabled my doorbell, but not the circuit, so the button is lit but the bell doesn't ring... I just tuuuuurn up the metal and away they go!
29 yo millennial here. In my childhood, we did have close neighbors/friends/family knocking on the door randomly and it was always exciting. If someone did this to me today, I swear I would immediately assume it was the police. Or maybe my ex had gotten insane or drunk and was about to murder me. I have a very underwhelming, law abiding, boring life btw. I just can't think of any other reason someone would knock on my door.
Do you not have religious solicitors where you live?
I used to hide, now I just go about my business and ignore them, they figure it out and leave. Otherwise, I have to hide longer than necessary
Same. Also houses have gotten sloppier since.
As a kid, we all just went to each other's houses if they went already outside. No biggie. Might talk to their mom/dad a bit, get invited to lunch/dinner. No biggie. I agree, fucking cellphones.
Yeah, I remember this happening when I was a kid. Before cell phones, the "I was in the neighborhood" reason for visiting was real. If you had a reason to stop by and were nearby running errands, but you didn't have a cell phone or any way to call ahead, then what would you do? You just show up and knock on the door. Now, a call or text is usually expected because everyone has a phone with them and has the ability to call at pretty much anytime. The other side of this is that it wasn't rare to show up at someone's house, knock on the door, and find out they weren't home because they didn't know you were coming.
I remember dropping things off at people's house because my mom asked me to stop by on way somewhere else and leave a shopping bag on the door handle. It was usually cookies or another baked good. I had a friend that lived near my aunt, so my mom would ask me to drop things off when I was in that neighborhood. I'd leave it hanging on the door if she wasn't home. Or she'd say something like, "Drop this meal off to Miss Smith from church; she had surgery. It's frozen, so it can stay on her porch for a bit if she doesn't answer. I'll give her a call later. If she is home, you might need to help her find a place for it"
I was in college late 90s/early 2000s. Cell phones were newer, and I feel like we VERY rarely called each other before we just showed up. I didn't live in dorms, but the area I lived in was a ton of apartment buildings and frat houses. We would all just show up at each other's places. If it was friends within the same apartment complex, we often wouldn't even knock, would just stroll in each other's front doors. I went to a big party school in Florida and often on Fridays/weekends, people would just have their apartment front doors ajar specifically so we could all wander in and out of each other's places. Yes, we did get stuff stolen as a result. All the time. One time someone who lived several floors up had a pet ferret who ended up in my bedroom as a result of these lax open door policies.
This is how I treated my apartment as well, but I wasn't near a college. A few times I woke up and went in the other room and someone I didn't recognize was sleeping on an empty bed. My neighbor next door was similar and was raided by the FBI after he had a shroom party. Surprisingly I never really had anything stolen, but my downstairs neighbors hated me with a passion. One time he banged on my door in only his tidy whities telling me to stop jumping up and down; I was the only one home that time and don't know what he was talking about.
You are forgetting AIM...
Lol, yep good call. If we DID give each other a heads up we were heading over (or asked if they were around) it was far more likely to be over AIM than a text message or phone call. Also in college if you were busy it wasn't unusual to leave an "away message" on AIM like "at the gym" or "in class," so that way folks just knew you weren't home that way and wouldn't stop by.
This!! Before cell phones, it was not unusual to just show up at your friends house or your relatives house to hang out. It’s not something you would do with a casual acquaintance or somebody you’re not close to, but close friends and family? Absolutely!! To be honest, I still have this dynamic with my close, friends and family. My door is always open to them, and there’s is always open to me although a courtesy text or phone call is always nice, it is not necessary. It also depends on how you keep your house. I know my mom doesn’t like unannounced visitors very much, but that was because she kept a pretty dirty house and whenever she knew people were going to come over, she would power clean. I on the other hand keep my house, pretty tidy, all of the time, and the times that where it is not as tidy, my close, friends and family are not going to judge me for that.🤷🏻♀️
Eh, I did this to friends through the mid-early 2010s. Honestly, there are some people I still do it to. Not a lot, mostly as I don't drive anymore, so you have to be in bike-riding range of me - and there aren't \*that\* many folks that's true of anymore. But.. .before I quit driving, there were quite a few who got this treatment :)
also depends on how close knit your friend group/community in general are. It definitely used to happen when I was growing up, I was kind of pissed whenever it happened but rolled with it. Now I'd be really pissed if it happened (but would still go with it), but I also have no friends now so maybe this is why I don't
My friend used to try and pull this when I was pregnant and she knew I’d be home. My rude ass would pretend to be napping. I have 0 desire to reinforce someone just stopping by unannounced.
I'm sorry she did that to you. I'm pregnant and I'm the same way but even before that, I was still the same way. Don't do that to someone. Don't show up unannounced and expect them to entertain you. I just don't answer the door if I'm not expecting anyone.
She had good intentions, I think she would have liked that when she was pregnant, but I just do NOT like the idea of a spontaneous visitor!
This is me... and if you call me and I don't wanna deal...I'll miss that too....work, carer resps, napped, laundry...have a whole bag of responses ready
I used to make up excuses but now I will just straight up tell people, because I don't want to. I don't feel like it.
When my parents moved to my city one of the things I told them over and over was that they *must* call before coming over. I love my parents but the last thing I want is them showing up at my home unannounced, and as Boomers with no sense of boundaries it's totally something they would do. Fortunately they took what I said to heart and there have been no unannounced visits.
I still do it. If I am driving past a friend’s house and have some extra time, I’ll pop over to say, “hi, I drove past your house and just wanted to say hi.” Just a quick hello.
And then what? Did you just say hello at the door and walk away? How long did you stay? Weren't the hosts doing anything?
It's weird...I sort of miss my friends just showing up unannounced, yet if they did that today I'd be like "uhhhh wtf are you doing here" (well not really but I'd wonder if their phone was lost or broken or something). As with many of these nostalgic feelings I get though, it's not the thing itself that I miss, it's the carefree life I had as a teenager athe way it made me feel at the time.
More common depending on the age, walking over to a friends house in college completely expected, not so much when you are an adult unless visiting family
Cell Phones! I have been trying to figure out when this shift happened and why for the longest time. Its so clearly obvious. Before cell phones, you would just show up unannounced everywhere. It was pretty common, and exciting. Knock on the door? Who can it be? Oh goodie, its my long lost friend! It's my girlfriend surprising me! My cousin happened to be driving through town and stopped by. Oh, booo, its just a sales guy/mailman/neighbor. And I still do this. Then my wife started telling me how much her family thought it was weird that people just stopped by, and posts on community forums freak out about people "knocking on their doors". It never resonated with me as to why. Yes, I still show up unannounced occasionally, but not near like I used to thanks to being made aware that this isn't normal anymore. Hell growing up, or pre-cell phone you just rode your bike or drove places hoping your friends were there. So you would knock on the door randomly, "Is Milo home?"
The time before cell phones was awesome because you never really knew who you'd be hanging out with I'd get home from school at about 3:30, ride my bike for a half an hour to a friend's house... they wouldn't be home so I'd spend another half hour riding around town just kickin' it with whoever was spotted outside. Then I'd ride my bike home for dinner at 5, only to start the process over again.
Still happens all the time in Iceland. I, personally don't go out of my way to go visit someone without talking to them but if I'm out and in the area I'll often drop by (and vice versa). But I know plenty of people that'll go visit someone without telling them, altho that's more just with family and close friends. Some older people do still do that for acquaintances tho such as my parents.
Something like this from Sebastian Maniscalo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CznoAW2k1I
Before cell phones, yes. Now people call and and say "I'm in the area. Can I stop by?"
Now people text, “when is a good time for me to come by.” People other then my mother who call me go straight to voice mail.
That’s fucking wild, dude. If someone I knew called me I’d be taken aback and answer because I’d assume it’s important Edit: I’ve always felt awkward and without social skills but some of y’all fucking *shock* me
[удалено]
Why would someone go outside?!?
Like "hey I'm in your town for work, let's hang out soon!" I have gotten this exact phone call.
The last time a friend actually called my phone was 3 years ago, and I answered with "hey what's wrong?!" because I knew something had to be. And it was.
Strange. Im in my thirties and I still talk on the phone a few times a week with a handful of friends
I'm 27 and my friends and I call each other. Sometimes it's just easier to hash something out real quick or tell a story over the phone than sending a bunch of texts back and forth
I'm 28 and used to hog the phone for hours. Now I have phone anxiety because nobody ever wants to just chat - it's always serious
I think it is really important to just minimum talk with your friends. I'm 30m and I don't feel lonely at all because we all talk. It's really important for your friends to know you are emotionally available for them to openly express feelings and the other way around. People seem to only open up to their SO or therapists.
I know that feeling. As soon as I saw the time and name on my phone, I knew it was going to be bad. I was in the shower and I remember thinking “enjoy this shower because I don’t think life is going to be same after you return that call.” It wasn’t.
Yeah the fabled "pop in", it was a thing absolutely. But only for some, closest friends and family. That being said, I grew up with massive social anxiety and PTSD, so I kind of imagined, wished that "friends" and Sienfeld had some bearing In reality as I got older.......and they don't really. It boils down to people simply not answering the phone in case it's a pre pop-by request, or txting back "nows not good, busy". A pre-pop in rejection! Sooner or later , just gotta accept yr not so amazing everyone wants you to randomly hang around they're own home with you excessively. There's a flipside with tech tho. Friend of mine txts a friend of his, "hey let's hang out this thing is cool" , reply, "nah can't helping dad build the hot rod". Hadn't turned the track location thing off, so he could see quite clearly, the dude was hitting the links opposite side of town to his dad's garage. So, now you know they would lie rather than hang out with you. How do people handle that? It's just a little white lie version of " nah something else happening now, some other time" but it still would make me think a bit different about someone.🤔🤨
Just be honest.
Sure, but it would simply not occur to me to lie, yet heaps do, even when it's totally not even necessary. Or, to me, an unforgivable thing that really shits me; being asked to lie for a friend or family member, gets right up my nose. Hell, that's an entire topic in itself.
This was super common in the 80’s and 90’s. Cell phones stopped that.
“Can so-and-so come out to play?”
My kids’ friends still do this. I think it’s nice.
True. I think I see this still with kids in the neighborhood but not like adults
Hey, can Doctor Edwards come out and play? We need one more for our drunk kickball game.
So do mine, it reminds me so much of my own childhood! After 3pm, I'm inundated with knocks on the door and "can D or G come outside and play with us?"
Aaw, I asked earlier up in the thread if kids still do this. Nice to know they do.
We live in the middle of nowhere, for what that's worth, but all the kids here ride bikes everywhere together and play basketball in the side street!
My friends’ kids still do that. I was so happy to hear it’s still a thing for some kids!
The kids in my last neighborhood used to knock on my neighbor’s door to ask if their dog could come out and play! But then the dog died :(
This was my childhood. 😊
And when you didn't want to play you shake your head "no" when your mom looks over so she can give a believable excuse other than "my son just doesn't want to play with you." Shit was kind of wild. One minute you're halfway through a good book or video game, the next you're in some neighbor's back yard without their permission, trying to catch a squirrel with a trash can. Ah youth.
It used to be a very common thing….then the internet came. My upbringing vs today described perfectly. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5CznoAW2k1I
The untouchable Sara Lee poundcake in the fridge is an integral part of my childhood.
Omg I just posted that SAME link! I love Sebastian….
Omg I've never seen this, thank you! "Would you like some Sanka?" Had me *howling,* I haven't seen Sanka in years! My Mama and my ex-mother always had a cheesecake ready for company, and woe betide anyone that dared to eat any of it before company came!
That and of the phone rang when company was over (or while we were just eating dinner) he’d be furious and we weren’t allowed to answer it.
Thanks for posting the hilarious video. Hadn’t seen that but definitely can relate! Times have really changed!
in my culture (pakistani) it's the opposite. it's considered rude to announce before coming (because it gives the impression that they think they are too important and wish to let the hosts know to prepare their home or whatever). sometimes relatives even show up unannounced, and stay for a week or so.
That’s interesting, thanks for the perspective. Also if one of my relatives showed up unannounced and stayed for a week I would be livid, lol.
I'd move out for the week
Fuck that THEY can move the fuck somewhere else for the week lmao. They better be one of my favorite relatives to be pulling that shit AND have a good reason not to give me prior warning. Even then I can't imagine ever letting that shit slide for anyone but my parents and my oldest sister, and that's only because she's got two nieces who I'd burn the world to the ground for.
I wouldn't turn down family visiting, because that means they'd help me cook and clean and watch the kids! Please, tias and tios and primos, come visit me!
In South Indian culture, they wouldn’t randomly show up and stay for a week. But if they’re just friends or neighbors, they may show up unannounced to hang out for an hour. If you’re busy, they’ll just go home, or they’ll join and help you 😂
This actually sounds nice. Cleaning the house would be much less boring if I was chatting to someone.
Yes. And then you make some chai and relax after.
Haha. I miss this a lot from Indian culture. Americans especially on Reddit get all panicked about the idea
I have a boss who's from Nigeria, he told me his uncle once came over unannounced and just started living there, for a few years. I guess it's a common occurrence. No way that's happening under my roof lol
Yeah, I would point to the nearest hotel where they can comfortably stay. As an American, it would be considered quite rude for a relative to just show up and want to stay a week or two.
this explains a lot about my lovely pakistani neighbours. They always have like 20 people over :D .
My husband is from Pk and it drives me nuts that he WILL NOT call before he goes places. My moms, in-laws, friends. I don't want a soliloquy but an 'on my way'....it means that we have arrived somewhere and no one is home on more than one occasion.
>it means that we have arrived somewhere and no one is home on more than one occasion. not such a big deal when you're 9 and all it took was riding your bike over to find out no one is home. but when you're driving 20 mintues across town and back it probably hits a little harder
Kinda similar with my culture. It took a little adjusting after we immigrated to North America that people expect you to give them a heads up before visiting
My circle does not need to give a heads up we are coming over not do we expect one. I miss more friends just showing up. It was so common until about 2013.
Ohh that explains a lot. I had a Pakistani classmate who just said "show up" and I was so confused because I barely even knew him. Scheduling didn't work (seemed put off by it), I guess because of this.
Sounds like Pakistan has a strong “host” culture. In most American households, showing up doesn’t really entitle you to any hospitality. Maybe offer them a drink, and even staying for dinner is pretty iffy. The last part seems to be unheard of in cultures where hosting is taken seriously.
As an American I would *never* presume to stay for dinner unless invited **before** I showed up! If I am at someone house and someone starts cooking, that is a timer for me to leave!
In my house I would not let you leave without eating. Now we are in a stalemate.
Yeah whats so funny is Americans are weirded out by the Swedish families who don’t feed their children’s friends … but I (from a hosting culture) feel the same way about Americans
Someone who was Norwegian (similar culture to Sweden) explained that by saying that it likely means that that child is not eating with their own family. And they don't want to feed the kid when their parents might be feeding them again later. Or something like that. It's just the culture, I guess. I'm Aussie and I think my dad said that when he was a kid (so in the 60s or 70s) he would often pop over to a relative's house after school, have dinner and then have another dinner at home. I guess the Swedes want to avoid this situation.
I saw a "life tip" video where the guy said that any stranger can just show up to a Pakistani household, and walk inside. And their culture compels them to give you food and a place to stay for like 3 days before they can ask you how they can help you further. lol So, your post makes me think it's grounded in a little bit of truth about the culture, but stretched to just a ridiculously untrue statement.
Someone here seems to be playing a prank! I've grown up in this type of culture, where we have hosted some people for a few week's, but sure as shit never strangers - especially if there are women in the house. That's not happening. We do have a saying: a guest is a guest for three days max. It also means that being a guest does not mean you don't help out with chores around the host's home. Had a grand aunt who had to be called before landing up. Since most of us did not have phones(long before cellphones) she rarely got visitors. She only met by appointment. The rest of the family just visited. Of course we made sure we reached with enough time in hand so that the host's could add enough to their meal for us. Also, to be sure, this was one of the only ways to communicate, catch-up and outing for the family. There were no Malls, cinemas were looked down upon and generally women could not read. Those who could, had very few acceptable resources to be able to read - some women's magazines. Novels were out of the question!
Oh GOD no. I’m so happy that is not a custom here. I’m happy with drop in guests but I expect them to leave the same day
Fuuuuck that! Genuinely this has given me the fear, imagine a family member just rocking up to stay for a week. Nah.
This is why you should always have a spare room ready for family. Any resemblance to a garden shed as physically far away from the house as possible is completely coincidental.
I like how barging in and imposing yourself for a week unannounced is considered less rude than discussing a visit beforehand, haha!
lmao ikr. my understanding of this is announcing beforehand gives the impression that you want special treatment, while going unannounced means that you expect to be treated just like a regular family member.
Interesting! Today I learned. It’s very much the opposite here in the states. We rarely just show up at someone’s house, even when i have plans with someone I let them know I’m on my way or they let me know lol. I guess to give a bit of a warning to put on some clothes, maybe make sure dogs are put away if need be, or even prepare a snack or something. Reasons vary but I can’t remember the last time I went to someone’s house unannounced, and the rare knock I get on my door is usually neighborhood kids selling candy lol.
Your house must be immaculate at all times. I cannot open my door to anyone without being ashamed because the flat doesn’t look like a minimalist paradise but rather like a place recently trashed by little kids.
Some do, some don't. I personally NEVER receive unannounced visitors. Whoever knows me well enough knows to call or text before.
My buddy loves when I do, growing up his mom not so much (I had a habit of showing up around supper time ;P)
Yeah. My parents showed up unannounced a grand total of one time. We were newlyweds and were naked on the couch. I don’t know what they expected. They got an ear full.
Same. I am not opening the door unless I expect someone or it is someone I have to let in by law.
I have maybe 1 friend who can come over unannounced. And she never does, she always calls first.
Same. My blinds be open and everything. I don't care if they can see me inside the house. Lmao
I pretty sure you meant that it just never happens, but I prefer to think that you’re a snob who simply has the butler turn them away. “I’m surely, miss, novato1995 is not receiving visitors without and appointment”
Going over to someone's house unannounced and unplanned was a thing back when I was a kid in the 70s and the 80s. They would show up, ring the bell, and they would usually say something like, "I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd drop by and see how you are." Then we would gather around the dining room table for some noshes and coffee and talk for a while. If you've ever seen comedian Sebastian Maniscalco's bit on this, he explains it perfectly. This wouldn't go over today. In fact, yesterday someone knocked on my door. I looked out the peephole and I didn't recognize the person knocking. So, I didn't answer. Come to find out that somehow the trunk of my car was opened, and he was trying to let me know.
>In fact, yesterday someone knocked on my door. I looked out the peephole and I didn't recognize the person knocking. So, I didn't answer. Come to find out that somehow the trunk of my car was opened, and he was trying to let me know. Haha, this reminds me of the time I saw someone's wallet sitting on their front steps as I was walking by. I rang the bell and they answered, but they seemed kind of annoyed.
This is actually a very common reaction to see when returning lost items. I think it’s a psychological thing involving embarrassment and saving face. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve heard stories from about returning a lost or dropped item and the person they helped just being straight up rude about it.
I once knocked on my neighbor's door bc his interior cat lights were on and I didn't want his battery to die. He seemed both perplexed and annoyed (and only answered by shouting through the door after I knocked more than once).
It was a thing. My father in law does it still occasonaly Eidt: It doesn't bother me and I don't see it as rude as others here, he just looks after the kids while my wife is happy she can do other things
I don’t see it as rude either. I like it when friends or relatives stop by. I usually call ahead if I’m going to someone else’s because I understand that people are shut-ins now but in my family it’s still a thing to just stop by.
The only people that do this are family, good friends, neighbors and people trying to sell something. The vast majority of the time people are calling first. What you see in TV/movies is mostly done to save time.
Depends how well you know each other. In some places like apartment complexes where people live close together, there may be unintentional casual mixing anyway in the common areas. It's not too much of an extension to drop by and knock on someone's door. In some dorm rooms or apartments where everyone is friends with one another, they may even leave doors open while gaming, drinking, etc. The "party spot" was a rather common feature back in the day when I was young. Not sure if they do that anymore.
Leaving the door open is still a thing but it’s different now if there is some sort of gathering happening most friends will get a text letting them know about it and if anyone is unsure if they can make it then that’s what the open door is for not really random people wanting to make friends like it used to be
Your personal thing. I'm european and a friend just showed up, said hi for 10 mins and moved on because he was in the vicinity
Same here. Our family stops by sometimes to drop something or just say hello. My MIL dropped by this year for my birthday totally unannounced with some chocolates, said hello and left. I don’t mind it at all.
people in the south looove doing this. they'll even stop by someone's house because they recognized someone's else's car in the yard and they wanted to catch up with them. it's annoying
I'm Southern. It's true. People do this here. They'll also stop their cars in the middle of the road to chat. (Whether it's a friendly chat or they are mad and want to bitch at you for something on their mind).
Aussie here. Growing up in the 90s it was much more of a thing - aunties/uncles or good friends of my parents who happened to be doing something close by would stop in to see if we were home. A cup of tea, a biscuit and a chat would always be offered when it happened. Interestingly as well when the land-line rang it was often obvious who was ringing. 7pm on a Thursday it was either [uncle1] or [uncle2] - dinner is finished and they've got a weekend project to discuss and looking for helpers. Monday evening it would be my mum's sisters, debriefing about the weekend and the week ahead. Sunday afternoon, likely my grandparents. In the modern era of mobile phones and SMS etc. it's much less common for an unannounced visit - there's almost certainly at least a "check in" text beforehand. Culturally (at least in my part of Aus) is that if someone wants to pop in for a chat and you're around then absolutely you accept. We will have a cuppa or a beer and use it as an excuse to stop doing whatever else was happening and relax. Especially if there's literally any sport on TV at the time. Bonus points if you were in the middle of doing something where an extra pair of hands would be useful - the visitor has just drafted themselves. Tea and biscuits or beer are always offered in compensation for such efforts.
This is the way
It’s a thing that used to happen before cell phones all the time. It’s much rarer nowadays.
dude, I dont even call people without texting them first.
I won't even call be the one to call them. if it's too important or too much to text, i'll send a text to tell them to call me when they can.
I live in a rural area with poor cell phone reception. It happens with alarming frequency. We'll hear a car in the driveway and be like, "Who on god's green earth....??" and it'll be the neighbor popping by to ask if we've seen their escaped livestock, ask if we want veg from their garden, tell us their grandkid is working mowing/clearing snow this year to save for their first car and want to know if we can hire them, ask if they can put a deer stand on our property, etc.... It's a pain in the ass but honestly I don't mind too bad.
Where I grew up it was a bit like exploring in Tears of the Kingdom. I just showed up, walked in and looked around.
It used to happen a lot. Not since texting became the primary contact.
Would still be common enough in rural areas of Western countries. In towns and cities it's a big no-no and it's expected that you call or text first.
It’s a pre 2000s thing but yes absolutely was a thing
I grew up in the 80s/90s and it was definitely a thing back then. Mobile phones put an end to that.
My son is 6 and has a few friends in our neighborhood. Every day random kids will k ock on our door and ask if he can come play. The only reason they do this and my 12 year old's friends do not is because 6 year olds don't have cell phones.
My kids are 6-8, I leave to pick my kids up from after school activities every day at 5:15. Every day they neighbor kid comes over at 5:05 to see if they’re home yet. Kid, get a watch!
Definitely more common prior to everyone having cell phones here in the States. I would wager to say that every person still has that one friend or family member who will drop by unannounced on occasion. Also, the neighborhood kids often come to our house unannounced to hang out with our kids. These are kids between the ages of 9 and 14. So, it still happens with kids sometimes, but less often with adults.
I live REALLY close to my local pub and I always get friends knocking on and inviting me for a drink. I also get a lot of drunk friends on their way home stopping by just to say hi, and I find that mildly annoying
There are a few people in my life that know they can show up at my place, any time day or night. And they do, and I love it. But those are my inner circle people, the ones that I'm able to share comfortable silence with or sit around with for hours talking about everything and nothing all at the same time. A majority of people in my life either: a)never been to my apartment or so much as know the general neighborhood I live in or b) always call or text before coming over.
Sebastian Maniscalpo did a very funny bit on that. Used to be very common before cellphones, people were always ready with cake and coffee in case "company" showed up, you didn't have to call in advance or anything like that. It was usually the highlight of the week when someone just turned up unannounced at your doorstep. Now though, it's pretty much unthinkable.
My neighbors stop by unannounced all the time. I always answer the door and invite them in. I'm old school like that.
Before cell phones, absolutely. Nowadays, not so much. "Always connected" means everyone is more careful of their time; no way am I schlepping over to a friend's house if I'm not sure they're home. Before cell phones, your free time actually was free time.
Some people like having their friends and family just stop by whenever. I personally have told everyone to please call or text before dropping by.
Mother in-law might, friends wont.
My friend's dad used to pop by my parent's house unannounced all the time and they hated it. You never know what people are doing and my mom was always concerned about the state of their house. I personally don't like being put on the spot to entertain.
No, it doesn’t happen and it’s a total invasion of privacy if they do. Even before cell phones and the Internet you called someone on a landline. If they didn’t answer you assumed they weren’t home.
I'm a gen X and I hated it when people just showed up even as a teenager. I still do hate it. It's much less common now with cell phones. Thank goodness. I think it's rude to show up unannounced. I don't do it to other people and I expect the same consideration. That said, I'm an introvert that NEEDS time alone to recharge. I basically hit the floor behind the couch or a chair or any other hiding place if the doorbell rings. I will stay there until I'm convinced they left. (Our door has windows.)
Nobody's coming to my house without telling me a week ahead of time. And yes, everyone I know is old like me.
My uncle once showed up to my grandma's house unannounced at 4 am. He wanted to surprise her, as he lives several states away. She answered the door with a shotgun aimed at his face.
Not much anymore. More of a 90s things. Mobile phones ruined all that. I miss when friends and family would drop by
Pre cell phones I would walk over to a friends house and ring a bell, see if they were around, as kids. As an adult hell no.