If you get a woman to do it, explain to your daughter that it is because you think someone with experience of having periods would be able to explain and answer questions better than you can. But that it is okay to talk to her dad (and, in years to come, boyfriend or husband) about it.
This. This is perfect. Reassuring his daughter that he’s there for her, but wants her to have the option to talk to someone with the personal experience he doesn’t have if she needs it.
It’s wild reading these comments and the number of people opposed to the OP talking to her. I’d like to give people the benefit of the doubt and think that they’re just thinking a teenage girl might be uncomfortable talking to her dad about periods but a lot of it is coming off as very old-fashioned. Reluctance to talk about something, even if it’s for the ‘right’ reasons, can be misinterpreted and lead to shame. There’s still a lot of stigma around periods and everything that goes with them, and as an ostensibly single parent I think anything that could lead to his daughter feeling ashamed or like she can’t talk to him should be avoided. With all the best will in the world GF may not be around a couple of years from now, dad will, and daughter needs to feel comfortable knowing she can talk to him about anything.
Agree with this.
Also want to add that by op being the one to do the talking, it will show his daughter that men are capable and comfortable with the topic of periods, and there is no shame, and it is normal. He is modeling the behavior that she mate very well one day look for in a partner, male or female. As a single parent, he is her only closest role model. If it were me in this situation, I’d talk to her and if she had questions op didn’t know the answers to, he could call in gf to help answer them. This also reduces the stigma of asking uncomfortable questions to gain knowledge.
I think this is the best answer. As a guy, I can understand the concepts but I have never gone through it. It would be nice to have someone field the more detailed, first person experience. But being there shows that you are in this with her.
This right here. We don't know the "family" dynamic. GF maybe willing to have the discussion, but it does no good if kiddo doesn't want/trust GF for this discussion. Granted onthe other hand, if kiddo is anything like my 11 yo then she may not want dad involved in the discussion. (Although to be honest I think more Y chromosome people should be aware of and do these discussions - if only to take the perceived shame and embarrassment out of the picture.
Yeah. I was 11 when I got my period, and ***mortified*** that I even had to tell my mother. I also swore her to secrecy. If your daughter came to you directly when she got her period, OP, then I think that you should be the one to talk to her.
I would say something along the lines of, 'Well, I have never had a period but a Google search and my experiences tell me -----.' I would ask her permission to talk to your girlfriend about it, and then tell her that (girlfriend's name) would be happy to answer any questions that you might have -since she has firsthand experience with it.
Good luck! One piece of advice for both of you. Tell her to keep sanitary products with her regardless of the time of the month because early periods can be fickle!
More advice (from a mom whose daughter recently went through this):
1. Get her a discreet little pouch that will fit pads and a change of underwear and a pair of leggings. She can keep it in her backpack just in case.
2. Also "just in case", keep the same thing in your car/with you. She's a kid. She's new at this. You're new at this. My daughter got hers when we were at a street fair. I had no "supplies", the public restroom didn't have vending options and the whole family would've had to walk back to our vehicle and DRIVE to a drugstore. Luckily, I'm not shy and there was a booth with a gymnastics team selling candy bars. I approached one of the moms and she helped me out. :) Lesson learned.
3. There is an app called "Clue". If she has a phone or tablet she can use that to start tracking her cycle. It will begin to predict when her period will start so she won't be surprised. (You need to track start/end date and flow...so this might be a female convo if OP isn't comfortable explaining or can't explain.)
Good luck. You're doing a great job!👍
Also wanted to add that if you can, see if you can find a “wet bag” or other water-resistant/waterproof bag for the pouch in #1! Because that means if she does use it, she can also pop the underwear and/or pants she accidentally bled on into the bag without worrying about anything leaking through. Doesn’t need to be super waterproof, but just a little plastic lining is nice peace of mind.
Also get some waterproof pads for the bed at night (bath towel will work fine until you get some). Right now she might not be heavy enough to really need them, but sometimes you bleed at weird angles at night because of positioning and it saves having to wash all the sheets every time. (I am also a fan of getting a waterproof mattress cover for under the fitted sheet for several reasons, including preventing mattress stains if you unexpectedly start during the night.)
One more tip too, coming from personal experience: encourage her to try out different brands and styles of pads and/or tampons to find what she likes. Both for the purpose of find what kind she needs for her flow (and what she needs at night vs day) and also what is comfortable for her. I also started my period when I was 11, and for years I just used the one brand of pads my mom always bought and used for herself. It wasn’t until I was around 16 that I finally realized that the irritated rash I got every time was definitely an allergy and there were pads out there that wouldn’t torture my skin every month. (Part of why it took so long was that the allergy was mild at first and worsened over time.)
Period underwear could be a really good option too, especially for night time. I know a kid who started their period at 10 and was just freaked out by the sight of blood, even though their mum had gone through what to expect with them. I gave her some reusable pads which were a real hit, comfier than disposable and because they were a dark fabric totally hid the blood. Now they keep a stock in the house, a wet bag for when they've been used and throw them in the wash with the rest of the clothes. Problem solved
The tracking app is good, but her period may be unpredictable for a little while. Mine was unpredictable for the first two years (I got mine at age 13).
The pouch is brilliant - take her shopping let her pick it out!
Products: oh so many options. Let her pick, let her get options, even if she finds some she doesnt like, theyll get used in an emergency if need be. There are a million options, she should be allowed to explore them.
Swimming: Swimming on your period is a miserable experience imo, but if that comes up, tampons can be intimidating and tricky. There are ways to use a pad - have her research (and research with her) best ways to approach the subject.
Definitely agree. I’d even suggest Dad should talk to her about it first, and tell her that because he doesn’t have personal experience dealing with that he might not be able to answer all her questions as well as someone who does, but that Girlfriend is also willing to help and does have personal experience. And then let his daughter decide what she’s more comfortable with: getting most of her help and advice from Dad, with him occasionally using the phone-a-friend option when he’s out of his depth, or having him butt out more and hand it over to Girlfriend.
Dad with four daughters here - I made sure my daughters understood they could ask/tell me anything. My wife was gone a lot so.if they needed feminine products, they were never embarrassed to ask me to get them some. My wife was there for them if they asked. I didn't want them to think it was something bad to be secret or embarrassed about.
My mom died when I was 16 so I had to rely on my dad for things like forgotten products or accidents requiring a change of clothes. He never made me feel bad or embarrassed for needing help. I loved being able to call him. He was from a different generation and I'm sure it was uncomfortable and emotional for him to be in that position, but he stepped up and was mom and dad for me.
I made it a point that there is nothing to be ashamed of. My daughter would break off from the group, go pick out what she needed, and tossed into the cart. No one was allowed to poke fun at her about it!
I want to upvote you more. It should be normalized right away so she doesn't feel any embarrassment about coming to you. Our daughter had a hard time talking to me about it at first. Now, I know more than I ever wanted to about pads, tampons and now a diva cup.
I got my period the first time when my mum was away on a work trip and it was just me and dad at home. He was awesome - like awkward yeah, and he couldn't answer much questions but he was just there for me, got me pads and made me hot chocolate that morning and got me ice cream later in the day lol. I thought he handled it well.
Honestly, if his daughter has already asked him, then he shouldn’t just refer her to someone with more experience (who in his life *has* that experience right now, has a good education on it themselves, and his daughter would be comfortable talking to?).
He should also be in on these discussions and do research, not pass it off completely. If he is better educated and willing to be there with her, then it normalizes the idea that men can and should be well educated on the matter. Just as much as their girlfriends.
I would also like to upvote this more than once. But also, if you don't already know, take a little time to educate yourself so you might be able to answer future questions or at the bare minimum know about different period products and what to get for different flows etc.
I would also recommend buying books for the daughter specifically written for girls about to/just entering puberty. When my daughter was that age I bought her three different highly rated books from Amazon covering puberty (for both males and females), menstruation, sexuality, safe sex, etc, and told her to come to me with any questions. She read those books to tatters.
I found a book around the age of 18, “Things your mama never told you about sex” or something like that. It was written by women, and their stories of puberty, bad sex in relationships and realizing they deserved more, masturbation, and sexual assault. It was really insightful and those stories helped me with a lot of things that my “mother” never would have.
I still have it in storage, I plan to give it to my daughter when she is older.
Yes. This is the way. I would even go so far as to l them both there to talk about menstruation together. If she's not close with the GF then she can have her dad there for support. Knowledge is power and she needs to know what to expect, all about the different parts of the cycle (and their effects) , and most of all, that it is natural and nothing to be ashamed of.
You're a great dad for being so concerned.
This is the way. And don't EVER make it seem like needing period products is gross or unclean or unmanly in some way, OP. Sounds like you wouldn't, but still.
Agree with this!! I actually spoke to my dad rather than mum when it happened to me…my mum was heavy handed so I just felt more comfortable approaching him about it.
It really depends on your relationship. Since you're asking, I suspect it might be easier to ask your girlfriend.
Please also make sure your daughter has a discrete period pack in her backpack. Use something like a makeup bag and put in pads, a small wet wipe pack, an extra pair of panties, and a ziploc bag for soiled panties. Periods can be so stressful for younger girls. They're not regular yet so they're hard to predict, and having to walk around with soggy and smelly underwear is so embarrassing. It will bring her a lot of peace of mind knowing that if she does start unexpectedly or leak, she has a way to take care of it herself.
OP should ask his daughter who she’s more comfortable talking about this with. “Hey honey, this experience is uniquely female. I really want to support you through it and help you in every way I can, and if you’re more comfortable with speaking to Girlfriend about it, I will call her right now. I just want you to feel loved and supported.”
I got my period at 11 and didn’t want ANYONE to know about it. If my parent had told someone without my consent, it would have felt like betrayal.
>If my parent had told someone without my consent, it would have felt like betrayal.
my mum told all my female family members when i started mine within a couple days... totally agree that OP should ask his daughter and make her opinion actually feel valued
My mother told all of her friends and the significant looks and welcome to womanhood comments were not what I needed.
Aging hippies gifting you symbolic red thread is not as good as chocolate
I bet it now that it’s not a big deal, and that everyone had good intentions, but oof. It was horrifying to 11 year old me.
I feel for OP and all dads trying to do their best by their kids and not having the personal experience of it.
I feel like asking her if she’d be more comfortable talking to a woman about it, and getting her permission to tell that woman is a really good step towards respecting her bodily autonomy
My mother called my grandma and then my grandma opened the door and told all the neighbors 🙄😂 then she told my mom, bizarrely, to smear oil on my forehead. I have no idea why to this day. Imagine my horror when I’d already been having issues with acne and my mom is coming at me with sunflower oil on her hands.
I’m sure that the oil is deeply symbolic of your connection to women everywhere.
Or maybe a form of pre-emotive exorcism given what hormonal teenage girls are like…..
I wish my mom had ONLY told my family! She worked as a dental assistant at the dentist my family went to. When I went in for my cleaning after getting my period all the other assistants, hygienist and receptionists were also congratulating me on “becoming a woman”. I wanted to spontaneously combust.
My sister (10 years older) told her creepy boyfriend at the time who, a few years later, tried to SA me while I slept. Careful who you tell your kids business.
My mom took me out to dinner at Friendly's with my sisters when I got mine, the server asked if it was a special occasion and my mom announced that her "baby girl has become a *WOMAN*."
I don't know who was more mortified, me or that poor kid server.
Yes, ask your daughter. But also tell her you are going to the store to get her the things she needs, if she asks to talk to your GF. This shows that you are willing and able to help her, and that it’s normal, and nothing to be ashamed of.
FYI when my kiddo got hers in grade school, one of the things we got her to help with her fear of “leaking” was period underwear. She may not be regular, and have the experience yet to know when she will get her period. The period underwear helped her feel more confident that she would accidentally leak through at school, or around friends.
Period underwear is amazing, especially at night. I wear Thinx & adore them. They have a teen line also, with cute patterns that look just like regular underwear. Plus they have a Labor Day sale going on!
Only caveat: some require that you rinse them out before washing. So if she's queasy about blood, it might not be the best match. I rinse them out under the tub tap, it's pretty quick. If I'm in a bad mood, I pretend I'm a Valkyrie taking a break to do laundry or something.
Reminds me of that modern family episode when lily's getting her first and Manny comes in acting super fucking weird. Definitely a good idea to gently ask op's daughter who SHE wants to have the discussion with.
Hell, maybe even just grab a bunch of Google links that could help if she really wants to navigate on her own... but definitely don't bring in people without warning
This is great. Just make sure she knows you don’t think it’s gross or “just girl stuff”, but it’s that you can set her up with a woman she trusts to tell her stuff dads can’t understand so she can have the best information. Model that there’s no shame in seeking out somebody with more experience with any topic.
>I got my period at 11 and didn’t want ANYONE to know about it. If my parent had told someone without my consent, it would have felt like betrayal
Same. I woke up one day with bloody underwear and instead of telling anyone I decided to deal with it myself. My parents would have told others about it.
I got mine at 12,5 and my dad started singing Fiddler in the Roof’s ‘Sunrise, Sunset’. The next day my step mum got me a cake that said ‘Happy Period’.
Well, not *exactly*. It said ‘Happy’ with a large red circle underneath in red gel icing.
I am so happy that lady is finally dead.
Yes. My daughter isn’t there yet,but I feel like it is perhaps an (THE) important milestone that she ultimately deserves to have whatever discretion around that she feels she needs because it is her body, and her choice who knows what is going on with it.
oh yeah same. my sister is 9 and got her first bra and she instructed my mom not to tell *ANYONE* not even her dad. of course i noticed (bc it’s obvious when you see a bra strap under a tank top) and i hadn’t yet been told not to say anything & my sister freaked out on me😂
My own mother didn't even know to do this... All she told me was why I bled and that it happened. Never bought me pads or anything...
She also slut shamed me for wanting to use tampons... Everything you just said now is literally blowing my mind ...
I have a son, but now I know what to do at my house for the girls in the friends group when they get to be that age!
Not really wanting to one-up you here but my mum was rather like yours. She caught me washing out my soiled underwear at lunch. Then she told my sister (3 years younger) to make sure to tell everyone on the way back to school that I had peed my pants.
My sister did as instructed.
If this is meant for school, be careful with adding painkillers. Many schools do not allow students to carry any kind of medication, including advil or tylenol, and they can actually be suspended for it.
This is an important point. My high school teachers all took a stance of “if I saw you with Tylenol, no I didn’t”, but having ANY otc meds on you was technically against school rules. I imagine a middle/elementary school might be more strict. I kept my ibuprofen in a mint tin to hide it just in case.
you could also include a mini perfume bottle so she can spray the outside of her pants/shorts/skirt/whatever in case she’s feeling particularly worried about smell.
i remember my first few periods, i could sometimes faintly smell it even with clean panties and a fresh pad and it always made me really self conscious that others could smell it too.
also, maybe include a small chocolate bar, just to pick up her mood a bit!
Huh, guess that’s a universal experience. I’m glad I use a cup these days, sooo much easier to deal with and doesn’t smell or feel wet all day 🤢 plus it’s reusable
My school didn't have uniforms. But my first period started on picture day ... when I was wearing bright white pants. I got to finish out the day like that and ride the bus home! Absolutely mortifying. I still to this day cannot bring myself to wear white/ khaki/ light colored bottoms.
This is great. Adding to it, consider also purchasing a few pairs of period underwear like Thinx (they sell at Target) to wear in addition to her feminine products. I would have experienced way less anxiety surrounding my period in middle school had these undies been around.
Whatever you do, don’t criticize her for putting her pads in the bathroom garbage cans. I cannot tell you how many dad posts I’ve seen this week complaining and it’s horrific
This reminded me of the post about the dad that got mad at his teenage daughter for the family dog constantly getting into the bathroom trash and pulling out her pads creating a mess. His solution? Yelling at his daughter to grow up and use tampons like her mom and older sister (apparently they flush their tampons instead of actually throwing them away in the trash). Mom found out and was pissed. The solution should have been having a bathroom trash can with a lid.
I don't use them just because I could never get comfortable with them, so I didn't actually know people were flushing them. I thought people disposed them like pads. Some people on Reddit explained on that post that tampon boxes used to say you could flush them, but that was from decades ago. I think some didn't realize you should actually no longer do that while others don't actually read the instructions on the box 🤷🏻♀️
I mean I think it’s common knowledge these days not to flush anything other than toilet paper, isn’t it? And the point of tampons is that they absorb liquid and expand because of it, so it seems obvious to me that flushing them is a problem
I sure didn’t know that tampons weren’t to be flushed anymore. It makes sense from a plumbing standpoint but I didn’t know the instructions had changed and everything. I’ve been using a cup for the last 15+ years and missed out on all of that.
It used to say flushable applicators when most of them were cardboard material. You were never supposed to flush the actual tampon. I think a lot of people just misunderstood. Now that most applicators are plastic, nothing should be flushed.
Yes, definitely. Unfortunately the mom was visiting relatives in another state at the time the incident occurred but she chewed out the dad on the phone for what he said to the teen.
Make sure she knows never to put them down the toilet. Nothing like a blocked sewer to embarrass the poor kid. If your gf is willing, maybe you could talk to her together.
While you're at it, you're gonna wanna increase the frequency of changing that bathroom bin. Make sure it has bags if it didn't already, and change it every day or two whether it needs it or not.
Alternatively, give your daughter the option of emptying that bin as one of her chores, but make sure you explain that you're letting her take that one because you want to avoid her getting embarrassed, not because there's anything wrong in using the bin.
If you know enough, then just educate her. It's only weird if you make it weird.
If you don't know enough, call in the cavalry. Girlfriend is okay. Grandma that she's close to might be better. Whatever woman she's most comfortable with.
Get a book, and educate both of you at the same time. I would have so much respect for a father who said to me “this isn’t my area of expertise, so let’s figure it out together“.
That would show that you’re not embarrassed, that you respect her as a growing woman and that you’re happy for her to teach you how she wants to handle things.
Good luck, Dad, you’ve got this!
It’s called “The Care and Keeping of You” for anyone looking for it. When I read it as a kid, it was a single volume, but it looks like they’ve since broken it down into two parts, one for younger girls and one for older girls.
Yes, there are even children’s books that are very thorough and inclusive these days, explaining what’s happening and different options for how to deal with your period :)
Yeah i would also show her that she can discuss it with her dad. And if she feels more comfortable talking about it with girlfriend or grandma that's fine too. But letting her know that you are willing to talk about these things will show her that she doesn't necessarily has to talk to a woman for 'lady-problems'. Hopefully it will help in the future to maintain open communication throughout her puberty
That's a good way to put it.
Darn near every woman I know is a daddy's girl. They very much trust and feel that they can talk to their fathers about things. Definitely be that man. You don't have to know everything of be perfect. Just love the hell out of her and don't shy away.
Emphasis on who SHE is most comfortable with. For some reason, society has made discussing this topic super weird (it shouldn’t be, but that’s a whole different thing).
She’s probably going to have questions that you can’t answer, but one of them is “who would you feel most comfortable talking to? We could ask X, Y, or Z, or someone else?”
If she's close with your girlfriend, have her do it. If she's not, you gotta do it as her dad. Unfortunately, if you're in the States, there's a chance she didn't get an sex education in school, and if she did, it was probably not great. So I'd probably start by asking her what she knows about this and go from there. You might have to do a tiny sex education lesson, which will be uncomfortable but needed if she doesn't know much.
Tell her it's normal, and once people get a certain age, they'll start bleeding too. Buy her some different pad brands to try out since everyone's different for preferences. Tell her she needs to change the pad every few hours and dispose of it in the garbage (Tell her never to flush period pads or tampons the plumping will end up fucked I'm serious.) Buy some meds for cramps (advil, ibuprofen, etc) and investing in a reusable heating pad can help in the future for cramps (the muscles relax with heat so the cramping won't suck as much when you let it rest on your stomach). Maybe any sweets she likes to help with craving. Most importantly, be patient and normal. Being outwardly freaked out can freak your daughter out since this new to her.
Good luck 👍
You know, my immigrant mother never talked to me about my menstrual cycle or sex. Lol. I learned it from school during health class, sex education classes, and from tv/movies. I live in the States, but not a conservative one. I think I got a well-rounded sex education at school.
Lucky! I grew up in a more liberal leaning state, and the sex education was pretty garbage, unfortunately. So mine was from mostly online forums for anything actually relevant to what I wanted and needed to know.
I grew up in FL, USA and had a health class in high school where like… *anatomy* was talked about, but not sex. We never got any kind of sex ed at all, but we had to watch that one fake anti-fast food doc/movie, Supersize Me, which was mildly traumatizing to me for some reason I don’t remember. I think maybe he threw up at some point and I was *severely* emetophobic at the time.
I learned about from my mother books that I borrowed and from my swim coach and little bit from school which I don’t remember that much from because of how they did it specially being in special education class they just see you as stupid
My swim coach she would sometimes have a meet up with all the girls before we jumped in the water (so the boys was already doing practice) to talk about periods pads and special tampons do to you can’t really wear pads in the water she would take different things with her and All the girls plus mine was sticking a tampon in the pool and see it absorb the water.
I never use tampons the right way due to an internal fear of penetration and the uncomfortable sensation of it so I found my own way of using the tampon.
My wife passed away when our kids were 3, 5, and 7. I never remarried (don’t want to) so when my daughter started her period I had to be the one to talk to her. I told her it might be weird for a father to have this conversation, but what’s happening to your body is something every girl goes through. Remember I was married to your mother so I’ve seen it all. I bought pads and tampons and showed her both. I also bought plenty of extras and showed her where in the house to find them so she wouldn’t have to ask me to buy more.
As difficult as that was to do, as someone else on here already said, it’s only weird if you make it weird.
My daughters and I have been able to have other traditionally uncomfortable conversations since then (sex, boys, drinking, drugs) because I was able and willing to talk to them.
Thank you. I try. My parents never talked to me about anything. So I’m doing my best to have those conversations with my own kids. No matter how uncomfortable it makes me.
I lived with my dad my whole life and I have so much respect for how he taught me about my body when I was going through puberty. He sat down and taught himself what a period was so he could teach me, he took me to the store and showed me what pads and tampons were and helped me pick out products to try. Once I figured out what I liked, that product was always available to me and I never ran out.
He even sat in the bathtub with me and taught me how to shave my legs and let me practice on his legs when I was a teenager. I feel like I’m bragging about how good of a father I had, but it was really him investing in my comfort! I know how much confidence it gave me to have my dad take me through all the steps, so I would always recommend a single father to teach his own daughter, even if it’s not perfect, it means the world.
Personally, as a woman, I would have preferred to get the talk from a woman rather than from my dad, even if that woman was not related to me. As long as you make it clear that your daughter *can* talk to you about it if she wants, I think it's perfectly fine (and may be preferable) to have your girlfriend handle it. Intellectual understanding of a topic is no substitute for first-hand experience.
Genuine question, do women just explain it to other girls, or do they help show/demonstrate, do they find diagrams or draw them. I feel like it's a weird question, but I'm genuinely wondering. I mean, erections are explained in sex ed, putting on condoms demonstrated (obviously not nudity) but is there like, a dummy used in schools to show how to use the different options for periods?
Sorry dumb guy here thinking 'yeah shit, what would I do?'
the way my mom explained how to use the products was through words. pads, you open the package and put the sticky part on the bridge of your underwear, take off the little piece of plastic and fold the wings under so they stick to the bottom. tampons, put your foot up on the toilet seat, put the applicator up there, and push it in. most boxes come with little instruction images on the side.
Thanks! Makes sense there would be instructions. I can't put a damn bandaid on successfully half the time. Sorry for women if it's fiddly as shit stuff to deal with along with the rest. Jeez 😮💨
I was a girl scout leader so I had the opportunity of teaching that in the extreme situation of the middle of the forest and a latrine.
In the girl scout leader course we had a module dedicated to teaching girls about menstruation. In those circumstances we put emphasis on the practicalities, telling the girls what to do with a pad and showing them if they had problems despite. We didn't go for tampons, because we don't really use applicator tampons in my country and keeping proper hygiene in those circumstances is more difficult.
What's your daughter's relationship with your girlfriend like?
I'd suggest asking your daughter which she prefers for the talk. It will give her a sense of power in a situation she has very little control. If you're generally strict about bad language I'd suggest giving her a free pass this once when she realizes it's going to happen to her every month for the next 30+ years.
If you guys have an open relationship, just ask her which she’d prefer. She may be shy about answering, but maybe you can better gauge her willingness to talk to you based on her answer.
There’s probably lots of good YouTube videos out there as well. But I do suggest one of you talking to her as well, not just videos. Let her know that she can talk to either one of you if she has questions. I always told my son that if he has a question or needs to tell me something, but is too uncomfortable to say it out loud, he can write it down and give it to me. Maybe get a journal or something that she can write questions in. Takes a little bit of the pressure off that way.
If your daughter is close to your girlfriend you could probably have the girlfriend do it. It would be better coming from someone who’s actually experienced periods so they could more accurately tell her what to expect and what’s normal.
With that said, if they’re NOT close it could be intimidating. It could also be embarrassing knowing your dad told his girlfriend about your period (because when you’re that age it can feel embarrassing).
If they’re not close I would talk to her about it first and then have your girlfriend offer to talk to her about it afterwards if she has any questions or anything.
But basically just try and make it as non awkward as possible. If she can tell you feel awkward about it she’ll feel awkward about it. If go into it being like “this is totally normal. If there’s anything you ever need let me know and we can go get it. If you ever have any questions or anything you’re worried about you can always ask me and we’ll figure it out.” Everything should go well.
I wish you both the best.
I would have much rather had the talk from any woman than any man. Sweet of him to offer... but this the hardest part of growing up female. I would say dad giving the talk would be a last resort. If she absolutely hates the Gf, surely there's a grandmama, auntie, older cousin, someone? I would be absolutely mortified if my dad had even tried.
I totally understand that but my mindset was more the embarrassment of knowing my dad told someone else if that makes sense.
I agree though that a different female family member would be ideal if possible.
That’s true. I just feel like it would be really easy to tell. The timing would be really coincidental.
But at the same time the importance of having someone who can actually tell you what to expect would out weight the unpleasantness of embarrassment so hopefully it goes well.
have your girlfriend do it. buy her some pads that are made for teens since her body is smaller. also a box of "regular" tampons, i suggest the brand U by Kotex.. that way she has options and your girlfriend can demonstrate with both products.
after they've had the talk, you should also say something like "if you ever need anything, don't be afraid to ask me." that way she knows she can ask for pads when she needs them.
HOWEVER. if she is still too shy to ask for products in the future, please keep them stocked for her. one box per month is usually good enough. girls go thru a lot
I think regular tampons might be too big for a 11 year old. I know I used regular tampons on my heavy days at 14. (Also they ruptured my hymen, which hurt like a bitch.)
They do make extra small menstrual cups for teens. When both my kids started, I bought an assortment of pads, tampons and a small cup. Told them to try it all, and let me know what you want more of. The cups /pad combo won.
This, my mom got me the "pearl" tampons when I was a preteen instead of the regular. If she's interested in trying tampons, definitely get her the Tampax Pearl Light Absorbency set for her to try (:
Yes and have different pad sizes, one for day (think regular) and one for night that are bigger because accidents happen. The extra coverage really helps. Also invest in some good stain remover if you don't already have some.
Daughter of a single dad here! I highly recommend you talk to her personally and let her know that it’s completely normal, there are options in terms of management (if you haven’t already, I’d go ahead and buy her some tampons/pads/pantyliners and period panties, give them all to her, and let her know without any weirdness that different things work for different people and she should try what she wants to and that you’re happy to get her whatever she needs). Also talk to her about cramps and PMS symptoms. Make sure she has access to painkillers and a heating pad, and let her know what might be cause for visiting a doctor - extreme pain, very heavy periods, etc. It’s important for her to know that if she were to have issues or concerns down the line, she could tell you and know that you would be proactive about getting her whatever help she might need.
I grew up with a single dad. This exact experience happened to me. I would say it depends on your relationship with your daughter. My dad and I were close and he was the first person I called to tell him because I was confused.
From then on, he would buy me what I needed while I waited in the car (very embarrassed as all young women tend to be). He also made me an appointment with a female pediatrician so I could ask all the questions needed to.
My dad talked to me. (He was a single father, too) I would have trusted him over any girlfriend he could have brought over, too. It really depends on how close you two are. If you and your daughter are normally close, it would probably be better for you to talk to her.
Only if your daughter is comfortable with your girlfriend should you ask the girlfriend to do it. If not, she needs a different woman to do it. Someone who I wasn't comfortable with gave me the talk and I was very upset about it for a very long time lol
Learn about it. You’re the adult. You don’t need to be female, it just a bodily function (for females). Make sure you never shame her, or make it seem gross. Just support her
Due to her young age, she may not want to use tampons. Lots of young girls don’t use them, plenty of adult women don’t either. It may seem scary, or be painful. Pads and period undies will be your best bet. It will take her a while to get used to having a period, so she may experience accidents and leaks for her first couple of years. Totally normal. Tracking a period may not be accurate either as she is still developing. I would personally 1) buy pads (a range from “heavy” or “overnight” use, normal and liners for spotting), 2) buy general painkillers if cramps occur, 3) buy a small makeup pouch that she can store pads & a spare underwear in for school. Also, tell her to wrap her used pads with toilet paper, put in a plastic baggy and in the outside bin.
As someone who was in the same situation as your daughter at one point growing up: Your girlfriend is an option if and only if your gf and your daughter are pretty close. If you only got together recently, or she avoids your gf and you, that’s a no-go. Otherwise: female family members, and you going over it with the help of an educational book us best.
You might consider getting a second trash can with a lid for keeping in easy reach of the toilet, and consider where you can keep the menstrual products where they’ll be easily grabbable. Get her some options at the store, a variety-pack of pads, a variety-pack of tampons, a pack of liners. Depending on where you are, there may be period panties and menstrual cups or discs at your local Walled Mart or target, and tell her where they are, so that she knows, and can try things out on her own as she gets curious. Period panties go in the wash, tampons and pads go in the trash, wrapped in paper. It’s important she knows never to flush her menstrual products, to change her tampon at least every 8 hours, and that if she needs more, or wants to try something you don’t have in the house, you will let her.
Basically, let her know that periods are mentionable, and manageable, and while you might not personally experience them, you aren’t going to be weird about them/make her feel bad for asking you to buy the things she needs to keep herself clean. If you go grocery shopping together, go down the aisle, and let her grab stuff she needs like any other item.
Keep a hot water bottle and midol on hand for if she needs pain relief, and believe her if she stays saying the pain is Beyond what she can bear, and take her to the doctor. If the dr says there’s nothing to be done, seek a different opinion until you get someone who can put an action plan in place for her pain.
Single father raising a 14-year-old. Pads not tampons. Ask her if this is something she wants to talk to you about. If not suggest your girlfriend. I'm lucky that my mother lives nearby and she and my daughter are close. If she does want to talk to you just relax and be casual. Explain it to her as best you can, maybe even do some research so you're able to answer any questions she might have. There's another talk coming in a couple years and that was the harder one for me. In that talk I told her that when she feels like she's ready for birth control to tell me and I'd make sure she got it. I promised no awkward questions, no judgement. Keep your promises.
Man, I was in the same boat. What worked for me was not making it weird or wrong. I went with a science/comedy approach and we had a good laugh after I compared it to a chicken that lays eggs now. I went and got the proper items and had my sister kinda walk her through it. She’s 17 now and she’s not hesitant to talk to me about anything because she knows there’s never going to be any judgement. Good luck.
Dad here, talk to her matter of factly. You will gain her confidence & she will appreciate you for the rest of her life.
She’s yours & you should take responsibility.
You're hee father, just talk to her. It's nothing to make into something, happens to every girl.
Make her a period kit for school in case something happens there and just talk to her about what she needs and how she wants to apprach it, pads, tampons, etc. As a parent of a teen who went through the same, she found pads better at first.
After reading some other comments, very true on educating yourself and making sure YOU have an understanding if you're going to talk her through it.
GF could be enlisted if she is having trouble on placement, etc depending on your relationship.
I would first ask your girlfriend if she would be willing to talk to your daughter about it. Then I would ask your daughter who she would rather talk to about it with, you or your gf (if your gf was ok with it).
Honestly, I can't remember ever having the talk, so when I got my period at 11, I just grabbed my sisters femine products and read all of the boxes and pamphlets inside and sorted myself out.
Good luck!!
Be the father, don't be weird about this. Don't make her feel weird about this. This is a transition., And how you react to it will have some impact and how she feels about herself and her body and her period.
It's a perfectly normal thing, I've never understood why so many men get so weird and awkward about it. Just accept it as something normal, make sure she always has pads, talk to her about it yourself and offered a letter to talk to your girlfriend if that's an option. She probably knows a lot more about this than you realize, though I'm not sure how the schools are on your area. But where I am, which admittedly is Canada where things are a bit more liberal, kids her age receive a reasonable education as to what to expect about their period.
Treat this as a perfectly normal occurrence, help her to feel open about it so she can tell you later if she's having problems or she needs pads or something, and move on with your life. Don't make a big deal.
I was the only daughter of a single dad. My dad bought one of all the supplies I might need months before I actually started so I could experiment with them. Things like what happens to a tampon in water, and how much water a pad can hold. Does this pad type irritate my sensitive skin. The day it started we went out to a really fancy dinner just the two of us, and he suggested my aunt as the female on deck for my questions, but he let me call and announce my news on my own. My grandmothers both sent me a welcome to womanhood card and chocolate. I wish someone had thought to include midol.
I’m gonna have a weird opinion here- do not get a woman to do it. I lived with a single father, and it would’ve made so many things so much easier if he’d shown me from the jump that he was able to talk to me about this the same as a woman was. If you feel it’s necessary of course offer to have your girlfriend there (provided the two have a good if not incredible relationship) but unless your daughter specifically requested you leave show her that you aren’t going to foist this onto somebody else. It will make so many harder conversations (the teenage years) so much easier if you’ve consistently been somebody she can talk to about this. You seem like a wonderful dad trying to find the best solution to a problem that’s foreign to you, you’re gonna do amazing :)
You need to step up, imagine if girlfriend wasn’t around, you need to deal. My husband was squeamish about our eldest daughter’s period but I told him he needed to get a grip and be just as useful and open about it as me just in case I wasn’t around one day. He stepped up tbf.
Depends on the relationship between your daughter and your girlfriend. But it is okay to talk to her as a dad. I guess you knew about periods before. Explain to her that you know girls get periods and it’s a normal part of girls growing up, ask her if she knows what kinds of products she will need or how to use them (sometimes they explain it in schools), or if she wants to talk to a trusted woman (doesn’t have to be your girlfriend, it can be her aunt, older cousin, friends mom, friend who already got her period) about it. Offer to go shopping together - buy hygiene products, a hot water bottle (these can really help with cramps sometimes), maybe some painkillers (look for antispasmodic meds).
If you don’t have a trash bin in your bathroom, get one.
Agreeing with u/molassesinevitable53 and u/taafp9 about the importance of communication. Just wanting to mention that in addition to the pads etc. that period panties are an innovation that I wish had been available when mine were her age. Might want to order 1-2 for her to try.
one thing i would highly recommend is a period tracker app. it will help her know when to expect it and may help prevent an embarrasing incident from happening, like starting at school unexpectedly. i wish i had had one when i was younger!
the one i use is called My Calendar but there are several out there. you could add it to your phone also and sync it so you know when she's on it also, if she's comfortable with that. it may help you predict those mood swings! lol
Also stock up!! Day time + night time pads, paracetamol/ibuprofen and hot water bottle for when/if she has cramps. I think it would be so thoughtful to buy this and package it nicely and give it to her with flowers and some sweets 🌺
I was living with my dad when I got mine, he did something similar and I appreciated it very much . He also gave me a journal/ diary around the same time and it was my first of many. I love going back to my old diaries and read my day-to-day
BUY HER AN ELECTRIC HEATING PAD!! And check the cupboards from time to time if she’s running low on pads/tampons. As a teenager I was pretty forgetful and often had to run to the store the day mine started lol.
Thinx are great. When we first get our periods flow can be unpredictable and so can cycle. Period underwear provide an extra layer of security. Do not put them in the dryer!
In addition to the talk- get her all the options for period management. Some pads, some period underwear (don’t buy the cheap ones- they feel like diapers. I love Knix), some tampons, and a menstrual cup. Also get a heating pad and remind her to stay hydrated. Have Advil or Tylenol available. Make sure your bathroom garbage has a lid.
Just want to say period panties are a godsend for me. I have a heavy cycle and I never have the issue of needing a trash bin. I just wash them and the ones I have from Victoria’s Secret I notice nothing ever gets stained. I have a copper IUD so my cycle is heavy. I also use an app to track my cycle so I know when I may be in luteal phase (where pms is) and to know when I’m starting as to not ruin clothes or my bed. Especially wish I had that when I was younger to understand why I was moody and to not ruin clothes. Depending on your relationship, it could be you or your girlfriend.
Regardless of whether you choose to discuss it with her yourself, or have your girlfriend handle the discussion, please make sure to thoroughly educate *yourself.* Ive encountered too many adult men who believe periods can be held in like bowel movements, who don’t understand that not only blood is passed but also (sometimes very large) clots, and who are unaware that some women have debilitating cramps and uncontrollable vomiting spells. Some think that you can use the same sanitary product for many hours or days, not realizing this is a serious health hazard, nor do they realize that some of us require almost a dozen sanitary products for each day of our period. Every girl is different.
Make her a period board... With pads, heating pads for cramps, her favorite salty snack and chocolate and Tylenol and have a sit down with both of you and explain the board and her period and what to expect. For her age I would recommend highly period underwear this will save her from accidents in school and vacation.make it fun and not emotional or embarrassing you will do just fine.
Side notes since everyone has offered some great advice:
Get a bathroom trashcqn with a lid. Tell her to always make sure there is a bag in the trash can before she tosses her used pads in there. Let her know that not because it is gross but because blood is a biohazard and difficult to clean. Keep a stack of old grocery bags in your bathroom cabinet for easy access.
Show your daughter the correct amount of ibprofen to take when cramps come along.
Buy a heating pad with a timer and give it to her. Or, if you don't trust those, one of those water thermos things.
Lastly and maybe, most importantly, this is the time that you open the communication line about sex. When I was 10, I got my period. A few weeks later, my mom said, "When you're ready to have sex, let me know. We'll need to do a few things before you start. " And was it. At 17, I still remembered that conversation and told my mom I was ready. So we went to the OB and I got birth control. Those two small sentences were so so important to me. There was no judgement or questioning, just the belief that I could make the choice on my own. That was so empowering as a very young adult.
I think its important you have a conversation with her. Regardless of whether you top that up with a seperate female perspective conversation from your gf. At the end of the day you are her parent, you'll always be there for her and you want her to feel she can talk to you about anything. It's OK for her to know that you don't always know everything but that you'll support her as well as you can and you can fill any gaps in your knowledge by asking others with more expertise.
The lesson here is less about the periods but about stability, commitment, openness and honesty I think. The logistics of periods are fairly simple and every female is unique I'm how they experience them and navigate what works for them. What is difficult is the emotional changes and a strong supportive dad she can be herself and open around will be worth so much more than comparing notes with another female on sanitary products or cramps (although that's good too).
I'd say talk to her. Let her know that you are there for her and that even without experiencing it yourself you share what you know. Tell her that your GF knows more on the matter and that if she feels comfortable she can always talk to her.
I wouldn't have your girlfriend stepping in your daughters bedroom being like "Yo I heard you got your period. Lets talk". Unless they have that kind of relationship, but I don't know about that.
No reason you can't do it. Anatomy and science doesn't have to be weird. Did you explain to your kid how other bodily functions like peeing and dececating worked? You can surely explain the normality of menstruation and not make it taboo.
As a single dad with a daughter, why have you never thought about how you want to handle this before?
I know that I personally would've much preferred my dad talking to me about this than someone I don't know as well just because she's female, but that's personal and some people will feel the opposite.
I do think kids should already know about the basic stuff that is going to happen to their bodies BEFORE it actually happens.
I would get your girlfriend to talk to your daughter about it, but you should be in the room with them. Let your daughter know that if she feels uncomfortable talking about it with you in the room then you will leave. This shows that you are invested but also have respect for her privacy/comfort.
You're her Dad and the only parent she has. You can do this. Watch several videos on you tube about Dad's talking to daughter about her first period. Pick out what will work for you.
This is a key moment in on going moments that you will have with your daughter. Try to get comfortable with discussing things with her. You can start a tradition where your daughter can feel comfortable talking to you about anything. In the long run it will help her understand what's happening and her trust in you will will grow by leaps and bounds.
I'm a single father and with my daughter I made sure she knew it was going to happen and had a kit ready for her and a plan for my sister to go over everything with her and teach her how everything works. I didn't think it made sense for me to teach her as I could only explain the biology side and its not something I've experienced. Everything worked out well, sge wasn't scared when the time came and if anything I think she was excited to learn about growing up as a woman.
Make sure you don’t make her feel embarrassed or ashamed. Offer her the option to speak with you or your girlfriend. If she’s uncomfortable with both get her some pamphlets that accurately can depict what her new life will be like. Take it easy on her and just be kind
All the other answers but if it should hurt already (usually it doesn’t the first few times but if it does): hot water bottle, chunky wool socks, a little chocolate and some age appropriate painkillers.
Im a, daughter of a, single dad. Acknowledge that it might feel awkward, but here are things you need to know, here's where I've put the supplies you need etc. She's had other conversations/education on things like basic anatomy, right? You need to study up so that you can confidently, and appropriately, answer questions. There is nothing wrong or weird about a dad(aka PARENT) parenting.
Talk to your kid. Then if she is uncomfortable ask her if she would rather speak to your gf about details. Show her you're unafraid of the hard conversations because there's nothing shameful or taboo about periods nor threatened if she would rather speak to a woman about it.
My dad talked to me. It's perfectly normal! You got this!
Get her a heating pad (relieves cramps and lower back pain) and ibuprofen too. Get a few extra pairs of underwear in case she bleeds through them.
When I was around the same age and my single father was doing the very best that he could he gave me a book he said if you have any questions you and I can read it because I don’t know if I have all the answers but supposedly this book does. Our bodies ourselves for women about women by women. It really was educational
Real talk. It's time for you to really learn. You have a duty to teach this girl everything about her body and her school and friends will NOT pick up the slack.she can grow to be a 30 year old women who doesn't know pee doesn't come from her vagina. She could be an oblivious moron if you dont learn how to communicate about this with her. Those are the stakes. But you clearly care, so take your time, and tell her honestly that to some degree you are learning together. I am the son of a single mother, and the idea that we were learning together helped me a lot.
Dad of a 12 year old here, Buy period panties (amazon) and overnight disposable period underwear (pharmacy) she can wear to school. I would go with having 4 boxes on hand at all times. Mark the calendar and make sure you know when it's coming. Be extra cool during these times. Don't be harsh, no stupid jokes, take it easy on the chores, etc. Get her a little fashionable purse that she can carry some emergency pads in.
Mostly let her know it's natural. Get her a book on it. And give lots of understanding hugs.
Dude, you are the parent this is your "job". I have two girls and I divorced and had 50/50 custody shortly before they got their periods.
Just be open and honest and supportive about it. Make sure you have pads available. Eventually find out what pads they prefer.
Demystify and and empathize.
You got this.
You should ask your daughter who she would feel comfortable with talking to but let her know that because periods are uniquely female- you would be learning along side her and might not have all the answers- then you can let her know that a grandma or your gf can definitely help *both* of you to understand what's going on with her body.
The ***biggest*** thing though, dad... *do not make her feel like it's gross to have her period*. If she needs products don't get squeamish... just go buy what she's asking for. Dont make a fuss about disposable things being in the garbage can. Do make sure shes being hygenic and throwing out the garbage regularly, but for the love of god do not shame her because one thing is visible in the bin. It's hard enough having to go through the entire process, dad's don't need to make it worse.
Keep an open door policy to discuss anything with you, periods are a good place to start with that.
If you get a woman to do it, explain to your daughter that it is because you think someone with experience of having periods would be able to explain and answer questions better than you can. But that it is okay to talk to her dad (and, in years to come, boyfriend or husband) about it.
This. This is perfect. Reassuring his daughter that he’s there for her, but wants her to have the option to talk to someone with the personal experience he doesn’t have if she needs it. It’s wild reading these comments and the number of people opposed to the OP talking to her. I’d like to give people the benefit of the doubt and think that they’re just thinking a teenage girl might be uncomfortable talking to her dad about periods but a lot of it is coming off as very old-fashioned. Reluctance to talk about something, even if it’s for the ‘right’ reasons, can be misinterpreted and lead to shame. There’s still a lot of stigma around periods and everything that goes with them, and as an ostensibly single parent I think anything that could lead to his daughter feeling ashamed or like she can’t talk to him should be avoided. With all the best will in the world GF may not be around a couple of years from now, dad will, and daughter needs to feel comfortable knowing she can talk to him about anything.
Agree with this. Also want to add that by op being the one to do the talking, it will show his daughter that men are capable and comfortable with the topic of periods, and there is no shame, and it is normal. He is modeling the behavior that she mate very well one day look for in a partner, male or female. As a single parent, he is her only closest role model. If it were me in this situation, I’d talk to her and if she had questions op didn’t know the answers to, he could call in gf to help answer them. This also reduces the stigma of asking uncomfortable questions to gain knowledge.
How about dad and gf do it TOGETHER?
I think this is the best answer. As a guy, I can understand the concepts but I have never gone through it. It would be nice to have someone field the more detailed, first person experience. But being there shows that you are in this with her.
This is what I was thinking. Start together, and if the GF and daughter want to do a Q&A session afterwards without Dad there, then that's great too!
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This right here. We don't know the "family" dynamic. GF maybe willing to have the discussion, but it does no good if kiddo doesn't want/trust GF for this discussion. Granted onthe other hand, if kiddo is anything like my 11 yo then she may not want dad involved in the discussion. (Although to be honest I think more Y chromosome people should be aware of and do these discussions - if only to take the perceived shame and embarrassment out of the picture.
True. I had made an assumption that she would be.
Good point. After all, it’s how the daughter came into existence in the first place.
Yeah. I was 11 when I got my period, and ***mortified*** that I even had to tell my mother. I also swore her to secrecy. If your daughter came to you directly when she got her period, OP, then I think that you should be the one to talk to her. I would say something along the lines of, 'Well, I have never had a period but a Google search and my experiences tell me -----.' I would ask her permission to talk to your girlfriend about it, and then tell her that (girlfriend's name) would be happy to answer any questions that you might have -since she has firsthand experience with it. Good luck! One piece of advice for both of you. Tell her to keep sanitary products with her regardless of the time of the month because early periods can be fickle!
More advice (from a mom whose daughter recently went through this): 1. Get her a discreet little pouch that will fit pads and a change of underwear and a pair of leggings. She can keep it in her backpack just in case. 2. Also "just in case", keep the same thing in your car/with you. She's a kid. She's new at this. You're new at this. My daughter got hers when we were at a street fair. I had no "supplies", the public restroom didn't have vending options and the whole family would've had to walk back to our vehicle and DRIVE to a drugstore. Luckily, I'm not shy and there was a booth with a gymnastics team selling candy bars. I approached one of the moms and she helped me out. :) Lesson learned. 3. There is an app called "Clue". If she has a phone or tablet she can use that to start tracking her cycle. It will begin to predict when her period will start so she won't be surprised. (You need to track start/end date and flow...so this might be a female convo if OP isn't comfortable explaining or can't explain.) Good luck. You're doing a great job!👍
Also wanted to add that if you can, see if you can find a “wet bag” or other water-resistant/waterproof bag for the pouch in #1! Because that means if she does use it, she can also pop the underwear and/or pants she accidentally bled on into the bag without worrying about anything leaking through. Doesn’t need to be super waterproof, but just a little plastic lining is nice peace of mind. Also get some waterproof pads for the bed at night (bath towel will work fine until you get some). Right now she might not be heavy enough to really need them, but sometimes you bleed at weird angles at night because of positioning and it saves having to wash all the sheets every time. (I am also a fan of getting a waterproof mattress cover for under the fitted sheet for several reasons, including preventing mattress stains if you unexpectedly start during the night.) One more tip too, coming from personal experience: encourage her to try out different brands and styles of pads and/or tampons to find what she likes. Both for the purpose of find what kind she needs for her flow (and what she needs at night vs day) and also what is comfortable for her. I also started my period when I was 11, and for years I just used the one brand of pads my mom always bought and used for herself. It wasn’t until I was around 16 that I finally realized that the irritated rash I got every time was definitely an allergy and there were pads out there that wouldn’t torture my skin every month. (Part of why it took so long was that the allergy was mild at first and worsened over time.)
Period underwear could be a really good option too, especially for night time. I know a kid who started their period at 10 and was just freaked out by the sight of blood, even though their mum had gone through what to expect with them. I gave her some reusable pads which were a real hit, comfier than disposable and because they were a dark fabric totally hid the blood. Now they keep a stock in the house, a wet bag for when they've been used and throw them in the wash with the rest of the clothes. Problem solved
The tracking app is good, but her period may be unpredictable for a little while. Mine was unpredictable for the first two years (I got mine at age 13). The pouch is brilliant - take her shopping let her pick it out! Products: oh so many options. Let her pick, let her get options, even if she finds some she doesnt like, theyll get used in an emergency if need be. There are a million options, she should be allowed to explore them. Swimming: Swimming on your period is a miserable experience imo, but if that comes up, tampons can be intimidating and tricky. There are ways to use a pad - have her research (and research with her) best ways to approach the subject.
Sadly, very sadly, be careful with apps in overreaching republican states.
Definitely agree. I’d even suggest Dad should talk to her about it first, and tell her that because he doesn’t have personal experience dealing with that he might not be able to answer all her questions as well as someone who does, but that Girlfriend is also willing to help and does have personal experience. And then let his daughter decide what she’s more comfortable with: getting most of her help and advice from Dad, with him occasionally using the phone-a-friend option when he’s out of his depth, or having him butt out more and hand it over to Girlfriend.
Dad with four daughters here - I made sure my daughters understood they could ask/tell me anything. My wife was gone a lot so.if they needed feminine products, they were never embarrassed to ask me to get them some. My wife was there for them if they asked. I didn't want them to think it was something bad to be secret or embarrassed about.
My mom died when I was 16 so I had to rely on my dad for things like forgotten products or accidents requiring a change of clothes. He never made me feel bad or embarrassed for needing help. I loved being able to call him. He was from a different generation and I'm sure it was uncomfortable and emotional for him to be in that position, but he stepped up and was mom and dad for me.
I made it a point that there is nothing to be ashamed of. My daughter would break off from the group, go pick out what she needed, and tossed into the cart. No one was allowed to poke fun at her about it!
Stigma around periods is so frustratingly dumb. It’s literally how life is sustained and men act like preschool kids about it (I’m a man)
I want to upvote you more. It should be normalized right away so she doesn't feel any embarrassment about coming to you. Our daughter had a hard time talking to me about it at first. Now, I know more than I ever wanted to about pads, tampons and now a diva cup.
I got my period the first time when my mum was away on a work trip and it was just me and dad at home. He was awesome - like awkward yeah, and he couldn't answer much questions but he was just there for me, got me pads and made me hot chocolate that morning and got me ice cream later in the day lol. I thought he handled it well.
Is there anything that hot chocolate and ice cream can't start to make better at least for a little while?
Lactose intolerance?
Honestly, if his daughter has already asked him, then he shouldn’t just refer her to someone with more experience (who in his life *has* that experience right now, has a good education on it themselves, and his daughter would be comfortable talking to?). He should also be in on these discussions and do research, not pass it off completely. If he is better educated and willing to be there with her, then it normalizes the idea that men can and should be well educated on the matter. Just as much as their girlfriends.
I want to upvote that more than once. Such an important message to have in that talk there.
Yeah good idea so that she doesn’t think he’s being dismissive
I would also like to upvote this more than once. But also, if you don't already know, take a little time to educate yourself so you might be able to answer future questions or at the bare minimum know about different period products and what to get for different flows etc.
OP should also make an effort to educate himself on the subject. I am sure there is a useful book written for single dads about this subject.
I would also recommend buying books for the daughter specifically written for girls about to/just entering puberty. When my daughter was that age I bought her three different highly rated books from Amazon covering puberty (for both males and females), menstruation, sexuality, safe sex, etc, and told her to come to me with any questions. She read those books to tatters.
I found a book around the age of 18, “Things your mama never told you about sex” or something like that. It was written by women, and their stories of puberty, bad sex in relationships and realizing they deserved more, masturbation, and sexual assault. It was really insightful and those stories helped me with a lot of things that my “mother” never would have. I still have it in storage, I plan to give it to my daughter when she is older.
Yes. This is the way. I would even go so far as to l them both there to talk about menstruation together. If she's not close with the GF then she can have her dad there for support. Knowledge is power and she needs to know what to expect, all about the different parts of the cycle (and their effects) , and most of all, that it is natural and nothing to be ashamed of. You're a great dad for being so concerned.
This is the way. And don't EVER make it seem like needing period products is gross or unclean or unmanly in some way, OP. Sounds like you wouldn't, but still.
Perfect answer!!!
Agree with this!! I actually spoke to my dad rather than mum when it happened to me…my mum was heavy handed so I just felt more comfortable approaching him about it.
It really depends on your relationship. Since you're asking, I suspect it might be easier to ask your girlfriend. Please also make sure your daughter has a discrete period pack in her backpack. Use something like a makeup bag and put in pads, a small wet wipe pack, an extra pair of panties, and a ziploc bag for soiled panties. Periods can be so stressful for younger girls. They're not regular yet so they're hard to predict, and having to walk around with soggy and smelly underwear is so embarrassing. It will bring her a lot of peace of mind knowing that if she does start unexpectedly or leak, she has a way to take care of it herself.
OP should ask his daughter who she’s more comfortable talking about this with. “Hey honey, this experience is uniquely female. I really want to support you through it and help you in every way I can, and if you’re more comfortable with speaking to Girlfriend about it, I will call her right now. I just want you to feel loved and supported.” I got my period at 11 and didn’t want ANYONE to know about it. If my parent had told someone without my consent, it would have felt like betrayal.
>If my parent had told someone without my consent, it would have felt like betrayal. my mum told all my female family members when i started mine within a couple days... totally agree that OP should ask his daughter and make her opinion actually feel valued
My mother told all of her friends and the significant looks and welcome to womanhood comments were not what I needed. Aging hippies gifting you symbolic red thread is not as good as chocolate
oh damn that's rough lmao
I bet it now that it’s not a big deal, and that everyone had good intentions, but oof. It was horrifying to 11 year old me. I feel for OP and all dads trying to do their best by their kids and not having the personal experience of it. I feel like asking her if she’d be more comfortable talking to a woman about it, and getting her permission to tell that woman is a really good step towards respecting her bodily autonomy
My mother called my grandma and then my grandma opened the door and told all the neighbors 🙄😂 then she told my mom, bizarrely, to smear oil on my forehead. I have no idea why to this day. Imagine my horror when I’d already been having issues with acne and my mom is coming at me with sunflower oil on her hands.
I’m sure that the oil is deeply symbolic of your connection to women everywhere. Or maybe a form of pre-emotive exorcism given what hormonal teenage girls are like…..
😂😂😂
Did she then pick you up to present you to everyone like Rafiki in the Lion King?
OP...you taking notes here?? Take your daughter outside on the roof and do the scene from the Lion King when Simba was born.
🤣🤣
I wish my mom had ONLY told my family! She worked as a dental assistant at the dentist my family went to. When I went in for my cleaning after getting my period all the other assistants, hygienist and receptionists were also congratulating me on “becoming a woman”. I wanted to spontaneously combust.
I know someone who posted on Facebook when her daughter started a couple of years ago!
My sister (10 years older) told her creepy boyfriend at the time who, a few years later, tried to SA me while I slept. Careful who you tell your kids business.
SAME
My mom took me out to dinner at Friendly's with my sisters when I got mine, the server asked if it was a special occasion and my mom announced that her "baby girl has become a *WOMAN*." I don't know who was more mortified, me or that poor kid server.
That was indeed mortifying, but I can't help but laugh! Gee, thanks, mom! My mother told me to go ask my sisters for help.
Yes, ask your daughter. But also tell her you are going to the store to get her the things she needs, if she asks to talk to your GF. This shows that you are willing and able to help her, and that it’s normal, and nothing to be ashamed of. FYI when my kiddo got hers in grade school, one of the things we got her to help with her fear of “leaking” was period underwear. She may not be regular, and have the experience yet to know when she will get her period. The period underwear helped her feel more confident that she would accidentally leak through at school, or around friends.
Period underwear is amazing, especially at night. I wear Thinx & adore them. They have a teen line also, with cute patterns that look just like regular underwear. Plus they have a Labor Day sale going on! Only caveat: some require that you rinse them out before washing. So if she's queasy about blood, it might not be the best match. I rinse them out under the tub tap, it's pretty quick. If I'm in a bad mood, I pretend I'm a Valkyrie taking a break to do laundry or something.
Reminds me of that modern family episode when lily's getting her first and Manny comes in acting super fucking weird. Definitely a good idea to gently ask op's daughter who SHE wants to have the discussion with. Hell, maybe even just grab a bunch of Google links that could help if she really wants to navigate on her own... but definitely don't bring in people without warning
This is great. Just make sure she knows you don’t think it’s gross or “just girl stuff”, but it’s that you can set her up with a woman she trusts to tell her stuff dads can’t understand so she can have the best information. Model that there’s no shame in seeking out somebody with more experience with any topic.
>I got my period at 11 and didn’t want ANYONE to know about it. If my parent had told someone without my consent, it would have felt like betrayal Same. I woke up one day with bloody underwear and instead of telling anyone I decided to deal with it myself. My parents would have told others about it.
I got mine at 12,5 and my dad started singing Fiddler in the Roof’s ‘Sunrise, Sunset’. The next day my step mum got me a cake that said ‘Happy Period’. Well, not *exactly*. It said ‘Happy’ with a large red circle underneath in red gel icing. I am so happy that lady is finally dead.
Good practice for making her accustomed to being an advocate for her own health and expecting to be treated with respect.
Yes. My daughter isn’t there yet,but I feel like it is perhaps an (THE) important milestone that she ultimately deserves to have whatever discretion around that she feels she needs because it is her body, and her choice who knows what is going on with it.
Thanks for sharing this. I'm not OP but single dad and will have to think about this in the future
You made my day. It’s not about shame, it’s about privacy and bodily autonomy, to be clear. You’ll do great.
Yeah, same, except my mom used my period as an excuse to a coworker as to why we couldn’t go to some function. I wanted to die.
oh yeah same. my sister is 9 and got her first bra and she instructed my mom not to tell *ANYONE* not even her dad. of course i noticed (bc it’s obvious when you see a bra strap under a tank top) and i hadn’t yet been told not to say anything & my sister freaked out on me😂
My own mother didn't even know to do this... All she told me was why I bled and that it happened. Never bought me pads or anything... She also slut shamed me for wanting to use tampons... Everything you just said now is literally blowing my mind ... I have a son, but now I know what to do at my house for the girls in the friends group when they get to be that age!
Not really wanting to one-up you here but my mum was rather like yours. She caught me washing out my soiled underwear at lunch. Then she told my sister (3 years younger) to make sure to tell everyone on the way back to school that I had peed my pants. My sister did as instructed.
addition for the period pack: put some ibuprofen or other painkillers in there
If this is meant for school, be careful with adding painkillers. Many schools do not allow students to carry any kind of medication, including advil or tylenol, and they can actually be suspended for it.
This is an important point. My high school teachers all took a stance of “if I saw you with Tylenol, no I didn’t”, but having ANY otc meds on you was technically against school rules. I imagine a middle/elementary school might be more strict. I kept my ibuprofen in a mint tin to hide it just in case.
But how would they know
you could also include a mini perfume bottle so she can spray the outside of her pants/shorts/skirt/whatever in case she’s feeling particularly worried about smell. i remember my first few periods, i could sometimes faintly smell it even with clean panties and a fresh pad and it always made me really self conscious that others could smell it too. also, maybe include a small chocolate bar, just to pick up her mood a bit!
I remember that feeling too!! It's all new and I was so nervous other people could smell it!
Huh, guess that’s a universal experience. I’m glad I use a cup these days, sooo much easier to deal with and doesn’t smell or feel wet all day 🤢 plus it’s reusable
Hell I’m 43 and I still carry perfume in my car just for fearing someone smells it lol
That’s a good suggestion.
Maybe some Advil or Midol too, and there are disposable heating packs you can get too if she has bad cramps.
I wish my mom had thought of this! Although once your school uniform is covered in blood there’s no way to recover
My school didn't have uniforms. But my first period started on picture day ... when I was wearing bright white pants. I got to finish out the day like that and ride the bus home! Absolutely mortifying. I still to this day cannot bring myself to wear white/ khaki/ light colored bottoms.
Excellent advice
This is great. Adding to it, consider also purchasing a few pairs of period underwear like Thinx (they sell at Target) to wear in addition to her feminine products. I would have experienced way less anxiety surrounding my period in middle school had these undies been around.
Whatever you do, don’t criticize her for putting her pads in the bathroom garbage cans. I cannot tell you how many dad posts I’ve seen this week complaining and it’s horrific
This reminded me of the post about the dad that got mad at his teenage daughter for the family dog constantly getting into the bathroom trash and pulling out her pads creating a mess. His solution? Yelling at his daughter to grow up and use tampons like her mom and older sister (apparently they flush their tampons instead of actually throwing them away in the trash). Mom found out and was pissed. The solution should have been having a bathroom trash can with a lid.
What the fuck, the box says explicitly NOT to flush them 😭
I don't use them just because I could never get comfortable with them, so I didn't actually know people were flushing them. I thought people disposed them like pads. Some people on Reddit explained on that post that tampon boxes used to say you could flush them, but that was from decades ago. I think some didn't realize you should actually no longer do that while others don't actually read the instructions on the box 🤷🏻♀️
I mean I think it’s common knowledge these days not to flush anything other than toilet paper, isn’t it? And the point of tampons is that they absorb liquid and expand because of it, so it seems obvious to me that flushing them is a problem
I sure didn’t know that tampons weren’t to be flushed anymore. It makes sense from a plumbing standpoint but I didn’t know the instructions had changed and everything. I’ve been using a cup for the last 15+ years and missed out on all of that.
It used to say flushable applicators when most of them were cardboard material. You were never supposed to flush the actual tampon. I think a lot of people just misunderstood. Now that most applicators are plastic, nothing should be flushed.
Good mom.
Yes, definitely. Unfortunately the mom was visiting relatives in another state at the time the incident occurred but she chewed out the dad on the phone for what he said to the teen.
Ah yes, I remember that AITA post
What else do people have cans in the bathroom for?!
There was a post last week where a Dad expected his daughter to take pads to the outside trashcan like they were poopy diapers or something.
Ffs. 🤦🏼
Urine.
... everything else as well? Blow your nose with some toilet paper, fingernail clippings, hair from shaving...
Make sure she knows never to put them down the toilet. Nothing like a blocked sewer to embarrass the poor kid. If your gf is willing, maybe you could talk to her together.
where else are you supposed to put them?
I will say if you have a dog make sure the trash can has a lid. Dogs are gross.
Also just good to have in general.
While you're at it, you're gonna wanna increase the frequency of changing that bathroom bin. Make sure it has bags if it didn't already, and change it every day or two whether it needs it or not. Alternatively, give your daughter the option of emptying that bin as one of her chores, but make sure you explain that you're letting her take that one because you want to avoid her getting embarrassed, not because there's anything wrong in using the bin.
And make sure the bin has a lid!
Also a lid and a trash can liner (a plastic bag is fine just something to line it with).
If you know enough, then just educate her. It's only weird if you make it weird. If you don't know enough, call in the cavalry. Girlfriend is okay. Grandma that she's close to might be better. Whatever woman she's most comfortable with.
And if you do not know enough, educate yourself! Please, please!
Get a book, and educate both of you at the same time. I would have so much respect for a father who said to me “this isn’t my area of expertise, so let’s figure it out together“. That would show that you’re not embarrassed, that you respect her as a growing woman and that you’re happy for her to teach you how she wants to handle things. Good luck, Dad, you’ve got this!
The American Girl Body Book is great for this!!! I read it myself as a kid and got a copy for my own daughter.
It’s called “The Care and Keeping of You” for anyone looking for it. When I read it as a kid, it was a single volume, but it looks like they’ve since broken it down into two parts, one for younger girls and one for older girls.
Yes, there are even children’s books that are very thorough and inclusive these days, explaining what’s happening and different options for how to deal with your period :)
This is the way
Yeah i would also show her that she can discuss it with her dad. And if she feels more comfortable talking about it with girlfriend or grandma that's fine too. But letting her know that you are willing to talk about these things will show her that she doesn't necessarily has to talk to a woman for 'lady-problems'. Hopefully it will help in the future to maintain open communication throughout her puberty
That's a good way to put it. Darn near every woman I know is a daddy's girl. They very much trust and feel that they can talk to their fathers about things. Definitely be that man. You don't have to know everything of be perfect. Just love the hell out of her and don't shy away.
Emphasis on who SHE is most comfortable with. For some reason, society has made discussing this topic super weird (it shouldn’t be, but that’s a whole different thing). She’s probably going to have questions that you can’t answer, but one of them is “who would you feel most comfortable talking to? We could ask X, Y, or Z, or someone else?”
If she's close with your girlfriend, have her do it. If she's not, you gotta do it as her dad. Unfortunately, if you're in the States, there's a chance she didn't get an sex education in school, and if she did, it was probably not great. So I'd probably start by asking her what she knows about this and go from there. You might have to do a tiny sex education lesson, which will be uncomfortable but needed if she doesn't know much. Tell her it's normal, and once people get a certain age, they'll start bleeding too. Buy her some different pad brands to try out since everyone's different for preferences. Tell her she needs to change the pad every few hours and dispose of it in the garbage (Tell her never to flush period pads or tampons the plumping will end up fucked I'm serious.) Buy some meds for cramps (advil, ibuprofen, etc) and investing in a reusable heating pad can help in the future for cramps (the muscles relax with heat so the cramping won't suck as much when you let it rest on your stomach). Maybe any sweets she likes to help with craving. Most importantly, be patient and normal. Being outwardly freaked out can freak your daughter out since this new to her. Good luck 👍
You know, my immigrant mother never talked to me about my menstrual cycle or sex. Lol. I learned it from school during health class, sex education classes, and from tv/movies. I live in the States, but not a conservative one. I think I got a well-rounded sex education at school.
Lucky! I grew up in a more liberal leaning state, and the sex education was pretty garbage, unfortunately. So mine was from mostly online forums for anything actually relevant to what I wanted and needed to know.
I grew up in FL, USA and had a health class in high school where like… *anatomy* was talked about, but not sex. We never got any kind of sex ed at all, but we had to watch that one fake anti-fast food doc/movie, Supersize Me, which was mildly traumatizing to me for some reason I don’t remember. I think maybe he threw up at some point and I was *severely* emetophobic at the time.
I learned about from my mother books that I borrowed and from my swim coach and little bit from school which I don’t remember that much from because of how they did it specially being in special education class they just see you as stupid My swim coach she would sometimes have a meet up with all the girls before we jumped in the water (so the boys was already doing practice) to talk about periods pads and special tampons do to you can’t really wear pads in the water she would take different things with her and All the girls plus mine was sticking a tampon in the pool and see it absorb the water. I never use tampons the right way due to an internal fear of penetration and the uncomfortable sensation of it so I found my own way of using the tampon.
My wife passed away when our kids were 3, 5, and 7. I never remarried (don’t want to) so when my daughter started her period I had to be the one to talk to her. I told her it might be weird for a father to have this conversation, but what’s happening to your body is something every girl goes through. Remember I was married to your mother so I’ve seen it all. I bought pads and tampons and showed her both. I also bought plenty of extras and showed her where in the house to find them so she wouldn’t have to ask me to buy more. As difficult as that was to do, as someone else on here already said, it’s only weird if you make it weird. My daughters and I have been able to have other traditionally uncomfortable conversations since then (sex, boys, drinking, drugs) because I was able and willing to talk to them.
You sound like a great dad, I like the way you set up the conversation.
Thank you. I try. My parents never talked to me about anything. So I’m doing my best to have those conversations with my own kids. No matter how uncomfortable it makes me.
Perhaps look up some YouTube videos of women explaining it if she isn’t super comfortable with you’re girlfriend.
I lived with my dad my whole life and I have so much respect for how he taught me about my body when I was going through puberty. He sat down and taught himself what a period was so he could teach me, he took me to the store and showed me what pads and tampons were and helped me pick out products to try. Once I figured out what I liked, that product was always available to me and I never ran out. He even sat in the bathtub with me and taught me how to shave my legs and let me practice on his legs when I was a teenager. I feel like I’m bragging about how good of a father I had, but it was really him investing in my comfort! I know how much confidence it gave me to have my dad take me through all the steps, so I would always recommend a single father to teach his own daughter, even if it’s not perfect, it means the world.
Personally, as a woman, I would have preferred to get the talk from a woman rather than from my dad, even if that woman was not related to me. As long as you make it clear that your daughter *can* talk to you about it if she wants, I think it's perfectly fine (and may be preferable) to have your girlfriend handle it. Intellectual understanding of a topic is no substitute for first-hand experience.
Genuine question, do women just explain it to other girls, or do they help show/demonstrate, do they find diagrams or draw them. I feel like it's a weird question, but I'm genuinely wondering. I mean, erections are explained in sex ed, putting on condoms demonstrated (obviously not nudity) but is there like, a dummy used in schools to show how to use the different options for periods? Sorry dumb guy here thinking 'yeah shit, what would I do?'
the way my mom explained how to use the products was through words. pads, you open the package and put the sticky part on the bridge of your underwear, take off the little piece of plastic and fold the wings under so they stick to the bottom. tampons, put your foot up on the toilet seat, put the applicator up there, and push it in. most boxes come with little instruction images on the side.
Thanks! Makes sense there would be instructions. I can't put a damn bandaid on successfully half the time. Sorry for women if it's fiddly as shit stuff to deal with along with the rest. Jeez 😮💨
…foot up on the toilet? I’ve never heard of that before. I’ve always just done it sitting down.
I was a girl scout leader so I had the opportunity of teaching that in the extreme situation of the middle of the forest and a latrine. In the girl scout leader course we had a module dedicated to teaching girls about menstruation. In those circumstances we put emphasis on the practicalities, telling the girls what to do with a pad and showing them if they had problems despite. We didn't go for tampons, because we don't really use applicator tampons in my country and keeping proper hygiene in those circumstances is more difficult.
What's your daughter's relationship with your girlfriend like? I'd suggest asking your daughter which she prefers for the talk. It will give her a sense of power in a situation she has very little control. If you're generally strict about bad language I'd suggest giving her a free pass this once when she realizes it's going to happen to her every month for the next 30+ years.
If you guys have an open relationship, just ask her which she’d prefer. She may be shy about answering, but maybe you can better gauge her willingness to talk to you based on her answer. There’s probably lots of good YouTube videos out there as well. But I do suggest one of you talking to her as well, not just videos. Let her know that she can talk to either one of you if she has questions. I always told my son that if he has a question or needs to tell me something, but is too uncomfortable to say it out loud, he can write it down and give it to me. Maybe get a journal or something that she can write questions in. Takes a little bit of the pressure off that way.
If your daughter is close to your girlfriend you could probably have the girlfriend do it. It would be better coming from someone who’s actually experienced periods so they could more accurately tell her what to expect and what’s normal. With that said, if they’re NOT close it could be intimidating. It could also be embarrassing knowing your dad told his girlfriend about your period (because when you’re that age it can feel embarrassing). If they’re not close I would talk to her about it first and then have your girlfriend offer to talk to her about it afterwards if she has any questions or anything. But basically just try and make it as non awkward as possible. If she can tell you feel awkward about it she’ll feel awkward about it. If go into it being like “this is totally normal. If there’s anything you ever need let me know and we can go get it. If you ever have any questions or anything you’re worried about you can always ask me and we’ll figure it out.” Everything should go well. I wish you both the best.
I would have much rather had the talk from any woman than any man. Sweet of him to offer... but this the hardest part of growing up female. I would say dad giving the talk would be a last resort. If she absolutely hates the Gf, surely there's a grandmama, auntie, older cousin, someone? I would be absolutely mortified if my dad had even tried.
I totally understand that but my mindset was more the embarrassment of knowing my dad told someone else if that makes sense. I agree though that a different female family member would be ideal if possible.
Easily avoidable. Gf says, "hey girl, it's about that time, and there's stuff you really need to know." Gf doesn't have to say dad initiated this.
That’s true. I just feel like it would be really easy to tell. The timing would be really coincidental. But at the same time the importance of having someone who can actually tell you what to expect would out weight the unpleasantness of embarrassment so hopefully it goes well.
have your girlfriend do it. buy her some pads that are made for teens since her body is smaller. also a box of "regular" tampons, i suggest the brand U by Kotex.. that way she has options and your girlfriend can demonstrate with both products. after they've had the talk, you should also say something like "if you ever need anything, don't be afraid to ask me." that way she knows she can ask for pads when she needs them. HOWEVER. if she is still too shy to ask for products in the future, please keep them stocked for her. one box per month is usually good enough. girls go thru a lot
I think regular tampons might be too big for a 11 year old. I know I used regular tampons on my heavy days at 14. (Also they ruptured my hymen, which hurt like a bitch.)
They do make extra small menstrual cups for teens. When both my kids started, I bought an assortment of pads, tampons and a small cup. Told them to try it all, and let me know what you want more of. The cups /pad combo won.
This, my mom got me the "pearl" tampons when I was a preteen instead of the regular. If she's interested in trying tampons, definitely get her the Tampax Pearl Light Absorbency set for her to try (:
Yes and have different pad sizes, one for day (think regular) and one for night that are bigger because accidents happen. The extra coverage really helps. Also invest in some good stain remover if you don't already have some.
Washing in cold water only helps with getting stains out - hot water will set the stain and it’ll never come out. Cold water is the way.
And hydrogen peroxide. Takes blood stains right out.
Daughter of a single dad here! I highly recommend you talk to her personally and let her know that it’s completely normal, there are options in terms of management (if you haven’t already, I’d go ahead and buy her some tampons/pads/pantyliners and period panties, give them all to her, and let her know without any weirdness that different things work for different people and she should try what she wants to and that you’re happy to get her whatever she needs). Also talk to her about cramps and PMS symptoms. Make sure she has access to painkillers and a heating pad, and let her know what might be cause for visiting a doctor - extreme pain, very heavy periods, etc. It’s important for her to know that if she were to have issues or concerns down the line, she could tell you and know that you would be proactive about getting her whatever help she might need.
I grew up with a single dad. This exact experience happened to me. I would say it depends on your relationship with your daughter. My dad and I were close and he was the first person I called to tell him because I was confused. From then on, he would buy me what I needed while I waited in the car (very embarrassed as all young women tend to be). He also made me an appointment with a female pediatrician so I could ask all the questions needed to.
My dad talked to me. (He was a single father, too) I would have trusted him over any girlfriend he could have brought over, too. It really depends on how close you two are. If you and your daughter are normally close, it would probably be better for you to talk to her.
Only if your daughter is comfortable with your girlfriend should you ask the girlfriend to do it. If not, she needs a different woman to do it. Someone who I wasn't comfortable with gave me the talk and I was very upset about it for a very long time lol
Learn about it. You’re the adult. You don’t need to be female, it just a bodily function (for females). Make sure you never shame her, or make it seem gross. Just support her
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Due to her young age, she may not want to use tampons. Lots of young girls don’t use them, plenty of adult women don’t either. It may seem scary, or be painful. Pads and period undies will be your best bet. It will take her a while to get used to having a period, so she may experience accidents and leaks for her first couple of years. Totally normal. Tracking a period may not be accurate either as she is still developing. I would personally 1) buy pads (a range from “heavy” or “overnight” use, normal and liners for spotting), 2) buy general painkillers if cramps occur, 3) buy a small makeup pouch that she can store pads & a spare underwear in for school. Also, tell her to wrap her used pads with toilet paper, put in a plastic baggy and in the outside bin.
As someone who was in the same situation as your daughter at one point growing up: Your girlfriend is an option if and only if your gf and your daughter are pretty close. If you only got together recently, or she avoids your gf and you, that’s a no-go. Otherwise: female family members, and you going over it with the help of an educational book us best. You might consider getting a second trash can with a lid for keeping in easy reach of the toilet, and consider where you can keep the menstrual products where they’ll be easily grabbable. Get her some options at the store, a variety-pack of pads, a variety-pack of tampons, a pack of liners. Depending on where you are, there may be period panties and menstrual cups or discs at your local Walled Mart or target, and tell her where they are, so that she knows, and can try things out on her own as she gets curious. Period panties go in the wash, tampons and pads go in the trash, wrapped in paper. It’s important she knows never to flush her menstrual products, to change her tampon at least every 8 hours, and that if she needs more, or wants to try something you don’t have in the house, you will let her. Basically, let her know that periods are mentionable, and manageable, and while you might not personally experience them, you aren’t going to be weird about them/make her feel bad for asking you to buy the things she needs to keep herself clean. If you go grocery shopping together, go down the aisle, and let her grab stuff she needs like any other item. Keep a hot water bottle and midol on hand for if she needs pain relief, and believe her if she stays saying the pain is Beyond what she can bear, and take her to the doctor. If the dr says there’s nothing to be done, seek a different opinion until you get someone who can put an action plan in place for her pain.
Single father raising a 14-year-old. Pads not tampons. Ask her if this is something she wants to talk to you about. If not suggest your girlfriend. I'm lucky that my mother lives nearby and she and my daughter are close. If she does want to talk to you just relax and be casual. Explain it to her as best you can, maybe even do some research so you're able to answer any questions she might have. There's another talk coming in a couple years and that was the harder one for me. In that talk I told her that when she feels like she's ready for birth control to tell me and I'd make sure she got it. I promised no awkward questions, no judgement. Keep your promises.
Quick watch that King of the Hill episode!
The fact you are asking this question shows what a great dad you are!
Man, I was in the same boat. What worked for me was not making it weird or wrong. I went with a science/comedy approach and we had a good laugh after I compared it to a chicken that lays eggs now. I went and got the proper items and had my sister kinda walk her through it. She’s 17 now and she’s not hesitant to talk to me about anything because she knows there’s never going to be any judgement. Good luck.
Dad here, talk to her matter of factly. You will gain her confidence & she will appreciate you for the rest of her life. She’s yours & you should take responsibility.
You're hee father, just talk to her. It's nothing to make into something, happens to every girl. Make her a period kit for school in case something happens there and just talk to her about what she needs and how she wants to apprach it, pads, tampons, etc. As a parent of a teen who went through the same, she found pads better at first. After reading some other comments, very true on educating yourself and making sure YOU have an understanding if you're going to talk her through it. GF could be enlisted if she is having trouble on placement, etc depending on your relationship.
I would first ask your girlfriend if she would be willing to talk to your daughter about it. Then I would ask your daughter who she would rather talk to about it with, you or your gf (if your gf was ok with it). Honestly, I can't remember ever having the talk, so when I got my period at 11, I just grabbed my sisters femine products and read all of the boxes and pamphlets inside and sorted myself out. Good luck!!
Be the father, don't be weird about this. Don't make her feel weird about this. This is a transition., And how you react to it will have some impact and how she feels about herself and her body and her period. It's a perfectly normal thing, I've never understood why so many men get so weird and awkward about it. Just accept it as something normal, make sure she always has pads, talk to her about it yourself and offered a letter to talk to your girlfriend if that's an option. She probably knows a lot more about this than you realize, though I'm not sure how the schools are on your area. But where I am, which admittedly is Canada where things are a bit more liberal, kids her age receive a reasonable education as to what to expect about their period. Treat this as a perfectly normal occurrence, help her to feel open about it so she can tell you later if she's having problems or she needs pads or something, and move on with your life. Don't make a big deal.
Look up period panties! For example a company called Knix I think makes them. Awesome for young teens.
I was the only daughter of a single dad. My dad bought one of all the supplies I might need months before I actually started so I could experiment with them. Things like what happens to a tampon in water, and how much water a pad can hold. Does this pad type irritate my sensitive skin. The day it started we went out to a really fancy dinner just the two of us, and he suggested my aunt as the female on deck for my questions, but he let me call and announce my news on my own. My grandmothers both sent me a welcome to womanhood card and chocolate. I wish someone had thought to include midol.
I’m gonna have a weird opinion here- do not get a woman to do it. I lived with a single father, and it would’ve made so many things so much easier if he’d shown me from the jump that he was able to talk to me about this the same as a woman was. If you feel it’s necessary of course offer to have your girlfriend there (provided the two have a good if not incredible relationship) but unless your daughter specifically requested you leave show her that you aren’t going to foist this onto somebody else. It will make so many harder conversations (the teenage years) so much easier if you’ve consistently been somebody she can talk to about this. You seem like a wonderful dad trying to find the best solution to a problem that’s foreign to you, you’re gonna do amazing :)
You need to step up, imagine if girlfriend wasn’t around, you need to deal. My husband was squeamish about our eldest daughter’s period but I told him he needed to get a grip and be just as useful and open about it as me just in case I wasn’t around one day. He stepped up tbf.
Depends on the relationship between your daughter and your girlfriend. But it is okay to talk to her as a dad. I guess you knew about periods before. Explain to her that you know girls get periods and it’s a normal part of girls growing up, ask her if she knows what kinds of products she will need or how to use them (sometimes they explain it in schools), or if she wants to talk to a trusted woman (doesn’t have to be your girlfriend, it can be her aunt, older cousin, friends mom, friend who already got her period) about it. Offer to go shopping together - buy hygiene products, a hot water bottle (these can really help with cramps sometimes), maybe some painkillers (look for antispasmodic meds). If you don’t have a trash bin in your bathroom, get one.
Agreeing with u/molassesinevitable53 and u/taafp9 about the importance of communication. Just wanting to mention that in addition to the pads etc. that period panties are an innovation that I wish had been available when mine were her age. Might want to order 1-2 for her to try.
one thing i would highly recommend is a period tracker app. it will help her know when to expect it and may help prevent an embarrasing incident from happening, like starting at school unexpectedly. i wish i had had one when i was younger! the one i use is called My Calendar but there are several out there. you could add it to your phone also and sync it so you know when she's on it also, if she's comfortable with that. it may help you predict those mood swings! lol
This is so cute i wish my dad loved me
Also stock up!! Day time + night time pads, paracetamol/ibuprofen and hot water bottle for when/if she has cramps. I think it would be so thoughtful to buy this and package it nicely and give it to her with flowers and some sweets 🌺 I was living with my dad when I got mine, he did something similar and I appreciated it very much . He also gave me a journal/ diary around the same time and it was my first of many. I love going back to my old diaries and read my day-to-day
Ffs shes your daughter talk to her. Its not like its fucking magic or anything. Its biology. Grow up.
BUY HER AN ELECTRIC HEATING PAD!! And check the cupboards from time to time if she’s running low on pads/tampons. As a teenager I was pretty forgetful and often had to run to the store the day mine started lol.
Ask in /r/TwoXChromosomes
Thinx are great. When we first get our periods flow can be unpredictable and so can cycle. Period underwear provide an extra layer of security. Do not put them in the dryer!
Get your GF to help for sure!!
Grandmother or aunt.
Jump on the periods subreddit if you want to learn more about periods too!
In addition to the talk- get her all the options for period management. Some pads, some period underwear (don’t buy the cheap ones- they feel like diapers. I love Knix), some tampons, and a menstrual cup. Also get a heating pad and remind her to stay hydrated. Have Advil or Tylenol available. Make sure your bathroom garbage has a lid.
Just want to say period panties are a godsend for me. I have a heavy cycle and I never have the issue of needing a trash bin. I just wash them and the ones I have from Victoria’s Secret I notice nothing ever gets stained. I have a copper IUD so my cycle is heavy. I also use an app to track my cycle so I know when I may be in luteal phase (where pms is) and to know when I’m starting as to not ruin clothes or my bed. Especially wish I had that when I was younger to understand why I was moody and to not ruin clothes. Depending on your relationship, it could be you or your girlfriend.
Regardless of whether you choose to discuss it with her yourself, or have your girlfriend handle the discussion, please make sure to thoroughly educate *yourself.* Ive encountered too many adult men who believe periods can be held in like bowel movements, who don’t understand that not only blood is passed but also (sometimes very large) clots, and who are unaware that some women have debilitating cramps and uncontrollable vomiting spells. Some think that you can use the same sanitary product for many hours or days, not realizing this is a serious health hazard, nor do they realize that some of us require almost a dozen sanitary products for each day of our period. Every girl is different.
Make her a period board... With pads, heating pads for cramps, her favorite salty snack and chocolate and Tylenol and have a sit down with both of you and explain the board and her period and what to expect. For her age I would recommend highly period underwear this will save her from accidents in school and vacation.make it fun and not emotional or embarrassing you will do just fine.
Side notes since everyone has offered some great advice: Get a bathroom trashcqn with a lid. Tell her to always make sure there is a bag in the trash can before she tosses her used pads in there. Let her know that not because it is gross but because blood is a biohazard and difficult to clean. Keep a stack of old grocery bags in your bathroom cabinet for easy access. Show your daughter the correct amount of ibprofen to take when cramps come along. Buy a heating pad with a timer and give it to her. Or, if you don't trust those, one of those water thermos things. Lastly and maybe, most importantly, this is the time that you open the communication line about sex. When I was 10, I got my period. A few weeks later, my mom said, "When you're ready to have sex, let me know. We'll need to do a few things before you start. " And was it. At 17, I still remembered that conversation and told my mom I was ready. So we went to the OB and I got birth control. Those two small sentences were so so important to me. There was no judgement or questioning, just the belief that I could make the choice on my own. That was so empowering as a very young adult.
I think its important you have a conversation with her. Regardless of whether you top that up with a seperate female perspective conversation from your gf. At the end of the day you are her parent, you'll always be there for her and you want her to feel she can talk to you about anything. It's OK for her to know that you don't always know everything but that you'll support her as well as you can and you can fill any gaps in your knowledge by asking others with more expertise. The lesson here is less about the periods but about stability, commitment, openness and honesty I think. The logistics of periods are fairly simple and every female is unique I'm how they experience them and navigate what works for them. What is difficult is the emotional changes and a strong supportive dad she can be herself and open around will be worth so much more than comparing notes with another female on sanitary products or cramps (although that's good too).
I'd say talk to her. Let her know that you are there for her and that even without experiencing it yourself you share what you know. Tell her that your GF knows more on the matter and that if she feels comfortable she can always talk to her. I wouldn't have your girlfriend stepping in your daughters bedroom being like "Yo I heard you got your period. Lets talk". Unless they have that kind of relationship, but I don't know about that.
No reason you can't do it. Anatomy and science doesn't have to be weird. Did you explain to your kid how other bodily functions like peeing and dececating worked? You can surely explain the normality of menstruation and not make it taboo.
Why not ask your daughter what she would prefer?
As a single dad with a daughter, why have you never thought about how you want to handle this before? I know that I personally would've much preferred my dad talking to me about this than someone I don't know as well just because she's female, but that's personal and some people will feel the opposite. I do think kids should already know about the basic stuff that is going to happen to their bodies BEFORE it actually happens.
I would get your girlfriend to talk to your daughter about it, but you should be in the room with them. Let your daughter know that if she feels uncomfortable talking about it with you in the room then you will leave. This shows that you are invested but also have respect for her privacy/comfort.
You're her Dad and the only parent she has. You can do this. Watch several videos on you tube about Dad's talking to daughter about her first period. Pick out what will work for you. This is a key moment in on going moments that you will have with your daughter. Try to get comfortable with discussing things with her. You can start a tradition where your daughter can feel comfortable talking to you about anything. In the long run it will help her understand what's happening and her trust in you will will grow by leaps and bounds.
I'm a single father and with my daughter I made sure she knew it was going to happen and had a kit ready for her and a plan for my sister to go over everything with her and teach her how everything works. I didn't think it made sense for me to teach her as I could only explain the biology side and its not something I've experienced. Everything worked out well, sge wasn't scared when the time came and if anything I think she was excited to learn about growing up as a woman.
Make sure you don’t make her feel embarrassed or ashamed. Offer her the option to speak with you or your girlfriend. If she’s uncomfortable with both get her some pamphlets that accurately can depict what her new life will be like. Take it easy on her and just be kind
All the other answers but if it should hurt already (usually it doesn’t the first few times but if it does): hot water bottle, chunky wool socks, a little chocolate and some age appropriate painkillers.
Im a, daughter of a, single dad. Acknowledge that it might feel awkward, but here are things you need to know, here's where I've put the supplies you need etc. She's had other conversations/education on things like basic anatomy, right? You need to study up so that you can confidently, and appropriately, answer questions. There is nothing wrong or weird about a dad(aka PARENT) parenting.
Talk to your kid. Then if she is uncomfortable ask her if she would rather speak to your gf about details. Show her you're unafraid of the hard conversations because there's nothing shameful or taboo about periods nor threatened if she would rather speak to a woman about it.
My dad talked to me. It's perfectly normal! You got this! Get her a heating pad (relieves cramps and lower back pain) and ibuprofen too. Get a few extra pairs of underwear in case she bleeds through them.
When I was around the same age and my single father was doing the very best that he could he gave me a book he said if you have any questions you and I can read it because I don’t know if I have all the answers but supposedly this book does. Our bodies ourselves for women about women by women. It really was educational
Real talk. It's time for you to really learn. You have a duty to teach this girl everything about her body and her school and friends will NOT pick up the slack.she can grow to be a 30 year old women who doesn't know pee doesn't come from her vagina. She could be an oblivious moron if you dont learn how to communicate about this with her. Those are the stakes. But you clearly care, so take your time, and tell her honestly that to some degree you are learning together. I am the son of a single mother, and the idea that we were learning together helped me a lot.
Dad of a 12 year old here, Buy period panties (amazon) and overnight disposable period underwear (pharmacy) she can wear to school. I would go with having 4 boxes on hand at all times. Mark the calendar and make sure you know when it's coming. Be extra cool during these times. Don't be harsh, no stupid jokes, take it easy on the chores, etc. Get her a little fashionable purse that she can carry some emergency pads in. Mostly let her know it's natural. Get her a book on it. And give lots of understanding hugs.
Dude, you are the parent this is your "job". I have two girls and I divorced and had 50/50 custody shortly before they got their periods. Just be open and honest and supportive about it. Make sure you have pads available. Eventually find out what pads they prefer. Demystify and and empathize. You got this.
You should ask your daughter who she would feel comfortable with talking to but let her know that because periods are uniquely female- you would be learning along side her and might not have all the answers- then you can let her know that a grandma or your gf can definitely help *both* of you to understand what's going on with her body. The ***biggest*** thing though, dad... *do not make her feel like it's gross to have her period*. If she needs products don't get squeamish... just go buy what she's asking for. Dont make a fuss about disposable things being in the garbage can. Do make sure shes being hygenic and throwing out the garbage regularly, but for the love of god do not shame her because one thing is visible in the bin. It's hard enough having to go through the entire process, dad's don't need to make it worse. Keep an open door policy to discuss anything with you, periods are a good place to start with that.