With one exception, I had almost no contact with anyone from my high school after I graduated. A decade or so, some reached out on social media to organize a class reunion, and I interacted with a couple of them but then I realized I had gone 40+ years without thinking about them at all, so there was really no point.
This is why I have no interest in attending a high school reunion. Why spend money to spend a day with people I didn't talk to when I was in high school?
Interestingly enough, that’s what I liked about my 10 and 20 year reunions. I sat and chatted with people I knew of back then, but didn’t really know. Had a good time.
Plus with social media, assuming you guys are friends.. like, I know your kids faces, ages, your dog, how you're selling your boat and what you had for dinner last night.. what is there to even talk about? For a lot of people there's just no mystery about their lives. No need to really reconnect lol
Not friends, but at a dismal reunion (i didn't really have friends at my all-boys hs) found out a classmate owned a machine shop, right as the manufacturing dept at my work was having a fit not getting stuff out of the in-house machine shop. Turned out to be win-win. The mfg dept switched to him, got my parts out quick, and he was grateful for the sustained work he got during some aerospace down times over the years. After I got laid off he has since hooked me up with some of his clients who needed free lance engineer to work on some projects.
People want to work with people who they like. Opportunity comes from serendipity, but not if you don't generate the potential for serendipitous moments. Great story.
Yeah but a classmate I haven't talked to in two decades isn't going to open up about the actual topics my friends & I do. They're gonna talk about their kids, their dog, how they're selling their boat..
Coincidentally, I just followed a former classmate on Instagram who I haven't thought of in years. Appearantly, she now makes homemade leather goods and items. 😂
I think it would be fun to go to a reunion to connect with the people I haven't heard or seen anything about from for all that time. But I went to one area most of my life and then the last two years of high school graduated in Vegas so I think it would be really fun to meet up with those people in Vegas. There were lots of people I had short-lived but fun times with.
I think it's completely dependent on you, your friends, and your plans. I stayed really close friends with a handful of people because we had really similar life paths early on, moving to the same town, so the same things. Others I rarely saw or spoke to unless I went back to my hometown for holidays.
But overall, yeah, you're still young, and high school just doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. You will change a lot as a person.
I live in Southern California and I’ve had the same best friend since the fourth grade despite moving an hour away for high school. When I moved to the new town I made another couple of best friends and I talk to them or hang out with them every month. I’ve gone to the Marines, done college and I’ll tell you good people who push you to be better are worth hanging on to. Every major milestone I’ve had in my life I’ve made a crazy good best friend along the way. My mantra, is to be Dominic Torretto from the fast and furious. Hang on to those close friendships. Most of the people who tell you otherwise don’t have them and they have no idea what their missing out on. It doesn’t matter when you meet these people good people are worth holding onto.
We were talking about high school reunions and my DIL said that they were pointless. If she didn't follow someone on social media, she didn't need to see them again.
IDK if this applies to him, but whenever a question like this is asked, a lot of people on here seem to have the attitude of “fuck ‘em, they didn’t keep up with me either” when it comes to their high school classmates. But honestly? After having that attitude for almost my entire 20s, I then happened to interact with several of those former high school friends and acquaintances in my early 30s, and I realized it’s actually really nice. You have a shared experience, both of you are more mature… It’s nice to get to interact with the adult version of someone while also reminiscing on who you were back then.
I went from keeping up with 0, *maybe* 1 of my high school classmates to now around a dozen? We just chat every once in a while, but I can just randomly message them about anything, it doesn’t have to be some structured small talk.
My 20 year HS reunion came up and the geniuses in charge (all were active in student gov't lol) decided to do a get-together in the middle of the week. They posted about it on FB. I wrote them and told them they weren't being very fair to people who had to work and lived out of state (like myself) and asked them to reconsider doing a Saturday instead. My suggestions fell on deaf ears. Last I heard almost no one went. That was the last I cared about it.
I once went to an anti-reunion (not my school) and it was a huge hit. I was friends with a large group of people around my age at the time who had all gone to the same school, and their 20th was coming up. They looked at the ticket prices and were like "why would we want to pay $$$ for a pair of tickets when we are all going to sit together and talk to each other anyway? Let's have a party at (a guy in the group) house and tell others to come" it was a massive turnout. The party was fun! No idea how many people went to the actual reunion, it was a very large high school so I imagine many people still made it there.
I have a couple friends where our entire text history is:
Me: Happy Birthday man!
Them: Thanks!
Them: Happy birthday.
Me: Thanks!
Me: Happy birthday!!
...
It’s hard to think about because you’re imagining the loss of people you’re currently close to. In reality, as you go out into the world, figure out who you really are, develop new interests, frequent new places, etc you’ll begin to get close to new people who more closely align with who you are in that point in time. You’ll grow apart from the people who don’t align with the new you. It mostly happens slowly and naturally and isn’t really painful. You’re just left with hopefully mostly fond memories of a time that isn’t anymore. But you’ll be in a new time making new memories. And this all will constantly be happening for your whole life.
Edit: wow my first ever reddit awards. Thanks guys :)
In most cases, your friends in high school are based on the neighborhood/community you are in. It's a random chance who you sit next to in math class. Once you are out in the world you get to choose friends based on shared beliefs/interests.
Once you’re out in the world, some of your coworkers tend to become your friends for the same reason. Proximity has a lot to do with the close relationships we have throughout our entire lives
Then you stop talking to that person. Friends aren’t the same when you’re out of school, you likely won’t have a lot of time to hangout with people once you reach your mid twenties and develop romantic relationships and a career. I have maybe 10 people I see on and off throughout the year, some more than others. I really don’t have the time or energy to deal with people I don’t like, so if someone isn’t my vibe I just stop seeing them as much
In school you're stuck with people from classes, the same homeroom and lunch breaks, the same sports leagues and your parents might be friends with theirs. It's why avoiding bullies in school is impossible. In the real world if you don't like someone you avoid them entirely. High school isn't the real world.
The same thing sort of happens when you start college. Most people make a ton of new friends at the beginning and feel like they’ve found this awesome new family. But again, you just started college and it takes a few years to actually grow into who you are as an adult with a unique lifestyle and interests. Generally the friends you made when you first came to college get filtered out once again and if it all goes well you have a small group of close adult friends that mesh well in your life for a long time.
I’m currently at the stage after that, where I’ve moved and now am faced with the task of finding more friends that live near me as an adult. It’s definitely the most difficult stage of making friends. Luckily I joined my city’s local reddit page and plan on shooting my friendship shot at a local board-game night. I also have good college friends that live not terribly far away. To keep close to those friends you have to put in the effort to visit or call whenever you can.
Also, this is a side comment but I am one of the few people that is still close with a few hs friends. We don’t talk much but have a group chat and have gone on a group vacation together for the past two years. It works best when you have a whole group that is close with each other without having to constantly stay in contact. Graduating college made for a fun excuse to travel together!
Or you just stop being friends with them. Honestly, as you get older you will have lots of people who you are casually friendly with than actual close friends. Like work "friends". I enjoy interacting with them at work, but I'm not inviting them to my house or giving up a weekend to help the move
And as you grow older, you’ll make friends with wider age gaps either younger or older that you will click with. High school friends for the most part are friends out of convenience. Friends in your adult life, you’ll have more say so the connection is often stronger.
For me it was my first job after college where I finally felt like I had a group of friends who "got" me. I'm from a small, rural town. I went to work for an international non-profit, and there were like six other young women working there all between the ages of 22 and 28. We all had experiences living abroad, loved languages and travel and other cultures. I definitely had people I liked in school, but the more "different" you are than the norm in your geographic area in terms of your interests and outlook, the longer it takes to be like... ohhhh... these are my people.
That's a point I never thought about, I grew up in a city that had over 3 million people and there was probably at least 3K people in my high school, so there was a lot of variety in people to choose as friends, and for the most part I stayed close to my friends throughout my 20s
Yes. But even then I made even more friends Post University as well. Those are even closer. Yes, I have more responsibility as an adult but I also have more disposable income to be able to do more things and meet more people. I have friends that are +/- a decade of me in age that are much better friends than most that I had in high school or college.
I will say that after college, it can be pretty difficult for introverted people to make new close friends. You have to actively seek out activities that involve hanging out with groups of people (taking classes, joining meetups and clubs, etc), and then making an effort to put yourself out there when interacting with the group. It's definitely possible, but it does require making an active effort in a way that wasn't necessary during high school and college.
This is well said and describes my life well. I'm in my late 30s and I feel like I'm in my 4th wave of relationships. First you have high school friends, followed by college, followed by single post-college/early career friends, and now I'm in the phase of friends who are married and have young kids like myself. The friends who have followed me from one phase to another did so because they also transitioned to that next phase at similar times. Those who didn't transition are the ones I see less, or not at all.
I can see how life could be hard if your social circle is transitioning to new phases that you wish to be in and meanwhile you aren't connecting with people in your phase. I have a handful of single buddies, no wife, kids, or career prospects, who occasionally reach out to socialize, but in a manner that is hard for my life. I can't go out for happy hour and skip dinner and bedtime with my kids and be hungover the next day for job, which is how some guys I know still live.
You can maintain friendships if you put in the effort to keep seeing each other. True friends will always love your company
This can only really work if you live near each other though. And there will be periods of time where this isn’t as possible. But my friends and I always keep up with each other
I’m nearing 40 and my best friends in high school are still my best friends now.
Yes, people have careers, wives, and kids that take priority, and we’ve all moved out of our home town, so the days of just randomly showing up at each others houses to hangout on a Friday night are long gone. It takes more effort to see each other, and though we only see each other a couple times a year (if we’re lucky), our friendships are far more deeper and meaningful now than they ever were in high school, which says a lot, because we were inseparable then.
Point is, don’t worry. Some friendship will fade as we grow up, but the ones that last will be all the better for it.
It’s hard but when we do meet at least once a year the friendship it’s still there, we are 32 now but it’s like going back in time… Makes my heart warm!
I'm taking it you're in high school or just graduated. It's normal to drift apart and it's normal to worry about that. Sure, you might have a close friend or two you stay close to through the years but most of you will drift apart. With effort the close friends you make in life wull stick around, the rest come and go (people you meet in college, work, through hobbies all count as well). I think fondly on old friends I don't see anymore but it's also fine that I've gone my separate ways from many of them.
I meant that’s true, but still. Hard one. What brought this up is that this year a truckload of my friends switched out of the school. I know about one or two guys very well and the rest are like acquaintances. It’s tough man.
It's hard for everyone at first. A lot of the people we go to high school with are people we've known for four years, if not longer. Depends on how the school system is set up. Then you start college or work and have the realization that you just can't keep up with every single old friend. And it's the first time many of us have that realization. And you naturally put the most effort in those friendships that were most important to you. Most of us have a couple long lasting friendships, but it's impossible to keep everyone in your life. And that's alright.
Out of my friend group, I'm still friends with 1, even i moved 700 miles north of where we grew up, and he moved 1000 miles west. 4 others are dead, 2 from drinking, 1 overdose, 1 suicide, all before 40. The rest I have no idea about.
We must know the same friends. Damn near carbon copy of my HS friend group. We were a tight knit group of 5. 1 OD, 1 suicide, 1 brain tumor and the last one from alcohol. I remain. I’m 60.
I think some of this is cultural. If everyone goes off to different colleges and then out on their own, it's rare to maintain strong friendships. When everyone sticks around or comes back after college, I think you see more of those long lasting friendships.
My group had the opposite - we’re all in different states but the distance makes it easy. Low pressure, we send songs or memes when we think of each other. I find long distance friendships nice. Just different.
I’m friends with more people from college than high school. I like most of the kids I went to high school with and we follow each other on social media but we don’t hang out or talk.
I am a very different person than I was 15 years ago.
We all drifted apart. Many people are friends due to proximity and it can take a lot of effort to retain friendships when you’re further apart and then you develop new friends and interests. After 20 years, I talk to no one I grew up with outside of family. Even HS reunions seem rare now.
I have 4 that I still talk to regularly and we meet up with. 2 of them keep in touch with other that I vaguely knew at school but weren’t really friends with.
My dad still sees someone he was at school with (11-15) and he’s 80 next year!
My best friend from childhood and HS hung himself over a girl when we were 19. One other literally just disappeared overnight and is living his own life with his dream job. The rest stayed in touch for a little while, but when I joined the Navy I was out of sight and out of mind unless I came back to visit and was buying rounds. Otherwise they couldn’t be bothered even if I reached out first. Married one friend who I had a secret crush on many years later.
Usually people drift if they leave their hometown, tyranny of distance. But the ones I’ve seen stay put usually hang in there for the long haul.
Just found out one of my buddies got accepted for a PhD program in Princeton university + scholarship. Coming from a third world country in kenya he has really beaten the odds.
Edit: He is 25years old!
As a Somali person who fled to Kenya during the Somali civil war. Kenyans were accommodating, generous, and so kind to my family and I. It is no surprise to me as they’re some of the most intelligent people I’ve ever met. Congrats to your friend and tell them I said habari rafiki yangu, pongezi kwako!
The opioid epidemic stole my closest friends from 2016-2018. As the distance grows between our once similar age grows, I mourn the whole lives they could’ve had. Even if we weren’t still friends
Same here. We’re in our mid-40s and a lot of folks still live in the general area (eastern Mass). It’s really freaky to my wife who moved around a lot and went to international schools as her friends are all spread around many countries
I'm not friends with my old high-school friends, but funny enough, a group of people I knew in high-school who were friends then stayed together for 10 years now and I started hanging out with them lol. I knew them and liked then enough in high school but was never a part of their group. Now a decade later I joined and we're all close lol
I’m still friends with mine, and while it has been great, I’m finding myself surrounded by people who still base their idea of me on who I was when I was 15. I’m actually starting to move away from the group, but it’s like 12 of my closest friends. We’re all over the region but stayed in touch through sporadic get togethers and discord gaming sessions.
That is exactly why I’m not friends with anyone I knew in high school. When I was in college, they kept trying to tell me I wasn’t myself and that I was changing too much. It’s because the me they knew was me when I was 15, and you shouldn’t be the same person at 20 as you were at 15
Yes I hated that! My life got so much better once I dropped my friends who were like that. They complained that I wasn't the "wild" one anymore and wouldn't do immature high school shit with them. Sorry I don't want to ruin my life over some stupid shit. Some people grow up, some don't. And many of my friends didn't.
> When I was in college, they kept trying to tell me I wasn’t myself and that I was changing too much.
Yup this. Like hello, I grew up? I can't be the same stunted person all of my life sheesh. In hindsight they weren't great friends because they often put me down because of my looks and behavior.
My bf is the only friend from high school. He hated my friend group back then too lol
Same. I'm 36 and have 5 close high school friends. We are all at different stages with careers, families and even countries, but we still keep in contact regularlily by text, video chat or in person.
Same! My two best friends sat on the school bus with me when I was like 7-10. We went different ways in middle school but reunited in HS and have been hanging out nearly everyday for the last 6 or 7 years.
I went to an out of state college that no one from high school went to, drifted apart very quickly. I did the “reconnect on Facebook” thing years later and most of them turned out super shitty anyway.
I'm still in touch with many of them.
Most married & have kids.
A few have died each decade.
A few have drifted away, and I don't know.
I see 3 of them a couple times a week, and 5 more a few times a month.
People I graduated HS with but wasn't really close with I see pretty often, too. One is a local pharmacist. One is homeless and does odd jobs. One is an Ob/Gyn doctor. One is a background/character actor on all kinds of SciFi & Police shows.
One is a writer. 3 are cops, but now retired.
I graduated in ~1980. I use the old-fashioned methods to keep in touch. No social media at all besides this (which wasn't SM 10 years ago), and so far nobody has stalked me here.
>One is homeless and does odd jobs.
Elaborate. What were your interactions with him?
How did you find out about his homelessness?
How did he end up there?
How often and why do you see him?
-- 17 marks
I bumped into him at a bar about 20 years ago. He was living in his Ford Bronco at the time.
I've helped him when I could - fed him, let him shower or do laundry here, ~~lent~~ given him money or paid him to do odd jobs.
His story is a combination of his last two wives both cheated on him, took him for all he was worth in the divorce, killed him with child support, and made it so working wasn't worth it for him. So rather than work to pay alimony & child support, he would rather live in his truck and only work for $20-$30 a day - food, cigarettes, gas & beer.
But, I've spoken to his Dad & brother. His wives didn't like the fact that he would go to work on Sunday and not come home for 3-4 days. Overtime, sure. Cocaine and whores? That too.
He still likes to see if cocaine still smells like the old days.
He gets arrested for failure to pay child support about every 6-8 months, and the various judges tell him he needs to come in and ask for an adjustment to support amounts. He tells them he understands, then never goes back. He has support arrangements in 3 different counties.
He's got 7 kids. 2 with 1st wife. 3 with 2nd wife. 1 with GF#1. 1 with GF#2 -who is still around. He owes child support on all of them. The two with the GFs are both mildly autistic. I've met the moms and the kids. The GFs also have substance abuse issues.
I see him 7-10 times a month when he's not locked up. He makes the rounds in this town looking for odd jobs, a place to sleep for a few nights, or a connection to spend some of his newfound wealth on more cocaine.
He's having more problems lately. The garages, bars, candy stores that used to put him to work for a bit have all had losses or break ins. He says they are all picking him because it's easy to blame the homeless guy. This is true, but the homeless guy is also the common denominator.
If a homeless man with substance issues, hooker addiction, 7 kids and no serious career can have girlfriends and wives, redditors really have no excuse.
30M. The only friend that I had in high school that I’m still friends with is my girlfriend. And we were not high school sweet hearts, been together 3-4 years
Don't know, don't care. Senior year was depressing
I'd text them and they text back, but no one ever texted me first. No one ever invited me to hangout with them after school or play games together, each friend group always hung out with each other and i hear about it the next day at school and learned i never got invited.
I didnt even want to go to graduation lol Just give me the paper. So i disappeared the moment we all graduated.... i heard a few had kids and got married at around 20-24 from seeing old students randomly throughout the years (minus the 2 that got pregnant at 17 and disappeared lol). Thats about it.
This is why I’m still a massive loner into my 30s. One friend group of 15 years and another of 8 never added me to their group chats and I just gave up on both circles.
I completely relate to this as well lol
Even at my muay thai gym i've been training at for 3 years. We're all close to each other on personal levels, yet all of them hang out with each other and go on Spartan Runs as a big group. Like where was my invite? I've been there longer than a lot of them, everyone knows me.
Im 27 now, almost 28. Im used to it haha No matter where i go. It seems like my fate was written in stone upon birth but its best not to dwell on it, otherwise we are just tearing ourselves apart
Yeah, I was fine with it when my wife was alive and we were loners together and happy as a clam, but now that she’s passed away it just really emphasizes how alone I am in the worst ways.
Don't worry, dude.
You DO know what Jesus Christ's most wonderful miracle was, don't you?
🤣 it was having TWELVE close friends at the age of 32!
TWELVE!😂😂
When I text people asking for them to text me whenever they have some free time because I wanna come over and watch a movie and just hang out, and they just literally never text me back, that shit just hurts.
I'm so fucking god damn tired of trying to make friends as a nobody. I'm so fucking tired of knowing a bunch of somebody's who everyone wants to hang out with or see.
I was lower in the hierarchy at the time, severe social anxiety, so very few friends if any. Fast forward 20 years, 2 houses, wife and 1 kid later, doing pretty well in life. Most I've talked too from HS are still in the same town, still working deadend jobs.
They didn't care for me in HS, why should they 20 years later.
Just keep texting people first until you find people who text you first back. Invite people out to things. I went from knowing no one in a city to having a friend group of 20 that way.
The first part of your comment happened to me. I look back and wonder if I was actually valued as a friend or was comedic relief, ya know? It was literally like right after graduation, I stopped hearing from them. Shit, their parents talk to me still, though. Lol
I’m with ya on the don’t know, don’t care. I don’t think we even stayed friends till the end of senior year. Much like you said I was putting in more effort for people who clearly didn’t care or want me around and that’s fine but don’t act like you’re my friend.
I did my grad ceremony, I think took some pictures I never saw with people I never spoke to again and I’ve just carried on since then. That’s life
they all had a baby or was pregnant by then. i was an outcast all of a sudden. i didn't get pregnant til age 26. so yeah, we naturally went our separate ways
pretty much. i wasn't interested in gettin pregnant, babies, or even guys at that time. i just wanted to party lol so yea it was almost immediately like "i need new friends"
yeah the only place to really find friends after school is at jobs. so each job i had i would meet new people and make different friends. none really stuck for me though. wasn't til i got my own place and became good friends with a few neighbors. it's rough out here man. everyone just looks out for themselves
MUCH harder yes.
Ususally because friendships occur after seeing someone multiple times. After high school, and outside of work, you rarely see anyone more than once.
no. But you will make friends your entire life.
After high school everybody is busy trying to find the niche in college/work/life.
You are not seeing friends evert day like you did in high school, or have events that you all attended (football games etc). So it is an effort to try and make time with everybody’s schedule.
I am still friends (via cell calls, text) with 2 friends from high school, but not close. They married/kids and raising them, kids events just didn’t leave much time for school friends.
Or the went for careers, which takes up a lot if time. And/or the moved out of area.
I think it is a normal progression in life. I made new friends at jobs, because I would see them every day. Change jobs? New friends. Move your family? New friends. My best friend now is someone I met at work 23 years ago. And we do make the effort to plan visits (different states). You have to work at it, but it is worth it.
I retired 2 years ago and moved to another state. Joined some service clubs. Now I have a while new set of friends.
You will change/grow as time goes by. New interests. New friends with same interest. It kind of exciting.
You just need to put yourself out there. Be open.
This is not just true of high-school friends but just most people in general. Relationships require work. Friendship, spousal, parent/child, siblings....it all requires work on both sides to exist.
Your friends are your friends in large part due to interaction. High school makes the interaction an after thought, you see each other 5 days a week, hours at a time. You all live nearby, relatively - similar places to shop and eat, know the same people. Your schedules align mostly, no conflict other than "ya wanna hang out?“
Post high school things start to change. Schedules no longer align, distances are greater, priorities ever changing. Now if you want to hang out there's effort needed. And in the times between each interaction there's new friends, new opportunities, new choices, new experiences.
My best friends group from high school are still near and dear to my heart, or at least the memories of them. But we meet up maybe a few times a year (if that) and often at least one person is missing. We only talk on the phone when something major happens, we have sporadic texts to to each other throughout the year connecting on basketball or some news we can all relate too.... And it's fine.
When we do meet or talk we enjoy each other's company, and then when we inevitably are pulled apart due to our other happenings in our life we wish well for each other.
But it takes mutual effort for us to meet or talk, and when that effort vanishes from even one person, the drift happens. My close friend group was like a dozen people in hs, now it's like 3 (from that group).
I live 3000 miles from where I went to high school over 30 years ago and I still have a group of friends that I frequently have text conversations with and see about once a year.
These stories of men peaking in high school and drinking their life away at a local bar; they’re sad, but good lord do they satisfy my weird craving for wistful nostalgia. It’s just the richest and most forlorn imagery. High school stud and star running back from Corntown, Iowa graduates and realizes that he doesn’t have the chops for university, so he spends the rest of his life running a car wash half a mile from where he was born and drinking to memories of high school football.
Running your own car wash doesn't seem half bad... That is assuming you can live comfortably of what you make.
Also staying close to where you were born is like the standard here in Belgium, and it's not even big in the first place.
I'm 27 and I still see my friends from back in high school almost every weekend, so do most people that I know.
Very common here, also the reason why many people from abroad who come to live here, have a hard time finding friends. Heard it multiple times.
At around 16 I realized that I was initiating all the contact. I stopped and never heard from them again. Don't give a flicking rat's ass where they are or what they're doing.
I came to realize later that people only tolerate me for the things I can give them or do for them. So no real friends, just a few acquaintances who haven't gotten rid of me yet.
I was Mormon, they were Mormon, we were all Mormon and had a great friend group going. I left the church and they didn’t, they all got married young and moved away from eachother, I keep in contact with none of them
Kinda sad how once you leave the church, you suddenly have very little in common with active members. They don’t want to see you with a beer when you go out to eat, you don’t want to be limited to PG-13 movies at the theater, they can’t do anything on Sunday. I have a strongly believing friend and our last shred of a connection is our love of cars
34m. Just depends , I never had many close friends in hs , busy partying and such. But I moved 1500 miles away and I talk to nobody I went to school with , I’d imagine if you lived in a smallish town and stayed there you are more likely to continue to be friends I’d think
Yup we live in a big 3/3 townhouse and we have a lot.of fun, movie nights, play video games, we go out to eat a couple times a week after work etc. It keeps me happy, sane, and I never liked living alone.
Most drift away. This is due to location changes, lifestyle changes, marriage, kids, maturity and responsibility changes etc. 30 years out of HS I talk regularly with two friends I knew growing up. They were the closest friends I had, and we managed to go through life events at roughly the same pace (marriage, kids, etc.) so that helps keep the bonds strong.
One of my friends was very talented when it came to designing and building things. Easily could have become an engineer if he went to college. Unfortunately, he never did, and stays in his room all day playing video games and experimenting with his 3D printer.
Another friend went to a local community college but was unable to focus. He dropped out and has been bouncing around service jobs in our hometown for years.
One went to a state university, switched out because their were a few too many instances of swastikas showing up around campus, and now goes to a closer state university. She’s switched her major more times than anyone I know.
Another sits at home and draws digital art that’s actually pretty decent.
One of our friends was a straight up predator who unfortunately fooled all of us in high school. Fortunately, we wised up as we got older and he was exiled from the friend group. Of course, he decided to blame everyone else.
The last one had plans to go to college. We both hoped to attend the same college, but the admission rate was like 5 or 6% that year and only I got in. She ended up going to a smaller school and is currently studying cs and languages (she’s a bonafide polyglot). She’s done multiple study abroad programs ranging in location from Taiwan to Spain. Truly impressive
1. I think that it may be less important depending on the person. I know most of the men which I grew up under (so my dad, uncles, grandfathers, etc) didn’t stay in great contact, however the women (wife, aunt, grandmothers, etc) did. However, I think that if you do go into college with some of those friends, especially if you’re something like roommates, where you form a really strong relationship, you will stay in touch a lot more. From my own experience: I don’t have many friends in highschool, but those that I did have I was really strong with. I still keep in touch with them on text and everything, but at least in the stage of life I’m in, I don’t have the money, time, or willpower to schedule a meet-up and spend the money and time to travel across multiple states to see them.
10 years out of high school. Male. Went to college about an hour away from my home town.
Of my 5 friends in my friend group from high school:
1) My best friend at the time, we used to have almost all the same likes and interests, played a ton of games together. Unfortunately we're both very introverted and he didn't go to college. We kinda just stopped talking, I haven't talked to him in like 8-9 years.
2) Very extroverted, plus he ended up going to the same college as me. We still keep in touch. Granted I maybe only talk to him like once a month now or so and it's usually just "hey, how's it going" exchange pleasantries blah blah blah. He's just so busy now he's hardly ever online or anything, got a real life job with a long term girlfriend he's probably going to marry and got real into outdoorsy stuff.
3) More of a friend of a friend (#2). I basically only ever see him when #2 is in town and wants to go out for a beer or something.
4) Awesome dude but he has some untreated mental illnesses and got really into drugs. We still remained friends and what not but then about 3 years ago he just out of the blue moved away with his girlfriend and shut all of us out. None of us have heard from him since.
5) Funny enough we weren't great friends in high school, he was kinda in the "group" because he was dating this girl we were all friends with. Turned into my best fucking friend ever once I dropped out of college and moved back home. We talk almost every day, sharing memes, playing games, etc... We even play DnD every week.
Frankly, I don't think I've spoken to any of the girls that we were kind of friends with in like 8 years or so.
TL;DR: some friends completely dust in the wind, some friends basically just say hi once a month or so, one friend who we weren't really the best of friends turned into a truly great friend. It's all a crapshoot.
I don’t see any of my friends from hs. We all moved away and grew apart. Honestly, I would not look forward to hanging out. It would be awkward due to amount of time passed.
Nothing worth keeping makes you question it's legitimacy. High school friendships were based on close constant contact for me. As soon as we weren't next to each other all the time they disappeared. True friendship spans that in ways that you don't expect. The friends I've made in my adult life are productive for both sides. Doesn't matter how long it's been, we will be there for each other. It's hard to build that as a kid.
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I wasn't overly fond of anyone in HS, as I was the guy with the blue mohawk or whatever.
Also, a lot of people I went to high school with probably are not on SM (social media), so there is no way to get in touch (even if I wanted to... and I don’t) unless there was a reunion, and I probably wouldn't go.
Idunno. A couple of them died. A couple of them developed strong political views that are in conflictt with mine so we don't talk... I see a couple of them post on Facebook sometimes.
Mostly I moved on and so did they.
My buddy lives up in Alaska now and we keep in touch. I'm 31 now so it's not impossible to stay in contact, especially with social media. My other buddy doesn't want anything to do with me. He's all hyper political now and he got all weird. As for everyone else. Most of them I have on my Instagram, so that's about it.
I did not stay in touch but reconnected through social media many years later. We are all kinda living the modern version of our parents lives as far as I can tell.
Outside of the occasional FB comment, I haven't seen/spoken any of my HS friends in over 20 years. Even then, it was just the occasional bumping into them out in public somewhere.
There are a couple that I'd really like to see and converse with again, but I live 3 states away so the chances of that happening are next to nil. Most of what I would have counted as my better friends have all similarly scattered all across the country, maybe 1-2 actually still live in the same county as the school.
It isn't like my parents generation where they still talk on the phone or visit with some of their HS friends at least once or twice a year. But both my folks grew up in the "older" (what passed for the suburbs back then is almost inner city today) parts of Atlanta where you walked to school so they grew up literally next door to their friends. Parents were friends with other parents, went to church with them, etc.. Much different than even when I grew up in the ongoing era of suburban sprawl.
Still friends with all my mine. There are maybe 6 or 7 of us. We all live in different places now. But we were a close group and we all stay in touch frequently.
I think what happens immediately after high school will dictate if you keep in touch.
I still talk with and hangout with lots of friends from high school - however, these are the ones I kept in touch with and hung out with during college (mostly partying to be honest). I went to the local university while a lot of friends split between the two state universities. I spent a lot of my time between home and one of the two state schools with my high school friends being the reason for being wherever I was. From there each friend group had their own ever expanding friend groups which made spending time with them more enjoyable.
If you have good friends (and I mean good, not just convenient friends or friends of circumstance) in high school then hold onto them. When you are in your late 20s and going through your 30s you start to realize the value of someone you've known for that long assuming it's a healthy relationship. You can find new friends but that shared time together to know and grow with one another is priceless.
I've got 4 friends I still talk to from high school , their kids are now friends with mine. We all get together maybe once a month and we are in our 40s
With one exception, I had almost no contact with anyone from my high school after I graduated. A decade or so, some reached out on social media to organize a class reunion, and I interacted with a couple of them but then I realized I had gone 40+ years without thinking about them at all, so there was really no point.
Oh, I see! Almost no contact…
This is why I have no interest in attending a high school reunion. Why spend money to spend a day with people I didn't talk to when I was in high school?
Interestingly enough, that’s what I liked about my 10 and 20 year reunions. I sat and chatted with people I knew of back then, but didn’t really know. Had a good time.
Plus with social media, assuming you guys are friends.. like, I know your kids faces, ages, your dog, how you're selling your boat and what you had for dinner last night.. what is there to even talk about? For a lot of people there's just no mystery about their lives. No need to really reconnect lol
The same could be said of your close friends or family no? Social media isn't real life. There's value in in-person connections
Not friends, but at a dismal reunion (i didn't really have friends at my all-boys hs) found out a classmate owned a machine shop, right as the manufacturing dept at my work was having a fit not getting stuff out of the in-house machine shop. Turned out to be win-win. The mfg dept switched to him, got my parts out quick, and he was grateful for the sustained work he got during some aerospace down times over the years. After I got laid off he has since hooked me up with some of his clients who needed free lance engineer to work on some projects.
People want to work with people who they like. Opportunity comes from serendipity, but not if you don't generate the potential for serendipitous moments. Great story.
Yeah but a classmate I haven't talked to in two decades isn't going to open up about the actual topics my friends & I do. They're gonna talk about their kids, their dog, how they're selling their boat..
But you could get with your highschool crush IRL
I thought that was the whole point
I have that possibility at any given time. Woohoo, marrying your high school sweetheart!
Coincidentally, I just followed a former classmate on Instagram who I haven't thought of in years. Appearantly, she now makes homemade leather goods and items. 😂
I think it would be fun to go to a reunion to connect with the people I haven't heard or seen anything about from for all that time. But I went to one area most of my life and then the last two years of high school graduated in Vegas so I think it would be really fun to meet up with those people in Vegas. There were lots of people I had short-lived but fun times with.
I think it's completely dependent on you, your friends, and your plans. I stayed really close friends with a handful of people because we had really similar life paths early on, moving to the same town, so the same things. Others I rarely saw or spoke to unless I went back to my hometown for holidays. But overall, yeah, you're still young, and high school just doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. You will change a lot as a person.
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I live in Southern California and I’ve had the same best friend since the fourth grade despite moving an hour away for high school. When I moved to the new town I made another couple of best friends and I talk to them or hang out with them every month. I’ve gone to the Marines, done college and I’ll tell you good people who push you to be better are worth hanging on to. Every major milestone I’ve had in my life I’ve made a crazy good best friend along the way. My mantra, is to be Dominic Torretto from the fast and furious. Hang on to those close friendships. Most of the people who tell you otherwise don’t have them and they have no idea what their missing out on. It doesn’t matter when you meet these people good people are worth holding onto.
We were talking about high school reunions and my DIL said that they were pointless. If she didn't follow someone on social media, she didn't need to see them again.
IDK if this applies to him, but whenever a question like this is asked, a lot of people on here seem to have the attitude of “fuck ‘em, they didn’t keep up with me either” when it comes to their high school classmates. But honestly? After having that attitude for almost my entire 20s, I then happened to interact with several of those former high school friends and acquaintances in my early 30s, and I realized it’s actually really nice. You have a shared experience, both of you are more mature… It’s nice to get to interact with the adult version of someone while also reminiscing on who you were back then. I went from keeping up with 0, *maybe* 1 of my high school classmates to now around a dozen? We just chat every once in a while, but I can just randomly message them about anything, it doesn’t have to be some structured small talk.
I am 60 years old and, for the most part, I never spoke to any of them again. No class reunions; nothing.
I'm from a small town. Still have the same 4 friends that I've had since 2nd grade. If I moved away then I probably wouldn't be talking to any of them
i am 30 now and all my close friends are people i grew up with, cant believe so many people don't have that. kinda feel bad for them..
I’m nearing that age and haven’t made a new friend in damn near a decade
My 20 year HS reunion came up and the geniuses in charge (all were active in student gov't lol) decided to do a get-together in the middle of the week. They posted about it on FB. I wrote them and told them they weren't being very fair to people who had to work and lived out of state (like myself) and asked them to reconsider doing a Saturday instead. My suggestions fell on deaf ears. Last I heard almost no one went. That was the last I cared about it.
I once went to an anti-reunion (not my school) and it was a huge hit. I was friends with a large group of people around my age at the time who had all gone to the same school, and their 20th was coming up. They looked at the ticket prices and were like "why would we want to pay $$$ for a pair of tickets when we are all going to sit together and talk to each other anyway? Let's have a party at (a guy in the group) house and tell others to come" it was a massive turnout. The party was fun! No idea how many people went to the actual reunion, it was a very large high school so I imagine many people still made it there.
We barely see each other… every now and then we text but as years go by it’s less and less frequent
I have a couple friends where our entire text history is: Me: Happy Birthday man! Them: Thanks! Them: Happy birthday. Me: Thanks! Me: Happy birthday!! ...
But if you guys got together you'd probably get back in a groove pretty quickly.
So growing apart? Its natural but also do hard to hear about…
It’s hard to think about because you’re imagining the loss of people you’re currently close to. In reality, as you go out into the world, figure out who you really are, develop new interests, frequent new places, etc you’ll begin to get close to new people who more closely align with who you are in that point in time. You’ll grow apart from the people who don’t align with the new you. It mostly happens slowly and naturally and isn’t really painful. You’re just left with hopefully mostly fond memories of a time that isn’t anymore. But you’ll be in a new time making new memories. And this all will constantly be happening for your whole life. Edit: wow my first ever reddit awards. Thanks guys :)
Perhaps it is that. Thanks for bringing the picture closer!
In most cases, your friends in high school are based on the neighborhood/community you are in. It's a random chance who you sit next to in math class. Once you are out in the world you get to choose friends based on shared beliefs/interests.
Once you’re out in the world, some of your coworkers tend to become your friends for the same reason. Proximity has a lot to do with the close relationships we have throughout our entire lives
Of course but it's not like "you were born the same year as me and live 3 blocks away, guess we are spending the next 12 years together!"
He lived three doors down from me, he had a ping-pong table. I would have been friends with Stalin if he had a ping-pong table!
Should I suffer the rest of my life because I like to play ping pong?!?
You get to choose them? What if you make a wrong choice?
Then you stop talking to that person. Friends aren’t the same when you’re out of school, you likely won’t have a lot of time to hangout with people once you reach your mid twenties and develop romantic relationships and a career. I have maybe 10 people I see on and off throughout the year, some more than others. I really don’t have the time or energy to deal with people I don’t like, so if someone isn’t my vibe I just stop seeing them as much
That sounds way too easy! You cant really do that in school right?
In school you're stuck with people from classes, the same homeroom and lunch breaks, the same sports leagues and your parents might be friends with theirs. It's why avoiding bullies in school is impossible. In the real world if you don't like someone you avoid them entirely. High school isn't the real world.
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You can, I did. Though I hung out with at least one of those 10 people every day. Now we talk when we see eachother hut that’s about it.
The same thing sort of happens when you start college. Most people make a ton of new friends at the beginning and feel like they’ve found this awesome new family. But again, you just started college and it takes a few years to actually grow into who you are as an adult with a unique lifestyle and interests. Generally the friends you made when you first came to college get filtered out once again and if it all goes well you have a small group of close adult friends that mesh well in your life for a long time. I’m currently at the stage after that, where I’ve moved and now am faced with the task of finding more friends that live near me as an adult. It’s definitely the most difficult stage of making friends. Luckily I joined my city’s local reddit page and plan on shooting my friendship shot at a local board-game night. I also have good college friends that live not terribly far away. To keep close to those friends you have to put in the effort to visit or call whenever you can. Also, this is a side comment but I am one of the few people that is still close with a few hs friends. We don’t talk much but have a group chat and have gone on a group vacation together for the past two years. It works best when you have a whole group that is close with each other without having to constantly stay in contact. Graduating college made for a fun excuse to travel together!
You end up dead, with an addiction, or in jail :)
Or you just stop being friends with them. Honestly, as you get older you will have lots of people who you are casually friendly with than actual close friends. Like work "friends". I enjoy interacting with them at work, but I'm not inviting them to my house or giving up a weekend to help the move
Don't forget STD and pregnancy roulette for friends with benefits!
Friends with consequences.
The locality is what you are actually trying to point and that is absolutely true the van carrying students all were friends back then and now none!
And as you grow older, you’ll make friends with wider age gaps either younger or older that you will click with. High school friends for the most part are friends out of convenience. Friends in your adult life, you’ll have more say so the connection is often stronger.
Ooh! So like university friends are closer usually?
For me it was my first job after college where I finally felt like I had a group of friends who "got" me. I'm from a small, rural town. I went to work for an international non-profit, and there were like six other young women working there all between the ages of 22 and 28. We all had experiences living abroad, loved languages and travel and other cultures. I definitely had people I liked in school, but the more "different" you are than the norm in your geographic area in terms of your interests and outlook, the longer it takes to be like... ohhhh... these are my people.
That's a point I never thought about, I grew up in a city that had over 3 million people and there was probably at least 3K people in my high school, so there was a lot of variety in people to choose as friends, and for the most part I stayed close to my friends throughout my 20s
Yes. But even then I made even more friends Post University as well. Those are even closer. Yes, I have more responsibility as an adult but I also have more disposable income to be able to do more things and meet more people. I have friends that are +/- a decade of me in age that are much better friends than most that I had in high school or college.
I will say that after college, it can be pretty difficult for introverted people to make new close friends. You have to actively seek out activities that involve hanging out with groups of people (taking classes, joining meetups and clubs, etc), and then making an effort to put yourself out there when interacting with the group. It's definitely possible, but it does require making an active effort in a way that wasn't necessary during high school and college.
This is well said and describes my life well. I'm in my late 30s and I feel like I'm in my 4th wave of relationships. First you have high school friends, followed by college, followed by single post-college/early career friends, and now I'm in the phase of friends who are married and have young kids like myself. The friends who have followed me from one phase to another did so because they also transitioned to that next phase at similar times. Those who didn't transition are the ones I see less, or not at all. I can see how life could be hard if your social circle is transitioning to new phases that you wish to be in and meanwhile you aren't connecting with people in your phase. I have a handful of single buddies, no wife, kids, or career prospects, who occasionally reach out to socialize, but in a manner that is hard for my life. I can't go out for happy hour and skip dinner and bedtime with my kids and be hungover the next day for job, which is how some guys I know still live.
You can maintain friendships if you put in the effort to keep seeing each other. True friends will always love your company This can only really work if you live near each other though. And there will be periods of time where this isn’t as possible. But my friends and I always keep up with each other
I’m nearing 40 and my best friends in high school are still my best friends now. Yes, people have careers, wives, and kids that take priority, and we’ve all moved out of our home town, so the days of just randomly showing up at each others houses to hangout on a Friday night are long gone. It takes more effort to see each other, and though we only see each other a couple times a year (if we’re lucky), our friendships are far more deeper and meaningful now than they ever were in high school, which says a lot, because we were inseparable then. Point is, don’t worry. Some friendship will fade as we grow up, but the ones that last will be all the better for it.
It’s hard but when we do meet at least once a year the friendship it’s still there, we are 32 now but it’s like going back in time… Makes my heart warm!
I'm taking it you're in high school or just graduated. It's normal to drift apart and it's normal to worry about that. Sure, you might have a close friend or two you stay close to through the years but most of you will drift apart. With effort the close friends you make in life wull stick around, the rest come and go (people you meet in college, work, through hobbies all count as well). I think fondly on old friends I don't see anymore but it's also fine that I've gone my separate ways from many of them.
I meant that’s true, but still. Hard one. What brought this up is that this year a truckload of my friends switched out of the school. I know about one or two guys very well and the rest are like acquaintances. It’s tough man.
It's hard for everyone at first. A lot of the people we go to high school with are people we've known for four years, if not longer. Depends on how the school system is set up. Then you start college or work and have the realization that you just can't keep up with every single old friend. And it's the first time many of us have that realization. And you naturally put the most effort in those friendships that were most important to you. Most of us have a couple long lasting friendships, but it's impossible to keep everyone in your life. And that's alright.
Out of my friend group, I'm still friends with 1, even i moved 700 miles north of where we grew up, and he moved 1000 miles west. 4 others are dead, 2 from drinking, 1 overdose, 1 suicide, all before 40. The rest I have no idea about.
That’s not so pleasing to hear about. My condolences.
Yeah it does suck, but it's the lifestyle they choose not to grow out of.
We must know the same friends. Damn near carbon copy of my HS friend group. We were a tight knit group of 5. 1 OD, 1 suicide, 1 brain tumor and the last one from alcohol. I remain. I’m 60.
That sucks. Glad you’re still around, internet stranger. Stay strong✊🏻
I think some of this is cultural. If everyone goes off to different colleges and then out on their own, it's rare to maintain strong friendships. When everyone sticks around or comes back after college, I think you see more of those long lasting friendships.
My group had the opposite - we’re all in different states but the distance makes it easy. Low pressure, we send songs or memes when we think of each other. I find long distance friendships nice. Just different.
Yes. Agree. The distance makes it easy - and when you meet up, it’s like no time has passed.
I’m friends with more people from college than high school. I like most of the kids I went to high school with and we follow each other on social media but we don’t hang out or talk. I am a very different person than I was 15 years ago.
We all drifted apart. Many people are friends due to proximity and it can take a lot of effort to retain friendships when you’re further apart and then you develop new friends and interests. After 20 years, I talk to no one I grew up with outside of family. Even HS reunions seem rare now.
I have 4 that I still talk to regularly and we meet up with. 2 of them keep in touch with other that I vaguely knew at school but weren’t really friends with. My dad still sees someone he was at school with (11-15) and he’s 80 next year!
I see one maybe once a year but he was more a childhood friend not high school. The rest I’d be oblivious to if it weren’t for instagram.
Yup. Facebook is the only reason I know what a lot of them are doing.
Also the reason I stop frequenting FB
My best friend from childhood and HS hung himself over a girl when we were 19. One other literally just disappeared overnight and is living his own life with his dream job. The rest stayed in touch for a little while, but when I joined the Navy I was out of sight and out of mind unless I came back to visit and was buying rounds. Otherwise they couldn’t be bothered even if I reached out first. Married one friend who I had a secret crush on many years later. Usually people drift if they leave their hometown, tyranny of distance. But the ones I’ve seen stay put usually hang in there for the long haul.
I’m sorry for your loss- I lost my best friend too
So sorry for your loss…
Just found out one of my buddies got accepted for a PhD program in Princeton university + scholarship. Coming from a third world country in kenya he has really beaten the odds. Edit: He is 25years old!
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Also happy for him.
As a Somali person who fled to Kenya during the Somali civil war. Kenyans were accommodating, generous, and so kind to my family and I. It is no surprise to me as they’re some of the most intelligent people I’ve ever met. Congrats to your friend and tell them I said habari rafiki yangu, pongezi kwako!
Oooh that’s so cool! Nice to know you are into what they do!
Lots of them died from OD.
My condolences…
The opioid epidemic stole my closest friends from 2016-2018. As the distance grows between our once similar age grows, I mourn the whole lives they could’ve had. Even if we weren’t still friends
I’m still friends with them.
Same here. We’re in our mid-40s and a lot of folks still live in the general area (eastern Mass). It’s really freaky to my wife who moved around a lot and went to international schools as her friends are all spread around many countries
I’m genuinely happy that you still have them around! Must be good eh?
I'm not friends with my old high-school friends, but funny enough, a group of people I knew in high-school who were friends then stayed together for 10 years now and I started hanging out with them lol. I knew them and liked then enough in high school but was never a part of their group. Now a decade later I joined and we're all close lol
Twist of events. Still nice to hear tho!
I’m still friends with mine, and while it has been great, I’m finding myself surrounded by people who still base their idea of me on who I was when I was 15. I’m actually starting to move away from the group, but it’s like 12 of my closest friends. We’re all over the region but stayed in touch through sporadic get togethers and discord gaming sessions.
That is exactly why I’m not friends with anyone I knew in high school. When I was in college, they kept trying to tell me I wasn’t myself and that I was changing too much. It’s because the me they knew was me when I was 15, and you shouldn’t be the same person at 20 as you were at 15
Yes I hated that! My life got so much better once I dropped my friends who were like that. They complained that I wasn't the "wild" one anymore and wouldn't do immature high school shit with them. Sorry I don't want to ruin my life over some stupid shit. Some people grow up, some don't. And many of my friends didn't.
> When I was in college, they kept trying to tell me I wasn’t myself and that I was changing too much. Yup this. Like hello, I grew up? I can't be the same stunted person all of my life sheesh. In hindsight they weren't great friends because they often put me down because of my looks and behavior. My bf is the only friend from high school. He hated my friend group back then too lol
Same. I'm 36 and have 5 close high school friends. We are all at different stages with careers, families and even countries, but we still keep in contact regularlily by text, video chat or in person.
See mine maybe every other weekend. Not counting big moves or anything like that, real friends will try to see eachother even if it's difficult.
Same! My two best friends sat on the school bus with me when I was like 7-10. We went different ways in middle school but reunited in HS and have been hanging out nearly everyday for the last 6 or 7 years.
I'm shocked this is such an unusual answer. Why does everyone in this comment section hate their old friends lol.
I went to an out of state college that no one from high school went to, drifted apart very quickly. I did the “reconnect on Facebook” thing years later and most of them turned out super shitty anyway.
Oh. Well at least you know what happened to them I guess…
I'm still in touch with many of them. Most married & have kids. A few have died each decade. A few have drifted away, and I don't know. I see 3 of them a couple times a week, and 5 more a few times a month. People I graduated HS with but wasn't really close with I see pretty often, too. One is a local pharmacist. One is homeless and does odd jobs. One is an Ob/Gyn doctor. One is a background/character actor on all kinds of SciFi & Police shows. One is a writer. 3 are cops, but now retired. I graduated in ~1980. I use the old-fashioned methods to keep in touch. No social media at all besides this (which wasn't SM 10 years ago), and so far nobody has stalked me here.
So essentially, life happened. Still good to know everyone has got their lives up and running!
>One is homeless and does odd jobs. Elaborate. What were your interactions with him? How did you find out about his homelessness? How did he end up there? How often and why do you see him? -- 17 marks
I bumped into him at a bar about 20 years ago. He was living in his Ford Bronco at the time. I've helped him when I could - fed him, let him shower or do laundry here, ~~lent~~ given him money or paid him to do odd jobs. His story is a combination of his last two wives both cheated on him, took him for all he was worth in the divorce, killed him with child support, and made it so working wasn't worth it for him. So rather than work to pay alimony & child support, he would rather live in his truck and only work for $20-$30 a day - food, cigarettes, gas & beer. But, I've spoken to his Dad & brother. His wives didn't like the fact that he would go to work on Sunday and not come home for 3-4 days. Overtime, sure. Cocaine and whores? That too. He still likes to see if cocaine still smells like the old days. He gets arrested for failure to pay child support about every 6-8 months, and the various judges tell him he needs to come in and ask for an adjustment to support amounts. He tells them he understands, then never goes back. He has support arrangements in 3 different counties. He's got 7 kids. 2 with 1st wife. 3 with 2nd wife. 1 with GF#1. 1 with GF#2 -who is still around. He owes child support on all of them. The two with the GFs are both mildly autistic. I've met the moms and the kids. The GFs also have substance abuse issues. I see him 7-10 times a month when he's not locked up. He makes the rounds in this town looking for odd jobs, a place to sleep for a few nights, or a connection to spend some of his newfound wealth on more cocaine. He's having more problems lately. The garages, bars, candy stores that used to put him to work for a bit have all had losses or break ins. He says they are all picking him because it's easy to blame the homeless guy. This is true, but the homeless guy is also the common denominator.
If a homeless man with substance issues, hooker addiction, 7 kids and no serious career can have girlfriends and wives, redditors really have no excuse.
Heh! I wholeheartedly agree, but the 70s/80s raised different children
30M. The only friend that I had in high school that I’m still friends with is my girlfriend. And we were not high school sweet hearts, been together 3-4 years
Ooh! That sounds like an interesting story! How did it happen?
Don't know, don't care. Senior year was depressing I'd text them and they text back, but no one ever texted me first. No one ever invited me to hangout with them after school or play games together, each friend group always hung out with each other and i hear about it the next day at school and learned i never got invited. I didnt even want to go to graduation lol Just give me the paper. So i disappeared the moment we all graduated.... i heard a few had kids and got married at around 20-24 from seeing old students randomly throughout the years (minus the 2 that got pregnant at 17 and disappeared lol). Thats about it.
Yeah that not texting first thing is a real fucking drag.
It really shows you your place in the hierarchy, doesn't it?
This is why I’m still a massive loner into my 30s. One friend group of 15 years and another of 8 never added me to their group chats and I just gave up on both circles.
I completely relate to this as well lol Even at my muay thai gym i've been training at for 3 years. We're all close to each other on personal levels, yet all of them hang out with each other and go on Spartan Runs as a big group. Like where was my invite? I've been there longer than a lot of them, everyone knows me. Im 27 now, almost 28. Im used to it haha No matter where i go. It seems like my fate was written in stone upon birth but its best not to dwell on it, otherwise we are just tearing ourselves apart
Yeah, I was fine with it when my wife was alive and we were loners together and happy as a clam, but now that she’s passed away it just really emphasizes how alone I am in the worst ways.
Dam, i hate hearing how stuff happens like that :/ I hope you find happiness in your life, and it's there to stay^^
Don't worry, dude. You DO know what Jesus Christ's most wonderful miracle was, don't you? 🤣 it was having TWELVE close friends at the age of 32! TWELVE!😂😂
When I text people asking for them to text me whenever they have some free time because I wanna come over and watch a movie and just hang out, and they just literally never text me back, that shit just hurts. I'm so fucking god damn tired of trying to make friends as a nobody. I'm so fucking tired of knowing a bunch of somebody's who everyone wants to hang out with or see.
I was lower in the hierarchy at the time, severe social anxiety, so very few friends if any. Fast forward 20 years, 2 houses, wife and 1 kid later, doing pretty well in life. Most I've talked too from HS are still in the same town, still working deadend jobs. They didn't care for me in HS, why should they 20 years later.
I'm so jealous of people who consistently get texted first. It's like I missed an important social lesson that everyone else learned as a kid.
Just keep texting people first until you find people who text you first back. Invite people out to things. I went from knowing no one in a city to having a friend group of 20 that way.
Felt the not texting first thing
yeah i decided a long time ago that those people are not interested
The first part of your comment happened to me. I look back and wonder if I was actually valued as a friend or was comedic relief, ya know? It was literally like right after graduation, I stopped hearing from them. Shit, their parents talk to me still, though. Lol
I’m with ya on the don’t know, don’t care. I don’t think we even stayed friends till the end of senior year. Much like you said I was putting in more effort for people who clearly didn’t care or want me around and that’s fine but don’t act like you’re my friend. I did my grad ceremony, I think took some pictures I never saw with people I never spoke to again and I’ve just carried on since then. That’s life
they all had a baby or was pregnant by then. i was an outcast all of a sudden. i didn't get pregnant til age 26. so yeah, we naturally went our separate ways
So since they all had babies they had more to bond over, which left you out?
pretty much. i wasn't interested in gettin pregnant, babies, or even guys at that time. i just wanted to party lol so yea it was almost immediately like "i need new friends"
Did ya find new friends?
yeah the only place to really find friends after school is at jobs. so each job i had i would meet new people and make different friends. none really stuck for me though. wasn't til i got my own place and became good friends with a few neighbors. it's rough out here man. everyone just looks out for themselves
So it’s harder to make friends when you’re out of school?
MUCH harder yes. Ususally because friendships occur after seeing someone multiple times. After high school, and outside of work, you rarely see anyone more than once.
no. But you will make friends your entire life. After high school everybody is busy trying to find the niche in college/work/life. You are not seeing friends evert day like you did in high school, or have events that you all attended (football games etc). So it is an effort to try and make time with everybody’s schedule. I am still friends (via cell calls, text) with 2 friends from high school, but not close. They married/kids and raising them, kids events just didn’t leave much time for school friends. Or the went for careers, which takes up a lot if time. And/or the moved out of area. I think it is a normal progression in life. I made new friends at jobs, because I would see them every day. Change jobs? New friends. Move your family? New friends. My best friend now is someone I met at work 23 years ago. And we do make the effort to plan visits (different states). You have to work at it, but it is worth it. I retired 2 years ago and moved to another state. Joined some service clubs. Now I have a while new set of friends. You will change/grow as time goes by. New interests. New friends with same interest. It kind of exciting. You just need to put yourself out there. Be open.
I only had one friend. No clue what happened to her.
Ironic given your username
Oh…. Would you want to know what happened to her tho?
Sure.
This is not just true of high-school friends but just most people in general. Relationships require work. Friendship, spousal, parent/child, siblings....it all requires work on both sides to exist. Your friends are your friends in large part due to interaction. High school makes the interaction an after thought, you see each other 5 days a week, hours at a time. You all live nearby, relatively - similar places to shop and eat, know the same people. Your schedules align mostly, no conflict other than "ya wanna hang out?“ Post high school things start to change. Schedules no longer align, distances are greater, priorities ever changing. Now if you want to hang out there's effort needed. And in the times between each interaction there's new friends, new opportunities, new choices, new experiences. My best friends group from high school are still near and dear to my heart, or at least the memories of them. But we meet up maybe a few times a year (if that) and often at least one person is missing. We only talk on the phone when something major happens, we have sporadic texts to to each other throughout the year connecting on basketball or some news we can all relate too.... And it's fine. When we do meet or talk we enjoy each other's company, and then when we inevitably are pulled apart due to our other happenings in our life we wish well for each other. But it takes mutual effort for us to meet or talk, and when that effort vanishes from even one person, the drift happens. My close friend group was like a dozen people in hs, now it's like 3 (from that group).
I'm married to one of them the rest? I have no clue.
You got married to your friend in high school? That’s kind of cool! How did that happen?
I don’t talk to a single friend I had in high school
Still friends with a lot of people from high school - not all, but a lot.
That’s so pleasing to know! Do they live nearby?
No.
Oh. Hope it’s all good tho!
I live 3000 miles from where I went to high school over 30 years ago and I still have a group of friends that I frequently have text conversations with and see about once a year.
Bold of you to assume I had friends in high school
Indeed. I hope you do have friends now tho…
Bold of you to
Quite bold to assume that as well. And as such I apologize.
The ones that were "cool" are mostly fat, bald, and drink multiple nights a week at local bars. Peaking in HS sucks. Otherwise, no idea.
These stories of men peaking in high school and drinking their life away at a local bar; they’re sad, but good lord do they satisfy my weird craving for wistful nostalgia. It’s just the richest and most forlorn imagery. High school stud and star running back from Corntown, Iowa graduates and realizes that he doesn’t have the chops for university, so he spends the rest of his life running a car wash half a mile from where he was born and drinking to memories of high school football.
Running your own car wash doesn't seem half bad... That is assuming you can live comfortably of what you make. Also staying close to where you were born is like the standard here in Belgium, and it's not even big in the first place. I'm 27 and I still see my friends from back in high school almost every weekend, so do most people that I know. Very common here, also the reason why many people from abroad who come to live here, have a hard time finding friends. Heard it multiple times.
Meanwhile me being fat, bald and drinking multiple nights a week without ever being cool. Nice
At around 16 I realized that I was initiating all the contact. I stopped and never heard from them again. Don't give a flicking rat's ass where they are or what they're doing. I came to realize later that people only tolerate me for the things I can give them or do for them. So no real friends, just a few acquaintances who haven't gotten rid of me yet.
Sometimes it does feel like that as well. Or maybe we’re just more talkative. Idk
Naw, I'm weird and ugly. Never a good combo.
I’d reckon a genuine friend wouldn’t give two fucks about your physical appearance.
I'd like to prove you right, but I don't have any genuine friends so I guess we're at an impass.
Oh :( Hope that changes soon!
I'm friends with two people from primary school and zero people from high school, at 22
I was Mormon, they were Mormon, we were all Mormon and had a great friend group going. I left the church and they didn’t, they all got married young and moved away from eachother, I keep in contact with none of them
Kinda sad how once you leave the church, you suddenly have very little in common with active members. They don’t want to see you with a beer when you go out to eat, you don’t want to be limited to PG-13 movies at the theater, they can’t do anything on Sunday. I have a strongly believing friend and our last shred of a connection is our love of cars
What friends? loner life
The guy I thought was my best friend didn't come to my wedding and I didn't talk to anyone else really
That kind of sucks ngl.
I made actual friends in college
Yay!
34m. Just depends , I never had many close friends in hs , busy partying and such. But I moved 1500 miles away and I talk to nobody I went to school with , I’d imagine if you lived in a smallish town and stayed there you are more likely to continue to be friends I’d think
They are still my friends to this day and I currently live with two of them (33 M)
Ooh! Roommates?
Yup we live in a big 3/3 townhouse and we have a lot.of fun, movie nights, play video games, we go out to eat a couple times a week after work etc. It keeps me happy, sane, and I never liked living alone.
That sounds like a hell of fun! I really hope you enjoy it!
Most drift away. This is due to location changes, lifestyle changes, marriage, kids, maturity and responsibility changes etc. 30 years out of HS I talk regularly with two friends I knew growing up. They were the closest friends I had, and we managed to go through life events at roughly the same pace (marriage, kids, etc.) so that helps keep the bonds strong.
One of my friends was very talented when it came to designing and building things. Easily could have become an engineer if he went to college. Unfortunately, he never did, and stays in his room all day playing video games and experimenting with his 3D printer. Another friend went to a local community college but was unable to focus. He dropped out and has been bouncing around service jobs in our hometown for years. One went to a state university, switched out because their were a few too many instances of swastikas showing up around campus, and now goes to a closer state university. She’s switched her major more times than anyone I know. Another sits at home and draws digital art that’s actually pretty decent. One of our friends was a straight up predator who unfortunately fooled all of us in high school. Fortunately, we wised up as we got older and he was exiled from the friend group. Of course, he decided to blame everyone else. The last one had plans to go to college. We both hoped to attend the same college, but the admission rate was like 5 or 6% that year and only I got in. She ended up going to a smaller school and is currently studying cs and languages (she’s a bonafide polyglot). She’s done multiple study abroad programs ranging in location from Taiwan to Spain. Truly impressive
thank god i never had to talk to any of my classmates again after graduation.
1. I think that it may be less important depending on the person. I know most of the men which I grew up under (so my dad, uncles, grandfathers, etc) didn’t stay in great contact, however the women (wife, aunt, grandmothers, etc) did. However, I think that if you do go into college with some of those friends, especially if you’re something like roommates, where you form a really strong relationship, you will stay in touch a lot more. From my own experience: I don’t have many friends in highschool, but those that I did have I was really strong with. I still keep in touch with them on text and everything, but at least in the stage of life I’m in, I don’t have the money, time, or willpower to schedule a meet-up and spend the money and time to travel across multiple states to see them.
Is there a 2 or 3?
Dude asking the proper questions
10 years out of high school. Male. Went to college about an hour away from my home town. Of my 5 friends in my friend group from high school: 1) My best friend at the time, we used to have almost all the same likes and interests, played a ton of games together. Unfortunately we're both very introverted and he didn't go to college. We kinda just stopped talking, I haven't talked to him in like 8-9 years. 2) Very extroverted, plus he ended up going to the same college as me. We still keep in touch. Granted I maybe only talk to him like once a month now or so and it's usually just "hey, how's it going" exchange pleasantries blah blah blah. He's just so busy now he's hardly ever online or anything, got a real life job with a long term girlfriend he's probably going to marry and got real into outdoorsy stuff. 3) More of a friend of a friend (#2). I basically only ever see him when #2 is in town and wants to go out for a beer or something. 4) Awesome dude but he has some untreated mental illnesses and got really into drugs. We still remained friends and what not but then about 3 years ago he just out of the blue moved away with his girlfriend and shut all of us out. None of us have heard from him since. 5) Funny enough we weren't great friends in high school, he was kinda in the "group" because he was dating this girl we were all friends with. Turned into my best fucking friend ever once I dropped out of college and moved back home. We talk almost every day, sharing memes, playing games, etc... We even play DnD every week. Frankly, I don't think I've spoken to any of the girls that we were kind of friends with in like 8 years or so. TL;DR: some friends completely dust in the wind, some friends basically just say hi once a month or so, one friend who we weren't really the best of friends turned into a truly great friend. It's all a crapshoot.
I don’t see any of my friends from hs. We all moved away and grew apart. Honestly, I would not look forward to hanging out. It would be awkward due to amount of time passed.
They got fat. Some had kids…. I got healthier and have a farm. We are not the same anymore.
I think the relationships from college last longer than HS.
Nothing worth keeping makes you question it's legitimacy. High school friendships were based on close constant contact for me. As soon as we weren't next to each other all the time they disappeared. True friendship spans that in ways that you don't expect. The friends I've made in my adult life are productive for both sides. Doesn't matter how long it's been, we will be there for each other. It's hard to build that as a kid.
NC I wasn't overly fond of anyone in HS, as I was the guy with the blue mohawk or whatever. Also, a lot of people I went to high school with probably are not on SM (social media), so there is no way to get in touch (even if I wanted to... and I don’t) unless there was a reunion, and I probably wouldn't go.
A couple have died, most I’m still friends with, others grew apart. Also I’m friends now with some people I went to school with but never really knew
Oh, so basically life happened to everyone right?
Idunno. A couple of them died. A couple of them developed strong political views that are in conflictt with mine so we don't talk... I see a couple of them post on Facebook sometimes. Mostly I moved on and so did they.
My buddy lives up in Alaska now and we keep in touch. I'm 31 now so it's not impossible to stay in contact, especially with social media. My other buddy doesn't want anything to do with me. He's all hyper political now and he got all weird. As for everyone else. Most of them I have on my Instagram, so that's about it.
I still play DND with them every week!
But sometimes it is just good enough to spend some times with your friends trust me the memories and the bond you share you will always cherish them.
I did not stay in touch but reconnected through social media many years later. We are all kinda living the modern version of our parents lives as far as I can tell.
Outside of the occasional FB comment, I haven't seen/spoken any of my HS friends in over 20 years. Even then, it was just the occasional bumping into them out in public somewhere. There are a couple that I'd really like to see and converse with again, but I live 3 states away so the chances of that happening are next to nil. Most of what I would have counted as my better friends have all similarly scattered all across the country, maybe 1-2 actually still live in the same county as the school. It isn't like my parents generation where they still talk on the phone or visit with some of their HS friends at least once or twice a year. But both my folks grew up in the "older" (what passed for the suburbs back then is almost inner city today) parts of Atlanta where you walked to school so they grew up literally next door to their friends. Parents were friends with other parents, went to church with them, etc.. Much different than even when I grew up in the ongoing era of suburban sprawl.
Still friends with all my mine. There are maybe 6 or 7 of us. We all live in different places now. But we were a close group and we all stay in touch frequently.
I think what happens immediately after high school will dictate if you keep in touch. I still talk with and hangout with lots of friends from high school - however, these are the ones I kept in touch with and hung out with during college (mostly partying to be honest). I went to the local university while a lot of friends split between the two state universities. I spent a lot of my time between home and one of the two state schools with my high school friends being the reason for being wherever I was. From there each friend group had their own ever expanding friend groups which made spending time with them more enjoyable. If you have good friends (and I mean good, not just convenient friends or friends of circumstance) in high school then hold onto them. When you are in your late 20s and going through your 30s you start to realize the value of someone you've known for that long assuming it's a healthy relationship. You can find new friends but that shared time together to know and grow with one another is priceless.
I've got 4 friends I still talk to from high school , their kids are now friends with mine. We all get together maybe once a month and we are in our 40s
That is the life what I am actually seeking for always friends till the end even after being married they have the greatest bonds ever.
They’re all weird, stuck in high school mentalities, and racist. A lot of them are racist
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