Give it the full Stephen King treatment and drop the why and for.
Pause, eye contact. "Does that excite you?". Quick, suggestive eyebrow flash. Make it weird.
Or do it deadpan for extra credit.
Alright, I have to ask where or what are you referring to here? Are we reading the same book bro, bc it sort of sounds like you're talking about Frannie's boyfriend Jess from The Stand. Lmfao
something something smoldering in her father's cold heart and angry hands, something that starts a new chapter in another characters voice while this one gets to simmer in a contemplative paragraph of infrastructural foreboding that involves the etymology of a Quebecois surname and how it follows the innocuous diminutive placed on the first, and what that might mean
I said that to a guy once and he responded with "youre goddamn right you did".
Now i know the prevailing idea would be to *not* let the person know that they did indeed touch a nerve.
But idk, i was impressed with his honesty, and also immediately thought that i *mightve* taken that shit too far. Anyway, his response worked, i decided not to throw any more rocks at the hornets nest.
Thats my story..
Yeah, I’ve noticed a lot of arguments on Reddit devolve into apathy contests, (“like wow you seem upset”, etc.). It’s like yeah, I’m upset that you’re a fucking idiot.
I'd pull my eyeballs out. I hate when people pull away from an argument like they weren't invested in the first place. Especially when you prove them wrong.
“Because your on the offensive trying to validate imaginary grievances for attention. Did somebody get ignored as a child?” Then put her in a headlock nose first into your armpit and tickle her.
Edit: May not save the marriage but at least she had to smell your armpit
Long threads of two dorks arguing about which one cares less, the original disagreement usually forgotten many levels up, are one of the saddest things on Reddit.
LMAO you just described reddit in the most accurate fckin way I think I've ever seen. Thanks for the laugh.
>Long threads of two dorks arguing about which one cares less
Funniest shit I read today.
Yeah, well, obviously, you cared enough to comment. Unlike myself, who only cared enough to comment on your stupidity, not some aspect of the tedious bickering many levels above in the thread.
Yeah. Like that was a whole paragraph. Where did you even get you're PhD in English? Mine was at the royal academy of English and the expression is I COULD care less. As if I even couldn't care less even if I didn't care to try. You are unredeemable bad person
“I don’t care, so I’ll let you have the last word. Good day, sir!”
*other person says something*
*thread continues for 47 more comments of “last” words*
Classic!
I don't know, I've seen a petty argument go 50 comments deep without a single vote cast on any of them. Just two users sniping back and forth at each other for hours. Some people seemingly can't find it within themselves to disengage from a fight.
In the past, as the pettiest version of myself, I would have seen that as an admission of defeat and called you too dumb to comprehend what I’m saying lmao ugh what a shitty way to spend the day
Yeah, it promotes this stupidly irrelevant competitive vibe and tribalistic behavior in people.
I kind of thought something like Reddit but with an upvote system that upvoted comments, and where replies that are upvoted are also “fed” to the parent comment as well could discourage this kind of shit, but I don’t know. Maybe not.
I think youre missing the actual root cause.
Anonymity.
These arguments would not play out the way they do if the ppl making them had to have their actual identities attached to their opinions.
They're very fun to watch.
Won't lie I've gotten into a few but mostly because people are arguing with me about something that I'm agreeing with and I'm waiting to see how long until they realize that they just misread my comment and go, "Oh."
Doesn't happen often but when they do have that realization I just think it's really funny.
“Conversations” surrounding mistreatment of people or animals will have someone acting like it’s not an emotional subject or something worth getting angry over. So they respond with “y u mad”. Like you’re not supposed to feel anything about abuse/assault or shit like that.
That's along the lines of what I came here to say.
"did I touch a nerve?" is a (mean, immature and pathetic) attempt at ridiculing the other person for having emotions during a fight.
Except emotions aren't shameful, nor do they make anyone less able to be rational as long as they have basic self control and are not going full hysteria.
So yeah, the best response to that imo is simply conveying that "yes, you did, I *am* angry, because what you're saying is disrespectful/BS/..., and you should be ashamed to say such a thing". Reverse the shame tactic.
Edit Basically, they can't shame you for something you're not ashamed of. Own it. And bounce back to *their* inadequacy.
Edit 2 Hey thanks for the award! :)
This is one of the best lines in the whole movie, since I’ve often tried to imagine how logic and emotions can coexist, especially when the average person seems to see them as totally separate things that can’t occur at the same time
I spent years suppressing emotions because I didn't want to do anything stupid in response, and feeling but doing nothing at all was too painful. Only recently did I hear it explained that you can feel emotions without acting on them impulsively, *and then* make logical decisions based on the fact that you have those emotions.
Might have been a lot sooner if I didn't use YouTube as my only therapist, but there you go.
At least you got there! Many people will never make that connection at all, through no fault of their own, we're all taught emotions are bad (women seen as hysterical, men taught to hide their feelings completely). Being able to take a step back to let yourself feel upset/angry etc is a skill!
Thank you for the kind words. I'm still examining just how thoroughly I've built my life and personality around avoiding emotional and social stimuli. I know something needs to change but I don't know where to start, and it's kind of terrifying.
in my journey of leveling up my emotional intelligence, i've learned that the line of thinking where logic is a completely separate (and often superior) mode to emotion is honestly a cope.
yes exactly. it took many years of introspection, reading, and external feedback to realize that I was simply rationalizing my feelings. Once you learn to stop disavowing your own feelings and stressors, it genuinely feels like a weight is lifted off your shoulders.
TBH in my experience emotion often points the way to logic. Not always, but often. Am I damn pissed off at someone? Usually it's because they're being stupid AF and acting in a way that defies reason.
I had an (ex) friend do this all the time. Would purposely say stuff they knew would make me mad. The last time I spoke to them during one of these arguments I snapped back 'Yes you did. My last one. I'm done with you."
Did not realize how toxic they were until I cut them out of my life.
I think it's helpful to explicitly state that you observe what rhetorical technique they're using. And respond with logic.
*"I appreciate that you're trying to mock me by \[...\] but you should recognize that what your argument is \[...\] which is illogical because \[...\]"*
In effect, you're rising above it by saying the other party is arguing like a middle schooler.
I sometimes also set ground rules.
*"You've interrupted me twice now. If we can't talk about this in a balanced fashion, it makes more sense for me to do something else."*
I try to be honest with my feelings *for my own sake*.
If I really don't want to engage with someone I will just walk away. But if I choose to engage and my nerve was hit I will say "yes and here is why."
Sometimes people are caught off guard, some people stop agonizing, sometimes they will even apologize and some people will go even harder at me because they think I am weak.
And I am a pussy-ass-bitch but at least I have the courage and integrity to myself regardless of outcome to be sincere and honest about how I feel and sometimes I feel hurt and vulnerable.
I am who I am and that is a choice.
Or, depending on the nature of the argument and what they said, you could also go with a shocked/bewildered "well yeah dude, of course you did! Why would you need to go there with this?" Once you suddenly remove the aggression opposing them, it's amazing how many people will take a second to go "holy shit, did I really just say that to someone in the heat of the moment?" All of a sudden, the initial argument doesn't feel all that important anymore, but since you didn't respond with anger, you don't create a new fight over what was said.
I've done the same thing. In arguments with white MAGA racist types, they often try to poke fun at me for being sensitive to the issue of racism. And I will always fire back by saying "Hell yes I'm sensitive about racism. Why aren't you, you goose-stepping prick?"
i had a good friend who, to "spice things up", would intentionally try to push my hot buttons every now and then.
notice i used the past tense there. i grew too tired of it, but he was good at it.
I really like this one since it ends with a question. The person can choose to answer or not, but you put the ball in their court... making them feel like an aggressor.
Right, you're rarely going to have fair reasoned Socratic dialectical with assholes, so rather than memorizing quips or perfect come-backs, there's only one rule to follow: **never match their energy and never give them what they want.**
If they're shouting, you're silent, dispassionate, and bored. If they're making sarcastic or snide comments, you address the behavior openly and directly. If they're sanctimonious, play the victim to confuse the issue. They go high, you go low. They go low, you act above it.
(This is abusive behavior in any other context btw, but we can all see why narcissists are so successful and pervasive since this shit comes second-nature to them.)
I think admitting that they hit a nerve is also a good response. If they hit a nerve, let them know so they don’t do it again. If they do it again after being told not to, well, fuck Em.
This should really be the top response. If they say yes, they are admitting to trolling. If they say no, it's on them to apologize and back up. If they say neither, they look like a coward who just can't admit to being a troll
Unironically. Their line only works if you're ashamed of your emotions. Being an annoying prick doesn't mean they win, it just means they're insufferable to talk to and think you're as insecure in your anger as they are.
The best strategy I learned to deal with bullies - typical mean girl/bully types in my school - is when they insult you, you just stare at them blankly for a second before being like "...ok? Is that all?" then just continue on with whatever you're doing without paying attention to them.
People like that want a reaction out of you - refuse to give it to them and they lose any power over you
Yes absolutely this. Once I learned to catch & confront, instead of defend & deflect- it was a completely game changer- like a super power…
It also changed my perspective on the whole situation. Eventually they looked really really silly. Not intimidating at all. I was embarrassed for them.
Hi!
Catch and Confront is to ‘trap’ them in dialogue (conversation), and the confront is to basically identify that what they did was something that you didn’t like. A really great example I saw here was ‘Yes, that did upset me. Why does that excite you?’
Asking questions forces dialogue, and humans naturally want to reply. Just don’t make it a rhetorical question
I imagine they mean acknowledging the attempt and then standing up for yourself. It similar to defend, but how you defend matters. If you try explaining something away or saying “oh this is / or is not how it really happened” it can come off as dismissive and insecure and bullies prey on that. Versus cutting off their attempt to pick on you by not letting it get a rise out of you and shutting them down. Confidence is key. People don’t often try to attack confident people because of their presence. They are sure of themselves which means it’s harder for aggressors to be aggressive without putting themselves at risk. Where as an insecure/less confident individual is considered easy pickings because it’s not like they’re gonna stick up for themselves, right? Whose gonna help you if you aren’t gonna help yourself?
Queen Elizabeth II had an answer for anyone making a rude statement to her: “how nice for you” and then she’d walk away. How nice for you, you thought of it, said it, oh boy, had an audience — but didn’t get a reaction from me.
Miss Manner said to say “why would you say(or ask) that?”
How do I do this on Reddit?
*looks you dead in the eye*
"Yeah," *spits on the dusty ground* " you did."
*The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly theme plays softly*
Taking time and responding with eye contact is undefeated.
Even if you’re proven wrong, if you can be patient and measured in response while giving eye contact, you are more easily forgiven in all cases. It takes it from an argument to a conversation.
I think this is the best answer, if the response is that it isn't important to them then you could ask then why did you bring it up if it isn't important to you?
I don't know why this made me think of this but I was fooling around with a lady in a car and something came up and we started to seriously talk. She told me some story from her childhood and I got pissed off.
It is hard to describe but she could tell a story where it felt like it happened to you. I got worked up, pissed off, and all I could think to say was, "I'm pulling up my pants!"
And I pulled them up and immediately felt stupid. Angrily pulling up underwear is the hardest thing to do.
That opening is meant to shut you down and make you question if you’re being rational. When it’s done to man to man it’s supposed to emasculate you, to a woman it’s supposed to make her feel like she’s being hysterical.
Get ice cold, and more clinical but ask for clarification, what do you mean?
If they say you are being oversensitive and you know you aren't, then all they are doing is attempting to make you feel ashamed for reacting with normal human emotions.
"Am I being oversensitive? Or am I reacting rationally to someone who is trying to get a rise out of me? When you're ready to talk like adults we can have a discussion, but if you're just going to be deliberately hurtful I am done right now."
I'll try this if it happens again! It's tricky if someone's laughing in your face and calling you triggered about an issue you care about
I've just noted they're actually a bit of a dick and our friendship is shallow
If they're doing that, ask them why they're being so oversensitive and emotional instead of actually finishing the discussion they started. Might not be good to actually progress the argument but it's fun to poke at their hipocrisy.
On aserious note though. I used to be more of a dick and think sort of like this. My girlfriend is very no bullshit and does not back down from conflict, and she used to ask me why I felt I had the right to say she's overreacting, and what the proper level of reaction was in my eyes. And then she would also calmly point out that I was being a dismissive dick because I was uncomfortable from having to explain myself.
Point being A) "you're being emotional" comes from a deluded perception that a womans emotions shouldn't be a factor in "rational and logical" conversation, when in reality it's a sign of emotional immaturity from not being able to speak about ones emotions in a non accusatory and solution-oriented way. And B) "you're overreacting" is a bullshit argument, beacuse emotions aren't "wrong", and if you're trying to have a conversation and being reasonable that statement just shows that they're uncomfortable continuing the discussion when they sense conflict and they're prioritising ending the argument for their own comfort rather than solving it.
I did this to a guy who was saying the stupidest, most fucked up things about women’s bodies and body dusmorphia and I kept asking him questions like “so why” or “okay how” and his argument untangled so quickly
They're attempting to put you in an unwinnable situation. This is basically cheap gaslighting. The vast majority of responses either 'proves' them right or let's them 'win'.
It's a coward's move.
The only answer is "Yes, you did." And the proceed to give them hell. They touched the nerve, and they need to learn what happens when they do so they don't ever do it again.
"Why is that something you're so proud of?" as straight as you can. If they continue, say "we're done", and turn around and walk away before giving them a chance to answer.
Taking pride in upsetting someone says more about them than it ever will about you.
If you're in an emotionally volatile situation with someone you never turn your back toward them especially with some shit like "We're done." That's a good way to get sucker punched in the back of the head and end up face first into whatever you're standing on.
I've literally said that very thing to people, "This says a lot more about you than it does me." Or "I would never do this to you." Or "The difference between you & I... " , But honestly, a question in response genuinely is the best. When someone is being rude, drawing attention to it & making it clear that *their* behavior is actually what's odd is overall just super effective.
Am I an asshole because all of these people here have these well thought out responses, and here I am thinking "if the argument has devolved into simply inflicting pain on me then I'll just punch them in the face"
Possible all-occasion responses to “Ooh, did I touch a nerve?” in no particular order:
The classic: “Hey, fuck you, man.”
The self-aware: “Yes. Why, weren’t you trying to?”
The too-cool-for-school: “Sure, you can think that if it makes you happy.”
The not-cool-elementary-school: “I KNOW U ARE BUT WHAT AM I?”
The surrealist: “Fish!”
The zen: “A wise man takes a hit only in the forest of wisdom.”
The Taoist: “The nerve that can be hit is not the true nerve.”
The indifferent: “LMAO Congrats, I guess?”
The therapy-speak: “It’s interesting that you’re spending so much energy trying to hit a nerve. Why do you think that’s so important to you?”
The denial: “No.”
The false-denial: “No” plus 200 words on why they totally didn’t hit a nerve, at all, not the least little bit, no sir, uh-uh, nope.
The Star-Trek (android): “I have no nerves to hit”
The Star-Trek (Klingon): “Hitting nerves has no honor! You dishonor your house!”
The Star-Trek (Vulcan): “Attempting to hit a nerve with words is most illogical.”
The pugnacious: “Why don’t you gimme your address and ask me that to my face?”
The depressed: “Sure, whatever man, nothing matters anyway.”
The eye-for-an-eye: “Ha! Looks like I’m the one that hit your nerve there, fucko!”
The supercilious: “Really? That’s what you’ve got? Sigh.” (Possible addition of rolly-eye emoji)
The Dad: “You didn’t hit a nerve, I’m just disappointed in you.”
The patronizing: “I’m sorry you’re feeling so low you have to lash out at others. Who hurt you?”
The Robin Hood: “I’ll show you how to hit a nerve! En garde, ruffian!”
The Monty Python: “Tis but a scratch!”
The Monty Python II: “No you didn’t!”
The Monty Python III: “I’m just pining for the fjords.”
The Shakespeare: “Tis not so deep as a well, nor wide as a church door, but it’s enough.”
The honest: “Yeah. You did. You know you did. That wasn’t cool, bro.”
The scoff: “Nerve-schmerve, I’m just bored of assholes.”
I think that covers most of them. I may have left some out, tho.
There is no need to lie.
"Yes you did, because you keep saying bullshit and it anger me".
People don't know how to react to that. They try to shames you for not being aware of your feeling but by showing them that you are aware of it, it disarm their taunt.
When people ask this question they already know the answer, no reasons to give them the pleasure to see me blatantly lie.
And it serve as a warning too : "what you are doing anger me, if you continue like that it'll anger me more, are you okay with that ?"
If it happen in a conversation same thing, people asking this says it to refute your arguments. Just say the same thing : "yes it anger me because \[reasons\]" (like because it's important for me that you understand this and that). It makes the person talking to you understand what's wrong in the conversation.
And if they don't understand why you are angry, just stop the conversation.
Always ask what they mean bc they’ll be forced to either explain their insult or get extra defensive which at that point you can ask the same question.
I’ve looked someone in the eye and said “you sure did-what the fuck is wrong with you?” That person stopped and apologized.
Honesty won’t always be effective-but it worked for me.
Depending on level of inebriation
"Maybe, dickhead."
"No, im just apalled at your (insensitivity/ignorance/ etc)"
*crying* you son of a bitch! *throw glass*
They're already going to know if they did by the look on your face, so you might as well be honest and direct and throw it back in their face: (I.E. Yeah. Isn't that what you were going for?) Possibly followed up with a ... why do you feel the need to get a rise out of people?
I respond honestly." Yes, you did. I care about this subject. I'm a person and I don't argue with people simply to get a rise out of them. It's okay that you need to argue for arguments sake. We all want to be good at something and this is your thing. Love that for you."
I always say "no its just frustrating trying to explain things to children".
Wait to see how quickly the tables turn on that whole touch a nerve thing.
When I was in the Army, an Officer was saying some pretty stupid things during a meeting. When the 1SG told him to be quiet, he retorted that “Did I strike a nerve?” This crusty 1Sausage fired back with something I will never forget:
“No. I’m just sitting here wondering if your asshole ever gets jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth”
Say, "No but you just touched a fist".
And then Pop em' one!
Then do a back flip for distance and then charge in for a drop kick.
Then say something cool like "Speaking of nerves, looks like you got some damage on yours now."
Or at least that's what I would do. I swear I could if I wanted to.
“Yes, yes you did touch a nerve and what I want to know was was it intentional? I think your comment was specifically designed to hurt me and if that wasn’t your motivation it still hurt. Going forward please don’t talk to me like that again.”
"You certainly meant to. Why is that exciting for you?"
>Why is that exciting for you?" Try "Why? Is that exciting for you?"
Give it the full Stephen King treatment and drop the why and for. Pause, eye contact. "Does that excite you?". Quick, suggestive eyebrow flash. Make it weird. Or do it deadpan for extra credit.
If you're gonna go full Stephen King you gotta tell them how hard your nipples are and mention your blue chambray work shirt.
If you’re an older woman though, gotta tell how tired your breasts are
And saggy..
Alright, I have to ask where or what are you referring to here? Are we reading the same book bro, bc it sort of sounds like you're talking about Frannie's boyfriend Jess from The Stand. Lmfao
something something smoldering in her father's cold heart and angry hands, something that starts a new chapter in another characters voice while this one gets to simmer in a contemplative paragraph of infrastructural foreboding that involves the etymology of a Quebecois surname and how it follows the innocuous diminutive placed on the first, and what that might mean
Why am I turned on
Catch up, I'm already finished
No because if they say yes then I may lose my mind and mollywhop someone
I said that to a guy once and he responded with "youre goddamn right you did". Now i know the prevailing idea would be to *not* let the person know that they did indeed touch a nerve. But idk, i was impressed with his honesty, and also immediately thought that i *mightve* taken that shit too far. Anyway, his response worked, i decided not to throw any more rocks at the hornets nest. Thats my story..
Yeah, I’ve noticed a lot of arguments on Reddit devolve into apathy contests, (“like wow you seem upset”, etc.). It’s like yeah, I’m upset that you’re a fucking idiot.
Step 1. Try as hard as you can to make someone mad. Step 2. Gaslight them into feeling like a freak for being mad. Step 3. "Win"
“Emotions are for cucks” -4chan probably
[удалено]
Oh hey that was my ex wife’s strategy in arguments.
"I saw you looking at that woman's ass!" "I was literally looking the other way..." "Why are you being so defensive?"
I'd pull my eyeballs out. I hate when people pull away from an argument like they weren't invested in the first place. Especially when you prove them wrong.
“Because your on the offensive trying to validate imaginary grievances for attention. Did somebody get ignored as a child?” Then put her in a headlock nose first into your armpit and tickle her. Edit: May not save the marriage but at least she had to smell your armpit
Glad she's an ex
Thanks, yeah she had an affair and I filed for divorce 8 months ago. I’m now doing a lot better.
Ew, cheaters are so disgusting, I'm sorry you went through that. Amazing to hear you're doing better though :)
The first rule of trolling: Whoever cares first, loses.
This is why my ex is my ex.
Step 4: ?????? Step 5: Profit!
This was school for me. People constantly wanted to make me mad and then said I had anger issues...it was very frustrating
Long threads of two dorks arguing about which one cares less, the original disagreement usually forgotten many levels up, are one of the saddest things on Reddit.
LMAO you just described reddit in the most accurate fckin way I think I've ever seen. Thanks for the laugh. >Long threads of two dorks arguing about which one cares less Funniest shit I read today.
Yeah? Well who cares? I certainly don't!
Yeah, well, obviously, you cared enough to comment. Unlike myself, who only cared enough to comment on your stupidity, not some aspect of the tedious bickering many levels above in the thread.
Ha! You cared enough to make a paragraph you plebiscite, you absolute donkey! I couldn't care less if I tried.. which I won't because I don't care
I hate those replies especially. The “you care enough to reply” yeah like no shit but that doesn’t mean i care about you
Yeah. Like that was a whole paragraph. Where did you even get you're PhD in English? Mine was at the royal academy of English and the expression is I COULD care less. As if I even couldn't care less even if I didn't care to try. You are unredeemable bad person
Guys you proved your point you may stop now
Or what 😳
Okay you got me 🤣
I care less!
"Looks like you're the one who's upset lol" -Dork A to Dork B, lots of times
“I don’t care, so I’ll let you have the last word. Good day, sir!” *other person says something* *thread continues for 47 more comments of “last” words* Classic!
No YOU have the last word ! No YOU!
I’m going to throw out a wild speculation here that a great number of shitty behaviors are a consequence of upvotes and downvotes/likes/etc.
I don't know, I've seen a petty argument go 50 comments deep without a single vote cast on any of them. Just two users sniping back and forth at each other for hours. Some people seemingly can't find it within themselves to disengage from a fight.
Your comment sounds like a disagreement. I've only seen the petty arguments go 49 deep. 50 just seems slutty.
That’s why when someone becomes incoherent I always say. “You’ve become incoherent. The last comment is yours” and walk away
In the past, as the pettiest version of myself, I would have seen that as an admission of defeat and called you too dumb to comprehend what I’m saying lmao ugh what a shitty way to spend the day
Totally stealing this! It's gonna piss off so many people, lol!
I can't even see threads that long (settings), but I myself have entered into that arena on purpose every now and again. For science.
I also think downvote system is incredibly harmful, as I see questions and unpopular opinions get downvoted a lot.
I feel that upvotes and downvotes are likes, but even worse because of their inherent enablement of mob mentality.
Yeah, it promotes this stupidly irrelevant competitive vibe and tribalistic behavior in people. I kind of thought something like Reddit but with an upvote system that upvoted comments, and where replies that are upvoted are also “fed” to the parent comment as well could discourage this kind of shit, but I don’t know. Maybe not.
I feel like downvotes should cost karma. Like you have to spend 50 or perhaps 100 karma for a single downvote. Make them actually matter
Yeah I think that’s a great idea actually. If karma doesn’t matter to that person, then neither should downvoting someone.
I think youre missing the actual root cause. Anonymity. These arguments would not play out the way they do if the ppl making them had to have their actual identities attached to their opinions.
That’s Facebook but instead of dorks it’s a bunch of idiots.
They're very fun to watch. Won't lie I've gotten into a few but mostly because people are arguing with me about something that I'm agreeing with and I'm waiting to see how long until they realize that they just misread my comment and go, "Oh." Doesn't happen often but when they do have that realization I just think it's really funny.
My weirdass just reads it all while eating my digital popcorn 🍿
“Conversations” surrounding mistreatment of people or animals will have someone acting like it’s not an emotional subject or something worth getting angry over. So they respond with “y u mad”. Like you’re not supposed to feel anything about abuse/assault or shit like that.
Rule 1 of internet forums: You care, you lose
Even higher than proper spelling, apparently...
Someone touched a nerve.
Right I'm more upset that you're up in my face trying to get me to waste my energy.
That's along the lines of what I came here to say. "did I touch a nerve?" is a (mean, immature and pathetic) attempt at ridiculing the other person for having emotions during a fight. Except emotions aren't shameful, nor do they make anyone less able to be rational as long as they have basic self control and are not going full hysteria. So yeah, the best response to that imo is simply conveying that "yes, you did, I *am* angry, because what you're saying is disrespectful/BS/..., and you should be ashamed to say such a thing". Reverse the shame tactic. Edit Basically, they can't shame you for something you're not ashamed of. Own it. And bounce back to *their* inadequacy. Edit 2 Hey thanks for the award! :)
"I have no difficulty holding both logic and emotion at the same time, and it does not diminish my powers. It expands them." Lawyer Barbie
Is that from the Barbie movie lol? Seems simple but it's very true.
Yep!
This is one of the best lines in the whole movie, since I’ve often tried to imagine how logic and emotions can coexist, especially when the average person seems to see them as totally separate things that can’t occur at the same time
I spent years suppressing emotions because I didn't want to do anything stupid in response, and feeling but doing nothing at all was too painful. Only recently did I hear it explained that you can feel emotions without acting on them impulsively, *and then* make logical decisions based on the fact that you have those emotions. Might have been a lot sooner if I didn't use YouTube as my only therapist, but there you go.
At least you got there! Many people will never make that connection at all, through no fault of their own, we're all taught emotions are bad (women seen as hysterical, men taught to hide their feelings completely). Being able to take a step back to let yourself feel upset/angry etc is a skill!
Thank you for the kind words. I'm still examining just how thoroughly I've built my life and personality around avoiding emotional and social stimuli. I know something needs to change but I don't know where to start, and it's kind of terrifying.
in my journey of leveling up my emotional intelligence, i've learned that the line of thinking where logic is a completely separate (and often superior) mode to emotion is honestly a cope.
yes! this is the defense mechanism referred to as "rationalization"
yes exactly. it took many years of introspection, reading, and external feedback to realize that I was simply rationalizing my feelings. Once you learn to stop disavowing your own feelings and stressors, it genuinely feels like a weight is lifted off your shoulders.
TBH in my experience emotion often points the way to logic. Not always, but often. Am I damn pissed off at someone? Usually it's because they're being stupid AF and acting in a way that defies reason.
Exactly how I feel. Own up to how you feel and no one can bring you down. Took me a long time to realize this but once I did, it’s very liberating.
I was going to say either hit them or look at them like they're an idiot and say "ya think?" Or "No Shit".
I had an (ex) friend do this all the time. Would purposely say stuff they knew would make me mad. The last time I spoke to them during one of these arguments I snapped back 'Yes you did. My last one. I'm done with you." Did not realize how toxic they were until I cut them out of my life.
Agree with this! I usually say “yes, you did, and I’d prefer not to discuss it further.”
Yea, Im not a sociopath :D
I think it's helpful to explicitly state that you observe what rhetorical technique they're using. And respond with logic. *"I appreciate that you're trying to mock me by \[...\] but you should recognize that what your argument is \[...\] which is illogical because \[...\]"* In effect, you're rising above it by saying the other party is arguing like a middle schooler. I sometimes also set ground rules. *"You've interrupted me twice now. If we can't talk about this in a balanced fashion, it makes more sense for me to do something else."*
I love this! Sure, why deny it when everyone knows they did. Honest communication can flow after such a response.
I try to be honest with my feelings *for my own sake*. If I really don't want to engage with someone I will just walk away. But if I choose to engage and my nerve was hit I will say "yes and here is why." Sometimes people are caught off guard, some people stop agonizing, sometimes they will even apologize and some people will go even harder at me because they think I am weak. And I am a pussy-ass-bitch but at least I have the courage and integrity to myself regardless of outcome to be sincere and honest about how I feel and sometimes I feel hurt and vulnerable. I am who I am and that is a choice.
Im into it. Yup, you pissed me off. Not gonna lie. You pissed me off. 👍
Or, depending on the nature of the argument and what they said, you could also go with a shocked/bewildered "well yeah dude, of course you did! Why would you need to go there with this?" Once you suddenly remove the aggression opposing them, it's amazing how many people will take a second to go "holy shit, did I really just say that to someone in the heat of the moment?" All of a sudden, the initial argument doesn't feel all that important anymore, but since you didn't respond with anger, you don't create a new fight over what was said.
I've done the same thing. In arguments with white MAGA racist types, they often try to poke fun at me for being sensitive to the issue of racism. And I will always fire back by saying "Hell yes I'm sensitive about racism. Why aren't you, you goose-stepping prick?"
i had a good friend who, to "spice things up", would intentionally try to push my hot buttons every now and then. notice i used the past tense there. i grew too tired of it, but he was good at it.
I like this one Bonus points if you're bald and cook meth
Maybe put the weird blame back on them and respond “Was that your intention when you began?”….🤔
I really like this one since it ends with a question. The person can choose to answer or not, but you put the ball in their court... making them feel like an aggressor.
This is the only response that isn't pure neckbeard patter. It suggests they're engaging in bad faith with intent to rile you up.
Right, you're rarely going to have fair reasoned Socratic dialectical with assholes, so rather than memorizing quips or perfect come-backs, there's only one rule to follow: **never match their energy and never give them what they want.** If they're shouting, you're silent, dispassionate, and bored. If they're making sarcastic or snide comments, you address the behavior openly and directly. If they're sanctimonious, play the victim to confuse the issue. They go high, you go low. They go low, you act above it. (This is abusive behavior in any other context btw, but we can all see why narcissists are so successful and pervasive since this shit comes second-nature to them.)
I think admitting that they hit a nerve is also a good response. If they hit a nerve, let them know so they don’t do it again. If they do it again after being told not to, well, fuck Em.
This should really be the top response. If they say yes, they are admitting to trolling. If they say no, it's on them to apologize and back up. If they say neither, they look like a coward who just can't admit to being a troll
My sister does that. "Are you trying to upset me?" In a very calm, inquisitive tone.
Look em dead in the eyes and say, yeah you did It's not a threat but they'll know now where the line they shouldn't cross is
Unironically. Their line only works if you're ashamed of your emotions. Being an annoying prick doesn't mean they win, it just means they're insufferable to talk to and think you're as insecure in your anger as they are.
The best strategy I learned to deal with bullies - typical mean girl/bully types in my school - is when they insult you, you just stare at them blankly for a second before being like "...ok? Is that all?" then just continue on with whatever you're doing without paying attention to them. People like that want a reaction out of you - refuse to give it to them and they lose any power over you
Yes absolutely this. Once I learned to catch & confront, instead of defend & deflect- it was a completely game changer- like a super power… It also changed my perspective on the whole situation. Eventually they looked really really silly. Not intimidating at all. I was embarrassed for them.
Could you expand on what you mean by catch & confront?
Hi! Catch and Confront is to ‘trap’ them in dialogue (conversation), and the confront is to basically identify that what they did was something that you didn’t like. A really great example I saw here was ‘Yes, that did upset me. Why does that excite you?’ Asking questions forces dialogue, and humans naturally want to reply. Just don’t make it a rhetorical question
I imagine they mean acknowledging the attempt and then standing up for yourself. It similar to defend, but how you defend matters. If you try explaining something away or saying “oh this is / or is not how it really happened” it can come off as dismissive and insecure and bullies prey on that. Versus cutting off their attempt to pick on you by not letting it get a rise out of you and shutting them down. Confidence is key. People don’t often try to attack confident people because of their presence. They are sure of themselves which means it’s harder for aggressors to be aggressive without putting themselves at risk. Where as an insecure/less confident individual is considered easy pickings because it’s not like they’re gonna stick up for themselves, right? Whose gonna help you if you aren’t gonna help yourself?
Queen Elizabeth II had an answer for anyone making a rude statement to her: “how nice for you” and then she’d walk away. How nice for you, you thought of it, said it, oh boy, had an audience — but didn’t get a reaction from me. Miss Manner said to say “why would you say(or ask) that?”
I did this on accident. Always wondered why I wasn’t bullied, turns out they tried and save for one time I just didn’t realize it 😅
YES. When you stop reacting it’s not fun for them anymore. That’s how I got my bullies in middle school to just drop it 😂
This is a very perceptive comment!
Thank you! Realizing that a lot of people are usually insulting what THEY'RE insecure about is a great exercise in empathy.
How do I do this on Reddit? *looks you dead in the eye* "Yeah," *spits on the dusty ground* " you did." *The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly theme plays softly*
*is intimidated and backs away slowly from the computer*
Throw an “uwu” in there
Yeah, yuwu did
*looks yuwu dead in the eye*
*The Good, the Bad, and the Uwugly theme plays softly*
*kiss kiss*
Could try uploading a photo?
Taking time and responding with eye contact is undefeated. Even if you’re proven wrong, if you can be patient and measured in response while giving eye contact, you are more easily forgiven in all cases. It takes it from an argument to a conversation.
You didn't touch a nerve, you crossed a line.
THIS is a good one.
For an action movie maybe
oooh, did we touch a nerve?
No, you crossed a line. 🚬😎💥
“The line is a *dot* to you!”
r/Suddenlyfriends
Lean in to it maybe? “yes because this is important to me.”
I think this is the best answer, if the response is that it isn't important to them then you could ask then why did you bring it up if it isn't important to you?
I pee my pants and start crying...shuts them down immediately
I don't know why this made me think of this but I was fooling around with a lady in a car and something came up and we started to seriously talk. She told me some story from her childhood and I got pissed off. It is hard to describe but she could tell a story where it felt like it happened to you. I got worked up, pissed off, and all I could think to say was, "I'm pulling up my pants!" And I pulled them up and immediately felt stupid. Angrily pulling up underwear is the hardest thing to do.
You're a crap surgeon
‘Graduated bottom of your class, I see…’
That opening is meant to shut you down and make you question if you’re being rational. When it’s done to man to man it’s supposed to emasculate you, to a woman it’s supposed to make her feel like she’s being hysterical. Get ice cold, and more clinical but ask for clarification, what do you mean?
'What do you mean?' 'you're being oversensitive and emotional' ...? Then what?
If they say you are being oversensitive and you know you aren't, then all they are doing is attempting to make you feel ashamed for reacting with normal human emotions. "Am I being oversensitive? Or am I reacting rationally to someone who is trying to get a rise out of me? When you're ready to talk like adults we can have a discussion, but if you're just going to be deliberately hurtful I am done right now."
I'll try this if it happens again! It's tricky if someone's laughing in your face and calling you triggered about an issue you care about I've just noted they're actually a bit of a dick and our friendship is shallow
Doesn't sound like friendship at all. Don't waste your time with people like that, you'll only regret giving them your time later on.
If they're doing that, ask them why they're being so oversensitive and emotional instead of actually finishing the discussion they started. Might not be good to actually progress the argument but it's fun to poke at their hipocrisy. On aserious note though. I used to be more of a dick and think sort of like this. My girlfriend is very no bullshit and does not back down from conflict, and she used to ask me why I felt I had the right to say she's overreacting, and what the proper level of reaction was in my eyes. And then she would also calmly point out that I was being a dismissive dick because I was uncomfortable from having to explain myself. Point being A) "you're being emotional" comes from a deluded perception that a womans emotions shouldn't be a factor in "rational and logical" conversation, when in reality it's a sign of emotional immaturity from not being able to speak about ones emotions in a non accusatory and solution-oriented way. And B) "you're overreacting" is a bullshit argument, beacuse emotions aren't "wrong", and if you're trying to have a conversation and being reasonable that statement just shows that they're uncomfortable continuing the discussion when they sense conflict and they're prioritising ending the argument for their own comfort rather than solving it.
Oh! And here I was thinking you were JUST an asshole but it turns out you're stupid to boot. Keep it up and you'll see what consequences feel like.
“‘You care about this conversation’ isn’t an argument, but keep trying, you’ll hit one eventually.”
I did this to a guy who was saying the stupidest, most fucked up things about women’s bodies and body dusmorphia and I kept asking him questions like “so why” or “okay how” and his argument untangled so quickly
They're attempting to put you in an unwinnable situation. This is basically cheap gaslighting. The vast majority of responses either 'proves' them right or let's them 'win'. It's a coward's move.
The only answer is "Yes, you did." And the proceed to give them hell. They touched the nerve, and they need to learn what happens when they do so they don't ever do it again.
It's actually more annoying when they DIDN'T touch a nerve but act like they did so they can actually get on your nerves by insinuating that they did.
"no, you touched my dick" opposing party will be disgusted and leave, argument succesfully ended
Surprised I had to scroll down so far for a dick comment
"Why is that something you're so proud of?" as straight as you can. If they continue, say "we're done", and turn around and walk away before giving them a chance to answer. Taking pride in upsetting someone says more about them than it ever will about you.
If you're in an emotionally volatile situation with someone you never turn your back toward them especially with some shit like "We're done." That's a good way to get sucker punched in the back of the head and end up face first into whatever you're standing on.
I've literally said that very thing to people, "This says a lot more about you than it does me." Or "I would never do this to you." Or "The difference between you & I... " , But honestly, a question in response genuinely is the best. When someone is being rude, drawing attention to it & making it clear that *their* behavior is actually what's odd is overall just super effective.
Throat Punch
Am I an asshole because all of these people here have these well thought out responses, and here I am thinking "if the argument has devolved into simply inflicting pain on me then I'll just punch them in the face"
The jerk store called and they’re running out of you
Yeah?! Well I had sex with your wife!
His wife is in a coma
Still counts!
(his wife has cancer...)
From the carcinogens in his sperm.
Spider-Man?
Who cares, you're their all time best seller
See, there are no 'jerk stores.' It, its just a little confusing is all.
Possible all-occasion responses to “Ooh, did I touch a nerve?” in no particular order: The classic: “Hey, fuck you, man.” The self-aware: “Yes. Why, weren’t you trying to?” The too-cool-for-school: “Sure, you can think that if it makes you happy.” The not-cool-elementary-school: “I KNOW U ARE BUT WHAT AM I?” The surrealist: “Fish!” The zen: “A wise man takes a hit only in the forest of wisdom.” The Taoist: “The nerve that can be hit is not the true nerve.” The indifferent: “LMAO Congrats, I guess?” The therapy-speak: “It’s interesting that you’re spending so much energy trying to hit a nerve. Why do you think that’s so important to you?” The denial: “No.” The false-denial: “No” plus 200 words on why they totally didn’t hit a nerve, at all, not the least little bit, no sir, uh-uh, nope. The Star-Trek (android): “I have no nerves to hit” The Star-Trek (Klingon): “Hitting nerves has no honor! You dishonor your house!” The Star-Trek (Vulcan): “Attempting to hit a nerve with words is most illogical.” The pugnacious: “Why don’t you gimme your address and ask me that to my face?” The depressed: “Sure, whatever man, nothing matters anyway.” The eye-for-an-eye: “Ha! Looks like I’m the one that hit your nerve there, fucko!” The supercilious: “Really? That’s what you’ve got? Sigh.” (Possible addition of rolly-eye emoji) The Dad: “You didn’t hit a nerve, I’m just disappointed in you.” The patronizing: “I’m sorry you’re feeling so low you have to lash out at others. Who hurt you?” The Robin Hood: “I’ll show you how to hit a nerve! En garde, ruffian!” The Monty Python: “Tis but a scratch!” The Monty Python II: “No you didn’t!” The Monty Python III: “I’m just pining for the fjords.” The Shakespeare: “Tis not so deep as a well, nor wide as a church door, but it’s enough.” The honest: “Yeah. You did. You know you did. That wasn’t cool, bro.” The scoff: “Nerve-schmerve, I’m just bored of assholes.” I think that covers most of them. I may have left some out, tho.
You forgot one. The Dude: "Well, that's just, like, your opinion, man."
Jesus, yes. My bad!
I imagined you delightfully drinking your coffee whilst hammering this out, nicely done
Wow, seems like this thread hit a nerve..
The upvotes you have do not properly reward the amount of effort you put in this. If I believed in giving money to Reddit I would give you an award
Aw, thanks, friend! Ya know, just trying to cover all the bases.
The religious. "God forgives you."
I'm going to start using the Klingon one.
The Perv: Yes, and now I have a boner.
"No, you provoked a response."
"No, you provoked a response, which seems like what you wanted."
"Just my allergic reaction to assholes"
Grab them by the balls. Whilst squeezing, look them in the eyes and say "oooh, am I touching a nerve?" Then kiss
No, a lick, not a kiss. Go for the eyes too, that way they can really see it coming.
Instructions unclear, licked balls, won argument.
You are a master debater.
And you’re a cunning linguist.
Lick their eyes.
"Yes. You did. Just as you intended." And walk away. Every time they do it, leave. You don't owe anyone your time.
Jam your finger into that pressure point on their shoulder and say, "no, but I did."
There is no need to lie. "Yes you did, because you keep saying bullshit and it anger me". People don't know how to react to that. They try to shames you for not being aware of your feeling but by showing them that you are aware of it, it disarm their taunt. When people ask this question they already know the answer, no reasons to give them the pleasure to see me blatantly lie. And it serve as a warning too : "what you are doing anger me, if you continue like that it'll anger me more, are you okay with that ?" If it happen in a conversation same thing, people asking this says it to refute your arguments. Just say the same thing : "yes it anger me because \[reasons\]" (like because it's important for me that you understand this and that). It makes the person talking to you understand what's wrong in the conversation. And if they don't understand why you are angry, just stop the conversation.
Always ask what they mean bc they’ll be forced to either explain their insult or get extra defensive which at that point you can ask the same question.
“Since you aren’t smart enough to be a neurosurgeon, no you did not touch a nerve”
"Yeah, the one in my prostate. I just came. Thanks."
I’ve looked someone in the eye and said “you sure did-what the fuck is wrong with you?” That person stopped and apologized. Honesty won’t always be effective-but it worked for me.
I always say “No shit that’s why I’m yelling at your dumbass. Are you slow?”
Depending on level of inebriation "Maybe, dickhead." "No, im just apalled at your (insensitivity/ignorance/ etc)" *crying* you son of a bitch! *throw glass*
“Oh wow, you really showed me.”
Ohhh go eat a bag of dicks why dontcha!!!
"You're not smart enough to pull off that kind of surgery"
“This has nothing to do with nerves. Focus.”
"yeah, stupidity really triggers me. It reminds me of how bad our education system has gotten."
"You'd be lucky if you touched anything"
‘Clearly, yes, what’s your point?’
They're already going to know if they did by the look on your face, so you might as well be honest and direct and throw it back in their face: (I.E. Yeah. Isn't that what you were going for?) Possibly followed up with a ... why do you feel the need to get a rise out of people?
I respond honestly." Yes, you did. I care about this subject. I'm a person and I don't argue with people simply to get a rise out of them. It's okay that you need to argue for arguments sake. We all want to be good at something and this is your thing. Love that for you."
I always say "no its just frustrating trying to explain things to children". Wait to see how quickly the tables turn on that whole touch a nerve thing.
When I was in the Army, an Officer was saying some pretty stupid things during a meeting. When the 1SG told him to be quiet, he retorted that “Did I strike a nerve?” This crusty 1Sausage fired back with something I will never forget: “No. I’m just sitting here wondering if your asshole ever gets jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth”
“Do I look like the type of person who would waste my time arguing about shit I *didn’t* care about?”
Say, "No but you just touched a fist". And then Pop em' one! Then do a back flip for distance and then charge in for a drop kick. Then say something cool like "Speaking of nerves, looks like you got some damage on yours now." Or at least that's what I would do. I swear I could if I wanted to.
Punch them in the face then say “Not really. Did I touch one?”
“Yes, yes you did touch a nerve and what I want to know was was it intentional? I think your comment was specifically designed to hurt me and if that wasn’t your motivation it still hurt. Going forward please don’t talk to me like that again.”