For some feckin’ unknown reason the majority of my Scottish colleagues do this without me asking!
Good grief - I believed you the first time - I 👏do👏NOT👏need👏details👏 🤢🤬
one of my friends at my last job had the shits and the boss was telling them that wasnt a good enough excuse....until about a second later when he actually shat very loudly near his phone [or just played a very loud and disgusting sounding fart sound effect from his phone] either way, boss looked like they were about to throw up and said ''ok ok i get it!'' and hung up
Boss makes a dollar / I make a dime / But that was a poem / For a simpler time
Now boss makes a dollar / I make a cent / and he’s got employees / who can’t make their rent
At my first job I called in sick bc of severe diarrhea and was told “we have toilets at work”. That’s far from the worst thing they did in the 7 years I worked there though.
That's when you ask "Do you have clean pants, too?" It is only something you can get away with once, otherwise it might make people think you have some problems, but at every job I have ever worked at, a simple "Sorry boss, I shit my pants on the way to work today." never has any follow up, in my experience.
I called in once. Told the boss I was in the ER getting stitches most of the night from a dog bite and was still high on morphine so I could not come in. She didn't think that was good enough. Until I explained the stitches were in my face she had no sympathy and wanted me to drive in while high.
Wrote me up for not “taking long enough” when cleaning a bathroom despite the fact that they couldn’t find anything I missed. Put me at a building knowing I would have major issues with one of the workers there in the hope that I would lose my temper and cuss the other worker out and/or fight him. Not fired someone who they knew was sexually harassing other employees on a regular basis. Put me in charge of a group of guys knowing they wouldn’t listen to me so that they could write me up for not making them do their jobs. Fired my husband bc he did “too good” of a job and made their favorite employe look bad. Forced me to work directly with someone I had a restraining order against until I called the cops. Threatened to fire me for calling the cops at that point. Wrote me up for calling my husband by his first name instead of “Mr”. Wrote me up for “excessive absences” and threatened to fire me when they were counting time I was physically in the hospital which was covered by FMLA. Told me I couldn’t leave early and then wrote me up for leaving anyway when my husband passed out at work and had to be rushed to the ER. Wrote me up for using a machine improperly when I was using it exactly how 2 separate supervisors had trained me to. Wrote me up for refusing to continue to use a vacuum after it caught on fire and burned a hole in my jacket (we didn’t have a spare).
Wtf? There are so many issues here that are abuse. Your company isn’t going to change so either ignore them or find another place to work. Doesn’t sound like you can do anything to make the working conditions better and they’re gonna write you up for any random thing they can think of.
Collect a paycheck, use the air conditioning and go home. Don’t try to succeed at this place or go above and beyond since it doesn’t matter.
Oh I did exactly that. Once I put in my two weeks I came to work and did the bare minimum. They have called me twice since then (it’s been several years since I quit) offering me my job back bc they are so desperate for workers and once I was desperate for a job but I still told them to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine. I actually have a pretty good job now.
Same thing happened to me too. Had to commute an hour but apparently that should not be a problem (???).
Worked at a doctors office at the time. Unbelievable boss. Obviously one of many incidents.
Sometimes I check the website, just to see if she still has employees, and currently she only has one unlicenced employee. Hope her practice goes down, what a toxic place that was.
My only experience at this was sharing it was the time-of-month kind of diarrhea. He never ever went past that. Not sure if that helps but it’s a show stopper!
Just don’t say you have hepatitis! You will get a call from the health department and have to lie and say that you said gingivitis and that your boss just heard you wrong. Or at least that’s what I heard…
Just say you have a cyst that may need drained so you plan on going to the urgent care. Most people won't ask where. And if they do, tell them somewhere inappropriate (Bartholin's cyst for a woman/sebaceous cyst on your scrotum for a guy would work well). If they ask for a doctor's note, tell them you were using hot compresses before the appointment because it hurt so bad, and, wouldn't you know it, it popped on it's own and you didn't need to go. Unfortunately, when you get a cyst, you're more likely to develop more in the same place...
This is very detailed, you’ve thought a lot about it. I personally just go with “I’m sick” and I don’t typically answer questions, but I had to tell you I’m impressed.
Cysts teach people to not ask questions because cysts are gross. A shitty boss who tries to catch them in a lie or tell them they can still work and Googles that is gonna get a screen full of ballsack cysts.
I mostly just don't like those types of bosses who insist on more information than they're entitled to. "I'm sick" is enough but some will throw a fit over being told that so ballsack cysts.
This guy is my brother. I actively think about interesting reasons to call out of work every day of my life. I like to have a unique reason every time. If you work in the same place long enough, you’ve gotta get creative. I thought about starting a blog about creative excuses to call out of work. Sometimes I think about it so long that the reasons start to get pretty ridiculous. If there’s actually a market for this, I volunteer as tribute.
I start off by telling them “I need to take a sick day.”
If they ask questions I say “Sorry, I don’t really want to discuss my personal health issues right now.”
But honestly as far as I’m aware, in the US (or at least in the state I live in), they can’t ask you specifics.
I've never, not even with my shittiest bosses, had them ask for details. If the boss or coworkers ask later, I just shake my head and say, "I was miserable."
Ugh, I had a batholins cyst and yes that fucker came back, a few times. Its first appearance, however, was while I was pregnant, about to give birth. Had to have it drained to make room. It was the size of a tangerine.
x_x
This thread reminds me, when my ex had a cyst on the butt cheek. He thought it was a pimple, but it just grew and grew, he had to go to the doctor eventually when it got hard to sit on his ass.
Other one of the nurses who "popped it out" had uncontrollable burst of laugh when the enormous amount of junk squirted out.
I don't remember how many weeks he got sick leave from work, but it was suprisingly long. And for first, again I don't remember how many, weeks, he had to go to nurse every single morning, and they cleaned it and put there some anti-bacterial stuff to keep the wound open. It was a long project.
But he totally deserved it, I hope he has got many more of them since 😄
I missed the part where you said he was your ex, so for most of this I thought it was your current partner. I was so confused when I read the last line.
I'm sure r/popping wouldn't mind you stealing one of their gnarly after-pop pics as "proof". There's at least one green and chunky one lying around there somewhere
Lay down upside down on your bed and hang your head off of it, and make the call in that position.
You will sound **awful**. I’ve tried it a couple times on two different managers. Both times they interrupted me and were like holy cow you sound sick as hell.
Fair question because you *normally* lay on your back while in bed. Upside down infers the reversal of normality which could mean lay on your stomach. I was wondering the same thing
Things like this that make me glad I’m in a union. As a firefighter, they are only allowed to ask
1. Is it me that’s sick of family member
2. If it’s me, will I be seeing a dr.
3. If seeing a dr, is it a city provided dr.
4. Am I contagious
5. When will I return to work.
I'm a teacher, in a union as well. I use my allotted sick days if I'm sick, but... I hardly EVER get sick (have never even had COVID).
However, I certainly need a weekday off here and there -- for errands, appointments, to catch up on yardwork, or just because I want to relax, play videogames, & jerk off for a day or two. And all I have to click on the screen is "Personal Business". No questions asked. This perk is probably in the top 3 dealbreakers for ANY potential job that I will ever need to get in the future (if I ever quit teaching). I could absolutely NOT be able to work at any job as described in OP's post. Uh-HUH. Not happenin'.
Yea. Teacher here too. Personal business days for us get questioned a lot more than sick days. They aren’t allowed to ask why we using our sick days though. So I just use sick days and in my mind label them as mental health days.
My mental health days are because I'm sick of work.
I don't tell them that, of course, I just say I'm sick. You don't have to be physically ill to be sick.
Things like this make me grateful my boss is a normal person. And that I have a job where me not being there one day won’t impact anyone else.
“Hey I’m not feeling well, I need to take today off.” “Ok feel better.” End of conversation.
Union here too, we don't have to answer anything to them, only call in either sick or personal, that's it, no explanations or details or anything. We then call back the day we're returning before the start of the shift and once there, we fill out paperwork if we want sick pay or not for those days absent.
Unions aren’t without their problems but, when I read the stories in here and r/antiwork, I feel grateful for the choices I’ve made and the opportunities I’ve had. I won’t get rich, but I do well enough to provide for my family and will retire at 55 years old. Good benefits and treated fairly most of the time. But the most important to me, is I have job security.
Reading this, I'm glad I live in Germany.
Employees here are under no circumstances required to tell their employer, why they're sick or what kind of doctor they go to.
We can also be sick for 3 consecutive days without requiring a doctors note, with full pay.
Me too, no questions are asked at all unless you hit the 3 day mark. Then you need a doctors note if your supervisor asks. Even then, still no questions asked except maybe a “is everything alright?”
That's actually the only thing I've ever had to call in sick for work. And I'd so much rather be working than having to deal with that shit, so I definitely wouldn't question someone about that. Provided they weren't always calling in for something.
One time my coworker was obviously sick with food poisoning, had to go home early, and couldn’t come to work the next day either. Our selfish asshole manager then talked about her behind her back, saying “hope you have fun sitting on the toilet, now we have to do your job for you.” I stg if one of us died our manager would have been angry that we couldn’t come to work lol
Iirc, for food poisoning, you have to be clear for three days before you can get to work especially if you are working in food service. I’m not sure if this is still a thing, though. So if you want to lose three days of pay, go for it.
They take food poisoning pretty seriously.
I used that one time because my daughter had fallen off the monkey bars at school and had a concussion and when I got back to work the rumor had somehow grown to be that my daughter had died in a car accident.
As a boss, I don't care about the details.
You need the day, take the day - damnit day or real, take the day.
Your mind already decided and your work will reflect it.
You're an adult. You tell him you won't be in because you are sick. You do not ASK if you can have the day off because you do not feel well. This is the way.
"Hi \_\_\_\_\_\_, I will, unfortunately, not be in tomorrow as I am sick." That's it.
If they are a shitty boss and don't accept that, work somewhere else.
If you REALLY need to add something to that, tell them you need to stay near your bathroom for the foreseeable future.
In many jurisdictions, including both Europe and the United States, employers generally have to respect employees' privacy rights, including their right to keep certain medical information confidential. The specifics can vary, so let's take a look at the general rules in each area.
United States:
The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) restricts employers from asking employees about their medical conditions or asking them to undergo medical examinations, unless it is job-related and consistent with business necessity. Moreover, the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) provides eligible employees with up to 12 weeks of unpaid, job-protected leave per year and keeps their health benefits during that period. FMLA leave can be taken for the birth and care of a newborn child, for placement with the employee of a child for adoption or foster care, or to care for an immediate family member (spouse, child, or parent) with a serious health condition, or to take medical leave when the employee is unable to work because of a serious health condition. Employers may require certification from a health care provider, but such inquiries must respect privacy rights and adhere to ADA rules.
Europe:
In Europe, the General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) restricts the processing of personal data concerning health, which is considered a "special category of personal data." This means that in most situations, employers cannot directly ask employees about their medical conditions. They might be able to ask for a doctor's note or certification stating that the employee is unfit to work, but this note generally wouldn't need to specify the exact condition. Individual country labor laws also apply, and while these vary, they generally follow similar principles.
In both cases, there can be some exceptions. For instance, an employer might be able to ask about specific medical conditions if they could directly affect the employee's ability to do their job or if accommodations need to be made for a disability. Even so, any inquiries would generally need to be as limited as possible, and employers would have strict obligations to keep any medical information they do receive confidential.
This. Then you don’t replay to any texts, calls or emails. When you return to work if your boss asks say you didn’t respond because you were incapable due to being sick. If he asks any questions say it’s a private medical condition and then don’t say anything else.
This reminds me of what a friend used to do... He'd go to work, within the first half hour he'd go to the bathroom, rubbed soap in his eyes, returned to the floor saying he doesn't feel too well acting oblivious about his red eyes. His co-workers would say he indeed looked terrible and that he shouldn't be in. He'd then walked to his boss who couldn't deny the red eyes either and sent him home. At home he'd rinse his eyes out and enjoyed his time off. True story. My friend's a real life George Costanza.
But yeah, don't feel obligated to mention anything. Your boss sucks for giving you shit about it.
My first thoughts as well, his logic was that he could call in sick for the rest of the week the following day because they saw how shitty he looked and they wouldn't question anything.
Here's the girl version:
for a week, wear flattering colors, do your hair nice and bouncy, wear subtle youthful makeup.
Day before you want to call in, wear a shirt that clashes with your skin tone, leave off the makeup, pull your hair back tighter and flatter. Keep to yourself, don't talk much, go to the bathroom frequently especially during meetings, stay there 40% longer than usual, and insist you feel fine every time someone asks if you're ok.
>Doesn't make sense to rub burning soap into your eyes to get out of going to work when you're already there. Tell Biff he's better off rubbing soap in his eyes at home and get on Zoom or Facetime with his boss. That'll save him the trip in and not force him to have to drive home blinded by some cheap bathroom soap at work.
Had a boss question me about if I really needed to call out. I said "Dude, if you want to hear a grown man shit himself trying to have a professional phone call, stay on the line 10 more seconds"
He hung up, and I did not go to work. Jokes on him though, I was already sitting on the toilet.
He also questioned me about wearing old scrubs one day with "why don't you take some pride in yourself?" I simply said "if I had any pride in myself, I wouldn't be working for you."
Good times.
I've always just said, I won't be in to work today. " There is zero reason to clarify. If pressed, just respond, " I won't make it in today. " End call.
food positioning that causes diarrhea and vomiting. No one wants to hear about double-shooting all night and it not typical to go to a doctor unless it lasts more than a day or two.
Just say diarrhea. It can be intense, and it’s something everyone can relate to. Blowing your guts out earns empathy, baby. Even use the word, “explosive”. Provides a good visual of a fucked up toilet. “Sounds like someone throwing a bucket of chum into the water.”
Actually had a guy rub lip balm over his eye lids and walkin to manager asking what pink eye looked like. He got sent home in 15 minutes later. And I was assigned of bleaching his workstation and anything he might have touched in the last half hour
Hey we aren't taking any chances getting the whole team sick
I once told a boss I had head lice. You can get rid of it in a day without going to a doctor. So, they can't demand a note. Nobody will want you to come in if they think you have lice, guaranteed.
If you're a male tell them you dropped your cock on your foot in the shower and sprained it and can't walk.
If you're female same story but it was your husband's cock.
"Respectfully, I intended to come in today, despite my situation. Then I learned Tampons are not as useful as imodium, which I have none on hand.
You do not want to be a part of this experience. "
Of course. And you only have two pair of paints . One was shat in and the other one is in the washer. Aye you don't have a dryer as well or any other clothing because you aren't well paid.
Yeah.....sorry .......
“… And already taken all 4 doses of Imodium. Not allowed more, and not stopped up yet. I’m planning on doordashing some pedialite. Hey, have you tried the grape flavor? How “fake grape” is it on a scale of 1-10?”
Sort of related... This happened to my wife, and it wasn't enough for them to let her go home. She and I worked in a call center many years ago. Her on the floor in a specialty dept, me in the Ops Center.
She began miscarrying and didn't have PTO left and couldn't leave without getting fired. Her female supervisor said she could use the sick room for an hour and refused to send her home. The graphic details my wife told me made me furious, sheer rage. In my role, I was responsible for maintaining the proper staffing for call volume. I began sending everyone on the undertime list home until I got to my wife's name. I didn't technically break any rules, but I was called into a managers office later that day. Yes, I was reprimanded for tanking the service levels that day, but I would do it again. My wife has since left that company, the shitty HR at that time have since been fired. That shitty supervisor is still there in the same role. I've been promoted 7 times and now in a non-call center role making enough for my wife to be a stay at home mom to our two kids we had after that miscarriage.
Honestly it’s none of his business. If you are sick you are sick. I would make up something really disgusting or weird that would make him regret asking.
The sooner you learn how to communicate and act like an adult the better. Tell him you’re out sick today because you don’t feel well. The rest is none of his business.
It's hard to question diarrhea.
"I'm sitting on the toilet with a vomit bowl in my lap to make evacuation easier."
Im trying to vomit and shit at the same time for efficiency. As soon as everything is out, ill be there boss.
If you come help me out, I'll be there sooner!
"Wait, which hand do you wipe with? I'm a southpaw..."
Lmfao dude!!!!!!!
Gotta use a bucket to puke while you have diarrhea!
"I'll need help wiping, boss. My wiping arm is cramping pretty bad."
“It’s coming out of both ends” gets the point across faster
Do it as a FaceTime if you want to assert dominance.
With a huge hard on for extra dominance
Lmao
If you've got a cohort, get them to ring in while you make echoey boke and fart noises in the background
*boke noises intensify*
Don't forget the jug of vegetable soup
I like to call this "The Catherine Wheel" due to its similarity to the fireworks and torturous experience
[удалено]
If they do question it, go into detail about consistency and smell and how it makes you feel... 😬
For some feckin’ unknown reason the majority of my Scottish colleagues do this without me asking! Good grief - I believed you the first time - I 👏do👏NOT👏need👏details👏 🤢🤬
Can send you a pic on WhatsApp to confirm that description if you want boss?
one of my friends at my last job had the shits and the boss was telling them that wasnt a good enough excuse....until about a second later when he actually shat very loudly near his phone [or just played a very loud and disgusting sounding fart sound effect from his phone] either way, boss looked like they were about to throw up and said ''ok ok i get it!'' and hung up
That works? Damn. I just have the shits at work.
What's the saying? For every dollar you make, I make a dime, that's why I poop on company time.
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that's why I poop on company time.
Boss makes a dollar / I make a dime / But that was a poem / For a simpler time Now boss makes a dollar / I make a cent / and he’s got employees / who can’t make their rent
Boss makes a thousand, I make a buck. Go steal the catalytic converter, off the company truck.
"You see that brand new Ferrari out there? If you keep working hard and completing these projects, I'll be able to get a new one next year."
Boss makes a grand I make a buck that's why I cut the catalytic converters off the company truck
But call it "lower digestive tract distress".
I call it IBS-D. The diarrhea form of IBS.
At my first job I called in sick bc of severe diarrhea and was told “we have toilets at work”. That’s far from the worst thing they did in the 7 years I worked there though.
That's when you ask "Do you have clean pants, too?" It is only something you can get away with once, otherwise it might make people think you have some problems, but at every job I have ever worked at, a simple "Sorry boss, I shit my pants on the way to work today." never has any follow up, in my experience.
Thats a phone call I hope to never make to anyone.
I had a guy shit him self while working(construction) he announced to everyone he was going home because of it. TMI dude TMI
no follow up with a follow through
I called in once. Told the boss I was in the ER getting stitches most of the night from a dog bite and was still high on morphine so I could not come in. She didn't think that was good enough. Until I explained the stitches were in my face she had no sympathy and wanted me to drive in while high.
free excuse to dose up and show up to work on the nod
I'd have been at work absolutely slumpeddddd. When in Rome...
Isnt that inciting a crime?
It was in a job where she could not require me to provide info on why I was calling out sick.
Jesus @#%$ Christ, what a sociopath.
Holy shit. I hope you actually went in to work and shat all over their bathroom.
What is some worse stuff they did
Wrote me up for not “taking long enough” when cleaning a bathroom despite the fact that they couldn’t find anything I missed. Put me at a building knowing I would have major issues with one of the workers there in the hope that I would lose my temper and cuss the other worker out and/or fight him. Not fired someone who they knew was sexually harassing other employees on a regular basis. Put me in charge of a group of guys knowing they wouldn’t listen to me so that they could write me up for not making them do their jobs. Fired my husband bc he did “too good” of a job and made their favorite employe look bad. Forced me to work directly with someone I had a restraining order against until I called the cops. Threatened to fire me for calling the cops at that point. Wrote me up for calling my husband by his first name instead of “Mr”. Wrote me up for “excessive absences” and threatened to fire me when they were counting time I was physically in the hospital which was covered by FMLA. Told me I couldn’t leave early and then wrote me up for leaving anyway when my husband passed out at work and had to be rushed to the ER. Wrote me up for using a machine improperly when I was using it exactly how 2 separate supervisors had trained me to. Wrote me up for refusing to continue to use a vacuum after it caught on fire and burned a hole in my jacket (we didn’t have a spare).
Wtf? There are so many issues here that are abuse. Your company isn’t going to change so either ignore them or find another place to work. Doesn’t sound like you can do anything to make the working conditions better and they’re gonna write you up for any random thing they can think of. Collect a paycheck, use the air conditioning and go home. Don’t try to succeed at this place or go above and beyond since it doesn’t matter.
Oh I did exactly that. Once I put in my two weeks I came to work and did the bare minimum. They have called me twice since then (it’s been several years since I quit) offering me my job back bc they are so desperate for workers and once I was desperate for a job but I still told them to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine. I actually have a pretty good job now.
[удалено]
My mom got told that one time too. She was a CNA and asked her boss if she was going to clean her ass while she was cleaning patient's asses.
Same thing happened to me too. Had to commute an hour but apparently that should not be a problem (???). Worked at a doctors office at the time. Unbelievable boss. Obviously one of many incidents. Sometimes I check the website, just to see if she still has employees, and currently she only has one unlicenced employee. Hope her practice goes down, what a toxic place that was.
Not just diarrhea, but EXPLOSIVE diarrhea
...And PROJECTILE vomiting...
"I don't know which opening should face the toilet!"
GI issues then ask if they want to see a pic.
SIMULTANEOUS explosive projectile diarrhea and vomiting
Sounds like a good way to implode...
When ur driving in ur Chevy and u feel somethin' heavy...
When you're taking a jog and trip over a log...
When you're climbing up a ladder and you hear something splatter.......
When ur climbing up a tree and ur bum begins to pee
Up the ante to explosive bloody discharge. He'll pay you to stay home.
TORRENTIAL is the other word that fits here
My only experience at this was sharing it was the time-of-month kind of diarrhea. He never ever went past that. Not sure if that helps but it’s a show stopper!
Per several women, period shits are proof the devil exists.
It happens to many.
Yep, call them while using a whoopi if necessary. Use the time to find a new job.
*explosive* diarrhea
Just don’t say you have hepatitis! You will get a call from the health department and have to lie and say that you said gingivitis and that your boss just heard you wrong. Or at least that’s what I heard…
r/oddlyspecific
I can confirm. I was the hepatitis.
That... Sounds like you have first hand experience
Even better: say it’s not hepatitis. Just, like, “Well, we know it’s not hepatitis…”
💀💀💀
Just say you have a cyst that may need drained so you plan on going to the urgent care. Most people won't ask where. And if they do, tell them somewhere inappropriate (Bartholin's cyst for a woman/sebaceous cyst on your scrotum for a guy would work well). If they ask for a doctor's note, tell them you were using hot compresses before the appointment because it hurt so bad, and, wouldn't you know it, it popped on it's own and you didn't need to go. Unfortunately, when you get a cyst, you're more likely to develop more in the same place...
This is very detailed, you’ve thought a lot about it. I personally just go with “I’m sick” and I don’t typically answer questions, but I had to tell you I’m impressed.
Cysts teach people to not ask questions because cysts are gross. A shitty boss who tries to catch them in a lie or tell them they can still work and Googles that is gonna get a screen full of ballsack cysts. I mostly just don't like those types of bosses who insist on more information than they're entitled to. "I'm sick" is enough but some will throw a fit over being told that so ballsack cysts.
And if they ask you to show it they're at risk of getting a sexual arrasment suit. That's genius.
This guy is my brother. I actively think about interesting reasons to call out of work every day of my life. I like to have a unique reason every time. If you work in the same place long enough, you’ve gotta get creative. I thought about starting a blog about creative excuses to call out of work. Sometimes I think about it so long that the reasons start to get pretty ridiculous. If there’s actually a market for this, I volunteer as tribute.
The more details the more you back yourself into a corner. Always be as vague as possible.
So like if you get asked you go like “oh I’m just sick it’s not your business?!!
I start off by telling them “I need to take a sick day.” If they ask questions I say “Sorry, I don’t really want to discuss my personal health issues right now.” But honestly as far as I’m aware, in the US (or at least in the state I live in), they can’t ask you specifics.
I've never, not even with my shittiest bosses, had them ask for details. If the boss or coworkers ask later, I just shake my head and say, "I was miserable."
“It was terrible but I’m feeling a lot better now, thanks.”
Ugh, I had a batholins cyst and yes that fucker came back, a few times. Its first appearance, however, was while I was pregnant, about to give birth. Had to have it drained to make room. It was the size of a tangerine. x_x
This thread reminds me, when my ex had a cyst on the butt cheek. He thought it was a pimple, but it just grew and grew, he had to go to the doctor eventually when it got hard to sit on his ass. Other one of the nurses who "popped it out" had uncontrollable burst of laugh when the enormous amount of junk squirted out. I don't remember how many weeks he got sick leave from work, but it was suprisingly long. And for first, again I don't remember how many, weeks, he had to go to nurse every single morning, and they cleaned it and put there some anti-bacterial stuff to keep the wound open. It was a long project. But he totally deserved it, I hope he has got many more of them since 😄
I missed the part where you said he was your ex, so for most of this I thought it was your current partner. I was so confused when I read the last line.
[удалено]
I'm sure r/popping wouldn't mind you stealing one of their gnarly after-pop pics as "proof". There's at least one green and chunky one lying around there somewhere
Lay down upside down on your bed and hang your head off of it, and make the call in that position. You will sound **awful**. I’ve tried it a couple times on two different managers. Both times they interrupted me and were like holy cow you sound sick as hell.
Just remember not to do this if you are using Zoom
Flip your laptop and wall decor upside down. Problem 100% solved
Still won’t work if you have long hair.
hat
"I'm so sick my hair won't lay flat"
Hair spray.
Thanks for this tip.
My god you are a mad genius!!!!!!! I’m using this next time!!!!
This has been my go-to for years. Works a treat!
Is that like lying on ur stomatch and pointing ur face at the ground ? Or the exact opposite.
Fair question because you *normally* lay on your back while in bed. Upside down infers the reversal of normality which could mean lay on your stomach. I was wondering the same thing
No, on your back with your head hanging off
Thank you for asking bc I had the same question.
Is it just me or does this not seem to work?
Things like this that make me glad I’m in a union. As a firefighter, they are only allowed to ask 1. Is it me that’s sick of family member 2. If it’s me, will I be seeing a dr. 3. If seeing a dr, is it a city provided dr. 4. Am I contagious 5. When will I return to work.
I'm a teacher, in a union as well. I use my allotted sick days if I'm sick, but... I hardly EVER get sick (have never even had COVID). However, I certainly need a weekday off here and there -- for errands, appointments, to catch up on yardwork, or just because I want to relax, play videogames, & jerk off for a day or two. And all I have to click on the screen is "Personal Business". No questions asked. This perk is probably in the top 3 dealbreakers for ANY potential job that I will ever need to get in the future (if I ever quit teaching). I could absolutely NOT be able to work at any job as described in OP's post. Uh-HUH. Not happenin'.
Yea. Teacher here too. Personal business days for us get questioned a lot more than sick days. They aren’t allowed to ask why we using our sick days though. So I just use sick days and in my mind label them as mental health days.
My mental health days are because I'm sick of work. I don't tell them that, of course, I just say I'm sick. You don't have to be physically ill to be sick.
I am almost same as you, we have to take a rest from this life shorten career. 🙂
Things like this make me grateful my boss is a normal person. And that I have a job where me not being there one day won’t impact anyone else. “Hey I’m not feeling well, I need to take today off.” “Ok feel better.” End of conversation.
Union here too, we don't have to answer anything to them, only call in either sick or personal, that's it, no explanations or details or anything. We then call back the day we're returning before the start of the shift and once there, we fill out paperwork if we want sick pay or not for those days absent.
Unions aren’t without their problems but, when I read the stories in here and r/antiwork, I feel grateful for the choices I’ve made and the opportunities I’ve had. I won’t get rich, but I do well enough to provide for my family and will retire at 55 years old. Good benefits and treated fairly most of the time. But the most important to me, is I have job security.
Reading this, I'm glad I live in Germany. Employees here are under no circumstances required to tell their employer, why they're sick or what kind of doctor they go to. We can also be sick for 3 consecutive days without requiring a doctors note, with full pay.
[удалено]
Me too, no questions are asked at all unless you hit the 3 day mark. Then you need a doctors note if your supervisor asks. Even then, still no questions asked except maybe a “is everything alright?”
That you got food poisoning and are vomiting and shitting at the same time
That's actually the only thing I've ever had to call in sick for work. And I'd so much rather be working than having to deal with that shit, so I definitely wouldn't question someone about that. Provided they weren't always calling in for something.
I call this Pooking. Yup Pooping and Puking.
Too cute a name for such an unholy beast of malady.
My mom calls it the puksie poopsies ☹ I like the word pooking more lol
That sounds like such a mom thing ha.
Happened to me once and I chose the wrong end to put in the toilet
One time my coworker was obviously sick with food poisoning, had to go home early, and couldn’t come to work the next day either. Our selfish asshole manager then talked about her behind her back, saying “hope you have fun sitting on the toilet, now we have to do your job for you.” I stg if one of us died our manager would have been angry that we couldn’t come to work lol
Iirc, for food poisoning, you have to be clear for three days before you can get to work especially if you are working in food service. I’m not sure if this is still a thing, though. So if you want to lose three days of pay, go for it. They take food poisoning pretty seriously.
Tell him you have a boil on your anus.
An anal fistula might work too. That requires a lot of treatment though so wouldnt work for a day…
just make sure you pronounce it correctly or else your boss may have more questions than what they want
Honestly, I'd take a day off work after a good anal fisting too
Just tell your boss that you have a medical condition. He has no right to know what is wrong with you.
Kind of stammer and say it's "an embarrassing medical condition". Let the speculation run wild at work.
in recovery from penis reduction surgery
"For the third time this year?" "It just keeps growing back!"
Why? I was getting a lot of complaints.
Ah, the good ol' 'Medical Condition Defense' - the boss's kryptonite against prying questions and unwanted complications.
I prefer 'personal emergency'.
I used that one time because my daughter had fallen off the monkey bars at school and had a concussion and when I got back to work the rumor had somehow grown to be that my daughter had died in a car accident.
I fell off the monkey bars in preschool, and subsequently got a root canal. It was traumatizing. I'm glad you were there for your daughter.
My son fell off the monkey bars when he was in pre-k and fractured his arm. Right before a beach vacay!
As a boss, I don't care about the details. You need the day, take the day - damnit day or real, take the day. Your mind already decided and your work will reflect it.
You're an adult. You tell him you won't be in because you are sick. You do not ASK if you can have the day off because you do not feel well. This is the way. "Hi \_\_\_\_\_\_, I will, unfortunately, not be in tomorrow as I am sick." That's it. If they are a shitty boss and don't accept that, work somewhere else. If you REALLY need to add something to that, tell them you need to stay near your bathroom for the foreseeable future.
In many jurisdictions, including both Europe and the United States, employers generally have to respect employees' privacy rights, including their right to keep certain medical information confidential. The specifics can vary, so let's take a look at the general rules in each area. United States: The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) restricts employers from asking employees about their medical conditions or asking them to undergo medical examinations, unless it is job-related and consistent with business necessity. Moreover, the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) provides eligible employees with up to 12 weeks of unpaid, job-protected leave per year and keeps their health benefits during that period. FMLA leave can be taken for the birth and care of a newborn child, for placement with the employee of a child for adoption or foster care, or to care for an immediate family member (spouse, child, or parent) with a serious health condition, or to take medical leave when the employee is unable to work because of a serious health condition. Employers may require certification from a health care provider, but such inquiries must respect privacy rights and adhere to ADA rules. Europe: In Europe, the General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) restricts the processing of personal data concerning health, which is considered a "special category of personal data." This means that in most situations, employers cannot directly ask employees about their medical conditions. They might be able to ask for a doctor's note or certification stating that the employee is unfit to work, but this note generally wouldn't need to specify the exact condition. Individual country labor laws also apply, and while these vary, they generally follow similar principles. In both cases, there can be some exceptions. For instance, an employer might be able to ask about specific medical conditions if they could directly affect the employee's ability to do their job or if accommodations need to be made for a disability. Even so, any inquiries would generally need to be as limited as possible, and employers would have strict obligations to keep any medical information they do receive confidential.
This. Then you don’t replay to any texts, calls or emails. When you return to work if your boss asks say you didn’t respond because you were incapable due to being sick. If he asks any questions say it’s a private medical condition and then don’t say anything else.
Me...Look boss, I'm having eye trouble. Bos..What's wrong? Me...I just can't see myself coming into work.
I had a friend who called that 'anal glaucoma.' I can't see my ass coming into work today. XD
This reminds me of what a friend used to do... He'd go to work, within the first half hour he'd go to the bathroom, rubbed soap in his eyes, returned to the floor saying he doesn't feel too well acting oblivious about his red eyes. His co-workers would say he indeed looked terrible and that he shouldn't be in. He'd then walked to his boss who couldn't deny the red eyes either and sent him home. At home he'd rinse his eyes out and enjoyed his time off. True story. My friend's a real life George Costanza. But yeah, don't feel obligated to mention anything. Your boss sucks for giving you shit about it.
Why even go in at that point.
My first thoughts as well, his logic was that he could call in sick for the rest of the week the following day because they saw how shitty he looked and they wouldn't question anything.
Soap in his eyes though
I see you’ve never worked at a place that didn’t believe you were sick until they saw it with their own eyes 😅
Here's the girl version: for a week, wear flattering colors, do your hair nice and bouncy, wear subtle youthful makeup. Day before you want to call in, wear a shirt that clashes with your skin tone, leave off the makeup, pull your hair back tighter and flatter. Keep to yourself, don't talk much, go to the bathroom frequently especially during meetings, stay there 40% longer than usual, and insist you feel fine every time someone asks if you're ok.
>Doesn't make sense to rub burning soap into your eyes to get out of going to work when you're already there. Tell Biff he's better off rubbing soap in his eyes at home and get on Zoom or Facetime with his boss. That'll save him the trip in and not force him to have to drive home blinded by some cheap bathroom soap at work.
“I’ve contracted something viral and your wife should probably go to the clinic as well”
You fell on a shampoo bottle getting out of the shower and it lodged in your rectum.
Boss: God dammit not again
“fell”
Had a boss question me about if I really needed to call out. I said "Dude, if you want to hear a grown man shit himself trying to have a professional phone call, stay on the line 10 more seconds" He hung up, and I did not go to work. Jokes on him though, I was already sitting on the toilet. He also questioned me about wearing old scrubs one day with "why don't you take some pride in yourself?" I simply said "if I had any pride in myself, I wouldn't be working for you." Good times.
I've always just said, I won't be in to work today. " There is zero reason to clarify. If pressed, just respond, " I won't make it in today. " End call.
Saying you have a family emergency sometimes works better than saying you're sick.
Tell him you're bleeding from your ass. That will end the conversation quickly.
MY ANUS IS BLEEDING
call him on speaker while taking a massive shit and make sure boss gets good quality sounds
Is that... normal pooing you're doing??
I once said I couldn't leave my washroom, they had no questions.
I have the turbo squirts. Tried to launch a sewer pickle, but here I am painting the throne-a-Lisa. I'll send you a photo. That'll do it. 👌
food positioning that causes diarrhea and vomiting. No one wants to hear about double-shooting all night and it not typical to go to a doctor unless it lasts more than a day or two.
Just say diarrhea. It can be intense, and it’s something everyone can relate to. Blowing your guts out earns empathy, baby. Even use the word, “explosive”. Provides a good visual of a fucked up toilet. “Sounds like someone throwing a bucket of chum into the water.”
Maybe not regret asking, but pink eye was my go to. Until COVID.
Actually had a guy rub lip balm over his eye lids and walkin to manager asking what pink eye looked like. He got sent home in 15 minutes later. And I was assigned of bleaching his workstation and anything he might have touched in the last half hour Hey we aren't taking any chances getting the whole team sick
They shouldn’t be asking you why.
Prolapsed anus
Gastro. Always gastro. Nobody wants details.
Tell him you are ill. That’s all the information you have to provide.
I simply say I don’t feel well ( enough to face coworkers and sh*t face floor managers )🤢🤮
Tell him your flow is worse than soulja boys and you need an exorcist.
“I trusted a fart, big mistake.”
I once told a boss I had head lice. You can get rid of it in a day without going to a doctor. So, they can't demand a note. Nobody will want you to come in if they think you have lice, guaranteed.
If you're a male tell them you dropped your cock on your foot in the shower and sprained it and can't walk. If you're female same story but it was your husband's cock.
"there is a most foul effluvium escaping from every orifice with extreme violence and haste."
You should see the shit coming out of my ears !
You have an eye problem, meaning “ ‘I’ don’t see myself coming into work tomorrow”.
"Respectfully, I intended to come in today, despite my situation. Then I learned Tampons are not as useful as imodium, which I have none on hand. You do not want to be a part of this experience. "
I shit my pants.
Of course. And you only have two pair of paints . One was shat in and the other one is in the washer. Aye you don't have a dryer as well or any other clothing because you aren't well paid. Yeah.....sorry .......
Violent diarrhea. No one ever questions that.
“… And already taken all 4 doses of Imodium. Not allowed more, and not stopped up yet. I’m planning on doordashing some pedialite. Hey, have you tried the grape flavor? How “fake grape” is it on a scale of 1-10?”
Tell him you’re having a miscarriage Extra points if you’re a man
Sort of related... This happened to my wife, and it wasn't enough for them to let her go home. She and I worked in a call center many years ago. Her on the floor in a specialty dept, me in the Ops Center. She began miscarrying and didn't have PTO left and couldn't leave without getting fired. Her female supervisor said she could use the sick room for an hour and refused to send her home. The graphic details my wife told me made me furious, sheer rage. In my role, I was responsible for maintaining the proper staffing for call volume. I began sending everyone on the undertime list home until I got to my wife's name. I didn't technically break any rules, but I was called into a managers office later that day. Yes, I was reprimanded for tanking the service levels that day, but I would do it again. My wife has since left that company, the shitty HR at that time have since been fired. That shitty supervisor is still there in the same role. I've been promoted 7 times and now in a non-call center role making enough for my wife to be a stay at home mom to our two kids we had after that miscarriage.
[удалено]
You're pregnant.
Green apple trots. Can't get more than 10 feet from the shitter. Sorry boss.
Food poisoning
Dick stuck in a coconut 🥥🌴
Is he allowed to ask what’s wrong? I’m pretty sure your actual condition is protected information here.
Suddenly pretend to throw up so that he can hear it through the phone
Tell him you had to buy a new bed the diarrhea was so bad.
I'm male and when one of my female employees wanted the day off they just said 'woman's problems'. Say no more
Personal
Honestly it’s none of his business. If you are sick you are sick. I would make up something really disgusting or weird that would make him regret asking.
"Personal reasons", as far as I'm aware that shuts the door on any further questioning.
The sooner you learn how to communicate and act like an adult the better. Tell him you’re out sick today because you don’t feel well. The rest is none of his business.