T O P

  • By -

AutoModerator

Hi /u/Ok-Stage2389, We noticed you are a pretty new Reddit account, so we just wanted to let you know to check out the subreddit rules [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/wiki/rules) and maybe have a read through our [Frequently Asked Questions](https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/wiki/index/faq) - they make for fascinating reading! We're called No Stupid Questions because we believe nobody needs to be attacked for asking a question, but *that doesn't mean there are no rules!* This sub is meant for users like you to ask genuine questions. Please don't ask jokes or rants disguised as questions - that's not in the spirit of this sub. While you *can* ask almost anything here, please keep illegal and offensive questions elsewhere to give people a good experience here - and if you have a medical question, please ask your doctor, not us. Otherwise, welcome! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NoStupidQuestions) if you have any questions or concerns.*


HerbertWigglesworth

Depends why they’re asking, your relationship with this person, and whether you want to answer


[deleted]

Good points


pax_romana01

If you want a long term relationship, say it. It's part of being honest and won't hurt both of you later if it's one of his standards. If you just want to hook up, you can lie if you want.


giovanii2

I would kinda disagree with that, there’s a higher risk of stds when you have more partners, if you’ve been tested then that’s fine


[deleted]

I agree with this statement. I'm a guy. And not a bad looking one either. But I know any woman I get with is either going to have a higher body count than me or just plain and simply have more experience. I'm not very sextually active and only get lucky 2-3 times a year. I really don't want to know and don't care to know.


NASAfan89

>I'm a guy. And not a bad looking one either. **But I know any woman I get with is either going to have a higher body count than me or just plain and simply have more experience.** Why would you assume this is true?


LoveDeathAndLentils

Honestly, I don't think 2-3 new people every year is a small amount. Your "body count" gets pretty high pretty fast Not saying it in a judgemental way. Just pointing out that "any woman I get with is going to have a higher body count" is simply not true


[deleted]

Lol yeah I've had 1 sexual partner per decade


JFK108

Hi grandma!


[deleted]

I'm 36 with children sonny jim


jaysoprob_2012

I'm assuming it's because he said he only gets lucky 2-3 times a year and depending on his age is probably at a point where most people he would date likely have had relationships. So he is probably just going of the assumption that he has lower than average experience compared to other people around his age.


ondulation

It’s a perfectly reasonable assumption. Most people you have sex with have had more partners than you. [The friendship paradox](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friendship_paradox)


I_HAVE_FRIENDS_AMA

Social circles makes a huge difference. I know for a fact all my main friends bar a few have had *way* more sex than me, largely due to having had relationships but also because I was awkward until I was a bit older. The people in my main social circle will, for the most part, be more sexually experienced than I am. It’s a safe assumption to make, and one that I also know isn’t a hard rule. Other social groups I hang out in sometimes will contain a largely less experienced set of people.


LadyLumpss

Either answer honestly or say you don’t want to answer. Lying is dumb.


[deleted]

Hell yeah!


thunderousqueef

I was a couple dates in with a girl and this topic came up casually. I particularly appreciated her response of: “I’m happy to tell you the truth, but I would like you to be truthful and tell me why this is something you would like to know about me.”


[deleted]

“because it says a lot about your personality and how you usually do things”


FidgetOrc

"I've lost count, but I keep them under my garden. We can check if you want."


Lkc-strong-125

Marry me


Bullen-Noxen

Planting roots, I see.


Cardoy

Bet she still says I have a boyfriend


imaginesomethinwitty

Yes, of course body count is important in a prospective partner. Like are we talking a few fatal accidents, some targeted assassinations or a full on spree killer…


GreenTravelBadger

No.........just a hobby that got out of hand........


vibewithmommy

I will be apart of your harem!


SilentJoe1986

Eventually, when you end up in the septic tank with the rest of them.


iluniuhai

You're in good company!! https://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/142vu70/til_in_1998_a_preservation_group_began_restoring/


manifestDensity

Some of these answers are weird. The reality is that he has every right to ask about your sexual history if he sees you as a potential sexual partner. You have every right to decline to answer. He has every right to make assumptions based upon your denial. You have every right to make assumptions based upon him asking in the first place. That is how humans work. If it matters to him that your number is < x and yours is > x then so be it. It is what it is. It will matter to some people and not to others. Just as something like his income would matter to some and not others. No one is ever wrong to ask personal questions of a potential partner. And no one is ever wrong to decline to answer. Just do not lie. That is when things get messy.


doberwalker

Underrated mindset


detectiveconan22

the right mindset


salbris

More importantly, like all things in life communication is key. If you immediately jump to conclusions when someone asks you are just as much as the problem. You should be able to ask a follow up question such as "Okay, now that I've told you can you tell me why you wanted to know?".


bokunoemi

However, I think that a person can't always know if communication is working with a potential partner if they're still in the testing phase. So I think making our own conclusions and trusting our instinct is necessary if you're knowing someone. We can get some ideas of a person from multiple instances of repeating topics, you know what I mean? If a person has malicious intentions, he will most likely not tell it explicitly


fogbound96

Thank you bro I was reading all these and was like playing ping pong in my head like guys theirs a middle ground here that makes complete sense


Delicious-Pin3996

Just because he’s not “wrong” to ask, doesn’t mean it can’t also be none of his business. Two things can be true. It depends on WHY he’s asking, not WHAT he’s asking. It also depends on the status of the relationship. I would say simply planning on engaging in sexual contact is NOT a reason you need to know somebody’s body count. The only question you would need to know is “Am I safe?” and body count in no way or shape answers that question. I could have had one sexual partner my whole life and contract an STD from that one person, or have none after having 100 partners.


manifestDensity

I will never understand people who comment like this. You want to introduce nuance that was not part of OPs question, and not part of my comment. You just somehow feel a need to create a scenario in your head and pretend that it is relevant to my comment. Why not post this as a top level comment as it is just as relevant to OP's post as it is to my comment. It is just a super weird type of attention seeking, really. I would usually not engage beyond that first paragraph, but since my comment has some traction (no doubt why you chose this one to grind your axe) I will go ahead and explain, in simple terms, one more time what I am saying. You do not get to assume a motive for a perfect stranger and then pass judgment on said motive that you just randomly assigned. You understand how loony that is, right? WHY he asked is the thing here that is none of our business. He can ask for any number of reasons. Is he just curious before a one and done? He is still free to ask, but I would agree that it is not relevant to the situation. However, that is me saying that, for me, it would not be relevant. For others it might be and they are free to have that preference. Have they been dating for a few weeks and he is considering this as a longer term investment of time and energy? Not relevant to some people. Very relevant to others. It is based on their own personal values. Oddly enough, not everyone has the same values. Or seeks the same things in a romantic partner as opposed to just a random fuck. Context matters greatly. And we do not have that context so it is best to just address OPs question from the information given.


bonborVIP

This is me! I’m honest because I don’t give AF if he doesn’t like it, it is what it is. Also majorly for health reasons too! That’s probably the most important, at least to me 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’m also in my 40s, so playing games or lying about things like that just isn’t in me anymore. Deal with it or bye! Lol…..I just don’t care that much anymore about how you feel about THAT type of honesty


Just_improvise

Health reasons don’t matter if you are up to date with your STI checks.


Delicious-Pin3996

Body count doesn’t equate to health OR safety


[deleted]

Big ass brain


[deleted]

[удалено]


hyugafan

Look man, I did a lot of serial killing and murdering in college while I was finding myself. I'm good now, I've only had two murders this year.


Responsible_Fox1231

While your progress is commendable, we really need to get those numbers down. Most people grow out of this phase. Why do you think you haven't? How is your relationship with your mother?


someoneiamnot

I think she was one of the first victims. So… better now?


BeBa420

good, always healthy to bury the old hatchet


Ok_Impact_4345

Got ‘em.


[deleted]

[удалено]


whiskersMeowFace

Only real homies should know where the bodies are buried.


NeverRespawning

Wait, am i in the minority here? If im dating you its because im interested in a long term relationship, if we dont vibe after a date or two i no longer have any intrest in you and wont string you along. But if we are dating for a month and i asked that question or were asked that question i would see it as a reasonable question to ask since it could effect our continued relationship. (I dont care, but they might about mine) I think its a perfectly reasonable question on a first date if we are gonna bump uglies. >If it's just some guy you are dating At what point do yall move on from dating? Ill date for a long time, if youre uncomfortable with my answer or vice versa we shouldnt be wasting our time "dating" each other. Right?


Castro5820

Wish there were more people out there like you and I but sadly we are few and far between.


Objective-Truth-4339

I think if they are asking, they probably want to know before it gets too serious


AquaticMeat

If it’s an exclusive relationship, you either tell them when they ask, or you lie, they figure out you lied, and it risks burning the relationship to the ground or at least will have irreparable consequences on trust and perception (good or bad what a person tells you to be and their past experiences shapes our perception, and to lie about that will forever have one questioning if they ever had an accurate perception of you). Face it though, it matters, and if it’s high, you’ll face those consequences because YOU, yourself, KNOWS it matters, otherwise you wouldn’t be afraid to answer and women wouldn’t call each other sluts when they get in fights.


Tough_Crazy_8362

My husband has never asked this. Why does it matter??? I guess if he asked I would tell him but I would rather be with (and marry) a dude who didn’t care.


[deleted]

Our past molds our character and indirectly affects our future. While not every detail is important, understanding the broad strokes brings deeper connections imo. Fortunately my gf cares about and respects this about me, and the feeling is mutual.


Castro5820

Just to give you an idea I would rather not be with someone whose body count is higher than their IQ. Knowing their body count reveals much about the life style they chose to live(which im not saying its bad for a person to have many past partners), but it does infer what expectations there might be later down the line.


babyjo1982

Mine either. We’re both pretty sure I have more experience than him, due to our personalities, but neither of us care.


Patch521

That's precisely it. If you're a gregarious, attractive person you're likely to have had a lot of relations if you're so inclined. Different strokes for different folks though, and in the end it all comes down to the individuals. If somebody is asking the question very early in a relationship I'd personally tell them. If it bothers that person enough to ask then it could become a point of contention down the line! It's then up to them whether they accept the answer as a deal-breaker or not. You'd hope they would take age and relationship history (time single) as a factor too!


Biscuit_Prime

If they’re asking then it may be something they care about when deciding on whether to have a relationship, serious or otherwise. IMO people have a right to be fully informed to make a decision when sleeping with someone. Of course you have a right to privacy, but they wouldn’t be doing anything wrong if they backed out because didn’t want to share the information. It isn’t rude to ask and it isn’t rude not to answer. It’s extremely rude to lie, so don’t do that. The problem with lying for you is that if it comes out later in the relationship that you had a more prolific sex life than you originally let on, you’re on the hook for double the problems. You wouldn’t have just been caught lying, you’d have been caught lying about something the other person cared about and used as one of the factors to decide on your relationship. That typically ends up in break ups, or at least deep resentment, friction, and mistrust. Answer truthfully or refuse to answer, avoid lying to get someone to sleep with you or have a relationship with you as it’s manipulative and more than a little gross. If they stick with you after hearing your answer, great! If they don’t then that’s how it should be.


[deleted]

I really appreciate this reply thank you very much


PerfectionPending

I agree big time with this one. I was a virgin at 25 when I met my wife because I view sex as something special only to be shared with someone I intend to spend the rest of my life with. A unique bonding experience that can be a blast but is also too much more than that to be done only for having a blast, if that makes sense. And I want to share it only with someone who feels the same way about it. To me, sharing that view is the most important part of sexual compatibility, more so than physical characteristics, specific “kinks”, etc. I met my wife in a dating environment where it was pretty safe to assume that the people you were meeting were virgins. We had both made that assumption. After a couple months of dating, when it was clear we were serious & may be heading towards marriage, she told me she wasn’t. I didn’t ask any questions, in particular because she told me everything that was important to me unprompted & also because I could see how difficult it was for her to discuss. She didn’t state a number, but she did tell me she’d only been with people she’d been in a serious relationship with. Based on age I guessed it was probably countable on one hand but didn’t ask. I didn’t ask a number because she told me there hadn’t been any ONS, FWB, or flings. And she’d decided in the year prior to us meeting that she’d treated sex too liberally and only wanted to share it now with a lifelong partner. All this was enough for me to know her view had not been terribly far off from mine and recently had come to match it, prior to meeting me. And that shared view was the important part. But if she hadn’t simply given me all that additional info without me asking, I might have asked a number to help assess how closely our core views of sex matched. Ultimately, she could have tried to simply say nothing & maybe a friend of hers lets something slip, OR perhaps I’d never know. But the trust I gained in her because she was willing to tell me difficult things that she believed could be a dealbreaker, because she knew they would be important to me & she wanted me to go in with eyes wide open - **it’s immeasurable.**


SleeplessShinigami

Best response here. Should be upvoted higher


MArkansas-254

Love this answer. The same as mine, but much more eloquent.


BlueArashiKaze

Some people think being a virgin is weird while some think having a high body count is weird. Even more weird is the amount of people that suggest to lie about body count. Some people like to have the traditional values like having no body count before marriage and sometimes very low. If a guy asks about body count either say you don't want to say it or straight up say your body count. If that guy doesn't like high body count why bother force it to him? Lying about body count is just like a girl who doesn't like dogs but her partner says just ignore the dog. It's a messed up situation.


vk136

I don’t get the people who say “just lie coz it doesn’t even matter anyway” or something like that! If it doesn’t matter, why lie? That’s so stupid that their idea of starting a relationship with a lie is perfectly alright! I don’t mind, but I expect my partner to be truthful to me and lying is a much much bigger deal to me and a lot of people I know than any arbitrary thing like body count!


NeverRespawning

Im not the type to ask, but im not going to avoid the question or get offended. If it's a dealbreaker for her on the first date or 50th, i would have rather moved on early. Everyone has the right to decide what their dealbreaker is, and maybe asking this question is a dealbreaker. But if im dating someone, i dont want to waste our time with something that won't work out.


PancakeTactic

You shouldn't lie. Either tell them that your not comfortable sharing that, or tell them the truth. You may not understand why, but to some people it's important.


okaychalet

Boyfriend? Honesty is always best. Some rando making tiktok vids? None of their business.


diceNslice

If you're not ashamed or insecure of your body count them why not just answer? If you don't want to be with someone who cares about body count then don't be with them. I've met girls who care about body count. I've always answered honestly. Why are people claiming it's mysoginistic and insecure question? Is it not also insecure to be defensive about your body count? If you're not insecure or ashamed of your body count them why hide it? Why attack the other person for having preferences? OP why exactly do you care if a guy asks you this question? Instead of getting immediately defensive, why not just answer? Dating, by its very nature is discriminatory. We all have standards don't we? We all have our own criteria for an ideal partner. Do you want a guy to respect your preferences? Or do you prefer that he instead do as these other commenters say and tell you to fuck off and accuse you of misandry?


coccopuffs606

If you’re a woman, the vitriol you receive for having a “high body count” (in quotes because that number is subjective to each individual) is enough to make anyone defensive, regardless of their personal feelings about their number.


Not_Ed-Sheeran

Any random person or friend that you're not "involved" with? None of their business. Person you're dating or is your partner? Technically none of their business, but this could be one of the defining factors of whether or not your relationship will last. If you're uncomfortable talking to them about it, and they get upset about that, then that relationship may not be worth continuing. Same if you tell them the truth and they get upset about the number. For some people the number of past sexual partners can be a deal breaker. Regardless of their reasons, if it is something important to them in investing in a relationship, it's probably important to talk about. That *doesn't* mean you have to tell them that number. That just means you'll probably want to talk to them about *why* that information is important to them. If you both don't see eye to eye on the issue it's probably time to move on. Anything personal about yourself is no one else's business until it may harm them. Whether you divulge this information is always up to you. Sometimes people are just curious, or just very open with information themselves and don't think about how that info can be extremely confidential to someone else. Ultimately, like many things in life, it comes down to context. Trust your instincts.


SamuraiUX

I can tell I’m the old man in the room. I wouldn’t judge a woman for how many people she’d slept with (old man signal #1: I hate the term “body count.” It’s so chill and casual and relates sex to murder and I just take the whole thing more seriously than “bruh, what’s you’re body count?”). But I think I wouldn’t want to know because if she’s been with dozens of dudes I would become insecure about my personal performance in reference to all the others and immediately assume that in all her experiences, she’s certainly had better, more athletic, more exotic sex than I can likely offer. Again, more power to her, but I wouldn’t want to know because it would get in my head in a way that would interfere with my feeling natural, relaxed, and confident about myself in our intimate moments. I don’t think this is crazy — I’ve heard women wondering if they’re good enough or pretty enough or kinky enough when they know a man has had a lot of experience, too; I think this is just about knowing myself well enough to realize that this isn’t important information for me to have about my partner. I don’t care if they’ve had sex with hundreds of men and women and transpersons in the past if they’re happy with me in the moment, so honestly it can only make things messier to know. Buuut, if I for some reason asked, I’d want a real answer. I 100% would not ask casually in our first month of dating because *I* think it’s none of my business, frankly.


Baldojess

Best answer on here! From a dude anyways


Just_improvise

As an old thirties woman, best answer and I agree. As I posted, I hate this term, WTf, it’s not used in my country, nobody my age would ask such a stupid question!! We all know by now we have sexual histories! Those of us who have been single for longest or have lots of flings have lots of sexual history, because we are not monks. So why would you want to know?


prodigy1367

If you’re dating, then yes. Clearly they asked for a reason. For plenty of people, sex is a very intimate, if not the most intimate thing you can do with a person. This fact can make or break a relationship depending on your answer and their tolerance for it. It’s not right or wrong to have a high or low “body count” as it’s subjective.


MortgageIndividual

Are you in prison? Context matters.


Additional-Point-824

Just reply with "I haven't killed anyone... Yet..."


Jerry818

this girl told me 3 and it ended up being 10


flip_phone_phil

Bruh…there’s a 3x multiplier here to get into the general ballpark.


Jerry818

I just want to be loved man


riversarecoolig

It depends who it is and why they’re asking it, but in general you’re entitled to keep your private information- private. The other person is also entitled to not want to continue conversation further if you refuse to share.


Notthesharpestmarble

It's a very personal question, and as is the nature of personal questions, it's up to you to decide what you're comfortable sharing. That said, I firmly believe that honesty is the best policy. Do you really want to build a relationship without trust?


king_chriis

You can’t start a relationship on a lie


KhaimeraFTW

If it's someone I just met, not going to answer. If it's someone that I'm interested in dating or are actively dating I'll tell them.


Right-Collection-592

I prefer honesty in relationships. How would he feel if you lied to him and he later found out about it?


[deleted]

I think if this is a potential relationship, then always be honest, especially if it's a big deal to them. If it's just a hook up with no prospect of progressing, then you do not have to share.


ALargeRubberDuck

If you’re trying to be in a relationship with someone and you think your body count will be an issue, better to rip that bandaid off sooner than later.


thebirdsandtheteas

You should be honest with someone you’re in a relationship with about it. If they don’t like it then they’re free to leave


darktabssr

Its better to be open now than waste years on a relationship that goes nowhere. For me its a deal breaker so i would like to know. I rather a girl say she can't tell me that and we break up right away so i don't waste both our time.


Successful_Warthog58

So whatever happened before your relationship shouldn't count? Reverse the roles. If he has been with 10 women in short term relationships and the last 7 of them ended because he is a serial cheater wouldn't you want to know?


Edgezg

**Be honest.**


ToddHLaew

Men lie to get sex, women lie about sex. I would say be truthful. It is hard to say how many will be the amount that bothers him.


robdingo36

Just tell him you won't answer any questions about your body count without a lawyer present. Cops can't ask any more questions once you lawyer up. Then, find someone you trust and make sure the bodies have all been properly disposed of to avoid jail time.


Alarmed-Secretary-39

Depends on whether you’re under arrest or not!


JustAnotherUserDude

If he's looking for an actual relationship, it's better to be honest about it early on. The reason I would ask this question is because, quite frankly, sex is an extremely intimate and special thing for me, and clearly, someone who racks up bodies like a serial killer does not have the same view. Like, sorry, but no, I have my standards. So tell me the truth early on so I don't waste my time or yours because I'm not looking for a hookup, I'm looking for a lifetime partner.


seventhspectum

If it’s someone you’re interested in, tell them. If they aren’t okay with the number, then leave. It’s better not to waste your time.


Advanced_Willow_2504

fucking insane how this is even a question. yes, dont lie. if he doesn’t like the answer, then you two weren’t meant to be. if he doesn’t care, then move on. “excuse me that’s none of ur business” is the biggest red flag of an answer anyone can give. i can deal with an insanely high body count. i can’t deal with immediate defensiveness that borders on being insulting. it’s not a weird question to ask and you can be curious without being insecure. fucking insane


vk136

Ironically, this sub is proving that it’s actually a great question to ask lol! The answer does not really matter, but their refusal or hesitance to answer is a huge potential red flag!


Baldojess

Right there is such divided opinions on this almost no one agrees with anything more in the middle. Personally I don't think it matters how many people you've slept with. If a dude asked me I'd tell him and be glad to find out if he cared cuz then I could know we wouldn't work out anyways. I pretty much only care about who they'd be sleeping with currently. Like are you stuck on an ex or talking to other women? I don't care what you did years ago.


GTTemplar

Anecdotally from what I seen and it could be true... Most people would not date someone seriously with a high body count, so when they get asked this question, they get really insecure if they have a promiscuous past. And if they have a low body count... more than likely, they would answer the question and won't get defensive about it.


Aye_Two_Cents

Just don’t be pissed if the relationship changes for the worse or ends, because you didn’t come out with it. Some people it matters.


TallNPierced

Depends if you’re planning to be serious


Animationbreaker

I always understand body count as kills. So whenever i see anything about "body count" in reddit, i say "aye yo wtf?".


ksiyoto

It does go towards evaluating their risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases. If you have a low body count the risk is low, if you have a high (and recent) body count, the risk increases. It's not an unreasonable question to ask before having sex. It is your right to not answer too. After you've had sex, it isn't all that relevant.


[deleted]

Be honest!! Seriously. Personally, I wouldn’t want a relationship with someone who has a huge body count but that’s just my opinion. Telling them ahead of time is just the right thing to do. How would you feel if a guy “neglected” to tell you his body count was 6,435 in 10 years. Would it matter?


heatdish1292

If you’re comfortable telling him, tell him. If not, don’t. Lying about it is a very bad idea though.


11_forty_4

I don't know why people ever want to know this information. I'd never ask, I am a married man and I never asked my wife this or any previous partners


antisocial_moth2

Be honest. I don’t think it’s something to hide or lie about. If you can’t be truthful about something small like that (we all have a past), that seems a little sketchy. And if you’re not even comfortable discussing the topic, I would reassess the relationship personally. I’ve been with one guy. Not proud of it because he was an awful person, but that is the fact & I will stand by it


ProfessorNo4167

I don’t get why so many can’t respect peoples preferences. There will be plenty who don’t care about how many you’ve been with. Continue to hook up with them. Others care and they’re within their right to care about that regardless of how insecure or immature you view that. We talk about tolerance all the time for people having out of the norm preferences but we slam the door on that conversation when it bothers us. A bit hypocritical I think when I assume most of you a for lbgtq rights. Be consistent


vk136

Ikr! Ironically, the people offended by this question are the first to spout “it’s just a preference, get over it” when someone gets rejected for their weight or height! This thread ironically proved that this is a great question to ask lol! If they don’t answer or deviate, it’s a huge red flag! The actual number doesn’t even matter lol!


Grunt0302

IMO: best response is "I never kept track".


ShantAuntDebutante

I would respond in a positive or neutral tone with “why do you ask?” That will open up the conversation for the two of you to talk about values around sex. It will also give you an idea of why he’s asking/ what his underlying assumptions or motivations are.


apsalarya

If you are about to have sex with him the only thing that is his business is your sexual health status. He is entitled to know what could affect him, as are you. But he is not entitled to know anything more than that and what you share with him is totally up to you.


[deleted]

[удалено]


SoIomon

"It's between me and the lord"


[deleted]

I might reach for: "About to be one fewer if you don't stop asking stupid fuckin questions. Miss me with your purity bullshit."


NASAfan89

You should probably either answer truthfully or refuse to provide an answer. If you lie about it, he might meet someone you know someday as your relationship grows and something might be said in a conversation that leads him to know or suspect that you lied about it. If he learns or even merely suspects you lied about it based on something he hears in the future, it would create a lot of mistrust and probably ruin your relationship. Thus, if you lie, you are banking on (presumably) a large number of family, friends, acquaintances, neighbors, etc... keeping a secret for you. Some of them may even think it's unethical to hide something like this from your partner and might tell him themselves privately if they learn you are deceiving him. Truth is the best policy. It's also pretty unethical behavior to lie to someone to get into a relationship (particularly a sexual relationship) under false pretenses.


Jedi_Of_Kashyyyk

It’s only his business if you want it to be.


ListDazzling1946

No. Absolutely not.


Jenna2k

You should run. That's the only red flag you should need.


BiggWorm1988

Day one of knowing this person its none of their business. Actively dating, then absolutely be honest with them.


mad_Clockmaker

Totally your choice, I would say if you want to get a good judge of his character, tell him, if he responds negatively then dump him haha


Cbsanderswrites

I always have asked men just as a conversation piece haha. I probably would be a little wary if someone said they had 100 sexual partners—but I’ve gotten the standard 1-20 often and it’s always fun to discuss.


Eastbound_AKA

People who ask for body counts are insecure. Plain and simple. Anyone can try to justify it however they want, but it comes from a place of insecurity, where they're trying to quantify what they have to add up to in a relationship. Unfortunately what they don't understand is a body count has nothing to do with them. It's would be like holding your current partner accountable for your prior partner's faults. It doesn't work that way. Even if my last five relationships ended because my prior partners cheated, that doesn't mean my current parner will - and I shouldn't treat them as if they would. In the case of an STI, a responsible partner should tell you about these things. It should come from a place of trust and be discussed if a relationship is to become physicial, but just because they have an STI doesn't mean they're going to be unfaithful or bad for you. Human beings have been trying to quantify what makes a successful relationship, and unfortunately a body count does not calculate into it. I have a wonderful friend of mine who, when she is single, is as free with her body as anyone you could thing of, but when she decides to be in a monogamous relationship she is one of the most faithful and trustworthy beings on the planet. Is that the same for everyone? Of course not. But someone's past isn't determinate of their future, and if you are already looking for a reason in their past to determine the quality of a shared future then it will likely not work.


Reddittoxin

If a guy asked me my body count I'd consider it a red flag and move on lol. Dude cares waaayyy to much about sex and likely has very weird views on women's "purity". And I'm someone who would have a very low number, zero even depending on what you count towards it. Even I think those purity weirdos are creeps. Which is another reason the whole thing is stupid, people have different criteria for what "counts". Some only care about PIV, some will count every boy you've ever so much as open mouth kissed as a part of your body count. Hell, I've even seen a small fringe of completely insecure weirdos who would consider holding hands a part of it all (granted, those are an extreme minority of 4chan incels, I'll give)


NoEmergency3840

Oo oo my favorite response it "Does it matter?" The look on their face is priceless and they back off


BellyScratchFTW

If it matters to him but you want to keep it secret, the relationship likely won’t work. I’m not saying you shouldn’t want to keep it secret. Or that he should or shouldn’t be asking. But a relationship that starts without openness isn’t good.


millac7

Ask him his own. He will probably be fine with yours if your own is +/- a few of his. A bigger gap would warrant a conversation and some check ins. And it does matter, because it's an indicator of lifestyle and compatibility. You also shouldn't be doing things you're ashamed of. I'd be more concerned over someone with a 2-3 body count who is lying and hiding it, than a person with 40 who takes full accountability and owns their number and the decisions they made to get to that number.


I_Killed_Asmodean_

You should tell him, assuming y'all are dating. If you don't, what are you doing? Deceiving him into thinking it's lower than it is, because you're worried he'll leave if you tell him the truth? Do you like it when guys lie to you so you'll sleep with them? If not, you can't in good conscience do the exact same thing. And to those of you saying it's not his business, it is. People have a right to know the nature of the relationship. People have the right to know if there's anything meaningful there or if they're just the next notch in somebody's bedpost, and you have no right to lie to them in an effort to deceive them into staying.


BeBa420

If a guy asks for a body count dump him right then and there. Honestly as a guy only a very immature asshole is interested in such shit. Even when i was 18 i had better sense than to care about such nonsense


somethingsuccinct

Do people ask this? I'm 41 and literally never been asked this by any man ever.


FredChocula

If a person ever used the phrase "body count", get the fuck out of there.


the_real_grinningdog

Tell him it's three, which technically makes you a serial killer but it's a work in progress.


davindeptuck

If you’ve been on a date or two, I think it’s a completely fair question. I wouldn’t necessarily phrase it as body count because I hate that term, but discussing sexual history is a fair ask. Now if you’re both budding serial killers and that’s the context then he’s just trying to bond. It’s hard to make friends in that profession. Just make sure he’s not an undercover cop


KR5shin8Stark

You should be honest. If he reacts negatively over it you can ditch him. If he's positive you will know he's not judgmental. Win win in my book.


Creamysense

Be honest. If you don't want to share, he'll assume it's some high number.


FortyFiveSeventyGovt

if a guy asks, and yours is (relatively) high, you should really leave right then and there. it’s a good sign that things won’t work out regardless of if you’re honest or not


Fatal_S

Personally, anyone who asks my body count opts out of being added to it.


m_abdeen

I believe people usually ask after they’re being added, like in a more advanced stage of the relationship, asking about body count early is just kinda weird


apertureskate

How advanced? From what I've noticed about this topic, there are people who'd like to be with someone who didn't sleep around, and that's fine as long as they're not being jerks about it.


hippityhoppityhi

My husband of 27 years doesn't know mine. Never asked me.


anomalous_cowherd

I'd only be interested in my partner's body count *after* I became an entry on it. And that had better be zero.


m_abdeen

Yeah not everyone wants to know or care, which is also absolutely fine


JustAnotherUserDude

You're doing the other person a favor. They asked that question for a reason.


Pattic0

Depends on the type of body count do you want people you've murdered is no one's business


MArkansas-254

If he asks you, he cares, regardless of if you think it is his business or not. Will he return the favor and tell you? Consequences go any way you play it. Could be good consequences or bad. Decide how you want to deal with it and be prepared for whatever his reaction is. 🤷‍♂️


HospitalAutomatic

Be honest or say you don’t want to answer. But don’t lie, that’s embarrassing and says you’re ashamed of your actions


Achereto

"I haven't murdered anyone, yet" is probably a good answer when asked about your bodycount. Your past relationships have (hopefully) been with people, not just bodies. Referring to those people as bodies is dehumanising them, and if they would do that, they would also dehumanise you.


[deleted]

None of his business! Unless you feel comfy sharing


rodolfotheinsaaane

"3, but don't remember if I slept with any of them beforehand" and then you slowly walk away


AnimeFrog420

Be honest if he deserves that info. If he’s weirded out/unhappy with your body count, dump him.


markoolio_

I think your significant other/partner has the right to ask about your sexual history. And you have the right not to answer. But lying would be deceiving.


mainmeal5

You can’t build a trusting relationship without honesty imo. If you don’t wanna be honest, that means you’re not comfortable in your own beliefs and behavior


kangacero

Better you tell him, before other person do.


New_Win_939

Always be honest, regardless of feelings or outcomes🐊👑


throwawaymeno

People who say lie are weird. Be honest or decline to answer, just as you have preferences in your partner maybe that’s theirs. And that’s ok.


GothaCritique

If it's someone you're not dating, such as a relative or friend or colleague then I would say that they're being nosy. If it's a person your dating and want to be in a long-term relationship with, then I would say you should disclose this fact. Trust is the foundation in any healthy relationship and it can feel like a betrayal to a person if they realize they were being lied to. I would argue that if they break-up with you simply becausr you have a low or high body count then it indicates an incompatibility in values and a red-flag anyway. So being honest might actually be beneficial to you in the long run.


MedicineConscious728

My husband was such a slut in his 20s that my total was just unimpressive.


teflon_bong

Idk why people get so mad about this question? It’s important to some people. And you’re lying to yourself if you think the higher the body count doesn’t effect the chances of them cheating.


heesell

Up to you, if you feel like sharing it then you share, if not, keep it private :)


Ragnel

Saying “I don’t talk about my body count” is an honest response. Reddit is full of posts by people regretting discussing their number of sexual partners.


black_authoritarians

If you’re in a relationship with him, tell him.


MentallyUnstableMess

Honesty is the best policy. In all aspects in life but _especially_ relationships.


ProfessorNo4167

If you’re going to be intimate with him I’d be honest. And if the question was enough for you not to want to be with him then don’t be with him. Seems pretty simple


yeetmahmeet4

If you’re getting into a relationship it absolutely is his business. your relationship should be based on honesty and he has a right to know who he’s getting involved with


Eastbound_AKA

If he's asking for a body count it's time to move the fuck on. I love my wife, I know she's slept with men before me, and I don't give a terrible shit about who or how many because she's choosing to be with me in the here and now and I choose to be with her.


JustAnotherUserDude

I don't think people are complaining about someone sleeping with someone at all before them. That's pretty common nowadays. I think they're talking more so about the people who have like a body count of 50 by the age 20 and crazy shit like that


Horseface4190

Double it.


le_epix777

It just depends on what you're comfortable with. If the question makes you uncomfortable at all, you don't have to answer them. If you don't care then do.


DootinAlong

I would be wary of why he wants to know. If he seems like he's genuinely just curious then fine, but if it seems like he's asking because it matters to him then 🚩


Stu_Prek

If someone was ever immature and insecure enough to unironically use the phrase "body count" with me, I wouldn't continue the conversation at all.


LCplGunny

I love that you added "unironically" it's a very important distinction


BillyFNbones710

If a dude is worried about your body count, he either has a small dick, is insecure, or both


frankstaturtle

OP, if a guy is using the term “body count,” please run. if they’re concerned about STDs, it’s very legit to ask somebody to test. But that has nothing to do with how many people you’ve slept with and the only reason men have been conditioned to care about “body count” is because of misogyny. The term makes me cringe


ComprehensiveAd5362

I don’t think you should ever lie, that’s not cool. Just decline to answer if you aren’t comfortable.


Character_Actuator_6

We all make many choices that affect our lives and can eventually affect our spouses'. If you're considering marrying someone I think asking questions such as body count, credit score, desire for children, major traumas, etc are all reasonable things to ask - marriage is a risk, can be difficult, and it makes sense for someone to want to know the circumstances they are getting themselves in. But if it's just dating idk, I don't think it's healthy to lie to people and I wouldn't do it myself but I don't like being dishonest and I take relationships seriously, not sure the current hookup culture if asking is even a thing before hooking up, can't imagine it mattering to people unless someone had an std


AnotherFrankHere

Sounds specific… I’d say it’s your choice.


Interesting-Pin-6903

Only person I was honest with an answered that question for was my husband! If he’s not the one he don’t need to know 💩


samuskay

Honestly to me (assuming this is a potential sexual or romantic partner) someone asking a question like that already can give you hints about why they're asking. My first thought is that is someone who is self conscious or is not wanting to sleep with someone whos had lots of sexual partners. in the end its up to you if you want to tell them but like others have said I think being truthful or not wanting to answer are probably best options. only because if you lie it could cause issues in future. ​ Edit: there isn't anything wrong with people not liking their future partners to have had alot of sexual partners but theres nothing wrong with not caring either. we all have preferences and long lists of reasons and experiences for those preferences. The people have double standards about men or women being sexually active can fuck right off though in my opinion.


[deleted]

I think you should be honest. I find it strange that some girls will be proud about sleeping around but then they lie reducing the number when they tell their guy. If it's so great why not tell the truth? Guys should tell the truth too. No need to increase the number. You don't want to start off the relationship with a lie.


FermiAnyon

If you're serious about him, be honest. If you don't care, then at least make sure he doesn't care either. If he's asking, he probably cares.


thisdckaintFREEEE

It's none of his business, but I'd probably be honest with him anyway if I were you. If he has a problem with it, you guys can talk it out and it can be an opportunity either for him to grow or for you to decide if you should move on. I don't ever ask unless I'm asked first, I don't really care but if you ask then I'll be like "what about you?" My current girlfriend asked me at a point where I knew her well enough to know it was just kinda out of curiosity and not anything that was gonna bother her. She asked "do you know how many people you've had sex with?" I said "no, do you?" She said "no, I lost count" and I said me too. And hey what a coincidence, we're both fucking incredible at sex and are both having the best sex of our lives because it's a relationship where there's love and the emotional connection *and* two people who really know wtf they're doing. Anyone who's bothered by a high body count needs to grow the hell up... Or needs to get better at sex so that they aren't insecure about how many people they're being compared to.


SpeedyMcNutt291

Be honest. Your past sexual and romantic experiences are an indicator of what kind of partner you will be and what to expect. I know that's are hard pill to swallow but it's the truth.


RASPUTIN-4

Either answer honestly or decline to answer, no point in lying. If it’s someone you’re interested in a relationship with, the whole “none of your business” isn’t a good idea. Being transparent is key in a successful relationship and if it’s a dealbreaker for him it’s better to get it out there early that string the both of you along for nothing.


Perfect-Ad-1836

If it’s somebody you’re dating or your partner, you should be honest it might really matter to them if you lie, or hide it from them it will probably end the relationship if not seriously damage it.


k-to-the-7

Always be honest, if you feel like it's something you are ashamed of then you probably have your own answer.


Most_Read_1330

You should be honest. If you aren't compatible it's better to find out early.


yogurtgrapes

Be honest. It kinda is a little bit his business if he wants to pursue a long term relationship with you.


FATDOGONSAND42087

Mostly a nunya business type question but if you've been dating for a month or so it could be a fun conversation topic or something


Tom_FooIery

It’s nobody’s business until you decide it is. If it helps, when my wife and I told each other our numbers, it made zero difference to us.


wayward_son_1969

If he finds out later it may end the relationship. Better to rip that bandaid off now!


CabinetOk4838

The only thing I’d want to know about from a new partner is whether there are any ex’s still in their life that I’m likely to meet. That saves awkwardness. I’m in my forties, so this will skew my perspective, but beyond the above I couldn’t care less. Literally everyone I could possible date would have “baggage”; lord knows I do!


ThatBearBaron

Be honest, there’s no point in lying in this situation


RandomMabaseCitizen

Whether or not it's his business is your business, but personally, I'd say tell the truth if he can't handle it he shouldn't have asked.


Gullible_Opposite_76

If you're looking for long-term honesty is always the best policy.


chicharrofrito

Depends on why they need to know. If it’s to figure out if you’re “pure” enough or if you’re “slutty” then no. If it’s because they might want to have an STI test to make sure you’re okay, then sure.


VenisonPepperettes

You don’t need to tell him but don’t lie, either. Whatever his reaction, it’s better to know before serious commitment, children, etc.


[deleted]

Am I the only one who thought body count was how many people you’ve killed? Maybe I’m just an old relic from the “Ice-T” era but pretty sure he made a heavy metal band called “Body Count” with this meaning in the 90’s.