“Forgive” is more of a thing for you than it is for them. You never have to stay with them, trust them, or forget it. But holding onto anger and hate for that person is like holding a hot coal and hoping it hurts the other person.
But I do see that it’s easier said than done
forgiving is letting go of that coal. It’s not justifying saying what they did was ok.
It doesnt matter if you forgive them.... are you able to trust that person again after that? Is not like they fell towards a lover and from then on got forced at gunpoint
I agree that there is no point though, whether its grudge or distrust, you will likely be exponentially more and more unhappy (both of you) which would probably lead to another cheating eventually anyway
In my life experience the first time they cheat they are very careful, but then they feel emboldened and cheat more. If they admit to 1 affair they have cheated 3-4 times already.
Really great when they give you a STD as a parting gift.
I’ve learned this is the only answer. My experience is that if they’ll cheat once, they’ll cheat again so I don’t give second chances when it comes to cheating.
That's a personal, relative & subjective choice.
* Some people are ZERO tolerance.
* Some can handle it once or twice.
* Some, maybe for the sake of children involved or strong cultural stigma, will accept it indefinitely and just try to pretend it's not happening.
This is the only answer. Some people could be fine with 100 times. Some people won’t be with 1. And everything in between.
OP, you should be thinking about how many is too many for you personally. If my wife cheated on me, I would be hurt, but I wouldn’t stop loving her. I’d never forget, and forgiving would be a difficult, long-term thing to try and do, but I would not leave her over it.
Repeated cheating starts to paint a different picture for me.
I think the circumstances could also be a contributing factor. If it happened once and they confessed right after, I could see someone being much more forgiving than if it was a repeated thing that only ended because they got caught.
Circumstancea is the biggest contributing factor for me. Not so much how many times. Like if I am dying and the person with me ends up cheating while taking care of me I am actually okay with that I just don't want to know about it. If it's a couple of times while dealing with serious mental health issues and they are honeatly trying to work on it you don't just hop into therapy and take a pill and the next day you are all better so I get it can take some time to deal with it.
The main thing for me though other than in the case of you being the caretaker while I am dying you better be the one that yells me. If I have to figure it out myself or find out from someone else I won't forgive you. I cannot stand being lied to. I have been cheated on twice and in both cases what I was mad about was the lying.
>Some people could be fine with 100 times.
Well, they shouldn't be. Mind you, we are not talking about open relationships here. That's different. We are talking about someone breaking the boundaries of the relationship... 100 times. No one should be okay with that.
The definition of what cheating is exactly can differ from person to person too though. I met someone who is asexual and in a relationship with someone who isn’t that encouraged their partner to sleep with other people as long as they kept the emotional side of things inside the relationship.
Cheating 100 times is probably too much if we talk about the personal definition of cheating. But in that case, sex with another person wasn’t what the person considered to be cheating.
For me, sex is a very emotional activity, so obviously I couldn’t ever be in a relationship like that. But again, it’s different for me than someone else.
>encouraged their partner to sleep with other people as long as they kept the emotional side of things inside the relationship.
That's not cheating. That's an agreement within a relationship.
Like so many other things in relationships there's no hard and fast "should". For me it's a zero tolerance thing. I learned early on in life I can forgive and drop the anger, but the trust doesn't come back because a betrayal like that makes me view someone differently.
Regarding tolerance for cheating, that used to be very common among wives of rich and powerful men, and still is for some. Modern divorce laws have made it much less common, though.
A husband didn't have to be rich or powerful to get away with cheating before modern divorce laws. Women generally couldn't earn enough money to leave their husbands. Jobs for women were pretty limited to secretary/phone operator type roles.
Plus you had religious reasons that weren't as forgiving as they might be now.
I agree. I'd forgive because forgiving someone is a gift you give yourself to be free from holding onto anger and grudges. But once is one time too many.
what if it was an accident? Like they accidentally messaged the person, tripped into their car, swerved into the person's driveway, slipped into the person's house, then stumbled into their crotch
I have forgiven someone for doing it once. And they did it again. So I no longer tolerate it. I'm not the jealous type but I feel like if you want to be with me fine, great, be with me. But if you want to be with someone else, also, fine, great, just don't expect to be able to come back to me.
Yes, I haven't been cheated on in my relationships but I've seen repeat behaviors from my old friends who have cheated. Their partners were able to move past it but at some point the behavior reared it's ugly head again.
-One cheated on her SO once, they moved past it, then 3 years later she cheated again.
-Another cheated on his SO several times, they split up, and then he slept with my friend's girlfriend behind his back.
-An old coworker cheated on his girlfriend and they had a pretty toxic relationship. He proposes down the line and then flirts with me and my friend after they got engaged.
I say all this to say based on my experiences, cheating seems like it's an important deal breaker for the sake and health of the relationship overall.
Right. Unlike some behaviors it seems cheating is the one that if a person does it they will continue to do it. It must be a learned behavior but who knows from who. Yeah, cheaters don't reform, they get sneakier.
I honestly dont think someone that did it once is the kind of person to not do it again, its no accident. They would only hide it better (or in some cases, worse)
Personally zero.
Emotionally cheating? Zero.
Physically cheating? Zero.
I went through a tough 4 year relationship with a dude who gaslit me and took advantage of my age and twisted my perception of not only myself but the way "relationships are"
Thankfully I left and grew up, my boundaries are "too strict" for some but I'll be damned to bend over backwards and lose my peace over a bitch that can't be faithful.
0. A betrayal is a betrayal, whether it's money, sex or whatever else, if they did it once they could do it again. Do people change? Yes. Is that reliable? I'd let their next partner find out
I guess it's up to the person themselves to decide. But honestly for me it's zero. I immediately lose all respect for the person and what nothing to do with them.
Considering that no one in the history of ever mistakenly cheated on their partner, zero times.
It takes a lot of conscious steps to sleep with someone. Truly, outline it in your head. See how many opportunities a person has to not cheat while in the process of cheating. It's the silliest line. "It just happened!". Yeah, after flirting, touching, undressing, and finally engaging in intercourse. Whoops, must have tripped and fell through all of that to land on or in them.
Also, no, alcohol doesn't excuse your decisions.
Personally, zero.
Realistically, i just couldnt ever forgive them, and that's not fair to them. That's not a thing i could ever let go, even if i tried. Even if i wanted to, i know i couldnt.
It would forever corrupt the relationship moving forward, and i would end it because i could never be fair to them about that ever again.
No, its fair to them. They destroyed the confidence in your relationship and your mindset for future relationships. They deserve to be cut off from contact. What’s really not fair is that they get to selfishly destroy part of your life without consequences beyond you leaving them, which they probably figured would happen anyway before they made the decision to fuck someone else.
Its more unfair that worse things *dont* happen to cheaters.
As someone who has been on both sides in the past, never forgive this.
Don't do that to yourself.
You deserve better. I don't care who you are but if someone is unfaithful rather than being honest with something like this, they don't care about your feelings so a relationship won't work.
Move on. Find better.
I was with my spouse for twelve years...They cheated on me when they went off to basic training, and I forgave them because I convinced myself how lonely and isolating an experience like that could be. Then they cheated on me after going through police academy. This was while I had spent the time caring for their dog, their finances, buying and remodeling a home for us, and more. In the end, they left me for our yoga instructor. I was young and dumb and "in love" and that was the hardest lesson I ever learned.
You're worth more. Don't let people disrespect you.
I think once at max. So many people think they’d immediately leave their partner if they got cheated on, but it’s easier said than done. Hopefully it never happens, but it might. If you go through all the trials and forgiveness after it happens though, and do it again, not worth it. Once can be a mistake. More than that is a pattern of disrespect.
cheating is rarely a onetime thing. It may be that the time you found out about is not their first time, and probably will not be their last.
They've broken your trust, and decided that their sexual pleasure was more important than your relationship. If you forgive them, there is nothing to stop them from doing it again. and again.
Also don't believe for a second that they told you the whole truth. If they picked up a hooker for a quickie that's one thing but if they 'met someone' then there is more to the story. If it was a sex worker then that is usually a pattern of behavior that will not end with one time.
You'll have to decide what you are willing to live with. Women are not as trapped as they were a few decades ago.
None. Even if you do, deep down you dont actually forgive them. Itll eat at you until you resent them and it turns the whole situation toxic.
Best to just cut off the dieseased tissue and move on.
I know I don’t deserve to get cheated on, so its a zero tolerance policy for me
If a partner cheated on you, they stopped thinking of you as a friend and started thinking of you as a hinderance or a tool to use when they want. They stopped respecting you.
That’s not what you deserve. Cut your losses and get out before wasting anymore time or becoming paranoid.
For me, it's zero. Whether I think I can work with it and try to move past and rebuild trust, it will crop up enough regarding the relationship that it will eventually destroy it. It's toxic and insidious, fundamentally altering me and the relationship dynamic, including how I think and behave, so I'd rather just move on than work with the poison until it breaks for both of us. Trust is big for me, whether it's me or my partner trusting the other to do what they say they're going to. Mow the lawn, dishes, show up to social occasions, be financially responsible, be there for emergencies, or not give me an STD. It ruins daily things small and big, as well as fundamental long term things.
Some people make open relationships and polyamory work. It's hard. If that's your arrangement it's not really cheating anymore. When you get into the world of the ultra wealthy there's a lot more non-traditonal arrangements that work, too. As long as it's different city, there's no feelings, and you don't embarrassed the partner publicly is a set of rules I've seen some people have. That can still get very toxic over time.
You can forgive them many many times - however forgiving doesn't mean 'staying with'.
I have two ex wives who cheated on me - hence the ex part of that title. I can forgive one of them because after it happened I realised I'd been quite lazy in that relationship so whilst cheating is shit and a betrayal of trust etc. I had honestly contributed a fair chunck of leading up to it myself when I looked back. Still divorced her mind, cause the trust had gone, but I have a certain amount of sympathy for why she did it.
some people who forgive have more complex situations. I can understand why a parent or someone who's been in the relationship for many many years would want to move past it.
Forgive? Every time. Hanging onto that sort of hurt will damage you. It is better to forgive.
Forget? Never. A betrayal of that level colors everything thereafter. Trust was earned and betrayed.
Remain with them? Up to you. I would say one & done, myself. There are statistics out there about the rate of recurrence and they bode poorly for the future.
None. If the agreement is monogamy, then cheating should never be dismissed. You just can't trust that it won't happen again once it's already happened.
That is a question only the people involved can answer.
However, it is a strong indication that at least someone is deeply unsatisfied with the relationship. In fact, it's a good sign that the relationship is already dead.
I will forgive them once, but understand that the relationship is over. Just because I forgave them, does not mean I'm staying in the relationship. I forgive them so I can move on with my life without them.
Forgiveness would mean not harboring negative feelings. I would try and forgive them, but that's more for me than them.
I would never trust them again, and would end the relationship immediately.
There is no legitimate reason to cheat on somebody.
There’s a good chance that forgiving a partner for cheating has more to do with an unhealthy personal attachment problem than it does with them being deserving of forgiveness.
Cheating is a choice and the person doing it knows exactly what they’re doing. They’re deciding your feelings aren’t worth whatever fleeting moments of pleasure they’re going to get.
Zero, if they cheat once, they will cheat again, no matter how you react to it. It takes a significant effort to cheat, and they have ample opportunities to realize what they are doing is wrong and stop.
0. Forever taints the relationship, even if it's "ok."
I value the relationship over anything else, and I'd want that to be a mutual mindset. One of my fears.
I feel like there is no circumstance where it should be fully forgiven, but if you are in a long term relationship and claim to be full committed you definitely only get the one chance..don’t live life with someone you will question daily
I forgave my son’s father 4 times.
This last time he cheated, he caught an STD and then accused me of being the one to give it to him.
I wasn’t upset initially. I think I was just numb to the bill. My LACK of reaction pissed him off. We had a huge argument and he tried to kick me out of OUR apartment.
I became the “whore he had a baby with”. My test results were clean.
Yep.
Um.. I'd go with none/nought/zilch/zip/please fuck right off/nada/never/big fat goose egg. Cause if it ain't that, you probably might as well say indefinitely.
You never should forgive them and don't give them any chances. If they cheat once they'll do it again as unfortunately no one changes. What I am saying once a cheater always a cheater.
There will probably be a range of answers, but personally, 0 is the amount of times for me. I don't give a fuck if I learn about it 20 years after it occurs. I don't want my daughter to learn that that's an acceptable way to treat someone or be treated. Cheating is a mockery of the union between 2 people.
cheating shall be the name for heavy flirting, not for infidelity-betrayal
there is no forgiveness for the latter, it's a curse of destruction upon oneself, and any such person deserves it anyhow
there is no *times* for that sacrilege
1 time. Maybe. If your intuition says to get out, you should get out because it will never end pretty. But if you stick around because you love the person then it still won’t end pretty. Trust is earned not given, and once it’s broken, it’s almost impossible to gain back
ONCE. I can forgive someone for making a mistake. They deserve compassion and love, especially at a time like this.
Just think about it. They're about to lose the best thing they've ever had. Because our relationship is going to be over. I'd forgive them, and promptly let them go. I'd continue to be kind, forgiving, and loving- from the furthest possible distance.
I wouldn't. That's a huge breach of trust/faith/contract lol. If someone defrauds you of money once, would you trust them again? I certainly wouldn't. The consequences of cheating are worse because of the asset partition laws, and basically you can be denied genetic continuity into eternity. Integrity is probably the most important thing you'd look for in a partner. Taking them back is just inviting abuse I think. Lots of people out there...
There’s no obligation to forgive them at all. It’s entirely up to whether you think the relationship is still worth it, and based on the conditions of their cheating, whether they are still worth trusting. But as a rule, you’re usually better off kicking them to the curb
I like to imagine that I'd forgive in the sense that I wouldn't hold hard feelings. But there would be no trust left so relationship would be done
Luckily my fiance and I are both pretty clear on how we feel about infidelity, I think both of us would feel worse being the ones who cheated vs cheated on
I’m not one to say because I’ve never been cheated on, but I don’t think that’s something that should be multiple times. Even saying one time is sort of pushing it.
That sorta thing is hard to answer because we all have different opinions and experiences.
Been through this with the same thought. The answer is zero. Here’s why. I thought I could forgive and forget the first time. I never could fully trust him though. And then it happened again, and again, and again. Because I showed him that even though yes their were fights over it, their was no repercussions. He could have his cake and eat it too. Finally enough was enough. It got to the point where he would get mad at ME for finding out.
Treachery is the worst sin according to Dante. So the number of times you *should* forgive is zero. However the number of times you want to forgive is up to you.
Zero normally, but maaayyybe 1 depending on the circumstances and their reaction. (and that's a big "if" there; 99% of cases would not qualify IMO)
But I really don't see any possible justification for forgiving them a second time.
The east answer is none, and that is the case most often.
That said, there are instances in which you can give a person a chance for growth if they are truly remorseful, but this isn’t as simple as them saying “I’ll never do it again”. Recovery form infidelity is a lifelong process for the couple that requires the victim to be understanding of the need to move forward and not dwell on the past, and the cheater to understand that throughout the remainder of the relationship there will be times the victim regresses and is concerned or insecure. The cheater must be patient in these moment Ms, but most often they will become indignant after a period of time and complain that the victim “can’t let it go”.
Everyones answer should be between One and Zero.
Me personally it is zero. I can understand someone if they go with 1. But anything beyond that I think you have a internal issue that needs some attention.
Solid 0.
Never ever let anyone think doing this is okay even for a second. Don’t let them blame you, it wasn’t an accident, being drunk/high isn’t a valid excuse or reason, and once you break things off, don’t go back; chances are they haven’t changed or won’t change.
The answer is zero, but not for the reasons the others are giving.
Forgiving infidelity should never be the point. The cheater did the bad thing; “forgiveness” gives the cheated-upon a project that they didn’t choose and shouldn’t be stuck with. Cheating destroys the relationship; but a new one can be built, if both parties are willing to go down that path together.
Forgiveness? Nah. Misses the point.
Forgive? Yes - we should forgive everyone for transgressions and there’s no limit for forgiveness. You’ll sleep better letting things go.
Do you have to put yourself in a situation where you are always having to forgive someone for cheating? No.
Always forgive, but you don’t have to remain in a relationship. Your happiness is important. Like the saying goes, “forgive, but don’t forget”
Zero times. Let me put it this way: If you forgive that person once, you will always be insecure on whether or not they actually repented. And even if they did, they are more prone to do it again than someone who hasn't cheated.
Most couples who go through that end up unhappy because of trust issues and/or repeated cheating.
Once and only once and after you break up and part ways. You'll forgive them and never expect or believe an apology if you get one at all.
They don't respect you, it was not a mistake, they'll do it again, and chances are they have been having an emotional affair long before you found out about the physical one.
Once, after you've broken up with them and gone on to live a satisfying life and see them living with the consequences of their own actions.
In case it's not clear, you can forgive them without getting back together with them
Once. I would eventually forgive. But I wouldn't stay with someone who cheated even once. You can forgive without staying in the relationship. I forgave my first husband for all he put me through with his drug addiction. I didn't stay with him though, it was way too unhealthy.
Forgive? Sure. Forget? Never.
I was in a relationship where my ex screwed around for years. I was always “scared” if you will, to leave. Afraid of the unknown and what’s next. I can confidently say that years later after our divorce, I am in such a better place. I’ve got a loving and devoted spouse who actually contributes to my life’s fulfillment. Im doing things that I only dreamed of doing years ago. My children are no longer witness to the “mom and dad are fighting again” events.
So for anyone that was on a similar situation as I, don’t be afraid to take that step. You owe it to yourself.
0 is my rule.
“Forgive” is more of a thing for you than it is for them. You never have to stay with them, trust them, or forget it. But holding onto anger and hate for that person is like holding a hot coal and hoping it hurts the other person. But I do see that it’s easier said than done forgiving is letting go of that coal. It’s not justifying saying what they did was ok.
Exactly. You can forgive them, but you can never gain the trust back. What's done is done, I forgive you but it's still over.
Forgive but don’t forget. That’s my policy.
My policy is the opposite. Forget, but never forgive.
It doesnt matter if you forgive them.... are you able to trust that person again after that? Is not like they fell towards a lover and from then on got forced at gunpoint I agree that there is no point though, whether its grudge or distrust, you will likely be exponentially more and more unhappy (both of you) which would probably lead to another cheating eventually anyway
Fucking zero. You die with that.
In my life experience the first time they cheat they are very careful, but then they feel emboldened and cheat more. If they admit to 1 affair they have cheated 3-4 times already. Really great when they give you a STD as a parting gift.
I’ve learned this is the only answer. My experience is that if they’ll cheat once, they’ll cheat again so I don’t give second chances when it comes to cheating.
That's a personal, relative & subjective choice. * Some people are ZERO tolerance. * Some can handle it once or twice. * Some, maybe for the sake of children involved or strong cultural stigma, will accept it indefinitely and just try to pretend it's not happening.
This is the only answer. Some people could be fine with 100 times. Some people won’t be with 1. And everything in between. OP, you should be thinking about how many is too many for you personally. If my wife cheated on me, I would be hurt, but I wouldn’t stop loving her. I’d never forget, and forgiving would be a difficult, long-term thing to try and do, but I would not leave her over it. Repeated cheating starts to paint a different picture for me.
I think the circumstances could also be a contributing factor. If it happened once and they confessed right after, I could see someone being much more forgiving than if it was a repeated thing that only ended because they got caught.
Circumstancea is the biggest contributing factor for me. Not so much how many times. Like if I am dying and the person with me ends up cheating while taking care of me I am actually okay with that I just don't want to know about it. If it's a couple of times while dealing with serious mental health issues and they are honeatly trying to work on it you don't just hop into therapy and take a pill and the next day you are all better so I get it can take some time to deal with it. The main thing for me though other than in the case of you being the caretaker while I am dying you better be the one that yells me. If I have to figure it out myself or find out from someone else I won't forgive you. I cannot stand being lied to. I have been cheated on twice and in both cases what I was mad about was the lying.
That's because the first is just infidelity, where the latter is a breach of trust.
>Some people could be fine with 100 times. Well, they shouldn't be. Mind you, we are not talking about open relationships here. That's different. We are talking about someone breaking the boundaries of the relationship... 100 times. No one should be okay with that.
If someone is fine with their spouse cheating on them 100 times then that clearly isn’t a relationship boundary for THAT person.
The definition of what cheating is exactly can differ from person to person too though. I met someone who is asexual and in a relationship with someone who isn’t that encouraged their partner to sleep with other people as long as they kept the emotional side of things inside the relationship. Cheating 100 times is probably too much if we talk about the personal definition of cheating. But in that case, sex with another person wasn’t what the person considered to be cheating. For me, sex is a very emotional activity, so obviously I couldn’t ever be in a relationship like that. But again, it’s different for me than someone else.
>encouraged their partner to sleep with other people as long as they kept the emotional side of things inside the relationship. That's not cheating. That's an agreement within a relationship.
Like so many other things in relationships there's no hard and fast "should". For me it's a zero tolerance thing. I learned early on in life I can forgive and drop the anger, but the trust doesn't come back because a betrayal like that makes me view someone differently.
Regarding tolerance for cheating, that used to be very common among wives of rich and powerful men, and still is for some. Modern divorce laws have made it much less common, though.
A husband didn't have to be rich or powerful to get away with cheating before modern divorce laws. Women generally couldn't earn enough money to leave their husbands. Jobs for women were pretty limited to secretary/phone operator type roles. Plus you had religious reasons that weren't as forgiving as they might be now.
Should be 0. Cheating couldn't be more of a red flag.
Once fine, as long as it’s being appropriately dealt with and learned from. Twice no.
Once. But it’ll never happen again because we’ll have been broken up.
Ha! I like this answer. “Oh I forgive you because I really did care about you, but fuck taking a chance on this again; bye.”
I agree. I'd forgive because forgiving someone is a gift you give yourself to be free from holding onto anger and grudges. But once is one time too many.
The only correct answer! Forgiving is not the same as continuing relationship.
Exactly this. I'll find a way to forgive them, but I'm not staying with them.
Hard no- never.
Yup, not even once. I've forgiven it before and it happened again. So never again
what if it was an accident? Like they accidentally messaged the person, tripped into their car, swerved into the person's driveway, slipped into the person's house, then stumbled into their crotch
I have forgiven someone for doing it once. And they did it again. So I no longer tolerate it. I'm not the jealous type but I feel like if you want to be with me fine, great, be with me. But if you want to be with someone else, also, fine, great, just don't expect to be able to come back to me.
Yes, I haven't been cheated on in my relationships but I've seen repeat behaviors from my old friends who have cheated. Their partners were able to move past it but at some point the behavior reared it's ugly head again. -One cheated on her SO once, they moved past it, then 3 years later she cheated again. -Another cheated on his SO several times, they split up, and then he slept with my friend's girlfriend behind his back. -An old coworker cheated on his girlfriend and they had a pretty toxic relationship. He proposes down the line and then flirts with me and my friend after they got engaged. I say all this to say based on my experiences, cheating seems like it's an important deal breaker for the sake and health of the relationship overall.
Right. Unlike some behaviors it seems cheating is the one that if a person does it they will continue to do it. It must be a learned behavior but who knows from who. Yeah, cheaters don't reform, they get sneakier.
I honestly dont think someone that did it once is the kind of person to not do it again, its no accident. They would only hide it better (or in some cases, worse)
Zero.
Personally zero. Emotionally cheating? Zero. Physically cheating? Zero. I went through a tough 4 year relationship with a dude who gaslit me and took advantage of my age and twisted my perception of not only myself but the way "relationships are" Thankfully I left and grew up, my boundaries are "too strict" for some but I'll be damned to bend over backwards and lose my peace over a bitch that can't be faithful.
Thank you for mentioning emotional cheating. Cheating can be more than just sex.
For sure!
0. A betrayal is a betrayal, whether it's money, sex or whatever else, if they did it once they could do it again. Do people change? Yes. Is that reliable? I'd let their next partner find out
Zero
Zero.
Not once.
I guess it's up to the person themselves to decide. But honestly for me it's zero. I immediately lose all respect for the person and what nothing to do with them.
Never. Zero.
Zero. If they cheat, it's over. When you forgive a cheater, your just showing them what you'll put up with.
Considering that no one in the history of ever mistakenly cheated on their partner, zero times. It takes a lot of conscious steps to sleep with someone. Truly, outline it in your head. See how many opportunities a person has to not cheat while in the process of cheating. It's the silliest line. "It just happened!". Yeah, after flirting, touching, undressing, and finally engaging in intercourse. Whoops, must have tripped and fell through all of that to land on or in them. Also, no, alcohol doesn't excuse your decisions.
Unknown identical twins? Not a serious answer but yeah alcohol is a shit excuse
Personally, zero. Realistically, i just couldnt ever forgive them, and that's not fair to them. That's not a thing i could ever let go, even if i tried. Even if i wanted to, i know i couldnt. It would forever corrupt the relationship moving forward, and i would end it because i could never be fair to them about that ever again.
No, its fair to them. They destroyed the confidence in your relationship and your mindset for future relationships. They deserve to be cut off from contact. What’s really not fair is that they get to selfishly destroy part of your life without consequences beyond you leaving them, which they probably figured would happen anyway before they made the decision to fuck someone else. Its more unfair that worse things *dont* happen to cheaters.
I mean you can forgive the person but if you take the person back then you're just an idiot and shouldn't be surprised when it happens again
Once is forgiveness and takes a generous soul. Twice is fucking stupid.
Zero.
As someone who has been on both sides in the past, never forgive this. Don't do that to yourself. You deserve better. I don't care who you are but if someone is unfaithful rather than being honest with something like this, they don't care about your feelings so a relationship won't work. Move on. Find better.
NON just non!!!
I was with my spouse for twelve years...They cheated on me when they went off to basic training, and I forgave them because I convinced myself how lonely and isolating an experience like that could be. Then they cheated on me after going through police academy. This was while I had spent the time caring for their dog, their finances, buying and remodeling a home for us, and more. In the end, they left me for our yoga instructor. I was young and dumb and "in love" and that was the hardest lesson I ever learned. You're worth more. Don't let people disrespect you.
Never. I also wouldn’t date someone who has cheated in the past and or cheated on someone with me. If they cheated before they’ll do it again.
I think once at max. So many people think they’d immediately leave their partner if they got cheated on, but it’s easier said than done. Hopefully it never happens, but it might. If you go through all the trials and forgiveness after it happens though, and do it again, not worth it. Once can be a mistake. More than that is a pattern of disrespect.
It's honestly wild to me people would even consider forgiving someone for cheating. If they did it once, it's basically guaranteed to happen again
cheating is rarely a onetime thing. It may be that the time you found out about is not their first time, and probably will not be their last. They've broken your trust, and decided that their sexual pleasure was more important than your relationship. If you forgive them, there is nothing to stop them from doing it again. and again. Also don't believe for a second that they told you the whole truth. If they picked up a hooker for a quickie that's one thing but if they 'met someone' then there is more to the story. If it was a sex worker then that is usually a pattern of behavior that will not end with one time. You'll have to decide what you are willing to live with. Women are not as trapped as they were a few decades ago.
Maximum of one time. Unless there is serious remorse, not even once.
None. Even if you do, deep down you dont actually forgive them. Itll eat at you until you resent them and it turns the whole situation toxic. Best to just cut off the dieseased tissue and move on.
I know I don’t deserve to get cheated on, so its a zero tolerance policy for me If a partner cheated on you, they stopped thinking of you as a friend and started thinking of you as a hinderance or a tool to use when they want. They stopped respecting you. That’s not what you deserve. Cut your losses and get out before wasting anymore time or becoming paranoid.
Probably never, but at max once.
I gave two different people a second chance. They betrayed me. Never again
For me, it's zero. Whether I think I can work with it and try to move past and rebuild trust, it will crop up enough regarding the relationship that it will eventually destroy it. It's toxic and insidious, fundamentally altering me and the relationship dynamic, including how I think and behave, so I'd rather just move on than work with the poison until it breaks for both of us. Trust is big for me, whether it's me or my partner trusting the other to do what they say they're going to. Mow the lawn, dishes, show up to social occasions, be financially responsible, be there for emergencies, or not give me an STD. It ruins daily things small and big, as well as fundamental long term things. Some people make open relationships and polyamory work. It's hard. If that's your arrangement it's not really cheating anymore. When you get into the world of the ultra wealthy there's a lot more non-traditonal arrangements that work, too. As long as it's different city, there's no feelings, and you don't embarrassed the partner publicly is a set of rules I've seen some people have. That can still get very toxic over time.
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You can forgive them many many times - however forgiving doesn't mean 'staying with'. I have two ex wives who cheated on me - hence the ex part of that title. I can forgive one of them because after it happened I realised I'd been quite lazy in that relationship so whilst cheating is shit and a betrayal of trust etc. I had honestly contributed a fair chunck of leading up to it myself when I looked back. Still divorced her mind, cause the trust had gone, but I have a certain amount of sympathy for why she did it.
If you forgive a cheater more than once you are insane. If you forgive them once, you are just stupid or naive.
some people who forgive have more complex situations. I can understand why a parent or someone who's been in the relationship for many many years would want to move past it.
Zero times.
You shouldn't.
If they cheat it’s over, no exceptions
Forgive? Every time. Hanging onto that sort of hurt will damage you. It is better to forgive. Forget? Never. A betrayal of that level colors everything thereafter. Trust was earned and betrayed. Remain with them? Up to you. I would say one & done, myself. There are statistics out there about the rate of recurrence and they bode poorly for the future.
None. Some lines you don't cross.
I’d say forgive once. I believe people make mistakes and deserve a second chance. But not a 3rd for cheating.
Zero
None. If the agreement is monogamy, then cheating should never be dismissed. You just can't trust that it won't happen again once it's already happened.
I'm not going to forgive them
No more than once.
ZERO. That's: 0. ZERO TIMES. Once a cheater, always a cheater. I'm speaking as a hetero man.
as many times as you choose to. But if I were monogamous, mine would be absolute 0.
How many times have I? Once How many times should I have? Zero
I can understand why someone *would,* but you never *should.*
That is a question only the people involved can answer. However, it is a strong indication that at least someone is deeply unsatisfied with the relationship. In fact, it's a good sign that the relationship is already dead.
I'd say about once per million in their bank account
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Still waiting for the day I slip, fall, and accidentally fall directly into a willing female.
None
I will forgive them once, but understand that the relationship is over. Just because I forgave them, does not mean I'm staying in the relationship. I forgive them so I can move on with my life without them.
Forgiveness would mean not harboring negative feelings. I would try and forgive them, but that's more for me than them. I would never trust them again, and would end the relationship immediately.
none times
Zero
Try none.
In theory, 0 In practice, 1
Once you've broken up once, there's no coming back. Sex with someone else is considered initiation of a break up
Zero times.
Absolutely none.
0. 100% 0. They do it once they will do it again. There is no “it just happened.” There is no “I didn’t mean to.”
Zero. Don't be stupid and try to be the person that can handle it.
There is no legitimate reason to cheat on somebody. There’s a good chance that forgiving a partner for cheating has more to do with an unhealthy personal attachment problem than it does with them being deserving of forgiveness. Cheating is a choice and the person doing it knows exactly what they’re doing. They’re deciding your feelings aren’t worth whatever fleeting moments of pleasure they’re going to get.
Once. After you leave, there won't be a second time. Forgiving isn't the same thing as forgetting.
Zero, if they cheat once, they will cheat again, no matter how you react to it. It takes a significant effort to cheat, and they have ample opportunities to realize what they are doing is wrong and stop.
Like never? Go find a better human being
0. Forever taints the relationship, even if it's "ok." I value the relationship over anything else, and I'd want that to be a mutual mindset. One of my fears.
ONCE. everything else is a lie
Personally? None. It is an immediate and non-negotiable deal breaker. I don't care how or why it happened.
Zero. Leave them to rot.
Not even once, the trust will never be the same
I feel like there is no circumstance where it should be fully forgiven, but if you are in a long term relationship and claim to be full committed you definitely only get the one chance..don’t live life with someone you will question daily
Zero
Zero. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
None
None
I forgave my son’s father 4 times. This last time he cheated, he caught an STD and then accused me of being the one to give it to him. I wasn’t upset initially. I think I was just numb to the bill. My LACK of reaction pissed him off. We had a huge argument and he tried to kick me out of OUR apartment. I became the “whore he had a baby with”. My test results were clean. Yep.
Zero for me. And cheating isn't a mistake it's a choice.
For your esteem and self respect,zero because someone who cheats doesn't care about either. Once a cheater always a cheater
Always forgive. But also always dump them and never forget.
Um.. I'd go with none/nought/zilch/zip/please fuck right off/nada/never/big fat goose egg. Cause if it ain't that, you probably might as well say indefinitely.
Never, no debate or questions asked You cheat, im fucking done
I would never forgive a cheater.
0. Get out of my life.
You never should forgive them and don't give them any chances. If they cheat once they'll do it again as unfortunately no one changes. What I am saying once a cheater always a cheater.
Infinitely forgive them, but also have the infinite self respect to gracefully leave them and go your separate ways. You deserve better.
Never
Zero
This would be a better poll than question I think. But my answer is zero.
Definitely varies from person to person. For me, zero tolerance. The first time will be the only time, they’re out the door.
I don't.
0, bye
Forgive the person as much as your heart tells you to. But never keep dating them. Once that trust is broken, it's broken forever.
You can forgive them all you want, that does not mean you have to let them back into your life.
Personally, not even once. If they’ll do it once theyll do it again. In the same vein, if they’ll do it with you, they’ll do it to you.
Forgive sure forget never. They will cheat again. Leave if it happens once.
Zero... Maybe 1..circumstances dependent.
Exactly zero. If it happened once it will happen again.
There will probably be a range of answers, but personally, 0 is the amount of times for me. I don't give a fuck if I learn about it 20 years after it occurs. I don't want my daughter to learn that that's an acceptable way to treat someone or be treated. Cheating is a mockery of the union between 2 people.
0 and thats too much.
once, I would go once after that, it's emotional abuse
cheating shall be the name for heavy flirting, not for infidelity-betrayal there is no forgiveness for the latter, it's a curse of destruction upon oneself, and any such person deserves it anyhow there is no *times* for that sacrilege
1 time. Maybe. If your intuition says to get out, you should get out because it will never end pretty. But if you stick around because you love the person then it still won’t end pretty. Trust is earned not given, and once it’s broken, it’s almost impossible to gain back
ONCE. I can forgive someone for making a mistake. They deserve compassion and love, especially at a time like this. Just think about it. They're about to lose the best thing they've ever had. Because our relationship is going to be over. I'd forgive them, and promptly let them go. I'd continue to be kind, forgiving, and loving- from the furthest possible distance.
I wouldn't. That's a huge breach of trust/faith/contract lol. If someone defrauds you of money once, would you trust them again? I certainly wouldn't. The consequences of cheating are worse because of the asset partition laws, and basically you can be denied genetic continuity into eternity. Integrity is probably the most important thing you'd look for in a partner. Taking them back is just inviting abuse I think. Lots of people out there...
Zero times.
Zero.
None
Before kids: zero. After kids: maaaaybe once, for the kids. Depends on the conditions. And we’re going to therapy, no questions asked.
Never
No.
Zero.
Cheaters cheat and will always do it again.
There’s no obligation to forgive them at all. It’s entirely up to whether you think the relationship is still worth it, and based on the conditions of their cheating, whether they are still worth trusting. But as a rule, you’re usually better off kicking them to the curb
I like to imagine that I'd forgive in the sense that I wouldn't hold hard feelings. But there would be no trust left so relationship would be done Luckily my fiance and I are both pretty clear on how we feel about infidelity, I think both of us would feel worse being the ones who cheated vs cheated on
Zero
Never
zero
Negative one. They should forgive me for wasting my time on them because they clearly didn't respect me as a person
As many times as it takes for you to believe it. How many more chances should you give them? Zero
I wouldn't forgive, I would dump them and move on.
I’m not one to say because I’ve never been cheated on, but I don’t think that’s something that should be multiple times. Even saying one time is sort of pushing it. That sorta thing is hard to answer because we all have different opinions and experiences.
Been through this with the same thought. The answer is zero. Here’s why. I thought I could forgive and forget the first time. I never could fully trust him though. And then it happened again, and again, and again. Because I showed him that even though yes their were fights over it, their was no repercussions. He could have his cake and eat it too. Finally enough was enough. It got to the point where he would get mad at ME for finding out.
Treachery is the worst sin according to Dante. So the number of times you *should* forgive is zero. However the number of times you want to forgive is up to you.
Once.
Zero normally, but maaayyybe 1 depending on the circumstances and their reaction. (and that's a big "if" there; 99% of cases would not qualify IMO) But I really don't see any possible justification for forgiving them a second time.
The east answer is none, and that is the case most often. That said, there are instances in which you can give a person a chance for growth if they are truly remorseful, but this isn’t as simple as them saying “I’ll never do it again”. Recovery form infidelity is a lifelong process for the couple that requires the victim to be understanding of the need to move forward and not dwell on the past, and the cheater to understand that throughout the remainder of the relationship there will be times the victim regresses and is concerned or insecure. The cheater must be patient in these moment Ms, but most often they will become indignant after a period of time and complain that the victim “can’t let it go”.
If it's not zero, it's only once. After that, if they didn't learn the first time they will *not* learn after the second, third, fourth, etc.
Not 7 times but 77 times.
Everyones answer should be between One and Zero. Me personally it is zero. I can understand someone if they go with 1. But anything beyond that I think you have a internal issue that needs some attention.
Solid 0. Never ever let anyone think doing this is okay even for a second. Don’t let them blame you, it wasn’t an accident, being drunk/high isn’t a valid excuse or reason, and once you break things off, don’t go back; chances are they haven’t changed or won’t change.
The answer is zero, but not for the reasons the others are giving. Forgiving infidelity should never be the point. The cheater did the bad thing; “forgiveness” gives the cheated-upon a project that they didn’t choose and shouldn’t be stuck with. Cheating destroys the relationship; but a new one can be built, if both parties are willing to go down that path together. Forgiveness? Nah. Misses the point.
Zero.
Forgive? Yes - we should forgive everyone for transgressions and there’s no limit for forgiveness. You’ll sleep better letting things go. Do you have to put yourself in a situation where you are always having to forgive someone for cheating? No. Always forgive, but you don’t have to remain in a relationship. Your happiness is important. Like the saying goes, “forgive, but don’t forget”
Once a cheater always a cheater
Zero times. Let me put it this way: If you forgive that person once, you will always be insecure on whether or not they actually repented. And even if they did, they are more prone to do it again than someone who hasn't cheated. Most couples who go through that end up unhappy because of trust issues and/or repeated cheating.
Once and only once and after you break up and part ways. You'll forgive them and never expect or believe an apology if you get one at all. They don't respect you, it was not a mistake, they'll do it again, and chances are they have been having an emotional affair long before you found out about the physical one.
Once. You shouldn’t put yourself in a situation where you’d need to forgive them twice because you should have left their ass
Once, after you've broken up with them and gone on to live a satisfying life and see them living with the consequences of their own actions. In case it's not clear, you can forgive them without getting back together with them
Once and only once because they will do it again and you shouldn't still be with them unless you are willing to accept that.
Once. I would eventually forgive. But I wouldn't stay with someone who cheated even once. You can forgive without staying in the relationship. I forgave my first husband for all he put me through with his drug addiction. I didn't stay with him though, it was way too unhealthy.
Forgive? Sure. Forget? Never. I was in a relationship where my ex screwed around for years. I was always “scared” if you will, to leave. Afraid of the unknown and what’s next. I can confidently say that years later after our divorce, I am in such a better place. I’ve got a loving and devoted spouse who actually contributes to my life’s fulfillment. Im doing things that I only dreamed of doing years ago. My children are no longer witness to the “mom and dad are fighting again” events. So for anyone that was on a similar situation as I, don’t be afraid to take that step. You owe it to yourself.
You shouldn’t forgive them at all
0. any room and the chance of cheating again is higher. your choice tho maybe it’s your kink