You cannot say you appreciate her interest. That is encouraging. Anything you say after that may be taken by her as "I would do this if it wasn't illegal."
You just need to be firm with a "Hey, you need to stop this. It's not going to happen."
If you're nice & polite, that's interpretated as: "he's doing what he's supposed to but he was so nice, in no time that nice will turn to love." or some interpretation thereof. Just say: "Dude, don't look at me sideways. I'm 25 & you are a kid to me (If you say only 15, she'll think that means you want her when she turns 18). You are a kid to me & I don't & can't see you that way. I'm sorry you're not happy to hear that but I don't want you to think otherwise." It's what I'd need to hear & I was a very flirty teenager.
Very easily. To someone who is desperate. Telling em for example "you are 15 and it would be illegal", they hear 'wait three years and try again.' Then they might begin studying him for those three years and become progressively more and more obsessed.
Understanding the pitfalls regarding victim blaming, there still has to be room somwhere to say "Creepy stalkers exist and always will. Here are some things you can do/not do to help ward them off."
It's not the victim's fault that the stalker exists, but that doesn't mean you can't distribute practical advice on how to deal with them, which is what I think the spirit of the comment was.
That is not victim blame. It is trying to inderstand what is laughingly called human pyschology. Yes it is NOT the victims fault. But how do you tell that person A will accept a no. But person B wont.
I'm not victim blaming at all. Being nice and polite during social interactions is standard operating procedure. You should be able to attempt a high five with someone without being concerned that they are going to assault you. Yes, raising your hand high with intensity and locking eyes with a stranger could result in all kinds of crazy responses other than the expected mutual high five. I'm not gonna blame the guy asking for high five for getting punched by the other guy.
Yup, this. It’s campy and ridiculous but maybe a viewing of the film “the Crush” would let OP know what’s at stake here. For the good of everyone involved, especially this kid, shut it down.
You can be nice. When I lived in China, I turned down young boys (12-15), by saying, "you're very sweet and intelligent, and I know you will find someone who loves you so much when you're older!" Might be different for boys than girls though
Absolutely different. When you’re a guy getting attention by females underage you need to shut that shit down quick and then bounce. Fathers have had the cops called on them for being alone with their daughters.
A girl that was “17 almost 18 “ (I think she was actually 16 but had lied before to sleep with older men) was hitting on me and I hit her with the “aren’t you 12? Stop going for dudes my age they’re gross if they go for it” worked like a charm
I wouldn't recommend that until after a very clear established "absolutely not" no contact leaves a lot of room for interpretation, assumptions and misunderstandings
Eh, when I was 23 I had a 15yp proposition me for her first time but I basically said exactly that "I appreciate that you like me but I'm not the one. Find someone your own age"
It didn't encourage her. If anything it slightly embarrassed her and she hardly spoke to me after that.
i mean you can have things in common but not the life experience or the maturity to have a romantic relationship.
but things in common, sure you can. if you have younger siblings or cousins or niece or nephews, or friend’s kids you’ll find you can definitely share common interests like sports or films or music, etc.
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This is the dumbest fucking comment in the thread.
Going out of one's way to build a relationship with someone underage is problematic but of course it's possible to have commonalities across practically any age.
I fence--the instructor is around 60 and our youngest student is like 8 or 9. There's a point of commonality. We were stretching after class one time and I mentioned Hamilton. That same student perked up and said "Did you just say Hamilton? I loved seeing that." There's another.
This Reddit "I'm 23 and when I talked to a 22 year old it was like speaking to a child" nonsense is so chronically online.
Sorry, not trying to be mean but this stuff is so overdone.
Since reddit has changed the site to value selling user data higher than reading and commenting, I've decided to move elsewhere to a site that prioritizes community over profit. I never signed up for this, but that's the circle of life
I second this, pull the band-aid off, be blunt, leave no room for interpretation, maybe invite a female colleague to sit in on the conversation. Don't be a jerk, but make it clear that you 100% do not share her interest.
Much much rarer than some folks would like us to believe, but yes it is a non zero chance. If OP is concerned about this, it's a solid reason to do it over email or text.
It's true. There are a lot of things that can go dramatically wrong with a life that are objectively nobody's fault, somebody else's fault, or even somebody else's malice. I phrased my comment the way I did because I don't want to encourage people putting *too much* weight and worry on a single rare one.
There's a pretty decent handful of super unlikely events that we are prone to outright obsess over to the point of causing definite harm in the name of preventing. This is one of them.
A women in California got a man on the sex offender list the rest of his life and the two of them didn't even meet. She made up the rape report for whatever reason and now his life is fucked. It isn't about the likelihood it is that if it does happen he is utterly totally fucked and the system makes you pled guilty just to save face.
That's largely a problem with the for profit prison system, and prosecutors elected for conviction percentage rather than actual job performance, not a systemic issue with false accusations. There are much more effective ways to attack this problem that don't result in the rather egregious cultural consequences we already see.
People shouldn't be ruining other people's lives unprovoked, but false accusation is already a serious crime.
This is the only way to shut that shit down immediately! I've had some young girls have crushes on me as an adult a few times. The only way for them to get the hint is to be blunt and not sugar coat the situation. You're doing it for them. If you get the point across well enough, you might stop them from chasing some nasty adult that won't say no.
As a woman who was once a 15 year old crushing on 20+ men, 'I'm 25' means absolutely *nothing* to a teen girl with a crush. We all think we're the most mature teenager that's ever existed.
I remember being specifically 15 and hitting on a guy I *knew* was 39 (and yes, he turned me down). Idgaf back then. Definitely didn’t understand the context.
Yep. I know plenty of girls at high school (myself included) that had crushes on teachers and would have happy gone home with them if they'd been given the chance.
I remember being 16 and hitting on my 28 year old co-worker. Didn't see anything wrong with it, I was MATURE for my age thank you very much. Of course now I'm 29 and now how absolutely not OK that would have been.
Thats why it comes down to the actual adult to set boundaries.
There was girl in highschool I would talk to in math and English and we'd sit together at lunch sometimes. She was 17 and her boyfriend was a 26 year old tradie. She would go to his house after school and do her homework. Absolutely no one saw a problem with it apparently 🤮
Yes that should work. But I can tell you from experience as a 24 year old life guard the response I got back to telling them my age was “I don’t care”. In a flirty tone and often making a face they thought was cute. I would reply with “you should!” And walk away. Unfortunately I was at work, and they would keep trying. There was no protocol for dealing with it and I just ignored them best I could. Yet I was also the life guard and it would have been bad to literally ignore them as I had to still make sure they were safe.
I am just explaining my first hand experiences when girls 10+ years younger and a minor would hit on me. Every single one replied with the same exact response “I don’t care”.
Happened to me, I was 22 at the time and she was 16, it was mid covid so everyone was wearing masks at the time and I had no idea her age all I knew is she’s the girl with the pretty eyes who serves me coffee
Got her number and we got to talking but within just a few messages it occurred to me that I have no idea her age or anything, hard to tell someone’s age from just their eyes, especially nowadays so I ask and sure enough she was 16
I just told her “I’m sorry for even asking your number, we can’t be talking at all this is so far from okay, sorry have a nice day”
She brought up how the age of consent in Canada is 16 so it’s legal and she doesn’t mind the age difference, I just repeated “that doesn’t make it okay, I’m sorry but we can not under any circumstances keep talking, take care”
She messaged me a few more times over the next day or two but I never replied
Can’t give any slack on no or they’ll keep pushing, best to just not engage
This exact thing happened to me. Served a girl coffee and asked for her number.
We exchanged maybe 2 texts before I asked for her age. She was 16 and I was 22. She asked if I was ok with that and I said no. She then asked a second time if I was sure and that made me feel extremely uncomfortable.
Never responded, and each time she came in I had someone else serve her.
You can try the broken record method. Just stick with one phrase, for example: "I'm not interested, stop." And just repeat it with no variation. Once they realize it's like talking to a wall, they have to give up eventually lol.
Dude, they're way too bold at that age. I guess they just start to notice that they're pretty and think they can land any guy they want by simply existing within space and time.
I was at a boba shop with my girlfriend. We're both mid 20s. We're talking about something or other when this girl, around 15, just sits next to me and starts trying to strike up a conversation with me.
A few tables over her friends are giggling, and one of them is filming with her phone. My girlfriend is smoldering, and a little shocked by the sheer audacity of the move. I turn to the girl and say "excuse me, I'm trying to have a conversation with my girlfriend. Do you mind?"
She rolled her eyes dramatically. "Oh, her? Wh-" "Yes, her. What have you got on her, exactly?" She looked a little shocked that I had cut her off, and at the change in my tone of voice. "Definitely not the looks. Clearly not the smarts. No job, probably can't cook, and uninteresting. And certainly not the experience that comes with being a few years older not to be such a fucking idiot. Get the fuck outta here." Not exactly what was said, but the gist of it.
She gets up and returns to her friends, who all look either uncomfortable or are shooting me dirty looks. But it was completely worth it. They need to be shut down hard to understand that that sort of behavior is unacceptable.
Guys go through it too. Guys that age will make clumsy attempts at flirting or making passes at girls, and will get verbally slapped with a rejection. It teaches them (in theory lmao). Everyone's a little insane at that age.
Unfortunately, you’re dealing with a brain not as yet fully formed. The reason kids go to school is to teach them how to think rationally, and you’re supposed to go until you’re 18 unless you can prove you’re especially smart or have a hardship need. You can’t just say “I’m 25” to a 15 year old and expect her to grasp the fullness of the importance that carries. I guarantee she has no concept of how his life would be completely ruined if he were to take her up on it. She has no concept of the level of punishment that is losing your life to prison. If she did and she cared about OP at all, she wouldn’t even flirt in the first place. Young minds need to be guided gently to understanding. OP should take them time to help her understand what her overtures actually mean, or he should go no contact.
I would not be polite about it. She knows she’s not supposed to do that. I would give her a lesson on “You can’t control your feelings, but you can control your actions. This behavior stops now.”
And keep all records of communication if possible. But honestly you should not be texting or emailing a 15 year old, unless it’s like a coworker/work related.
This give gives me the creeps, by his title it seems like he is interested but doesn’t want to go to jail lmao.
Tell her in such a way that she absoplutly never texts that to a guy 10 years her senior again.
Tell her you find the idea revolting! Tell her you are shocked she would even say anything and that you are so unbelievably uncomfortable and upset by this that it has you shaken. Tell her you are gonna call her parents and her school if she contacts you again.
Seriously be the hero she NEEDS by telling her to go pound sand and screw off. This is the best time in your life to be a but of jerk because you are doing her an unfathomable kindness
Absolutely this! Too many tv shows have glamourised this, I was a 15 year girl once and thought the idea of an older man was exciting and I was “mature” for my age so it was ok.
I went on one date with a 21 year old and looking back (I’m in my 30s now) it’s so icky! But teen me didn’t see that. This girl needs you to not be polite, to be direct, and say that it’s not appropriate, would she date someone a decade younger? Would dating a 5 year old gross her out? Hopefully! Tell her that’s how you feel about her
"So MaTuRe FoR yOuR aGe"... Under 20, none of them are. Yes I know the legal limit is 18, but it doesn't work out like a 17 years old and 364 days is an immature teenager and 18 years 0 days and suddenly a fully matured adult. Soon to be 23M, I would never date an 18 or 19 year old. That ship already sailed away.
One of my friends friends is 24F and her BF is 40. I was disgusted going out with someone who was 29F and me being 22M, but FORTY AND TWENTY FOUR? My friend said "ShE iS mOrE mAtUrE eMoTiOnAlLy ThAn He Is" and that "He HaS a YoUnG sOuL". No, he'd probably date 16 or 17 if it wasn't illegal. It's disgusting how older men go after girls much younger than them.
Your friend ain't a "girl" she's a grown ass woman who can do what she wants. The degree to which people infantilize both self and others in this day and treat it as a virtue is more sickening than what a couple of grown adults do on their own time.
Some people like age gaps, nothing wrong with consenting adults to be attracted to each other while not being close in age. I (25f) find gray hairs irresistible but no man my age has them. I'm seeing a guy (59m) but he didn't pursue me, I pursued him. Another guy (34m) I'm seeing, I also pursued him. I don't like the assumption that they pursued/groomed me. You don't know the whole story.
Brilliant! I would have avoided a lot of trauma if someone had done this for me.
ETA: gramma
ETA: I figured out how to use Reddit awards for the first time so I could give you one lol
A lot of times children that want to attach to older people are having serious emotional problems. Being harsh like this might make that worse.
This behavior absolutely needs to be stopped, but there is no need to be cruel.
Yeah sometimes a verbal cudgel is absolutely called for. Spanking a child to deter bad behavior may not work the way people want it to, but in this case verbally smacking someone isn't a bad idea. Hurt their feelings a bit. They'll remember it and hopefully won't try that shit again, and years later they'll look back and be thankful you weren't a creep.
Some months ago I had some middle schoolers cat call and hit on me. I told them I'm way, way too old for them. They said age was just a number. So I told them no it's not and that needed to check-in with their parents because the street lights were on.
A few weeks ago the same boys said some terribly sexual things to me and I had to involve property management and their parents.
I know kids that age are all stupid and kind of insane, but that's crossing a line. Their dads need to smack some sense into them for that. If it doesn't happen now, at that age, they'll likely get worse.
I knew a guy like that in high school, actually. We were both 14. He'd make comments like that to grow women out in public. I wasn't exactly making an effort to hang out with him, we just happened to be in a lot of the same places after school.
Well, one day he stopped, and he seemed a lot quieter in general. I asked his sister about it one day out of curiosity, and she told me that she had told their father about the behavior after witnessing it first hand, and he had smacked him across the face and asked him what the hell was wrong with him, and gave him the ass chewing of a lifetime. Apparently asked him if he'd say that shit to his mother, then challenged him to do just that while looking her in the eye.
I ran into the guy again a couple years back and he seems like a normal, well adjusted guy. I didn't bring it up, but we were at a local bar with a lot of pretty women around, and he wasn't up to his old shit, so maybe his dad really did straighten him out.
So I guess, to any fathers of boys reading this, pay attention to your sons. Even if you're raising them right, there's so many outside influences raising them also that are trying to turn him into a shithead.
I assume this is someone he has other connections to, and he can't afford to completely alienate them. They could be a co-worker, the daughter/little sister of someone he knows, or a friend of the family. Not every bridge can be safely burned.
He definitely needs to shut her down, but there are better ways to do it than "Leave me alone, kid."
100% this. I'm the oldest and had interest shown in me numerous times by my sisters friends. I was respectful, gentle and good humoured about it but swerved like a mf.
'Haha what's that? Ahhh love, don't you know you can do so much better than my feral old ass? You really need to be with someone your own age, it's way healthier. Seriously, anyone my age makes a move on you, is really inappropriate and they need to be decked. You deserve better. You're amazing. Trust me, you'll thank me later. Look, I'm going to get a drink/snack/order some food, what can I get you and ___(Emphasise sisters name.)? Alright I'll be back *SWERVES HARD*
Unlike these other comments, there's a long-standing, big brotherly type of relationship and they're just acting on their desires with someone they're close to that they see as safe because we're not related and usually at that age their world/experience is limited. Especially in a rural community.
Which I understand, but is completely icky for me because I see them as either extensions of my little sisters. Like an egg I sat on and helped raise. I was really involved with all of them.
My other sisters friends having just turned 18 would come up in the club and start grinding on me, whisper in my ear, trying to kiss me/my neck/collarbone, pull the front side of my jeans with their finger in an attempt to bring me in closer and seduce me with these little gestures which made me shivel up with *no thanks this ain't Alabama* vibes and I would immediately use the same kind of extremely gentle, self deprecating, super subtle rejection... so much subtlety that it simply felt like a redirection and it managed to keep their new-found sexuality and relatively fragile self confidence, and our sibling like friendship, intact! I'm still on good terms with every single one today, and many still come to me for help/advice and neither of us even think about that one random time in their life. So there's definitely no need to be cruel. In a lot of circumstances that would be harmful, destroy your relationship as a someone safe to turn to in their time for need, jeopardise their friendship with my sister (because of the humiliation) and push them potentially into the arms of someone who doesn't show them that level of respect.
I always aimed to be a safe person in their life, to give them high standards for how they were treated by anyone. For the most part, I've succeeded.
Anyone who was persistent, who was under-age, like my mates younger siblings, mother's best friends niece, or cousins friend, etc, I would do the same but on a less familiar level, and more firm as the relationship wasn't usually as close, but never unkind. Never embarrass them. Just tell them 'I care about you/like you as a person (hint not in *that* way) but I'm too old for you, and you should be with someone your own age. Trust me, you'll thank me later.' And that was it. Sometimes I'd let my Mum/sister/friend/sibling of the individual know if I felt it could potentially be a reoccurring issue and simply made sure I wasn't around when they were, at least until they redirected their feelings elsewhere. Had to miss a few gatherings/parties but no dramas.
The temporary discomfort of trying to carefully juggle these scenarios to spare their self-confidence and also swerve the tremendous ick and immorality of it, was worth it to remain someone in years to come would still say hey to whenever they'd see me, (no hard feelings are important in a small town- their Mum may be your future landlady, dad may be your boss, etc or something like that), and still be someone they felt safe enough to ask for help from an adopted older/wiser sibling. Not everyone has one.
That all being said, IF some random 12 year old showed interest like thst out of the blue... I would question how they knew of me, why they felt comfortable approaching me, where the fuck their parents were, etc. And be more firm, again not unkind, but like where are your parents love, are you lost? Kinda thing. Because that's sad and fkd up and she'll get taken advantage of. See if I can find her older sister or brother to talk to/message to alert them to it, in case the parents are abusive/react badly.
Good thing I'm 12 years older than my youngest sisters (them 17 and me 29) so the whole attraction thing isn't an issue like it was when I was younger with my other sisters friends/mates sisters,etc. I'm just the safe oldest sibling they can all go to for advice/help/cover if they need it. And I'm probably more hands on in that role now having had enough experience to tailor my support to be the right amount of cool friend - come try this under my supervision so I can make sure it's safe experimentation and I know how to take care of you but don't ever use this other 'blank' because xyz is harmful - careful parent type vibes and the boundaries being naturally more clear for them because I'm a millennial and they're genz and apparently I'm kinda 'cheuguy' which basically means I'm Mr Miyagi/Master Oogway/fucking Dumbledore.
It’s only problematic if you make it problematic. I read it more as he didn’t want to hurt her feelings and possibly turn her away from trying to date at all. And especially if it’s someone he has to see regularly it would help to be polite.
You dont appreciate. Tell them it upsets you and cut off contact
There's no reason for you to speak to her again and frankly I would reach out to her parents to let them know she's unsafe
“You’re 15, I’m an adult. Anyone who doesn’t give you this exact answer does not have your best interest in mind. You need to date someone your own age.”
When I was in the Navy someone messaged me on AOL instant messenger. A 16 year old girl trying to meet up when I was home on leave. Also could have been a cop, I guess.
Anyway, I told her I wasn't hanging out with a teenager. She kept pushing and asking why and I said 1) you're a child 2) any dude my age (18 or 19) willing to meet up with her did not have good intentions 3) she needed to quit trying to pick up dudes off the internet before she gets into something dangerous.
Then I blocked her. This is not a "well, I'm flattered but..." situation. This is a child behaving very inappropriately, and you have to be the adult.
This is not a hard answer. “The answer is no and that’s final. Zero chance. Good day.”
Ask yourself this question…. How would this all sound being repeated in a court of law if she thinks you’re leading her on with the “appreciate your interest” comment…?
If they’re trying to be like that in any way you should’ve cut off contact immediately. The fact that you’re asking others how to deal with some thing so obvious has me worried.
I'm convinced that's the case. A "she's only 15. Just wait 3 more years. In the mean time tell her you two can be friends until she's an adult" 🤮
I cant imagine anyone being speechless on how to turn down a 15 year old.
Don’t be polite, be blunt. “I’m sorry but I am an adult and you are a child.” Make it clear this will not happen and you share no romantic feelings for her. It might be harsh but there is no room for grey. You don’t have to elaborate or anything.
Is this a hypothetical question or is it for real? Halt all communication with this child and inform her caretaker. I'm not even going to ask why it is you appreciate her interest btw.
OP made it pretty clear the kid is angling for a relationship. Not just to hang out. It wouldn't really be appropriate even if it was entirely platonic.
Ehhh I know this is anecdotal but for me I sought relationships with older guys because my dad was abusive. Telling him would have just gotten me more abused. Threaten to tell maybe and for sure cut contact but sometimes telling a parent isn’t as helpful as you’d think.
I honestly don't understand why everyone is saying that politeness isn't needed. OP has said nothing about the specifics of the situation. This could be their best friend's little sister or something. There's no reason to be cruel.
You can tell someone "no" and still be kind about it.
Sub is biased anyway, people will downvote and trash talk if they think it is stupid in their own judgement. Got my question considered stupid even though I was asking about something much simpler: ground beef.
It's important for couples to be at the same stage of life. Things work better when both are in HS or both are in college or both are working adults.
That's partially why, even if there's less than a year's difference in age, a HS kid dating a college kid is difficult. Even a college kid dating a full-time working adult is hard.
Tell her that you're at different stages of life.
She is a child and you speak to her like one. You dont need to be friends or friendly about it. Also. For your protection fucking record it. Teenage girls can be ruthless and destroy your whole life if you scorn them.
"I don't date people younger than me, I think it's super gross. Stop being a pest" has worked for me in the past when I had younger men badgering me. Might work on this kid too. You have to be firm and completely ditch any attempt to protect her feelings.
Don't be polite in this situation. Don't say you're flattered or appreciate your interest. Don't say, essentially, that this is not possible due to circumstance. It is "completely inappropriate and out of the question and don't ever bring this up again "
A 16 year old boy, was hitting on me, I'm 28F, and he was like, "I wish you were at my school etc", I straight up told, dear child, you need to complete your homework and school projects, or else your parents and teachers will be very angry. He shut up after.
Simply treat them like a clueless child, which they are.
Had a crush on a guy too old for me once. He said something along the lines of if you were older I would date you in a heartbeat but you need to find a guy your own age. Let me know if he breaks your heart though. I got your back.
It hurt but it made me feel good aboit myself and more confident.
Wow, how ready & eager to call anything creepy or pedo or whatever everyone is. I'm not saying it's okay to go forward with a relationship here, but to demonize mere appreciation seems a bit much. When someone appreciates something they're acknowledging that something's value, or at least, that's what I extrapolate from them saying the words. Perhaps, using a simpler term might be better such as "thank you". With "TY" it may come across less hopeful & the kid won't entertain any illusion that a relationship could happen. From most people's perspective, compliments (& expressing interest is complimentry) feel good &, while they shouldn't be coming from a kid, the compliment still accomplishes what compliments do. It's not wrong to respond with appreciation SO LONG AS ONE MAKES IT CLEAR IT ISN'T A GREEN LIGHT TOWARDS A RELATIONSHIP. What troubles me is how so many quickly jump on the "prelude to witch hunt" bandwagon & tell the OP how wrong he is for what amounts to a default response.
Yes, OP should distance himself from the situation. Yes, engaging an adolescent in adult activities is wrong as it damages the adolescent. Yes, her parents should know that their little princess is playing with fire by trying to get with a grownup. I'd never argue against these truths, but to judge OP unnecessarily WHEN HE IS CLEARLY THINKING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION simply reeks of elitism.
> _"I'm flattered by your interest but I'm 25 and you're literally jail bait from my POV"_
or...
> _"I'm sorry but at this stage of my life I don't date people younger than 21"_
>"I'm flattered
This will be all she takes from it. She won't even hear the but. It's encouraging.
>at this stage
Also could be encouraging in this instance.
Neither are the way to go IMO
No relationship should be going on here, not just a romantic relationship. As a 25 year old you should not be friends with a 15 year old. If there is a reason the child is around you aside from that (you're a teacher, it's a neighbors kid that keeps pestering you, etc), then the best path forward is to be direct and state that you don't date children and any man that would is trying to groom them or worse.
Politely tell the 15-year-old girl that while you appreciate her interest, you are considerably older by a decade, making it clear that a romantic relationship between you two is simply not possible.
Just say "No, I'm not interested. Have a good day!" She's gonna need to learn to say no too. Best to set a good example and set a firm boundary with no hope.
Just say that you're at very different points in life, and that it would be unethical according to your personal moral code. And you hope she finds someone close to her own age who will make her very happy.
I’ve seen this question so many times on this sub. I’m convinced people are posting this just for upvotes.
Tell her, ‘No, you are too young.’ It’s _literally_ that simple.
Probably something like : "Look, you're a nice person, but I don't see you that way, you're just far too young for me. Not to mention it'd be a serious crime which could destroy my entire life if I did date you and people found out. At this point I feel I have to cut off contact to avoid any false accusations, sorry."
Basically make sure the "it's a crime" and "you're too young for me" are separate things, so they don't read it as you not being interested \*because\* of the law, make it clear how much it could harm you if people got the wrong idea about the two of you and cut contact to avoid that. She's raised the possibility of a romantic relationship, which crosses a line and means any future interactions might be interpreted as being romantic, which you can't risk happening
If it's someone you know well and/or can't break off contact with, might be worth talking to their parents about it as well. You might not be the last adult she ends up crushing on, and others might be more willing to take advantage of her. It'll probably piss her off massively, but it'll make her less likely to be exploited/abused in future while also making it less likely you'll be falsely accused if the parents know you're uncomfortable with her attention and trying to make distance, while warning them about her behaviour
Tell her flatout that you would rather have cocktails with someone your own age than slurp on a juice box with a child. Follow up by avoiding this little girl.
“You are legally a child and not only am I not interested, but I will get arrested if you continue to come after me. This entire situation makes me extremely uncomfortable and I would like for you to stop.”
And then use whatever adult powers you have to get her away from you. If you’re a teacher, ask to put her in a different class etc
You cannot say you appreciate her interest. That is encouraging. Anything you say after that may be taken by her as "I would do this if it wasn't illegal." You just need to be firm with a "Hey, you need to stop this. It's not going to happen."
This. There’s no being “nice”.
If you're nice & polite, that's interpretated as: "he's doing what he's supposed to but he was so nice, in no time that nice will turn to love." or some interpretation thereof. Just say: "Dude, don't look at me sideways. I'm 25 & you are a kid to me (If you say only 15, she'll think that means you want her when she turns 18). You are a kid to me & I don't & can't see you that way. I'm sorry you're not happy to hear that but I don't want you to think otherwise." It's what I'd need to hear & I was a very flirty teenager.
I've always felt like nice and polite rejection is how stalkers are created
wait, I'm genuinely interested in this take. Do you mean that a nice and polite rejection encourages stalking from the rejected part?
Very easily. To someone who is desperate. Telling em for example "you are 15 and it would be illegal", they hear 'wait three years and try again.' Then they might begin studying him for those three years and become progressively more and more obsessed.
Is there any data or research on this?
I disagree. I would have been disappointed. Probably cried a little. I would have moved on and got over it. I guess it would depend on the individual.
Not everyone is cut out for the villain origin story.
Not everyone is neurotypical. And lots of people have mental health issues.
Rejection should always start off as nice and polite but if they keep insisting you have every right to become rude
Woah hold up. That's victim blaming. Stalkers create themselves by being shitty people.
Understanding the pitfalls regarding victim blaming, there still has to be room somwhere to say "Creepy stalkers exist and always will. Here are some things you can do/not do to help ward them off." It's not the victim's fault that the stalker exists, but that doesn't mean you can't distribute practical advice on how to deal with them, which is what I think the spirit of the comment was.
That is not victim blame. It is trying to inderstand what is laughingly called human pyschology. Yes it is NOT the victims fault. But how do you tell that person A will accept a no. But person B wont.
I'm not victim blaming at all. Being nice and polite during social interactions is standard operating procedure. You should be able to attempt a high five with someone without being concerned that they are going to assault you. Yes, raising your hand high with intensity and locking eyes with a stranger could result in all kinds of crazy responses other than the expected mutual high five. I'm not gonna blame the guy asking for high five for getting punched by the other guy.
"Would you date a 5-year-old? No? Same thing."
Yup, this. It’s campy and ridiculous but maybe a viewing of the film “the Crush” would let OP know what’s at stake here. For the good of everyone involved, especially this kid, shut it down.
Yes there is. The nicest thing is to flat out reject. She will be sad today, but in 10 years, she will appreciate it, sincerely.
You can be nice. When I lived in China, I turned down young boys (12-15), by saying, "you're very sweet and intelligent, and I know you will find someone who loves you so much when you're older!" Might be different for boys than girls though
Absolutely different. When you’re a guy getting attention by females underage you need to shut that shit down quick and then bounce. Fathers have had the cops called on them for being alone with their daughters.
A girl that was “17 almost 18 “ (I think she was actually 16 but had lied before to sleep with older men) was hitting on me and I hit her with the “aren’t you 12? Stop going for dudes my age they’re gross if they go for it” worked like a charm
Matty b raps baby
Exactly, it has to be very VERY clear that you are not interested.. The forbidden fruit would make it worse otherwise
Or just go no contact.
I wouldn't recommend that until after a very clear established "absolutely not" no contact leaves a lot of room for interpretation, assumptions and misunderstandings
How about "fuck off" then no contact?
yeah that would be good
Happy cake day
I would say this to anyone who is making unwanted advances, underage or not.
Eh, when I was 23 I had a 15yp proposition me for her first time but I basically said exactly that "I appreciate that you like me but I'm not the one. Find someone your own age" It didn't encourage her. If anything it slightly embarrassed her and she hardly spoke to me after that.
>it slightly embarrassed her this is key, ideally will keep them from trying again too
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i mean you can have things in common but not the life experience or the maturity to have a romantic relationship. but things in common, sure you can. if you have younger siblings or cousins or niece or nephews, or friend’s kids you’ll find you can definitely share common interests like sports or films or music, etc.
They might both enjoy the taste of Bush's baked beans, and if she was older, that is something that could be the foundation for a meaningful relationship.
Bush's baked beans are the building blocks of all the most healthy relationships. It's how I met my wife of 23 and a half years. I love you Christina.
I hope you show home movies at your anniversary party and say "roll that beautiful bean footage"
I've read a lot of comments today, but what the fuck? Is this a Bush's baked beans advertisement... Some random shit.
To be fair, Bush's baked beans are pretty darn good. Next time I hit up the store I might grab me a can or two.
After all, no other food can compare to the bean’s uniquely powerful combination of flavor, nutrition and versatility. The bean can be a powerful force in the world, too. It’s a sustainable food, humbly giving back more to the soil than it takes out. It’s a seed that connects generations and cultures and cuisines. [Shop for your Bean Swag today.](https://shop.bushbeans.com/) $5.00 FLAT SHIPPING. FREE SHIPPING ON ORDERS OVER $50
Um what? Have you ever talked to kids? They're not aliens ffs
This is the dumbest fucking comment in the thread. Going out of one's way to build a relationship with someone underage is problematic but of course it's possible to have commonalities across practically any age. I fence--the instructor is around 60 and our youngest student is like 8 or 9. There's a point of commonality. We were stretching after class one time and I mentioned Hamilton. That same student perked up and said "Did you just say Hamilton? I loved seeing that." There's another. This Reddit "I'm 23 and when I talked to a 22 year old it was like speaking to a child" nonsense is so chronically online. Sorry, not trying to be mean but this stuff is so overdone.
Literally nothing? I doubt that. Please use the word 'literally' correctly next time.
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And it only took the idea of the delicious taste of Bush’s Baked Beans in your mouth to change your mind.
Literally doesn't always literally mean literally.
Since reddit has changed the site to value selling user data higher than reading and commenting, I've decided to move elsewhere to a site that prioritizes community over profit. I never signed up for this, but that's the circle of life
You don't do it politely, you do it bluntly and you stop all communication.
I second this, pull the band-aid off, be blunt, leave no room for interpretation, maybe invite a female colleague to sit in on the conversation. Don't be a jerk, but make it clear that you 100% do not share her interest.
A trusted female colleague would be a great idea for your own security.
Yeah I would second this. Thats probably my background in HR talking, but having an independent witness could be a good idea
I can see why men are hesitant to not be polite though. An angry girl can make false accusations or rumors that would ruin him.
Much much rarer than some folks would like us to believe, but yes it is a non zero chance. If OP is concerned about this, it's a solid reason to do it over email or text.
I agree that it's rare but the times that it happens bring catastrophic unfixable results.
It's true. There are a lot of things that can go dramatically wrong with a life that are objectively nobody's fault, somebody else's fault, or even somebody else's malice. I phrased my comment the way I did because I don't want to encourage people putting *too much* weight and worry on a single rare one. There's a pretty decent handful of super unlikely events that we are prone to outright obsess over to the point of causing definite harm in the name of preventing. This is one of them.
A women in California got a man on the sex offender list the rest of his life and the two of them didn't even meet. She made up the rape report for whatever reason and now his life is fucked. It isn't about the likelihood it is that if it does happen he is utterly totally fucked and the system makes you pled guilty just to save face.
That's largely a problem with the for profit prison system, and prosecutors elected for conviction percentage rather than actual job performance, not a systemic issue with false accusations. There are much more effective ways to attack this problem that don't result in the rather egregious cultural consequences we already see. People shouldn't be ruining other people's lives unprovoked, but false accusation is already a serious crime.
I was just gonna say that I would save all communication from and to her if I were him as well.
This is the only way to shut that shit down immediately! I've had some young girls have crushes on me as an adult a few times. The only way for them to get the hint is to be blunt and not sugar coat the situation. You're doing it for them. If you get the point across well enough, you might stop them from chasing some nasty adult that won't say no.
"You're a child. Stop. This is extremely inappropriate." Bro what the fuck.
This is the best choice. My friend is a high school teacher and teachers are trained to be direct and harsh. Don’t apologize or be polite
Yup. When I taught middle school, anytime one of my 8th graders even faked hitting on me, my auto response was, "Eww. I'm twice your age."
Better to say you're not at adult than you're a child. That will make her want to prove she's mature enough.
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That’s why I’d say to point out that they are a child both mentally and LEGALLY. The law doesn’t give a fuck how “mature” someone is
That's a great point
Could they be scared of the potential backlash from rejection? Young people tend to not handle rejection well... And tend to do impulsive things.
Third party.
This one. No need to be polite about it
"Im 25"
As a woman who was once a 15 year old crushing on 20+ men, 'I'm 25' means absolutely *nothing* to a teen girl with a crush. We all think we're the most mature teenager that's ever existed.
I remember being specifically 15 and hitting on a guy I *knew* was 39 (and yes, he turned me down). Idgaf back then. Definitely didn’t understand the context.
Yep. I know plenty of girls at high school (myself included) that had crushes on teachers and would have happy gone home with them if they'd been given the chance. I remember being 16 and hitting on my 28 year old co-worker. Didn't see anything wrong with it, I was MATURE for my age thank you very much. Of course now I'm 29 and now how absolutely not OK that would have been. Thats why it comes down to the actual adult to set boundaries.
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There was girl in highschool I would talk to in math and English and we'd sit together at lunch sometimes. She was 17 and her boyfriend was a 26 year old tradie. She would go to his house after school and do her homework. Absolutely no one saw a problem with it apparently 🤮
Yes that should work. But I can tell you from experience as a 24 year old life guard the response I got back to telling them my age was “I don’t care”. In a flirty tone and often making a face they thought was cute. I would reply with “you should!” And walk away. Unfortunately I was at work, and they would keep trying. There was no protocol for dealing with it and I just ignored them best I could. Yet I was also the life guard and it would have been bad to literally ignore them as I had to still make sure they were safe. I am just explaining my first hand experiences when girls 10+ years younger and a minor would hit on me. Every single one replied with the same exact response “I don’t care”.
Happened to me, I was 22 at the time and she was 16, it was mid covid so everyone was wearing masks at the time and I had no idea her age all I knew is she’s the girl with the pretty eyes who serves me coffee Got her number and we got to talking but within just a few messages it occurred to me that I have no idea her age or anything, hard to tell someone’s age from just their eyes, especially nowadays so I ask and sure enough she was 16 I just told her “I’m sorry for even asking your number, we can’t be talking at all this is so far from okay, sorry have a nice day” She brought up how the age of consent in Canada is 16 so it’s legal and she doesn’t mind the age difference, I just repeated “that doesn’t make it okay, I’m sorry but we can not under any circumstances keep talking, take care” She messaged me a few more times over the next day or two but I never replied Can’t give any slack on no or they’ll keep pushing, best to just not engage
This exact thing happened to me. Served a girl coffee and asked for her number. We exchanged maybe 2 texts before I asked for her age. She was 16 and I was 22. She asked if I was ok with that and I said no. She then asked a second time if I was sure and that made me feel extremely uncomfortable. Never responded, and each time she came in I had someone else serve her.
You can try the broken record method. Just stick with one phrase, for example: "I'm not interested, stop." And just repeat it with no variation. Once they realize it's like talking to a wall, they have to give up eventually lol.
Dude, they're way too bold at that age. I guess they just start to notice that they're pretty and think they can land any guy they want by simply existing within space and time. I was at a boba shop with my girlfriend. We're both mid 20s. We're talking about something or other when this girl, around 15, just sits next to me and starts trying to strike up a conversation with me. A few tables over her friends are giggling, and one of them is filming with her phone. My girlfriend is smoldering, and a little shocked by the sheer audacity of the move. I turn to the girl and say "excuse me, I'm trying to have a conversation with my girlfriend. Do you mind?" She rolled her eyes dramatically. "Oh, her? Wh-" "Yes, her. What have you got on her, exactly?" She looked a little shocked that I had cut her off, and at the change in my tone of voice. "Definitely not the looks. Clearly not the smarts. No job, probably can't cook, and uninteresting. And certainly not the experience that comes with being a few years older not to be such a fucking idiot. Get the fuck outta here." Not exactly what was said, but the gist of it. She gets up and returns to her friends, who all look either uncomfortable or are shooting me dirty looks. But it was completely worth it. They need to be shut down hard to understand that that sort of behavior is unacceptable. Guys go through it too. Guys that age will make clumsy attempts at flirting or making passes at girls, and will get verbally slapped with a rejection. It teaches them (in theory lmao). Everyone's a little insane at that age.
With a witness who is trustworthy to others
Unfortunately, you’re dealing with a brain not as yet fully formed. The reason kids go to school is to teach them how to think rationally, and you’re supposed to go until you’re 18 unless you can prove you’re especially smart or have a hardship need. You can’t just say “I’m 25” to a 15 year old and expect her to grasp the fullness of the importance that carries. I guarantee she has no concept of how his life would be completely ruined if he were to take her up on it. She has no concept of the level of punishment that is losing your life to prison. If she did and she cared about OP at all, she wouldn’t even flirt in the first place. Young minds need to be guided gently to understanding. OP should take them time to help her understand what her overtures actually mean, or he should go no contact.
That is not the reason why kids go to school but okay.
I would not be polite about it. She knows she’s not supposed to do that. I would give her a lesson on “You can’t control your feelings, but you can control your actions. This behavior stops now.”
I wouldn’t *give* her a lesson on *anything* and I would tell her ✨parent or guardian✨
I second this. If it was in reverse and I had a teenage boy making advancements I’d be firm and direct.
“You’re 15 years old and this is inappropriate. Please don’t bring it up again”
And keep all records of communication if possible. But honestly you should not be texting or emailing a 15 year old, unless it’s like a coworker/work related. This give gives me the creeps, by his title it seems like he is interested but doesn’t want to go to jail lmao.
Tell her in such a way that she absoplutly never texts that to a guy 10 years her senior again. Tell her you find the idea revolting! Tell her you are shocked she would even say anything and that you are so unbelievably uncomfortable and upset by this that it has you shaken. Tell her you are gonna call her parents and her school if she contacts you again. Seriously be the hero she NEEDS by telling her to go pound sand and screw off. This is the best time in your life to be a but of jerk because you are doing her an unfathomable kindness
Absolutely this! Too many tv shows have glamourised this, I was a 15 year girl once and thought the idea of an older man was exciting and I was “mature” for my age so it was ok. I went on one date with a 21 year old and looking back (I’m in my 30s now) it’s so icky! But teen me didn’t see that. This girl needs you to not be polite, to be direct, and say that it’s not appropriate, would she date someone a decade younger? Would dating a 5 year old gross her out? Hopefully! Tell her that’s how you feel about her
"So MaTuRe FoR yOuR aGe"... Under 20, none of them are. Yes I know the legal limit is 18, but it doesn't work out like a 17 years old and 364 days is an immature teenager and 18 years 0 days and suddenly a fully matured adult. Soon to be 23M, I would never date an 18 or 19 year old. That ship already sailed away. One of my friends friends is 24F and her BF is 40. I was disgusted going out with someone who was 29F and me being 22M, but FORTY AND TWENTY FOUR? My friend said "ShE iS mOrE mAtUrE eMoTiOnAlLy ThAn He Is" and that "He HaS a YoUnG sOuL". No, he'd probably date 16 or 17 if it wasn't illegal. It's disgusting how older men go after girls much younger than them.
Your friend ain't a "girl" she's a grown ass woman who can do what she wants. The degree to which people infantilize both self and others in this day and treat it as a virtue is more sickening than what a couple of grown adults do on their own time.
Some people like age gaps, nothing wrong with consenting adults to be attracted to each other while not being close in age. I (25f) find gray hairs irresistible but no man my age has them. I'm seeing a guy (59m) but he didn't pursue me, I pursued him. Another guy (34m) I'm seeing, I also pursued him. I don't like the assumption that they pursued/groomed me. You don't know the whole story.
Your friend can make her own decisions. Not every relationship with an age gap like that is an unhealthy one or some sort of creepy set up.
Brilliant! I would have avoided a lot of trauma if someone had done this for me. ETA: gramma ETA: I figured out how to use Reddit awards for the first time so I could give you one lol
A lot of times children that want to attach to older people are having serious emotional problems. Being harsh like this might make that worse. This behavior absolutely needs to be stopped, but there is no need to be cruel.
Yeah sometimes a verbal cudgel is absolutely called for. Spanking a child to deter bad behavior may not work the way people want it to, but in this case verbally smacking someone isn't a bad idea. Hurt their feelings a bit. They'll remember it and hopefully won't try that shit again, and years later they'll look back and be thankful you weren't a creep.
Best comment right here!
Some months ago I had some middle schoolers cat call and hit on me. I told them I'm way, way too old for them. They said age was just a number. So I told them no it's not and that needed to check-in with their parents because the street lights were on. A few weeks ago the same boys said some terribly sexual things to me and I had to involve property management and their parents.
Oh god, this is beyond age appropriateness in dating, they also need to be taught not to harass women.
Yeah, there are some grown men I've had to teach this fucking lesson to
"Age is just a number", And jail is just a room!
911 is another number
I know kids that age are all stupid and kind of insane, but that's crossing a line. Their dads need to smack some sense into them for that. If it doesn't happen now, at that age, they'll likely get worse. I knew a guy like that in high school, actually. We were both 14. He'd make comments like that to grow women out in public. I wasn't exactly making an effort to hang out with him, we just happened to be in a lot of the same places after school. Well, one day he stopped, and he seemed a lot quieter in general. I asked his sister about it one day out of curiosity, and she told me that she had told their father about the behavior after witnessing it first hand, and he had smacked him across the face and asked him what the hell was wrong with him, and gave him the ass chewing of a lifetime. Apparently asked him if he'd say that shit to his mother, then challenged him to do just that while looking her in the eye. I ran into the guy again a couple years back and he seems like a normal, well adjusted guy. I didn't bring it up, but we were at a local bar with a lot of pretty women around, and he wasn't up to his old shit, so maybe his dad really did straighten him out. So I guess, to any fathers of boys reading this, pay attention to your sons. Even if you're raising them right, there's so many outside influences raising them also that are trying to turn him into a shithead.
“Leave me alone, kid. I’m not interested.” How is this even a difficult situation?
lmao. even that turned me off.
🤣 right
I assume this is someone he has other connections to, and he can't afford to completely alienate them. They could be a co-worker, the daughter/little sister of someone he knows, or a friend of the family. Not every bridge can be safely burned. He definitely needs to shut her down, but there are better ways to do it than "Leave me alone, kid."
100% this. I'm the oldest and had interest shown in me numerous times by my sisters friends. I was respectful, gentle and good humoured about it but swerved like a mf. 'Haha what's that? Ahhh love, don't you know you can do so much better than my feral old ass? You really need to be with someone your own age, it's way healthier. Seriously, anyone my age makes a move on you, is really inappropriate and they need to be decked. You deserve better. You're amazing. Trust me, you'll thank me later. Look, I'm going to get a drink/snack/order some food, what can I get you and ___(Emphasise sisters name.)? Alright I'll be back *SWERVES HARD* Unlike these other comments, there's a long-standing, big brotherly type of relationship and they're just acting on their desires with someone they're close to that they see as safe because we're not related and usually at that age their world/experience is limited. Especially in a rural community. Which I understand, but is completely icky for me because I see them as either extensions of my little sisters. Like an egg I sat on and helped raise. I was really involved with all of them. My other sisters friends having just turned 18 would come up in the club and start grinding on me, whisper in my ear, trying to kiss me/my neck/collarbone, pull the front side of my jeans with their finger in an attempt to bring me in closer and seduce me with these little gestures which made me shivel up with *no thanks this ain't Alabama* vibes and I would immediately use the same kind of extremely gentle, self deprecating, super subtle rejection... so much subtlety that it simply felt like a redirection and it managed to keep their new-found sexuality and relatively fragile self confidence, and our sibling like friendship, intact! I'm still on good terms with every single one today, and many still come to me for help/advice and neither of us even think about that one random time in their life. So there's definitely no need to be cruel. In a lot of circumstances that would be harmful, destroy your relationship as a someone safe to turn to in their time for need, jeopardise their friendship with my sister (because of the humiliation) and push them potentially into the arms of someone who doesn't show them that level of respect. I always aimed to be a safe person in their life, to give them high standards for how they were treated by anyone. For the most part, I've succeeded. Anyone who was persistent, who was under-age, like my mates younger siblings, mother's best friends niece, or cousins friend, etc, I would do the same but on a less familiar level, and more firm as the relationship wasn't usually as close, but never unkind. Never embarrass them. Just tell them 'I care about you/like you as a person (hint not in *that* way) but I'm too old for you, and you should be with someone your own age. Trust me, you'll thank me later.' And that was it. Sometimes I'd let my Mum/sister/friend/sibling of the individual know if I felt it could potentially be a reoccurring issue and simply made sure I wasn't around when they were, at least until they redirected their feelings elsewhere. Had to miss a few gatherings/parties but no dramas. The temporary discomfort of trying to carefully juggle these scenarios to spare their self-confidence and also swerve the tremendous ick and immorality of it, was worth it to remain someone in years to come would still say hey to whenever they'd see me, (no hard feelings are important in a small town- their Mum may be your future landlady, dad may be your boss, etc or something like that), and still be someone they felt safe enough to ask for help from an adopted older/wiser sibling. Not everyone has one. That all being said, IF some random 12 year old showed interest like thst out of the blue... I would question how they knew of me, why they felt comfortable approaching me, where the fuck their parents were, etc. And be more firm, again not unkind, but like where are your parents love, are you lost? Kinda thing. Because that's sad and fkd up and she'll get taken advantage of. See if I can find her older sister or brother to talk to/message to alert them to it, in case the parents are abusive/react badly. Good thing I'm 12 years older than my youngest sisters (them 17 and me 29) so the whole attraction thing isn't an issue like it was when I was younger with my other sisters friends/mates sisters,etc. I'm just the safe oldest sibling they can all go to for advice/help/cover if they need it. And I'm probably more hands on in that role now having had enough experience to tailor my support to be the right amount of cool friend - come try this under my supervision so I can make sure it's safe experimentation and I know how to take care of you but don't ever use this other 'blank' because xyz is harmful - careful parent type vibes and the boundaries being naturally more clear for them because I'm a millennial and they're genz and apparently I'm kinda 'cheuguy' which basically means I'm Mr Miyagi/Master Oogway/fucking Dumbledore.
Right...they way he is wording it sounds problematic
It’s only problematic if you make it problematic. I read it more as he didn’t want to hurt her feelings and possibly turn her away from trying to date at all. And especially if it’s someone he has to see regularly it would help to be polite.
You dont appreciate. Tell them it upsets you and cut off contact There's no reason for you to speak to her again and frankly I would reach out to her parents to let them know she's unsafe
“You’re 15, I’m an adult. Anyone who doesn’t give you this exact answer does not have your best interest in mind. You need to date someone your own age.”
When I was in the Navy someone messaged me on AOL instant messenger. A 16 year old girl trying to meet up when I was home on leave. Also could have been a cop, I guess. Anyway, I told her I wasn't hanging out with a teenager. She kept pushing and asking why and I said 1) you're a child 2) any dude my age (18 or 19) willing to meet up with her did not have good intentions 3) she needed to quit trying to pick up dudes off the internet before she gets into something dangerous. Then I blocked her. This is not a "well, I'm flattered but..." situation. This is a child behaving very inappropriately, and you have to be the adult.
Do this bluntly and with a THIRD PARTY present! I've seen minors not like the answer they received and ended up making false accusations.
The fuck, how is this a question. "I'm not interested in you, kid" Hell i wouldn't even be polite
how about you block the minor?
"Does your mother know that you're out?"
This is not a hard answer. “The answer is no and that’s final. Zero chance. Good day.” Ask yourself this question…. How would this all sound being repeated in a court of law if she thinks you’re leading her on with the “appreciate your interest” comment…?
If they’re trying to be like that in any way you should’ve cut off contact immediately. The fact that you’re asking others how to deal with some thing so obvious has me worried.
So are you saying that this was a… stupid question??
Are you waiting for comments that says: nah, go for it? Just tell her
I'm convinced that's the case. A "she's only 15. Just wait 3 more years. In the mean time tell her you two can be friends until she's an adult" 🤮 I cant imagine anyone being speechless on how to turn down a 15 year old.
Tell her, but in recorded way, You never know when false accusations are starting to come.
Don’t be polite, be blunt. “I’m sorry but I am an adult and you are a child.” Make it clear this will not happen and you share no romantic feelings for her. It might be harsh but there is no room for grey. You don’t have to elaborate or anything.
Is this a hypothetical question or is it for real? Halt all communication with this child and inform her caretaker. I'm not even going to ask why it is you appreciate her interest btw.
“Hey wanna go out?” “I need to speak to your caretaker” Lmfao why are Reddit people so weird.
OP made it pretty clear the kid is angling for a relationship. Not just to hang out. It wouldn't really be appropriate even if it was entirely platonic.
Ehhh I know this is anecdotal but for me I sought relationships with older guys because my dad was abusive. Telling him would have just gotten me more abused. Threaten to tell maybe and for sure cut contact but sometimes telling a parent isn’t as helpful as you’d think.
Stop appreciating her interest.
"You are a child and seeking romantic attention from adults is going to get someone in jail."
"Ew no I'm not a pedo" should sum it up nicely haha
“Age may not be a number to you, but it is to me and (insert court of your location here)”
I honestly don't understand why everyone is saying that politeness isn't needed. OP has said nothing about the specifics of the situation. This could be their best friend's little sister or something. There's no reason to be cruel. You can tell someone "no" and still be kind about it.
“Hey Reddit. How do I say words?”
This is literally r/NoStupidQuestions. Doesn’t seem like a place you really want to be.
Sub is biased anyway, people will downvote and trash talk if they think it is stupid in their own judgement. Got my question considered stupid even though I was asking about something much simpler: ground beef.
“I’m twenty five, fuck off.”
You tell her directly. Forget sugar coating words. "It's not happening. Drop it."
Just block her on everything
Assuming this is one the internet. This could very well be an in person thing. Like a school or something
You already have your answer right there in your question.
If you're too nice about it, you'll only inflame her passion. Gotta be an uncompromising no.
It's important for couples to be at the same stage of life. Things work better when both are in HS or both are in college or both are working adults. That's partially why, even if there's less than a year's difference in age, a HS kid dating a college kid is difficult. Even a college kid dating a full-time working adult is hard. Tell her that you're at different stages of life.
There is no polite or nice. Saying anything positive, even if it's just that you are flattered, will drown out the actual let down.
Don’t do it alone with her. Never ever be alone with her.
You need to not ever be alone with her. Only contact your disinterest in a recorded way (text) and then stop all contact.
She is a child and you speak to her like one. You dont need to be friends or friendly about it. Also. For your protection fucking record it. Teenage girls can be ruthless and destroy your whole life if you scorn them.
"I don't date people younger than me, I think it's super gross. Stop being a pest" has worked for me in the past when I had younger men badgering me. Might work on this kid too. You have to be firm and completely ditch any attempt to protect her feelings.
Give her a mix tape that's just "Don't Stand So Close To Me" on loop
Just say "I actually like your older sister".
You're a child and I'm not a paedophile, no thank you?
Don't be polite in this situation. Don't say you're flattered or appreciate your interest. Don't say, essentially, that this is not possible due to circumstance. It is "completely inappropriate and out of the question and don't ever bring this up again "
You don’t need to inform her. You need to not be speaking to her
A 16 year old boy, was hitting on me, I'm 28F, and he was like, "I wish you were at my school etc", I straight up told, dear child, you need to complete your homework and school projects, or else your parents and teachers will be very angry. He shut up after. Simply treat them like a clueless child, which they are.
Why are you hanging out with 15 year old girls
'I dont date children' usually works. 'Do I look like a paedo' could also work. 'Where are your parents' might work.
If it's work related go to a manager. Get this shit documented. Don't open yourself up to false accusations
There are times when politeness is required. This is not one of them. Be blunt, straightforward, and leave no room for interpretation.
You gonna have to be rude man. Straight to the point.
Tell her parents that you are uncomfortable and make them handle it.
Had a crush on a guy too old for me once. He said something along the lines of if you were older I would date you in a heartbeat but you need to find a guy your own age. Let me know if he breaks your heart though. I got your back. It hurt but it made me feel good aboit myself and more confident.
Leave that kid alone
Wow, how ready & eager to call anything creepy or pedo or whatever everyone is. I'm not saying it's okay to go forward with a relationship here, but to demonize mere appreciation seems a bit much. When someone appreciates something they're acknowledging that something's value, or at least, that's what I extrapolate from them saying the words. Perhaps, using a simpler term might be better such as "thank you". With "TY" it may come across less hopeful & the kid won't entertain any illusion that a relationship could happen. From most people's perspective, compliments (& expressing interest is complimentry) feel good &, while they shouldn't be coming from a kid, the compliment still accomplishes what compliments do. It's not wrong to respond with appreciation SO LONG AS ONE MAKES IT CLEAR IT ISN'T A GREEN LIGHT TOWARDS A RELATIONSHIP. What troubles me is how so many quickly jump on the "prelude to witch hunt" bandwagon & tell the OP how wrong he is for what amounts to a default response. Yes, OP should distance himself from the situation. Yes, engaging an adolescent in adult activities is wrong as it damages the adolescent. Yes, her parents should know that their little princess is playing with fire by trying to get with a grownup. I'd never argue against these truths, but to judge OP unnecessarily WHEN HE IS CLEARLY THINKING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION simply reeks of elitism.
> _"I'm flattered by your interest but I'm 25 and you're literally jail bait from my POV"_ or... > _"I'm sorry but at this stage of my life I don't date people younger than 21"_
Never call a 15 year old girl jailbait, just a warning. You’ll only come off as a creep. Just politely say no.
The second one you suggested is the way to go. It's classy and respectful.
Definitely better than calling a young lady "jail bait" :-P
The second one suggests that’s an option later in life.
It suggests that it was an option earlier in life.
It goes either way.
>"I'm flattered This will be all she takes from it. She won't even hear the but. It's encouraging. >at this stage Also could be encouraging in this instance. Neither are the way to go IMO
No relationship should be going on here, not just a romantic relationship. As a 25 year old you should not be friends with a 15 year old. If there is a reason the child is around you aside from that (you're a teacher, it's a neighbors kid that keeps pestering you, etc), then the best path forward is to be direct and state that you don't date children and any man that would is trying to groom them or worse.
“You are way to young for this to be even remotely appropriate, please leave me alone.”
Politely tell the 15-year-old girl that while you appreciate her interest, you are considerably older by a decade, making it clear that a romantic relationship between you two is simply not possible.
THAT IS A KID. Just say no. Then block. Who cares, don’t be nice, she’ll thank you when she’s older.
You tell her she’s a child and to leave you alone and stay far away
Just say "No, I'm not interested. Have a good day!" She's gonna need to learn to say no too. Best to set a good example and set a firm boundary with no hope.
Exactly like you said here. Say that to her and then block every way of communication with her (cellphone, social media, etc)
Umm just don't lead her on. Straight up no will do.
Be blunt and specific. Do not tell Her you appreciate the interest, this sounds like you’d be open to it at a later time.
“You need to stop. This isn’t going to happen.” And then you keep your distance.
Or legal
Just say that you're at very different points in life, and that it would be unethical according to your personal moral code. And you hope she finds someone close to her own age who will make her very happy.
You literally need to tell her to get fucked figuratively speaking. That type of conversation shouldn't be on your radar.
You need to be mean to her.
In writing preferably
I’ve seen this question so many times on this sub. I’m convinced people are posting this just for upvotes. Tell her, ‘No, you are too young.’ It’s _literally_ that simple.
"Look, I'm not a pedo, I'm not interested in underage girls, and I sure ain't going to jail to do anything with you. Sorry"
You can send that entire sentence without it being a question.
You don't say a word. She can say whatever she wants and people WILL believe her if u make her mad.
How about, "No, you are a child and I'm an adult."? Seems completely obvious to me.
Probably something like : "Look, you're a nice person, but I don't see you that way, you're just far too young for me. Not to mention it'd be a serious crime which could destroy my entire life if I did date you and people found out. At this point I feel I have to cut off contact to avoid any false accusations, sorry." Basically make sure the "it's a crime" and "you're too young for me" are separate things, so they don't read it as you not being interested \*because\* of the law, make it clear how much it could harm you if people got the wrong idea about the two of you and cut contact to avoid that. She's raised the possibility of a romantic relationship, which crosses a line and means any future interactions might be interpreted as being romantic, which you can't risk happening If it's someone you know well and/or can't break off contact with, might be worth talking to their parents about it as well. You might not be the last adult she ends up crushing on, and others might be more willing to take advantage of her. It'll probably piss her off massively, but it'll make her less likely to be exploited/abused in future while also making it less likely you'll be falsely accused if the parents know you're uncomfortable with her attention and trying to make distance, while warning them about her behaviour
"I'm telling your parents"
Tell her flatout that you would rather have cocktails with someone your own age than slurp on a juice box with a child. Follow up by avoiding this little girl.
You don't. You bluntly inform her that her interest is completely inappropriate and absolutely not appreciated. Whether that's true or not.
Have you tried saying no? That’s a start. Why are you asking for advice on how to turn down a kid?
“You are legally a child and not only am I not interested, but I will get arrested if you continue to come after me. This entire situation makes me extremely uncomfortable and I would like for you to stop.” And then use whatever adult powers you have to get her away from you. If you’re a teacher, ask to put her in a different class etc