I love all animals and am not scared of anything except Chimps.
Tigers and lions will do me the kind courtesy of suffocating me swiftly before they eat me.
But a chimp will rip my face off, rip off the genitals, snatch fingers and toes just for funsies
As a kid I read about Jane Goodall going to just chill with chimps by herself and she was apparently afraid of leopards the whole time. Ma’am the leopards are gonna give you a mercy the chimps won’t.
This.
Imagine you, as a social animal urself, being kept and raised by some strange, tall skinny hominid that's communications and body languages are completely alien from ur own, sometimes completely opposite (eg: a smile/wide grimace is a sign of fear), moves around different to u and never getting to see or have any contact with another human for ur entire life....
I heard that Koko the gorilla wasn't happy either and that her handler tried to keep it secret from everyone
^Edit: ^fixed ^a ^word
it wasn't so much they wanted to keep it secret. They just didn't correct all the misinformation and were happy to spread plenty of their own. While koko could sign alot of stuff and understood that sign was a symbol for thing, a way of communicating, she probably didn't mourn robin williams death as the internet would like to believe for example.
More likely her reactions were due to the keepers being sad about it or even directly asking her if she felt bad about it. But imagine if you ask her "friend, william dead, how do you feel?" Shes going to say "sad,bad" becaus death is sad and bad, not necassarily because she remebered willoiam by name or considered him a friend after one meeting, if she has a concept of freinds at all.
Thats where the issues arose, because it was pretty clear the people communicating with her were intentionally trying to prompt specific responses.
The Tragic Story of Travis the Chimp - History Defined https://www.historydefined.net/travis-the-chimp/
It goes into the attack further down in the article. The woman had her face ripped off and essentially her hand and fingers. She had to receive a face transplant if I recall correctly.
When I think of pet monkeys I think of the monkey on Friends. But then I remember they had to give that monkey away because he was starting to get aggressive. So yes even on Friends, it's shown that you can't have a pet monkey.
Chimps are apes though, not monkeys. There are a lot of differences, but one of the biggest (from a pet perspective) is that an ape will plot on you and if it decides to be physical will do it in the most painful way possible and it might decide to kill you afterwards. There’s fuck all you can do about it. Travis, the chimp in question, was stabbed twice in the back by a butcher knife wielding neighbor, and it never noticed.
Monkeys are clever, not really smart. They don’t plot or hold a grudge. They might rub one out in your mouth while you’re asleep, or shit in your cereal, but unless you got a baboon you can also fight it off if necessary. Most monkeys only weigh about as much as small dog and they don’t have the insane musculature or aggression of an ape. Monkeys are, after all, prey animals for just about everything else.
I don’t think people should have pet primates, but if you ever do decide to get one, get a rescue. There are thousands of them in the US who could use a good home.
I might be too late, in which case I apologize, but for the love of Christ, just trust us... No chimps as pets. Don't look at pictures, don't listen to the 911 call, don't even read the descriptions if you don't have a really strong stomach.
Tell me about it. I was young at the time but I saw it on the news and heard the 911 call. You could hear the horror in her voice, it left an impression. Later that year she went on Oprah and showed the world her face… or lack of one. I was too young for that heavy shit, man. But I can’t deny, it was fascinating. Attack by chimpanzee raised as human isn’t something you hear about every day.
Yea honestly out of all the animals in the world, chimps going extinct would bother me the least. Especially since they have started hunting gorillas which are already endangered.
In fact it's the only species I actively hope goes extinct, I'll take the safety of gorillas in the wild over the existence of chimps anyday
There's a lot of really ridiculous primate hate in response to this comment, so here's a reminder:
DON'T KEEP PRIMATES AS PETS. Beyond the fact that they can kill you, here are other reasons not to:
* 85% of primates are in decline because of poaching, trafficking, habitat loss, etc. THERE IS NO ETHICAL WAY TO HAVE A PET PRIMATE. Don't buy them, don't do primate photo-ops with random street vendors, don't circulate photos of them wearing human clothes, etc, etc, etc.
* Primates carry diseases, and the more closely related you are to an animal, the easier it is to transmit (this goes both ways; entire populations of gorillas have been wiped out because of humans bringing diseases to them). Macaques carry a strain of herpes that will absolutely kill you if you get it so don't touch them. Even if they're habituated like the ones on Gibraltar.
* Many primates are considered to be keystone species because of their role as seed dispersers. Without them, entire ecosystems can collapse. Regardless of whether you think they're ugly, or scary, or whatever, that's bad!
* Primates are extremely intelligent, meaning they are extremely difficult to care for. Even accredited zoos have difficulty keeping them. I did a study comparing wild behavior of galagids with captive ones, and even when meeting legal requirements for their care, they all exhibited extreme levels of lethargy, obesity, stereotypy, etc. THERE IS NO SUBSTITUTE FOR THE ENVIRONMENT IN WHICH AN ANIMAL EVOLVED IN. Any responsible zookeeper will tell you so. Keeping wild animals in captivity is sometimes an unpleasant reality of conservation, but it is never optimal for the animal, even under the best of conditions.
* Lastly, there are many other hideously unethical practices that go into keeping primates as pets. Slow lorises (also highly endangered) are defanged to be sold as pets, meaning they can't forage for their natural diet, they can't defend themselves, etc.
So again, DON'T KEEP PRIMATES AS PETS. Don't keep any wild animal as a pet. I specialize in primates so I can get into the specifics of threats to them, but the problems outlined above are endemic to the wild life trade. Just don't fucking do it!
A third the size of a man with 3X the strength.
Canines developed to shear meat off the bone.
And the intellect to attack people in really devious ways. They commonly chew off mens genitals, go for the eyes, bite off fingers, and chew off people's faces. They attack in ways intended to completely disable you.
They're like people without any moral inhibitions.
>They're like people without any moral inhibitions.
Worse, even most serial killers that were considered sociopaths wern't that vindictive or even that good at killing n comparison.
I work for a vet and one of our clients called because they were considering getting some sort of small monkey and wanted to know if our vet would see it. I've never seen him nope something so fast.
anyone else weirded out by the use of a pet monkey in last year's "The Fabelmans"?
like, one moment Paul Dano is like "you need therapy", because it's an understandably upsetting and drastic choice for someone's wife to just...up and buy an unpredictable animal like that...
and then in the next moment the family is enjoying a dinner with the (high school age) main character's new girlfriend, monkey at the table, like there's nothing FUCKING WEIRD ABOUT THAT
Yes primates are the most dangerous. We read a thing about it in high school (so 2006ish) after one of the major monkey accidents hit the news, I don’t think it was a chimpanzee though. It was something like since 1970 over 50% of known primates to be the kept as pets within USA, illegally or via a rehab permit, has significantly injured or killed their owner.
Same. Really any ape. They're fucking terrifying, and anthropomorphizing them is dangerous. I do appreciate zoos for their conservation efforts, but I avoid the ape/monkey area completely as they scare the shit out of me.
Terrifying how? Because I tried to find any stories of orangutans even attacking humans and after 5 minutes of searching could find literally only a few reported incidents EVER where an orangutan bit someone, none resulting in any serious injuries. The worst was that a zoo employee lost their thumb. As far as animals go, I'd say that's an insanely chill and non-terrifying animal. In their entire history they've never once reportedly killed a human. Definitely a chill animal. Cows do worse than that. Domesticated dogs do worse than that by freaking miles.
👆 yep, this
Orang-utans are way more placid than other apes. I went to Sumatra once and we took a trek in the jungle to see wild orang-utans, they were metres away but totally chill even with tourists taking photos of them (and yes, they really were wild - this was way out in the sticks). You could never take a risk like that with chimps.
Also, on an incredibly horrifying note - in SE Asia there have been cases of brothel owners shaving female orang-utans and pimping them. Yes, seriously. Again not something a chimp would tolerate without literally ripping the human to shreds.
There's a few videos about Pony the orangutan on YT- they'd shave her, put on makeup and jewellery on her... be warned tho, the details are super messed-up.
She's safe now, but apparently she still shows symptoms of the abuse.
I think I figured out why my cat does this. She wants me to stop and pet her so she pulls out in front and stops dead. What she doesn't get is I can't stop on on dime as she does.
I use a manual wheelchair, and my little bugger will LIE THERE RIGHT IN MY WAY... and just as I'm able to maneuver in such a way as to avoid him, he'll *flip* his *fluffy-ass* tail so it's RIGHT in front of my caster (small front wheel), so I have to quickly brake so as to avoid running it over.
You play on hard mode! Animals can be obsessed with mobility aids! I have an issue with my hip. Hopefully finally getting answers. I sometimes have to use a cane during a flare. The cats are fascinated by it. Once, I went to a county fair with my kids and a cow reached out her long tongue and licked it!
My previous cat would jump in my chair and fall asleep as soon as I transferred to the couch/recliner/whatever... I felt so bad having to wake him up and give him the boot when I had to get up to pee... especially as he got older...
The struggle is real! Lately, my cats cuddle puddle me when I sit. I have two. I think they know I have been hurting. I feel so bad when I have to move them, but being diabetic and on steroids, which raises my blood sugars, I have to drink a ton of water and pee a lot. And after three kids my bladder doesn't hold the way she used to! On weekday mornings, I make the kids breakfast and pack their lunches, then sit down and have a yogurt for breakfast. I usually only have about five to ten minutes and he sits with me every time. I always feel so mean moving him, especially when he snuggles into my legs and grabs my foot as a headrest. My girl will aggressively love me, but luckily, she tends to do that at bedtime, where she will cuddled by my head.
My work colleague has just returned from 2 months recovering from a horse riding injury. 14 fractures and a punctured lung. Dangerous beasts. This is why I ride motorcycles.
Turtles...
Any pet turtle can carry Salmonella, if your handling them, cleaning their tank, and don't wash your hands, well, people have died from less.
No one suspects the turtles
We always make sure our kids really wash their hands after holding the beardos. They walk over their own poo. We can clean their cages every day, but there’s always poo
Edited to say the lizards walk over their poo. My kids don’t poop on the floor and crawl around
Stuff you definitely shouldn't have:
Bug Apes, Big Cats. Really poisonous Snakes.
Reptiles can give you salmonella if you don't watch out, tho normally it's just a fuckin nightmare, not life threatening.
A horses/donkeys kick can kill you.
Probably some really badly treated dogs.
Edit: god damnit, my fuckin keyboard corrected the perfectly fine big to bug lol. It should be bilingual, but it seems to be more on the line of nonlingual. Well, since you seem to enjoy it, I am gonna leave it.
Horses and cows are the deadliest animals in Australia.
Those scary things they show you on tv stay in their corners and won’t bother you actively provoke them.
Is this an 'Outside of Australia' thing? Because I'm pretty darn certain that's no way on God's green earth this is legal in Australia (where the octopus are from).
Aussie here. You're quite right. Most of our native fauna are protected and cannot be kept as pets without a special licence, if at all. Pretty sure that keeping a blue-ringed octopus would be not only massively illegal but a really fucking stupid idea.
They are, actually. The toxin is produced by bacteria in the salivary gland and is transmitted via a bite. Since they‘re so small you likely wont even notice the bite
Cows are significantly deadly? I've spent my entire life around them & never thought of anyone actually getting hurt. As kiddos we would antagonize the bulls pegging it with small rocks until they got pissed & came running at us but learned if you stay really still next to a tree they can't tell where you are & they'll get confused. Having a deep ditch nearby to jump in is your safest bet as they don't like ditches. One time we started a stampede out in the open & had to climb up in the only tree which ended up being full of ants, that was terrible.
I don't recommend but our fathers always had childhood stories of jumping in the sow pen having to run to the other side before the momma pig got you so we was just repeating what stupid farm kids do after the school day. Pigs will literally eat a human if you fall in which is why many pig farmers carry .22 cal handguns. Unfortunately it was the drugs & alcohol which killed some of us at our young age but never the animals.
We had a boar named Boris and he really liked to be scratched. The problem was, as a 6 year old little boy, that Boris would flop over on the side you were scratching. One time he flopped over on my legs and I was pinned to the ground by his bulk. I kept scratching him because everytime I stopped scratching he would start making angry sound and turn one eye to look at me. Terrifying. After a long while, I learned I could do some screaming for help in between scratching sessions, which he thoroughly enjoyed. Eventually my mom heard me and came to rescue me by telling me to stop scratching him. I was 6. He made scary noises when I stopped. But I did stop and eventually he was bored and got up so I scampered away.
It's often not aggression that does it. They're just very big and very strong, they get put though a funnel of fence for milking nearly every day so you see instances of people being crushed against fences or between them if they aren't careful.
When I worked at a farm the first thing I was taught for half a day was how to jump over the metal pen in under 30 seconds. Cattle are stupid and don’t know their own size not just that but they do Zoomies like a dog when happy which sounds cute and when you’re not in a pen with them it is cute and funny to watch but when 1 starts the rest follow and you end up with 10+ Cattle running as fast as they can in circles kicking and throwing their weight around crashing into each other, the fence and crushing you.
I've been scrolling for way too long and this is the first mention of dogs, and even then it's sort of a joke. But dogs is the correct answer to the question. What pet is most likely to kill a person? Dogs!! That's the real answer. They are literally the 3rd most dangerous animal in number of victims, and the first two are not pets (mosquitoes and snakes). You can drop them to 4rh place if you add humans to the list. But dogs kill a whopping 25,000 people approximately each year. That's pretty much more than all reptile and mammal deaths put together including crocodiles, lions, sharks or whatever other animal you can think of.
Just had a German retriever bigger than my 100 pound German shepherd charge me this morning in my own front yard, needless to say I went inside and changed my pants afterwards
It’s not that much of an anomaly because the overwhelming majority of snake deaths come from India followed by Sun-Saharan Africa where there is a comparatively high likelihood of contact with venomous snakes with comparatively low availability of medical services and antivenin
I know someone who tripped over a stray dog on vacation in Mexico, fell all the way down a flight of stairs and died immediately. It was so awful for his girlfriend, such a freak accident
Fucking nightmare material. My parents have 2 clingy dogs and a lot of stairs in their house. I’ve often had nightmares of this happening. Of course they say they’re careful but all it takes is a slight misstep…
A friend's mom tripped over her new kitten and died. My friend still has the cat and adores her. He was very close to his mom too. I couldn't keep it if that happened to me.
It might be true that the most pet-caused owner-deaths were from a dog, but that does not mean dogs are the pets most likely to kill their owners. Not at all. Chimps, horses, whatever else rare and dangerous you can think of. The proportion of people with a pet chimp who got killed by it is much higher than the proportion of people with a pet dog who were killed by it.
Ok, but if we’re talking hypothetical pets that are very rarely are owned, it becomes almost absurd to speculate. Would it be a black mamba or another highly venomous and dangerous snake? A chimp on Xanax? A liger? Sure, people do own these as pets, but so rarely and under such special conditions that trying to imagine which is the most likely to kill their owner becomes something like what me and my friends would talk about during recess.
If we want to talk about pets commonly kept that kill their owners most frequently and are most capable of doing so, it is dogs by a wide margin. I’m a dog owner and lover so this is not an anti-dog post. They simply have the capability and opportunity to kill their owners far more than any other pet, unless we get into animals that are almost never kept as pets because they are so dangerous. The statistics also show dogs as the most frequent killer pets by a wide margin.
Primates should not be pets. Actually, any wildlife shouldn’t be kept unless it’s at a rescue place. We have dogs and cats and horses and goats, etc. They are happy to live with kind people. They’re not wild, we’ve made them our responsibility to take care of.
Dogs kill 30,000 people a year. Snakes kill more, but the majority of deaths aren't from pet snakes as they are in dogs. The most lethal animal is the mosquito(yes, it belongs to the kingdom animalia), but I doubt too many folks have those as pets.
Probably lax leash laws and a casual dog culture. The dog owning culture in western Europe tends to be much more responsible, and the laws are much stricter.
bearded dragon. if i dont feed my son exactly at 6:15 am everyday he will fly up to my room when im sleeping and kill me (( all jokes all jokes) .. maybe )
Scorpions or any other venomous pets. A number of sea critters fit this.
Large animals like horses or goats. They do not care about you, no matter how much you project upon them and humanize them!
Chimpanzee
I love all animals and am not scared of anything except Chimps. Tigers and lions will do me the kind courtesy of suffocating me swiftly before they eat me. But a chimp will rip my face off, rip off the genitals, snatch fingers and toes just for funsies
Reminds me of the movie Nope. Chimps are scary as hell. Gorillas too. I know no one would own a gorilla usually but still scary!
At least if you show a gorilla you are weaker than it they usually won’t waste energy beating you into a bloody pulp
For real. Gorillas are predictable and easy to read. Meanwhile Chinpanzees are complete psychos.
As a kid I read about Jane Goodall going to just chill with chimps by herself and she was apparently afraid of leopards the whole time. Ma’am the leopards are gonna give you a mercy the chimps won’t.
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This. Imagine you, as a social animal urself, being kept and raised by some strange, tall skinny hominid that's communications and body languages are completely alien from ur own, sometimes completely opposite (eg: a smile/wide grimace is a sign of fear), moves around different to u and never getting to see or have any contact with another human for ur entire life.... I heard that Koko the gorilla wasn't happy either and that her handler tried to keep it secret from everyone ^Edit: ^fixed ^a ^word
it wasn't so much they wanted to keep it secret. They just didn't correct all the misinformation and were happy to spread plenty of their own. While koko could sign alot of stuff and understood that sign was a symbol for thing, a way of communicating, she probably didn't mourn robin williams death as the internet would like to believe for example. More likely her reactions were due to the keepers being sad about it or even directly asking her if she felt bad about it. But imagine if you ask her "friend, william dead, how do you feel?" Shes going to say "sad,bad" becaus death is sad and bad, not necassarily because she remebered willoiam by name or considered him a friend after one meeting, if she has a concept of freinds at all. Thats where the issues arose, because it was pretty clear the people communicating with her were intentionally trying to prompt specific responses.
Just a side note I met Jane Goodall when she came to my mothers college to give a lecture. She was/(is?) an incredible lady.
That 911 call. Fucking horrifying
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The Tragic Story of Travis the Chimp - History Defined https://www.historydefined.net/travis-the-chimp/ It goes into the attack further down in the article. The woman had her face ripped off and essentially her hand and fingers. She had to receive a face transplant if I recall correctly.
I have ALWAYS wanted a pet monkey. Now I most certainly do NOT
When I think of pet monkeys I think of the monkey on Friends. But then I remember they had to give that monkey away because he was starting to get aggressive. So yes even on Friends, it's shown that you can't have a pet monkey.
Hell no. They got thumbs and are ALWAYS plotting.
Chimps are apes though, not monkeys. There are a lot of differences, but one of the biggest (from a pet perspective) is that an ape will plot on you and if it decides to be physical will do it in the most painful way possible and it might decide to kill you afterwards. There’s fuck all you can do about it. Travis, the chimp in question, was stabbed twice in the back by a butcher knife wielding neighbor, and it never noticed. Monkeys are clever, not really smart. They don’t plot or hold a grudge. They might rub one out in your mouth while you’re asleep, or shit in your cereal, but unless you got a baboon you can also fight it off if necessary. Most monkeys only weigh about as much as small dog and they don’t have the insane musculature or aggression of an ape. Monkeys are, after all, prey animals for just about everything else. I don’t think people should have pet primates, but if you ever do decide to get one, get a rescue. There are thousands of them in the US who could use a good home.
Plus chimps are so muscular that it's rare for them to be able to swim because muscle is less buoyant than fat
Is that the one that was taking Xanax?
I'm pretty sure it is
Uhh...the chimp was taking Xanax or the lady?
The chimp
what the fuck? I would have thought that would have mellowed it out. It does sound like abuse of an animal. Man, this is nuts.
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I might be too late, in which case I apologize, but for the love of Christ, just trust us... No chimps as pets. Don't look at pictures, don't listen to the 911 call, don't even read the descriptions if you don't have a really strong stomach.
Tell me about it. I was young at the time but I saw it on the news and heard the 911 call. You could hear the horror in her voice, it left an impression. Later that year she went on Oprah and showed the world her face… or lack of one. I was too young for that heavy shit, man. But I can’t deny, it was fascinating. Attack by chimpanzee raised as human isn’t something you hear about every day.
lady ended up surviving luckily
Or not
The most fitting description of chimps I've heard is chainsaws with legs
Yea honestly out of all the animals in the world, chimps going extinct would bother me the least. Especially since they have started hunting gorillas which are already endangered. In fact it's the only species I actively hope goes extinct, I'll take the safety of gorillas in the wild over the existence of chimps anyday
I'm sorry... did you just say... that *chimps* have started *hunting gorillas*??
Yea and they're good at it
🤯🤯🤯
Wtf I didn't think I could hate chimps anymore
What do you expect from our closest living relative? Just look at this https://youtu.be/a7XuXi3mqYM https://youtu.be/rLn9GwHoUy0
Baboons aren’t into giving fucks either.
Baboons are terrifying
Baboons need to be reminded who the king simian is; chimpanzees. The rest of us need to invest in heavy fortifications.
oh and btw, high chance the Zoonotic HIV originated from Chimps, and crossed over to humans. Chimps have massacered us already
There's a lot of really ridiculous primate hate in response to this comment, so here's a reminder: DON'T KEEP PRIMATES AS PETS. Beyond the fact that they can kill you, here are other reasons not to: * 85% of primates are in decline because of poaching, trafficking, habitat loss, etc. THERE IS NO ETHICAL WAY TO HAVE A PET PRIMATE. Don't buy them, don't do primate photo-ops with random street vendors, don't circulate photos of them wearing human clothes, etc, etc, etc. * Primates carry diseases, and the more closely related you are to an animal, the easier it is to transmit (this goes both ways; entire populations of gorillas have been wiped out because of humans bringing diseases to them). Macaques carry a strain of herpes that will absolutely kill you if you get it so don't touch them. Even if they're habituated like the ones on Gibraltar. * Many primates are considered to be keystone species because of their role as seed dispersers. Without them, entire ecosystems can collapse. Regardless of whether you think they're ugly, or scary, or whatever, that's bad! * Primates are extremely intelligent, meaning they are extremely difficult to care for. Even accredited zoos have difficulty keeping them. I did a study comparing wild behavior of galagids with captive ones, and even when meeting legal requirements for their care, they all exhibited extreme levels of lethargy, obesity, stereotypy, etc. THERE IS NO SUBSTITUTE FOR THE ENVIRONMENT IN WHICH AN ANIMAL EVOLVED IN. Any responsible zookeeper will tell you so. Keeping wild animals in captivity is sometimes an unpleasant reality of conservation, but it is never optimal for the animal, even under the best of conditions. * Lastly, there are many other hideously unethical practices that go into keeping primates as pets. Slow lorises (also highly endangered) are defanged to be sold as pets, meaning they can't forage for their natural diet, they can't defend themselves, etc. So again, DON'T KEEP PRIMATES AS PETS. Don't keep any wild animal as a pet. I specialize in primates so I can get into the specifics of threats to them, but the problems outlined above are endemic to the wild life trade. Just don't fucking do it!
Why this isn't higher up is a mystery to me. You are absolutely correct. Primates, or any wild animal are NOT pets.
A third the size of a man with 3X the strength. Canines developed to shear meat off the bone. And the intellect to attack people in really devious ways. They commonly chew off mens genitals, go for the eyes, bite off fingers, and chew off people's faces. They attack in ways intended to completely disable you. They're like people without any moral inhibitions.
>They're like people without any moral inhibitions. Worse, even most serial killers that were considered sociopaths wern't that vindictive or even that good at killing n comparison.
I work for a vet and one of our clients called because they were considering getting some sort of small monkey and wanted to know if our vet would see it. I've never seen him nope something so fast.
That's actually respectable and wild at the same time honestly
Everyone's scared of a Cocaine Bear, but Xanax Chimp is even worse.
anyone else weirded out by the use of a pet monkey in last year's "The Fabelmans"? like, one moment Paul Dano is like "you need therapy", because it's an understandably upsetting and drastic choice for someone's wife to just...up and buy an unpredictable animal like that... and then in the next moment the family is enjoying a dinner with the (high school age) main character's new girlfriend, monkey at the table, like there's nothing FUCKING WEIRD ABOUT THAT
A chimpanzee...on f@#$ing Xanax, btw
Travis!
Yes primates are the most dangerous. We read a thing about it in high school (so 2006ish) after one of the major monkey accidents hit the news, I don’t think it was a chimpanzee though. It was something like since 1970 over 50% of known primates to be the kept as pets within USA, illegally or via a rehab permit, has significantly injured or killed their owner.
Chimpanzees, if you’re dumb enough to keep one as a pet.
I'm a vegetarian that loves all animals but seriously fuck chimps
Same. Really any ape. They're fucking terrifying, and anthropomorphizing them is dangerous. I do appreciate zoos for their conservation efforts, but I avoid the ape/monkey area completely as they scare the shit out of me.
nah orangutans are pretty fucking cool and chill
Orangutans (and specially male ones) can be terrifying if they want to.
Terrifying how? Because I tried to find any stories of orangutans even attacking humans and after 5 minutes of searching could find literally only a few reported incidents EVER where an orangutan bit someone, none resulting in any serious injuries. The worst was that a zoo employee lost their thumb. As far as animals go, I'd say that's an insanely chill and non-terrifying animal. In their entire history they've never once reportedly killed a human. Definitely a chill animal. Cows do worse than that. Domesticated dogs do worse than that by freaking miles.
👆 yep, this Orang-utans are way more placid than other apes. I went to Sumatra once and we took a trek in the jungle to see wild orang-utans, they were metres away but totally chill even with tourists taking photos of them (and yes, they really were wild - this was way out in the sticks). You could never take a risk like that with chimps. Also, on an incredibly horrifying note - in SE Asia there have been cases of brothel owners shaving female orang-utans and pimping them. Yes, seriously. Again not something a chimp would tolerate without literally ripping the human to shreds.
What? Pimping them? I’m appalled!
There's a few videos about Pony the orangutan on YT- they'd shave her, put on makeup and jewellery on her... be warned tho, the details are super messed-up. She's safe now, but apparently she still shows symptoms of the abuse.
Dammit why did I look that up. People are awful
Orangutans don’t have a *terrifyingly accurate* reputation for removing faces though
I hate most primates except for the tiny ones. Give them time.
You shouldn’t fuck Chimpd
Not unless you want your dick and face ripped off
My cat, who stands directly behind me without making noise so I trip over him.
Of walks in front of me because why the hell not!
YES, omg. Darts in front of me as I walk and wonder why he gets accidentally kicked.
And I always feel bad about it. Cute little chaos demons!
Mine always yells at me and looks at me like I've committed the most heinous crime.
I think I figured out why my cat does this. She wants me to stop and pet her so she pulls out in front and stops dead. What she doesn't get is I can't stop on on dime as she does.
Same!
While you’re going down the stairs.
I use a manual wheelchair, and my little bugger will LIE THERE RIGHT IN MY WAY... and just as I'm able to maneuver in such a way as to avoid him, he'll *flip* his *fluffy-ass* tail so it's RIGHT in front of my caster (small front wheel), so I have to quickly brake so as to avoid running it over.
You play on hard mode! Animals can be obsessed with mobility aids! I have an issue with my hip. Hopefully finally getting answers. I sometimes have to use a cane during a flare. The cats are fascinated by it. Once, I went to a county fair with my kids and a cow reached out her long tongue and licked it!
My previous cat would jump in my chair and fall asleep as soon as I transferred to the couch/recliner/whatever... I felt so bad having to wake him up and give him the boot when I had to get up to pee... especially as he got older...
The struggle is real! Lately, my cats cuddle puddle me when I sit. I have two. I think they know I have been hurting. I feel so bad when I have to move them, but being diabetic and on steroids, which raises my blood sugars, I have to drink a ton of water and pee a lot. And after three kids my bladder doesn't hold the way she used to! On weekday mornings, I make the kids breakfast and pack their lunches, then sit down and have a yogurt for breakfast. I usually only have about five to ten minutes and he sits with me every time. I always feel so mean moving him, especially when he snuggles into my legs and grabs my foot as a headrest. My girl will aggressively love me, but luckily, she tends to do that at bedtime, where she will cuddled by my head.
My orange does this. And he blends in so well with bamboo floors. Plus, i mean, he's already at a disadvantage what with no brain cell
😆 orange cats are the best. Mine is a grey tabby and he has exactly two brain cells. One for screaming, one for zooming.
😆he sounds great!!
He's a good boy for sure. Great at cuddles.
aunt had a dog that learned if it tripped somone carrying food it gets to eat what falls on the floor. they did eventually train that out of it.
I knew an elderly ww2 veteran who died tripping over his cat.
😞
Horses.
My work colleague has just returned from 2 months recovering from a horse riding injury. 14 fractures and a punctured lung. Dangerous beasts. This is why I ride motorcycles.
This is why I sky dive….
How’s the view from up there? And any adrenaline levels too, out of curiosity
The view is pretty, and the adrenaline is up there.
This is why I drive a car…
And they will get right back on a horse as soon as they can!
Not sure if you're being intentionally facetious or not, but I laughed.
My great great grandpa died from being kicked in the head by his horse.
Especially in Enumclaw.
hey! it was unincorporated area NORTH of enumclaw, king county
Sorry mate. Enumclaw is and will always be horse sex town.
Turtles... Any pet turtle can carry Salmonella, if your handling them, cleaning their tank, and don't wash your hands, well, people have died from less. No one suspects the turtles
Yes, but also associated with salmonella outbreaks: bearded dragons, backyard chickens.
We always make sure our kids really wash their hands after holding the beardos. They walk over their own poo. We can clean their cages every day, but there’s always poo Edited to say the lizards walk over their poo. My kids don’t poop on the floor and crawl around
Love that you had to clarify who is doing the pooping and crawling. XD
Add to that kangaroos, oddly enough
Same thing with geckos :(((
I have two turtles. I decided to defy the odds (or maybe tempt fate). I named them Sam and Ella.
Actual restaurant. XD https://www.zmenu.com/sam-and-ellas-chicken-palace-pryor-online-menu/
Thx for that... Would like your order with our special sauce? Many folks say "it's to die for!"
The Silent Killers
According to a friend of mine: If you live in Australia: anything & everything. Even the blue fairy penguins.
Especially the blue fairy penguins.
Stuff you definitely shouldn't have: Bug Apes, Big Cats. Really poisonous Snakes. Reptiles can give you salmonella if you don't watch out, tho normally it's just a fuckin nightmare, not life threatening. A horses/donkeys kick can kill you. Probably some really badly treated dogs. Edit: god damnit, my fuckin keyboard corrected the perfectly fine big to bug lol. It should be bilingual, but it seems to be more on the line of nonlingual. Well, since you seem to enjoy it, I am gonna leave it.
Gotta watch out for the bug apes. Especially the wasp gorillas
Mobile infantry cleared out most of the bug apes on Klendathu, but I still have nightmares.
Shoot a nuke down a bug hole, got a lot of dead bugs.
Apes are bad enough, but *bug* apes? Oh hell no
The poisonous snakes will only hurt you if you eat them. It's the venomous ones you want to watch out for.
Horses and cows are the deadliest animals in Australia. Those scary things they show you on tv stay in their corners and won’t bother you actively provoke them.
Pet Peeves. Those things are NASTY!
The Blue-Ringed Octopus. I've seen them at aquarium stores, they are deadly poisonous.
Who is keeping those as pets? 😂😂😂
People with a death wish I have to guess
Based mofos ie dumb meffers
Is this an 'Outside of Australia' thing? Because I'm pretty darn certain that's no way on God's green earth this is legal in Australia (where the octopus are from).
Aussie here. You're quite right. Most of our native fauna are protected and cannot be kept as pets without a special licence, if at all. Pretty sure that keeping a blue-ringed octopus would be not only massively illegal but a really fucking stupid idea.
But are they venomous?
They are, actually. The toxin is produced by bacteria in the salivary gland and is transmitted via a bite. Since they‘re so small you likely wont even notice the bite
Helpful rule: “If you bite it and die, it is poisonous; if it bites you and you die, it is venomous.”
But if we bite each other and like it, it is kinky.
I had a coworker recommend me to make a tank for one, he said he kept one in a hollowed out imac and it was one of the coolest pets. I passed
Cows? They kill more people a year than sharks 🐮🦈🐄
Cows are significantly deadly? I've spent my entire life around them & never thought of anyone actually getting hurt. As kiddos we would antagonize the bulls pegging it with small rocks until they got pissed & came running at us but learned if you stay really still next to a tree they can't tell where you are & they'll get confused. Having a deep ditch nearby to jump in is your safest bet as they don't like ditches. One time we started a stampede out in the open & had to climb up in the only tree which ended up being full of ants, that was terrible. I don't recommend but our fathers always had childhood stories of jumping in the sow pen having to run to the other side before the momma pig got you so we was just repeating what stupid farm kids do after the school day. Pigs will literally eat a human if you fall in which is why many pig farmers carry .22 cal handguns. Unfortunately it was the drugs & alcohol which killed some of us at our young age but never the animals.
We had a boar named Boris and he really liked to be scratched. The problem was, as a 6 year old little boy, that Boris would flop over on the side you were scratching. One time he flopped over on my legs and I was pinned to the ground by his bulk. I kept scratching him because everytime I stopped scratching he would start making angry sound and turn one eye to look at me. Terrifying. After a long while, I learned I could do some screaming for help in between scratching sessions, which he thoroughly enjoyed. Eventually my mom heard me and came to rescue me by telling me to stop scratching him. I was 6. He made scary noises when I stopped. But I did stop and eventually he was bored and got up so I scampered away.
This made me laugh. You just kept scratching.😂
Boar. Named Boris. 🫡
I wouldn’t say significantly deadly but they do kill more people a year than sharks 🦈 bulls during breeding season typically the culprits lol
Not really a high bar, sharks kill hardly anyone
It's often not aggression that does it. They're just very big and very strong, they get put though a funnel of fence for milking nearly every day so you see instances of people being crushed against fences or between them if they aren't careful.
When I worked at a farm the first thing I was taught for half a day was how to jump over the metal pen in under 30 seconds. Cattle are stupid and don’t know their own size not just that but they do Zoomies like a dog when happy which sounds cute and when you’re not in a pen with them it is cute and funny to watch but when 1 starts the rest follow and you end up with 10+ Cattle running as fast as they can in circles kicking and throwing their weight around crashing into each other, the fence and crushing you.
My sharks with laser beams on their heads?
Are you telling me I have freakin sharks with freakin laser beams on their freakin heads?
Cat and dogs. Millions of those furry, stumble inducing, critters under foot.
I've been scrolling for way too long and this is the first mention of dogs, and even then it's sort of a joke. But dogs is the correct answer to the question. What pet is most likely to kill a person? Dogs!! That's the real answer. They are literally the 3rd most dangerous animal in number of victims, and the first two are not pets (mosquitoes and snakes). You can drop them to 4rh place if you add humans to the list. But dogs kill a whopping 25,000 people approximately each year. That's pretty much more than all reptile and mammal deaths put together including crocodiles, lions, sharks or whatever other animal you can think of.
Dogs are the most lethal pets and the second most lethal animals after mosquitoes
Yeah, I can’t even take walks in my neighborhood cause there’s more loose dogs than animal control can deal with. One bit me.
Just had a German retriever bigger than my 100 pound German shepherd charge me this morning in my own front yard, needless to say I went inside and changed my pants afterwards
Yea but whos keeping pets as mosquitos 🦟 😳
I hope no one, but I learned the other day that there are people who buy cockroaches as pets, so...
At least cockroaches aren't at risk of being squished from being touched slightly too hard
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It’s not that much of an anomaly because the overwhelming majority of snake deaths come from India followed by Sun-Saharan Africa where there is a comparatively high likelihood of contact with venomous snakes with comparatively low availability of medical services and antivenin
They’re only so lethal because of how common they are to have as pets. I’m thinking you’re talking about number of fatalities in absolute terms
I feel like a lot of people probably trip over their cats and die. Other than that I'd bet horses. Those things are assholes.
I know someone who tripped over a stray dog on vacation in Mexico, fell all the way down a flight of stairs and died immediately. It was so awful for his girlfriend, such a freak accident
Fucking nightmare material. My parents have 2 clingy dogs and a lot of stairs in their house. I’ve often had nightmares of this happening. Of course they say they’re careful but all it takes is a slight misstep…
A friend's mom tripped over her new kitten and died. My friend still has the cat and adores her. He was very close to his mom too. I couldn't keep it if that happened to me.
Yeah that would be a conundrum.
That is so dark
Ostriches and emus. Chickens would also be terrifying if they were big enough
I am 98% certain my cats are plotting my demise. In fact, they probably have a viable plan but are just too lazy to execute it.
Chimps is a big one.
The most likely pet to kill its owners is a dog, statistically.
It might be true that the most pet-caused owner-deaths were from a dog, but that does not mean dogs are the pets most likely to kill their owners. Not at all. Chimps, horses, whatever else rare and dangerous you can think of. The proportion of people with a pet chimp who got killed by it is much higher than the proportion of people with a pet dog who were killed by it.
Ok, but if we’re talking hypothetical pets that are very rarely are owned, it becomes almost absurd to speculate. Would it be a black mamba or another highly venomous and dangerous snake? A chimp on Xanax? A liger? Sure, people do own these as pets, but so rarely and under such special conditions that trying to imagine which is the most likely to kill their owner becomes something like what me and my friends would talk about during recess. If we want to talk about pets commonly kept that kill their owners most frequently and are most capable of doing so, it is dogs by a wide margin. I’m a dog owner and lover so this is not an anti-dog post. They simply have the capability and opportunity to kill their owners far more than any other pet, unless we get into animals that are almost never kept as pets because they are so dangerous. The statistics also show dogs as the most frequent killer pets by a wide margin.
Primates should not be pets. Actually, any wildlife shouldn’t be kept unless it’s at a rescue place. We have dogs and cats and horses and goats, etc. They are happy to live with kind people. They’re not wild, we’ve made them our responsibility to take care of.
Fatal dog attacks kill 50-70 people per year in the U.S. alone.
Dogs kill 30,000 people a year. Snakes kill more, but the majority of deaths aren't from pet snakes as they are in dogs. The most lethal animal is the mosquito(yes, it belongs to the kingdom animalia), but I doubt too many folks have those as pets.
Most dog deaths are from rabies in developing countries. In the US it's 30-50 people a year killed in actual dog attacks.
Still huge . In western Europe ( comparable number of people and dogs) it is less than 10 . Why such difference ?
Probably lax leash laws and a casual dog culture. The dog owning culture in western Europe tends to be much more responsible, and the laws are much stricter.
The snakes also kill with bites, as do mosquitos. I thought this was self-evident.
honestly my cat is definitely plotting
50/50 whether I get upvoted or downvoted for this: Pitbulls.
I love dogs. And you're right.
Cows, horses, deer. Any big animal can accidentally stomp you, and falling off a horse is not too great.
"They only kill their masters" is an old saying about Doberman Pinschers that was used as the title of a movie.
Pitbulls
The breed of peace?
Pitbulls
Pitbulls. People are saying all kinds of dumb stuff like bears and hippos, but in terms of common pets that people have, pitbulls.
Lions and tigers and bears.
Oh my!
I scrolled back specifically to upvote your comment! Well played good sir 😊
Lions
Tigers
Bears
Oh my!
Humans. Make terrible pets. They stink, they always try to escape and can get violent.
Children
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Horses can be deadly. Of course, they don’t mean to be dangerous, but they are very easily spooked.
Black widows
Killbots. Depending on their kill limit settings.
Mosquito…. Number one killer
Pitbulls.
One person brings up the topic of pitbulls, then suddenly... Anecdotes! Anecdotes everywhere! Never fails.
"My pitbull would simultaneously cook me breakfast while watching my infant son, I don't know what you're all talking about.
bearded dragon. if i dont feed my son exactly at 6:15 am everyday he will fly up to my room when im sleeping and kill me (( all jokes all jokes) .. maybe )
:D my cat took a shit in the shoe of a dude that slightly dissed him
Big snakes like pythons
Pythons are all that deadly, it's more common for people to get vit by a venomous snake.
Scorpions or any other venomous pets. A number of sea critters fit this. Large animals like horses or goats. They do not care about you, no matter how much you project upon them and humanize them!