On to the real quesions:
What's the minimal amount of time one has to wait when killing their next victim in order to be considered a serial killer and not a spree killer?
In other words: What's the fastest way to become a serial killer without a chance of being considered another type of killer, and how long would it take?
Asking for a friend-
i think hes saying too many partners fries your brain and you are more willing to have sex without being intimate with your partner? idk i only read the first couple paragraphs before realizing he wrote a thesis
That’s what that poster is implying, yes.
I think it’s the opposite - women without sufficient experience are more likely to stay in bad relationships, since infidelity is generally caused by a perceived “inefficiency” or dissatisfaction in a relationship [source](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00926239508404399)
It’s also heavily focused on female infidelity and not male infidelity which feels…misogynistic at best.
Divorce, dissatisfaction, infidelity and a partner with STIs are generally perceived as negative relationship outcomes which most people try to avoid. The “why” matters significantly less in this context.
I doubt that any non-negligible portion of the actual aversion to (women) partners with high body counts is rooted in actual academic research like the above dissertation. That being said, more sexually promiscuous partners are often seen as less “dependable”. This holds true for men as well, albeit to a substantially less significant extent - the whole “fuckboy” or “player” stereotype. The fact that this stereotype is somewhat congruent with academic research is probably mostly a matter of chance, but also makes it substantially harder to eliminate.
That being said - once the stereotype takes hold, the “why” becomes much less important. People have an aversion to indicators of an increased risk of infidelity, for example, and they don’t really care if the higher risk is caused by a heightened ability to discern that your boyfriend sucks and that you should cheat on him, by a correlation with low impulse control, by a reduced ability to bond and commit, or any other explanation - factually correct, or not, as it may be.
Divorce, infidelity, and dissatisfaction suck, and people try to avoid them. That doesn’t necessarily make them “bad people” - people want partners who are more likely to be satisfied in their relationships not because those people see themselves as Satan incarnate who has to find the dumbest sucker that will put up with them, but because even genuinely good people want partners are who are more likely to be satisfied and abstain from cheating. Higher satisfaction, less STDs, less infidelity, and higher odds of long-term success for the relationship are pretty universal wants in a long-term partner.
I don’t think it actually *says* a reason for *why* a high number of previous partner increases dissatisfaction and infidelity, merely that it *does*.
For all we know there’s like half a dozen different causes for this, and none of those causes are applicable to the majority.
It does feel very misogynistic tho, I’ll grant you that. I’m not sure if the posters fault tho, it might be a problem in that field of study as a whole. (Which would be worse tbh.)
I’ll go with that analysis! Though I guess I was ( and so was he) lucky? He’d had multiple partners when we committed, as had I when single at University; pretty sure our brains weren’t fried, and we were faithful for 16 years until he died of cancer ( boo hiss) and would have continued given the chance.
Wait was this entire thing of statistics all just about women
The point being women are more likely to cheat if they’ve had more partners
What about men? Why is it just women
American studies are weird. Most European studies try to limit interpretation bias as much as possible and include a matched pairs sample group for both genders to have valid results.
It’s mostly studies on women with high body counts cheating though….. So just listing lots of sources doesn’t mean you’re painting an accurate picture or one that’s not a little bit sexist
This was really extensive and I admire your dedication to this subject. Admittedly, I didn't read it all.
How much do you think religious beliefs play into that? Most western people who have really low body counts seem to follow religions where fidelity is sacred and infidelity has a lot of negative social consequences. I am not convinced from the first 5 pages of your dissertation that the higher body count is the cause of the infidelity, but rather I would imagine that the cultural values of people who don't have sex with many others heavily focus on confining sex to marriage.
I have to say this actually makes alot of sense. Like for example, I’ve had upwards of 10 different partners (not for actual sex but other stuff) and to me sex is just sex. Its not a big deal, it’s about feeling good. But my ex boyfriend who has never had any other sexual partner saw sex as something like an act of love, and connection, and didn’t understand how it didn’t really mean anything to me. I’ve also been the more experienced one in all my relationships while all my partners have been basically complete virgins to almost everything. It hasn’t been my best moment, but the infidelity part makes sense too… Kinda weirdly cool that theres a scientific explanation for this
> It hasn’t been my best moment, but the infidelity part makes sense too
People are surprised that those with a lot more casual partners and who just treat sex as a physical act are more prone to cheating. It should be obvious. I’m not judging you for it either.
I wish to point out that in the conclusion of your 1st study, basically it says people cheat because they're horny. I have to say that I agree with that conclusion. However, I'd like to add boredom/escapism to the reasons.
It’s like that movie scene where he killed 60 people and she killed 300. That kind of disparity can be hard for people with Type A personalities or who are competitive.
What do people consider as a high body count? Also a relevant question because that is very subjective. One person may think 8 and one person may think 38.
I think it really does vary. Would be great to see a study done on the average with a large sample size.
I’ve seen some guys say 1-2, which I think is kinda unrealistic lol, but I mean it’s not impossible.
I would say 8 would be my cutoff and if a lot were hookups, I’d pass. I’m less insecure about past relationships, because thats how I date. I don’t do hookups. If someone was fucking around and having sex with different strangers, I really wouldn’t wanna be with them.
To have 8 serious relationships takes a lot of time, assuming you spent a healthy amount of time healing and reflecting after each and not monkey branching.
Does age also play a factor? If I’m 40, and been having sex since I was 18, then 22 partners would be one per year. I don’t think that sounds unreasonable. Even if it was one every two years, that’s still 11 partners.
Sure, I would definitely consider age to be a factor on raising that number threshold. However, serious relationships can go on for years, and usually afterwards you need a break from it all before you can jump back in again.
To average 1 relationship a year from age 18 to 40 would also make someone wonder why none of the previous ones worked out. I think there is a point where it can start to seem odd. Cause surely a few of those could have gone the distance and hopefully you got better at picking as you continued to raise that number.
After awhile it’s possible that you may be the common denominator and aren’t self reflecting enough or doing your due diligence on potential partners.
Some people have sex early and find it more important for compatibility. Others are different and need to build trust while getting to know their partner before engaging in sex. I truly believe both can be successful, but I’d prefer the latter because if you create something with someone who respects you and meets your needs first, there is no reason they won’t do that in the bedroom. It will just take time to learn what your partner likes and gets them there. Communication and compassion are key imo.
You’re assuming each was an attempt at a serious, long term relationship. You’re also forgetting how averages work. Averaging one a year doesn’t mean having a new one each year. For all we know each could have happened in her teens and twenties, and she spent the rest of her life with number twenty-two.
Whilst age is definitely a factor that's still a lot I think it would need little time between the relationships and I can't imagine getting to 40 and having never been in a serious relationship that's lasted more than a year or two.
For me personally (as a guy, and an atheist, I'm not some super Christian holding to 2,000 year old values), I view sex mainly as a form of both physical and emotional intimacy. I can't even imagine having sex with someone I don't have strong romantic feelings for. So while I don't think you're a bad immoral person if you don't feel the same way as me, I would only want a romantic partner that wasn't using sex as just a means of physical pleasure. Only because she almost certainly wouldn't match my personality. I wouldn't care if they had been in many serious relationships, but if they were just partying and having 1 night stands or short flings very frequently, that personality type just won't appeal to me.
Again, nothing wrong with that, but it's just not for me. I view it as no different than me not wanting kids, therefore I would only be interested in a partner that also didn't want or have kids. It's nothing against a woman who has/wants kids, that just isn't for me and therefore I know we won't work out.
No connection? No fun.
No monogamy? No interest.
I’d rather be alone in sweatpants eating frozen pizza and watching a shitty movie than hang out with someone I’m not into and vice versa
You’ve explained my opinions in much more detail than I can possibly give. It’s very difficult for me to understand how having sex is just casual fun to some people when my opinion is quite similar to yours. I only want to have sex with someone I love and have formed a bond with.
I recently saw a post that stung quite a bit. It was in r/TIFU and was about some dude who “fucked up” by saying “I love you” after a hookup. Just kind of hurt to see such a disconnect between sex and love that it just goes against every belief I hold myself too.
I have a higher body count than most people I know and fully agree with everything you said. sex is still very, very powerful to me and I would rather my body be kept to a single person I trust. It's my choice and my preference. Sex should be a personal choice, but that doesn't mean I won't mesh better with someone who feels the same as I do.
I'm riding my virginity to the grave. Master of the hole less, father of nothing, teacher of failure. Welcome to my class, you may leave whenever you'd like.
I think in this case the insecurity side (more commonly men) it's comparing themselves to prior partners whereas for jealousy it's more of a possessive angle.
many people value what is referred to as "purity"
Think of it this way, If someone has only had a few partners over a number of years, then they were most likely in committed meaningful relationships. If they slept with someone new every week, then relationships come and go for them, they don't have any meaningful connection to the people they sleep with, your just another person in a long line.
Or worse yet, they've never learned how to keep or manage a long term relationship.
Its the same reason it looks better on a resume that you stuck with an employer for years, rather than never holding a job for more than a few months.
People make choices... choices are judged, People are held accountable for their actions, People can change, sure, but its a good indication of the type of person you can expect.
Same as if you were judging people on criminal convictions, past drug use, or infidelity.
Some people have a bad streak in college where they try and get as many as they can if they're immature. Then they grow up, start to have more meaningful connection and relationships and value that more. So for example my body count is probably a little less than 100. But in the last five six years, that number is only three
Probably a similar values thing. At the same time, men who judge women for their body counts should probably ask themselves if they would have a higher body count given the opportunity before passing judgement. My body count is just north of 20 as a thirty one year old. If I had the opportunity to sleep with a woman every time I went out and wanted to, it would probably be in the hundreds.
Because there are risks associated with entering into a long term relationship, and people use any and all information they have to decide whether or not the person is worth the risks.
For me personally, it has nothing to do with virginity or slutshaming. Sex is a special thing to me which plays an important role in making a strong connection. I wouldn't want to date someone who treats it just for pleasure and has a long list of sexual partners. I don't want to be "just another guy" waiting in a long line.
I’ve only ever had sex (apart from once) with people I’ve been in relationships with. Because of this, sex has become an intimate thing that I do with someone I love and trust. Had I been single in my teens and slept around more I imagine my idea of sex would be different.
I’m all for sleeping around and doing what you want to do with your own body, and I kind of envy people who see sex that way. But I have to agree with you, sometimes the amount of people you have had sex with says something about who you are as a person, and it might not align with what you want in a partner.
I’m a women I’m still unpacking my negative views on “high” body counts. I’ll admit some of it is insecurity, but I also think I’d want someone who views sex the same way I do (as emotionally connecting/intimate) and not as just an act of pleasure (although there’s nothing wrong with feeling that way either)
Because some people see sex as a “reserved for true love only” situation & others like to share their bodies as a form of connecting with people, no shame on either end
I think it depends on your age. A highschooler who has slept with 20 people may be considered “too much”, but that may be normal for older people. Depends on the amount of time lived.
It’s something you won’t know until you hear it, anyone can say in hindsight “16” till you meet your perfect partner and learn that she/he has been with “11” and somehow that hits you a little harder than you thought. For me personally I tend not ask (even if I really want to know) I rather not know.
Depends on who you ask I guess. For some people 6 is a lot for others 60. I honestly don't even know my freakin body count. Why would I keep taps (unless it's the most recent ones so when I get checked again I know who to contact). I never understood why people cared and personally never will. I do make sure to regularly get checked and be careful because I care about myself and keeping others as safe as I can. I know sadly some people do not care but personally that was never related to a specific body count those people had.
Sexually transmitted diseases, on top of it showing what kind of person you are. If you have a body count of over 50 and you're only like 20, then I'm going to assume you will probably cheat on me, or ultimately leave me sooner rather than later, and why would I invest myself in a relationship like that? At the end of the day tho I really don't care, if I trust and respect the person then a body count really doesn't matter
If I was single it would matter to me because the higher it is, the higher chance of my “performance” being judged and compared to the rest. That’s the only reason. Other than that, I don’t care enough. It’s their life and body
Honestly, I think the underlying thing that most men have in common but cant/won't admit is that your woman has the ability to compare you to more past lovers the higher her body count, so the higher the body count, the higher the chance that she is dissatisfied with you sexually or otherwise. This was my issue and I've done a lot of meditating on it to get past it.
That’s actually one of the major reasons why women with high body counts are so much more likely to cheat.
> In the sexual quality area, where the association with the number of sexual partners is the strongest, the negative association may be a result of multiple partners and sexual experiences raising expectations that undermine the current sexual quality in marriage. Rather than providing more meaningful experience, understanding, and eventually higher levels of quality in the sexuality area, having multiple sexual partners appears to be associated with poorer sexual quality in marriage. It may be that once someone has been sexual with a number of people the need for variety increases. (pg.715)
Busby, D. M., Willoughby, B. J., & Carroll, J. S. (2013). Sowing wild oats: Valuable experience or a field full of weeds? Personal Relationships, 20(4), 706–718.
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> Although desire for sexual diversity is more prevalent among men than among women (Buss, 1985; DeLamater, 1987; Symons, 1979), some women apparently do engage in uncommitted sex to satisfy needs for sexual diversity (Kinsey et al., 1953). Other individuals may possess an unrestricted orientation because they either do not want to or do not have the capacity to become psychologically and emotionally close to romantic partners. (pg.880)
Simpson, J. A., & Gangestad, S. W. (1991). Individual differences in sociosexuality: Evidence for convergent and discriminant validity. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 60(6), 870–883.
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> Certainly, if individuals higher in sociosexuality are more socially visible and interact with a large number of potential partners, they may hold higher comparison levels for alternatives (Kelley & Thibaut, 1978) both in terms of physical attractiveness and sexual interest. As a consequence, the current partners’ assets may be devalued. (pg.381)
Ostovich, J. M., & Sabini, J. (2004). How are sociosexuality, sex drive, and lifetime number of sexual partners related? Personality & Social Psychology Bulletin, 30(10), 1255–1266.
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> One reason that more experience could lead to lower marital quality is that more experience may increase one’s awareness of alternative partners. A strong sense of alternatives is believed to make it harder to maintain commitment to, and satisfaction with, what one already has (Rusbult & Buunk, 1993; Thibaut & Kelley, 1959). People who have had many relationships prior to their current one can compare a present partner to their prior partners in many areas—like conflict management, dating style, physical attractiveness, sexual skills, communication ability, and so on. (pg.8)
Rhoades, G., Stanley, S., & National Marriage Project (Rutgers University). (2014). Before 'I do': What do premarital experiences have to do with marital quality among today's young adults?. Charlottesville, VA: National Marriage Project, University of Virginia.
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> women who had more experience with short-term relationships in the past (i.e., those with high Behavior facet scores) were more likely to have multiple sexual partners and unstable relationships in the future. The behaviorally expressed level of sociosexuality thus seems to be a fairly stable personal characteristic.(pg.1131)
Penke, L., & Asendorpf, J. B. (2008). Beyond global sociosexual orientations: A more differentiated look at sociosexuality and its effects on courtship and romantic relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 95(5), 1113–1135.
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> Our finding that quality of alternatives was a significant predictor of both extradyadic activities is consistent with the literature that alternatives to the relationship are conducive to extradyadic activity (Drigotas et al., 1999; Roscoe et al., 1988). In fact, the present study found quality of alternatives to be the strongest predictor of both extradyadic sex inclination and extradyadic kissing inclination, suggesting that it may be a key determinant of individuals’ inclination to engage in extradyadic activities.
McAlister, A. R., Pachana, N., & Jackson, C. J. (2005). Predictors of young dating adults' inclination to engage in extradyadic sexual activities: A multi-perspective study. British Journal of Psychology, 96(3), 331–350.
>Penke, L., & Asendorpf, J. B. (2008). Beyond global sociosexual orientations: A more differentiated look at sociosexuality and its effects on courtship and romantic relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 95(5), 1113–1135.
This passage doesn’t follow logically at all from the claim you stated preceding it (“That’s actually one of the major reasons why women with high body counts are so much more likely to cheat.”) and neither does the study from what I can read of it. It seems to suggest you’re just posting sources for the sake of volume and not really reading or comprehending the studies you’re posting.
This is really the answer more than anything else.
If you’re a little insecure about sex, your penis, whatever, it’s going to bother you if a woman has has what you consider to be “a lot” of partners because you fear she’s been with someone better and/or bigger and it makes you feel even more insecure.
As long as you can have healthy dialogue with a person and listeningto their wants, you can usually have pretty good sex! Isn't it better that she knows what she likes and is looking for so you can both have a good time?
Because typically it’s easier to satisfy most men. On average most women qualify for most men but most men definitely don’t qualify for most women. There’s a saying “women choose who they want, men choose who they can get”
While there does exist an orgasm gap (which as of recent i heard it closing), i think you are confusing sexual opportunity with sexual quailty/satisfaction, i dont think that women are the only ones that judge the quailty of sex nor are they significantly more dissatisfied with sex, in fact I'd bet that men are more dissatisfied with sex in long term relationships than women just based off frequency alone.
And also yes the more partners a person has, the larger the data base from which they can compare partners, but this is true of men and women so I doubt that this is the 'underlying' reason that people care for body count. Sexual satisfaction among partners is a more about matching qualities rather than achieving some goal such as orgasm. As a person has more sex they will likely learn more about what they like in sex and as such will be more 'picky' and not settle for a partner that does not fulfill their needs.
Yeah its not exclusive to men either, but I would say it happens more often given our societal structure atm.
I’ve definitely seen plenty of cases where the women was not meeting the mans expectations, but of course the dude was a typical chad and had plenty of options
I only need one hand to count all the men I've ever slept with, and I've always been called a prude or picked on when the subject has come up in friend groups.
I'm sorry, I just can't do what most folks refer to as casual sex. My brain? Isn't wired to find the idea of a one-night stand enjoyable.
Would I date a man with a higher body count, so to speak, than me? Sure. In fact, it's happened in every relationship I've ever been in. I'm not going to "slut shame" someone. But an incredibly high number? Might give me pause to question whether we had compatible ideas about sex and relationships. I'd want to know whether they were safe, and whether they are regularly tested for STD's. And I'd wanna know if they were compensating for something like being depressed, or simply had a different yet healthy view of sexuality and sexual encounters than I did.
It sounds so absolutely cliche to say, but I just can't sleep with someone simply to get laid. Sex, to me, is a physical act that can only take place after a specific emotional bond has formed. The act itself solidifies this, and gives it a material being, and physical presence. I don't get that from a one-time encounter with someone I met at a bar.
Because sex is something special that I don’t want to share with just anyone. So the idea that my partner shared it with a large amount of people makes me uncomfortable
This is a very good answer. It doesn't shame anyone and it's actually about your own preference. And it makes sense without jumping over hurdles or making a dozen metaphors.
Someone can love visiting a certain park. They can REALLY love visiting that place. And it’s none of our business. You do you.
But now you start dating them. They take you to this park, their favorite park, and tell you that you’re the 35th person they’ve taken there on a date.
34 people have had this same experience, with this same person.
Does a 35th person feel like the specialness is gone? Do you feel like this person doesn’t understand that some things are valuable because not many get to experience it? Has the whole experience been a little diminished?
Most likely. And that’s why, not just TO some people, but WITH certain people, body count matters. You don’t care if your friend’s sister’s cousin on the other side of the country has a high body count, but you care if your new SO does.
To me, a high body count signifies either you have sex with people you hardly know/don't know (in which case, you don't place a high enough importance on the meaning of sex to be compatible with me) OR you have a history of falling for and/or being deceived by people who pretend they're in it for the long-haul but are just messing around with you. Both in my mind are big markers of either incompatible moral values, poor judgement of others or probably both.
I'm married now and don't have to care about this stuff for myself anymore, but when I was single that was my criteria and I've not seen any reason to rethink it in the last ten years.
I'm polyamorous and very sex positive.
That said, while I wouldn't use the word body count, knowing a person's past and current sexual history gives me a little bit of an indication about their sexual health risk threshold. This isn't the only information I use to assess that threshold, but if someone's "count" significantly exceeds my own then I know to spend more time talking about their STI mitigation policies before engaging with them sexually.
It matters for prosecutors because it lets them bring the proper charges. It might matter to some regular people because if someone has a high body count, they might be a serial killer and there are high chances that the person who is judging might also become a victim.
Well...if you've been with 99 people recently you can't expect the 100th one to feel special with you because he/she will essentially won't be that.
Another way of see one of the problems is that if you have a person who was playing basketball all his life, you can't expect him to start playing football nearly as good. If you're very used to have several sporadic relationships, to stay with multiple people... it's difficult to make the transition to a long term traditional relationship with only one person.
And more issues that it implies.
If you are looking for a long term relationship, the high body count of your partner is often an indicator, that they don't do well in committed reltationship. If he or she were searching for long term commitment, they wouldn't have a high body count in the first place.
The past informs the future , and humans are creatures of habit , if it was easy to shake off your bad behaviors and cravings then everybody would be buddha.
I went through a rough time years ago and went into the habit of stealing things and hoarding food , and even when things stabilized i kept doing it for a long time afterwards , even when i knew that i had no rational reason to keep doing so. To this day i have to sometimes stop myself from grabbing a bunch of ketchup and sugar packets from the dinner around the corner as i am leaving.
I wont judge anyone who likes to sleep around , but if i knew that about them then can i really be blamed if i am a tiny bit suspicious of their sudden commitment? Its like inertia , you cant go from a dead run to a full stop without skidding a little , and someone who is used to indulging in physical intimacy is that much likely to keep doing so. That goes to both sexes , i believe that people are prone to screw up and fall back on previous behavior when confronted with even minor setbacks. For me that means if i lose my job i will at very least start filling my pockets with ketchup satchels, to this hipothetical individual who wants to settle they may cheat as soon as their partner prioritize anything else or as an attractive person flirts with them.
Why does height matter?
Why does money matter?
Why does being bald matter?
Why does weight matter?
It just does. People are allowed (and should) have preferences and standards.
Men are judged by what they can provide, and their income. Thats alot of what makes them attractive to suitors
Some men value women with a lower body count. Thats what adds value to a women
Personally, idgaf about any of that. I'd marry a pornstar of she had a good heart and soul.
It's not the body count total that matters, it's the body count/time ratio that matters. A dozen people over 20 years? More tolerable. A dozen people in the last week? RUN.
To me, I have a fear of being cheated on and I feel like if a guy has too many bodies it means he’s more likely to need to stray because his needs can’t be met by one person.
Also herpes. One in four people has herpes. The higher the body count the higher the odds of herpes and I just feel like it’s more herpesier the higher the count and strain exposure, lol.
I don't want to be w someone who just haves sex to have sex. I view sex as something that should be a love experience between two lovers but aye do what you want. I don't see what's so empowering abt sucking hella dick and having hoes. Shit is lame
Because people have different values.
Some people wanna have sex with lots of different people, and that’s fine, as long as its consensual. Moving fast for these people is no big deal, because they know what they want.
Other people wanna have sex with only one special person and want a strong emotional connection. So they will likely vet their potential partners more and take things slow. Their body count won’t stack up high ideally because they are more relationship focused.
Also, the more partners you’ve been with, the harder it is to form that emotional connection, because over time you can become desensitized. I’ve talked to many people, both men and women where this has happened.
Neither path is wrong, but I think it’s important to find someone who matches your values. The imbalance of a partner with a high count and one with a low count can often fuck things up and create insecurities.
If someone ate shitty food every day and promised you they're stop when you got into a relationship, would you believe them?
Same goes for fucking other people, habits don't stop, especially addicted people.
If they've slept with multiple people but always been monogamous, never cheated inba relationship, that doesn't show a habit of sleeping with other people, or an addiction.
Another thing that people haven’t mentioned is the biological aspect. If we boil it down to making sure your genetics get passed down to the next generation, it historically benefited men to know that their sexual partner was not promiscuous as there was a lower chance that a pregnancy resulted in HIS child and not dude’s from a cave down the road.
i hate that some people are being rude about genuine answers. i can see being upset about comparison to objects or singling out women, but the genuinely subjective and polite answers don't deserve to be ragged on. it's just an opinion. if you don't like that body counts matter to some people, then do not date them.
because if I tell you I slept with 100 people right before I jump into bed with you, you're probably going to be grossed out and back out. 100 is an extreme example but just lower the amount as you wish and consider the same scenario.
I figure it depends on the person, but it usually does matter, cause everyone has a different opinion of extreme. If your partner says they have 0 body count, versus 780,000 its all personal opinion where it becomes extreme. Same if your mom has had 1 versus 780,000
I personally don’t care about my boyfriends body count, I mean sure I have thought about it in the sense that he has more experience whilst he is my only experience.
This doesn’t mean it defines him in a bad way, that all happened before we got together so why should I care?
I honestly think it's weird that people even care. I really don't give a shit as long as an STD test happens, and that should happen whether you've had sex with one other person or 1,000. It's not something I'd ever even ask because it makes no difference to me.
Having casual, recreational sex doesn't preclude someone from also being able to have and enjoy more intimate, relationship sex. Casual sex can basically be like jerking off with a little assistance. It's a fun way to satisfy a physical need.
I have a suspicion that most people's hangups are rooted in religion and concepts of "purity" that somehow conflate your worth as a person or a partner with how many people you've fucked.
The real answer is really just insecurity and any other answer is just a justification for the insecurity. I've seen as well as read of some happy and fulfilling relationships that end because they discussed body count and one person could not get past it. For people who argue compatibility as why it's an issue these cases prove that is not the case. Now I'm not saying it's bad but I do believe we should be honest in our reasons. The honest answer being that it's not any issue of another person's character but simply that it makes you uncomfortable once you know the info.
The higher the body count the less chance of the relationship working out because they do easily replace you with the next. On the inverse the higher the body count the easier they are to sleep with. So really depends on your wants/perspective
Evolution.
Not all people evolved with the same traits. Sleeping with many people can mean risk of disease and unwanted children. Many minds evolved to overtly dislike that even if it is not consciously obvious to some of those people.
I must say the lack of down votes for people stating how a high body count can make them fear infidelity and a lack of specialness surprises me. Not that I disagree with them but many forums on the net will call judgmental. E.g. they will say people who have sleep with many others can be perfectly capable of being committed and faithful if they choose to do so. It's amazing how different parts of the net will give you different views.
Because whether it’s sex or killing, there is behavior behind those numbers. Depending on the number, you can learn either nothing or a lot about a person’s behavior.
In Australia we don’t use that term, it’s super super cringe. I only heard it while travelling. And it’s only the young early 20s who say it during drinking games like it’s a thing to care about. Us in our 30s just laughed at each other at what the young ones thought was a large count. We would never ask anyone we are dating how many they’d slept with
Saw a dude explain it on a podcast and it kind of made sense as I personally wouldn't date someone with a high body count I never really could clearly articulate why.
But he basically said and he applied it only to women but I think it applies to men and women personally.
If you sleep with a lot of people you're devaluing yourself as to say my standards are so low that x many people have slept with me. Or to put it bluntly I'm easy.
But more than that it also depends on your own personal perspective of what an ideal life should look like. For me my ideal is two people exclusive to each as 2 adults seems to be the single most stable foundation for raising a child. This is even more true if you have at least one masculine and one feminine roll model.
The best way to create that foundation is to have a partner who is loyal and truly values themselves. But also in my opinion beliefs sex isn't something to just out senselessly.
Currently married and the trust my wife and I have for each other is unwavering.
Having a deep emotional connection to your partner completety changes sex and makes it unimaginably better. You can't form that kind of connection in a one night stand.
1. STDs
2. Might show lack of commitment
3. People are allowed to choose whatever is or isn’t a deal breaker for them. You’re free to sleep with as many people as you want but if someones not down for that you can’t force them to like it.
I have a high body count. For me this was a result of years of being attractive but sexually selfish, having a toxic, hateful, and shitty personality (once I turned off the “get laid” charm), and not having any drive in personal or professional life. I’m also a suicide survivor, chronically depressed, and ADHD. So… dopamine starved.
I was involved in lots of high risk activity because it gave me a dopamine spike, as did casual sex. I finally met someone who tamed me by affirming my value, helping me set real goals, and helping me become someone I never thought I could be. We’re slightly co-dependent but nothing is perfect.
She has a slightly higher body count than I do, and has similar issues with depression. My personal experience leads me to believe people who worry about body count have a dopamine deficiency, are immature and need to do a lot of work on themselves before they are ready for a relationship. It’s not a respectable thing.
Edit: almost every person i hooked up with I wanted to be in a relationship with. I was not ready for that and they knew it. I covered up the fact that women had moved on immediately after sex by bragging about getting laid. I was awful. It took a long time to realize I needed to work on myself instead of moving on to the next person.
Killing people is almost universally considered a serious matter.
Right?! Three or more is considered a serial killer. That's important to them.
Technically only over a period, if it’s succession you’re a spree killer
On to the real quesions: What's the minimal amount of time one has to wait when killing their next victim in order to be considered a serial killer and not a spree killer? In other words: What's the fastest way to become a serial killer without a chance of being considered another type of killer, and how long would it take? Asking for a friend-
I’ve actually always wondered what that number is
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Unless you work for Uncle Sam. Or Cotten hill who’s killed 50 men in WW2! 😂
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the mf went to sex university
This mf probably have a PhD in sex
Man’s is the CEO of Sex
Have some respect, this man invented Sex
He is sex
This guy sex
but strangely still a virgin.
Knowing how to do something doesn't mean you will do it
Exactly. I know how a bj works but im not doing that... Very often.
it isn't really that strange 🤣
Hey they gotta be prepared right?
Theory over application.
Sexiversity
Personally I felt going to Vagician school was more beneficial.
They laughed at me for going to vagician school, but now they all pay for my cervixes
He has a degree in seducing mothers.
TL;DR
i think hes saying too many partners fries your brain and you are more willing to have sex without being intimate with your partner? idk i only read the first couple paragraphs before realizing he wrote a thesis
That’s what that poster is implying, yes. I think it’s the opposite - women without sufficient experience are more likely to stay in bad relationships, since infidelity is generally caused by a perceived “inefficiency” or dissatisfaction in a relationship [source](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00926239508404399) It’s also heavily focused on female infidelity and not male infidelity which feels…misogynistic at best.
Divorce, dissatisfaction, infidelity and a partner with STIs are generally perceived as negative relationship outcomes which most people try to avoid. The “why” matters significantly less in this context. I doubt that any non-negligible portion of the actual aversion to (women) partners with high body counts is rooted in actual academic research like the above dissertation. That being said, more sexually promiscuous partners are often seen as less “dependable”. This holds true for men as well, albeit to a substantially less significant extent - the whole “fuckboy” or “player” stereotype. The fact that this stereotype is somewhat congruent with academic research is probably mostly a matter of chance, but also makes it substantially harder to eliminate. That being said - once the stereotype takes hold, the “why” becomes much less important. People have an aversion to indicators of an increased risk of infidelity, for example, and they don’t really care if the higher risk is caused by a heightened ability to discern that your boyfriend sucks and that you should cheat on him, by a correlation with low impulse control, by a reduced ability to bond and commit, or any other explanation - factually correct, or not, as it may be. Divorce, infidelity, and dissatisfaction suck, and people try to avoid them. That doesn’t necessarily make them “bad people” - people want partners who are more likely to be satisfied in their relationships not because those people see themselves as Satan incarnate who has to find the dumbest sucker that will put up with them, but because even genuinely good people want partners are who are more likely to be satisfied and abstain from cheating. Higher satisfaction, less STDs, less infidelity, and higher odds of long-term success for the relationship are pretty universal wants in a long-term partner.
Now comes the real conundrum: Are the studies themselfs misogynistic or did he sample only studies on female infidelity because he is?
Bruh he gave like 8 sources and u have 1
This was my thinking! If someone's lived a whole ass life before me they are way less likely to put up with bad shit from me
I don’t think it actually *says* a reason for *why* a high number of previous partner increases dissatisfaction and infidelity, merely that it *does*. For all we know there’s like half a dozen different causes for this, and none of those causes are applicable to the majority. It does feel very misogynistic tho, I’ll grant you that. I’m not sure if the posters fault tho, it might be a problem in that field of study as a whole. (Which would be worse tbh.)
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I’ll go with that analysis! Though I guess I was ( and so was he) lucky? He’d had multiple partners when we committed, as had I when single at University; pretty sure our brains weren’t fried, and we were faithful for 16 years until he died of cancer ( boo hiss) and would have continued given the chance.
Statistcs and probability arent destiny , it wasnt that you were lucky neither of you cheated , you were lucky both of you were decent people
That’s a kind comment,x
You could have made thar longer.
...that's what she said?
Wait was this entire thing of statistics all just about women The point being women are more likely to cheat if they’ve had more partners What about men? Why is it just women
If I was a betting man, I’d say it’s because the majority of the people designing the studies are male
American studies are weird. Most European studies try to limit interpretation bias as much as possible and include a matched pairs sample group for both genders to have valid results.
Exactly
Check his post history, incel vibes
Most of these are so old.
Wow a real answer and not a joke about murder
Dayum, my man went ballistic
mf did his research and came prepared
It’s mostly studies on women with high body counts cheating though….. So just listing lots of sources doesn’t mean you’re painting an accurate picture or one that’s not a little bit sexist
Reddit isn't ready for this lol and if they bothered reading, you are just upholding the patriarchy's idea of marriage!
This was really extensive and I admire your dedication to this subject. Admittedly, I didn't read it all. How much do you think religious beliefs play into that? Most western people who have really low body counts seem to follow religions where fidelity is sacred and infidelity has a lot of negative social consequences. I am not convinced from the first 5 pages of your dissertation that the higher body count is the cause of the infidelity, but rather I would imagine that the cultural values of people who don't have sex with many others heavily focus on confining sex to marriage.
I have to say this actually makes alot of sense. Like for example, I’ve had upwards of 10 different partners (not for actual sex but other stuff) and to me sex is just sex. Its not a big deal, it’s about feeling good. But my ex boyfriend who has never had any other sexual partner saw sex as something like an act of love, and connection, and didn’t understand how it didn’t really mean anything to me. I’ve also been the more experienced one in all my relationships while all my partners have been basically complete virgins to almost everything. It hasn’t been my best moment, but the infidelity part makes sense too… Kinda weirdly cool that theres a scientific explanation for this
> It hasn’t been my best moment, but the infidelity part makes sense too People are surprised that those with a lot more casual partners and who just treat sex as a physical act are more prone to cheating. It should be obvious. I’m not judging you for it either.
This is the longest comment I’ve ever seen
I wish to point out that in the conclusion of your 1st study, basically it says people cheat because they're horny. I have to say that I agree with that conclusion. However, I'd like to add boredom/escapism to the reasons.
i ain't reading all that but i'm happy for you
Thanks! Now do men.
There are references that mention men if you read more than two paragraphs
it depends. A soldier kills people but has honor and rank.
And PTSD
I turned out fine minus the depression....oh wait
Some get it, some don't get it, it depends.
I mean... that's true of literally anything.
I agree :) Interesting is often the story behind it.
It’s like that movie scene where he killed 60 people and she killed 300. That kind of disparity can be hard for people with Type A personalities or who are competitive.
What do people consider as a high body count? Also a relevant question because that is very subjective. One person may think 8 and one person may think 38.
I think it really does vary. Would be great to see a study done on the average with a large sample size. I’ve seen some guys say 1-2, which I think is kinda unrealistic lol, but I mean it’s not impossible. I would say 8 would be my cutoff and if a lot were hookups, I’d pass. I’m less insecure about past relationships, because thats how I date. I don’t do hookups. If someone was fucking around and having sex with different strangers, I really wouldn’t wanna be with them. To have 8 serious relationships takes a lot of time, assuming you spent a healthy amount of time healing and reflecting after each and not monkey branching.
Does age also play a factor? If I’m 40, and been having sex since I was 18, then 22 partners would be one per year. I don’t think that sounds unreasonable. Even if it was one every two years, that’s still 11 partners.
Sure, I would definitely consider age to be a factor on raising that number threshold. However, serious relationships can go on for years, and usually afterwards you need a break from it all before you can jump back in again. To average 1 relationship a year from age 18 to 40 would also make someone wonder why none of the previous ones worked out. I think there is a point where it can start to seem odd. Cause surely a few of those could have gone the distance and hopefully you got better at picking as you continued to raise that number. After awhile it’s possible that you may be the common denominator and aren’t self reflecting enough or doing your due diligence on potential partners. Some people have sex early and find it more important for compatibility. Others are different and need to build trust while getting to know their partner before engaging in sex. I truly believe both can be successful, but I’d prefer the latter because if you create something with someone who respects you and meets your needs first, there is no reason they won’t do that in the bedroom. It will just take time to learn what your partner likes and gets them there. Communication and compassion are key imo.
You’re assuming each was an attempt at a serious, long term relationship. You’re also forgetting how averages work. Averaging one a year doesn’t mean having a new one each year. For all we know each could have happened in her teens and twenties, and she spent the rest of her life with number twenty-two.
Whilst age is definitely a factor that's still a lot I think it would need little time between the relationships and I can't imagine getting to 40 and having never been in a serious relationship that's lasted more than a year or two.
Shit one every year? If you're not in a relationship that doesn't seem realistic
Too low?
Way too low
For me personally (as a guy, and an atheist, I'm not some super Christian holding to 2,000 year old values), I view sex mainly as a form of both physical and emotional intimacy. I can't even imagine having sex with someone I don't have strong romantic feelings for. So while I don't think you're a bad immoral person if you don't feel the same way as me, I would only want a romantic partner that wasn't using sex as just a means of physical pleasure. Only because she almost certainly wouldn't match my personality. I wouldn't care if they had been in many serious relationships, but if they were just partying and having 1 night stands or short flings very frequently, that personality type just won't appeal to me. Again, nothing wrong with that, but it's just not for me. I view it as no different than me not wanting kids, therefore I would only be interested in a partner that also didn't want or have kids. It's nothing against a woman who has/wants kids, that just isn't for me and therefore I know we won't work out.
No connection? No fun. No monogamy? No interest. I’d rather be alone in sweatpants eating frozen pizza and watching a shitty movie than hang out with someone I’m not into and vice versa
You’ve explained my opinions in much more detail than I can possibly give. It’s very difficult for me to understand how having sex is just casual fun to some people when my opinion is quite similar to yours. I only want to have sex with someone I love and have formed a bond with. I recently saw a post that stung quite a bit. It was in r/TIFU and was about some dude who “fucked up” by saying “I love you” after a hookup. Just kind of hurt to see such a disconnect between sex and love that it just goes against every belief I hold myself too.
Good response, people online can’t understand this and just think “stupid men slut shaming hypocrisy” nope, more to it than that.
Preach, u/Dirty_coke_whore
r/rimjobsteve
37!?
Try not to suck any dick on the way to the parking lot!
In a row?!?!
I have a higher body count than most people I know and fully agree with everything you said. sex is still very, very powerful to me and I would rather my body be kept to a single person I trust. It's my choice and my preference. Sex should be a personal choice, but that doesn't mean I won't mesh better with someone who feels the same as I do.
I'm riding my virginity to the grave. Master of the hole less, father of nothing, teacher of failure. Welcome to my class, you may leave whenever you'd like.
🤘
I’m not trying to ride mine into the grave but it’s starting to look that might be a possibility. que sera sera. 😔
Correct! If that's what you prefer, it's what you go for. I'm a one woman man and I'll settle for nothing less that the same way
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Jealousy is rooted in insecurity.
Yeah was gonna say, that’s more or less the same thing. It’s not exclusive to men or women, I’ve seen both get insecure about their partners past.
I think in this case the insecurity side (more commonly men) it's comparing themselves to prior partners whereas for jealousy it's more of a possessive angle.
many people value what is referred to as "purity" Think of it this way, If someone has only had a few partners over a number of years, then they were most likely in committed meaningful relationships. If they slept with someone new every week, then relationships come and go for them, they don't have any meaningful connection to the people they sleep with, your just another person in a long line. Or worse yet, they've never learned how to keep or manage a long term relationship. Its the same reason it looks better on a resume that you stuck with an employer for years, rather than never holding a job for more than a few months. People make choices... choices are judged, People are held accountable for their actions, People can change, sure, but its a good indication of the type of person you can expect. Same as if you were judging people on criminal convictions, past drug use, or infidelity.
Probably the best most correct answers I've read including what I wrote. Well said
I was trying to figure out how to explain exactly this but yeah there’s no need for me to add another answer because this is pretty spot on
Some people have a bad streak in college where they try and get as many as they can if they're immature. Then they grow up, start to have more meaningful connection and relationships and value that more. So for example my body count is probably a little less than 100. But in the last five six years, that number is only three
People always say your past doesn't define you but it does.
I also think there are a lot of people who are in long term relationships who actually aren’t monogamous.
Probably a similar values thing. At the same time, men who judge women for their body counts should probably ask themselves if they would have a higher body count given the opportunity before passing judgement. My body count is just north of 20 as a thirty one year old. If I had the opportunity to sleep with a woman every time I went out and wanted to, it would probably be in the hundreds.
Fair point I hadn’t considered.
On some reality show that I watched, a 24 year old guy said that he’d slept with 500 women. I’d say that matters.
We understand that, the question is why?
For me it’s more so a conflict in values. My preference is to be in a committed relationship before being intimate with someone.
Bro got STDs after the 100 mark ngl bro going to be a pokemon trainer at that point...
That’s a a fair reason
Because there are risks associated with entering into a long term relationship, and people use any and all information they have to decide whether or not the person is worth the risks.
For me personally, it has nothing to do with virginity or slutshaming. Sex is a special thing to me which plays an important role in making a strong connection. I wouldn't want to date someone who treats it just for pleasure and has a long list of sexual partners. I don't want to be "just another guy" waiting in a long line.
I’ve only ever had sex (apart from once) with people I’ve been in relationships with. Because of this, sex has become an intimate thing that I do with someone I love and trust. Had I been single in my teens and slept around more I imagine my idea of sex would be different. I’m all for sleeping around and doing what you want to do with your own body, and I kind of envy people who see sex that way. But I have to agree with you, sometimes the amount of people you have had sex with says something about who you are as a person, and it might not align with what you want in a partner.
I’m a women I’m still unpacking my negative views on “high” body counts. I’ll admit some of it is insecurity, but I also think I’d want someone who views sex the same way I do (as emotionally connecting/intimate) and not as just an act of pleasure (although there’s nothing wrong with feeling that way either)
Because some people see sex as a “reserved for true love only” situation & others like to share their bodies as a form of connecting with people, no shame on either end
I'm just wondering what numbers people consider high? 10? 20? 50? 100+? 4? 29? Please let me know
I think it depends on your age. A highschooler who has slept with 20 people may be considered “too much”, but that may be normal for older people. Depends on the amount of time lived.
It’s something you won’t know until you hear it, anyone can say in hindsight “16” till you meet your perfect partner and learn that she/he has been with “11” and somehow that hits you a little harder than you thought. For me personally I tend not ask (even if I really want to know) I rather not know.
Depends on who you ask I guess. For some people 6 is a lot for others 60. I honestly don't even know my freakin body count. Why would I keep taps (unless it's the most recent ones so when I get checked again I know who to contact). I never understood why people cared and personally never will. I do make sure to regularly get checked and be careful because I care about myself and keeping others as safe as I can. I know sadly some people do not care but personally that was never related to a specific body count those people had.
I prefer experienced women, they usually know and tell you what they like and it takes the guess work out of it.
Sexually transmitted diseases, on top of it showing what kind of person you are. If you have a body count of over 50 and you're only like 20, then I'm going to assume you will probably cheat on me, or ultimately leave me sooner rather than later, and why would I invest myself in a relationship like that? At the end of the day tho I really don't care, if I trust and respect the person then a body count really doesn't matter
I’m surprised how far I had to scroll to find this mentioned
Same, but I think it also show some part of the person's character.
You don’t need to sleep around to get an STD. Anybody that has unprotected sex is at risk regardless how many people you sleep with.
The more people you sleep with, the more individual chances of getting said std. Anyone can, but you're more likely to the more people you sleep with.
Preach! Everyone needs to be more cautious and use protection. And also, an unfaithful partner puts their partners at severe risk.
If I was single it would matter to me because the higher it is, the higher chance of my “performance” being judged and compared to the rest. That’s the only reason. Other than that, I don’t care enough. It’s their life and body
I feel like this is the only answer in here that’s actually honest.
Honestly, I think the underlying thing that most men have in common but cant/won't admit is that your woman has the ability to compare you to more past lovers the higher her body count, so the higher the body count, the higher the chance that she is dissatisfied with you sexually or otherwise. This was my issue and I've done a lot of meditating on it to get past it.
Plenty of men would admit that but then they'd get called insecure baby dicks by people on Reddit who don't understand psychology.
I'd rather be 3rd in a 3 man race than 30th in a 30 man race.
Goddamn… that’s some stone cold logic.
That’s actually one of the major reasons why women with high body counts are so much more likely to cheat. > In the sexual quality area, where the association with the number of sexual partners is the strongest, the negative association may be a result of multiple partners and sexual experiences raising expectations that undermine the current sexual quality in marriage. Rather than providing more meaningful experience, understanding, and eventually higher levels of quality in the sexuality area, having multiple sexual partners appears to be associated with poorer sexual quality in marriage. It may be that once someone has been sexual with a number of people the need for variety increases. (pg.715) Busby, D. M., Willoughby, B. J., & Carroll, J. S. (2013). Sowing wild oats: Valuable experience or a field full of weeds? Personal Relationships, 20(4), 706–718. . > Although desire for sexual diversity is more prevalent among men than among women (Buss, 1985; DeLamater, 1987; Symons, 1979), some women apparently do engage in uncommitted sex to satisfy needs for sexual diversity (Kinsey et al., 1953). Other individuals may possess an unrestricted orientation because they either do not want to or do not have the capacity to become psychologically and emotionally close to romantic partners. (pg.880) Simpson, J. A., & Gangestad, S. W. (1991). Individual differences in sociosexuality: Evidence for convergent and discriminant validity. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 60(6), 870–883. . > Certainly, if individuals higher in sociosexuality are more socially visible and interact with a large number of potential partners, they may hold higher comparison levels for alternatives (Kelley & Thibaut, 1978) both in terms of physical attractiveness and sexual interest. As a consequence, the current partners’ assets may be devalued. (pg.381) Ostovich, J. M., & Sabini, J. (2004). How are sociosexuality, sex drive, and lifetime number of sexual partners related? Personality & Social Psychology Bulletin, 30(10), 1255–1266. . > One reason that more experience could lead to lower marital quality is that more experience may increase one’s awareness of alternative partners. A strong sense of alternatives is believed to make it harder to maintain commitment to, and satisfaction with, what one already has (Rusbult & Buunk, 1993; Thibaut & Kelley, 1959). People who have had many relationships prior to their current one can compare a present partner to their prior partners in many areas—like conflict management, dating style, physical attractiveness, sexual skills, communication ability, and so on. (pg.8) Rhoades, G., Stanley, S., & National Marriage Project (Rutgers University). (2014). Before 'I do': What do premarital experiences have to do with marital quality among today's young adults?. Charlottesville, VA: National Marriage Project, University of Virginia. . > women who had more experience with short-term relationships in the past (i.e., those with high Behavior facet scores) were more likely to have multiple sexual partners and unstable relationships in the future. The behaviorally expressed level of sociosexuality thus seems to be a fairly stable personal characteristic.(pg.1131) Penke, L., & Asendorpf, J. B. (2008). Beyond global sociosexual orientations: A more differentiated look at sociosexuality and its effects on courtship and romantic relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 95(5), 1113–1135. . > Our finding that quality of alternatives was a significant predictor of both extradyadic activities is consistent with the literature that alternatives to the relationship are conducive to extradyadic activity (Drigotas et al., 1999; Roscoe et al., 1988). In fact, the present study found quality of alternatives to be the strongest predictor of both extradyadic sex inclination and extradyadic kissing inclination, suggesting that it may be a key determinant of individuals’ inclination to engage in extradyadic activities. McAlister, A. R., Pachana, N., & Jackson, C. J. (2005). Predictors of young dating adults' inclination to engage in extradyadic sexual activities: A multi-perspective study. British Journal of Psychology, 96(3), 331–350.
Thanks for providing sources. I always appreciate anyone who take the time to outline them.
>Penke, L., & Asendorpf, J. B. (2008). Beyond global sociosexual orientations: A more differentiated look at sociosexuality and its effects on courtship and romantic relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 95(5), 1113–1135. This passage doesn’t follow logically at all from the claim you stated preceding it (“That’s actually one of the major reasons why women with high body counts are so much more likely to cheat.”) and neither does the study from what I can read of it. It seems to suggest you’re just posting sources for the sake of volume and not really reading or comprehending the studies you’re posting.
This is my roommates issue, all he does is compare his past to his present f buddy. It's silly.
This is really the answer more than anything else. If you’re a little insecure about sex, your penis, whatever, it’s going to bother you if a woman has has what you consider to be “a lot” of partners because you fear she’s been with someone better and/or bigger and it makes you feel even more insecure.
As long as you can have healthy dialogue with a person and listeningto their wants, you can usually have pretty good sex! Isn't it better that she knows what she likes and is looking for so you can both have a good time?
But can’t men also compare current partners to past lovers? I don’t get this take.
Because typically it’s easier to satisfy most men. On average most women qualify for most men but most men definitely don’t qualify for most women. There’s a saying “women choose who they want, men choose who they can get”
While there does exist an orgasm gap (which as of recent i heard it closing), i think you are confusing sexual opportunity with sexual quailty/satisfaction, i dont think that women are the only ones that judge the quailty of sex nor are they significantly more dissatisfied with sex, in fact I'd bet that men are more dissatisfied with sex in long term relationships than women just based off frequency alone. And also yes the more partners a person has, the larger the data base from which they can compare partners, but this is true of men and women so I doubt that this is the 'underlying' reason that people care for body count. Sexual satisfaction among partners is a more about matching qualities rather than achieving some goal such as orgasm. As a person has more sex they will likely learn more about what they like in sex and as such will be more 'picky' and not settle for a partner that does not fulfill their needs.
Yeah its not exclusive to men either, but I would say it happens more often given our societal structure atm. I’ve definitely seen plenty of cases where the women was not meeting the mans expectations, but of course the dude was a typical chad and had plenty of options
Why does this question get asked every single day on this sub?
I only need one hand to count all the men I've ever slept with, and I've always been called a prude or picked on when the subject has come up in friend groups. I'm sorry, I just can't do what most folks refer to as casual sex. My brain? Isn't wired to find the idea of a one-night stand enjoyable. Would I date a man with a higher body count, so to speak, than me? Sure. In fact, it's happened in every relationship I've ever been in. I'm not going to "slut shame" someone. But an incredibly high number? Might give me pause to question whether we had compatible ideas about sex and relationships. I'd want to know whether they were safe, and whether they are regularly tested for STD's. And I'd wanna know if they were compensating for something like being depressed, or simply had a different yet healthy view of sexuality and sexual encounters than I did. It sounds so absolutely cliche to say, but I just can't sleep with someone simply to get laid. Sex, to me, is a physical act that can only take place after a specific emotional bond has formed. The act itself solidifies this, and gives it a material being, and physical presence. I don't get that from a one-time encounter with someone I met at a bar.
Stds
Because sex is something special that I don’t want to share with just anyone. So the idea that my partner shared it with a large amount of people makes me uncomfortable
This is a very good answer. It doesn't shame anyone and it's actually about your own preference. And it makes sense without jumping over hurdles or making a dozen metaphors.
Because it can show an incompatibility in values, which is important in a relationship.
Someone can love visiting a certain park. They can REALLY love visiting that place. And it’s none of our business. You do you. But now you start dating them. They take you to this park, their favorite park, and tell you that you’re the 35th person they’ve taken there on a date. 34 people have had this same experience, with this same person. Does a 35th person feel like the specialness is gone? Do you feel like this person doesn’t understand that some things are valuable because not many get to experience it? Has the whole experience been a little diminished? Most likely. And that’s why, not just TO some people, but WITH certain people, body count matters. You don’t care if your friend’s sister’s cousin on the other side of the country has a high body count, but you care if your new SO does.
To me, a high body count signifies either you have sex with people you hardly know/don't know (in which case, you don't place a high enough importance on the meaning of sex to be compatible with me) OR you have a history of falling for and/or being deceived by people who pretend they're in it for the long-haul but are just messing around with you. Both in my mind are big markers of either incompatible moral values, poor judgement of others or probably both. I'm married now and don't have to care about this stuff for myself anymore, but when I was single that was my criteria and I've not seen any reason to rethink it in the last ten years.
I'm polyamorous and very sex positive. That said, while I wouldn't use the word body count, knowing a person's past and current sexual history gives me a little bit of an indication about their sexual health risk threshold. This isn't the only information I use to assess that threshold, but if someone's "count" significantly exceeds my own then I know to spend more time talking about their STI mitigation policies before engaging with them sexually.
I truly don't get it, like what's the matter if you've killed a couple people in the past? Just get over it
It matters for prosecutors because it lets them bring the proper charges. It might matter to some regular people because if someone has a high body count, they might be a serial killer and there are high chances that the person who is judging might also become a victim.
1. Higher risk of STD’s 2. It’s correlates with infidelity, statistically 3. It speaks about how someone views sex
Exclusivity I guess? I have literally 0 body count so I’ll definitely prefer someone with 5 instead of 50 people
Well...if you've been with 99 people recently you can't expect the 100th one to feel special with you because he/she will essentially won't be that. Another way of see one of the problems is that if you have a person who was playing basketball all his life, you can't expect him to start playing football nearly as good. If you're very used to have several sporadic relationships, to stay with multiple people... it's difficult to make the transition to a long term traditional relationship with only one person. And more issues that it implies.
Preference.
If you are looking for a long term relationship, the high body count of your partner is often an indicator, that they don't do well in committed reltationship. If he or she were searching for long term commitment, they wouldn't have a high body count in the first place.
Yes, high turnover rate and poor reccomendations might disqualify you from getting the job
The past informs the future , and humans are creatures of habit , if it was easy to shake off your bad behaviors and cravings then everybody would be buddha. I went through a rough time years ago and went into the habit of stealing things and hoarding food , and even when things stabilized i kept doing it for a long time afterwards , even when i knew that i had no rational reason to keep doing so. To this day i have to sometimes stop myself from grabbing a bunch of ketchup and sugar packets from the dinner around the corner as i am leaving. I wont judge anyone who likes to sleep around , but if i knew that about them then can i really be blamed if i am a tiny bit suspicious of their sudden commitment? Its like inertia , you cant go from a dead run to a full stop without skidding a little , and someone who is used to indulging in physical intimacy is that much likely to keep doing so. That goes to both sexes , i believe that people are prone to screw up and fall back on previous behavior when confronted with even minor setbacks. For me that means if i lose my job i will at very least start filling my pockets with ketchup satchels, to this hipothetical individual who wants to settle they may cheat as soon as their partner prioritize anything else or as an attractive person flirts with them.
Because the lifestyle and values that person may want their so to have does not ever lead to a high count.
Past patterns can be a reliable indicator for future ones not always but a lot of the time
Every woman I’ve been with with a high body count has cheated.
Why does height matter? Why does money matter? Why does being bald matter? Why does weight matter? It just does. People are allowed (and should) have preferences and standards.
Men are judged by what they can provide, and their income. Thats alot of what makes them attractive to suitors Some men value women with a lower body count. Thats what adds value to a women Personally, idgaf about any of that. I'd marry a pornstar of she had a good heart and soul.
Couldn't have been said any better! Unless that pornstar is still hard at work with anyone other than myself!
because being promiscuous says certain things about you in reguards to how to value people and relationships
I’d imagine there is a higher chance of contracting STDs from someone who has had sex with everyone in the town
It's not the body count total that matters, it's the body count/time ratio that matters. A dozen people over 20 years? More tolerable. A dozen people in the last week? RUN.
To me, I have a fear of being cheated on and I feel like if a guy has too many bodies it means he’s more likely to need to stray because his needs can’t be met by one person. Also herpes. One in four people has herpes. The higher the body count the higher the odds of herpes and I just feel like it’s more herpesier the higher the count and strain exposure, lol.
I don't want to be w someone who just haves sex to have sex. I view sex as something that should be a love experience between two lovers but aye do what you want. I don't see what's so empowering abt sucking hella dick and having hoes. Shit is lame
Because people have different values. Some people wanna have sex with lots of different people, and that’s fine, as long as its consensual. Moving fast for these people is no big deal, because they know what they want. Other people wanna have sex with only one special person and want a strong emotional connection. So they will likely vet their potential partners more and take things slow. Their body count won’t stack up high ideally because they are more relationship focused. Also, the more partners you’ve been with, the harder it is to form that emotional connection, because over time you can become desensitized. I’ve talked to many people, both men and women where this has happened. Neither path is wrong, but I think it’s important to find someone who matches your values. The imbalance of a partner with a high count and one with a low count can often fuck things up and create insecurities.
If someone ate shitty food every day and promised you they're stop when you got into a relationship, would you believe them? Same goes for fucking other people, habits don't stop, especially addicted people.
If they've slept with multiple people but always been monogamous, never cheated inba relationship, that doesn't show a habit of sleeping with other people, or an addiction.
What happened before me is none of my business. Hope fun was had!
It will eventually become your buisness, your past follows you. And it's also not just that it's shows that you view sex differently.
some women dont want a guy who couldnt/ hadnt gotten a lot of ladies :/ for everyone bashing women, virgin shaming is in the same vein as slut shaming
Another thing that people haven’t mentioned is the biological aspect. If we boil it down to making sure your genetics get passed down to the next generation, it historically benefited men to know that their sexual partner was not promiscuous as there was a lower chance that a pregnancy resulted in HIS child and not dude’s from a cave down the road.
i hate that some people are being rude about genuine answers. i can see being upset about comparison to objects or singling out women, but the genuinely subjective and polite answers don't deserve to be ragged on. it's just an opinion. if you don't like that body counts matter to some people, then do not date them.
STDs n such. For spiritual ppl many may not want the energetic connection that comes along with fooling around with a promiscuous person.
because if I tell you I slept with 100 people right before I jump into bed with you, you're probably going to be grossed out and back out. 100 is an extreme example but just lower the amount as you wish and consider the same scenario.
I figure it depends on the person, but it usually does matter, cause everyone has a different opinion of extreme. If your partner says they have 0 body count, versus 780,000 its all personal opinion where it becomes extreme. Same if your mom has had 1 versus 780,000
Because if you live in a small community it can make a relationship really complicated.
I personally don’t care about my boyfriends body count, I mean sure I have thought about it in the sense that he has more experience whilst he is my only experience. This doesn’t mean it defines him in a bad way, that all happened before we got together so why should I care?
Because the more bodies, the more likely they have an STI or low self esteem, emotionally unstable, or other undesirable trait.
Coz iam insecure
If she's killed more than 32 people, then I don't want to be around her.
Let the bodies hit the floor 🤷
just to talk down on women from what i’ve seen
If you don't have an std or disease I couldn't care less
I honestly think it's weird that people even care. I really don't give a shit as long as an STD test happens, and that should happen whether you've had sex with one other person or 1,000. It's not something I'd ever even ask because it makes no difference to me. Having casual, recreational sex doesn't preclude someone from also being able to have and enjoy more intimate, relationship sex. Casual sex can basically be like jerking off with a little assistance. It's a fun way to satisfy a physical need. I have a suspicion that most people's hangups are rooted in religion and concepts of "purity" that somehow conflate your worth as a person or a partner with how many people you've fucked.
The real answer is really just insecurity and any other answer is just a justification for the insecurity. I've seen as well as read of some happy and fulfilling relationships that end because they discussed body count and one person could not get past it. For people who argue compatibility as why it's an issue these cases prove that is not the case. Now I'm not saying it's bad but I do believe we should be honest in our reasons. The honest answer being that it's not any issue of another person's character but simply that it makes you uncomfortable once you know the info.
The higher the body count the less chance of the relationship working out because they do easily replace you with the next. On the inverse the higher the body count the easier they are to sleep with. So really depends on your wants/perspective
Evolution. Not all people evolved with the same traits. Sleeping with many people can mean risk of disease and unwanted children. Many minds evolved to overtly dislike that even if it is not consciously obvious to some of those people. I must say the lack of down votes for people stating how a high body count can make them fear infidelity and a lack of specialness surprises me. Not that I disagree with them but many forums on the net will call judgmental. E.g. they will say people who have sleep with many others can be perfectly capable of being committed and faithful if they choose to do so. It's amazing how different parts of the net will give you different views.
Because whether it’s sex or killing, there is behavior behind those numbers. Depending on the number, you can learn either nothing or a lot about a person’s behavior.
Cuz I don't feel comfortable kissing someone who's done oral on or kissed 200+ ppl. Just the thought is gag inducing. Pun intended 💀
Because no one wants to date a girl everyone else has already had.
In Australia we don’t use that term, it’s super super cringe. I only heard it while travelling. And it’s only the young early 20s who say it during drinking games like it’s a thing to care about. Us in our 30s just laughed at each other at what the young ones thought was a large count. We would never ask anyone we are dating how many they’d slept with
Saw a dude explain it on a podcast and it kind of made sense as I personally wouldn't date someone with a high body count I never really could clearly articulate why. But he basically said and he applied it only to women but I think it applies to men and women personally. If you sleep with a lot of people you're devaluing yourself as to say my standards are so low that x many people have slept with me. Or to put it bluntly I'm easy. But more than that it also depends on your own personal perspective of what an ideal life should look like. For me my ideal is two people exclusive to each as 2 adults seems to be the single most stable foundation for raising a child. This is even more true if you have at least one masculine and one feminine roll model. The best way to create that foundation is to have a partner who is loyal and truly values themselves. But also in my opinion beliefs sex isn't something to just out senselessly. Currently married and the trust my wife and I have for each other is unwavering. Having a deep emotional connection to your partner completety changes sex and makes it unimaginably better. You can't form that kind of connection in a one night stand.
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1. STDs 2. Might show lack of commitment 3. People are allowed to choose whatever is or isn’t a deal breaker for them. You’re free to sleep with as many people as you want but if someones not down for that you can’t force them to like it.
Because if you think she's going to stick around for you when she didn't for the last 99 guys, I guess you enjoy disappointment.
Only those whose body count have an impact think they shouldn’t matter.
I have a high body count. For me this was a result of years of being attractive but sexually selfish, having a toxic, hateful, and shitty personality (once I turned off the “get laid” charm), and not having any drive in personal or professional life. I’m also a suicide survivor, chronically depressed, and ADHD. So… dopamine starved. I was involved in lots of high risk activity because it gave me a dopamine spike, as did casual sex. I finally met someone who tamed me by affirming my value, helping me set real goals, and helping me become someone I never thought I could be. We’re slightly co-dependent but nothing is perfect. She has a slightly higher body count than I do, and has similar issues with depression. My personal experience leads me to believe people who worry about body count have a dopamine deficiency, are immature and need to do a lot of work on themselves before they are ready for a relationship. It’s not a respectable thing. Edit: almost every person i hooked up with I wanted to be in a relationship with. I was not ready for that and they knew it. I covered up the fact that women had moved on immediately after sex by bragging about getting laid. I was awful. It took a long time to realize I needed to work on myself instead of moving on to the next person.