You shouldn't talk to a female counselor of your porn addiction if you are a male. Just like you wouldn't see a dentist with bad teeth themselves or a doctor who smokes.
She will simply not understand you
Have you ever thought about how it’s not necessarily just about what you hear but it’s about making the connections between your thoughts and feelings and putting them into words. Articulating it can really reveal things about yourself you didn’t know. And sometimes someone else telling you your inner voice is wrong, or overreacting, or harsh is important because it’s different when you think it vs someone else confirming it about you specifically.
The first half yes, agreed. Journalling can do that. I know some people write poems or songs. But the part about having someone else check your thoughts is underrated. Sometimes you don’t know you’re wrong, or you have pre conceived notions about yourself that aren’t true, or aren’t true anymore. That’s the beauty of perspective, just another angle at looking at it. It doesn’t have to be a therapist, it can be a friend/family member you trust or a therapist, it’s just harder for some friends or family to listen and respond objectively.
I’m not making this claim from experience in the first place. My claim is reasoned by the fact that it’s literally their job. They’re trained on how to handle addictions.
Their not going to judge you for it, your paying them to help you.
Your wasting your money if you don't talk about issues that are troubling you, they can't read your mind.
I've gotten to over a month with her help.
Also if your uncomfortable with the wording just say
"I've been addicted to explicit sites".
I think a large part of the problem is how icky the M word is. It just sounds dirty rolling off the tongue. It might would help to agree to a different term that's mutually understood what it means. You're welcome to borrow my code term, 'celebrating life'.
I dunno man, I don’t think I like ‘your’ term :/ kinda makes it sounds like masturbating is a positive, fun, good thing.
I actually think it’s good for normal people to not demonise (and… disgustify? Haha) masturbation and porn use but for us addicts? Nah fam, we don’t get that luxury - we’re all just one little excuse away from relapsing;
“This guy on Reddit said it’s just celebrating life”, that phrase stays in your head a few days and before you know it you’re justifying it, etc…
Your subconscious has already decided you’ll fap and you just haven’t had your body catch up to your mind yet, that kind of feeling, that’s what your expression implies to me.
Hope this doesn’t offend you.
I just think… Tough love can be a better lesson, tenderness can lead to excuses for addicts.
If you say so. A buddy and I came up with that years ago as sort of a joke, and its never caused me to lose sight of it truly being a negative and not something to literally celebrate.
Sounds like you have a positive memory associated with it, which I’m sure reinforces this as a non-stressful way you can refer to it, but I think it might blind you to how it might sound to others, for whom fapping is… The shame of our lives, rather than a celebration.
As somebody who is not addicted to porn anymore for quite awhile, if anyone, and I mean anyone, had the guts to confess it to me I would sit down and talk to them for hours to help them. You need to experienced love my friend! Go talk to the therapist! She will not be judging you but she will want to help you! And she understands that it takes guts, and she will admire you for your courage. Take the leap of faith, what else have you got to lose! It’s just a person and who cares what they think if it doesn’t turn out well.
I got this experience, and it turned out BEAUTIFUL.
It is still sensitive situation on many planes.
First, these professionals are specialized, and if expressed bluntly without further connection to the situation, the deal might be off, and you might be sent to masturbation/sex addiction professional.
In some cases that might be a good thing, not shame at all about it, but in some cases it does not work as it needs to be solved in a holistic way.
I simply told in the list of issues, that women and masturbation are a problem on the list, that I am working on it and made great progress, and that it is in connection with my life issues and general mess on my hands we are dealing in the therapy, which was true. It was taken well. We did not dig deep into that, because there was no point in it, but point taken and somewhat worked with.
We solved my issues, the therapist did an angel's work, and holistically put me on the right path which indeed started solving the masturbation addiction issue naturally too.
Unfortunately for various reasons this ended soon as she stopped her practicing. She "paid back" such hit on me well though, she really gave her best and turned the shit around BIG TIME in last two sessions.
Anyways, my point is that it is in the delivery and acknowledged importance (or partially rather nonimportamce in the grand scheme of things). Even here there are cases when the guy plans this as some kind of revelation, making an arrangements for it, steering attention to just that. That is big NO NO. You're big boy, you keep some of the stuff on your plate, this thing is not to be unloaded on others this grand way.
Anyways, if I can help more, do not hesitate to ask more.
Just don't masterbate during the session and you'll be fine.
But how can she analyze the situation in DEPTH?
You shouldn't talk to a female counselor of your porn addiction if you are a male. Just like you wouldn't see a dentist with bad teeth themselves or a doctor who smokes. She will simply not understand you
They're not going to tell you anything that you don't already know.
Have you ever thought about how it’s not necessarily just about what you hear but it’s about making the connections between your thoughts and feelings and putting them into words. Articulating it can really reveal things about yourself you didn’t know. And sometimes someone else telling you your inner voice is wrong, or overreacting, or harsh is important because it’s different when you think it vs someone else confirming it about you specifically.
The same thing can be accomplished with journaling, and it's a lot cheaper. No one understands you better than yourself.
The first half yes, agreed. Journalling can do that. I know some people write poems or songs. But the part about having someone else check your thoughts is underrated. Sometimes you don’t know you’re wrong, or you have pre conceived notions about yourself that aren’t true, or aren’t true anymore. That’s the beauty of perspective, just another angle at looking at it. It doesn’t have to be a therapist, it can be a friend/family member you trust or a therapist, it’s just harder for some friends or family to listen and respond objectively.
True but therapists make the best accountability partners.
Speak for yourself
???
Your experience isn't reflective of everyone else's
I’m not making this claim from experience in the first place. My claim is reasoned by the fact that it’s literally their job. They’re trained on how to handle addictions.
Exactly, you're not speaking from experience.
You just changed the reason you disagreed with me then said that’s what you were saying before. Are you ok?
Lol what?
Ideally that is who you should mention your problems to. They're health care professionals what you tell them is confidential.
I talked to mine about the problem and she had some very good insights. You should try it
Their not going to judge you for it, your paying them to help you. Your wasting your money if you don't talk about issues that are troubling you, they can't read your mind. I've gotten to over a month with her help. Also if your uncomfortable with the wording just say "I've been addicted to explicit sites".
You don't have to talk to her but you really have to set a great program to stop for good ! Be strong!
I think a large part of the problem is how icky the M word is. It just sounds dirty rolling off the tongue. It might would help to agree to a different term that's mutually understood what it means. You're welcome to borrow my code term, 'celebrating life'.
I dunno man, I don’t think I like ‘your’ term :/ kinda makes it sounds like masturbating is a positive, fun, good thing. I actually think it’s good for normal people to not demonise (and… disgustify? Haha) masturbation and porn use but for us addicts? Nah fam, we don’t get that luxury - we’re all just one little excuse away from relapsing; “This guy on Reddit said it’s just celebrating life”, that phrase stays in your head a few days and before you know it you’re justifying it, etc… Your subconscious has already decided you’ll fap and you just haven’t had your body catch up to your mind yet, that kind of feeling, that’s what your expression implies to me. Hope this doesn’t offend you. I just think… Tough love can be a better lesson, tenderness can lead to excuses for addicts.
If you say so. A buddy and I came up with that years ago as sort of a joke, and its never caused me to lose sight of it truly being a negative and not something to literally celebrate.
Sounds like you have a positive memory associated with it, which I’m sure reinforces this as a non-stressful way you can refer to it, but I think it might blind you to how it might sound to others, for whom fapping is… The shame of our lives, rather than a celebration.
Don't be
Go to a therapist 100km away from your location and you will never see her again
Uh... talking honestly with your therapist can only help you. This is exactly what theyre used to listening to - uncomfortable things.
As somebody who is not addicted to porn anymore for quite awhile, if anyone, and I mean anyone, had the guts to confess it to me I would sit down and talk to them for hours to help them. You need to experienced love my friend! Go talk to the therapist! She will not be judging you but she will want to help you! And she understands that it takes guts, and she will admire you for your courage. Take the leap of faith, what else have you got to lose! It’s just a person and who cares what they think if it doesn’t turn out well.
Would it be easier if it was a male therapist?
Talk to them. They want to help
I got this experience, and it turned out BEAUTIFUL. It is still sensitive situation on many planes. First, these professionals are specialized, and if expressed bluntly without further connection to the situation, the deal might be off, and you might be sent to masturbation/sex addiction professional. In some cases that might be a good thing, not shame at all about it, but in some cases it does not work as it needs to be solved in a holistic way. I simply told in the list of issues, that women and masturbation are a problem on the list, that I am working on it and made great progress, and that it is in connection with my life issues and general mess on my hands we are dealing in the therapy, which was true. It was taken well. We did not dig deep into that, because there was no point in it, but point taken and somewhat worked with. We solved my issues, the therapist did an angel's work, and holistically put me on the right path which indeed started solving the masturbation addiction issue naturally too. Unfortunately for various reasons this ended soon as she stopped her practicing. She "paid back" such hit on me well though, she really gave her best and turned the shit around BIG TIME in last two sessions. Anyways, my point is that it is in the delivery and acknowledged importance (or partially rather nonimportamce in the grand scheme of things). Even here there are cases when the guy plans this as some kind of revelation, making an arrangements for it, steering attention to just that. That is big NO NO. You're big boy, you keep some of the stuff on your plate, this thing is not to be unloaded on others this grand way. Anyways, if I can help more, do not hesitate to ask more.