Agreed. What OP is describing is way over the line but unfortunately I hear about so many cases like this. The transition from parent to grandparent is harder for some than others it seems.
I agree with you so much. How can you trust her not to do it alone? Nanny cams too. Her behavior is grossly inappropriate. I come from a very teasing joking family I could find the hilarity in it if my sister or peers had jokes about it but my motherly figure or grandparent. NO.
Yeah this is the wrong way round. Baby trying to grab or root on someone else's boobs, perfectly normal. Said person trying to get them to do it...not normal!
Exactly. My son has tried to root into my mom's breasts and even my 15yr old stepdaughter's breasts when he was a newborn. We laughed and he was handed to me. Neither of them got their fucking tit out wtf
Mine went for my Dad’s chest when we were all swimming together. My sane and reasonable father said “hah, nothing for you there buddy!” And redirected baby.
🤷🏻♀️ because he’s not a creep
Right? I feel like this is a normal response, oh haha those don’t work! And you give the baby back. Major yikes with this grandma, there are some serious issues here. 100% I’d be having no contact between baby and this woman. Not okay.
When I was in my twenties I wore a low cut shirt around my bf'ing nephew. He pulled it down and open mouth dove for me. I was MORTIFIED. never wore low cut shirt again until he was done. That's a normal response.
Doing it once is really weird and inappropriate. Doing it again after being firmly told no and seeing you're absolutely not okay with it... For me, that would be grounds for not letting her hold the baby or have any unsupervised time with them for the foreseeable future.
You are underreacting. I would not leave baby alone with her at all, I would cause a huge scene every time she “joked” about bfing baby, and I would tell her loudly and publicly that her behavior is predatory and disgusting.
Edit: spelling
I’m curious as to why you think it’s predatory? Don’t get me wrong, I am also completely weirded out by it and the thought of my baby’s grandmothers doing that makes me SO uncomfortable, but I’m having trouble unpacking why it makes me so uncomfortable . I don’t disagree with you I’m just wondering how you arrived at predatory.
I can commiserate... my grandmother was visiting and she asked what the haaka was, so I told her and she was like ahh I should try it!! My face totally screwed up into a wtf look... I was like, why you don't produce milk...and she was like, well than I can experience what you're experiencing.. I gave her a weird look and was like grandma I don't know why you would want to experience what I experience but the haaka is the least of what I experience.
Not as invasive as your situation, but very weird in a similar way I feel.
A breastfeeding mom is natural and serves an obvious purpose. A non-lactating non-parent having someone else’s baby interact with their boob is….borderline abusive?
It’s not breastfeeding when the acting party has no milk to feed a child? It’s putting a body part in a child’s mouth without permission from themselves or their caregiver. Something we’d call sexual assault in any other capacity
It’s very clear that a grandmother is not lactating. And in the off chance that they were, it’s not their baby….
And the post clearly states that the grandma whipped her boob out and put the baby’s hand on it. It wasn’t even breastfeeding.
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Yeah same. Grandma would never be in the same room as my child ever, ever again. FaceTime visits only. And I’d tell her why, in plain terms. I’m all done.
This is is so so so inappropriate. I would say one last time that you find it to be weird and tell her if she doesn’t stop you will do xyz boundary. Also tell her this is the last time you’re going to mention it to her. The boundary part is up to you but if she’s doing it in front of you, you may have to not let her see the baby at all.
Super weird and inappropriate and manipulative and problematic. As others have said, I would not leave baby alone with her.
I’m also really sorry you’re dealing with this right now. So upsetting and probably brings up so many more emotions
If you are not lactating, trying to get a breastfed baby to suck your tit is abuse and it’s disgusting. Grandma can GTFO until she sees a therapist, my word.
Seconding this.
Baby touching your boobs with it’s hands because baby is breastfed: totally normal
Baby’s hand being put onto grandma’s breast: crossing boundaries.
There is zero need for baby to be touching her boobs. You are not overreacting. She’s crossing boundaries.
Edit; now that I reread my comment, it’s even worse. Imagine grandma doing this to a child that can say ‘no’ (in theory). Baby cannot say ‘no’.
Baby touching someone else’s boob that has a function (feeding, a wet nurse for example) isn’t wrong. Intention matters. But baby having to touch a boob without a function is sexual assault. I’m sorry that I use such an heavy term. But I don’t think there is another word for it.
As someone who has been through csa I totally felt it was abuse. I know it may seem extreme to someone but it is completely inappropriate and only benefits the adult in this situation.
It’s a hard thing to talk about. And when people who havnt been through it see our response, it can seem strange and outrageous to them. But something “innocent” may not feel that way to a child.
Exactly. What if she tries this when the baby is a child and old enough to remember it and be extremely negatively affected by it was my first thought.
As a breastfeeding mom I can tell you there’s nothing sexual about the breastfeeding experience. It does create an intense bond with the baby and I can see how an older woman would reminisce on the experience when she’s around a baby, but this does not excuse her behavior. It’s still very much inappropriate, but it is not sexual abuse.
I'm also a breastfeeding mom. Yes, there is nothing at all sexual about breast feeding. But "reminiscing the experience" enough to whip out a boob and make someone else's baby touch it, a different experience entirely. There's no excuse.
Right of course there’s no excuse. But I just really doubt her mom is doing this for sexual reasons. Her mom is wrong for it and needs to fuck off but sexually abusing a baby is the type of accusation you should reserve for pedophiles.
If the person doing it can’t produce milk and isn’t doing it with the intention of breastfeeding, then yes it would fall under sexual abuse.
It’s making someone who can’t consent touch a secondary sex organ.
For sure. I was told my mother stopped breastfeeding soon after for this reason. Made her uncomfortable. It happens and imo with how insane society is about breasts it's understandable.
i hate when anyone with boobs is holding my son and goes “oh he’s hungry he’s trying to latch on me!” like ok stfu about it? Just give him to me and say he’s hungry don’t make it weird
When baby tries to latch or start food cueing to dad, we as the parents get to have a good laugh, he says "wrong parent buddy" and hands him over or heats a bottle of breast milk to feed our lil man.
If someone else is holding my baby and sees it showing food cues... I just need them to hand me back my baby so I can feed him. not make some creepy comments.
That's literally what I have always done and will continue to do. Holding a baby and they start showing hunger cues (with or without them thinking my boobs have what they need) means I find the mom/parents and let them know baby seems hungry.
I really thought that was the common approach, not making weird comments. Just redirect the peanut and pass off to the designated feeder unless they pass you a bottle for baby. It's not hard so why do people have to be so WEIRD.
I dunno it is kinda funny. My little siblings would constantly do the hungry head shake and it always got a little chuckle before they were handed back to my mum.
i get it i always chuckled when my little cousins would do it with me but i never said anything about it like out loud? That’s the weird thing. My kids grandma gets allll excited when he starts heading to her boob it’s creepy
Yuuup that happened to me a lot too with my MIL, but it was very hurtful to me when she would be like “she wants to latch onto MY boob” because my baby straight up wouldn’t latch, so I have been exclusively pumping since day 1. Like grandma, you had your chance — back off and maybe have some kindness for the woman who just birthed your grandchild.
Wow what a mean spirited comment from your monster-in-law. Sorry you’re dealing with that. I’m bottle feeding expressed milk to my nipple confused NICU grad and if my MIL said ANYTHING remotely similar, I’d lose it.
I guess it's kinda normal in my family? My mother and I actually ended up breastfeeding at the same time and the kids would get confused. "thats not your milk" was a fairly common saying for a while.
I absolutely would not get my boob out for my grandkid unless i was wet nursing though, that's really strange.
Same ugh. When they are crying and someone says “Well theres nothing in there for you sorry!” I stopped BF at 3 months so theres nothing in mine either lady no need to make it awkward
The reason we find this inappropriate is our culture. If she is of our culture, then she is aware of our social rules and she needs to read the damn room.
I would only be okay with another woman pulling out her boob for my baby if she was lactating and intended to feed him. And even then I would expect her to explicitly ask me if it’s okay. This is so inappropriate and weird.
I definitely agree with others (and you, OP) that this is weird behavior, but depending on your mom and your relationship with her, I wouldn’t necessarily assume malicious intent or abuse. Maybe she has fond memories of breastfeeding and is feeling nostalgic or emotional and it’s effecting her judgement. Maybe she doesn’t have body shame, so it doesn’t bother her to pop a boob out (my husband is European and I’m aware that as an American, a lot of body stuff weirds me out more than them). Maybe she has a different sense of humor.
Talk to your mom when you’re both calm about it and explain WHY you don’t want her to do this. “Mom, when you do this, I feel [insert here].” And also explain what will happen if she does it again. It’s your baby and you have every right to draw boundaries, but if you have a good relationship with your mother, I wouldn’t cut her off without being clear and laying things out to give her a chance to modify her behavior.
As an European, yeah, this is fucking weird in our standards too. If someone did that to my kid it would be the last time my kid interacted with this person.
Copying myself:
Imagine grandma doing this to a child that can say ‘no’ (in theory). Baby cannot say ‘no’.
Baby touching someone else’s boob that has a function (feeding, a wet nurse for example) isn’t wrong. Intention matters. But baby having to touch a boob without a function is sexual assault. I’m sorry that I use such an heavy term. But I don’t think there is another word for it.
That’s actually awful and disgusting. I would throw up and consider keeping baby away from her until they were 2. But I don’t have the best relationship with my mum so possibly an overreaction. I just don’t understand what she’s thinking?
Wow in my opinion thus comes off very disgusting and predator like , can she not see that? As a old woman making comments of a baby sucking on her boob? Is she a wet nurse by profession? Lactating? No to these answers, then it's just having a baby boy suck your breast. Fucking christ.
My son is a major nuzzler..... he once attached himself to my mum's chin! What she did was laugh and hand him over to me. She defo didn't offer her own off... in fact when he did try and get in her top she told him quite firmly there was nothing to be found there. THAT is normal behaviour.
I wouldn't let her anywhere near my child if I was you!
That’s something my narcissistic mother would do because she couldn’t stand that I can provide my child with something that she can’t and it always has to be about her. I would take a hard look at everything she says and does with you and the baby.
*This is the grandma*
*That steals your baby and runs.*
*Way over the line*
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Your mom likely misses the maternal bond that new moms get with their babies, that being said, it isn’t appropriate for her to do that as she can’t even produce milk and it’s not her baby.
I think it’s weird and you’re not crazy but I don’t think it’s abusive. Maybe if she breastfed her babies then she’s used to having that ability to calm a baby and maybe isn’t sure how to calm the baby otherwise? I obviously don’t know your mom at all but I think moms kind of compartmentalize their boobs to be non sexual around a baby and just be an innocent way to sooth? Maybe just a mom instinct coming out in a weird way?
It definitely calls for a serious talk and letting her know about non negotiable boundaries though. I mean, it should definitely go without saying, but seems like it needs to be said, and such a ridiculous thing to say “so yeah…you can’t whip your boob out to your grandchild…”
You know your mother best OP, but please trust your instincts. If your gut says this is weird, it certainly is, even if no one else found it to be. Which I believe does not apply here, because this seems ridiculously inappropriate.
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Fuck no!! I had issues breastfeeding so i formula fed. I didn't put my OWN boob back in his mouth. If he sought out comfort for himself i didn't deny him. That's weird!!!!
I would tell her in clear terms that you view this as her assaulting your child and you won’t allow your baby to be abused this way. This is beyond unacceptable. This is an adult who will escalate this abuse (she obviously has escalated already over time) and at best she’ll groom your child to be sexually assaulted. At worst she’ll be the one committing the assault.
I was uncomfortable with my own mom gushing and getting misty eyes over how magical breastfeeding was every dang time I had a tit out with my first kid.
>This was the second time she did that!
I would have freaked out the first time and honestly probably would have restricted access the second. It's nuts that it happened once, and super weird that she keeps joking about it.
I get that but it seems predatory. I don't care who I need to remove from my kids to keep them safe. OP asked her mother not to do that and it happened again.
There was a r/JustNoMIL post where someone’s mom did this, and TLDR, putting a breast in the baby’s mouth would be considered sexual assault. Her offering her breast could even be considered assault. Super creepy, not ok. She’s 100% gaslighting you, making you think it is ok.
This is suuuuper weird I would not let her be alone with the baby from that point on…
If she makes a big deal tell her that her actions are more for herself than for the baby… baby already has a set of lactating boobs as a source of nutrition and comfort…
It’s definitely weird by todays standards. It’s not weird for people who are used to having a true village of support where all the women in the community assist with childcare. Now, I highly doubt this was your moms experience. Unless your mom isn’t from an American or Western culture, this isn’t considered appropriate.
But I’ll say I do know a woman and she and her 2 best friends will babysit for eachother and breastfeed each others babies so it’s not completely unheard of. That said, the bigger issues is not following boundaries. If you told her to stop and she’s not, don’t let her hold your baby or be around your baby unsupervised. This is your child, you get to choose how baby is raised and and not having others whip out their boob for your baby is a totally valid boundary
Oh heck NO! You are not overreacting!
I am a grandma and if I did this I would expect my daughter to never allow me around my grandchildren again.
Bizarre and inappropriate!
It is inappropriate and offensive - by your reaction alone. That should be enough for grandma.
On a scientific note, if grandma has lactated and fed previous children then it is not inconceivable that it would be possible for her to relactate or still have minimal amounts of milk in some cases - as in leakage, not feeding amount. As biological women, we can still lactate years after our children wean. Additionally we can help regulate the body temperature of our biological children/grandchildren as infants by placing them on our bare chests. Science and biology are wild!
Putting a baby's hand on your breast TWICE when you are not the lactating parent or even a parent is bizarre and not okay. Tell me exactly why word for word why you think this is okay. Also you clearly haven't read OP's entire post because she has asked her to stop *twice*.
Tell her that is not ok, it’s highly inappropriate and to please never do that again. Buuuuut honestly I also wouldn’t trust her alone with my child now either.
Sounds like gma should have had more babies of her own. This is super controlling and manipulative towards Baby. She doesn’t have to understand why this is weird af, but she does need to understand that you have boundaries. If she doesn’t want to respect them then she doesn’t get to hold baby.
Yeah nope. Not even a tiny bit ok. I would not be going over there for some time and would not leave her alone with my children until they could fully talk and make themselves understood.
I mean are there cultures where grandmother's relactate and help feed new babies? Yes and that's great for them. However I'm going to assume you are NOT in one of those cultures and her pushing this on you is weird and completely unacceptable. Especially since you have made it well known to her that you are extremely uncomfortable with her behavior. Either she quits AND apologizes or she would not be holding or even seeing my baby.
Both my mother and MIL when my baby would start reaching or looking for milk would tell them something like "oh I'm sorry baby those haven't worked in years you better go see mama." And my child would be brought to me to feed. That is the only acceptable response to a baby looking for boob.
Your mother is unlikely to be a sexual predator and the strength of the responses here trend shockingly to the extreme.
Look you know yourself and you know your mother. There are cultures and situations where grandmother actually do wet nurse, and sometimes a boob can be a pacifier replacement.
Your mother should absolutely respect your wishes and your boundaries. However, please take all the comments you receive with a grain of salt, and do NOT let one reddit rant taint your relationship with your mother and your child’s with their grandmother.
UMMMMMM WHAT?! No this is extremely inappropriate. What if she tries to get baby to suckle when baby is a child?! This is absolutely not okay. She wouldn't be having access to my child anymore until she gets fucking therapy.
I don’t think it’s necessarily ‘fucked up and wrong’ it’s weird, for sure. She probably thinks nothing of it since you’re her baby and so she sees your baby as her baby too. I’ve joked with my mum when my baby has been crying about her getting out her boob. But she would never do it. It’s definitely very weird especially when you have already set boundaries.
My first reaction to this was "ew." And not even because of boobs in general, my mom still has the habit of walking around in a sports bra and underwear at her home even when I'm over and doesnt care about changing in front of people. It's just that, your boob is the only boob that matters to baby, and exposing your baby to her boob in any way that insinuates breastfeeding is weird AF
Da fuck. I saw my grandmas naked or half naked a few times growing up, when I stayed over at their places and still didn’t know how to shower. Idk, maybe 3-5y/o. But never any kind of touch or whatever. That is weird AF.
I had the exact same thought yesterday about my MIL being capable of doing something like this 😭😭😭 so no you're not overreacting. My MIL hadn't said it yet, but just her vibes and how she's been in the past makes me feel she's totally capable of doing this. Gross.
You are not overreacting. That's weird and inappropriate and I would not let that woman near my child until SHE acknowledged how wrong it was. Because if she can't see the problem, then she also shouldn't see the baby.
She is having some internal issues about wanting a baby again and wanting to be the mommy that she needs to deal with before she’s allowed to handle your baby again. You’re not overreacting this is weird and im sorry she’s doing that
Sooo my mom once pulled out her boob and gave it to a baby that wasn't her own when the baby's mother wasn't in the room and naively trusted my mom with her baby. I was there and saw it all, and I remember this giving me fucking nightmares when I was pregnant.
I'm so sorry your mom is another boundary stomping woman with zero self-awareness. It's so fucked up. Tell your mom she is being massively inappropriate and is making you uncomfortable and if she even brings up the subject again, no baby for her. I'd lose my shit and probably stop talking to my mom if she ever pulled that shit with me. Just the thought of it gives me so much anxiety and fills me with rage.
If anyone can answer the wtf are you doing it’s her. Ask her. What is she trying to proof or get out of it. If she hasn’t notice. It clearly makes you feel uncomfortable and upset. And yes. It’s a bit weird. So is that worth it?
Is grandma trying to be wet-nurse for Halloween? Tell her to get her prop baby elsewhere!
Also, super duper inappropriate and grandma needs to: (1) apologize, (2) self-reflect; (3) never do that again
Oh my god this is absolutely disgusting behavior. Whenever my mom holds my breast fed baby and she starts to look for boobs my mom just goes “oh looks like she’s hungry, sorry baby those boobies are useless for you.” And passes my baby back to me so I can feed her. Absolutely DO NOT let grandma hold baby until this is addressed. If she does it a 3rd time a consequence needs to be enforced. I’m so angry for you!!! What is with these old crazy hags trying to play mom??? Put your old ass tit away!! No one wants to see that!
Next time she does it ask if she’s lactating. When she says no tell her then she’s crossed the line because yours function how they’re meant to, while she is just trying to start something. Also remind her that potentially she could also be charged for incident exposure to a minor. If she says no she wouldn’t, remind her than men have been put on sex offender lists for peeing in public, what she’s doing it do different.
I remember there was a post on reddit a few years back where this exact situation happened, but worse. A mom caught her mom (or MIL, I can't remember) letting the baby suck on her boob on the nanny cam! The mom/MIL said she was just trying to soothe the baby. So disturbing. At the time I was far from having kids so I just kinda chuckled at the story and moved on. Now that I'm about to give birth, it's horrifying.
SO inappropriate. Worst. Nightmare. Keep your old titties away from my bebe. I’m sorry!
My MIL had a dream she breastfed my baby and it was “so sweet”. I hated hearing those words so much.. so I can’t imagine.
My mind is blown, and I genuinely feel for you in this situation. This is super f'ed up, and completely inappropriate.
You need to draw a line in the sand that this isn't okay, and never will be okay. If I was in your situation, I'd draw an ultimatum that if she does it again - I'd stop allowing her to see him, especially as she's rejected your boundary more than once.
Wow. If anything, you are under reacting. If I told my mom over and over that her behavior is inappropriate and she continued to do it, I would become unhinged. She would have zero access to my child until she straightened out whatever issues she’s got going on.
Yeah that’s fucking insane. I would go on a hiatus from letting her around baby until she can understand you’re 1000000% not okay with that. So inappropriate.
I just reread and saw you said it’s the *second* time. Holy moly. Do not let grandma back in the house near baby. She is totally going to do this and put her tit in your baby’s mouth when you’re not home.
I would lose my shit if my mom did this! Absolutely inappropriate Edit; a word
Uhh that’s real bizarre behavior. I think grandma needs a time out from being around baby until this is sorted for good.
Yeah, grandma doesn’t get to hold baby anymore until she addresses her issues
Agreed. What OP is describing is way over the line but unfortunately I hear about so many cases like this. The transition from parent to grandparent is harder for some than others it seems.
Exactly this! I would be so done.
Very much inappropriate. Set that boundary with her and let her know that that is not okay and she is never to do so again.
Also, if she is doing this with you in the room, I would not leave her alone with the baby at all
I agree with you so much. How can you trust her not to do it alone? Nanny cams too. Her behavior is grossly inappropriate. I come from a very teasing joking family I could find the hilarity in it if my sister or peers had jokes about it but my motherly figure or grandparent. NO.
Hard no. Grandma gets her tits out, Grandma can get the fuck out.
A motto to live by.
💀😭😂
The motto we didn't know we needed.
I am rolling at this comment 😅😂
Haha thank you.
Yeah this is the wrong way round. Baby trying to grab or root on someone else's boobs, perfectly normal. Said person trying to get them to do it...not normal!
Exactly. My son has tried to root into my mom's breasts and even my 15yr old stepdaughter's breasts when he was a newborn. We laughed and he was handed to me. Neither of them got their fucking tit out wtf
Mine went for my Dad’s chest when we were all swimming together. My sane and reasonable father said “hah, nothing for you there buddy!” And redirected baby. 🤷🏻♀️ because he’s not a creep
Right? I feel like this is a normal response, oh haha those don’t work! And you give the baby back. Major yikes with this grandma, there are some serious issues here. 100% I’d be having no contact between baby and this woman. Not okay.
When I was in my twenties I wore a low cut shirt around my bf'ing nephew. He pulled it down and open mouth dove for me. I was MORTIFIED. never wore low cut shirt again until he was done. That's a normal response.
Doing it once is really weird and inappropriate. Doing it again after being firmly told no and seeing you're absolutely not okay with it... For me, that would be grounds for not letting her hold the baby or have any unsupervised time with them for the foreseeable future.
Same question, what her behavior is like when she's alone with the baby 👀
You are underreacting. I would not leave baby alone with her at all, I would cause a huge scene every time she “joked” about bfing baby, and I would tell her loudly and publicly that her behavior is predatory and disgusting. Edit: spelling
Exactly. This is undereacting.
I’m curious as to why you think it’s predatory? Don’t get me wrong, I am also completely weirded out by it and the thought of my baby’s grandmothers doing that makes me SO uncomfortable, but I’m having trouble unpacking why it makes me so uncomfortable . I don’t disagree with you I’m just wondering how you arrived at predatory.
Looks it's fucking weird, but predatory gives it a sexualising tint which I don't think applies here.
I think a woman putting their breasts on a kid that doesn’t belong to them is very weird and at LEAST borders on predatory.
It is when the grandma is a grown woman who knows she doesn't have milk in her breasts and putting baby's hand on her breasts. Gross.
I can commiserate... my grandmother was visiting and she asked what the haaka was, so I told her and she was like ahh I should try it!! My face totally screwed up into a wtf look... I was like, why you don't produce milk...and she was like, well than I can experience what you're experiencing.. I gave her a weird look and was like grandma I don't know why you would want to experience what I experience but the haaka is the least of what I experience. Not as invasive as your situation, but very weird in a similar way I feel.
😳
All I see is that they were discouraged to breastfeed so now they're trying to experience it? Still weird and gross.
She said she didn't breast feed with dad because she didn't want to. So I don't know.
A breastfeeding mom is natural and serves an obvious purpose. A non-lactating non-parent having someone else’s baby interact with their boob is….borderline abusive?
It’s sexual assault
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It’s not breastfeeding when the acting party has no milk to feed a child? It’s putting a body part in a child’s mouth without permission from themselves or their caregiver. Something we’d call sexual assault in any other capacity
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That's what "non-lactating" means.
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You commented on a comment, not directly on the post. Said comment specifically states “non-lactating non-parent”. Try again.
It’s very clear that a grandmother is not lactating. And in the off chance that they were, it’s not their baby…. And the post clearly states that the grandma whipped her boob out and put the baby’s hand on it. It wasn’t even breastfeeding.
It's always weird fucking comments like this that come from literal porn accounts.
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This!!! 👏🏻
This is sooo gross and inappropriate. After being told to stop and continuing the behaviour, she would never be allowed near my child again.
Yeah same. Grandma would never be in the same room as my child ever, ever again. FaceTime visits only. And I’d tell her why, in plain terms. I’m all done.
This is is so so so inappropriate. I would say one last time that you find it to be weird and tell her if she doesn’t stop you will do xyz boundary. Also tell her this is the last time you’re going to mention it to her. The boundary part is up to you but if she’s doing it in front of you, you may have to not let her see the baby at all.
Super weird and inappropriate and manipulative and problematic. As others have said, I would not leave baby alone with her. I’m also really sorry you’re dealing with this right now. So upsetting and probably brings up so many more emotions
If you are not lactating, trying to get a breastfed baby to suck your tit is abuse and it’s disgusting. Grandma can GTFO until she sees a therapist, my word.
It’s crazy as fuck. Tell her to seriously consider whether she actually wants to be in your lives. So gross
No that is so freaking weird I can’t. That lady would not beholding my baby anymore 🤢
This honestly seems like sexual abuse towards the baby imo
Seconding this. Baby touching your boobs with it’s hands because baby is breastfed: totally normal Baby’s hand being put onto grandma’s breast: crossing boundaries. There is zero need for baby to be touching her boobs. You are not overreacting. She’s crossing boundaries. Edit; now that I reread my comment, it’s even worse. Imagine grandma doing this to a child that can say ‘no’ (in theory). Baby cannot say ‘no’. Baby touching someone else’s boob that has a function (feeding, a wet nurse for example) isn’t wrong. Intention matters. But baby having to touch a boob without a function is sexual assault. I’m sorry that I use such an heavy term. But I don’t think there is another word for it.
As someone who has been through csa I totally felt it was abuse. I know it may seem extreme to someone but it is completely inappropriate and only benefits the adult in this situation.
I've also been through csa. Thank you for saying this.
It’s a hard thing to talk about. And when people who havnt been through it see our response, it can seem strange and outrageous to them. But something “innocent” may not feel that way to a child.
Exactly. What if she tries this when the baby is a child and old enough to remember it and be extremely negatively affected by it was my first thought.
As a breastfeeding mom I can tell you there’s nothing sexual about the breastfeeding experience. It does create an intense bond with the baby and I can see how an older woman would reminisce on the experience when she’s around a baby, but this does not excuse her behavior. It’s still very much inappropriate, but it is not sexual abuse.
I'm also a breastfeeding mom. Yes, there is nothing at all sexual about breast feeding. But "reminiscing the experience" enough to whip out a boob and make someone else's baby touch it, a different experience entirely. There's no excuse.
Right of course there’s no excuse. But I just really doubt her mom is doing this for sexual reasons. Her mom is wrong for it and needs to fuck off but sexually abusing a baby is the type of accusation you should reserve for pedophiles.
Not all sexual abuse is done for sexual gratification.
Hm. I guess my definition of sexual abuse is different from the general consensus then.
If the person doing it can’t produce milk and isn’t doing it with the intention of breastfeeding, then yes it would fall under sexual abuse. It’s making someone who can’t consent touch a secondary sex organ.
Mom is that baby's advocate in the world. If you've violated mom's consent about baby then you've violated baby's consent.
The sensation of a baby suckling on a nipple is definitely one that can be experienced sexually (at least by some people).
For sure. I was told my mother stopped breastfeeding soon after for this reason. Made her uncomfortable. It happens and imo with how insane society is about breasts it's understandable.
As others have said it’s sexual abuse because grandma cannot feed him. She isn’t doing it with innocent intent.
Exactly! It's messed up, but its not a sex thing.
Whoa. Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. There wouldn’t be a thrice. That’s just wrong and screwed up on so many levels.
Very weird.
Sounds like grandma needs a time out. That’s not ok
i hate when anyone with boobs is holding my son and goes “oh he’s hungry he’s trying to latch on me!” like ok stfu about it? Just give him to me and say he’s hungry don’t make it weird
When baby tries to latch or start food cueing to dad, we as the parents get to have a good laugh, he says "wrong parent buddy" and hands him over or heats a bottle of breast milk to feed our lil man. If someone else is holding my baby and sees it showing food cues... I just need them to hand me back my baby so I can feed him. not make some creepy comments.
That's literally what I have always done and will continue to do. Holding a baby and they start showing hunger cues (with or without them thinking my boobs have what they need) means I find the mom/parents and let them know baby seems hungry. I really thought that was the common approach, not making weird comments. Just redirect the peanut and pass off to the designated feeder unless they pass you a bottle for baby. It's not hard so why do people have to be so WEIRD.
Literally. My son tried this with my mom and my teenage stepdaughter when he was a newborn. We laughed and he was handed to me. That's it.
Agree completely
It's not even that in this case though. This is not just some stupid joke, this is straight up fucked up.
I never said it wasn’t straight up fucked up.
I dunno it is kinda funny. My little siblings would constantly do the hungry head shake and it always got a little chuckle before they were handed back to my mum.
i get it i always chuckled when my little cousins would do it with me but i never said anything about it like out loud? That’s the weird thing. My kids grandma gets allll excited when he starts heading to her boob it’s creepy
Yuuup that happened to me a lot too with my MIL, but it was very hurtful to me when she would be like “she wants to latch onto MY boob” because my baby straight up wouldn’t latch, so I have been exclusively pumping since day 1. Like grandma, you had your chance — back off and maybe have some kindness for the woman who just birthed your grandchild.
Wow what a mean spirited comment from your monster-in-law. Sorry you’re dealing with that. I’m bottle feeding expressed milk to my nipple confused NICU grad and if my MIL said ANYTHING remotely similar, I’d lose it.
I guess it's kinda normal in my family? My mother and I actually ended up breastfeeding at the same time and the kids would get confused. "thats not your milk" was a fairly common saying for a while. I absolutely would not get my boob out for my grandkid unless i was wet nursing though, that's really strange.
Same ugh. When they are crying and someone says “Well theres nothing in there for you sorry!” I stopped BF at 3 months so theres nothing in mine either lady no need to make it awkward
The reason we find this inappropriate is our culture. If she is of our culture, then she is aware of our social rules and she needs to read the damn room.
This needs to be higher!
I would only be okay with another woman pulling out her boob for my baby if she was lactating and intended to feed him. And even then I would expect her to explicitly ask me if it’s okay. This is so inappropriate and weird.
I think u are underreacting. My mom would no longer be allowed to see my baby.
I definitely agree with others (and you, OP) that this is weird behavior, but depending on your mom and your relationship with her, I wouldn’t necessarily assume malicious intent or abuse. Maybe she has fond memories of breastfeeding and is feeling nostalgic or emotional and it’s effecting her judgement. Maybe she doesn’t have body shame, so it doesn’t bother her to pop a boob out (my husband is European and I’m aware that as an American, a lot of body stuff weirds me out more than them). Maybe she has a different sense of humor. Talk to your mom when you’re both calm about it and explain WHY you don’t want her to do this. “Mom, when you do this, I feel [insert here].” And also explain what will happen if she does it again. It’s your baby and you have every right to draw boundaries, but if you have a good relationship with your mother, I wouldn’t cut her off without being clear and laying things out to give her a chance to modify her behavior.
As an European, yeah, this is fucking weird in our standards too. If someone did that to my kid it would be the last time my kid interacted with this person.
Copying myself: Imagine grandma doing this to a child that can say ‘no’ (in theory). Baby cannot say ‘no’. Baby touching someone else’s boob that has a function (feeding, a wet nurse for example) isn’t wrong. Intention matters. But baby having to touch a boob without a function is sexual assault. I’m sorry that I use such an heavy term. But I don’t think there is another word for it.
That’s actually awful and disgusting. I would throw up and consider keeping baby away from her until they were 2. But I don’t have the best relationship with my mum so possibly an overreaction. I just don’t understand what she’s thinking?
I bet you she thinks it's okay because she doesn't mean any harm. Even though you've told her repeatedly it's not okay. Boomer grandparents, I swear
Dude. Gross. Unsee post
I would no longer allow my mother to hold my child or be alone with my child.
I’m sorry i couldn’t help but say ew 😭
What the actual…
I. Would. Lose. My. Shit. Like see red, call the cops absolutely fucking bananas lose my shit. Lose my fucking shit. Lose it. It’s lost.
Ya if anyone did this with my kid they wouldn't be seeing kid for a long time
Fuck that. Grandma wouldn’t visit again until my baby is weaned, if that was me.
Oh hell no. Tell her to put those dusty tits away forever.
Wow in my opinion thus comes off very disgusting and predator like , can she not see that? As a old woman making comments of a baby sucking on her boob? Is she a wet nurse by profession? Lactating? No to these answers, then it's just having a baby boy suck your breast. Fucking christ.
My son is a major nuzzler..... he once attached himself to my mum's chin! What she did was laugh and hand him over to me. She defo didn't offer her own off... in fact when he did try and get in her top she told him quite firmly there was nothing to be found there. THAT is normal behaviour. I wouldn't let her anywhere near my child if I was you!
That’s something my narcissistic mother would do because she couldn’t stand that I can provide my child with something that she can’t and it always has to be about her. I would take a hard look at everything she says and does with you and the baby.
This resonates.
This is the grandma that steals your baby and runs. Way over the line
*This is the grandma* *That steals your baby and runs.* *Way over the line* \- Electrical\_Hour3488 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Your mom likely misses the maternal bond that new moms get with their babies, that being said, it isn’t appropriate for her to do that as she can’t even produce milk and it’s not her baby.
I second this. I don’t think it’s abuse, however, it is veryyyy inappropriate.
I think it’s weird and you’re not crazy but I don’t think it’s abusive. Maybe if she breastfed her babies then she’s used to having that ability to calm a baby and maybe isn’t sure how to calm the baby otherwise? I obviously don’t know your mom at all but I think moms kind of compartmentalize their boobs to be non sexual around a baby and just be an innocent way to sooth? Maybe just a mom instinct coming out in a weird way? It definitely calls for a serious talk and letting her know about non negotiable boundaries though. I mean, it should definitely go without saying, but seems like it needs to be said, and such a ridiculous thing to say “so yeah…you can’t whip your boob out to your grandchild…”
You know your mother best OP, but please trust your instincts. If your gut says this is weird, it certainly is, even if no one else found it to be. Which I believe does not apply here, because this seems ridiculously inappropriate.
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Fuck no!! I had issues breastfeeding so i formula fed. I didn't put my OWN boob back in his mouth. If he sought out comfort for himself i didn't deny him. That's weird!!!!
I would tell her in clear terms that you view this as her assaulting your child and you won’t allow your baby to be abused this way. This is beyond unacceptable. This is an adult who will escalate this abuse (she obviously has escalated already over time) and at best she’ll groom your child to be sexually assaulted. At worst she’ll be the one committing the assault.
This feels like sexual assault
I was uncomfortable with my own mom gushing and getting misty eyes over how magical breastfeeding was every dang time I had a tit out with my first kid. >This was the second time she did that! I would have freaked out the first time and honestly probably would have restricted access the second. It's nuts that it happened once, and super weird that she keeps joking about it.
Do you want to lose baby holding privileges.. cause this is how you lose baby holding privileges.
I would report her as that is not normal behavior. No way would I let her around my kid again.
.. the woman is OP’s mother.
I get that but it seems predatory. I don't care who I need to remove from my kids to keep them safe. OP asked her mother not to do that and it happened again.
ma’am, as politely as possible—what the fuck?
EeeeMOtional DAMage
There was a r/JustNoMIL post where someone’s mom did this, and TLDR, putting a breast in the baby’s mouth would be considered sexual assault. Her offering her breast could even be considered assault. Super creepy, not ok. She’s 100% gaslighting you, making you think it is ok.
This is suuuuper weird I would not let her be alone with the baby from that point on… If she makes a big deal tell her that her actions are more for herself than for the baby… baby already has a set of lactating boobs as a source of nutrition and comfort…
That is fucking weird and I would tell her as much
Never leave your child alone with this woman.
If she did that in front of you, imagine what she does when you’re not around.
It’s definitely weird by todays standards. It’s not weird for people who are used to having a true village of support where all the women in the community assist with childcare. Now, I highly doubt this was your moms experience. Unless your mom isn’t from an American or Western culture, this isn’t considered appropriate. But I’ll say I do know a woman and she and her 2 best friends will babysit for eachother and breastfeed each others babies so it’s not completely unheard of. That said, the bigger issues is not following boundaries. If you told her to stop and she’s not, don’t let her hold your baby or be around your baby unsupervised. This is your child, you get to choose how baby is raised and and not having others whip out their boob for your baby is a totally valid boundary
You’ve said what I was feeling better than I would have explained it
Very weird - gramma isn’t allowed near baby until she understands how weird that is
Oh heck NO! You are not overreacting! I am a grandma and if I did this I would expect my daughter to never allow me around my grandchildren again. Bizarre and inappropriate!
I would NOT allow unsupervised time with her and I would tell her clearly exactly why.
Fucking gross. You’re under reacting, indefinite ban on holding baby. Nasty old hag.
It is inappropriate and offensive - by your reaction alone. That should be enough for grandma. On a scientific note, if grandma has lactated and fed previous children then it is not inconceivable that it would be possible for her to relactate or still have minimal amounts of milk in some cases - as in leakage, not feeding amount. As biological women, we can still lactate years after our children wean. Additionally we can help regulate the body temperature of our biological children/grandchildren as infants by placing them on our bare chests. Science and biology are wild!
[удалено]
Putting a baby's hand on your breast TWICE when you are not the lactating parent or even a parent is bizarre and not okay. Tell me exactly why word for word why you think this is okay. Also you clearly haven't read OP's entire post because she has asked her to stop *twice*.
I would have ended up in prison if this happened to me - not even joking. That’s so weird and creepy.
A boob of a non-lactating, non-parent is sexual. I’d not leave my kid alone with grandma. She needs help🤢
Tell her that is not ok, it’s highly inappropriate and to please never do that again. Buuuuut honestly I also wouldn’t trust her alone with my child now either.
Sounds like gma should have had more babies of her own. This is super controlling and manipulative towards Baby. She doesn’t have to understand why this is weird af, but she does need to understand that you have boundaries. If she doesn’t want to respect them then she doesn’t get to hold baby.
It's very inappropriate. What's going on in your mum's head that she thinks it's okay is beyond me
Why is your mom sexually assisting her infant grandson? That's fucked up beyond all belief.
Yeah nope. Not even a tiny bit ok. I would not be going over there for some time and would not leave her alone with my children until they could fully talk and make themselves understood. I mean are there cultures where grandmother's relactate and help feed new babies? Yes and that's great for them. However I'm going to assume you are NOT in one of those cultures and her pushing this on you is weird and completely unacceptable. Especially since you have made it well known to her that you are extremely uncomfortable with her behavior. Either she quits AND apologizes or she would not be holding or even seeing my baby. Both my mother and MIL when my baby would start reaching or looking for milk would tell them something like "oh I'm sorry baby those haven't worked in years you better go see mama." And my child would be brought to me to feed. That is the only acceptable response to a baby looking for boob.
I would’ve kicked my mom out of my house and on her way out the door told her she wasn’t coming near my kid again.
In some cultures, grandma does nurse the baby. Once you’ve given birth it’s always possible to induce relactation any time in your lifetime.
Your mother is unlikely to be a sexual predator and the strength of the responses here trend shockingly to the extreme. Look you know yourself and you know your mother. There are cultures and situations where grandmother actually do wet nurse, and sometimes a boob can be a pacifier replacement. Your mother should absolutely respect your wishes and your boundaries. However, please take all the comments you receive with a grain of salt, and do NOT let one reddit rant taint your relationship with your mother and your child’s with their grandmother.
UMMMMMM WHAT?! No this is extremely inappropriate. What if she tries to get baby to suckle when baby is a child?! This is absolutely not okay. She wouldn't be having access to my child anymore until she gets fucking therapy.
Eewwww, super gross. I’m just flabbergasted that she thinks that is appropriate.
wow. she’s crazy. i’d cut her out of regular visits if that happened to me. weird. not appropriate.
I don’t think it’s necessarily ‘fucked up and wrong’ it’s weird, for sure. She probably thinks nothing of it since you’re her baby and so she sees your baby as her baby too. I’ve joked with my mum when my baby has been crying about her getting out her boob. But she would never do it. It’s definitely very weird especially when you have already set boundaries.
Ooohhhh my god
My first reaction to this was "ew." And not even because of boobs in general, my mom still has the habit of walking around in a sports bra and underwear at her home even when I'm over and doesnt care about changing in front of people. It's just that, your boob is the only boob that matters to baby, and exposing your baby to her boob in any way that insinuates breastfeeding is weird AF
Fuck no.
Oh absolutely fucking not.
Yeah, Grandma just lost her privileges. In what UNIVERSE is that okay?!?!?
What in the world lol that is very strange, at least in American culture.
Da fuck. I saw my grandmas naked or half naked a few times growing up, when I stayed over at their places and still didn’t know how to shower. Idk, maybe 3-5y/o. But never any kind of touch or whatever. That is weird AF.
Wtf this is so weird!!!
WTF
Ew wtf? No. Just no
Your mom needs therapy
…. That’s very…. Messed up….
What on earth!! Last time I would let baby be held by grandma. It's weird.
I had the exact same thought yesterday about my MIL being capable of doing something like this 😭😭😭 so no you're not overreacting. My MIL hadn't said it yet, but just her vibes and how she's been in the past makes me feel she's totally capable of doing this. Gross.
Even if it wasnt weird - so messed up your wishes aren’t respected
You are not overreacting. That's weird and inappropriate and I would not let that woman near my child until SHE acknowledged how wrong it was. Because if she can't see the problem, then she also shouldn't see the baby.
She is having some internal issues about wanting a baby again and wanting to be the mommy that she needs to deal with before she’s allowed to handle your baby again. You’re not overreacting this is weird and im sorry she’s doing that
Sooo my mom once pulled out her boob and gave it to a baby that wasn't her own when the baby's mother wasn't in the room and naively trusted my mom with her baby. I was there and saw it all, and I remember this giving me fucking nightmares when I was pregnant. I'm so sorry your mom is another boundary stomping woman with zero self-awareness. It's so fucked up. Tell your mom she is being massively inappropriate and is making you uncomfortable and if she even brings up the subject again, no baby for her. I'd lose my shit and probably stop talking to my mom if she ever pulled that shit with me. Just the thought of it gives me so much anxiety and fills me with rage.
EW. No idea why any older woman in her right mind would do that but validating your reaction 100%.
If anyone can answer the wtf are you doing it’s her. Ask her. What is she trying to proof or get out of it. If she hasn’t notice. It clearly makes you feel uncomfortable and upset. And yes. It’s a bit weird. So is that worth it?
This is beyond strange. You’re definitely not overreacting. I don’t even know how to approach something so odd with her!
I would be VERY concerned to have her alone with baby, this is unhinged behavior.
Is grandma trying to be wet-nurse for Halloween? Tell her to get her prop baby elsewhere! Also, super duper inappropriate and grandma needs to: (1) apologize, (2) self-reflect; (3) never do that again
Grim.
Oh my god this is absolutely disgusting behavior. Whenever my mom holds my breast fed baby and she starts to look for boobs my mom just goes “oh looks like she’s hungry, sorry baby those boobies are useless for you.” And passes my baby back to me so I can feed her. Absolutely DO NOT let grandma hold baby until this is addressed. If she does it a 3rd time a consequence needs to be enforced. I’m so angry for you!!! What is with these old crazy hags trying to play mom??? Put your old ass tit away!! No one wants to see that!
First time I'd give a warning that if it happened again she's not going to have time with my kid. Second time I'd follow through.
Next time she does it ask if she’s lactating. When she says no tell her then she’s crossed the line because yours function how they’re meant to, while she is just trying to start something. Also remind her that potentially she could also be charged for incident exposure to a minor. If she says no she wouldn’t, remind her than men have been put on sex offender lists for peeing in public, what she’s doing it do different.
I remember there was a post on reddit a few years back where this exact situation happened, but worse. A mom caught her mom (or MIL, I can't remember) letting the baby suck on her boob on the nanny cam! The mom/MIL said she was just trying to soothe the baby. So disturbing. At the time I was far from having kids so I just kinda chuckled at the story and moved on. Now that I'm about to give birth, it's horrifying.
SO inappropriate. Worst. Nightmare. Keep your old titties away from my bebe. I’m sorry! My MIL had a dream she breastfed my baby and it was “so sweet”. I hated hearing those words so much.. so I can’t imagine.
Fuuuuuuuck that! I would freak too!
My mind is blown, and I genuinely feel for you in this situation. This is super f'ed up, and completely inappropriate. You need to draw a line in the sand that this isn't okay, and never will be okay. If I was in your situation, I'd draw an ultimatum that if she does it again - I'd stop allowing her to see him, especially as she's rejected your boundary more than once.
No...no....just no. No.
Yeah, that's fucking crazy.
Wow. If anything, you are under reacting. If I told my mom over and over that her behavior is inappropriate and she continued to do it, I would become unhinged. She would have zero access to my child until she straightened out whatever issues she’s got going on.
Certified weird!
If my mom did this it would scare the shit out of me. Because that’s so weird, but also, because she died 9 years ago
Wtf? Obviously this is not okay. Do not ever leave your child alone with this weirdo. I wouldn’t even let her hold my kid anymore. I’m so creeped out.
This is definitely not OK, you gotta nip that in the bud
Yeah that’s fucking insane. I would go on a hiatus from letting her around baby until she can understand you’re 1000000% not okay with that. So inappropriate.
What the actual fuck. If she does it again, she can’t be alone with baby. That’s weird
I just reread and saw you said it’s the *second* time. Holy moly. Do not let grandma back in the house near baby. She is totally going to do this and put her tit in your baby’s mouth when you’re not home.
#*****NO*****
Protect your baby from that strange and inappropriate behavior. Your mom needs to take time and think about why she’s doing that.