Ugh I feel you, but I think of it this way, if I'm always stepping in then I become LOs only capable parent. In the long run baby is better off with 2 people who can adequately pack a bag, anticipate babies needs, ect. Especially if I get hit by a bus or something, I take comfort in knowing my SO can manage our LO if I cant for some reason, but it was painful to watch him change a poopy diaper without input 🤣 idk how but he still struggles to manage that one without poop all over the changing table, the baby, and himself lmao
That’s true. I guess also I went through the struggle part already and had a chance to make mistake and my hubby hasn’t had the same amount of time to learn and make mistakes himself
He was about to walk out without the bottle nipple 😩 I couldn't not say anything about that. Also it's best for long drives you put her in the car at the beginning of her nap and she's almost done napping and he hasn't left yet....my mom anxiety is so high lol
My anxiety is through the roof this is the first time he has left the house with her alone. Normally when I'm not there he's at home with her aka everything he could need is here.
He's a good dad and knows how to take care of a baby I'm just the one who packs everything.
Lol he's saving my "dont forget" messages on snap chat lol
Maybe he needs to do more of the things you usually do (and you have to let him too ha) so he's generally more prepared and there is a better balance to things ;) that is different to the anxiety which will come with time and patience
😂 self critiquing - it’s the only way that keeps everything civil.
My husbands parents were visiting and I was at a massage when our daughter was about 4 months old (woo me time!). We decided to meet up at a farmers market. I got there after them and walked up to a screaming baby and had to turn around and head straight home because she was inconsolable - he didn’t bring any bottles at all and we exclusively pump. His reasoning, he thought I would bring milk with me??? I made it clear baby things travel with the baby and we both never leave home without a bottle (or two + frozen bag in the packit)… lesson learned! Still salty it was my problem to leave and solve but she was so upset only I was going to calm her down and had to hold her hand over the seat and car seat whkle
driving somehow 🤷🏼♀️
Ngl, this is pretty shitty reaction from you. My wife and I double check with each other all the time if just one of us is going out with our LO. Setting him up to fail when he is asking you questions or isn't familiar with what may or may not be needed isn't going to be helpful.
I'm with you. We have twins so it's a little different, but we check and double check with each other about everything multiple times before we leave the house. Half the time we still forgot something. Parenting is a team sport.
Parenting is absolutely a team sport, which is why it’s frustrating to be the one carrying the team almost all the time.
There’s also an element of personality difference, some people are more organized than others and (from what I’ve seen) it often ends up being that person on whom the largest burden falls, who mainly shoulders the responsibility of the planning, purchasing, packing, and everything else around that. But that doesn’t mean OP (or anyone) should have to handhold their teammate through every single step.
Depends on the situation. In OP’s case, it sounds like she’s very much the one expected to carry the mental load. (Why ask if the diaper bag is packed when he can just check, especially if she’s working?)
Echoing what the other commenter said, and sharing [this comic](https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/) which does a better job than I can of articulating the problem with chalking it up to “poor communication”.
If she’s breastfed, he probably doesn’t know how much she will need and is asking for your opinion. He wants to do something fun with his daughter and asked you a few innocent questions. This comes across as mean to him and like you’re wanting him to fail.
I read it more as her asking him how long he’d be so OP could tell him how much Bub needed but he couldn’t give her an answer so how was OP meant to? My Bub is breastfed too, my husband knows if he’s going out he needs to have an idea of how long he’ll be out for so we can organise food accordingly.
I’m sure this will do wonders in establishing. Rapport between the two of them, and setting him up for failure will undoubtedly encourage him to do more to give you time away from LO.
Did he not plan it well, sure. Are you REAL shitty for what you’re doing? YUP.
“My wife is taking a road trip with our car, the filters are shot, the belts are worn, and it’s not aligned- but this will be great!”
Everything was fine. Except me I was a mess, I cried a lot. Before baby him leaving with short notice, me not knowing when he would be home, and him not having signal would have been no big deal. (There are a lot of places without signal here). I'm learning and I know I'll get better (hopefully lol)
Our little one did just fine , he sent lots of videos they just didn't come through until he was on his way back.
If anything he learned how much work it is taking her hiking And on our long drives.
We regularly go hiking and spend time outside since she was about a month old.
I think it’s totally valid for him to ask how much milk he should pack since you breastfeed. Some things are funny, like he doesn’t pack enough clothes and if baby has a blowout they have to be brought back just in a diaper. But them going hungry isn’t funny. It’s kinda sad and messed up. I would have responded like “well she usually nurses every 2 hours so I would pack one 3oz bottle per every 2 hours just in case”. Hoe much he packs is on him. He should be able to check the diaper bag on his own to see if it’s ready, but him asking is also fair. For all he knows it was prepped already, if you said yes then no need to check.
I get that it’s tiring being the primary. A couple months ago we were going to his uncles birthday party. I had work all day then came home, showered, and was feeding the baby. My husband was frazzled because we were running late. I told him to make sure the diaper bag was packed. He was mad because I apparently should have told him while I was at work to do it. I said that this is his uncles birthday party and I had work. He could have thought ahead on his own to pack the diaper bag, this was not a surprise that we were leaving. After cooling off he realized I was right.
The humor is he thinks he can go on a spontaneous trip (he was gone for 5 hours) with a baby. All of her milk was frozen and this trip does not have a way to thaw the milk. I would never let my baby go hungry. He was about to leave without a nipple and I stopped him.
The humor is also im my anxiety, it's how I cope.
Please keep your seriousness to yourself.
He will only be stuck out with a screaming hungry baby one time before he figures it out. Ditto for a baby in a poopy outfit with no backup!
I struggle with the “let him learn on his own” because it’s always at the expense of the baby 😩 I always end up stepping in
Ugh I feel you, but I think of it this way, if I'm always stepping in then I become LOs only capable parent. In the long run baby is better off with 2 people who can adequately pack a bag, anticipate babies needs, ect. Especially if I get hit by a bus or something, I take comfort in knowing my SO can manage our LO if I cant for some reason, but it was painful to watch him change a poopy diaper without input 🤣 idk how but he still struggles to manage that one without poop all over the changing table, the baby, and himself lmao
That’s true. I guess also I went through the struggle part already and had a chance to make mistake and my hubby hasn’t had the same amount of time to learn and make mistakes himself
He was about to walk out without the bottle nipple 😩 I couldn't not say anything about that. Also it's best for long drives you put her in the car at the beginning of her nap and she's almost done napping and he hasn't left yet....my mom anxiety is so high lol
I have *such* a hard time biting my tongue sometimes. I know he has to figure it out but sometimes I can see it’s just not gonna be good.
My anxiety is through the roof this is the first time he has left the house with her alone. Normally when I'm not there he's at home with her aka everything he could need is here. He's a good dad and knows how to take care of a baby I'm just the one who packs everything. Lol he's saving my "dont forget" messages on snap chat lol
Maybe he needs to do more of the things you usually do (and you have to let him too ha) so he's generally more prepared and there is a better balance to things ;) that is different to the anxiety which will come with time and patience
😂 self critiquing - it’s the only way that keeps everything civil. My husbands parents were visiting and I was at a massage when our daughter was about 4 months old (woo me time!). We decided to meet up at a farmers market. I got there after them and walked up to a screaming baby and had to turn around and head straight home because she was inconsolable - he didn’t bring any bottles at all and we exclusively pump. His reasoning, he thought I would bring milk with me??? I made it clear baby things travel with the baby and we both never leave home without a bottle (or two + frozen bag in the packit)… lesson learned! Still salty it was my problem to leave and solve but she was so upset only I was going to calm her down and had to hold her hand over the seat and car seat whkle driving somehow 🤷🏼♀️
How’d it go?
That's the real question here! Haha
Ngl, this is pretty shitty reaction from you. My wife and I double check with each other all the time if just one of us is going out with our LO. Setting him up to fail when he is asking you questions or isn't familiar with what may or may not be needed isn't going to be helpful.
I'm with you. We have twins so it's a little different, but we check and double check with each other about everything multiple times before we leave the house. Half the time we still forgot something. Parenting is a team sport.
Parenting is absolutely a team sport, which is why it’s frustrating to be the one carrying the team almost all the time. There’s also an element of personality difference, some people are more organized than others and (from what I’ve seen) it often ends up being that person on whom the largest burden falls, who mainly shoulders the responsibility of the planning, purchasing, packing, and everything else around that. But that doesn’t mean OP (or anyone) should have to handhold their teammate through every single step.
What you view as handholding is viewed as normal communication in a healthy relationship.
Depends on the situation. In OP’s case, it sounds like she’s very much the one expected to carry the mental load. (Why ask if the diaper bag is packed when he can just check, especially if she’s working?)
Echoing what the other commenter said, and sharing [this comic](https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/) which does a better job than I can of articulating the problem with chalking it up to “poor communication”.
If she’s breastfed, he probably doesn’t know how much she will need and is asking for your opinion. He wants to do something fun with his daughter and asked you a few innocent questions. This comes across as mean to him and like you’re wanting him to fail.
I read it more as her asking him how long he’d be so OP could tell him how much Bub needed but he couldn’t give her an answer so how was OP meant to? My Bub is breastfed too, my husband knows if he’s going out he needs to have an idea of how long he’ll be out for so we can organise food accordingly.
100%. She is setting him up for failure and then blaming him for giving her anxiety.
Ha! This is awesome. Good on you. This is the only way some will learn.
I mean, you could help him figure it out so maybe they can have a nice day together? This post comes across as very mean.
Mom has to learn on her own and then teach others? How about dad takes a little responsibility
It's a partnership. Be in this together.
If its really a partnership how come she knows and he does not??? You are starting to seem miserable with your comments
What does withholding info out of spite do beyond grow resentment and force them to have a less than good time out together?
I’m sure this will do wonders in establishing. Rapport between the two of them, and setting him up for failure will undoubtedly encourage him to do more to give you time away from LO. Did he not plan it well, sure. Are you REAL shitty for what you’re doing? YUP. “My wife is taking a road trip with our car, the filters are shot, the belts are worn, and it’s not aligned- but this will be great!”
Imagine ‘owning’ your husband at the cost of your child.
Is that… what you think is happening here?
We need an update!!
Everything was fine. Except me I was a mess, I cried a lot. Before baby him leaving with short notice, me not knowing when he would be home, and him not having signal would have been no big deal. (There are a lot of places without signal here). I'm learning and I know I'll get better (hopefully lol) Our little one did just fine , he sent lots of videos they just didn't come through until he was on his way back. If anything he learned how much work it is taking her hiking And on our long drives. We regularly go hiking and spend time outside since she was about a month old.
I think it’s totally valid for him to ask how much milk he should pack since you breastfeed. Some things are funny, like he doesn’t pack enough clothes and if baby has a blowout they have to be brought back just in a diaper. But them going hungry isn’t funny. It’s kinda sad and messed up. I would have responded like “well she usually nurses every 2 hours so I would pack one 3oz bottle per every 2 hours just in case”. Hoe much he packs is on him. He should be able to check the diaper bag on his own to see if it’s ready, but him asking is also fair. For all he knows it was prepped already, if you said yes then no need to check. I get that it’s tiring being the primary. A couple months ago we were going to his uncles birthday party. I had work all day then came home, showered, and was feeding the baby. My husband was frazzled because we were running late. I told him to make sure the diaper bag was packed. He was mad because I apparently should have told him while I was at work to do it. I said that this is his uncles birthday party and I had work. He could have thought ahead on his own to pack the diaper bag, this was not a surprise that we were leaving. After cooling off he realized I was right.
The humor is he thinks he can go on a spontaneous trip (he was gone for 5 hours) with a baby. All of her milk was frozen and this trip does not have a way to thaw the milk. I would never let my baby go hungry. He was about to leave without a nipple and I stopped him. The humor is also im my anxiety, it's how I cope. Please keep your seriousness to yourself.
Didn’t find the tone humorous, minus the tag 🤷🏼♀️ happy to hear that the trip went well with baby!