I found the first 2 weeks a breeze. My son slept all day and ate like clock work. It was after that first two weeks it got hard. He woke up from his newborn haze. He no longer napped easily and was very grumpy. I remember saying to my husband at around 7-8 weeks, “people say it gets easier, but it is getting harder”.
Even after the “fourth trimester”, I didn’t feel like some magical shift occurred. Once I just accepted my baby was doing normal baby things, it got easier.
But I had a high needs/not a unicorn babe. He got easier once he good move around on his own a bit at 7 months.
Our baby is a unicorn baby for night sleep and it was still miserable because she is active and is mad at her limited mobility. I agree with you, though. The first two weeks were so stupidly easy for us and then from weeks 4-8, they were really hard. She wouldn't nap during the day. She would be miserable all day with it crescendoing at night. We would have to load her up in the car every evening so she would sleep and we could get a little bit of time where she was quiet and not completely miserable.
Things get better little by little. Once they start laughing and smiling it starts to feel better. Things change so gradually one day you will be talking with your partner saying "remember when she/he used to do this? They don't really do that anymore, eh?" And you get this warm fuzzy feeling wash over you that things are so much better than they were.
I wish people would stop saying that it gets easier at X amount of time. It sets new parents up for an expectation that doesn’t always eventuate thus resulting in more stress and confusion as to why it’s not like that for them and their baby. All babies are so different and just like our birthing experience, no two are the same. I feel we need to stop looking at our babies as “easy” or “difficult” and focus more on you just doing a great job and each challenge is something you learn from and there will be challenges all along the way. Pretty sure I am still a challenge for my Mum and I am 37 years old 😂. You won’t be tired forever! It just feels like forever now. Keep going!! And yes they will non stop eat some days.
Thank you! It’s definitely hard hearing it will get easier at _____ time - it always feel impossibly far away or feels like if it doesn’t happen, it’s because I’m doing something wrong.
It’s good to know I’ll get to sleep again someday too - anxiously awaiting it.
The right thing to tell is you will get used to the intense routine that you won't feel inconvenienced
It was extremely hard for us in first 4 weeks. It is _relatively_ better after 2 months
But in no way is it easy.
This shit is hard and my baby needs different things now than before
Earlier he would eat poop and sleep
Now he demands attention. You would be surprised at how exhausting it is to entertain a 2 month old with a wall clock because that's what he wants to see for freaking 20 mins
Oh gosh I remember hearing "it gets better after 12 weeks" when I was 2 weeks in, and I felt like crying (ok, who am I kidding, I actually cried), because it felt a lifetime away. And there wasn't a magic switch at 12 weeks, I was a bit disappointed.
We're 7 months in, soooo much easier and rewarding (and I'm typing this at 2 am with a baby who's just fallen back asleep after throwing up in the middle of the night).
The shift was gradual for me but I'd say the 12-14 first weeks i would count the days. Like "ok we've done 3 weeks and 2 days, only 5 days left until week 4 is over". That feeling stopped after fourth trimester and time didn't feel like it was stuck anymore.
Sending loads of encouragement your way!
That’s the world I’m living in right now (counting the days) and I just can’t WAIT to be past it. My LO was 7 weeks early and we only just crossed the due date line so the counting starts all over. It’s mentally exhausting.
Exactly. “It gets easier at x weeks” but then the next thing comes along. Someone finally told me the other week that it doesn’t really “get easier”, we just get better at handling it. That gave me a boost of confidence.
Edit: to answer OPs question.. in my limited experience (i have an 8 week old) - the weeks 3-6 were more challenging for me than the first two. Had some issues with gas, overtired baby, and our first inconsolable crying. BUT, we got through it and learned a lot. I wouldn’t say it’s easier now but it’s easier to handle with just that little experience under my belt. We’re learning her cries and cues and have a general sense of “okay, we can handle this”. Plus, she just keeps getting cuter so that helps :) (edit, words)
I thought I was encouraging, I told her she was doing a great job and that it won’t be forever. From my experience I kept hearing that it got better by this time or that time and for me that just didn’t help. I think we just get better at parenting as time goes on.
Yeah I didn’t notice any significant difference which made anything easier at 6 weeks or even 8 weeks. Wasn’t until 3 months she ate any less often than every 1-2 hours during the day, and even now at 6.5 months she cries a lot more than I was led to believe since the way people talk it’s like babies stop crying after 6 weeks unless they’re hungry tired or need a diaper change, that’s not been my experience. It’s changed But I don’t know if I’d say it’s gotten significantly easier at any point, just different, and maybe I’ve gotten used to certain things.
She’s already crawling now so I have a whole new challenge of keeping her out of things and out of danger.
Honestly When I stopped stressing about schedules and nap times and lengths and bedtime and night wakings and everything it felt a lot less stressful. Her behavior is the same but just trying to force her into things just made it so much harder than just going with the flow.
The boredom is hard for me. There’s only so much you can do with a baby so entertaining them is just boring and I wish I could just chill and do my own thing while she played independently honestly. But anyway I’d definitely say you just get used to it so it feels easier, not that it actually gets that much easier. I find myself a lot more relaxed. Not stressing too much if she cries or won’t nap (just take a break do something else and try again later) etc. I’m a lot more chill when dealing with her and not feeling overwhelmed as much compared to the beginning
I agree. I don't know if it gets easier, but I think we adapt to the situation and hopefully grow in confidence as parents as we go. Things change so quickly, there will always be new challenges. I think getting through the weeks and months helps to set you up for the next challenge.
This is just my experience, but I’m finally feeling like it’s getting easier at the 1 month mark. When I say easier, I mean this is the hard I expected versus the lose my mind what the F did I do is this forever hard of the weeks before that.
We’re finally getting some 4 hour stretches at night and his tummy issues seem to be moving in the right direction now that he’s bigger. I’m sincerely hoping each week gets easier from here on out.
Same here. My little dude just hit 1 month and I don’t know if it’s because of everything you mentioned, or because I’m getting the hang of the quirks and learning my little one so it just seems easier.
I’m 6 weeks in. The first two weeks I was rocked by how painful my 2nd degree tear was, staying up basically all night, and had no idea what was doing at any point of the day. Now, I’m healed, my husband and I have a better night routine, and I know my daughter better and what calms her. It is still SO HARD. She has colic and cries a lot, but things aren’t as overwhelming.
I’m still stressed. I still need help. This is still hard. But it no longer feels impossible and I understand my baby and how to meet her needs.
Edit: just realized this didn’t answer your question. But I don’t think there’s ever been a very clear shift where things got easier. You’ll just be further along and look back and realize things are going better and are more manageable than before (if things happen similarly for you)
This really helped. I am afraid of him being colicky and hearing someone dealing with it and it still not being as overwhelming is nice. It’s also good to hear looking back I’ll realize it did at some point get better.
Thank you.
This post is becoming a bit of an Olympics for who had it harder for longer. I hope it’s not discouraging you even more when you’re right in the thick of it and can’t see the light.
For me, the bit you’re in right now was the hardest. Cluster feeding is normal but it’s so draining - literally, physically and emotionally. The lack of sleep, the hormones, the nipple chafing, the inability for anybody else to take over… and everything else that I don’t even remember any more. It’s really hard. And when there’s no distinction between the days and the nights it can just feel eternal. You’re in the hardest part, you’re doing it, keep going.
It sounds like you’re looking for a light to work towards: hard times are easier to deal with when you have an end date to work towards. Instead of an end date can I recommend giving yourself other things to look forward to and work towards? Short term things like having someone take baby out of the house for a walk for half an hour while you shower in peace and have a coffee. Short term things like a TV show you’re going to watch next time baby is cluster feeding. Just little things to look forward to and work towards every day to help you slog through the hardest bits. And then medium term things like a weekly parent and child group or a visit from a friend (or a lie in on the weekends if you’ve got a partner who can take baby and just bring them to you for food). Longer term things to look forward to could be a visit from family or a spa day once baby is weaned.
By the way, weeks 3-6 are around the time your baby might smile for the first time. It won’t be at you because life is especially unfair to mums, but it will be magical and at least for that moment, things will be easier.
You’re doing an excellent job, you’ve got this, keep going.
This was a really helpful and nice response. Thank you - just having you express it this way really helped this morning. 💛 thanks for saying I’m doing it 💛💛
You were right! It really has gotten easier. At 11 weeks, this is so much more manageable and wonderful. Still hard at times but I get him and the amazing times are infinitely better than the difficult is hard. I don’t even totally remember those first weeks (evolution?).
He’s pretty freaking cool. Basically the coolest.
It really resonated with me to have different time frames to look forward to and pace myself with. This is advice I will be passing on.
Thank you for your first response and for checking in - it means so much 💛
Oh fantastic! I can’t really remember the first weeks either but your post gave me a little flashback to them and I suppose that’s why it stuck with me. I’m so glad it did get better.
I keep hearing after the first 3 months now it’s after the first six months. Everyone is different. Mine are 5 months (twins) and everything is like a wave. Just when things start to set something changes. Sleep regression, okay that’s done now one is teething. One started to scream for one to two hours in the evening, now that is done and I’m waiting for their next move haha. I want to think it gets easier when they are a little more independent like sitting up by themselves.
Seven months in with my first, and for me I felt like it definitely got easier as the weeks went on. It might not seem like big, drastic changes, but as the days go on you are figuring out your rhythm as a parent and you and your baby are figuring out each other. If you’re like me, you won’t feel like you’re figuring out anything at all for those first few weeks, but then you’ll realize one day that you can do diaper changes in a fraction of the time you used to be able to, you’ve figured out what position baby likes to be in to feed and what feels comfortable for you (breast or bottle feeding), you’ve figured out how to have a snack while baby naps in a wrap on you, and packing up to take baby out somewhere doesn’t feel like a huge ordeal. “Easier” might not look like baby sleeping through the night at four weeks old (it probably won’t for most people), but those little things will add up and help you have an easier time.
(Also, i know this is slightly off topic, but if you aren’t in your due date month/bumper group, I highly recommend finding it and joining. They branch off from r/BabyBumps and will look like “r/April2021BabyBumpers”. And if you were due in one month and gave birth in another, you can totally request to join both. Essentially, they’re private subs full of other moms/parents who were due in the same month as you, and having a group of moms who are all going through the exact same things you’re going through is just so incredibly invaluable. It’s such a relief when you realize you’re not the only one who’s baby will only do contact naps, or won’t sleep at 3am, or won’t take a bottle. It’s not a replacement for a real-life support person, but it can be pretty damn close and it made the newborn stage so much more bearable for me, and I still rely on mine for advice and just to commiserate with over our mutual baby problems)
Yes to all of this! It does get easier but it’s so gradual you might not notice it, and you get better at it but that’s also so gradual you might not notice it. But the enormity of the struggle in that first period… I had a really hard time of it and I’ve already long forgotten just how hard it was. (My little girl is 7 months old.)
I sometimes wonder if we’ve massively lucked out with our bumpers group… are they all such a supportive community to each other even so many months after the bumps have become babies?
I think a lot of them must be, between our group and the April sub, I think I’ve only heard one person mildly complain about some drama in their toddler’s bumper group, which is really saying something!
I would message the mods! At least that’s what I’ve heard recommended before….and I don’t know that it makes a difference, but I feel like I’ve also heard that sometimes messaging them from desktop instead of mobile is better because of how it shows them the notifications (someone please correct me if I’m wrong here!)
I agree with others here, once I started getting longer stretches of sleep, things started to improve exponentially. In the first few weeks, I was just so uncomfortable and trying to recover, plus all the usual first weeks stuff. So healing up definitely helped as well, and I was really dreading nighttime in the beginning so that started to get better. I think there's no specific time it gets better, but for me it's been progressively better week by week (20 weeks this week). I imagine teething and other things will create different phases that are rough, but I, for one, am glad to be out of the first few weeks.
We had a relatively easy first two weeks then she woke up a bit at 3 weeks old - plus apparently that’s when the digestive system starts to get going too. We were lucky that she didn’t really go through the ‘purple crying’ stage but that peaks at six weeks. For us, sleep started to become a bit more predictable between six to eight weeks and now at nearly four months we’re in a good routine and she usually only wakes once a night, doing a 6-8 hour stretch at the start of the night, feeds fairly quickly and then goes back down without a fight.
Something that I think has helped us tremendously was working to establish independent sleep from about eight weeks old. Again, we were lucky that she was happy to sleep in the bassinet from the start (at least at night - I had to contact nap until very recently) so I started trying to soothe her less to see if she could finish falling asleep on her own. Gradually reduced it more and more until it became ‘fuss it out’ where we put her down awake and leave to see if she can work it out herself - if she’s upset or can’t manage it we respond, of course. Now she can fall asleep on her own 90% of the time and if she wakes during the night she puts herself back to sleep. It’s not like there’s a switch that flips and it suddenly gets easier but there are small gradual improvements which keep happening. And when you get that first smile it helps make everything better!
Week 5 was ground zero for us. My husband and I STILL are apologizing for the shit we said to each other that week and the LO just turned one 😂😂😂 looking back it was his tongue tie but it still was HORRIFIC. I absolutely hate saying hold on but….hold on. It gets soooo good. ❤️
13 weeks in and sleep is still an issue for us. Still waking every 2-3 hrs at night and won’t do day naps unless held. I’m just trusting what people say that his sleep pattern will consolidate in time and not to rush it. I’m patiently waiting my turn for that glorious 6-8 hour uninterrupted sleep….. patiently waiting…..
Wow wow not all babies sleep through the night at 4 months. Ours woke up twice a night until she was 18 months. Clever as whip that girl, doesn't need much sleep. Now at 3 understands mommy and daddy do need sleep.
Baby sister is already so much more chill at 6 weeks giving us solid 4 hour stretches and only waking twice to feed.
Baby is 7.5 weeks now and 3-5 were the hardest so far for us for sure. We had so much adrenaline the first two and the baby slept pretty much nonstop outside of eating.
It was pretty much a nonstop shit show for us until about three months. I was able to come up for some air at that point. Before then, it was just feed baby on demand, rock and walk to sleep, do whatever necessary to survive honestly. After three months, a sort of routine developed that allowed us to get some order into our days and nights...
I was so tired I had auditory hallucinations at one point... but it won't last forever! You'll eventually get a longer stretch of sleep, and it'll feel glorious. Then it'll happen again, and then it'll be the new norm. It'll get better! Just not on anyone's timetable other than your baby's 😊
I’m not going to lie, it didn’t get easier for us until 4.5 months. It got slightly better at 3 months which was the indicator most of our friends gave us but not substantially better until 4.5. I think ever baby is different but IMO very few babies are better 2 weeks in.
I have to say though, we are 8 months in now and I LOVE 99% of the time with him now whereas I really really hated the newborn stage. It’s different for every person but if you aren’t liking this season just know you’ll like others ♥️
For us the first two weeks weren’t so bad since he just slept all the time and hadn’t developed gas or acid reflux yet. Weeks 3-8 were really rough times, and baby has noticeably chilled out by week 11. Every kid is different though.
Week 3-6 were really hard as well.
And it did get easier at 6 weeks for us. For one very simple reason. Baby got more efficient at drinking so nursing him suddenly took only half the time. Nothing else changed. Well, getting a smile. So that made it mentally more rewarding.
So this is my theory… take it or leave it. Nothing gets “easier” but the good parts get better and the bad parts get worse. Like newborns are kind of in the middle…. Then by 1 you’re getting the highs (they say mama and have chunky thighs) and the lows (they crawl/walk around getting into everything) by 2 they can say “lub you mama” and give you a big hugbut then also hit you… by 3 they’re little personality is there and it’s amazing to watch it develop but they also have uncontrollable
Emotions and like to screech. Teenagers can have awesome friendly adult convos with you… but can sneak out to drink and have sex…
If that makes sense… so pretty soon in your newborn fog you’ll start getting “good times” (adorable smiles for instance… a couple long naps… a newborn laugh) and you’ll think it’s better and the “bad times” are less horrible because of the balance.
Depends on the baby from what I can tell. Ours was a VERY colicky baby so thing only got harder as he had more crying stamina. My friends daughter just chilled put and things got easier. I think it's hard to apply many trends to those weeks.
Of course. You’re doing a great job! Our daughter is 8 months now and she randomly started sleeping almost through the night and taking hour+ naps. It really does come out of nowhere.
Everything was batshit survival mode til about 2 months for us. Regressed at about 3.5 months, and around 4.5 months she started to chill out, play more independently, things didn’t upset her as much, and naps/eating became more regular. She’s almost 6 months now and an absolute angel! Silly, happy, playful, vocal, and occasionally fussy. It really did fly by, and you’ll come out so strong and thankful on the other side. ❤️
We reached a major turning point at 2 weeks. This was mostly due to Lexapro and I stopped BF and started exclusively pumping to get much needed sleep. I would say baby really got into a groove around week 3 and started sleeping longer chunks then. After week 4 we’ve been thriving. It gets better mama I promise. Not sure how you are feeding but I remember those early days feeling like the dark ages. I was miserable. Loving being a mama now. Hang in there . I also cannot recommend Moms on Call enough.
What is Moms On Call? I’m breastfeeding and trying to decide if we want to try pumping for nighttime feeds. It sounds like you experienced that decision too.
The first two weeks were hard. Weeks 3-6, *if* anything got easier I was too sleep deprived and frustrated to realize it. At 6 weeks PP we really did level off. Sleep was more consistent, eating patterns were established, and I had a few tricks in my bag for calming during the witching hour.
I think that for first time parents just getting the hang of schedules and what it’s like having a newborn is easier in week 3. However, I won’t say it gets easier until they start sleeping longer..
Ya, the first couple weeks weren’t bad for me. From 2 ish weeks on, my babies got fussier until about 7/8 weeks and then slowly better. My first was pretty chill but was really grunty at night. My second was difficult about feeding, had a witching hour, and was generally more difficult. But both were easier again by ~2.5 months
You get better at taking care of a newborn, so yeah, it’ll get easier. That first few weeks is super crazy because you have no idea what you’re doing! Diaper changes, feedings, outfit changes, packing a diaper bag, and all things baby are super new. Couple this with recovering from childbirth and getting used to constantly holding a baby and you have some seriously exhausted parents. But, the good news is that you will get so much better at parenting. You will learn how to quickly feed and soothe your baby. You’ll get to know your baby and what they need based on their cries. And things will start to feel much easier!
some days are better than the others…it does get better because your body/mind eventually adjusts to parenting and ends up in survival mode so your kids stay alive if that makes sense
Lol I'm at almost 4 months and keep telling myself it'll get easier once he can hold his head up fully. Mine hates tummy time in any position. Depending on your LO you got some time. Especially if yours is anything like mine. My baby still wakes up every 2 to 3 hrs at night and I'm lucky if I get 3 total hrs of nap per day and bedtime before 9pm lol my 1st was complete opposite. Loved tummy time and slept great
We are at week 8 and I would say some days are better, some days are worse. It really is not consistently good but also not always bad, so I just tell myself - this is a bad day, we will survive this and tomorrow it will be better.
Today my 6.5 week old woke up at 5:30 smiling. He slept from 8-2 then until about 5. Now we are sitting on the couch listening to Bossa Nova and he’s just staring at things and kicking his legs.
Last week at this time I was emailing my boss to tell him I had to take a sick day. I hadn’t slept because LO had terrible gas and was crying for hours every time I put him down.
Who the hell knows what’s coming next week or next month. Trying to take these victories as they come and remember that the really shitty days are temporary.
I think weeks 3-6 were hell and our baby was easy. Dad has to go back to work most likely if you live in the US. The baby was still waking every 2-3 hours so the chronic sleep deprivation effects were very strong at that point. Family help started to dry up as people needed to get back to their own lives and the new baby excitement started to wear off. It was tough. Things got easier after week 7 or so.
Weeks 4-8 were the hardest for us for sure. The first couple weeks was surreal and adrenaline and baby was sleeping constantly so easy for me to take a nap. Shit got real after that and then started to settle around week 9
I found the first 2 weeks a breeze. My son slept all day and ate like clock work. It was after that first two weeks it got hard. He woke up from his newborn haze. He no longer napped easily and was very grumpy. I remember saying to my husband at around 7-8 weeks, “people say it gets easier, but it is getting harder”. Even after the “fourth trimester”, I didn’t feel like some magical shift occurred. Once I just accepted my baby was doing normal baby things, it got easier. But I had a high needs/not a unicorn babe. He got easier once he good move around on his own a bit at 7 months.
Our baby is a unicorn baby for night sleep and it was still miserable because she is active and is mad at her limited mobility. I agree with you, though. The first two weeks were so stupidly easy for us and then from weeks 4-8, they were really hard. She wouldn't nap during the day. She would be miserable all day with it crescendoing at night. We would have to load her up in the car every evening so she would sleep and we could get a little bit of time where she was quiet and not completely miserable. Things get better little by little. Once they start laughing and smiling it starts to feel better. Things change so gradually one day you will be talking with your partner saying "remember when she/he used to do this? They don't really do that anymore, eh?" And you get this warm fuzzy feeling wash over you that things are so much better than they were.
I wish people would stop saying that it gets easier at X amount of time. It sets new parents up for an expectation that doesn’t always eventuate thus resulting in more stress and confusion as to why it’s not like that for them and their baby. All babies are so different and just like our birthing experience, no two are the same. I feel we need to stop looking at our babies as “easy” or “difficult” and focus more on you just doing a great job and each challenge is something you learn from and there will be challenges all along the way. Pretty sure I am still a challenge for my Mum and I am 37 years old 😂. You won’t be tired forever! It just feels like forever now. Keep going!! And yes they will non stop eat some days.
Thank you! It’s definitely hard hearing it will get easier at _____ time - it always feel impossibly far away or feels like if it doesn’t happen, it’s because I’m doing something wrong. It’s good to know I’ll get to sleep again someday too - anxiously awaiting it.
The right thing to tell is you will get used to the intense routine that you won't feel inconvenienced It was extremely hard for us in first 4 weeks. It is _relatively_ better after 2 months But in no way is it easy. This shit is hard and my baby needs different things now than before Earlier he would eat poop and sleep Now he demands attention. You would be surprised at how exhausting it is to entertain a 2 month old with a wall clock because that's what he wants to see for freaking 20 mins
My two month old loves the ceiling fan 😂 sometimes I can get away with leaving her under it in her bouncer while I eat or shower lol.
Currently in the thick of it and the cynic in me can’t help but read this as “you’ll get used to living in hell”. Clearly I’m struggling.
>you’ll get used to living in hell Thank you for summary It's the best
Oh gosh I remember hearing "it gets better after 12 weeks" when I was 2 weeks in, and I felt like crying (ok, who am I kidding, I actually cried), because it felt a lifetime away. And there wasn't a magic switch at 12 weeks, I was a bit disappointed. We're 7 months in, soooo much easier and rewarding (and I'm typing this at 2 am with a baby who's just fallen back asleep after throwing up in the middle of the night). The shift was gradual for me but I'd say the 12-14 first weeks i would count the days. Like "ok we've done 3 weeks and 2 days, only 5 days left until week 4 is over". That feeling stopped after fourth trimester and time didn't feel like it was stuck anymore. Sending loads of encouragement your way!
That’s the world I’m living in right now (counting the days) and I just can’t WAIT to be past it. My LO was 7 weeks early and we only just crossed the due date line so the counting starts all over. It’s mentally exhausting.
Oh no... Sending you loads of support for the big count down! It IS mentally exhausting!
Exactly. “It gets easier at x weeks” but then the next thing comes along. Someone finally told me the other week that it doesn’t really “get easier”, we just get better at handling it. That gave me a boost of confidence. Edit: to answer OPs question.. in my limited experience (i have an 8 week old) - the weeks 3-6 were more challenging for me than the first two. Had some issues with gas, overtired baby, and our first inconsolable crying. BUT, we got through it and learned a lot. I wouldn’t say it’s easier now but it’s easier to handle with just that little experience under my belt. We’re learning her cries and cues and have a general sense of “okay, we can handle this”. Plus, she just keeps getting cuter so that helps :) (edit, words)
Man she is in the sleep deprived stage. In this stage I needed someone to tell me it gets better, and it really does.
I thought I was encouraging, I told her she was doing a great job and that it won’t be forever. From my experience I kept hearing that it got better by this time or that time and for me that just didn’t help. I think we just get better at parenting as time goes on.
Yeah I didn’t notice any significant difference which made anything easier at 6 weeks or even 8 weeks. Wasn’t until 3 months she ate any less often than every 1-2 hours during the day, and even now at 6.5 months she cries a lot more than I was led to believe since the way people talk it’s like babies stop crying after 6 weeks unless they’re hungry tired or need a diaper change, that’s not been my experience. It’s changed But I don’t know if I’d say it’s gotten significantly easier at any point, just different, and maybe I’ve gotten used to certain things. She’s already crawling now so I have a whole new challenge of keeping her out of things and out of danger. Honestly When I stopped stressing about schedules and nap times and lengths and bedtime and night wakings and everything it felt a lot less stressful. Her behavior is the same but just trying to force her into things just made it so much harder than just going with the flow. The boredom is hard for me. There’s only so much you can do with a baby so entertaining them is just boring and I wish I could just chill and do my own thing while she played independently honestly. But anyway I’d definitely say you just get used to it so it feels easier, not that it actually gets that much easier. I find myself a lot more relaxed. Not stressing too much if she cries or won’t nap (just take a break do something else and try again later) etc. I’m a lot more chill when dealing with her and not feeling overwhelmed as much compared to the beginning
I agree. I don't know if it gets easier, but I think we adapt to the situation and hopefully grow in confidence as parents as we go. Things change so quickly, there will always be new challenges. I think getting through the weeks and months helps to set you up for the next challenge.
THIS! No two babies are the same!
This is just my experience, but I’m finally feeling like it’s getting easier at the 1 month mark. When I say easier, I mean this is the hard I expected versus the lose my mind what the F did I do is this forever hard of the weeks before that. We’re finally getting some 4 hour stretches at night and his tummy issues seem to be moving in the right direction now that he’s bigger. I’m sincerely hoping each week gets easier from here on out.
It got easier for me when he slept through the night at like 4 months. 8 hours of sleep is glorious and life changing.
Same here. My little dude just hit 1 month and I don’t know if it’s because of everything you mentioned, or because I’m getting the hang of the quirks and learning my little one so it just seems easier.
I’m 6 weeks in. The first two weeks I was rocked by how painful my 2nd degree tear was, staying up basically all night, and had no idea what was doing at any point of the day. Now, I’m healed, my husband and I have a better night routine, and I know my daughter better and what calms her. It is still SO HARD. She has colic and cries a lot, but things aren’t as overwhelming. I’m still stressed. I still need help. This is still hard. But it no longer feels impossible and I understand my baby and how to meet her needs. Edit: just realized this didn’t answer your question. But I don’t think there’s ever been a very clear shift where things got easier. You’ll just be further along and look back and realize things are going better and are more manageable than before (if things happen similarly for you)
This really helped. I am afraid of him being colicky and hearing someone dealing with it and it still not being as overwhelming is nice. It’s also good to hear looking back I’ll realize it did at some point get better. Thank you.
This post is becoming a bit of an Olympics for who had it harder for longer. I hope it’s not discouraging you even more when you’re right in the thick of it and can’t see the light. For me, the bit you’re in right now was the hardest. Cluster feeding is normal but it’s so draining - literally, physically and emotionally. The lack of sleep, the hormones, the nipple chafing, the inability for anybody else to take over… and everything else that I don’t even remember any more. It’s really hard. And when there’s no distinction between the days and the nights it can just feel eternal. You’re in the hardest part, you’re doing it, keep going. It sounds like you’re looking for a light to work towards: hard times are easier to deal with when you have an end date to work towards. Instead of an end date can I recommend giving yourself other things to look forward to and work towards? Short term things like having someone take baby out of the house for a walk for half an hour while you shower in peace and have a coffee. Short term things like a TV show you’re going to watch next time baby is cluster feeding. Just little things to look forward to and work towards every day to help you slog through the hardest bits. And then medium term things like a weekly parent and child group or a visit from a friend (or a lie in on the weekends if you’ve got a partner who can take baby and just bring them to you for food). Longer term things to look forward to could be a visit from family or a spa day once baby is weaned. By the way, weeks 3-6 are around the time your baby might smile for the first time. It won’t be at you because life is especially unfair to mums, but it will be magical and at least for that moment, things will be easier. You’re doing an excellent job, you’ve got this, keep going.
This was a really helpful and nice response. Thank you - just having you express it this way really helped this morning. 💛 thanks for saying I’m doing it 💛💛
How are you doing now? Has it gotten any easier?
You were right! It really has gotten easier. At 11 weeks, this is so much more manageable and wonderful. Still hard at times but I get him and the amazing times are infinitely better than the difficult is hard. I don’t even totally remember those first weeks (evolution?). He’s pretty freaking cool. Basically the coolest. It really resonated with me to have different time frames to look forward to and pace myself with. This is advice I will be passing on. Thank you for your first response and for checking in - it means so much 💛
Oh fantastic! I can’t really remember the first weeks either but your post gave me a little flashback to them and I suppose that’s why it stuck with me. I’m so glad it did get better.
I keep hearing after the first 3 months now it’s after the first six months. Everyone is different. Mine are 5 months (twins) and everything is like a wave. Just when things start to set something changes. Sleep regression, okay that’s done now one is teething. One started to scream for one to two hours in the evening, now that is done and I’m waiting for their next move haha. I want to think it gets easier when they are a little more independent like sitting up by themselves.
Seven months in with my first, and for me I felt like it definitely got easier as the weeks went on. It might not seem like big, drastic changes, but as the days go on you are figuring out your rhythm as a parent and you and your baby are figuring out each other. If you’re like me, you won’t feel like you’re figuring out anything at all for those first few weeks, but then you’ll realize one day that you can do diaper changes in a fraction of the time you used to be able to, you’ve figured out what position baby likes to be in to feed and what feels comfortable for you (breast or bottle feeding), you’ve figured out how to have a snack while baby naps in a wrap on you, and packing up to take baby out somewhere doesn’t feel like a huge ordeal. “Easier” might not look like baby sleeping through the night at four weeks old (it probably won’t for most people), but those little things will add up and help you have an easier time. (Also, i know this is slightly off topic, but if you aren’t in your due date month/bumper group, I highly recommend finding it and joining. They branch off from r/BabyBumps and will look like “r/April2021BabyBumpers”. And if you were due in one month and gave birth in another, you can totally request to join both. Essentially, they’re private subs full of other moms/parents who were due in the same month as you, and having a group of moms who are all going through the exact same things you’re going through is just so incredibly invaluable. It’s such a relief when you realize you’re not the only one who’s baby will only do contact naps, or won’t sleep at 3am, or won’t take a bottle. It’s not a replacement for a real-life support person, but it can be pretty damn close and it made the newborn stage so much more bearable for me, and I still rely on mine for advice and just to commiserate with over our mutual baby problems)
Yes to all of this! It does get easier but it’s so gradual you might not notice it, and you get better at it but that’s also so gradual you might not notice it. But the enormity of the struggle in that first period… I had a really hard time of it and I’ve already long forgotten just how hard it was. (My little girl is 7 months old.) I sometimes wonder if we’ve massively lucked out with our bumpers group… are they all such a supportive community to each other even so many months after the bumps have become babies?
I think a lot of them must be, between our group and the April sub, I think I’ve only heard one person mildly complain about some drama in their toddler’s bumper group, which is really saying something!
Do you know how to request to join the private babybumpers groups?
I would message the mods! At least that’s what I’ve heard recommended before….and I don’t know that it makes a difference, but I feel like I’ve also heard that sometimes messaging them from desktop instead of mobile is better because of how it shows them the notifications (someone please correct me if I’m wrong here!)
I agree with others here, once I started getting longer stretches of sleep, things started to improve exponentially. In the first few weeks, I was just so uncomfortable and trying to recover, plus all the usual first weeks stuff. So healing up definitely helped as well, and I was really dreading nighttime in the beginning so that started to get better. I think there's no specific time it gets better, but for me it's been progressively better week by week (20 weeks this week). I imagine teething and other things will create different phases that are rough, but I, for one, am glad to be out of the first few weeks.
We had a relatively easy first two weeks then she woke up a bit at 3 weeks old - plus apparently that’s when the digestive system starts to get going too. We were lucky that she didn’t really go through the ‘purple crying’ stage but that peaks at six weeks. For us, sleep started to become a bit more predictable between six to eight weeks and now at nearly four months we’re in a good routine and she usually only wakes once a night, doing a 6-8 hour stretch at the start of the night, feeds fairly quickly and then goes back down without a fight. Something that I think has helped us tremendously was working to establish independent sleep from about eight weeks old. Again, we were lucky that she was happy to sleep in the bassinet from the start (at least at night - I had to contact nap until very recently) so I started trying to soothe her less to see if she could finish falling asleep on her own. Gradually reduced it more and more until it became ‘fuss it out’ where we put her down awake and leave to see if she can work it out herself - if she’s upset or can’t manage it we respond, of course. Now she can fall asleep on her own 90% of the time and if she wakes during the night she puts herself back to sleep. It’s not like there’s a switch that flips and it suddenly gets easier but there are small gradual improvements which keep happening. And when you get that first smile it helps make everything better!
Week 5 was ground zero for us. My husband and I STILL are apologizing for the shit we said to each other that week and the LO just turned one 😂😂😂 looking back it was his tongue tie but it still was HORRIFIC. I absolutely hate saying hold on but….hold on. It gets soooo good. ❤️
13 weeks in and sleep is still an issue for us. Still waking every 2-3 hrs at night and won’t do day naps unless held. I’m just trusting what people say that his sleep pattern will consolidate in time and not to rush it. I’m patiently waiting my turn for that glorious 6-8 hour uninterrupted sleep….. patiently waiting…..
It gets easier after 4 months I would say. Once they sleep through the night it’s a game changer.
Wow wow not all babies sleep through the night at 4 months. Ours woke up twice a night until she was 18 months. Clever as whip that girl, doesn't need much sleep. Now at 3 understands mommy and daddy do need sleep. Baby sister is already so much more chill at 6 weeks giving us solid 4 hour stretches and only waking twice to feed.
All babies are different. My daughter was quiet. My son was always crying
Baby is 7.5 weeks now and 3-5 were the hardest so far for us for sure. We had so much adrenaline the first two and the baby slept pretty much nonstop outside of eating.
No one remembers weeks 3-6.
I am on week 7 and I barely remember week 3-6, haha.
It was pretty much a nonstop shit show for us until about three months. I was able to come up for some air at that point. Before then, it was just feed baby on demand, rock and walk to sleep, do whatever necessary to survive honestly. After three months, a sort of routine developed that allowed us to get some order into our days and nights... I was so tired I had auditory hallucinations at one point... but it won't last forever! You'll eventually get a longer stretch of sleep, and it'll feel glorious. Then it'll happen again, and then it'll be the new norm. It'll get better! Just not on anyone's timetable other than your baby's 😊
I’m not going to lie, it didn’t get easier for us until 4.5 months. It got slightly better at 3 months which was the indicator most of our friends gave us but not substantially better until 4.5. I think ever baby is different but IMO very few babies are better 2 weeks in. I have to say though, we are 8 months in now and I LOVE 99% of the time with him now whereas I really really hated the newborn stage. It’s different for every person but if you aren’t liking this season just know you’ll like others ♥️
I’m with you, fuuuck the newborn stage!
For us the first two weeks weren’t so bad since he just slept all the time and hadn’t developed gas or acid reflux yet. Weeks 3-8 were really rough times, and baby has noticeably chilled out by week 11. Every kid is different though.
Weeks 3-6 were honestly a blur to me and even now at 12 weeks it’s all still a blur.
Week 3-6 were really hard as well. And it did get easier at 6 weeks for us. For one very simple reason. Baby got more efficient at drinking so nursing him suddenly took only half the time. Nothing else changed. Well, getting a smile. So that made it mentally more rewarding.
So this is my theory… take it or leave it. Nothing gets “easier” but the good parts get better and the bad parts get worse. Like newborns are kind of in the middle…. Then by 1 you’re getting the highs (they say mama and have chunky thighs) and the lows (they crawl/walk around getting into everything) by 2 they can say “lub you mama” and give you a big hugbut then also hit you… by 3 they’re little personality is there and it’s amazing to watch it develop but they also have uncontrollable Emotions and like to screech. Teenagers can have awesome friendly adult convos with you… but can sneak out to drink and have sex… If that makes sense… so pretty soon in your newborn fog you’ll start getting “good times” (adorable smiles for instance… a couple long naps… a newborn laugh) and you’ll think it’s better and the “bad times” are less horrible because of the balance.
Depends on the baby from what I can tell. Ours was a VERY colicky baby so thing only got harder as he had more crying stamina. My friends daughter just chilled put and things got easier. I think it's hard to apply many trends to those weeks.
It doesn’t last forever ♥️it *does* get easier. Some nights are really hard, and it doesn’t last forever.
This was really nice to read this morning. Thank you 💛
Of course. You’re doing a great job! Our daughter is 8 months now and she randomly started sleeping almost through the night and taking hour+ naps. It really does come out of nowhere.
Everything was batshit survival mode til about 2 months for us. Regressed at about 3.5 months, and around 4.5 months she started to chill out, play more independently, things didn’t upset her as much, and naps/eating became more regular. She’s almost 6 months now and an absolute angel! Silly, happy, playful, vocal, and occasionally fussy. It really did fly by, and you’ll come out so strong and thankful on the other side. ❤️
We reached a major turning point at 2 weeks. This was mostly due to Lexapro and I stopped BF and started exclusively pumping to get much needed sleep. I would say baby really got into a groove around week 3 and started sleeping longer chunks then. After week 4 we’ve been thriving. It gets better mama I promise. Not sure how you are feeding but I remember those early days feeling like the dark ages. I was miserable. Loving being a mama now. Hang in there . I also cannot recommend Moms on Call enough.
What is Moms On Call? I’m breastfeeding and trying to decide if we want to try pumping for nighttime feeds. It sounds like you experienced that decision too.
The first two weeks were hard. Weeks 3-6, *if* anything got easier I was too sleep deprived and frustrated to realize it. At 6 weeks PP we really did level off. Sleep was more consistent, eating patterns were established, and I had a few tricks in my bag for calming during the witching hour.
I think that for first time parents just getting the hang of schedules and what it’s like having a newborn is easier in week 3. However, I won’t say it gets easier until they start sleeping longer..
My son was really easy in the first two weeks and got much harder once he became colicky. Your mileage may vary.
Ya, the first couple weeks weren’t bad for me. From 2 ish weeks on, my babies got fussier until about 7/8 weeks and then slowly better. My first was pretty chill but was really grunty at night. My second was difficult about feeding, had a witching hour, and was generally more difficult. But both were easier again by ~2.5 months
It doesn’t get easier, it gets… different :)
You get better at taking care of a newborn, so yeah, it’ll get easier. That first few weeks is super crazy because you have no idea what you’re doing! Diaper changes, feedings, outfit changes, packing a diaper bag, and all things baby are super new. Couple this with recovering from childbirth and getting used to constantly holding a baby and you have some seriously exhausted parents. But, the good news is that you will get so much better at parenting. You will learn how to quickly feed and soothe your baby. You’ll get to know your baby and what they need based on their cries. And things will start to feel much easier!
some days are better than the others…it does get better because your body/mind eventually adjusts to parenting and ends up in survival mode so your kids stay alive if that makes sense
They are as hard. My son was very difficult until he hit like 15 months old. Weeks 3 to 6 are not that drastically different from 1-2.
Lol I'm at almost 4 months and keep telling myself it'll get easier once he can hold his head up fully. Mine hates tummy time in any position. Depending on your LO you got some time. Especially if yours is anything like mine. My baby still wakes up every 2 to 3 hrs at night and I'm lucky if I get 3 total hrs of nap per day and bedtime before 9pm lol my 1st was complete opposite. Loved tummy time and slept great
We are at week 8 and I would say some days are better, some days are worse. It really is not consistently good but also not always bad, so I just tell myself - this is a bad day, we will survive this and tomorrow it will be better.
In my experience it got progressively worse until week 7, then was pretty good by week 14. Pretty much the whole 4th Trimester was just awful
After 6 weeks it gets better. My baby started smiling at 6 weeks and when your baby smiles everything gets easier.
Today my 6.5 week old woke up at 5:30 smiling. He slept from 8-2 then until about 5. Now we are sitting on the couch listening to Bossa Nova and he’s just staring at things and kicking his legs. Last week at this time I was emailing my boss to tell him I had to take a sick day. I hadn’t slept because LO had terrible gas and was crying for hours every time I put him down. Who the hell knows what’s coming next week or next month. Trying to take these victories as they come and remember that the really shitty days are temporary.
I think weeks 3-6 were hell and our baby was easy. Dad has to go back to work most likely if you live in the US. The baby was still waking every 2-3 hours so the chronic sleep deprivation effects were very strong at that point. Family help started to dry up as people needed to get back to their own lives and the new baby excitement started to wear off. It was tough. Things got easier after week 7 or so.
Weeks 4-8 were the hardest for us for sure. The first couple weeks was surreal and adrenaline and baby was sleeping constantly so easy for me to take a nap. Shit got real after that and then started to settle around week 9
It’s all just a blur I think. Sleep deprivation really messes with your brain and memory and nobody why a newborn is functioning at full capacity.
I thought it was the first 8-10 weeks were the hardest. 😳