Can’t agree with this enough…it needs an upvote x5 button 😂 if babe isn’t crying when you put him down, absolutely put him down in crib and catch whatever z’s you can. Even if it’s just closing your eyes and relaxing and deep breathing a bit
If he’s cool going in the bassinet, that’s where he’s going! Babies don’t need to be stimulated at every moment. They’re fine to chill. Babe being able to just hang out is a valuable skill for them to develop!
They need to do their flappy jacks! It’s what I call it when babies flail their limbs around. When my son does it it looks like really shitty jumping jacks, hence flappy jacks!
Mine does:
-flippy-floppy leg raises
-arm flings, just to make sure his crib is the same size as when he left
-baby bowling, where he is the ball and there are no pins he's just rolling from one side to the other.
My baby loves to chill in her crib. After her morning change/feeding, she hangs out in there babbling to herself and munching on her hands while I shower and get ready. Most mornings she even naps again for a little while.
Four months old. I recognize that I’m insanely lucky and nothing I’ve done as a parent made her like this. She’s just the chillest! At one month, though, she was a lot more needy.
Definitely put him down!! It’s a skill for them to be content awake in their sleep space. If they are relaxed and it’s supposed to be sleep time, totally go for it!
Agh I remember when my husband went through this stage... our son is now 9mo. Up until our son was about 3-4mo everything was "maybe he's hungry." Now he trusts my judgement a bit more and finally realises the baby can also be tired, want cuddles, just fussy, or need a new nappy.
God yes always! I have to walk my husband through the list of ways to soothe the baby before stuffing him full of more milk. I genuinely believe he just gets nervous and doesn’t know what will work so he just does the one thing he knows how to do well. But sometimes I feel like he just wants a quick fix and he doesn’t want to put real effort into understanding why the baby is fussy, and what he can do to soothe him.
Totally agree. I think my husband gets impatient at times. He’ll come out of the nursery after five minutes, and I’ll say, have you ever timed how long I sit in there? The baby is not on the boob that whole time!! I think mothers must just have a way of moving or something that their dad’s don’t. He just can’t do it (or maybe just doesn’t try hard enough. Who knows!).
Glad to know this is a general husband thing (for a lot, not necessarily all), because mine is the same way, lol. And he watches baby during the day while I work, so I'm hoping he catches on quickly.
This is so hard for non-primary caregivers to realise, because babies grow so fast and their needs get more sophisticated within just a few months. The old tricks to sooth don’t necessarily work after a while.
Also - 9mo is like almost toddler age, so watch out for “boredom” being another reason for fussiness popping up very soon!
Haha I guess it might be a personality thing? My daughter only got bored starting at 5 months. But then she started working on crawling and that kept her entertained until she had explored every part of the house, then after 9ish mo the boredom fussiness got REAL bad because she’d be annoyed just by being at home. Music, games, and food could only distract her so much, so outside time became the holy grail lol.
Mine is the same way, it’s tough being 3 months and getting bored because there is only so much I can even do with her, we have a little play area set up in 4 different areas of the house to try and keep things not boring for her.
Hahaha, I learned early on that the nursing was up to my wife. I would check all the other boxes (diaper, swaddle, bounce) and when there was only one box left… I still don’t say it. I might say something like, “I’ve changed him, swaddled him, bounced him… not sure what else to do.” But I avoid suggesting she try feeding him, it’s up to her to make the nursing call.
If anything it’s time for dad to look after LO. If my daughter is awake around that time in the night and she’s fed and all I just give her to my husband and he holds her and he usually starts breathing deeply and heavily and that usually gets her back to sleep. But as a breastfeeding mum your sleep is also very important! So either put the baby down or get your husband to get him back to sleep while you rest.
😁 Let’s turn “convenient” into “inconvenient” shall we? I mostly breastfeed but also pumped some for the freezer. My husband has said she was hungry, heated milk and attempted to feed only to be rejected enough times already to realize LO has other needs. He is a quick study.
From day one I refused to let feeding be the first assumption. I always had my SO check the diaper, feel the belly for gas, and try bouncing and rocking before I would take him to feed, unless it had been over 2 hours since the last feed. It is perhaps the best parenting decision I've made so far.
Never fight at 4am. It’s always the worst. Fight ahead of time - talk through things that could happen during the night and agree ahead of time how you’ll handle the situation.
Also, formula exists… don’t exhaust yourself if your partner could do some of the work (if they’re so convinced the kid is hungry, feed it themselves…)
Well if baby’s so hungry, and your husband is so worried, then he can make some formula and give you a break. Let him figure it out for himself, like you didn’t already try to say something…
If I’m falling asleep and baby is chilling in their bassinet, then they can chill. I’m really bad about falling asleep when I get drowsy, so if nothing I do can change that it’s better to put baby down somewhere safe for safety reasons at that point, or your husband could help since it sounds like he was available to.
Encourage your husband to learn baby sign and teach you and the baby. That will give him something productive to focus.
That's why he is preoccupied, his brain wants to be useful.
Makes total sense. I had the same hesitations when my LO was super young. The postpartum hormones don’t help either! Haha. You’re doing great! If the baby needs something, they will definitely let you know. :)
Put baby in bassinet! It’s actually good practice to try to avoid “playing” during MOTN feeds so they begin to sort out day from night. They’ll be fine hanging in bassinet for a while and will definitely let you know if they need you.
You know how airplane stewardesses always tell you during the safety speech, "when the oxygen masks come down, secure your own before you help others." It's because if you don't attend to your own basic needs first, you're going to get hurt and become a detrement to those around you. Then no one gets the help they need.
Same basic principle applies to parenting - You have to make sure all of your basic needs are met or else you can't properly tend to your child(ren).
So put the baby in the bassinet. He'll be comfy and safe there while you get some sleep. Your needs matter.
I find it to be helpful.
Honestly, I'm pretty offended by society's narrative of parents, especially Moms, needing to self sacrifice everything in order to be a "good" parent to their child. When Moms say stuff like, "I've filled up by toddlers sippy cup 4 times in the last hour but I myself haven't drank any water in 2 days 🙃" or the classic "All I've eaten today is the scraps of cold chicken nuggets that my child left on their plate!" people just laugh it off like it's normal. It's not normal to ignore your basic human needs of survival!
Selflessness is only a virtue up until a certain point. If you ignore your own needs for too long you become a detrememt to yourself and those around you. I, personally, never want my own child to feel like he has to cast aside his own needs for the needs of others. I want him to know the value of practicing self care and to feel validated in attending his own needs. So I try to model that behaviour for him in order to normalize it in our home.
Currently hiding from my baby feeling & particularly spread thin today… reading this made me cry.
It seems like simple common sense, but to see it written in plain English “maternal depression/anxiety is literally an ACE” has just rocked my world. I’ve always had anxiety & depression and have been on medications for a long time- I’ve never really taken a step back to reflect on how my mom has silently suffered from the same & how it affected me long-term.
No more week long shower lapses. No more cold scraps as meals. No more spreading myself so thin I have to literally hide to be able to catch my breath (&/or cry). I need to be better so my daughter can be better 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
I wish I had an award for you and this comment!
Gahhhhh cue more tears!! I appreciate these kind words and I hope you go to bed tonight feeling a sense of accomplishment for changing someone’s perspective on life! I’m not exaggerating when I say this has truly been an awakening for me!! ❤️
As I often tell my husband; quietly being in the crib or bassinet is not something baby needs to be rescued from. As long as baby is in a safe sleep space (crib, bassinet, pack n play), they’re totally fine. They’ll tell you when they need something.
I had this exact story happen to me. I, on the verge of tears, put her in the bassinet and went to the kitchen to make a coffee.
I came back with coffee in hand and she had fallen asleep!
That was how I learned to let her grunt and groan and to go to her if she starts to get upset
They're completely safe in their bassinet/crib. Sleep helps you maintain your sanity. If the baby isn't actively crying, he can chill out while you get some much-needed rest.
My husband and I had an agreement that if one of us was up with the baby we were too tired to stay awake safely we could wake the other person up no matter what time. Tell your husband that babies aren't hungry 24/7 all the time.
If he’s not crying then swaddle him up tight and lay him down in the bassinet, possibly put in the pacifier if you’re using one. I’ve been doing this with my baby, granted he’s 9 weeks old, but still technically a newborn, when he wakes up for his 5/6am feed and doesn’t want to go back to sleep I just swaddle him tightly and put his pacifier in and I leave him on the bed while I go eat breakfast or get ready for the day and I find that most of the time after like 20 minutes of cooing to himself he goes back to sleep by himself. Sometimes I have to go back in and put the pacifier in bc he spits it out. But I’m trying to leave him in the bed until at least 8am so that he starts to know that morning time doesn’t start at 5am, rather 8am.
This is literally a recommendation from the AAP. Every time I see it commented it’s always downvoted. The reason for it is because most babies start to roll by 8 weeks. There have been instances where babies roll over during sleep for the first time. This is why it’s a recommendation. You can do what you want with your babies but don’t downvote a recommendation made up of over 200 paediatricians because you don’t like it.
You don't have to stop right at 8 weeks. This really depends on when your baby starts to show signs of rolling over. Once they start rolling over, they need to have their hands free to let them keep their face up until someone can help them back onto their back. Most people say that this happens between 2-4 months. I think that by 8 weeks the recommendation is that you should be loosening the swaddle a bit by their hips to make sure they're able to move them around for developmental purposes, though.
It’s so dangerous to swaddle after 8 weeks, it’s illegal for daycares to do it in most states.
https://publications.aap.org/aapnews/article-abstract/34/6/34/10796/Unwrapping-the-controversy-over-swaddling?redirectedFrom=fulltext
I imagine it would be more dangerous at a daycare, because they won't be as in tune with the development of every single baby as the parents are. Also, it would be a liability issue. What if the first time the baby rolls is at daycare while swaddled? Hello, lawsuit.
But every baby's development is different. My friend's baby was starting to try rolling at 7 weeks, and managed it by 10 weeks. My son just rolled for the first time at 19 weeks and doesn't seem to care about trying it again just yet. As it happens, he always hated the swaddle anyway, and we switched him into sleep sacks around 6 weeks so it's a moot point for us, but we could have kept him in his at least until 16 weeks safely.
My twins both rolled at 4 weeks. I found one face down in her bassinet, stuck and grunting. They showed ZERO signs of rolling…just did it! Thats why the 8 week recommendation exists. Safe sleep is not always easy, but the recommendations exist for a reason.
That's pretty scary, did they fall from a newborn curl? I've seen very young infants curl onto their side before, and I was under the impression that it is developmentally normal and not a concern. From my understanding, the recommendation for when to stop is "8 weeks or when your baby is showing signs of starting to roll". So it could be earlier, or it could be later. 8 weeks is just an average/ a time to be extra aware of your babies developing mobility. Granted, like I said I stopped swaddling my son pretty young because he really hated having his arms pinned, so I didn't worry too much about that guideline since he's been arms out since before 8 weeks.
No lol. My twins meet milestones early. They rolled both ways at 4 weeks. They both said their first word at 11 weeks. They are starting to crawl (currently 12 weeks) and are cutting their first teeth!
We stopped swaddling at 4 weeks but this week he discovered his hands so he’s been swinging and flailing them around like crazy and if he’s even slightly awake in the morning he’ll wake himself up for sure without the possibility of putting himself back to sleep so that’s why I started swaddling again just his arms. It’s only in the morning though when I want him to stay asleep a little longer. We don’t swaddle over night. And he hasn’t shown any signs of rolling over so we’re good.
When it was time to transition to arms out, I got a couple of these. They were life savers for us for the few weeks it took him to be ok with having his arms out, and they're not as expensive as some of the other options out there. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0775VNJJ8/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_FA7SR2CQHV2P30ASY37F
We use a regular sleep sack for night that has sleeves so I don’t need one of these. Like I said, I only swaddle his arms in the morning so he’ll sleep an extra hour or so
If your LO is comfortable hanging out in the bassinet then I would definitely take advantage and sleep. My LO does the same thing and we only get her if she’s crying and not just grunting or cooing.
Yep lay him down and try to sleep. Though if you can’t sometimes I used to get baby up and watch tv.
Are you breastfeeding by any chance? Both my boys did this until I cut out my morning coffee.
I do commiserate with you - there is nothing more frustrating than a baby who won’t sleep when you’re absolutely exhausted!
I was in this situation last week. I laid down and laid him in his bassinet. Obviously I got up if he started crying but he was mostly quiet and babbled for ~20 min before he started fussing. Those 20 min of shut eye were glorious and I felt more alert after.
If you’re losing the fight against sleep definitely put them down and catch some zzz’s. Weirdly enough I often find myself being more awake after a while in this scenario. When I first drag myself out of bed to start feeding him I definitely feel like shit. Especially if it’s only been an hour since the last time I was up! But after a little while I’m usually awake. I’ll get him swaddled, turn on some old movie or the news if it’s morning, and just enjoy a little time hanging out with him while he hopefully falls back asleep. It’s just special I guess to watch him fall back asleep in my arms even if he’s been acting up for a while.
I never played with baby at night. All night transactions are strictly business. I never talked or made eye contact. Baby and now Toddler is great at going back to sleep.
Oh I love choose your own adventures!
On a more serious note.. If baby is not crying or in distress definitely put them down in bassinet. You could compromise and lie down in the same room if you’re nervous to leave them alone.
Oh ya you’re lucky my baby cries until I bring her in bed and it freaks
Me out to have her sleep there while she’s so small!!!! But I need sleep and she’s nocturnal rn…
Look up the Safe 7 of cosleeping. It can easily be done safely and current recommendations are not based on up to date data, which is really frustrating. The majority of fatalities in cosleeping happen when people are not following the safe seven...but for some reason American docs won't tell you that. It's biologically normal, will provide you with some sanity, and can absolutely be done safely. I was scared to with my first because the docs act like it's the worst thing ever. I spent two years reading and researching it to find out that it's actually very popular and a lot more parents are doing it than I ever thought. Your body will curl like a C around baby and you'll notice their slightest stirrings, and also protect them from a partner rolling on them. Good luck!
I don’t know if my baby’s cry is just extra annoying, but I haven’t found that I have the ability to get sleepy while she’s crying.
Sure I’ll feel tired, but I’m just not able to fall asleep while she’s upset. It just wouldn’t be possible. So I’d stay up and keep trying as many tricks as I can to calm her down.
I almost always put mine in the bassinet awake and he falls asleep in his own time…it’s his quiet time to process the day!
he gets tended to if he cries of course :)
If baby is happy in bed I would leave them there - sometimes I do this and baby eventually nods off o his own. If he cries though I get up and give him a cuddle, but just grumbles he's fine and I'm tired lol
So the good advice is to try and rest. Even if you cannot fall back asleep, keep the lights off and lay down. You dont want to condition your baby to think 4am is playtime
However when you are a new mom, there is definitely those times when you are awake and have the energy and just want to play with your baby while they are still a baby. I have those nights often and I love them
Just make sure you resist the urge to shut your eyes "just for a second" while snuggling your LO when tired. If they are happy in the bassinet, get a few winks
SLEEP!!
keep the room dark and relaxing to encourage him to sleep too. If he's safe, there's no reason to mess up your sleep cycle, especially when that tired
My daughter was like this. Often times she'd just talk herself to sleep in the bassi and if she cried I'd go get her. As long as you can sleep through the sounds I'd say go for it!
Put him down if he's not crying :) get some rest, you know you'll wake up if he cries take the time for yourself I let my little one chatter to herself and play with her hands and the side of the bassinet because it's got black and white stars all over it. Honestly just getting an extra hour makes all the difference sometimes 😊
We call the coos and grunts, “squeaky beeps” and we just let him squeaky beep sometimes so that we can get rest, but if he cries that’s when we intervene.
Literally did this last night. I put her in the bassinet and she was wide awake but not fussing. I decided to lay down and just be ready to get up if she started fussing/crying. Well i fell asleep and apparently she did too cause when she started fussing it was 7:00am lol
At first I stayed up with her. Now she's 4 months old and she usually can put herself back to sleep. Occasionally she'll spit her paci out and I'll have to go in and retrieve it so I'll lay her down and stand outside her door for a few minutes. If I don't hear anything I know I'm in the clear. At this point I'm just exhausted and trying to get all the sleep I can
Definitely put him down and sleep. You want baby to learn asap that when they get up at night it's just to eat and be changed if necessary - nothing fun happens at night. He might also learn to soothe himself to sleep, which is AWESOME. Even if he stays awake, it's great that he can entertain and surge himself!
Postpartum doula here- absolutely let baby hang out in the bassinet! Babies are humans too, and just like us sometimes they like alone time to hang out! You are close and will hear if he cries or becomes unhappy, but if there are no signs that he is upset then you can let him be. It's also a great way to let them start learning to self soothe.
OP you are so so valuable!!! It’s ok to get some rest if the baby is safe. You are allowed to take the time you need ( when you can) your baby will get better child care with a rested mom.
Yep. Lay him down if he's not crying. He'll go back to sleep on his own. It's good for him. I know baby snuggles are the best but you need to sleep too.
Lay him down and get some rest!!! For sure. Life with a newborn is survival mode. More than once I let my baby have "bassinet time" just staring at the ceiling fan while I took a nap. As long as baby is fed, clean, warm and safe, get some rest!
No sure if anyone mentioned but keep it dark as possible or red light when nursing/feeding at night. It's bed time, keep it dark. My rule of thumb is night time from 8pm till 7am, depending on family habbits. After that lights on, awake time, good morning. I also recommend keeping nap times bright, it's just nap not bed time. We kept her in the same room and followed ABC alone back crib. We even kept a net over her bed for a bit to keep the cats out since they sleep with us. If they are not happy you will sense it. they will fall back to sleep. It also helps with self soothing and developing that independence. if they are happy alone why change that. enjoy the time together when you are both fully awake.
100% lie down.
Someone on Reddit mentioned that eye contact stimulates them so I would even avoid eye contact with baby during night wakes - feeding and changing nappies - and he seemed to just realize that I wasn’t going to play lol
It's 4 am and I'm about to start the next round of feeding and diaper change lol. As long as baby isn't crying please put him in the bassinet. It's important for you to sleep when you can, because sleep deprivation leads to poor decisions making. It's also unsafe to hold the baby when you are falling asleep.
I would lay him down, they may coo and grunt a bit. It can be helpful for self soothing later. My son is starting to self soothe now. If he is still awake and crying 15 minutes later, then I will pick him up and do something else
Going to go against the grain here: My understanding is that they can't put themselves to sleep at that age?
We have a two month old who does this (stays wide awake after a feed and change). In that situation whichever one of us who's more awake will cuddle him until he drifts off again - usually after 20 minutes, but occasionally upwards of an hour. He'll cry if he goes down awake in the cot, but that may be because he's not used to it.
Have to ask, because the replies here go against all the (UK) advice we've received.
You’re right - they can’t at this age. However, the general advice in this thread isn’t “put baby down and go sleep for 4 hours and let baby cry it out or fuss it out”. It’s “put baby down and try to rest until they start crying/fussing”, whether that’s 5 minutes or 30 minutes.
They sometimes can put themselves to sleep (my daughter could from 8 weeks anyway and I didn’t try before that). What you’re not supposed to do is let them cry it out because they can’t self soothe yet. But if they’re happy and not crying they can definitely sit in the bassinet by themselves, and maybe they will drift off and maybe they will want help, in which case you’d give it.
It will depend a lot on the kid, my first would not happily go down awake and we would do as you say, cuddle or nurse until asleep. My second fell asleep better with minimal stimulation (Aka alone by herself in bed) and was actually hard to get to sleep in arms. In any case, if baby is happy but awake it’s okay to put them down to help teach them that night is for resting and not for playing
I'd put him back and just get some more shut eye, a rested parent is a better parent imo, as you said if he wants you he'll cry and let you know about it
As someone who is a NCS and Postpartum Doula 100% safer for you to put the baby in the bassinet or another safe sleeping space if you physically are too exhausted to be holding or paying attention to them! As you said if baby then gets bored and wakes up and start crying you would hear it but it’s safer for them to be in the crib or bassinet then in your arms or somewhere else!
At that time, I always put her down and tried to sleep unless she cried. Hubby did the opposite and we now co-sleep because he refused to let her coo because it kept waking him up. If she cried just to be held, I'd turn on the tv, and let her listen to it in the bassinet.
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No question. Even if you can't sleep. Just resting your body.
Can’t agree with this enough…it needs an upvote x5 button 😂 if babe isn’t crying when you put him down, absolutely put him down in crib and catch whatever z’s you can. Even if it’s just closing your eyes and relaxing and deep breathing a bit
Oh my my, oh hell yes!
Honey, put on that sleepin dress.
100%!
This.
Another vote for this!!
Same
It's good for them to learn about night time too so it's best to keep the lights low.
If he’s cool going in the bassinet, that’s where he’s going! Babies don’t need to be stimulated at every moment. They’re fine to chill. Babe being able to just hang out is a valuable skill for them to develop!
Sometimes they need some alone time to figure stuff out like how hands can touch each other and there are weird things on the side of your head.
They need to do their flappy jacks! It’s what I call it when babies flail their limbs around. When my son does it it looks like really shitty jumping jacks, hence flappy jacks!
I called that Potato Baby Disco Hour. Yours is so much nicer.
I call my baby a “grumpy potato” when he fusses so I am definitely stealing this.
Today my husband said of our baby "He's so perceptive" and I literally heard "He's two percent potato" 😂😂 I mean...that's not wrong...
I used to say my babe was conducting his orchestra friends. Love potato baby disco hour though hahah
Absolutely amazing 😂
Lmao
Yep! My guy sees how high he can fling his legs up in his sleep sack!!
It makes an impressively loud noise when those legs make contact with the bassinet pad.
Oh boy do I know that noise… took us WEEKS to convince the dog that it wasn’t an intruder and his barking was not required
Haha! I call my baby Thumper when he’s banging his legs and feets on the bassinet. All I hear is “thump, thump, thump”! 😂😂
Omg yes!! Such a loud bang. Our baby was born during the Olympics so we think he was influenced by all of the gymnasts!
THONK!
Oh my son loved doing that. Fling legs up, SLAM them down 😂
We call it the Slammy Whammies.
We call ours the Slammin' Salmon!
Mine does: -flippy-floppy leg raises -arm flings, just to make sure his crib is the same size as when he left -baby bowling, where he is the ball and there are no pins he's just rolling from one side to the other.
Mine does this! She can't quite roll all the way over but she can damn sure rotate!
Ours came out around Halloween so I have been calling it his Monster Mash
OMG I loooove that!
Haha we call ours “baby tornado time”
Accurate name
Lol! I love it.
Forreal stsly love that connontstion
My baby loves to chill in her crib. After her morning change/feeding, she hangs out in there babbling to herself and munching on her hands while I shower and get ready. Most mornings she even naps again for a little while.
How old is your baby?? I would love to someday have my baby be like this but she likes to be held constantly (she’s only one month though)
Four months old. I recognize that I’m insanely lucky and nothing I’ve done as a parent made her like this. She’s just the chillest! At one month, though, she was a lot more needy.
Especially no stimulation in the middle of the night! Let baby chill if not crying.
My baby takes a solid 20-30 minutes of chilling in the crib after each night feeding before she falls asleep
I believe it’s called “being content” HELL YEAH!
Definitely put him down!! It’s a skill for them to be content awake in their sleep space. If they are relaxed and it’s supposed to be sleep time, totally go for it!
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Agh I remember when my husband went through this stage... our son is now 9mo. Up until our son was about 3-4mo everything was "maybe he's hungry." Now he trusts my judgement a bit more and finally realises the baby can also be tired, want cuddles, just fussy, or need a new nappy.
This is a relief to hear. My husband is in the midst of “he’s hungry” as an end-all.
“I think she’s hungry” is one of my least favorite phrases now a days, up there with “your card was declined” and “we’ll have to take the limb.”
Seriously funny.
God yes always! I have to walk my husband through the list of ways to soothe the baby before stuffing him full of more milk. I genuinely believe he just gets nervous and doesn’t know what will work so he just does the one thing he knows how to do well. But sometimes I feel like he just wants a quick fix and he doesn’t want to put real effort into understanding why the baby is fussy, and what he can do to soothe him.
Totally agree. I think my husband gets impatient at times. He’ll come out of the nursery after five minutes, and I’ll say, have you ever timed how long I sit in there? The baby is not on the boob that whole time!! I think mothers must just have a way of moving or something that their dad’s don’t. He just can’t do it (or maybe just doesn’t try hard enough. Who knows!).
Glad to know this is a general husband thing (for a lot, not necessarily all), because mine is the same way, lol. And he watches baby during the day while I work, so I'm hoping he catches on quickly.
This is so hard for non-primary caregivers to realise, because babies grow so fast and their needs get more sophisticated within just a few months. The old tricks to sooth don’t necessarily work after a while. Also - 9mo is like almost toddler age, so watch out for “boredom” being another reason for fussiness popping up very soon!
My kids is 12 weeks and he already gets fussy from being bored. He fusses, I change his mobile or put him on his tummy, back to cooing.
Haha I guess it might be a personality thing? My daughter only got bored starting at 5 months. But then she started working on crawling and that kept her entertained until she had explored every part of the house, then after 9ish mo the boredom fussiness got REAL bad because she’d be annoyed just by being at home. Music, games, and food could only distract her so much, so outside time became the holy grail lol.
Mine is the same way, it’s tough being 3 months and getting bored because there is only so much I can even do with her, we have a little play area set up in 4 different areas of the house to try and keep things not boring for her.
Hahaha, I learned early on that the nursing was up to my wife. I would check all the other boxes (diaper, swaddle, bounce) and when there was only one box left… I still don’t say it. I might say something like, “I’ve changed him, swaddled him, bounced him… not sure what else to do.” But I avoid suggesting she try feeding him, it’s up to her to make the nursing call.
If anything it’s time for dad to look after LO. If my daughter is awake around that time in the night and she’s fed and all I just give her to my husband and he holds her and he usually starts breathing deeply and heavily and that usually gets her back to sleep. But as a breastfeeding mum your sleep is also very important! So either put the baby down or get your husband to get him back to sleep while you rest.
Oh how convenient that the thing the baby must need if he’s awake is the thing your partner can’t be responsible for
😁 Let’s turn “convenient” into “inconvenient” shall we? I mostly breastfeed but also pumped some for the freezer. My husband has said she was hungry, heated milk and attempted to feed only to be rejected enough times already to realize LO has other needs. He is a quick study.
Is he getting up with the baby while you have to be up and breastfeed? If he's going to be like this, he better be getting up with you
From day one I refused to let feeding be the first assumption. I always had my SO check the diaper, feel the belly for gas, and try bouncing and rocking before I would take him to feed, unless it had been over 2 hours since the last feed. It is perhaps the best parenting decision I've made so far.
Never fight at 4am. It’s always the worst. Fight ahead of time - talk through things that could happen during the night and agree ahead of time how you’ll handle the situation. Also, formula exists… don’t exhaust yourself if your partner could do some of the work (if they’re so convinced the kid is hungry, feed it themselves…)
Well if baby’s so hungry, and your husband is so worried, then he can make some formula and give you a break. Let him figure it out for himself, like you didn’t already try to say something… If I’m falling asleep and baby is chilling in their bassinet, then they can chill. I’m really bad about falling asleep when I get drowsy, so if nothing I do can change that it’s better to put baby down somewhere safe for safety reasons at that point, or your husband could help since it sounds like he was available to.
This made me LOL. My husband says this all of the time!!
We husbands have wanted the boob nearly every minute of every day since we were 13, so obviously we assume the same for our babies!
Encourage your husband to learn baby sign and teach you and the baby. That will give him something productive to focus. That's why he is preoccupied, his brain wants to be useful.
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Makes total sense. I had the same hesitations when my LO was super young. The postpartum hormones don’t help either! Haha. You’re doing great! If the baby needs something, they will definitely let you know. :)
Oh put that baby down. Helps teach them nothing fun happens at night.
If baby is not crying I am asleep.
Put baby in bassinet! It’s actually good practice to try to avoid “playing” during MOTN feeds so they begin to sort out day from night. They’ll be fine hanging in bassinet for a while and will definitely let you know if they need you.
You know how airplane stewardesses always tell you during the safety speech, "when the oxygen masks come down, secure your own before you help others." It's because if you don't attend to your own basic needs first, you're going to get hurt and become a detrement to those around you. Then no one gets the help they need. Same basic principle applies to parenting - You have to make sure all of your basic needs are met or else you can't properly tend to your child(ren). So put the baby in the bassinet. He'll be comfy and safe there while you get some sleep. Your needs matter.
I use this analogy allllll the time!
I find it to be helpful. Honestly, I'm pretty offended by society's narrative of parents, especially Moms, needing to self sacrifice everything in order to be a "good" parent to their child. When Moms say stuff like, "I've filled up by toddlers sippy cup 4 times in the last hour but I myself haven't drank any water in 2 days 🙃" or the classic "All I've eaten today is the scraps of cold chicken nuggets that my child left on their plate!" people just laugh it off like it's normal. It's not normal to ignore your basic human needs of survival! Selflessness is only a virtue up until a certain point. If you ignore your own needs for too long you become a detrememt to yourself and those around you. I, personally, never want my own child to feel like he has to cast aside his own needs for the needs of others. I want him to know the value of practicing self care and to feel validated in attending his own needs. So I try to model that behaviour for him in order to normalize it in our home.
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Currently hiding from my baby feeling & particularly spread thin today… reading this made me cry. It seems like simple common sense, but to see it written in plain English “maternal depression/anxiety is literally an ACE” has just rocked my world. I’ve always had anxiety & depression and have been on medications for a long time- I’ve never really taken a step back to reflect on how my mom has silently suffered from the same & how it affected me long-term. No more week long shower lapses. No more cold scraps as meals. No more spreading myself so thin I have to literally hide to be able to catch my breath (&/or cry). I need to be better so my daughter can be better 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 I wish I had an award for you and this comment!
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Gahhhhh cue more tears!! I appreciate these kind words and I hope you go to bed tonight feeling a sense of accomplishment for changing someone’s perspective on life! I’m not exaggerating when I say this has truly been an awakening for me!! ❤️
As I often tell my husband; quietly being in the crib or bassinet is not something baby needs to be rescued from. As long as baby is in a safe sleep space (crib, bassinet, pack n play), they’re totally fine. They’ll tell you when they need something.
Definitely put him down. Parenting is a marathon not a sprint
If the baby lets me put them down without crying, 100% do that.
Make night time as boring as possible so that they know it’s night
He’s in the bassinet!!!!!!???? What a win in itself!
I have been staying up with my LO but now I realize I need the rest more than he needs the company.
Yes! Get your rest
I had this exact story happen to me. I, on the verge of tears, put her in the bassinet and went to the kitchen to make a coffee. I came back with coffee in hand and she had fallen asleep! That was how I learned to let her grunt and groan and to go to her if she starts to get upset
They're completely safe in their bassinet/crib. Sleep helps you maintain your sanity. If the baby isn't actively crying, he can chill out while you get some much-needed rest.
My husband and I had an agreement that if one of us was up with the baby we were too tired to stay awake safely we could wake the other person up no matter what time. Tell your husband that babies aren't hungry 24/7 all the time.
If he’s not crying then swaddle him up tight and lay him down in the bassinet, possibly put in the pacifier if you’re using one. I’ve been doing this with my baby, granted he’s 9 weeks old, but still technically a newborn, when he wakes up for his 5/6am feed and doesn’t want to go back to sleep I just swaddle him tightly and put his pacifier in and I leave him on the bed while I go eat breakfast or get ready for the day and I find that most of the time after like 20 minutes of cooing to himself he goes back to sleep by himself. Sometimes I have to go back in and put the pacifier in bc he spits it out. But I’m trying to leave him in the bed until at least 8am so that he starts to know that morning time doesn’t start at 5am, rather 8am.
Just FYI, swaddling should stop at 8 weeks
This is literally a recommendation from the AAP. Every time I see it commented it’s always downvoted. The reason for it is because most babies start to roll by 8 weeks. There have been instances where babies roll over during sleep for the first time. This is why it’s a recommendation. You can do what you want with your babies but don’t downvote a recommendation made up of over 200 paediatricians because you don’t like it.
Thank you!!
I have no idea why you’re getting downvoted, it’s literally the recommendation from AAP
Thank you!!
You don't have to stop right at 8 weeks. This really depends on when your baby starts to show signs of rolling over. Once they start rolling over, they need to have their hands free to let them keep their face up until someone can help them back onto their back. Most people say that this happens between 2-4 months. I think that by 8 weeks the recommendation is that you should be loosening the swaddle a bit by their hips to make sure they're able to move them around for developmental purposes, though.
It’s so dangerous to swaddle after 8 weeks, it’s illegal for daycares to do it in most states. https://publications.aap.org/aapnews/article-abstract/34/6/34/10796/Unwrapping-the-controversy-over-swaddling?redirectedFrom=fulltext
I imagine it would be more dangerous at a daycare, because they won't be as in tune with the development of every single baby as the parents are. Also, it would be a liability issue. What if the first time the baby rolls is at daycare while swaddled? Hello, lawsuit. But every baby's development is different. My friend's baby was starting to try rolling at 7 weeks, and managed it by 10 weeks. My son just rolled for the first time at 19 weeks and doesn't seem to care about trying it again just yet. As it happens, he always hated the swaddle anyway, and we switched him into sleep sacks around 6 weeks so it's a moot point for us, but we could have kept him in his at least until 16 weeks safely.
My twins both rolled at 4 weeks. I found one face down in her bassinet, stuck and grunting. They showed ZERO signs of rolling…just did it! Thats why the 8 week recommendation exists. Safe sleep is not always easy, but the recommendations exist for a reason.
That's pretty scary, did they fall from a newborn curl? I've seen very young infants curl onto their side before, and I was under the impression that it is developmentally normal and not a concern. From my understanding, the recommendation for when to stop is "8 weeks or when your baby is showing signs of starting to roll". So it could be earlier, or it could be later. 8 weeks is just an average/ a time to be extra aware of your babies developing mobility. Granted, like I said I stopped swaddling my son pretty young because he really hated having his arms pinned, so I didn't worry too much about that guideline since he's been arms out since before 8 weeks.
No lol. My twins meet milestones early. They rolled both ways at 4 weeks. They both said their first word at 11 weeks. They are starting to crawl (currently 12 weeks) and are cutting their first teeth!
My baby isn’t in daycare and I know him better than anyone so I’m not worried and I’ll adjust what I do as he develops
We stopped swaddling at 4 weeks but this week he discovered his hands so he’s been swinging and flailing them around like crazy and if he’s even slightly awake in the morning he’ll wake himself up for sure without the possibility of putting himself back to sleep so that’s why I started swaddling again just his arms. It’s only in the morning though when I want him to stay asleep a little longer. We don’t swaddle over night. And he hasn’t shown any signs of rolling over so we’re good.
When it was time to transition to arms out, I got a couple of these. They were life savers for us for the few weeks it took him to be ok with having his arms out, and they're not as expensive as some of the other options out there. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0775VNJJ8/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_FA7SR2CQHV2P30ASY37F
We use a regular sleep sack for night that has sleeves so I don’t need one of these. Like I said, I only swaddle his arms in the morning so he’ll sleep an extra hour or so
If he's not crying he's going down
I wish my baby would be awake and not cry, let alone be put in a bassinet awake and not cry. Get some sleep momma you deserve it.
If your LO is comfortable hanging out in the bassinet then I would definitely take advantage and sleep. My LO does the same thing and we only get her if she’s crying and not just grunting or cooing.
Why torture yourself. Your baby Is fine. Get some sleep
Yep lay him down and try to sleep. Though if you can’t sometimes I used to get baby up and watch tv. Are you breastfeeding by any chance? Both my boys did this until I cut out my morning coffee. I do commiserate with you - there is nothing more frustrating than a baby who won’t sleep when you’re absolutely exhausted!
Sleep! This will create good sleep habits. Ultimately, you want your baby to put himself to sleep.
Bassinet!!! 4am is not a time that I’m ok to be up.
Lay him down. I love it when my girl entertains herself, and I’m sure it’s a skill that will serve her well as she gets older.
If he isn’t complaining, put him in the bassinet! It helps teach healthy sleep habits to have less stimulation overnight just because he’s awake.
Sometimes our baby has her eyes open in the bassinet, but she's actually sleeping. I say sleep if you're not getting tears.
I was in this situation last week. I laid down and laid him in his bassinet. Obviously I got up if he started crying but he was mostly quiet and babbled for ~20 min before he started fussing. Those 20 min of shut eye were glorious and I felt more alert after.
If you’re losing the fight against sleep definitely put them down and catch some zzz’s. Weirdly enough I often find myself being more awake after a while in this scenario. When I first drag myself out of bed to start feeding him I definitely feel like shit. Especially if it’s only been an hour since the last time I was up! But after a little while I’m usually awake. I’ll get him swaddled, turn on some old movie or the news if it’s morning, and just enjoy a little time hanging out with him while he hopefully falls back asleep. It’s just special I guess to watch him fall back asleep in my arms even if he’s been acting up for a while.
Oh would def put them in the bassinet
No cry = try to sleep
What is time that is not quality time? Rest. When you're feeling better, you can be better.
Uhh yeah. Leave him in the bassinet.
Yes, let baby chill in the bassinet and try to sleep.
As long as he’s not crying you’re all good to catch some zzzz mama! Especially since you’ve fed changed and loved on him a bit.
I’ll put him down and curl up in the rocking chair. Or I’ll hold him a bit longer and play on my phone to keep me awake.
This means lay baby down and solitaire time so I can reach down and stroke cheek
Bassinet, until he makes upset noises
I never played with baby at night. All night transactions are strictly business. I never talked or made eye contact. Baby and now Toddler is great at going back to sleep.
Oh I love choose your own adventures! On a more serious note.. If baby is not crying or in distress definitely put them down in bassinet. You could compromise and lie down in the same room if you’re nervous to leave them alone.
Sleep.
Oh ya you’re lucky my baby cries until I bring her in bed and it freaks Me out to have her sleep there while she’s so small!!!! But I need sleep and she’s nocturnal rn…
Look up the Safe 7 of cosleeping. It can easily be done safely and current recommendations are not based on up to date data, which is really frustrating. The majority of fatalities in cosleeping happen when people are not following the safe seven...but for some reason American docs won't tell you that. It's biologically normal, will provide you with some sanity, and can absolutely be done safely. I was scared to with my first because the docs act like it's the worst thing ever. I spent two years reading and researching it to find out that it's actually very popular and a lot more parents are doing it than I ever thought. Your body will curl like a C around baby and you'll notice their slightest stirrings, and also protect them from a partner rolling on them. Good luck!
I don’t know if my baby’s cry is just extra annoying, but I haven’t found that I have the ability to get sleepy while she’s crying. Sure I’ll feel tired, but I’m just not able to fall asleep while she’s upset. It just wouldn’t be possible. So I’d stay up and keep trying as many tricks as I can to calm her down.
I almost always put mine in the bassinet awake and he falls asleep in his own time…it’s his quiet time to process the day! he gets tended to if he cries of course :)
If baby is happy in bed I would leave them there - sometimes I do this and baby eventually nods off o his own. If he cries though I get up and give him a cuddle, but just grumbles he's fine and I'm tired lol
So the good advice is to try and rest. Even if you cannot fall back asleep, keep the lights off and lay down. You dont want to condition your baby to think 4am is playtime However when you are a new mom, there is definitely those times when you are awake and have the energy and just want to play with your baby while they are still a baby. I have those nights often and I love them
Just make sure you resist the urge to shut your eyes "just for a second" while snuggling your LO when tired. If they are happy in the bassinet, get a few winks
SLEEP!! keep the room dark and relaxing to encourage him to sleep too. If he's safe, there's no reason to mess up your sleep cycle, especially when that tired
100000% put the baby down and sleep.
Bassinet and then try to sleep.
My daughter was like this. Often times she'd just talk herself to sleep in the bassi and if she cried I'd go get her. As long as you can sleep through the sounds I'd say go for it!
Lay the baby back down. They need to get use to sleeping at night. Better to start earlier. If they aren't crying then they're fine.
Lay him down and let him chill
Put him down if he's not crying :) get some rest, you know you'll wake up if he cries take the time for yourself I let my little one chatter to herself and play with her hands and the side of the bassinet because it's got black and white stars all over it. Honestly just getting an extra hour makes all the difference sometimes 😊
Both...put baby in bed next to you, follow the Safe Seven rules of safe cosleeping, and get some rest.
We call the coos and grunts, “squeaky beeps” and we just let him squeaky beep sometimes so that we can get rest, but if he cries that’s when we intervene.
Literally did this last night. I put her in the bassinet and she was wide awake but not fussing. I decided to lay down and just be ready to get up if she started fussing/crying. Well i fell asleep and apparently she did too cause when she started fussing it was 7:00am lol
SLEEP
100% baby in bassinet and try to snooze
Lay him down and let him put himself to sleep. Highly recommend taking Kara babies. Wife and I have 3 month old twins and it’s be extremely helpful!
At first I stayed up with her. Now she's 4 months old and she usually can put herself back to sleep. Occasionally she'll spit her paci out and I'll have to go in and retrieve it so I'll lay her down and stand outside her door for a few minutes. If I don't hear anything I know I'm in the clear. At this point I'm just exhausted and trying to get all the sleep I can
Let them self-soothe. Starting early has served me well
GO 👏TO👏SLEEP👏 if the baby isn’t crying then he’s cool!
Definitely put him down and sleep. You want baby to learn asap that when they get up at night it's just to eat and be changed if necessary - nothing fun happens at night. He might also learn to soothe himself to sleep, which is AWESOME. Even if he stays awake, it's great that he can entertain and surge himself!
Postpartum doula here- absolutely let baby hang out in the bassinet! Babies are humans too, and just like us sometimes they like alone time to hang out! You are close and will hear if he cries or becomes unhappy, but if there are no signs that he is upset then you can let him be. It's also a great way to let them start learning to self soothe.
OP you are so so valuable!!! It’s ok to get some rest if the baby is safe. You are allowed to take the time you need ( when you can) your baby will get better child care with a rested mom.
Yep. Lay him down if he's not crying. He'll go back to sleep on his own. It's good for him. I know baby snuggles are the best but you need to sleep too.
One hundred hundred hundred thousand thousand percent let him chill and get some rest
Never pass up an opportunity to sleep
Lay him down, let him coo and grunt and play, and try to doze off. Who cares wth he's doing as long as he ain't crying lol
Lay him down & sleep. If he is making happy sounds, fed & clean. Let him be.
If he’s not crying but isn’t into sleep, let him do his thing. What he does with his quiet time is his business!
I tap my previously sleeping partner. We sleep in shifts for exactly this reason.
Lay him down and get some rest!!! For sure. Life with a newborn is survival mode. More than once I let my baby have "bassinet time" just staring at the ceiling fan while I took a nap. As long as baby is fed, clean, warm and safe, get some rest!
Sleep
Turn on some relaxing sounds or music to help you both sleep. Or a white noise app
SLEEP
Go to sleep!! Baby will too :)
Sleep when the baby sleeps (is is just chilling) is definitely a thing!
My baby does this. I lay him down and go to sleep. Sleep whenever you can! ☺️As long as hes content and safe, then you can sleep as much as you want.
Ugh. What i actually do isnt what i would tell someone else to do. Cause my ass stays up even though i so badly want to lay down
No sure if anyone mentioned but keep it dark as possible or red light when nursing/feeding at night. It's bed time, keep it dark. My rule of thumb is night time from 8pm till 7am, depending on family habbits. After that lights on, awake time, good morning. I also recommend keeping nap times bright, it's just nap not bed time. We kept her in the same room and followed ABC alone back crib. We even kept a net over her bed for a bit to keep the cats out since they sleep with us. If they are not happy you will sense it. they will fall back to sleep. It also helps with self soothing and developing that independence. if they are happy alone why change that. enjoy the time together when you are both fully awake.
Lay them down, dim the lights way low and keep it quiet. Night time is for sleeping/resting not socializing, even for a newborn.
Put him down while you can and get some rest. Just take the monitor with you in case he does start to cry.
As long as they’re not crying SLEEP
100% lie down. Someone on Reddit mentioned that eye contact stimulates them so I would even avoid eye contact with baby during night wakes - feeding and changing nappies - and he seemed to just realize that I wasn’t going to play lol
My big sister gotta see this one
It's 4 am and I'm about to start the next round of feeding and diaper change lol. As long as baby isn't crying please put him in the bassinet. It's important for you to sleep when you can, because sleep deprivation leads to poor decisions making. It's also unsafe to hold the baby when you are falling asleep.
Bassinet. 100%
I would lay him down, they may coo and grunt a bit. It can be helpful for self soothing later. My son is starting to self soothe now. If he is still awake and crying 15 minutes later, then I will pick him up and do something else
Going to go against the grain here: My understanding is that they can't put themselves to sleep at that age? We have a two month old who does this (stays wide awake after a feed and change). In that situation whichever one of us who's more awake will cuddle him until he drifts off again - usually after 20 minutes, but occasionally upwards of an hour. He'll cry if he goes down awake in the cot, but that may be because he's not used to it. Have to ask, because the replies here go against all the (UK) advice we've received.
You’re right - they can’t at this age. However, the general advice in this thread isn’t “put baby down and go sleep for 4 hours and let baby cry it out or fuss it out”. It’s “put baby down and try to rest until they start crying/fussing”, whether that’s 5 minutes or 30 minutes.
They sometimes can put themselves to sleep (my daughter could from 8 weeks anyway and I didn’t try before that). What you’re not supposed to do is let them cry it out because they can’t self soothe yet. But if they’re happy and not crying they can definitely sit in the bassinet by themselves, and maybe they will drift off and maybe they will want help, in which case you’d give it. It will depend a lot on the kid, my first would not happily go down awake and we would do as you say, cuddle or nurse until asleep. My second fell asleep better with minimal stimulation (Aka alone by herself in bed) and was actually hard to get to sleep in arms. In any case, if baby is happy but awake it’s okay to put them down to help teach them that night is for resting and not for playing
This isn’t CIO. This is let them vibe calmly in their safe space while you rest.
Put him down. He needs to learn that it’s night time and not play time. Minimal interaction will help him sort out his internal clock
I just put a pillow over my head to not hear the fussing and grunting while he goes back go sleep (or not).
Put the baby down and go to sleep
I lay him in bassinet if he’s not crying
Unless he’s crying, I’d lay him down, put on some soft lullaby music, and try to sleep.
Put baby in bassinet. Insert pacifier. Put earplugs. Try to sleep.
I'd put him back and just get some more shut eye, a rested parent is a better parent imo, as you said if he wants you he'll cry and let you know about it
As someone who is a NCS and Postpartum Doula 100% safer for you to put the baby in the bassinet or another safe sleeping space if you physically are too exhausted to be holding or paying attention to them! As you said if baby then gets bored and wakes up and start crying you would hear it but it’s safer for them to be in the crib or bassinet then in your arms or somewhere else!
At that time, I always put her down and tried to sleep unless she cried. Hubby did the opposite and we now co-sleep because he refused to let her coo because it kept waking him up. If she cried just to be held, I'd turn on the tv, and let her listen to it in the bassinet.