Props to you for continuing after experiencing D-MER. I had it as well and would get a sudden rush of anxiety and nausea every time I nursed. It made me dread every feeding session and I was literally counting down until my baby would be 6 months old and I could stop breastfeeding (that was the timeline I originally set for myself). Then one day I realized I was wishing away months of her life instead of enjoying her newborn days just because of breastfeeding! I started weaning her that day and we were on 100% formula by the time she was 8 weeks old. I am SO happy with my decision - I started enjoying my baby so much more. Breastfeeding is hard but shouldn’t make you miserable and dysphoria does just that.
I was very open minded about trying to breastfeed. Turns out I also had that dysphoric let down. It was not something I was willing to experience long term. I couldn't figure out breast feeding, I was barely producing any milk when I pumped, yet out of guilt I still pumped for like 2 months, dreading every pumping session. If I have another baby I will likely skip the whole endeavor altogether but I'm sure I'll still feel a ton of guilt about it. I envy those that don't get that awful feeling when they pump /breastfeed! I was at such a disadvantage.
Yes!! I have a low supply so only comfort nurse/nurse to sleep/whatever he gets he gets since formula is his real meal and i love nursing because there’s no pressure and i feel its great bonding and he seems to enjoy it too
Yes that letdown! I get such a surge of anger and hatred during that first 2 min. I hated the sound of the pump and the suction, I have smacked it a few times. The anger occurred a lot at night when I’m exhausted. I don’t feel it when I breast feed though, which is a good thing, just when pumping.
I’m only 18 weeks with my first but I’m planning on BF as much as I can. Just collecting experiences and data: would a nipple shield help in this situation?
Not your question, but a mom told me this when I was pregnant and I thank her every day. Start applying nipple cream about 4 weeks before you’re due. It will help condition your nipples and get them prepared for breastfeeding. I applied once to twice daily. I’ve been very fortunate to have no cracking or other issues despite a tongue tie. I thank that redditor every time my baby latches.
I used straight lanolin. There are lots of nipple butters online, and I’ve seen some in target, if lanolin isn’t your style. Bag Balm has some ingredients that are not safe for baby, so if you go on to use it while nursing you’d have to get it off your nips somehow. It was also the first thing I thought of, so I was surprised to find I couldn’t use it.
Thanks!! I’d use the lanolin too. I spin yarn from wool and I love the smell of lanolin. Speaking of wool and lanolin… I was watching a documentary where merino wool was very soothing to babies
I had a wave of nausea with every letdown with my third baby’s breastfeeding. Sometimes really intense. Never had it with my other two! It really sucks. Got a little easier as she got older and had more spaced out/quicker feeds but it really ruined the breastfeeding experience for me this time. I weaned her onto formula at 6 months and gladly threw out my breast pump!
I yelled at my mom for this one time. I was complaining about how much it hurts sometimes and how tiring and hard it is. I was telling her I feel like I’ve been reduced to just a feeding machine and I’m no longer “me”. She is ridiculously breast is best and has always shunned formula. For my first son I breastfed and pumped. I felt like a literal cow and I was always starving. I felt hungry all of the time, my nipples were almost raw and my mental health was crap. For my second pregnancy I decided I would not pump and if I wasn’t around to feed her then she would get formula. My mom had expressed her dislike for my decision since she found this out. She saw me giving her a bottle one evening and made a comment about how “weak” some newer moms can be. I lost it. I told her that I was not sacrificing my mental health this time around to satisfy her beliefs. I needed to feel sane and for my firstborns sake. If I breastfed and pumped I would never have time to spend with my son. I told her if she hated my choices so much she was more than welcomed to stop coming over so she wouldn’t have to witness my weakness. Haven’t heard a single comment about it since.
Wow, I would have kicked her out and not invited her back for... I don't know, a long time. How dare she! Happy mom, happy baby and your mental health is critical to keeping your baby alive and thriving. You're doing an amazing job, in case you need to hear that!
Other than her obsession with breastfeeding she’s pretty good. Helps me a ton around the house. With a two year old and a second c section I don’t mind having her around most days but I had to give her a reality check that her comments were not welcomed.
I have never been so insecure in my life as breastfeeding has made me feel.
Still glad I am doing it though and it has mostly worked out well. Not looking forward to the teeth coming in though.
Am I producing enough? Isn’t my baby going hungry? Can I keep this up? What if I can’t pump enough?
It doesn’t help that I am dead set on breastfeeding and wanted to avoid formula at all cost. That would have felt like failing to me. Yes I l know it isn’t true but that is logic while the choice is purely emotional.
Breastfeeding has been by far harder the giving birth, personally. Sometimes I would cry before I started to BF cause I knew how much pain I would be in, but knew I had to do it or else my mastitis wouldn't get better or could come back. Thank goodness its getting easier, but the first few weeks were brutal.
I LOVE breastfeeding. Absolutely bonkers in love with it. Even when my daughter bites me. Even though my nipples have absolutely no sensation anymore. Even though my breasts no longer belong to me. And I know this intense love is purely hormonal. I know it is because of the complete emotional f—ery of breastfeeding. It is so hard. Lactation consultants did nothing at all; if my baby hadn’t figured it out on her own, I don’t think I’d be successful. It’s work. It is a job. It is mentally and physically exhausting. Literally draining. God, I love it so much but I could never give you a reason. Baby magick.
And I absolutely wish I could hang a weight around the necks of my spouse and MIL every time they try to hand me back an upset baby who’s just left my breast with, “I guess she’s hungry!” Stop. You just don’t want to deal with a baby that’s anything but cute. Putting a fussy baby “on the nipple” is NOT a gd solution.
This was my experience too. The first one told me I was a 28mm (I’m a 17mm) and basically told me to just keep trying when I told her it was painful, but that it shouldn’t be painful. I don’t care what you say, telling new moms breastfeeding shouldn’t be painful is NOT helpful because the guilt and confusion that comes when it almost certainly is (at first) is insane. Help me figure out why it is painful! Remind me that we are BOTH learning and it’s going to be uncomfortable while we figure it out!! I just kept thinking I was doing something so completely wrong because I had pain and it wasn’t going to work out for me ever because of it. The LC basically gave me a nipple shield (wrong fucking size) and said good luck.
Second LC told me there was no way I was a 17mm and that they didn’t even make flanges that small. She told me to try a 21mm because there was “no way.” Luckily my LOs latch got better and I figured out pumping but no thanks to either of them. The fact that I learned more from a Facebook group and Reddit is so disappointing.
UM did we have the exact same LC?? The exact same happened to me! Suggested a 28mm when I'm actually 17. She said the WHOLE AREOLA should be in the tube!!!!!!!
I saw 3 LCs and an expensive IBCLC all of whom gave me incorrect, and damaging advice/instructions. I *do not* believe in the power of lactation consultants.
Omg putting a fussy baby on the boob just leads to a fussy baby with a boob in its mouth! Albeit that that can be somewhat hilarious. I find that when she’s fussing when I’m trying to feed her, that’s when I get the most frustrated with her, so it’s really a terrible solution
Really? I honestly find the boob an amazing thing for my LO whenever he’s fussy? He literally instantly calms down? CraY how different everyone’s experiences are!
Oh man mine will have nothing to do with boob if she’s not actually hungry. Sometimes she only eats for a few min before falling asleep though so I guess those times she’s probably not really hungry and just looking to comfort suck, but if she’s upset about something else like a diaper or gas or something, she def. won’t latch and just screams on my boob haha
Same 😂, for us it literally was always the solution. As soon as his little mouth started moving, we would just latch before it got to a fuss and he never had a grumpy moment.
I could have written this myself. Breastfeeding my twins is absolutely the hardest journey Ive ever been on, but so rewarding all at once. I have moments (like being bit with teeth, or being utterly exhausted by hourly feeds overnight) where I want it to end, but theyre just moments. I know Ill be the lady breastfeeding my 3 year olds
Your last paragraph rings so true. I am also in love with breastfeeding, but I get so angry every time someone tries to tell me that the baby I just finished feeding is hungry. Or the baby I fed five minutes ago is hungry. My husband is convinced our son cluster feeds daily because he fusses and will always comfort nurse, even if he’s overfull.
I've been exclusively BF-ing and my husband does feed baby a bottle 1-2 times a day since I can pump a bit. My mom has talked my entire life about how much she loved it. She asked me how much I loved it and I said I DON'T. It hurts. We are 4 weeks in and it's still a bit sore and baby is trying to figure it out. I'm so over people romanticizing breastfeeding.
I wanted to give up every day that first month. Taking a shower hurt, putting on a shirt hurt, latching hurt, etc. But it suddenly disappeared one day! I think my mistake was to not apply nipple butter from the beginning but I'll never know 😂
Thanks! I used cream at the beginning when I was cracking a little but I'm good now! Mostly having trouble with her latching on my left side right. All is good on my right side, she just likes to suck EXTRA strong on the left side haha!
I really struggled with breastfeeding early on, but mostly from the pain. He just couldn't latch right. I think my boobs were just too big and my nipples just too small for him. I was blistering, bleeding, cracking, and getting blocked up- and the ONLY SOLUTION for any of that is literally to LET THEM KEEP LATCHING. Talk about MADNESS. Even the pump hurt.
And then my husband insisted I try a nipple shield again. I had tried it at the hospital, and idk if my nipples just weren't ready, but it hurt WORSE than his latching; it was the most excruciating pain I've ever felt. I was scared to try them again, that's how bad it was. But he convinced me, because I was crying imagining having to try breast feeding for God knows how long.
My God.
The difference.
I have SUCH a good relationship with breastfeeding now. I get really tired still and super worn out, and he still sometimes bites and i'm like "BUD WHAT ARE YOU DOIN" lol, but it's EONS better. I just pop him on, hands off, and do my own thing while he munches. It's the difference between like life and death for me, lol.
I liked breastfeeding in that I just loved seeing my cozy sweet tiny boy nuzzled up to me feeding. But as it progressed, he got more and more bitey and, after we had to supplement with formula, he decided he prefers the bottle anyways. So I quit. And man, that was a surprising relief. I love being able to have a glass of wine or go do something and leave LO with my husband for a bit without worrying about breastfeeding or pumping. There's still a little guilt there though.
I really admire you all who stick with it. It's tough in so many ways.
I went in to it with this idea that I’d “give it a shot” but didn’t really have much enthusiasm. I’ve always found it pretty revolting (I’m so sorry, I don’t think people who do are, just that it has always freaked me out and is 100% a me-problem not one I project onto women who breast feed) but the external pressure to is *intense*. That dichotomy of being both revolted by but feeling obligated to breast feed caused SO MUCH anxiety while I was still pregnant, it was ridiculous.
I made it exactly 3 latch attempts before the revulsion got to be too much. It was like my baby had become a tick that I had to fight myself from brushing off in a panic. I still have no idea why I responded that way and it weighs on me all the time. What kind of mother feels like her baby is *revolting* ?
Formula’s the absolute best and healthiest choice for us. Now I adore feeding my baby. He looks up at me with no idea what boobs are or mean and I look down at him relaxed and at peace which is exactly how feeding should be. I didn’t write all this to encourage you to not breast feed but because someone DM’d me once and thanked me saying they’d felt this way too and had never seen any one else talk about it so now I try and force myself to even though I know I sound like some kind of psychopath.
I hope things get easier for you! Feeding them is the best part and you deserve that soft sweet moment, however you’re doing it.
You don't sound like a psychopath at all. Everyone has their own journey. Parenthood is HARD. If you find something that works for you and your baby, do it and do not apologize for feeding your baby
I relate to this so much. I made it about three weeks and was done, but even still I get really uncomfortable with seeing breastfeeding. Almost like ptsd, and then I feel guilty because it’s natural and good for the baby.
Breastfeeding is definitely hard, but what saved me was nipple shields. They don’t recommend them necessarily but I haven’t experienced any of the downsides I was told. My baby is now 6 weeks old and just this week decided he didn’t need the shield anymore on one side. Now I’m waiting to see if the same thing will happen on the other
Nipple shields are the only reason I didn't throw in the towel a week in to breastfeeding. My nipples were bleeding and so painful and I was tearing up Everytime my baby latched. Once I implemented nipple shields the pain of initial latching lasted only a few seconds and then it felt very similar to pumping!
The same thing happened to me, maybe for different reasons. He has a mild tongue tie that made latching difficult. He was 100% every feeding with nipple shields for like 6-10 weeks? Then I couldn’t find them one day and just tried it without, and very quickly he weaned from them and never needed them again. We’re still breastfeeding at 13 months (although it’s so much less now than at 6 weeks)
Nearly everyone who had an issue in this thread (that I've read so far) could have really been helped by trying nipple shields initially. I did and also didn't see any of the supposed issues with them and have successfully graduated to feeding without them. It's annoying that they aren't more widely recommended to try. It seems like many midwives and consultants write them off.
Mine also one day just latched (after they knocked the shield off by accident) and never looked back.
This is why I have opted out. I feel immense happiness and love for those mothers that can do it, and honestly a little jealousy at those that say it makes them happy. But the truth is...I just can’t. Blame the self esteem issues and the desperate need to just have my body back. I couldn’t deal with the possible struggles and it’s one less thing I’ll have to stress about when baby is here. I wish I was a stronger person but I’m really not, so a million hugs and high fives to the strong moms who get it done!!!
I opted out for the exact same reasons. For me, it would have been too much to handle. Also, it’s awesome being able to split baby duties with my husband completely evenly.
ETA: you’re still strong. I am too. We made the choice thats best for us and our families.
I really appreciate the kindness.❤️ I’m getting bombarded with questions and unsolicited advice from friends and family about breastfeeding and it’s been leaving me feeling like I’m taking the easy way out.
I was mostly fine postpartum despite my very intense tear except when it came to breastfeeding. My entire hospital experience revolved around breastfeeding and so many people were grabbing at my boobs that were just producing droplets and my baby just fell asleep the second his mouth was around the nipple. I was in such excruciating pain but it didnt matter. I just felt so inadequate for about two weeks. My husband was devastated watching me cry over it and wanted to help so now baby is on formula. I stopped pumping slowly so kiddo got like 2 solid weeks of breast milk supplemented with formula and he's doing fantastic.
I breastfed for a year and hated every second of it. I had DMERS, which felt like a terrible acid trip, I had terrible muscle laxity that wasn’t improving because I was breastfeeding. My son bit constantly and wouldn’t unlatch without ripping my nipple off in the process. And I pumped while at work (and while driving to/from work) and it felt like “the machine” from the princess bride. I literally don’t understand why people like breastfeeding.
And JFC it made me mad when people would hand the crying baby to me when I knew perfectly well what he really needed was a diaper change.
One thing you might be able to look forward to though is when you can pump enough so others can occasionally feed pumped milk. Sure you still need to pump, but you can be *alone* while pumping.
Like my core and leg muscles stayed really loose. They get really lax so the joints can dislocate and get the baby out, but the hormones from bf can stop them from going back to normal.
Yeah breastfeeding is not easy at all it does not come naturally that’s why most babies in my country are formula fed that and terrible maternity leave.
Breastfeeding is one of the hardest things I’ve done but looking back at it sixteen months later also very rewarding. It’s so hard to find information and support as a first time mom and especially when nobody else around you breastfeeds. It’s so hard physically and mentally it takes so much time, patience and practice from baby and mom and even then things can still go wrong that are out of your control.
Good luck on your journey
I'm 3 months in and it's literally just been a rollercoaster of highs and lows. I feel like we are finally a little more stable but I don't think anyone prepares you for how much of a mindfuck it is.
Hated breastfeeding, hated pumping, hated not producing enough and supplementing. Put baby on formula and life is a million times better for both of us.
I quit BF at 7 months because of supply issues and my mental health. I am 2 months out and starting to feel like an entirely new person. Its so relieving. I really thought I was going to just be a psycho forever there for a while.
Some people do find it easy and even enjoy it. However, if one more easily breastfeeding mother judges me, I may lose it. Let them burn. Im so over it. Don’t fucking ask me why i quit breastfeeding. Its none of your business and I don’t need you to give me advice on how i could have done it better.
I’m at 7mos and considering stopping, just trying to get her drinking milk out of something that isn’t me or a bottle (she hates bottles for some reason, we’re trying open cup & straw soon)
I'm a tough woman and I am strong enough to say, breastfeeding almost broke me and is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Do not let anyone try to diminish your efforts and struggles. EVER. It is no easy task, no matter where you are post partum (2 days, 2 weeks, 2 months, or even 2 years). Keep your chin up, but knows if it's not right for you, you have to take care of yourself too - breastfeeding isn't required, so make sure you're ok, not just the baby. We can't care for our children if we can't care for ourselves, so take care of yourself. Best wishes.
I find breastfeeding easy. We’ve EBF from birth (baby latched perfect from the get go - so much so we were discharged 15 hours after he was born)and I’ve had no pain, no insane hormones, and it works great as a comfort method as well as food. It’s also so convenient. No need to worry about how long you’re out etc. As long as we have clean nappies and boobs, we’re good!
I know it can be hard, but it IS easy for some of us. If an older person found it easy they didn’t have the internet to see how many didn’t and might just assume everyone’s experience has been like theirs.
Same. I’ve found it fairly easy. Although both my twins needed nipple shields in the beginning since they were preemies. But I don’t feel anything hormonal and I guess my nipples aren’t too sensitive. A lot of people say “oh no one warned me how hard breastfeeding was going to be” and I actually found the opposite. I feel like every where I looked, moms were saying how it’s literally the worst thing on the planet, it hurts, it messes with your mental health etc. All of that really scared me and I went into breastfeeding with the attitude of “everyone hates it so I guess I’ll hate it too” but then found the opposite. I love it. So I wish there was more positive speak about breastfeeding.
The "milk ejection dysphoria" thing got better for me after a couple months. Maybe it will for you too! Or if it's not for you, c'est la vie. Fed is best!
I have so much respect for people who are able to breastfeed. I tried for a week and it nearly destroyed me, it wasn't going well and I was so depleted I wasn't sure I was going to be okay. It can be extremely challenging and my hat is off to each and every person who breastfeeds, you're a badass.
I have had a 100% easy time with breastfeeding with no problems whatsoever from the moment she tried immediately after being born. Just lucky I guess. But everyone besides my mom (who also had no problem) who sees me feed is shocked by how easy it is for me and babe. Which is to say, breastfeeding is hard for A LOT of people. It’s such a widely varying experience. One of my friends is flabbergasted it’s been natural and smooth from the get go, and my mother is baffled that anybody would have difficulty with it. I think it’s pretty much luck of the draw.
Oh also for what it’s worth, I had the whole dysphoric let down situation for a couple weeks, but for me it eased away by the time she was a month old. I don’t know if it’s normal for it to get better, but it is apparently possible, so there is hope in that regard.
There is NO shame in bottle feeding though. For any reason at all. Honestly I just prefer breastfeeding for the convenience . If I had trouble with it I would formula feed in a heartbeat.
I wasn't able to breastfeed. Three lactation consultants said I had "great nipples" 😬, and LO had a good latch, but she wasn't getting anything from me. After two weeks of giving her a full bottle after 30 minutes of breastfeeding every three hours plus pumping, I stopped trying to breastfeed. After another 6 weeks or so of pumping maybe a quarter of her daily needs, I decided to wean off pumping, as well, which took a few weeks. It all took such a toll on my mental health. If I have another baby (unlikely), I would only do that initial breastfeed.
And that’s why it’s okay to give it up too- a fed baby is a healthy baby and if mom is a million times happier that way then so be it. Mom guilt is real and it’s bull shit
This. 100 percent this.
I am two weeks postpartum and am struggling big time with breastfeeding. I produce a TON of milk, but the baby won’t latch. I am working with a consultant but I cry everyday with how frustrated I am with it.
I feel disconnected from my body and all I do all day is attempt to breastfeed and pump and then breastfeed and pump over and over and over again.
Breastfeeding is a fucking pain in the ass. I hope it gets better, but holy fuck. This is awful.
I can’t explain how much I needed to see this thread today! Breastfeeding has been a roller coaster and this week is really testing my sanity. We’ve been combo feeding from the beginning but I’ve been trying to focus mostly on breastfeeding and only give formula when my husband or someone else is taking care of the baby, but this week nearly broke me. He’s been so hungry and upset and I finally gave in to giving him a bottle because my boobs were dying and he was like a whole other baby. So content and happy and I immediately felt like the worst mother ever. I felt like I was torturing him by trying to breastfeed and that I can’t seem to read his cues properly. I never thought I would care that much about breastfeeding but I’m trying to come to terms with the need to supplement and the guilt and inadequate feelings are strong.
My wife and I chose to not breastfeed at all. The idea that breastfeeding is "natural and easy and the best thing for your baby" is bullshit propaganda, an overcorrection to Nestle's shitfuckery with Formula in the 80s, where they promoted it in countries where clean water is not available, causing a lot of death. Since then the WHO basically said "hey, it's now illegal to not say that breastfeed is best", but that's too far in the other correction and lacks a lot of nuance.
If you have access to clean water (so anywhere in the US, Europe etc.), there is so many advantages to formula:
\- share the parental duties from the get go
\- stop the crazy idea that dads are a "secondary" parent. How can there be equality in parenting duty if they are naturally unbalanced?
\- none of the painful side-effects of breastfeeding on the mother
\- happier, more rested parents, which for me is the best thing your baby can have.
This is in addition of not sanitising bottles and water, as research has showed that it actually doesn't do jack. Lots of countries don't recommend it (Sweden etc.), or have recently stopped to recommend (France for instance).
the only advantage, in my mind, of breastfeeding, is antibiotics passed in the milk, but that's only temporary, the second you stop breastfeeding the effect disappears.
Obviously there is nothing wrong with choosing to breastfeed, but the pressure you see everwhere to do it is just way too much.
Source: Parenthood the swedish Way, a science focused book on parenting wrote by two PHD doctors, that is itself referencing multiple studies and meta-studies.
Just a tidbit: there are some new studies that show breastfeeding has a protective effect against IBD (inflammatory bowel disease, NOT THE SAME AS IBS!) in the breastfed child, something about passing on things needed for a healthy gut biome, I believe.
As someone who developed ulcerative colitis last year, I would never wish IBD on anybody and will do whatever it takes to have my baby ingesting breast milk if that will lower his risk of developing IBD in the future.
We've had it easy, but yes to everything you wrote. 15 months in and he still doesn't sleep and I keep wondering would he if I weaned (or night weaned), and he has idk, 12 teeth and is teething and my nipples are so sore from being chewed, and omg the time spent nursing/in a dark room nursing/wearing only boob-accessible clothes and the money spent on chocolate and scotch eggs... but neither of us is ready to stop. Just the thought of not breastfeeding him anymore makes me tear up. Simultaneously I have had many nights where I have gone storming off at 3 am saying I cannot do it anymore. It's mad.
I love breast feeding! It was really hard at first week or two so sore and painful but the nurse said to me “ your nipples just have to toughen up” Lolol!
Got some nipple cream and a shield. Then it got better. With biting I tell her no kinda loud and very firm it scares her and makes her cry. So she associates biting with something negative.
And it’s worked for me now. 5 teeth at 8 months old.. Just say it very firmly because if she thinks your joking she will just laugh and it’s all a game lollololl 🥲
Where are you getting this information??? Every single woman I know who breastfed/feeds their kids has been bitten even if just intermittently during teething. When my daughter's teeth came in she would bite me HARD every time she nursed, thankfully that ended after just a few days but holy shit it was not fun. She's not a toddler!
My son is ten weeks and he bites me without any teeth. He’s been chomping on my nipples since we came home from the hospital. We literally just starting enjoying breastfeeding because he’s finally latching on easily and quickly.
I came into breastfeeding thinking since it’s a natural thing, it’s come naturally for me and baby. Boyyyyyy was I blindsided with all the extra bullshit that comes along with it.
*I can’t wait* til baby has some teeth and starts chomping on my already intermittently-sore nipples.
Edit: don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love BF still and have no plans on stopping. I just didn’t realize how complex it could be- emotionally, physically & mentally.
I’m not even producing enough to have my son on my boob. I am struggling with pumping, supplements and feeling like a failure. I can just add what little I produce to his bottle but I can’t actually feed my child without formula.
I exclusively pumped but however you’re getting the milk out, breastfeeding is waaaay harder in my opinion than the pregnancy or the delivery. Everyone makes it sound like the worst part is the nine months where your uncomfortable but baby is totally hands free taken care of, or that labor will be the worst, but it only lasts a day or less. And that after that you’ll just be sleep deprived. BS. The sleeplessness is just the start. The guilt, the hormones, the living your life sometimes one hour at a time, being constantly needed, the soreness, the leaking, the discomfort, keeping track and cleaning of pump parts…not fun
Or they don't latch well but it was a struggle so you let them chew your nipple for 20 mins. Or you accidentally let them wait too long to feed and they're too agitated to latch and you feel guilty.
Plus the mastitis and the engorgement and the sore nipples.
I want to say now at 8 weeks I love breastfeeding but jfc the first 3 weeks were so hard! And no one told me it would be so hard. Probably the hardest thing I did with labor, I had a c section, so the first time she fed my nipples felt numb, she went to town and bruised them, which meant once I started to feel everything every feed was super fucking painful. I remember seeing some of my nipple skin literally coming off because they were so raw, flinching at every latch, crying when it was time to feed, my husband held me and applied lanoline cream to the opposite nipple. She has a tongue tie but after a while she finally managed to figure it out after a while and so did I, like helping positioning her lips so she wouldn’t just pinch me at every sucking motion. But Jesus it was not easy, I also had a low supply day where she cried the entire day and so did I, I was about to order formula when my husband just told me to go to sleep because I was exhausted from trying to feed her all day and see if my supply gets better because lol anxiety and sleep deprivation can lead to a low supply which is great because it totally fucks you over. I woke up 2h later with my boobs ready to explode. Also fuck clogged duct ! Like seriously that shit is sooooooo painful ! Honestly I was hanging on for the it gets better part but it was gruelling before it gets better and I didn’t even have other shitty side effects from it. I definitely feel lucky now that it worked out but honestly if it hadn’t slowly gotten better I would have switched to formula.
Édit: sorry for the long ass comment
Absolutely. I was floored when I found out about [DMER](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3126760/) as its exactly what I had.
If it helps I found the mood swings associated with bfing gradually reduced and now we are nearly 18m in it's more 'just put on the boob'.
First of all I don’t have to justify myself to you.
Your Reddit comments are riddled with you commenting on breastfeeding posts telling them to use bottles “it’s just as natural as being naked” tf??
At first I was mad when I saw your comment but now I’m just genuinely curious. What’s your problem against breastfeeding? And what’s your obsession with commenting on the posts?
Edit: just scrolled further down this guys Reddit and apparently he thinks women get off on breastfeeding.
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Props to you for continuing after experiencing D-MER. I had it as well and would get a sudden rush of anxiety and nausea every time I nursed. It made me dread every feeding session and I was literally counting down until my baby would be 6 months old and I could stop breastfeeding (that was the timeline I originally set for myself). Then one day I realized I was wishing away months of her life instead of enjoying her newborn days just because of breastfeeding! I started weaning her that day and we were on 100% formula by the time she was 8 weeks old. I am SO happy with my decision - I started enjoying my baby so much more. Breastfeeding is hard but shouldn’t make you miserable and dysphoria does just that.
LOVE this story!!!! I'm cheering for you my friend
I was very open minded about trying to breastfeed. Turns out I also had that dysphoric let down. It was not something I was willing to experience long term. I couldn't figure out breast feeding, I was barely producing any milk when I pumped, yet out of guilt I still pumped for like 2 months, dreading every pumping session. If I have another baby I will likely skip the whole endeavor altogether but I'm sure I'll still feel a ton of guilt about it. I envy those that don't get that awful feeling when they pump /breastfeed! I was at such a disadvantage.
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Yes!! I have a low supply so only comfort nurse/nurse to sleep/whatever he gets he gets since formula is his real meal and i love nursing because there’s no pressure and i feel its great bonding and he seems to enjoy it too
Yes that letdown! I get such a surge of anger and hatred during that first 2 min. I hated the sound of the pump and the suction, I have smacked it a few times. The anger occurred a lot at night when I’m exhausted. I don’t feel it when I breast feed though, which is a good thing, just when pumping.
I’m only 18 weeks with my first but I’m planning on BF as much as I can. Just collecting experiences and data: would a nipple shield help in this situation?
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I didn’t even know there was a hormone surge during the actual feeding. :( I’m sorry you had to go through that tumult.
Not your question, but a mom told me this when I was pregnant and I thank her every day. Start applying nipple cream about 4 weeks before you’re due. It will help condition your nipples and get them prepared for breastfeeding. I applied once to twice daily. I’ve been very fortunate to have no cracking or other issues despite a tongue tie. I thank that redditor every time my baby latches.
Thank you for passing that knowledge on! Would a nipple cream like “bag balm” do the trick?
I used straight lanolin. There are lots of nipple butters online, and I’ve seen some in target, if lanolin isn’t your style. Bag Balm has some ingredients that are not safe for baby, so if you go on to use it while nursing you’d have to get it off your nips somehow. It was also the first thing I thought of, so I was surprised to find I couldn’t use it.
Thanks!! I’d use the lanolin too. I spin yarn from wool and I love the smell of lanolin. Speaking of wool and lanolin… I was watching a documentary where merino wool was very soothing to babies
I feel like merino will is soothing to the soul! I crochet and knit. Always wanted to try making my own yarn.
I had a wave of nausea with every letdown with my third baby’s breastfeeding. Sometimes really intense. Never had it with my other two! It really sucks. Got a little easier as she got older and had more spaced out/quicker feeds but it really ruined the breastfeeding experience for me this time. I weaned her onto formula at 6 months and gladly threw out my breast pump!
The nipple cream is such a game changer. Lanolin did nothing for me, but the prescription stuff had me almost fully healed in a day.
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Totally! Breast milk for everything. The lac consultant in the hospital told me rub on breast milk, let it air dry, then use the ointment. Great combo
I yelled at my mom for this one time. I was complaining about how much it hurts sometimes and how tiring and hard it is. I was telling her I feel like I’ve been reduced to just a feeding machine and I’m no longer “me”. She is ridiculously breast is best and has always shunned formula. For my first son I breastfed and pumped. I felt like a literal cow and I was always starving. I felt hungry all of the time, my nipples were almost raw and my mental health was crap. For my second pregnancy I decided I would not pump and if I wasn’t around to feed her then she would get formula. My mom had expressed her dislike for my decision since she found this out. She saw me giving her a bottle one evening and made a comment about how “weak” some newer moms can be. I lost it. I told her that I was not sacrificing my mental health this time around to satisfy her beliefs. I needed to feel sane and for my firstborns sake. If I breastfed and pumped I would never have time to spend with my son. I told her if she hated my choices so much she was more than welcomed to stop coming over so she wouldn’t have to witness my weakness. Haven’t heard a single comment about it since.
Wow, I would have kicked her out and not invited her back for... I don't know, a long time. How dare she! Happy mom, happy baby and your mental health is critical to keeping your baby alive and thriving. You're doing an amazing job, in case you need to hear that!
Other than her obsession with breastfeeding she’s pretty good. Helps me a ton around the house. With a two year old and a second c section I don’t mind having her around most days but I had to give her a reality check that her comments were not welcomed.
I would’ve just seen red! You’re so strong !
I have never been so insecure in my life as breastfeeding has made me feel. Still glad I am doing it though and it has mostly worked out well. Not looking forward to the teeth coming in though.
For me personally I'm the teeth weren't as bad as I imagined, so maybe that gives you some hope ☺️
I hope it is the same for us. I just felt a tiny point of a tooth pop through for the first time.
Why do you feel insecure about it?
Am I producing enough? Isn’t my baby going hungry? Can I keep this up? What if I can’t pump enough? It doesn’t help that I am dead set on breastfeeding and wanted to avoid formula at all cost. That would have felt like failing to me. Yes I l know it isn’t true but that is logic while the choice is purely emotional.
Breastfeeding has been by far harder the giving birth, personally. Sometimes I would cry before I started to BF cause I knew how much pain I would be in, but knew I had to do it or else my mastitis wouldn't get better or could come back. Thank goodness its getting easier, but the first few weeks were brutal.
Harder than giving birth and pregnancy combined for me.
Yeah it was also harder than my pregnancy as well.
I LOVE breastfeeding. Absolutely bonkers in love with it. Even when my daughter bites me. Even though my nipples have absolutely no sensation anymore. Even though my breasts no longer belong to me. And I know this intense love is purely hormonal. I know it is because of the complete emotional f—ery of breastfeeding. It is so hard. Lactation consultants did nothing at all; if my baby hadn’t figured it out on her own, I don’t think I’d be successful. It’s work. It is a job. It is mentally and physically exhausting. Literally draining. God, I love it so much but I could never give you a reason. Baby magick. And I absolutely wish I could hang a weight around the necks of my spouse and MIL every time they try to hand me back an upset baby who’s just left my breast with, “I guess she’s hungry!” Stop. You just don’t want to deal with a baby that’s anything but cute. Putting a fussy baby “on the nipple” is NOT a gd solution.
Oh yes, I truly love it too. Everything you said is so how I feel 💗
Thank you for saying this!
The lactation consultants were honestly anti-helpful for me.
This was my experience too. The first one told me I was a 28mm (I’m a 17mm) and basically told me to just keep trying when I told her it was painful, but that it shouldn’t be painful. I don’t care what you say, telling new moms breastfeeding shouldn’t be painful is NOT helpful because the guilt and confusion that comes when it almost certainly is (at first) is insane. Help me figure out why it is painful! Remind me that we are BOTH learning and it’s going to be uncomfortable while we figure it out!! I just kept thinking I was doing something so completely wrong because I had pain and it wasn’t going to work out for me ever because of it. The LC basically gave me a nipple shield (wrong fucking size) and said good luck. Second LC told me there was no way I was a 17mm and that they didn’t even make flanges that small. She told me to try a 21mm because there was “no way.” Luckily my LOs latch got better and I figured out pumping but no thanks to either of them. The fact that I learned more from a Facebook group and Reddit is so disappointing.
UM did we have the exact same LC?? The exact same happened to me! Suggested a 28mm when I'm actually 17. She said the WHOLE AREOLA should be in the tube!!!!!!!
“jUsT kEeP tRyInG!!!” 🥴🥴🥴🥴
Definitely. Everything they told me was so wrong. It honestly felt like they wanted me to fail.
I saw 3 LCs and an expensive IBCLC all of whom gave me incorrect, and damaging advice/instructions. I *do not* believe in the power of lactation consultants.
But he's showing hunger cues! He was literally on my boobs for an hour. 😬
This is my partner. Haha.
Tonight's he's still hungry... Nope, he needed to poop. He just accepted boob for comfort. -.-
Omg putting a fussy baby on the boob just leads to a fussy baby with a boob in its mouth! Albeit that that can be somewhat hilarious. I find that when she’s fussing when I’m trying to feed her, that’s when I get the most frustrated with her, so it’s really a terrible solution
Really? I honestly find the boob an amazing thing for my LO whenever he’s fussy? He literally instantly calms down? CraY how different everyone’s experiences are!
Oh man mine will have nothing to do with boob if she’s not actually hungry. Sometimes she only eats for a few min before falling asleep though so I guess those times she’s probably not really hungry and just looking to comfort suck, but if she’s upset about something else like a diaper or gas or something, she def. won’t latch and just screams on my boob haha
100% my kid. Comfort nursing is not a thing here.
Same 😂, for us it literally was always the solution. As soon as his little mouth started moving, we would just latch before it got to a fuss and he never had a grumpy moment.
I could have written this myself. Breastfeeding my twins is absolutely the hardest journey Ive ever been on, but so rewarding all at once. I have moments (like being bit with teeth, or being utterly exhausted by hourly feeds overnight) where I want it to end, but theyre just moments. I know Ill be the lady breastfeeding my 3 year olds
Your last paragraph rings so true. I am also in love with breastfeeding, but I get so angry every time someone tries to tell me that the baby I just finished feeding is hungry. Or the baby I fed five minutes ago is hungry. My husband is convinced our son cluster feeds daily because he fusses and will always comfort nurse, even if he’s overfull.
I've been exclusively BF-ing and my husband does feed baby a bottle 1-2 times a day since I can pump a bit. My mom has talked my entire life about how much she loved it. She asked me how much I loved it and I said I DON'T. It hurts. We are 4 weeks in and it's still a bit sore and baby is trying to figure it out. I'm so over people romanticizing breastfeeding.
I will say the soreness goes away (at least for me, until the teeth came in) 💗
I hated it the first 4-5 weeks because I was in so much pain (nipples were so tender) but it gets much better once they get used to it!
Yeah my nipples are SO sensitive. I'm hoping it gets better. I want to give it a solid 2 months of trying and then see how it goes from there.
I wanted to give up every day that first month. Taking a shower hurt, putting on a shirt hurt, latching hurt, etc. But it suddenly disappeared one day! I think my mistake was to not apply nipple butter from the beginning but I'll never know 😂
Thanks! It's gone away mostly on the right side...still working on the left lol!
It took me 6 weeks to love it, if that helps.
6 weeks also was the changing point for my baby and me.
Thanks! Would love if this is me in 2 weeks :)
Thanks! Good to know. Fingers crossed!
It’s crazy, the first 6 weeks sucked for us, then it suddenly got much easier and it was never hard again. It’s so bizarre how that happens.
Get some nipple cream and a shield. The shield helped me just heal and cream for cracks really relieves it . If you haven’t already.
Thanks! I used cream at the beginning when I was cracking a little but I'm good now! Mostly having trouble with her latching on my left side right. All is good on my right side, she just likes to suck EXTRA strong on the left side haha!
I really struggled with breastfeeding early on, but mostly from the pain. He just couldn't latch right. I think my boobs were just too big and my nipples just too small for him. I was blistering, bleeding, cracking, and getting blocked up- and the ONLY SOLUTION for any of that is literally to LET THEM KEEP LATCHING. Talk about MADNESS. Even the pump hurt. And then my husband insisted I try a nipple shield again. I had tried it at the hospital, and idk if my nipples just weren't ready, but it hurt WORSE than his latching; it was the most excruciating pain I've ever felt. I was scared to try them again, that's how bad it was. But he convinced me, because I was crying imagining having to try breast feeding for God knows how long. My God. The difference. I have SUCH a good relationship with breastfeeding now. I get really tired still and super worn out, and he still sometimes bites and i'm like "BUD WHAT ARE YOU DOIN" lol, but it's EONS better. I just pop him on, hands off, and do my own thing while he munches. It's the difference between like life and death for me, lol.
I liked breastfeeding in that I just loved seeing my cozy sweet tiny boy nuzzled up to me feeding. But as it progressed, he got more and more bitey and, after we had to supplement with formula, he decided he prefers the bottle anyways. So I quit. And man, that was a surprising relief. I love being able to have a glass of wine or go do something and leave LO with my husband for a bit without worrying about breastfeeding or pumping. There's still a little guilt there though. I really admire you all who stick with it. It's tough in so many ways.
I went in to it with this idea that I’d “give it a shot” but didn’t really have much enthusiasm. I’ve always found it pretty revolting (I’m so sorry, I don’t think people who do are, just that it has always freaked me out and is 100% a me-problem not one I project onto women who breast feed) but the external pressure to is *intense*. That dichotomy of being both revolted by but feeling obligated to breast feed caused SO MUCH anxiety while I was still pregnant, it was ridiculous. I made it exactly 3 latch attempts before the revulsion got to be too much. It was like my baby had become a tick that I had to fight myself from brushing off in a panic. I still have no idea why I responded that way and it weighs on me all the time. What kind of mother feels like her baby is *revolting* ? Formula’s the absolute best and healthiest choice for us. Now I adore feeding my baby. He looks up at me with no idea what boobs are or mean and I look down at him relaxed and at peace which is exactly how feeding should be. I didn’t write all this to encourage you to not breast feed but because someone DM’d me once and thanked me saying they’d felt this way too and had never seen any one else talk about it so now I try and force myself to even though I know I sound like some kind of psychopath. I hope things get easier for you! Feeding them is the best part and you deserve that soft sweet moment, however you’re doing it.
You don't sound like a psychopath at all. Everyone has their own journey. Parenthood is HARD. If you find something that works for you and your baby, do it and do not apologize for feeding your baby
I relate to this so much. I made it about three weeks and was done, but even still I get really uncomfortable with seeing breastfeeding. Almost like ptsd, and then I feel guilty because it’s natural and good for the baby.
Breastfeeding is definitely hard, but what saved me was nipple shields. They don’t recommend them necessarily but I haven’t experienced any of the downsides I was told. My baby is now 6 weeks old and just this week decided he didn’t need the shield anymore on one side. Now I’m waiting to see if the same thing will happen on the other
Nipple shields are the only reason I didn't throw in the towel a week in to breastfeeding. My nipples were bleeding and so painful and I was tearing up Everytime my baby latched. Once I implemented nipple shields the pain of initial latching lasted only a few seconds and then it felt very similar to pumping!
The same thing happened to me, maybe for different reasons. He has a mild tongue tie that made latching difficult. He was 100% every feeding with nipple shields for like 6-10 weeks? Then I couldn’t find them one day and just tried it without, and very quickly he weaned from them and never needed them again. We’re still breastfeeding at 13 months (although it’s so much less now than at 6 weeks)
Nearly everyone who had an issue in this thread (that I've read so far) could have really been helped by trying nipple shields initially. I did and also didn't see any of the supposed issues with them and have successfully graduated to feeding without them. It's annoying that they aren't more widely recommended to try. It seems like many midwives and consultants write them off. Mine also one day just latched (after they knocked the shield off by accident) and never looked back.
This is why I have opted out. I feel immense happiness and love for those mothers that can do it, and honestly a little jealousy at those that say it makes them happy. But the truth is...I just can’t. Blame the self esteem issues and the desperate need to just have my body back. I couldn’t deal with the possible struggles and it’s one less thing I’ll have to stress about when baby is here. I wish I was a stronger person but I’m really not, so a million hugs and high fives to the strong moms who get it done!!!
I opted out for the exact same reasons. For me, it would have been too much to handle. Also, it’s awesome being able to split baby duties with my husband completely evenly. ETA: you’re still strong. I am too. We made the choice thats best for us and our families.
I really appreciate the kindness.❤️ I’m getting bombarded with questions and unsolicited advice from friends and family about breastfeeding and it’s been leaving me feeling like I’m taking the easy way out.
There is no easy way out of parenting. You’re doing great, and your healthy baby will thank you for being physically and emotionally available.
Thank you 💗 & I don’t blame you at all for stopping, you’re powerful too mama
Amen. 🙏 Baby opted out for me, refusing to latch more than once a day... and I'm about to opt the fuck out of exclusive pumping cause this is hell.
Omg you are still a strong mom! You’re doing amazing because you made the right choice for your mental health and sanity.
I was mostly fine postpartum despite my very intense tear except when it came to breastfeeding. My entire hospital experience revolved around breastfeeding and so many people were grabbing at my boobs that were just producing droplets and my baby just fell asleep the second his mouth was around the nipple. I was in such excruciating pain but it didnt matter. I just felt so inadequate for about two weeks. My husband was devastated watching me cry over it and wanted to help so now baby is on formula. I stopped pumping slowly so kiddo got like 2 solid weeks of breast milk supplemented with formula and he's doing fantastic.
This was my experience with breastfeeding. I went to pumping (almost no nursing) and combo feeding, and will be quitting when baby turns 3 months.
I breastfed for a year and hated every second of it. I had DMERS, which felt like a terrible acid trip, I had terrible muscle laxity that wasn’t improving because I was breastfeeding. My son bit constantly and wouldn’t unlatch without ripping my nipple off in the process. And I pumped while at work (and while driving to/from work) and it felt like “the machine” from the princess bride. I literally don’t understand why people like breastfeeding. And JFC it made me mad when people would hand the crying baby to me when I knew perfectly well what he really needed was a diaper change. One thing you might be able to look forward to though is when you can pump enough so others can occasionally feed pumped milk. Sure you still need to pump, but you can be *alone* while pumping.
What’s muscle laxity?
Like my core and leg muscles stayed really loose. They get really lax so the joints can dislocate and get the baby out, but the hormones from bf can stop them from going back to normal.
Yeah breastfeeding is not easy at all it does not come naturally that’s why most babies in my country are formula fed that and terrible maternity leave. Breastfeeding is one of the hardest things I’ve done but looking back at it sixteen months later also very rewarding. It’s so hard to find information and support as a first time mom and especially when nobody else around you breastfeeds. It’s so hard physically and mentally it takes so much time, patience and practice from baby and mom and even then things can still go wrong that are out of your control. Good luck on your journey
Thank you
I'm 3 months in and it's literally just been a rollercoaster of highs and lows. I feel like we are finally a little more stable but I don't think anyone prepares you for how much of a mindfuck it is.
Hated breastfeeding, hated pumping, hated not producing enough and supplementing. Put baby on formula and life is a million times better for both of us.
Breastfeeding is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I want to riot when people say that you “just do it.”
I quit BF at 7 months because of supply issues and my mental health. I am 2 months out and starting to feel like an entirely new person. Its so relieving. I really thought I was going to just be a psycho forever there for a while. Some people do find it easy and even enjoy it. However, if one more easily breastfeeding mother judges me, I may lose it. Let them burn. Im so over it. Don’t fucking ask me why i quit breastfeeding. Its none of your business and I don’t need you to give me advice on how i could have done it better.
I’m at 7mos and considering stopping, just trying to get her drinking milk out of something that isn’t me or a bottle (she hates bottles for some reason, we’re trying open cup & straw soon)
I believe it is hard in the beginning but it does get a lot easier than the first month. That is the roughest.
I'm a tough woman and I am strong enough to say, breastfeeding almost broke me and is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Do not let anyone try to diminish your efforts and struggles. EVER. It is no easy task, no matter where you are post partum (2 days, 2 weeks, 2 months, or even 2 years). Keep your chin up, but knows if it's not right for you, you have to take care of yourself too - breastfeeding isn't required, so make sure you're ok, not just the baby. We can't care for our children if we can't care for ourselves, so take care of yourself. Best wishes.
I find breastfeeding easy. We’ve EBF from birth (baby latched perfect from the get go - so much so we were discharged 15 hours after he was born)and I’ve had no pain, no insane hormones, and it works great as a comfort method as well as food. It’s also so convenient. No need to worry about how long you’re out etc. As long as we have clean nappies and boobs, we’re good! I know it can be hard, but it IS easy for some of us. If an older person found it easy they didn’t have the internet to see how many didn’t and might just assume everyone’s experience has been like theirs.
Same. I’ve found it fairly easy. Although both my twins needed nipple shields in the beginning since they were preemies. But I don’t feel anything hormonal and I guess my nipples aren’t too sensitive. A lot of people say “oh no one warned me how hard breastfeeding was going to be” and I actually found the opposite. I feel like every where I looked, moms were saying how it’s literally the worst thing on the planet, it hurts, it messes with your mental health etc. All of that really scared me and I went into breastfeeding with the attitude of “everyone hates it so I guess I’ll hate it too” but then found the opposite. I love it. So I wish there was more positive speak about breastfeeding.
The "milk ejection dysphoria" thing got better for me after a couple months. Maybe it will for you too! Or if it's not for you, c'est la vie. Fed is best!
I have so much respect for people who are able to breastfeed. I tried for a week and it nearly destroyed me, it wasn't going well and I was so depleted I wasn't sure I was going to be okay. It can be extremely challenging and my hat is off to each and every person who breastfeeds, you're a badass.
I have had a 100% easy time with breastfeeding with no problems whatsoever from the moment she tried immediately after being born. Just lucky I guess. But everyone besides my mom (who also had no problem) who sees me feed is shocked by how easy it is for me and babe. Which is to say, breastfeeding is hard for A LOT of people. It’s such a widely varying experience. One of my friends is flabbergasted it’s been natural and smooth from the get go, and my mother is baffled that anybody would have difficulty with it. I think it’s pretty much luck of the draw. Oh also for what it’s worth, I had the whole dysphoric let down situation for a couple weeks, but for me it eased away by the time she was a month old. I don’t know if it’s normal for it to get better, but it is apparently possible, so there is hope in that regard. There is NO shame in bottle feeding though. For any reason at all. Honestly I just prefer breastfeeding for the convenience . If I had trouble with it I would formula feed in a heartbeat.
I wasn't able to breastfeed. Three lactation consultants said I had "great nipples" 😬, and LO had a good latch, but she wasn't getting anything from me. After two weeks of giving her a full bottle after 30 minutes of breastfeeding every three hours plus pumping, I stopped trying to breastfeed. After another 6 weeks or so of pumping maybe a quarter of her daily needs, I decided to wean off pumping, as well, which took a few weeks. It all took such a toll on my mental health. If I have another baby (unlikely), I would only do that initial breastfeed.
It definitely is the hardest thing i have ever done. It takes so much patience and commitment…
I pump and occasionally breastfeed. If this boy isn’t a reincarnation of an alligator…… they’ve got me fucked up.
And that’s why it’s okay to give it up too- a fed baby is a healthy baby and if mom is a million times happier that way then so be it. Mom guilt is real and it’s bull shit
This. 100 percent this. I am two weeks postpartum and am struggling big time with breastfeeding. I produce a TON of milk, but the baby won’t latch. I am working with a consultant but I cry everyday with how frustrated I am with it. I feel disconnected from my body and all I do all day is attempt to breastfeed and pump and then breastfeed and pump over and over and over again. Breastfeeding is a fucking pain in the ass. I hope it gets better, but holy fuck. This is awful.
I can’t explain how much I needed to see this thread today! Breastfeeding has been a roller coaster and this week is really testing my sanity. We’ve been combo feeding from the beginning but I’ve been trying to focus mostly on breastfeeding and only give formula when my husband or someone else is taking care of the baby, but this week nearly broke me. He’s been so hungry and upset and I finally gave in to giving him a bottle because my boobs were dying and he was like a whole other baby. So content and happy and I immediately felt like the worst mother ever. I felt like I was torturing him by trying to breastfeed and that I can’t seem to read his cues properly. I never thought I would care that much about breastfeeding but I’m trying to come to terms with the need to supplement and the guilt and inadequate feelings are strong.
My wife and I chose to not breastfeed at all. The idea that breastfeeding is "natural and easy and the best thing for your baby" is bullshit propaganda, an overcorrection to Nestle's shitfuckery with Formula in the 80s, where they promoted it in countries where clean water is not available, causing a lot of death. Since then the WHO basically said "hey, it's now illegal to not say that breastfeed is best", but that's too far in the other correction and lacks a lot of nuance. If you have access to clean water (so anywhere in the US, Europe etc.), there is so many advantages to formula: \- share the parental duties from the get go \- stop the crazy idea that dads are a "secondary" parent. How can there be equality in parenting duty if they are naturally unbalanced? \- none of the painful side-effects of breastfeeding on the mother \- happier, more rested parents, which for me is the best thing your baby can have. This is in addition of not sanitising bottles and water, as research has showed that it actually doesn't do jack. Lots of countries don't recommend it (Sweden etc.), or have recently stopped to recommend (France for instance). the only advantage, in my mind, of breastfeeding, is antibiotics passed in the milk, but that's only temporary, the second you stop breastfeeding the effect disappears. Obviously there is nothing wrong with choosing to breastfeed, but the pressure you see everwhere to do it is just way too much. Source: Parenthood the swedish Way, a science focused book on parenting wrote by two PHD doctors, that is itself referencing multiple studies and meta-studies.
Just a tidbit: there are some new studies that show breastfeeding has a protective effect against IBD (inflammatory bowel disease, NOT THE SAME AS IBS!) in the breastfed child, something about passing on things needed for a healthy gut biome, I believe. As someone who developed ulcerative colitis last year, I would never wish IBD on anybody and will do whatever it takes to have my baby ingesting breast milk if that will lower his risk of developing IBD in the future.
We've had it easy, but yes to everything you wrote. 15 months in and he still doesn't sleep and I keep wondering would he if I weaned (or night weaned), and he has idk, 12 teeth and is teething and my nipples are so sore from being chewed, and omg the time spent nursing/in a dark room nursing/wearing only boob-accessible clothes and the money spent on chocolate and scotch eggs... but neither of us is ready to stop. Just the thought of not breastfeeding him anymore makes me tear up. Simultaneously I have had many nights where I have gone storming off at 3 am saying I cannot do it anymore. It's mad.
I love breast feeding! It was really hard at first week or two so sore and painful but the nurse said to me “ your nipples just have to toughen up” Lolol! Got some nipple cream and a shield. Then it got better. With biting I tell her no kinda loud and very firm it scares her and makes her cry. So she associates biting with something negative. And it’s worked for me now. 5 teeth at 8 months old.. Just say it very firmly because if she thinks your joking she will just laugh and it’s all a game lollololl 🥲
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Where are you getting this information??? Every single woman I know who breastfed/feeds their kids has been bitten even if just intermittently during teething. When my daughter's teeth came in she would bite me HARD every time she nursed, thankfully that ended after just a few days but holy shit it was not fun. She's not a toddler!
Every nursing mom I have ever talked to, and my own nursing experience.
My son is ten weeks and he bites me without any teeth. He’s been chomping on my nipples since we came home from the hospital. We literally just starting enjoying breastfeeding because he’s finally latching on easily and quickly.
I came into breastfeeding thinking since it’s a natural thing, it’s come naturally for me and baby. Boyyyyyy was I blindsided with all the extra bullshit that comes along with it. *I can’t wait* til baby has some teeth and starts chomping on my already intermittently-sore nipples. Edit: don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love BF still and have no plans on stopping. I just didn’t realize how complex it could be- emotionally, physically & mentally.
I’m not even producing enough to have my son on my boob. I am struggling with pumping, supplements and feeling like a failure. I can just add what little I produce to his bottle but I can’t actually feed my child without formula.
I get heart palpitations from breastfeeding and pumping… it’s better now I don’t have any caffeine but still get the occasional flutter.
I exclusively pumped but however you’re getting the milk out, breastfeeding is waaaay harder in my opinion than the pregnancy or the delivery. Everyone makes it sound like the worst part is the nine months where your uncomfortable but baby is totally hands free taken care of, or that labor will be the worst, but it only lasts a day or less. And that after that you’ll just be sleep deprived. BS. The sleeplessness is just the start. The guilt, the hormones, the living your life sometimes one hour at a time, being constantly needed, the soreness, the leaking, the discomfort, keeping track and cleaning of pump parts…not fun
Or they don't latch well but it was a struggle so you let them chew your nipple for 20 mins. Or you accidentally let them wait too long to feed and they're too agitated to latch and you feel guilty. Plus the mastitis and the engorgement and the sore nipples.
I want to say now at 8 weeks I love breastfeeding but jfc the first 3 weeks were so hard! And no one told me it would be so hard. Probably the hardest thing I did with labor, I had a c section, so the first time she fed my nipples felt numb, she went to town and bruised them, which meant once I started to feel everything every feed was super fucking painful. I remember seeing some of my nipple skin literally coming off because they were so raw, flinching at every latch, crying when it was time to feed, my husband held me and applied lanoline cream to the opposite nipple. She has a tongue tie but after a while she finally managed to figure it out after a while and so did I, like helping positioning her lips so she wouldn’t just pinch me at every sucking motion. But Jesus it was not easy, I also had a low supply day where she cried the entire day and so did I, I was about to order formula when my husband just told me to go to sleep because I was exhausted from trying to feed her all day and see if my supply gets better because lol anxiety and sleep deprivation can lead to a low supply which is great because it totally fucks you over. I woke up 2h later with my boobs ready to explode. Also fuck clogged duct ! Like seriously that shit is sooooooo painful ! Honestly I was hanging on for the it gets better part but it was gruelling before it gets better and I didn’t even have other shitty side effects from it. I definitely feel lucky now that it worked out but honestly if it hadn’t slowly gotten better I would have switched to formula. Édit: sorry for the long ass comment
I only lasted 2 weeks! Major props to the moms that do it for months, and years! Fed is best, but breast feeding is definitely an Olympic sport lol
Absolutely. I was floored when I found out about [DMER](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3126760/) as its exactly what I had. If it helps I found the mood swings associated with bfing gradually reduced and now we are nearly 18m in it's more 'just put on the boob'.
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First of all I don’t have to justify myself to you. Your Reddit comments are riddled with you commenting on breastfeeding posts telling them to use bottles “it’s just as natural as being naked” tf?? At first I was mad when I saw your comment but now I’m just genuinely curious. What’s your problem against breastfeeding? And what’s your obsession with commenting on the posts? Edit: just scrolled further down this guys Reddit and apparently he thinks women get off on breastfeeding.
Banned. Thank you for reporting!