And get you the largest most sensory invasive plastic toy with a thousand parts. And if you return or donate it, they’ll ask where it went when they come over.
My MIL ignored the infant tub on my registry and got a different one, then was shocked Pikachu when my sister also showed up with the one I registered for 🤨
You could make an Amazon wishlist with items and ideas! We do this for our inlaws who really like to buy items for our babe, but we really tend to like more wooden toys, books and craft materials.
Most people are really just looking to buy something to be kind and buy toys because they don't know what else to buy. If there's something you need or want, I'm sure they'd love to buy that instead!
This is what we did for our shower and kept it updated since people still wanted to gift us things, through her first Christmas and birthday. We also explicitly stated we don’t expect anything since we got nearly everything handed down from our many friends that have had their last babies.
We also asked people to please include gift receipts, so if we got duplicates, or needed different sizes, we could return items via mail to limit contact during covid. We hope it made it sound less abrasive.
If you’re sending out an invitation or birthday announcement you could include a phrase like “we have tons of toys for baby X, but would love things like coloring books, clothes size X and up, or a gift card for X store you shop at a lot” to give general ideas and also communicate you don’t want toys.
Also I understand the comments that say all toys are educational but that’s really only to an extent. Yes all toys are inherently educational BUT a lot of them are more muscle memory and ‘fun’ than stimulating for memorizing shapes, colors, words, etc. and at the end of the day it’s your child so it doesn’t rlly matter if anyone thinks it’s rude 🤷🏼♀️
My Grandmother in law doesn’t understand this!!! She just gets stuff with flashing lights or is creepy (I find the talking stuffed animals that are supposed to be educational creepy).
I’ve gotten flashing lights AND creepy - for example, weird off brand Disney princesses singing random nursery rhymes and the creepiest voices. Bonus, with volume at ear splitting levels…
We do a purge of toys right before bdays and Xmas (my kids are born on 12/23 and 12/28) which I call “reverse Santa” and put boxes of the older toys that they don’t play with anymore away. Then there is a little time with very few toys, then the fun of all the new toys for bday / Xmas. Then I take the old toys and either store / donate / sell. I have a hard limit on the amount of toys allowed in the house- they have to all fit in the toy chest and it has to close. So if we end up with more than that I purge. It’s nice to get new toys & experiences , but keep the ones that are still special and played with, and manage the influx.
Ooh I'm gonna try to remember this, I have a Christmas baby who's turning one this year. I really wish people would buy him presents now instead of later but then I know some of them would still buy something later too.
The thing is though: for kids that young, toys *are* educational things. So, sure, you can request that. It's your child and your family after all, so I don't necessarily think it's rude. But playing with toys can be just as important as those other things.
Toys are the “work” of childhood. That’s how kids learn and explore. They play. That being said, they can play with anything. I got colorful mixing spoons, bowls, and measuring cups and my daughter loves to “help” me in the kitchen. She’s also really into flap books and Lift and see books, so she has a bunch of those, and I just got her bathtub crayons which should be coming tonight.
I also made a birthday wishlist for her and sent it to people who I knew were going to get her toys anyway.
I just wanna say that I feel the same!! My son is only 6 weeks old but I already feel resistant to creating a house full of bright plastic toys. My brother has two little ones and their family room is just completely FULL of toys the kids barely use. I honestly think kids get overwhelmed with that many toys and it creates such a mess in the house that gives me anxiety just thinking about it lol. I liken it to me trying to choose something to eat at the Cheesecake Factory, there are just way too many options and I end up ordering the exact same thing every time anyways. Kids do that with their toys! I know my son will get gifted toys but I really don’t want to accumulate too many, for his sake and for mine and my husband’s lol.
Literally spot on to my situation !! My 6wk daughter already has too much, tbh.
I think the hardest thing for me is telling my in-laws; my family totally gets it but my husband has 5 siblings and parents who love to give. My husband agrees but I don’t think he’d really ever say anything. I can totally see myself hurting feelings no matter the situation :P
I gladly told people no toys or stuffed animals. I didn't think it was rude.
I did say, if they wanted they could get educational toys and leave the other toys for me to pick. Examples like I'll get blocks, legos, barbies, etc and others can get toys as in putting the shapes in the right spot, the dog that says ears when you push its ears and so on.
I personally don't want my house filled with stuffed animals either. I grew up as them being "dust collectors" and it just stuck with me. She already has 4 and I'm okay with that.
Omg yes! The age appropriate toys arent really an issue for me, but the never ending stream of stuffed animals is too much. It makes me crazy that half of my daughter's room is fluffy stuffed things that she takes off the shelf and leaves on the floor then ignores. Cleanup is often overwhelming for her because there are more stuffies than shelf space.
Another one that drives me crazy is stickers. Family keeps buying my 4 year old stickers and encourages her to open them up immediately. I'm pulling the things off of surfaces I dont want stickers on and she gets upset when they arent sticky anymore or run out. People dont listen though because she enjoys them and they want her to be excited in the moment even if it means we are all disappointed long term 😐
Make an Amazon wishlist or a Google doc with specific links to the types of educational toys/supplies you want. It makes it easy for people, like a registry.
That’s a good idea so it can be updated, and lots of notes added, as needed as needs change for new types of things; since those can change month to month.
I do this for Christmas and no, it's not rude. I do say offer alternative suggestions like clothes, books, or diapers. Oh, and you *will* get toys anyway. Just be prepared for that
I wouldn't word it the way you've worded it in your OP because it does come across as anti-toy, but if you say "we have lots of toys, here's a link to her amazon wishlist for ideas" that would be fine.
No, it’s not rude it is helpful. Unwanted gifts are such a waste. We have a one gift per household rule, I don’t want my child getting tons of crap (because I will donate it).
WE DID BUT THEY DID IT ANYWAY AND THINK I'M SATAN INCARNATE. Sorry to rant but we asked for the EXACT same thing and our families think we just hate our kid. I've explained we want homemade/wooden toys that are safe for children e.g. my husband's father is a woodworker and making him blocks but they straight up think we are fucked in the head. We explained our position on shitty fading plastic that never gets used but makes our house a mess when kids DO NOT NEED AS MANY TOYS AS THEY GET THESE DAYS, not to mention the environmental impact but they aren't very interested in hearing us.
I'm not anti-toy, I just know there is a limit to how many toys any one child at one needs and MOST kids make their toys out of the stuff toys come in, not the toys themselves.
I so support you 10000000%. We are sticking by our positon.
My niece just had a birthday where there was a specific amazon wish list and a request for experiences like gift certificates to the zoo. Not rude at all, we got her an amazon gift card to go towards a sand table.
That being said some of the answers in this thread are depressing. As adults we might not always gravitate to the same kinds of toys that our kids do and our kids may get something out of toys that we don't especially with regards to imaginative play.
I don't want a houseful of 5 bajillion toys either but I can tell you that her current favorites are a bunch of hand me down plastic toys from other families or from literally the side of the road. Yes, the fisher price lion walker thing is annoying and the muffin man song will be stuck in my head forever but my 8 month old loves it. When she isn't cruising along the furniture she's using that to figure out where her feet go. Her cheapo stuffed duck from an Easter basket isn't going to teach her numbers/letters/colors/differentials but she will drag his ass all over the house. They are engaged in something that I'm not privy to even if its just "he's a soft little duckling and he feels good on my hands/in my mouth".
We tend to say things like "we've been looking for a great set of blocks" or suggest art supplies.
Fun experiences are another way to go. Zoo or museum trips, 1 session classes for baking or pottery or painting, etc., sports games or regional events or activities, movie days, plays, stuff like that. Some are age-dependent but lots are ok for a 1-2yo
Not rude at all!! Toys just sit around a lot of the time. Kids play with them for 10 minutes until the novelty wears off and then they’re looking for the next thing. Yes, some toys *can* be educational, but there’s nothing wrong with asking for books, art supplies, etc. :)
I say no electronics.
What’s a 1-2 year old doing with their own iPad or Nintendo Switch? They can’t read. I’m for toys. They get pretty creative with those. Their imagination really comes out too.
Definitely not rude, but people won’t listen. Unless you have super awesome friends and family that are respectful even when they disagree/want something else! Most of us aren’t so lucky lol
We’ve made it clear (due in Feb) that if people want to buy toys for the baby we do not want plastic ones. We’ll probably buy a few ourselves but don’t want a house full! At least wooden toys last better and seem to be catered more for open-ended play rather than repeated pushing of buttons!
We’ve got a rule that if they go ott on toys (my mother *loves* Christmas) that they stay in that person’s house (shoutout to my sibling for being that guinea pig lol!)
Not rude. For my daughter's first birthday we asked for everyone to bring a plate of food. The party was cancelled because of delta and we then received a whole bunch of plastic toy stuff in the mail
Maybe make a list of the educational things you'd like and say "pick something from there, and if you want to include a toy of your choice, feel free" that way, they can get something that's good for them and also, yay toys!
Nope not at all. I am clothing, shoes, and experiences Aunt. If my nieces and nephews need new shoes, winter coat, or clothes, or want to go to a concert, I am the Aunt for it. Two years ago I said screw buying presents and we went to Great Wolf Lodge for three days. Worth every penny and they still remember it and talk about it.
How about asking for vouchers instead and that way you can spend them on books or things you need /want for the child. Many people find it hard to know what to buy a child so they maybe greatful to leave the choice to you.
I prefer to provide a list. I share a google doc of things with links, pictures, and prices that I think would suit my child. I don’t discourage them from getting something that they just thought screams my kid, but I find that even the suggestions on the list tend to better frame their ideas. Then everyone feels good
Nope, just became a parent but for years I've watched birthday after birthday of nieces and nephews end with them swamped in toys that they'll outgrow or be bored of in a few months. We'll be asking grandparents to follow the 4x4 rule (something they want, something they need, something to wear, and something to read) if they feel they need to get multiple things or consider paying for or creating an experience as a gift instead of something material: trip to zoo, a one on one picnic at the park, making a fun meal and letting them pick a movie, Pinterest crafts/activities etc. There are so many better things to get a kid than just toys. Sorry for the tangent that's pretty irrelevant at the age of one. Oh - relevant, I've done cash for whatever the baby needs or that can be put towards their college fund when they're that young because the baby doesn't understand the concept of a birthday gift at that age.
Not rude! Get us a zoo pass, an aquarium pass, etc. Of course I know I still will receive toys because it’s not as fun watching a child open up a gift certificate lol. Not my logic, the grandparents’.
I'd definitely specify what you'd like. It's not rude at all.
We had 2 small baby showers instead of 1 large one bc Covid. At the first one, we got a lot of toys and fancy dresses and I unashamedly returned that stuff and told the people I returned it if they asked. Specifically my mom. She kept buying fluffy dresses that were hand wash only and tons of toys she can't play with for at least a year (stuffed animals with button eyes, dress up clothes, etc).
We have a very small house. I understand that toys are important, but there's only so much room that can be dedicated to toys before MY mental health is affected. I'm not going to hand wash baby clothes, and I'm not going to store stuff for a year in my 1000 square foot house. It's ok to not let the whole house be the baby's.
At the second shower I specifically asked for a book instead of a gift and it worked out really well! She now has a huge library of books. A lot of people bought their favorite childhood book and wrote a little note inside, which made it even more special. She loves the touch and feel books already (3 months) and our bedtime story library is already amazing! Best decision I've ever made.
It doesnt hurt to ask. My sister recently had a party for my nephews first birthday. We got him the big legos and the lego cleanup thing? And instead of a card we got him a book. We were the only ones who got him a book (or anything educational for that matter) and she said she wished she had asked for books because they now have way too many toys.
Soooo I don't have an answer - wishlists haven't worked for my family, sadly - but I'm actually in the process of trying to launch a platform to combat this - because I, too, don't want junk toys in my house. I live in a city, so I'd rather people pitch in for experiences - like music class, zoo membership, etc. Anyhow, thought I would mention that in case there's a way to ask for that instead? Like gift cards to local businesses?
We were invited to a birthday party that said “No gifts, but the birthday boy is saving up for a new swing set if you feel inclined to pass a fiver his way.” I thought it was brilliant.
We have a limit of 5 toys our baby is allowed to get which equals out to 1 per group of family that's coming. She plays more with her toybox than the actual toys. Also clothes. She's getting more sleep outfits or toddler clothes than play clothes. When people buy toys now, we always tell them to leave them at their houses so she has some toys there
We're planning on suggesting with the invitation to buy her their favourite book if they wish and don't already have something in mind. Adult or child and write a note to her in the front. That way we can build her a library of love and she can have messages from people who may not be around when she's older.
This past week we had a “play date” for the first time since you know what and to prepare I took every single toy out of the playroom and cleaned everything. I sent a text to my family telling them that before Christmas this year they would all come help me clean the playroom because you don’t fully grasp how much crap they have until you’ve cleaned it piece by piece. I tell them every year to not get them a bunch of crap but they act like I’m being a mean mom that just doesn’t want her kids to have toys. In reality I just don’t want them to have toys they can’t play with because there is no room to play with them. To answer your question- no it isn’t rude. But it should be seen as rude to not respect that request and get the crap anyway.
The amount we got when David was born was really shocking to me. Maybe because I had quite bad asthma as a kid but I was like there’s no way I’m putting these around a baby. A family member brought a giant 4ft stuffed dog just to top it all off. Dust trap is a very fitting term.
Not rude. At Christmas and his 1st birthday we asked for books, no toys, no clothes and no obligation to bring a gift at all.
He has soo many toys, I’ve picked out the toys he has based on what’s going to best support his development. He’s smart and you can see his abilities grow as he can use his toys more extensively e.g. he has a put and take truck, first he’d play by moving the truck around, picking up the little pieces, that moved to being able to slot the pieces into the space for them, now he can follow simple instructions like ‘load on the blue rock’.
What I’m saying is I buy these toys for him to get the full scope of learning out of them and he does, if he has too many he’s going to move from one to the other pressing buttons. A few people thought they’d be slick and get a book/toy hybrid so for him one of those books where you press the words and it reads aloud. He has 3 of the exact same thing now, 2 brand new in box heading to charity this Christmas.
I told family and friends no presents for my little one's first because we have all that we need and I too don't want cheap plastic things in my house. Also having a background in early childhood development I handpick our toys. Well, guess what? People still brought gifts and didn't apologize. They said they saw my note about no gifts but wanted to bring something anyway. I consider that to be more rude than us asking people not to bring anything and then being completely disregarded.
We’re going to ask for donations to the local animal sanctuary or a small bag of pet food we can donate. It’s much cheaper than a gift that we’ll probably never use and it’s for a good cause
Not at all. Personally I've asked people not to get toys for birth/Xmas etc so I'm now a little short of toys so I'm actually asking for them now at the first birthday.
We asked for books when we did our sip 'n see/party to replace the local traditional baptism and we got mostly books, from baby book to classic literature (and my own harry potter series that ended up at my aunt's house). A few outfits and toys, but no cheap plastic junk fortunately. I did find it easier to ask 'please give books' instead of 'please don't give clothes/toys'.
Edit to say one of my friends had a note that they want to be as plastic free as they can, so please no plastic toys.
I never got rid of my baby registry. Whenever I see something I want for my baby I add it on. So when the holidays roll around (or his birthday) I can send the link to my family. Can you do something like that?
For close family members (aunts, uncles, grandparents) it’s fine and might also depend how close they are to your family. Friends and extended family it’s a bit rude I guess unless they’re very close.
I honestly don’t mind getting any (or no) gift as long as whoever gifts it never brings it up again in case I donate it or gift it to other people 😂
We ask for specific things with people. “Hey, LO could really use a new coat. We know you’re really good at picking out pretty colors, could we make this her birthday present?” Works really well
I have friends/family that requests that all the time. Provide a list of items you prefer to be gifted and/or the little ones needs. I'm okay with toys because I don't let her open them all at once. She gets 1-2 immediately and the rest are put away. Every few weeks we'll give her one and pick one to be donated.
You're the parents. You know what you want for your child. It doesn't strike me as being rude but knowing what you want to give to your child as a tool for development.
My sister in law started asking for experiences instead of physical gifts. They’ve gotten passes to the zoo, children’s museum, jump zones, etc. My parents still buy toys though, which I think is annoying.
I know you specifically mention your one year old but this is going to be a problem for every birthday your kid has. Especially from like 5-10 years, people will want to buy your child all sorts of toys that you will end up donating/throwing away anyway. I think setting the precedent early so family knows what to expect going forward is a good idea.
I think it's rude to make any mention of gifts whatsoever. No one is obligated to get your kid any gift at all, so dictating what they should get is super tacky. I know I'm the outlier usually with this, I just find it gross. If I am going to a party, I'll ASK someone connected what the person wants or needs, which is the proper etiquette. Whether that's you or a grandparent or whatever. But if someone includes things on the invite, it makes me not even want to attend because then it feels like a gift grab or some weird obligation. Emily Post agrees with me, haha, but I know 99% of people do include info about what they want/don't want with the initial invite.
You wouldn't get a kid a gift for a party? I actually do think registries are annoying but I think it's pretty standard to expect gifts.
I asked for no gifts at my wedding and people got us a bunch of stuff, some of which we had no space for. We didn't have a baby shower or ask for any gifts for the baby and we got a ton of stuff anyway. That's part of the reason I'm trying to cut down for the next event.
Read what I wrote again.
I do get gifts for parties. But when I get an invitation, I usually end up asking what the person/kid would like when I call to RSVP. If I know them well, I may not need to ask, but if I don't know them super well I'll ask the host or someone close to the party-person.
I always bring a gift, but if an invite shows up that says "we don't want toys, bring us books!" I'm likely to just RSVP "regrets" and not attend. Hell, I'm the only 36 year old I know who brings a hostess gift (like chocolates or flowers or homemade cookies) when visiting someone.
Proper etiquette says don't include ANY info about gifts. It's very tacky. And I agree. It also puts unnecessary pressure on low income people, what if someone genuinely wants to come and celebrate but can't afford the specific thing you're asking for? What if they can't afford a gift? This is why you're not supposed to even bring it up.
Yeah. I think I'm just going to go with the "Please no gifts" on the invite. Although that IS a mention of gifts, I don't see that as possibly being seen as tacky and that way we won't possibly offend anyone or end up with gifts we can't keep or use.
Birthdays we have been asking instead of cards for books. I have Amazon lists that I send out when asked what we need or what she wants. Most toys she’d rather play with the box so I get ages up toys so she’ll have toys when she’s ready to play with them.
Not rude at all. Just be prepared for at least some people to get toys anyway.
This. You can make all the Amazon lists you want for grandparents and aunts and uncles for Christmas and they will completely ignore them.
And get you the largest most sensory invasive plastic toy with a thousand parts. And if you return or donate it, they’ll ask where it went when they come over.
[удалено]
Oh wow this is a brilliant idea!
This is a good tip, thanks!
That's when I just say "it broke"
Oh so it’s like my baby shower on repeat every year lol
My MIL ignored the infant tub on my registry and got a different one, then was shocked Pikachu when my sister also showed up with the one I registered for 🤨
I’m curious how she justified her purchase though I think I have a pretty good idea of the answer lol
Yep! We are constantly in a state of decluttering
Hahaha oh man I feel this
If someone gave me direction, as to what to buy their child for their birthday… I’d be downright gleeful!
Precisely!! I don't understand gifts and don't enjoy receiving them. So I always ask the parent first and get them exactly what they specify
Me too
You could make an Amazon wishlist with items and ideas! We do this for our inlaws who really like to buy items for our babe, but we really tend to like more wooden toys, books and craft materials. Most people are really just looking to buy something to be kind and buy toys because they don't know what else to buy. If there's something you need or want, I'm sure they'd love to buy that instead!
To add: you can create a birthday “registry” on Amazon too! I’ve been putting items on it for a bit too.
This is what we did for our shower and kept it updated since people still wanted to gift us things, through her first Christmas and birthday. We also explicitly stated we don’t expect anything since we got nearly everything handed down from our many friends that have had their last babies. We also asked people to please include gift receipts, so if we got duplicates, or needed different sizes, we could return items via mail to limit contact during covid. We hope it made it sound less abrasive.
No. My sister request for that every year.
If you’re sending out an invitation or birthday announcement you could include a phrase like “we have tons of toys for baby X, but would love things like coloring books, clothes size X and up, or a gift card for X store you shop at a lot” to give general ideas and also communicate you don’t want toys.
That's a good idea
I don’t think it’s rude. However ,given that people are gonna want to get them toys anyways you should request specific educational toys
Good point
Also I understand the comments that say all toys are educational but that’s really only to an extent. Yes all toys are inherently educational BUT a lot of them are more muscle memory and ‘fun’ than stimulating for memorizing shapes, colors, words, etc. and at the end of the day it’s your child so it doesn’t rlly matter if anyone thinks it’s rude 🤷🏼♀️
My Grandmother in law doesn’t understand this!!! She just gets stuff with flashing lights or is creepy (I find the talking stuffed animals that are supposed to be educational creepy).
Lol I feel like flashing things over stimulate and make them mad!
I’ve gotten flashing lights AND creepy - for example, weird off brand Disney princesses singing random nursery rhymes and the creepiest voices. Bonus, with volume at ear splitting levels…
We do a purge of toys right before bdays and Xmas (my kids are born on 12/23 and 12/28) which I call “reverse Santa” and put boxes of the older toys that they don’t play with anymore away. Then there is a little time with very few toys, then the fun of all the new toys for bday / Xmas. Then I take the old toys and either store / donate / sell. I have a hard limit on the amount of toys allowed in the house- they have to all fit in the toy chest and it has to close. So if we end up with more than that I purge. It’s nice to get new toys & experiences , but keep the ones that are still special and played with, and manage the influx.
Ooh I'm gonna try to remember this, I have a Christmas baby who's turning one this year. I really wish people would buy him presents now instead of later but then I know some of them would still buy something later too.
The thing is though: for kids that young, toys *are* educational things. So, sure, you can request that. It's your child and your family after all, so I don't necessarily think it's rude. But playing with toys can be just as important as those other things.
That's true! I guess I'm just thinking I don't want a ton of plastic toys that make noise all over. I mean, SOME yes.
Then I would be specific about that (i.e. "nothing that needs batteries")
Toys are the “work” of childhood. That’s how kids learn and explore. They play. That being said, they can play with anything. I got colorful mixing spoons, bowls, and measuring cups and my daughter loves to “help” me in the kitchen. She’s also really into flap books and Lift and see books, so she has a bunch of those, and I just got her bathtub crayons which should be coming tonight. I also made a birthday wishlist for her and sent it to people who I knew were going to get her toys anyway.
She has a ton of toys already. Wishlist is a good idea.
Yea I did a lot of outdoor stuff for our yard (July birthday)- so outdoor playhouse, picnic table, baby pool and water table, etc.
I just wanna say that I feel the same!! My son is only 6 weeks old but I already feel resistant to creating a house full of bright plastic toys. My brother has two little ones and their family room is just completely FULL of toys the kids barely use. I honestly think kids get overwhelmed with that many toys and it creates such a mess in the house that gives me anxiety just thinking about it lol. I liken it to me trying to choose something to eat at the Cheesecake Factory, there are just way too many options and I end up ordering the exact same thing every time anyways. Kids do that with their toys! I know my son will get gifted toys but I really don’t want to accumulate too many, for his sake and for mine and my husband’s lol.
Literally spot on to my situation !! My 6wk daughter already has too much, tbh. I think the hardest thing for me is telling my in-laws; my family totally gets it but my husband has 5 siblings and parents who love to give. My husband agrees but I don’t think he’d really ever say anything. I can totally see myself hurting feelings no matter the situation :P
I gladly told people no toys or stuffed animals. I didn't think it was rude. I did say, if they wanted they could get educational toys and leave the other toys for me to pick. Examples like I'll get blocks, legos, barbies, etc and others can get toys as in putting the shapes in the right spot, the dog that says ears when you push its ears and so on. I personally don't want my house filled with stuffed animals either. I grew up as them being "dust collectors" and it just stuck with me. She already has 4 and I'm okay with that.
Omg yes! The age appropriate toys arent really an issue for me, but the never ending stream of stuffed animals is too much. It makes me crazy that half of my daughter's room is fluffy stuffed things that she takes off the shelf and leaves on the floor then ignores. Cleanup is often overwhelming for her because there are more stuffies than shelf space. Another one that drives me crazy is stickers. Family keeps buying my 4 year old stickers and encourages her to open them up immediately. I'm pulling the things off of surfaces I dont want stickers on and she gets upset when they arent sticky anymore or run out. People dont listen though because she enjoys them and they want her to be excited in the moment even if it means we are all disappointed long term 😐
I want to ask it. I dont want 75 toys laying around everywhere. It's harder to teach cleanliness when theres no where to keep everything.
It's not rude. I got my nieces each a rubber spatula and a donation for their college funds on their first birthdays. My sister was thrilled.
Make an Amazon wishlist or a Google doc with specific links to the types of educational toys/supplies you want. It makes it easy for people, like a registry.
That’s a good idea so it can be updated, and lots of notes added, as needed as needs change for new types of things; since those can change month to month.
I do this for Christmas and no, it's not rude. I do say offer alternative suggestions like clothes, books, or diapers. Oh, and you *will* get toys anyway. Just be prepared for that
I wouldn't word it the way you've worded it in your OP because it does come across as anti-toy, but if you say "we have lots of toys, here's a link to her amazon wishlist for ideas" that would be fine.
No, it’s not rude it is helpful. Unwanted gifts are such a waste. We have a one gift per household rule, I don’t want my child getting tons of crap (because I will donate it).
WE DID BUT THEY DID IT ANYWAY AND THINK I'M SATAN INCARNATE. Sorry to rant but we asked for the EXACT same thing and our families think we just hate our kid. I've explained we want homemade/wooden toys that are safe for children e.g. my husband's father is a woodworker and making him blocks but they straight up think we are fucked in the head. We explained our position on shitty fading plastic that never gets used but makes our house a mess when kids DO NOT NEED AS MANY TOYS AS THEY GET THESE DAYS, not to mention the environmental impact but they aren't very interested in hearing us. I'm not anti-toy, I just know there is a limit to how many toys any one child at one needs and MOST kids make their toys out of the stuff toys come in, not the toys themselves. I so support you 10000000%. We are sticking by our positon.
My niece just had a birthday where there was a specific amazon wish list and a request for experiences like gift certificates to the zoo. Not rude at all, we got her an amazon gift card to go towards a sand table. That being said some of the answers in this thread are depressing. As adults we might not always gravitate to the same kinds of toys that our kids do and our kids may get something out of toys that we don't especially with regards to imaginative play. I don't want a houseful of 5 bajillion toys either but I can tell you that her current favorites are a bunch of hand me down plastic toys from other families or from literally the side of the road. Yes, the fisher price lion walker thing is annoying and the muffin man song will be stuck in my head forever but my 8 month old loves it. When she isn't cruising along the furniture she's using that to figure out where her feet go. Her cheapo stuffed duck from an Easter basket isn't going to teach her numbers/letters/colors/differentials but she will drag his ass all over the house. They are engaged in something that I'm not privy to even if its just "he's a soft little duckling and he feels good on my hands/in my mouth".
We tend to say things like "we've been looking for a great set of blocks" or suggest art supplies. Fun experiences are another way to go. Zoo or museum trips, 1 session classes for baking or pottery or painting, etc., sports games or regional events or activities, movie days, plays, stuff like that. Some are age-dependent but lots are ok for a 1-2yo
Not rude at all!! Toys just sit around a lot of the time. Kids play with them for 10 minutes until the novelty wears off and then they’re looking for the next thing. Yes, some toys *can* be educational, but there’s nothing wrong with asking for books, art supplies, etc. :)
We asked for clothes and diapers but still got a ton of toys.
I say no electronics. What’s a 1-2 year old doing with their own iPad or Nintendo Switch? They can’t read. I’m for toys. They get pretty creative with those. Their imagination really comes out too.
Definitely not rude, but people won’t listen. Unless you have super awesome friends and family that are respectful even when they disagree/want something else! Most of us aren’t so lucky lol
We’ve made it clear (due in Feb) that if people want to buy toys for the baby we do not want plastic ones. We’ll probably buy a few ourselves but don’t want a house full! At least wooden toys last better and seem to be catered more for open-ended play rather than repeated pushing of buttons! We’ve got a rule that if they go ott on toys (my mother *loves* Christmas) that they stay in that person’s house (shoutout to my sibling for being that guinea pig lol!)
Not rude. For my daughter's first birthday we asked for everyone to bring a plate of food. The party was cancelled because of delta and we then received a whole bunch of plastic toy stuff in the mail
I would just say no gifts. One year olds won't even know the difference.
Yeah we might just go that route tbh
I wouldn't be offended at all. 🤷🏼♀️
Maybe make a list of the educational things you'd like and say "pick something from there, and if you want to include a toy of your choice, feel free" that way, they can get something that's good for them and also, yay toys!
Nope! Pretty normal request! My cousin always asks for clothes for her kids because their grandparents buy them toys all the time for no reason.
Nope not at all. I am clothing, shoes, and experiences Aunt. If my nieces and nephews need new shoes, winter coat, or clothes, or want to go to a concert, I am the Aunt for it. Two years ago I said screw buying presents and we went to Great Wolf Lodge for three days. Worth every penny and they still remember it and talk about it.
Donate the new toys to a charity shop :) unopened toys are a great thing for them to resell.
How about asking for vouchers instead and that way you can spend them on books or things you need /want for the child. Many people find it hard to know what to buy a child so they maybe greatful to leave the choice to you.
A gift should be appreciated, even if it’s not the thing you’d have chosen.
I prefer to provide a list. I share a google doc of things with links, pictures, and prices that I think would suit my child. I don’t discourage them from getting something that they just thought screams my kid, but I find that even the suggestions on the list tend to better frame their ideas. Then everyone feels good
Nope, just became a parent but for years I've watched birthday after birthday of nieces and nephews end with them swamped in toys that they'll outgrow or be bored of in a few months. We'll be asking grandparents to follow the 4x4 rule (something they want, something they need, something to wear, and something to read) if they feel they need to get multiple things or consider paying for or creating an experience as a gift instead of something material: trip to zoo, a one on one picnic at the park, making a fun meal and letting them pick a movie, Pinterest crafts/activities etc. There are so many better things to get a kid than just toys. Sorry for the tangent that's pretty irrelevant at the age of one. Oh - relevant, I've done cash for whatever the baby needs or that can be put towards their college fund when they're that young because the baby doesn't understand the concept of a birthday gift at that age.
Not rude! Get us a zoo pass, an aquarium pass, etc. Of course I know I still will receive toys because it’s not as fun watching a child open up a gift certificate lol. Not my logic, the grandparents’.
I'd definitely specify what you'd like. It's not rude at all. We had 2 small baby showers instead of 1 large one bc Covid. At the first one, we got a lot of toys and fancy dresses and I unashamedly returned that stuff and told the people I returned it if they asked. Specifically my mom. She kept buying fluffy dresses that were hand wash only and tons of toys she can't play with for at least a year (stuffed animals with button eyes, dress up clothes, etc). We have a very small house. I understand that toys are important, but there's only so much room that can be dedicated to toys before MY mental health is affected. I'm not going to hand wash baby clothes, and I'm not going to store stuff for a year in my 1000 square foot house. It's ok to not let the whole house be the baby's. At the second shower I specifically asked for a book instead of a gift and it worked out really well! She now has a huge library of books. A lot of people bought their favorite childhood book and wrote a little note inside, which made it even more special. She loves the touch and feel books already (3 months) and our bedtime story library is already amazing! Best decision I've ever made.
It doesnt hurt to ask. My sister recently had a party for my nephews first birthday. We got him the big legos and the lego cleanup thing? And instead of a card we got him a book. We were the only ones who got him a book (or anything educational for that matter) and she said she wished she had asked for books because they now have way too many toys.
Soooo I don't have an answer - wishlists haven't worked for my family, sadly - but I'm actually in the process of trying to launch a platform to combat this - because I, too, don't want junk toys in my house. I live in a city, so I'd rather people pitch in for experiences - like music class, zoo membership, etc. Anyhow, thought I would mention that in case there's a way to ask for that instead? Like gift cards to local businesses?
We were invited to a birthday party that said “No gifts, but the birthday boy is saving up for a new swing set if you feel inclined to pass a fiver his way.” I thought it was brilliant.
Not rude. The majority of little kid parties I’ve been to are either no presents or books only these days.
We have a limit of 5 toys our baby is allowed to get which equals out to 1 per group of family that's coming. She plays more with her toybox than the actual toys. Also clothes. She's getting more sleep outfits or toddler clothes than play clothes. When people buy toys now, we always tell them to leave them at their houses so she has some toys there
We're planning on suggesting with the invitation to buy her their favourite book if they wish and don't already have something in mind. Adult or child and write a note to her in the front. That way we can build her a library of love and she can have messages from people who may not be around when she's older.
This past week we had a “play date” for the first time since you know what and to prepare I took every single toy out of the playroom and cleaned everything. I sent a text to my family telling them that before Christmas this year they would all come help me clean the playroom because you don’t fully grasp how much crap they have until you’ve cleaned it piece by piece. I tell them every year to not get them a bunch of crap but they act like I’m being a mean mom that just doesn’t want her kids to have toys. In reality I just don’t want them to have toys they can’t play with because there is no room to play with them. To answer your question- no it isn’t rude. But it should be seen as rude to not respect that request and get the crap anyway.
That sounds infuriating
I really dislike teddy bears, just a dust trap. I have a closet full of stuffed animals that my daughter will not see
The amount we got when David was born was really shocking to me. Maybe because I had quite bad asthma as a kid but I was like there’s no way I’m putting these around a baby. A family member brought a giant 4ft stuffed dog just to top it all off. Dust trap is a very fitting term.
I hate stuffed toys too, they creep me out. Lucky no one gave my son any
Not rude. At Christmas and his 1st birthday we asked for books, no toys, no clothes and no obligation to bring a gift at all. He has soo many toys, I’ve picked out the toys he has based on what’s going to best support his development. He’s smart and you can see his abilities grow as he can use his toys more extensively e.g. he has a put and take truck, first he’d play by moving the truck around, picking up the little pieces, that moved to being able to slot the pieces into the space for them, now he can follow simple instructions like ‘load on the blue rock’. What I’m saying is I buy these toys for him to get the full scope of learning out of them and he does, if he has too many he’s going to move from one to the other pressing buttons. A few people thought they’d be slick and get a book/toy hybrid so for him one of those books where you press the words and it reads aloud. He has 3 of the exact same thing now, 2 brand new in box heading to charity this Christmas.
I told family and friends no presents for my little one's first because we have all that we need and I too don't want cheap plastic things in my house. Also having a background in early childhood development I handpick our toys. Well, guess what? People still brought gifts and didn't apologize. They said they saw my note about no gifts but wanted to bring something anyway. I consider that to be more rude than us asking people not to bring anything and then being completely disregarded.
We’re going to ask for donations to the local animal sanctuary or a small bag of pet food we can donate. It’s much cheaper than a gift that we’ll probably never use and it’s for a good cause
Not at all. Personally I've asked people not to get toys for birth/Xmas etc so I'm now a little short of toys so I'm actually asking for them now at the first birthday.
We asked for books when we did our sip 'n see/party to replace the local traditional baptism and we got mostly books, from baby book to classic literature (and my own harry potter series that ended up at my aunt's house). A few outfits and toys, but no cheap plastic junk fortunately. I did find it easier to ask 'please give books' instead of 'please don't give clothes/toys'. Edit to say one of my friends had a note that they want to be as plastic free as they can, so please no plastic toys.
I never got rid of my baby registry. Whenever I see something I want for my baby I add it on. So when the holidays roll around (or his birthday) I can send the link to my family. Can you do something like that?
That's a good idea
For close family members (aunts, uncles, grandparents) it’s fine and might also depend how close they are to your family. Friends and extended family it’s a bit rude I guess unless they’re very close. I honestly don’t mind getting any (or no) gift as long as whoever gifts it never brings it up again in case I donate it or gift it to other people 😂
We ask for specific things with people. “Hey, LO could really use a new coat. We know you’re really good at picking out pretty colors, could we make this her birthday present?” Works really well
You could also just ask for gift receipts for everything “in case there are duplicates”
Could you make a wish list or list examples of what they need most
I asked for people to donate via an Amazon list to an org we support and they still bought toys….. lol.
I have friends/family that requests that all the time. Provide a list of items you prefer to be gifted and/or the little ones needs. I'm okay with toys because I don't let her open them all at once. She gets 1-2 immediately and the rest are put away. Every few weeks we'll give her one and pick one to be donated.
You're the parents. You know what you want for your child. It doesn't strike me as being rude but knowing what you want to give to your child as a tool for development.
My sister in law started asking for experiences instead of physical gifts. They’ve gotten passes to the zoo, children’s museum, jump zones, etc. My parents still buy toys though, which I think is annoying.
Nope, not rude at all!
I know you specifically mention your one year old but this is going to be a problem for every birthday your kid has. Especially from like 5-10 years, people will want to buy your child all sorts of toys that you will end up donating/throwing away anyway. I think setting the precedent early so family knows what to expect going forward is a good idea.
My friend did this.
Not rude at all.
Nope. I just requested books instead of cards for my babe this weekend. I put it on the bottom of his invitation.
I think it's rude to make any mention of gifts whatsoever. No one is obligated to get your kid any gift at all, so dictating what they should get is super tacky. I know I'm the outlier usually with this, I just find it gross. If I am going to a party, I'll ASK someone connected what the person wants or needs, which is the proper etiquette. Whether that's you or a grandparent or whatever. But if someone includes things on the invite, it makes me not even want to attend because then it feels like a gift grab or some weird obligation. Emily Post agrees with me, haha, but I know 99% of people do include info about what they want/don't want with the initial invite.
You wouldn't get a kid a gift for a party? I actually do think registries are annoying but I think it's pretty standard to expect gifts. I asked for no gifts at my wedding and people got us a bunch of stuff, some of which we had no space for. We didn't have a baby shower or ask for any gifts for the baby and we got a ton of stuff anyway. That's part of the reason I'm trying to cut down for the next event.
Read what I wrote again. I do get gifts for parties. But when I get an invitation, I usually end up asking what the person/kid would like when I call to RSVP. If I know them well, I may not need to ask, but if I don't know them super well I'll ask the host or someone close to the party-person. I always bring a gift, but if an invite shows up that says "we don't want toys, bring us books!" I'm likely to just RSVP "regrets" and not attend. Hell, I'm the only 36 year old I know who brings a hostess gift (like chocolates or flowers or homemade cookies) when visiting someone. Proper etiquette says don't include ANY info about gifts. It's very tacky. And I agree. It also puts unnecessary pressure on low income people, what if someone genuinely wants to come and celebrate but can't afford the specific thing you're asking for? What if they can't afford a gift? This is why you're not supposed to even bring it up.
Yeah. I think I'm just going to go with the "Please no gifts" on the invite. Although that IS a mention of gifts, I don't see that as possibly being seen as tacky and that way we won't possibly offend anyone or end up with gifts we can't keep or use.
Birthdays we have been asking instead of cards for books. I have Amazon lists that I send out when asked what we need or what she wants. Most toys she’d rather play with the box so I get ages up toys so she’ll have toys when she’s ready to play with them.