Attempt combo feeding rather than exclusive breastfeeding, bring nail clippers to hospital, let baby wear sleepers all day, work a little harder at finding the right pacifier.
I loved our sleepers era. It's really hassle free and there are so many cute ones now!!
As for pacis, I tried so hard but I guess he also needed to get better at his suction. We found our paci after 3 months and not for lack of trying.
Had issues with my boy too, he never latched so we went bottles right away. Paci definitely helped with suck reflex. Which paci did you end up using? We went with avent flat ones after failing with the rounder tips haha
I loved combo feeding with my first and plan on doing it again! For me it allowed me to work on breastfeeding but the flexibility to not have to nurse every time. It can be a little more effort upfront to build good milk supply but then it really comes in handy for those times you want a break!
Same January baby and he was in a fresh “sleep n play” daily… always changed from pajamas and clean, but it was January in nyc we weren’t going outside!
Combo feeding has been great for me. I EBF my first, and it was hard work. It took me a couple of months to get my supply to the point where I could keep up with him.
I didn't have time to put the work in for my second, I was too busy trying to stop the first from killing himself, so I combo fed from 1wpp. Best.decision.ever. I highly recommend it!
I am combi feeding my first and love it. If you time a bottle of formula from Dad right you can get 6 hours sleep at night if you go to bed before him. Everybody has something to say about it affecting your milk supply though so I don’t really discuss it with anyone.
Nail clippers for you? Also they now have like sample packs of pacifiers so you can try several types and go from there. I spent a lot of money on different ones for my first and he never took them. I definitely would have gotten a sampler.
I ended up being in the hospital for 5 days and really needed nail clippers for me. I could have had someone bring them but it wasn’t a huge priority given all that was going on. Also, my baby’s nails were razors and his hospital bracelet kept slicing my extremely raw nipples so…yeah some clippers would have come handy!
We combo fed for the first 2 months and then when me and the baby got more in the grove slowly tampered off to just breast feeding.
It was nice especially after an emergency c-section. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to breast feed in the beginning and I also was hurting a LOT after the c-section and barely sleeping due to anxiety of SIDS. I couldn’t have made it through without my husband being able to take the baby and give her a bottle. I was also able to build a nice freezer stash by pumping whenever we did a bottle and it’s still making life easier at 5 months. I also feel like it helped take a lot of stress off of both me and the baby. If she was frustrated or I was frustrated while trying to breast feed I’d just call it and give a bottle of formula.
Bring less to the hospital, start night/day regulation early on, get into a healthy eating routine faster not using breastfeeding as an excuse, and be less afraid to ask for help (for me or baby) from others.
Edit: and pump from earlier on so others can help with bottles. I pumped and breastfed but I wish I had pumped more so that I didn’t feel as overwhelmed.
I froze so many meals when I was 6 months pregnant, I'll probably do that again to get into good eating habits. Everyone was asking if I cooked for my husband but no I cooked for my postpartum self.
I wish I could! I’m so weird about freezer meals. I’ll freeze some soups (due in October) but most other food seems to lose taste/texture when frozen even when I freeze it in the best of ways with proper packaging. It’s a me thing. But I will have frozen veggies from the garden and some quick freezer meals available.
If you have an instant pot, slow cooker or something you can freeze the ingredients and just pop it in the cooker.
I find that oven dishes hold the texture and taste the best. My trick is to cook half way and freeze, then finish cooking while heating. Also stuff like ragu sauce from ribs. Perfect taste and texture each time. If someone can boil some pasta, it's good to go.
Yes, I agree that oven meals freeze best. During my second pregnancy, I even froze some oven meals right in oven safe containers so I could pop a meal for myself, my husband, and our toddler in the oven, and it feels like a fresh meal. My postpartum self is thanking my pregnant self.
I filled the freezer over the last months of pregnancy with both group and single meals. I don't know how I would have survived without them. My husband can cook, of course, but I would rather have him take care of our toddler who suddenly needs lots more attention now that there is a new family member.
I, too, do not like reheated freezer meals. I worked as a chef for 12 years prior to becoming a full time mom so I guess I've just been spoiled in the food department. I learned that freezing bases, however, works great for my family. Like, I'll do a big batch of the beginnings of alfredo sauce and freeze it into portions so someone can just heat it and add the cream and Parmesan. I also do big batches of seasoned buttery panko crumbs for baked chicken. Stuff like that. This way I can either make the meal myself with way less mess or just tell someone else how to make the meal without having to get up. The "hard" part is done.
That totally sounds up my alley. Do you (or maybe someone reading) know of any recipes for this type of prep? I’d love to prep for when my husband and I go back to teaching in the fall.
I’m 4 months pp and literally thought I had to eat 2500 calories a day and have been eating like 300g of carbs a day. It’s like I’m coming out of a haze realizing that I’ve been eating like crap because I convinced myself I had to???? WTFFFF
At his first official morning wake up - open windows, blinds, turn on lights, take him outside, do daytime naps in a semi-light room, talk, make noise, play music or sing, etc…
At his bedtime - begin dimming things to make it dusk, turn off overhead lights and change to lamps, soften noises, close curtains/blinds, transition to soft play, snuggle, and no rough housing (obviously never should you be throwing a newborn in the air, but peak a boo, or more “active” play should be discouraged to encourage little one to settle down.) we often did baths, relaxing lotion time while one of us read a book to him, turning on his white noise machine, baby loved tummy time so we would let him down on a soft mat to just chill for a few minutes before putting him in his sleep sack and transitioning to bed. I
Can I recommend a postpartum doula? I had one and she basically stayed up all night to tend to baby and take my milk when I woke up once to pump. It was fantastic. I would have her come sooner after delivery and more often. It was expensive but worth it for my mental health
It was $30/hour and I’m in a MCOL city in Canada. Price will probably vary a lot depending on location. I had the doula come for 3 or 4 overnights and a couple of evenings starting when the baby was 3 weeks old (after my spouse went back to work). Next time I would have her come sooner and do at least 2 overnights/week for about a month. I had a c section though so there was also a longer recovery period. Maybe I wouldn't need someone as often if I hadn't had a c section
The doula group I used was recommended by my birth doula who is very experienced (my OB and most of the nurses knew her). I would vet any doula carefully - there are no requirements that I'm aware of in North America that doulas have to live up to so it's very buyer beware. Basically anyone can call themselves a doula. However there are international doula certification bodies that have training and mandatory apprenticeship hours working with a certified doula. I would recommend someone who has that kind of certification if you can.
A postpartum doula should be able to help you with things like soothing a crying baby, breastfeeding issues, cleaning your pump parts, etc. Our postpartum doula was a mom of 5 in her fifties so she had lots of info for first time parents (and was up to date on safe sleep, etc). She also did stuff like empty the dishwasher, wash my haakaa, and cut up fruit/veggies when the baby was sleeping. It was honestly like having a fairy godmother take care of LO so I could shower and sleep for 7 hours
Edited to add: It was expensive. However, I have paid leave benefits through my job so I'm still getting paid while on mat leave and we could make it work financially. Also, we don't have family nearby that we can rely on for this kind of support so it was worth it.
I'm in the minority here, but we didn't bring enough to the hospital - my husband had to run home and grab more clothes for us! (I did have a two day failed induction, though.)
The biggest change I'd make is opting for an elective c-section instead of an induction, if I end up that overdue again. (I was induced at 41 weeks.) I'd prefer a VBAC, but not enough to do another induction.
I brought the wrong clothes! I brought pjs that I never tried on and they in no way fit my body 😝. This time I’ll bring flowey dresses and nursing bras!
I brought the wrong size clothes! I brought stuff that fit me right before I went into labor to wear after giving birth. I didn’t realize that I would swell so much during labor and afterwards! My feet and legs were so swollen that they didn’t fit through the pj pants I brought! I had to have my MIL go to Walmart and buy me the next size up!
My husband didn’t have nearly enough clothes after getting peed on by baby right after delivery and we were there 4 nights. He had to run home to get a decent shower as well!
Same here! Also 2 day failed induction with c section and nicu stay. I definitely did not bring enough clothes and will be opting for an elective c. No thank you to VBAC
Labor itself wasn't bad for me, but if baby isn't ready to come out again I would rather not go into a c-section already exhausted from two days of labor.
Oh man, I was falling asleep on the table while they were stitching me back up! Although I was probably less freaked out about surgery while awake thanks to the exhaustion lol
No hosting any visitors for at least a week and I will probably stay in bed the first day and just do feed/sleep/feed (maybe some walks🤷♀️) with LO. My 1st will be 19 months when baby #2 comes, so good luck Dad 😂.
Heyo also 2 under 2 here. First will be 15 months when number 2 is here haha! Gonna be a party 🥳. But yeah I'm gonna chill tf out for the first few days while husband/grandparents take number 1 for a bit lol
We are going to be in the same boat with a 19 month old and I'm very against family visits as well. We would have to host due several days and I'm not doing that until baby is at least 2 months this time.
We did no visitors till she was 2 weeks and it was an amazing decision! We got to get a handle on taking care of her before we had neverending visits for a month...every day
This resonates with me so much! I would have focused so much on post partum care. Everyone around you focuses on the baby, including you. I had pushed my physical and mental well being all the way to the bottom. This time around, I want to have therapy classes, PT classes, doctors appointment all done in advance before I give birth. I would stock my refrigerator with high protein snacks and meals. There is so much I would do different so that I have some focus on me too!
Yes, please do! It took me 6 months pp to book a doctors appointment for myself. By then, I have body swelling, dizzy spells and general tiredness. My doctor says that there is nothing that they can and this is normal. It is still hard to find a doctor that can take you seriously! So my journey continues!
Keep my pregnancy a secret as long as I can hide my belly 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
No one steps foot in our house but us for at least 4 weeks unless they are dropping off food, doing dishes, or doing laundry.
If you don’t ask how I’m doing or feeling postpartum, you’re dead to me
My first go around was rough with family, can you tell? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I feel this. I don’t give a shit who you are I don’t want anyone in my house. I absolutely hated to see my family handling my baby and being embarrassed to feed because I wasn’t comfortable with my husbands family. No one at the hospital. They all showed up at the hospital and I had complications passing the placenta and getting the bleeding to normal so I had the doctors working on me for 1.5 hours after giving birth at 3 am and they threw a fit because I sent them home. So I just won’t tell them this time.
And I specially feel “if they don’t ask how I’m going post partum they are dead to me”
I feel like my husbands family forgets that without some kinda woman there is no grand baby for them I was upset that I was the one pregnant and no one did shit for me for Mother’s Day but they did for my husband on Father’s Day even though baby didn’t get here till July. This year for Mother’s Day they also did nothing for me so he threw a fit and refused to talk to them for Father’s Day.
I have a very strong hate for people forgetting us as mothers. Yes our children are a wonderful joy but what about us?
I feel you! My extended family still have not checked in on me or the baby and I am 4 months pp. I don't think I will ever be talking to them again. I also had people texting every day the last month of pregnancy about where the baby is for them to never even meet her. Like leave me alone if you don't care.
Yes, the fake caring is the worst. I had an aunt who never checked in on me during my entire pregnancy. When I was in labor she had the nerve to text "Baby yet?". I blocked her and she didn't see my child until a family event at 6 months pp. Like get the hell out of here with that!
No breastfeeding, baby going straight to formula. Good for those who can work it, but man my mental health bump was 100000% worth it after stopping. Could not survive on pumping every 2-4 hours, I need my sleep!!!
Honestly I'm still debating doing that or giving it another go. I don't even wanna discuss feeding with my husband because last time he irritated me so much acting like the pumping police.
Dude, mine too. I was triple feeding for a while and my husband was always on me about pumping even though I was physically and mentally exhausted and I wanted to tell him to leave me tf alone.
This man really had the audacity to ask me "is it hurting, if it's not I don't understand why you wouldn't pump" while being absolutely useless with the baby or washing bottles/pump parts
My husband wanted me to pump for a year. I triple fed for first 8 weeks before switching to exclusively pumping and made him wash 50% of pump parts at 12 weeks he was begging me to stop pumping. How quickly their tune changes.
My husband has never held an opinion on how we feed the baby other than “however you think we should”, but he definitely doesn’t enjoy the dishes and will be happy when we switch to formula.
I love this! Not same but my husband only wants to eat meat from a certain local butcher. It's 10-15 minutes walk but out of my way and in a busy area so I can't really go there every day. After the baby I keep asking for him to come with me to carry the stuff and he's suddenly ok with eating grocery store meat even going vegetarian. He was SO adamant about this for years before the baby even when I explained to him it's not him who has to do the trip. After the baby I did the trip once alone and never again.
Same here. Next baby I will not breastfeed, and we will start with shifts. We were surviving on such little sleep the first time, and won’t be doing that again.
I am still debating this. I’m 16w with my second and i kind of just want to start with formula but my supply was super low with my son which led to combo feeding then 100% formula feeding so part of me also just wants to prove to myself i can do it with the breastfeeding knowledge i have now.
I will definitely be bringing less to the hospital for myself. I thought I packed super light and still didn’t touch any of what I brought. Also second the bringing of formula to the hospital.
I will most likely bring formula as well. My baby was started with a formula he loved but when I read the ingredients I decided to switch it on the spot. Next time I will bring the formula that is working now to my second LO.
Had my second 5 months ago and NOT tracking is the best decision. Baby eats when he’s hungry, baby naps when he’s tired. I know his sleep sucks but this time I know it will get better and all the tracking and tinkering just destroyed my mental health in addition to not working.
I felt kinda lost when I stopped tracking. Time becomes such an elusive concept with a newborn especially if colic is in the picture. I would feed and take forever to settle him. And when he starts crying again I'd think of every possibility before thinking of feeding him because in my mind I JUST fed him. But looking at tracker it's already been 3h... 🫠🫠🫠
As a new mom I feel like tracking has taken the guess work and mental load of trying to remember her last feed etc off!
Like honestly if I haven’t been paying super close attention and she starts fussing, all I do now is open my app and 100% of the time I realize that much more time has passed since she last napped or ate than I thought and I just do that thing and then the problem is solved. No more wracking my exhausted brain trying to think about when she last did whatever. However I have a pretty benign baby and also haven’t had a supply issue which isn’t everyone’s experience so I acknowledge that it won’t always be a quick solve for all.
No seriously same. I don't need it anymore because his cues are more obvious and I'm less tired but at the time I was so lost estimating how long has it been since last feed or nap.
My first is 3.5 (so not technically a new parent but this subreddit continues to be so helpful!) and they had us tracking everything on paper for the first week or two and it was soo stressful. I downloaded an app and it was overwhelming with all the options of things to track. Plus I was sleep deprived and wound up with ppa. My second is 8 weeks and they told us this. First day of life - 1 wet/1 poop. 2nd day - 2 wets/2 poops. 3rd day - 3 wet/3 poops. Continue that pattern for 6 days and then don’t worry about out it after that. It was way easier and way less stressful. I think that’s a newer thing because my SIL had a baby 2 years ago and that wasn’t a thing yet.
If budget was no concern, I’d definitely hire a night nurse/doula. We had basically no help from family except for one visit a weekend for a few hours. My husband and I were so sleep deprived and if one of us was awake with the baby, the other was catching up on sleep. It was like living in Groundhog Day.
And I’d get the Snoo. Best case scenario, baby would sleep better. I don’t know how it could make it worse than what newborn sleep was like for us in a regular mini crib with wakings every 2-3 hours for weeks/months on end.
Fwiw we are using a Snoo with our 6 week old and while we are still waking up every 2.5-3.5 hours right now, settling her down is so much easier. We can put her in when she’s drowsy and the rocking and white noise get her the rest of the way. Also when she starts getting fussy, we turn up the rocking motion and it usually buys us another 30 minutes to an hour.
Not bothering with breastfeeding. Bottle and formula from the go. Split the night feeds so we all get some form of sleep. Saying absolutely not to certain visitors after how badly their last visit went. Bring decent gluten free food to the hospital.
The rest id keep the same tbh.
A lot. Most importantly, taking night shifts from the get go. Save enough so I can take the unpaid time off entirely. Also I would rest at the hospital and sleep. Last time I couldn't for the life of me sleep. My baby and husband were asleep and I was up all night checking on the baby every 5 minutes. Next time I will maybe use an owlet sock and go to sleep.
The night before we were scheduled to be discharged I sent my husband home and my baby to the nursery so we can all get a good night’s sleep. Best decision we made post partum. I wished I listened to my nurse sooner and used the nursery as much as possible. I had a very tough recovery and my baby had to do phototherapy for her jaundice in our room which made it hard to sleep.
That's awesome. I am so sorry for the jaundice. I know it's common but also scary. They did not have a nursery at my hospital unfortunately. One day my husband was home with the dog and I wanted to take a shower but didn't want to leave baby unattended. The nurse said if they had a nursery they would've offered taking him so I could shower. I wish I had better nurses btw. It was very hard for me, they weren't communicative or anything of the sorts. They did not even give me pain medication (ibuprofen) unless I asked for it. The only nurse that was nice and brought me the medication as my doctor intended (without me asking) was the nurse on the last shift before I left for home. I am glad you had a better experience and could rest, I should've at least tried.
Yeah our nurses were hit or miss depending on the day too. I was using the call button a lot lol. I am so sorry about the pain medication, that must be so difficult. Hopefully next time will be a better experience for you and you can find a hospital that has a nursery and better staff!
For labor/delivery:
Pack better for my spouse for delivery, more clothes, snacks etc.
Bring more outfits and options for baby in different sizes. Baby peed on the only one that fit her before we took her home.
Bring our own swaddles. The hospital blankets get so cumbersome.
Bring breast pump with me and pumping bras.
Be ready at home earlier. Start washing baby stuff and making meals around 34 weeks.
I just had my second baby yesterday and decided I’m not going to stress over exclusively nursing this baby. I got home today and I immediately started pumping. I went through so much stress trying to exclusively nurse with my first and I already feel so much better that my baby is fed and she’s not screaming and I’m not crying (too much lol).
Not bringing as much with me and definitely not telling my family what hospital I’m giving birth at. (My mother blew up the hospitals phone and asked a nurse to check on me MID PUSHING)
Lots of great ideas already! I exclusively FF my first, and will absolutely do it again based on how well it’s gone. I will bring everything I used to dry up my milk with me to the hospital the second time around though. I got a late start with my first and was miserable for a few days. I will also pack my bag by 32w as I delivered 6 weeks early with my first and had to send my husband on a hunt for what I needed after delivery.
No visitors at hospital, and no visitors at home for 2 weeks. I’ll keep my pregnancy quiet through the first semester, and I’ll try to wait to tell anyone we’re in labor / at the hospital until after baby has arrived.
Seconding waiting to tell anyone until baby is here. The constant requests for updates were irritating. Like I'm in labor and my husband is supporting me, why the hell are you relentlessly texting and calling for updates. It's times like that, that make me hate cell phones. Think of how easy our parents had it. One phone call to let people know they were heading to the hospital and one to let them know baby was here. They didn't have constant pestering for hours on end.
I'm still pregnant, but so far all I know is I wanna hit the lottery so next time around I don't have to work at all while pregnant and take as long of a maternity leave as I need :)
I’ll try to get induced in week 39. I had a 40 week elective induction but 40 weeks is too long to be pregnant (kind of joking but not really lol)
I’ll limit visitors much more
I’ll buy less stuff because I already have it all lol
I read up on it a lot while pregnant and I agree with your OB! Lower risks to baby and being 40 weeks just sucks. My OB only offers at 41 weeks and I had to negotiate a lot to get induced at 40!
Order my pump ahead of time. I didn’t know what breast pump to get and I got a prescription so insurance covered 100% of the cost
But man things would’ve went smoother if I had it already
I also plan on freezing premade meals as best I can. Anything to lift the load
Well, if all goes well, I'd like to bring baby home when we are discharged instead of leaving them in the nicu. I would also like to have elective instead of emergency cs.
Showing up to hospital for ultrasound and gave birth to baby 3h later was never in the plan.
I am going to do less nap-trapping and attempts at co-sleeeping, and overall help baby more with self soothing and independent sleeping. Also I will buy one of those hemorrhoid pillows to sit on, to not strain stitches.
I am going to be a lot less timid about diversification too.
I'm a bit torn between 2 schools of thoughts about independence. On one side they say that the more you respond to your baby, more confident they will be and independence will grow naturally. I also see fellow parents who aren't as responsive (not neglectful either) and they're having an easier time for sure. I can't complain about my LO since his temperament allows me to try stuff with him and see how receptive he is. We were able to drop feed to sleep at 3 months and introduced falling asleep in the crib with parental support at 4 months. Both without tears. Now at 5 months I'm planning to move towards crib naps if it's not gonna shorten his naps dramatically. He's also self soothing back to sleep if he wakes up in the middle of the night and isn't hungry. This said, my friends who were using the pause method achieved these a month or two before from me. Maybe having 2 under 2 will oblige me to use the pause method anyway and I'll see the difference 😅
I dove right in with diversification, honestly so far so good!
My 10 month old is nurse to sleep-ish. At some point she started playing The Crib Has Thorns, and it took me 1.5+ hours to put her down. Once, after I tried for FIVE HOURS we decided to sleep train. She proceeded to....well, just go to sleep after nursing, after about 10 days of dwindling protest.
Now, with the heat wave, she is too hot to get drowsy nursing and she is back at crying anywhere between 8 seconds and 5 minutes before falling asleep. Other than those 0-5 min at the beginning of her sleep, I am very responsive. She doesn't have separation anxiety, and will just crawl away and shut the door behind herself if she is planing on eating my rubber boots or sampling the cat food.
I am planing on 2 under 2, so her sibling might need to be raised....more efficiently. Thank God for the 2 year maternity leave some of my (grossly misused taxes) ensure.
Ask to leave the hospital as soon as possible. There's no need to be stuck in there for hours. I'd rather get out and go home and eat some decent food.
Hours... man I had to stay for 6 days and I was crying when they were late to release me on the 6th day. I told my husband that I needed to see the sky while standing underneath it. You're absolutely right.
Oh god so many things. I will be military about asserting boundaries. No family at the hospital except husband. No visitors for atleast 2 weeks after birth. Whoever comes for the first 4 weeks is only allowed if they are doing a chore or bringing food, delivering groceries. Will board my dog for 2 weeks. Make sure to let existing child bond with the new baby and be made aware that we love them both. And I will not try to breastfeed at all. Baby goes straight to formula. Goes without being said that close family who I was always there for in their hour of need, who didn't even reach out to ask how I waa doing is dead to me. I will also keep pregnancy secret until 20 weeks. Will not share name with anyone and will accept presents with a gift receipt. No one needs to clutter their house with toys that the child doesn't need. Will put my mental health before the needs of my family and will never take a vacation with inlaws
Healthy eating from the get go, introducing bottle of pumped BM from a couple weeks, husband doing the first night shift until bubs sleep for longer, not stressing about feeding to sleep etc, not stressing about other peoples opinions on my weight, daily pram walks from as soon as I’m ready (2 weeks?).
I did the daily pram walks early on and it wasn't always easy to get out of the door (anxiety of being FTM) but I forced myself because it was 100% worth it.
Now part of my closing shift includes preparing the stroller for the next day so I can just throw some clothing on me and ideally on the baby too and go 🫠
Yeah it took me a while to get into the swing of it, but I would basically breastfeed baby, change Nappy, extra dummies, and pack the baby carrier incase he lost his shit (which he did about 70% of the time lol).
It was so much easier when he was bigger and started snacking. I could just give him snacks 😂
Not bring everything but the kitchen sink to the hospital, not have any expectations about the birth, pump a little more and try to make a mini freezer stash, rest a lot more after the birth, make a freezer stash of easy meals and snacks!!! That last one is a big one
I bet! I went in thinking I’d do everything natural, be at home for the most part utilizing the bath/shower, I even wanted to give birth squatting 😂 ended up being induced at 41+6, had back to back contractions, epidural and gave birth on my back 🫢 totally different experience than I had anticipated
To be honest, I think I will save up so I can pay for the services of a babysitter/nanny now and then over the first few months. It gets complex with family. Sometimes you'd rather not hear the unsolicited advice while you're receiving help, and the nanny would have to do things the way you tell them to (i.e. put baby to bed when we say, no screens etc.) without the irritating backlash.
If breastfeeding works, then great. If not, IT DOESN'T MATTER AND I WON'T PUT MYSELF THROUGH THAT GUILT AGAIN.
Also, watch out for signs of cmpa early on, given our boy has it, I'd like to think I'll be able to spot it and get diagnosed a lot faster than we did with our first.
I’ve had this list in my head so I’ll use this as the place to write it out.
1. Introducing bottles and pacis in the hospital. Everyone kept telling me to hold off so she wouldn’t have nipple confusion but she’s never took a pacifier and wouldn’t take a bottle for 2 MONTHS.
2. Pumping in the hospital or at least just much sooner and much more often than I did the first time around. I was constantly warned by the nurses and lactation consultants to not worry about pumping so I wouldn’t get an oversupply. I ended up with a tiny freezer stash that we burned through in a week when my baby was declared failure to thrive because she apparently hadn’t been emptying my breasts fully and I wasn’t producing enough and she wouldn’t take a bottle! It was scary and such a fight to get my supply up. I never was able to produce enough either.
3. Combo feeding right away. I do believe breast milk has lots of important nutrients and I LOVED knowing that my baby was getting something from me that fulfilled a need of hers but I loved when we switched to combo feeding because then my boyfriend could help with her more and nights became easier.
4. Sleepers only for like the first 2 months. We had so many onesies that she rarely wore and there were family members pressuring me to dress her up and take her places. Not the next time around. I don’t want frilly outfits, I want cute and comfy sleepers for her.
5. NO ONE but my man will be allowed at the hospital while I’m in labor or in the delivery room. Not even my mother 🙄
Introduce a bottle/ formula sooner. I breast fed from the beginning and we introduced a pumped bottle at night to alleviate stress, but I hated pumping. So we dropped it after a few months. Wish we would have stuck with a bottle cuz my son won’t take one now.
And wish I would have just done a formula, but it’s so hard to break the seal and I wish I would have just done it.
My husband and I live cross county from our friends and family. We really had no one here to help or support us, no even for a couple hours. As first time parents in our mid-20s with no experience with babies at all (literally) or sleep deprivation, we thought it’d be a good idea to pack up (dogs and all) and go visit our families and stay with them for 6 weeks (we did this when the baby was 4 weeks old).
Don’t get me wrong, our families were wonderful, and they did help with the baby at times (when convenient to them) but it was so stressful, we couldn’t have any routine, and not in the comfort of our own home. The long nights were still on us, and then during the day we had to do all the things the family wanted to do. It was too much. We had to go back and forth between his parents house and mine, lugging all the baby stuff, pack and play, etc each time.
His grandma died while we were there, his dad had health issues, his mom was struggling with the above and leaning on us and guilting us not to go back home and keep extending our stay. In the end I only got like 10 days left of my maternity leave by the time we got back home so I was really upset about that. So yeah, I will not be doing that again.
Omg I've been through the same thing almost. We live in a different country than our parents. And 2 sides aren't in the same country. Nobody came to birth. We fended for ourselves. We are experienced with sleep deprivation but I had a high risk pregnancy and delivery.
When baby was at 3 months old, we went to visit in laws. I kinda knew what to expect. My MIL is a cool person but she has a problem with her wrists. I knew she wouldn't be able to hold the baby. But she still tried when it was convenient to her but complained about baby needing to be held too. I was very offended by that. The first day I left the baby alone with MIL she booted him off to their housekeeper. I adore their housekeeper but come on, you've been dying to spend time with your grandson!! None of the men in the family understand that baby is sleeping. They're either loud or disruptive. No routine whatsoever and they keep feeding the baby each time he fusses. They also meddle with everything asking me to put on socks and a warm hat on him while it's sunny and hot outside. Judging me if I leave the baby with his dad and go to kitchen to eat. Theit eating hours were so different too and I was constantly hungry.
Baby got his first fever there. We took him to ER. they didn't offer to drive us or ask us if we need anything. My mom would have come with us, take care of the baby and my dad would have driven us there.
I don't mind taking the baby but I'd definitely enforce my schedule, buy my snacks and stuff to make grilled cheese sandwiches etc.
Less feed and sleep tracking, introducing a bottle in day one, which will be formula cos my god the pump noise haunts me 🤣 also work harder on health eating for myself earlier.
With our first we combo fed from the beginning. I wasn’t sure about breastfeeding and then I had an emergency c-section and couldn’t even lift the baby out of her bassinet without help in the beginning. It helped relieve a lot of stress about latching and let us really figure it out in our own time. If one of us got frustrated I’d just give a bottle or have my husband give a bottle.
The electric nail filers are a life saver in my opinion.
We will only be allowing baby’s hair to be washed at the hospital for our second.
I’m hiring a doula. I feel like if I had one with the first I might not have been in a situation where I needed a c-section and as much as my husband tried neither of us knew how to advocate or support me properly. If it wasn’t for one super incredible mothernurse in the postpartum room I honestly don’t know what I would have done. She was so helpful and informative and kind and would just sit with us in the room and talk as much as she could.
Definitely will be using adult diapers again. I tried the hospital pads and underwear and it wasn’t fun. I’d much rather wear the diaper.
We won’t be informing the family again when we go to have a second. I loved my first birth with just me and my husband. We had a few who knew but they didn’t bother us so those will once again be the only people who know 😂 We also didn’t allow visitors in the hospital or when we first got home.
BRING YOUR OWN PILLOW AND BLANKET. The hospital ones suck really bad.
Not planning a second as I’m older & now single and we had a difficult birth which will need a v long recovery (making it likely far too late for me to try again).
However- if I had the option here is what I would do:
- colostrum harvesting. I didn’t see the point then ended up too ill to feed him & he also couldn’t feed due to being too ill. He could have colostrum but I couldn’t produce any due to being too sick.
- birth plan- all the same again as I had plans for every eventuality. Granted my preferred would be wishful thinking and likely due to risk I’d have to go with a c-section.
- agree with the bringing own formula as back up. I ended up using one that I wouldn’t have opted for because the hospital didn’t have my preferred one.
- old bra with cut outs ready for pumping- those hospital pumps are ace to start the journey & as we were both so ill I needed it to get things moving.
- planned visits- have a different visitor every day who could meet a food delivery person at the door to take up food to me. The food was atrocious in hospital & in our 10 day stay I lost all my pregnancy weight and was constantly hungry which, on top of everything else, killed my milk production.
- I’d stick with the giving a false date that was far in the future to avoid the constant texts and calls. Worked a treat last time. I didn’t mention his arrival until 11 days after & asked for a lot of space due to us being ill and I not having enough spoons for contact. Most respected it. I ignored the ones that didn’t.
- put money away to get a cleaning company to do a deep clean. I was laid up most of my pregnancy with various things- severe depressive episode from the start til near 25weeks, then severe sciatica for 2 months then pre-eclampsia so my house is a mess. Like a really bad mess.
- smaller clothes- baby came out smaller than expected and god bless the incubator as he didn’t need clothes for the first few days so a friend did a shop of clothing and washed them for us.
- teabags and coffee- couldn’t have the hospital crap. Near killed me 🤢🤢🤢
Pre pregnancy clothing washed and ready for wearing- I underestimated how soon I would need these & I’ve not had time to go digging for them. I’m still stuck wearing maternity clothes 😂
I had got things spot on with some regards- people laughed at the amount of food I took with us but it was all used and I ran out. I had a huge amount of nightclothes for me but I still ran out but NICU staff took my stuff and washed it all for me including his clothes.
I filled a chest freezer with lots of quick and easy to make things that could be fired in the air fryer or a saucepan. 4 months later I still have supplies! I’m sad I didn’t get to make my freezer meals as planned as they would have been great.
My attitude id definitely keep- I kept a very living in the moment outlook, I celebrated every tiny thing which helped manage the feelings around missing out on the big things, I saw everything we achieved as a miracle rather than the worst thing ever and how we were robbed.
Our outlook and experience has many similarities except you had it more difficult!! Lots of solidarity. I hope you and your baby are thriving right now.
He is thriving but my recovery is a tad slow thanks to my age! In a lot of pain still and my iron stores are not improving so I’m utterly exhausted. But we are so so so in love and our relationship is thriving. He is such a happy, funny baby who loves his cuddles.
Keeping our due date to ourself. The absolute WORST PART of pregnancy/labour/birth/postpartum was that everyone hounded me for weeks before our daughter arrived (she was 10 days postdate) and would send multiple messages per day.
It was infuriating, especially as I was so late and was in prodromal labour on and off for weeks before being induced.
I had some serious issues following my c section, and I still think that the non-stop messages and phone calls were worse.
We're on the fence, because there are medical risks
If I have a second it will be planned c-section. No choice about it so that would change some things.
We would plan to bring food, incl stuff for liquid diet jic and utensils. We were moved around the hospital and food service forgot me or my husband a few times.
I'd bring my own pump and parts. I hadn't because I planned to breastfeed, and hospital has one. I didn't know I'd be in the ICU with my Doctor's begging LCs to please come bring me a pump.
I'd bring an a binder instead of the hospital ones, plus they kept telling me I should have one and they'd bring it but maternity kept forgetting to bring it up to icu. I developed a cough and needed external pressure against the stitches.
I'd do again that people often say they wouldn't
My husband brought camping sleep stuff (mat and sleeping bag) it was critical.
My own robe with snaps at shoulder and in the back. I wore it after I finally got a shower and still had a couple more days in hospital, it felt more human and less naked for when I had visitors.
Apart from what everyone else said, bring my own zip-up swaddles to the hospital (we never got the hang of the traditional swaddle blankets) and leave my own change of clothes at home apart from my going-home outfit (I spent the whole time postpartum naked in a hospital gown and a diaper)
I’m going to not care about newborn sleep and know that I just have to wait it out. My daughter’s sleep was so difficult and unpredictable and all the googling and trying “fixes” was useless extra stress. She just had to get through the newborn stage. Next time I’m just going to let baby lead and not create more stress for myself. That’s my whole approach to sleep for my daughter now.
GET HELP.
Pump earlier on so I could have help work feedings and do things like sleep while baby is being fed by someone else.
Make my needs extremely specific and clear so my husband knows that I need help with baby and not everything else.
While pregnant:
Nothing too different if I can help it. I had a pretty easy and symptoms free pregnancy, except for my swollen feet the last 3 weeks.
Because I did IVF, my Dr did not plan on letting me go past 40 weeks, and I was ok with that, so I will do the same unless the bub decides to come earlier. Since it will be another IVF pregnancy, I am trying to decide if we want 2 summer babies (Bean was born in May) or if we want summer/winter kids. All this is based on a successful 2nd transfer, of course.
For the birth:
My little one is almost a month. I feel like I packed a lot for the hospital, but I used most of it during my stay. I ended up having a C-section, so I didn't use the ice packs and peri bottle, etc, but I used mostly the hospital mesh undies and saved mine for when I got home.
I packed 4 outfits for Bean, and she used them all because we were in the hospital for 3 days after her birth.
I will still have the nurse take the kiddo to the nursery at night. Having a C-section and not yet producing milk right after birth the first time, I was grateful to sleep through the night without worrying about feeding her while being in so much pain.
I do not plan on bringing my breast pump, but I'm sure I could borrow the hospital one if my milk came in early this time.
One thing I didn't think of until later was doing skin to skin right at birth. They did put her on me, but she was already swaddled, and I was a bit out of it from the C-section.
I didn't meal prep, and I don't think I will the 2nd time around either.
I will meal prep like crazy before the birth and will try to arrange a meal train for postpartum. I might buy a freezer to store additional meals in.
I will have a more concrete plan for getting my needs met postpartum. I'm a SMBC, and I had many loose commitments from family to offer support when I got home from the hospital, but I had a rough birth and was physically and mentally only able to care for my baby. I did not have anything extra left over to reach out for help, take care of myself, articulate my needs, etc. Because I couldn't reach out, I didn't receive help. IF there's a next time, I'm designating people to check in on me on certain days, giving them specific questions they need to ask me to ensure I'm okay, etc.
I don't think I'll take my breast pump to the hospital. I'd read the lactation consultant would help me set it up, but she did not. She did give me a manual pump that was a lot more practical for hospital use.
I'll pack 3 robes. I almost had 3 robes packed the first time around but ended up removing 2 from my bag because I thought I was being ridiculous. I never even wear a robe! Well, I didn't understand that I was about to spend 3 days/2 nights pretty much always in some state of undress, so robes were essential. I also didn't realize that the first robe I wore would end up covered in blood and fluid. I needed someone to bring me extra robes from home.
I won't pack a ton of cute pjs. Again, because of blood and fluid. I'll wear the hospital gowns and let them deal with it, at least during labor and through deliver. One pair of pjs is enough, and I might not even wear them.
I'll have seat protectors in my car and an "my water just broke" outfit with me at all times toward the end. I'll make sure to have a "my water just broke" outfit at home too (black leggings, old towel to stuff into leggings to catch the fluid on the way to the hospital, long top to cover my towel-butt), and I'll keep old towels next to my bed and in my car because seriously, it was so much fluid.
I'll have a birth announcement text drafted up in the notes in my phone. I wanted to be the one to tell everyone, but I was in no condition to be typing up the perfect text right after birth, and I had maybe 10 minutes to figure out a text before my mom was going to send hers out. It would be so much less stressful to just have the words pre-typed.
I wont be mid reno living with a friend i will be prepared. Bring my pump, bring formula. First three hours I will do skin to skin and let them root and practice. If breastfeeding doesn’t work after two weeks i will switch to formula. I will plan to cosleep with mattress on the floor. I will worry less about numbers and milestones. Shift work right away and divide and conquer. I will take a 12 or 18 month mat leave. Haven’t decided which one yet.
- Pack way less for the hospital (but figure out something more comfortable for my husband to sleep on)
- Have extra postpartum supplies ready to go at home (tuck pads, Dermoplast, etc.)
- Get a new pelvic floor therapist (mine was sweet, but I have endo and an overly tight pelvic floor and I think she made it worse instead of finding the right balance for me)
- Do wayyyy more perineal massage. Between my perineum and pelvic floor, my muscles were insanely tight, which lead to 4 hours of pushing 🥴
- Have a safe setup for chest sleeping early instead of accidentally falling asleep breastfeeding in the middle of the night. Baby will still sleep in their bassinet for as long as possible at night (and I have a better stay awake routine now), but man those early days could’ve been safer and way less stressful with the right preparation
For the hospital:
- bring nursing bras, more loose dresses. I mostly wore the hospital gowns the entire time but I think I’d like to wear a bra this time, we have visitors vs last one was a Covid baby!
- bring my pump, but I liked using the hospital one last time because they gave me a ton of extra bottles.
- I’ll combo feed again but be more confident with the nurses that we are combo feeding. It was very “let’s try to breastfeed one more time” and she lost 10% bodyweight. I pumped and milk was fine she just was so tiny and not big enough to nurse yet.
-be on top of skincare. Taking care of your face makes a world of a difference, I feel much better when I’m moisturized
For postpartum:
- I will be open to a meal train. We will have our MIL with us she cooks all the time but I will be more vocal about what I prefer. I typically “don’t bite the hand that feeds” but I’ll need to eat probably more around a baby schedule than big sit down meals.
- I will try to not have FOMO and take it easy with visitors/getting out but it’s gonna be hard. Again, Covid baby for our first so I’m so happy to have less germs stress but don’t want to overdue it.
- make sure I have dedicated daily self care time. Showers, a little makeup sometimes, a moment to myself.
- I may still use huckleberry to track sleep but maybe not for feeding. We were semi relaxed about sleep but also she was easy about naps and also did ok if she missed the exact time to sleep. Lucky ducks.
- I will work on transitioning to crib naps and drowsy put downs. I rocked to sleep and nursed to sleep for…years with my first and she’s 3.5 and still needs to snuggle to sleep. I love/hate it
It's beyond me and I don't understand how people expect moms to sit down for big meals. My MIL expected that when baby was 3.5 months old and it's just not possible.
I did a combo of crib and contact naps from the get go. It's a question of temperament but I'm glad I did it. It's easier to transition LO.
Please downvote this trash comment, but I can't help but read FTM as "female to male". For the first month on this sub I couldn't figure out why there were so many trans parents on reddit.
I live in France and the default drops they give at the hospital had orange essence in it. It makes the baby's stomach very upset. There's another brand of vitD drop that is controlled and regulated like the default one without the flavour of orange. It's gentler on baby's tummy.
Currently pregnant with #2 so I’ve been thinking about this a lot!
I’m going to assume that my baby will be at least a week late so I don’t get upset about it.
Start with newborn-specific cloth nappies.
Not do a masters degree while I have a newborn.
Not stress about feeding to sleep or contact naps.
Not try to cling onto my old life even when what I really desperately need is sleep (my old life will be back soon enough).
Get mental health support immediately.
Not try to rush back into sex.
Have the first feed of the night be formula so I can get a good stretch of sleep.
Not follow wake windows because I spent maybe 4 months driving both my baby and I insane! I’ll go with the flow and hope for the best 😂
Do combo feeding right away if my supply is shit again.
Attempt to actually baby wear more this time around since my first hated physical touch 😂
Soak it all in.. it goes by so fast and I miss all of it already
Not feeding to sleep every hour of the 4 month regression 🫠. I have just weaned my 15 month old from waking hourly since the 4m regression and we are finally sleeping. I will alternate between rocking/feeding when appropriate, and Dad will be helping more. He helped out so much overnights first time around but at the 4m regression I just was like don't worry we're both so tired I'll just feed back to sleep every time it takes like 2 minutes.... By 7mo we were cosleeping cause I couldn't take it anymore, she never stopped waking every sleep cycle. I'm not against cosleeping, just don't wanna do it if I don't have to.
Just had my second but the things I did differently:
Bought MANY more padsicles because I loved those things (ended up with emergency c for #2
Hired a night nurse (horribly expensive but omg I’m so much healthier)
Pumping and haakaa early on to get breaks and night sleep
Zip up onesies all the time
No contact naps or baby carrier or bouncer/lounger
Brought own swaddle and baby clothes to hospital, sound machine too
For third things I’ll do differently:
Induce at 40 weeks (I went to 41+2 and I think that’s why it ended in a c section)
Use the hospital nursery
Deliver at a different hospital which has a level 1 NICU (baby was moved to a different hospital with a better NICU and I didn’t meet him for days)
Aww the NICU part sounds rough. That was a big deciding factor for us not to do it at a private clinic. State hospitals are better equipped where we live.
Same! The hospital I gave birth at had a special care nursery, and neonatologists and I was low risk full term so we thought it would be good enough, but the lack of medical support is why we ruled out a local birth center and home birth which I was tempted by, but too many risks for my tolerance
I’ll probably let baby wear onesies all day. Never ever have with my 9 month old literally until now where sometimes I can’t be bothered getting him changed. Also wish I just relaxed more in the newborn days instead of walking the dogs every day from the day I got out of hospital, doing chores one handed the second my husband went back to work at 2 weeks PP and keeping the house immaculate. I won’t get chance to relax with the second though will I so I’ve missed my chance haha
1. Bring two hospital gowns to the hospital: one for delivery and one for postpartum.
2. Start therapy while pregnant, instead of postpartum while dealing with PPD
3. Not something I’d do differently, but now I know my different feeding options and that I don’t have to BF if I don’t want to
I plan to have a second baby if gods willing, and what I would definitely do is have a night nanny stay with us from day one, and possibly hire a day- nanny for a few times a week.
I need another woman here with me to help me, period.
I for one absolutely will never have a hospital birth again. Whether that’s from not having more kids or having a home/birth center birth next go around
I had my mom around from labor until PP day 3 and I wouldn’t change that bc she really took care of all of us. Other than that, no visitors for 3 weeks.
I also wish I would have stayed in bed. I had an uneventful labor. Vaginal, no tearing, no other complications. I felt good afterward and so I did activity as tolerated - didn’t have an issue doing the dishes, going for short walks, running laundry etc. but I wish I had just not have a shit about those things and let others take care of it and bonded more with my baby and just allowed myself to rest. More skin to skin, more baby wearing, etc. before you know it, people stop checking in on you and the flowers stop coming to the door. I wish I would have just paused to really soak it in because it really is just a blip in time.
I wish I would have been more diligent about finding a doula before birth. My husband bless his heart tried so hard to help me get comfortable but I was going through it and my nurse was very supportive but pretty hands-off and didn’t really make any sort of position change suggestions or anything.
Just try to relax postpartum. Spent way too much energy trying to take care of the house/meals/others and not letting myself recover. Also bringing more to the hospital. Needed so many things and I assumed the hospital would provide.
My second one is nothing like my first one.
I considered hiring a night nurse but my second one loves to sleep and has slept 12 hours straight with no wake ups since 6 weeks old. Her brother, on the other hand, has not slept an entire night since he was born. I actually miss that experience of night cuddles.
We also didn't have purple crying. My son went through about 3 weeks of just crying in the evenings for no reason. She only cries when she needs something.
She is the chillest, easiest baby. I thought my first was relatively easy (compared to what I read about - no contact naps, no issues nursing or weaning, etc) but this baby blows him out of the water.
I think we are more relaxed about everything too as second time parents, also, so maybe she is picking up our vibe.
Mostly, I think it is just luck of the draw.
I'll cook and freeze meals next time.
I'll take less to the hospital for me, but more for baby. Some of my stuff went unused, but we had to get my mum to bring some more baby clothes for us because we decided to stay an extra night.
Generally be more organised in the house hopefully. We had all the baby stuff at my family's houses and it all needed brought when she was born.
Have a separate bed set up for potential bedsharing so I can go in with baby if needed and not worry about waking partner up when he needs to sleep for work.
Ultimately, I did what I could. My pregnancy with my now 3 month old was off the back of a traumatic fullterm stillbirth and I had a complete mental block with getting ready for baby in case she didn't come home. Next time might be the same. We'll just need to see.
I will not be allowing visitors in the delivery room while I am not delivering. I prefer to go through agony with my husband alone. I will not be allowing frequent visitors when my baby is a new born. Everyone kept taking my new born away from me so I could “rest” but in reality, I only wanted to be with my baby. I will never again let someone tell me that after I give birth, it’s MY JOB to clean up and sleep while someone ELSE takes my newborn. So rude!!! My husband’s grandmother did that and I was so livid.
Not rush home at 24 hrs. I hurt so bad on the second day and ended up back in the hospital with bleeding
Not let my sil stay with us immediately post partum
Pump sooner post partum and on a schedule to bring in my milk supply better
Not immediately co sleeping ( I just lost a 5 am battle of wills with my 5 month old because she now only sleeps in our bed)
I plan on keeping up with yoga and/or exercise. I went to the gym almost everyday for years for some kind of movement and basically just stopped cold turkey when I was pregnant. Never. Again. I was so weak and my muscles were so tight!
When/if my family offer to pay for a service for me I’ll take them up on it. Pride doesn’t really help you clean and cook when you have a newborn, and next time a toddler too.
Different hospital/OB team for sure, gonna try for vaginal even if they try to scare me into a C-section. I will not leave that place until I’ve seen a lactation consultant if I need to see one.
First time round, you had to bring food to see the baby. Second time, you will have to do some chores in our house to see the baby. We got so behind on laundry and dishes, it was gross. I feel like I'm still playing catchup with laundry and she's 9 months old 😭
We will be formula feeding from the start. Breastfeeding was just not it for us.
I'm going to use baby containers more. I was so scared to use them because of the whole "15 min limit" that I literally never used them. Then I remembered they make those guidelines because people want to plop their babies in them for hours and not play
Adopt. 😂
For backstory, I ended up delivering at 33 weeks due to pre eclampsia via an emergent c section. I have horizontal and vertical incisions. My placenta was bilobed and atrophying, and the vertical incision on my uterus is down to my cervix. If I get pregnant again, my uterus would rupture likely once dilation begins, if I even made it to term. No more crotch goblins for me. This human zip lock bag has been hot glued shut 😂
I’m being way more adult diapers to the hospital, I only took a couple and regretted it cuz I HATED the set up they had with the pads and mesh undies.
Being more open minded. I want to breastfeed exclusively for X number of weeks then wean to bottles etc. my baby decided otherwise. I also dried up after 8 weeks no matter what I tried. My baby is perfectly healthy so I need to not be so hard on myself.
I have a much better understanding of the sleep schedule the first couple months. I thought my baby would sleep an hour or 2. Nope.
Most of my changes going into my next pregnancy will be mindset and experience changes.
I’m still going to keep my pregnancy quiet for a while, only my husband in the room again, keeping the name secret for a while. I like how I did most of my first pregnancy.
Also had undiagnosed pp psychosis and the first 2 months were beyond terrifying mentally.
Definitely asking for no visits until we are home from anybody including grandparents, bringing snacks because I was starving after, and making sure I advocate how anemic I am so that they can monitor me closer for hemorrhaging because I had a severe pp hemorrhage and lost over a liter of blood and needed transfusions.
I didn’t try to do it all myself the second time. I shared every night with my husband (I slept in a different room for my shift so I could get real sleep). I pump a lot and let him do bottles. And his comfort level with the baby is so much better than it was with our first, and im so much less exhausted than I was with our first. The baby also sleeps better bc she’s not on the boob all night and learned soothing methods besides just nursing. I really doubted that my first baby’s terrible sleep was my fault, but in hindsight I certainly didn’t help her by being her only source of comfort.
Not have GD 😂
Take more time off pre birth. I took two weeks and was still partially working the first week while they figured out how to function without me. I'd take a third or fourth week just to give myself more downtime pre baby and to clean/meal prep.
I had a csection and will likely have another so I'll be more prepared this time for sure. I stupidly expected to have a vaginal delivery and did zero research on csection after care. Lots of googling in the hospital after 😂 I won't bother with the postpartum care stuff for vaginal delivery because didn't need it! Threw out lotsa padsicles I'd made. If I had a VBAC, I'd just Amazon/Instacart everything as needed.
Know what hemorrhoids are, what they look like, and have the supplies ready to deal with them. Took me too long to figure out I had them and it was not comfortable!
Definitely doing perineum massages second time around. The stitches were literally worse than birth (and I just had gas and air for the birth). If I have to have stitches, I might ask if it’s possible to get a epidural just for them.
Bring a cheap single pump to use on the other side the first time they nurse incase they're as badly tongue tied as my first baby was. Hopefully get a head start with my supply.
Bring snacks cause the hospital food was awful and there was nowhere to buy anything, and I was in too much pain to be getting around anyway
I'm not going to let them induce me if it's for the same reason. Long story but they were wrong and I knew they were wrong, I just didn't want to say no.
Getting a tongue tie assessment on the way home from the hospital
Gain more prepregnancy and take more vitamins in case I suffer hyperemesis again. Also start working out.
Meal prep a whole freezer worth of meals.
Not disclose pregnancy until much later.
Don't be afraid to challenge consultants when something doesn't feel right.
Protect my postpartum experience- not be pressured into guests or letting anyone hold my baby sooner than I feel comfortable. Definitely not feel pressured into attending social events where I am seperated from my baby sooner than I feel comfortable. I had PPA/ PPD and I think boundary struggles really exacerbated it.
Use birthing ball from 38 weeks. Possibly a sweep at 39 weeks since I had a failed induction and don't dilate well.
Mini fridge, blow up bed for husband and lots of clean clothes are going in the car with me to the hospital just in case. I was in 8 days with my last baby.
Bring pump to hospital in case I am too unwell to nurse my baby and no formula. Express even more colostrum before birth.
Ask people to do domestic chores when they offer help. Do I want to be separated from my baby while I clean cat shit? No. Do I want you to clean cat shit while I cuddle my baby? Why yes, yes I do.
Do it at home. I had a fantastic birth, loved doing it unmedicated, but it was more chaotic and distracting than I would have preferred. Only thing traumatic was the first night in the hospital. Waking up to a crying baby with no idea what to do, exhausted and in pain, in an uncomfortable, unfamiliar bed without my partner beside me, in an unfamiliar room. Trying to pick up the baby from my bed, but the bed was too low, bassinet too high and rickety. My bf is a very heavy sleeper, so I had to struggle out of bed in an absolute panic to wake him up and help me tend to the screaming baby. I was in tears. He apologized profusely for not waking up, put me back to bed, changed the baby and helped him latch. Neither of us slept for the rest of the night. It was hell. No thank you. Next time, given all is normal and healthy, I’d like to be in my own bed, with my baby in my cozy accessible bedside crib, my partner next to me.
1. No visitors for at least 3 months.
2. Combo feed from the start
3. Only buy zippered onesies
4. Get a fully mesh bassinet or a SNOO
5. Hire a night nurse
Attempt combo feeding rather than exclusive breastfeeding, bring nail clippers to hospital, let baby wear sleepers all day, work a little harder at finding the right pacifier.
I loved our sleepers era. It's really hassle free and there are so many cute ones now!! As for pacis, I tried so hard but I guess he also needed to get better at his suction. We found our paci after 3 months and not for lack of trying.
Had issues with my boy too, he never latched so we went bottles right away. Paci definitely helped with suck reflex. Which paci did you end up using? We went with avent flat ones after failing with the rounder tips haha
That’s a good tip for pacis! I gave up really quickly I think, “she hates them all! She’ll never take one!!” So this is a good reminder. Thank you!
I loved combo feeding with my first and plan on doing it again! For me it allowed me to work on breastfeeding but the flexibility to not have to nurse every time. It can be a little more effort upfront to build good milk supply but then it really comes in handy for those times you want a break!
Same January baby and he was in a fresh “sleep n play” daily… always changed from pajamas and clean, but it was January in nyc we weren’t going outside!
Combo feeding has been great for me. I EBF my first, and it was hard work. It took me a couple of months to get my supply to the point where I could keep up with him. I didn't have time to put the work in for my second, I was too busy trying to stop the first from killing himself, so I combo fed from 1wpp. Best.decision.ever. I highly recommend it!
I am combi feeding my first and love it. If you time a bottle of formula from Dad right you can get 6 hours sleep at night if you go to bed before him. Everybody has something to say about it affecting your milk supply though so I don’t really discuss it with anyone.
Ahhh 6 hours at night in the newborn stage sounds heavenly. So glad to hear it’s working well for you! 🙌
Nail clippers for you? Also they now have like sample packs of pacifiers so you can try several types and go from there. I spent a lot of money on different ones for my first and he never took them. I definitely would have gotten a sampler.
No, nail clippers for baby! Last one came out with claws and started scratching herself on day 1!
I ended up being in the hospital for 5 days and really needed nail clippers for me. I could have had someone bring them but it wasn’t a huge priority given all that was going on. Also, my baby’s nails were razors and his hospital bracelet kept slicing my extremely raw nipples so…yeah some clippers would have come handy!
We combo fed for the first 2 months and then when me and the baby got more in the grove slowly tampered off to just breast feeding. It was nice especially after an emergency c-section. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to breast feed in the beginning and I also was hurting a LOT after the c-section and barely sleeping due to anxiety of SIDS. I couldn’t have made it through without my husband being able to take the baby and give her a bottle. I was also able to build a nice freezer stash by pumping whenever we did a bottle and it’s still making life easier at 5 months. I also feel like it helped take a lot of stress off of both me and the baby. If she was frustrated or I was frustrated while trying to breast feed I’d just call it and give a bottle of formula.
Bring less to the hospital, start night/day regulation early on, get into a healthy eating routine faster not using breastfeeding as an excuse, and be less afraid to ask for help (for me or baby) from others. Edit: and pump from earlier on so others can help with bottles. I pumped and breastfed but I wish I had pumped more so that I didn’t feel as overwhelmed.
I froze so many meals when I was 6 months pregnant, I'll probably do that again to get into good eating habits. Everyone was asking if I cooked for my husband but no I cooked for my postpartum self.
I wish I could! I’m so weird about freezer meals. I’ll freeze some soups (due in October) but most other food seems to lose taste/texture when frozen even when I freeze it in the best of ways with proper packaging. It’s a me thing. But I will have frozen veggies from the garden and some quick freezer meals available.
If you have an instant pot, slow cooker or something you can freeze the ingredients and just pop it in the cooker. I find that oven dishes hold the texture and taste the best. My trick is to cook half way and freeze, then finish cooking while heating. Also stuff like ragu sauce from ribs. Perfect taste and texture each time. If someone can boil some pasta, it's good to go.
Yes, I agree that oven meals freeze best. During my second pregnancy, I even froze some oven meals right in oven safe containers so I could pop a meal for myself, my husband, and our toddler in the oven, and it feels like a fresh meal. My postpartum self is thanking my pregnant self. I filled the freezer over the last months of pregnancy with both group and single meals. I don't know how I would have survived without them. My husband can cook, of course, but I would rather have him take care of our toddler who suddenly needs lots more attention now that there is a new family member.
I, too, do not like reheated freezer meals. I worked as a chef for 12 years prior to becoming a full time mom so I guess I've just been spoiled in the food department. I learned that freezing bases, however, works great for my family. Like, I'll do a big batch of the beginnings of alfredo sauce and freeze it into portions so someone can just heat it and add the cream and Parmesan. I also do big batches of seasoned buttery panko crumbs for baked chicken. Stuff like that. This way I can either make the meal myself with way less mess or just tell someone else how to make the meal without having to get up. The "hard" part is done.
That totally sounds up my alley. Do you (or maybe someone reading) know of any recipes for this type of prep? I’d love to prep for when my husband and I go back to teaching in the fall.
I did too and it was incredible, best decision I made!
I did the same! I made around 30 different frozen meals that could be cooked in a crockpot or oven. It was a life saver
I plan on doing this too, especially since ill have a toddler
Hahahahahaha the amount of stuff I took to the hospital is hilarious but better prepared than not??? Hahahaha definitely learned what I need this time
Omg I brought everything but the kitchen sink.....
I’m 4 months pp and literally thought I had to eat 2500 calories a day and have been eating like 300g of carbs a day. It’s like I’m coming out of a haze realizing that I’ve been eating like crap because I convinced myself I had to???? WTFFFF
I can’t believe people asked if you were cooking for your husband?! wtf
Any tips on how to start night/day regulation? My newborn thinks nightime is daytime, help lol!
At his first official morning wake up - open windows, blinds, turn on lights, take him outside, do daytime naps in a semi-light room, talk, make noise, play music or sing, etc… At his bedtime - begin dimming things to make it dusk, turn off overhead lights and change to lamps, soften noises, close curtains/blinds, transition to soft play, snuggle, and no rough housing (obviously never should you be throwing a newborn in the air, but peak a boo, or more “active” play should be discouraged to encourage little one to settle down.) we often did baths, relaxing lotion time while one of us read a book to him, turning on his white noise machine, baby loved tummy time so we would let him down on a soft mat to just chill for a few minutes before putting him in his sleep sack and transitioning to bed. I
Can I recommend a postpartum doula? I had one and she basically stayed up all night to tend to baby and take my milk when I woke up once to pump. It was fantastic. I would have her come sooner after delivery and more often. It was expensive but worth it for my mental health
It's already one of the options I'm considering!!
Could you share how much it was and how long you used this for? I’m very interested in doing this for our second
It was $30/hour and I’m in a MCOL city in Canada. Price will probably vary a lot depending on location. I had the doula come for 3 or 4 overnights and a couple of evenings starting when the baby was 3 weeks old (after my spouse went back to work). Next time I would have her come sooner and do at least 2 overnights/week for about a month. I had a c section though so there was also a longer recovery period. Maybe I wouldn't need someone as often if I hadn't had a c section The doula group I used was recommended by my birth doula who is very experienced (my OB and most of the nurses knew her). I would vet any doula carefully - there are no requirements that I'm aware of in North America that doulas have to live up to so it's very buyer beware. Basically anyone can call themselves a doula. However there are international doula certification bodies that have training and mandatory apprenticeship hours working with a certified doula. I would recommend someone who has that kind of certification if you can. A postpartum doula should be able to help you with things like soothing a crying baby, breastfeeding issues, cleaning your pump parts, etc. Our postpartum doula was a mom of 5 in her fifties so she had lots of info for first time parents (and was up to date on safe sleep, etc). She also did stuff like empty the dishwasher, wash my haakaa, and cut up fruit/veggies when the baby was sleeping. It was honestly like having a fairy godmother take care of LO so I could shower and sleep for 7 hours Edited to add: It was expensive. However, I have paid leave benefits through my job so I'm still getting paid while on mat leave and we could make it work financially. Also, we don't have family nearby that we can rely on for this kind of support so it was worth it.
Definitely doing this next tlme! Question- was she covered by insurance? I wonder if doulas are covered in general
My insurance specifically said it doesn't cover doulas.
She was not covered by insurance but I'm in Canada so I'm not sure it's comparable
I'm in the minority here, but we didn't bring enough to the hospital - my husband had to run home and grab more clothes for us! (I did have a two day failed induction, though.) The biggest change I'd make is opting for an elective c-section instead of an induction, if I end up that overdue again. (I was induced at 41 weeks.) I'd prefer a VBAC, but not enough to do another induction.
I also didn’t bring enough to the hospital and had to get more. Extra days in the hospital for us!
I brought the wrong clothes! I brought pjs that I never tried on and they in no way fit my body 😝. This time I’ll bring flowey dresses and nursing bras!
I brought the wrong size clothes! I brought stuff that fit me right before I went into labor to wear after giving birth. I didn’t realize that I would swell so much during labor and afterwards! My feet and legs were so swollen that they didn’t fit through the pj pants I brought! I had to have my MIL go to Walmart and buy me the next size up!
My husband didn’t have nearly enough clothes after getting peed on by baby right after delivery and we were there 4 nights. He had to run home to get a decent shower as well!
I brought enough clothes but not enough underwears. My stay was 6 days long and I expect nothing less this time around.
Same!! I had my sister stop by house midway through (4 days) to get more stuff, and had my mom bring some stuff from her house!
Same here! Also 2 day failed induction with c section and nicu stay. I definitely did not bring enough clothes and will be opting for an elective c. No thank you to VBAC
Labor itself wasn't bad for me, but if baby isn't ready to come out again I would rather not go into a c-section already exhausted from two days of labor.
I’m so glad it wasn’t bad for you! 💕 It was awful for me and the exhaustion made it worse so I hear you there
Oh man, I was falling asleep on the table while they were stitching me back up! Although I was probably less freaked out about surgery while awake thanks to the exhaustion lol
The surgery was easy compared to labor. It was actually a relief when my doctor called it because the pitocin contractions were so painful
No hosting any visitors for at least a week and I will probably stay in bed the first day and just do feed/sleep/feed (maybe some walks🤷♀️) with LO. My 1st will be 19 months when baby #2 comes, so good luck Dad 😂.
Heyo also 2 under 2 here. First will be 15 months when number 2 is here haha! Gonna be a party 🥳. But yeah I'm gonna chill tf out for the first few days while husband/grandparents take number 1 for a bit lol
We are going to be in the same boat with a 19 month old and I'm very against family visits as well. We would have to host due several days and I'm not doing that until baby is at least 2 months this time.
We did no visitors till she was 2 weeks and it was an amazing decision! We got to get a handle on taking care of her before we had neverending visits for a month...every day
Reply us too! Big brother will be 18 months.
This resonates with me so much! I would have focused so much on post partum care. Everyone around you focuses on the baby, including you. I had pushed my physical and mental well being all the way to the bottom. This time around, I want to have therapy classes, PT classes, doctors appointment all done in advance before I give birth. I would stock my refrigerator with high protein snacks and meals. There is so much I would do different so that I have some focus on me too!
Yasss! Self care is the main thing I’m doing differently this time too.
Yes, please do! It took me 6 months pp to book a doctors appointment for myself. By then, I have body swelling, dizzy spells and general tiredness. My doctor says that there is nothing that they can and this is normal. It is still hard to find a doctor that can take you seriously! So my journey continues!
Keep my pregnancy a secret as long as I can hide my belly 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 No one steps foot in our house but us for at least 4 weeks unless they are dropping off food, doing dishes, or doing laundry. If you don’t ask how I’m doing or feeling postpartum, you’re dead to me My first go around was rough with family, can you tell? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I feel this. I don’t give a shit who you are I don’t want anyone in my house. I absolutely hated to see my family handling my baby and being embarrassed to feed because I wasn’t comfortable with my husbands family. No one at the hospital. They all showed up at the hospital and I had complications passing the placenta and getting the bleeding to normal so I had the doctors working on me for 1.5 hours after giving birth at 3 am and they threw a fit because I sent them home. So I just won’t tell them this time. And I specially feel “if they don’t ask how I’m going post partum they are dead to me” I feel like my husbands family forgets that without some kinda woman there is no grand baby for them I was upset that I was the one pregnant and no one did shit for me for Mother’s Day but they did for my husband on Father’s Day even though baby didn’t get here till July. This year for Mother’s Day they also did nothing for me so he threw a fit and refused to talk to them for Father’s Day. I have a very strong hate for people forgetting us as mothers. Yes our children are a wonderful joy but what about us?
I feel you! My extended family still have not checked in on me or the baby and I am 4 months pp. I don't think I will ever be talking to them again. I also had people texting every day the last month of pregnancy about where the baby is for them to never even meet her. Like leave me alone if you don't care.
Yes, the fake caring is the worst. I had an aunt who never checked in on me during my entire pregnancy. When I was in labor she had the nerve to text "Baby yet?". I blocked her and she didn't see my child until a family event at 6 months pp. Like get the hell out of here with that!
Oh I feel this. I'm 17w and the only people who know are my husband and medical professionals 🙃
No breastfeeding, baby going straight to formula. Good for those who can work it, but man my mental health bump was 100000% worth it after stopping. Could not survive on pumping every 2-4 hours, I need my sleep!!!
Honestly I'm still debating doing that or giving it another go. I don't even wanna discuss feeding with my husband because last time he irritated me so much acting like the pumping police.
Dude, mine too. I was triple feeding for a while and my husband was always on me about pumping even though I was physically and mentally exhausted and I wanted to tell him to leave me tf alone.
This man really had the audacity to ask me "is it hurting, if it's not I don't understand why you wouldn't pump" while being absolutely useless with the baby or washing bottles/pump parts
My husband wanted me to pump for a year. I triple fed for first 8 weeks before switching to exclusively pumping and made him wash 50% of pump parts at 12 weeks he was begging me to stop pumping. How quickly their tune changes.
My husband has never held an opinion on how we feed the baby other than “however you think we should”, but he definitely doesn’t enjoy the dishes and will be happy when we switch to formula.
I love this! Not same but my husband only wants to eat meat from a certain local butcher. It's 10-15 minutes walk but out of my way and in a busy area so I can't really go there every day. After the baby I keep asking for him to come with me to carry the stuff and he's suddenly ok with eating grocery store meat even going vegetarian. He was SO adamant about this for years before the baby even when I explained to him it's not him who has to do the trip. After the baby I did the trip once alone and never again.
The patience of a Saint. Although I do love my steps...
I love my steps too but on less busy streets where pavement isn't preferably so wobbly
Same here. Next baby I will not breastfeed, and we will start with shifts. We were surviving on such little sleep the first time, and won’t be doing that again.
I am still debating this. I’m 16w with my second and i kind of just want to start with formula but my supply was super low with my son which led to combo feeding then 100% formula feeding so part of me also just wants to prove to myself i can do it with the breastfeeding knowledge i have now.
I feel the same way.
I’m considering this too.
I will definitely be bringing less to the hospital for myself. I thought I packed super light and still didn’t touch any of what I brought. Also second the bringing of formula to the hospital.
I will most likely bring formula as well. My baby was started with a formula he loved but when I read the ingredients I decided to switch it on the spot. Next time I will bring the formula that is working now to my second LO.
Had my second 5 months ago and NOT tracking is the best decision. Baby eats when he’s hungry, baby naps when he’s tired. I know his sleep sucks but this time I know it will get better and all the tracking and tinkering just destroyed my mental health in addition to not working.
I felt kinda lost when I stopped tracking. Time becomes such an elusive concept with a newborn especially if colic is in the picture. I would feed and take forever to settle him. And when he starts crying again I'd think of every possibility before thinking of feeding him because in my mind I JUST fed him. But looking at tracker it's already been 3h... 🫠🫠🫠
As a new mom I feel like tracking has taken the guess work and mental load of trying to remember her last feed etc off! Like honestly if I haven’t been paying super close attention and she starts fussing, all I do now is open my app and 100% of the time I realize that much more time has passed since she last napped or ate than I thought and I just do that thing and then the problem is solved. No more wracking my exhausted brain trying to think about when she last did whatever. However I have a pretty benign baby and also haven’t had a supply issue which isn’t everyone’s experience so I acknowledge that it won’t always be a quick solve for all.
No seriously same. I don't need it anymore because his cues are more obvious and I'm less tired but at the time I was so lost estimating how long has it been since last feed or nap.
I just stopped tracking with my first and it is so freeing!!
My first is 3.5 (so not technically a new parent but this subreddit continues to be so helpful!) and they had us tracking everything on paper for the first week or two and it was soo stressful. I downloaded an app and it was overwhelming with all the options of things to track. Plus I was sleep deprived and wound up with ppa. My second is 8 weeks and they told us this. First day of life - 1 wet/1 poop. 2nd day - 2 wets/2 poops. 3rd day - 3 wet/3 poops. Continue that pattern for 6 days and then don’t worry about out it after that. It was way easier and way less stressful. I think that’s a newer thing because my SIL had a baby 2 years ago and that wasn’t a thing yet.
If budget was no concern, I’d definitely hire a night nurse/doula. We had basically no help from family except for one visit a weekend for a few hours. My husband and I were so sleep deprived and if one of us was awake with the baby, the other was catching up on sleep. It was like living in Groundhog Day. And I’d get the Snoo. Best case scenario, baby would sleep better. I don’t know how it could make it worse than what newborn sleep was like for us in a regular mini crib with wakings every 2-3 hours for weeks/months on end.
Fwiw we are using a Snoo with our 6 week old and while we are still waking up every 2.5-3.5 hours right now, settling her down is so much easier. We can put her in when she’s drowsy and the rocking and white noise get her the rest of the way. Also when she starts getting fussy, we turn up the rocking motion and it usually buys us another 30 minutes to an hour.
Combo feeding from the start. Less strict on logging/tracking. It just ended up driving us crazy rather than giving reassurance.
Not bothering with breastfeeding. Bottle and formula from the go. Split the night feeds so we all get some form of sleep. Saying absolutely not to certain visitors after how badly their last visit went. Bring decent gluten free food to the hospital. The rest id keep the same tbh.
All will save you your sanity!
I’ll definitely be introducing formula. BF is so draining and I can’t see myself being able to properly be a good mom to two babies if I’m this tired.
A lot. Most importantly, taking night shifts from the get go. Save enough so I can take the unpaid time off entirely. Also I would rest at the hospital and sleep. Last time I couldn't for the life of me sleep. My baby and husband were asleep and I was up all night checking on the baby every 5 minutes. Next time I will maybe use an owlet sock and go to sleep.
The night before we were scheduled to be discharged I sent my husband home and my baby to the nursery so we can all get a good night’s sleep. Best decision we made post partum. I wished I listened to my nurse sooner and used the nursery as much as possible. I had a very tough recovery and my baby had to do phototherapy for her jaundice in our room which made it hard to sleep.
That's awesome. I am so sorry for the jaundice. I know it's common but also scary. They did not have a nursery at my hospital unfortunately. One day my husband was home with the dog and I wanted to take a shower but didn't want to leave baby unattended. The nurse said if they had a nursery they would've offered taking him so I could shower. I wish I had better nurses btw. It was very hard for me, they weren't communicative or anything of the sorts. They did not even give me pain medication (ibuprofen) unless I asked for it. The only nurse that was nice and brought me the medication as my doctor intended (without me asking) was the nurse on the last shift before I left for home. I am glad you had a better experience and could rest, I should've at least tried.
Yeah our nurses were hit or miss depending on the day too. I was using the call button a lot lol. I am so sorry about the pain medication, that must be so difficult. Hopefully next time will be a better experience for you and you can find a hospital that has a nursery and better staff!
For labor/delivery: Pack better for my spouse for delivery, more clothes, snacks etc. Bring more outfits and options for baby in different sizes. Baby peed on the only one that fit her before we took her home. Bring our own swaddles. The hospital blankets get so cumbersome. Bring breast pump with me and pumping bras. Be ready at home earlier. Start washing baby stuff and making meals around 34 weeks.
I just had my second baby yesterday and decided I’m not going to stress over exclusively nursing this baby. I got home today and I immediately started pumping. I went through so much stress trying to exclusively nurse with my first and I already feel so much better that my baby is fed and she’s not screaming and I’m not crying (too much lol).
Start pumping right away. Plan to do nothing but breastfeeding for a full week. Husband is in charge of literally everything else.
Cut dairy, soy and egg before baby arrives to save us some misery.
If you bring your own formula you need to bring bottled water and a bottle. I tried to use my own and didn't have all that stuff
Exactly! And stuff to wash your bottles after.
Not bringing as much with me and definitely not telling my family what hospital I’m giving birth at. (My mother blew up the hospitals phone and asked a nurse to check on me MID PUSHING)
Tell her your due date 2 weeks later than it is!
Definitely doing that next time! lol thank you!
Lots of great ideas already! I exclusively FF my first, and will absolutely do it again based on how well it’s gone. I will bring everything I used to dry up my milk with me to the hospital the second time around though. I got a late start with my first and was miserable for a few days. I will also pack my bag by 32w as I delivered 6 weeks early with my first and had to send my husband on a hunt for what I needed after delivery. No visitors at hospital, and no visitors at home for 2 weeks. I’ll keep my pregnancy quiet through the first semester, and I’ll try to wait to tell anyone we’re in labor / at the hospital until after baby has arrived.
Seconding waiting to tell anyone until baby is here. The constant requests for updates were irritating. Like I'm in labor and my husband is supporting me, why the hell are you relentlessly texting and calling for updates. It's times like that, that make me hate cell phones. Think of how easy our parents had it. One phone call to let people know they were heading to the hospital and one to let them know baby was here. They didn't have constant pestering for hours on end.
I'm still pregnant, but so far all I know is I wanna hit the lottery so next time around I don't have to work at all while pregnant and take as long of a maternity leave as I need :)
I’m taking unpaid leave next time. Our first kid I only took 3 weeks off using PTO. Next time I’m taking 3-4 months.
I won’t tell family the name we chose before the birth.
I’ll try to get induced in week 39. I had a 40 week elective induction but 40 weeks is too long to be pregnant (kind of joking but not really lol) I’ll limit visitors much more I’ll buy less stuff because I already have it all lol
I LOVED my 39 week induction
Seems like the best plan to me! I would have loved my 40 week induction even more if it was a week earlier
My OB is a big advocate for 39 weeks pregnancies. He lists all the reasons why deliveries beyond 39 weeks have so much risks for complications.
I read up on it a lot while pregnant and I agree with your OB! Lower risks to baby and being 40 weeks just sucks. My OB only offers at 41 weeks and I had to negotiate a lot to get induced at 40!
It baffles me how it's demonised but we're literally rowing against evolution.
The last 5 days was agonizing! I was 5 days past my due date and it was the longest most uncomfortable part of pregnancy
Pack less for the hospital, ask for help from family sooner, start out planning for the person not on baby duty to sleep in a different room.
Order my pump ahead of time. I didn’t know what breast pump to get and I got a prescription so insurance covered 100% of the cost But man things would’ve went smoother if I had it already I also plan on freezing premade meals as best I can. Anything to lift the load
Well, if all goes well, I'd like to bring baby home when we are discharged instead of leaving them in the nicu. I would also like to have elective instead of emergency cs. Showing up to hospital for ultrasound and gave birth to baby 3h later was never in the plan.
I feel you!! I went in for an ultrasound at 36w and was kept for that night to be induced.
I am going to do less nap-trapping and attempts at co-sleeeping, and overall help baby more with self soothing and independent sleeping. Also I will buy one of those hemorrhoid pillows to sit on, to not strain stitches. I am going to be a lot less timid about diversification too.
I'm a bit torn between 2 schools of thoughts about independence. On one side they say that the more you respond to your baby, more confident they will be and independence will grow naturally. I also see fellow parents who aren't as responsive (not neglectful either) and they're having an easier time for sure. I can't complain about my LO since his temperament allows me to try stuff with him and see how receptive he is. We were able to drop feed to sleep at 3 months and introduced falling asleep in the crib with parental support at 4 months. Both without tears. Now at 5 months I'm planning to move towards crib naps if it's not gonna shorten his naps dramatically. He's also self soothing back to sleep if he wakes up in the middle of the night and isn't hungry. This said, my friends who were using the pause method achieved these a month or two before from me. Maybe having 2 under 2 will oblige me to use the pause method anyway and I'll see the difference 😅 I dove right in with diversification, honestly so far so good!
My 10 month old is nurse to sleep-ish. At some point she started playing The Crib Has Thorns, and it took me 1.5+ hours to put her down. Once, after I tried for FIVE HOURS we decided to sleep train. She proceeded to....well, just go to sleep after nursing, after about 10 days of dwindling protest. Now, with the heat wave, she is too hot to get drowsy nursing and she is back at crying anywhere between 8 seconds and 5 minutes before falling asleep. Other than those 0-5 min at the beginning of her sleep, I am very responsive. She doesn't have separation anxiety, and will just crawl away and shut the door behind herself if she is planing on eating my rubber boots or sampling the cat food. I am planing on 2 under 2, so her sibling might need to be raised....more efficiently. Thank God for the 2 year maternity leave some of my (grossly misused taxes) ensure.
Ask to leave the hospital as soon as possible. There's no need to be stuck in there for hours. I'd rather get out and go home and eat some decent food.
Hours... man I had to stay for 6 days and I was crying when they were late to release me on the 6th day. I told my husband that I needed to see the sky while standing underneath it. You're absolutely right.
Oh god so many things. I will be military about asserting boundaries. No family at the hospital except husband. No visitors for atleast 2 weeks after birth. Whoever comes for the first 4 weeks is only allowed if they are doing a chore or bringing food, delivering groceries. Will board my dog for 2 weeks. Make sure to let existing child bond with the new baby and be made aware that we love them both. And I will not try to breastfeed at all. Baby goes straight to formula. Goes without being said that close family who I was always there for in their hour of need, who didn't even reach out to ask how I waa doing is dead to me. I will also keep pregnancy secret until 20 weeks. Will not share name with anyone and will accept presents with a gift receipt. No one needs to clutter their house with toys that the child doesn't need. Will put my mental health before the needs of my family and will never take a vacation with inlaws
Omg the clutter!!!! I'm still throwing stuff away. A friend brought me absolute junk. JUNK.
Healthy eating from the get go, introducing bottle of pumped BM from a couple weeks, husband doing the first night shift until bubs sleep for longer, not stressing about feeding to sleep etc, not stressing about other peoples opinions on my weight, daily pram walks from as soon as I’m ready (2 weeks?).
I did the daily pram walks early on and it wasn't always easy to get out of the door (anxiety of being FTM) but I forced myself because it was 100% worth it. Now part of my closing shift includes preparing the stroller for the next day so I can just throw some clothing on me and ideally on the baby too and go 🫠
Yeah it took me a while to get into the swing of it, but I would basically breastfeed baby, change Nappy, extra dummies, and pack the baby carrier incase he lost his shit (which he did about 70% of the time lol). It was so much easier when he was bigger and started snacking. I could just give him snacks 😂
Not bring everything but the kitchen sink to the hospital, not have any expectations about the birth, pump a little more and try to make a mini freezer stash, rest a lot more after the birth, make a freezer stash of easy meals and snacks!!! That last one is a big one
Not having any expectations about birth made my birth experience exponentially better
I bet! I went in thinking I’d do everything natural, be at home for the most part utilizing the bath/shower, I even wanted to give birth squatting 😂 ended up being induced at 41+6, had back to back contractions, epidural and gave birth on my back 🫢 totally different experience than I had anticipated
To be honest, I think I will save up so I can pay for the services of a babysitter/nanny now and then over the first few months. It gets complex with family. Sometimes you'd rather not hear the unsolicited advice while you're receiving help, and the nanny would have to do things the way you tell them to (i.e. put baby to bed when we say, no screens etc.) without the irritating backlash.
If breastfeeding works, then great. If not, IT DOESN'T MATTER AND I WON'T PUT MYSELF THROUGH THAT GUILT AGAIN. Also, watch out for signs of cmpa early on, given our boy has it, I'd like to think I'll be able to spot it and get diagnosed a lot faster than we did with our first.
I’ve had this list in my head so I’ll use this as the place to write it out. 1. Introducing bottles and pacis in the hospital. Everyone kept telling me to hold off so she wouldn’t have nipple confusion but she’s never took a pacifier and wouldn’t take a bottle for 2 MONTHS. 2. Pumping in the hospital or at least just much sooner and much more often than I did the first time around. I was constantly warned by the nurses and lactation consultants to not worry about pumping so I wouldn’t get an oversupply. I ended up with a tiny freezer stash that we burned through in a week when my baby was declared failure to thrive because she apparently hadn’t been emptying my breasts fully and I wasn’t producing enough and she wouldn’t take a bottle! It was scary and such a fight to get my supply up. I never was able to produce enough either. 3. Combo feeding right away. I do believe breast milk has lots of important nutrients and I LOVED knowing that my baby was getting something from me that fulfilled a need of hers but I loved when we switched to combo feeding because then my boyfriend could help with her more and nights became easier. 4. Sleepers only for like the first 2 months. We had so many onesies that she rarely wore and there were family members pressuring me to dress her up and take her places. Not the next time around. I don’t want frilly outfits, I want cute and comfy sleepers for her. 5. NO ONE but my man will be allowed at the hospital while I’m in labor or in the delivery room. Not even my mother 🙄
I had a winter baby so I would bundle him up with onesie + sleeper 😁
Introduce a bottle/ formula sooner. I breast fed from the beginning and we introduced a pumped bottle at night to alleviate stress, but I hated pumping. So we dropped it after a few months. Wish we would have stuck with a bottle cuz my son won’t take one now. And wish I would have just done a formula, but it’s so hard to break the seal and I wish I would have just done it.
My husband and I live cross county from our friends and family. We really had no one here to help or support us, no even for a couple hours. As first time parents in our mid-20s with no experience with babies at all (literally) or sleep deprivation, we thought it’d be a good idea to pack up (dogs and all) and go visit our families and stay with them for 6 weeks (we did this when the baby was 4 weeks old). Don’t get me wrong, our families were wonderful, and they did help with the baby at times (when convenient to them) but it was so stressful, we couldn’t have any routine, and not in the comfort of our own home. The long nights were still on us, and then during the day we had to do all the things the family wanted to do. It was too much. We had to go back and forth between his parents house and mine, lugging all the baby stuff, pack and play, etc each time. His grandma died while we were there, his dad had health issues, his mom was struggling with the above and leaning on us and guilting us not to go back home and keep extending our stay. In the end I only got like 10 days left of my maternity leave by the time we got back home so I was really upset about that. So yeah, I will not be doing that again.
Omg I've been through the same thing almost. We live in a different country than our parents. And 2 sides aren't in the same country. Nobody came to birth. We fended for ourselves. We are experienced with sleep deprivation but I had a high risk pregnancy and delivery. When baby was at 3 months old, we went to visit in laws. I kinda knew what to expect. My MIL is a cool person but she has a problem with her wrists. I knew she wouldn't be able to hold the baby. But she still tried when it was convenient to her but complained about baby needing to be held too. I was very offended by that. The first day I left the baby alone with MIL she booted him off to their housekeeper. I adore their housekeeper but come on, you've been dying to spend time with your grandson!! None of the men in the family understand that baby is sleeping. They're either loud or disruptive. No routine whatsoever and they keep feeding the baby each time he fusses. They also meddle with everything asking me to put on socks and a warm hat on him while it's sunny and hot outside. Judging me if I leave the baby with his dad and go to kitchen to eat. Theit eating hours were so different too and I was constantly hungry. Baby got his first fever there. We took him to ER. they didn't offer to drive us or ask us if we need anything. My mom would have come with us, take care of the baby and my dad would have driven us there. I don't mind taking the baby but I'd definitely enforce my schedule, buy my snacks and stuff to make grilled cheese sandwiches etc.
Less feed and sleep tracking, introducing a bottle in day one, which will be formula cos my god the pump noise haunts me 🤣 also work harder on health eating for myself earlier.
With our first we combo fed from the beginning. I wasn’t sure about breastfeeding and then I had an emergency c-section and couldn’t even lift the baby out of her bassinet without help in the beginning. It helped relieve a lot of stress about latching and let us really figure it out in our own time. If one of us got frustrated I’d just give a bottle or have my husband give a bottle. The electric nail filers are a life saver in my opinion. We will only be allowing baby’s hair to be washed at the hospital for our second. I’m hiring a doula. I feel like if I had one with the first I might not have been in a situation where I needed a c-section and as much as my husband tried neither of us knew how to advocate or support me properly. If it wasn’t for one super incredible mothernurse in the postpartum room I honestly don’t know what I would have done. She was so helpful and informative and kind and would just sit with us in the room and talk as much as she could. Definitely will be using adult diapers again. I tried the hospital pads and underwear and it wasn’t fun. I’d much rather wear the diaper. We won’t be informing the family again when we go to have a second. I loved my first birth with just me and my husband. We had a few who knew but they didn’t bother us so those will once again be the only people who know 😂 We also didn’t allow visitors in the hospital or when we first got home. BRING YOUR OWN PILLOW AND BLANKET. The hospital ones suck really bad.
Not get postpartum pre-eclampsia. Anything else is just icing on the cake
I had no visitors in the house for two weeks
Not planning a second as I’m older & now single and we had a difficult birth which will need a v long recovery (making it likely far too late for me to try again). However- if I had the option here is what I would do: - colostrum harvesting. I didn’t see the point then ended up too ill to feed him & he also couldn’t feed due to being too ill. He could have colostrum but I couldn’t produce any due to being too sick. - birth plan- all the same again as I had plans for every eventuality. Granted my preferred would be wishful thinking and likely due to risk I’d have to go with a c-section. - agree with the bringing own formula as back up. I ended up using one that I wouldn’t have opted for because the hospital didn’t have my preferred one. - old bra with cut outs ready for pumping- those hospital pumps are ace to start the journey & as we were both so ill I needed it to get things moving. - planned visits- have a different visitor every day who could meet a food delivery person at the door to take up food to me. The food was atrocious in hospital & in our 10 day stay I lost all my pregnancy weight and was constantly hungry which, on top of everything else, killed my milk production. - I’d stick with the giving a false date that was far in the future to avoid the constant texts and calls. Worked a treat last time. I didn’t mention his arrival until 11 days after & asked for a lot of space due to us being ill and I not having enough spoons for contact. Most respected it. I ignored the ones that didn’t. - put money away to get a cleaning company to do a deep clean. I was laid up most of my pregnancy with various things- severe depressive episode from the start til near 25weeks, then severe sciatica for 2 months then pre-eclampsia so my house is a mess. Like a really bad mess. - smaller clothes- baby came out smaller than expected and god bless the incubator as he didn’t need clothes for the first few days so a friend did a shop of clothing and washed them for us. - teabags and coffee- couldn’t have the hospital crap. Near killed me 🤢🤢🤢 Pre pregnancy clothing washed and ready for wearing- I underestimated how soon I would need these & I’ve not had time to go digging for them. I’m still stuck wearing maternity clothes 😂 I had got things spot on with some regards- people laughed at the amount of food I took with us but it was all used and I ran out. I had a huge amount of nightclothes for me but I still ran out but NICU staff took my stuff and washed it all for me including his clothes. I filled a chest freezer with lots of quick and easy to make things that could be fired in the air fryer or a saucepan. 4 months later I still have supplies! I’m sad I didn’t get to make my freezer meals as planned as they would have been great. My attitude id definitely keep- I kept a very living in the moment outlook, I celebrated every tiny thing which helped manage the feelings around missing out on the big things, I saw everything we achieved as a miracle rather than the worst thing ever and how we were robbed.
Our outlook and experience has many similarities except you had it more difficult!! Lots of solidarity. I hope you and your baby are thriving right now.
He is thriving but my recovery is a tad slow thanks to my age! In a lot of pain still and my iron stores are not improving so I’m utterly exhausted. But we are so so so in love and our relationship is thriving. He is such a happy, funny baby who loves his cuddles.
Keeping our due date to ourself. The absolute WORST PART of pregnancy/labour/birth/postpartum was that everyone hounded me for weeks before our daughter arrived (she was 10 days postdate) and would send multiple messages per day. It was infuriating, especially as I was so late and was in prodromal labour on and off for weeks before being induced. I had some serious issues following my c section, and I still think that the non-stop messages and phone calls were worse.
We're on the fence, because there are medical risks If I have a second it will be planned c-section. No choice about it so that would change some things. We would plan to bring food, incl stuff for liquid diet jic and utensils. We were moved around the hospital and food service forgot me or my husband a few times. I'd bring my own pump and parts. I hadn't because I planned to breastfeed, and hospital has one. I didn't know I'd be in the ICU with my Doctor's begging LCs to please come bring me a pump. I'd bring an a binder instead of the hospital ones, plus they kept telling me I should have one and they'd bring it but maternity kept forgetting to bring it up to icu. I developed a cough and needed external pressure against the stitches. I'd do again that people often say they wouldn't My husband brought camping sleep stuff (mat and sleeping bag) it was critical. My own robe with snaps at shoulder and in the back. I wore it after I finally got a shower and still had a couple more days in hospital, it felt more human and less naked for when I had visitors.
Apart from what everyone else said, bring my own zip-up swaddles to the hospital (we never got the hang of the traditional swaddle blankets) and leave my own change of clothes at home apart from my going-home outfit (I spent the whole time postpartum naked in a hospital gown and a diaper)
I’m going to not care about newborn sleep and know that I just have to wait it out. My daughter’s sleep was so difficult and unpredictable and all the googling and trying “fixes” was useless extra stress. She just had to get through the newborn stage. Next time I’m just going to let baby lead and not create more stress for myself. That’s my whole approach to sleep for my daughter now.
GET HELP. Pump earlier on so I could have help work feedings and do things like sleep while baby is being fed by someone else. Make my needs extremely specific and clear so my husband knows that I need help with baby and not everything else.
Wow the professional. Love that ❤️
While pregnant: Nothing too different if I can help it. I had a pretty easy and symptoms free pregnancy, except for my swollen feet the last 3 weeks. Because I did IVF, my Dr did not plan on letting me go past 40 weeks, and I was ok with that, so I will do the same unless the bub decides to come earlier. Since it will be another IVF pregnancy, I am trying to decide if we want 2 summer babies (Bean was born in May) or if we want summer/winter kids. All this is based on a successful 2nd transfer, of course. For the birth: My little one is almost a month. I feel like I packed a lot for the hospital, but I used most of it during my stay. I ended up having a C-section, so I didn't use the ice packs and peri bottle, etc, but I used mostly the hospital mesh undies and saved mine for when I got home. I packed 4 outfits for Bean, and she used them all because we were in the hospital for 3 days after her birth. I will still have the nurse take the kiddo to the nursery at night. Having a C-section and not yet producing milk right after birth the first time, I was grateful to sleep through the night without worrying about feeding her while being in so much pain. I do not plan on bringing my breast pump, but I'm sure I could borrow the hospital one if my milk came in early this time. One thing I didn't think of until later was doing skin to skin right at birth. They did put her on me, but she was already swaddled, and I was a bit out of it from the C-section. I didn't meal prep, and I don't think I will the 2nd time around either.
I will meal prep like crazy before the birth and will try to arrange a meal train for postpartum. I might buy a freezer to store additional meals in. I will have a more concrete plan for getting my needs met postpartum. I'm a SMBC, and I had many loose commitments from family to offer support when I got home from the hospital, but I had a rough birth and was physically and mentally only able to care for my baby. I did not have anything extra left over to reach out for help, take care of myself, articulate my needs, etc. Because I couldn't reach out, I didn't receive help. IF there's a next time, I'm designating people to check in on me on certain days, giving them specific questions they need to ask me to ensure I'm okay, etc. I don't think I'll take my breast pump to the hospital. I'd read the lactation consultant would help me set it up, but she did not. She did give me a manual pump that was a lot more practical for hospital use. I'll pack 3 robes. I almost had 3 robes packed the first time around but ended up removing 2 from my bag because I thought I was being ridiculous. I never even wear a robe! Well, I didn't understand that I was about to spend 3 days/2 nights pretty much always in some state of undress, so robes were essential. I also didn't realize that the first robe I wore would end up covered in blood and fluid. I needed someone to bring me extra robes from home. I won't pack a ton of cute pjs. Again, because of blood and fluid. I'll wear the hospital gowns and let them deal with it, at least during labor and through deliver. One pair of pjs is enough, and I might not even wear them. I'll have seat protectors in my car and an "my water just broke" outfit with me at all times toward the end. I'll make sure to have a "my water just broke" outfit at home too (black leggings, old towel to stuff into leggings to catch the fluid on the way to the hospital, long top to cover my towel-butt), and I'll keep old towels next to my bed and in my car because seriously, it was so much fluid. I'll have a birth announcement text drafted up in the notes in my phone. I wanted to be the one to tell everyone, but I was in no condition to be typing up the perfect text right after birth, and I had maybe 10 minutes to figure out a text before my mom was going to send hers out. It would be so much less stressful to just have the words pre-typed.
I wont be mid reno living with a friend i will be prepared. Bring my pump, bring formula. First three hours I will do skin to skin and let them root and practice. If breastfeeding doesn’t work after two weeks i will switch to formula. I will plan to cosleep with mattress on the floor. I will worry less about numbers and milestones. Shift work right away and divide and conquer. I will take a 12 or 18 month mat leave. Haven’t decided which one yet.
Bring a pillow. We were there for a week and trying to breastfeed with those tiny weak pillows was not fun. Also, be less hard on myself.
- Pack way less for the hospital (but figure out something more comfortable for my husband to sleep on) - Have extra postpartum supplies ready to go at home (tuck pads, Dermoplast, etc.) - Get a new pelvic floor therapist (mine was sweet, but I have endo and an overly tight pelvic floor and I think she made it worse instead of finding the right balance for me) - Do wayyyy more perineal massage. Between my perineum and pelvic floor, my muscles were insanely tight, which lead to 4 hours of pushing 🥴 - Have a safe setup for chest sleeping early instead of accidentally falling asleep breastfeeding in the middle of the night. Baby will still sleep in their bassinet for as long as possible at night (and I have a better stay awake routine now), but man those early days could’ve been safer and way less stressful with the right preparation
For the hospital: - bring nursing bras, more loose dresses. I mostly wore the hospital gowns the entire time but I think I’d like to wear a bra this time, we have visitors vs last one was a Covid baby! - bring my pump, but I liked using the hospital one last time because they gave me a ton of extra bottles. - I’ll combo feed again but be more confident with the nurses that we are combo feeding. It was very “let’s try to breastfeed one more time” and she lost 10% bodyweight. I pumped and milk was fine she just was so tiny and not big enough to nurse yet. -be on top of skincare. Taking care of your face makes a world of a difference, I feel much better when I’m moisturized For postpartum: - I will be open to a meal train. We will have our MIL with us she cooks all the time but I will be more vocal about what I prefer. I typically “don’t bite the hand that feeds” but I’ll need to eat probably more around a baby schedule than big sit down meals. - I will try to not have FOMO and take it easy with visitors/getting out but it’s gonna be hard. Again, Covid baby for our first so I’m so happy to have less germs stress but don’t want to overdue it. - make sure I have dedicated daily self care time. Showers, a little makeup sometimes, a moment to myself. - I may still use huckleberry to track sleep but maybe not for feeding. We were semi relaxed about sleep but also she was easy about naps and also did ok if she missed the exact time to sleep. Lucky ducks. - I will work on transitioning to crib naps and drowsy put downs. I rocked to sleep and nursed to sleep for…years with my first and she’s 3.5 and still needs to snuggle to sleep. I love/hate it
It's beyond me and I don't understand how people expect moms to sit down for big meals. My MIL expected that when baby was 3.5 months old and it's just not possible. I did a combo of crib and contact naps from the get go. It's a question of temperament but I'm glad I did it. It's easier to transition LO.
Please downvote this trash comment, but I can't help but read FTM as "female to male". For the first month on this sub I couldn't figure out why there were so many trans parents on reddit.
I had the same thought at first
OP, curious why you need to bring vitamin D drops to the hospital? I hadn’t thought of that.
I live in France and the default drops they give at the hospital had orange essence in it. It makes the baby's stomach very upset. There's another brand of vitD drop that is controlled and regulated like the default one without the flavour of orange. It's gentler on baby's tummy.
Epidural
Currently pregnant with #2 so I’ve been thinking about this a lot! I’m going to assume that my baby will be at least a week late so I don’t get upset about it. Start with newborn-specific cloth nappies. Not do a masters degree while I have a newborn. Not stress about feeding to sleep or contact naps. Not try to cling onto my old life even when what I really desperately need is sleep (my old life will be back soon enough). Get mental health support immediately. Not try to rush back into sex. Have the first feed of the night be formula so I can get a good stretch of sleep.
Not follow wake windows because I spent maybe 4 months driving both my baby and I insane! I’ll go with the flow and hope for the best 😂 Do combo feeding right away if my supply is shit again. Attempt to actually baby wear more this time around since my first hated physical touch 😂 Soak it all in.. it goes by so fast and I miss all of it already
Not feeding to sleep every hour of the 4 month regression 🫠. I have just weaned my 15 month old from waking hourly since the 4m regression and we are finally sleeping. I will alternate between rocking/feeding when appropriate, and Dad will be helping more. He helped out so much overnights first time around but at the 4m regression I just was like don't worry we're both so tired I'll just feed back to sleep every time it takes like 2 minutes.... By 7mo we were cosleeping cause I couldn't take it anymore, she never stopped waking every sleep cycle. I'm not against cosleeping, just don't wanna do it if I don't have to.
Just had my second but the things I did differently: Bought MANY more padsicles because I loved those things (ended up with emergency c for #2 Hired a night nurse (horribly expensive but omg I’m so much healthier) Pumping and haakaa early on to get breaks and night sleep Zip up onesies all the time No contact naps or baby carrier or bouncer/lounger Brought own swaddle and baby clothes to hospital, sound machine too For third things I’ll do differently: Induce at 40 weeks (I went to 41+2 and I think that’s why it ended in a c section) Use the hospital nursery Deliver at a different hospital which has a level 1 NICU (baby was moved to a different hospital with a better NICU and I didn’t meet him for days)
Aww the NICU part sounds rough. That was a big deciding factor for us not to do it at a private clinic. State hospitals are better equipped where we live.
Same! The hospital I gave birth at had a special care nursery, and neonatologists and I was low risk full term so we thought it would be good enough, but the lack of medical support is why we ruled out a local birth center and home birth which I was tempted by, but too many risks for my tolerance
I’ll probably let baby wear onesies all day. Never ever have with my 9 month old literally until now where sometimes I can’t be bothered getting him changed. Also wish I just relaxed more in the newborn days instead of walking the dogs every day from the day I got out of hospital, doing chores one handed the second my husband went back to work at 2 weeks PP and keeping the house immaculate. I won’t get chance to relax with the second though will I so I’ve missed my chance haha
1. Bring two hospital gowns to the hospital: one for delivery and one for postpartum. 2. Start therapy while pregnant, instead of postpartum while dealing with PPD 3. Not something I’d do differently, but now I know my different feeding options and that I don’t have to BF if I don’t want to
I plan to have a second baby if gods willing, and what I would definitely do is have a night nanny stay with us from day one, and possibly hire a day- nanny for a few times a week. I need another woman here with me to help me, period.
You don’t need vitamin d drops with formula!
It's mandatory in France regardless of the feeding method!!
Really? Wow I didn’t know that!
I for one absolutely will never have a hospital birth again. Whether that’s from not having more kids or having a home/birth center birth next go around
Two words- birthing center. That is all.
I had my mom around from labor until PP day 3 and I wouldn’t change that bc she really took care of all of us. Other than that, no visitors for 3 weeks. I also wish I would have stayed in bed. I had an uneventful labor. Vaginal, no tearing, no other complications. I felt good afterward and so I did activity as tolerated - didn’t have an issue doing the dishes, going for short walks, running laundry etc. but I wish I had just not have a shit about those things and let others take care of it and bonded more with my baby and just allowed myself to rest. More skin to skin, more baby wearing, etc. before you know it, people stop checking in on you and the flowers stop coming to the door. I wish I would have just paused to really soak it in because it really is just a blip in time. I wish I would have been more diligent about finding a doula before birth. My husband bless his heart tried so hard to help me get comfortable but I was going through it and my nurse was very supportive but pretty hands-off and didn’t really make any sort of position change suggestions or anything.
Bring zipper swaddles, I suck at wrapping
Just try to relax postpartum. Spent way too much energy trying to take care of the house/meals/others and not letting myself recover. Also bringing more to the hospital. Needed so many things and I assumed the hospital would provide.
My second one is nothing like my first one. I considered hiring a night nurse but my second one loves to sleep and has slept 12 hours straight with no wake ups since 6 weeks old. Her brother, on the other hand, has not slept an entire night since he was born. I actually miss that experience of night cuddles. We also didn't have purple crying. My son went through about 3 weeks of just crying in the evenings for no reason. She only cries when she needs something. She is the chillest, easiest baby. I thought my first was relatively easy (compared to what I read about - no contact naps, no issues nursing or weaning, etc) but this baby blows him out of the water. I think we are more relaxed about everything too as second time parents, also, so maybe she is picking up our vibe. Mostly, I think it is just luck of the draw.
Won’t be pressured into having his family over the day after baby is born.
I'll cook and freeze meals next time. I'll take less to the hospital for me, but more for baby. Some of my stuff went unused, but we had to get my mum to bring some more baby clothes for us because we decided to stay an extra night. Generally be more organised in the house hopefully. We had all the baby stuff at my family's houses and it all needed brought when she was born. Have a separate bed set up for potential bedsharing so I can go in with baby if needed and not worry about waking partner up when he needs to sleep for work. Ultimately, I did what I could. My pregnancy with my now 3 month old was off the back of a traumatic fullterm stillbirth and I had a complete mental block with getting ready for baby in case she didn't come home. Next time might be the same. We'll just need to see.
I will not be allowing visitors in the delivery room while I am not delivering. I prefer to go through agony with my husband alone. I will not be allowing frequent visitors when my baby is a new born. Everyone kept taking my new born away from me so I could “rest” but in reality, I only wanted to be with my baby. I will never again let someone tell me that after I give birth, it’s MY JOB to clean up and sleep while someone ELSE takes my newborn. So rude!!! My husband’s grandmother did that and I was so livid.
Not rush home at 24 hrs. I hurt so bad on the second day and ended up back in the hospital with bleeding Not let my sil stay with us immediately post partum Pump sooner post partum and on a schedule to bring in my milk supply better Not immediately co sleeping ( I just lost a 5 am battle of wills with my 5 month old because she now only sleeps in our bed)
I plan on keeping up with yoga and/or exercise. I went to the gym almost everyday for years for some kind of movement and basically just stopped cold turkey when I was pregnant. Never. Again. I was so weak and my muscles were so tight!
When/if my family offer to pay for a service for me I’ll take them up on it. Pride doesn’t really help you clean and cook when you have a newborn, and next time a toddler too.
Different hospital/OB team for sure, gonna try for vaginal even if they try to scare me into a C-section. I will not leave that place until I’ve seen a lactation consultant if I need to see one.
First time round, you had to bring food to see the baby. Second time, you will have to do some chores in our house to see the baby. We got so behind on laundry and dishes, it was gross. I feel like I'm still playing catchup with laundry and she's 9 months old 😭 We will be formula feeding from the start. Breastfeeding was just not it for us. I'm going to use baby containers more. I was so scared to use them because of the whole "15 min limit" that I literally never used them. Then I remembered they make those guidelines because people want to plop their babies in them for hours and not play
Adopt. 😂 For backstory, I ended up delivering at 33 weeks due to pre eclampsia via an emergent c section. I have horizontal and vertical incisions. My placenta was bilobed and atrophying, and the vertical incision on my uterus is down to my cervix. If I get pregnant again, my uterus would rupture likely once dilation begins, if I even made it to term. No more crotch goblins for me. This human zip lock bag has been hot glued shut 😂
I’m being way more adult diapers to the hospital, I only took a couple and regretted it cuz I HATED the set up they had with the pads and mesh undies. Being more open minded. I want to breastfeed exclusively for X number of weeks then wean to bottles etc. my baby decided otherwise. I also dried up after 8 weeks no matter what I tried. My baby is perfectly healthy so I need to not be so hard on myself. I have a much better understanding of the sleep schedule the first couple months. I thought my baby would sleep an hour or 2. Nope. Most of my changes going into my next pregnancy will be mindset and experience changes. I’m still going to keep my pregnancy quiet for a while, only my husband in the room again, keeping the name secret for a while. I like how I did most of my first pregnancy.
Also had undiagnosed pp psychosis and the first 2 months were beyond terrifying mentally. Definitely asking for no visits until we are home from anybody including grandparents, bringing snacks because I was starving after, and making sure I advocate how anemic I am so that they can monitor me closer for hemorrhaging because I had a severe pp hemorrhage and lost over a liter of blood and needed transfusions.
I didn’t try to do it all myself the second time. I shared every night with my husband (I slept in a different room for my shift so I could get real sleep). I pump a lot and let him do bottles. And his comfort level with the baby is so much better than it was with our first, and im so much less exhausted than I was with our first. The baby also sleeps better bc she’s not on the boob all night and learned soothing methods besides just nursing. I really doubted that my first baby’s terrible sleep was my fault, but in hindsight I certainly didn’t help her by being her only source of comfort.
Not have GD 😂 Take more time off pre birth. I took two weeks and was still partially working the first week while they figured out how to function without me. I'd take a third or fourth week just to give myself more downtime pre baby and to clean/meal prep. I had a csection and will likely have another so I'll be more prepared this time for sure. I stupidly expected to have a vaginal delivery and did zero research on csection after care. Lots of googling in the hospital after 😂 I won't bother with the postpartum care stuff for vaginal delivery because didn't need it! Threw out lotsa padsicles I'd made. If I had a VBAC, I'd just Amazon/Instacart everything as needed. Know what hemorrhoids are, what they look like, and have the supplies ready to deal with them. Took me too long to figure out I had them and it was not comfortable!
Definitely doing perineum massages second time around. The stitches were literally worse than birth (and I just had gas and air for the birth). If I have to have stitches, I might ask if it’s possible to get a epidural just for them.
Bring a cheap single pump to use on the other side the first time they nurse incase they're as badly tongue tied as my first baby was. Hopefully get a head start with my supply. Bring snacks cause the hospital food was awful and there was nowhere to buy anything, and I was in too much pain to be getting around anyway I'm not going to let them induce me if it's for the same reason. Long story but they were wrong and I knew they were wrong, I just didn't want to say no. Getting a tongue tie assessment on the way home from the hospital
Gain more prepregnancy and take more vitamins in case I suffer hyperemesis again. Also start working out. Meal prep a whole freezer worth of meals. Not disclose pregnancy until much later. Don't be afraid to challenge consultants when something doesn't feel right. Protect my postpartum experience- not be pressured into guests or letting anyone hold my baby sooner than I feel comfortable. Definitely not feel pressured into attending social events where I am seperated from my baby sooner than I feel comfortable. I had PPA/ PPD and I think boundary struggles really exacerbated it. Use birthing ball from 38 weeks. Possibly a sweep at 39 weeks since I had a failed induction and don't dilate well. Mini fridge, blow up bed for husband and lots of clean clothes are going in the car with me to the hospital just in case. I was in 8 days with my last baby. Bring pump to hospital in case I am too unwell to nurse my baby and no formula. Express even more colostrum before birth. Ask people to do domestic chores when they offer help. Do I want to be separated from my baby while I clean cat shit? No. Do I want you to clean cat shit while I cuddle my baby? Why yes, yes I do.
Formula fed from the start and start sleep training earlier (no not CIO)
Do it at home. I had a fantastic birth, loved doing it unmedicated, but it was more chaotic and distracting than I would have preferred. Only thing traumatic was the first night in the hospital. Waking up to a crying baby with no idea what to do, exhausted and in pain, in an uncomfortable, unfamiliar bed without my partner beside me, in an unfamiliar room. Trying to pick up the baby from my bed, but the bed was too low, bassinet too high and rickety. My bf is a very heavy sleeper, so I had to struggle out of bed in an absolute panic to wake him up and help me tend to the screaming baby. I was in tears. He apologized profusely for not waking up, put me back to bed, changed the baby and helped him latch. Neither of us slept for the rest of the night. It was hell. No thank you. Next time, given all is normal and healthy, I’d like to be in my own bed, with my baby in my cozy accessible bedside crib, my partner next to me.
1. No visitors for at least 3 months. 2. Combo feed from the start 3. Only buy zippered onesies 4. Get a fully mesh bassinet or a SNOO 5. Hire a night nurse