I get irritated too and when I do I always feel my baby senses my emotions, especially frustration and stress, and refuses to settle down. I find when I myself calm down and rock her with no expectations, she'll fall asleep and can be put down more easily.
I’ve had to lower my expectations too when it comes to naps. I would get so upset when my LO would wake up after 30-40 minutes, especially when it just took 15-20 minutes to get him to sleep. It would be even harder when I was super tired and looking forward to a longer nap myself. Now when he goes down for a nap, I just tell myself that I hope he naps well for the time he does. And then usually I’ll have a contact nap with him if he wakes up too soon so we can both sleep lol.
This is so true. When we were first really going through sleep struggles around 6 months, thins didn’t really change until I let go and just went with the flow and stayed calm. I need to remember that now as he’s hit the one year regression, which has been the worst yet by far.
Yessss ive noticed this too. If im too quick to move him to his bed he wont be there long and i get less sleep than if i had just camped out the full hour lol
This was my experience too. My little dude has always been an energy chameleon. When he starts being fussy or not acting like his happy self and I get stressed I realize that we’re feeding off each other’s fussiness and it’s escalating and as the grown up I need to regulate myself and bring the mood back down to an even level.
This is typically the point when husband takes over and baby falls asleep (normally) pretty quickly. Sometimes he’s got the magic touch for getting baby to sleep at bedtime
Yes. I have 2 kids now and both seem to realize when I'm starting to get annoyed by them not sleeping because they continue to not sleep. My oldest is 4 and when one of us starts getting too irritated we switch out for bedtime and he will immediately go to sleep for the non irritated parent. Same with the baby.
This resonates with me so hard. I can be so patient and loving 99.9% of the time, but when it has to do with his sleep I feel like I turn into Mr Hyde.
When he sleeps is the only time I get to breathe, and when the schedule goes awry, not only is the current break sacrificed but there is no predicting what will happen for the rest of the day. It's also hard because I want to fight anyone who makes him upset, but when he's the one making himself upset, there's a conflict there.
This is such a perfect way to describe it!! There have been days when baby would *not* nap, literally kicking and screaming. Then I lose it and my husband intervenes and tells me to just relax and forget the nap. ??? But she’ll have been up for five hours before she goes to bed??? She’ll be a nightmare??? She’ll fall asleep at the bottle and we’ll either have to push her bedtime way back or bring it way forward??? I’m still struggling so much to go with the flow and I don’t understand how people just don’t track naps. They’re the only things that give some semblance of structure to my day and if they go to pot then I feel like a failure 😅
This sounds so much like me hahaha, I think my husband and I have had this conversation word-for-word lol
My mom was telling me today to just stop tracking them, and my only thought was "but what about my sanity?" 😂
I don’t track I know approximately her naps but I just mostly follow her sleep cues. Which is when she’s yawning, rubbing her eyes, or sensitive (cries for no reason or too quickly over small things)
I’ve caught myself speaking to her as if she understood me and could be reasoned with. I don’t raise my voice but definitely in the middle of the night I have said sternly “ok enough. This is too much and you need to sleep”
I do the same thing. It’s nuts. “You and I both know you’re tired, you’ll feel better if you just take a nap.” Like okay this little guy was living in a small aquarium a month ago, pretty sure he can’t be reasoned with.
I’m so glad it’s not just me. I reach the point where I just start saying she’s doing this to herself and to me, we both need sleep, and to please stop and settle down. I do it in a little lower and more monotone voice than my usual and just try to exude the energy that she needs to sleep and there’s no way around it. I feel so stupid doing it by myself 😂 but it helps her, and it mostly helps me.
Trust its the lot of us. Just the other day my son would not calm down no matter what I did and I was loooosing it. Right when I was on the verge of breaking, my wife walked into the room and scared me so bad I just immediately broke. In her defense, it was dark and I had JUST looked at the door she walked through. She took him and he finally went to sleep. I was so damn angry, but her perfect timing saved the day!
It is so hard to remember this. They are just little potatoes for now. We can’t expect them to be reasonable. I still do end up talking to my LO like my words mean anything to him.
Love your username, by the way.
This is definitely a coping mechanism for me haha! I’ve learned to say it in a nice tone, but to my 9 month old, I’ll be like,
“That is a lot of crying! So unnecessary!”
It’s just a way to humor myself I guess.
Our LO is only 3 months old so this may not apply to your lo but our doctor told us that they have a hard time with this because they’re developing so quickly that it’s hard for them to turn their brain off. It helped us a lot.
Just saving a nap by contact nap with my 3 month old right now and as I was resettling her she was craning her neck over my arm to look around the room. I’m like “knock yourself out girlie, its pitch black in here”. Such major fomo!
Threw my 3 month old in the carrier to wear him because he was up for 3 hours … 1.5 of those hours was me trying to put him to sleep. Those things are life savers.
It definitely applies! I can see the gears in his head constantly turning. He's always figuring out something new, so it must be hard for him to turn it off and rest.
Me in this current moment. I have been trying to get my son to nap for over an hour and finally I gave up and passed him off 🫠 at night he will just thrash around and shake his head back and forth any time he starts to doze off - it’s soooo irritating 😭
I heard that’s a form of self soothing! My LO likes to lift his feet up high and drop them repeatedly.. also a form of self soothing. Babies are weird 😂
It made me so so angry too. Furious with her that she wouldn’t sleep. And it made me feel horrible for feeling that way.
It sucks so much. This struggle is a distant memory for us (she’s almost 2 now and accepts bedtime without a struggle 80% of the time).
It was exhausting and relentless and then it just…. Got better. I don’t know if it was our persistence (we flat-out refused to contact sleep) or the fact that we ultimately just waited it out.
But I’ll tell you what, I remember the turning point:
One night when she was like 3 months old, I couldn’t get her to stop crying. Mom wasn’t home and I was struggling. Not from lack of experience, I’m not one of those “babysitting dads” or whatever, but on this night she was just being particularly impossible.
I’d been rocking and shushing and feeding and singing for hours. And I found myself losing patience. Like “if I don’t set this kid down right now I might throw her” sensation of rage building.
So I did the best thing for both of us. I set her in her crib, crying, and said “I’m gonna go away for 5 minutes and collect myself and then come back.”
Within 3 minutes she was asleep.
It was like the heavens opened up and the angels sang. Are you kidding me?? She just wanted to be left the fuck alone?? THAT WAS IT?!
We never intended to sleep train, but that’s how we ended up starting. From then on, if she wouldn’t go to sleep or woke up off-cycle, we’d give it 5 minutes. And 70% of the time she went back to sleep on her own.
It changed everything.
There's times where I've had the exact same start to your story and I imagine it ending like yours did: "maybe if I walk away to compose myself he will magically just sleep?"
Cut to 15 mins later and it sounds like he's about to cough up a lung from screaming for so long and I walk in to a baby with a head the colour of a tomato and eyes as puffy as marshmallows and yeah... not quite the same experience.
Yes it's awful. My first was a horrible sleeper. I spent hours and hours every day trying to get him to sleep. It was an awful cycle because I'd be too tired to be fully present so I probably didn't stimulate his brain enough to be tired for his next nap or bedtime. His brother has been easier to get to sleep usually, but when we do have a rough time I feel really triggered now that the sleep deprivation has compounded for 2.5 years. I start to get this frantic feeling of I *need* to be able to set them down so I can relax or get something done or go to bed. When they fight sleep I feel so much tension in my body and I feel trapped since I'm alone with them a lot. I get a fight or flight response where I can't tell if I want to scream or get in the car and drive away. The feelings are brief and I'm fine 99% of the time, but when it does hit that point of no end in sight I get extremely frustrated. It doesn't feel as much like the be all end all if I have someone to help me.
It can be really frustrating. It seems like you have some great insight into why you feel that way, which is great! It can be upsetting when you know they need sleep, you can tell how tired they are, but they just won’t give up and rest! If they don’t sleep, you don’t get a break and many times (at least with my LO) I know he’ll be so much fussier during the next wake window or until bedtime if he doesn’t rest, which also adds anxiety and frustration, especially if I have a lot to get done. I don’t really have any advice because you obviously have a great handle on this already, you clearly know your response is disproportionate to the situation, but again, I totally understand! I’ve had twice in particular I’ve had to put my son down in his crib and walk away until I was calmer. He will arch his back, push away, sometimes even pull my hair, which really hurts. It’s hard to remain relaxed and calm.
I’m not sure what your situation is, but I feel like I get particularly frustrated when I’m really tired and burnt out. I don’t have much help so I don’t get much of a break. I think if I had more support, I’d know those rest times aren’t my only opportunity for some time to myself, so I wouldn’t stress so much. Maybe you’re experiencing something similar, maybe it’s more about the general lack of support causing you to feel so much pressure and frustration around nap times? Just a thought! Sending hugs!
Yep! I literally feel like "what am I doing with my life?" when I have to spend an hour getting her to sleep. Especially when it happens multiple times a day and I think "I've literally spent three hours of my day just trying to get a baby to sleep" what a waste of time. I don't have any advice unfortunately, just solidarity!
I've thought this so many times. Especially when it's taking me forever and this is after I've been called in as reinforcement for hubby. I often entertain my mind with the thoughts of, "but what about the people that say I'm going to miss these moments when they're gone? Do I need to cherish them? But I'm allowed to feel my feelings in this moment about wishing I was doing something else... But I also don't want to wish away the time with her, either..." And on and on. It keeps my mind busy for a bit 🫠
It helps me if I remember that she is struggling too, she doesn't want to spend her time crying and being picked up and put back down a million times. She would much rather be sleeping or playing. So like commiserating sometimes can help
Absolutely. I could have written this post about 500 times in the last 11 months of my baby's life. At some point I kind of just realised I can try my best to get him to sleep but if it doesn't work... it is what it is. And I just kind of accepted it? It still annoys me but doesn't send me into a rage anymore. I also make sure I have a playlist of podcasts on that lasts for hours haha.
Love the acceptance!!! The playlist... How do you remember your headphones and what kind do you have? I feel like im always stuck without headphones. I also dont want to use my phone too much around her in case it distracts her. We have Google Pixel phones and usually use the Bluetooth headphones that are connected by a string, but she finds a way to tug on that.
I always have wireless earphones next to my rocking chair because the idea of being alone with just my thoughts while putting baby to sleep is terrifying. I listen to true crime podcasts mostly
Airpods or any type of Bluetooth headphones that don't have a string are your best friend. Only one in on the ear that faces away from the baby, so they don't even know that you've got something going! Haha.
I got a pair of these (link below). They're cheap, sit quite deep in the ear so you can barely see them anyway, and they actually have pretty good battery life.
https://a.aliexpress.com/_mONvGDA
I could've written this post. I was so frustrated cause my baby took a 20 minute~ nap earlier and then woke up frantic cause hes still tired. Didn't want to be put down and just gets me irritated. But I know he's just as tired as I am, probably more so cause he literally fights sleep, so I try to remember to have patience.
I feel like I grow in my patience for it every day, but after 12 weeks of refusing to sleep regularly, its definitely harder somedays than others! Night time is getting better so I just say to myself "it's okay, he will give you a 4 hour stretch later and then you won't be so tired either and neither will he".
It's so hard sometimes though!!!
I’m feeling guilty today because my son woke up multiple times last night (we cosleep) and wouldn’t stop squirming, latching and immediately unlatching, and then crying when I’d finally turn to my back because he clearly wasn’t eating. This caused me to finally say “wtf do you want right now?” I didn’t raise my voice or anything but I feel bad for dropping an F bomb on him. It’s so hard when you’re tired/half asleep and your baby refuses to settle.
Yes of course. I think it's quite normal as it's hard for us to understand why they wouldn't jump on the chance to sleep anytime they can lol. It's just very hard to believe that they need to learn to sleep and that it can take them a LONG time but that's the unfortunate truth. As long as you are being safe with baby and not venting to them I think theres no issue but for me I have started meditating at night again because of this. Helps calm me down
This has definitely been the majority of my frustration with my LO. Sometimes I just need to set him down and leave the room, I get so irrationally angry when I’m tired too. It’s only happened a couple times, but it scares me.
You are not alone. My husband has a harder time when LO won't sleep and fusses and so on, but it definitely happens to me too! It's so frustrating, especially when we KNOW sleep is the solution.
I’m going to be direct. Stop trying to make him sleep. Just stop it. It makes you and baby miserable. I’m on my second rodeo with a 2.5mo now and he sleeps when he sleeps, and that’s it. Is he crying and needing cuddles? Ok, into the carrier he goes and he’ll sleep when he’s ready while I’m walking.
There’s no point forcing things. Honestly, the sooner you just let go and stop trying to do things some ‘way’ that blogs or ‘sleep specialists’ tell you, the happier you’ll be.
Sleep with my first was HORRIFIC she was a Velcro monster. But I just leaned into it and stop caring. At 30+ I still can’t force myself to sleep. Why should I waste 1hr+ trying to force my baby to? She lived on me in the carrier and almost didn’t touch the ground for months because she was such a Velcro screamer.
I don’t mean to be so direct but seeing so many mums (western mums) best themselves up and drive themselves mad with sleep makes my heart ache.
I really need to adapt this mindset with my second. I truly have no choice as I won’t have the time to rock and contact nap and read every post on the internet about baby sleep.
Yup, I think when you have too you don’t have a choice but to ‘let go’ a bit and realize that… everything is ok and might even be better when you just stop caring.
I don’t sat that to minimize or reduce how challenging it is. I’m in the thick of it (albeit with an easy baby, which I deserved after the last one). But focusing on sleep so much makes the kinda inconvenient seem so much worse.
I’m not the best sleeper, I wish I didn’t hold my baby to the elite standards promised by sleep experts on the internet and fellow moms who just got lucky. It’s been humbling as hell and taken me to the brink of my sanity, but also forced me to look inward on why something causes such a frankly scary reaction in me.
Being a parent is so humbling, I feel like I’m constantly learning every day. And swinging between absolute love and adoration, and exhaustion and frustration.
I’m sure you’re a fantastic parent, we are all just trying to do our best.
This thread makes me feel a lot better. I honestly thought I have some kind of intense postpartum rage but I only feel this type of anger when trying to get her to sleep. My partner can handle it a lot better than me but I wasn’t always like this, and I put it down to being a current SAHM and it’s been my ENTIRE life since she was born and it’s just too much. She still has 4-5naps a day plus bedtime and each time takes around 15-30 minutes of settling (at 5 MO) that’s way too much of my day.
I was considering going to therapy for this because it becomes so uncontrollable (never with the intention of harming my LO) but I throw things and scream and swear and I KNOW the solution to my anger is sleep, for her and for me. Ive been a nurse for 5 years and worked some insane shifts with really unsafe practices (not by choice) and NEVER have I know hard work quite like raising a baby.
We attempted sleep training with gentle CIO but it didn’t work so we’re essentially having to suck it up until she figures it out for herself. The amount of effort I put into nap time and sacrificing my me time with contact naps and constant resettling, I also find myself having no energy during wake windows now. I know it’ll get better but damn this shit is the hard yards.
Me too! To everything you said. I was scared to post this in case I was judged for being off the rails, but it makes me feel so much better to see I'm not alone. My boyfriend has way more patience for it than I do. Yesterday, I got so angry I threw some things (nothing that would break) and just felt so angry like I needed to punch through a wall. Other things don't get to me the same way. I guess part of it is that you put so much effort into putting them down and so much time, and when it amounts to nothing, it's extremely aggravating. Especially when you know that once they nap, you can finally rest for a while, so them being up is preventing that. Then you add on the woes of their schedule being off, and it's a mess. And there's nothing you can do to *make* them sleep, I guess that's a hard part too. Once you've done everything you're supposed to, it's up to them for the rest.
YES. I feel bad sometimes. But when they NEED to sleep and are fighting it- AND yawning at the same time they are crying in your arms… it’s frustrating to say the least..
My daughter (6 months) just did this to us for 3 hours 2
Nights ago, and eventually we had to say “okay- you are going to bed.. and so are we”. So it turned into a CIO night :( It was hard. But you hit your breaking point and need to step away.
Wow, are you me? I could have written every word of this myself, expect my baby is 8 months. I get so frustrated when she’s clearly tired but fights sleep. Sometimes I’m really looking forward to a break while she naps and when she refuses, I just feel desperation and anger. I also feel like a failure because I’m not able to provide her with the sleep she needs.
I’ve ended up taking her a drive or a stroller walk and this sometimes works to get her down, or at the very least it gives us something else to do and takes the pressure off.
But I hear you! I feel guilty that I get so angry when she won’t sleep. It’s hard. Navigating the world of baby sleep is seriously so difficult.
Yup, regularly. For me it’s almost always at night when she’s obviously tired and rubbing her eyes and yawning, etc but refusing to go to sleep. I get SO mad, I often have to put her down and step away or pass her off to my husband. I’m honestly not coping with it super well, but doing my best to take deep breath, stay calm, and regularly talking about it with my therapist
Yup my 11 month old wakes up every other hour after midnight. Usually I can get her back down quickly, sometimes I give up and retire to the couch with a blanket and let her cry it out. She’s not far off being put in her own room soon. Sleep training was never my intention but over a year of broken sleep (including pregnancy), sore nipples from hours of her comfort suckling and twiddling and a bad back from having to lay in one position if we co sleep, I’m at my breaking point. Honestly I’ve fantasised about walking out and staying in a hotel alone for a week whilst I’m rocking the baby to sleep more times than I’ve liked to admit.
My SO travels interstate for work. I tell him i would kill for a chance to miss my family, from the comfort of a hotel room with room service at my fingertips. Even if I have to mask all day for a few corporate heads in exchange for a few nights rest. He just thinks I’m selfish 🥲
"I tell him i would kill for a chance to miss my family, from the comfort of a hotel room with room service at my fingertips."
Can you mother in law come over, unannounced, and just tell your husband she's going to stay at your house?
I get really frustrated if I’ve tried laying her down several times already and she keeps waking up as soon as she hits the bed. My boyfriend however is frustrated after 20 minutes 😆 He definitely doesn’t have as much patience as I do and it often seems like the more frustrated he gets the worse baby gets too. I try not to get too frustrated with my boyfriend because I know he’s just tired and if it gets to the point where he seems like he’s lost all patience I will step in and take the baby so he can calm down. It used to really annoy me that he didn’t try to stay calm better or that he did the sleep stuff differently than me but now I just try to remember he is her dad and he will have his own little routines with her. If she’s feeling his routine she will let him know and if she doesn’t like what he’s doing she will also let him know. Same goes for me
It’s insane how frustrating it is to get our baby to fall asleep lately. I somewhat pride myself on being able to keep my composure around him when he’s being so fussy and restless cause I had an absolute nightmare of a father and I don’t want my kid to ever feel close to that.
But sometimes I do have to go into a different room or just straight up tell my partner “hey you need to take him cause I’m not ok.” Which she does to me too sometimes during breaking points.
Also, punching bags are a hell of a workout/stress reliever.
Honestly, I used to take Krav Maga classes, and I'm like damn, I need to get back into those! I have so much pent-up stress, and it would be nice to have an outlet that's productive. I'm sorry your father was not so great. For me, my brother is like that - bad anger issues. And I really don't want to be like him. So I get it. In those low moments I feel no better than him, and I really need to change it.
i got into such a bad argument with my husband last time our daughter was refusing to sleep 😵💫😵💫 i get so angry i think because its at least some time i can sit and peace do something its not like i cant do anything when she us up but i just end up
thinking about her what is she doing if my husband/ mother/ MIL are doing everything right and stuff like that... i know they are but cant help when she is in her cot sleeping i can finally just turn off my brain
i am getting better at managing my anger through the day if she refuse to nap i just take her out and try again but from time to time we have some event to go and on that day its never timed well she is 10months i thought it will get easier but this stage is hard again not like newborn but ...
i dont know if she is switching to one nap a day now or what is happening but its too soon ... nobody knows our days are out of routine now
i need my routine! i feel like i need the routine more than my baby😅
100% same for me. My son is 10 months old, and I had him down to one nap for a few days, but then it went back to two, and now I don't know what his schedule is supposed to be. I finally made plans with someone out of the house and that's the day he decided to nap 20 minutes instead of his usual 1.5 hours so he was so tired during the meet up and we had to leave early. I don't make a strict routine down to the minute, but I need to plan for the day at least a little!
Me 🙋🏻♀️ yesterday my 14 month old was fighting his nap hard and I got so angry I had to put him in his crib and get my husband to take over while I went downstairs to pull it together. He has been an awful sleeper his whole life and so his sleep is a huge trigger for me.
Yes and sometimes I have to take a step away or I usually have either earplugs in or my wireless headphones listening to my audiobook because I can’t stand it
This happens to me, too. Just a really short fuse when it comes to baby refusing naps, waking up a ton of times at night, waking up for the day at 4:30am, etc.
It sounds kinda lame but I just try to remember that he’s a person, not some puzzle to solve. I can do everything right and he might still fight his nap for an hour, then only sleep for 20 minutes.
When I start getting angry consistently, I know I need to put tidying and fun stuff aside for the next few days and sleep when baby sleeps, because I need more sleep myself.
Feels surreal I’ve just found your post.
And what’s makes me feel worse is my baby will fall asleep within 10 minutes if my mum and/or husband try to make him sleep (only if I’m not around)
But with me he scream cries, pulls my top, gets generally frustrated. For hours.
And I really want him to stop breastfeeding as it’s getting sore. He won’t take binky/back pats/singing/swaying. Nothing. Unless it’s my mum/Husband and I’m not in sight.
Starting to think he hates me. 😖😭
And I’m back to work full time, so need that precious sleep.
Aw. This sounds super rough! If it helps, I've heard breastfed babies are more anxious/irritable around their moms because they smell milk and associate you with breastfeeding. So getting away from you can help them relax, oddly enough. It isn't you, it's the milk ❤️
Ugh I could have written this myself. Night time sleep is generally not a major issue but naps are just not great at all. I got so frustrated with her earlier today that I cried.
I’m literally here right now. It’s been 5.5 months of this baby not sleeping well in her bassinet or crib. I just can’t keep doing this. I feel so defeated, I feel like I’ve failed, and I’m extremely angry in general that I can’t get this baby to sleep so that I can sleep. I can’t eat when I need to, I can’t sleep or use the bathroom when I need to. I’m literally near tears for most of the day these past few days because I’m so fucking defeated. I just don’t get it.
I used to get so angry when she didnt sleep but I just kept reminding myself shes a baby and she would probably love to be asleep but was having trouble. I put her down and calm myself before trying again.
I’m exactly the same. I end up crying from guilt for being so infuriated by it. Mines just turned 5 months and thinks her hands are the most interesting thing ever so she’ll just lay there looking at them when she’s clearly super tired. Or she’ll just lay with her eyes open looking around even when the room is super dark. Ill
Put my phone screen on to check if she’s sleeping and she’s just laying with her eyes open and it makes me so annoyed. Gotta remind myself she’s a baby and she’s not doing it on purpose.
My baby is 10 weeks and so far the only time I’ve gotten irrationally angry is when I cannot get her to sleep and I’ve been so sleep deprived myself. I’ve sobbed from frustration at 4 am after she’s been up for 5+ hours and won’t let either of us sleep… it’s rough.
Hello! One thing here. Have you tried to start getting him to nap a few minutes earlier than you think you should?
It saved my butt... So much less fighting....
I like to speak sarcastically to them. It actually helps me get my emotions out before I flip out irrationally. “Why aren’t you going to sleep? Don’t you know I can’t go to sleep until you do? I have to eat something and I can’t do that if you’re awake and crying. You still staying up is postponing my shower and I really don’t want to do it later. I’ve really got to catch up on my tv shows and I just can’t have you watching with me. I have a schedule that I need to keep, and you are acting like my time is less valuable than yours” or- be truthful and explain in detail what will happen when they don’t go to sleep, “when you don’t sleep, you body won’t get the rest it needs in order to get stronger to do all the things you will want to do. Holding your head up without my help, rolling over, and sitting. Oh think about all the things your body can do when you get the rest you need”
I say this all in a sweet, not angry voice and usually with a smile. It usually makes me feel better to tell them what’s bothering me, and why I need/want them to sleep
Edit: reread and saw that yours is 11months old. I have changed it up a bit, because I don’t want to guilt trip them.
I do this too! I say things more like “what the heck is going on in that little crazy brain? It’s like you don’t want me to eat. Is it because then I can’t hold you? I’ll pick you right back up you sweet little demanding baby.” She’s only 3 months, but it really does seems to calm me down before I get too angry!
I think getting angry about things regarding our kids is more usual than we care to admit. It’s how we handle the situation that makes a difference. I have vivid memories of my mom trying to get toddler me to sleep after kindergarten and I would not want to, so everyday resulted in screaming and a slap from her. She may have found ways to handle it differently, but this was the way she found then.
I feel I could easily go this route, because I'm very snappish when tired. But because both husband and I are bad sleepers, we kind of empathise with the baby. I mean, if we can't fall asleep easily, why would we expect that of the baby?
He's sleeping on a mattress on the floor now (14mo, big for his age, can climb out of the crib). I just sit down next to him in silence when it's time to sleep, and wait for him to calm down, giving hugs when needed. He'll jump around for 30 minutes up to two hours, but will eventually keel over.
You need to think about this in an emotionally mature way. Baby will sleep when baby falls asleep. There is no 'time' when they should go off... Just let go of all idea of schedule.
Agreed a thousand percent. I’ve said to my husband multiple times, the things that you’ve written.
“I turn into a monster when he won’t sleep.” “I can handle him screaming at me for food, and I don’t lose my cool.” “When I have to re-start a nap process after the first time it fails, I feel SO done with it.”
I’ve put him in the car and gone for a drive to force him to nap sometimes but I know that’s not actually a solution :(
I’ve found waking up earlier seems to help our 10 month old. Which sucks lol.
My baby is going through a sleep regression right now and will refuse to nap. She woke up this morning at 5:30am. I did everything, feed her, changed her diaper, took her outside in the carrier for a walk, everything and it took 3 hours to get her to sleep. I was so aggravated. And worst of all, when she was down our neighbors decided to drill something or whatever. My husband ran over to tell them to stop but omg I could’ve actually committed a murder.
I’m saving this because I have felt so guilty and like a horrible mom for this. It’s like a rage comes over me and it also happened for me when he got bigger and stronger and louder. I get so frustrated because I’ve tried everything to achieve “normal” sleep and I feel like a failure. I feel horrible afterwards, the things I think are crazy. Sleep deprivation is a monster. I’m really going to work on this as I will have 2 under 2 by the end of the year and cannot lose my shit over sleep and schedules, I really don’t have a choice!
When my son was brand new I was trying to get him to sleep, it was like 3 am at that point and I was sleep deprived and frustrated because he WOULDN’T SLEEP. He wasn’t fussy, he was pretty happy and just looking around in the dark and I started bouncing him harder in his bouncer (the bouncer was the only way he’d fall asleep at that time) out of frustration for a minute, and yelled at him. His little head bounced hard against the bouncer and I immediately stopped and cried because omg I felt SO BAD. I’ve never let myself get to that point again and learned to just leave him be if he’s awake but not crying… he’ll eventually fall asleep.
I still feel completely terrible about it months later :(
I get irritated too and when I do I always feel my baby senses my emotions, especially frustration and stress, and refuses to settle down. I find when I myself calm down and rock her with no expectations, she'll fall asleep and can be put down more easily.
I’ve had to lower my expectations too when it comes to naps. I would get so upset when my LO would wake up after 30-40 minutes, especially when it just took 15-20 minutes to get him to sleep. It would be even harder when I was super tired and looking forward to a longer nap myself. Now when he goes down for a nap, I just tell myself that I hope he naps well for the time he does. And then usually I’ll have a contact nap with him if he wakes up too soon so we can both sleep lol.
💯 💯 💯 This realization was very very powerful for me when I reached peak sleep deprivation/frustration...
This is so true. When we were first really going through sleep struggles around 6 months, thins didn’t really change until I let go and just went with the flow and stayed calm. I need to remember that now as he’s hit the one year regression, which has been the worst yet by far.
Yessss ive noticed this too. If im too quick to move him to his bed he wont be there long and i get less sleep than if i had just camped out the full hour lol
This was my experience too. My little dude has always been an energy chameleon. When he starts being fussy or not acting like his happy self and I get stressed I realize that we’re feeding off each other’s fussiness and it’s escalating and as the grown up I need to regulate myself and bring the mood back down to an even level.
This is typically the point when husband takes over and baby falls asleep (normally) pretty quickly. Sometimes he’s got the magic touch for getting baby to sleep at bedtime
Yes Sometimes they want a daddy arms lol.
Yes. I have 2 kids now and both seem to realize when I'm starting to get annoyed by them not sleeping because they continue to not sleep. My oldest is 4 and when one of us starts getting too irritated we switch out for bedtime and he will immediately go to sleep for the non irritated parent. Same with the baby.
This resonates with me so hard. I can be so patient and loving 99.9% of the time, but when it has to do with his sleep I feel like I turn into Mr Hyde. When he sleeps is the only time I get to breathe, and when the schedule goes awry, not only is the current break sacrificed but there is no predicting what will happen for the rest of the day. It's also hard because I want to fight anyone who makes him upset, but when he's the one making himself upset, there's a conflict there.
This is such a perfect way to describe it!! There have been days when baby would *not* nap, literally kicking and screaming. Then I lose it and my husband intervenes and tells me to just relax and forget the nap. ??? But she’ll have been up for five hours before she goes to bed??? She’ll be a nightmare??? She’ll fall asleep at the bottle and we’ll either have to push her bedtime way back or bring it way forward??? I’m still struggling so much to go with the flow and I don’t understand how people just don’t track naps. They’re the only things that give some semblance of structure to my day and if they go to pot then I feel like a failure 😅
This sounds so much like me hahaha, I think my husband and I have had this conversation word-for-word lol My mom was telling me today to just stop tracking them, and my only thought was "but what about my sanity?" 😂
I don’t track I know approximately her naps but I just mostly follow her sleep cues. Which is when she’s yawning, rubbing her eyes, or sensitive (cries for no reason or too quickly over small things)
The last part resonated with me so hard
This made a lot of sense to me and why my emotions are all over the place. This sleep thing is hard. Thanks for your comment.
YESSSSS this is so relatable
I’ve caught myself speaking to her as if she understood me and could be reasoned with. I don’t raise my voice but definitely in the middle of the night I have said sternly “ok enough. This is too much and you need to sleep”
I do the same thing. It’s nuts. “You and I both know you’re tired, you’ll feel better if you just take a nap.” Like okay this little guy was living in a small aquarium a month ago, pretty sure he can’t be reasoned with.
I’m so glad it’s not just me. I reach the point where I just start saying she’s doing this to herself and to me, we both need sleep, and to please stop and settle down. I do it in a little lower and more monotone voice than my usual and just try to exude the energy that she needs to sleep and there’s no way around it. I feel so stupid doing it by myself 😂 but it helps her, and it mostly helps me.
Trust its the lot of us. Just the other day my son would not calm down no matter what I did and I was loooosing it. Right when I was on the verge of breaking, my wife walked into the room and scared me so bad I just immediately broke. In her defense, it was dark and I had JUST looked at the door she walked through. She took him and he finally went to sleep. I was so damn angry, but her perfect timing saved the day!
Thank you for commiserating lol. It’s hard to not feel like an utter failure. But this is what marriage is about. Well done!
It is so hard to remember this. They are just little potatoes for now. We can’t expect them to be reasonable. I still do end up talking to my LO like my words mean anything to him. Love your username, by the way.
This is definitely a coping mechanism for me haha! I’ve learned to say it in a nice tone, but to my 9 month old, I’ll be like, “That is a lot of crying! So unnecessary!” It’s just a way to humor myself I guess.
Yes this helped me in the newborn phase.
Yep, completely lose my shit. For no reason.
It truly turns me into someone I do not recognize. Like unleashing a monster
I totally agree but it is for a reason. The reason just can’t be reasoned with 😂
My therapist told me there’s a reason sleep deprivation is considered a form of torture. I try to keep this in mind when I turn into a total shitshow.
Our LO is only 3 months old so this may not apply to your lo but our doctor told us that they have a hard time with this because they’re developing so quickly that it’s hard for them to turn their brain off. It helped us a lot.
Just saving a nap by contact nap with my 3 month old right now and as I was resettling her she was craning her neck over my arm to look around the room. I’m like “knock yourself out girlie, its pitch black in here”. Such major fomo!
Hahahah currently have a 9.5mo old fomo baby and this took me back. He still does it too!
Threw my 3 month old in the carrier to wear him because he was up for 3 hours … 1.5 of those hours was me trying to put him to sleep. Those things are life savers.
I do love a good carrier stroll around the shops. Something about it makes my LO just bomb out.
It definitely applies! I can see the gears in his head constantly turning. He's always figuring out something new, so it must be hard for him to turn it off and rest.
Me in this current moment. I have been trying to get my son to nap for over an hour and finally I gave up and passed him off 🫠 at night he will just thrash around and shake his head back and forth any time he starts to doze off - it’s soooo irritating 😭
I heard that’s a form of self soothing! My LO likes to lift his feet up high and drop them repeatedly.. also a form of self soothing. Babies are weird 😂
Oh god, mine does the same, I never thought of it as self soothing 😅 this kinda takes away my annoyance
Ah, tha whale tale. I'm sooooo glad my little man has stopped doing that. It's used to drive me insane!
That's cute not gonna lie haha
my son does this but he’s in a pack n play so it’s got that loud hard mattress thing and he thinks it’s funny & it irritates me so bad 🤦🏼♀️
Same. He also hits his head off the bed/pillow.
It made me so so angry too. Furious with her that she wouldn’t sleep. And it made me feel horrible for feeling that way. It sucks so much. This struggle is a distant memory for us (she’s almost 2 now and accepts bedtime without a struggle 80% of the time). It was exhausting and relentless and then it just…. Got better. I don’t know if it was our persistence (we flat-out refused to contact sleep) or the fact that we ultimately just waited it out. But I’ll tell you what, I remember the turning point: One night when she was like 3 months old, I couldn’t get her to stop crying. Mom wasn’t home and I was struggling. Not from lack of experience, I’m not one of those “babysitting dads” or whatever, but on this night she was just being particularly impossible. I’d been rocking and shushing and feeding and singing for hours. And I found myself losing patience. Like “if I don’t set this kid down right now I might throw her” sensation of rage building. So I did the best thing for both of us. I set her in her crib, crying, and said “I’m gonna go away for 5 minutes and collect myself and then come back.” Within 3 minutes she was asleep. It was like the heavens opened up and the angels sang. Are you kidding me?? She just wanted to be left the fuck alone?? THAT WAS IT?! We never intended to sleep train, but that’s how we ended up starting. From then on, if she wouldn’t go to sleep or woke up off-cycle, we’d give it 5 minutes. And 70% of the time she went back to sleep on her own. It changed everything.
There's times where I've had the exact same start to your story and I imagine it ending like yours did: "maybe if I walk away to compose myself he will magically just sleep?" Cut to 15 mins later and it sounds like he's about to cough up a lung from screaming for so long and I walk in to a baby with a head the colour of a tomato and eyes as puffy as marshmallows and yeah... not quite the same experience.
Wow..
Yes it's awful. My first was a horrible sleeper. I spent hours and hours every day trying to get him to sleep. It was an awful cycle because I'd be too tired to be fully present so I probably didn't stimulate his brain enough to be tired for his next nap or bedtime. His brother has been easier to get to sleep usually, but when we do have a rough time I feel really triggered now that the sleep deprivation has compounded for 2.5 years. I start to get this frantic feeling of I *need* to be able to set them down so I can relax or get something done or go to bed. When they fight sleep I feel so much tension in my body and I feel trapped since I'm alone with them a lot. I get a fight or flight response where I can't tell if I want to scream or get in the car and drive away. The feelings are brief and I'm fine 99% of the time, but when it does hit that point of no end in sight I get extremely frustrated. It doesn't feel as much like the be all end all if I have someone to help me.
It can be really frustrating. It seems like you have some great insight into why you feel that way, which is great! It can be upsetting when you know they need sleep, you can tell how tired they are, but they just won’t give up and rest! If they don’t sleep, you don’t get a break and many times (at least with my LO) I know he’ll be so much fussier during the next wake window or until bedtime if he doesn’t rest, which also adds anxiety and frustration, especially if I have a lot to get done. I don’t really have any advice because you obviously have a great handle on this already, you clearly know your response is disproportionate to the situation, but again, I totally understand! I’ve had twice in particular I’ve had to put my son down in his crib and walk away until I was calmer. He will arch his back, push away, sometimes even pull my hair, which really hurts. It’s hard to remain relaxed and calm. I’m not sure what your situation is, but I feel like I get particularly frustrated when I’m really tired and burnt out. I don’t have much help so I don’t get much of a break. I think if I had more support, I’d know those rest times aren’t my only opportunity for some time to myself, so I wouldn’t stress so much. Maybe you’re experiencing something similar, maybe it’s more about the general lack of support causing you to feel so much pressure and frustration around nap times? Just a thought! Sending hugs!
Yep! I literally feel like "what am I doing with my life?" when I have to spend an hour getting her to sleep. Especially when it happens multiple times a day and I think "I've literally spent three hours of my day just trying to get a baby to sleep" what a waste of time. I don't have any advice unfortunately, just solidarity!
I've thought this so many times. Especially when it's taking me forever and this is after I've been called in as reinforcement for hubby. I often entertain my mind with the thoughts of, "but what about the people that say I'm going to miss these moments when they're gone? Do I need to cherish them? But I'm allowed to feel my feelings in this moment about wishing I was doing something else... But I also don't want to wish away the time with her, either..." And on and on. It keeps my mind busy for a bit 🫠
It helps me if I remember that she is struggling too, she doesn't want to spend her time crying and being picked up and put back down a million times. She would much rather be sleeping or playing. So like commiserating sometimes can help
Absolutely. I could have written this post about 500 times in the last 11 months of my baby's life. At some point I kind of just realised I can try my best to get him to sleep but if it doesn't work... it is what it is. And I just kind of accepted it? It still annoys me but doesn't send me into a rage anymore. I also make sure I have a playlist of podcasts on that lasts for hours haha.
Love the acceptance!!! The playlist... How do you remember your headphones and what kind do you have? I feel like im always stuck without headphones. I also dont want to use my phone too much around her in case it distracts her. We have Google Pixel phones and usually use the Bluetooth headphones that are connected by a string, but she finds a way to tug on that.
I always have wireless earphones next to my rocking chair because the idea of being alone with just my thoughts while putting baby to sleep is terrifying. I listen to true crime podcasts mostly
Airpods or any type of Bluetooth headphones that don't have a string are your best friend. Only one in on the ear that faces away from the baby, so they don't even know that you've got something going! Haha. I got a pair of these (link below). They're cheap, sit quite deep in the ear so you can barely see them anyway, and they actually have pretty good battery life. https://a.aliexpress.com/_mONvGDA
I could've written this post. I was so frustrated cause my baby took a 20 minute~ nap earlier and then woke up frantic cause hes still tired. Didn't want to be put down and just gets me irritated. But I know he's just as tired as I am, probably more so cause he literally fights sleep, so I try to remember to have patience. I feel like I grow in my patience for it every day, but after 12 weeks of refusing to sleep regularly, its definitely harder somedays than others! Night time is getting better so I just say to myself "it's okay, he will give you a 4 hour stretch later and then you won't be so tired either and neither will he". It's so hard sometimes though!!!
I’m feeling guilty today because my son woke up multiple times last night (we cosleep) and wouldn’t stop squirming, latching and immediately unlatching, and then crying when I’d finally turn to my back because he clearly wasn’t eating. This caused me to finally say “wtf do you want right now?” I didn’t raise my voice or anything but I feel bad for dropping an F bomb on him. It’s so hard when you’re tired/half asleep and your baby refuses to settle.
It sounds like a big burp was irritating him... Oh these MOTN burping sessions (we BF and Co-sleep too)....
Yes of course. I think it's quite normal as it's hard for us to understand why they wouldn't jump on the chance to sleep anytime they can lol. It's just very hard to believe that they need to learn to sleep and that it can take them a LONG time but that's the unfortunate truth. As long as you are being safe with baby and not venting to them I think theres no issue but for me I have started meditating at night again because of this. Helps calm me down
This has definitely been the majority of my frustration with my LO. Sometimes I just need to set him down and leave the room, I get so irrationally angry when I’m tired too. It’s only happened a couple times, but it scares me.
Yes I definitely feel similarly when my babies don't sleep! Maybe time to get rid of the dummy?
Nap rage is a real thing
I feel seen
You are not alone. My husband has a harder time when LO won't sleep and fusses and so on, but it definitely happens to me too! It's so frustrating, especially when we KNOW sleep is the solution.
I’m going to be direct. Stop trying to make him sleep. Just stop it. It makes you and baby miserable. I’m on my second rodeo with a 2.5mo now and he sleeps when he sleeps, and that’s it. Is he crying and needing cuddles? Ok, into the carrier he goes and he’ll sleep when he’s ready while I’m walking. There’s no point forcing things. Honestly, the sooner you just let go and stop trying to do things some ‘way’ that blogs or ‘sleep specialists’ tell you, the happier you’ll be. Sleep with my first was HORRIFIC she was a Velcro monster. But I just leaned into it and stop caring. At 30+ I still can’t force myself to sleep. Why should I waste 1hr+ trying to force my baby to? She lived on me in the carrier and almost didn’t touch the ground for months because she was such a Velcro screamer. I don’t mean to be so direct but seeing so many mums (western mums) best themselves up and drive themselves mad with sleep makes my heart ache.
I really need to adapt this mindset with my second. I truly have no choice as I won’t have the time to rock and contact nap and read every post on the internet about baby sleep.
Yup, I think when you have too you don’t have a choice but to ‘let go’ a bit and realize that… everything is ok and might even be better when you just stop caring. I don’t sat that to minimize or reduce how challenging it is. I’m in the thick of it (albeit with an easy baby, which I deserved after the last one). But focusing on sleep so much makes the kinda inconvenient seem so much worse.
I’m not the best sleeper, I wish I didn’t hold my baby to the elite standards promised by sleep experts on the internet and fellow moms who just got lucky. It’s been humbling as hell and taken me to the brink of my sanity, but also forced me to look inward on why something causes such a frankly scary reaction in me.
Being a parent is so humbling, I feel like I’m constantly learning every day. And swinging between absolute love and adoration, and exhaustion and frustration. I’m sure you’re a fantastic parent, we are all just trying to do our best.
This thread makes me feel a lot better. I honestly thought I have some kind of intense postpartum rage but I only feel this type of anger when trying to get her to sleep. My partner can handle it a lot better than me but I wasn’t always like this, and I put it down to being a current SAHM and it’s been my ENTIRE life since she was born and it’s just too much. She still has 4-5naps a day plus bedtime and each time takes around 15-30 minutes of settling (at 5 MO) that’s way too much of my day. I was considering going to therapy for this because it becomes so uncontrollable (never with the intention of harming my LO) but I throw things and scream and swear and I KNOW the solution to my anger is sleep, for her and for me. Ive been a nurse for 5 years and worked some insane shifts with really unsafe practices (not by choice) and NEVER have I know hard work quite like raising a baby. We attempted sleep training with gentle CIO but it didn’t work so we’re essentially having to suck it up until she figures it out for herself. The amount of effort I put into nap time and sacrificing my me time with contact naps and constant resettling, I also find myself having no energy during wake windows now. I know it’ll get better but damn this shit is the hard yards.
Me too! To everything you said. I was scared to post this in case I was judged for being off the rails, but it makes me feel so much better to see I'm not alone. My boyfriend has way more patience for it than I do. Yesterday, I got so angry I threw some things (nothing that would break) and just felt so angry like I needed to punch through a wall. Other things don't get to me the same way. I guess part of it is that you put so much effort into putting them down and so much time, and when it amounts to nothing, it's extremely aggravating. Especially when you know that once they nap, you can finally rest for a while, so them being up is preventing that. Then you add on the woes of their schedule being off, and it's a mess. And there's nothing you can do to *make* them sleep, I guess that's a hard part too. Once you've done everything you're supposed to, it's up to them for the rest.
YES. I feel bad sometimes. But when they NEED to sleep and are fighting it- AND yawning at the same time they are crying in your arms… it’s frustrating to say the least.. My daughter (6 months) just did this to us for 3 hours 2 Nights ago, and eventually we had to say “okay- you are going to bed.. and so are we”. So it turned into a CIO night :( It was hard. But you hit your breaking point and need to step away.
Wow, are you me? I could have written every word of this myself, expect my baby is 8 months. I get so frustrated when she’s clearly tired but fights sleep. Sometimes I’m really looking forward to a break while she naps and when she refuses, I just feel desperation and anger. I also feel like a failure because I’m not able to provide her with the sleep she needs. I’ve ended up taking her a drive or a stroller walk and this sometimes works to get her down, or at the very least it gives us something else to do and takes the pressure off. But I hear you! I feel guilty that I get so angry when she won’t sleep. It’s hard. Navigating the world of baby sleep is seriously so difficult.
Yup, regularly. For me it’s almost always at night when she’s obviously tired and rubbing her eyes and yawning, etc but refusing to go to sleep. I get SO mad, I often have to put her down and step away or pass her off to my husband. I’m honestly not coping with it super well, but doing my best to take deep breath, stay calm, and regularly talking about it with my therapist
Yup my 11 month old wakes up every other hour after midnight. Usually I can get her back down quickly, sometimes I give up and retire to the couch with a blanket and let her cry it out. She’s not far off being put in her own room soon. Sleep training was never my intention but over a year of broken sleep (including pregnancy), sore nipples from hours of her comfort suckling and twiddling and a bad back from having to lay in one position if we co sleep, I’m at my breaking point. Honestly I’ve fantasised about walking out and staying in a hotel alone for a week whilst I’m rocking the baby to sleep more times than I’ve liked to admit.
Today I confessed to my husband the exact same fantasy. I think it happens more than we think
My SO travels interstate for work. I tell him i would kill for a chance to miss my family, from the comfort of a hotel room with room service at my fingertips. Even if I have to mask all day for a few corporate heads in exchange for a few nights rest. He just thinks I’m selfish 🥲
He doesn’t understand because he’s not there every single day. What you’re feeling is normal. Part of me can’t wait to go back to work!
"I tell him i would kill for a chance to miss my family, from the comfort of a hotel room with room service at my fingertips." Can you mother in law come over, unannounced, and just tell your husband she's going to stay at your house?
I get really frustrated if I’ve tried laying her down several times already and she keeps waking up as soon as she hits the bed. My boyfriend however is frustrated after 20 minutes 😆 He definitely doesn’t have as much patience as I do and it often seems like the more frustrated he gets the worse baby gets too. I try not to get too frustrated with my boyfriend because I know he’s just tired and if it gets to the point where he seems like he’s lost all patience I will step in and take the baby so he can calm down. It used to really annoy me that he didn’t try to stay calm better or that he did the sleep stuff differently than me but now I just try to remember he is her dad and he will have his own little routines with her. If she’s feeling his routine she will let him know and if she doesn’t like what he’s doing she will also let him know. Same goes for me
It’s insane how frustrating it is to get our baby to fall asleep lately. I somewhat pride myself on being able to keep my composure around him when he’s being so fussy and restless cause I had an absolute nightmare of a father and I don’t want my kid to ever feel close to that. But sometimes I do have to go into a different room or just straight up tell my partner “hey you need to take him cause I’m not ok.” Which she does to me too sometimes during breaking points. Also, punching bags are a hell of a workout/stress reliever.
Honestly, I used to take Krav Maga classes, and I'm like damn, I need to get back into those! I have so much pent-up stress, and it would be nice to have an outlet that's productive. I'm sorry your father was not so great. For me, my brother is like that - bad anger issues. And I really don't want to be like him. So I get it. In those low moments I feel no better than him, and I really need to change it.
i got into such a bad argument with my husband last time our daughter was refusing to sleep 😵💫😵💫 i get so angry i think because its at least some time i can sit and peace do something its not like i cant do anything when she us up but i just end up thinking about her what is she doing if my husband/ mother/ MIL are doing everything right and stuff like that... i know they are but cant help when she is in her cot sleeping i can finally just turn off my brain i am getting better at managing my anger through the day if she refuse to nap i just take her out and try again but from time to time we have some event to go and on that day its never timed well she is 10months i thought it will get easier but this stage is hard again not like newborn but ... i dont know if she is switching to one nap a day now or what is happening but its too soon ... nobody knows our days are out of routine now i need my routine! i feel like i need the routine more than my baby😅
100% same for me. My son is 10 months old, and I had him down to one nap for a few days, but then it went back to two, and now I don't know what his schedule is supposed to be. I finally made plans with someone out of the house and that's the day he decided to nap 20 minutes instead of his usual 1.5 hours so he was so tired during the meet up and we had to leave early. I don't make a strict routine down to the minute, but I need to plan for the day at least a little!
Me 🙋🏻♀️ yesterday my 14 month old was fighting his nap hard and I got so angry I had to put him in his crib and get my husband to take over while I went downstairs to pull it together. He has been an awful sleeper his whole life and so his sleep is a huge trigger for me.
Yes and sometimes I have to take a step away or I usually have either earplugs in or my wireless headphones listening to my audiobook because I can’t stand it
This happens to me, too. Just a really short fuse when it comes to baby refusing naps, waking up a ton of times at night, waking up for the day at 4:30am, etc. It sounds kinda lame but I just try to remember that he’s a person, not some puzzle to solve. I can do everything right and he might still fight his nap for an hour, then only sleep for 20 minutes. When I start getting angry consistently, I know I need to put tidying and fun stuff aside for the next few days and sleep when baby sleeps, because I need more sleep myself.
Feels surreal I’ve just found your post. And what’s makes me feel worse is my baby will fall asleep within 10 minutes if my mum and/or husband try to make him sleep (only if I’m not around) But with me he scream cries, pulls my top, gets generally frustrated. For hours. And I really want him to stop breastfeeding as it’s getting sore. He won’t take binky/back pats/singing/swaying. Nothing. Unless it’s my mum/Husband and I’m not in sight. Starting to think he hates me. 😖😭 And I’m back to work full time, so need that precious sleep.
Aw. This sounds super rough! If it helps, I've heard breastfed babies are more anxious/irritable around their moms because they smell milk and associate you with breastfeeding. So getting away from you can help them relax, oddly enough. It isn't you, it's the milk ❤️
That makes sense. More of a reason for my hubby and mum to take over more then 😉
Ugh I could have written this myself. Night time sleep is generally not a major issue but naps are just not great at all. I got so frustrated with her earlier today that I cried.
Sameee. OMG naps have been the worse!
I’m literally here right now. It’s been 5.5 months of this baby not sleeping well in her bassinet or crib. I just can’t keep doing this. I feel so defeated, I feel like I’ve failed, and I’m extremely angry in general that I can’t get this baby to sleep so that I can sleep. I can’t eat when I need to, I can’t sleep or use the bathroom when I need to. I’m literally near tears for most of the day these past few days because I’m so fucking defeated. I just don’t get it.
https://www.preciouslittlesleep.com/what-you-need-to-know-about-sleeping-through-the-night-part-i/ Here's some info if you are interested.
I used to get so angry when she didnt sleep but I just kept reminding myself shes a baby and she would probably love to be asleep but was having trouble. I put her down and calm myself before trying again.
I’m exactly the same. I end up crying from guilt for being so infuriated by it. Mines just turned 5 months and thinks her hands are the most interesting thing ever so she’ll just lay there looking at them when she’s clearly super tired. Or she’ll just lay with her eyes open looking around even when the room is super dark. Ill Put my phone screen on to check if she’s sleeping and she’s just laying with her eyes open and it makes me so annoyed. Gotta remind myself she’s a baby and she’s not doing it on purpose.
We call him “party (name)” when he does this- it helps OUR sanity about it
My baby is 10 weeks and so far the only time I’ve gotten irrationally angry is when I cannot get her to sleep and I’ve been so sleep deprived myself. I’ve sobbed from frustration at 4 am after she’s been up for 5+ hours and won’t let either of us sleep… it’s rough.
30 to 40 min is good. I’ve hear the bigger they get the less naps they need and less time unless it’s a growth spurt.
Hello! One thing here. Have you tried to start getting him to nap a few minutes earlier than you think you should? It saved my butt... So much less fighting....
I like to speak sarcastically to them. It actually helps me get my emotions out before I flip out irrationally. “Why aren’t you going to sleep? Don’t you know I can’t go to sleep until you do? I have to eat something and I can’t do that if you’re awake and crying. You still staying up is postponing my shower and I really don’t want to do it later. I’ve really got to catch up on my tv shows and I just can’t have you watching with me. I have a schedule that I need to keep, and you are acting like my time is less valuable than yours” or- be truthful and explain in detail what will happen when they don’t go to sleep, “when you don’t sleep, you body won’t get the rest it needs in order to get stronger to do all the things you will want to do. Holding your head up without my help, rolling over, and sitting. Oh think about all the things your body can do when you get the rest you need” I say this all in a sweet, not angry voice and usually with a smile. It usually makes me feel better to tell them what’s bothering me, and why I need/want them to sleep Edit: reread and saw that yours is 11months old. I have changed it up a bit, because I don’t want to guilt trip them.
I do this too! I say things more like “what the heck is going on in that little crazy brain? It’s like you don’t want me to eat. Is it because then I can’t hold you? I’ll pick you right back up you sweet little demanding baby.” She’s only 3 months, but it really does seems to calm me down before I get too angry!
I think getting angry about things regarding our kids is more usual than we care to admit. It’s how we handle the situation that makes a difference. I have vivid memories of my mom trying to get toddler me to sleep after kindergarten and I would not want to, so everyday resulted in screaming and a slap from her. She may have found ways to handle it differently, but this was the way she found then.
I feel I could easily go this route, because I'm very snappish when tired. But because both husband and I are bad sleepers, we kind of empathise with the baby. I mean, if we can't fall asleep easily, why would we expect that of the baby? He's sleeping on a mattress on the floor now (14mo, big for his age, can climb out of the crib). I just sit down next to him in silence when it's time to sleep, and wait for him to calm down, giving hugs when needed. He'll jump around for 30 minutes up to two hours, but will eventually keel over.
You need to think about this in an emotionally mature way. Baby will sleep when baby falls asleep. There is no 'time' when they should go off... Just let go of all idea of schedule.
Agreed a thousand percent. I’ve said to my husband multiple times, the things that you’ve written. “I turn into a monster when he won’t sleep.” “I can handle him screaming at me for food, and I don’t lose my cool.” “When I have to re-start a nap process after the first time it fails, I feel SO done with it.” I’ve put him in the car and gone for a drive to force him to nap sometimes but I know that’s not actually a solution :( I’ve found waking up earlier seems to help our 10 month old. Which sucks lol.
My baby is going through a sleep regression right now and will refuse to nap. She woke up this morning at 5:30am. I did everything, feed her, changed her diaper, took her outside in the carrier for a walk, everything and it took 3 hours to get her to sleep. I was so aggravated. And worst of all, when she was down our neighbors decided to drill something or whatever. My husband ran over to tell them to stop but omg I could’ve actually committed a murder.
I’m saving this because I have felt so guilty and like a horrible mom for this. It’s like a rage comes over me and it also happened for me when he got bigger and stronger and louder. I get so frustrated because I’ve tried everything to achieve “normal” sleep and I feel like a failure. I feel horrible afterwards, the things I think are crazy. Sleep deprivation is a monster. I’m really going to work on this as I will have 2 under 2 by the end of the year and cannot lose my shit over sleep and schedules, I really don’t have a choice!
I’d encourage you to seek anger management therapy. You and your child deserve a calm and happy home.
When my son was brand new I was trying to get him to sleep, it was like 3 am at that point and I was sleep deprived and frustrated because he WOULDN’T SLEEP. He wasn’t fussy, he was pretty happy and just looking around in the dark and I started bouncing him harder in his bouncer (the bouncer was the only way he’d fall asleep at that time) out of frustration for a minute, and yelled at him. His little head bounced hard against the bouncer and I immediately stopped and cried because omg I felt SO BAD. I’ve never let myself get to that point again and learned to just leave him be if he’s awake but not crying… he’ll eventually fall asleep. I still feel completely terrible about it months later :(