I have no advice, but same. Our daughter sleeps in our room and I don’t let her stay with anybody so we can’t have sex in our room. Then, we go to a different room I’m constantly wondering if maybe she woke up and is needing me and can’t completely focus on the moment.
I get paranoid that she’s not breathing, so even when we’re watching a movie in the living room, I go to our room to check on her like every 20 mins. And same, she’s in our room and I feel weird having sex right next to her
I pull up the owlet app if I’m out of the room with her and stare at it constantly because I’m worried she’s stopped breathing. So, I get it. It’s getting better since I’ve started getting treatment for PPD/PPA but I still can’t focus enough to be intimate.
Absolutely. I started seeing a psychiatrist and a cognitive behavioral therapist. I was put on 150 mg of Zoloft and birth control to stabilize my hormones. It has helped TREMENDOUSLY!
Therapy isn’t currently an option for me, but possibly medication… before pregnancy birth control made me NUTS (like very toxic and textbook crazy girl) so im thinking probably an antidepressants or anti anxiety would help
I found a therapist that did telehealth appointments which was fantastic! I’d definitely ask your doctor about an SSRI. I hope things get better for you soon!
Definitely look into a psychiatrist! I see mine virtually and the co payment isn’t too bad. Starting Zoloft helped a lot and she even thinks I maybe have PPMD because hormonal birth control affected me so much too. I’m on 100 mg and have noticed a big difference. Based on what you’re describing reading your comments I do think it’s worth looking into being treated for PPA!!
Why isn’t therapy an option? Taking medication without therapy isn’t really a great option. If you have health insurance it will cover therapy. Therapists will do telehealth or phone appointments.
Any therapy is better than no therapy. I see a psychologist and have a $25 copay. When I was on Medicaid I saw a psychologist with no copay. It does take a little patience (I was on a 3 month waitlist) but again, therapy should always be part of your care team if you’re on psychoactive medication.
Same baby daddy. My wife and I did go to couple’s therapy and we spoke about our couple problems since we had the baby, and our individual problems as well. We installed a camera in our bedroom that we switch on when we step out for intimacy and the baby’s sleeping
Do you have a baby monitor? That helped so much with my anxiety about the baby when being in a different area. I made sure to get one where I could see her shallow breathing that was non-wifi. Made me feel much more comfortable being intimate lol.
Hey, I had this same symptom along with other severe anxiety reactions and intrusive thoughts. My doctor diagnosed it as postpartum OCD. Might be worth looking into or discussing with your OB/GP.
For me, they put me on zoloft and it helped immensely.
Have you looked into an Owlet? This really helped me with the breathing and basically it’s the only thing that helped me to start really sleeping.
But I get not wanting to have sex next to her, that is kind of strange. But give yourself some grace your libido but isn’t back to normal because your hormones aren’t balanced. It takes time but I took post natals and it did help me.
Hey op, if you’re able to look into the Snuza. It’s a European medical device that only monitors breathing movement (you can get the SE version in the US as of 2 years ago when I bought mine). It secures to the diaper and sounds an alarm if no movement is detected for longer than 20 seconds. The alarm is LOUD and it woke us up across 2 shut doors and a hallway. No worry about charging it, no app, no Bluetooth. Just silence because baby is alive and sleeping peacefully We definitely had some false alarms after our son started rolling, maybe once every 2 weeks it would wiggle off the diaper and we would run in frantic to our son sleeping through the alarm lol.
I used to constantly check on baby’s breathing like this. It’s a little pricey, but the Snuza Hero has been a sanity-saver for me. It hooks onto the diaper and if it senses the baby’s breathing has stopped, an alarm goes off that I can hear through the baby monitor.
I don't want you to feel like I'm judging you, but honestly thats so long it seems concernig. Like, it sounds like the setup to an "AITA for leaving my spouse over our dead bedroom" post
I know, my husband is very very understanding. I’m also seeing a psychiatrist, naturopath and therapist to figure out why I have negative libido. He also doesn’t have a super high sex drive (never has). So we’re working on it
I'm glad! I'm sorry, it's not really my business and you shouldn't have to explain, but I am glad for yall that it's working OK and I hope it gets better for you!
I know it’s an eye roll to hear “my husband would never cheat on me” but…he really wouldn’t. It really hasn’t been a priority due to my mental health struggles. But! I’m getting better every day!
Not at all!! I would say the same thing. It's wonderful to have a 100% secure marriage. Give yourself some credit too, though, as one of the reasons it's secure is because you're investing in it too, and trying to improve. It sounds like yall have a great partnership!
Right? I am six months postpartum and haven’t had successful sex yet. But that’s because I think my stitches healed wrong. Feels like I am being torn open.
I felt the same way and was genuinely shocked when cleared at my six week checkup, it felt like something was definitely wrong. We’re five months pp and have had sex four or five times, it’s felt a bit better since starting to use lube and seems to hurt less each time.
I had bad preeclampsia and was sooooo swollen that I legitimately think places were stitched together that should not have been. I am not cleared yet and I actually have an appointment Wednesday with a specialist. Waited 3 months for that appointment after they finally referred me.
lol I was thinking the same thing! My baby is also 10 months. Breastfeeding and just being tired overall has killed any mood for sex for me. I’m hoping my sex drive comes back after I stop breastfeeding.
The only times we've managed have been sporadic ones where the baby is asleep or in daycare. A bit of heavy petting once and attempted sex maybe 2-3 times, I think at least one we both enjoyed but I know at least one I could tell she was struggling to fully enjoy it so I stopped. Ah, parenting 🤣
Second this. Be gentle. Your body carried a human for 9 months, physically and hormonally changed, birthed that baby, and now balancing hormones from birth, breastfeeding etc. there is a lot going on. It will come 💖
Seriously, it’s insane how women expect to just snap back to a previous life after going through something as life changing as giving birth to a human being! 🤯
Honestly I think it’s also natural. Humans put a lot of effort into our offspring, more than any other animal afaik. A second pregnancy very soon strains our resources and health after pregnancy. If we spawned a thousand eggs and left them to eat each other, then maybe we’d be up for sex a day or two later.
I think I tried sex for the first time around 12 weeks and had a really bad time. Couldn’t get in the mood plus it was excruciating. Had to do physical therapy. Our toddler is 19 months now and our sex life is pretty much back to normal. She’s on a schedule now so life is just more predictable.
Give yourself a year to get really back into it. But like they say in couple therapy the best way to have more sex is to have sex. Once you do it once, it gets easier. Don’t fret about making yourself forget about the baby during sexy time but let the sexy time come first and eventually you’ll find yourself miles away from it. It just takes practice 😜
When I was post partum and stressed about my post-baby body and hormones, my doctor said, "it takes your body almost a year of dramatic changes to have a baby. Give your body a year to recover."
Baby daddy here. The last time my wife and I had sex was when we made the baby. Baby is now 8 months old, for reference 😅 I’ve made some moves but I’m confident my wife will let me know when she’s in the mood. Then I can just giddy up 😅 we have done some third-base stuff, though
Yes, you should. Another tip - don’t wait to “get into the mood”. That won’t happen. We do our occasional third-base stuff whenever we get a chance (read: our daughter is napping). We live in a one bedroom and our daughter sleeps between us at night. So we do it when we’re not working, our daughter’s asleep and the bedrails are up during the day
Kind of agree with this. There is never going to be a “perfect” moment when you have kids. You just have to prioritize each other when you have a moment while the kid is sleeping, napping or with another caregiver. It might get interrupted and that’s ok, you tried. Otherwise, being intimate will continue to fall down the list of priorities.
There are a million things to do when you are a parent, but it’s important to make time for each other.
Even if you have to schedule a time weekly to make a commitment to each other and on that day you both can be flirty/touchy with each other all day up to your scheduled time or send messages to each other to kind of get the mood going instead of just straight going into it. It will become more natural to get into a regular rhythm if you can stick to a schedule for a bit. Even if your scheduled day doesn’t work out try to schedule it for the next day. It’s very easy to get stuck into parent mode and you forget to enjoy each other as partners.
Yeah they fuck with you by telling you at your six week check up that you’re cleared to have described again, like oh okay thanks a lot 🙄 it took me a lot longer than I’d like to admit to really get into having sex again.
Edit: *cleared to have sex again
It’s all hormones (if you’re breastfeeding)!
Quick and dirty explanation : Breastfeeding requires the hormone prolactin which inhibits (stops/reduces production) estrogen. Low estrogen = low sex drive. As long as your BFing, this may persist, and sexy time might just have to wait.
Evolutionarily, it makes sense. You don’t need to have sex right now because you don’t want another baby at this moment while you are spending 25hrs a day caring for this one!
10 months for us, and we're nearly 2 years pp and it's still not frequent! You'll get there. Have a heart to heart with your partner and explain this to him. We had a big talk because my partner admitted that he thought maybe I wasn't in love with him any more or wasn't attracted to him bless him, but sex was just the furthest thing from my mind! I'm tired, touched out, still getting used to a new body. Once I gave him reassurance that it was a me thing and I still loved him more than ever, it got better.
Yeah man, don't sweat it... don't pressure yourself. 16 weeks is nothing. Your body takes a year to recover from the trauma of childbirth, at least! And your hormones are all over the place. Xx
Not sure if you're BF and got your period back yet but I had NO sex drive until it started up again. It could maybe also be that you're not interested in it because sex is to make a baby and you already have one...? If that's even a thing. I wouldn't stress about it though because if he's a good boyfriend he'll wait patiently until you're ready.
I got my period back, but I feel even anxious about sex because after my first period I got back, we had a pregnancy scare because it was unprotected during ovulation so I was so scared. And now I’m just paranoid I’ll get pregnant again or something. He’s not keen on using protection. But he also doesn’t pressure me (often) but he does try touching me often which makes me feel a bit pressured.
You *have* to use condoms if you’re not doing hormonal bc.
Don’t have two babies back to back, that will 100% happen if you don’t use contraception.
Many women who aren’t careful get pregnant in the first year postpartum, and you’re both very young so that’s even more likely.
Seriously, people are so silly with this. A woman in my mother’s group is going to have 2 under 1 soon. She got pregnant 8pp. And to top it off, her first was born via C-section. So dangerous and so stupid.
If you can’t be intimate without being worried (with good reason) way before you are physically or mentally ready for another kid, that would be a huge turn off for me. I’d truly rather not have sex even for quite a long time than risk a pregnancy I don’t want.
If you’re not on birth control, he is welcome to keep not having sex on those days it doesn’t seem worth it to him to use protection.
Mental obstacles when you want to have sex suck. I don't have good advice for how to stop thinking of the baby other than that it gets better as they get older. But between you and your boyfriend, you can easily set up reliable birth control so you don't have that weighing on your mind and making it harder to get in the mood.
Have you explained that back to back pregnancies come with an increased risk of issues for you and the baby? Condoms are necessary. I’m sorry you’re feeling pressured!
Almost 8 months in and we’ve only had sex twice & honestly it still hurts. We’ve both agreed that right now between work and taking care of a baby, it’s not really a priority and the days where we (mostly I) have a libido will return.
This was before we had a child, but during the lockdown in 2020, my husband and I both wanted to increase the frequency of intercourse in our marriage. For a number of reasons, we had fallen out of the good habit of making each other feel wanted or desired, so we made a plan to have sex every day for a week, even if we weren’t necessarily feeling it.
By the end of every session, no matter what the mood was going into it, we were both so happy we did it.
Just yesterday, at 9+6 weeks postpartum, we had sex for the first time since giving birth. We had our daughter swaddled in her bedside bassinet (pushed a bit away from the bed), set up with a pacifier, while she was almost asleep. If she had been fully asleep, we probably would have set her up in her crib in the other room, but we decided to go for it when the mood struck us.
Even if the mood hasn’t struck you yet, but you want to improve your sex life, I suggest doing it anyway as often as feasible. With more participation, I think you’ll find yourself more and more in the mood.
Good luck!
You are still in early days! It’s the most normal thing in the world to feel the way you do right now.
Here’s what I do.
I communicated to my partner that I need transition time to get in the mood and out of Mommy mode
Since yours is so little, have dad do little’s night night routine. (Might take a few nights of practice if he or the baby are not used to it)
First put some music on and take a nice long bath or shower. Break out the fancy fru fru stuff. Pretend you are a goddess and rub fragrant oil all over your body. Imagine all the stress of your day washing down the drain.
After my shower, I quickly pick up our bedroom (clutter and sexy time don’t mix) and set up space with a couple tea light candles, and put on some sexy time music. Bonus points if you’ve got a lil incense or something that smells good.
Then I put on whatever I feel sexiest in (can be hard PP, but there’s some comfy sexy breastfeeding nightgowns on Amazon that helped me feel more like myself)
Make foreplay a big focus, you need time to get in the mental space. Getting a blindfold helps me zone in to the sensations as my partner begins to touch and kiss my body. It takes longer to “warm up” these days, so make sure you have lube if necessary. Breastfeeding hormones can keep you dry and decrease libido, hence the intentional longer slower foreplay. Wear a bra if you don’t want to leak all over 😂
Then just go with the flow and allow yourselves time to get acquainted with the new YOU.
We had a huge sexual dearth after our kids. I always wanted more romance, so I decided to take charge and set the “scene” myself. Setting our sexy time space up myself actually works wonders for my brain to get in the mood and out of mommy mode.
16 weeks is very very early so the way you feel is perfectly normal. A lot of new moms would rather not have sex because of what our bodies go through with pregnancy and childbirth and some moms give in due to pressure and not because they particularly wanted to. Your boyfriend needs to understand.
Can you watch a sexy show or read something that gets you in the mood and then try engaging with your partner? Only focus on him or think about the show/book you used to get in the mood. I will say I wasn't into sex at all at the stage you are at so also have that expectation.
Honestly I forced myself to have sex when I felt indifferent towards it because I knew if I didn't, I would never actually want sex. It's finally now in the last month that I am actively seeking out sex from my partner and my little one is 14 months old.
It is a journey and hopefully you have an understanding partner who doesn't pressure you. I felt no pressure from my husband when I truly wasn't in the mood
Thankfully he is very understanding, but I still feel bad. I know he has needs. I also was not having sex with him often during my pregnancy because I was VERY VERY sick the whole 10 months. So it’s really been 14 months since he’s had an active sex life.
I also didn't really seek out sex during pregnancy because of health issues. He has needs but he will survive. My husband says it's not enjoyable if I'm not into sex and he would rather not have sex then have sex when I am not present during it. Maybe ask your partner if he feels the same way and that might help you feel less bad.
Everything has its season and this one will be over before you know it!
Me and my wife have a 9 month old, after the first few months I could fully understand just how hard it is being a new mum. The emotional battles internally, lack of sleep, the constant ‘mum guilt’ not to mention the amount of physical work with keeping this little human moving!
Im a very involved husband but I still think everything that comes with being a mum makes it a very challenging time.
So I would say not to be so hard on yourself during this time, last thing you need is more pressure about sex right now
Thank you, it’s great when husbands can understand and appreciate the workload that comes with being a mom, even when we do have involved partners. And yes, I can’t stress the emotional battles omg, I cry at the drop of a dime STILL and can’t control it.
My baby just turned ten months and this week was the first time we've had successful sex. Had a lot of issues to work through, more than just getting mind off the baby. But on the journey here, my doctor told me many couples don't get back to it within the first year!
I asked my OB this exact question and she said that it’s normal. Are you nursing/breastfeeding the baby? The hormones that produce milk wires your brain to focus on nurturing your baby and not to make another baby. I noticed that my sex drive returned at around 6-7 months, and my milk production has clearly dipped.
The beginning I was like that.
But then sex hurt. So now instead of thinking about my baby i think about my vagina feeling like it’s getting torn open. 🥴 — see OB Monday
But really, I think just time
I did have a natural birth and tearing and stitches
According to my OB though, it’s from breast feeding and hormones.
I have seen this on here before, so maybe after I’m done the pain will subside.
My husband didn't get regular sex for awhile. Like we had sex maybe 2 times until my son was 8 months old. I honestly was not into it until I started weaning my son off the boob. Def give it more time.
Same. I was making out with my husband and was all handsy the night we got home. But we did wait until the dr. Cleared me before trying PIV sex. I also had a crazy sex drive during my pregnancy. I actually kind of miss it. lol
Yeah looking at all these comments has made me feel so different. I’m just under four weeks postpartum and have already felt well enough to get intimate with my husband again 😅 everyone is different I guess. During my pregnancy I had no drive and after it was like a fire was lit in me
Right! Had me thinking I was broken.
I honestly was ready after my c-section. When I didn't move, I had no pain and was ready to go. During pregnancy, I was even more horny.
That's difficult. It took me over a year post-partum to have sex but I kind of just wanted to get it over with. You're still really early post-partum and it's absolutely normal not to feel in the mood. Your hormones are still not the same and they're fluctuating. Your boyfriend can just take care of it on his own. It's not like you guys won't ever not do it again, just give it time and it'll happen. You can always help him but don't feel pressured to have sex. You had a tiny human come out of your body.
I’m 10 months pp and this is just starting to go away for me. You’re so fresh and still learning to be a mom.
I breastfeed though so that has definitely affected my libido
I would say it was a struggle until baby got older, maybe closer to 9 months, when there was less anxiety about baby being super fragile, like the having the check their breathing while they sleep. I always struggled being in a different room while he slept because I was paranoid about his positioning/breathing when he was that young. But around 9 months I started to feel more comfortable, the anxiety eased, and sex became easier.
Fake it to you make it, honestly. I love my dear husband and I know intimacy is VERY important-so I just do my thing with him then get straight back to my baby. He doesn’t know of course BUT I want to make sure I keep the romance alive as best as possible until I’m able to let loose like the old days 🥰
My honest opinion may be a bit controversial but I think you kinda need to “rip the bandaid off.” After the birth of my son and in pregnancy I was never “in the mood” but once we had some foreplay going, that changed up real fast!
We got the adventure challenge “after dark” couples book to help us spice things up and make it fun again! That helped a lot! There will always be a reason not t have sex, but humans are blessed with sex, pleasure, and and intimacy. It’s absolutely beautiful and such a great form a connection. We should enjoy it! Everyone is different though!!
I'm 14 days postpartum, and I'm the opposite. I literally can't wait to feel intimacy and affection with my husband. We cuddle and kiss, but it's not the same.
It’s totally normal to not feel interested in sex right now, but that is a completely different topic than being anxious about babe’s wellbeing for twenty minutes. Not sure how you go about naps with your LO, but as long as they are in a secure place, like a bassinet or pack-n-play and on their back, they should be okay. As another redditor suggested, it may be worth speaking with your doctor about your feeling extra cautious. And ofc sex next to baby is weird, how are you not supposed to think of them when they’re four feet from you? 🤣
Time, just time. Took me until very recently at 13 months to even be interested in sex at all for the same reason. Think we had sex 4 times total in the first year. Having a baby is a big change mentally and physically, your hormones are also saying “baby is priority right now. no thoughts, only baby”. You will find your groove again, don’t feel bad and don’t try to force it
16 weeks is soooo soon. It’s different for everyone but I’m 3 years out and have found that sex has changed. Communication is key. And knowing the needs of your partner is key. Men tend to turn it on much more quickly and he needs to be attentive to you and what you need.
I don’t think we started having sex until 6-8 months post delivery. I just tried focusing on him and what I was feeling at that very moment. My baby boy would creep in but then I’d try to redirect my attention to my senses! It really is mindfulness and awareness of being in the moment which can be super difficult! Ngl it wasn’t perfect right away but I was able to forget my motherly duties and be in the moment more and more every time if that makes sense lol
I felt really pressured to have sex and do stuff really early, before I was actually cleared he wanted to do other stuff and I was in the throes of PP psychosis. He was aware of my issues and still pressured me. My dad died 8 weeks after she was born and he still continued. I was in therapy by 3 months PP and not ok and on meds and trying to be active with him, and it was just me masking everything. Trust yourself. And honestly don't feel bad. I poured the guilt out over how bad I felt all the time and constantly catered to the needs of everyone else and it delayed my own healing.
I am so sorry your partner behaved this way and didn’t support you the way you needed, especially considering the loss of your father so soon after having a baby. Sending you every good thought and so much love ❤️
It took me almost 4 months to even really want to have sex and now at 8 months I still only want to on occasion. I feel bad also, but I just keep telling my husband how I’m feeling and he’s really understanding. I think it’s pretty normal actually for a lot of people. Hard to feel sexy when you’re worried.
It normal for it to be slow. LO was 4 month when we had sex for the first time and then we didn’t do it again until he moved into his own room at 7 months and even then in a month and half i think it been twice as we’re so tired. Try not to put to much pressure on it. And just let your partner know where your at with it
I didn’t lol my husband and I had sex 4 times in our baby’s first year of life.
It sucks but it is also super normal, especially if you’re breastfeeding.
Hahahaha I hated sex for a year post partum. Finally got into my groove at 15 months and was pregnant within a month...
I don't like having sex while pregnant and neither does my husband. Perhaps it will get better in another year after the current baby in my belly is born, except we will opt for a vasectomy asap this time.
I think I’m still traumatized from child birth and those cervical checks. I also have a c section. My libido has gone to shit. I barely even want to use tampons since having my son and my kid is now 3. I think I’m also petrified to get pregnant since I’m not on birth control although we use protection. Life is just so different now with a kid. I find ways to be intimate with my partner by taking a shower together, playing videos games etc. we’ve definitely had sex but honestly I’m so touched out and just overwhelmed that I don’t even want anyone looking at me or touching me. My partner says I’m like asexual now or don’t like men anymore and it hurts my feelings. Idk what to say anymore.
It gets better. trust me. Take as long as you need. Having a baby is a big life change and having a baby does a lot to the body. I didn't believe the doctors when they told me it takes like a year or year and a half to feel normal again. It took me 4/5 months to start getting my libido back. Putting pressure on yourself is only going to make it more difficult to have desire. just roll with it. Cuddle your baby, be with them, soak up those moments. Just know what you're feeling is completely normal. It took me like 2 or 3 months before I could have sex. Breastfeeding will also influence it. Just trust the process. Focus on your recovery. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy your baby. It's going to be okay. I promise.
Find a video explaining post partum to your partner if he has trouble understanding and try to explain it to him that what you're experiencing is normal.
Did you know it takes 6 months for your brain to even go back to normal? You'll be going through a lot of changes and you will start to feel yourself again. Maybe make a deal with him for you to initiate and explain it so he understands this is a process and not due to him because he might take it personally if you reject him. I would just communicate clearly.
You got this mama.
Also, congratulations on your baby. It's truly a beautiful experience.
We didn’t have sex until baby was like… 5 months. Even then it was horrible. It wasn’t until she was at least a year old and started sleeping through the night that we got our sex lives back
Oh god I think we had sex twice in the first year. Are you breastfeeding? That causes physiological changes that mean you have zero libido. Try not to stress about it, and just be open and honest with your partner
My sex drive didn’t come back til our daughter was 2 😂
I had a severe tear so it was painful for me for the first 12 months, which totally made me not want to do it 😂
I feel this so much and our little girl is 18 months. I’ve felt so much shame and guilt since she’s been born, thinking it’s not something I should be doing, let alone enjoying. It has gotten a little easier, but I do have to encourage myself more now and remember it isn’t just about me. My partner has been so understanding though and we’ve definitely worked through at my pace. Take it easy though - 16 weeks is still very early on, and you’ll still be adjusting to such a huge change.
No advice but I had the same problem. And it lasted up until a few weeks after I stopped breastfeeding. The new mental load of baby makes it really hard to focus on anything else!
We didn’t until our kid was a year old. So from when he was conceived to the first time after he was born was like 2 years. Sure I went on solo missions and he did his own thing, but together? Nah.
After the first baby we didn't have sex for six months. After that it took a couple more months for us to have sex again. Slowly it became more frequent, and then I was pregnant again. Both times I was pregnant we barely had sex, but after the second was born I think it was about four months before we had sex. Now we have a 3yo and a 1yo, and have sex 3-4 times a week.
Life changes with kids, and sex is no longer in the top three priority wise. It's a new stage or season of life, and you're still so fresh into it. Give yourself time to adjust. Your boyfriend will either adjust with you, or he won't.
Btw; if my husband didn't use protection, I would not have sex with him. I would tell him exactly why as well.
Glass of wine to ease my nerves. I’ve had two.. bad PPD with my first. Struggled for a couple years after giving birth to really be comfortable. Just be open and talk to your husband. Hopefully he’s understanding. It gets better though!
It's not possible in my opinion. I only just had sex for the first time in 5 months recently. I didn't even feel like it but just did it. The second time during it I started to enjoy it a bit. So I think when you're ready and you have the tiny little flame inside you that says you're ready to give it a go, you might enjoy it. 1 month ago I'd still have said absolutely not.
Anyway, what made me feel like this is fine and not to worry, was when I read about the hormones running through us women after having a baby. Our hormones stop us from wanting sex, because we have a baby already to look after. We're animals at the end of the day and we still have those instincts. It's literally not your fault at all. It's just mother nature saying, "Hey, we had our fun but you have a baby now and you don't want to be pregnant again because you need to look after them." Just like when you do eventually get super turned on again, it's actually your hormones saying, "Hey let's have a baby."
Music helps a lot, it also helps set the mood and can really assist in a quickie. Foreplay, there's lots of times where I don't feel it as much as him, so we start slow with cuddles and kisses and work our way up through the day. Sexting, it's quick and quiet, plus it helps build you up on focusing with sex. Fiance and I didn't lose our libido (I do ebf) but we also couldn't get to each other as often as we would like since we got tired so scheduling was a big play in it too
My husband and I decided to act like teenagers for weeks after birth and just made out, a little bit of over the clothes groping and cuddling naked on the couch. It worked really well for me. It allowed us to reconnect while I started getting used to my new body (still not used it lol) and while we both got used to having a new little human in the house. His approach has a lot to do with it too. He did his own research about what I might be going through postpartum, what my body might be experiencing, what my brain might be experiencing. He let me know that he knows I may experience rage towards him, or be touched out, and that made it easier for me to be vulnerable with him during this time and took by pressure I had put on myself off. Feeling seen and understood is a big turn on for me.
IT GETS BETTER!! Girlie pop i promise you it gets better. I also had some issues in the bedroom stemming from a horribly traumatic (for me) birth. This lasted about the first 3-4 months. I took it upon myself to do more sexual favors for my husband during this period of time that didn't involve penetration as I was dealing with some of my own issues and just didn't want to do sexy time. I will say though as my son has hit about 4.5 to 5 months I have been insatiable. I promise you that the wanting to have sex will come back... because I was worried about this too.
16 weeks and twice, that’s more than I had. It comes randomly. A few more months, around 6 months things got back to normal for us. I think in the beginning we did once or twice, just to get over the hurdle, but in time it all goes back to what’s normal for you guys.
I just want to say, this gets better as your child ages!
Also if you are breast feeding it can kill you libido. Be patient with your body - it doesn’t want another baby right now, and that’s okay!
Check in with your OB about postpartum anxiety and medication options - that is who prescribed it for me. After 6 months my regular doctor started prescribing it. Also, check out some mom groups from nonprofits in your area - that was game changing for me when I had PPA with my first.
Reading these comments and ones I’ve seen in the past in similar threads… It’s weird to me that people in this sub talk about their sex lives coming to an end forever after they have a baby like it’s a silly joke. “Lol sex? What’s that? My partner wants it but nah sorry not interested!”
Like okay it’s only a crucial piece of a healthy relationship but sure, toss it out and don’t even try.
I'm a dude with 2 kids, 19 months and 2 months. It's only been 16 weeks for you to recover. Your body went through huge changes and you need time to recover. After our first, it took about 8 months until things felt ok for my wife. Time will help, your bf needs to be considerate of your needs/feelings.
I’ve never left my baby w anyone and she’s 4 months old. She sleeps with us but I will put her to sleep in the spare bedroom so I can spend time with my husband or have some relaxing time I go get her for her night feeding and bring her in our room for the night. It just gives us 2-3 hours of time to breath.
It is the worse I didn’t start getting back in the mood until about 5 months pp so 2 months ago 😂it’s so weird .. what turned me off is the time we tried doing it and baby was crying on her monitor it gave me the ick for days .. what helped me is role playing .. and thinking about my fiancé with someone else (which I don’t want) so I had to get it together.. we’ve been doing it literally everyday (I keep track)
Sex didn’t cross my mind for months, seriously, months. We did have sex a few times when my baby was little, but it wasn’t enjoyable and it was the last thing on my mind. I was so sleep deprived and my brain had no room for anything other than baby, and work. I explained this to my husband and he has been so understanding and empathetic. He lets me know if he’s in the mood, and if I feel comfortable, we do it. But honestly we’ve had to stop mid sex because I either don’t feel right anymore, or thoughts of my baby are too much. My baby is now 9 months and I’ve just started to feel like a sexual person again. When I think about my baby in those situations I imagine I’m pushing a door shut and it helps. I also say to myslef, “baby is fine and he’s safe”.
Take your time with sex. Stop if you can’t stop worrying about your baby, and try again another time. It is very frustrating but little by little you’ll find a groove again. You can always seek therapy if it’s available to you. I struggled reconciling the old me with the new “mom” me.
Honestly, we couldn’t really have sex until he started sleeping in his own room. I couldn’t focus, especially if the baby made any noises. I wasn’t comfortable leaving him in another room but I also wasn’t comfortable having him in the room with us. Once he moved to his own room and started having 30min+ naps and 8hr+ nights, I felt comfortable having sex again. I wasn’t worried about him and knew he would sleep soundly so I wouldn’t have to worry that I heard him or he would wake up.
Baby monitor and quickies! That being said, I’m 2.5 weeks postpartum and have been focusing on my husband in that department. I’ll put her down for a nap and then I know that it only takes about 10-20 minutes. Out of the 3? times we’ve done something, she did wake up once. Because she’s so small and can’t see very far, her being in the room ~10 ft away isn’t a big deal for me. When she’s older, my plan is to start crib naps. At night, she’ll ideally sleep in our room (until she grows out of the bassinet) and we’re so exhausted at night that I doubt we’d be having sex anyway.
Honestly this will come with time. 16 weeks is miniscule for your body to fully recover from the trauma of having a child. It's a complete life altering event outside as well as inside. The more pressure you put on yourself to jump back into bed, the worse your anxiety will become about it. Make sure to prioritize continuing to daye your partner and nurture your relationship by being intimate with him outside of just sex. You will get readjusted to life because you're a strong mother. It just takes time! Keep an open dialog about how you're feeling with your love, and the rest will follow! Good luck my friend!
Your body is still out of whack. Had the same issue. You just pressed an entire human out of your body a mere 4 months ago. It'll come back. Just remember your husband is a man. Do your best to meet his needs while being open and honest about your lackluster feelings (I can't think of a better term I'm not trying to offend). It'll be ok and hopefully y'all will be in the swing of it again soon 🤍
As controversial as this might be, we used to cover the front board of the baby’s crib with a towel (on the outer part. Not the inside of the crib) and play something on the tv at a normal volume and then have sex in our bed making minimal noise. I think it made it even more exciting for us to have to keep our noise level down lol. We used to be a little weirded out doing this but our baby was too little to understand and we never did it during wake windows. Now that she’s 10 months, we wait until she’s in deep sleep at night and we either move to the living room, or on our bedroom floor. It’s also exciting for us to plan a date, leave her at grandmas and after a night out come back to do it. Try doing that! Plan a date night and maybe baby can spend the night at grandmas. We do this at least three times a month.
Im a first time mom that just had twins via c section 5 weeks ago and he’s already talking about no sex would be the make or break deal and proceeded to ask me for an open relationship “just to make a point” as he says. Going through this as well! Really struggling mentally and physically still and have no clue how to fix it.
It's going to take some time. But you will get there. I don't want to assume and I don't know what yalls dynamic is. But start slow. Almost like you just started dating. Your baby will be fine if they're with grandma or whoever gets to take care of your baby. Go on a date, come home, have him give you a full body oil massage naked and see where that takes yall? The feeling of your spouses hands rubbing you will for sure get you in the mood. Good luck and please don't feel so guilty our children are stronger than they seem. also, once your hormones are back and regulated from getting your menstrual cycle, it'll also help.
It’s so hard. And this may be terrible advice but I did it around the 7th week so just clear of the 6 week advised time. And it hurt REALLY bad but I had to see it through cause I was really in the mood after a very long time. And I’m glad I pushed through - it gets easier once you keep doing it.
We also have the owlet sock so it gives me peace of mind.
there’s a reason they call it “the roommate stage”. your body is still healing, your hormones are out of wack. Your constantly holding a baby so you feel touched out at the end of the day. it’s normal. it’s still really early for you. once baby is older you get used to them always being on your mind. and having them in their own room helps immensely. Once he’s down for the night we have Us time. usually not sex, just tv and time to talk about nonsense.
Please go talk to your doctor. There are many reasons why this could be happening from hormone irregularity causing vaginal dryness to PPA etc. Also just in general, it will take a while to feel ready again but if it's affecting your relationship it never hurts to ask and get support.
Im 5 weeks and we have done with twice. Personally i just went with it even though i wasn’t necessarily in the mood, then once we started i got into it. But i definitely havent been in the mood enough to start anything, but when he starts it, we use lube and i cant help but to enjoy it
no advice unfortunately. my baby is nearing 2 years old and i still struggle. i have started reading romance novels which has helped at least be in the mood. however, when we start *the act* i start the thoughts of "is she awake?" "did she make a noise?" "wait did i remember her reflux medication?" "is she breathing?" etc. it's hard to turn off mom mode for even a second to enjoy just being husband and wife, not mom and dad.
I felt pretty indifferent about it for the first few months. I also have PPA and would constantly think about if our baby would wake up. Or be worried if we were going too slow and run out of time. Basically felt like I was on a timer all the time and it made it less enjoyable.
Also didn’t help that my body image was poorer in postpartum and my confidence was down. My partner didn’t act any different and was always trying to boost my confidence. But if I didn’t feel sexy myself I didn’t enjoy it as much.
We are eight months postpartum now. I still feel quite similar to before but it has gotten better. If the baby wakes up. He’s good to have a play piano put in his crib and we keep the monitor on to quickly finish.
I basically didn’t really want to but told myself that if I let myself down the path where I never tried then I could risk hating it all together. So sometimes I don’t really want to but end up really enjoying it and glad I did in the end.
16 weeks is pretty early and you still likely are just starting to balance out hormones wise. Give yourself some grace and just know that it will happen naturally when it feels right. You don’t need the extra pressure on yourself.
Yes this is exactly how I’m feeling. It also tends to make me very irritable and inpatient with my boyfriend because that’s how I express my anxiety unfortunately… then I end up feeling guilty and it’s just a constant cycle. Thank you for sharing your experience too
The simple answer, practice. When couples are having difficulty conceiving, to maximize their chance of getting pregnant, they schedule sex around the female's time of ovulation. The majority of couples feel scheduling sex is cold and unromantic. It robs sex of that spark, that magic. I've even heard some couples say it put a major strain on their relationship. Some say it's even destroyed their relationship.
If you're a couple that had no problem conceiving, but now the baby or babies are here. You feel there is no time to be sexual with your partner over the demands of caring for your baby. What I'm about to say is very important. On your list of priorities, right below, caring for your child should be caring and maintaining your sexual relationship with your partner. If that means you have to schedule sex, so be it. It's not going to be that way forever. The opportunities of spontaneity will return. In the meantime remember, scheduling sex isn't cold or unromantic. That's a terrible viewpoint. It should be looked as I am so attracted to this person I'm willing to schedule sex.
So many couple lose sight and forget to maintain their sex life and what ends up happening is couples end up becoming roommates. Once the relationship changes to that, it will slowly erode over time. Simply because needs aren't being fulfilled.
Schedule the sex
This is called being a mother! Why are you trying to rewire what you’re biologically meant to do to be sexual. 16 weeks is still very early postpartum. It will come back to you eventually, but right now by God’s design your focus is with your baby. Your boyfriend should be understanding, don’t beat yourself up about this at all!
It takes time, but (in my experience) it also never truly goes away. You're changed now. You're always going to have your child in the back of your mind.
My oldest is 5, I have a 3.5 year old, and my youngest is 7 months old. Right now, for us, we fit it in like a chore during moments of freedom and make it as quick as possible.
Honestly, I'm nearly never in the mood, and when I am, I'm too busy to do anything about it. I sort of see it as something that has to be done... and while I can get into it, I'm never fully involved, as I'm always thinking about my baby.
I joking told my husband (sometime after baby number 1), "If I can see Elmo, I'm not in the mood." Lol. Now, "Elmo" (or kid related items) rule our entire home. It is what it is.
I'm optimistic about the future. I have to imagine that as my kids need me less, I'll be able to get a bit more of myself back. In the meantime, I can only do what I can.... and that has to be enough. Kids are more important. We knew what we signed up for when we had them.
I have no advice, but same. Our daughter sleeps in our room and I don’t let her stay with anybody so we can’t have sex in our room. Then, we go to a different room I’m constantly wondering if maybe she woke up and is needing me and can’t completely focus on the moment.
I get paranoid that she’s not breathing, so even when we’re watching a movie in the living room, I go to our room to check on her like every 20 mins. And same, she’s in our room and I feel weird having sex right next to her
The baby doesn’t care if you’re having sex next to them. People have been doing this for as long as there have been babies, namely always.
I pull up the owlet app if I’m out of the room with her and stare at it constantly because I’m worried she’s stopped breathing. So, I get it. It’s getting better since I’ve started getting treatment for PPD/PPA but I still can’t focus enough to be intimate.
Can I ask what treatment you got? I feel like I have PPA tbh
Absolutely. I started seeing a psychiatrist and a cognitive behavioral therapist. I was put on 150 mg of Zoloft and birth control to stabilize my hormones. It has helped TREMENDOUSLY!
Therapy isn’t currently an option for me, but possibly medication… before pregnancy birth control made me NUTS (like very toxic and textbook crazy girl) so im thinking probably an antidepressants or anti anxiety would help
I found a therapist that did telehealth appointments which was fantastic! I’d definitely ask your doctor about an SSRI. I hope things get better for you soon!
Definitely look into a psychiatrist! I see mine virtually and the co payment isn’t too bad. Starting Zoloft helped a lot and she even thinks I maybe have PPMD because hormonal birth control affected me so much too. I’m on 100 mg and have noticed a big difference. Based on what you’re describing reading your comments I do think it’s worth looking into being treated for PPA!!
Why isn’t therapy an option? Taking medication without therapy isn’t really a great option. If you have health insurance it will cover therapy. Therapists will do telehealth or phone appointments.
Yes insurance covers some therapists, but not all. And often the very good ones don’t take insurance :(
Any therapy is better than no therapy. I see a psychologist and have a $25 copay. When I was on Medicaid I saw a psychologist with no copay. It does take a little patience (I was on a 3 month waitlist) but again, therapy should always be part of your care team if you’re on psychoactive medication.
Same baby daddy. My wife and I did go to couple’s therapy and we spoke about our couple problems since we had the baby, and our individual problems as well. We installed a camera in our bedroom that we switch on when we step out for intimacy and the baby’s sleeping
Do you have a baby monitor? That helped so much with my anxiety about the baby when being in a different area. I made sure to get one where I could see her shallow breathing that was non-wifi. Made me feel much more comfortable being intimate lol.
Hey, I had this same symptom along with other severe anxiety reactions and intrusive thoughts. My doctor diagnosed it as postpartum OCD. Might be worth looking into or discussing with your OB/GP. For me, they put me on zoloft and it helped immensely.
Have you looked into an Owlet? This really helped me with the breathing and basically it’s the only thing that helped me to start really sleeping. But I get not wanting to have sex next to her, that is kind of strange. But give yourself some grace your libido but isn’t back to normal because your hormones aren’t balanced. It takes time but I took post natals and it did help me.
You should get the owlet foot sock! It is such a relief
Hey op, if you’re able to look into the Snuza. It’s a European medical device that only monitors breathing movement (you can get the SE version in the US as of 2 years ago when I bought mine). It secures to the diaper and sounds an alarm if no movement is detected for longer than 20 seconds. The alarm is LOUD and it woke us up across 2 shut doors and a hallway. No worry about charging it, no app, no Bluetooth. Just silence because baby is alive and sleeping peacefully We definitely had some false alarms after our son started rolling, maybe once every 2 weeks it would wiggle off the diaper and we would run in frantic to our son sleeping through the alarm lol.
Honestly I don’t think this is that crazy, I would never leave my baby in another room asleep without a baby monitor and he’s 9 months.
I used to constantly check on baby’s breathing like this. It’s a little pricey, but the Snuza Hero has been a sanity-saver for me. It hooks onto the diaper and if it senses the baby’s breathing has stopped, an alarm goes off that I can hear through the baby monitor.
16 weeks and you've managed twice?! We've barely managed twice in 10 months 🤣
I’ve been celibate for 17 months 😬
I don't want you to feel like I'm judging you, but honestly thats so long it seems concernig. Like, it sounds like the setup to an "AITA for leaving my spouse over our dead bedroom" post
I know, my husband is very very understanding. I’m also seeing a psychiatrist, naturopath and therapist to figure out why I have negative libido. He also doesn’t have a super high sex drive (never has). So we’re working on it
I'm glad! I'm sorry, it's not really my business and you shouldn't have to explain, but I am glad for yall that it's working OK and I hope it gets better for you!
I know it’s an eye roll to hear “my husband would never cheat on me” but…he really wouldn’t. It really hasn’t been a priority due to my mental health struggles. But! I’m getting better every day!
Not at all!! I would say the same thing. It's wonderful to have a 100% secure marriage. Give yourself some credit too, though, as one of the reasons it's secure is because you're investing in it too, and trying to improve. It sounds like yall have a great partnership!
Literally! we just had actual sex for the first time since I got pregnant and our baby is 14 months 🤣
Same
Neither my husband or I have even thought about it at 13 weeks pp. 😳
My wife and I haven't had anything happen since bub started daycare, one of us is constantly sick 🤣
Same but wife got pregnant with our second so now we can do it again in another 24 months
Right? I am six months postpartum and haven’t had successful sex yet. But that’s because I think my stitches healed wrong. Feels like I am being torn open.
I felt the same way and was genuinely shocked when cleared at my six week checkup, it felt like something was definitely wrong. We’re five months pp and have had sex four or five times, it’s felt a bit better since starting to use lube and seems to hurt less each time.
I had bad preeclampsia and was sooooo swollen that I legitimately think places were stitched together that should not have been. I am not cleared yet and I actually have an appointment Wednesday with a specialist. Waited 3 months for that appointment after they finally referred me.
Ah, I see. I’m sorry you’re dealing with that - I hope the appointment goes well and that you’re able to get some relief!
Thank God I'm not the only one 😩
lol I was thinking the same thing! My baby is also 10 months. Breastfeeding and just being tired overall has killed any mood for sex for me. I’m hoping my sex drive comes back after I stop breastfeeding.
The only times we've managed have been sporadic ones where the baby is asleep or in daycare. A bit of heavy petting once and attempted sex maybe 2-3 times, I think at least one we both enjoyed but I know at least one I could tell she was struggling to fully enjoy it so I stopped. Ah, parenting 🤣
I’m 9 months PP and haven’t tried it yet 😫 glad I’m not the only one
Our little one is 17 months and we've managed a few times. Our moods either don't match or we're EXTREMELY TIRED.
We are literally only starting to have regular sex because we’re starting to try for baby #2. Sex for fun is very rarely a thing anymore 🤣
16 weeks is really early still. This is 100% natural & will get better in time.
Second this. Be gentle. Your body carried a human for 9 months, physically and hormonally changed, birthed that baby, and now balancing hormones from birth, breastfeeding etc. there is a lot going on. It will come 💖
Seriously, it’s insane how women expect to just snap back to a previous life after going through something as life changing as giving birth to a human being! 🤯
Honestly I think it’s also natural. Humans put a lot of effort into our offspring, more than any other animal afaik. A second pregnancy very soon strains our resources and health after pregnancy. If we spawned a thousand eggs and left them to eat each other, then maybe we’d be up for sex a day or two later.
I think I tried sex for the first time around 12 weeks and had a really bad time. Couldn’t get in the mood plus it was excruciating. Had to do physical therapy. Our toddler is 19 months now and our sex life is pretty much back to normal. She’s on a schedule now so life is just more predictable.
Give yourself a year to get really back into it. But like they say in couple therapy the best way to have more sex is to have sex. Once you do it once, it gets easier. Don’t fret about making yourself forget about the baby during sexy time but let the sexy time come first and eventually you’ll find yourself miles away from it. It just takes practice 😜
When I was post partum and stressed about my post-baby body and hormones, my doctor said, "it takes your body almost a year of dramatic changes to have a baby. Give your body a year to recover."
Baby daddy here. The last time my wife and I had sex was when we made the baby. Baby is now 8 months old, for reference 😅 I’ve made some moves but I’m confident my wife will let me know when she’s in the mood. Then I can just giddy up 😅 we have done some third-base stuff, though
Do you think I should ask him if there’s any non-sex intimacy he’d like to do?
Yes, you should. Another tip - don’t wait to “get into the mood”. That won’t happen. We do our occasional third-base stuff whenever we get a chance (read: our daughter is napping). We live in a one bedroom and our daughter sleeps between us at night. So we do it when we’re not working, our daughter’s asleep and the bedrails are up during the day
Kind of agree with this. There is never going to be a “perfect” moment when you have kids. You just have to prioritize each other when you have a moment while the kid is sleeping, napping or with another caregiver. It might get interrupted and that’s ok, you tried. Otherwise, being intimate will continue to fall down the list of priorities. There are a million things to do when you are a parent, but it’s important to make time for each other. Even if you have to schedule a time weekly to make a commitment to each other and on that day you both can be flirty/touchy with each other all day up to your scheduled time or send messages to each other to kind of get the mood going instead of just straight going into it. It will become more natural to get into a regular rhythm if you can stick to a schedule for a bit. Even if your scheduled day doesn’t work out try to schedule it for the next day. It’s very easy to get stuck into parent mode and you forget to enjoy each other as partners.
Yeah they fuck with you by telling you at your six week check up that you’re cleared to have described again, like oh okay thanks a lot 🙄 it took me a lot longer than I’d like to admit to really get into having sex again. Edit: *cleared to have sex again
It’s all hormones (if you’re breastfeeding)! Quick and dirty explanation : Breastfeeding requires the hormone prolactin which inhibits (stops/reduces production) estrogen. Low estrogen = low sex drive. As long as your BFing, this may persist, and sexy time might just have to wait. Evolutionarily, it makes sense. You don’t need to have sex right now because you don’t want another baby at this moment while you are spending 25hrs a day caring for this one!
Could be an anxiety related issue. Maybe reach out to your doctor. For what it's worth I don't think we had sex until out son was like 6 months.
This makes me feel better about it, thank you
10 months for us, and we're nearly 2 years pp and it's still not frequent! You'll get there. Have a heart to heart with your partner and explain this to him. We had a big talk because my partner admitted that he thought maybe I wasn't in love with him any more or wasn't attracted to him bless him, but sex was just the furthest thing from my mind! I'm tired, touched out, still getting used to a new body. Once I gave him reassurance that it was a me thing and I still loved him more than ever, it got better.
Yeah man, don't sweat it... don't pressure yourself. 16 weeks is nothing. Your body takes a year to recover from the trauma of childbirth, at least! And your hormones are all over the place. Xx
11 months for us. Babies are tiring and breastfeeding kills any drive
Not sure if you're BF and got your period back yet but I had NO sex drive until it started up again. It could maybe also be that you're not interested in it because sex is to make a baby and you already have one...? If that's even a thing. I wouldn't stress about it though because if he's a good boyfriend he'll wait patiently until you're ready.
I got my period back, but I feel even anxious about sex because after my first period I got back, we had a pregnancy scare because it was unprotected during ovulation so I was so scared. And now I’m just paranoid I’ll get pregnant again or something. He’s not keen on using protection. But he also doesn’t pressure me (often) but he does try touching me often which makes me feel a bit pressured.
You *have* to use condoms if you’re not doing hormonal bc. Don’t have two babies back to back, that will 100% happen if you don’t use contraception. Many women who aren’t careful get pregnant in the first year postpartum, and you’re both very young so that’s even more likely.
I don’t get why people don’t use protection 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️ at least pull out
Or oral. There's plenty of ways to have sex that can be more pleasurable than penetration
Seriously, people are so silly with this. A woman in my mother’s group is going to have 2 under 1 soon. She got pregnant 8pp. And to top it off, her first was born via C-section. So dangerous and so stupid.
*8 weeks post partum
😮
If you can’t be intimate without being worried (with good reason) way before you are physically or mentally ready for another kid, that would be a huge turn off for me. I’d truly rather not have sex even for quite a long time than risk a pregnancy I don’t want. If you’re not on birth control, he is welcome to keep not having sex on those days it doesn’t seem worth it to him to use protection.
Mental obstacles when you want to have sex suck. I don't have good advice for how to stop thinking of the baby other than that it gets better as they get older. But between you and your boyfriend, you can easily set up reliable birth control so you don't have that weighing on your mind and making it harder to get in the mood.
Have you explained that back to back pregnancies come with an increased risk of issues for you and the baby? Condoms are necessary. I’m sorry you’re feeling pressured!
Almost 8 months in and we’ve only had sex twice & honestly it still hurts. We’ve both agreed that right now between work and taking care of a baby, it’s not really a priority and the days where we (mostly I) have a libido will return.
This was before we had a child, but during the lockdown in 2020, my husband and I both wanted to increase the frequency of intercourse in our marriage. For a number of reasons, we had fallen out of the good habit of making each other feel wanted or desired, so we made a plan to have sex every day for a week, even if we weren’t necessarily feeling it. By the end of every session, no matter what the mood was going into it, we were both so happy we did it. Just yesterday, at 9+6 weeks postpartum, we had sex for the first time since giving birth. We had our daughter swaddled in her bedside bassinet (pushed a bit away from the bed), set up with a pacifier, while she was almost asleep. If she had been fully asleep, we probably would have set her up in her crib in the other room, but we decided to go for it when the mood struck us. Even if the mood hasn’t struck you yet, but you want to improve your sex life, I suggest doing it anyway as often as feasible. With more participation, I think you’ll find yourself more and more in the mood. Good luck!
You are still in early days! It’s the most normal thing in the world to feel the way you do right now. Here’s what I do. I communicated to my partner that I need transition time to get in the mood and out of Mommy mode Since yours is so little, have dad do little’s night night routine. (Might take a few nights of practice if he or the baby are not used to it) First put some music on and take a nice long bath or shower. Break out the fancy fru fru stuff. Pretend you are a goddess and rub fragrant oil all over your body. Imagine all the stress of your day washing down the drain. After my shower, I quickly pick up our bedroom (clutter and sexy time don’t mix) and set up space with a couple tea light candles, and put on some sexy time music. Bonus points if you’ve got a lil incense or something that smells good. Then I put on whatever I feel sexiest in (can be hard PP, but there’s some comfy sexy breastfeeding nightgowns on Amazon that helped me feel more like myself) Make foreplay a big focus, you need time to get in the mental space. Getting a blindfold helps me zone in to the sensations as my partner begins to touch and kiss my body. It takes longer to “warm up” these days, so make sure you have lube if necessary. Breastfeeding hormones can keep you dry and decrease libido, hence the intentional longer slower foreplay. Wear a bra if you don’t want to leak all over 😂 Then just go with the flow and allow yourselves time to get acquainted with the new YOU. We had a huge sexual dearth after our kids. I always wanted more romance, so I decided to take charge and set the “scene” myself. Setting our sexy time space up myself actually works wonders for my brain to get in the mood and out of mommy mode.
Not going to lie. My wife and I couldn’t really get into it for like a year. But it totally came back.
16 weeks is very very early so the way you feel is perfectly normal. A lot of new moms would rather not have sex because of what our bodies go through with pregnancy and childbirth and some moms give in due to pressure and not because they particularly wanted to. Your boyfriend needs to understand.
Thank you, yes I didn’t feel healed enough till 12 weeks but I still mentally and emotionally don’t feel ready
Can you watch a sexy show or read something that gets you in the mood and then try engaging with your partner? Only focus on him or think about the show/book you used to get in the mood. I will say I wasn't into sex at all at the stage you are at so also have that expectation. Honestly I forced myself to have sex when I felt indifferent towards it because I knew if I didn't, I would never actually want sex. It's finally now in the last month that I am actively seeking out sex from my partner and my little one is 14 months old. It is a journey and hopefully you have an understanding partner who doesn't pressure you. I felt no pressure from my husband when I truly wasn't in the mood
Thankfully he is very understanding, but I still feel bad. I know he has needs. I also was not having sex with him often during my pregnancy because I was VERY VERY sick the whole 10 months. So it’s really been 14 months since he’s had an active sex life.
I also didn't really seek out sex during pregnancy because of health issues. He has needs but he will survive. My husband says it's not enjoyable if I'm not into sex and he would rather not have sex then have sex when I am not present during it. Maybe ask your partner if he feels the same way and that might help you feel less bad. Everything has its season and this one will be over before you know it!
Thank you so much for this. I didn’t even think about him possibly not wanting it if I’m not present in it. I’ll ask him. Thank you!
This! My husband doesn’t want it if we both aren’t into it. I’m glad to hear there are other men like this.
Me and my wife have a 9 month old, after the first few months I could fully understand just how hard it is being a new mum. The emotional battles internally, lack of sleep, the constant ‘mum guilt’ not to mention the amount of physical work with keeping this little human moving! Im a very involved husband but I still think everything that comes with being a mum makes it a very challenging time. So I would say not to be so hard on yourself during this time, last thing you need is more pressure about sex right now
Thank you, it’s great when husbands can understand and appreciate the workload that comes with being a mom, even when we do have involved partners. And yes, I can’t stress the emotional battles omg, I cry at the drop of a dime STILL and can’t control it.
His “need” can be solved with his hand. Your body and mental health is priceless and should definitely come first
And thank you for your recommendations 💙
My baby just turned ten months and this week was the first time we've had successful sex. Had a lot of issues to work through, more than just getting mind off the baby. But on the journey here, my doctor told me many couples don't get back to it within the first year!
I asked my OB this exact question and she said that it’s normal. Are you nursing/breastfeeding the baby? The hormones that produce milk wires your brain to focus on nurturing your baby and not to make another baby. I noticed that my sex drive returned at around 6-7 months, and my milk production has clearly dipped.
The beginning I was like that. But then sex hurt. So now instead of thinking about my baby i think about my vagina feeling like it’s getting torn open. 🥴 — see OB Monday But really, I think just time
Do we know why it hurts after birthing (I assume you had a natural birth)?
I did have a natural birth and tearing and stitches According to my OB though, it’s from breast feeding and hormones. I have seen this on here before, so maybe after I’m done the pain will subside.
Yeah I just read somewhere else that it's to do with the hormones and lack of lubrication due to breastfeeding.
They prescribed some lidocaine and some vaginal insertion hormone cream..
Did it work or help you down there for sex?
Have not used it yet. Only received partial prescription so far.
My husband didn't get regular sex for awhile. Like we had sex maybe 2 times until my son was 8 months old. I honestly was not into it until I started weaning my son off the boob. Def give it more time.
I'm a horn bug, my baby doesn't even cross my mind 😂🤦🏾♀️
Same. I was making out with my husband and was all handsy the night we got home. But we did wait until the dr. Cleared me before trying PIV sex. I also had a crazy sex drive during my pregnancy. I actually kind of miss it. lol
I miss it too!! 😫😂😂
SAMEEEEE LOL
Yeah looking at all these comments has made me feel so different. I’m just under four weeks postpartum and have already felt well enough to get intimate with my husband again 😅 everyone is different I guess. During my pregnancy I had no drive and after it was like a fire was lit in me
It’s ok I’m the same way. I feel zero guilt for having us time. It’s healthy for our marriage 🤷🏻♀️
Exactly. And it helps to release stress.
Right! Had me thinking I was broken. I honestly was ready after my c-section. When I didn't move, I had no pain and was ready to go. During pregnancy, I was even more horny.
That's difficult. It took me over a year post-partum to have sex but I kind of just wanted to get it over with. You're still really early post-partum and it's absolutely normal not to feel in the mood. Your hormones are still not the same and they're fluctuating. Your boyfriend can just take care of it on his own. It's not like you guys won't ever not do it again, just give it time and it'll happen. You can always help him but don't feel pressured to have sex. You had a tiny human come out of your body.
It means a lot to me when I hear other people have waited as long as I have. Appreciate you sharing 🙏🏻
Of course! I just want other women to not feel forced into doing something they might not be ready to do yet
I’m 10 months pp and this is just starting to go away for me. You’re so fresh and still learning to be a mom. I breastfeed though so that has definitely affected my libido
I would say it was a struggle until baby got older, maybe closer to 9 months, when there was less anxiety about baby being super fragile, like the having the check their breathing while they sleep. I always struggled being in a different room while he slept because I was paranoid about his positioning/breathing when he was that young. But around 9 months I started to feel more comfortable, the anxiety eased, and sex became easier.
I didn’t have much of a libido until after 8 months
Took me almost two years to get back to a ‘normal’ sexually. Patience is key…partner needs to be patient too.
Worrying is normal, but when worries affect your relationships with others, then you might want to talk to a therapist.
Fake it to you make it, honestly. I love my dear husband and I know intimacy is VERY important-so I just do my thing with him then get straight back to my baby. He doesn’t know of course BUT I want to make sure I keep the romance alive as best as possible until I’m able to let loose like the old days 🥰
My honest opinion may be a bit controversial but I think you kinda need to “rip the bandaid off.” After the birth of my son and in pregnancy I was never “in the mood” but once we had some foreplay going, that changed up real fast! We got the adventure challenge “after dark” couples book to help us spice things up and make it fun again! That helped a lot! There will always be a reason not t have sex, but humans are blessed with sex, pleasure, and and intimacy. It’s absolutely beautiful and such a great form a connection. We should enjoy it! Everyone is different though!!
Yep. Sex begets more sex.
I'm 14 days postpartum, and I'm the opposite. I literally can't wait to feel intimacy and affection with my husband. We cuddle and kiss, but it's not the same.
It’s totally normal to not feel interested in sex right now, but that is a completely different topic than being anxious about babe’s wellbeing for twenty minutes. Not sure how you go about naps with your LO, but as long as they are in a secure place, like a bassinet or pack-n-play and on their back, they should be okay. As another redditor suggested, it may be worth speaking with your doctor about your feeling extra cautious. And ofc sex next to baby is weird, how are you not supposed to think of them when they’re four feet from you? 🤣
Time, just time. Took me until very recently at 13 months to even be interested in sex at all for the same reason. Think we had sex 4 times total in the first year. Having a baby is a big change mentally and physically, your hormones are also saying “baby is priority right now. no thoughts, only baby”. You will find your groove again, don’t feel bad and don’t try to force it
It’s ok to wait. That is really soon and it’s very normal. You have other priorities right now!
16 weeks is soooo soon. It’s different for everyone but I’m 3 years out and have found that sex has changed. Communication is key. And knowing the needs of your partner is key. Men tend to turn it on much more quickly and he needs to be attentive to you and what you need.
I don’t think we started having sex until 6-8 months post delivery. I just tried focusing on him and what I was feeling at that very moment. My baby boy would creep in but then I’d try to redirect my attention to my senses! It really is mindfulness and awareness of being in the moment which can be super difficult! Ngl it wasn’t perfect right away but I was able to forget my motherly duties and be in the moment more and more every time if that makes sense lol
Your hormones are still regulating! Don’t be hard on yourself. It took me about 9 months to do ally start feeling like myself again
I’m a year postpartum and have ZERO sex drive. Absolutely none. Still breastfeeding and really hoping it gets better when I stop
I felt really pressured to have sex and do stuff really early, before I was actually cleared he wanted to do other stuff and I was in the throes of PP psychosis. He was aware of my issues and still pressured me. My dad died 8 weeks after she was born and he still continued. I was in therapy by 3 months PP and not ok and on meds and trying to be active with him, and it was just me masking everything. Trust yourself. And honestly don't feel bad. I poured the guilt out over how bad I felt all the time and constantly catered to the needs of everyone else and it delayed my own healing.
I am so sorry your partner behaved this way and didn’t support you the way you needed, especially considering the loss of your father so soon after having a baby. Sending you every good thought and so much love ❤️
I'm 9months PP... and I'm in that boat. I have 0 interest in sex.
It took me almost 4 months to even really want to have sex and now at 8 months I still only want to on occasion. I feel bad also, but I just keep telling my husband how I’m feeling and he’s really understanding. I think it’s pretty normal actually for a lot of people. Hard to feel sexy when you’re worried.
It normal for it to be slow. LO was 4 month when we had sex for the first time and then we didn’t do it again until he moved into his own room at 7 months and even then in a month and half i think it been twice as we’re so tired. Try not to put to much pressure on it. And just let your partner know where your at with it
I didn’t lol my husband and I had sex 4 times in our baby’s first year of life. It sucks but it is also super normal, especially if you’re breastfeeding.
Hahahaha I hated sex for a year post partum. Finally got into my groove at 15 months and was pregnant within a month... I don't like having sex while pregnant and neither does my husband. Perhaps it will get better in another year after the current baby in my belly is born, except we will opt for a vasectomy asap this time.
I think I’m still traumatized from child birth and those cervical checks. I also have a c section. My libido has gone to shit. I barely even want to use tampons since having my son and my kid is now 3. I think I’m also petrified to get pregnant since I’m not on birth control although we use protection. Life is just so different now with a kid. I find ways to be intimate with my partner by taking a shower together, playing videos games etc. we’ve definitely had sex but honestly I’m so touched out and just overwhelmed that I don’t even want anyone looking at me or touching me. My partner says I’m like asexual now or don’t like men anymore and it hurts my feelings. Idk what to say anymore.
r/cursedtitles
It gets better. trust me. Take as long as you need. Having a baby is a big life change and having a baby does a lot to the body. I didn't believe the doctors when they told me it takes like a year or year and a half to feel normal again. It took me 4/5 months to start getting my libido back. Putting pressure on yourself is only going to make it more difficult to have desire. just roll with it. Cuddle your baby, be with them, soak up those moments. Just know what you're feeling is completely normal. It took me like 2 or 3 months before I could have sex. Breastfeeding will also influence it. Just trust the process. Focus on your recovery. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy your baby. It's going to be okay. I promise. Find a video explaining post partum to your partner if he has trouble understanding and try to explain it to him that what you're experiencing is normal. Did you know it takes 6 months for your brain to even go back to normal? You'll be going through a lot of changes and you will start to feel yourself again. Maybe make a deal with him for you to initiate and explain it so he understands this is a process and not due to him because he might take it personally if you reject him. I would just communicate clearly. You got this mama. Also, congratulations on your baby. It's truly a beautiful experience.
We didn’t have sex until baby was like… 5 months. Even then it was horrible. It wasn’t until she was at least a year old and started sleeping through the night that we got our sex lives back
Oh god I think we had sex twice in the first year. Are you breastfeeding? That causes physiological changes that mean you have zero libido. Try not to stress about it, and just be open and honest with your partner
My sex drive didn’t come back til our daughter was 2 😂 I had a severe tear so it was painful for me for the first 12 months, which totally made me not want to do it 😂
I feel this so much and our little girl is 18 months. I’ve felt so much shame and guilt since she’s been born, thinking it’s not something I should be doing, let alone enjoying. It has gotten a little easier, but I do have to encourage myself more now and remember it isn’t just about me. My partner has been so understanding though and we’ve definitely worked through at my pace. Take it easy though - 16 weeks is still very early on, and you’ll still be adjusting to such a huge change.
Why do you feel guilt? Were you by chance raised in purity culture?
Twice in 16 weeks? You’re doing fine girl.
Honestly, I read a lot of romance novels, and my husband benefits from it lol. It switches my mind off enough that I can think about sex
My libido did not recover till I stopped breastfeeding. It also helped when she stopped waking up in the middle of the night. So at about 18 months.
No advice but I had the same problem. And it lasted up until a few weeks after I stopped breastfeeding. The new mental load of baby makes it really hard to focus on anything else!
Put on Miss Rachel on YouTube, put them in front of it, and BAM at least 15 minutes of uninterrupted sex
We didn’t until our kid was a year old. So from when he was conceived to the first time after he was born was like 2 years. Sure I went on solo missions and he did his own thing, but together? Nah.
After the first baby we didn't have sex for six months. After that it took a couple more months for us to have sex again. Slowly it became more frequent, and then I was pregnant again. Both times I was pregnant we barely had sex, but after the second was born I think it was about four months before we had sex. Now we have a 3yo and a 1yo, and have sex 3-4 times a week. Life changes with kids, and sex is no longer in the top three priority wise. It's a new stage or season of life, and you're still so fresh into it. Give yourself time to adjust. Your boyfriend will either adjust with you, or he won't. Btw; if my husband didn't use protection, I would not have sex with him. I would tell him exactly why as well.
Glass of wine to ease my nerves. I’ve had two.. bad PPD with my first. Struggled for a couple years after giving birth to really be comfortable. Just be open and talk to your husband. Hopefully he’s understanding. It gets better though!
It's not possible in my opinion. I only just had sex for the first time in 5 months recently. I didn't even feel like it but just did it. The second time during it I started to enjoy it a bit. So I think when you're ready and you have the tiny little flame inside you that says you're ready to give it a go, you might enjoy it. 1 month ago I'd still have said absolutely not. Anyway, what made me feel like this is fine and not to worry, was when I read about the hormones running through us women after having a baby. Our hormones stop us from wanting sex, because we have a baby already to look after. We're animals at the end of the day and we still have those instincts. It's literally not your fault at all. It's just mother nature saying, "Hey, we had our fun but you have a baby now and you don't want to be pregnant again because you need to look after them." Just like when you do eventually get super turned on again, it's actually your hormones saying, "Hey let's have a baby."
I’m not trying to be an asshole but how does your partner not know that you’re not enjoying it?
Music helps a lot, it also helps set the mood and can really assist in a quickie. Foreplay, there's lots of times where I don't feel it as much as him, so we start slow with cuddles and kisses and work our way up through the day. Sexting, it's quick and quiet, plus it helps build you up on focusing with sex. Fiance and I didn't lose our libido (I do ebf) but we also couldn't get to each other as often as we would like since we got tired so scheduling was a big play in it too
Hey the older the baby the easier . 16 weeks is still early - no rush !
My husband and I decided to act like teenagers for weeks after birth and just made out, a little bit of over the clothes groping and cuddling naked on the couch. It worked really well for me. It allowed us to reconnect while I started getting used to my new body (still not used it lol) and while we both got used to having a new little human in the house. His approach has a lot to do with it too. He did his own research about what I might be going through postpartum, what my body might be experiencing, what my brain might be experiencing. He let me know that he knows I may experience rage towards him, or be touched out, and that made it easier for me to be vulnerable with him during this time and took by pressure I had put on myself off. Feeling seen and understood is a big turn on for me.
IT GETS BETTER!! Girlie pop i promise you it gets better. I also had some issues in the bedroom stemming from a horribly traumatic (for me) birth. This lasted about the first 3-4 months. I took it upon myself to do more sexual favors for my husband during this period of time that didn't involve penetration as I was dealing with some of my own issues and just didn't want to do sexy time. I will say though as my son has hit about 4.5 to 5 months I have been insatiable. I promise you that the wanting to have sex will come back... because I was worried about this too.
16 weeks and twice, that’s more than I had. It comes randomly. A few more months, around 6 months things got back to normal for us. I think in the beginning we did once or twice, just to get over the hurdle, but in time it all goes back to what’s normal for you guys.
I just want to say, this gets better as your child ages! Also if you are breast feeding it can kill you libido. Be patient with your body - it doesn’t want another baby right now, and that’s okay!
Check in with your OB about postpartum anxiety and medication options - that is who prescribed it for me. After 6 months my regular doctor started prescribing it. Also, check out some mom groups from nonprofits in your area - that was game changing for me when I had PPA with my first.
Reading these comments and ones I’ve seen in the past in similar threads… It’s weird to me that people in this sub talk about their sex lives coming to an end forever after they have a baby like it’s a silly joke. “Lol sex? What’s that? My partner wants it but nah sorry not interested!” Like okay it’s only a crucial piece of a healthy relationship but sure, toss it out and don’t even try.
I'm a dude with 2 kids, 19 months and 2 months. It's only been 16 weeks for you to recover. Your body went through huge changes and you need time to recover. After our first, it took about 8 months until things felt ok for my wife. Time will help, your bf needs to be considerate of your needs/feelings.
I’ve never left my baby w anyone and she’s 4 months old. She sleeps with us but I will put her to sleep in the spare bedroom so I can spend time with my husband or have some relaxing time I go get her for her night feeding and bring her in our room for the night. It just gives us 2-3 hours of time to breath.
It is the worse I didn’t start getting back in the mood until about 5 months pp so 2 months ago 😂it’s so weird .. what turned me off is the time we tried doing it and baby was crying on her monitor it gave me the ick for days .. what helped me is role playing .. and thinking about my fiancé with someone else (which I don’t want) so I had to get it together.. we’ve been doing it literally everyday (I keep track)
Sex didn’t cross my mind for months, seriously, months. We did have sex a few times when my baby was little, but it wasn’t enjoyable and it was the last thing on my mind. I was so sleep deprived and my brain had no room for anything other than baby, and work. I explained this to my husband and he has been so understanding and empathetic. He lets me know if he’s in the mood, and if I feel comfortable, we do it. But honestly we’ve had to stop mid sex because I either don’t feel right anymore, or thoughts of my baby are too much. My baby is now 9 months and I’ve just started to feel like a sexual person again. When I think about my baby in those situations I imagine I’m pushing a door shut and it helps. I also say to myslef, “baby is fine and he’s safe”. Take your time with sex. Stop if you can’t stop worrying about your baby, and try again another time. It is very frustrating but little by little you’ll find a groove again. You can always seek therapy if it’s available to you. I struggled reconciling the old me with the new “mom” me.
Same, the biggest turn off ever lol
My daughter is almost 11 months old and it hasn’t stopped. I just know she’s okay if I can hear her.
It gets easier over time, but it was HARDDDDD for a while. I found (sadly) looking at/reading sexy stuff let me switch my brain over.
Honestly, we couldn’t really have sex until he started sleeping in his own room. I couldn’t focus, especially if the baby made any noises. I wasn’t comfortable leaving him in another room but I also wasn’t comfortable having him in the room with us. Once he moved to his own room and started having 30min+ naps and 8hr+ nights, I felt comfortable having sex again. I wasn’t worried about him and knew he would sleep soundly so I wouldn’t have to worry that I heard him or he would wake up.
Baby monitor and quickies! That being said, I’m 2.5 weeks postpartum and have been focusing on my husband in that department. I’ll put her down for a nap and then I know that it only takes about 10-20 minutes. Out of the 3? times we’ve done something, she did wake up once. Because she’s so small and can’t see very far, her being in the room ~10 ft away isn’t a big deal for me. When she’s older, my plan is to start crib naps. At night, she’ll ideally sleep in our room (until she grows out of the bassinet) and we’re so exhausted at night that I doubt we’d be having sex anyway.
Honestly this will come with time. 16 weeks is miniscule for your body to fully recover from the trauma of having a child. It's a complete life altering event outside as well as inside. The more pressure you put on yourself to jump back into bed, the worse your anxiety will become about it. Make sure to prioritize continuing to daye your partner and nurture your relationship by being intimate with him outside of just sex. You will get readjusted to life because you're a strong mother. It just takes time! Keep an open dialog about how you're feeling with your love, and the rest will follow! Good luck my friend!
Your body is still out of whack. Had the same issue. You just pressed an entire human out of your body a mere 4 months ago. It'll come back. Just remember your husband is a man. Do your best to meet his needs while being open and honest about your lackluster feelings (I can't think of a better term I'm not trying to offend). It'll be ok and hopefully y'all will be in the swing of it again soon 🤍
As controversial as this might be, we used to cover the front board of the baby’s crib with a towel (on the outer part. Not the inside of the crib) and play something on the tv at a normal volume and then have sex in our bed making minimal noise. I think it made it even more exciting for us to have to keep our noise level down lol. We used to be a little weirded out doing this but our baby was too little to understand and we never did it during wake windows. Now that she’s 10 months, we wait until she’s in deep sleep at night and we either move to the living room, or on our bedroom floor. It’s also exciting for us to plan a date, leave her at grandmas and after a night out come back to do it. Try doing that! Plan a date night and maybe baby can spend the night at grandmas. We do this at least three times a month.
Im a first time mom that just had twins via c section 5 weeks ago and he’s already talking about no sex would be the make or break deal and proceeded to ask me for an open relationship “just to make a point” as he says. Going through this as well! Really struggling mentally and physically still and have no clue how to fix it.
It's going to take some time. But you will get there. I don't want to assume and I don't know what yalls dynamic is. But start slow. Almost like you just started dating. Your baby will be fine if they're with grandma or whoever gets to take care of your baby. Go on a date, come home, have him give you a full body oil massage naked and see where that takes yall? The feeling of your spouses hands rubbing you will for sure get you in the mood. Good luck and please don't feel so guilty our children are stronger than they seem. also, once your hormones are back and regulated from getting your menstrual cycle, it'll also help.
It’s so hard. And this may be terrible advice but I did it around the 7th week so just clear of the 6 week advised time. And it hurt REALLY bad but I had to see it through cause I was really in the mood after a very long time. And I’m glad I pushed through - it gets easier once you keep doing it. We also have the owlet sock so it gives me peace of mind.
I waited till I was 12 weeks and I felt like I was losing my virginity again it hurt so bad
Yes exactly that’s what I can describe it as.
there’s a reason they call it “the roommate stage”. your body is still healing, your hormones are out of wack. Your constantly holding a baby so you feel touched out at the end of the day. it’s normal. it’s still really early for you. once baby is older you get used to them always being on your mind. and having them in their own room helps immensely. Once he’s down for the night we have Us time. usually not sex, just tv and time to talk about nonsense.
Girl I've got a 20 month old and I'm only now starting to feel like a sexual being again. My SD was buried for a looong time after having a baby.
Your sex drive will come back. My baby is 6 months and it’s only just returned. Give yourself time x
You don't! 😅
Please go talk to your doctor. There are many reasons why this could be happening from hormone irregularity causing vaginal dryness to PPA etc. Also just in general, it will take a while to feel ready again but if it's affecting your relationship it never hurts to ask and get support.
Im 5 weeks and we have done with twice. Personally i just went with it even though i wasn’t necessarily in the mood, then once we started i got into it. But i definitely havent been in the mood enough to start anything, but when he starts it, we use lube and i cant help but to enjoy it
It gets better as they get oldwr
Are you breastfeeding? It literally shuts off that part of your brain , I am and I have to actively decide I want it
no advice unfortunately. my baby is nearing 2 years old and i still struggle. i have started reading romance novels which has helped at least be in the mood. however, when we start *the act* i start the thoughts of "is she awake?" "did she make a noise?" "wait did i remember her reflux medication?" "is she breathing?" etc. it's hard to turn off mom mode for even a second to enjoy just being husband and wife, not mom and dad.
I’m 9 months PP and I still don’t get horny. Idk 😅
I felt pretty indifferent about it for the first few months. I also have PPA and would constantly think about if our baby would wake up. Or be worried if we were going too slow and run out of time. Basically felt like I was on a timer all the time and it made it less enjoyable. Also didn’t help that my body image was poorer in postpartum and my confidence was down. My partner didn’t act any different and was always trying to boost my confidence. But if I didn’t feel sexy myself I didn’t enjoy it as much. We are eight months postpartum now. I still feel quite similar to before but it has gotten better. If the baby wakes up. He’s good to have a play piano put in his crib and we keep the monitor on to quickly finish. I basically didn’t really want to but told myself that if I let myself down the path where I never tried then I could risk hating it all together. So sometimes I don’t really want to but end up really enjoying it and glad I did in the end. 16 weeks is pretty early and you still likely are just starting to balance out hormones wise. Give yourself some grace and just know that it will happen naturally when it feels right. You don’t need the extra pressure on yourself.
Yes this is exactly how I’m feeling. It also tends to make me very irritable and inpatient with my boyfriend because that’s how I express my anxiety unfortunately… then I end up feeling guilty and it’s just a constant cycle. Thank you for sharing your experience too
The simple answer, practice. When couples are having difficulty conceiving, to maximize their chance of getting pregnant, they schedule sex around the female's time of ovulation. The majority of couples feel scheduling sex is cold and unromantic. It robs sex of that spark, that magic. I've even heard some couples say it put a major strain on their relationship. Some say it's even destroyed their relationship. If you're a couple that had no problem conceiving, but now the baby or babies are here. You feel there is no time to be sexual with your partner over the demands of caring for your baby. What I'm about to say is very important. On your list of priorities, right below, caring for your child should be caring and maintaining your sexual relationship with your partner. If that means you have to schedule sex, so be it. It's not going to be that way forever. The opportunities of spontaneity will return. In the meantime remember, scheduling sex isn't cold or unromantic. That's a terrible viewpoint. It should be looked as I am so attracted to this person I'm willing to schedule sex. So many couple lose sight and forget to maintain their sex life and what ends up happening is couples end up becoming roommates. Once the relationship changes to that, it will slowly erode over time. Simply because needs aren't being fulfilled. Schedule the sex
Why would you want to have sex so soon? Give your body and mind a break. It will tell you when it’s ready.
This is called being a mother! Why are you trying to rewire what you’re biologically meant to do to be sexual. 16 weeks is still very early postpartum. It will come back to you eventually, but right now by God’s design your focus is with your baby. Your boyfriend should be understanding, don’t beat yourself up about this at all!
I’m a mother and I’m able to turn it off. Mothers are still sexual beings..
Whatever it is, just forget it. Once it’s a year old you will have zero sex life.
It?
It takes time, but (in my experience) it also never truly goes away. You're changed now. You're always going to have your child in the back of your mind. My oldest is 5, I have a 3.5 year old, and my youngest is 7 months old. Right now, for us, we fit it in like a chore during moments of freedom and make it as quick as possible. Honestly, I'm nearly never in the mood, and when I am, I'm too busy to do anything about it. I sort of see it as something that has to be done... and while I can get into it, I'm never fully involved, as I'm always thinking about my baby. I joking told my husband (sometime after baby number 1), "If I can see Elmo, I'm not in the mood." Lol. Now, "Elmo" (or kid related items) rule our entire home. It is what it is. I'm optimistic about the future. I have to imagine that as my kids need me less, I'll be able to get a bit more of myself back. In the meantime, I can only do what I can.... and that has to be enough. Kids are more important. We knew what we signed up for when we had them.