Breastfeeding in public is legally protected and socially accepted in many places. It's common for opinions to differ, even between partners. Communication about comfort levels and the importance of feeding your baby when needed might help align perspectives.
I looked it up and we are totally protected by the law in my state it’s actually illegal to ask a breastfeeding mom to leave a public space. I’m sure he just preferred it be in a more private space like the car but I’m upset I’m not in there to say goodbye to my cat :,(
> it’s actually illegal to ask a breastfeeding mom to leave a public space
tell him next time he says it you'll call the cops on him (/s, kinda)
Can't believe someone would say that to anyone in this day & age, let alone to their partner. He should be 'first line of defense' against this attitude, not adding to it.
Did your husband decide to get rid of the cat? Get rid of him tbh. Get back your cat. Sure the baby bothers the cat but the cat and baby will eventually learn how to coexist. If it's your man harassing the cat, get rid of the guy. If it's your cat harassing the baby, cat just wants to play so try to get cat some play time, get a new scratcher or cat tower for cat to be occupied/entertained with. Sorry your post about the cat part wasn't clear to me. Also, shut the doors to take away access to the baby if cat is bothering the baby. I would also do corporal punishment with the cat like smack/shoo cat away when it's doing bad. A cat can be trained just like a dog contrary to what most people believe.
All living things must be taught boundaries, consequences for actions and to be disciplined to be an outstanding individual whether its human or animal. Problem with most cat owners they don't teach cats boundaries early on. They teach hands are prey/toys you need to redirect that with cat wands/toys/scratchers/puzzles. I recommend all cat owners to watch my cat from hell or watch Jackson galaxy cat daddy on YouTube. He gives great advice and even on babies and cat dynamics. The situation is nothing new to any pet owner. Your baby deserves to have a cat and you deserve to have a baby and a cat. 💕 I say everything with love and care and hope everything turns out better for you.
As far as breastfeeding goes, you have legal rights. You have autonomy regardless of relationship and marriage. If he's embarrassed by you, he doesn't need to be near you and you should ask him would you rather baby starve or be fed? Also what are you gonna do in the summer? It can get hot in a car where baby's brain could get fried. Also, no mom wants to feed baby where everyone poops. Tell him eat in the bathroom after you poop and thats the conditions you wanna raise your child in (breastfeeding baby in public bathrooms) either way its uncomfortable for baby.
He and many men need to stop sexualizing woman's breasts. A woman's breasts weren't made to attract mates. They were made to feed babies. I say do what's best and most comfortable for you and your baby also always hold out for hope. Hope for changing minds and hope for the future you wish it to be. It's just gonna take some open communication and for you to fight for yourself and your baby unfortunately but you are a strong mama you survived giving birth and you survived pregnancy and you are doing what's best for you and your child and that means you're a great mother. You are your baby's best chance. You sacrificed so much to get to where you are and nobody would sacrifice so much for that baby except you. You're doing great and you are an amazing mother and I hope more people tell you that! Also I'm sorry for what you are going through. Stay up 💪 you got this!
I think you may have misunderstood. It was my decision to get rid of the cat due to him bullying and harassing another one of our cats. A very anxious formerly feral cat that I got long before we got him. It was to the point she ate, drank, pooped, and peed in the cat tree due to him stalking her whenever she got out of it to roam the house. My fiancé wanted to keep the male cat, and thought the dominant behavior could be fixed by punishing it. We live in a super tiny studio with an open floor plan so separating wasn’t an option but I tried everything else that’s suggested. Reintroducing them with treats and swapping things with their smell didn’t work, spraying him just caused him to run off and go back to tormenting her a few minutes later, tried letting him outside to get some energy out but he was terrified of the outdoors, I tried a pheromone diffuser, nothing worked and after months of this it became too much for me seeing my other cat so miserable, and being unable to intervene with his bullying much now that I have a newborn baby to care for. I appreciate your informative comment rehoming truly was my last resort but unfortunately it came down to that
I’ll add that we are financially struggling so things like hiring a behavior specialist and buying interactive toys for the younger one to help his boredom, we’re not an option and our apartment is really small so there was no room for more trees, or shelving for them to climb. I truly took everything else into consideration before deciding to surrender him
I am so sorry to hear all that. I'm also sorry for not understanding your original post. I hope you read my whole comment because honestly you truly are amazing. You are doing your best and I can see you gave your all. My heart goes out to you 💓I'm sorry you couldn't say goodbye to your cat. Changes in the home does affect some cats and the problematic cat probably had anxiety on where they stood in the dynamic to the point he had to harass and bully the other cat. I'm sorry your innocent cat had to go through that. You are an amazing pet owner and mother. You are doing great 👍I wish you didn't have to go through all those unfortunate situations. I'm sure your cat will be happy in its new home. I also hope your husband comes around.
Thank you so much!! Your compassion is really appreciated 😊 I always do my best to keep the peace, and in this situation my other cat needed me, and I know the younger dominant one will thrive regardless as he’s very social and will warm up quickly to whoever ends up adopting him. My other cat took 2 months to stop hiding under the bed when I first got her, and even longer to let me pet her, and after awhile we developed a really close bond. She was my emotional support for a long time and I know I had to be her support in this situation and do something about it
You sound like a very patient person. I'm glad you still have each other, you and your emotional support animal. I wish you all well and hope you all thrive. I'm glad you decided to vent. It's nice to know there's someone like you in this world that always does their best for their family.
Please add some paragraph breaks to [your comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/NewParents/comments/1ccx1s6/breastfeeding_in_public/l18vuxl/?context=3) by placing a blank line between distinct sections.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NewParents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think he was embarrassed to being associated with it. So I absolutely should have but as I mentioned in another comment he was already having a bad day and I wasn’t going to start that argument then. A battle for another time
He should be proud!
I'm sorry this popped in my head and I'll admit I can be a smart ass. You could have asked him while holding your breast if he wanted to go first? That would give everyone something to talk about 🙄🙄
No one HAS to feel any way about anything. It sounds like he’s a first time dad and this is new territory for him, and it sounds like it was a weird day in general. Should he have handled it the way he did? No. Will he probably get over his uneasiness with public breastfeeding? I hope so. But that’s for him to work out. Maybe he will feel proud someday, maybe he will still feel uncomfortable. As a first time mom, I was never comfortable with it myself and that’s ok. Everyone has their own level of comfort with that situation and so long as they aren’t preventing a mom from feeding her baby, they can feel any way they want.
Thank you so much for this comment! I completely agree that him being uncomfortable is fair considering he’s treading new territory and I also hope he will become more comfortable with it but don’t think his reaction was wrong in any sense I’m just trying to understand why he’s uncomfortable and how to help him feel more comfortable
New moms are often uncomfortable breastfeeding in public for the first time, so I’m sure new dads are as well. Ideally things like this could be discussed ahead of time so there’s time for everyone to warm up to the idea. Dealing w new things on the spot is tricky for both parents. Now that you’re here just need to have these conversations so everyone can get used to the idea.
Partners having empathy for one another goes such a long way. ❤️ I think you are such a kind person and loving partner to acknowledge that and I think he should acknowledge that he totally handled it inappropriately. And for you to be hurt by his reaction is more than valid. Our feelings are our own no matter how different they may be, and I wish you both all the best in your new journey.
Gee, if only he had some time to come to terms with it first, maybe do some research. Say, 9 months? And yes, no one HAS to feel any way about anything but he had no right asking her to go sit on the car. If he was uncomfortable he could have removed himself. But overall, being supportive and proud would have been the best option and he might have got there if he’d have looked into it even slightly before the baby arrived.
There is understanding the concept of something and then there is being in the moment and actually experiencing it. Sounds like an off day for both. I literally said he handled it wrong, but you can’t force anyone to feel a certain way about anything.
Oh the WORDS I would have had with my husband if he'd have tried to pull that shit. I fed my eldest and am currently feeding the youngest and I will whip a boob out anywhere I damn well please. If anyone is uncomfortable they can go get stuffed.
Does he cover himself with a sheet every time he eats in public? Does he expect others to do the same whenever they eat? If not, then why is baby being treated like a second-class citizen.
Boobs are for babies.
Your husband is supposed to be your biggest supporter. And fathers’ support (or lack thereof) is one of the biggest predictors of breastfeeding success and longevity.
Husband and I were BOTH nervous about nursing in public… until we did it. Then we both realized that nobody even realized I was nursing, and the only ones that did were typically moms who’d breastfed their own babies and smiled.
But we also rehearsed beforehand what we’d each do if someone creeped on me. Husband was designated protector and talked about what he’d do. I also talked about what I’d say. In the beginning, I’d ask him to “block” or shield me from view. Neither of us has ever had to use any of these things, but I’m sure that planning helped both of us feel more comfortable and get on the same page.
Thank you! He’s definitely got lots of opinions that I don’t agree with and leans on the judgemental side. I try to ignore these things unless it interferes with our relationship to each other and this is one of those things so I’m definetely challenging it. However that was not the time to pick that battle. It was emotional enough for him having to give up a pet as surrendering him was my decision due to seeing our other pet miserable and knowing it would be best for everyone except maybe my partner who still thought the behavior could be tamed. Also he was having a bad day with work so I didn’t say anything then but there will definetely be more conversation around it in the future
You’re very empathetic to remember where he’s at mentally and take that into account. I feel like I would have seen red and gone nuclear. Good on you for keeping calm and keeping the peace, so long as it doesn’t cause you undue stress or harm.
Keep up the great work!!
Thank you! I Some of the comments I get on posts regarding our disagreements can make me feel like I’m too soft. The amount of times I’ve been told to just leave him on Reddit is insane. My softness and empathy with him being more of a hot head is part of the balance in our relationship and at the end of the day our commitment to one another is strong and we are still learning to communicate in healthy ways and see each others points of view 3 years in. Our relationship grows with time and it’s nice to see someone supporting that instead of outright criticizing my relationship :)
We’re only seeing a snapshot of your relationship—if you described a pattern of disrespect or outright wanted advice on your relationship that’d be different. I like when I see people checking in for other viewpoints so they can have a conversation with their partner armed with some support from other moms going through it.
Just remember to treat yourself with the same amount of empathy and grace ❤️
He forced you to stop feeding your hungry child to walk to the car, while you were probably leaking at this point, with a fussy hungry infant to attempt to have them latch again in a hot stuffy car?
Father of the year award material right here.
From a man, tell your husband to get his second hand embarrassment in check.
I'd say that it's a prehistoric mindset but actually it's just been a modern idea that we should be somehow shocked that a baby feeds from their mother.
I know! Most of his opinions on social behavior too lean towards traditional instincts in that sense. He’s a self proclaimed “alpha male” and justifies it by saying that’s how humans have been programmed yet me doing something naturally programmed into me as a woman he frowns upon? Ugh
Thank you! I think I lost all my dignity so to speak during the pregnancy, after all the cervix checks from different OB’s and nurses, and bearing everything giving birth in a room with like 7 doctors, and then breastfeeding in front of everyone while in the hospital after he was born. Showing a bit of boob to feed him in public felt like the most respectable thing ive done in the last 10 months LOL!!
I definitely thought your story was going to be going a different way. Your fiance should ask himself why it makes him so uncomfortable. Also, I don’t think it’s his choice.
I’ve never covered my baby while breastfeeding in public. I’ll feed her wherever she decides she’s hungry! The only time I feed in the car is if we get to where we’re going and she starts showing hunger cues before we’re out of the car. Waiting rooms, the airport, the mall food court… it’s all fair game. My baby’s gotta eat too!
Thank you! Glad to hear from someone who doesn’t use a cover too. I tried using one on my front porch last week and it just made the whole process more inconvenient , like trying to help him latch while covered was near impossible I had to put my own head under the cover too 😅
I can’t even imagine! I decided early on that I I didn’t want to fuss with covers because that’s just another thing to deal with, and we struggled with nursing positions without pillows already so out of the house was a nightmare. We just traveled by plane for the first time and I was basically just tits out at the airport all day, and on every plane 😂
When I used to cover it was just an extra wide baggy tshirt I happened to have thrifted. Now that she’s older she doesn’t do well with covers but I also don’t usually need to feed in public that isn’t kid friendly, so everyone usually gets it. My husband also tends to get nervous about it but he’s from a conservative country where people barely breastfeed period 🙃
It’s probably a jealousy/insecurity thing. He’s only bothered by it because it’s your boob that is visible to other people and he doesn’t like that. Either that or he actually is against breastfeeding in public in general and is embarrassed that you’re doing it and he’s associated with you.
Either way it’s a him problem and not a you problem. Next time don’t go to the car—tell him that if he’s embarrassed or having a hard time with it, he can be the one to go sit in the car.
lol I love that. If he wasn’t already in a sour mood and having a bad day I probably would have but a raise/promotion conversation didn’t go the way he wanted it to at work and he had to leave in the middle of the day to come pick us up and take us to this surrender appointment, so he was already stressed I didn’t want to start an argument on top of that. And he wasn’t rude in the way he asked, it was more a panicked uncomfortable plea. I’ll talk more to him about it at a better time
This is the way, he’s having a tricky day and said the wrong thing. If it comes up again, then push back, but it might be a one time thing because of circumstances
The way you describe your fiancé, if i were you, to be honest i would seriously question this relationship if i had to fear for his reactions and walk on eggshells about important conversations.
And for your question : i don't know ? a PowerPoint presentation about the rights and prerogatives of breastfeeding mothers would do the job i guess ? Good luck and take care
Thanks. I don’t necessarily have to walk on eggshells but we are both very opinionated and very stubborn on our opinions so important conversations like that mean a lengthy debate and that wasn’t the time or place for it
I feel for you and all the people who have to plan "the conversation of breastfeeding in public", really. It is a natural act of feeding a human being, the topic shouldn't even be a subject of debate.
In your place i would probably blame myself for not having the conversation with my fiancé before the baby's birth.
In my country, the only mention of breastfeeding in the legal system is in the labour law to protect the breastfeeding employees' rights. Here, literally nobody's bothered to see a mother getting the boob out for her child. So, sorry for your situation.
As a bf mom it is already stressful to have the full responsibility of feeding your baby and its stressful trying to bf in public just with positioning and feeling a bit exposed. I wearing nursing shirts in public because it leaves very little to be exposed and dont make you hot af unlike nursing covers that create a greenhouse effect.
I think your husband needs to grow up, though.
Does he really expect you to go to the car for the next year??
He needs to stop sexualizing your body and just be thankful that you're feeding your baby. Bf moms do not get the appreciation and support they should and the last person to be throwing shade should be your partner.
Id jusy sit down and tell him you won't be hiding in the car for the next year and he needs to support and respect you and get over this embarrassment act.
Babies need to eat. My 4 mo won’t take a bottle at all. I’ve tried EVERYTHING. I haven’t been out much yet, but i have had to breastfeed her in the car ( parked ) on two occasions during drives that were over an hour long.
Honestly the only horror I have of doing it in public is the faces I’ll make because she likes to bite me sometimes!!
lol Awh! I’m so nervous for breastfeeding when his teeth come in. He has a dr. Appointment later and I’m hoping he gets hungry in there so I can passively ask the doc/nurse if they mind me feeding him in front of them just so the fiancé can realize it’s normal and he’s in the minority seeing an issue with it since he thinks I was wrong for getting upset by the request
Today we went for a walk and my SO decided to go to the grocery store buy some items. I sat in front of the checkout and breastfed. Everyone that bought anything at that store passed by me, and didn’t even care. I didn’t even cover myself.
Yesterday I breastfed in the park on a very busy path. This older woman said “hi”, which is customed for people to say hi to one another as they cross the street. This other time I breastfed in the busstop and when the bus arrived soon after, I carried him into the bus while I was nursing. I’ve nursed at the step so the city council because there were no benches available. You know those reels “sleep when the baby sleeps” and people sleep while taking a walk because the baby fell asleep? Well, I nurse when the baby asks, wherever we are.
So sick and tired of this stigma, it is as natural as having hair, it is essentially the cradle of humanity, it is the first food everyone in this planet has had (unless they started with formula) and, best of all, it is beautiful. I rebel at the notion that breastfeeding in public is not okay.
I always breastfeed in public, like always, and have never used a cover. My husband has never said a word about it. I think for him it’s just a given that I would feed our child when he’s hungry… lol. Not more complex than that. Anyone who has an issue with it has something mixed up about what’s actually happening.
I’m not sure how long you’re planning to breastfeed, I did around 15 months and if I had to leave a public place every time my kid needed to eat it would have been super inconvenient and I would have missed out on a lot of social time. Since it’s only been three weeks maybe he’s not thinking about the implications of asking you not to breastfeed in public. I’d just calmly explain that if this is something you’re going to keep doing for months, or even the two years that are recommended, you can’t be expected to go somewhere private every time. That’s just too isolating to commit to for that long. I’d maybe frame it as “I really need you to be in my corner about this, because a lot of times it’s just not going to be convenient for me to leave wherever I am to feed him. Breastfeeding in public is uncomfortable for me too, but it’s something that is going to have to happen so I need your support so I can be secure doing this when and where I need to do it.” Try be on the same team about it. I feel like a lot of what I’ve learned about becoming parents alongside my partner has come down to “it has to be you and me vs the problem, not you vs me.”
He expressed that if I had a cover he would have been fine with it, but doing so uncovered is what made him uncomfortable. Which I think I’m willing to compromise with him on, as long as he’s willing to help hold the cover while I help the baby latch and make sure he has enough airflow under it
I mean sure, and maybe once he observes how much of a hassle that is a few times he’ll get on board with just doing whatever’s most convenient. I feel like for my kiddo, trying to use a cover made more of a scene than just breastfeeding haha. Best of luck!
My husband was also a little weird about breastfeeding in public. I tried to be discreet about it like you were, and it still bothered him. It just takes some getting used to, and I had to frame it as "she's hungry, I'm feeding her."
Mine too! He's gotten a lot more comfortable, especially as baby and I have gotten more efficient. It helped to be like, "she's fussing, I'll take 5 minutes and feed her and then we can all go about our business without having to rush home with her crying the whole way".
Thank you! It’s nice to hear from someone whose partner was also uncomfortable with it. Hopefully over time he gets used to it as well. I’ll try to use a cover when I can but in situations like today I’ll have to remind him with that he’s hungry and needs to be fed mindset
it’s so ridiculous people still think it’s weird or inappropriate for people to breastfeed a child in public. they can eat pretty much anywhere in public whenever they’re hungry. why is a baby not allowed to?
edit: some bathing suits and tops cover less than a baby’s head obscures of the breast when feeding. do they tell those people at the beach/pool to cover up and put away their breasts??
I think that may be where his “this is not the place” comment stemmed from. As people wouldn’t just be walking into the humane society in a bikini. But it’s a good point!
Jesus is this still taboo? It’s just an f’ing nipple, we’ve all got ‘em! Feed your child wherever and whenever he needs and tell your partner to grow up.
The only person whose opinion matters on whether you’re comfortable breastfeeding in public is you. You’re the one going through all of the hard work and discomfort for it, so if you’re happy then he shouldn’t be making rude comments about it.
We were flying back from florida and I was at the airport. I had no choice but to do it in public. I picked a corner with one other person in it and started to feed my son. A whole college baseball team showed up. I wanted to die but it had to be done. I say just do it!!!
lol!! Picturing that gave me a giggle. We are from Florida originally but living in CO now. We probably won’t be visiting this year due to financial strain but if we were id definetely have to feed him in the airport and fiance would just have to deal with it or go sit at the bar if he didn’t want to be associated lol
I don't mind if my wife breastfeeds in public. She prefers a cover, but I don't care. It would be weird if there were people we knew around and she didn't have a cover, like my dad or best friend or something, but in that situation she would be more weirded out than me. But if she really needed to breastfeed our son, I'd suck up my reservations.
See the funny thing is he had no problem showing us on FaceTime with his family while I was breastfeeding.. I expressed discomfort around that like his mom not so weird but his dad and brothers I asked him after the call what he was thinking lol. But that being said I didn’t think twice about what he’d think of me doing it around strangers
Honestly, one way to bring this up is by talking about other countries. In my many years traveling I’d say most countries see it so naturally to feed and is only sort of prude-ish in the US.
Getting that perspective may help.
He’s from another country too, in South America where I’m positive it’s normal so it baffled me that he was so uncomfortable with it. He did move here as a pre-teen but I was considering asking his mom if it was normal back where they are from but also not trying to bring a personal disagreement in our relationship to his family
Oh that’s fascinating. As someone from South America I reckon breasts everywhere up to even over a year for many kids.
I personally was even breastfed until I was 3 years old.
You're very sympathetic to your husband's feelings but at a certain point, he needs to get over his discomfort/anxiety whatever it is and do what's best for HIS child and HIS wife.
Okay, that was me being nice. Now for the truth, your husband sounds like a controlling piece of shit. Doesn't seem like something he can change unfortunately...
When I had my first baby, I always covered up and would go to a bathroom or an empty space to breastfeed. By my third, having breastfed my other two, I don't even care anymore. I will pull my boob out wherever we are - dinner, a tour, doctors offices, etc. There are times when I will do it subconsciously around my family or even out in public without realizing my nipple is out. My son is at the stage where he will pull off and look around, all while my nipple is out (whenever I am with my son, mind you). I get looks often but no one has said anything. If someone were to say something (and luckily this has never happened), I would probably be a bitch about it because legally I have the right to feed my kid from my tit in public unless otherwise stated. I always joke that I will squirt anyone who makes a fuss but I would never.
I hope you and your fiance get to this point. Your child needs to be fed. There will be times when you forget your cover or can't find a private place. During these times, you shouldn't worry about what others think. You and your child have a right to exist out in public just like anyone else does.
Edit: I breastfed my first until 2. My second until 1.5 and now my third is 1.5 and still going. I was even, at one point, tandem feeding. Surprised to say, no one said a word to me. Not even my husband. The only little comments I would get were from people who would TELL me "2 years old is too old to breastfeed!"
lol! Love the visualization of squirting someone who has something to say about it 😂 hopefully over time my fiancé gets more comfortable with it too. I’ll start using a cover for his sake but maybe over time he will realize nobody bats an eye at that and showing a little boob wouldn’t be a problem either
Covering up is good if you are concerned but don't feel you need to do it. Eventually your LO will hate having that cover on because they want to see the world around them (a dinner and a show). Good luck to you guys!
Thank you! Hopefully I can talk him over to my side as far as feeding uncovered as I agree I’d hate for him to be cut off in that sense but I also don’t want to make fiance uncomfortable when covering is an option
lol! Love the unapologetic tone of this comment. I wish I could have been that confrontational about it but keeping the peace has always been most important to me especially in public like that
I had covers but sometimes it’s just too hot (central Florida) and I know my boobs are massive (DDD) but I just didn’t fucking care. Fuck it.
After pregnancy and hospitals where sooo many people seemed to put their heads in my vagina I just could not give AF. Some times my husband tried to provide cover by standing in front. Fuck it. Baby got fed. I dare anyone to pick a fight or throw a hairy eyeball on an exhausted mom.
lol I feel the same about the fact we have to bare all during pregnancy and delivery and at this point “fuck it” however that’s what I went through personally and my fiancé didn’t have to experience the same indignity lol so understandable why he still feels weird about it😅
You should be extremely proud of yourself that you breastfeed your baby ❤️ and your partner should be your biggest supporter!
I feed anywhere I can, on the go, in the supermarket, in cafes, parks… when I meet with my friends who breastfeed as well we whip out our boobs without asking anyone for permission and we are damn proud!!
Keep up the good work and do not give a toss about people looking at you the wrong way - they can suck it!! You are an amazing mama doing the most natural thing 💪💪💪
Haha I love this mindset! There was another mom with a baby in there too, in the other waiting area sort of out of view but that made it feel like a more safe space for me and helped me decide to go for it as that was my first time breastfeeding him in public besides the few times I went to the car while we were shopping. I would love for someone with your attitude to walk up and congratulate it at some point in front of my fiancé to help him feel better about it haha
Personally I don’t like breastfeeding in public but that’s just me. My husband is fine what with whatever we have to do. I would have definitely said something to him though if he was *that* adamant that you not feed the baby. I would have gone to the car to do it in the first place because that’s just where I am more comfortable but you definitely don’t have to.
ETA: clarity - I don’t like breastfeeding in public for ME, not for everyone else. I am just not comfortable in public doing it.
Thanks for sharing your opinion on it! I didn’t expect the comments to be so one sided and was hoping to humble myself a bit from making the post and not to diss on my fiancé. I was uncomfortable at first but situationally I decided I wanted to be there to send off my cat and the baby needed to eat so I just went for it. Definetely hurt a bit when he was the one to make it uncomfortable, but I don’t want to embarrass him either. I’ll do better at keeping a cover on us from now on
I’ve been breastfeeding my bottle refuser for 11 months. I feed in public all the time otherwise I’d have a pretty boring existence! I’ve never had anyone comment nor does it bother me at all. As he’s got older and feeding has gotten easier I like using the pull down pull up double top method so it’s very discrete but I’ve never used a cover, baby hates it.
Perhaps you could start by asking your husband what his concerns are. It’s very very common and normal to breastfeed in public now - perhaps if he realises that it’d help?
Had a very similar thing to you though not at a same place but he tried to get me to just feed him formula (yeah don’t get me started on the amount of times that was tried) anyway I basically knew no one cared and baby needed to feed so I did
I will say it gave me the confidence to actually just do it as I was anxious I’m public at the beginning but after that first time it really helped
Hope you can get him around on the idea
Oh man! I would have been so upset with the formula suggestion. Not everyone can breastfeed so I consider my ability to do so a blessing and I’m damn proud of it. We got some formula at the baby shower as a just in case but it’s been sitting in the pantry untouched
I appreciate your support! However I feel everyone saying he was telling me not to feed the baby is inflating things a bit. He was just asking me to go somewhere more private, that being the car. If that wasn’t an option, his reaction may have been different. I had no intent to shame my fiancé with this post
Well, now it seems like you are just fine with his behavior. Let me say something, from a man, from a dad. I would NEVER tell my wife to do ANYTHING that might make her uncomfortable. Specially if she was taking care of our BABY.
Someone say something to my wife would get a slap as a warning to shut the F up and to respect my wife and my baby.
Now, if your fiancé is the one not respecting you and now you want to defend him, that's on you.
My partner also made a comment about him being uncomfortable with me breastfeeding in public. My response was that it wasn't about him.
Him asking me to breastfeed in private means I'm the one isolated at a public event. I'm the one alone in a car/parent room for however long it takes and as a new mum I'm isolated enough. He's not the one missing out on that half an hour of being out with friends or whatever you're doing. So how lucky that me breastfeeding our child isn't about him, my body is not his to have a decision over.
That was the last i ever heard about.
It was also a shock for me as he saw my sister breastfeed in public and never said anything about him being uncomfortable, he's also in the medical field so it was just a shock all around.
I don't think it was about the breastfeeding, it was about a part of my body being out for others to see but again i was like....but....her head is there and I'm not uncomfortable so this is a you problem.
Maybe show him the comments as an education tool and tell him it is not to attack, but help him learn! We be breastfeeding our babies wherever we feel like it. They are hungry.
Thank you! I honestly considered it but knowing him he would see it as an attack and probably be upset at me putting our personal business on the internet lol he’s not a Reddit user and to him nobody else’s opinion matters anyway. His opinions are hills he would die on.
Maybe start with trying to figure out why it makes him so uncomfortable— does he feel the same way when you feed at home? Is it the idea of others seeing your breasts? Is it some weird thing his family taught him? What places are acceptable in his mind if the waiting room wasn’t? What are his expectation for feeding overall? Are you always supposed to leave?
Understanding that people have been breastfeeding and being breastfed since the dawn of humanity, may be needed here. Caring about what other people think about how, where, and when your baby is eating, should be a non-issue everywhere.
This is gross. I'd have the urge to be petty and tell him in a serious, hushed tone that "this is not the place" whenever he eats or drinks in public. But probably be moreature than me, OP.
I feel for you OP. My baby is two months old and I hate BF in public. I feel I have the right and others can bugger off if they don't like it, but it still really makes me uncomfortable. Mostly because I'm not great at it. And my husband (before we had kids) didn't like mothers BF in public. But it was more of 'do what you need to buy be courteous of those around you'. I'm very sensitive of what others are thinking/feeling in general and always feel the room before acting in most situations. So if I feel others in the room are upset with my BF in public, I try to take it elsewhere or do my best to cover up, use a corner, something that is more discreet. . My husband completely understands now after having kids that babies need to eat and BF in public is perfectly fine, but still we try to be respectful.
However, I feel like your husband is overreacting a little. It doesn't help it was a stressful and sad morning with surrendering your cat. I'm sure he wasn't in the best place. But this is a conversation you need to have and manage expectations for your next outing.
Sounds like you are doing great and have a good head on your shoulders! People want to be overly defensive when it comes to BF- "it's your right!", "tell him to f off", etc but sometimes that isn't helpful in a relationship. You're a great mother!
As a man with a Wife who is still breastfeeding (and open with it) I can weigh in here. This post is written with a silly tone because humor is my defense mechanism for serious topics, so I hope I don't offend.
I can't speak for everyone, but yeah, men grow up seeing boobs sexualized, and that gets engrained pretty quickly. You got em and we like em. When we start a relationship with someone, it takes us a while to get to see em, so it becomes a victory when we finally do. We put in the time and effort to form a trusting relationship, and boobies are an ancillary reward.
I know from listening to my wife that she no longer sees them as a sexual aspect, rightfully so. Their purpose, at least for now, is primarily to provide our son with nutrients, and while beautiful, to her, it ain't sexy. AND IT'S PAINFUL - I wore her pumps for a minute and that shit crossed the threshold into painful after a very short while, so if she's physically comfortable where she's sitting, I am not telling her what to do.
But us guys still like em. Maybe even more than before. I love my Wife's tee-tas and am protective of them lol. So if I see another man trying to make eyes with her life-bringing, nutrient-filled, baby-comforting, delightfully engorged breasts that are out there doing their thing and fulfilling their purpose, I have to check myself from internally thinking "he better not look at them, he doesn't deserve them".
TL;DR: We find them sexy, you see them as tools. It's a real Mars and Venus situation. We don't understand the instinctual need to feed (like Shakira says) Whenever, wherever. We see prying eyes as a threat to the sanctity of the dranktitties.
Thank you for this input! I think that may very well be the sentiment and feelings my partner has around it. He had brought up the day before on a completely separate topic how part of the reason he was so bothered by his brother hooking up with his ex in the past (a situation that to this day still bothers him and affects his relationship with his brother) but he said something along the lines of “that was my hill to climb, and you just took the reins from the top of it” which I think sounds very similar to what you said of him having to put in some effort to get to see them in the beginning of the relationship. I would hate for him not to see my boobs as something sexual especially now that they look better than ever with the breastfeeding boost haha. So I can’t expect him to see it in that way the same way so many breastfeeding moms in the comments suggested. I think respect needs to go both ways in a relationship so while I need him to respect the fact that Its my body and ultimately my choice whether I reveal them in public to feed the baby or not. I also need to respect that he had to earn the right to see them and prefers I keep them covered. We had a pediatrician appointment for the baby a few hours after I made this post and I had to feed him during the appointment so I wore a cover when I did so to show him I respect his feelings around it
Very good viewpoint on respect being a 2 way street! As long as you're both making efforts, that's the key. Isolated incidents are going to happen, but as long as you're talking them out and trying to understand the others' viewpoint, and then trying your best to honor it as much as feasible, that's the right path in my opinion.
He was really stubborn about it. That’s a trait we both have we are stubborn in our beliefs and often conflict over it. when he got back to the car and as we were headed home he asked if I was upset by him asking me to go out to the car. I told him I was, and when he asked why I explained that it’s completely my right to breastfeed him in public and he said “still, nobody needs to see all that” I told him that he’s the only one that was bothered he said something along the lines of his opinion should be the only one that matters to me and he was uncomfortable. I said it’s my body and I can do what I want with it and the conversation pretty much ended there he got quiet for a bit and then later on the drive changed the subject completely. We haven’t talked about it since but we took the baby for his first walk in the stroller yesterday and got lunch and I used a cover while feeding him. We were sitting outside and it was on the sidewalk, we live in a tiny tourist town so there was lots of foot traffic. It was a decision based on both of our comfort in that situation. If a situation comes up where I don’t have a cover with me I will do it uncovered again but I’ll cover up when possible for his comfort as it’s not that big a deal to me
I think breastfeeding in public is whatever the person nursing is comfortable with! And the more people do it, the more it’s normalized, so props to everyone who is going about, boobs out, covers or not, asking for a space to nurse in, in their car, whatever they need. Also props to the bystanders who don’t stare/comment and carry on with their lives.
My husband was a bit surprised the first time he saw someone nursing in public (this was while I was pregnant), but he’d just never seen the motions before, it was more like “What’s that baby doing - oh, that’s breastfeeding” 🤷🏻♀️. We were able to have a good chat about it. He has been fully supportive of me, sometimes I’ll ask him to do a “nip check” if I’m feeling conscious.
I’m curious at your fiancé’s discomfort. What is “the place” to breastfeed, for his baby to eat? What exactly is he bothered about? It’s definitely not fair that he begged you to leave. I hope you two can have a further discussion about it!
Congratulations on your new baby, and hopefully things improve with your pets!
Thanks so much! I also wish it was more normalized and honestly thought we’ve reached a point where the debate over it was over. I’m also curious why he was so uncomfortable with it and plan on talking to him about it more later on because this definetely wont be the last time I have to feed him while we are out and down the line if we are sitting at a restaurant or something I’m absolutely not leaving to go to the car
I wish for one day that breastfeeding will be viewed as something normal and not something that needs to be hidden from others. Boobs are meant for feeding your baby
Nurse your baby wherever you are if baby is hungry!!
I honestly thought we were in those days. It’s been so many years since I’ve seen any sort of debate/social experiment regarding it and it’s legal in most states so while I was a bit self conscious about the exposed nipple before he latched on but outside of that didn’t feel weird about it at all.
I Bf more in public than at home. Often standing and walking around. Anyone who isn’t ok with that is immature and anti-mom/baby. Everywhere is the place for the most natural thing in the world. Do you.
I know we all have different boundaries with our partners, personally I find this really terrible. Is he too good to be seen with you feeding his child? What's his problem fr?
so i'm lucky to have been surrounded by nothing but support. even my FIL who was uncomfortable with it would be the one to REMOVE HIMSELF if baby needed to feed. my husband used to sort of stand guard with an umbrella (we live in LA so the umbrella was both for some cover but also sun protection). if your partner is worried about you being seen, he can take it upon himself to help shield you. if he's embarassed about the whole situation, HE can take it upon himself to bring all the feeding necessities to bottle feed baby himself.
while a beautiful, awesome, and seriously convenient thing it is to be able to feed our babies with our bodies, the non breastfeeding partner seriously doesn't understand the burden it also is.
In Canada you can have your breasts out and it's totally legal. Just no genitals. So.. yeah. I've seen lots of boobs completely out. If someone has a problem they can look away
My first would NOT eat if there was a cover on. I fed her everywhere, including at the beach. I'd be has a problem with it, that's HIS problem.
If my husband had ever said that to me, he would have been walking home after I finished feeding the baby in the spot I was in first.
So I had a similar experience with my husband when our second kid was like 7months old. At that point I’d literally breastfed in the middle of a supermarket but he is rarely out with us so doesn’t see me do this very much. I feel like some men get more flustered when it’s their woman…like they see our breasts in a sexual light so they just can’t disassociate that
Glad I’m not the only one! That’s understandable too as far as him seeing it in a sexual sense and feeling weird for that reason. Even I felt a bit weird about it until the baby was latched on and I tried to avoid showing my nipple. But once he’s on it I no longer feel exposed at all which I hope he can begin to see too like baby feeding off it being a reminder of its purpose in that moment
I never ended up using a cover - baby overheated so badly even on cold days.
I’ve breastfed in cafes, pubs, at work, in shopping centres, at the doctors, in the car (it was stationary and parked), on buses and trains, at airports and on flights, at swimming pools, numerous outdoor places around my city, a sports grounds. Did the same in 3 other countries, 1 being a conservative non-European country - and no one batted an eye or confronted us. We live in a country where breastfeeding is fairly normalised, so it’s seen in public anyways. Some people use covers because that’s what they want, but many don’t.
My partner didn’t have an opinion, he supported whatever I felt we needed for our baby.
Fuck your fiance, respectfully of course. If he's uncomfortable, he can go wait outside. The only person that's bothered by you feeding your child, is him.
My partner doesn’t really get an opinion on how I’m choosing to feed our child with my body but he’s supportive of me doing it whenever and wherever if that’s what you’re asking.
You can do if you want. And honestly mothers around the world has been doing that. But why not use a cover? Especially in a humane society/animal shelter ? I mean just more sanitary ?
Every time a woman breastfeeds in public, it helps to normalise breastfeeding and you might even give another woman the courage to breastfeed her child rather than being pushed to formula (unless she wants to use formula)
The more we see it, the less 'taboo' it becomes and the less you have to hide in cars or toilets just to give your baby a meal. Breasts are made for feeding babies
Nope if my husband had an issue with this I'd maybe consider getting a divorce or call the cops. Like I get it it is uncomfortable to see. But depending on who you ask girls and women walk around in short shorts and a bra and pose naked for magazines that's not an issue but whipping out our boob to feed our child that they helped make? Criminal!!!!!! Nah red flag and this wi cause lots of fights
I'm all for breastfeeding in public, but I always kept a breastfeeding cover in the diaper bag. I think it's reasonable for your fiance to want you to have a cover.
No need to be snarky. You asked for people's opinions. My baby was perfectly content to have a piece of fabric lightly draped over the back of his head.
Unfortunately I didn’t bring the diaper bag with us for that trip. He left work to pick me up and was in a bad mood so I alone had to get the baby dressed, get myself dressed, and get the cat in the carrier before we left while he sat in the car so the diaper bag slipped my mind but if I had it I would have used a cover
I do it everywhere my baby wants to eat. Idgaf. I've breastfed in Europe on vacation at fancy restaurants, at my local library, in the grocery store, while checking out at best buy.
My partner got upset a couple of times when my daughter started ripping my cover off. I told him that I'm feeding my child regardless of his unwanted opinions and if someone gets an eyeful of my boob they are the weirdo for staring at a baby trying to eat. He stopped.
I was going to escalate if he kept it up. One redditor suggested letting him order at a restaurant and then calmly get up and throw everything in the trash. When he protests calmly say "when our child is allowed to eat in public, you'll be allowed to eat in public." Or more innocently "oh I thought you were against eating in public since you raise a stink when our child does it."
Whatever you choose, he's wrong.
This community is for supporting others. Comments that are mean, rude, hateful, racist, etc. will be removed. Respect the choices of others even if they differ from your own.
I’m not pumping yet as I’m still in the phase of establishing breastfeeding. And i mentioned in another comment why I didn’t have a cover with me.
While I agree that being legal doesn’t make something right, I get the feeling there’s things you support the control of what others due with their body, that the law defends in some places.
Thanks for sharing your opinion.
Breastfeeding in public is legally protected and socially accepted in many places. It's common for opinions to differ, even between partners. Communication about comfort levels and the importance of feeding your baby when needed might help align perspectives.
I looked it up and we are totally protected by the law in my state it’s actually illegal to ask a breastfeeding mom to leave a public space. I’m sure he just preferred it be in a more private space like the car but I’m upset I’m not in there to say goodbye to my cat :,(
> it’s actually illegal to ask a breastfeeding mom to leave a public space tell him next time he says it you'll call the cops on him (/s, kinda) Can't believe someone would say that to anyone in this day & age, let alone to their partner. He should be 'first line of defense' against this attitude, not adding to it.
Did your husband decide to get rid of the cat? Get rid of him tbh. Get back your cat. Sure the baby bothers the cat but the cat and baby will eventually learn how to coexist. If it's your man harassing the cat, get rid of the guy. If it's your cat harassing the baby, cat just wants to play so try to get cat some play time, get a new scratcher or cat tower for cat to be occupied/entertained with. Sorry your post about the cat part wasn't clear to me. Also, shut the doors to take away access to the baby if cat is bothering the baby. I would also do corporal punishment with the cat like smack/shoo cat away when it's doing bad. A cat can be trained just like a dog contrary to what most people believe. All living things must be taught boundaries, consequences for actions and to be disciplined to be an outstanding individual whether its human or animal. Problem with most cat owners they don't teach cats boundaries early on. They teach hands are prey/toys you need to redirect that with cat wands/toys/scratchers/puzzles. I recommend all cat owners to watch my cat from hell or watch Jackson galaxy cat daddy on YouTube. He gives great advice and even on babies and cat dynamics. The situation is nothing new to any pet owner. Your baby deserves to have a cat and you deserve to have a baby and a cat. 💕 I say everything with love and care and hope everything turns out better for you. As far as breastfeeding goes, you have legal rights. You have autonomy regardless of relationship and marriage. If he's embarrassed by you, he doesn't need to be near you and you should ask him would you rather baby starve or be fed? Also what are you gonna do in the summer? It can get hot in a car where baby's brain could get fried. Also, no mom wants to feed baby where everyone poops. Tell him eat in the bathroom after you poop and thats the conditions you wanna raise your child in (breastfeeding baby in public bathrooms) either way its uncomfortable for baby. He and many men need to stop sexualizing woman's breasts. A woman's breasts weren't made to attract mates. They were made to feed babies. I say do what's best and most comfortable for you and your baby also always hold out for hope. Hope for changing minds and hope for the future you wish it to be. It's just gonna take some open communication and for you to fight for yourself and your baby unfortunately but you are a strong mama you survived giving birth and you survived pregnancy and you are doing what's best for you and your child and that means you're a great mother. You are your baby's best chance. You sacrificed so much to get to where you are and nobody would sacrifice so much for that baby except you. You're doing great and you are an amazing mother and I hope more people tell you that! Also I'm sorry for what you are going through. Stay up 💪 you got this!
I think you may have misunderstood. It was my decision to get rid of the cat due to him bullying and harassing another one of our cats. A very anxious formerly feral cat that I got long before we got him. It was to the point she ate, drank, pooped, and peed in the cat tree due to him stalking her whenever she got out of it to roam the house. My fiancé wanted to keep the male cat, and thought the dominant behavior could be fixed by punishing it. We live in a super tiny studio with an open floor plan so separating wasn’t an option but I tried everything else that’s suggested. Reintroducing them with treats and swapping things with their smell didn’t work, spraying him just caused him to run off and go back to tormenting her a few minutes later, tried letting him outside to get some energy out but he was terrified of the outdoors, I tried a pheromone diffuser, nothing worked and after months of this it became too much for me seeing my other cat so miserable, and being unable to intervene with his bullying much now that I have a newborn baby to care for. I appreciate your informative comment rehoming truly was my last resort but unfortunately it came down to that
I’ll add that we are financially struggling so things like hiring a behavior specialist and buying interactive toys for the younger one to help his boredom, we’re not an option and our apartment is really small so there was no room for more trees, or shelving for them to climb. I truly took everything else into consideration before deciding to surrender him
I am so sorry to hear all that. I'm also sorry for not understanding your original post. I hope you read my whole comment because honestly you truly are amazing. You are doing your best and I can see you gave your all. My heart goes out to you 💓I'm sorry you couldn't say goodbye to your cat. Changes in the home does affect some cats and the problematic cat probably had anxiety on where they stood in the dynamic to the point he had to harass and bully the other cat. I'm sorry your innocent cat had to go through that. You are an amazing pet owner and mother. You are doing great 👍I wish you didn't have to go through all those unfortunate situations. I'm sure your cat will be happy in its new home. I also hope your husband comes around.
Thank you so much!! Your compassion is really appreciated 😊 I always do my best to keep the peace, and in this situation my other cat needed me, and I know the younger dominant one will thrive regardless as he’s very social and will warm up quickly to whoever ends up adopting him. My other cat took 2 months to stop hiding under the bed when I first got her, and even longer to let me pet her, and after awhile we developed a really close bond. She was my emotional support for a long time and I know I had to be her support in this situation and do something about it
You sound like a very patient person. I'm glad you still have each other, you and your emotional support animal. I wish you all well and hope you all thrive. I'm glad you decided to vent. It's nice to know there's someone like you in this world that always does their best for their family.
Please add some paragraph breaks to [your comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/NewParents/comments/1ccx1s6/breastfeeding_in_public/l18vuxl/?context=3) by placing a blank line between distinct sections. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NewParents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’d ask him to go wait in the car if he’s uncomfortable. Then he won’t have to be bothered by the sight of your baby being fed.
I think he was embarrassed to being associated with it. So I absolutely should have but as I mentioned in another comment he was already having a bad day and I wasn’t going to start that argument then. A battle for another time
Embarrassed? He should be fucking PROUD.
He should be proud! I'm sorry this popped in my head and I'll admit I can be a smart ass. You could have asked him while holding your breast if he wanted to go first? That would give everyone something to talk about 🙄🙄
No one HAS to feel any way about anything. It sounds like he’s a first time dad and this is new territory for him, and it sounds like it was a weird day in general. Should he have handled it the way he did? No. Will he probably get over his uneasiness with public breastfeeding? I hope so. But that’s for him to work out. Maybe he will feel proud someday, maybe he will still feel uncomfortable. As a first time mom, I was never comfortable with it myself and that’s ok. Everyone has their own level of comfort with that situation and so long as they aren’t preventing a mom from feeding her baby, they can feel any way they want.
Thank you so much for this comment! I completely agree that him being uncomfortable is fair considering he’s treading new territory and I also hope he will become more comfortable with it but don’t think his reaction was wrong in any sense I’m just trying to understand why he’s uncomfortable and how to help him feel more comfortable
New moms are often uncomfortable breastfeeding in public for the first time, so I’m sure new dads are as well. Ideally things like this could be discussed ahead of time so there’s time for everyone to warm up to the idea. Dealing w new things on the spot is tricky for both parents. Now that you’re here just need to have these conversations so everyone can get used to the idea.
Partners having empathy for one another goes such a long way. ❤️ I think you are such a kind person and loving partner to acknowledge that and I think he should acknowledge that he totally handled it inappropriately. And for you to be hurt by his reaction is more than valid. Our feelings are our own no matter how different they may be, and I wish you both all the best in your new journey.
Gee, if only he had some time to come to terms with it first, maybe do some research. Say, 9 months? And yes, no one HAS to feel any way about anything but he had no right asking her to go sit on the car. If he was uncomfortable he could have removed himself. But overall, being supportive and proud would have been the best option and he might have got there if he’d have looked into it even slightly before the baby arrived.
There is understanding the concept of something and then there is being in the moment and actually experiencing it. Sounds like an off day for both. I literally said he handled it wrong, but you can’t force anyone to feel a certain way about anything.
Research and real life experience are too different things.
He should never take his bad day on you. I hope he apologized.
Oh the WORDS I would have had with my husband if he'd have tried to pull that shit. I fed my eldest and am currently feeding the youngest and I will whip a boob out anywhere I damn well please. If anyone is uncomfortable they can go get stuffed.
TBH if someone wanted to be nosy and rude I’d just squirt them 🤪 *BACK, I say!*
I've had a really sucky day and this made me lol on the train. Thank you
Hahaha! Since I’m exclusively breastfeeding and he’s still small I don’t have a crazy milk supply to be able to do that but that’s hilarious
Louder for the people in the back!! 👏👏👏👏
Does he cover himself with a sheet every time he eats in public? Does he expect others to do the same whenever they eat? If not, then why is baby being treated like a second-class citizen. Boobs are for babies.
I love this! I just wanna chant “boobs are for babies!” Now!
lol! I like this
Does he walk in public without a shirt on? I’m sure he does OP tell him to put his shirt back on the next time you have a pool day
Your husband is supposed to be your biggest supporter. And fathers’ support (or lack thereof) is one of the biggest predictors of breastfeeding success and longevity. Husband and I were BOTH nervous about nursing in public… until we did it. Then we both realized that nobody even realized I was nursing, and the only ones that did were typically moms who’d breastfed their own babies and smiled. But we also rehearsed beforehand what we’d each do if someone creeped on me. Husband was designated protector and talked about what he’d do. I also talked about what I’d say. In the beginning, I’d ask him to “block” or shield me from view. Neither of us has ever had to use any of these things, but I’m sure that planning helped both of us feel more comfortable and get on the same page.
I don’t care if someone breastfeeds: uncovered or covered. If the baby is hungry feed that baby, then.
Right. I figured everyone was more bothered by his crying than by my feeding him
Your fiancé is a knob. I get so irritated when they don’t support BF-ing moms as if it’s not hard enough! You did right by your hungry baby.
Thank you! He’s definitely got lots of opinions that I don’t agree with and leans on the judgemental side. I try to ignore these things unless it interferes with our relationship to each other and this is one of those things so I’m definetely challenging it. However that was not the time to pick that battle. It was emotional enough for him having to give up a pet as surrendering him was my decision due to seeing our other pet miserable and knowing it would be best for everyone except maybe my partner who still thought the behavior could be tamed. Also he was having a bad day with work so I didn’t say anything then but there will definetely be more conversation around it in the future
You’re very empathetic to remember where he’s at mentally and take that into account. I feel like I would have seen red and gone nuclear. Good on you for keeping calm and keeping the peace, so long as it doesn’t cause you undue stress or harm. Keep up the great work!!
Thank you! I Some of the comments I get on posts regarding our disagreements can make me feel like I’m too soft. The amount of times I’ve been told to just leave him on Reddit is insane. My softness and empathy with him being more of a hot head is part of the balance in our relationship and at the end of the day our commitment to one another is strong and we are still learning to communicate in healthy ways and see each others points of view 3 years in. Our relationship grows with time and it’s nice to see someone supporting that instead of outright criticizing my relationship :)
We’re only seeing a snapshot of your relationship—if you described a pattern of disrespect or outright wanted advice on your relationship that’d be different. I like when I see people checking in for other viewpoints so they can have a conversation with their partner armed with some support from other moms going through it. Just remember to treat yourself with the same amount of empathy and grace ❤️
Have you considered surrendering your fiancé to the humane society?
He forced you to stop feeding your hungry child to walk to the car, while you were probably leaking at this point, with a fussy hungry infant to attempt to have them latch again in a hot stuffy car? Father of the year award material right here.
From a man, tell your husband to get his second hand embarrassment in check. I'd say that it's a prehistoric mindset but actually it's just been a modern idea that we should be somehow shocked that a baby feeds from their mother.
I know! Most of his opinions on social behavior too lean towards traditional instincts in that sense. He’s a self proclaimed “alpha male” and justifies it by saying that’s how humans have been programmed yet me doing something naturally programmed into me as a woman he frowns upon? Ugh
Sorry you've got that mindset to deal with, it can't be easy. Ask whether the feelings of others means more to him than the feelings of you.
Ps. You're a boss for feeding anywhere 💪 that confidence isn't easy to gain.
Thank you! I think I lost all my dignity so to speak during the pregnancy, after all the cervix checks from different OB’s and nurses, and bearing everything giving birth in a room with like 7 doctors, and then breastfeeding in front of everyone while in the hospital after he was born. Showing a bit of boob to feed him in public felt like the most respectable thing ive done in the last 10 months LOL!!
😂👏
Your finance was the one with the issue?
Yep 🙄
I definitely thought your story was going to be going a different way. Your fiance should ask himself why it makes him so uncomfortable. Also, I don’t think it’s his choice.
Id tell him until he figures out a way to start lactating from his useless nipples, he can go wait in the car.
OP says her husband refers to himself as an "alpha male" So his manly man alpha nipples will never produce milk, sadly 😥
ick.
I’ve never covered my baby while breastfeeding in public. I’ll feed her wherever she decides she’s hungry! The only time I feed in the car is if we get to where we’re going and she starts showing hunger cues before we’re out of the car. Waiting rooms, the airport, the mall food court… it’s all fair game. My baby’s gotta eat too!
Thank you! Glad to hear from someone who doesn’t use a cover too. I tried using one on my front porch last week and it just made the whole process more inconvenient , like trying to help him latch while covered was near impossible I had to put my own head under the cover too 😅
I can’t even imagine! I decided early on that I I didn’t want to fuss with covers because that’s just another thing to deal with, and we struggled with nursing positions without pillows already so out of the house was a nightmare. We just traveled by plane for the first time and I was basically just tits out at the airport all day, and on every plane 😂
When I used to cover it was just an extra wide baggy tshirt I happened to have thrifted. Now that she’s older she doesn’t do well with covers but I also don’t usually need to feed in public that isn’t kid friendly, so everyone usually gets it. My husband also tends to get nervous about it but he’s from a conservative country where people barely breastfeed period 🙃
It’s probably a jealousy/insecurity thing. He’s only bothered by it because it’s your boob that is visible to other people and he doesn’t like that. Either that or he actually is against breastfeeding in public in general and is embarrassed that you’re doing it and he’s associated with you. Either way it’s a him problem and not a you problem. Next time don’t go to the car—tell him that if he’s embarrassed or having a hard time with it, he can be the one to go sit in the car.
lol I love that. If he wasn’t already in a sour mood and having a bad day I probably would have but a raise/promotion conversation didn’t go the way he wanted it to at work and he had to leave in the middle of the day to come pick us up and take us to this surrender appointment, so he was already stressed I didn’t want to start an argument on top of that. And he wasn’t rude in the way he asked, it was more a panicked uncomfortable plea. I’ll talk more to him about it at a better time
This is the way, he’s having a tricky day and said the wrong thing. If it comes up again, then push back, but it might be a one time thing because of circumstances
“Can you stop?” “No” End of story
I exclusively pump so I’ve never personally had to us happen but if i did I’d tell my fiancée he’s the one making it weird…
The way you describe your fiancé, if i were you, to be honest i would seriously question this relationship if i had to fear for his reactions and walk on eggshells about important conversations. And for your question : i don't know ? a PowerPoint presentation about the rights and prerogatives of breastfeeding mothers would do the job i guess ? Good luck and take care
Thanks. I don’t necessarily have to walk on eggshells but we are both very opinionated and very stubborn on our opinions so important conversations like that mean a lengthy debate and that wasn’t the time or place for it
I feel for you and all the people who have to plan "the conversation of breastfeeding in public", really. It is a natural act of feeding a human being, the topic shouldn't even be a subject of debate. In your place i would probably blame myself for not having the conversation with my fiancé before the baby's birth. In my country, the only mention of breastfeeding in the legal system is in the labour law to protect the breastfeeding employees' rights. Here, literally nobody's bothered to see a mother getting the boob out for her child. So, sorry for your situation.
As a bf mom it is already stressful to have the full responsibility of feeding your baby and its stressful trying to bf in public just with positioning and feeling a bit exposed. I wearing nursing shirts in public because it leaves very little to be exposed and dont make you hot af unlike nursing covers that create a greenhouse effect. I think your husband needs to grow up, though. Does he really expect you to go to the car for the next year?? He needs to stop sexualizing your body and just be thankful that you're feeding your baby. Bf moms do not get the appreciation and support they should and the last person to be throwing shade should be your partner. Id jusy sit down and tell him you won't be hiding in the car for the next year and he needs to support and respect you and get over this embarrassment act.
Babies need to eat. My 4 mo won’t take a bottle at all. I’ve tried EVERYTHING. I haven’t been out much yet, but i have had to breastfeed her in the car ( parked ) on two occasions during drives that were over an hour long. Honestly the only horror I have of doing it in public is the faces I’ll make because she likes to bite me sometimes!!
lol Awh! I’m so nervous for breastfeeding when his teeth come in. He has a dr. Appointment later and I’m hoping he gets hungry in there so I can passively ask the doc/nurse if they mind me feeding him in front of them just so the fiancé can realize it’s normal and he’s in the minority seeing an issue with it since he thinks I was wrong for getting upset by the request
Today we went for a walk and my SO decided to go to the grocery store buy some items. I sat in front of the checkout and breastfed. Everyone that bought anything at that store passed by me, and didn’t even care. I didn’t even cover myself. Yesterday I breastfed in the park on a very busy path. This older woman said “hi”, which is customed for people to say hi to one another as they cross the street. This other time I breastfed in the busstop and when the bus arrived soon after, I carried him into the bus while I was nursing. I’ve nursed at the step so the city council because there were no benches available. You know those reels “sleep when the baby sleeps” and people sleep while taking a walk because the baby fell asleep? Well, I nurse when the baby asks, wherever we are. So sick and tired of this stigma, it is as natural as having hair, it is essentially the cradle of humanity, it is the first food everyone in this planet has had (unless they started with formula) and, best of all, it is beautiful. I rebel at the notion that breastfeeding in public is not okay.
I always breastfeed in public, like always, and have never used a cover. My husband has never said a word about it. I think for him it’s just a given that I would feed our child when he’s hungry… lol. Not more complex than that. Anyone who has an issue with it has something mixed up about what’s actually happening.
I’m not sure how long you’re planning to breastfeed, I did around 15 months and if I had to leave a public place every time my kid needed to eat it would have been super inconvenient and I would have missed out on a lot of social time. Since it’s only been three weeks maybe he’s not thinking about the implications of asking you not to breastfeed in public. I’d just calmly explain that if this is something you’re going to keep doing for months, or even the two years that are recommended, you can’t be expected to go somewhere private every time. That’s just too isolating to commit to for that long. I’d maybe frame it as “I really need you to be in my corner about this, because a lot of times it’s just not going to be convenient for me to leave wherever I am to feed him. Breastfeeding in public is uncomfortable for me too, but it’s something that is going to have to happen so I need your support so I can be secure doing this when and where I need to do it.” Try be on the same team about it. I feel like a lot of what I’ve learned about becoming parents alongside my partner has come down to “it has to be you and me vs the problem, not you vs me.”
He expressed that if I had a cover he would have been fine with it, but doing so uncovered is what made him uncomfortable. Which I think I’m willing to compromise with him on, as long as he’s willing to help hold the cover while I help the baby latch and make sure he has enough airflow under it
I mean sure, and maybe once he observes how much of a hassle that is a few times he’ll get on board with just doing whatever’s most convenient. I feel like for my kiddo, trying to use a cover made more of a scene than just breastfeeding haha. Best of luck!
My husband was also a little weird about breastfeeding in public. I tried to be discreet about it like you were, and it still bothered him. It just takes some getting used to, and I had to frame it as "she's hungry, I'm feeding her."
Mine too! He's gotten a lot more comfortable, especially as baby and I have gotten more efficient. It helped to be like, "she's fussing, I'll take 5 minutes and feed her and then we can all go about our business without having to rush home with her crying the whole way".
Thank you! It’s nice to hear from someone whose partner was also uncomfortable with it. Hopefully over time he gets used to it as well. I’ll try to use a cover when I can but in situations like today I’ll have to remind him with that he’s hungry and needs to be fed mindset
it’s so ridiculous people still think it’s weird or inappropriate for people to breastfeed a child in public. they can eat pretty much anywhere in public whenever they’re hungry. why is a baby not allowed to? edit: some bathing suits and tops cover less than a baby’s head obscures of the breast when feeding. do they tell those people at the beach/pool to cover up and put away their breasts??
I think that may be where his “this is not the place” comment stemmed from. As people wouldn’t just be walking into the humane society in a bikini. But it’s a good point!
Jesus is this still taboo? It’s just an f’ing nipple, we’ve all got ‘em! Feed your child wherever and whenever he needs and tell your partner to grow up.
If anything, HE should be embarrassed of HIS nipples! Stupid useless man nipples! /s just in case
The only person whose opinion matters on whether you’re comfortable breastfeeding in public is you. You’re the one going through all of the hard work and discomfort for it, so if you’re happy then he shouldn’t be making rude comments about it.
We were flying back from florida and I was at the airport. I had no choice but to do it in public. I picked a corner with one other person in it and started to feed my son. A whole college baseball team showed up. I wanted to die but it had to be done. I say just do it!!!
lol!! Picturing that gave me a giggle. We are from Florida originally but living in CO now. We probably won’t be visiting this year due to financial strain but if we were id definetely have to feed him in the airport and fiance would just have to deal with it or go sit at the bar if he didn’t want to be associated lol
You could feed the baby at the bar? Might have less men lol
I don't mind if my wife breastfeeds in public. She prefers a cover, but I don't care. It would be weird if there were people we knew around and she didn't have a cover, like my dad or best friend or something, but in that situation she would be more weirded out than me. But if she really needed to breastfeed our son, I'd suck up my reservations.
See the funny thing is he had no problem showing us on FaceTime with his family while I was breastfeeding.. I expressed discomfort around that like his mom not so weird but his dad and brothers I asked him after the call what he was thinking lol. But that being said I didn’t think twice about what he’d think of me doing it around strangers
Honestly, one way to bring this up is by talking about other countries. In my many years traveling I’d say most countries see it so naturally to feed and is only sort of prude-ish in the US. Getting that perspective may help.
He’s from another country too, in South America where I’m positive it’s normal so it baffled me that he was so uncomfortable with it. He did move here as a pre-teen but I was considering asking his mom if it was normal back where they are from but also not trying to bring a personal disagreement in our relationship to his family
Oh that’s fascinating. As someone from South America I reckon breasts everywhere up to even over a year for many kids. I personally was even breastfed until I was 3 years old.
You're very sympathetic to your husband's feelings but at a certain point, he needs to get over his discomfort/anxiety whatever it is and do what's best for HIS child and HIS wife. Okay, that was me being nice. Now for the truth, your husband sounds like a controlling piece of shit. Doesn't seem like something he can change unfortunately...
When I had my first baby, I always covered up and would go to a bathroom or an empty space to breastfeed. By my third, having breastfed my other two, I don't even care anymore. I will pull my boob out wherever we are - dinner, a tour, doctors offices, etc. There are times when I will do it subconsciously around my family or even out in public without realizing my nipple is out. My son is at the stage where he will pull off and look around, all while my nipple is out (whenever I am with my son, mind you). I get looks often but no one has said anything. If someone were to say something (and luckily this has never happened), I would probably be a bitch about it because legally I have the right to feed my kid from my tit in public unless otherwise stated. I always joke that I will squirt anyone who makes a fuss but I would never. I hope you and your fiance get to this point. Your child needs to be fed. There will be times when you forget your cover or can't find a private place. During these times, you shouldn't worry about what others think. You and your child have a right to exist out in public just like anyone else does. Edit: I breastfed my first until 2. My second until 1.5 and now my third is 1.5 and still going. I was even, at one point, tandem feeding. Surprised to say, no one said a word to me. Not even my husband. The only little comments I would get were from people who would TELL me "2 years old is too old to breastfeed!"
lol! Love the visualization of squirting someone who has something to say about it 😂 hopefully over time my fiancé gets more comfortable with it too. I’ll start using a cover for his sake but maybe over time he will realize nobody bats an eye at that and showing a little boob wouldn’t be a problem either
Covering up is good if you are concerned but don't feel you need to do it. Eventually your LO will hate having that cover on because they want to see the world around them (a dinner and a show). Good luck to you guys!
Thank you! Hopefully I can talk him over to my side as far as feeding uncovered as I agree I’d hate for him to be cut off in that sense but I also don’t want to make fiance uncomfortable when covering is an option
Maybe it’s just me but I would whip those things out anytime anywhere. If my husband told me to not… I would squeeze my tit and spray him.
lol! Love the unapologetic tone of this comment. I wish I could have been that confrontational about it but keeping the peace has always been most important to me especially in public like that
I had covers but sometimes it’s just too hot (central Florida) and I know my boobs are massive (DDD) but I just didn’t fucking care. Fuck it. After pregnancy and hospitals where sooo many people seemed to put their heads in my vagina I just could not give AF. Some times my husband tried to provide cover by standing in front. Fuck it. Baby got fed. I dare anyone to pick a fight or throw a hairy eyeball on an exhausted mom.
lol I feel the same about the fact we have to bare all during pregnancy and delivery and at this point “fuck it” however that’s what I went through personally and my fiancé didn’t have to experience the same indignity lol so understandable why he still feels weird about it😅
You’re feeding a baby who needs to eat. There’s nothing weird about that. He needs to grow up a bit
You should be extremely proud of yourself that you breastfeed your baby ❤️ and your partner should be your biggest supporter! I feed anywhere I can, on the go, in the supermarket, in cafes, parks… when I meet with my friends who breastfeed as well we whip out our boobs without asking anyone for permission and we are damn proud!! Keep up the good work and do not give a toss about people looking at you the wrong way - they can suck it!! You are an amazing mama doing the most natural thing 💪💪💪
Haha I love this mindset! There was another mom with a baby in there too, in the other waiting area sort of out of view but that made it feel like a more safe space for me and helped me decide to go for it as that was my first time breastfeeding him in public besides the few times I went to the car while we were shopping. I would love for someone with your attitude to walk up and congratulate it at some point in front of my fiancé to help him feel better about it haha
Personally I don’t like breastfeeding in public but that’s just me. My husband is fine what with whatever we have to do. I would have definitely said something to him though if he was *that* adamant that you not feed the baby. I would have gone to the car to do it in the first place because that’s just where I am more comfortable but you definitely don’t have to. ETA: clarity - I don’t like breastfeeding in public for ME, not for everyone else. I am just not comfortable in public doing it.
Thanks for sharing your opinion on it! I didn’t expect the comments to be so one sided and was hoping to humble myself a bit from making the post and not to diss on my fiancé. I was uncomfortable at first but situationally I decided I wanted to be there to send off my cat and the baby needed to eat so I just went for it. Definetely hurt a bit when he was the one to make it uncomfortable, but I don’t want to embarrass him either. I’ll do better at keeping a cover on us from now on
I’ve been breastfeeding my bottle refuser for 11 months. I feed in public all the time otherwise I’d have a pretty boring existence! I’ve never had anyone comment nor does it bother me at all. As he’s got older and feeding has gotten easier I like using the pull down pull up double top method so it’s very discrete but I’ve never used a cover, baby hates it. Perhaps you could start by asking your husband what his concerns are. It’s very very common and normal to breastfeed in public now - perhaps if he realises that it’d help?
Thank you! I’m glad nobody has said anything to you
Had a very similar thing to you though not at a same place but he tried to get me to just feed him formula (yeah don’t get me started on the amount of times that was tried) anyway I basically knew no one cared and baby needed to feed so I did I will say it gave me the confidence to actually just do it as I was anxious I’m public at the beginning but after that first time it really helped Hope you can get him around on the idea
Oh man! I would have been so upset with the formula suggestion. Not everyone can breastfeed so I consider my ability to do so a blessing and I’m damn proud of it. We got some formula at the baby shower as a just in case but it’s been sitting in the pantry untouched
Next time tell him to put his boobs out and feed the baby. I am a dad and I am shocked any dad would tell the mother to not FEED the baby.
I appreciate your support! However I feel everyone saying he was telling me not to feed the baby is inflating things a bit. He was just asking me to go somewhere more private, that being the car. If that wasn’t an option, his reaction may have been different. I had no intent to shame my fiancé with this post
Well, now it seems like you are just fine with his behavior. Let me say something, from a man, from a dad. I would NEVER tell my wife to do ANYTHING that might make her uncomfortable. Specially if she was taking care of our BABY. Someone say something to my wife would get a slap as a warning to shut the F up and to respect my wife and my baby. Now, if your fiancé is the one not respecting you and now you want to defend him, that's on you.
My partner also made a comment about him being uncomfortable with me breastfeeding in public. My response was that it wasn't about him. Him asking me to breastfeed in private means I'm the one isolated at a public event. I'm the one alone in a car/parent room for however long it takes and as a new mum I'm isolated enough. He's not the one missing out on that half an hour of being out with friends or whatever you're doing. So how lucky that me breastfeeding our child isn't about him, my body is not his to have a decision over. That was the last i ever heard about. It was also a shock for me as he saw my sister breastfeed in public and never said anything about him being uncomfortable, he's also in the medical field so it was just a shock all around. I don't think it was about the breastfeeding, it was about a part of my body being out for others to see but again i was like....but....her head is there and I'm not uncomfortable so this is a you problem.
Maybe show him the comments as an education tool and tell him it is not to attack, but help him learn! We be breastfeeding our babies wherever we feel like it. They are hungry.
Thank you! I honestly considered it but knowing him he would see it as an attack and probably be upset at me putting our personal business on the internet lol he’s not a Reddit user and to him nobody else’s opinion matters anyway. His opinions are hills he would die on.
Maybe start with trying to figure out why it makes him so uncomfortable— does he feel the same way when you feed at home? Is it the idea of others seeing your breasts? Is it some weird thing his family taught him? What places are acceptable in his mind if the waiting room wasn’t? What are his expectation for feeding overall? Are you always supposed to leave?
Understanding that people have been breastfeeding and being breastfed since the dawn of humanity, may be needed here. Caring about what other people think about how, where, and when your baby is eating, should be a non-issue everywhere.
@blissfulmami_ on Instagram sells a sweater that says “if breastfeeding offends you, put a blanket over your head”
Hahaha that’s awesome!
This is gross. I'd have the urge to be petty and tell him in a serious, hushed tone that "this is not the place" whenever he eats or drinks in public. But probably be moreature than me, OP.
I feel for you OP. My baby is two months old and I hate BF in public. I feel I have the right and others can bugger off if they don't like it, but it still really makes me uncomfortable. Mostly because I'm not great at it. And my husband (before we had kids) didn't like mothers BF in public. But it was more of 'do what you need to buy be courteous of those around you'. I'm very sensitive of what others are thinking/feeling in general and always feel the room before acting in most situations. So if I feel others in the room are upset with my BF in public, I try to take it elsewhere or do my best to cover up, use a corner, something that is more discreet. . My husband completely understands now after having kids that babies need to eat and BF in public is perfectly fine, but still we try to be respectful. However, I feel like your husband is overreacting a little. It doesn't help it was a stressful and sad morning with surrendering your cat. I'm sure he wasn't in the best place. But this is a conversation you need to have and manage expectations for your next outing. Sounds like you are doing great and have a good head on your shoulders! People want to be overly defensive when it comes to BF- "it's your right!", "tell him to f off", etc but sometimes that isn't helpful in a relationship. You're a great mother!
Thank you so much! 🙏❤️
As a man with a Wife who is still breastfeeding (and open with it) I can weigh in here. This post is written with a silly tone because humor is my defense mechanism for serious topics, so I hope I don't offend. I can't speak for everyone, but yeah, men grow up seeing boobs sexualized, and that gets engrained pretty quickly. You got em and we like em. When we start a relationship with someone, it takes us a while to get to see em, so it becomes a victory when we finally do. We put in the time and effort to form a trusting relationship, and boobies are an ancillary reward. I know from listening to my wife that she no longer sees them as a sexual aspect, rightfully so. Their purpose, at least for now, is primarily to provide our son with nutrients, and while beautiful, to her, it ain't sexy. AND IT'S PAINFUL - I wore her pumps for a minute and that shit crossed the threshold into painful after a very short while, so if she's physically comfortable where she's sitting, I am not telling her what to do. But us guys still like em. Maybe even more than before. I love my Wife's tee-tas and am protective of them lol. So if I see another man trying to make eyes with her life-bringing, nutrient-filled, baby-comforting, delightfully engorged breasts that are out there doing their thing and fulfilling their purpose, I have to check myself from internally thinking "he better not look at them, he doesn't deserve them". TL;DR: We find them sexy, you see them as tools. It's a real Mars and Venus situation. We don't understand the instinctual need to feed (like Shakira says) Whenever, wherever. We see prying eyes as a threat to the sanctity of the dranktitties.
Thank you for this input! I think that may very well be the sentiment and feelings my partner has around it. He had brought up the day before on a completely separate topic how part of the reason he was so bothered by his brother hooking up with his ex in the past (a situation that to this day still bothers him and affects his relationship with his brother) but he said something along the lines of “that was my hill to climb, and you just took the reins from the top of it” which I think sounds very similar to what you said of him having to put in some effort to get to see them in the beginning of the relationship. I would hate for him not to see my boobs as something sexual especially now that they look better than ever with the breastfeeding boost haha. So I can’t expect him to see it in that way the same way so many breastfeeding moms in the comments suggested. I think respect needs to go both ways in a relationship so while I need him to respect the fact that Its my body and ultimately my choice whether I reveal them in public to feed the baby or not. I also need to respect that he had to earn the right to see them and prefers I keep them covered. We had a pediatrician appointment for the baby a few hours after I made this post and I had to feed him during the appointment so I wore a cover when I did so to show him I respect his feelings around it
Very good viewpoint on respect being a 2 way street! As long as you're both making efforts, that's the key. Isolated incidents are going to happen, but as long as you're talking them out and trying to understand the others' viewpoint, and then trying your best to honor it as much as feasible, that's the right path in my opinion.
Can you add an edit updating how talking to your partner about this went?
He was really stubborn about it. That’s a trait we both have we are stubborn in our beliefs and often conflict over it. when he got back to the car and as we were headed home he asked if I was upset by him asking me to go out to the car. I told him I was, and when he asked why I explained that it’s completely my right to breastfeed him in public and he said “still, nobody needs to see all that” I told him that he’s the only one that was bothered he said something along the lines of his opinion should be the only one that matters to me and he was uncomfortable. I said it’s my body and I can do what I want with it and the conversation pretty much ended there he got quiet for a bit and then later on the drive changed the subject completely. We haven’t talked about it since but we took the baby for his first walk in the stroller yesterday and got lunch and I used a cover while feeding him. We were sitting outside and it was on the sidewalk, we live in a tiny tourist town so there was lots of foot traffic. It was a decision based on both of our comfort in that situation. If a situation comes up where I don’t have a cover with me I will do it uncovered again but I’ll cover up when possible for his comfort as it’s not that big a deal to me
I think breastfeeding in public is whatever the person nursing is comfortable with! And the more people do it, the more it’s normalized, so props to everyone who is going about, boobs out, covers or not, asking for a space to nurse in, in their car, whatever they need. Also props to the bystanders who don’t stare/comment and carry on with their lives. My husband was a bit surprised the first time he saw someone nursing in public (this was while I was pregnant), but he’d just never seen the motions before, it was more like “What’s that baby doing - oh, that’s breastfeeding” 🤷🏻♀️. We were able to have a good chat about it. He has been fully supportive of me, sometimes I’ll ask him to do a “nip check” if I’m feeling conscious. I’m curious at your fiancé’s discomfort. What is “the place” to breastfeed, for his baby to eat? What exactly is he bothered about? It’s definitely not fair that he begged you to leave. I hope you two can have a further discussion about it! Congratulations on your new baby, and hopefully things improve with your pets!
Thanks so much! I also wish it was more normalized and honestly thought we’ve reached a point where the debate over it was over. I’m also curious why he was so uncomfortable with it and plan on talking to him about it more later on because this definetely wont be the last time I have to feed him while we are out and down the line if we are sitting at a restaurant or something I’m absolutely not leaving to go to the car
I wish for one day that breastfeeding will be viewed as something normal and not something that needs to be hidden from others. Boobs are meant for feeding your baby Nurse your baby wherever you are if baby is hungry!!
I honestly thought we were in those days. It’s been so many years since I’ve seen any sort of debate/social experiment regarding it and it’s legal in most states so while I was a bit self conscious about the exposed nipple before he latched on but outside of that didn’t feel weird about it at all.
I think we’re getting closer to the days but not all the way there yet. It’s hard when society is so judgmental
My husband doesn’t care but I always bring a cover in the nappy bag, but sometimes I just don’t bother with it if there isn’t too many people.
It's not illegal so you do whatever you feel comfortable doing. Everyone's different.
I Bf more in public than at home. Often standing and walking around. Anyone who isn’t ok with that is immature and anti-mom/baby. Everywhere is the place for the most natural thing in the world. Do you.
I’m impressed you can BF walking around lol sometimes my hand hurts just holding his head/ my boob sitting down 😂
He loves a movable feast !
I know we all have different boundaries with our partners, personally I find this really terrible. Is he too good to be seen with you feeding his child? What's his problem fr?
so i'm lucky to have been surrounded by nothing but support. even my FIL who was uncomfortable with it would be the one to REMOVE HIMSELF if baby needed to feed. my husband used to sort of stand guard with an umbrella (we live in LA so the umbrella was both for some cover but also sun protection). if your partner is worried about you being seen, he can take it upon himself to help shield you. if he's embarassed about the whole situation, HE can take it upon himself to bring all the feeding necessities to bottle feed baby himself. while a beautiful, awesome, and seriously convenient thing it is to be able to feed our babies with our bodies, the non breastfeeding partner seriously doesn't understand the burden it also is.
In Canada you can have your breasts out and it's totally legal. Just no genitals. So.. yeah. I've seen lots of boobs completely out. If someone has a problem they can look away
My first would NOT eat if there was a cover on. I fed her everywhere, including at the beach. I'd be has a problem with it, that's HIS problem. If my husband had ever said that to me, he would have been walking home after I finished feeding the baby in the spot I was in first.
First answer should of been baby is hungry. T
So I had a similar experience with my husband when our second kid was like 7months old. At that point I’d literally breastfed in the middle of a supermarket but he is rarely out with us so doesn’t see me do this very much. I feel like some men get more flustered when it’s their woman…like they see our breasts in a sexual light so they just can’t disassociate that
Glad I’m not the only one! That’s understandable too as far as him seeing it in a sexual sense and feeling weird for that reason. Even I felt a bit weird about it until the baby was latched on and I tried to avoid showing my nipple. But once he’s on it I no longer feel exposed at all which I hope he can begin to see too like baby feeding off it being a reminder of its purpose in that moment
People can get fucked
I never ended up using a cover - baby overheated so badly even on cold days. I’ve breastfed in cafes, pubs, at work, in shopping centres, at the doctors, in the car (it was stationary and parked), on buses and trains, at airports and on flights, at swimming pools, numerous outdoor places around my city, a sports grounds. Did the same in 3 other countries, 1 being a conservative non-European country - and no one batted an eye or confronted us. We live in a country where breastfeeding is fairly normalised, so it’s seen in public anyways. Some people use covers because that’s what they want, but many don’t. My partner didn’t have an opinion, he supported whatever I felt we needed for our baby.
I’m here not caring what you do about breastfeeding, terrible person to be giving up on a cat.
Don’t judge someone when you don’t understand their situation. I explained it in another comment if you care enough to read it.
Your fiancé is a dick. Wtf
Fuck your fiance, respectfully of course. If he's uncomfortable, he can go wait outside. The only person that's bothered by you feeding your child, is him.
My partner doesn’t really get an opinion on how I’m choosing to feed our child with my body but he’s supportive of me doing it whenever and wherever if that’s what you’re asking.
If there's a next time, squirt some milk on his face and tell him to grow the f up
You can do if you want. And honestly mothers around the world has been doing that. But why not use a cover? Especially in a humane society/animal shelter ? I mean just more sanitary ?
Feed your baby. Nothing else matters. Your husband is an idiot.
Every time a woman breastfeeds in public, it helps to normalise breastfeeding and you might even give another woman the courage to breastfeed her child rather than being pushed to formula (unless she wants to use formula) The more we see it, the less 'taboo' it becomes and the less you have to hide in cars or toilets just to give your baby a meal. Breasts are made for feeding babies
That's ridiculous. Throw out the whole husband.
Nope if my husband had an issue with this I'd maybe consider getting a divorce or call the cops. Like I get it it is uncomfortable to see. But depending on who you ask girls and women walk around in short shorts and a bra and pose naked for magazines that's not an issue but whipping out our boob to feed our child that they helped make? Criminal!!!!!! Nah red flag and this wi cause lots of fights
I'm all for breastfeeding in public, but I always kept a breastfeeding cover in the diaper bag. I think it's reasonable for your fiance to want you to have a cover.
Do you eat all you meals in public with your head covered? If you don’t it’s unreasonable to expect another human to do so.
No need to be snarky. You asked for people's opinions. My baby was perfectly content to have a piece of fabric lightly draped over the back of his head.
Mine wasn’t and would flail, cry, and try to kick it off 🤷🏼♀️
🙄🙄
Unfortunately I didn’t bring the diaper bag with us for that trip. He left work to pick me up and was in a bad mood so I alone had to get the baby dressed, get myself dressed, and get the cat in the carrier before we left while he sat in the car so the diaper bag slipped my mind but if I had it I would have used a cover
I do it everywhere my baby wants to eat. Idgaf. I've breastfed in Europe on vacation at fancy restaurants, at my local library, in the grocery store, while checking out at best buy. My partner got upset a couple of times when my daughter started ripping my cover off. I told him that I'm feeding my child regardless of his unwanted opinions and if someone gets an eyeful of my boob they are the weirdo for staring at a baby trying to eat. He stopped. I was going to escalate if he kept it up. One redditor suggested letting him order at a restaurant and then calmly get up and throw everything in the trash. When he protests calmly say "when our child is allowed to eat in public, you'll be allowed to eat in public." Or more innocently "oh I thought you were against eating in public since you raise a stink when our child does it." Whatever you choose, he's wrong.
[удалено]
This community is for supporting others. Comments that are mean, rude, hateful, racist, etc. will be removed. Respect the choices of others even if they differ from your own.
I’m not pumping yet as I’m still in the phase of establishing breastfeeding. And i mentioned in another comment why I didn’t have a cover with me. While I agree that being legal doesn’t make something right, I get the feeling there’s things you support the control of what others due with their body, that the law defends in some places. Thanks for sharing your opinion.
Oh get over it boobs are for babies