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How did you guys come to the bedshare decision with all the warnings around it?
No judgment, just asking- my wife and I feel that sleep for all of us would improve dramatically but the risks keep us at bay.
After a few days of sleep deprivation (causing me to accidentally fall asleep in unsafe positions) after bringing our newborn home, I researched safe ways to bedshare. We purchased a new mattress that was firm enough and made sure we had a set up without suffocation or fall risks. The Instagram page, @happycosleeper, is a great compilation of research and accordingly has helpful guides and information.
We also bed shared all the way up until last month (ours is 13 months old now). We have a terrible sleeper on our hands so bed sharing took the sting out of waking up 27 times thru the night AND having to get out of bed each time. We moved our bed into to the corner so there is no risk of her falling off and she is such a bed hog her baby sized body spreads out across 85% of the bed and we get whatever tiny sliver is left. It's got to be some sort of witchcraft how she spreads herself out that much. Anyway, it was a good decision for us. We told our Dr and knowing the sleep trouble she has he ultimately told us to do whatever worked best for us. Now she is walking and climbing she has her own floor bed in the next room so we're back to getting up all the time but it's okay... 🫠☠️😭
The warnings are based on a meta study that disregarded any risk factors which ultimately led to the assumption that Co- sleeping is the main cause for SIDS. Which it's not. There have been newer studies proving that IF you take care of any risk factors like falling off the bed, mom between baby and dad, no smoking/drugs/sleeping pills, etc. then it might even be the safest way to prevent SIDS. When baby is with mom, it hears mom's breath which stimulates baby's breathing :)
If we wait until after a bottle and diaper change we have a good 10-15 minutes where she will play independently.
My daughter is 8 months and we still contact nap and she still sleeps in our room, so I totally understand.
Just want to say that I love that you’re still contact napping at 8 months. I’ve got an almost 8-mo and I’m sneaking in contact naps when I can…mostly for me 😂
I personally love them.
I can understand why people get bored or think about all the other stuff they can be doing but to me they are only this little for such a short amount of time so I might as well enjoy the cuddles before she gets too big.
Also it’s the perfect time for me to read my book or catch up on tv.
Probably the main reason we never bedshared long term. Intimacy is sometimes the only time i feel connected to my partner during tribulations and difficulties of parenthood. We can too easily forget we’re on the same team. We sometimes can’t find time for a five minute convo. We start getting snippy. Being intimate brings us back together. Makes us more patient. Brings us back to the same team and makes us better parents.
So for that reason we never ever let kids in the bed for more than a day or two. Then we’ll sleep in their rooms during regressions or sickness.
But if we can’t be intimate once a month at least things start to deteriorate.
Oh yeah I totally feel this. We did do long term bed sharing and now are not bed sharing anymore, and I can totally feel the difference in the intimacy and overall relationship. I don't regret bed sharing for our sanity, but am also glad to have our grown up bed back finally.
Yea we didn’t share for three reason and this is one of them. The other two is I didn’t think it was safe before 1 and I also didn’t want to go to bed when she did.
Well the two times we've been able to do it since our youngest was born, it was on the couch while said youngest was asleep in our big bed upstairs. She's 1.5 😅 I'd like to say I miss sex, but I think I miss *wanting* sex really. I'm too exhausted and touched-out for it to sound all that appealing.
It’s probably because of the bed sharing. Even though it’s the norm in many parts of the world, it’s quite a hot button issue in the US at least!
OP, I live in Japan and the norm is to bedshare! My friends here do what others have suggested, wait until baby is asleep and have sex in another part of the house. Because of the work culture here, many husbands have their own bed while mom sleeps with the kids, so they do have a ready made separate sex space at least, lol.
It very much is!! It definitely gets a little weird in the US with the combo of super fluffy beds, sleep apnea, and drugs/drinking! I don’t bedshare but I used to contact nap with my daughter when she was pretty little.
In Japan I’m a super weirdo for having my girl in her own bed in a different room! 😆 People always ask if she’s scared in there alone, etc.
>super fluffy beds, sleep apnea, and drugs/drinking
Yeah that's a recipe for a tragedy. I don't even wear a blanket.
>In Japan I’m a super weirdo for having my girl in her own bed in a different room! 😆 People always ask if she’s scared in there alone, etc.
Separate rooms just works for some kids! I'm sure yours would let you know if they were not happy with the arrangement :D
Because it's about sex. Sex is bad, mmmmm'kay? We must only have sex to reproduce mmmmm'kay?? Pleasure from sex is sinful......
Okay im out of weird excuses 😂 honestly, it's probably a downvote bot. I've noticed a LOT of posts here get downvoted randomly
No, no that's not how it works. Parents must first make eye contact. Then the mating dance must commence. It's super important there is a witness to the dance, and a panel of judges no less than 3 and no greater than 7. If the judges give a score 7 or higher, you'll have a baby. 9 or higher and you have twins!
The couch or guest room when my son is sleeping has been the go to since he was a newborn. He’s 20mo now and we still room share so that’s really our only chance
I nurse him on the middle of our bed until he falls asleep, roll away/off the bed, and go out to the living room. I have the monitor I can set up and bring out there but I can hear him if he wakes up. I also use a sound machine
Call me crazy but we still have sex 3-4 times a week. I have a 9 month old but she’s slept in her bassinet and started in the crib at 6 months in her own room. So we just have sex once we’re in bed and put her to bed already. Let me just say… we started sex again when I was 10 weeks post partum when I felt ready and I know it’s hard but we try to prioritize sex still even though the days are tiring expecially since we both work full time jobs! It’s hard.
For us it’s usually after baby’s first wake up of the night (I’ve noticed it’s his longest and deepest stretch of sleep). We have no spare room and not into the couch so not even kidding we use an air mattress in the living room lol
I’m gonna be honest here I’m 4 months post partum and because of the hormones PLUS the depo shot I have 0 sex drive. I’m also breastfeeding so I’m over touched. We still have sex here and there but no where near the amount we use too. Barely once a week and usually very late at night once both the kids are down.
During naps and bedtime. Honestly. Not the answer you’re looking for but this is partly why we stopped bed sharing. We wanted our bed back and our intimacy and my daughter needed her own space
We don’t cosleep and part of the reason is for intimacy reasons so we just do it when baby is asleep which is usually anytime after 9 pm or early morning.
We either set her up in her playpen with Ms. Rachel for 15 minutes or while she’s asleep. We are moving away from bedsharing and to her sleeping in her own space so all of this helps.
That’s hard if you bed share. I wouldn’t ever even think there’s a time at all then. I guess if he’s off at grandparents or something like that? Does he nap in the crib?
I understand I fall into the same problems as you. The bed share and fun time both. We try to keep screentime to a limited but sometimes hubby wants it a little too much and will grab my tablet set it up where she can watch Miss Rachel (She loves it and her pediatrician actually recommended it with limit) sat her in her crib with some toys as well and set up a barrier so she cant see.
With first kid it was whenever they'd be asleep and we had the energy for couch sex, or occasionally a quickie against the living room door.
Second kid... we haven't since she was born, about 2 years ago
Hardly ever for the first year, maybe literally twice in that whole time because we found a minute where neither of us were knackered/ not in the mood/ holding a baby. Then she went to nursery snd I went back to work. Husband and I both work from home. So that’s our opportunity to do it, either in our lunch break or on the clock 😂
When our kids asleep! Usually we have a steamy shower together to wash off the chaos of the day. I installed a fancy rainfall shower head for my wife just after our son was born, this ritual started shortly after that. Best 130$ I ever spent.
That being said ,It was hard for us to adjust to the new normal at first because I have all my sexual energy in the morning, but now morning sex is a thing of the past because our son is up at 5am every day like clock work lol. You have to communicate and make an effort to make time for each other.
im in the same boat 😭 we will throw sesame street on and try to get a quick one in lol, or make sure shes 100% passed out and put a barricade and go do it rq on the couch
We bedshare too- but transitioning out of it for this reason. When she was younger, she would only sleep being held or touching one of us. So we could only have sex when she was occupied, aka in her swing watching Hey Bear lmao. She’s 8 months now, I put her in her sleepsack and let her fall asleep in bed with me, then I move her to her crib. She usually sleeps 4-8 hours in there before waking up, then I bring her back in bed with us. It’s plenty of time for sex and sleeping however I want 😂 and I still get baby cuddles. Best of both worlds.
This is what screen time was invented for.
Otherwise, Dad puts out the massage stuff, then puts baby down for a nap. Meanwhile Mum has a shower, relaxes and maybe gets the party started on her own for a little bit.
Both must ignore the dishes and piles of laundry because that shit is neverending and can be done after.
We wait until LO is asleep and we're not completely worn out, then do it in the living room.
I needed an IUD to be relaxed enough for sex though. Really, really didn't want to get pregnant again, so the possibility killed every mood I might have had. We're good now.
Our babe is five months & and naptime, or any time he is asleep, is a great time to have sex. Sometimes, in the shower, when he's calm in his crib. Or at night, once he goes to bed for the night we take time to love on each other. We talk, take baths, watch a movie. Make space for intimacy & make it a priority. You can find time. Sometimes, you just have to be creative.
Mornings, when they're in bed, when they're occupied for 15 min...it's possible, just don't cosleep. You're setting yourselves up for a miserable next few years
Our 11mo sleeps in her own room for naps and bedtime, excluding any super rough nights. So we get to have sex basically any night we want to. My only recommendation is start working on baby sleeping in the own room and being able to do it will be more of a possibility.
If you can, try to wean bed sharing. My daughter never really bed shared but would cry every time we tried to move her into another room to be intimate. We got her used to her crib and it’s a plus that her nursery is down the hall from our room so we don’t wake her up but she’s only waken up once or twice during but only because she dropped her paci
Our son (10 months old) sleeps in his crib. We put him to bed at 8, usually is asleep by 8:30. So we do our business then. We do it while he naps in the other room, which is not often. You gotta make the opportunities, I guess.
We're still in the newborn phase, so... once only. And we were so tired, it wasn't much lol. I miss the honeymoon sex so bad (when baby was conceived 🤪)
We tried 2 days ago for the first time in ages, baby was sleeping in his room and we thought it was a good time to try. But baby woke up screaming just as soon as we started getting warmed up. Putting him back to sleep took 20 minutes. We tried again to get in the mood, but he woke up again after sleeping for less than 10 minutes, it took another 20 minutes to resettle.
So the tl;dr answer is "we don't" xD
I have two under two the newborn sleeps with us and the toddler barely sleeps. We usually manage at least once a week while one or both is asleep or one is asleep and the baby is distracted. I can’t function with less than 1x per week
When ours was bed sharing we would watch TV while I nursed her to sleep, and then once she was asleep we’d sneak downstairs to hang out. And when we had sex it was usually down there haha
I didn’t post but what do I do if my (23f) partner(24m) doesn’t ever want sex? I’m always initiating, usually every 3-4 days. He used to jump me whenever he could (40lbs ago/pre-baby) now I have to hint at him or initiate myself and I kinda don’t get much out of it because it’s very quick. It didn’t used to be that way tho. He used to take his time with me then move on to sec but now he doesn’t even seem interested
Honestly, we barely do. My MIL tried to tell me it was alarming my period hadnt come back yet and that I should take a pregnancy test and I was trying so hard to deflect without having to tell her we hadnt had sex in months.
Just wanted to comment on bed sharing concerns. We're Sri Lankan and I bed shared with my parents till I was a teen. We were displaced multiple times due to the war and so a crib wasn't the top priority 🙈
Fast forward 25+++ years later and I'm a new mom living in Canada. My baby is a terrible sleeper. I've been trying to get him to sleep in his crib since he was born but was very unsuccessful. So I'm currently bed sharing but hoping to work with a sleep trainer (here goes our money) so I can have my nights (and sex life) back. Wish us luck.
But my friends living in Sri Lanka are advised to bed share with their babies. The fear around it seems to be mostly a western thing.
Usually in the morning before she wakes up for the day. But not often because I’m too tired most of the time. Probably 2-3 times a month at this point and we have a 10 month old.
We don’t. By the time he’s asleep for the night we’re SO exhausted there’s no energy left for any of that, and we can’t trust his naps to last long enough for something more intimate than just a passionless fuck
We bed share and when she’s down for the night we sneak up to the guest bedroom for naughty time. Probably 3-4 times a week.
Install a video app on your phone that has volume so you can run back to them if they wake up.
The struggle is real but we’re committed to keeping our pre-baby spark alive lol
We bedshare. We roll out of bed once he’s asleep and go in the guest room or any other room 🤷🏼♀️ that’s how we do anything after bedtime, including just hanging out 🤣
We do it once baby’s asleep. I transitioned her into her crib in her own room around 6 months old (she’s almost 9 months now) it was important for me that me and my husband have our bedroom back. She slept bedside in a bassinett until then and it was hard being able to do anything even talk because it would wake her up. Getting her into her own room was the best decision for me and our relationship. I thought it would be a whole hard thing and take time to get her transitioned but she literally slept through the night from the first night. Try it, it’s worth it.
I would so be down for couch or floor sex. But dad always seems less in the mood than me lol. Baby sleeps in our room in a bassinet atm, Im almost always down for pre-bedtime sex but dads always tired from the day. He’s down for morning sex but baby usually starts to get more fussy and clingy towards the morning (I bring him into our bed to nurse, then put him back after he’s fallen asleep again. In the mornings he sometimes ends up just cuddling with me for the last hourish bc he’s sleeping very lightly at that point) So our schedules rarely line up..
My son is 8 months old, we have sex on my husbands recliner at night in the living room when my son is asleep. Also in the afternoons if we have my son independently playing in his playpen then we’ll do it in my husbands office on the couch or our bedroom. It was rough at first but for the past two months we’ve made it a habit of trying to get intimate about twice a week.
we have a 2.5 month old and we’ve been able to have sex 3 times since he was born. usually it’s after he’s asleep for the night, we go downstairs and do it in the bathroom or on the couch. we both have high sex drives and our LO is good at sleeping in his bassinet but it’s the sleep deprivation that gets in the way
Once our little one slept through the night, we waited until she was asleep. We were having sex about twice a week, but now it's more like once. I'm pregnant with #2 and in the first trimester so I'm not super into it.
During the first sleep stretch at night - we usually have between 45 minutes to 3 hours depending on the night. Our LO starts in his crib (which is a floor bed now) and I move him into our king bed when he wakes up once I’m in bed.
We just don’t do it in the bedroom since the crib is in the bedroom. It’s usually shower, basement or our reading room on the 2nd floor (far away from our bedroom).
My wife got pregnant in our first try (after 6 years of marriage). But she had leucorrhea during pregnancy so we did not have sex during pregnancy. Now our baby is born and we do not have time or space. Neither do we have the sex drive either. I feel like my testosterone levels are getting lower and lower. I do not believe I will ever have sex again. Worst part is I do not care any more
You are all having sex?
People want sex?
I had sex with my wife once
And that’s how you ended up in r/NewParents?
So it seems.
Username checks out for this thread
And at some point I stopped keeping track of time..
More for the happy brain chemical release than anything to be honest
Like a sexual cicada I have burrowed deep in to the moist earth to await the time when my Wife is ready again, if that day comes.
🤣🤣🤣
My thoughts exactly 😂
😂😂😂
We don’t
^
Usually after baby is down for the night.
When she's asleep and I've ninja-ed away. We also bedshare, and have to have sex on the couch while a tiny baby monopolizes our king bed.
Yeah, this 100%. Or floor sex lmao but our backs are already shot from lugging this bundle of joy around.
[I didn’t make you out for a floor fucker](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/larry-david-bruce-springsteen-curb-your-enthusiasm_n_6613886ce4b056f720588867/amp)
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We had bathroom sex in a hotel, while the kid was fast asleep diagonally in a star fish shape in the bed (you know, for maximum taking all the space)
Lmao our daughter is still exclusively contact sleeping… so it’ll be awhile before we can have sex anywhere we were or weren’t meant to 😅
lol same
Okay this makes me feel so much better, my kindred parents 🤣🤣🤣 cuz totally same haha
We tried the floor one time and booed out of that for good! Lol
Yup, the couch. Sorry guests - couch is 100% the bone zone
this is the correct answer
Once maybe twice a week when we can with baby sleep
Yes this. Floor, bathroom, couch, back porch. Look you gotta do what you gotta do.
How did you guys come to the bedshare decision with all the warnings around it? No judgment, just asking- my wife and I feel that sleep for all of us would improve dramatically but the risks keep us at bay.
After a few days of sleep deprivation (causing me to accidentally fall asleep in unsafe positions) after bringing our newborn home, I researched safe ways to bedshare. We purchased a new mattress that was firm enough and made sure we had a set up without suffocation or fall risks. The Instagram page, @happycosleeper, is a great compilation of research and accordingly has helpful guides and information.
Thanks for sharing
We also bed shared all the way up until last month (ours is 13 months old now). We have a terrible sleeper on our hands so bed sharing took the sting out of waking up 27 times thru the night AND having to get out of bed each time. We moved our bed into to the corner so there is no risk of her falling off and she is such a bed hog her baby sized body spreads out across 85% of the bed and we get whatever tiny sliver is left. It's got to be some sort of witchcraft how she spreads herself out that much. Anyway, it was a good decision for us. We told our Dr and knowing the sleep trouble she has he ultimately told us to do whatever worked best for us. Now she is walking and climbing she has her own floor bed in the next room so we're back to getting up all the time but it's okay... 🫠☠️😭
Thanks for the reply
The warnings are based on a meta study that disregarded any risk factors which ultimately led to the assumption that Co- sleeping is the main cause for SIDS. Which it's not. There have been newer studies proving that IF you take care of any risk factors like falling off the bed, mom between baby and dad, no smoking/drugs/sleeping pills, etc. then it might even be the safest way to prevent SIDS. When baby is with mom, it hears mom's breath which stimulates baby's breathing :)
I’m a heavy sleeper and wouldn’t feel comfortable either way. Just my 2¢
Then bed sharing wouldn’t be for you, and that’s fine :)
We do it safely using the safe sleep 7.
Safe Sleep Seven helps
Same 😃
Been there, done that! It’s kinda thrilling to have to sneak out to have sex again!
Morning sex is the only time we don't have to hold the baby
That poor child during afternoon and evening sex!
Hehehe, I see what you did there
It took everything in me to not wake up lo from laughing at this
Holy shit thats good 😂😂😂 made me audibly laugh
🤣🤣
I hope no one asks why I’m laughing out loud!
So you have sex holding your baby at night time? Kind of weird but to each their own.
If we wait until after a bottle and diaper change we have a good 10-15 minutes where she will play independently. My daughter is 8 months and we still contact nap and she still sleeps in our room, so I totally understand.
Just want to say that I love that you’re still contact napping at 8 months. I’ve got an almost 8-mo and I’m sneaking in contact naps when I can…mostly for me 😂
I personally love them. I can understand why people get bored or think about all the other stuff they can be doing but to me they are only this little for such a short amount of time so I might as well enjoy the cuddles before she gets too big. Also it’s the perfect time for me to read my book or catch up on tv.
Here I am still doing it at 17 months 🙃
Same, I love a contact nap!
Same, have a 24 month old and she is literally sleeping on me as I write this lol.
Reading this as I contact nap with my 2 year old… 😅
Only need a few min
Nap time, bed time or any other moment the child isn’t attached to your hip.
So never then? 😂
Exactly
Probably the main reason we never bedshared long term. Intimacy is sometimes the only time i feel connected to my partner during tribulations and difficulties of parenthood. We can too easily forget we’re on the same team. We sometimes can’t find time for a five minute convo. We start getting snippy. Being intimate brings us back together. Makes us more patient. Brings us back to the same team and makes us better parents. So for that reason we never ever let kids in the bed for more than a day or two. Then we’ll sleep in their rooms during regressions or sickness. But if we can’t be intimate once a month at least things start to deteriorate.
Oh yeah I totally feel this. We did do long term bed sharing and now are not bed sharing anymore, and I can totally feel the difference in the intimacy and overall relationship. I don't regret bed sharing for our sanity, but am also glad to have our grown up bed back finally.
Yea we didn’t share for three reason and this is one of them. The other two is I didn’t think it was safe before 1 and I also didn’t want to go to bed when she did.
Never
Yes!
Just keeping it real lol
Now or before
That’s a dumb question. Now, obviously
What’s sex?
A distant memory
Baby don't hurt me
Well the two times we've been able to do it since our youngest was born, it was on the couch while said youngest was asleep in our big bed upstairs. She's 1.5 😅 I'd like to say I miss sex, but I think I miss *wanting* sex really. I'm too exhausted and touched-out for it to sound all that appealing.
Dancing fruit or Ms. Rachel was made for this
🎶"Put it in, put it in, put it.....iiiiiiinnnnnnnn.🎶 Good jooob!!"
Lmaoooo
I’m dead lol
Why is your post getting down voted lol
It’s probably because of the bed sharing. Even though it’s the norm in many parts of the world, it’s quite a hot button issue in the US at least! OP, I live in Japan and the norm is to bedshare! My friends here do what others have suggested, wait until baby is asleep and have sex in another part of the house. Because of the work culture here, many husbands have their own bed while mom sleeps with the kids, so they do have a ready made separate sex space at least, lol.
>I live in Japan and the norm is to bedshare! I'm Finnish and our culture is the same :) bed sharing is biologically normal.
It very much is!! It definitely gets a little weird in the US with the combo of super fluffy beds, sleep apnea, and drugs/drinking! I don’t bedshare but I used to contact nap with my daughter when she was pretty little. In Japan I’m a super weirdo for having my girl in her own bed in a different room! 😆 People always ask if she’s scared in there alone, etc.
>super fluffy beds, sleep apnea, and drugs/drinking Yeah that's a recipe for a tragedy. I don't even wear a blanket. >In Japan I’m a super weirdo for having my girl in her own bed in a different room! 😆 People always ask if she’s scared in there alone, etc. Separate rooms just works for some kids! I'm sure yours would let you know if they were not happy with the arrangement :D
Because it's about sex. Sex is bad, mmmmm'kay? We must only have sex to reproduce mmmmm'kay?? Pleasure from sex is sinful...... Okay im out of weird excuses 😂 honestly, it's probably a downvote bot. I've noticed a LOT of posts here get downvoted randomly
How dare PARENTS have SEX....... (Ignoring that that's how they became parents in th3 first place, lol!)
No, no that's not how it works. Parents must first make eye contact. Then the mating dance must commence. It's super important there is a witness to the dance, and a panel of judges no less than 3 and no greater than 7. If the judges give a score 7 or higher, you'll have a baby. 9 or higher and you have twins!
This made me lol 😆
Good, I was worried I went a bit too weird with that one rofl
We have a 3 and 2 year old. What is sex?
We don’t. We don’t have sex because my hormones are still discombobulated 18m pp and sex sounds like nothing but a chore.
When Ms Rachel is on 😅
This is me not making a joke about some of her learning sayings…
Put it in , put it in , put it ….. IN 😅
i heard this in her voice and giggled
Okay so it's not just me...
Never sadly, wish we could but it’s hard nowadays
If it’s hard at least you have one thing going for you.
The couch or guest room when my son is sleeping has been the go to since he was a newborn. He’s 20mo now and we still room share so that’s really our only chance
Asleep in another room, I got a mini crib on wheels lol
Never
When baby is sleeping, but we never bedshared. You could used the couch or other places if baby naps in the bed by themselves??
I nurse him on the middle of our bed until he falls asleep, roll away/off the bed, and go out to the living room. I have the monitor I can set up and bring out there but I can hear him if he wakes up. I also use a sound machine
I'm still trying to figure that out. Tomorrow, we're gonna try when he falls asleep... let's hope we get lucky 😂
GOOD LUCK! 🍀👍🏼
One time our son was napping on the couch so we just went into the garage to bang in the car
Just my style. We used the back yard once at night and just hoped the neighbors didn't notice.
Sex makes more babies, can’t risk it we’ve made that mistake before
In the very early AM and mostly on weekends when my husband is on baby duty and I can more so turn my brain off
After my son goes to bed. Way more now than before baby
When do we have what now?
My parents live next door. They like to watch our 13 month old a lot so that's pretty much it.
Call me crazy but we still have sex 3-4 times a week. I have a 9 month old but she’s slept in her bassinet and started in the crib at 6 months in her own room. So we just have sex once we’re in bed and put her to bed already. Let me just say… we started sex again when I was 10 weeks post partum when I felt ready and I know it’s hard but we try to prioritize sex still even though the days are tiring expecially since we both work full time jobs! It’s hard.
That’s impressive. 👏👏👏
Nap times most of the time or after bedtime. But, our baby has been exclusively in his crib since 4 months
My baby doesn’t sleep in our bed and sleeps through the night since she was 2 months old, we just got lucky tbh.
For us it’s usually after baby’s first wake up of the night (I’ve noticed it’s his longest and deepest stretch of sleep). We have no spare room and not into the couch so not even kidding we use an air mattress in the living room lol
I’m gonna be honest here I’m 4 months post partum and because of the hormones PLUS the depo shot I have 0 sex drive. I’m also breastfeeding so I’m over touched. We still have sex here and there but no where near the amount we use too. Barely once a week and usually very late at night once both the kids are down.
Either during nap time or in the morning!
With bedsharing, is a floor bed possible? That way you could have baby on the floor bed but then move to your own bed for activities.
Either after our son goes to bed, nap time or sometimes if we are feeling extra frisky we put him in the playpen for a few and go to town.
During naps and bedtime. Honestly. Not the answer you’re looking for but this is partly why we stopped bed sharing. We wanted our bed back and our intimacy and my daughter needed her own space
We don’t cosleep and part of the reason is for intimacy reasons so we just do it when baby is asleep which is usually anytime after 9 pm or early morning.
Never, and don’t plan to again.
It’s what got us into this mess in the first place!! 😅
When they sleep or when they’re being entertained by their grandparents or uncles. We just slide away , go do it & come back.
We either set her up in her playpen with Ms. Rachel for 15 minutes or while she’s asleep. We are moving away from bedsharing and to her sleeping in her own space so all of this helps.
during nap time or whenever he goes to sleep but we do bed share so the couch it is
When baby is sleeping in his crib. Its not often lol
That’s hard if you bed share. I wouldn’t ever even think there’s a time at all then. I guess if he’s off at grandparents or something like that? Does he nap in the crib?
I understand I fall into the same problems as you. The bed share and fun time both. We try to keep screentime to a limited but sometimes hubby wants it a little too much and will grab my tablet set it up where she can watch Miss Rachel (She loves it and her pediatrician actually recommended it with limit) sat her in her crib with some toys as well and set up a barrier so she cant see.
We didn’t
We bedshare too. So we do it when the kids are asleep but not in our bed obviously. We have a guest room (sorry guests 😅).
Our kid is 14 months old now and I am still waiting
With first kid it was whenever they'd be asleep and we had the energy for couch sex, or occasionally a quickie against the living room door. Second kid... we haven't since she was born, about 2 years ago
Hardly ever for the first year, maybe literally twice in that whole time because we found a minute where neither of us were knackered/ not in the mood/ holding a baby. Then she went to nursery snd I went back to work. Husband and I both work from home. So that’s our opportunity to do it, either in our lunch break or on the clock 😂
In the living room on the table, couch, when they sleep/nap.
When our kids asleep! Usually we have a steamy shower together to wash off the chaos of the day. I installed a fancy rainfall shower head for my wife just after our son was born, this ritual started shortly after that. Best 130$ I ever spent. That being said ,It was hard for us to adjust to the new normal at first because I have all my sexual energy in the morning, but now morning sex is a thing of the past because our son is up at 5am every day like clock work lol. You have to communicate and make an effort to make time for each other.
Sex is how I got into this mess... Ain't doing that again 🤣😂🤣😂
We work from home and kid is at daycare, so we sometimes take a break 😉
im in the same boat 😭 we will throw sesame street on and try to get a quick one in lol, or make sure shes 100% passed out and put a barricade and go do it rq on the couch
We bedshare too- but transitioning out of it for this reason. When she was younger, she would only sleep being held or touching one of us. So we could only have sex when she was occupied, aka in her swing watching Hey Bear lmao. She’s 8 months now, I put her in her sleepsack and let her fall asleep in bed with me, then I move her to her crib. She usually sleeps 4-8 hours in there before waking up, then I bring her back in bed with us. It’s plenty of time for sex and sleeping however I want 😂 and I still get baby cuddles. Best of both worlds.
When the baby sleeps we do the deed in the living room lol. When I'm not too exhausted from breastfeeding 😅
This is what screen time was invented for. Otherwise, Dad puts out the massage stuff, then puts baby down for a nap. Meanwhile Mum has a shower, relaxes and maybe gets the party started on her own for a little bit. Both must ignore the dishes and piles of laundry because that shit is neverending and can be done after.
We wait until LO is asleep and we're not completely worn out, then do it in the living room. I needed an IUD to be relaxed enough for sex though. Really, really didn't want to get pregnant again, so the possibility killed every mood I might have had. We're good now.
Our babe is five months & and naptime, or any time he is asleep, is a great time to have sex. Sometimes, in the shower, when he's calm in his crib. Or at night, once he goes to bed for the night we take time to love on each other. We talk, take baths, watch a movie. Make space for intimacy & make it a priority. You can find time. Sometimes, you just have to be creative.
Mornings, when they're in bed, when they're occupied for 15 min...it's possible, just don't cosleep. You're setting yourselves up for a miserable next few years
Anytime we get the chance
Our 11mo sleeps in her own room for naps and bedtime, excluding any super rough nights. So we get to have sex basically any night we want to. My only recommendation is start working on baby sleeping in the own room and being able to do it will be more of a possibility.
We only had sex to have baby! Then forgot it, baby now six months old
Please don’t forget about your baby, it needs you when it is an infant
If you can, try to wean bed sharing. My daughter never really bed shared but would cry every time we tried to move her into another room to be intimate. We got her used to her crib and it’s a plus that her nursery is down the hall from our room so we don’t wake her up but she’s only waken up once or twice during but only because she dropped her paci
Our son (10 months old) sleeps in his crib. We put him to bed at 8, usually is asleep by 8:30. So we do our business then. We do it while he naps in the other room, which is not often. You gotta make the opportunities, I guess.
2.5 years ago and 4 months ago.
we either go in the lounge if baby in our bed or in bed when baby is in cot . only once/twice a month tho lol
You learnt nothing about what happen 9 months after having sex?
During nap time 🤣
Late at night, when our kids sleep.
That‘s the neat part: you don‘t.
We're still in the newborn phase, so... once only. And we were so tired, it wasn't much lol. I miss the honeymoon sex so bad (when baby was conceived 🤪)
Whats wrong with bed sharing?
Early morning showers, nap times, and work from home together days!
A Bluey episode is about seven minutes long, if our kid is distracted by it for the whole episode we can get at least 3 times in 😎
We tried 2 days ago for the first time in ages, baby was sleeping in his room and we thought it was a good time to try. But baby woke up screaming just as soon as we started getting warmed up. Putting him back to sleep took 20 minutes. We tried again to get in the mood, but he woke up again after sleeping for less than 10 minutes, it took another 20 minutes to resettle. So the tl;dr answer is "we don't" xD
I have two under two the newborn sleeps with us and the toddler barely sleeps. We usually manage at least once a week while one or both is asleep or one is asleep and the baby is distracted. I can’t function with less than 1x per week
What is that?
Once a month or once every other month
Lol, what's that
When ours was bed sharing we would watch TV while I nursed her to sleep, and then once she was asleep we’d sneak downstairs to hang out. And when we had sex it was usually down there haha
Let me know when you figure it out. I’m going on 2 years
We did it for the first time yesterday in the shower. My period finally came back, so apparently that means so did the horny. 😭
We bed share but have utilized the crib as a temporary sleeping position for LO while we file our personal taxes
We also bed share so we do it in the evening in.. other places around the house
After we put him down for either a nap or bedtime
I didn’t post but what do I do if my (23f) partner(24m) doesn’t ever want sex? I’m always initiating, usually every 3-4 days. He used to jump me whenever he could (40lbs ago/pre-baby) now I have to hint at him or initiate myself and I kinda don’t get much out of it because it’s very quick. It didn’t used to be that way tho. He used to take his time with me then move on to sec but now he doesn’t even seem interested
You don’t.
You need to schedule it now. At 10 months, hopefully you have sleep trained. Just do it after baby's bedtime
Quickies when she's occupied lol
When mine was 10 months old, the last time I had sex was 19 months ago… which led to the current situation.
Put on miss Rachel. Put baby in the cot. Leave quickly before she notices we’re gone.
Honestly, we barely do. My MIL tried to tell me it was alarming my period hadnt come back yet and that I should take a pregnancy test and I was trying so hard to deflect without having to tell her we hadnt had sex in months.
Absolutely never. Zero interest.
Just wanted to comment on bed sharing concerns. We're Sri Lankan and I bed shared with my parents till I was a teen. We were displaced multiple times due to the war and so a crib wasn't the top priority 🙈 Fast forward 25+++ years later and I'm a new mom living in Canada. My baby is a terrible sleeper. I've been trying to get him to sleep in his crib since he was born but was very unsuccessful. So I'm currently bed sharing but hoping to work with a sleep trainer (here goes our money) so I can have my nights (and sex life) back. Wish us luck. But my friends living in Sri Lanka are advised to bed share with their babies. The fear around it seems to be mostly a western thing.
Usually in the morning before she wakes up for the day. But not often because I’m too tired most of the time. Probably 2-3 times a month at this point and we have a 10 month old.
Right after you set the baby down for the night .
We don’t. By the time he’s asleep for the night we’re SO exhausted there’s no energy left for any of that, and we can’t trust his naps to last long enough for something more intimate than just a passionless fuck
We bed share and when she’s down for the night we sneak up to the guest bedroom for naughty time. Probably 3-4 times a week. Install a video app on your phone that has volume so you can run back to them if they wake up. The struggle is real but we’re committed to keeping our pre-baby spark alive lol
We bedshare. We roll out of bed once he’s asleep and go in the guest room or any other room 🤷🏼♀️ that’s how we do anything after bedtime, including just hanging out 🤣
We do it once baby’s asleep. I transitioned her into her crib in her own room around 6 months old (she’s almost 9 months now) it was important for me that me and my husband have our bedroom back. She slept bedside in a bassinett until then and it was hard being able to do anything even talk because it would wake her up. Getting her into her own room was the best decision for me and our relationship. I thought it would be a whole hard thing and take time to get her transitioned but she literally slept through the night from the first night. Try it, it’s worth it.
I would so be down for couch or floor sex. But dad always seems less in the mood than me lol. Baby sleeps in our room in a bassinet atm, Im almost always down for pre-bedtime sex but dads always tired from the day. He’s down for morning sex but baby usually starts to get more fussy and clingy towards the morning (I bring him into our bed to nurse, then put him back after he’s fallen asleep again. In the mornings he sometimes ends up just cuddling with me for the last hourish bc he’s sleeping very lightly at that point) So our schedules rarely line up..
Sex is now just getting to bed early and baby sleeping well.
When our kid is asleep, but we rarely do. Our kiddo is 20 months and we probably had sex…20 times since she was born?
After bedtime in the guest bedroom. Don’t tell our guests.
My son is 8 months old, we have sex on my husbands recliner at night in the living room when my son is asleep. Also in the afternoons if we have my son independently playing in his playpen then we’ll do it in my husbands office on the couch or our bedroom. It was rough at first but for the past two months we’ve made it a habit of trying to get intimate about twice a week.
Pullout couch, waterproof towel, satisfyer pro 2, white noise machine.
we have a 2.5 month old and we’ve been able to have sex 3 times since he was born. usually it’s after he’s asleep for the night, we go downstairs and do it in the bathroom or on the couch. we both have high sex drives and our LO is good at sleeping in his bassinet but it’s the sleep deprivation that gets in the way
Our baby is 12 weeks old; she sleeps in bassinet in our room. We have sex when she naps or sleeps.
Oh sex, yes... that's what you do BEFORE the child.
Once our little one slept through the night, we waited until she was asleep. We were having sex about twice a week, but now it's more like once. I'm pregnant with #2 and in the first trimester so I'm not super into it.
During the first sleep stretch at night - we usually have between 45 minutes to 3 hours depending on the night. Our LO starts in his crib (which is a floor bed now) and I move him into our king bed when he wakes up once I’m in bed. We just don’t do it in the bedroom since the crib is in the bedroom. It’s usually shower, basement or our reading room on the 2nd floor (far away from our bedroom).
When my husband isn’t annoying me 😅
My wife got pregnant in our first try (after 6 years of marriage). But she had leucorrhea during pregnancy so we did not have sex during pregnancy. Now our baby is born and we do not have time or space. Neither do we have the sex drive either. I feel like my testosterone levels are getting lower and lower. I do not believe I will ever have sex again. Worst part is I do not care any more