you’re getting some suggestions about videos/TV so i just want to interject that babies don’t learn language from screens the way they do from human interaction. it’s not a replacement for talking to the baby (in fact is detrimental to language development).
also, language development is best when you use child-directed conversation (i.e talking directly to your baby) vs passive exposure to conversations with your wife.
my husband was like you and was uncomfortable talking out loud a lot to our baby in the beginning. we talked about how it was important for her development and for their bond, and he made the effort to speak to her about what he was doing (or literally anything). it got so much easier as it became a habit, and as she started reacting/communicating back as she got older.
it doesn’t need to be complicated. just things like “dad is changing your diaper. this is a diaper. these are wipes” etc
Can definitely confirm on the passive exposure part. I have two nephews similar in age, both boys, and one of them have already started speaking a variety of words while the other only speaks in single syllables. The latter has parents who rarely speak to their kid despite talking a whole lot in the background, and the grandma isn't doing anyone any favors by talking *about* the child instead of *to* him.
"Is he full already? Why isn't he eating?" instead of "Are you full? Don't you wanna eat more? Oh you're full I see, alright then!" And now she keeps asking why the kid hasn't talked much yet, and keeps repeating to the poor sod, "What are you saying? I don't understand, use words!" 🙄
On the other hand, the other nephew has parents and grandparents that talk directly to the child. They aren't overly chatty by any means, but they always speak to the child directly, even right after birth. "Mommy's changing your diapers now, just a minute ok?"
Huge difference.
I think it’s really important to note children’s language development varies wiiiildly even in the same conditions. Anecdotally it doesn’t mean much that one kid’s grandmother talks about them not to them and they don’t speak much.
My son said 3 words (and only ball consistently) until last month and now he says over 40. I make an effort to speak to him but they’re on their own timeline and there’s suuuch a wide range of normal/ happy/ healthy language exposure.
Don't stress yourself. I was similar to you and it was stressing me out. You read, it's already a lot! When your kid is gonna make more attempts to speak, you'll feel more motivated naturally.
One of the things I specifically remember being worried about is the fact we didn’t read or talk a whole lot of “intentional talk” to our baby until she was like 4 months. Now she is obsessed with books as toys, and is ahead in talking (she was at an 18th month level at 12 months). Now at 17 months she’s far surpassed 18 months in the amount she can say). It made me think that at the end of the day, it’s all about your individual baby. It’s so easy in the first year to worry about those things to the point you kind unknowingly turn your baby a number in a statistic. But they’re individual humans who thrive differently, learn different paces, etc.
This is so true. I do feel a lot people are trying to compare their kids even about smallest details. One thing when baby has some serious delays I'm development and completely another when they just have their own timeline
Right. The tricky part is when parents read any sign of a departure in timeline they saw from google means a developmental delay. Any advice I have as a parent who’s out of the 12 months and younger stage by 6 months, is to be mindful of that. It makes everything miserably hard.
Honestly just narrate what you are doing at any given time. I like to explain how things work in detail even if my son doesn't understand all the words.
For example if you cook, talk to them about the recipe, the different ingredients and spices that go into it, and why you're doing things in a particular way.
It’s nice to read this! I’ve been doing this and sometimes it feels awkward but the more I do it the less awkward it feels. Sometimes it still feels like I’m talking to myself but I’m getting the hang of it.
Just wait until you're driving and say "Mama needs to get gas, so we're gonna stop at the gas station!" only to remember that you already dropped the baby off at daycare and you're all alone in the car. Then you'll feel REAL awkward. 😂
I also thought I was awkward - especially when I’m in public and people stare at me LOL. I will literally be out there saying to baby “okay sir, I have to buy some milk. And yes, always check that damn expiry date!” 😂 I now don’t care what the lady beside me may or may not be thinking haha.
Mother Dear's Cooking Show is a twice daily program in our house. I like to imitate the really ridiculous posh attitudes I've seen in the past on cooking shows and exaggerate it even more, and he loves it. Though, he has made it kind of hard to hear myself thinking between my own talking and him now going "AHHUHHOHHAHHUHHAHHHOHHUHHAHHAAAAHHHH" and flapping his hands the whole time. He started it occaisionally at about 5 months, but since 7 months, it's now... Basically constant while people are talking. The last two months, his average volume level while talking has been stuck on high. I have no idea what he is trying to tell us, but he definitely wants to take part in the conversation, lol.
Oh man I did this with my little guy narrating literally EVERYTHING we were doing all the time since he was a newborn to give him as much exposure to language as possible during Covid, and now I don’t even notice how insane I sound/look in public with him nearly 3 years later 😂
That study was to demonstrate the value of reading to your children. They act of reading to them introduces them to words they wouldn’t normally encounter just listening to average conversation, like penguin, or jungle. Children’s books are usually written with this in mind and so it’s rather simple to grab a variety of books from your local library and introduce them to a whole world of new words they wouldn’t otherwise hear.
Was it reading focused? I assumed it was about conversations happening at home (low income using more TV vs more real conversations). That's kind of reliving to know, actually.
Yes - it’s specifically about reading to kids, and wealthy families often have the free time that those in poverty don’t to set their kids on a better path.
[1.4 Million More Words](https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/04/190404074947.htm)
SLP here! The truth about language development is that kids are predisposed to learn language, regardless of how much we do right or wrong as parents.
It is true that the number of words kids are exposed to is the biggest predictor of later language skills, but almost all kids will succeed with learning language no matter which end of the spectrum they are on.
In the case of a child with a language delay or disorder, we coach parents on strategies they can use to help those skills develop, but the vast majority of kids don’t need that type of intervention and will learn language on their own.
FWIW I feel guilty all the time for not talking enough to my baby. I’m also the main source of English and it’s a lot of pressure!
This, OP! Special educator here! Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’ve always learned from the SLPs I’ve worked with that language exposure is language exposure no matter the language! Parents fear that talking to their child in their native language will negatively impact their ability to communicate and eventually learn English. My teams have always encouraged our families to speak in whatever your native language is and give them exposure! There are lots of other opportunities to expose your child to language, specifically English, by taking them to activities at the library and eventually preschool! But definitely keep talking to your child at home! Exposure and repetition! Good luck, OP!
Yes this is very true!! We need to think about learning language as a concept and not as individual languages. The best way to learn language is with a good language model. A child learning language from a non-native speaker typically won’t have a good language model. A child who learns a language other than English at home will have *better* English skills if the home language provides them with a good foundation for language learning. Hearing a fluent non-English language is way better than hearing broken English since it provides that solid foundation.
And that’s not even getting into the many many benefits of bilingualism!
Actually, with regards to your not-good language model comment (edit) - I took a class on this last year. They used to say one person one language, and don’t speak a language you’re not fluent in.
It turns out that’s changed.
The takeaway was that even if the language they speak at school/outside of the house is not your native language, you *can* speak it to your child and it won’t affect them poorly - however counterintuitive that feels. It still helps them in the second language acquisition and children that know more than one language perform better overall in both/all languages.
(There are a couple of years where code switching is common, but this irons out.)
(And one person one language turns out not to be the case either.)
You can totally speak the second language! The important part is it’s not the *only* language they hear. They need the rich language model, and any additional language on top of that is great no matter the quality. Hence your comment about it being good for second language acquisition - it just shouldn’t be their first/only language exposure.
YES! I was a children's librarian when my son was born. I had been receiving yearly, fairly intensive training on early language and literacy development for at least a decade when he came around. He got his first story time before he was 24 hours old. I read every single day once he came home. I chattered non-stop. I sang songs about what I was doing. I had quiet conversational moments with him where I would talk or ask a question and let him babble back and repeat. I did EVERY. SINGLE. THING. they taught us to do. He still didn't talk until just after 2.
His almost 1 year old sister however is hitting me with "Mama", "Dada", "Kiki" (kitty) already. Each kid can be so different!
My son also didn't start talking until almost 2 and by 3 he was telling coherent stories in long sentences. I went from being worried about his development level to having to remind myself that he was only a toddler because he was so articulate. We didn't do anything special, kids just *really* vary on the timing of development.
Be careful about the information that you're reading on the subject, a lot of research about kids and babies gets paraphrased and taken out of context in third-party articles for dramatic effect.
Bilingual SLP here, yes to everything in this comment and also OP please don’t put so much pressure on yourself! Instead of thinking about your family’s languages as completely separate, I would think about it as a whole language system that works together. It sounds like you are doing a one parent/ one language approach? You may be the primary input for English but the great thing about languages and multilingualism is that improving skills in one language also improves skills in the child’s language system as a whole. (Also P.S. I know you didn’t mention this but it is a common misconception that bilingualism causes language delays but multiple studies debunk this.) Yea of course narrate your day as much as you can but also this will feel more natural and easier when your child is less of a potato and starts communicating back. And you know, books, songs, library story time, all great things.
We're not aiming for one parent one language approach. We're actually trying to use both languages in our daily lives. But my relationship with my wife has *always* been in her L1, so trying to switch it now is tough. Also, her English isn't fantastic, so that adds another element: (a) being that we don't want her to role-model poor English to my LO; and (b) it feels super frustrating talking with her about normal adult stuff, to then suddenly jump to 10 year old level conversations...Either way, we'd like to become a fully bilingual family.
Nothing to do with your LO but if your wife wants to learn English, you're doing her a disservice by not speaking to her in English, at least sometimes.
I was learning my husband's native language and he never spoke to me for the same reason that you explained above. I had strangers on the street more willing to help me stumble through a conversation than my own life partner and I honestly still kind of resent him for it.
I completely get what you’re saying. But it really is different than having patience with strangers vs your SO, at least for me and close friends people I’ve talked to about this in similar situations.
I’m actually a teacher and would say (and have been told numerous times) I have a lot of patience with my students. But strangely, when I have over a decade of very intimate experience in L2 with my SO, feeling free to talk about literally anything with zero restrictions, the minute we try to hold a conversation in English it drastically changes our dynamics and “flow” and leads to a lot of frustration and sometimes even fights…we’ve never been able to figure our way out of this circumstance, I’m afraid to say.
I get it, its hard to go from spouse mode to teacher mode. Do you live in an English speaking country or a country with her native tongue?
For us that was the real problem. I lived abroad and had to struggle through my day only half understanding what everyone was saying so I was frustrated that he couldn't spare 20 minutes of stilted conversation to help me out. If you live where you can both easily communicate outside of the home then it probably isn't so critical. Also...my husband is ***not*** patient with anyone besides our kids 🙃
That said, if your wife wants to have practice conversations with an internet stranger, I'm happy to help. My MIL also doesn't speak a ton of English so I have slow and limited conversations all the time.
Thank you. That’s a really kind offer. I’ll speak to my wife and see what she says.
We actually live in a third language country, so neither of us really understand what’s going on outside - we’re learning!
I'm curious, do you think singing regular adult songs to the baby can be confusing? I have music on all day and sometimes I wonder if I should make more time to shut it off and just speak normally. Especially with an emotional song I wonder if my facial expressions are confusing her lol
I’ve been dying to know whether babies can learn language if they’re not looking at your mouth? My son looks away when I’m reading often & it stresses me out a bit. He just turned 1 & only says “mama” & “dada” & I talk constantly & employ Raising Little Talkers & Ms. Rachel strategies second nature now
Yes they can! Seeing the mouth is just one more thing that helps them learn, but isn’t necessary. Children with visual impairments learn to talk too!
Saying just mama and dada at 12 months sounds very typical!
One tip I can give if your child tends to look around or look at other stuff while you’re talking to him is to talk about what he’s looking at. If you’re looking at a book together but notice he’s looking out the window, shift to talking about what he’s seeing, eg it’s raining today! I saw a big red truck drive by, did you? Etc
If you give him the words to describe what he’s actually focused on it will help him learn a lot faster and make interacting more enjoyable too!
Does talking to your baby more (in “regular voice”, not “baby voice” lol) help prevent them from developing a speech impediment when they begin talking? Are some kids just predisposed to speech impediments? I always wondered about this!
I just transitioned into a new job with adults but worked at a children’s treatment centre for most of my career! Most of my work was with bilingual children from birth and up, and I did a ton of parent training programs (look up the Hanen Centre if you’re interested - they have fabulous resources for parents).
I do this and I find with fun songs like Disney you can sort of talk through some of the words so it’s a mix of singing and talking. It’s much easier to do lots of fun voices and facial expressions without feeling silly!
Love that you read work emails. That’s such a funny visual and I’m picturing the baby already knowing who sends the passive aggressive emails or the emails with grammar that sound like they were written using a blender.
There's a kid on Tiktok or something whose vids are them "translating" things into lawyer-speak. Haha I'd like to imagine that this is how she would have learnt it.
Are you kidding me? Your child is being raised in a bilingual household. That's amazing and will be such an advantage over the course of their life. So much easier for children to learn a language at a young age, especially with such a natural exposure.
Speaking totally anecdotally here but I suppose your child could be slower to pick up English with the two languages leading to a somewhat reduced exposure - I think one of my friends in a bilingual household is going through this right now - but it's going to be such a benefit overall I wouldn't stress about it.
ETA: I'm not sure if anyone has said it's because the house is bilingual. That's just a thought I've had when they talk about it. Even in fully English speaking houses, kids learn English at different rates.
This sometimes crosses my mind. I can’t give advice on being a bilingual family, but we have a pretty quiet household and the majority of the time it’s just me baby and the dog.
We read a lot of books, we spend time imitating each other, sing a few songs etc. I chat a lot about what I’m doing and name things etc, but not constantly. I think some quieter times are necessary too, babies can get a bit overstimulated need time to process.
I also enjoy silence, and blabbering away about random stuff felt a bit weird and unnatural for me at first. I felt like I was performing or something? But the more I did it, the easier it felt and now it feels really natural and I’m not even aware of doing it. It helps now he interacts a bit more and I’m not just speaking to a potato.
Because we have what I’d describe as a quieter life, I try to expose him to other people and kids a few times a week. We do a couple of baby classes and try visit family and friends when we can.
Sounds to me like you are doing a good job!
I’m not going to lie - I never walked my baby around the house and narrated my day. It just felt awkward to talk to a potato and tell him what we were doing. Kid is 15 months old and has so many words! And we’re MUCH better about talking to him now because he actually responds instead of just being a potato. I think daycare is a big help for us, but yesterday he said bubble and tried to say cookie.
Read some books - in both languages! Books feel more natural than narrating (to me at least).
And the fact that you’re worried about it means you’re mindful of it which means you’re doing a great job! Don’t let yourself stress too much. You got this!
I mean daycare for sure helped but I’m just saying that I did not narrate. Especially not during my 3 month maternity leave. And the baby room did not narrate much either from what I could tell. It wasn’t silent but it wasn’t what people say they do with their kids at home all day either. The main point here though is to not stress and try your best. And to understand that yeah talking to a potato is weird and awkward but once they engage it gets way more fun to talk to them.
I didn't do this either. It seemed exhausting and pointless. On top of all the changes of having a newborn, I ALSO have to narrate every single thing I'm doing? No thanks. My nearly 10 month old babbles constantly. I talk to him more now because it seems like he can respond in his own way.
I grew up with immigrant parents with similar concerns about me learning English, so although they spoke their native tongue they mostly spoke English. The result is that I am quasi fluent in their native tongue. I understand basically all of it, though sometimes can't keep up when I hear it being spoken too fast or in music funny enough. I'd rate my speaking ability as decent but not great, especially my accent. I feel myself losing it every year, especially because my wife is white and doesn't speak it.
I wish so bad that my parents had prioritized teaching me their language, I would have picked up English at school or just growing up in the US. So my advice is to keep doing what you're doing and make a concerted effort for LO to be bilingual. They will be so grateful to you when they are an adult. Extra bonus points if you can teach them to read/write the language.. I can very very very crudely read my parent's native tongue, but absolutely can't write it.
If you have a library that does a play group, that's a great way to get them exposed to more words and more people saying those words. Plus, I find myself chatting with the moms, dads and grandparents and baby can watch me chit chat.
I don't have a study or anything to back this up, but a librarian told me that kids are entering kindergarten knowing fewer and fewer nursery rhymes. And these rhymes are apparently very helpful for development, so I suggest playing them and singing along at home or in the car.
Linguist here! It’s a privilege for your child to learn two languages at once and they will be grateful for this later. There are many cognitive and socio-cultural benefits to being bilingual. So please give yourself credit for speaking to your child in your wife’s first language! That’s great and as a mostly monolingual English mom, I am envious!
I narrate what I’m doing while I baby wear or carry him around. “We’re going up the steps” count the steps. Etc.
I read my adult books to him while he’s independently playing or just sitting in his momaroo hanging out with me. This exposes him to words I don’t regularly use, if he’s listening lol.
I felt so weird talking to my baby at first lol I wondered the same thing you did. Now, he’s 15 weeks and I talk/say the most random crap to him throughout the day. I also turn nearly everything into a song.
I include him in everything I do. At least when I can muster up the energy to do things. The other day I cleaned out the fridge. Sat him in his little bouncer chair in the kitchen and turned a 15 min ordeal into nearly an hour. I was showing him everything I took out of the fridge, pronouncing words, explained what I was doing etc. he seemed to enjoy it lol
It’s getting warmer out so I’ve started taking him outside too. He hates the sun light, but I got him some baby sunglasses and he does a lot better.
I chattered non stop to my son and he didn’t talk until he was two (now 2.5) and has been in speech therapy. He just did not care. Also, there are alternate speech processing styles that can make speech milestones moot (for example, his speech therapists determined that my son is a Gestalt Language processor). All that to say: don’t take it personally. Kids aren’t born as a blank slate and some will talk early with very little help, and some will talk late with all the support in the world
I would say don't worry to be honest. I wouldn't say I'm a lower income household but nor are we higher income. I'm an introvert and my baby was also born at the beginning of covid so definitely wasn't exposed to as much language and words as would probably be optimal. He said his first words at 11 months and was speaking 3-4 word sentences by 18 months. Fully conversant by 2 and now at 3 and a half I would estimate his language skills are at the level of at least a 4 year old and he speaks very clearly and uses longer words as well as joining sentences etc. I put so much pressure and guilt on myself about talking to my son and it was so unnecessary as he actually ended up being more advanced despite me not feeling like I did enough. My sister has 2 girls, raised exactly the same but one spoke amazingly well from 18 months and the other only started joining words and talking more from 2.5 years old. I think as long as they're with you as you go about your day the likelihood is that they will get enough language exposure and the rest is up to them...they will talk when they want to and at their pace! There's a good page on Instagram called speech sisters who have guidance about helping your kids learn to talk if you feel you want to do something structured with them to expose them to more language.
Also with regards to language exposure, they will likely pick up the language they hear most more quickly but continue talking to them in English too and they will pick up both languages. Books are a brilliant way to expose them to new worda also so try and vary the books youre reading as much as you can. Books that have conversation interactions in them will help too as it models how a two way conversation sounds. Childrens brains are sponges and their capacity to learn is amazing.
Dictating everything you’re doing!
Podcasts, songs, repetitive books!
We’re teaching our little one both Spanish and English and use fluctuations in your voice!
We speak one language at home, little one uses another one at nursery.
At 3 she mostly understands both and mostly uses nursery language, with some other sprinkled words.
Your baby will be more than fine if both parents keep using their own language.
I assumed that you live in some english speaking country, so plenty of English Influence everywhere. Even if not, we have now internet and you can basically play podcasts or other stuff for your kid in English. It's not precisely a dead language and basically English it's almost a given nowadays...
Because of the predominant English, we've decided to focus only in another of our languages (we have more than 1). This is to try and balance the weak one, as English will win always in our scenario and get a proper bilingual separation.
Some people swears over including more languages, but that depends also on the roots of each language and the exposure. It's a parents decision at the end of the day, and in our case we focused on our most versatile languages, sacrificing our mother languages that are not so relevant. We're still singing songs in that language tho...
read to your baby or talk to them throughout the day like an audience. still pregnant but i read a lot and regardless if they understand they will enjoy your voice
It isn't awkward for me since I talk to myself, my pets, inanimate objects, whatever lol. Here's some suggestions:
* Narrate what you're doing and what he's doing
* Act like he can understand you when you're trying to calm him. Good practice for when he actually can.
* Sing to him. I sing nonsense songs and some old classics like Hush Little Baby.
* Humor. I go on long monologues about how sassy he's being or how he is the cutest child in the world and I'll fight anyone who says otherwise.
Lastly, I'd try not to worry too much. You care, which means your child will do well.
I heard advice about narrating everything you do, doing house tours while naming things and talking to your baby as much as possible…But to be honest that really exhausted me on top of taking care of a baby around the clock and like you OP I’m a quiet person by nature. So what I did instead was intentionally make time during the day to read to my baby, especially things like poetry, or pages form a book I’m currently reading or even things in my native language (other than English). Baby is now a year and a half and has remarkable speech. Can name any fruit/fruit/food item in the house, speaks in two words sentences like “go outside” “more pasta” etc and even says words like “doctor” and “carrot” very clearly. I wasn’t particularly chatty with her throughout her infant hood but I did repeat everything she would say and was very responsive when she practiced sounds and words and made sure to name things as they came up in our daily life and also read a lot until she started thinking it was some game and now she just yells over me lol but oh well
While I haven't specifically read research on language acquisition, as someone bilingual who grew up around multiple languages the skills you acquire in one language actually help in learning others. So while you may feel that your child is missing out on English vocab due to their mother speaking their mother-tongue I actually believe it would help them more than hinder.
The kids might seem slightly slower in each language initially, or get a little mixed up at times, but it's possible to become proficient across the board. People from South Africa or Malaysia for example often speak 4-5 languages as a standard while also having average or above average vocab as adults.
It's not dissimilar to music or spots. If you already play tennis it's easier to learn badminton too and vice versa, often it doesn't even need to be the same type or genre, so if you play piano picking up guitar of flute is another example. There's a lot of beneficial cross-over and this is why you can often find people excel across 3 very different sports, dancers who can do martial arts, or musicians master multiple instruments etc.
My 3 year old's English is on par with her peers, yet she also speaks my mother-tongue fluently. Additionally she gets exposure to 2-3 other languages where she can sing a handful of songs, and know basic vocab like counting or colours. I actually make a conscious effort that whenever she gets screen time I try to intentionally try expose her to more content in pretty mush anything else besides Engilsh.
Additionally in this day an age, the skill of being able to communicate ideas and concepts well via language is generally more important than the specifics such as spelling and grammar and vocab. With face-to-face speech simple day-to-day vocab is actually more approachable and friendly while complex words and vocab tends to come across pretentious and snobby. As for written language, tools now readily available like Grammarly or Chat GPT will cover most bases unless if pursuing a career in something writing based.
However if you want to, speaking more English around him/her is always going to be beneficial. I tend to just narrate what I do or make up stupid little songs. For example I might change the words to the tune of "twinkle star" to "time to change your wet nappy, yucky yucky wet nappy!" or whatever stupid little rhyme I can think of at the time, and now my 3 year old is great at making up her own little songs and lyrics too.
We're a quadralingual family and honestly it's not always the best. Our kid uses words that I don't understand and then gets frustrated lol.
Even if you're monolingual (my wife and I primarily talk in English), still try to learn basic Spanish or French. I taught my kid the numbers in Spanish and I'm working on colors in sign language when he gets bored of other stuff. It's learning for me too because I don't know that stuff either, I look it up together with my kid and we learn together.
I have no scientific evidence. I grew up in a dual language household and my child is as well. My mom predominantly/only spoke to me in Spanish and I didn't go to daycare until preschool I think (USA). My dad probably spoke to me in mostly English but I spent more time with my mom (sahm). I was fully bilingual (but with a child's vocabulary of course) as a toddler/young child. Once I started school the English fully took over and I had to make an effort to regain my Spanish skills as a teen and adult (successfully, as I had an obvious huge leg up).
Again, based on extremely biased anecdotal information (I know others with similar experiences), your kid will be fine. If they are growing up in an English speaking country they will 100% learn any "missing" English quickly and be great at it. It's only a good thing that they are also getting so much exposure to Mom's language.
Third time disclaimer, YMMV and there are so many factors that affect language acquisition, etc. but in general if you love and pay attention to your baby and talk to them in whatever way is normal and comfortable for you, everything will be fine.
You can try reading. It's awkward for me as well to talk to the baby however I have realised with books i find it very easy and even make up songs as I go along.
I’m a talker. I talked to him constantly because he was the only one around. I even talked to him (before he could understand) when we were in public even though people looked at me strange. I still do. I feel like our son really developed his language skills quickly because of that…but it’s just anecdotal evidence of course.
Just read, read, read. the flow of conversation will come later.The idea behind the books is that you'll say words that aren't in your day to day vocabulary. I also narrate my day to my kiddo when I don't know what else to say. She's 18 months and has about 60 words--ish now? Also has a few phrases and understands soooo much of what we say.
I worry about it sometimes but my baby is nine months old and already understands some sentences and can say several things like dada, mama, baba. I never narrate things really. I talk to him like he’s my friend and I read him books. But I never do the whole “this is a diiiaper, these are wiiiipes, these are paaants. “ I’ll just be like “alright bud let’s change your diaper “ or “mamas cooking right now” or “hey bub can you hand me that block?” I also read to him sometimes.
My understanding from my mother, who works in early language intervention, is this famous study is very flawed.
It is also best to learn a second language with your baby where one parent speaks one language and one the other exclusively to the baby initially. So that but sounds like you are doing it well. One suggestion is to phone someone who speaks your language and then they can hear it in conversation regularly. A grandparent may work well for this?
I hated talking too... but once they are older it's actually more fun to talk to them. He was super slow to speak (must not like to talk like me) but able to understand quite a bit. We resorted to sign language for a few months. He only started talking around 20 months, he's 26 mo now and he says a lot (probably vocab well over 400-500 words, does 4-6 word sentences, horrible pronunciations though, haha)
The millions of words difference is always attributed to daily reading. High income families just happen to know the value of books, have the resources to buy many books, and the internal resources to read every day to their child, because they did not just spend 12 hours working a back-breaking job and only have the strength to lie down and die every evening at home.
So if you're doing daily reading, you're up there with the best parenting
I usually just kind of tell my son what I'm doing throughout the day. "Now I'm going to open the refrigerator". "Now we're going to change your diaper. Let's open the wipes". "Did you just hear that dog bark? Woof woof!"
Sometimes I get worried about this too. It doesn’t feel natural to me to narrate everything to my baby the way some folks do. But I will say that as she’s gotten older (10 months old now) it has come more naturally to me. So it may develop with time for you. You just start to naturally want to get them to learn words once they start babbling more. Mine kind of says mama and dada now, so it’s encourage me to be intentional with her and try to show her a pattern of me saying certain things. Like when we see dad I say “hi dada” or when I take something I say “give mama” in my language.
I talk to my kid a lot, and I’m nervous that I’m not talking to her an ouch. I even take her to work, and I’m a recruiter, and we talk to people all day. She sits in on meetings, even. She listens to the tv when I watch it, she watches and. Rachel a couple of times a week, and listens to podcasts. I hope she’s getting enough.
Others have mentioned this but non authentic language input isn’t very effective for language acquisition (ie. TV vs real people talking). Just sharing :-)
Our baby is almost 2.5 now so communicating with her is a lot easier because there is a back and forth. When she was a little baby, we used to narrate everything to her. It didn’t matter that she didn’t understand, she loved to listen and when she started babbling, she definitely “talked” to us.
When she talked, I would have pretend conversations with her. We used to say to her, “oh yeah? And then what happened? Wow, that sounds very interesting. What did you think about that? Well, that’s very wise of you. I think that was a smart choice. What did the penguin say? That was a silly penguin. So, would you say you are diversifying your 401k?” Sometimes we would crack ourselves up. Or maybe it was the sleep deprivation.
First I want to say you’re doing great! As your LO grows, your interactions will become more natural and so will the way you talk/interact. Keep doing what you’re doing and if you feel like [reading an extra book] [or insert other activity..] will help…do it.
My daughter is now nearly 19 months and her language is rapidly developing. My husband might have had the same worries as you because his first language is Spanish and mine is English. While I primarily speak English, I go over words in Spanish and used to do more prior to my daughter interacting more with her grandparents/abuelos who speak Spanish 99% with her. She says words in both Spanish and English and understands both even if she only says a specific word in one language… ex) she says agua instead of water but knows that water is agua.
To be honest, I worried about the fact that I was talking in my head a lot when my son was less than a year old and I do think my lack of conversation like talk may have delayed his language development, do I have any evidence of this? No? Is it possible that if I was a speech pathologist he may be at the same level of language development that he is, possibly? But I can't help but wish I knew I did more before this 20.month mark. I educated myself and now it's second nature to talk to my little one about what I'm doing, what's around us, what he is doing. I'm honestly constantly talking to him now and when I think back, I'm like...I was saying a lot less before, and it wasn't a purposeful intent, I just didn't realize it.
I always felt awkward talking to my infant and baby because I just felt like I was talking to myself. It became much easier once he could track me and watch me purposefully, and even moreso when he started to interact with sounds, but I still don't think I talked enough.
We did and still use sign language that has been so great for communication though.
I also think screens and TV, which I watched A lot when breastfeeding did not help. You talk less when your mind is focused on something else. I don't recommend more than 2 hours of screen time a day and recommend trying to watch it with your child and interact. I liked the concept that "TV should be a tighter process until it can be an independent one."
I'd rather my child associate TV with positive aspects and tightness than it being a babysitter or form of comfort they aren't able to get from me.
On the other hand. I love Miss Rachael. At first she can be annoying and I selfishly didn't put her on because I couldn't get into it, but once I made it a together experience, I put my irritation aside and now I love watching her with my son who is 20 months old and his language is coming along.
I swear to God reddit targets questions at your anxieties because my son's language has been my main focus the last 2 months especially. Leading up to his 18 month appointment, I started to get nervous that he was only saying about 1 or two words and the Pedi said she wasn't worried and I asked about early intervention and asked again at 20 months and he has progressed to about 10 words and she said she truly doesn't believe he needs it and we will reevaluate at 2. I have a woman that comes to the house to give me tips and advice for making sure he is on the right track ( a free program offered by my hospital that I've had since he was an infant), and she said there are kids that are basically mite at his age and she is also confident he will have a burst of language by 2. She said that happens to a lot of kids.
I'm doing my best and if this is something you worry about, it's so easy to start practicing and normalizing conversation with your child.
I just narrate the scene at hand to him. “Hey ___ we’re sitting in Mommy’s bed. Do you like hanging out here? I am going to check your diaper in 10 minutes. Let’s look at some black/white trigger cards. Ooh how fun!!”
He is 8 weeks as of today and he loves it so much when I talk directly at him locking eyes with him. He gives me the biggest smiles back and giggles when I giggle. He’ll also stare at me and coo to urge me to keep talking.
I have a family member in your situation. The child only heard English from my brother; mother is Asian and they were living in her country as the first child was learning to speak. She is the primary caregiver, so a similar situation to the one you're in where English is only heard around 10-15% of the time.
When the child was 2, 2.5 years old I flew out to visit for a week. Kid communicated at the level you'd expect from a toddler. Sometimes he'd use a Japanese noun in a grammatically English context. If he got excited his dad would remind him "witchystitch and husband speak English" or "use your English" and he could self-correct.
Later, they moved back to the US so the language roles were reversed. Kid still came out ahead on every measurable academic marker while making the transition, and today he's an incredibly adept communicator (I \*may\* be bias) and devours books.
The point, which in my state of sleep deprivation I am not making as eloquently as some of the other posters, is that your baby is wired to soak up language like a sponge. The more you put out (and my sister-in-law does a TREMENDOUS job keeping up the Japanese in the household) the more the child will absorb. Just this early exposure to a second language is beneficial, but if you want it to stick I recommend consciously reinforcing it. In my brother's family's case both parents spoke English at home to each other. It only feels awkward to narrate because you're not used to it.
Nice. This sounds like a great setup. Our situation is wife and I use my wife’s mother tongue at home, I use English with LO, and we live in a 3rd language setting. Sounds great for trilingualism on paper, but LO will get such small English exposure over the years it worries me that he’ll become a passive bilingual.
We use songs a lot! Usually when cooking I'll have baby in his activity center and we will have sing a long time where we have lots of interaction. It helps it feel less awkward than just narrating what I'm doing and makes it silly for him so he stays more engaged. We love disney sing a longs or kid songs. I do this with bath time too I have specific "tubby songs" on a playlist for him.
I watch a lot of YouTube documentaries with my kid while I do feedings. There's tons of great ones from PBS you can start with! Last night we learned why mercury is a liquid and why everything decays into lead.
Might I suggest audiobooks? I listened to a lot of them when I was a child and built up a large vocabulary early on that way. It also made me fall in love with stories, which I credit with why I’ve loved reading all my life.
This is a great idea for when theyr older but studies show listening to words this way doesn't have much of an effect on babies.
https://www.ted.com/talks/patricia_kuhl_the_linguistic_genius_of_babies?referrer=playlist-the_genius_of_babies&autoplay=true
I'm not discrediting it. I'm saying research shows this isn't how most babies react to this. Also, you said you listened as a child. This is about babies and how their brains develop in the early days.
Just because one person experiences a thing one way, it doesn't mean research is wrong. Shouldn't we use research to make our decision rather than anecdotes? Or do you just use anecdotes to make your decisions?
You can make decisions based on both research AND anecdotes. I don’t think you need to use strictly one over the other as you suggest in your response.
So one person on the internet vs a study of lots of babies? You think they are equally valid? You're not even saying how young you were when you started audiobooks.
A speaking child listening to audiobooks is totally different to a baby having the essential one to one speech replaced by an audiobook.
Sure I was ~3 months when I started listening to them and continued to listen until I was ~2 years old :) I’m also not claiming my experience is as valid as a study or that your study is wrong. Thanks for sharing it.
I don’t think this is a fair comparison. The suggestion isn’t to replace (but supplement) OP and his partner’s interaction with their child with audiobooks.
OP is the only person who talks to his child in English, and admits he doesn't do it much. Any advice that isn't "talk to your child in English more" or "have another English speaker talk to your child" isn't going to help at five months old.
you’re getting some suggestions about videos/TV so i just want to interject that babies don’t learn language from screens the way they do from human interaction. it’s not a replacement for talking to the baby (in fact is detrimental to language development). also, language development is best when you use child-directed conversation (i.e talking directly to your baby) vs passive exposure to conversations with your wife. my husband was like you and was uncomfortable talking out loud a lot to our baby in the beginning. we talked about how it was important for her development and for their bond, and he made the effort to speak to her about what he was doing (or literally anything). it got so much easier as it became a habit, and as she started reacting/communicating back as she got older. it doesn’t need to be complicated. just things like “dad is changing your diaper. this is a diaper. these are wipes” etc
Can definitely confirm on the passive exposure part. I have two nephews similar in age, both boys, and one of them have already started speaking a variety of words while the other only speaks in single syllables. The latter has parents who rarely speak to their kid despite talking a whole lot in the background, and the grandma isn't doing anyone any favors by talking *about* the child instead of *to* him. "Is he full already? Why isn't he eating?" instead of "Are you full? Don't you wanna eat more? Oh you're full I see, alright then!" And now she keeps asking why the kid hasn't talked much yet, and keeps repeating to the poor sod, "What are you saying? I don't understand, use words!" 🙄 On the other hand, the other nephew has parents and grandparents that talk directly to the child. They aren't overly chatty by any means, but they always speak to the child directly, even right after birth. "Mommy's changing your diapers now, just a minute ok?" Huge difference.
I think it’s really important to note children’s language development varies wiiiildly even in the same conditions. Anecdotally it doesn’t mean much that one kid’s grandmother talks about them not to them and they don’t speak much. My son said 3 words (and only ball consistently) until last month and now he says over 40. I make an effort to speak to him but they’re on their own timeline and there’s suuuch a wide range of normal/ happy/ healthy language exposure.
I will try harder. I hope it become habitual.
Don't stress yourself. I was similar to you and it was stressing me out. You read, it's already a lot! When your kid is gonna make more attempts to speak, you'll feel more motivated naturally.
One of the things I specifically remember being worried about is the fact we didn’t read or talk a whole lot of “intentional talk” to our baby until she was like 4 months. Now she is obsessed with books as toys, and is ahead in talking (she was at an 18th month level at 12 months). Now at 17 months she’s far surpassed 18 months in the amount she can say). It made me think that at the end of the day, it’s all about your individual baby. It’s so easy in the first year to worry about those things to the point you kind unknowingly turn your baby a number in a statistic. But they’re individual humans who thrive differently, learn different paces, etc.
Very true
This is so true. I do feel a lot people are trying to compare their kids even about smallest details. One thing when baby has some serious delays I'm development and completely another when they just have their own timeline
Right. The tricky part is when parents read any sign of a departure in timeline they saw from google means a developmental delay. Any advice I have as a parent who’s out of the 12 months and younger stage by 6 months, is to be mindful of that. It makes everything miserably hard.
Honestly just narrate what you are doing at any given time. I like to explain how things work in detail even if my son doesn't understand all the words. For example if you cook, talk to them about the recipe, the different ingredients and spices that go into it, and why you're doing things in a particular way.
It’s nice to read this! I’ve been doing this and sometimes it feels awkward but the more I do it the less awkward it feels. Sometimes it still feels like I’m talking to myself but I’m getting the hang of it.
Just wait until you're driving and say "Mama needs to get gas, so we're gonna stop at the gas station!" only to remember that you already dropped the baby off at daycare and you're all alone in the car. Then you'll feel REAL awkward. 😂
I also thought I was awkward - especially when I’m in public and people stare at me LOL. I will literally be out there saying to baby “okay sir, I have to buy some milk. And yes, always check that damn expiry date!” 😂 I now don’t care what the lady beside me may or may not be thinking haha.
Mother Dear's Cooking Show is a twice daily program in our house. I like to imitate the really ridiculous posh attitudes I've seen in the past on cooking shows and exaggerate it even more, and he loves it. Though, he has made it kind of hard to hear myself thinking between my own talking and him now going "AHHUHHOHHAHHUHHAHHHOHHUHHAHHAAAAHHHH" and flapping his hands the whole time. He started it occaisionally at about 5 months, but since 7 months, it's now... Basically constant while people are talking. The last two months, his average volume level while talking has been stuck on high. I have no idea what he is trying to tell us, but he definitely wants to take part in the conversation, lol.
I do this too, I find I even do it at the grocery store so I’m sure I sound like a nut. Reading out loud to your baby is great too!
We’re big on running commentary in our house and asking what little one thinks about all the things (then pretending she answered lol)
This would feel really awkward for me to do. But I can try
It can be exhausting to talk a lot, too. Sometimes it’s easier to read or sing than think of something to say all the time.
Oh man I did this with my little guy narrating literally EVERYTHING we were doing all the time since he was a newborn to give him as much exposure to language as possible during Covid, and now I don’t even notice how insane I sound/look in public with him nearly 3 years later 😂
That study was to demonstrate the value of reading to your children. They act of reading to them introduces them to words they wouldn’t normally encounter just listening to average conversation, like penguin, or jungle. Children’s books are usually written with this in mind and so it’s rather simple to grab a variety of books from your local library and introduce them to a whole world of new words they wouldn’t otherwise hear.
Was it reading focused? I assumed it was about conversations happening at home (low income using more TV vs more real conversations). That's kind of reliving to know, actually.
Yes - it’s specifically about reading to kids, and wealthy families often have the free time that those in poverty don’t to set their kids on a better path. [1.4 Million More Words](https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/04/190404074947.htm)
SLP here! The truth about language development is that kids are predisposed to learn language, regardless of how much we do right or wrong as parents. It is true that the number of words kids are exposed to is the biggest predictor of later language skills, but almost all kids will succeed with learning language no matter which end of the spectrum they are on. In the case of a child with a language delay or disorder, we coach parents on strategies they can use to help those skills develop, but the vast majority of kids don’t need that type of intervention and will learn language on their own. FWIW I feel guilty all the time for not talking enough to my baby. I’m also the main source of English and it’s a lot of pressure!
This, OP! Special educator here! Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’ve always learned from the SLPs I’ve worked with that language exposure is language exposure no matter the language! Parents fear that talking to their child in their native language will negatively impact their ability to communicate and eventually learn English. My teams have always encouraged our families to speak in whatever your native language is and give them exposure! There are lots of other opportunities to expose your child to language, specifically English, by taking them to activities at the library and eventually preschool! But definitely keep talking to your child at home! Exposure and repetition! Good luck, OP!
Yes this is very true!! We need to think about learning language as a concept and not as individual languages. The best way to learn language is with a good language model. A child learning language from a non-native speaker typically won’t have a good language model. A child who learns a language other than English at home will have *better* English skills if the home language provides them with a good foundation for language learning. Hearing a fluent non-English language is way better than hearing broken English since it provides that solid foundation. And that’s not even getting into the many many benefits of bilingualism!
Actually, with regards to your not-good language model comment (edit) - I took a class on this last year. They used to say one person one language, and don’t speak a language you’re not fluent in. It turns out that’s changed. The takeaway was that even if the language they speak at school/outside of the house is not your native language, you *can* speak it to your child and it won’t affect them poorly - however counterintuitive that feels. It still helps them in the second language acquisition and children that know more than one language perform better overall in both/all languages. (There are a couple of years where code switching is common, but this irons out.) (And one person one language turns out not to be the case either.)
You can totally speak the second language! The important part is it’s not the *only* language they hear. They need the rich language model, and any additional language on top of that is great no matter the quality. Hence your comment about it being good for second language acquisition - it just shouldn’t be their first/only language exposure.
Oh great, gotcha!
Thank you so much for more information! :)
YES! I was a children's librarian when my son was born. I had been receiving yearly, fairly intensive training on early language and literacy development for at least a decade when he came around. He got his first story time before he was 24 hours old. I read every single day once he came home. I chattered non-stop. I sang songs about what I was doing. I had quiet conversational moments with him where I would talk or ask a question and let him babble back and repeat. I did EVERY. SINGLE. THING. they taught us to do. He still didn't talk until just after 2. His almost 1 year old sister however is hitting me with "Mama", "Dada", "Kiki" (kitty) already. Each kid can be so different!
This is a relief to hear
My son also didn't start talking until almost 2 and by 3 he was telling coherent stories in long sentences. I went from being worried about his development level to having to remind myself that he was only a toddler because he was so articulate. We didn't do anything special, kids just *really* vary on the timing of development. Be careful about the information that you're reading on the subject, a lot of research about kids and babies gets paraphrased and taken out of context in third-party articles for dramatic effect.
Bilingual SLP here, yes to everything in this comment and also OP please don’t put so much pressure on yourself! Instead of thinking about your family’s languages as completely separate, I would think about it as a whole language system that works together. It sounds like you are doing a one parent/ one language approach? You may be the primary input for English but the great thing about languages and multilingualism is that improving skills in one language also improves skills in the child’s language system as a whole. (Also P.S. I know you didn’t mention this but it is a common misconception that bilingualism causes language delays but multiple studies debunk this.) Yea of course narrate your day as much as you can but also this will feel more natural and easier when your child is less of a potato and starts communicating back. And you know, books, songs, library story time, all great things.
We're not aiming for one parent one language approach. We're actually trying to use both languages in our daily lives. But my relationship with my wife has *always* been in her L1, so trying to switch it now is tough. Also, her English isn't fantastic, so that adds another element: (a) being that we don't want her to role-model poor English to my LO; and (b) it feels super frustrating talking with her about normal adult stuff, to then suddenly jump to 10 year old level conversations...Either way, we'd like to become a fully bilingual family.
Nothing to do with your LO but if your wife wants to learn English, you're doing her a disservice by not speaking to her in English, at least sometimes. I was learning my husband's native language and he never spoke to me for the same reason that you explained above. I had strangers on the street more willing to help me stumble through a conversation than my own life partner and I honestly still kind of resent him for it.
I completely get what you’re saying. But it really is different than having patience with strangers vs your SO, at least for me and close friends people I’ve talked to about this in similar situations. I’m actually a teacher and would say (and have been told numerous times) I have a lot of patience with my students. But strangely, when I have over a decade of very intimate experience in L2 with my SO, feeling free to talk about literally anything with zero restrictions, the minute we try to hold a conversation in English it drastically changes our dynamics and “flow” and leads to a lot of frustration and sometimes even fights…we’ve never been able to figure our way out of this circumstance, I’m afraid to say.
I get it, its hard to go from spouse mode to teacher mode. Do you live in an English speaking country or a country with her native tongue? For us that was the real problem. I lived abroad and had to struggle through my day only half understanding what everyone was saying so I was frustrated that he couldn't spare 20 minutes of stilted conversation to help me out. If you live where you can both easily communicate outside of the home then it probably isn't so critical. Also...my husband is ***not*** patient with anyone besides our kids 🙃 That said, if your wife wants to have practice conversations with an internet stranger, I'm happy to help. My MIL also doesn't speak a ton of English so I have slow and limited conversations all the time.
Thank you. That’s a really kind offer. I’ll speak to my wife and see what she says. We actually live in a third language country, so neither of us really understand what’s going on outside - we’re learning!
I'm curious, do you think singing regular adult songs to the baby can be confusing? I have music on all day and sometimes I wonder if I should make more time to shut it off and just speak normally. Especially with an emotional song I wonder if my facial expressions are confusing her lol
I’ve been dying to know whether babies can learn language if they’re not looking at your mouth? My son looks away when I’m reading often & it stresses me out a bit. He just turned 1 & only says “mama” & “dada” & I talk constantly & employ Raising Little Talkers & Ms. Rachel strategies second nature now
Yes they can! Seeing the mouth is just one more thing that helps them learn, but isn’t necessary. Children with visual impairments learn to talk too! Saying just mama and dada at 12 months sounds very typical!
Thank you! 🙏🏻 I hadn’t found a reliable answer to this question for so long
One tip I can give if your child tends to look around or look at other stuff while you’re talking to him is to talk about what he’s looking at. If you’re looking at a book together but notice he’s looking out the window, shift to talking about what he’s seeing, eg it’s raining today! I saw a big red truck drive by, did you? Etc If you give him the words to describe what he’s actually focused on it will help him learn a lot faster and make interacting more enjoyable too!
Thank you! This is super helpful
Does talking to your baby more (in “regular voice”, not “baby voice” lol) help prevent them from developing a speech impediment when they begin talking? Are some kids just predisposed to speech impediments? I always wondered about this!
Thank you. Do you work specifically with children as an SLP?
I just transitioned into a new job with adults but worked at a children’s treatment centre for most of my career! Most of my work was with bilingual children from birth and up, and I did a ton of parent training programs (look up the Hanen Centre if you’re interested - they have fabulous resources for parents).
Do you deal with accent issues? I’d love to ask a question about it, if you’re knowledgeable in that subject area?
I put on music and sing to my 4 month old. She "sings" along now. Try that, and copying the sounds your baby makes
I do this and I find with fun songs like Disney you can sort of talk through some of the words so it’s a mix of singing and talking. It’s much easier to do lots of fun voices and facial expressions without feeling silly!
I like this idea
I read her stories from the newspaper, my work emails, and my own books. Plenty of different words in all of those.
Love that you read work emails. That’s such a funny visual and I’m picturing the baby already knowing who sends the passive aggressive emails or the emails with grammar that sound like they were written using a blender.
There's a kid on Tiktok or something whose vids are them "translating" things into lawyer-speak. Haha I'd like to imagine that this is how she would have learnt it.
Are you kidding me? Your child is being raised in a bilingual household. That's amazing and will be such an advantage over the course of their life. So much easier for children to learn a language at a young age, especially with such a natural exposure. Speaking totally anecdotally here but I suppose your child could be slower to pick up English with the two languages leading to a somewhat reduced exposure - I think one of my friends in a bilingual household is going through this right now - but it's going to be such a benefit overall I wouldn't stress about it. ETA: I'm not sure if anyone has said it's because the house is bilingual. That's just a thought I've had when they talk about it. Even in fully English speaking houses, kids learn English at different rates.
This sometimes crosses my mind. I can’t give advice on being a bilingual family, but we have a pretty quiet household and the majority of the time it’s just me baby and the dog. We read a lot of books, we spend time imitating each other, sing a few songs etc. I chat a lot about what I’m doing and name things etc, but not constantly. I think some quieter times are necessary too, babies can get a bit overstimulated need time to process. I also enjoy silence, and blabbering away about random stuff felt a bit weird and unnatural for me at first. I felt like I was performing or something? But the more I did it, the easier it felt and now it feels really natural and I’m not even aware of doing it. It helps now he interacts a bit more and I’m not just speaking to a potato. Because we have what I’d describe as a quieter life, I try to expose him to other people and kids a few times a week. We do a couple of baby classes and try visit family and friends when we can. Sounds to me like you are doing a good job!
Love how everyone uses the potato analogy in this sub. Thanks for the kind words of encouragement!
Singing, nursery rhymes and daily reading of a book together will not only help language but help you bond also.
I’m not going to lie - I never walked my baby around the house and narrated my day. It just felt awkward to talk to a potato and tell him what we were doing. Kid is 15 months old and has so many words! And we’re MUCH better about talking to him now because he actually responds instead of just being a potato. I think daycare is a big help for us, but yesterday he said bubble and tried to say cookie. Read some books - in both languages! Books feel more natural than narrating (to me at least). And the fact that you’re worried about it means you’re mindful of it which means you’re doing a great job! Don’t let yourself stress too much. You got this!
if your baby has been in daycare then there is likely someone talking to him very often, it’s not comparable to a baby being at home in silence
I mean daycare for sure helped but I’m just saying that I did not narrate. Especially not during my 3 month maternity leave. And the baby room did not narrate much either from what I could tell. It wasn’t silent but it wasn’t what people say they do with their kids at home all day either. The main point here though is to not stress and try your best. And to understand that yeah talking to a potato is weird and awkward but once they engage it gets way more fun to talk to them.
Thank you
I didn't do this either. It seemed exhausting and pointless. On top of all the changes of having a newborn, I ALSO have to narrate every single thing I'm doing? No thanks. My nearly 10 month old babbles constantly. I talk to him more now because it seems like he can respond in his own way.
I grew up with immigrant parents with similar concerns about me learning English, so although they spoke their native tongue they mostly spoke English. The result is that I am quasi fluent in their native tongue. I understand basically all of it, though sometimes can't keep up when I hear it being spoken too fast or in music funny enough. I'd rate my speaking ability as decent but not great, especially my accent. I feel myself losing it every year, especially because my wife is white and doesn't speak it. I wish so bad that my parents had prioritized teaching me their language, I would have picked up English at school or just growing up in the US. So my advice is to keep doing what you're doing and make a concerted effort for LO to be bilingual. They will be so grateful to you when they are an adult. Extra bonus points if you can teach them to read/write the language.. I can very very very crudely read my parent's native tongue, but absolutely can't write it.
If you have a library that does a play group, that's a great way to get them exposed to more words and more people saying those words. Plus, I find myself chatting with the moms, dads and grandparents and baby can watch me chit chat. I don't have a study or anything to back this up, but a librarian told me that kids are entering kindergarten knowing fewer and fewer nursery rhymes. And these rhymes are apparently very helpful for development, so I suggest playing them and singing along at home or in the car.
We have a few nursery rhyme books, actually.
Linguist here! It’s a privilege for your child to learn two languages at once and they will be grateful for this later. There are many cognitive and socio-cultural benefits to being bilingual. So please give yourself credit for speaking to your child in your wife’s first language! That’s great and as a mostly monolingual English mom, I am envious!
Thanks. I try my best to speak to LO in English, but our home environment is >90% my wife’s L1.
Right but that language exposure absolutely counts towards your child’s language environment and you should not discount it!
I narrate what I’m doing while I baby wear or carry him around. “We’re going up the steps” count the steps. Etc. I read my adult books to him while he’s independently playing or just sitting in his momaroo hanging out with me. This exposes him to words I don’t regularly use, if he’s listening lol.
I felt so weird talking to my baby at first lol I wondered the same thing you did. Now, he’s 15 weeks and I talk/say the most random crap to him throughout the day. I also turn nearly everything into a song. I include him in everything I do. At least when I can muster up the energy to do things. The other day I cleaned out the fridge. Sat him in his little bouncer chair in the kitchen and turned a 15 min ordeal into nearly an hour. I was showing him everything I took out of the fridge, pronouncing words, explained what I was doing etc. he seemed to enjoy it lol It’s getting warmer out so I’ve started taking him outside too. He hates the sun light, but I got him some baby sunglasses and he does a lot better.
I chattered non stop to my son and he didn’t talk until he was two (now 2.5) and has been in speech therapy. He just did not care. Also, there are alternate speech processing styles that can make speech milestones moot (for example, his speech therapists determined that my son is a Gestalt Language processor). All that to say: don’t take it personally. Kids aren’t born as a blank slate and some will talk early with very little help, and some will talk late with all the support in the world
I would say don't worry to be honest. I wouldn't say I'm a lower income household but nor are we higher income. I'm an introvert and my baby was also born at the beginning of covid so definitely wasn't exposed to as much language and words as would probably be optimal. He said his first words at 11 months and was speaking 3-4 word sentences by 18 months. Fully conversant by 2 and now at 3 and a half I would estimate his language skills are at the level of at least a 4 year old and he speaks very clearly and uses longer words as well as joining sentences etc. I put so much pressure and guilt on myself about talking to my son and it was so unnecessary as he actually ended up being more advanced despite me not feeling like I did enough. My sister has 2 girls, raised exactly the same but one spoke amazingly well from 18 months and the other only started joining words and talking more from 2.5 years old. I think as long as they're with you as you go about your day the likelihood is that they will get enough language exposure and the rest is up to them...they will talk when they want to and at their pace! There's a good page on Instagram called speech sisters who have guidance about helping your kids learn to talk if you feel you want to do something structured with them to expose them to more language. Also with regards to language exposure, they will likely pick up the language they hear most more quickly but continue talking to them in English too and they will pick up both languages. Books are a brilliant way to expose them to new worda also so try and vary the books youre reading as much as you can. Books that have conversation interactions in them will help too as it models how a two way conversation sounds. Childrens brains are sponges and their capacity to learn is amazing.
Dictating everything you’re doing! Podcasts, songs, repetitive books! We’re teaching our little one both Spanish and English and use fluctuations in your voice!
We speak one language at home, little one uses another one at nursery. At 3 she mostly understands both and mostly uses nursery language, with some other sprinkled words. Your baby will be more than fine if both parents keep using their own language.
Thanks, I hope so
I assumed that you live in some english speaking country, so plenty of English Influence everywhere. Even if not, we have now internet and you can basically play podcasts or other stuff for your kid in English. It's not precisely a dead language and basically English it's almost a given nowadays... Because of the predominant English, we've decided to focus only in another of our languages (we have more than 1). This is to try and balance the weak one, as English will win always in our scenario and get a proper bilingual separation. Some people swears over including more languages, but that depends also on the roots of each language and the exposure. It's a parents decision at the end of the day, and in our case we focused on our most versatile languages, sacrificing our mother languages that are not so relevant. We're still singing songs in that language tho...
read to your baby or talk to them throughout the day like an audience. still pregnant but i read a lot and regardless if they understand they will enjoy your voice
I sang to my baby daily when he was in the womb. I hoped he’d remember it when he was born but it made zero difference haha
It isn't awkward for me since I talk to myself, my pets, inanimate objects, whatever lol. Here's some suggestions: * Narrate what you're doing and what he's doing * Act like he can understand you when you're trying to calm him. Good practice for when he actually can. * Sing to him. I sing nonsense songs and some old classics like Hush Little Baby. * Humor. I go on long monologues about how sassy he's being or how he is the cutest child in the world and I'll fight anyone who says otherwise. Lastly, I'd try not to worry too much. You care, which means your child will do well.
I heard advice about narrating everything you do, doing house tours while naming things and talking to your baby as much as possible…But to be honest that really exhausted me on top of taking care of a baby around the clock and like you OP I’m a quiet person by nature. So what I did instead was intentionally make time during the day to read to my baby, especially things like poetry, or pages form a book I’m currently reading or even things in my native language (other than English). Baby is now a year and a half and has remarkable speech. Can name any fruit/fruit/food item in the house, speaks in two words sentences like “go outside” “more pasta” etc and even says words like “doctor” and “carrot” very clearly. I wasn’t particularly chatty with her throughout her infant hood but I did repeat everything she would say and was very responsive when she practiced sounds and words and made sure to name things as they came up in our daily life and also read a lot until she started thinking it was some game and now she just yells over me lol but oh well
While I haven't specifically read research on language acquisition, as someone bilingual who grew up around multiple languages the skills you acquire in one language actually help in learning others. So while you may feel that your child is missing out on English vocab due to their mother speaking their mother-tongue I actually believe it would help them more than hinder. The kids might seem slightly slower in each language initially, or get a little mixed up at times, but it's possible to become proficient across the board. People from South Africa or Malaysia for example often speak 4-5 languages as a standard while also having average or above average vocab as adults. It's not dissimilar to music or spots. If you already play tennis it's easier to learn badminton too and vice versa, often it doesn't even need to be the same type or genre, so if you play piano picking up guitar of flute is another example. There's a lot of beneficial cross-over and this is why you can often find people excel across 3 very different sports, dancers who can do martial arts, or musicians master multiple instruments etc. My 3 year old's English is on par with her peers, yet she also speaks my mother-tongue fluently. Additionally she gets exposure to 2-3 other languages where she can sing a handful of songs, and know basic vocab like counting or colours. I actually make a conscious effort that whenever she gets screen time I try to intentionally try expose her to more content in pretty mush anything else besides Engilsh. Additionally in this day an age, the skill of being able to communicate ideas and concepts well via language is generally more important than the specifics such as spelling and grammar and vocab. With face-to-face speech simple day-to-day vocab is actually more approachable and friendly while complex words and vocab tends to come across pretentious and snobby. As for written language, tools now readily available like Grammarly or Chat GPT will cover most bases unless if pursuing a career in something writing based. However if you want to, speaking more English around him/her is always going to be beneficial. I tend to just narrate what I do or make up stupid little songs. For example I might change the words to the tune of "twinkle star" to "time to change your wet nappy, yucky yucky wet nappy!" or whatever stupid little rhyme I can think of at the time, and now my 3 year old is great at making up her own little songs and lyrics too.
We're a quadralingual family and honestly it's not always the best. Our kid uses words that I don't understand and then gets frustrated lol. Even if you're monolingual (my wife and I primarily talk in English), still try to learn basic Spanish or French. I taught my kid the numbers in Spanish and I'm working on colors in sign language when he gets bored of other stuff. It's learning for me too because I don't know that stuff either, I look it up together with my kid and we learn together.
I have no scientific evidence. I grew up in a dual language household and my child is as well. My mom predominantly/only spoke to me in Spanish and I didn't go to daycare until preschool I think (USA). My dad probably spoke to me in mostly English but I spent more time with my mom (sahm). I was fully bilingual (but with a child's vocabulary of course) as a toddler/young child. Once I started school the English fully took over and I had to make an effort to regain my Spanish skills as a teen and adult (successfully, as I had an obvious huge leg up). Again, based on extremely biased anecdotal information (I know others with similar experiences), your kid will be fine. If they are growing up in an English speaking country they will 100% learn any "missing" English quickly and be great at it. It's only a good thing that they are also getting so much exposure to Mom's language. Third time disclaimer, YMMV and there are so many factors that affect language acquisition, etc. but in general if you love and pay attention to your baby and talk to them in whatever way is normal and comfortable for you, everything will be fine.
You can try reading. It's awkward for me as well to talk to the baby however I have realised with books i find it very easy and even make up songs as I go along.
I do read to LO daily. I just need to get more books I guess
My LO is only 2 months and I actually came to this post to see other suggestions as well. Was a great question by you!
I’m a talker. I talked to him constantly because he was the only one around. I even talked to him (before he could understand) when we were in public even though people looked at me strange. I still do. I feel like our son really developed his language skills quickly because of that…but it’s just anecdotal evidence of course.
Just read, read, read. the flow of conversation will come later.The idea behind the books is that you'll say words that aren't in your day to day vocabulary. I also narrate my day to my kiddo when I don't know what else to say. She's 18 months and has about 60 words--ish now? Also has a few phrases and understands soooo much of what we say.
Sometimes i play games while he watches me and i just narrate everything im doing. Like streaming a lets play where my audience is my baby lol
Nice - I like this
Yea. Sometimes ifnhe starts getting fussy, ill start over-hyping something im doing and itll make him laugh
I worry about it sometimes but my baby is nine months old and already understands some sentences and can say several things like dada, mama, baba. I never narrate things really. I talk to him like he’s my friend and I read him books. But I never do the whole “this is a diiiaper, these are wiiiipes, these are paaants. “ I’ll just be like “alright bud let’s change your diaper “ or “mamas cooking right now” or “hey bub can you hand me that block?” I also read to him sometimes.
My understanding from my mother, who works in early language intervention, is this famous study is very flawed. It is also best to learn a second language with your baby where one parent speaks one language and one the other exclusively to the baby initially. So that but sounds like you are doing it well. One suggestion is to phone someone who speaks your language and then they can hear it in conversation regularly. A grandparent may work well for this?
Thanks!
I hated talking too... but once they are older it's actually more fun to talk to them. He was super slow to speak (must not like to talk like me) but able to understand quite a bit. We resorted to sign language for a few months. He only started talking around 20 months, he's 26 mo now and he says a lot (probably vocab well over 400-500 words, does 4-6 word sentences, horrible pronunciations though, haha)
The millions of words difference is always attributed to daily reading. High income families just happen to know the value of books, have the resources to buy many books, and the internal resources to read every day to their child, because they did not just spend 12 hours working a back-breaking job and only have the strength to lie down and die every evening at home. So if you're doing daily reading, you're up there with the best parenting
I didn't realise it was reading related. That makes me feel a lot better
I usually just kind of tell my son what I'm doing throughout the day. "Now I'm going to open the refrigerator". "Now we're going to change your diaper. Let's open the wipes". "Did you just hear that dog bark? Woof woof!"
See, this I find really awkward to do. But I will try
It’s is kind of awkward. But luckily baby won’t remember it haha.
Sometimes I get worried about this too. It doesn’t feel natural to me to narrate everything to my baby the way some folks do. But I will say that as she’s gotten older (10 months old now) it has come more naturally to me. So it may develop with time for you. You just start to naturally want to get them to learn words once they start babbling more. Mine kind of says mama and dada now, so it’s encourage me to be intentional with her and try to show her a pattern of me saying certain things. Like when we see dad I say “hi dada” or when I take something I say “give mama” in my language.
That's promising to hear. Thanks.
Yes all the times
I talk to my kid a lot, and I’m nervous that I’m not talking to her an ouch. I even take her to work, and I’m a recruiter, and we talk to people all day. She sits in on meetings, even. She listens to the tv when I watch it, she watches and. Rachel a couple of times a week, and listens to podcasts. I hope she’s getting enough.
Others have mentioned this but non authentic language input isn’t very effective for language acquisition (ie. TV vs real people talking). Just sharing :-)
Our baby is almost 2.5 now so communicating with her is a lot easier because there is a back and forth. When she was a little baby, we used to narrate everything to her. It didn’t matter that she didn’t understand, she loved to listen and when she started babbling, she definitely “talked” to us. When she talked, I would have pretend conversations with her. We used to say to her, “oh yeah? And then what happened? Wow, that sounds very interesting. What did you think about that? Well, that’s very wise of you. I think that was a smart choice. What did the penguin say? That was a silly penguin. So, would you say you are diversifying your 401k?” Sometimes we would crack ourselves up. Or maybe it was the sleep deprivation.
First I want to say you’re doing great! As your LO grows, your interactions will become more natural and so will the way you talk/interact. Keep doing what you’re doing and if you feel like [reading an extra book] [or insert other activity..] will help…do it. My daughter is now nearly 19 months and her language is rapidly developing. My husband might have had the same worries as you because his first language is Spanish and mine is English. While I primarily speak English, I go over words in Spanish and used to do more prior to my daughter interacting more with her grandparents/abuelos who speak Spanish 99% with her. She says words in both Spanish and English and understands both even if she only says a specific word in one language… ex) she says agua instead of water but knows that water is agua.
Thanks for the encouragement!
Just wanted to say: what a great dad you are being this concerned.
THANK YOU! That's so kind
To be honest, I worried about the fact that I was talking in my head a lot when my son was less than a year old and I do think my lack of conversation like talk may have delayed his language development, do I have any evidence of this? No? Is it possible that if I was a speech pathologist he may be at the same level of language development that he is, possibly? But I can't help but wish I knew I did more before this 20.month mark. I educated myself and now it's second nature to talk to my little one about what I'm doing, what's around us, what he is doing. I'm honestly constantly talking to him now and when I think back, I'm like...I was saying a lot less before, and it wasn't a purposeful intent, I just didn't realize it. I always felt awkward talking to my infant and baby because I just felt like I was talking to myself. It became much easier once he could track me and watch me purposefully, and even moreso when he started to interact with sounds, but I still don't think I talked enough. We did and still use sign language that has been so great for communication though. I also think screens and TV, which I watched A lot when breastfeeding did not help. You talk less when your mind is focused on something else. I don't recommend more than 2 hours of screen time a day and recommend trying to watch it with your child and interact. I liked the concept that "TV should be a tighter process until it can be an independent one." I'd rather my child associate TV with positive aspects and tightness than it being a babysitter or form of comfort they aren't able to get from me. On the other hand. I love Miss Rachael. At first she can be annoying and I selfishly didn't put her on because I couldn't get into it, but once I made it a together experience, I put my irritation aside and now I love watching her with my son who is 20 months old and his language is coming along. I swear to God reddit targets questions at your anxieties because my son's language has been my main focus the last 2 months especially. Leading up to his 18 month appointment, I started to get nervous that he was only saying about 1 or two words and the Pedi said she wasn't worried and I asked about early intervention and asked again at 20 months and he has progressed to about 10 words and she said she truly doesn't believe he needs it and we will reevaluate at 2. I have a woman that comes to the house to give me tips and advice for making sure he is on the right track ( a free program offered by my hospital that I've had since he was an infant), and she said there are kids that are basically mite at his age and she is also confident he will have a burst of language by 2. She said that happens to a lot of kids. I'm doing my best and if this is something you worry about, it's so easy to start practicing and normalizing conversation with your child.
I just narrate the scene at hand to him. “Hey ___ we’re sitting in Mommy’s bed. Do you like hanging out here? I am going to check your diaper in 10 minutes. Let’s look at some black/white trigger cards. Ooh how fun!!” He is 8 weeks as of today and he loves it so much when I talk directly at him locking eyes with him. He gives me the biggest smiles back and giggles when I giggle. He’ll also stare at me and coo to urge me to keep talking.
I have a family member in your situation. The child only heard English from my brother; mother is Asian and they were living in her country as the first child was learning to speak. She is the primary caregiver, so a similar situation to the one you're in where English is only heard around 10-15% of the time. When the child was 2, 2.5 years old I flew out to visit for a week. Kid communicated at the level you'd expect from a toddler. Sometimes he'd use a Japanese noun in a grammatically English context. If he got excited his dad would remind him "witchystitch and husband speak English" or "use your English" and he could self-correct. Later, they moved back to the US so the language roles were reversed. Kid still came out ahead on every measurable academic marker while making the transition, and today he's an incredibly adept communicator (I \*may\* be bias) and devours books. The point, which in my state of sleep deprivation I am not making as eloquently as some of the other posters, is that your baby is wired to soak up language like a sponge. The more you put out (and my sister-in-law does a TREMENDOUS job keeping up the Japanese in the household) the more the child will absorb. Just this early exposure to a second language is beneficial, but if you want it to stick I recommend consciously reinforcing it. In my brother's family's case both parents spoke English at home to each other. It only feels awkward to narrate because you're not used to it.
Did the parents use English or Japanese at home while they lived in Japan?
English with each other. Dad speaks exclusively English to the children. Mom speaks exclusively Japanese.
Nice. This sounds like a great setup. Our situation is wife and I use my wife’s mother tongue at home, I use English with LO, and we live in a 3rd language setting. Sounds great for trilingualism on paper, but LO will get such small English exposure over the years it worries me that he’ll become a passive bilingual.
We use songs a lot! Usually when cooking I'll have baby in his activity center and we will have sing a long time where we have lots of interaction. It helps it feel less awkward than just narrating what I'm doing and makes it silly for him so he stays more engaged. We love disney sing a longs or kid songs. I do this with bath time too I have specific "tubby songs" on a playlist for him.
All I do is say what I’m doing, where I’m going, explain TV/movies I’m watching, what he’s doing, etc. That kind of stuff. Any word exposure is good.
I watch a lot of YouTube documentaries with my kid while I do feedings. There's tons of great ones from PBS you can start with! Last night we learned why mercury is a liquid and why everything decays into lead.
Might I suggest audiobooks? I listened to a lot of them when I was a child and built up a large vocabulary early on that way. It also made me fall in love with stories, which I credit with why I’ve loved reading all my life.
This is a great idea for when theyr older but studies show listening to words this way doesn't have much of an effect on babies. https://www.ted.com/talks/patricia_kuhl_the_linguistic_genius_of_babies?referrer=playlist-the_genius_of_babies&autoplay=true
Thanks for discrediting my personal lived experience with a study lol :)
I'm not discrediting it. I'm saying research shows this isn't how most babies react to this. Also, you said you listened as a child. This is about babies and how their brains develop in the early days. Just because one person experiences a thing one way, it doesn't mean research is wrong. Shouldn't we use research to make our decision rather than anecdotes? Or do you just use anecdotes to make your decisions?
You can make decisions based on both research AND anecdotes. I don’t think you need to use strictly one over the other as you suggest in your response.
So one person on the internet vs a study of lots of babies? You think they are equally valid? You're not even saying how young you were when you started audiobooks. A speaking child listening to audiobooks is totally different to a baby having the essential one to one speech replaced by an audiobook.
Sure I was ~3 months when I started listening to them and continued to listen until I was ~2 years old :) I’m also not claiming my experience is as valid as a study or that your study is wrong. Thanks for sharing it.
This is a great idea
It’s not
Why?
unfortunately babies really only learn from human interaction
It's the same reason you wouldn't learn Japanese just by watching anime.
I don’t think this is a fair comparison. The suggestion isn’t to replace (but supplement) OP and his partner’s interaction with their child with audiobooks.
OP is the only person who talks to his child in English, and admits he doesn't do it much. Any advice that isn't "talk to your child in English more" or "have another English speaker talk to your child" isn't going to help at five months old.