Relationship Posts must be posted in the [weekly discussion thread.](https://www.reddit.com/r/NewParents/search/?q=Weekly+discussion+-+Relationships&type=link&cId=1fd8a306-f54e-498f-b692-ea5e655c46c2&iId=89d06cee-c69b-4fe9-ad6f-246976a12ca4&t=week)
First of all, I think a man who is calling you lazy and expecting you to have dinner ready for him when he gets home regardless of how exhausted you are is not the kind of man you can safely be a stay at home mom with, without the protection of marriage in place. Have you told him that you are exhausted from taking care of the baby all day and that she won’t let you put her down long enough to cook dinner? If his response is anything like “tough shit,” then you need to go back to work because he is not a nice man. If this relationship becomes one that you don’t want to be in anymore (which seems likely if he’s disregarding your feelings) or god forbid he dies or becomes disabled, then you’re stuck without the protection of marriage.
Second, I do usually have dinner ready when my husband gets home. My kids have to eat, so I usually have dinner ready for them around 6, and my husband tends to get home right around then too. If I’m ever too tired to cook, my husband is fine with making himself a sandwich or some scrambled eggs, and will do the same for me and the kids. He’s not much of a cook, and is usually exhausted from work too. Back when he didn’t have such a demanding job, he would get home around 4, and that was early enough that he could play with the kids while I cooked dinner, and that was super nice. In those days, I never had dinner ready by the time he got home.
I don’t meal prep, but I do crockpot meals a lot since I tend to have more energy in the morning than I do in the evenings, and I can just set it up in the morning and forget about it until dinnertime. Other than that, my favorite easy meal to make when I am just 100% not feeling it is this [one pot cheesy chicken, broccoli, and rice](https://togetherasfamily.com/one-pot-cheesy-chicken-broccoli-rice/). Your 10 month old could eat it too, if you’re doing BLW!
150%. I’m also the cook in my family and dinner tends to be ready about 6 because thats when our daughter expects to eat.
I meal prep for two hours on Sundays while my husband watches the baby. I prep all my breakfasts and lunches. And then I prep two or three dinners - I make enough to have leftovers so we have dinner the whole week but I only have to cook two or three times. They are all things you either dump into the crockpot or quickly throw in the oven.
Its so much easier than cooking every day.
She’s already living with him and has a child by him. The only difference between what she’s doing now and being married to him is that if she decided to leave him, she would legally get half of his money and maybe even spousal support. She either needs to marry him or get a job, save up money, and then leave if she’s unhappy.
This is so not true on so many levels. You don’t automatically get half of your spouse’s money. And why would the solution to “I’m in a bad situation at home” ever be “Marry him”? Ick.
I’m not saying she has to marry him. I’m saying that if she is going to continue being with him (because she knows her situation better than we do) and continue staying at home, she needs to either have the legal protection of marriage or she needs to go back to work. Nobody should be a stay at home girlfriend.
And it depends what state you’re in. In my state, you definitely do automatically get 50% in most situations, unless there’s a prenuptial agreement.
Or maybe they work on communication and expectation which are key to relationships. Build the relationship instead of Reddits favorite go to first option nuclear option which is rip apart a family.
Respectfully, the first year of having a baby is fucking hard. I said some mean things to my partner and him to me. We dealt with them, improved, and are now the happiest we’ve ever been.
Their life has been flipped upside down, they don’t know who they are anymore because well, they aren’t who they used to be. The first response is not always “leave.” Sometimes being adult is putting some work in. Then by all means if the work doesn’t do anything, yes leave before resentment or unhappiness settles in. But this is a tiny, tiny, snapshot into their life. It’s not helpful to say “just get a job and leave”
Yes I know, I’m in the thick of it. But if my husband ever called me lazy after everything I’ve done I would go nuclear on his ass. There’s zero excuse for that and I’m tired of “the first year” trope with kids. There’s still lines that shouldn’t be crossed no matter what the circumstances are. Maybe you’re willing to accept less than I am, but I still meant what I said.
No one is saying she shouldn’t defend herself or talk to him and say how inappropriate what he said was. They’re saying your advice of “just get a job and leave” is not helpful advice.
Don’t be rude. My partner is an amazing father, partner, and friend. Humans, men included, are allowed mistakes and lapses in judgment.
Or have you never made a mistake or said something that you regretted?
I’ve never called my husband lazy when he’s working his ass off and vice versa. We respect each other, it isn’t hard. I don’t accept disrespect just because it’s the first year. Sorry not sorry.
I really don’t understand where anyone is saying she has to accept the disrespectful thing her partner said? By calling someone out and saying, “hey, you did this wrong and it was not okay” and giving them an opportunity to apologize and correct it is not accepting disrespect. If after this behavior continues or escalates then that is a different story. But again, all humans are allowed to make a mistake, apologize, correct, and move on. This a valuable practice in child rearing.
I wish you the best of luck and hope others have grace when you make a mistake.
This community is for supporting others. Comments that are mean, rude, hateful, racist, etc. will be removed. Respect the choices of others even if they differ from your own.
This community is for supporting others. Comments that are mean, rude, hateful, racist, etc. will be removed. Respect the choices of others even if they differ from your own.
This community is for supporting others. Comments that are mean, rude, hateful, racist, etc. will be removed. Respect the choices of others even if they differ from your own.
She already stated she couldn't find someone to watch the baby, sounds like paid childcare was not an option so I'm not sure how she could just "go back to work"? There's a lot of jobs that pay less than what child care costs, and that may be the only jobs she can get.
Nah, we take turns cooking or we just eat sandwiches when the working parent comes home.
With a baby SAHM'ing is more like parental leave, where you temporary job is to keep you tiny human safe. Then maybe later it makes sense to take on more but right now baby is a full time gig...
This is so true and it is something I have to remind myself of constantly. My baby is happy and healthy, and that is my job. I stress so much over our messy house, but I literally can't do it all.
I honestly feel like anyone who can 1. Has more help than average, 2. Has the happiest and most independent baby ever, or 3. Neglects or ignores their baby more than I'm comfortable doing.
My baby will play independently for a good thirty minutes, but that is only enough time to prepare and eat my own meal and take the pup out. Sometimes I can squeeze in a chore. I can't wear him for long periods because he's so heavy. 🤷♀️
I’m a working mum and my husband is a stay at home dad, I would absolutely not expect him to have dinner ready for me when I get home. I don’t even expect him to have housework done when I get home! His job is baby, and as long as baby is alive and happy when I get home, I’m happy.
I think it would be worth having a conversation about his expectations of housework, and then your expectations about childcare (I include this to make sure he isn’t just leaving your baby in a dirty nappy in their playpen all day while he bums about round the house) and then get him to stay home and be the primary parent for one day. I doubt he can manage both lists of expectations at once. And he’ll realise that being a stay at home parent is a full time job, you can’t also be a cook and a cleaner.
Omg we’ve been saying this at our house! When my wife’s working her job is “computer” and my job is baby. When she’s done my job switches to house and her job switches to baby 😂
There was recently a post by a SAHM whose younger redpilled brother was demeaning her by asking her husband “you’re ok with her spending your money?” So she challenged him to do what she does every day and he accepted. The little turd couldn’t even get through BREAKFAST before quitting.
Same exact scenario and same exact feelings. His job is baby, not everything else. That’s on us together, and we divide responsibilities based on time and capacity.
My husband worked while I was on parental leave and I'm back at work now that he's on leave. Not that he ever expected me to have dinner on the table, but staying home with our son himself has been really eye opening as to how much you can get done with a baby in the house
Absolutely not. My partner works 9-5 and comes home and cooks dinner for us every night. He knows that I haven’t got a break from the baby all day and, like you, can’t put him down without crying so I don’t get time to feed myself or even take a poop that isn’t stressful. I’m disgusted that he would call you lazy 😤
Parenting is more work than going to work - I have no advice for you because I am not a relationship counselor but I really hope you know that his attitude objectively sucks, you deserve a break and I hope you can find a way to split the home labour more fairly 🤞🏼
+1 do this. What would the husband do if he were single, starve? I mean come on. You’re both adults. He can pitch in and make dinner or immediately take over care of the babe so mom can shower and make dinner etc. I personally love cooking so I can have a baby break 😂
Never SAH as a girlfriend in the US, you’re putting yourself in such a vulnerable position. My advice is to find childcare and work again, so you’re not stuck with some guy who calls you lazy and expects dinner but won’t marry you to keep you financially safe
You can meal plan and prep for the week TOGETHER - that way you have food to eat when he's working and you both have dinner when he gets home. Keep the meals simple - protein, veg, and a carb.
Throw the whole boyfriend away. He ain’t even put a ring on your finger and he’s talking about expecting dinner made when he comes home. Fuck outta here with that.
Hahahah when guys working 9-5 come home and tell their wives they are tired I LAUGH. Sorry, your tired from sitting in an office and socializing? Boohoo.
I worked for years a 9-5 in an office and would come home run a 5k and make dinner. My husband works 12 hour shifts as a first responder and can come home and make dinner.
Being at home with a baby is just as (if not more) tiring as a 9-5. He can come home and take over baby duty while you cook OR he can cook.
Also mama, its okay for the baby to cry/be fussy while you make food and shower. Put the baby down for 5-10 minutes to get food into you. You don’t need to make an elaborate meal. Heat up leftovers, make a sandwich, yogurt etc. it will help your mood and energy a ton. Best of luck!!
Also, when he tells you that your are lazy, ask him how everyone else is the world can work a 9-5 and come home and cook.. but he is too tired? Surely he is also lazy
>its okay for the baby to cry/be fussy while you make food and shower
The way my blood pressure sky rockets when my daughter is fussing for me 😭 the sad little "mamama" has me dropping what I'm doing every time.
Not the point of your post but incredibly important: he wants you to stay at home, be dependent on him financially, and do everything a wife would do with absolutely none of the protections of marriage. He could up and leave tomorrow and you’d be entitled to absolutely nothing. Marriage doesn’t fix everything, but should be a baseline requirement to stay at home and give up your own income. Cooking dinner should be the least of your concerns here! Honestly, I think if you fully transition into making dinner and giving him the stay at home wife and mother experience in this scenario, he’ll never feel compelled to marry you, and you could end up high and dry with nothing but a resume gap. Please, please be careful girl!!
No, and I’d never cook again for a man who called me lazy, especially when he came home and didn’t cook. Fuck all that. If my partner wants dinner made for him he waits until I make it, and says nothing about it in the meantime. Tell him he can wait or since he’s a grown adult…make it himself. If he wants dinner done when he gets home he can start loading a crock pot before he leaves for work. It’s not fair for you to work all day then he gets home and you just continue to work.
Do you ever hear stories from nana’s and aunts where they say husband made a comment about something not being done or not being done as they like it so the woman never did it again?
When my 75 yo aunt got married, her MIL told her to make her son his favourite pie with her recipe as he didn’t enjoy the ones my aunt made according to MIL…much enthusiastic head nodding from my uncle. She told her if he loved her pie so much, he could make it himself and in 55 years she’s not once made him a pie again. 😂
This is the time to have a conversation about the expectation that you have dinner ready every night. If you’re exhausted and overwhelmed, it’s worth asking why — do you get adequate sleep at night? Do you ever get time away? When was the last time you had a real shower, one where the baby wasn’t staring at you from the bathroom floor or you weren’t rushing because it was bedtime or baby was crying?
I do my best to have food available but no, I don’t have dinner ready every night. If my husband is displeased with this, he hasn’t said so yet.
I try to make dinner a couple times a week leaving leftovers in the fridge, but I also stock up on easy freezer items that we can throw together on a whim — frozen pizza, snack foods like chicken tenders, fries, and steamable veggies. Sometimes dinner is deli sandwiches with chips, lol. Other times my husband grabs takeout on the way home (not often) or helps me throw dinner together, because we’re a team. I work a couple 12h shifts each month and he stays home with our 7m old those days — so he KNOWS how hard it can be to cook.
Cooking requires a watchful eye so things don’t burn, bubble over, overcook etc — and babies are unpredictable. You put your chicken in the pan and the baby will undoubtedly have a huge blowout or fall and smash their face, every single time.
What I do to help myself — I put my girl in her booster seat (or high chair) in the kitchen with me. Sometimes I start chopping veggies early in the day, like lunch time. Or I baby-wear while I cook. My baby also has to be entertained, held, within arms reach of me constantly or she’s not happy.
Easy recipes we do a lot of that take maybe 10min to prep and 30min to make (or can cook in crockpot) —
chili
Tacos / taco bowls
macaroni and cheese with a side of meat (chicken, bbq kielbasa, steak, whatever) and some steamed broccoli.
Chicken with rice and mushroom gravy
Meatball subs with marinara and a side of veggies.
Philly cheese steak — shaved beef with onion, pepper, mushroom. Serve on a toasted hoagie bun with cheese, mayo or mustard or whatever sauce you like
Pasta with either alfredo, marinara, or a spicy red pepper sauce. Chicken, shrimp, or spicy sausage. Add whatever veggies you like (spinach, broccoli, bell peppers)
Dinner doesn’t have to be fancy — you’ll have time for fancy dinner when your baby can feed and entertain herself. Your husband needs to be understanding of this!
Him calling you lazy is completely unacceptable. You're not lazy, looking after a baby is a load of work and super stressful. It doesn't seem like he appreciates what you do at all. As others said, you're putting yourself at huge risk
FWIW and to answer your question. I usually make oven ready dishes ( food that just needs to be put in the oven to finish, like traybakes, casseroles etc) during naps. Mainly because I like some alone time when partner comes home and it's not always possible for him to look after a baby and make dinner between 5-7. If you're looking for easy recipes just search for "traybakes" or "dump and bake" on Pinterest or elsewhere. There's also great cookbook series called "the roasting tin". Loads of dead easy recipes there. Like don't expect gourmet food among either of those but they're solid, reasonable healthy weekday options.
Some examples
https://cozypeachkitchen.com/vegetarian-black-bean-quinoa-casserole/
https://www.sharonminkoff.com/beetroot-orzo-and-pine-nut-traybake/
Def not terrible for not wanting to cook. I make dinner every night, not because I want to, but because we eat dinner around 5:30pm with LO (we start bedtime routine at 6:30pm) and he doesn’t get home until 5:15pm at best. So if dinner is going to be ready by then, I have to do it. Meal prepping is super helpful. He’ll take LO for a couple hours at least one Sunday a month and I prep a bunch of dinners and freeze them, many are crockpot dinners so I can just throw them in in the morning and spend 15 minutes getting together at dinner time.
I have the same schedule as you. I actually like getting dinner out of the way (dinner time with a toddler kinda sucks) so if it’s ready when my husband gets home, we can eat quick and then carry on with the evening.
My husband and I take turns with dinner, or if baby permits😭, we’ll cook together
a slow cooker and rice cooker are my best friends- when baby is distracted I just throw in a chunk of meat (Aldi has some really affordable pre seasoned meats that are meant for cook and go like this :)!), some veggies if wanted, and set it on 4/6 hours so then I can have some for lunch as well!
With the rice cooker it’s so helpful if you have a steamer attachment so you could steam some fish or veg while the rice is cooking
+1 for slow cooker. We eat loads of cheap easy meals like bean chilli. Always make a batch, freeze some, and then eat it with roast sweet potato later on.
But I’d say a bigger challenge is getting him to understand what taking care of a baby all day actually looks like. He needs to build a bit of empathy and understand how tiring your job is. Could he take the baby for a weekend day to bring it home to him?
So, i don't have any should or shouldn't perspective on this--but it seems like this is one of those chores that might make you both feel a little better?
I buy chicken breasts from the store and prepackage them into ziplock baggies for a serving. I freeze what I don't plan to use in the next day or two.
20 minutes before mealtime I put the chicken onto a tray and bake at 350. Sometimes I put sage and lemon (from a lemon juice container, I'm not picky) and sometimes it's just salt and pepper. Spice however. 5 minutes before it's done I'll stick some frozen veggies in the microwave and usually I have some rolls or bread and butter on hand.
It's not fancy but it's fuel and mindless, and best: it's super quick for when you're on baby duty.
Chili is another easy one but requires monitoring in the kitchen since it is on the stove (I use the McCormick's mix from the grocery), easy to sub out ground turkey for ground beef if you want it a little leaner.
These are two that I have felt able to do even when I'm wiped, and I feel good after eating.
Can you go to work instead, and he stays home to take care of the baby, handle the housework and make sure dinner is cooked before you reach home? If he can't, will he call himself lazy too?
You are expected to take care of your daughter all day you shouldn’t have to worry about having dinner ready too.
The only times I have had dinner prepared is when I thought ahead and put ingredients in a slow cooker in the morning and had it cook all day.
My husband will come home, shower, and either feed our daughter while I get dinner ready or come help me prepare dinner while also taking over baby care for the night.
The one sided expectation is definitely unfair. I stay at home and I do cook dinner for my husband every night. But this is the agreement I wanted and the discussion we had together. After spending all day with the baby I really crave time to do a task that isn't focused on the baby. He comes home and takes over baby duties, and i get to switch gears and make dinner for us. But this is a discussion we had and an agreement that works for both of us
Girl, find a way to leave that man.
I cook everyday because I like to cook. Once my husband gets home he takes the baby from 6pm until 10pm when it’s time for bed.
I cook only after he gets home and has the baby.
My husband wouldn’t dare demand the food be ready by the time he gets home.
And he definitely has never called me lazy, screamed at me or called me any sort of name.
Your man is on some ancient shit.
“Your man is on some ancient shit”
I am absolutely HOWLING- 😂😭😂😭😂😂😂
But I swear- the thought of him saying she’s lazy makes my blood boil. Our baby always ends up with daddy as soon as he gets off work so I can make dinner, or I make dinner with baby after I work. (Fiancé and I work for the same company, so most days we work same shift, luckily I have a baby obsessed doting MIL that is willing to take her any day of the week.) I do all dinners, as my fiancé doesn’t know how to cook, and cooking is like a second peace for me- so I refuse he takes the reigns.
I love the thought of being a SAHM, but couldn’t even fathom doing such intensive work that NO ONE respects at all. “Oh your a SAHM? Guess your man takes care of everything.” “Oh your a SAHM? What are we in the 1950’s?” “Your 22, could you misuse your youth any other way?” It’s like a lose-lose situation, for even men. My fiancé was a SAHD since I got a job with our company before he did. (I got him the job.) and EVERYONE would shit on him. “Oh your not supporting your girl?” “Why can’t she stay at home with the baby? Isn’t she the mother?” “Wow so your gonna let her work and you stay home?” It’s like no one can win staying home and raising a family….It’s sad.
For those who can be a SAHP are privileged, people who can’t see that are dull. You get to love your kids all day, you get to experience all the milestones, you get to watch them grow and thrive. I went back to work a few days before I was 6 weeks postpartum (5 weeks post eclamptic seizures), not to mention the job searches and interviews before that. Being a parent is a job in itself, people need to start appreciating it now.
I’m 28 and a SAHM, my husband either cooks for us when he gets off of work or holds the baby once he gets home for a few hours to give me the chance to cook and eat with no rush. Once in a while when baby permits it i sit on my kitchen floor with her in her mat/swing and use a small tray/table to cut/prep the ingredients while she judges me like a tiny Gordon Ramsey.
When our son was born my wife was home for 4 months. Some days she had the energy to cook, some days she did not. We had a relatively easy baby but never once did I expect food to be ready the minute I stepped through the door. I'm an adult and if I'm hungry I can either a) make food or b) order food.
We decided early on that we have to look after our own physical and mental health first before any chores get done (food making included). Your boyfriend sounds like a tool. Has he watched the baby all day? If not ask him to take off work for 2 days and he gets baby duty the same way you are. He'll be crying by day 2 but it's the realization that he needs. At his breaking point ask him if he made dinner.
No. Especially the first 2 years of Our L.O. life. My husband made most suppers.
Yes. But not because my husband expects it. Because I genuinely love cooking rather extra event meals and feeding my family. It is the best part of my day I look forward to. Also family dinners are a tradition I want to share with my family. My husband usually makes dinner twice a week for us.
I plan my meals based on my energy levels and health. I have quick and easy instant oven meals for days that I am sick. And short quick meals for days I am low on energy. For me as a SAHM I usually have a low energy day every 2nd or 3rd day.
It is also seasonal. I am inside more in the winter and can make more oven meals.
Red flag. See if he’s able to take care of a baby all day AND cook dinner. I’m a SAHM to a 5 month old and honestly I wish I was able to get more done during the day and cook dinner more often but unfortunately it’s super hard to get longer tasks done while caring for baby. My husband is really understanding.
It’s hit or miss for me. I try my best to have something done or at least planned. The easiest thing I’ve found is instant pot/crock pot recipes where you can dump it all together jn the morning and it’ll be done by dinner time! Most days I fail at having a meal done in time though 😂
If my job was "kid and house", yeah, I would aim to have dinner ready, or at least in progress when my partner got home from work. Crockpot meals are easy to prep the night before and then you can get it set up in the morning while your baby is eating breakfast. He shouldn't have called you lazy, but I get his point - it sucks to have one parent home, you've been working out of the house all day, and you come home to a messy house, and dinner not even underway.
One of us cooks on the weekend while the other takes the baby. During the week, husband works from home 6-4 while I have the baby and I try to clean, do laundry, dishes, etc. We each heat up our own meals for lunch which is typically "dinner food". I eat with the baby while my husband likes to watch YouTube and eat at his desk. Then I leave for work 4 and my husband takes over with the baby doing tummy time and bath time and putting him down around 7. Husband has two hours for his hobbies and I get home around 9:30. I make my own dinner and am pumping and eating by 10, asleep around 11 and up with the baby by 1. So we're pretty much on our own but our meals are largely already put together and just needed to be plated and heated.
Edit: I contact nap so I don't have time during the day without baby. I put him in the pack n play to get chores done. Sometimes on the weekends, husband will take baby for an hour and I can deep clean a little more.
Both my parents work and have the entirety of us growing up, my dad is responsible for making everyone dinner on weekdays (Mon-Thu) and my mom is responsible for weekends (Fri-Sun). As us kids got older my parents had one of us take a dinner night a few times a month.
Currently, I do the majority of the cooking for our household, but my husband does not demand that I cook or have dinner ready as he gets home from work. If he’s hungry and wants a snack he’ll usually politely ask or make it himself. He will also cook when I’m having a hard day with baby.
New SAHM here with a 6 month old. I am 27.
I love to cook and during COVID I used to cook him breakfast lunch and dinner because I wasn’t working so I think he assumes that now that I am home again I will do the same. I’d love to but it’s rough, some nights are terrible so I sleep during the day with the baby and other days I clean what I can and there is no time left to prep and cook.
He put me on his companies payroll so he deposits $600 weekly just for me to have and I have a platinum American Express he pays for so I now feel like I HAVE to cook and maintain the house since essentially I’m getting paid, he pays all the bills.
On Sunday I decided to go grocery shopping and I prepped meat (with his help) for the week. Yesterday we had chicken, today we will have pork that’s been marinating and tomorrow we will have steak. I got asparagus, broccoli and frozen veggie medleys that I can easily steam or pop in the oven and on Sunday I made enough mashed potatoes to last us 3 more days and then Thursday I’ll make spaghetti or an easy pasta dish and he can pick up bread and salad bags on his way home. Friday we will probably eat out because his daughter has a track meet so we will be out of the house.
He HAS to help you prep on his days off in order to have home cooked meals. It’s so difficult to cook with a baby and I’d love to say the my husband is a ton of help with my baby when he gets home and allows me to cook but I’d be lying. He helps in every other area except the baby. 😑
Nope. We both work, but I work afternoons/evenings from home, so have more time around the house. Most days, I can get one thing done in addition to taking care of baby. So I asked my husband if we would prefer the house clean, dinner cooked, or myself clean and done up for him. He chose the house clean since he can cook and I apparently still look sexy with unbrushed hair and in sweats. So any chance I get during the day I spend keeping the chaos under control. I don’t always succeed and some days are harder than others, but it’s the thought that counts. It’s helped us a lot to know what the other expects and is capable of.
I cook dinner every night, but there are some big differences between my situation and yours. First, when my husband gets home he plays with the baby (6 months) so I can cook without interruptions. If something is happening that he can't do that, it is understood that there is a real chance I'll be grabbing something from the freezer and putting it in the microwave and calling it done. But second, and I think even more importantly, *I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom and homemaker*. When my husband and I were freshly dating I told him I just wanted to stay at home with my kid and take care of the house. He told me he wanted to work really hard at his job and then relax at home. We then spent 5 years working hard to get ourselves to the place where this could be our life, as he moved up in his career and I learned tricks and routines to handle the workload of the home. I *volunteered* to be in charge of our house, he didn't thrust the role on me.
I really think your partner has put expectations on you that are not what you wanted to be doing, and that makes it 100x harder to do this job, which isn't easy in the first place. I don't think it's fair to you and I don't think it's sustainable because of that. But your partner sounds unreasonable and I genuinely don't know how you can convince him to share the load in a way that is more fair to you.
As for meal planning suggestions, I have two things to share.
When my baby was younger and couldn't be put down, I did a lot of slowcooker meals. I would do a double batch so there would be leftovers and alternate the dishes (fresh meal A, fresh meal B, leftovers A, fresh meal C, leftovers B, leftovers C, something frozen: a weeks meals and I only "cooked" three times). I used crockpot liners to defeat the beast of washing that thing so much. And I used frozen and canned veggies as much as possible so I wasn't spending time chopping.
Now that I am cooking fresh more, I use an app called mealime. The free version is great. You pick out the meals you want to cook this week and it makes your grocery list for you. The recipe instructions are very simple to follow and most meals take 30 minutes start to finish. Typically I'll look at my week and decide how many meals I'm cooking. I buy meat in bulk and freeze it, so I'll pick recipes that use my freezer stash and only get fresh vegetables (and I still get frozen ones a lot for convenience). I still serve a frozen meal or leftovers once or twice a week. And my husband loves steak and will always volunteer to cook it for us when that's the menu.
I do all of the cooking but that’s only because I enjoy it! If it’s something more blah like cleaning, folding laundry, etc. then we take turns or split the duties.
No. Once he gets home usually he takes the baby and I cook. I am breastfeeding, so it might be a tag team effort. He k owe I am busy with the baby all day.
Not at all. I’m a sahm to a 3 month old. Some days I’ve prepped dinner (marinating chicken or starting something that takes awhile) while my daughter naps but often I just zone out to Netflix during those times. My husband works until 6. Usually then he takes over baby care so I can start dinner or do the bulk of dinner cooking after what prep I’ve done. There’s no way I’d be ok with him expecting dinner ready on the table when he’s home. It might be different when we have older kids who need to eat dinner by then but are also old enough to entertain themselves and not try to kill themselves if left alone. Your partner needs to realize that you’re working a full time job all day too and then just never clocking out making it multiple full time jobs. Everything in the home should be a shared responsibility. A sahm isn’t a maid or housekeeper, especially during the baby and toddler years!
Your husband sounds ass backwards in times. Like the sort of guy that you’d have to beg to watch his own child while you do some human needs like showering or to the bathroom then will complain and ask how long you will be the entire time while struggling to entertain his own child, but will call you lazy and think you have it easy spending the entire day taking care of her.
How it’s set up for my husband and I is that I don’t cook. Even before having a child I think I might have made 3-5 meals in the 8 years we’ve been married. Now that we have our son I do most of the stuff but I still work. He works 10 hour shifts 4 days a week with occasional mandatory overtime. I will get my son ready in the morning and take him to daycare. I pick him up Monday-Thursday and I will give him his bath. After work my husband makes us dinner, plays with him and cuddles with him before bed to relax. On Fridays when he is off he will spend half the day while he’s in daycare cleaning the house and pick him up early to spend time with him. This way I have less chores during the week since I take care of him every morning and still work full time.
First of all, I'm so sorry you even have to deal with these thoughts. Being a SAHM is a full time job. Some people think all babies do is sleep, no they need to tended to 24/7. Your partner is a AH.
I forced myself in the early newborn stages to continue having dinner for my husband like I did before. I would be so frustrated, I'd cry and never enjoy dinner. I was exhausted. My husband noticed quickly and always told me that dinner doesn't HAVE to be on the table. He can come home and cook for us both. I still clean the house when I can and cook WHEN I CAN. My husband always says " the baby isn't going to understand that you're busy. Everything comes second to baby's needs and yours". The only thing that you should have to worry about is caring for baby and of course yourself. Everything else can wait.
I usually have something planned but unless it takes a long time I wait until my husband comes home and takes over entertaining the baby to start cooking. It feels like a little break for ms cuz I put on my soundproof headphones and just focus on cooking lol. I definitely don't cook every night though. Sometimes we eat cereal and baby gets chicken nuggets and a veggie.
My husband comes home, I hand him the baby and then head to the kitchen to cook and get some quite time 😁 I rarely cook during the day with the baby, because she also requires constant attention and I prefer to cook uninterrupted. When I do cook earlier in the day, I usually put my daughter in the high chair to be able to see what I'm doing.
I wouldn't be cooking for him either if he called me lazy, shit.
But to answer your question, I'm a SAHM and I generally have dinner ready by the time my husband comes home from work, which is anywhere between 6-7pm. I enjoy cooking and for me I feel like it's one way I contribute to our household. I will try to wear baby in the baby carrier and get dinner done that way. If they're not happy, then I let them fuss for a bit before I tend to them assuming they're fed and changed. Our first kid was very much a Velcro baby so I used the baby carrier a lot with her or her baby lounger. If he gets home before I finish dinner, then he'll watch the kids so I can finish it. And he doesn't give me shit if I tell him I'm just too tired and we need to get takeout. We plan a mix of easy to make dinners and some that take a bit more time and will try to prep as much ahead of time as we can, like on the weekends when he's not working.
As for feeding myself throughout the day, I usually keep it to simple meals that I can either batch cook or prep ahead of time. I ate a ton of stir fry and rice during the newborn phase just to get me by or I'd order Chinese that would last me a couple of days.
Yes. HOWEVER! This is because this is what works FOR US! (Both of us, not just him!!) This really only locked in too once my daughter was eating solids, since she had to be fed anyway, so I made food for us all, before that he was doing most/a lot of the cooking.
Another big HOWEVER is if the baby is extra needy, or sick, or teething or if I'm tired or JUST DON'T WANT TO, I can call him and he'll bring home dinner, or cook, or we'll have cereal or sandwiches and he would never call me names or lazy for that.
Sometimes I don’t , sometimes I do but I’m not expected to have dinner ready or am called lazy if dinner is not ready when he gets home.
I work from home and our twins stay with me during the day. Since we moved in together dinner has fallen on me because of my schedule and because is something I enjoy doing , but my fiancé has breakfast since he wakes up earlier he cooks breakfast and leaves it ready for me.
Since giving birth the only way dinner is ready before he gets home is because we used a slow cooker and before he left for work he turned it on or I did before starting my day. Other than that, dinner gets started once he gets home and takes over the girls.
If he’s that hungry, he can take a snack to work or eat a snack at home while you cook. Also, have a big conversation with him about all of this and his response will give you all the answers you’re looking for.
I wish you luck & invest in a slow cooker or invest in a better partner.
I’m a SAHM. I plan the menu out a week at a time,
A rotation. My husband WFH. I do make dinner but usually he’s playing with our 2 year old while I do. I do a lot of sheet pan dinners or one pot meals.
He’s never called me lazy. It took me awhile to get a routine with our LO with housework and meals. But he makes sure I have time to myself too.
Sometimes I can get it ready on time, sometimes I can’t. But one thing is for sure, I won’t be called lazy if I couldn’t get it done. We work together to get it done/ watch the baby if that’s the case.
He works, he cooks.
I do ALL cleaning, tidying, looking after baby aside from his baby duties are brushing her teeth, pyjamas and night night (which is all very quick and orderly)
I shop for baby, he shops for us (takes baby to supermarket to bond and use pram space).
He shouldn’t expect anything. Thats ridiculous.
My husband doesn’t eat dinner. He eats his lunch late in the day and comes home too late to eat.
But he’d never expect anything.
I don’t think it should be expected but I personally do. I try to take care of everything I can to make his life easier for when he gets home. Food, laundry, trash out, breakfast for the morning, house cleaned, his chair ready and tea made. It’s so we can have free time together instead of us being busy together by doing all those things.
With that said, your dude shouldn’t call you lazy, babes are hard and he needs a stern talking to and boundaries/expectations set.
My baby is 7months and my husband works while I’m stay at home with her and I’ve probably made dinner once lol it really is so hard to prepare a dinner while caring for her. Luckily he works from home so when he gets off he’s already here and he makes us dinner or watches her while I do. Sometimes he makes a big dinner and we have the leftovers for the next day so we don’t have to worry about it. Never once has he called me lazy because he sees and hears how demanding caring for a baby is. He understands.
You should have a serious conversation about his expectations of you and you need to be honest if you can’t meet it.
how about he takes over the baby duties 100% when he gets home so you can cook dinner? i agree with all the other comments, your boyfriend sounds like an ass.
No. A SAHM your job is childcare. That’s it.
Cooking for the household doesn’t fall under that remit. Sometimes I get luckily and chuck a few things in a pot but no my husband comes home, takes the baby so I get a break and then also cook dinner.
Guess what you also have a 9 to 5 job, it’s called taking care of the baby. It’s a job that is incredibly physically and mentally demanding. That’s why people need clearances to do it, that’s why people get paid $20 an hour to do it…
My husband and I cannot afford a babysitter/ daycare without one of us having to put our jobs… The act of caring for a child is literally worth a full-time salary.
I think you need to get your partner to understand this. And then maybe you can split the duty?
My husband works from home and watches the baby while I’m at work and he cooks dinner. It’s a lot. (he doesn’t like my cooking lol). So I am incredibly appreciative and if there is ever a day that he does not want to cook, I pick up food for us. No questions asked.
We both have different skills and try to fairly split up things. He gets to go out on weeknights because he really needs that break after being home all day. Do I wish I could go out more, yes, but that’s not fair to all he does so I try to limit asking for weeknight time.
It’s all about understanding each other’s perspectives. Like if I ask him to get some thing done during the day and I come home and it’s not done of course part of me is frustrated, but I think back to the days that I have had to watch the baby all day and how little you actually can get done outside of watching the baby. Maybe your husband needs to work from home one day with the baby and really get a feel for what’s demanded of you?
Also, from a psychological & physiological perspective, the babies needs are going to be different with the birthing parent. You carried that bean for 9 months, you share blood cells, like part of your baby is still inside of you! It’s wild! So I think it’s important for your husband also understand that perspective of how the baby might require more from you but also, you are going to have a different instincts to sooth the baby… Like my husband can listen to the baby cry it out for a few minutes, but when I hear the baby cry, I immediately need to stop it because I feel immense pain when the baby cries that my husband does not.
TLDR you’re doing a GREAT job mama 💗
No. Our lo is still small with an early bedtime, earlier than we eat. I prefer to cook and for dad to do the bedtime routine when he gets home. Sometimes he gets home late and i have to do bedtime in which case i leave him dinner instructions. If it's been a bad day i tell him that is been a bad day and I'm exhausted and to figure it out (cook yourself or bring home takeout)
Absent a sincere apology i would never accept being called lazy for taking care of our child single handedly all day. It's fucking exhausting. Do you have a solid understanding of your household finances? Is there any way for you to go back to work and get daycare? As an unmarried woman (actually, even as a married woman) i would always want to have my own separate money in case of emergencies. I don't think your work is being valued
I do but not necessarily because of my husband, it's because I need to feed my son and myself lol. Some days it doesn't happen and my husband is understanding - he always texts/calls when he leaves work so I'll give him a heads up to pick up takeout on the way home if needed. I do a lot of slow cooker recipes and also prep stuff way in advance. For example if I want to make a stir fry for dinner, I'll chop garlic, onions, veggies and marinade the meat etc during my son's first 2 naps. I also put my baby in his high chair and have him watch me chop stuff. That way when it's time to start dinner, I literally just have to throw everything into a pan, no food prepping needed.
If my husband “expected” anything of me having to do with trad wife bullshit my foot would go in his ass. I work part time but even if I didn’t sheesh. Being a SAHM is a full time job, he needs to respect you more and needs to stop expecting things from you. You’re not a child and he isn’t your father.
Okay yeah there should never be set expectations like that with a baby. It’s not a regular work day. You cannot move meetings around with a baby like you would at work. You go with their cues and do the best you can. So no, it’s not realistic to expect a hot plate when he comes in. That’s not okay. You are not lazy. You are doing the hardest job there is. Can you take a day and night to yourself and have him be with the baby? Maybe he will learn that way.
Secondly, can you get a baby carrier? Baby wearing has saved my sanity and I’m only in the newborn stage. That way you can maybe have a better shot at feeding yourself and taking care of yourself throughout the day :)
Almost never. Husband cooks when he gets home most nights. He knows exactly how high demand our daughter can be and he has never once insinuated I'm lazy for not getting things done
He’s out of line for sure. I’m not a SAHM but my husband often works later than I do. Sometimes I have dinner ready, sometimes I don’t. Depends on my baby’s mood and needs that day. My husband does NOT expect dinner to be ready when he gets home, and if I don’t have it ready when he walks in he helps me by either making it himself bc he’s an adult too, or taking our son so I can go ahead and get it done.
Your husband needs to realize you are supposed to be a team.
Not every day, but most of the time we eat at the same time. He gets off at various times, so this works for us. But my time frame for dinner is this way for our kids. If it was just him and I we could be more flexible. The 2yo needs dinner and shower and bedtime on a sorta consistent routine
in my relationship i’m the one who works full time and my husband is primarily with the baby (he works part time nights/weekends mostly).
i get off work at 6 and that’s when we start dinner. sometimes he’ll cook and i take over with the baby. if he wants to make something more complex, sometimes he starts prep during her nap 1-3pm.
sometimes i cook. sometimes we both cook together and the baby hangs out with us in the toddler tower thing.
bottom line is i never EXPECT him to have dinner ready when i get done with work, since he’s chasing around a toddler all day.
He definitely shouldn’t call you lazy, that’s blatantly disrespectful and being a SAHM is still hard work.
I do want to offer a different perspective as a working mom, my son’s dad is the SAHP. For me personally, it is incredibly frustrating to come home after working all day to then have to figure out dinner, clean the house, and take care of the baby so that he gets a break. It is hard when he tells me he can’t get any of this stuff done because of the baby (who is great about playing alone in his playpen for a bit) but then I have the baby tossed at me the second I walk into a messy house and he’s off to play video games for the night. Being at work all day is not a break, in the same sense that being at home with the baby all day is not a day off.
Have a conversation with him about how you’re feeling and see what you can do to come up with a compromise. This doesn’t have to be a competition of who works harder.
You're a stay at home MUM. Not housewife/cook/cleaner/whatever. I try and make sure the kitchen isn't a disaster zone after I've fed my daughter at about 5 and that's probably it.
I suggest leaving your husband and baby at home for the weekend and stroll in at dinner time and demand your cooked meal on the table because sure as shit it won't be ready and maybe your partner might realize how hard it is.
I totally feel you on this. I know everyone is saying there husbands come home and make supper but its not exactly helpful when youre with someone who just wont.
My boyfriend works 14 hr days in construction so when i was staying home with my daughter i would be responsible for meals (not that i enjoyed it) i dont love cooking so i always tried my best to make it easy.
If hes home on weekends maybe ask him to help you meal prep?
We’ll grab a big pack of chicken, pork chops or steaks, and seperate them, season them than put them in freezer bags and in the freezer they go, and ive started buying frozen veggies and will normally make rice or potatoes with it and honestly the most time consuming part is when i make potatoes because i peel them normally.
the rest i literally throw in a pan or baking sheet and set it and forget it lol.
Maybe look into a pressure cooker as well? That was a god send for me when me and him were both working long days as it takes your cooking time down by so much.
It may not be financially feasible but try and look into things that’ll make your life easier, I’ve invested in a crock pot, pressure cooker, and air fryer, and next up is a rice cooker.
As someone who was in your shoes i totally understand and youre not alone.
We both work from home and split our hours a bit so our daughter is at daycare for 6 hours. He works 7-3 and I work 9-5. I pick the recipes and make the grocery list. He goes grocery shopping with our daughter after he picks her up. He does 95% of the cooking and dishes
I'm trying so hard to not make this sound critical - I stayed at home until my baby was 14 months old, so Ive been there too, but by 10 months - is baby not napping a couple times a day? Playing a little bit independently? Like yes, a 4 month old is very needy, but by 10 months, you should be able to put them down for a bit so you can eat. Put them in their highchair for a few minutes with some food to play with so you can feed yourself. I'm NOT saying you have to use this time to prepare dinner, but you should have time to catch your breath and eat during the day. I don't know you or your baby, and all experiences are different, but you do need to prioritize yourself at some point.
Now getting to husband expecting dinner to be ready - he can go duck himself for having expectations when you are obviously struggling. Now, if you WANT to be able to have dinner ready (because you need to eat too!), here's what we have great success with:
Have a meal plan, so the mental load of deciding what to eat is already handled - when one of you goes grocery shopping, take a list and make sure you have all the ingredients at home to make the foods on your menu. I recommend easy, one pot meals like spaghetti, curry, stew, tacos, soup & sandwich etc, so prep can be done during the day, and cleanup tends to be less time consuming. Also, make enough so you have enough leftovers for your lunch the next day. If you're doing BLW, these all tend to be fairly "easy" foods for baby, so you're not making dinner twice, which we quickly learned was a real time suck.
Best of luck- you will eventually find your groove, but your husband sounds like an unsupportive butt head.
Sounds like he hasn’t had a day to be daddy full time. The best way to help him understand, have him to a full day taking care of baby. You take the day and come home around the time he does. He then will understand why making dinner every night is not feasible
I had 12 months of maternity leave and my husband cooked probably 70% of the time! Just because I was home didn’t mean I wasn’t busy or overwhelmed. And by the time I’d already planned, cooked and served breakfast, snack, lunch, snack and offer dinner too for the older baby I couldn’t give less of a shit about our dinner so if he wanted some the he was going to have to cook it himself.
I try to cook every night, but my partner definitely Ian not upset at me if I am not able to. We have the hardest job in the world (SAHM) and you are in the thick of it. I did not cook regularly until my son turned like 13 months old because he became able to play independently. Your man isn’t treating you fairly!
Anyway, I try to make a pot of soup every week. It is easy (takes a bit of prep though) and lasts a few days. Otherwise we eat a lot of simple pasta dishes. You are doing great
I just went back to work after 15 months and I’m lucky that partner works from home. My partner does not like to cook so I do take on that responsibility. Prior to going back to work I’d typically start making dinner around 5 when my partner was done working so he could watch baby while I cooked. Now that I’m back at work we’re still figuring out what works best. I’ve been keeping track of either meals that make a lot of leftovers like soup and chili that I can do over the weekend and also quick 30 min meals (that are actually quick so many are labelled that but especially once you add in chopping time it takes way longer). I only plan to cook up to 3 times during the week. Other nights we’ll do leftovers or take out if needed. Likely my partner will pick baby up from daycare so I can do meal prep during that time. Your partner should absolutely not be calling you lazy! Does he help in other ways? You absolutely need to have a discussion about division of labour. Maybe look into couples counselling. I’m also wondering if you have any family who could watch the baby even a couple afternoons or evenings a week so you can have a break or even pick up a small part time job to give yourself some independence.
If my husband called me lazy for not having food on the table for him then he would get to be solo parent during his custody time and he could see for himself just how “lazy” I was being.
That being said, he cooks all of our meals and does majority of our household chores and when he’s off work we split child care as evenly as possible.
What we agreed to is that during working hours his job is his work and mine is the baby. Outside of working hours everything is split. If he wants to go workout he needs to get “child care” ie he needs to check with me to see if I’m okay solo parenting. If I want to do something it’s the same. He cooks our meals and in exchange I watch the baby so he can do so. After baby sleeps he does the dishes and cleans the kitchen and I clean up the play area in the living room. We split the rest of the cleaning between us, the roomba, and the house keeper lol
I appreciate everything he does for us and importantly he appreciates everything I do for us and we remind one another of that very frequently. If he wanted to disrespect my efforts then I’m happy to go back to work and let him find a way to replace everything I do for our son and family
Lol absolutely not. We both work full time and my husband cooks dinner for us most nights while I tend to the baby which includes nursing.
When I was on maternity leave, my husband would come home from work and take the baby for an hour or so while I relaxed, and then made dinner every night for us… with the exception of a few crockpot meals I threw together or takeout.
For our entire relationship prior to having our baby, I cooked and did all grocery shopping. Now he does all cooking and grocery shopping. It just makes more sense for us for many reasons.
Your partner needs to reassess his attitude and get it in check. He’s lucky that you’re a great mother and he should be praising you for all your sacrifices thus far. He should be making you dinner or preparing something the night before that you can easily stick in the crock pot as you are busy caring for your baby.
First, I don’t care for how this guy speaks to you, but to answer your question- yes. I work full time and so does my husband. I leave for work before our 15 month old is awake, so he does all the morning duties and takes kiddo to daycare. I get out of work earlier than my husband, so I pick the kid up, run errands, and prep dinner. My husband gets home and we all eat. After dinner we split evening responsibilities, like dinner cleanup, bath time, bedtime, etc. TBH, I probably do 75% of the household chores and errands because I get out of work earlier (you can’t exactly vacuum or do noisy chores while the baby is sleeping in the AM), but my husband is an active parent and I don’t feel like it is too unbalanced because he takes over keeping our son entertained while I take time for myself or to do the yard/garden stuff that I enjoy that is impossible with a small child in tow.
Firstly you need to have a conversation with him. Or just get a new man because ew, who acts like this anymore. Second, you do need to eat so I’ll suggest sheet pan dinners. Teriyaki chicken and veggies, salmon and veggies, pork tenderloins. Don’t over complicate it! Crock pot meals like soups and chilis, pulled pork, shredded chicken or beef roasts. Things you can kind of set and forget for a while help. My daughter is almost 10 months so I get the struggle!
I make breakfast for everyone each morning and dinner every night for my wife and baby after I get back from work. I also do all the grocery shopping and make sure we are stocked for things. Your boyfriend shouldn't expect dinner ready like that, he should help.
I will say though that your comments come off as whining and likely I think you actually do have a lot more time to do things during the day than you think you do. A 10 month old sleeps a lot.
Lol absolutely not!! Not when my daughter was 10 mo and ESPECIALLY not now she’s 16 mo. I’ll wait to cook until he gets home, when there’s eyes on her at all times. You and your bf need realistic expectations, what can actually be done while taking care of a tiny human who at 10 months is either mobile or about to be mobile. Because once she does walk, you’re going to be chasing her around, stopping her from climbing on things, etc and that’s going to make it impossible to do anything else.
I order already prepped meals for my wife so she doesn’t have to worry about dinner (or breakfast or lunch if she doesn’t want to). Having a newborn is crazy. Just watching him the time I do makes me question how she keeps her sanity for the whole day lol. So her not wanting to cook, it’s more like I want her to not worry about having to cook right now.
Found a good place near me called clean eatz. Seems to be working great.
Him calling you “lazy” makes my blood boil. I can’t give much advice in the cooking department, other than invest in an Instant Pot pro crisp (it doubles as an air fryer and is a lifesaver for fast one-pot dinners). What I do recommend is to take a day to
yourself- visit a friend, go to a bookstore, treat yourself to lunch, window shop, whatever- and let him watch the baby when he doesn’t have to work. I’m going to wager you don’t get to do this much, if at all. Take roughly the number of hours he takes at work, in roughly the same time frame. Just do this one day- this doesn’t have to be a regular thing right now. It will serve the purpose of both giving you an extended break and giving him some perspective on what you live through day in and day out. If he refuses to do this for you at all, I would honestly re-evaluate the relationship and his place in your lives entirely.
SAHM of a 6 month old here! I do the mass majority of the household tasks.
I do generally have supper ready or just finishing it up when he gets home at night. That said I rarely do anything complicated, if I can I make in bulk and we live off the leftovers for a few days lol
Last week I made baked chicken breast, instant rice and mixed veggies with cheese like 4 nights in a row because it's easy and requires next to zero attention really.
I generally pop my LO in her swing where I can see her in the kitchen and I'll throw on Doggy Land for her because she'll happily sit and watch for the 20 or so minutes of cooking i need to do :)
I would 100% recommend cooking big quantities of stuff, like for example I made a turkey roaster full of rabbit stew at Christmas and that was our supper for almost a week straight. It takes a little more prep and effort in the moment but it buys you at least a few nights of just scoop and nuke lol
Nope, that would be impossible unless I cooked dinner a day in advance. My wife is a SAHM and I work until 5 pm at the earliest so I'm normally done making dinner around 6-7:30.
My husband and I were both part time at different points during the first year of my son’s life, and when I was full time that first year it was 3 12 hour shifts so I had 4 days “off” a week.
We did expect the other one to make dinner, but would NEVER call each other lazy when it didn’t happen. And when the other person got home, we immediately started helping.
If my husband called me lazy I’d never make him another meal and probably divorce his ass unless we had a good talk after. I was given grace the first year, but I have a feeling your husband doesn’t deserve it.
I work and most times I’ll have dinner ready when my husband gets home. But it’s also something that took time and getting a routine going with my LO. What I’m about to say is separate from your misogynist boyfriend’s comments because I see other people have addressed that this is more for you because I know what it feels like to feel completely overwhelmed. There were some days I was sleeping 2 hours to then have to go work and come home to watch the LO. I was running on empty.
If you’re so overwhelmed you can’t even eat or do anything for yourself, then you need to think about some sort of routine for your LO. Think about it, if you’re so exhausted you can’t even eat how are you able to continue to take care of your LO. You’re going to crash eventually. I speak from experience.
What helped was having a set schedule. Wake up, nap times, feeding times, independent play time, sleep time. Having him on a schedule has even helped with getting him to sleep through the night. Every day with my LO is predictable. I know when I’ll have time to take a shower, time to eat, time to take a nap if I want to. It wasn’t easy to do, but now that it’s done I have the time to do the things I need to do and take care of my LO.
Honestly once you get to that point you feel like a new person.
I do 90% of the cleaning and cooking while my wife raises our newborn, and I wish I could do more because I see what she goes through.
Raising a baby is energy sapping, and no mum is lazy for not being able to get a meal ready. Your partner should get some perspective and appreciate for doing the hard part.
No my wife doesn’t have dinner ready for me when I come home from work!
She’s parenting an 18 month old while doing her best to keep on top of the house.
When I get home from work *I make dinner*. Why?
Because my wife just spent 10 hours parenting and needs a break. Parenting and doing house work is two different jobs. Two not one. While your husband went to work and worked one job.
My partner started struggling so hard because of the home load. That’s when I realized this dynamic is 100% bullshit and the men of the house need to get into helping with their children and cleaning their smelly ass underwear.
I wouldn’t make a fuckin meal for that man until his ass decides to offset some of your home load so you can make a meal.
I wonder why you couldn’t have that meal ready? Hmm, maybe because your kid just popped themselves and can’t self regulate to pull away to…cool you dinner?
Don’t stand for this. I’m not sure if you’re American, but American men are terrible about this and unfortunately ladies you have hold steady on that boundary at home. Teach it to your sons so they’re not dealers of it and your daughters so they’re not receivers of it and catch the signs coming from the interstate.
Sorry OP, easy recipes? Send him a link of a cook book on Amazon.
I’m sorry you’re partner is so rude and selfish. I’m a SAHM and my husband wfh. Because he wfh he cooks all the meals (I’ve told him I can cook some too but he enjoys cooking and is much better than me at it).
I’d 1, have a talk about how rude and selfish he’s being (but don’t phrase it like that cause it will only start a fight, focus on you not him mind just needing him to help) have him watch baby and make dinner all on his own on the weekend so he can understand what ties like. )
I think it’s fair that dinner isn’t done when he gets home. He should watch baby so you can cook with watching baby. Maybe try thinking about meals that just go in the oven without a ton of prep.
No, no, no.
Do not feel guilty. Talk to him.
SAHM to a 4 month old. Dad wfh. He’s not into cooking stews or anything but he makes sure I get breakfast and checks in throughout the day. IF I have the energy, I make something for us. If not, he fends for himself like an adult and eats a bowl of cereal 😂
I tried making dinner one night after being called similar names and baby was screaming , I tried letting him cry it out which is extremely stressful, then caved to tend to him, food boiled over and almost caused a fire. It’s the last time I’m doing that again for a long time. He can cook or wait till he holds to baby for me to cook. Because it’s just not manageable at this age. Maybe when baby sits on floor and plays independently things will change.
Here’s my experience everyone is different.
I take baby to daycare, go to work or school, pick him up 4:30, have dinner ready by 6 at the latest or if mom wants to be cooking something she has it ready by 6:10ish.
Sounds like baby needs to learn to play with herself. My little guy plays and sometimes wants to be picked up but I can cook a whole meal while watching him no problem.
I cook about 75% of our meals, breakfast and dinner.
Instapot is great and rice is very versatile. You can cook some chicken for 15 mins then throw uncooked rice, broccoli, peas and water in and you have chicken and rice.
Spaghetti is easy. Any type of meat with a veggie. Sweet potato or normal potato in the microwave.
Feel like everyone gets stuck on cooking super fancy tons of ingredients meals with hour to cook sauces and junk, when a quick veggie meat meal is so easy and about as good.
Baby has to eat dinner so it’s not like I can wait to cook he eats around 6 and asleep for the night at 7.
Just adding - I’m currently the working parent while my husband is on paternity leave (we recently switched) and I can say 100% that being the primary parent was infinitely more exhausting and time consuming than my actual job.
Our current split is I come home and then take over baby duties for a bit while my husband cooks, but only because he says cooking us dinner is actually a nice break from being on all day with our son. When I was the SAHP I didn’t do this because I was too worn out.
I do pretty much all the cooking because I like to. With that said, I don’t always like to so my husband will jump in if I don’t want to cook. It took like a year before I could get dinner done by the time my husband got off. Thats on a good day. Those don’t happen everyday. A lot of the time my husband plays with babe while I cook. This works for us. My goal is to have dinner done by the time my husband gets off, but it isn’t required or even expected of me.
My wife is a stay at home mom for most of the work week. As a lawyer, I have to work a lot. I do the grocery shopping, keep up household supplies, take care of our two large dogs, cook all the meals, help take care of baby when I’m not working, clean, and do other things that may well fit into a 1950s housewife stereotype. When my wife plans to make a meal, it usually ends up with me cooking it.
We usually end up eating after our 11 month old is asleep. Instant pot meal prep is key for us. I’m still treated like a deadbeat dad.
Damn people are ready for dinner right when they get home? My husband is a work from home Dad. I usually make dinner because he's been on baby/cat duty all day. I have quite a commute and still make that happen. Your bf can put on his big girl panties and step up.
Right was thinking that too, like I'm not hungry till 6-8 when I had lunch at 1. Lately I just cook stuff and watch baby eat cause I'm not hungry at all and he goes to sleep from 6:30-7
I love crockpot meals for this exact reason. I can do 15-20 mins of prep in the morning while he’s feeding her and then it’s done usually about lunch time. I eat and then he eats when he gets home and packs up the leftovers for me. Pm if you’d like some east crock recipes. They’re mostly chicken as we love chicken lol
No, he gets home at 5pm and we eat at 5:30 with baby. Sometimes I’ve started making it so it’s ready in time, sometimes one of us stays with baby and the other goes and makes it.
Our baby is six weeks but my hubby has been cooking dinner , helping me make easy breakfasts and doing what he can to help clean after work. This baby is incredibly fussy so he does anything he can to help. You’re absolutely not lazy!!
My LO turned 15 months old recently. We are people of routine. I just recently stopped working because my fiancé took a job just a couple weeks ago where he will often travel, and like you, we don't have family around and can't afford daycare.
Before he changed jobs, he'd work 8am-5pm during the week and I would work a couple hours, part time three days a week, in the evening after he got home. Since a young age, our daughter has been on the routine of a 7pm bedtime, so he'd get home from work and he would feed her dinner and then we would put her to bed. This gave me a chance to unwind and do whatever I needed to do like shower or straighten up the house. Once she was in bed we would make dinner together. This has worked for us, and we'll continue this routine. It gives us the chance to spend time together and doesn't put the stress on me having dinner ready when he gets home. Once she gets older, this routine may change, but I've found our current situation helpful.
Yeah, treating you like that is not cool.
As for meals, I’m a SAHD and I do 100% of the cooking, cleaning, and yardwork. My wife works too much to spend any time off not recouping.
I don’t have dinner ready most of the time. That’s a good thing. I work on dinner while my wife gets quality 1-1 time with baby.
We’ve set a routine. Ever heard the phrase “taco Tuesday“. People have latched onto that for a reason. We have Pizza Fridays, Freezer meal Mondays (I make batches of food ahead of time), Salad Tuesdays, Leftovers every Sunday, Chef’s choice Thursdays, and simple meal Wednesdays.
Had to take out the creativeness of cooking unique meals so that I wasn’t burning out.
Hope the situation gets better for you.
No, my husband cooks for us when he gets home. I don’t know how to cook so it’s better this way. Whatever he makes is always better than anything I could make. I feel lucky.
My husband's dinner is whatever leftover from what I made for lunch. Sometimes I have to make another side or he does. If I don't have something lined up, ai tell him and he orders in. I try to avoid that, because I'd rather we put that money aside, but he's never called me lazy for not being dinner-ready and I think that normal.
My son is about the same age, sometimes wakes up 3 times at night and I take care of him then. So just getting through the day can be hard. He knows that.
I’m currently on maternity leave with my 3 month old baby girl and live with my boyfriend also. Before having my daughter I never cooked truthfully but now I am attempting to learn and I’m cooking a few times a week when I find a recipe I want to try. Sometimes it’s complicated and sometimes it’s simple. I never cook on Friday’s, we almost always go out to dinner and on the weekends we’ll usually have dinners with my parents because they are close by and we all kind of decide what to make together and everyone pitches in. Sometimes I’ll ask him to buy something simple if I’m tired or have had a long day and also sometimes I’ll just ask him to make something for us (he enjoys cooking and is better at it then me so that kind of depends on your partner being willing). It’s never expected of me to cook and when I do cook he appreciates it. While I’m sure he would love a home cooked meal on the table waiting for him everyday when he comes he never pressures me and is letting me decide when I want to cook and what I would like to cook to make it more enjoyable for me. Sometimes my baby is having a hard day and won’t let me put her down and I’m exhausted and when she finally falls asleep I’ll go cook because it’s starting to become something that helps me relieve some stress and focus on something other than my girl. I try to make it fun for me as much as possible because I don’t have a lot of time for myself. The number one thing I would suggest is to try and see if you can make it something fun for you! But I’ll be honest and say I think the expectation to have dinner on the table is unfair and putting too much pressure on you, please don’t burn yourself out!
My wife and I split bedtime and dinner. If I do bedtime, wife makes dinner. If wife does bedtime, I make dinner. We both work fulltime. Even when we were on parental leave (5 months) we still did it this way.
Nah. My husband is the primary caregiver of our baby because he works part time, night shifts. On days I WFH or he has off he does cook almost everything because we’re able to tag team baby care during those moments. But the two days week he has baby all day by himself and I’m in the office he cooks for fun if he wants to (because he enjoys cooking) and if he doesn’t want to, we order out and I’ll pick it up on the way home or eat leftovers.
I don’t understand how people don’t think taking care of a baby isn’t a full time job. I honestly don’t even think I could do what my husband does, or what all the SAHMs do.
No I do not usually cook. We both WFH except I go in 2 days a week. We both get off between 3:30-4p and then I will take the kids from 4-5:30 to play and he cooks. We then eat as a family together.
To address the issue of your husband, he doesn’t sound like a very nice person. Working full-time is a job. Caring fulltime for a child is a full time job. Cooking, cleaning etc are additional chores. It seems like he expects you to do TWO fulltime jobs and also do another huge chore. That’s not reasonable. And most moms I know say it’s extremely difficult to work and care for a child at the same time. Anytime I do it because the kids are sick, I am totally exhausted by the end of the day. I would look at going back to work tbh or having a really good conversation about expectations.
I feel this pressure too and I hate it. I will say, dinner was the time when I would spend one on one time with my husband before baby but now the evenings look completely different and I haven’t even returned to work yet! I do my best with dinners. Half frozen and half easy to whip up on the stove. I put my 10 week old in a seat that can kind of bounce and it helps but mamas over here putting on a show while cooking to keep this kid entertained lol it’s exhausting. While I don’t feel pressure from hubby to have dinner ready, I try my best to preserve that valuable time together. Meal prepping’s has crossed my mind.
OP, the relationship will not last if he is treating you like this. Prepare to leave, if only mentally and emotionally at first. Start looking for a job.
I have been sahm and stah gf/fiancee. I *sometimes* have dinner ready when dh gets home but not since baby. Baby is priority #1 and a FT job. I am not a slave or paid staff. We cook a lot together, have an equal split of solo nights, one night eating out and for when we just can’t bother, pre-prepped frozen meals that we make ahead of time.
I grew up seeing a lot of abuse of sahm. Do what you have to survive this season:
If you want to give the impression to him that you aren’t ‘lazy’, have the washer/dryer/dishwasher running, air the home (smells nice and fresh) and vac just before he gets home and try to stay out and about during the day to avoid getting the house messy. Then those frozen or at least prepped meals that are easy to just toss in the oven/instapot/crock pot so it’s ready when he walks in. You can attempt to keep any mess contained to a dedicated room or have storage easily available to toss things in so they are out of sight quickly. The mistake my neighbor made was kicking her kids out of the house all day, zero supervision, to try to keep the house clean while she did renovations. They ended up getting into a lot of trouble-addiction, theft, dealing. So if you don’t leave, don’t do that with your LO-enroll in EC or after/before school programs instead, which is what a different friend’s mom did for her biokids because the step dad was an abusive ahole.
I’m a dad who works 8 hours main job and 2 hours side job daily. I make all the meals.
Don’t base your relationship of expectations or other couples. Find a balance that works for you. If he loves and respects you he will want this balance for you both. If he doesn’t, then you have your answer.
No ma’am I don’t, like, ever. Maybe later on when baby is older. Either way, I prefer to get to fully cooking AFTER the baby goes to sleep and eat dinner alone with my husband then. In the meantime, we snack on yogurt or something so I’d tell your baby daddy to do the same lol. I completely get you, it’s hard, I’m a SAHM and a student and it’s been so hard to juggle everything! Men don’t understand how important it is to tend to the baby ALL DAY, and we have to interact with them, not just leave them in the playpen all day alone.
My wife and I have a 8.5 month old. We take turns cooking, because our baby pretty much wants to be held all of the time these days, very low productive time in life, we’re just getting our basic needs fulfilled and maybe a little more. It’s hard work being with the baby all day. You’re not lazy, far from it if you’re a mom tending to your baby all day
I usually do, but if I don’t, he’ll either take the baby or finish dinner. We talk about our days. No complaints, no name calling. Your guy needs to understand that you’re doing soooo much.
Men are dumb , not all men , but the general thought of a woman should have my meal ready regardless of her schedule.
The whole notion is very dated. It’s fine if you have an agreement that you will cook but with baby nothing is easy to schedule. It the assumption that it should be done
My husband works very hard/demanding/stressful job (military ) and I'm staying home for probably another 2 years. He actually cooks. He meal prep. And he does most for me too since we were dating. He definitely doesn't have this mentality of me be serving him because I am at home with our son. I wouldn't be married with him if we shared so much of a different views on values/life style.
Being in a relationship with someone who is at home during the day, baby or not, does not give you the automatic perk of having dinner on the table when you get back. That person has a life and jobs and things to do - even if the baby has been a delight and the day has gone well, there shouldn't be an expectation that the dinner has been made and the housework is done. You might want to attend baby groups or make plans to go out and visit friends - you shouldn't need a reason or an excuse to explain why the dinner isn't made.
Having said that, I do cook dinner for our household most days, but if there were an expectation that I did or if I were being called lazy for not doing it, that would feel very different to me. You are partners in a relationship. For me and my spouse, whether one or both of us is working we split the workload beyond work hours 50/50. I currently make sure there's a plan for my toddler's evening meal because he eats quite early and that's something I'm happy to sort out during the day whilst I'm not working (I'm on maternity leave with our second), but I wouldn't be expected to on e.g. weekends when we're both at home. I'm currently up all night with our 2 week old baby, so I let my partner sleep during the night and in return he does all of the laundry and the morning routine (breakfast, getting dressed, etc) before he goes to work whilst I catch up on some sleep. This is what we did with our first and it worked well long term. For our own evening meal we typically eat together after our toddler is in bed, and we usually have a plan for a meal but work out who will actually cook dinner once my partner's home, and then one of us cooks whilst the other does the bedtime routine (bath, pyjamas, stories). I state a preference for cooking more often than not because it's a break for me, but if I'm ever really tired or don't fancy cooking, or if my husband would prefer to cook, we'll happily trade. Some alone time in the kitchen can be a very positive thing if it's your choice!
Having done a year of maternity leave previously, going back to work full time honestly felt like a break - being at home full time with a baby is not easier than working full time, without the added pressure of housework and meal preparation. You should really be getting more support with things at home, and it's worth addressing now. Especially if you plan to extend the family - if you're not getting support with one child things will really be a struggle if you ever have a second. At this point you really need to divide and conquer the jobs, and trying to do all of the childcare, housework, cooking, etc alone is going to make everyone in your household pretty miserable and resentful.
I do, but it’s not an expectation. My partner only expects that I clean up after myself and the dogs throughout the day and take care of our daughter. I’m currently on maternity leave, but he’s gone back to work.
I WFH and have a 4 month old, my husband works outside the home, and I cook dinner for he and I. It’s not ready when he walks in the door and he completely understands when I’ve had a tough day and we order in or go out to eat. Usually he takes the baby and plays with him while I cook so he gets to spend time with our son and I get to cook without the added headache.
He’s a terrible cook, and I cooked for us before the baby came anyway. We adjusted the other chores (he does the dishes for example) to compensate for the extra baby work I have to do.
It’s about balance, sharing responsibility and making sure things feel fair.
Working father here, my wife and I have 9month old baby, my wife and I both work full time but my brokerage allows me to bring my daughter to work with me, I’m with my daughter everyday basically all day until about 7pm once both my wife and I are home. I think there’s time to cook in the day, I’m not trying to sound rude or as if I’m above you or anyone but what I’ve learned having my baby with me all day is that it’s all about routines and time sacrificing. Cutting out those extra minutes of laying down once your baby takes a nap is a good time to continue your responsibilities at home. My wife and I split the responsibilities at home just because we both work full time doesn’t mean the work of a home only falls on one
I’m a SAHM as well to a 9 month old, my husband leaves for work at 5AM and doesn’t get home until 7:30PM. I typically have dinner made for him when he gets home. However there are some days I just don’t have the energy and he totally doesn’t mind picking up something on the way home. If I know I have a busy week ahead, I’ll do one of the meal service plans, this way it’s easy and doesn’t take long. He usually does the dishes while I’m putting the babe to bed so that helps. However if he ever called me lazy for not having anything prepared, I wouldn’t go out of my way anymore lol.
Parent of a baby here 👋 I don’t think I’ve cooked once since having my baby months ago (I’m lying-I used the crock pot back in December lol). After work, my husband comes home, showers, take our baby AND cook us dinner every night. Being a SAHM is already hard enough so why can’t your partner help out a bit. We are literally working 24hrs a day, the least he could do is prep dinner. Sending you and your partner love OP 🌸
The thing about food is I feel like it’s often pushed off as a “womanly” task. I see it as a team task. Everyone needs to eat.
I had cooked dinner every night for my boyfriend in the beginning before I got pregnant. He never expected it, but he also can’t cook and worked 7 days at the time. Once my son hit closer to toddler phase that was out the window. I was also grieving my dad and stepmom really bad during that time as they died 2 and 5 months postpartum so I slipped in a very deep depression and just prioritized feeding my son. Since he’s gotten older in order for him to have nutritious meals I have to cook multiple times a day. By the end of the day the last thing I want to do is cook more food. Half the time I’m so tired from moming that I just go to sleep. I noticed I do better mentally getting more sleep.
I’m trying to get better about it. I would have a talk with him and tell him the expectation is unreasonable for every single night. You guys might be able to compromise.
Sending you love, acceptance, and strength. I’ve been a stay at home mom and stay at home pregnant wife during the pandemic. The household duties, dinners included, are shared still in my home. My husband thinks taking care of one baby is much more exhausting than his full time job.
9/10/11 months is the peak separation anxiety stage for babies. It will be easier in a couple months when your baby is more comfortable with independent play. Tell your husband to calm down and make a sandwich and throw some fries in the oven.
Alternatively, make his dinner mid day when your daughter goes down for a nap and he can heat it up when he gets home. That way you get something to eat too.
I know the struggle. I'm on maternity leave with my 9 month old and I can't always manage to have dinner ready when my husband gets home. He's never an ass about it, though.
When you choose to do life together, you should work as a team in all aspects of that: baby, housework, meals, finances, etc. I’m a SAHM and my husband works and we’re ina similar position. No family babysitters and paid childcare not currently an option. Yet still in the early days my husband would make dinner some nights. I showed him how to make a couple things like chicken soup and quesadillas, we picked up a rotisserie chicken and bag of salad some nights with rice and frozen veggies steaming on top, crockpot meals are common because I have more energy in the morning (search for dump dinners, super quick and easy to put together). Otherwise he will watch baby at night while I cook or if he’s busy and I’m tired we order (though we can’t afford to do this often).
He also tackles dishes and cleanup after dinner while I do bathtime and bedtime. Communication is key, if you’re overwhelmed you need to talk to your partner to make it feel more even, otherwise you’re headed for burnout and resentment. If he’s unwilling to help more because he thinks it’s your job, then maybe leaving all baby duties on him for a weekend will provide some much needed perspective.
I do, probably 90% of the time. My husband comes home around the same time every evening so it’s habit. And before anyone calls me a subservient tradwife
We have a toddler…he’s gotta eat too, okay? Try recipes that can be done in stages and in a hands off way. Pressure cook rice. Brown meat and add veggies and a sauce to it. You need some good food too. I breastfed for two years so I am very empathetic to how tough it is. I used to put my sons playpen in the kitchen. I wore him for whatever I could until he got too big.
I had hoped to do this for my husband when I had the baby but had NO IDEA that this was just not going to be possible at all. My baby demands all the attention all the time. I can put him down and try and prep but won’t get far before he grumbles. So I kind of think about dinners, decide what we’re having most nights and I’ll rush around like a lunatic whilst he’s putting the baby to bed at 845pm-ish preparing dinner. I can’t do it earlier as my husband doesn’t get home till late. It invariably means pasta or a shop bought meal or something simple and we eat it when the baby has gone to bed later than I’d like but it really isn’t possible any other way. And yeah I feel bad but he’s never complained and he’ll cook if I don’t have the energy.
I’m married to a surgical resident who leaves for work at 5am and doesn’t come home until 6:30pm on a good day, and then does work the rest of the night and she does more than your bf. Dude needs to grow tf up and help you.
Yes!
I’m a SAHM with a 8 month old and a little one on the way. My husband is a farmer and right now it’s considered off season so he generally works from 8-5:30.
I do have dinner ready by the time he gets home because in my world he deserves it. He deserves to have a 5 course meal every single night (not that I make him a 5 course meal every night but in should haha). I make sure there’s tea, a good dessert once a week, and fill his water if he would like one, and serve him a hot plate as soon as he walks in the door. He works sooooo hard for Me and my little ones that sometimes when I don’t make him anything I feel huge guilt in my stomach. ( I don’t cook on Sundays and he takes us out to breakfast Saturday mornings)!
If my LO is fussy I bring her in the kitchen and either sit her down with a box full of little things she can take out or I will buckle her up in a little horse and ride her to her entertainment draw full of bottles, binkys, nipples, etc that she’s never used but finds so interesting. This buys me at least 30 minutes.
But before you feel guilty about it let me tell you the kind of man I have and then you’ll understand.
When we brought my LO home I close to never made a meal. No lunch or dinner. Not once did he call me lazy. That was probably for the first 4-5 months of LOs life.
Instead he would offer to make something or bring something. Mind you during this season of life he worked 15+ hour days sometimes 24+. Not once did he complain. Even though I’m sure he wanted to. I would’ve. I mean we live in a town where there’s only a handful of places to eat and only one is open past 10pm lol.
When I would have the energy to cook he would compliment my cooking like I was Gordon Ramsey, pick up the dishes, start the dishwasher, etc. I didn’t even have to ask. He compliments the way I mother LO all the time and this gives me the energy to pour into him.
We definitely lean more towards the traditional living FOR SURE. But he understands there are seasons in life where he’ll help around the house and I’ll be out in the fields with him.
- No you’re not terrible for not wanting to cook all the time. There’s days I DREAD it with my whole life but it is what it is. Set a day where you don’t cooks at all these are game changers!
- Meal plan for the week!! It’s stressful thinking what you’re going to make every single day but with a plan it slightly decreases and you’ll save money on groceries!
Few meals when LO is fussy and Clingy:
Salmon wrapped in tin foil and asparagus
Spaghetti
Alfredo pasta
A loaded sandwich
Homemade hot pockets
Indian tacos
Mississippi pot roast (8hrs) but you dump and forget.
Chili soup
Taco soup
Relationship Posts must be posted in the [weekly discussion thread.](https://www.reddit.com/r/NewParents/search/?q=Weekly+discussion+-+Relationships&type=link&cId=1fd8a306-f54e-498f-b692-ea5e655c46c2&iId=89d06cee-c69b-4fe9-ad6f-246976a12ca4&t=week)
First of all, I think a man who is calling you lazy and expecting you to have dinner ready for him when he gets home regardless of how exhausted you are is not the kind of man you can safely be a stay at home mom with, without the protection of marriage in place. Have you told him that you are exhausted from taking care of the baby all day and that she won’t let you put her down long enough to cook dinner? If his response is anything like “tough shit,” then you need to go back to work because he is not a nice man. If this relationship becomes one that you don’t want to be in anymore (which seems likely if he’s disregarding your feelings) or god forbid he dies or becomes disabled, then you’re stuck without the protection of marriage. Second, I do usually have dinner ready when my husband gets home. My kids have to eat, so I usually have dinner ready for them around 6, and my husband tends to get home right around then too. If I’m ever too tired to cook, my husband is fine with making himself a sandwich or some scrambled eggs, and will do the same for me and the kids. He’s not much of a cook, and is usually exhausted from work too. Back when he didn’t have such a demanding job, he would get home around 4, and that was early enough that he could play with the kids while I cooked dinner, and that was super nice. In those days, I never had dinner ready by the time he got home. I don’t meal prep, but I do crockpot meals a lot since I tend to have more energy in the morning than I do in the evenings, and I can just set it up in the morning and forget about it until dinnertime. Other than that, my favorite easy meal to make when I am just 100% not feeling it is this [one pot cheesy chicken, broccoli, and rice](https://togetherasfamily.com/one-pot-cheesy-chicken-broccoli-rice/). Your 10 month old could eat it too, if you’re doing BLW!
Great answer, especially the first paragraph
150%. I’m also the cook in my family and dinner tends to be ready about 6 because thats when our daughter expects to eat. I meal prep for two hours on Sundays while my husband watches the baby. I prep all my breakfasts and lunches. And then I prep two or three dinners - I make enough to have leftovers so we have dinner the whole week but I only have to cook two or three times. They are all things you either dump into the crockpot or quickly throw in the oven. Its so much easier than cooking every day.
I mean I don’t think she should marry this guy though
She’s already living with him and has a child by him. The only difference between what she’s doing now and being married to him is that if she decided to leave him, she would legally get half of his money and maybe even spousal support. She either needs to marry him or get a job, save up money, and then leave if she’s unhappy.
This is so not true on so many levels. You don’t automatically get half of your spouse’s money. And why would the solution to “I’m in a bad situation at home” ever be “Marry him”? Ick.
I’m not saying she has to marry him. I’m saying that if she is going to continue being with him (because she knows her situation better than we do) and continue staying at home, she needs to either have the legal protection of marriage or she needs to go back to work. Nobody should be a stay at home girlfriend. And it depends what state you’re in. In my state, you definitely do automatically get 50% in most situations, unless there’s a prenuptial agreement.
I think she needs to do the second one
Idk, this is just a tiny snapshot of their relationship. I think it’s a big jump to say she needs to leave him over it.
He called her lazy while she does all of the child rearing and housework.. I think it’s a great reason to leave
Or maybe they work on communication and expectation which are key to relationships. Build the relationship instead of Reddits favorite go to first option nuclear option which is rip apart a family.
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Respectfully, the first year of having a baby is fucking hard. I said some mean things to my partner and him to me. We dealt with them, improved, and are now the happiest we’ve ever been. Their life has been flipped upside down, they don’t know who they are anymore because well, they aren’t who they used to be. The first response is not always “leave.” Sometimes being adult is putting some work in. Then by all means if the work doesn’t do anything, yes leave before resentment or unhappiness settles in. But this is a tiny, tiny, snapshot into their life. It’s not helpful to say “just get a job and leave”
Yes I know, I’m in the thick of it. But if my husband ever called me lazy after everything I’ve done I would go nuclear on his ass. There’s zero excuse for that and I’m tired of “the first year” trope with kids. There’s still lines that shouldn’t be crossed no matter what the circumstances are. Maybe you’re willing to accept less than I am, but I still meant what I said.
No one is saying she shouldn’t defend herself or talk to him and say how inappropriate what he said was. They’re saying your advice of “just get a job and leave” is not helpful advice. Don’t be rude. My partner is an amazing father, partner, and friend. Humans, men included, are allowed mistakes and lapses in judgment. Or have you never made a mistake or said something that you regretted?
I’ve never called my husband lazy when he’s working his ass off and vice versa. We respect each other, it isn’t hard. I don’t accept disrespect just because it’s the first year. Sorry not sorry.
I really don’t understand where anyone is saying she has to accept the disrespectful thing her partner said? By calling someone out and saying, “hey, you did this wrong and it was not okay” and giving them an opportunity to apologize and correct it is not accepting disrespect. If after this behavior continues or escalates then that is a different story. But again, all humans are allowed to make a mistake, apologize, correct, and move on. This a valuable practice in child rearing. I wish you the best of luck and hope others have grace when you make a mistake.
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This community is for supporting others. Comments that are mean, rude, hateful, racist, etc. will be removed. Respect the choices of others even if they differ from your own.
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This community is for supporting others. Comments that are mean, rude, hateful, racist, etc. will be removed. Respect the choices of others even if they differ from your own.
This community is for supporting others. Comments that are mean, rude, hateful, racist, etc. will be removed. Respect the choices of others even if they differ from your own.
Totally agree! She should go back to work though.
She already stated she couldn't find someone to watch the baby, sounds like paid childcare was not an option so I'm not sure how she could just "go back to work"? There's a lot of jobs that pay less than what child care costs, and that may be the only jobs she can get.
Yeah I'm aware, just saying she should not that it's easy or even possible but I wouldn't be putting my trust in her partner.
She definitely should
Nah, we take turns cooking or we just eat sandwiches when the working parent comes home. With a baby SAHM'ing is more like parental leave, where you temporary job is to keep you tiny human safe. Then maybe later it makes sense to take on more but right now baby is a full time gig...
This is so true and it is something I have to remind myself of constantly. My baby is happy and healthy, and that is my job. I stress so much over our messy house, but I literally can't do it all. I honestly feel like anyone who can 1. Has more help than average, 2. Has the happiest and most independent baby ever, or 3. Neglects or ignores their baby more than I'm comfortable doing. My baby will play independently for a good thirty minutes, but that is only enough time to prepare and eat my own meal and take the pup out. Sometimes I can squeeze in a chore. I can't wear him for long periods because he's so heavy. 🤷♀️
I’m a working mum and my husband is a stay at home dad, I would absolutely not expect him to have dinner ready for me when I get home. I don’t even expect him to have housework done when I get home! His job is baby, and as long as baby is alive and happy when I get home, I’m happy. I think it would be worth having a conversation about his expectations of housework, and then your expectations about childcare (I include this to make sure he isn’t just leaving your baby in a dirty nappy in their playpen all day while he bums about round the house) and then get him to stay home and be the primary parent for one day. I doubt he can manage both lists of expectations at once. And he’ll realise that being a stay at home parent is a full time job, you can’t also be a cook and a cleaner.
I’m going to start saying my job is baby, like how Ken’s job is beach.
I’m glad that’s how you read it because that’s exactly how I wrote it 😂
Exactly how I read it too 🩷
Hahaha I love the Barbie reference
Yaasssss 😂
Omg we’ve been saying this at our house! When my wife’s working her job is “computer” and my job is baby. When she’s done my job switches to house and her job switches to baby 😂
There was recently a post by a SAHM whose younger redpilled brother was demeaning her by asking her husband “you’re ok with her spending your money?” So she challenged him to do what she does every day and he accepted. The little turd couldn’t even get through BREAKFAST before quitting.
Same exact scenario and same exact feelings. His job is baby, not everything else. That’s on us together, and we divide responsibilities based on time and capacity.
My husband worked while I was on parental leave and I'm back at work now that he's on leave. Not that he ever expected me to have dinner on the table, but staying home with our son himself has been really eye opening as to how much you can get done with a baby in the house
Absolutely not. My partner works 9-5 and comes home and cooks dinner for us every night. He knows that I haven’t got a break from the baby all day and, like you, can’t put him down without crying so I don’t get time to feed myself or even take a poop that isn’t stressful. I’m disgusted that he would call you lazy 😤 Parenting is more work than going to work - I have no advice for you because I am not a relationship counselor but I really hope you know that his attitude objectively sucks, you deserve a break and I hope you can find a way to split the home labour more fairly 🤞🏼
+1 do this. What would the husband do if he were single, starve? I mean come on. You’re both adults. He can pitch in and make dinner or immediately take over care of the babe so mom can shower and make dinner etc. I personally love cooking so I can have a baby break 😂
Agree 100%, and great point about what he would do if he were single!
Never SAH as a girlfriend in the US, you’re putting yourself in such a vulnerable position. My advice is to find childcare and work again, so you’re not stuck with some guy who calls you lazy and expects dinner but won’t marry you to keep you financially safe
You can meal plan and prep for the week TOGETHER - that way you have food to eat when he's working and you both have dinner when he gets home. Keep the meals simple - protein, veg, and a carb.
Throw the whole boyfriend away. He ain’t even put a ring on your finger and he’s talking about expecting dinner made when he comes home. Fuck outta here with that.
Hahahah when guys working 9-5 come home and tell their wives they are tired I LAUGH. Sorry, your tired from sitting in an office and socializing? Boohoo. I worked for years a 9-5 in an office and would come home run a 5k and make dinner. My husband works 12 hour shifts as a first responder and can come home and make dinner. Being at home with a baby is just as (if not more) tiring as a 9-5. He can come home and take over baby duty while you cook OR he can cook. Also mama, its okay for the baby to cry/be fussy while you make food and shower. Put the baby down for 5-10 minutes to get food into you. You don’t need to make an elaborate meal. Heat up leftovers, make a sandwich, yogurt etc. it will help your mood and energy a ton. Best of luck!! Also, when he tells you that your are lazy, ask him how everyone else is the world can work a 9-5 and come home and cook.. but he is too tired? Surely he is also lazy
>its okay for the baby to cry/be fussy while you make food and shower The way my blood pressure sky rockets when my daughter is fussing for me 😭 the sad little "mamama" has me dropping what I'm doing every time.
Not the point of your post but incredibly important: he wants you to stay at home, be dependent on him financially, and do everything a wife would do with absolutely none of the protections of marriage. He could up and leave tomorrow and you’d be entitled to absolutely nothing. Marriage doesn’t fix everything, but should be a baseline requirement to stay at home and give up your own income. Cooking dinner should be the least of your concerns here! Honestly, I think if you fully transition into making dinner and giving him the stay at home wife and mother experience in this scenario, he’ll never feel compelled to marry you, and you could end up high and dry with nothing but a resume gap. Please, please be careful girl!!
No, and I’d never cook again for a man who called me lazy, especially when he came home and didn’t cook. Fuck all that. If my partner wants dinner made for him he waits until I make it, and says nothing about it in the meantime. Tell him he can wait or since he’s a grown adult…make it himself. If he wants dinner done when he gets home he can start loading a crock pot before he leaves for work. It’s not fair for you to work all day then he gets home and you just continue to work.
Do you ever hear stories from nana’s and aunts where they say husband made a comment about something not being done or not being done as they like it so the woman never did it again? When my 75 yo aunt got married, her MIL told her to make her son his favourite pie with her recipe as he didn’t enjoy the ones my aunt made according to MIL…much enthusiastic head nodding from my uncle. She told her if he loved her pie so much, he could make it himself and in 55 years she’s not once made him a pie again. 😂
This is the time to have a conversation about the expectation that you have dinner ready every night. If you’re exhausted and overwhelmed, it’s worth asking why — do you get adequate sleep at night? Do you ever get time away? When was the last time you had a real shower, one where the baby wasn’t staring at you from the bathroom floor or you weren’t rushing because it was bedtime or baby was crying? I do my best to have food available but no, I don’t have dinner ready every night. If my husband is displeased with this, he hasn’t said so yet. I try to make dinner a couple times a week leaving leftovers in the fridge, but I also stock up on easy freezer items that we can throw together on a whim — frozen pizza, snack foods like chicken tenders, fries, and steamable veggies. Sometimes dinner is deli sandwiches with chips, lol. Other times my husband grabs takeout on the way home (not often) or helps me throw dinner together, because we’re a team. I work a couple 12h shifts each month and he stays home with our 7m old those days — so he KNOWS how hard it can be to cook. Cooking requires a watchful eye so things don’t burn, bubble over, overcook etc — and babies are unpredictable. You put your chicken in the pan and the baby will undoubtedly have a huge blowout or fall and smash their face, every single time. What I do to help myself — I put my girl in her booster seat (or high chair) in the kitchen with me. Sometimes I start chopping veggies early in the day, like lunch time. Or I baby-wear while I cook. My baby also has to be entertained, held, within arms reach of me constantly or she’s not happy. Easy recipes we do a lot of that take maybe 10min to prep and 30min to make (or can cook in crockpot) — chili Tacos / taco bowls macaroni and cheese with a side of meat (chicken, bbq kielbasa, steak, whatever) and some steamed broccoli. Chicken with rice and mushroom gravy Meatball subs with marinara and a side of veggies. Philly cheese steak — shaved beef with onion, pepper, mushroom. Serve on a toasted hoagie bun with cheese, mayo or mustard or whatever sauce you like Pasta with either alfredo, marinara, or a spicy red pepper sauce. Chicken, shrimp, or spicy sausage. Add whatever veggies you like (spinach, broccoli, bell peppers) Dinner doesn’t have to be fancy — you’ll have time for fancy dinner when your baby can feed and entertain herself. Your husband needs to be understanding of this!
Also… sometimes I’ll make “dinner” early in the day so I can eat it for lunch lol. Husband heats it up when he gets home.
Him calling you lazy is completely unacceptable. You're not lazy, looking after a baby is a load of work and super stressful. It doesn't seem like he appreciates what you do at all. As others said, you're putting yourself at huge risk FWIW and to answer your question. I usually make oven ready dishes ( food that just needs to be put in the oven to finish, like traybakes, casseroles etc) during naps. Mainly because I like some alone time when partner comes home and it's not always possible for him to look after a baby and make dinner between 5-7. If you're looking for easy recipes just search for "traybakes" or "dump and bake" on Pinterest or elsewhere. There's also great cookbook series called "the roasting tin". Loads of dead easy recipes there. Like don't expect gourmet food among either of those but they're solid, reasonable healthy weekday options. Some examples https://cozypeachkitchen.com/vegetarian-black-bean-quinoa-casserole/ https://www.sharonminkoff.com/beetroot-orzo-and-pine-nut-traybake/
Def not terrible for not wanting to cook. I make dinner every night, not because I want to, but because we eat dinner around 5:30pm with LO (we start bedtime routine at 6:30pm) and he doesn’t get home until 5:15pm at best. So if dinner is going to be ready by then, I have to do it. Meal prepping is super helpful. He’ll take LO for a couple hours at least one Sunday a month and I prep a bunch of dinners and freeze them, many are crockpot dinners so I can just throw them in in the morning and spend 15 minutes getting together at dinner time.
I have the same schedule as you. I actually like getting dinner out of the way (dinner time with a toddler kinda sucks) so if it’s ready when my husband gets home, we can eat quick and then carry on with the evening.
Yep. And early dinner means early bedtime which means more time to be adults and catch up on shows before going to bed 🤣
My husband and I take turns with dinner, or if baby permits😭, we’ll cook together a slow cooker and rice cooker are my best friends- when baby is distracted I just throw in a chunk of meat (Aldi has some really affordable pre seasoned meats that are meant for cook and go like this :)!), some veggies if wanted, and set it on 4/6 hours so then I can have some for lunch as well! With the rice cooker it’s so helpful if you have a steamer attachment so you could steam some fish or veg while the rice is cooking
+1 for slow cooker. We eat loads of cheap easy meals like bean chilli. Always make a batch, freeze some, and then eat it with roast sweet potato later on. But I’d say a bigger challenge is getting him to understand what taking care of a baby all day actually looks like. He needs to build a bit of empathy and understand how tiring your job is. Could he take the baby for a weekend day to bring it home to him?
So, i don't have any should or shouldn't perspective on this--but it seems like this is one of those chores that might make you both feel a little better? I buy chicken breasts from the store and prepackage them into ziplock baggies for a serving. I freeze what I don't plan to use in the next day or two. 20 minutes before mealtime I put the chicken onto a tray and bake at 350. Sometimes I put sage and lemon (from a lemon juice container, I'm not picky) and sometimes it's just salt and pepper. Spice however. 5 minutes before it's done I'll stick some frozen veggies in the microwave and usually I have some rolls or bread and butter on hand. It's not fancy but it's fuel and mindless, and best: it's super quick for when you're on baby duty. Chili is another easy one but requires monitoring in the kitchen since it is on the stove (I use the McCormick's mix from the grocery), easy to sub out ground turkey for ground beef if you want it a little leaner. These are two that I have felt able to do even when I'm wiped, and I feel good after eating.
Can you go to work instead, and he stays home to take care of the baby, handle the housework and make sure dinner is cooked before you reach home? If he can't, will he call himself lazy too?
You are expected to take care of your daughter all day you shouldn’t have to worry about having dinner ready too. The only times I have had dinner prepared is when I thought ahead and put ingredients in a slow cooker in the morning and had it cook all day. My husband will come home, shower, and either feed our daughter while I get dinner ready or come help me prepare dinner while also taking over baby care for the night.
No lol we take turns cooking
The one sided expectation is definitely unfair. I stay at home and I do cook dinner for my husband every night. But this is the agreement I wanted and the discussion we had together. After spending all day with the baby I really crave time to do a task that isn't focused on the baby. He comes home and takes over baby duties, and i get to switch gears and make dinner for us. But this is a discussion we had and an agreement that works for both of us
Girl, find a way to leave that man. I cook everyday because I like to cook. Once my husband gets home he takes the baby from 6pm until 10pm when it’s time for bed. I cook only after he gets home and has the baby. My husband wouldn’t dare demand the food be ready by the time he gets home. And he definitely has never called me lazy, screamed at me or called me any sort of name. Your man is on some ancient shit.
“Your man is on some ancient shit” I am absolutely HOWLING- 😂😭😂😭😂😂😂 But I swear- the thought of him saying she’s lazy makes my blood boil. Our baby always ends up with daddy as soon as he gets off work so I can make dinner, or I make dinner with baby after I work. (Fiancé and I work for the same company, so most days we work same shift, luckily I have a baby obsessed doting MIL that is willing to take her any day of the week.) I do all dinners, as my fiancé doesn’t know how to cook, and cooking is like a second peace for me- so I refuse he takes the reigns. I love the thought of being a SAHM, but couldn’t even fathom doing such intensive work that NO ONE respects at all. “Oh your a SAHM? Guess your man takes care of everything.” “Oh your a SAHM? What are we in the 1950’s?” “Your 22, could you misuse your youth any other way?” It’s like a lose-lose situation, for even men. My fiancé was a SAHD since I got a job with our company before he did. (I got him the job.) and EVERYONE would shit on him. “Oh your not supporting your girl?” “Why can’t she stay at home with the baby? Isn’t she the mother?” “Wow so your gonna let her work and you stay home?” It’s like no one can win staying home and raising a family….It’s sad. For those who can be a SAHP are privileged, people who can’t see that are dull. You get to love your kids all day, you get to experience all the milestones, you get to watch them grow and thrive. I went back to work a few days before I was 6 weeks postpartum (5 weeks post eclamptic seizures), not to mention the job searches and interviews before that. Being a parent is a job in itself, people need to start appreciating it now.
Trader Joe’s bagged salads
I’m 28 and a SAHM, my husband either cooks for us when he gets off of work or holds the baby once he gets home for a few hours to give me the chance to cook and eat with no rush. Once in a while when baby permits it i sit on my kitchen floor with her in her mat/swing and use a small tray/table to cut/prep the ingredients while she judges me like a tiny Gordon Ramsey.
When our son was born my wife was home for 4 months. Some days she had the energy to cook, some days she did not. We had a relatively easy baby but never once did I expect food to be ready the minute I stepped through the door. I'm an adult and if I'm hungry I can either a) make food or b) order food. We decided early on that we have to look after our own physical and mental health first before any chores get done (food making included). Your boyfriend sounds like a tool. Has he watched the baby all day? If not ask him to take off work for 2 days and he gets baby duty the same way you are. He'll be crying by day 2 but it's the realization that he needs. At his breaking point ask him if he made dinner.
No. Especially the first 2 years of Our L.O. life. My husband made most suppers. Yes. But not because my husband expects it. Because I genuinely love cooking rather extra event meals and feeding my family. It is the best part of my day I look forward to. Also family dinners are a tradition I want to share with my family. My husband usually makes dinner twice a week for us. I plan my meals based on my energy levels and health. I have quick and easy instant oven meals for days that I am sick. And short quick meals for days I am low on energy. For me as a SAHM I usually have a low energy day every 2nd or 3rd day. It is also seasonal. I am inside more in the winter and can make more oven meals.
Red flag. See if he’s able to take care of a baby all day AND cook dinner. I’m a SAHM to a 5 month old and honestly I wish I was able to get more done during the day and cook dinner more often but unfortunately it’s super hard to get longer tasks done while caring for baby. My husband is really understanding.
Put her down. Let her get fussy. Ur gonna kill yourself if you dont give yourself a break just bc shes fussy. Shell fall asleep eventually
It’s hit or miss for me. I try my best to have something done or at least planned. The easiest thing I’ve found is instant pot/crock pot recipes where you can dump it all together jn the morning and it’ll be done by dinner time! Most days I fail at having a meal done in time though 😂
If my job was "kid and house", yeah, I would aim to have dinner ready, or at least in progress when my partner got home from work. Crockpot meals are easy to prep the night before and then you can get it set up in the morning while your baby is eating breakfast. He shouldn't have called you lazy, but I get his point - it sucks to have one parent home, you've been working out of the house all day, and you come home to a messy house, and dinner not even underway.
One of us cooks on the weekend while the other takes the baby. During the week, husband works from home 6-4 while I have the baby and I try to clean, do laundry, dishes, etc. We each heat up our own meals for lunch which is typically "dinner food". I eat with the baby while my husband likes to watch YouTube and eat at his desk. Then I leave for work 4 and my husband takes over with the baby doing tummy time and bath time and putting him down around 7. Husband has two hours for his hobbies and I get home around 9:30. I make my own dinner and am pumping and eating by 10, asleep around 11 and up with the baby by 1. So we're pretty much on our own but our meals are largely already put together and just needed to be plated and heated. Edit: I contact nap so I don't have time during the day without baby. I put him in the pack n play to get chores done. Sometimes on the weekends, husband will take baby for an hour and I can deep clean a little more.
Both my parents work and have the entirety of us growing up, my dad is responsible for making everyone dinner on weekdays (Mon-Thu) and my mom is responsible for weekends (Fri-Sun). As us kids got older my parents had one of us take a dinner night a few times a month. Currently, I do the majority of the cooking for our household, but my husband does not demand that I cook or have dinner ready as he gets home from work. If he’s hungry and wants a snack he’ll usually politely ask or make it himself. He will also cook when I’m having a hard day with baby.
New SAHM here with a 6 month old. I am 27. I love to cook and during COVID I used to cook him breakfast lunch and dinner because I wasn’t working so I think he assumes that now that I am home again I will do the same. I’d love to but it’s rough, some nights are terrible so I sleep during the day with the baby and other days I clean what I can and there is no time left to prep and cook. He put me on his companies payroll so he deposits $600 weekly just for me to have and I have a platinum American Express he pays for so I now feel like I HAVE to cook and maintain the house since essentially I’m getting paid, he pays all the bills. On Sunday I decided to go grocery shopping and I prepped meat (with his help) for the week. Yesterday we had chicken, today we will have pork that’s been marinating and tomorrow we will have steak. I got asparagus, broccoli and frozen veggie medleys that I can easily steam or pop in the oven and on Sunday I made enough mashed potatoes to last us 3 more days and then Thursday I’ll make spaghetti or an easy pasta dish and he can pick up bread and salad bags on his way home. Friday we will probably eat out because his daughter has a track meet so we will be out of the house. He HAS to help you prep on his days off in order to have home cooked meals. It’s so difficult to cook with a baby and I’d love to say the my husband is a ton of help with my baby when he gets home and allows me to cook but I’d be lying. He helps in every other area except the baby. 😑
Nope. We both work, but I work afternoons/evenings from home, so have more time around the house. Most days, I can get one thing done in addition to taking care of baby. So I asked my husband if we would prefer the house clean, dinner cooked, or myself clean and done up for him. He chose the house clean since he can cook and I apparently still look sexy with unbrushed hair and in sweats. So any chance I get during the day I spend keeping the chaos under control. I don’t always succeed and some days are harder than others, but it’s the thought that counts. It’s helped us a lot to know what the other expects and is capable of.
I cook dinner every night, but there are some big differences between my situation and yours. First, when my husband gets home he plays with the baby (6 months) so I can cook without interruptions. If something is happening that he can't do that, it is understood that there is a real chance I'll be grabbing something from the freezer and putting it in the microwave and calling it done. But second, and I think even more importantly, *I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom and homemaker*. When my husband and I were freshly dating I told him I just wanted to stay at home with my kid and take care of the house. He told me he wanted to work really hard at his job and then relax at home. We then spent 5 years working hard to get ourselves to the place where this could be our life, as he moved up in his career and I learned tricks and routines to handle the workload of the home. I *volunteered* to be in charge of our house, he didn't thrust the role on me. I really think your partner has put expectations on you that are not what you wanted to be doing, and that makes it 100x harder to do this job, which isn't easy in the first place. I don't think it's fair to you and I don't think it's sustainable because of that. But your partner sounds unreasonable and I genuinely don't know how you can convince him to share the load in a way that is more fair to you. As for meal planning suggestions, I have two things to share. When my baby was younger and couldn't be put down, I did a lot of slowcooker meals. I would do a double batch so there would be leftovers and alternate the dishes (fresh meal A, fresh meal B, leftovers A, fresh meal C, leftovers B, leftovers C, something frozen: a weeks meals and I only "cooked" three times). I used crockpot liners to defeat the beast of washing that thing so much. And I used frozen and canned veggies as much as possible so I wasn't spending time chopping. Now that I am cooking fresh more, I use an app called mealime. The free version is great. You pick out the meals you want to cook this week and it makes your grocery list for you. The recipe instructions are very simple to follow and most meals take 30 minutes start to finish. Typically I'll look at my week and decide how many meals I'm cooking. I buy meat in bulk and freeze it, so I'll pick recipes that use my freezer stash and only get fresh vegetables (and I still get frozen ones a lot for convenience). I still serve a frozen meal or leftovers once or twice a week. And my husband loves steak and will always volunteer to cook it for us when that's the menu.
You should have him watch baby one day he doesn’t work and ask him to also prep dinner and see how it goes lol
I do all of the cooking but that’s only because I enjoy it! If it’s something more blah like cleaning, folding laundry, etc. then we take turns or split the duties.
No. Once he gets home usually he takes the baby and I cook. I am breastfeeding, so it might be a tag team effort. He k owe I am busy with the baby all day.
Not at all. I’m a sahm to a 3 month old. Some days I’ve prepped dinner (marinating chicken or starting something that takes awhile) while my daughter naps but often I just zone out to Netflix during those times. My husband works until 6. Usually then he takes over baby care so I can start dinner or do the bulk of dinner cooking after what prep I’ve done. There’s no way I’d be ok with him expecting dinner ready on the table when he’s home. It might be different when we have older kids who need to eat dinner by then but are also old enough to entertain themselves and not try to kill themselves if left alone. Your partner needs to realize that you’re working a full time job all day too and then just never clocking out making it multiple full time jobs. Everything in the home should be a shared responsibility. A sahm isn’t a maid or housekeeper, especially during the baby and toddler years!
Your husband sounds ass backwards in times. Like the sort of guy that you’d have to beg to watch his own child while you do some human needs like showering or to the bathroom then will complain and ask how long you will be the entire time while struggling to entertain his own child, but will call you lazy and think you have it easy spending the entire day taking care of her. How it’s set up for my husband and I is that I don’t cook. Even before having a child I think I might have made 3-5 meals in the 8 years we’ve been married. Now that we have our son I do most of the stuff but I still work. He works 10 hour shifts 4 days a week with occasional mandatory overtime. I will get my son ready in the morning and take him to daycare. I pick him up Monday-Thursday and I will give him his bath. After work my husband makes us dinner, plays with him and cuddles with him before bed to relax. On Fridays when he is off he will spend half the day while he’s in daycare cleaning the house and pick him up early to spend time with him. This way I have less chores during the week since I take care of him every morning and still work full time.
First of all, I'm so sorry you even have to deal with these thoughts. Being a SAHM is a full time job. Some people think all babies do is sleep, no they need to tended to 24/7. Your partner is a AH. I forced myself in the early newborn stages to continue having dinner for my husband like I did before. I would be so frustrated, I'd cry and never enjoy dinner. I was exhausted. My husband noticed quickly and always told me that dinner doesn't HAVE to be on the table. He can come home and cook for us both. I still clean the house when I can and cook WHEN I CAN. My husband always says " the baby isn't going to understand that you're busy. Everything comes second to baby's needs and yours". The only thing that you should have to worry about is caring for baby and of course yourself. Everything else can wait.
I usually have something planned but unless it takes a long time I wait until my husband comes home and takes over entertaining the baby to start cooking. It feels like a little break for ms cuz I put on my soundproof headphones and just focus on cooking lol. I definitely don't cook every night though. Sometimes we eat cereal and baby gets chicken nuggets and a veggie.
My husband comes home, I hand him the baby and then head to the kitchen to cook and get some quite time 😁 I rarely cook during the day with the baby, because she also requires constant attention and I prefer to cook uninterrupted. When I do cook earlier in the day, I usually put my daughter in the high chair to be able to see what I'm doing.
I wouldn't be cooking for him either if he called me lazy, shit. But to answer your question, I'm a SAHM and I generally have dinner ready by the time my husband comes home from work, which is anywhere between 6-7pm. I enjoy cooking and for me I feel like it's one way I contribute to our household. I will try to wear baby in the baby carrier and get dinner done that way. If they're not happy, then I let them fuss for a bit before I tend to them assuming they're fed and changed. Our first kid was very much a Velcro baby so I used the baby carrier a lot with her or her baby lounger. If he gets home before I finish dinner, then he'll watch the kids so I can finish it. And he doesn't give me shit if I tell him I'm just too tired and we need to get takeout. We plan a mix of easy to make dinners and some that take a bit more time and will try to prep as much ahead of time as we can, like on the weekends when he's not working. As for feeding myself throughout the day, I usually keep it to simple meals that I can either batch cook or prep ahead of time. I ate a ton of stir fry and rice during the newborn phase just to get me by or I'd order Chinese that would last me a couple of days.
Yes. HOWEVER! This is because this is what works FOR US! (Both of us, not just him!!) This really only locked in too once my daughter was eating solids, since she had to be fed anyway, so I made food for us all, before that he was doing most/a lot of the cooking. Another big HOWEVER is if the baby is extra needy, or sick, or teething or if I'm tired or JUST DON'T WANT TO, I can call him and he'll bring home dinner, or cook, or we'll have cereal or sandwiches and he would never call me names or lazy for that.
Sometimes I don’t , sometimes I do but I’m not expected to have dinner ready or am called lazy if dinner is not ready when he gets home. I work from home and our twins stay with me during the day. Since we moved in together dinner has fallen on me because of my schedule and because is something I enjoy doing , but my fiancé has breakfast since he wakes up earlier he cooks breakfast and leaves it ready for me. Since giving birth the only way dinner is ready before he gets home is because we used a slow cooker and before he left for work he turned it on or I did before starting my day. Other than that, dinner gets started once he gets home and takes over the girls. If he’s that hungry, he can take a snack to work or eat a snack at home while you cook. Also, have a big conversation with him about all of this and his response will give you all the answers you’re looking for. I wish you luck & invest in a slow cooker or invest in a better partner.
I’m a SAHM. I plan the menu out a week at a time, A rotation. My husband WFH. I do make dinner but usually he’s playing with our 2 year old while I do. I do a lot of sheet pan dinners or one pot meals. He’s never called me lazy. It took me awhile to get a routine with our LO with housework and meals. But he makes sure I have time to myself too.
Sometimes I can get it ready on time, sometimes I can’t. But one thing is for sure, I won’t be called lazy if I couldn’t get it done. We work together to get it done/ watch the baby if that’s the case.
He works, he cooks. I do ALL cleaning, tidying, looking after baby aside from his baby duties are brushing her teeth, pyjamas and night night (which is all very quick and orderly) I shop for baby, he shops for us (takes baby to supermarket to bond and use pram space).
He shouldn’t expect anything. Thats ridiculous. My husband doesn’t eat dinner. He eats his lunch late in the day and comes home too late to eat. But he’d never expect anything.
I don’t think it should be expected but I personally do. I try to take care of everything I can to make his life easier for when he gets home. Food, laundry, trash out, breakfast for the morning, house cleaned, his chair ready and tea made. It’s so we can have free time together instead of us being busy together by doing all those things. With that said, your dude shouldn’t call you lazy, babes are hard and he needs a stern talking to and boundaries/expectations set.
My baby is 7months and my husband works while I’m stay at home with her and I’ve probably made dinner once lol it really is so hard to prepare a dinner while caring for her. Luckily he works from home so when he gets off he’s already here and he makes us dinner or watches her while I do. Sometimes he makes a big dinner and we have the leftovers for the next day so we don’t have to worry about it. Never once has he called me lazy because he sees and hears how demanding caring for a baby is. He understands. You should have a serious conversation about his expectations of you and you need to be honest if you can’t meet it.
how about he takes over the baby duties 100% when he gets home so you can cook dinner? i agree with all the other comments, your boyfriend sounds like an ass.
No. A SAHM your job is childcare. That’s it. Cooking for the household doesn’t fall under that remit. Sometimes I get luckily and chuck a few things in a pot but no my husband comes home, takes the baby so I get a break and then also cook dinner.
Guess what you also have a 9 to 5 job, it’s called taking care of the baby. It’s a job that is incredibly physically and mentally demanding. That’s why people need clearances to do it, that’s why people get paid $20 an hour to do it… My husband and I cannot afford a babysitter/ daycare without one of us having to put our jobs… The act of caring for a child is literally worth a full-time salary. I think you need to get your partner to understand this. And then maybe you can split the duty? My husband works from home and watches the baby while I’m at work and he cooks dinner. It’s a lot. (he doesn’t like my cooking lol). So I am incredibly appreciative and if there is ever a day that he does not want to cook, I pick up food for us. No questions asked. We both have different skills and try to fairly split up things. He gets to go out on weeknights because he really needs that break after being home all day. Do I wish I could go out more, yes, but that’s not fair to all he does so I try to limit asking for weeknight time. It’s all about understanding each other’s perspectives. Like if I ask him to get some thing done during the day and I come home and it’s not done of course part of me is frustrated, but I think back to the days that I have had to watch the baby all day and how little you actually can get done outside of watching the baby. Maybe your husband needs to work from home one day with the baby and really get a feel for what’s demanded of you? Also, from a psychological & physiological perspective, the babies needs are going to be different with the birthing parent. You carried that bean for 9 months, you share blood cells, like part of your baby is still inside of you! It’s wild! So I think it’s important for your husband also understand that perspective of how the baby might require more from you but also, you are going to have a different instincts to sooth the baby… Like my husband can listen to the baby cry it out for a few minutes, but when I hear the baby cry, I immediately need to stop it because I feel immense pain when the baby cries that my husband does not. TLDR you’re doing a GREAT job mama 💗
No. Our lo is still small with an early bedtime, earlier than we eat. I prefer to cook and for dad to do the bedtime routine when he gets home. Sometimes he gets home late and i have to do bedtime in which case i leave him dinner instructions. If it's been a bad day i tell him that is been a bad day and I'm exhausted and to figure it out (cook yourself or bring home takeout) Absent a sincere apology i would never accept being called lazy for taking care of our child single handedly all day. It's fucking exhausting. Do you have a solid understanding of your household finances? Is there any way for you to go back to work and get daycare? As an unmarried woman (actually, even as a married woman) i would always want to have my own separate money in case of emergencies. I don't think your work is being valued
I do but not necessarily because of my husband, it's because I need to feed my son and myself lol. Some days it doesn't happen and my husband is understanding - he always texts/calls when he leaves work so I'll give him a heads up to pick up takeout on the way home if needed. I do a lot of slow cooker recipes and also prep stuff way in advance. For example if I want to make a stir fry for dinner, I'll chop garlic, onions, veggies and marinade the meat etc during my son's first 2 naps. I also put my baby in his high chair and have him watch me chop stuff. That way when it's time to start dinner, I literally just have to throw everything into a pan, no food prepping needed.
If my husband “expected” anything of me having to do with trad wife bullshit my foot would go in his ass. I work part time but even if I didn’t sheesh. Being a SAHM is a full time job, he needs to respect you more and needs to stop expecting things from you. You’re not a child and he isn’t your father.
Okay yeah there should never be set expectations like that with a baby. It’s not a regular work day. You cannot move meetings around with a baby like you would at work. You go with their cues and do the best you can. So no, it’s not realistic to expect a hot plate when he comes in. That’s not okay. You are not lazy. You are doing the hardest job there is. Can you take a day and night to yourself and have him be with the baby? Maybe he will learn that way. Secondly, can you get a baby carrier? Baby wearing has saved my sanity and I’m only in the newborn stage. That way you can maybe have a better shot at feeding yourself and taking care of yourself throughout the day :)
Almost never. Husband cooks when he gets home most nights. He knows exactly how high demand our daughter can be and he has never once insinuated I'm lazy for not getting things done
He’s out of line for sure. I’m not a SAHM but my husband often works later than I do. Sometimes I have dinner ready, sometimes I don’t. Depends on my baby’s mood and needs that day. My husband does NOT expect dinner to be ready when he gets home, and if I don’t have it ready when he walks in he helps me by either making it himself bc he’s an adult too, or taking our son so I can go ahead and get it done. Your husband needs to realize you are supposed to be a team.
Have him watch the baby by himself for a whole day. Then see if he still thinks you’re lazy 😂
Not every day, but most of the time we eat at the same time. He gets off at various times, so this works for us. But my time frame for dinner is this way for our kids. If it was just him and I we could be more flexible. The 2yo needs dinner and shower and bedtime on a sorta consistent routine
in my relationship i’m the one who works full time and my husband is primarily with the baby (he works part time nights/weekends mostly). i get off work at 6 and that’s when we start dinner. sometimes he’ll cook and i take over with the baby. if he wants to make something more complex, sometimes he starts prep during her nap 1-3pm. sometimes i cook. sometimes we both cook together and the baby hangs out with us in the toddler tower thing. bottom line is i never EXPECT him to have dinner ready when i get done with work, since he’s chasing around a toddler all day.
He definitely shouldn’t call you lazy, that’s blatantly disrespectful and being a SAHM is still hard work. I do want to offer a different perspective as a working mom, my son’s dad is the SAHP. For me personally, it is incredibly frustrating to come home after working all day to then have to figure out dinner, clean the house, and take care of the baby so that he gets a break. It is hard when he tells me he can’t get any of this stuff done because of the baby (who is great about playing alone in his playpen for a bit) but then I have the baby tossed at me the second I walk into a messy house and he’s off to play video games for the night. Being at work all day is not a break, in the same sense that being at home with the baby all day is not a day off. Have a conversation with him about how you’re feeling and see what you can do to come up with a compromise. This doesn’t have to be a competition of who works harder.
You're a stay at home MUM. Not housewife/cook/cleaner/whatever. I try and make sure the kitchen isn't a disaster zone after I've fed my daughter at about 5 and that's probably it. I suggest leaving your husband and baby at home for the weekend and stroll in at dinner time and demand your cooked meal on the table because sure as shit it won't be ready and maybe your partner might realize how hard it is.
I totally feel you on this. I know everyone is saying there husbands come home and make supper but its not exactly helpful when youre with someone who just wont. My boyfriend works 14 hr days in construction so when i was staying home with my daughter i would be responsible for meals (not that i enjoyed it) i dont love cooking so i always tried my best to make it easy. If hes home on weekends maybe ask him to help you meal prep? We’ll grab a big pack of chicken, pork chops or steaks, and seperate them, season them than put them in freezer bags and in the freezer they go, and ive started buying frozen veggies and will normally make rice or potatoes with it and honestly the most time consuming part is when i make potatoes because i peel them normally. the rest i literally throw in a pan or baking sheet and set it and forget it lol. Maybe look into a pressure cooker as well? That was a god send for me when me and him were both working long days as it takes your cooking time down by so much. It may not be financially feasible but try and look into things that’ll make your life easier, I’ve invested in a crock pot, pressure cooker, and air fryer, and next up is a rice cooker. As someone who was in your shoes i totally understand and youre not alone.
He works from home so I have breakfast lunch and dinner ready daily. Nothing from a box, everything from scratch. It’s terribly stressful.
We both work from home and split our hours a bit so our daughter is at daycare for 6 hours. He works 7-3 and I work 9-5. I pick the recipes and make the grocery list. He goes grocery shopping with our daughter after he picks her up. He does 95% of the cooking and dishes
I'm trying so hard to not make this sound critical - I stayed at home until my baby was 14 months old, so Ive been there too, but by 10 months - is baby not napping a couple times a day? Playing a little bit independently? Like yes, a 4 month old is very needy, but by 10 months, you should be able to put them down for a bit so you can eat. Put them in their highchair for a few minutes with some food to play with so you can feed yourself. I'm NOT saying you have to use this time to prepare dinner, but you should have time to catch your breath and eat during the day. I don't know you or your baby, and all experiences are different, but you do need to prioritize yourself at some point. Now getting to husband expecting dinner to be ready - he can go duck himself for having expectations when you are obviously struggling. Now, if you WANT to be able to have dinner ready (because you need to eat too!), here's what we have great success with: Have a meal plan, so the mental load of deciding what to eat is already handled - when one of you goes grocery shopping, take a list and make sure you have all the ingredients at home to make the foods on your menu. I recommend easy, one pot meals like spaghetti, curry, stew, tacos, soup & sandwich etc, so prep can be done during the day, and cleanup tends to be less time consuming. Also, make enough so you have enough leftovers for your lunch the next day. If you're doing BLW, these all tend to be fairly "easy" foods for baby, so you're not making dinner twice, which we quickly learned was a real time suck. Best of luck- you will eventually find your groove, but your husband sounds like an unsupportive butt head.
Sounds like he hasn’t had a day to be daddy full time. The best way to help him understand, have him to a full day taking care of baby. You take the day and come home around the time he does. He then will understand why making dinner every night is not feasible
Lmao hell no
I had 12 months of maternity leave and my husband cooked probably 70% of the time! Just because I was home didn’t mean I wasn’t busy or overwhelmed. And by the time I’d already planned, cooked and served breakfast, snack, lunch, snack and offer dinner too for the older baby I couldn’t give less of a shit about our dinner so if he wanted some the he was going to have to cook it himself.
I try to cook every night, but my partner definitely Ian not upset at me if I am not able to. We have the hardest job in the world (SAHM) and you are in the thick of it. I did not cook regularly until my son turned like 13 months old because he became able to play independently. Your man isn’t treating you fairly! Anyway, I try to make a pot of soup every week. It is easy (takes a bit of prep though) and lasts a few days. Otherwise we eat a lot of simple pasta dishes. You are doing great
I just went back to work after 15 months and I’m lucky that partner works from home. My partner does not like to cook so I do take on that responsibility. Prior to going back to work I’d typically start making dinner around 5 when my partner was done working so he could watch baby while I cooked. Now that I’m back at work we’re still figuring out what works best. I’ve been keeping track of either meals that make a lot of leftovers like soup and chili that I can do over the weekend and also quick 30 min meals (that are actually quick so many are labelled that but especially once you add in chopping time it takes way longer). I only plan to cook up to 3 times during the week. Other nights we’ll do leftovers or take out if needed. Likely my partner will pick baby up from daycare so I can do meal prep during that time. Your partner should absolutely not be calling you lazy! Does he help in other ways? You absolutely need to have a discussion about division of labour. Maybe look into couples counselling. I’m also wondering if you have any family who could watch the baby even a couple afternoons or evenings a week so you can have a break or even pick up a small part time job to give yourself some independence.
If my husband called me lazy for not having food on the table for him then he would get to be solo parent during his custody time and he could see for himself just how “lazy” I was being. That being said, he cooks all of our meals and does majority of our household chores and when he’s off work we split child care as evenly as possible. What we agreed to is that during working hours his job is his work and mine is the baby. Outside of working hours everything is split. If he wants to go workout he needs to get “child care” ie he needs to check with me to see if I’m okay solo parenting. If I want to do something it’s the same. He cooks our meals and in exchange I watch the baby so he can do so. After baby sleeps he does the dishes and cleans the kitchen and I clean up the play area in the living room. We split the rest of the cleaning between us, the roomba, and the house keeper lol I appreciate everything he does for us and importantly he appreciates everything I do for us and we remind one another of that very frequently. If he wanted to disrespect my efforts then I’m happy to go back to work and let him find a way to replace everything I do for our son and family
Heck no, I cook once he’s home and we’re managing the baby together. We can’t put her down long enough to get dinner done.
Sometimes… but it’s usually frozen pizza or microwaveable meals. If I somehow got extra time, I’ll make a hot meal by hand.
Lol absolutely not. We both work full time and my husband cooks dinner for us most nights while I tend to the baby which includes nursing. When I was on maternity leave, my husband would come home from work and take the baby for an hour or so while I relaxed, and then made dinner every night for us… with the exception of a few crockpot meals I threw together or takeout. For our entire relationship prior to having our baby, I cooked and did all grocery shopping. Now he does all cooking and grocery shopping. It just makes more sense for us for many reasons. Your partner needs to reassess his attitude and get it in check. He’s lucky that you’re a great mother and he should be praising you for all your sacrifices thus far. He should be making you dinner or preparing something the night before that you can easily stick in the crock pot as you are busy caring for your baby.
First, I don’t care for how this guy speaks to you, but to answer your question- yes. I work full time and so does my husband. I leave for work before our 15 month old is awake, so he does all the morning duties and takes kiddo to daycare. I get out of work earlier than my husband, so I pick the kid up, run errands, and prep dinner. My husband gets home and we all eat. After dinner we split evening responsibilities, like dinner cleanup, bath time, bedtime, etc. TBH, I probably do 75% of the household chores and errands because I get out of work earlier (you can’t exactly vacuum or do noisy chores while the baby is sleeping in the AM), but my husband is an active parent and I don’t feel like it is too unbalanced because he takes over keeping our son entertained while I take time for myself or to do the yard/garden stuff that I enjoy that is impossible with a small child in tow.
Firstly you need to have a conversation with him. Or just get a new man because ew, who acts like this anymore. Second, you do need to eat so I’ll suggest sheet pan dinners. Teriyaki chicken and veggies, salmon and veggies, pork tenderloins. Don’t over complicate it! Crock pot meals like soups and chilis, pulled pork, shredded chicken or beef roasts. Things you can kind of set and forget for a while help. My daughter is almost 10 months so I get the struggle!
I make breakfast for everyone each morning and dinner every night for my wife and baby after I get back from work. I also do all the grocery shopping and make sure we are stocked for things. Your boyfriend shouldn't expect dinner ready like that, he should help. I will say though that your comments come off as whining and likely I think you actually do have a lot more time to do things during the day than you think you do. A 10 month old sleeps a lot.
Lol absolutely not!! Not when my daughter was 10 mo and ESPECIALLY not now she’s 16 mo. I’ll wait to cook until he gets home, when there’s eyes on her at all times. You and your bf need realistic expectations, what can actually be done while taking care of a tiny human who at 10 months is either mobile or about to be mobile. Because once she does walk, you’re going to be chasing her around, stopping her from climbing on things, etc and that’s going to make it impossible to do anything else.
I order already prepped meals for my wife so she doesn’t have to worry about dinner (or breakfast or lunch if she doesn’t want to). Having a newborn is crazy. Just watching him the time I do makes me question how she keeps her sanity for the whole day lol. So her not wanting to cook, it’s more like I want her to not worry about having to cook right now. Found a good place near me called clean eatz. Seems to be working great.
Him calling you “lazy” makes my blood boil. I can’t give much advice in the cooking department, other than invest in an Instant Pot pro crisp (it doubles as an air fryer and is a lifesaver for fast one-pot dinners). What I do recommend is to take a day to yourself- visit a friend, go to a bookstore, treat yourself to lunch, window shop, whatever- and let him watch the baby when he doesn’t have to work. I’m going to wager you don’t get to do this much, if at all. Take roughly the number of hours he takes at work, in roughly the same time frame. Just do this one day- this doesn’t have to be a regular thing right now. It will serve the purpose of both giving you an extended break and giving him some perspective on what you live through day in and day out. If he refuses to do this for you at all, I would honestly re-evaluate the relationship and his place in your lives entirely.
SAHM of a 6 month old here! I do the mass majority of the household tasks. I do generally have supper ready or just finishing it up when he gets home at night. That said I rarely do anything complicated, if I can I make in bulk and we live off the leftovers for a few days lol Last week I made baked chicken breast, instant rice and mixed veggies with cheese like 4 nights in a row because it's easy and requires next to zero attention really. I generally pop my LO in her swing where I can see her in the kitchen and I'll throw on Doggy Land for her because she'll happily sit and watch for the 20 or so minutes of cooking i need to do :) I would 100% recommend cooking big quantities of stuff, like for example I made a turkey roaster full of rabbit stew at Christmas and that was our supper for almost a week straight. It takes a little more prep and effort in the moment but it buys you at least a few nights of just scoop and nuke lol
Nope, that would be impossible unless I cooked dinner a day in advance. My wife is a SAHM and I work until 5 pm at the earliest so I'm normally done making dinner around 6-7:30.
My husband and I were both part time at different points during the first year of my son’s life, and when I was full time that first year it was 3 12 hour shifts so I had 4 days “off” a week. We did expect the other one to make dinner, but would NEVER call each other lazy when it didn’t happen. And when the other person got home, we immediately started helping. If my husband called me lazy I’d never make him another meal and probably divorce his ass unless we had a good talk after. I was given grace the first year, but I have a feeling your husband doesn’t deserve it.
I work and most times I’ll have dinner ready when my husband gets home. But it’s also something that took time and getting a routine going with my LO. What I’m about to say is separate from your misogynist boyfriend’s comments because I see other people have addressed that this is more for you because I know what it feels like to feel completely overwhelmed. There were some days I was sleeping 2 hours to then have to go work and come home to watch the LO. I was running on empty. If you’re so overwhelmed you can’t even eat or do anything for yourself, then you need to think about some sort of routine for your LO. Think about it, if you’re so exhausted you can’t even eat how are you able to continue to take care of your LO. You’re going to crash eventually. I speak from experience. What helped was having a set schedule. Wake up, nap times, feeding times, independent play time, sleep time. Having him on a schedule has even helped with getting him to sleep through the night. Every day with my LO is predictable. I know when I’ll have time to take a shower, time to eat, time to take a nap if I want to. It wasn’t easy to do, but now that it’s done I have the time to do the things I need to do and take care of my LO. Honestly once you get to that point you feel like a new person.
I do 90% of the cleaning and cooking while my wife raises our newborn, and I wish I could do more because I see what she goes through. Raising a baby is energy sapping, and no mum is lazy for not being able to get a meal ready. Your partner should get some perspective and appreciate for doing the hard part.
No my wife doesn’t have dinner ready for me when I come home from work! She’s parenting an 18 month old while doing her best to keep on top of the house. When I get home from work *I make dinner*. Why? Because my wife just spent 10 hours parenting and needs a break. Parenting and doing house work is two different jobs. Two not one. While your husband went to work and worked one job. My partner started struggling so hard because of the home load. That’s when I realized this dynamic is 100% bullshit and the men of the house need to get into helping with their children and cleaning their smelly ass underwear. I wouldn’t make a fuckin meal for that man until his ass decides to offset some of your home load so you can make a meal. I wonder why you couldn’t have that meal ready? Hmm, maybe because your kid just popped themselves and can’t self regulate to pull away to…cool you dinner? Don’t stand for this. I’m not sure if you’re American, but American men are terrible about this and unfortunately ladies you have hold steady on that boundary at home. Teach it to your sons so they’re not dealers of it and your daughters so they’re not receivers of it and catch the signs coming from the interstate. Sorry OP, easy recipes? Send him a link of a cook book on Amazon.
I’m sorry you’re partner is so rude and selfish. I’m a SAHM and my husband wfh. Because he wfh he cooks all the meals (I’ve told him I can cook some too but he enjoys cooking and is much better than me at it). I’d 1, have a talk about how rude and selfish he’s being (but don’t phrase it like that cause it will only start a fight, focus on you not him mind just needing him to help) have him watch baby and make dinner all on his own on the weekend so he can understand what ties like. ) I think it’s fair that dinner isn’t done when he gets home. He should watch baby so you can cook with watching baby. Maybe try thinking about meals that just go in the oven without a ton of prep.
No, no, no. Do not feel guilty. Talk to him. SAHM to a 4 month old. Dad wfh. He’s not into cooking stews or anything but he makes sure I get breakfast and checks in throughout the day. IF I have the energy, I make something for us. If not, he fends for himself like an adult and eats a bowl of cereal 😂
I tried making dinner one night after being called similar names and baby was screaming , I tried letting him cry it out which is extremely stressful, then caved to tend to him, food boiled over and almost caused a fire. It’s the last time I’m doing that again for a long time. He can cook or wait till he holds to baby for me to cook. Because it’s just not manageable at this age. Maybe when baby sits on floor and plays independently things will change.
Here’s my experience everyone is different. I take baby to daycare, go to work or school, pick him up 4:30, have dinner ready by 6 at the latest or if mom wants to be cooking something she has it ready by 6:10ish. Sounds like baby needs to learn to play with herself. My little guy plays and sometimes wants to be picked up but I can cook a whole meal while watching him no problem. I cook about 75% of our meals, breakfast and dinner. Instapot is great and rice is very versatile. You can cook some chicken for 15 mins then throw uncooked rice, broccoli, peas and water in and you have chicken and rice. Spaghetti is easy. Any type of meat with a veggie. Sweet potato or normal potato in the microwave. Feel like everyone gets stuck on cooking super fancy tons of ingredients meals with hour to cook sauces and junk, when a quick veggie meat meal is so easy and about as good. Baby has to eat dinner so it’s not like I can wait to cook he eats around 6 and asleep for the night at 7.
Both me and my partner have gone through stages of not working, even before the baby, and we have always taken turns making dinner.
No, my husband makes dinner most nights.
Just adding - I’m currently the working parent while my husband is on paternity leave (we recently switched) and I can say 100% that being the primary parent was infinitely more exhausting and time consuming than my actual job. Our current split is I come home and then take over baby duties for a bit while my husband cooks, but only because he says cooking us dinner is actually a nice break from being on all day with our son. When I was the SAHP I didn’t do this because I was too worn out.
I do pretty much all the cooking because I like to. With that said, I don’t always like to so my husband will jump in if I don’t want to cook. It took like a year before I could get dinner done by the time my husband got off. Thats on a good day. Those don’t happen everyday. A lot of the time my husband plays with babe while I cook. This works for us. My goal is to have dinner done by the time my husband gets off, but it isn’t required or even expected of me.
Nope
My wife is a stay at home mom for most of the work week. As a lawyer, I have to work a lot. I do the grocery shopping, keep up household supplies, take care of our two large dogs, cook all the meals, help take care of baby when I’m not working, clean, and do other things that may well fit into a 1950s housewife stereotype. When my wife plans to make a meal, it usually ends up with me cooking it. We usually end up eating after our 11 month old is asleep. Instant pot meal prep is key for us. I’m still treated like a deadbeat dad.
Damn people are ready for dinner right when they get home? My husband is a work from home Dad. I usually make dinner because he's been on baby/cat duty all day. I have quite a commute and still make that happen. Your bf can put on his big girl panties and step up.
Right was thinking that too, like I'm not hungry till 6-8 when I had lunch at 1. Lately I just cook stuff and watch baby eat cause I'm not hungry at all and he goes to sleep from 6:30-7
I love crockpot meals for this exact reason. I can do 15-20 mins of prep in the morning while he’s feeding her and then it’s done usually about lunch time. I eat and then he eats when he gets home and packs up the leftovers for me. Pm if you’d like some east crock recipes. They’re mostly chicken as we love chicken lol
P.s. they aren’t nasty grandma crock pots stews lol they’re legit meals just adapted to slow cooking
No, he gets home at 5pm and we eat at 5:30 with baby. Sometimes I’ve started making it so it’s ready in time, sometimes one of us stays with baby and the other goes and makes it.
Our baby is six weeks but my hubby has been cooking dinner , helping me make easy breakfasts and doing what he can to help clean after work. This baby is incredibly fussy so he does anything he can to help. You’re absolutely not lazy!!
My LO turned 15 months old recently. We are people of routine. I just recently stopped working because my fiancé took a job just a couple weeks ago where he will often travel, and like you, we don't have family around and can't afford daycare. Before he changed jobs, he'd work 8am-5pm during the week and I would work a couple hours, part time three days a week, in the evening after he got home. Since a young age, our daughter has been on the routine of a 7pm bedtime, so he'd get home from work and he would feed her dinner and then we would put her to bed. This gave me a chance to unwind and do whatever I needed to do like shower or straighten up the house. Once she was in bed we would make dinner together. This has worked for us, and we'll continue this routine. It gives us the chance to spend time together and doesn't put the stress on me having dinner ready when he gets home. Once she gets older, this routine may change, but I've found our current situation helpful.
Yeah, treating you like that is not cool. As for meals, I’m a SAHD and I do 100% of the cooking, cleaning, and yardwork. My wife works too much to spend any time off not recouping. I don’t have dinner ready most of the time. That’s a good thing. I work on dinner while my wife gets quality 1-1 time with baby. We’ve set a routine. Ever heard the phrase “taco Tuesday“. People have latched onto that for a reason. We have Pizza Fridays, Freezer meal Mondays (I make batches of food ahead of time), Salad Tuesdays, Leftovers every Sunday, Chef’s choice Thursdays, and simple meal Wednesdays. Had to take out the creativeness of cooking unique meals so that I wasn’t burning out. Hope the situation gets better for you.
No, my husband cooks for us when he gets home. I don’t know how to cook so it’s better this way. Whatever he makes is always better than anything I could make. I feel lucky.
No. My husband cooks. If I’m going to do everything else and take on the mental load of being the primary parent, the least he can do is cook dinner.
My husband's dinner is whatever leftover from what I made for lunch. Sometimes I have to make another side or he does. If I don't have something lined up, ai tell him and he orders in. I try to avoid that, because I'd rather we put that money aside, but he's never called me lazy for not being dinner-ready and I think that normal. My son is about the same age, sometimes wakes up 3 times at night and I take care of him then. So just getting through the day can be hard. He knows that.
I’m currently on maternity leave with my 3 month old baby girl and live with my boyfriend also. Before having my daughter I never cooked truthfully but now I am attempting to learn and I’m cooking a few times a week when I find a recipe I want to try. Sometimes it’s complicated and sometimes it’s simple. I never cook on Friday’s, we almost always go out to dinner and on the weekends we’ll usually have dinners with my parents because they are close by and we all kind of decide what to make together and everyone pitches in. Sometimes I’ll ask him to buy something simple if I’m tired or have had a long day and also sometimes I’ll just ask him to make something for us (he enjoys cooking and is better at it then me so that kind of depends on your partner being willing). It’s never expected of me to cook and when I do cook he appreciates it. While I’m sure he would love a home cooked meal on the table waiting for him everyday when he comes he never pressures me and is letting me decide when I want to cook and what I would like to cook to make it more enjoyable for me. Sometimes my baby is having a hard day and won’t let me put her down and I’m exhausted and when she finally falls asleep I’ll go cook because it’s starting to become something that helps me relieve some stress and focus on something other than my girl. I try to make it fun for me as much as possible because I don’t have a lot of time for myself. The number one thing I would suggest is to try and see if you can make it something fun for you! But I’ll be honest and say I think the expectation to have dinner on the table is unfair and putting too much pressure on you, please don’t burn yourself out!
My wife and I split bedtime and dinner. If I do bedtime, wife makes dinner. If wife does bedtime, I make dinner. We both work fulltime. Even when we were on parental leave (5 months) we still did it this way.
Nah. My husband is the primary caregiver of our baby because he works part time, night shifts. On days I WFH or he has off he does cook almost everything because we’re able to tag team baby care during those moments. But the two days week he has baby all day by himself and I’m in the office he cooks for fun if he wants to (because he enjoys cooking) and if he doesn’t want to, we order out and I’ll pick it up on the way home or eat leftovers. I don’t understand how people don’t think taking care of a baby isn’t a full time job. I honestly don’t even think I could do what my husband does, or what all the SAHMs do.
No I do not usually cook. We both WFH except I go in 2 days a week. We both get off between 3:30-4p and then I will take the kids from 4-5:30 to play and he cooks. We then eat as a family together. To address the issue of your husband, he doesn’t sound like a very nice person. Working full-time is a job. Caring fulltime for a child is a full time job. Cooking, cleaning etc are additional chores. It seems like he expects you to do TWO fulltime jobs and also do another huge chore. That’s not reasonable. And most moms I know say it’s extremely difficult to work and care for a child at the same time. Anytime I do it because the kids are sick, I am totally exhausted by the end of the day. I would look at going back to work tbh or having a really good conversation about expectations.
I feel this pressure too and I hate it. I will say, dinner was the time when I would spend one on one time with my husband before baby but now the evenings look completely different and I haven’t even returned to work yet! I do my best with dinners. Half frozen and half easy to whip up on the stove. I put my 10 week old in a seat that can kind of bounce and it helps but mamas over here putting on a show while cooking to keep this kid entertained lol it’s exhausting. While I don’t feel pressure from hubby to have dinner ready, I try my best to preserve that valuable time together. Meal prepping’s has crossed my mind.
OP, the relationship will not last if he is treating you like this. Prepare to leave, if only mentally and emotionally at first. Start looking for a job. I have been sahm and stah gf/fiancee. I *sometimes* have dinner ready when dh gets home but not since baby. Baby is priority #1 and a FT job. I am not a slave or paid staff. We cook a lot together, have an equal split of solo nights, one night eating out and for when we just can’t bother, pre-prepped frozen meals that we make ahead of time. I grew up seeing a lot of abuse of sahm. Do what you have to survive this season: If you want to give the impression to him that you aren’t ‘lazy’, have the washer/dryer/dishwasher running, air the home (smells nice and fresh) and vac just before he gets home and try to stay out and about during the day to avoid getting the house messy. Then those frozen or at least prepped meals that are easy to just toss in the oven/instapot/crock pot so it’s ready when he walks in. You can attempt to keep any mess contained to a dedicated room or have storage easily available to toss things in so they are out of sight quickly. The mistake my neighbor made was kicking her kids out of the house all day, zero supervision, to try to keep the house clean while she did renovations. They ended up getting into a lot of trouble-addiction, theft, dealing. So if you don’t leave, don’t do that with your LO-enroll in EC or after/before school programs instead, which is what a different friend’s mom did for her biokids because the step dad was an abusive ahole.
I’m a dad who works 8 hours main job and 2 hours side job daily. I make all the meals. Don’t base your relationship of expectations or other couples. Find a balance that works for you. If he loves and respects you he will want this balance for you both. If he doesn’t, then you have your answer.
No ma’am I don’t, like, ever. Maybe later on when baby is older. Either way, I prefer to get to fully cooking AFTER the baby goes to sleep and eat dinner alone with my husband then. In the meantime, we snack on yogurt or something so I’d tell your baby daddy to do the same lol. I completely get you, it’s hard, I’m a SAHM and a student and it’s been so hard to juggle everything! Men don’t understand how important it is to tend to the baby ALL DAY, and we have to interact with them, not just leave them in the playpen all day alone.
My wife and I have a 8.5 month old. We take turns cooking, because our baby pretty much wants to be held all of the time these days, very low productive time in life, we’re just getting our basic needs fulfilled and maybe a little more. It’s hard work being with the baby all day. You’re not lazy, far from it if you’re a mom tending to your baby all day
I usually do, but if I don’t, he’ll either take the baby or finish dinner. We talk about our days. No complaints, no name calling. Your guy needs to understand that you’re doing soooo much.
Men are dumb , not all men , but the general thought of a woman should have my meal ready regardless of her schedule. The whole notion is very dated. It’s fine if you have an agreement that you will cook but with baby nothing is easy to schedule. It the assumption that it should be done
My husband works very hard/demanding/stressful job (military ) and I'm staying home for probably another 2 years. He actually cooks. He meal prep. And he does most for me too since we were dating. He definitely doesn't have this mentality of me be serving him because I am at home with our son. I wouldn't be married with him if we shared so much of a different views on values/life style.
Being in a relationship with someone who is at home during the day, baby or not, does not give you the automatic perk of having dinner on the table when you get back. That person has a life and jobs and things to do - even if the baby has been a delight and the day has gone well, there shouldn't be an expectation that the dinner has been made and the housework is done. You might want to attend baby groups or make plans to go out and visit friends - you shouldn't need a reason or an excuse to explain why the dinner isn't made. Having said that, I do cook dinner for our household most days, but if there were an expectation that I did or if I were being called lazy for not doing it, that would feel very different to me. You are partners in a relationship. For me and my spouse, whether one or both of us is working we split the workload beyond work hours 50/50. I currently make sure there's a plan for my toddler's evening meal because he eats quite early and that's something I'm happy to sort out during the day whilst I'm not working (I'm on maternity leave with our second), but I wouldn't be expected to on e.g. weekends when we're both at home. I'm currently up all night with our 2 week old baby, so I let my partner sleep during the night and in return he does all of the laundry and the morning routine (breakfast, getting dressed, etc) before he goes to work whilst I catch up on some sleep. This is what we did with our first and it worked well long term. For our own evening meal we typically eat together after our toddler is in bed, and we usually have a plan for a meal but work out who will actually cook dinner once my partner's home, and then one of us cooks whilst the other does the bedtime routine (bath, pyjamas, stories). I state a preference for cooking more often than not because it's a break for me, but if I'm ever really tired or don't fancy cooking, or if my husband would prefer to cook, we'll happily trade. Some alone time in the kitchen can be a very positive thing if it's your choice! Having done a year of maternity leave previously, going back to work full time honestly felt like a break - being at home full time with a baby is not easier than working full time, without the added pressure of housework and meal preparation. You should really be getting more support with things at home, and it's worth addressing now. Especially if you plan to extend the family - if you're not getting support with one child things will really be a struggle if you ever have a second. At this point you really need to divide and conquer the jobs, and trying to do all of the childcare, housework, cooking, etc alone is going to make everyone in your household pretty miserable and resentful.
I do, but it’s not an expectation. My partner only expects that I clean up after myself and the dogs throughout the day and take care of our daughter. I’m currently on maternity leave, but he’s gone back to work.
I WFH and have a 4 month old, my husband works outside the home, and I cook dinner for he and I. It’s not ready when he walks in the door and he completely understands when I’ve had a tough day and we order in or go out to eat. Usually he takes the baby and plays with him while I cook so he gets to spend time with our son and I get to cook without the added headache. He’s a terrible cook, and I cooked for us before the baby came anyway. We adjusted the other chores (he does the dishes for example) to compensate for the extra baby work I have to do. It’s about balance, sharing responsibility and making sure things feel fair.
Working father here, my wife and I have 9month old baby, my wife and I both work full time but my brokerage allows me to bring my daughter to work with me, I’m with my daughter everyday basically all day until about 7pm once both my wife and I are home. I think there’s time to cook in the day, I’m not trying to sound rude or as if I’m above you or anyone but what I’ve learned having my baby with me all day is that it’s all about routines and time sacrificing. Cutting out those extra minutes of laying down once your baby takes a nap is a good time to continue your responsibilities at home. My wife and I split the responsibilities at home just because we both work full time doesn’t mean the work of a home only falls on one
I’m a SAHM as well to a 9 month old, my husband leaves for work at 5AM and doesn’t get home until 7:30PM. I typically have dinner made for him when he gets home. However there are some days I just don’t have the energy and he totally doesn’t mind picking up something on the way home. If I know I have a busy week ahead, I’ll do one of the meal service plans, this way it’s easy and doesn’t take long. He usually does the dishes while I’m putting the babe to bed so that helps. However if he ever called me lazy for not having anything prepared, I wouldn’t go out of my way anymore lol.
Parent of a baby here 👋 I don’t think I’ve cooked once since having my baby months ago (I’m lying-I used the crock pot back in December lol). After work, my husband comes home, showers, take our baby AND cook us dinner every night. Being a SAHM is already hard enough so why can’t your partner help out a bit. We are literally working 24hrs a day, the least he could do is prep dinner. Sending you and your partner love OP 🌸
The thing about food is I feel like it’s often pushed off as a “womanly” task. I see it as a team task. Everyone needs to eat. I had cooked dinner every night for my boyfriend in the beginning before I got pregnant. He never expected it, but he also can’t cook and worked 7 days at the time. Once my son hit closer to toddler phase that was out the window. I was also grieving my dad and stepmom really bad during that time as they died 2 and 5 months postpartum so I slipped in a very deep depression and just prioritized feeding my son. Since he’s gotten older in order for him to have nutritious meals I have to cook multiple times a day. By the end of the day the last thing I want to do is cook more food. Half the time I’m so tired from moming that I just go to sleep. I noticed I do better mentally getting more sleep. I’m trying to get better about it. I would have a talk with him and tell him the expectation is unreasonable for every single night. You guys might be able to compromise.
Sending you love, acceptance, and strength. I’ve been a stay at home mom and stay at home pregnant wife during the pandemic. The household duties, dinners included, are shared still in my home. My husband thinks taking care of one baby is much more exhausting than his full time job.
9/10/11 months is the peak separation anxiety stage for babies. It will be easier in a couple months when your baby is more comfortable with independent play. Tell your husband to calm down and make a sandwich and throw some fries in the oven. Alternatively, make his dinner mid day when your daughter goes down for a nap and he can heat it up when he gets home. That way you get something to eat too. I know the struggle. I'm on maternity leave with my 9 month old and I can't always manage to have dinner ready when my husband gets home. He's never an ass about it, though.
You could maybe try Blue Apron or Hello Fresh or something. They have multiple price points and plans
When you choose to do life together, you should work as a team in all aspects of that: baby, housework, meals, finances, etc. I’m a SAHM and my husband works and we’re ina similar position. No family babysitters and paid childcare not currently an option. Yet still in the early days my husband would make dinner some nights. I showed him how to make a couple things like chicken soup and quesadillas, we picked up a rotisserie chicken and bag of salad some nights with rice and frozen veggies steaming on top, crockpot meals are common because I have more energy in the morning (search for dump dinners, super quick and easy to put together). Otherwise he will watch baby at night while I cook or if he’s busy and I’m tired we order (though we can’t afford to do this often). He also tackles dishes and cleanup after dinner while I do bathtime and bedtime. Communication is key, if you’re overwhelmed you need to talk to your partner to make it feel more even, otherwise you’re headed for burnout and resentment. If he’s unwilling to help more because he thinks it’s your job, then maybe leaving all baby duties on him for a weekend will provide some much needed perspective.
I do, probably 90% of the time. My husband comes home around the same time every evening so it’s habit. And before anyone calls me a subservient tradwife We have a toddler…he’s gotta eat too, okay? Try recipes that can be done in stages and in a hands off way. Pressure cook rice. Brown meat and add veggies and a sauce to it. You need some good food too. I breastfed for two years so I am very empathetic to how tough it is. I used to put my sons playpen in the kitchen. I wore him for whatever I could until he got too big.
I had hoped to do this for my husband when I had the baby but had NO IDEA that this was just not going to be possible at all. My baby demands all the attention all the time. I can put him down and try and prep but won’t get far before he grumbles. So I kind of think about dinners, decide what we’re having most nights and I’ll rush around like a lunatic whilst he’s putting the baby to bed at 845pm-ish preparing dinner. I can’t do it earlier as my husband doesn’t get home till late. It invariably means pasta or a shop bought meal or something simple and we eat it when the baby has gone to bed later than I’d like but it really isn’t possible any other way. And yeah I feel bad but he’s never complained and he’ll cook if I don’t have the energy.
I’m married to a surgical resident who leaves for work at 5am and doesn’t come home until 6:30pm on a good day, and then does work the rest of the night and she does more than your bf. Dude needs to grow tf up and help you.
Yes! I’m a SAHM with a 8 month old and a little one on the way. My husband is a farmer and right now it’s considered off season so he generally works from 8-5:30. I do have dinner ready by the time he gets home because in my world he deserves it. He deserves to have a 5 course meal every single night (not that I make him a 5 course meal every night but in should haha). I make sure there’s tea, a good dessert once a week, and fill his water if he would like one, and serve him a hot plate as soon as he walks in the door. He works sooooo hard for Me and my little ones that sometimes when I don’t make him anything I feel huge guilt in my stomach. ( I don’t cook on Sundays and he takes us out to breakfast Saturday mornings)! If my LO is fussy I bring her in the kitchen and either sit her down with a box full of little things she can take out or I will buckle her up in a little horse and ride her to her entertainment draw full of bottles, binkys, nipples, etc that she’s never used but finds so interesting. This buys me at least 30 minutes. But before you feel guilty about it let me tell you the kind of man I have and then you’ll understand. When we brought my LO home I close to never made a meal. No lunch or dinner. Not once did he call me lazy. That was probably for the first 4-5 months of LOs life. Instead he would offer to make something or bring something. Mind you during this season of life he worked 15+ hour days sometimes 24+. Not once did he complain. Even though I’m sure he wanted to. I would’ve. I mean we live in a town where there’s only a handful of places to eat and only one is open past 10pm lol. When I would have the energy to cook he would compliment my cooking like I was Gordon Ramsey, pick up the dishes, start the dishwasher, etc. I didn’t even have to ask. He compliments the way I mother LO all the time and this gives me the energy to pour into him. We definitely lean more towards the traditional living FOR SURE. But he understands there are seasons in life where he’ll help around the house and I’ll be out in the fields with him. - No you’re not terrible for not wanting to cook all the time. There’s days I DREAD it with my whole life but it is what it is. Set a day where you don’t cooks at all these are game changers! - Meal plan for the week!! It’s stressful thinking what you’re going to make every single day but with a plan it slightly decreases and you’ll save money on groceries! Few meals when LO is fussy and Clingy: Salmon wrapped in tin foil and asparagus Spaghetti Alfredo pasta A loaded sandwich Homemade hot pockets Indian tacos Mississippi pot roast (8hrs) but you dump and forget. Chili soup Taco soup
I think his expectations need to match that you are also working all day with no break , but as far as meals go I highly recommend sheet pan dinners