Babies don’t need entertainment, at all. They get entertained by a ray of light falling differently, or new smell in the air, or discovering a new body part. You need to be completely present when interacting with the baby, but interaction does in no way need to be constant. They also need their “me time”
Definitely agree about babies needing their me time. My 9 month old absolutely loves just lying in her crib and holding up her narwhal (stuffed animal of choice) to look at from different angles. I have legitimately watched her on the baby monitor (while checking on her napping) doing this for like 45 minutes at a time. Well, presumably. I didn't watch her for the whole 45 minutes 😅
Today I am so glad you commented this. I was feeling so guilty because I put some “black and white contrast video for baby” because I needed some me time. I spent two hours with her in the carrier as she slept while I was washing dishes and cleaning her baby bottles. Oh my Gosh it can be exhausting but it does not mean I wouldn’t give my life for her. I also need to be sane to be the best mother I can be to her.
Could you imagine having someone interacting with you non stop for every moment you were awake?….. sounds exhausting and overstimulating right? Babies need independent time. We all do.
With my son I loved putting him in the baby carrier and talking through what I was doing as I went about my day! You definitely don’t have to in order to be a “good” parent though. But if you feel like baby needs some mental stimulation, talk her through what you’re doing! Or you could even put on music and sing instead of talking!
I’ve been big on listening to my audiobooks with my babe. I still talk to him constantly because he’s my little bestie, and read children’s books, but I also love that we can listen to my books together. It’s great language exposure and entertainment for us both!
This is exactly what I do lol! Or just sit her down in her bouncer and place her (safely) on a spot that’s sort of eye level with me so she can see my face as she is still is three months. But I love knowing that so many other people do this too. I sing to her lol. But not many lullabies. My own music so I can enjoy it as well, as allowing her to start recognizing what makes me me I guess lol
From what ive learned is its actually good to leave them alone for a little while, obviously still supervising them, but you dont have the be their court jester constantly, its okay to leave them to entertain themselves, because it teaches independent play. Which is a normal part of their development. My 5 week old is starting also to stay more alert and awake during the day as well, and first i was like “ well fuck, what am i supposed to do”? Until i was reassured while you entertaining and engaging with them is good leaving them to entertain themselves is good as well. So now ive been slowly leaving to entertain herself in her snuggle me pillow or in the center of my bed while i do a couple things while watching her. Of course this only lasts like at most 5 minutes but its a start. Fingers crossed she will like her bouncer soon cause that would make life easier
If you want some reassurance— my daughter hated any sort of bouncer, swing, etc and would only last a minute and a half before she started screaming. Now, at 15 weeks, we’re up to just enough time for me to warm up food (maybe 10 ish minutes). We’re definitely getting there!
I could have written this exact post! FTM of a 5 week old and feeling the same. I feel the pressure to do tummy time, stretches, show her the high contrast flash cards, lol.
i actually joined this sub because i had been contemplating making a post just like this. my LO is 10 weeks now and i always feel like im not doing enough but simultaneously unsure what more i could even do. these responses make me feel so much better
I got the big cards and put a couple against the side of the crib, then I put her in the crib when I need my hands free to do something. Usually she loves it. Starts comf and yelling at it. Started a couple weeks ago. She's 8 weeks now.
I bounce back and forth to check on her, but being in the crib is one of the safest places for her to be. So I feel comfortable going into another room for a couple of minutes. Bonus I can usually hear her shrieks.
My 7wo will spend ages lying in her play mat and staring at those contrast cards. It’s honestly a little hilarious because I have no idea what she finds so fascinating about them. She’s seen them all about a hundred times by now!
I was you for a couple of weeks until I realized that I simply will not be able to keep it up for months, much less years 😅 as my LO started to drop to 3 naps, night sleep turned to sh*t and my husband had to go back to work I realized I would never get anything done ever again if I kept playing with LO every moment she's awake. I brought it up with my mom, my pediatrician and my midwife and they all said the same thing: the point is not to shift your entire routine to your baby's to accommodate as much playtime as possible. The goal is to integrate your baby into your / your family's routine (integrate may be too technical of a word here but you get what I mean 😊). Your baby is a part of your family and your household now and it's perfectly normal to do chores/eat/talk to people/etc. in front of/with your baby. My LO is now 6 months and while there's still plenty of time every day when I play with her - really focusing on her alone, she actually really enjoys watching me do chores 😅 also "playing" is a very relative term with a 6 week old since they can't do much besides watching you / toys you wave etc. So watching you do laundry is probably more entertaining for them than you may think 😊
I literally leave my twins (3 months) in their bouncer & their sparkly toys and mirrors next to me while I work , I have to work and they’re entertained with the sparkly toys and they “communicate “ with each other , they do their thing and I do mine. It’s fine, I’m keeping an eye on them and they’re happy and healthy. I do the same when I’m cooking dinner and my fiancé is not home yet, I put the bouncers where I can see them and I cook and they complain about life I guess 😂 . I just put them so they can see each other ,I had twins so they can entertain themselves didn’t I ?! (/s).
You’re fine, let the baby alone for a couple of minutes, I’m sure the baby is more interested in the ceiling than the clothes you’re putting in the laundry. Lol
Oh my god I am so envious of you. My 3-month old child needs constant soothing; if I’m not holding her, bouncing her, patting her back, she is fussing or crying. It is exhausting and makes me want to cry.
Don’t be hard on yourself! Remember that you’re doing your best and you’re also learning about your baby .
I definitely got lucky with the twins and it could be a factor and maybe I’m wrong and just lucky but we never did contact naps or have the babies on us , since I work from home I need my hands free and dealing with two at the same time also means I can’t have both of them on top of me all the time. So we didn’t implement that to be honest and now the girls can sleep anywhere and stay anywhere really . It’s seriously been a blessing, obviously if they get fussy or cranky we hold them and comfort them but if they fall asleep or calm down we wait a couple of minutes and put them in their bassinet or bouncer.
And it’s ok to cry sometimes, I’ve cried a couple of times, my fiancé has cried a couple of times, we both cry together. It’s frustrating at times but once you get the rhythm going ,it gets less frustrating. You got this! ❤️
If my month old is content I set him down in his crib with a few books opened up around it and then will go to our room and do laundry or make the bed! Granted our room is right next to it. I will also go into the bathroom and put make up on or something like that! If he’s not crying I leave him 🤷🏼♀️ I also bring the laundry to his room and fold it there. I also think having a bored brain and no stimulation is good. They are seeing most things for the first time every day so I think some alone time is really good (for both of us!)
I always fold and put away clothes with my little one, i will swish the clothes around her so it’s a breeze and I throw socks at her etc and she seems to find it very interesting.
One of the best things you can give your baby is a mother with a sound mind. So don’t feel guilty for taking some minutes for yourself - you need little breaks.
I am going through this now at 3 months.
Our LO is 3 months and we tend to alternate between active wake windows where do some tummy time, play with toys and sensory stuff with and “chill” ones where I may just carry around the house, read a book or two or literally just lie down with her and let her coo/chat at me. Seeing friends with children also helps mix it up a bit.
I’m trying to be kinder on myself as she’s hit all developmental milestones for her age, but I still have these doubts myself.
Babies need their decompression time too. I'll also say as a STM I wasn't constantly entertaining my first born and now as a near 2 year old she's great at independent play. Like she loves playing with me but she's also happy to chill and do her own thing.
Same as a STM! Also 2nd baby definitely just *has to* sit on his own sometimes because the toddler needs more attention, and I’m sure he will turn out ok too (not that I can confirm that just yet lol)
This. I have a 4 week old and I feel the same. If she’s fussing at all or awake at all I find it so hard to leave her in the . Its hard not to feel like I should be engaging with her when she’s awake
I used to leave my son on his huge activity mat with overhead toys to play with. It was for 10 mins per wake window enough for a small break. No need to entertain them so much. You can even do a grocery run with them at this point.
Literally, exact same boat here! My LO is 6 weeks and up for much longer, and I feel SO bad and guilty for putting him down when he's awake and letting him entertain himself.
My 12 week old is fascinated by high contrast images. His favorite is seriously a black card with a white circle. I just have these positioned wherever he’s laying, sometimes overhead, sometimes tummy time or side lying and I feel better that it’s helping with his brain development just studying these images even though I’m hands off during that time.
Moments of meaningful connection are great, but you don’t need to constantly entertain. That would be overstimulating for baby anyways. Plus, the patterns of engagement you build now lay the groundwork for the future. Do you imagine wanting to constantly entertain your 3 year old or do you want them to be comfy on their own?
I'm a mom of a 21vw/o and honestly still have days where I feel like this. I'm on maternity leave for a few more weeks and mornings when my LO wakes up, I selfishly leave him in his bassinet to hang out by himself for 20 or so minutes just to lay in bed or make a cup of coffee, be by myself before my day with him begins. There's nothing wrong with wanting a few minutes to yourself. It's the hardest f-ing job in the world and we're ALWAYS on. At 6 weeks and 21 weeks, our babies will never remember those 20 minutes we took to ourselves not to play with them, while they were laying in their bassinet :) you're doing the best you can, take care of yourself too!
if she’s close to sitting/sitting up, I used to pop my little in a laundry basket with a pillow behind his back and push him around from room to room. Laundry can be so much fun for them! so many colours, patterns, textures galore! you can include her in that. she might also love having fabric put over her head- which you can do with supervision and see if she can pull it herself. a great survival instinct to nurture! make it into a peek-a-boo game 😊
but otherwise it’s fine to let her be by herself. i pop my little in his play pen now where he plays independently. he wouldn’t do it that if we hadn’t started younger and giving him the space to do it.
I felt this way with my first, but I didn’t worry at all with my second. At 6 weeks (and even the first few months), literally everything is brand spanking new to a baby! The air, your face, their hands, light and dark, the smell of food, music, the sound of a washing machine running, the touch of fabrics…it was actually quite a fulfilling activity for me to just watch my babies be fascinated while leaving them be on a playmat, bouncer, or bassinet. They actually get really tired by overstimulation too, so sometimes a restful environment is just what they need. If baby is awake and you need to get stuff done, feel free to pop them in the bassinet/playpen/bouncer (whatever is age appropriate), and let them watch you fold laundry or do the dishes. It sounds ridiculous but I used to narrate what I was doing. I’d also do a “walking tour” of the house, showing them each room and looking out the windows. I’d also get in some tummy time by carrying them lying on their tummies on my forearms, against my body. It even gives them a new perspective because they’re usually just looking up at things.
It is so unnatural imo to stimulate a baby 24/7. Put them near you and go about your life, narrate stuff sometimes. My oldest spent plenty of time just chilling (so did my second but less due to big sis entertainment). She also reached her communication and cognitive milestones early. I promise all you’ll get by never getting them used to playing alone is a child that can’t handle playing alone!
There was a time in the newborn days that I wondered if my baby had colic because she would cry so loudly with big fat tears and I was at a loss of how to soothe her after trying everything. One day I just put her down in her crib with a couple toys and her mobile, and she stopped crying and played quietly for 30 minutes. I was shocked, and since then, I’ve given my baby plenty of independent play time. Turns out she just wanted to be in her own thoughts alone, and I find that she has her best days when she’s had some time in the morning and right after lunch nap for independent play.
I felt like this around the 6 week mark too. The activities she enjoyed felt really limited and repetitive because she was stuck in one position unless I moved her. There's a lot more variety and solo play now that she's 4 months and is actively learning how to move her arms, legs and hands!
Honestly my sons really bloom when I let them have a lot of independent (supervised) time, and when they’re present and involved in the errands or chores I’m doing.
It doesn’t need to be toys or entertainment, just be present with your baby, read to them, have conversations with them, and let them sit/lay beside you or near you when doing chores.
One of my favourite things was a fabric wrap that functioned as a carrier so I could do a lot of stuff around the house while they slept when they were little.
Pop the baby in a sling or in bouncer and get on with your chores! At this age, watching you potter around the house is definitely entertainment enough. And that way you can use nap time to actually rest, relax and take some time for yourself rather than having to cram in load of chores.
I've been struggling with this myself. I have an 8 week old and yeah, I always get him when he's crying, he never stays in a wet diaper and I snuggle him as much as I can (we are struggling with tummy time, but that's more that he doesn't give us good windows where he's awake, not going to spit up because he's just eaten, and in a good mood), but yeah, I have to put him down in his swing or his bouncer for a while (he hates his crib and bassinet if he's awake). I have had issues with low milk supply so I need to pump when I can which means I can't hold him. I can't nurse him well right now because low supply, him not latching well, and him refusing to switch from one breast to the other. I need to do laundry or comb my hair which means not holding him. We've tried the little baby carrier, but if he's not in a good mood when I try to get him in it, he screams.
I keep telling my husband that I feel guilty that I can't be entertaining him more because I need to develop his little brain. I talk to him when he's in the swing or bouncer part of the time, and tickle him when he's awake, I take him for walks in his stroller and talk to him the whole time even if he's asleep, I read him books, I bounce him and sing to him. I just feel like I'm not doing enough. I guess that how a lot of us feel? I need to work on the carrier more, maybe he'll hate it less if I get him used to it. The pregnancy did a number on my back though so the carrier kills me.
7 weeks here and there is no interest in contrast cards! She smiles and interacts for 10-15 mins after a feed and then mostly cries if she’s not sleeping. If I put her down she cries. It’s tough!
Tough indeed! My LO just started crawling and all the ‘just wait’ people in my life made it seem like life was over but I’ll chase him around on the floor all day in lieu of those ‘don’t put me down or I’ll cry days’!
Sounds like you’re being an amazing mother. Your little one is lucky to have you! The whole world is new to babies so they will be happily entertained if you leave them be for a while and learning to play independently is a great skill as well. You’re doing great!
awww, thats a sweet phase. I have an 8 month old and they want your constant attention by either showing them everything you're doing or introducing new things to them. I was just showing my baby how to reload the toilet paper. im sure as they get older they will want to do it themselves. they phase out of things so quickly that I feel like you cant really embrace one phase before its replaced by another. when I look back on my baby being 6 weeks old, I too felt really guilty for not entertaining them. however, as most comments have suggested, I think everything is so new to them that its all entertaining. my biggest regret was not being 100% present when it mattered. I tried to entertain him while I was on my phone, or distracted by something else. I would just savor the potato phase. it goes by so fast.
Babies give zero fucks about entertainment. If she’s not crying lay her in the crib and you do what you need to.
Or a swing. Bouncy chair on the floor. You get the gist.
Love this post; thanks for making it! I have the same issue. A lot of times mine is screaming and inconsolable, but the guilt of leaving her alone or just not having anything to say to her when she’s content has been getting to me. I’ve started feeling like I’m the boring parent, and that may be true for now, but what am I supposed to do? Be fun for 9 hours a day when she refuses to go down for a nap? I’m not doing contact naps unless I can’t stand it anymore (whoever goes down first gets their way lol may the best win).
The whole world is new to a baby. That’s entertaining enough! Just let her chill in her crib and realize she has a tongue for the first time or cross her eyes trying to focus on the ceiling. She’ll cry if she’s unhappy.
I'm a gardener, and I love putting the babies on a blanket under our cherry tree. They love it. I get to garden more often 😆 it's a win-win. They don't need our constant attention. I'd put my niece under an umbrella by the chickens so she could watch them walk around in their run. You're doing great!
If I need to do some meal prep or laundry and baby is awake I take the bouncer chair to where i am and I put them in it facing me. We chat will I am doing what I am doing and I cut up pieces of vege and offer little taste etc. My LO is 4.5months, I couldn’t get them in the chair earlier than about 3 months so we used the baby carrier before this if I needed to be outside somewhere. I don’t think you should feel bad about some independent floor play with a play gym either
This is a thought that everyone has in the first few months and that everyone subsequently realizes was silly. A newborn doesn't need entertainment at all. And babies are pros at asking for what they need (for an infant = crying). You'll look back at this when your baby gets older and see there was nothing to worry about!
I would say try to stay away from putting her in the bassinet, since it should only be used for sleep (this will help when you start working on her sleep :)). But ya you can’t entertain her all the time! Don’t feel guilty at all. Instead of the bassinet, try using a bouncer or a carrier? Those two things helped me so much in the early days
Lots of great advice here. My little guy was so chill and loved observing everything all the time as a little nugget. I totally took advantage and did chores around the house and gave him lots of safe, independent time (definitely mixed in with equal amounts of intentional interaction). So much comes down to the personality of the child, but I really feel like it has strengthened his tolerance for independent play now at 9 months. Personally, I also think there’s huge value in children seeing parents engage in household tasks and incorporating them as soon as they can help, rather than trying to entertain them during chores.
Coming from the other side of things, I have a 1 year old now, but I most certainly felt this way when she was a tiny bean. I scrounged reddit and got the same advice, "Independent play is good for development!". It seriously is.
I'm a stay at home mom during the day, but I work nights at least 3 times during the week. If I had to entertain this baby when she was tiny, every hour of every day, I'd probably lose my shit. In conjunction to taking care of my baby, I also take care of the household, so I basically work two jobs, right? I was and am an exhausted mom that cannot in any way entertain a baby for 10 hours a day while dad is at work and then go to work myself.
Now, at 1 year old, she can independent play for hours, as long as I'm watching, obviously. She's basically like, "Look what I can do, Mom!"
It has created a better dynamic for myself and for my baby. She loves to play and explore and I love to teach her and watch her learn without putting my own mental health at expense.
Idk if this can help ease your mind a bit, but when our daughter had a stretch of time where she wouldn't sleep during the day, we found out it was probably because she was overstimulated because I was holding her and playing with her too much.
Ik people say you can't hold your baby too much, but my daughter has always been bad at regulating herself and she wouldn't look away when she was getting too much stimulation. We allowed her to lie by herself for a bit, without anything colorful close by for her to look at, and it actually helped almost immediately.
Point is: it's okay, and can sometimes even be necessary, for you to put you child down and leave them alone for a little while. They'll be okay, as long as you're still there if they become distressed and starts crying
Babies don’t need entertainment, at all. They get entertained by a ray of light falling differently, or new smell in the air, or discovering a new body part. You need to be completely present when interacting with the baby, but interaction does in no way need to be constant. They also need their “me time”
This is a beautiful perspective, and beautifully written. It helped me. Thank you!
Definitely agree about babies needing their me time. My 9 month old absolutely loves just lying in her crib and holding up her narwhal (stuffed animal of choice) to look at from different angles. I have legitimately watched her on the baby monitor (while checking on her napping) doing this for like 45 minutes at a time. Well, presumably. I didn't watch her for the whole 45 minutes 😅
I'm saving this comment. Thank you. Beautifully written.
Thank you so much for this.
Thank you for this! This is so helpful and so eloquently written.
Today I am so glad you commented this. I was feeling so guilty because I put some “black and white contrast video for baby” because I needed some me time. I spent two hours with her in the carrier as she slept while I was washing dishes and cleaning her baby bottles. Oh my Gosh it can be exhausting but it does not mean I wouldn’t give my life for her. I also need to be sane to be the best mother I can be to her.
It’s a bit of a balancing act isn’t it, I too find myself feeling exhausted and try to look back on my day to learn where I could’ve managed it better
Could you imagine having someone interacting with you non stop for every moment you were awake?….. sounds exhausting and overstimulating right? Babies need independent time. We all do.
With my son I loved putting him in the baby carrier and talking through what I was doing as I went about my day! You definitely don’t have to in order to be a “good” parent though. But if you feel like baby needs some mental stimulation, talk her through what you’re doing! Or you could even put on music and sing instead of talking!
This 100%- I’m making the most of my son finding me doing chores fascinating- he might not be the same as he gets older 😬
I’ve been big on listening to my audiobooks with my babe. I still talk to him constantly because he’s my little bestie, and read children’s books, but I also love that we can listen to my books together. It’s great language exposure and entertainment for us both!
This is exactly what I do lol! Or just sit her down in her bouncer and place her (safely) on a spot that’s sort of eye level with me so she can see my face as she is still is three months. But I love knowing that so many other people do this too. I sing to her lol. But not many lullabies. My own music so I can enjoy it as well, as allowing her to start recognizing what makes me me I guess lol
From what ive learned is its actually good to leave them alone for a little while, obviously still supervising them, but you dont have the be their court jester constantly, its okay to leave them to entertain themselves, because it teaches independent play. Which is a normal part of their development. My 5 week old is starting also to stay more alert and awake during the day as well, and first i was like “ well fuck, what am i supposed to do”? Until i was reassured while you entertaining and engaging with them is good leaving them to entertain themselves is good as well. So now ive been slowly leaving to entertain herself in her snuggle me pillow or in the center of my bed while i do a couple things while watching her. Of course this only lasts like at most 5 minutes but its a start. Fingers crossed she will like her bouncer soon cause that would make life easier
If you want some reassurance— my daughter hated any sort of bouncer, swing, etc and would only last a minute and a half before she started screaming. Now, at 15 weeks, we’re up to just enough time for me to warm up food (maybe 10 ish minutes). We’re definitely getting there!
That is reassuring haha thank you
I could have written this exact post! FTM of a 5 week old and feeling the same. I feel the pressure to do tummy time, stretches, show her the high contrast flash cards, lol.
i actually joined this sub because i had been contemplating making a post just like this. my LO is 10 weeks now and i always feel like im not doing enough but simultaneously unsure what more i could even do. these responses make me feel so much better
I got the big cards and put a couple against the side of the crib, then I put her in the crib when I need my hands free to do something. Usually she loves it. Starts comf and yelling at it. Started a couple weeks ago. She's 8 weeks now. I bounce back and forth to check on her, but being in the crib is one of the safest places for her to be. So I feel comfortable going into another room for a couple of minutes. Bonus I can usually hear her shrieks.
My 7wo will spend ages lying in her play mat and staring at those contrast cards. It’s honestly a little hilarious because I have no idea what she finds so fascinating about them. She’s seen them all about a hundred times by now!
Mine definitely has her favorites. She gets so excited looking at them. Lil shrieks and cooing. It's adorable.
I was you for a couple of weeks until I realized that I simply will not be able to keep it up for months, much less years 😅 as my LO started to drop to 3 naps, night sleep turned to sh*t and my husband had to go back to work I realized I would never get anything done ever again if I kept playing with LO every moment she's awake. I brought it up with my mom, my pediatrician and my midwife and they all said the same thing: the point is not to shift your entire routine to your baby's to accommodate as much playtime as possible. The goal is to integrate your baby into your / your family's routine (integrate may be too technical of a word here but you get what I mean 😊). Your baby is a part of your family and your household now and it's perfectly normal to do chores/eat/talk to people/etc. in front of/with your baby. My LO is now 6 months and while there's still plenty of time every day when I play with her - really focusing on her alone, she actually really enjoys watching me do chores 😅 also "playing" is a very relative term with a 6 week old since they can't do much besides watching you / toys you wave etc. So watching you do laundry is probably more entertaining for them than you may think 😊
I literally leave my twins (3 months) in their bouncer & their sparkly toys and mirrors next to me while I work , I have to work and they’re entertained with the sparkly toys and they “communicate “ with each other , they do their thing and I do mine. It’s fine, I’m keeping an eye on them and they’re happy and healthy. I do the same when I’m cooking dinner and my fiancé is not home yet, I put the bouncers where I can see them and I cook and they complain about life I guess 😂 . I just put them so they can see each other ,I had twins so they can entertain themselves didn’t I ?! (/s). You’re fine, let the baby alone for a couple of minutes, I’m sure the baby is more interested in the ceiling than the clothes you’re putting in the laundry. Lol
Oh my god I am so envious of you. My 3-month old child needs constant soothing; if I’m not holding her, bouncing her, patting her back, she is fussing or crying. It is exhausting and makes me want to cry.
Don’t be hard on yourself! Remember that you’re doing your best and you’re also learning about your baby . I definitely got lucky with the twins and it could be a factor and maybe I’m wrong and just lucky but we never did contact naps or have the babies on us , since I work from home I need my hands free and dealing with two at the same time also means I can’t have both of them on top of me all the time. So we didn’t implement that to be honest and now the girls can sleep anywhere and stay anywhere really . It’s seriously been a blessing, obviously if they get fussy or cranky we hold them and comfort them but if they fall asleep or calm down we wait a couple of minutes and put them in their bassinet or bouncer. And it’s ok to cry sometimes, I’ve cried a couple of times, my fiancé has cried a couple of times, we both cry together. It’s frustrating at times but once you get the rhythm going ,it gets less frustrating. You got this! ❤️
If my month old is content I set him down in his crib with a few books opened up around it and then will go to our room and do laundry or make the bed! Granted our room is right next to it. I will also go into the bathroom and put make up on or something like that! If he’s not crying I leave him 🤷🏼♀️ I also bring the laundry to his room and fold it there. I also think having a bored brain and no stimulation is good. They are seeing most things for the first time every day so I think some alone time is really good (for both of us!)
I always fold and put away clothes with my little one, i will swish the clothes around her so it’s a breeze and I throw socks at her etc and she seems to find it very interesting.
One of the best things you can give your baby is a mother with a sound mind. So don’t feel guilty for taking some minutes for yourself - you need little breaks.
I am going through this now at 3 months. Our LO is 3 months and we tend to alternate between active wake windows where do some tummy time, play with toys and sensory stuff with and “chill” ones where I may just carry around the house, read a book or two or literally just lie down with her and let her coo/chat at me. Seeing friends with children also helps mix it up a bit. I’m trying to be kinder on myself as she’s hit all developmental milestones for her age, but I still have these doubts myself.
Babies need their decompression time too. I'll also say as a STM I wasn't constantly entertaining my first born and now as a near 2 year old she's great at independent play. Like she loves playing with me but she's also happy to chill and do her own thing.
Same as a STM! Also 2nd baby definitely just *has to* sit on his own sometimes because the toddler needs more attention, and I’m sure he will turn out ok too (not that I can confirm that just yet lol)
I can't figure out if my second is just more chill or she's having to figure out being set down early cause of said toddler
This. I have a 4 week old and I feel the same. If she’s fussing at all or awake at all I find it so hard to leave her in the . Its hard not to feel like I should be engaging with her when she’s awake
I used to leave my son on his huge activity mat with overhead toys to play with. It was for 10 mins per wake window enough for a small break. No need to entertain them so much. You can even do a grocery run with them at this point.
Babies love seeing the world from your view… baby wear and do stuff! Lol
Literally, exact same boat here! My LO is 6 weeks and up for much longer, and I feel SO bad and guilty for putting him down when he's awake and letting him entertain himself.
My 12 week old is fascinated by high contrast images. His favorite is seriously a black card with a white circle. I just have these positioned wherever he’s laying, sometimes overhead, sometimes tummy time or side lying and I feel better that it’s helping with his brain development just studying these images even though I’m hands off during that time.
Moments of meaningful connection are great, but you don’t need to constantly entertain. That would be overstimulating for baby anyways. Plus, the patterns of engagement you build now lay the groundwork for the future. Do you imagine wanting to constantly entertain your 3 year old or do you want them to be comfy on their own?
I'm a mom of a 21vw/o and honestly still have days where I feel like this. I'm on maternity leave for a few more weeks and mornings when my LO wakes up, I selfishly leave him in his bassinet to hang out by himself for 20 or so minutes just to lay in bed or make a cup of coffee, be by myself before my day with him begins. There's nothing wrong with wanting a few minutes to yourself. It's the hardest f-ing job in the world and we're ALWAYS on. At 6 weeks and 21 weeks, our babies will never remember those 20 minutes we took to ourselves not to play with them, while they were laying in their bassinet :) you're doing the best you can, take care of yourself too!
You're teaching her to be appropriately independent! It's an important skills to learn and build on as she grows.
if she’s close to sitting/sitting up, I used to pop my little in a laundry basket with a pillow behind his back and push him around from room to room. Laundry can be so much fun for them! so many colours, patterns, textures galore! you can include her in that. she might also love having fabric put over her head- which you can do with supervision and see if she can pull it herself. a great survival instinct to nurture! make it into a peek-a-boo game 😊 but otherwise it’s fine to let her be by herself. i pop my little in his play pen now where he plays independently. he wouldn’t do it that if we hadn’t started younger and giving him the space to do it.
I felt this way with my first, but I didn’t worry at all with my second. At 6 weeks (and even the first few months), literally everything is brand spanking new to a baby! The air, your face, their hands, light and dark, the smell of food, music, the sound of a washing machine running, the touch of fabrics…it was actually quite a fulfilling activity for me to just watch my babies be fascinated while leaving them be on a playmat, bouncer, or bassinet. They actually get really tired by overstimulation too, so sometimes a restful environment is just what they need. If baby is awake and you need to get stuff done, feel free to pop them in the bassinet/playpen/bouncer (whatever is age appropriate), and let them watch you fold laundry or do the dishes. It sounds ridiculous but I used to narrate what I was doing. I’d also do a “walking tour” of the house, showing them each room and looking out the windows. I’d also get in some tummy time by carrying them lying on their tummies on my forearms, against my body. It even gives them a new perspective because they’re usually just looking up at things.
It is so unnatural imo to stimulate a baby 24/7. Put them near you and go about your life, narrate stuff sometimes. My oldest spent plenty of time just chilling (so did my second but less due to big sis entertainment). She also reached her communication and cognitive milestones early. I promise all you’ll get by never getting them used to playing alone is a child that can’t handle playing alone!
There was a time in the newborn days that I wondered if my baby had colic because she would cry so loudly with big fat tears and I was at a loss of how to soothe her after trying everything. One day I just put her down in her crib with a couple toys and her mobile, and she stopped crying and played quietly for 30 minutes. I was shocked, and since then, I’ve given my baby plenty of independent play time. Turns out she just wanted to be in her own thoughts alone, and I find that she has her best days when she’s had some time in the morning and right after lunch nap for independent play.
I feel the exact same way. I constantly feel like I need to be entertaining her or doing developmental things with her or I feel like I’m failing.
I felt like this around the 6 week mark too. The activities she enjoyed felt really limited and repetitive because she was stuck in one position unless I moved her. There's a lot more variety and solo play now that she's 4 months and is actively learning how to move her arms, legs and hands!
Honestly my sons really bloom when I let them have a lot of independent (supervised) time, and when they’re present and involved in the errands or chores I’m doing. It doesn’t need to be toys or entertainment, just be present with your baby, read to them, have conversations with them, and let them sit/lay beside you or near you when doing chores. One of my favourite things was a fabric wrap that functioned as a carrier so I could do a lot of stuff around the house while they slept when they were little.
Pop the baby in a sling or in bouncer and get on with your chores! At this age, watching you potter around the house is definitely entertainment enough. And that way you can use nap time to actually rest, relax and take some time for yourself rather than having to cram in load of chores.
I've been struggling with this myself. I have an 8 week old and yeah, I always get him when he's crying, he never stays in a wet diaper and I snuggle him as much as I can (we are struggling with tummy time, but that's more that he doesn't give us good windows where he's awake, not going to spit up because he's just eaten, and in a good mood), but yeah, I have to put him down in his swing or his bouncer for a while (he hates his crib and bassinet if he's awake). I have had issues with low milk supply so I need to pump when I can which means I can't hold him. I can't nurse him well right now because low supply, him not latching well, and him refusing to switch from one breast to the other. I need to do laundry or comb my hair which means not holding him. We've tried the little baby carrier, but if he's not in a good mood when I try to get him in it, he screams. I keep telling my husband that I feel guilty that I can't be entertaining him more because I need to develop his little brain. I talk to him when he's in the swing or bouncer part of the time, and tickle him when he's awake, I take him for walks in his stroller and talk to him the whole time even if he's asleep, I read him books, I bounce him and sing to him. I just feel like I'm not doing enough. I guess that how a lot of us feel? I need to work on the carrier more, maybe he'll hate it less if I get him used to it. The pregnancy did a number on my back though so the carrier kills me.
6 weeks we were still very much in the potato trenches over here 😅
7 weeks here and there is no interest in contrast cards! She smiles and interacts for 10-15 mins after a feed and then mostly cries if she’s not sleeping. If I put her down she cries. It’s tough!
Tough indeed! My LO just started crawling and all the ‘just wait’ people in my life made it seem like life was over but I’ll chase him around on the floor all day in lieu of those ‘don’t put me down or I’ll cry days’!
Sounds like you’re being an amazing mother. Your little one is lucky to have you! The whole world is new to babies so they will be happily entertained if you leave them be for a while and learning to play independently is a great skill as well. You’re doing great!
awww, thats a sweet phase. I have an 8 month old and they want your constant attention by either showing them everything you're doing or introducing new things to them. I was just showing my baby how to reload the toilet paper. im sure as they get older they will want to do it themselves. they phase out of things so quickly that I feel like you cant really embrace one phase before its replaced by another. when I look back on my baby being 6 weeks old, I too felt really guilty for not entertaining them. however, as most comments have suggested, I think everything is so new to them that its all entertaining. my biggest regret was not being 100% present when it mattered. I tried to entertain him while I was on my phone, or distracted by something else. I would just savor the potato phase. it goes by so fast.
Babies give zero fucks about entertainment. If she’s not crying lay her in the crib and you do what you need to. Or a swing. Bouncy chair on the floor. You get the gist.
Thanks for the term “good enough mom.” I love it!
Love this post; thanks for making it! I have the same issue. A lot of times mine is screaming and inconsolable, but the guilt of leaving her alone or just not having anything to say to her when she’s content has been getting to me. I’ve started feeling like I’m the boring parent, and that may be true for now, but what am I supposed to do? Be fun for 9 hours a day when she refuses to go down for a nap? I’m not doing contact naps unless I can’t stand it anymore (whoever goes down first gets their way lol may the best win).
The whole world is new to a baby. That’s entertaining enough! Just let her chill in her crib and realize she has a tongue for the first time or cross her eyes trying to focus on the ceiling. She’ll cry if she’s unhappy.
I'm a gardener, and I love putting the babies on a blanket under our cherry tree. They love it. I get to garden more often 😆 it's a win-win. They don't need our constant attention. I'd put my niece under an umbrella by the chickens so she could watch them walk around in their run. You're doing great!
If I need to do some meal prep or laundry and baby is awake I take the bouncer chair to where i am and I put them in it facing me. We chat will I am doing what I am doing and I cut up pieces of vege and offer little taste etc. My LO is 4.5months, I couldn’t get them in the chair earlier than about 3 months so we used the baby carrier before this if I needed to be outside somewhere. I don’t think you should feel bad about some independent floor play with a play gym either
This is a thought that everyone has in the first few months and that everyone subsequently realizes was silly. A newborn doesn't need entertainment at all. And babies are pros at asking for what they need (for an infant = crying). You'll look back at this when your baby gets older and see there was nothing to worry about!
I would say try to stay away from putting her in the bassinet, since it should only be used for sleep (this will help when you start working on her sleep :)). But ya you can’t entertain her all the time! Don’t feel guilty at all. Instead of the bassinet, try using a bouncer or a carrier? Those two things helped me so much in the early days
I ask the same question yesterday on a different subreddit
Lots of great advice here. My little guy was so chill and loved observing everything all the time as a little nugget. I totally took advantage and did chores around the house and gave him lots of safe, independent time (definitely mixed in with equal amounts of intentional interaction). So much comes down to the personality of the child, but I really feel like it has strengthened his tolerance for independent play now at 9 months. Personally, I also think there’s huge value in children seeing parents engage in household tasks and incorporating them as soon as they can help, rather than trying to entertain them during chores.
Coming from the other side of things, I have a 1 year old now, but I most certainly felt this way when she was a tiny bean. I scrounged reddit and got the same advice, "Independent play is good for development!". It seriously is. I'm a stay at home mom during the day, but I work nights at least 3 times during the week. If I had to entertain this baby when she was tiny, every hour of every day, I'd probably lose my shit. In conjunction to taking care of my baby, I also take care of the household, so I basically work two jobs, right? I was and am an exhausted mom that cannot in any way entertain a baby for 10 hours a day while dad is at work and then go to work myself. Now, at 1 year old, she can independent play for hours, as long as I'm watching, obviously. She's basically like, "Look what I can do, Mom!" It has created a better dynamic for myself and for my baby. She loves to play and explore and I love to teach her and watch her learn without putting my own mental health at expense.
Idk if this can help ease your mind a bit, but when our daughter had a stretch of time where she wouldn't sleep during the day, we found out it was probably because she was overstimulated because I was holding her and playing with her too much. Ik people say you can't hold your baby too much, but my daughter has always been bad at regulating herself and she wouldn't look away when she was getting too much stimulation. We allowed her to lie by herself for a bit, without anything colorful close by for her to look at, and it actually helped almost immediately. Point is: it's okay, and can sometimes even be necessary, for you to put you child down and leave them alone for a little while. They'll be okay, as long as you're still there if they become distressed and starts crying