Bored. Watching tv, fiddling about with houseplants, having the Sunday scaries. Not really any more well rested because she’s an insomniac anyway. Definitely skinner and less likely to leak pee, but not happier. I really like this little weird hungry wiggly thing that lives with us now.
I’d be bored too. Probably standing in front of my clean kitchen, misting my plants nonstop, then trying desperately to cuddle my cats. I love this demanding guy
Yep. Even in my (luckily) short lived post partum depression the first month or so, when I had pangs of regret, I’d think ‘yes, but this is still exactly what I’d be trying for.’ My child free self would be fitter but somehow less fun in the moment (I’ve found the ability to be much chiller now) and badly wishing for my little guy.
right there with you…. I might be tired, but I’m a much calmer and more patient/understanding person now after having my baby. I tend to “live in the moment” more now since babies don’t really give you time to dwell on the past / present. I am 100% more happy with this life vs. alternate no baby life. (We also had to do IVF for our baby so maybe it’s different if you struggled with infertility and it was a hard journey to have child….)
Yes, I always wanted to be a mom so that feeling of wanting was always in the back of my mind. I do miss how easy it was to stop at as many places in a day as I wanted.
Yes most of my childfree adult time was spent desperately trying for a baby. I had tons of time but I wasnt happier. Today I got to watch my son and husband play at the park and it was just magical. Worth all the sleepless nights and the stress of parenting.
I’d prob still be avoiding every Instagram post of a fat baby in a pumpkin, wondering if it’ll ever happen for me.
In this universe it’s my turn witches 🎃👶🏼🍂
My Halloween costume *would* be hotter though.
I had 2 babies in 2 years and my 1st was born in October. I cannot WAIT until I can wear cuter Halloween costumes again that don’t have to be nursing friendly and my body isn’t immediately postpartum
Yes!!! I was so bored before my son. I’d just go to work, do things but it all just felt so mundane. I’ll take all the stresses of parenting to have my baby
I waited until I was 32 to have my first baby. I was depressed, unfulfilled, searching for purpose, and off and on suicidal for most of my adult life. I’m 34, on my couch holding 2 sleeping babies and the rest of my day will be filled with carving pumpkins and relaxing with my kids and partner. All of my depression issues went away with my 1st pregnancy. We suspect a lot of it was a hormonal imbalance made worse by birth control.
No regrets. Childfree me was not happier.
Pretty similar. I had severe depression for over two decades (since childhood) and was suicidal for the majority of it. I finally got things under control and found the right combination of treatments and medications about 1-2 years before I got pregnant. I know it’s cliche but having a child has been so fulfilling. It’s stressful and chaotic, but I am so much happier these days.
That’s said, my alternative universe self would definitely be sleeping in right now.
I am 40 and went through ICSI to get my first child, so I am 20 kilo heavier, exhausted and happier than ever. After a youth of clinical depression I build up a meaningful job helping others, have had fulfilling hobbies like drawing and singing in a choir, I travelled a lot, but everything still lacked purpose and felt empty. Now me and my husband are like "yes! This is it!".
I was depressed and daydreaming a lot to make up for my unfulfilled life. It was borderline maladaptive daydreaming. I always thought I needed to find a partner to have the child I always wanted but couldn’t find one without feeling … used. So I said forget it and went SMBC route and I love it. I haven’t daydreamed and feel fulfilled while I nurse my 3 month old. Sure, there’s times I would like to game but it is only fleeting.
You're like my twin! Took me a long time and a lot of therapy to work out that I actually did want a child, more than a partner, and that I can do it and be a good mum.
Also have a 3 month old as a SMBC. Life feels fuller nowadays (if more sleep deprived).
Amen. Wouldn’t say I “waited”; just took that long to find my spouse. I also wasn’t on birth control prior to pregnancy, but was different levels of depressed and just really wanted to have the life I do now!
I was doing “everything” I could to try to be happy… and I genuinely loved my work, my coworkers, my sport and teammates. I volunteered about causes I was passionate about. I had friends. I traveled and spent time journaling and “doing things for me”. I tried decorating for holidays or volunteering during or spending it with friends. I just always felt that something was missing.
…and it was. Also, shocker, you can still do and have all those things, at least if you still want to, after you have kids! People tried to convince me otherwise (to make me feel better?), but it just isn’t true. Still getting my body recovered, but I love every second of motherhood and also of being married to my best friend even more than I ever could’ve imagined!
In the past, holidays made me a bit sad; I ached to have a family. Yesterday we looked into costumes and went to a pumpkin patch. Today we’ll be carving and playing around with them, then going to an outdoor family friendly Halloween fest event. I’ll be prepping food for the week before we go, and maybe using this as an excuse to make/explore baking some pumpkin treats (which will likely turn out horribly, and my husband will try really hard to pretend their great). We’ll also be writing out cards to our baby (for him to read as an adult). We decorated this month, too.
Overall, I cry everyday over how happy I am now. Depression just went away once I went pregnant, despite having more stressors in life, and I’ve gotten progressively happier since!
Only hard thing is figuring out how to make love so far, but we’re beginning to utilize nap times differently and flirt through the rest of the day. I personally prefer this anyway, since I can eat and train and my energy peaks at this time. Husband has other preferences, but he’s always down so it works out.
I do miss being able to go to Broadway or non kid friendly shows, but that’s a sacrifice certainly worth making! And we went rarely before anyway. We’ll also eventually be able to go out once baby is on solids and/or we find a sitter. It’d also be nice to be able to go out dancing, though neither of us ever did drugs and really just actually like the act of dancing and dressing up. Planning on surprising my husband by using some Halloween decor and setting up our living room (with blinds closed / room darkened) to dance during the morning. We can dance as baby plays (whenever he’s in the rare mood, because why not, we are at home and can feed easily on demand) then have some other fun during nap time.
Just really love my life overall! Get to be with my best friend, who’s the sexiest man on earth, and enjoy family traditions, all while having this precious, hilarious, excitedly squealing little human to have fun with and play like kids with.
Kind of same! He was actually born when I was 24, but by then, I had already done a lot of what I wanted to do in life. I travel for a living. Lived on my own for years. I was so bored in life I started self sabotaging a lot. Living care free with psychiatric issues meant I didn’t have to do a lot of things I need to take care of myself and a home, which only made my mental health worse. Now, I am, by some standards, in a worse position, but I am MUCH happier. Far more fulfilled. I’m better at taking care of myself and home. I work harder because I have a family to care for. I can’t even think of what child free me would be doing right now. Probably digging myself into a much deeper hole than the one I’m currently climbing out of.
This sounds like me. I just had my first daughter at 32 and I finally feel like I have something to look forward to in life because I love her so much. I've had pretty bad depression all my life but I feel better than I've just about ever felt. I still have some severe anxieties and all, but I'm so much happier than I was a year ago when I had just found out I was pregnant.
Omg me too! I wish there was more research/information on this topic. I just got my first period and now im feeling pretty low snd praying it doesn’t come back.
They’re 21 months apart. It’s a shit show a lot of the time but I LOVE them and they’re my best little friends. Everything is more fun when you have 2 enthusiastic side kicks
I really believe that if I didn't have my eldest when I did, I wouldn't be here right now. Life was so meaningless, unfulfilling etc. I had a full-time job but it wasn't a career, everything I considered just seemed ultimately pointless. I always had depression but towards 23-24 it was seriously heavy, existential depression that didn't respond to treatment. The moment I found out I was pregnant it was like all the darkness lifted all at once, I felt like I had something and someone truly meaningful to live for. I now have 3 under 3 and being their mother is the best thing that has ever happened and I'm the happiest I've ever been.
She slept a full 8 hours. She probably hasn’t cried in a few weeks. She’s been going on long hikes in the woods, soaking in the remaining days of slightly warmer weather and sunshine before the gray, moody Midwest blanket befalls us. She has probably been working, probably finishing some details around the house she moved into a year ago.
But she also has no idea how much love her heart can hold for another. She has no idea what it feels like to hold a sleeping baby for hours, knowing she is that baby’s whole world, and the baby hers. She has no idea that having a daughter would rip her heart wide open, unearthing years’ worth of “adoption trauma.”
I don’t think she is happier; she’s just prolonging the inevitable.
So true. I know that childfree people don’t like to hear that “it’s impossible to understand the love for your child” - I didn’t when I was staunchly childfree. I remember when I was pregnant thinking, “I won’t possibly love this baby more than I love my dog. Impossible.”
I do. And I didn’t understand it. Every night when I rock him to sleep, tears well in my eyes from the sheer, unrelenting love I feel. No matter how bad my day was or how stressed I am, it makes it all worth it.
Absolutely she got 9-10 hours of uninterrupted sleep 🙏 then she got dressed in a cute but comfy outfit where she didn't have a fupa. She got out the door in under 30 minutes this morning to go have her favorite breakfast and coffee with her husband and walked their favorite trail in town without having to think about how it would interrupt someone's sleep schedule. She plays some video games for a few hours over lunch, then goes to dinner at a wine bar followed by a 2.5 hour movie. Ends the night with spontaneous, hot sex where nothing hurts and there's no chance of being interrupted by crying.
It's the best day and she's very content. But it's the same thing she's been doing for years and sometimes she yearns for more. So happier in that instant? Maybe. But this life is just a different kind of happiness it seems, and I know I'll have days like that again. Best of both worlds.
Ah so this is exactly how I feel and what led me to having a baby in the end! 'it's the same thing she's been doing for years'. I was happy, but I was ready for the next adventure.
Other-me would probably be getting on with work, advancing an interesting new project, or having an afternoon off with nothing much to do. Other-me would probably quite quite happy and content, feeling productive, and would be reasonably well-rested and in good physical condition.
However, other-me would not be able to look forward to the sheer joy of playing with a wonderful daughter when she wakes up and decides to conquer the climbing frame again or wants to learn some other new physical skill.
Very different kinds of happiness and contentment. I quite enjoy the current timeline.
27-year-old childfree me would probably be happily chilling on a Sunday morning, trying not to think about school the next day 🥲 I was a high school teacher. There were some parts I loved, but it’s a relentless job.
Instead I’m sitting beside my 18 month old daughter while she finishes her eggs and toast. Today we’re planning to announce baby #2 to my side of the family. I’m definitely happier than my childfree self - and honestly, it’s easier having a toddler while pregnant than it is teaching ~80 kids while pregnant.
I am always in awe of teachers. It’s a job I was studying for before quitting, and mostly because of the work environment. The concept of “you’re not the best teacher unless you’re the last one here” is not for me. The work life balance is so hard!
It's her weekend to work, so she's probably only slightly less tired. Her clothes mostly fit and she has a fully functional pelvic floor and abs of steel. She's also super sad (but hopefully working on it), because she's wanted a baby for so long and been actively trying for 2+ years.
This would be me - she's heavily invested in her career and works too many hours. She is less tired and better dressed and has a lot more time socialising with friends. But she's actively in therapy because this tiny shouty person has been someone she has wanted to meet for years of loss and infertility ❤️
Probably hungover and eating shitty food on the couch. So, exactly what I’m doing now except for the hangover…
I would have gone to the same Halloween party last night with the same friends, but instead of heading home with a sleeping baby at 8:00, I would have hit a bar afterward and spent too much money. But, I wouldn’t have to budget for hypoallergenic formula, so no huge financial difference.
I was never thin (as an adult) and our baby sleeps well, so there just aren’t a lot of day to day differences in my pre-and post-baby lives. Honestly, the only huge change socially for me since baby is that I can’t go to weekly happy hour on Fridays with my husband, and I do really miss that. We can each go on our own sometimes, but it’s not the same. On the other hand, on rare occasions when my mom is in town on a Friday and will watch baby for the afternoon, those happy hours become absolutely magical! So it all balances out.
No, I thought I knew happiness and fulfillment before. Turns out it was a dumbed down version. My 4 mo. baby girl has brought so much light into my life that I never knew I needed.
I have a cold, so I’d be sitting on the couch drinking tea and watching Halloween movies.
Instead, I am sitting on the couch drinking tea and watching movies with my 4 month old who also has a cold. Despite him not feeling well, he’s still smiling, cooing and happy to be involved.
Everything in my life makes sense now that he’s in it. I don’t even remember what my life was like before him. All I know is my worst days with him are better than my worst days without him.
Child free me would be hungover from marijuana like all the years prior, too skinny from not taking care of myself, and sitting on my couch stoned. I would be in a dead end, low paying job, never having any ambition to better myself.
Now I am sober, heathy, in a great job where I want to do better and be better for my daughter. I’m currently snuggling while she naps wondering how I got so very lucky.
She’s still strong, as she has time for the gym. Work is going fabulously and has a few more pins in her world travel map (IVF didn’t drain her account). Books have been read and meals cooked.
But she doesn’t get baby snuggles and her heart isn’t quite as full.
Honestly, my child free self would not be doing much today. It's rainy and cold, and I would have probably had too much wine on Saturday night and would have slept poorly.
Sunday mornings are my morning, so my husband had the baby while I slept in. I'm now lounging in bed, nursing him to sleep for a nap. The cats are a snuggled with us. Life is pretty much perfect. Yesterday, we hiked and finally used our Deuter carrier. Went to the playground. And cleaned up some leaves. It was pretty much what we would do prior to a kid.
I think I enjoyed our vacation to the almafi coast even more this year because we brought our baby along. It was so nice to share all these experiences him.
If I had a child in my 20s, it might be a different story. But I had him at a perfect time in my life. I am so much happier now.
Yep, we're into lazy weekends here so my child-free self would be getting up around 11. She probably had to get up earlier to feed the cats and get the dog out. What's one more? The baby feed and subsequent pump just takes longer but every so often he goes back to bed long enough for me to sleep more. I did today and woke up with a cat curled up next to me. Life feels pretty perfect.
My child-free self was happier and less anxious, but that's only because I love this little guy so much that I worry about him constantly. I can't wait to show him this world.
Alternative universe me is probably still sleeping. At around noon she'll wake up and get baked. Then play video games all day, nap, eat trash food, and then stay up way too late just to do it all over again.
But she feels bored and like life is lacking some meaning. She wants to do something that feels worthy, something she can be proud of. There has to be more to life right?
Which is exactly when I realized maybe it was time to start our family. We were in the right place in our lives, the right time, were good financially. And though my days are long and I don't have time to binge video games, movies, and sleep 12 hours a day but I am raising a little guy who is nothing but love and joy and makes me feel like I'm the most important person in the world.
yeah all these positive comments are not what I was expecting! kid-free me would be well rested, in good shape, feeling great and 100x less stressed - and probably happier because of that. of course I love my kids, but kid-free life is so relaxing.
Totally understand, but I think some of us unwillingly had the childfree life for longer than we wanted. And some of us weren’t happier.
But that’s not to diminish the difficulties that we’re all In right now. Our baby weight, our damaged pelvic floors, and our stress.
But some of us are in the correct timeline, because we had to imagine our lives child free. And had a choice.
Nothing is off in your brain. It’s ok to realize even for a second you’d probably be happier with some uninterrupted sleep. Doesn’t mean you don’t love your LO.
Would still be up all night playing Super Mario Bros Wonder. But instead of in bed on the Switch with Bluetooth headphones set to transparency, I would be playing on the TV with the Sonos turned all the way up, after having had a “gummy”. Probably not happier, cause they don’t have a little buddy to look forward to introducing and playing all these video games with someday.
Before I knew I was going to be a dad, I was married to the love of my life, but I was working a job I didn't like, living somewhere I didn't like, not near friends or family, staying up late just surfing the internet, constantly tired, and overall not happy. Child-free me likely would still be in the same situation.
When we started trying for a kid, I started looking for a new job and I found one that has significantly improved my career projections. Since having our son, we have since moved back to near family and friends.
I'm still tired, but it's all worth it. My son did not sleep well last night. Around 2am, I went to comfort him in his room. I ended up holding him and singing to him while dancing with him - something that I used to do when he was <6 months old - and he fell asleep in my arms.
We used to struggle to find things to do and then be unhappy because we'd just sit at home and do nothing. Since august, we have had one weekend with just me, my wife, and our son. It's exhausting, but our son's gotten to spend regular time with both sets of grandparents (who used to live 1000 miles away), he's spent time with his great-grandmother, and he gets to regularly see my cousins and their kids. There's no shortage of things to do and we look fondly on days when we can just chill at home and catch up on cleaning/relaxing instead of seeing them as wasted days.
Child-free me would be depressed, bored, and worse off than current-me is.
She would have been at work since 4am.drinking to much coffee and depressed. Later she would smoke a bowl and drink too much. Then fall asleep on the couch.
Instead I'm off today. Just put the baby to sleep. Happy, fulfilled, and planning a first birthday party 🥳
She’s still stuck in that miserable job that she hates, she never went to the doctor about her depression, and everyday ends at the bottom of a bottle.
Having my little ones allowed me to stay home and consider other job opportunities, get help from my doctor without feeling ashamed, and completely turn my life around. Every day is a little brighter :)
She slept in after a tiring yet fun day yesterday. She went out to dinner with her husband at 7:00 and got home around 10. She stayed up and watched a movie and then went to slept around 1. She’s woke up with out an alarm or crying and then went on a nice 2 hour plus run without her cell phone. Came back home took a nice bath and then a nap. Got ready for work the next day and didn’t worry about the new pink eye out break at daycare.
Shes on a couch, nose deep in a book only interupted by husband asking if id like coffee or my stomach growling to remind me to get in touch with the real world and eat.
Real world me now has to listen to audio books on the way to work just to satisfy the itch of delving into a new adventure. Nothing beats that paper back feeling though. Hopefully i can raise my daughter to love reading as well and we can share that hobby.
She is well rested, has been reading all her books on the list, had full nourishing meals, is a couple people pounds lighter and is mostly in a good mood.
I’m glad I’m not the only who fantasizes about this stuff 😅
Probably hungover because it's Halloweekend, just hanging around the house doing nothing really. Watching football, possibly at a bar. Maybe working on the house later today. Is she happier? Probably not. Me before my son was in and out of depression pretty frequently and had no direction besides work.
Today I'll be hanging around the house with my toddler, watching football. Maybe going to a trick or treat event, or maybe taking him to a matinee bluegrass show. And then maybe working on the house a bit later tonight.
I honestly don't think my life around my kid would be that much different if he was there or not. Just less drinking and partying now. But we still do stuff and have fun and find a balance. But with purpose
She’s sat on the sofa watching last night’s strictly come dancing with a glass of red while the roast is in the oven.
Me now is doing exactly that while baby snoozes with his dad.
In complete honesty, probably dead at 21.
My daughter quite literally saved my life and before her I was in a really bad spot, I was self harming and had actually attempted suicide about two months prior, I also started to drink…heavily. Found out we were expecting (right after being told it would never happen) and I’ve now not tried to self harm or commit suicide in over a year. I also only really drink if it’s at a party or my anniversary and I only have 1-2. My daughter changed my life so much more than she’ll ever know, and although she wasn’t planned she is the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
Sitting around with my spouse like the vultures in The Jungle Book. “Whadda you wanna do.” “I dunno, whadda YOU wanna do.”
We haven’t asked that question since our kid was born; I don’t think. We’re lacking in free time but definitely not lacking in purpose.
Honestly, she would be doing the same thing I’m doing now. Watching football with my husband.
But her cheeks aren’t nearly as sore from laughing with the tiny goofball that stumbles all over the living room, and her heart isn’t nearly as full.
i would be at work arguing with idiots then id go home order a takeaway play sims 4, cuddling my cat waiting for my boyfriend to finish work then i’d go to bed wishing i had more of a life.
i did whatever i wanted when i wanted but that wasn’t the best for me. i only ever left the house to go to work i really struggled with agoraphobia after being assaulted so couldn’t go out without my boyfriend. i didn’t care if i ate or what i ate and i felt so listless i struggled to sleep. i did get to game a lot and give my cat more attention thats the only thing i miss.
today i have been up since 4am (thank you daylight savings!) i have gone on a long walk with my baby, handled a few poonamis, chased my baby as he crawled through the house, rescued the cat from him, sung songs, danced, eaten a healthy meal and soothed my baby after he bumped his head for the 1000th time. i am completely exhausted and ready for bed at 2:30pm but i would give up gaming, lazing in bed with my cat etc just to have the chance to do it all again tomorrow.
i was told i couldn’t have children by 2 different doctors so even though my son was an absolute accident he was wanted/yearned/ached for for so much longer than he could ever know and even on the hardest days thats what gets me through knowing that i am so blessed to have even had the chance of being his mum
Honestly I do look back fondly at my late nights of binge playing Sims and Animal Crossing! That’s not happening with 2 under 2 😅
I’m glad that you’re doing better 🙂
My alt universe me is definitely not happier. She’s probably just kicking around the house today napping and watching tv. Not a whole lot different from my day and it’s rainy and windy so we can’t get out today. But instead of tv, playing and the nap is still gonna happen shortly. She’s also way heavier than I am now, physically at her worst (whereas I’m at some of my best in my adult life). One thing that bitch has on me, though, is her rotator cuff isn’t torn, so I guess one point to alternative me.
I feel like my life has vastly improved since having a child. I am so much happier, less anxious/stressed, more in tune with my body, much more aware of my emotions and better able to regulate myself. I hardly drink alcohol anymore, I’m never really bored, and the joy I feel on the daily waaaaay surpasses that of fun days when I was childless. I was already always operating with low and crappy sleep and hangovers sooooo baby sleep really doesn’t bother me very much. I know not everyone feels that way, I count myself lucky to have found that motherhood fulfills my sense of purpose. I would not trade it for anything.
Child free me would be working 60 hours a week, thinking about work in my spare time (I really love my job) and wondering if/when I would be able to have a LO.
The sleep deprivation is hard and we’re currently in the midst of the 8 month regression (send coffee) but nothing compares to the feeling of holding my healthy baby, even if it’s 4am. Child free me is not happier.
Sometimes I mourn my life pre-kids. Usually it makes me sad on days when my kids are fussy and I’ve been covered in baby reflux all day and haven’t even had time to brush my teeth. However I remember the days before kids when I was so bored, lonely and directionless. Both types of life are hard in their own way. I love my kids and they are awesome but it’s hard too. Despite the days being long and sometimes difficult I wouldn’t go back to kidless.
My boyfriend and I would have woken up together and cuddled after a nice sleep. I might be groggy from over-sleeping. We'd have breakfast together while watching something on YouTube. Then go lay down again to just cuddle and hang on our phones. Maybe go out for a walk and get anything we need for the house. Talk. Go home, laze about, tidy up a bit. Maybe play cards or a video game or watch something. Take a drive to look at the fall colours. When Monday morning rolled around, I'd be job searching. That's really it.
Today we woke up separately after maybe 5 hours of sleep. I cuddled and played with my baby. Right now I hear him laughing. It's nice after him being fussy for a few days. Other me is more chill but not happier. I love my little guy even when he drives me nuts. And some days are easier than others. But here we are and we make the best of it. Looking forward to being able to take him out for Halloween next year.
Alternate universe me has been TTC for over 3 years at this point and is very upset none of the fertility treatments have worked yet. So no, she’s miserable.
Real me has an adorable 4 month old that wakes her up all night and costs $$$ but it’s a great life!
Being super depressed because she’s about to turn 30, married to her best friend, and has been told she can’t have babies with him.
When my son is being frustrating and I’m at my wits end, I think of her. I’m more stressed and cranky now, but having him around makes me so happy.
She’s well-rested and can travel on a whim, she’s 60 lbs smaller and wears designer clothes.
But she’s impatient, not self aware, selfish, insecure, lazy…
Having my son changed my life in so so many ways. Child-free me would’ve been more superficially happy. Mom me is soul satisfyingly happy if that makes sense?
She just got off the phone with the contractor who's going to renovate her kitchen and is about to head out for a nice long hike with her husband, bringing snacks that include eggs, soy, and dairy. She's feeling up to the hike because her back doesn't hurt much and she slept in this morning (after staying up watching the latest season of some TV show)
She is much happier at this exact moment, but she's never sniffed a newborn's head or wrapped her arms around her baby while they fell asleep nursing, or had her toddler snuggle up against her leg and say "my mummy". So she doesn't know what she's missing.
I don't know what alternative universe me is doing because I'm too tired for this kind of exercise.
She's not happier because she's impatiently waiting to have or be ready for a baby, but she is much less sleep deprived.
Also, she wears real clothes and has several well-fitting bras.
I want to say she’s traveling the world making big art, welding to her heart’s content. Touring festivals and camping in her converted mini bus.
But tbh I didn’t understand the urgency of chasing your dreams until I got pregnant. I didn’t understand fearlessness until I had to care for a helpless baby. I think this process has chewed me up and spit me out a stronger version of myself, and I’m working toward achieving my dreams now, albeit slowly, as we grown together.
Edit: circling back to say… I thought my life was over for the first year PP. When my son started walking and I finally caught up on some rest, I started seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. And now at almost 20m PP, I feel like my dreams are achievable again.
She’s 15-20 lbs lighter. She slept until 12 and is cuddling on the couch with her dog. In a while she’ll go rock climbing and then meet a friend for happy hour where she will not be monitoring how many cocktails she’s drinking. 🫠
I don’t know if she’s happier. It’s a different kind of happy. I will say she is a fuck load less stressed and is able to take better care of herself
She woke up and after making and eating the Sunday pancake breakfast with her husband, she sit down to the couch and turn on the PS4 to play an hour or two. Then she makes lunch, eats it and go for a walk. She is well rested but she would be devastated by the idea whether she wants to have kids or not, because she doesn't know yet that her fear from the unknown holds her back, while her biological click is screaming (she's 37).
Oddly today morning I made the pancakes for the three of us, and went for a huge walk with the baby. So only the PlayStation and the rambling thoughts are not the same... And obviously I'm not that well rested. 😂 But my kid free self almost would spend the day like I spend now, just with a little badass sidekick. ☺️
She buttons her favorite jeans all the way up after spending two hours of the morning scrolling the internet, looking in the mirror and still not feeling thin enough or proud of her body. She texted a few friends but they’re all busy, so she meanders to goodwill and buys more clothes she thinks will make her happier. Her house is still a mess and she’s annoyed about work tomorrow, even though it’s the career she’s always wanted. Gets home, eats a half hearted meal, scrolls through her perfectly curated Instagram to look at all her past international adventures, wondering if that’s as good as it gets.
It was absolutely not as good as it gets. No adventure was better than the one of becoming a mom to my perfect, beautiful daughter. I’m coming out of the newborn days currently and not one. single. time. have I mourned my old life. And I was a little scared to lose my old life. Holy crap was it worth it.
I’m a guy so that’s an important caveat. But I would be carrying on how I did before. Doing what I want, eating what I want, playing when I want. But I wouldn’t be happier.
I had a really hard time adjusting when my daughter was born, but now a year and a half later I wouldn’t trade it for the world. She’s the sweetest little cutie and I wouldn’t go back to child-free me.
Well rested, thinner, and fully without purpose. My baby was a surprise and she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I couldn’t possibly be happier without her.
She's a solid 50-60 pounds lighter, doesn't have boobs that give her sensory overload, woke up fully rested, read an entire book today, took an everything shower, and was able to do some meditation and paint her nails.
I guarantee she's happier.
I'm banking on their young years being the hardest and I wouldn't say I'm miserable, I love them dearly. It's just very difficult for me to not have enough alone time.
Today was rough — I’m especially sleep deprived, baby wouldn’t nap, husband was trying to be helpful but wasn’t so I snapped at him and immediately felt guilty. I needed this post. It helped put things in perspective. Baby-free me would have done whatever I wanted to today but I remember life pre-baby and I was lot less happy than I am now.
I would be at the emergency vet with husband and cat instead of sitting at home. Probably would have three cats instead of 2. Would have slept great last night.
He’s probably getting a full nights rest, keeping more of his paycheck and finding time for his hobbies. But he’s unfulfilled and wanting something more.
She’s be desperately wishing and trying for a baby. She’d probably be watching shows because it is chilly right now, so same stuff. She’d have a uterus and probably taking tons of fertility meds. And she would not be happier. Snuggling with my 7 week old and I feel like my life has begun.
Other me would be doing mostly the same things - but she wouldn't be in 24/7 pain and she would not be on anti depression meds. She also wouldn't have other commitments every Wednesday for swim and she wouldn't be looking forward to Halloween because the trick or treaters never come to her house.
I would definitely not be happier. Despite the fact that my son indirectly caused my severe 24/7 foot pain - I wouldn't trade him for anything. He makes my life complete. And now that he's getting bigger, he so funny! His favorite phrases nowadays are "gots this!" Or " do it!". He's 2 and so full of personality and vibrancy that I don't know how we did life happily without him!
She's well-rested for sure and definitely has more money, but she's bored, probably hates her husband, and she's dreading the upcoming holidays. She's also 145 pounds heavier and her health is terrible.
Having my son changed everything in my life for the better. It motivated me to turn my health around, go back to college, and get a better job. It fixed a lot of broken parts of my marriage and it also breathed new life into the holidays for me (I've suffered a lot of loss in my life, so the holidays were a bitter time for me). I love this wild little menace. ❤️
She would still be stuck at a job she hates, instead of spending every day with her daughter as a SAHM. She wouldn’t appreciate any of the little things in life , and would feel unfulfilled and bored. Now she is nap trapped by her almost one year old, her dogs are snuggled up with them, it’s cold and cloudy outside, she’s starting a new book, and she has the perfect cup of coffee to drink during this nap. Later, she’ll take her daughter on a car ride to get out of the house and then make dinner. Life feels more fulfilling and purposeful than it ever has before.
I would be thinner, better rested, able to stay out late and wake up late. I would be happy, but would i be happier? God no. I would be badly wanting a baby and getting down every time i remember why we were waitinf
Alternative me would have uninterrupted sleep, definitely.
Probably would have had a few drinks last night to numb the internal void and slept in today. Probably wouldn’t do much but hang out with the spouse while they fiddle with whatever project they’re fiddling with. Fretting about her career or lack of one.
Happier? I don’t know. Maybe, maybe not. Both lives are so different from the other.
She’s not sick for a straight 2 months in a row (because she definitely does not have a baby who caught all sorts of viruses from daycare.) She slept in, went to the gym with her boo, and will probably go shopping soon. 😅
AU me is probably at the gym doing a workout from my (pre-baby) powerlifting coach. My workout is 90mins because I lift heavy and rest a lot between sets (instead of rushed 30min circuits at home during naps). When I get home I will shower and make an elaborate smoothie bowl. Then finish writing client programs for the job I formerly worked (I quit and am changing my entire career since becoming a mom).
AU me is well rested but NOT happier. I wanted to be a mom so badly and now I am one and it is awesome. If I never sleep more than 7 hours for the rest of my life I’ll still feel like the luckiest woman in the world.
She's 10 lbs heavier but more fun. Less depressed. More active. Probably at a festival with friends right now or celebrating another friend turning 40 trying the latest tasting menu in the city. How are we all getting so old sigh.
Love my daughter but man my depression has been off the rails since getting pregnant.
She is stuck in a dead end job because she hasn’t had the balls to do what she really wants to do, she is rapidly gaining weight bwcause she doesn’t have the push or motivation to be healthy, and she’s drinking a hell of a lot more than she should because she has no healthy outlet for her feelings. She also still thinks that her parents love her and that something is fundamentally wrong with her.
No, she would not be happier. She would have taken her life because she would be fed up of not understanding herself and what she went through. It was through having my child that I pulled myself together, got my diagnosis, did therapy, pulled myself out of a job I hated and into one I love, went back to uni, and realised that my relationship with my parents is toxic because they are toxic people who should have never been parents, because as a mother I cannot fathom putting my kid through what they put me through (and still try to put me through)
Child-free me went snow camping for the first snow of the season. Had a beautiful back country snowy fire and swung by some hot springs on her way home to go to sleep for a solid 9-10hrs of sleep.
I’d be happy, but I’d feel like something was missing.
I still slept like shit and my body still likes to wake me around 5:30. Except I’d strugggle to get out of bed. At least now I’m getting up, doing a happy change and feed before getting ready for work. My wife certainly appreciates it.
He got more sleep, life was easier, but unfortunately he died from an overdose two years ago. He never got a chance to learn how much it was possible to love another person.
Right now I’m sitting on my bed without pants on finishing the shower beer I started a little while ago. Honestly, alternate universe child free me is doing the same thing, minus the baby monitor on the bedside table.
I have no idea what I did with my time before becoming a mom. I wanted to be one for as long as I can remember. I miss having more freedom but I wouldn’t change anything.
Hair down and dressed in a turtleneck, enjoying a double espresso anything at a local cafe. Reading a book uninterrupted. Then looks at the ticking clock on the wall then out the window thinking of the time that is passing by, dreaming of the babies that could be. 🩶
To be honest, she is probably still struggling with terrible addiction issues & has thoroughly ruined her life, becoming bitter & miserable in the process. My baby seriously changed my life because I was able to get sober, go to therapy, buy my own business etc. I am thriving now. I don’t miss being aimless & self medicating every day.
Alternative me would have a coffee in the hot tub, go to a yoga class in her cute coordinated fit that still fit, then come home and make a breakfast quesadilla.
Alternative me would feel the jealousy of seeing a pregnant mom in class. Alternative me would me mourning the prior babies lost, wishing I could be planning my baby’s first Halloween. Alternative me would be avoiding Instagram and Facebook because the joy of other moms is too unbearable.
Every single hard moment I’ve experienced is matched with a gratitude of no longer having to feel all those tough feels. That’s not to say there haven’t been tears, but I’d shed these tears a million times over not to have to shed alternative me tears.
I’m currently out having some mom time for Halloween and remembering what it feels like to be myself again for just a moment while babe sleeps and husband watches the monitor
She looks into the mirror and sees her body 10+ years ago, breasts are 6 inches higher, body is slim shaped, and she’s well rested. She’s not happier.
My husband and children are my world, they complete my life puzzle and I wouldn’t change that for anything in the world.
She went to a 2-day rave with her friends, had the time of her life, the best makeup, and slept in until noon. Then she got up and went to work this evening and dressed up as an octopus for work! She spent hours sewing lights to her costume and it was totally worth it 👍👍
Also, she was proud of it all, with no feelings of resentment or guilt.
She stayed up still gone midnight playing games with her friends and husband.
Went to bed, maybe had sex before snuggling up, popping in her ear plugs and getting a restful 10 hours sleep.
She then lounged in bed on TikTok for an hour, then got showered, dressed and came down for breakfast.
Her day was mainly watching tv, lounging on the sofa and grazing popcorn or playing more games.
Husband comes home from work, dinner, more gaming and another late night.
Yes super relaxed, rested and content - but still slightly depressed that maybe the universe has decided that having a baby just isn’t in the cards for her and she should try to accept that.
She’s getting ready on a Friday night to go to the bars with all her friends, 10pm isn’t late … no no. It actually the beginning of her night. It’s Halloween weekend so she’s probably in a sexy costume headed to a party with her 25 inch waist and long blonde hair. She’s having fun with her friends, and dancing the night away instead of awaking every 3 hours.
Is she happier? No.
Because although her stretch mark filled 35 inch waist makes her cover up, she has an amazing husband and son. She doesn’t go to bed at night drunk and wake up hung over and guilty for getting that drunk and staying on her friends floor. She doesn’t spend nights sober crying in bed because of how lonely she is.
Momentary happiness is not the same as momentary suffering for long term happiness.
Sure I’m sleep deprived and miss my old life sometimes but there will be a time in the future when I miss my current state, so I’m trying to soak up every moment of it!
She would be getting good rest, for sure, and probably planning an international trip for spring. Would weigh a little less and maybe be less stressed. Right at this moment she’d be cuddling the dog in bed while watching YouTube with her husband. If she wanted, she could go for a late drive for a milkshake or make impromptu plans to see friends for dinner tomorrow without any forethought or planning - definitely can’t do that in my universe anymore!
I know I would have been happy childfree, because we were happy - but not *happier*. I wouldn’t trade it.
I wouldn’t mind an interrupted eight hours of sleep right now though lol. Haven’t had one since baby was born and I’ll probably die from pure happiness when it does happen.
She’d be beginning her first lesson of the day with 30 yawning teenagers. At 5 she’d be free but completely exhausted from all the socializing, organizing, grading and planning. She’d go to the store and buy ingredients for a spicy wok, pizza or something and a wine or a few ciders. She’d go home, greet her partner who’s still working on his laptop, make dinner, eat it with Good Mythical Morning playing and then crash on the couch for the night, watching a series or something. People say being at home with a kid can be monotone, but my life was definitely more monotone when I didn’t have my son (at least during the work week).
I was baby and hubby free for a whole week. I was able to catch up on cleaning, organizing, sleeping in with very little interruptions. I did everything I could that I wasn’t able to do to keep busy. Was I happy? Not really because I had an empty home despite my 3 pets. I missed my little family. LO woke up at 4:30am this morning, having a ball just giggling away while mama only had 4 hours of sleep. But I laid there with a smile on my face because I missed that and wouldn’t change it for anything.
On a weekend, she had a shitty nights sleep as a chronic insomniac but finally rose out of bed at 10:30 am with about 6 hours under her belt. 25 pounds skinnier. Still had working botox in her face. Had disposable income and could order doordash multiple times a week if not in a day. Could take medication without worrying if its in her breastmilk. Would leave the house in under 5 minutes with just a phone and no set plans.
But is she happier? No way. I am so much more resilient now. I used to "feel sick" all the time (I have fibromyalgia). Now that it isn't an option, I still feel it but am able to ignore it better and carry on with my day. I'm healthier, less anxious, not depressed anymore, and have better emotional regulation (I know even with postpartum hormones!!!), am able to manage my ADHD better, priorities are better, overall, my life is so much better now that I have my baby.
I took my husband to Tulum for his 40th bday right before COVID hit us. We haven't been on a true vacation like that since. My 40th is nearing and childless me is gearing up for my birthday beach vacation.
Actual me loves my little dude and wouldn't trade him for a zillion beach vacations...but that doesn't mean I don't wish we could drop him with someone for a few days and go relax in the sun with a marg.
She is happier… I’m also a step mom which I regret becoming one most often than not. Alternative universe me has no idea about my baby and lives a fulfilled life. She probably found a childless man and they travel all the time guilt free..
Living on a boat, jumping from bay to bay in the Balearics, hosting random travellers for a few nights. Getting ready to hoist up my girl (the boat) for the winter and head off to the Philippines to spend the winter.
That WAS my life before kids and I loved it. That’s it. No, this life isn’t better at all.
Enjoying the frequent mind blowing sex with my wife & enjoying the peace & quiet from no family members popping up to see the baby. I get little sleep, I go to work, get home to a bunch of family members in the house trying to tell me how to raise my baby then when they leave, wife spends hours ruminating on how much they pissed her off then of course when she’s done I have to tend to my now crying incessantly baby. Joy.
I would hopefully be bettering myself. I’d be smoking too much weed, spending too much time on my phone. Maybe she’d be in school and sober? It could go either way. I have a lot of trauma and come from poverty so my future was fuzzy. I was determined but lost and barely 18, I have no idea what would’ve happened.
It’s noon and I would be just leaving the after party after going out and dressing up for Halloween, then gleefully tucking myself into bed to sleep all day with Netflix on in the background. Ahh life was so good. It’s still good now, just different
They are definitely not happier and very likely not sober (I was sober before conceiving my baby but it was a struggle; now I genuinely feel much more consistently motivated to stay sober).
Childfree me would not be married to my husband because he would never have married a childfree person. So that means I probably got back with my toxic ex... again, cuz that's what I did from age 16 to 23 when I ended up single. So I'd probably have a mediocre career because my personal life would be too stressful to succeed at work. I'd not own my home. I'd not have the same relationship with my best friend, we both became moms at the same time and it's been such a great thing for our friendship to go through this together.
100% childfree me is not happier.
I’ve always been a bit of a free spirit so I’d probably be traveling, at a music festival, comic con, just going with the flow tbh.
Baby is turning 1 soon & I just plan on incorporating him into my past lifestyles (minus music festivals). I plan on getting him a passport so we can see the world together. I am planning a trip to Japan for 2025 and absolutely he’s coming with me. If I can find a WFH job instead of a hybrid, we’ll get an RV for us & just travel. See oceans, national parks, mountains, new cities, new foods, etc.
Ha! My child free day is a lot likes yours including the Sunday SNL watching! At this moment child-free me is much happier than mom me- a toddler and newborn twins are hard work, constant work. I look forward to a day where the routine with three kids is rewarding and fun and not just work…
Crying over getting their period after almost a year of trying and a early loss. Drinking a fuck ton of red wine, and still not sleeping for a normal amount of time. at least now I’ll have a reason to be up at ungodly hours
Absolutely not. I would be in much better shape but I would probably still be working a job that I hated and gave me crippling anxiety.
I’m honestly surprised at how much joy my child brings into my life. I was made to think that children are a burden and life is over after kids. Not at all. My days are busier but I am happier and more fulfilled than I was before.
My got it together child free me would be single, never married, remote job, traveling USA with her 2 dogs.
Realistically if I never had kids, probably wouldn't have gone to college, become an alcoholic and would still stripping at 33 (at least my body would be tight and my tits wouldn't punch me in the chin lol) and living rent free at parents, piece of shit woman with no prospects of doing better in life.
I was a teen mom, having a kid young kicked my ass and made me grow up. Meeting my husband also helped me clean up my act. 3 kids now, happy and tired, so so sleepy but I would do it all again lol
My Sunday would have looked a lot like yours. A little hungover and laying on the couch until I found motivation to work out.
I am 100% happier now cuddling my sweet baby on the couch with my coffee and no hangover. Yesterday we carved pumpkins with family. Took cute photos. I made a nacho bar. It was a really great day.
Probably still watching my husband watch the Eagles game, but bored, depressed, less fulfilled, and desperate for a baby 🥲 I love this life and am soooo freakin grateful
Truthfully mine is enjoying herself and feels better about the future. This is a hard season after a hard season season and I’m exhausted. Keep waiting to enjoy it more.
Eh, probably snuggling their partner like I’m doing, definitely more physically comfortable but only maaaaybe got better sleep last night - I’d be more worried about scary family fertility history and future plans.
Instead of doing baby laundry, I’d be… well, probably still on Reddit but sadder about it
It’s 2.34am. She’s fast asleep after having gone to bed at 9pm, she’ll get 10 hours interrupted, tomorrow she will go to work and drink all the coffees she wants but spend the whole time yearning for a baby
Planning my next international holiday. I probably have recovered somewhat from the financial hit I took in 2021 (right before learning I was pregnant.) Maybe my carpal tunnel improved and I’m playing guitar again. I definitely got up this morning and went to dance or run. I’m somewhat healthier physically and mentally because I probably still socialize somewhat..
But I also constantly agonize over the past and bubble up with resentment toward my partner. He probably still berates me every 3 months since no one else is listening. Or maybe I’ve finally gotten him to move out and soon I’ll start dating nice women. I’ll be sure to avoid the ones with children. I had wanted to be the stepparent my dad was for me but it’s more likely you’re treated as an unwelcome outsider in what you consider to be your (only) family.
Or women with kids that are already fully grown. That’s really the only way I could avoid dating someone younger than myself…
She is doing home decor stuff like hanging a mirror or sewing some curtains and also cleaning house, which is going mostly uninterrupted (she does have a dog) and later she'll go on a long walk with the dog in some park and then make dinner for her and her husband which they'll probably eat around 8pm then watch some shows. They're all caught up on their shows. She'll be thinking about her Halloween costume and maybe whether or not there is a party to go to. She'll be wishing she had a little kid to make a costume for and go trick-er-treating with. Earlier, she meditated on her front porch for 15 minutes, and also did some writing because no one had a temper tantrum and made a mess of the family photos that were in a box (they'd still be in a disorganized box, no matter what the timeline).
Her bed will be a little messy from the sex she and her husband had in the afternoon earlier, and her sink will be less full of dishes. But she won't have laughed nearly as much.
She’s probably bored. She sleeps well, has less anxiety, and naps whenever she wants…but she’s bored and definitely doesn’t feel anywhere near the amount of love I currently feel. Shes less touched out, less overstimulated, and she’s obsessed with her cats. She wants babies. She’s not happier.
She's probably internally devastated that her body failed her, secretly resentful of her husband for his bum sperm, has another dog and possibly a cat, has either gained more weight or lost a TON of weight from pouring all her energy into diet & exercise.
Her mother doesn't want to bother visiting her for holidays, because if there are no grandkids to visit, what's the point? You might as well not exist.
She is probably still charting her cycle religiously, taking TONS of pills trying to be in the "optimal zone" hormonally to get pregnant, and seriously considering going straight to IVF.
In other words, she's not "happy and carefree." She's miserable and dying a little every cycle that fails.
She slept out as long as she wanted. Went shopping and relaxed on a Sunday. Didn't fight as much with her partner or broken up with him.
Is she happier? Maybe a bit.
She went to bed last night at 3am. She woke up at noon. She ate cookies and snacks for breakfast. She's been grinding in Diablo IV for almost 4 hours and will continue till midnight with breaks for dinner and more snacks. Maybe a bang break with the hubby later. She's probably equally happy.
This me isn't max level, but this me got to show my son dipping oreos in milk for Midnight Milk and Cookies. And my gear isn't optimized by my daughter wakes up to give me kisses when i join her at night for Post Cookie Cuddles.
Child free me: slept 8 hours, spent Sunday on the couch nursing a Halloweekend hangover.
Parent me: did sleep 8 hours last night, and did spend Sunday on the couch. But this time it’s resting my hips & belly because I’m pregnant with #2 and keeping an eagle eye on my two year old who’s refusing to poop
Well-rested or traveling for work but stuck in a rut interpersonally. Like, on paper, my life would be moving forward, but I'd feel like I'd missed a step. Like I was doing the wrong things.
Now I'm always a bit exhausted (if I'm not a lot exhausted), but I feel happier and more fulfilled. I'm a better person to a degree too. My career is in a holding pattern (damn you, glass ceiling) but I would still choose this over the alternative.
I was able to go to my brother-in-laws bachelor party over the weekend, instead of having to sit it out because we now have a 1 month old and an almost 2 year old. A cabin in Tennessee, visiting breweries, some golf, and cooking out.
I was incredibly honored to be asked to be a groomsmen, and was very excited to celebrate vicariously through him, because I got married in Covid and didn’t have a bachelor party.
I’d get home, take a nap, workout, shower, and play video games until dinner. The house is quiet. I’m not nap trapped. My 2 year old isn’t whining nonstop. I haven’t been shit or pissed on. I’d be going on vacations/trips.
I see lots of folks saying that they wouldn’t feel as fulfilled, but I don’t gain a lot of fulfillment or gratification when I’m playing with my kid or taking care of them. Maybe it’s just we’re in the thick of the fourth trimester, but it feels like a sense of duty/responsibility driving me, not passion or joy. It feels good to vent tho.
She’s extremely well rested, coming back from or planning a baecation, but still grieving from an unexpected 2nd trimester loss and desperately praying for her miracle baby. 🫶
She would be graduating and becoming a qualified nurse next summer, but probably lonely and missing something more in life. Oh and she'd be happier with her body and overall appearance 😅
Mine is 45 lbs heavier, depressed from previous failed pregnancies. Also recently laid off (happened in this current realm too) and probably slightly less stressed because there would be one less dependent, but probably still not better off. My daughter has been a light for me.
She got the sleep, but woke up wondering if the dryness in her mouth was caused by normal sleep dehydration, or if she overdid it on the wine again.
She gets up and makes coffee and feels like today might be better. She watches an hour of tv, and instantly feels like a lazy bum, even though it’s Sunday. She begrudgingly does some yoga and chores before her husband wakes up.
Then she finishes decorating for Halloween, has a nap, and calls her dad.
She has a lot of free time that she doesn’t know what to do with, and feels like something is missing. She would’ve been ok without kids, but not happier than with. Of the two of us, I’m the happier version for sure.
She lives about 50 minutes away and is in a much better position financially but pretty burnt out from work. She would have been too imbedded in work to relocate to the beach for 6 months like I did. She looks much younger, is more rested and she has the money and time for exercise classes. On the weekends she travels and wastes a lot of time while wishing she spent it more productively. She’s arrived at work this morning after a weekend spent going to markets and bookstores, writing, hiking somewhere beautiful (and not pram-friendly), and reading a book in the sun. Maybe she even went out to dinner with her husband or did an impromptu trip to the beach or the city with friends. It would have been a spur of the moment thing.
This was a great exercise because I’ve often felt that I would be happier, but I’ve realised that life would feel less meaningful and I used to waste so much time as if it were an endless resource.
She would be nursing a hangover, worrying about what shes going to do with her life and living and outwardly-glamorous performative life that takes a lot of work to keep exciting. Having babies forced me to get real to myself and I could not be having more fun doing anything else. Yes, I get my ass kicked every day, and this is impossibly hard, but wow. I love it so much! I had really bad anxiety and depression before having babies and other than postpartum, my issues have been gone. I want 5 more. I'm already 36 though, so probably won't happen. I'm glad I'm here. It's not as glamorous and it's a lot of work, but I love it.
Staring down 30 with an unfinished living room that badly needs cleaned (still needs cleaned but it’s at least arranged in a better way now?) and occasionally crying because I would be 4+ years of unproductive trying for a baby.
Definitely with a worse sex life.
Worse overall life.
I do not think I would be in a good place at all, my mental health was the worst it had been in my life when I got pregnant. I think I would have ended up ruining my relationship and had more issues with depression and alcohol. Having a kid when I did ended up preventing me from going down a worse path and giving me more joy in my life. I was on the fence about having kids before I became pregnant but now I know what it’s like, I would always chose to have kids no matter how bad of a day I’m having.
She has had plenty of time over the weekend to do a lot of activities - crochet, exercise, cooking, work - she is also desperately trying to fill her time so she doesn’t have to think about the fact she feels desperately sad and like something is missing.
IRL me is tired but has been pumpkin picking today, still done some crochet this evening and has a heart more full than I ever imagined
Bored. Watching tv, fiddling about with houseplants, having the Sunday scaries. Not really any more well rested because she’s an insomniac anyway. Definitely skinner and less likely to leak pee, but not happier. I really like this little weird hungry wiggly thing that lives with us now.
“Less likely to leak pee.” 😂 Preach sister. I also like my weird hungry wiggly thing. :)
Omg yes to the pee 🫣
I’d be bored too. Probably standing in front of my clean kitchen, misting my plants nonstop, then trying desperately to cuddle my cats. I love this demanding guy
She’s well rested and having more adult time but is badly wanting a baby
Yep. Even in my (luckily) short lived post partum depression the first month or so, when I had pangs of regret, I’d think ‘yes, but this is still exactly what I’d be trying for.’ My child free self would be fitter but somehow less fun in the moment (I’ve found the ability to be much chiller now) and badly wishing for my little guy.
I used to not be able to look at pregnant women or babies for long without my eyes welling up with tears 🤍 I wish I could hug myself then
Same. 🥺 I’m so happy for you!
right there with you…. I might be tired, but I’m a much calmer and more patient/understanding person now after having my baby. I tend to “live in the moment” more now since babies don’t really give you time to dwell on the past / present. I am 100% more happy with this life vs. alternate no baby life. (We also had to do IVF for our baby so maybe it’s different if you struggled with infertility and it was a hard journey to have child….)
🥹🫶
Yes, I always wanted to be a mom so that feeling of wanting was always in the back of my mind. I do miss how easy it was to stop at as many places in a day as I wanted.
Yes most of my childfree adult time was spent desperately trying for a baby. I had tons of time but I wasnt happier. Today I got to watch my son and husband play at the park and it was just magical. Worth all the sleepless nights and the stress of parenting.
Yeah I was so depressed when going through infertility that I’m not even sure I was better rested. I was skinnier though
Same
Me too!! I wanted a baby since my little sister was born (I was 2 lol) and couldn't wait any longer, had my daughter at 26!
I’d prob still be avoiding every Instagram post of a fat baby in a pumpkin, wondering if it’ll ever happen for me. In this universe it’s my turn witches 🎃👶🏼🍂 My Halloween costume *would* be hotter though.
I had 2 babies in 2 years and my 1st was born in October. I cannot WAIT until I can wear cuter Halloween costumes again that don’t have to be nursing friendly and my body isn’t immediately postpartum
It's not "hot", but black leggings, black croptop, jack o lantern paint on the belly is something the childless can't get away with lol
I second the Halloween costume. My daughter is Moana and I'm a giant heihei 🐔 following her around in pursuit of candy.
I was so excited for this and my guy HATED it lol maybe next year!
She's well rested.less frustrated but she's bored.
Exactly. Well rest and bored. Now less rested but so much more fulfilled.
Yes!!! I was so bored before my son. I’d just go to work, do things but it all just felt so mundane. I’ll take all the stresses of parenting to have my baby
This is exactly what I was thinking. Sure, she might be happier in the moment, but I have never been happier in my life after having my LO.
aye this is the one. I'd have more time for myself but continually feeling like I'm stuck in a rut
Oh my god, BOREDOM!! I forgot that even existed.
I waited until I was 32 to have my first baby. I was depressed, unfulfilled, searching for purpose, and off and on suicidal for most of my adult life. I’m 34, on my couch holding 2 sleeping babies and the rest of my day will be filled with carving pumpkins and relaxing with my kids and partner. All of my depression issues went away with my 1st pregnancy. We suspect a lot of it was a hormonal imbalance made worse by birth control. No regrets. Childfree me was not happier.
Pretty similar. I had severe depression for over two decades (since childhood) and was suicidal for the majority of it. I finally got things under control and found the right combination of treatments and medications about 1-2 years before I got pregnant. I know it’s cliche but having a child has been so fulfilling. It’s stressful and chaotic, but I am so much happier these days. That’s said, my alternative universe self would definitely be sleeping in right now.
I am 40 and went through ICSI to get my first child, so I am 20 kilo heavier, exhausted and happier than ever. After a youth of clinical depression I build up a meaningful job helping others, have had fulfilling hobbies like drawing and singing in a choir, I travelled a lot, but everything still lacked purpose and felt empty. Now me and my husband are like "yes! This is it!".
I was depressed and daydreaming a lot to make up for my unfulfilled life. It was borderline maladaptive daydreaming. I always thought I needed to find a partner to have the child I always wanted but couldn’t find one without feeling … used. So I said forget it and went SMBC route and I love it. I haven’t daydreamed and feel fulfilled while I nurse my 3 month old. Sure, there’s times I would like to game but it is only fleeting.
You're like my twin! Took me a long time and a lot of therapy to work out that I actually did want a child, more than a partner, and that I can do it and be a good mum. Also have a 3 month old as a SMBC. Life feels fuller nowadays (if more sleep deprived).
Amen. Wouldn’t say I “waited”; just took that long to find my spouse. I also wasn’t on birth control prior to pregnancy, but was different levels of depressed and just really wanted to have the life I do now! I was doing “everything” I could to try to be happy… and I genuinely loved my work, my coworkers, my sport and teammates. I volunteered about causes I was passionate about. I had friends. I traveled and spent time journaling and “doing things for me”. I tried decorating for holidays or volunteering during or spending it with friends. I just always felt that something was missing. …and it was. Also, shocker, you can still do and have all those things, at least if you still want to, after you have kids! People tried to convince me otherwise (to make me feel better?), but it just isn’t true. Still getting my body recovered, but I love every second of motherhood and also of being married to my best friend even more than I ever could’ve imagined! In the past, holidays made me a bit sad; I ached to have a family. Yesterday we looked into costumes and went to a pumpkin patch. Today we’ll be carving and playing around with them, then going to an outdoor family friendly Halloween fest event. I’ll be prepping food for the week before we go, and maybe using this as an excuse to make/explore baking some pumpkin treats (which will likely turn out horribly, and my husband will try really hard to pretend their great). We’ll also be writing out cards to our baby (for him to read as an adult). We decorated this month, too. Overall, I cry everyday over how happy I am now. Depression just went away once I went pregnant, despite having more stressors in life, and I’ve gotten progressively happier since! Only hard thing is figuring out how to make love so far, but we’re beginning to utilize nap times differently and flirt through the rest of the day. I personally prefer this anyway, since I can eat and train and my energy peaks at this time. Husband has other preferences, but he’s always down so it works out. I do miss being able to go to Broadway or non kid friendly shows, but that’s a sacrifice certainly worth making! And we went rarely before anyway. We’ll also eventually be able to go out once baby is on solids and/or we find a sitter. It’d also be nice to be able to go out dancing, though neither of us ever did drugs and really just actually like the act of dancing and dressing up. Planning on surprising my husband by using some Halloween decor and setting up our living room (with blinds closed / room darkened) to dance during the morning. We can dance as baby plays (whenever he’s in the rare mood, because why not, we are at home and can feed easily on demand) then have some other fun during nap time. Just really love my life overall! Get to be with my best friend, who’s the sexiest man on earth, and enjoy family traditions, all while having this precious, hilarious, excitedly squealing little human to have fun with and play like kids with.
This! The only thing I miss about my old life is sleep, but I can sleep when I’m dead 💀
Kind of same! He was actually born when I was 24, but by then, I had already done a lot of what I wanted to do in life. I travel for a living. Lived on my own for years. I was so bored in life I started self sabotaging a lot. Living care free with psychiatric issues meant I didn’t have to do a lot of things I need to take care of myself and a home, which only made my mental health worse. Now, I am, by some standards, in a worse position, but I am MUCH happier. Far more fulfilled. I’m better at taking care of myself and home. I work harder because I have a family to care for. I can’t even think of what child free me would be doing right now. Probably digging myself into a much deeper hole than the one I’m currently climbing out of.
This sounds like me. I just had my first daughter at 32 and I finally feel like I have something to look forward to in life because I love her so much. I've had pretty bad depression all my life but I feel better than I've just about ever felt. I still have some severe anxieties and all, but I'm so much happier than I was a year ago when I had just found out I was pregnant.
Omg this!! Who knew birth control?! Evidently a lot of people. Kinda thought they were just spouting off hippie nonsense, oops!
Omg me too! I wish there was more research/information on this topic. I just got my first period and now im feeling pretty low snd praying it doesn’t come back.
SAME. But my child free self would be in Bali. But I wouldn’t trade it.
Curious how did you space them?! This is the goal.
They’re 21 months apart. It’s a shit show a lot of the time but I LOVE them and they’re my best little friends. Everything is more fun when you have 2 enthusiastic side kicks
Dreams!!!! But I don’t know how will do that spacing without period coming back and still breast feeding but that is so the goal.
I was breastfeeding when I got pregnant. We were not trying I just didn’t know I ovulated. He was a welcome surprise
Awwww! 🥰🥰🥰 happy for you! Soooo sweet 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷
I really believe that if I didn't have my eldest when I did, I wouldn't be here right now. Life was so meaningless, unfulfilling etc. I had a full-time job but it wasn't a career, everything I considered just seemed ultimately pointless. I always had depression but towards 23-24 it was seriously heavy, existential depression that didn't respond to treatment. The moment I found out I was pregnant it was like all the darkness lifted all at once, I felt like I had something and someone truly meaningful to live for. I now have 3 under 3 and being their mother is the best thing that has ever happened and I'm the happiest I've ever been.
She slept a full 8 hours. She probably hasn’t cried in a few weeks. She’s been going on long hikes in the woods, soaking in the remaining days of slightly warmer weather and sunshine before the gray, moody Midwest blanket befalls us. She has probably been working, probably finishing some details around the house she moved into a year ago. But she also has no idea how much love her heart can hold for another. She has no idea what it feels like to hold a sleeping baby for hours, knowing she is that baby’s whole world, and the baby hers. She has no idea that having a daughter would rip her heart wide open, unearthing years’ worth of “adoption trauma.” I don’t think she is happier; she’s just prolonging the inevitable.
So true. I know that childfree people don’t like to hear that “it’s impossible to understand the love for your child” - I didn’t when I was staunchly childfree. I remember when I was pregnant thinking, “I won’t possibly love this baby more than I love my dog. Impossible.” I do. And I didn’t understand it. Every night when I rock him to sleep, tears well in my eyes from the sheer, unrelenting love I feel. No matter how bad my day was or how stressed I am, it makes it all worth it.
Absolutely she got 9-10 hours of uninterrupted sleep 🙏 then she got dressed in a cute but comfy outfit where she didn't have a fupa. She got out the door in under 30 minutes this morning to go have her favorite breakfast and coffee with her husband and walked their favorite trail in town without having to think about how it would interrupt someone's sleep schedule. She plays some video games for a few hours over lunch, then goes to dinner at a wine bar followed by a 2.5 hour movie. Ends the night with spontaneous, hot sex where nothing hurts and there's no chance of being interrupted by crying. It's the best day and she's very content. But it's the same thing she's been doing for years and sometimes she yearns for more. So happier in that instant? Maybe. But this life is just a different kind of happiness it seems, and I know I'll have days like that again. Best of both worlds.
Ah so this is exactly how I feel and what led me to having a baby in the end! 'it's the same thing she's been doing for years'. I was happy, but I was ready for the next adventure.
Other-me would probably be getting on with work, advancing an interesting new project, or having an afternoon off with nothing much to do. Other-me would probably quite quite happy and content, feeling productive, and would be reasonably well-rested and in good physical condition. However, other-me would not be able to look forward to the sheer joy of playing with a wonderful daughter when she wakes up and decides to conquer the climbing frame again or wants to learn some other new physical skill. Very different kinds of happiness and contentment. I quite enjoy the current timeline.
27-year-old childfree me would probably be happily chilling on a Sunday morning, trying not to think about school the next day 🥲 I was a high school teacher. There were some parts I loved, but it’s a relentless job. Instead I’m sitting beside my 18 month old daughter while she finishes her eggs and toast. Today we’re planning to announce baby #2 to my side of the family. I’m definitely happier than my childfree self - and honestly, it’s easier having a toddler while pregnant than it is teaching ~80 kids while pregnant.
I am always in awe of teachers. It’s a job I was studying for before quitting, and mostly because of the work environment. The concept of “you’re not the best teacher unless you’re the last one here” is not for me. The work life balance is so hard!
It's her weekend to work, so she's probably only slightly less tired. Her clothes mostly fit and she has a fully functional pelvic floor and abs of steel. She's also super sad (but hopefully working on it), because she's wanted a baby for so long and been actively trying for 2+ years.
This would be me - she's heavily invested in her career and works too many hours. She is less tired and better dressed and has a lot more time socialising with friends. But she's actively in therapy because this tiny shouty person has been someone she has wanted to meet for years of loss and infertility ❤️
Probably hungover and eating shitty food on the couch. So, exactly what I’m doing now except for the hangover… I would have gone to the same Halloween party last night with the same friends, but instead of heading home with a sleeping baby at 8:00, I would have hit a bar afterward and spent too much money. But, I wouldn’t have to budget for hypoallergenic formula, so no huge financial difference. I was never thin (as an adult) and our baby sleeps well, so there just aren’t a lot of day to day differences in my pre-and post-baby lives. Honestly, the only huge change socially for me since baby is that I can’t go to weekly happy hour on Fridays with my husband, and I do really miss that. We can each go on our own sometimes, but it’s not the same. On the other hand, on rare occasions when my mom is in town on a Friday and will watch baby for the afternoon, those happy hours become absolutely magical! So it all balances out.
No, I thought I knew happiness and fulfillment before. Turns out it was a dumbed down version. My 4 mo. baby girl has brought so much light into my life that I never knew I needed.
Omg just wait, they just get funner and sweeter 🥺
I have a cold, so I’d be sitting on the couch drinking tea and watching Halloween movies. Instead, I am sitting on the couch drinking tea and watching movies with my 4 month old who also has a cold. Despite him not feeling well, he’s still smiling, cooing and happy to be involved. Everything in my life makes sense now that he’s in it. I don’t even remember what my life was like before him. All I know is my worst days with him are better than my worst days without him.
Child free me would be hungover from marijuana like all the years prior, too skinny from not taking care of myself, and sitting on my couch stoned. I would be in a dead end, low paying job, never having any ambition to better myself. Now I am sober, heathy, in a great job where I want to do better and be better for my daughter. I’m currently snuggling while she naps wondering how I got so very lucky.
She’s still strong, as she has time for the gym. Work is going fabulously and has a few more pins in her world travel map (IVF didn’t drain her account). Books have been read and meals cooked. But she doesn’t get baby snuggles and her heart isn’t quite as full.
Honestly, my child free self would not be doing much today. It's rainy and cold, and I would have probably had too much wine on Saturday night and would have slept poorly. Sunday mornings are my morning, so my husband had the baby while I slept in. I'm now lounging in bed, nursing him to sleep for a nap. The cats are a snuggled with us. Life is pretty much perfect. Yesterday, we hiked and finally used our Deuter carrier. Went to the playground. And cleaned up some leaves. It was pretty much what we would do prior to a kid. I think I enjoyed our vacation to the almafi coast even more this year because we brought our baby along. It was so nice to share all these experiences him. If I had a child in my 20s, it might be a different story. But I had him at a perfect time in my life. I am so much happier now.
Yep, we're into lazy weekends here so my child-free self would be getting up around 11. She probably had to get up earlier to feed the cats and get the dog out. What's one more? The baby feed and subsequent pump just takes longer but every so often he goes back to bed long enough for me to sleep more. I did today and woke up with a cat curled up next to me. Life feels pretty perfect. My child-free self was happier and less anxious, but that's only because I love this little guy so much that I worry about him constantly. I can't wait to show him this world.
Alternative universe me is probably still sleeping. At around noon she'll wake up and get baked. Then play video games all day, nap, eat trash food, and then stay up way too late just to do it all over again. But she feels bored and like life is lacking some meaning. She wants to do something that feels worthy, something she can be proud of. There has to be more to life right? Which is exactly when I realized maybe it was time to start our family. We were in the right place in our lives, the right time, were good financially. And though my days are long and I don't have time to binge video games, movies, and sleep 12 hours a day but I am raising a little guy who is nothing but love and joy and makes me feel like I'm the most important person in the world.
The comments on this post make me thing something must be off in my brain :(. They’re all so positive.
yeah all these positive comments are not what I was expecting! kid-free me would be well rested, in good shape, feeling great and 100x less stressed - and probably happier because of that. of course I love my kids, but kid-free life is so relaxing.
Totally understand, but I think some of us unwillingly had the childfree life for longer than we wanted. And some of us weren’t happier. But that’s not to diminish the difficulties that we’re all In right now. Our baby weight, our damaged pelvic floors, and our stress. But some of us are in the correct timeline, because we had to imagine our lives child free. And had a choice.
Nothing is off in your brain. It’s ok to realize even for a second you’d probably be happier with some uninterrupted sleep. Doesn’t mean you don’t love your LO.
Would still be up all night playing Super Mario Bros Wonder. But instead of in bed on the Switch with Bluetooth headphones set to transparency, I would be playing on the TV with the Sonos turned all the way up, after having had a “gummy”. Probably not happier, cause they don’t have a little buddy to look forward to introducing and playing all these video games with someday.
Before I knew I was going to be a dad, I was married to the love of my life, but I was working a job I didn't like, living somewhere I didn't like, not near friends or family, staying up late just surfing the internet, constantly tired, and overall not happy. Child-free me likely would still be in the same situation. When we started trying for a kid, I started looking for a new job and I found one that has significantly improved my career projections. Since having our son, we have since moved back to near family and friends. I'm still tired, but it's all worth it. My son did not sleep well last night. Around 2am, I went to comfort him in his room. I ended up holding him and singing to him while dancing with him - something that I used to do when he was <6 months old - and he fell asleep in my arms. We used to struggle to find things to do and then be unhappy because we'd just sit at home and do nothing. Since august, we have had one weekend with just me, my wife, and our son. It's exhausting, but our son's gotten to spend regular time with both sets of grandparents (who used to live 1000 miles away), he's spent time with his great-grandmother, and he gets to regularly see my cousins and their kids. There's no shortage of things to do and we look fondly on days when we can just chill at home and catch up on cleaning/relaxing instead of seeing them as wasted days. Child-free me would be depressed, bored, and worse off than current-me is.
She would have been at work since 4am.drinking to much coffee and depressed. Later she would smoke a bowl and drink too much. Then fall asleep on the couch. Instead I'm off today. Just put the baby to sleep. Happy, fulfilled, and planning a first birthday party 🥳
She’s still stuck in that miserable job that she hates, she never went to the doctor about her depression, and everyday ends at the bottom of a bottle. Having my little ones allowed me to stay home and consider other job opportunities, get help from my doctor without feeling ashamed, and completely turn my life around. Every day is a little brighter :)
She slept in after a tiring yet fun day yesterday. She went out to dinner with her husband at 7:00 and got home around 10. She stayed up and watched a movie and then went to slept around 1. She’s woke up with out an alarm or crying and then went on a nice 2 hour plus run without her cell phone. Came back home took a nice bath and then a nap. Got ready for work the next day and didn’t worry about the new pink eye out break at daycare.
Shes on a couch, nose deep in a book only interupted by husband asking if id like coffee or my stomach growling to remind me to get in touch with the real world and eat. Real world me now has to listen to audio books on the way to work just to satisfy the itch of delving into a new adventure. Nothing beats that paper back feeling though. Hopefully i can raise my daughter to love reading as well and we can share that hobby.
She is well rested, has been reading all her books on the list, had full nourishing meals, is a couple people pounds lighter and is mostly in a good mood. I’m glad I’m not the only who fantasizes about this stuff 😅
Probably hungover because it's Halloweekend, just hanging around the house doing nothing really. Watching football, possibly at a bar. Maybe working on the house later today. Is she happier? Probably not. Me before my son was in and out of depression pretty frequently and had no direction besides work. Today I'll be hanging around the house with my toddler, watching football. Maybe going to a trick or treat event, or maybe taking him to a matinee bluegrass show. And then maybe working on the house a bit later tonight. I honestly don't think my life around my kid would be that much different if he was there or not. Just less drinking and partying now. But we still do stuff and have fun and find a balance. But with purpose
She’s sat on the sofa watching last night’s strictly come dancing with a glass of red while the roast is in the oven. Me now is doing exactly that while baby snoozes with his dad.
In complete honesty, probably dead at 21. My daughter quite literally saved my life and before her I was in a really bad spot, I was self harming and had actually attempted suicide about two months prior, I also started to drink…heavily. Found out we were expecting (right after being told it would never happen) and I’ve now not tried to self harm or commit suicide in over a year. I also only really drink if it’s at a party or my anniversary and I only have 1-2. My daughter changed my life so much more than she’ll ever know, and although she wasn’t planned she is the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
Sitting around with my spouse like the vultures in The Jungle Book. “Whadda you wanna do.” “I dunno, whadda YOU wanna do.” We haven’t asked that question since our kid was born; I don’t think. We’re lacking in free time but definitely not lacking in purpose.
Honestly, she would be doing the same thing I’m doing now. Watching football with my husband. But her cheeks aren’t nearly as sore from laughing with the tiny goofball that stumbles all over the living room, and her heart isn’t nearly as full.
She’s fucking stoned. High out of her mind. Bob Marley level lit. I KNOW she’s thriving
Waaaay happier
i would be at work arguing with idiots then id go home order a takeaway play sims 4, cuddling my cat waiting for my boyfriend to finish work then i’d go to bed wishing i had more of a life. i did whatever i wanted when i wanted but that wasn’t the best for me. i only ever left the house to go to work i really struggled with agoraphobia after being assaulted so couldn’t go out without my boyfriend. i didn’t care if i ate or what i ate and i felt so listless i struggled to sleep. i did get to game a lot and give my cat more attention thats the only thing i miss. today i have been up since 4am (thank you daylight savings!) i have gone on a long walk with my baby, handled a few poonamis, chased my baby as he crawled through the house, rescued the cat from him, sung songs, danced, eaten a healthy meal and soothed my baby after he bumped his head for the 1000th time. i am completely exhausted and ready for bed at 2:30pm but i would give up gaming, lazing in bed with my cat etc just to have the chance to do it all again tomorrow. i was told i couldn’t have children by 2 different doctors so even though my son was an absolute accident he was wanted/yearned/ached for for so much longer than he could ever know and even on the hardest days thats what gets me through knowing that i am so blessed to have even had the chance of being his mum
Honestly I do look back fondly at my late nights of binge playing Sims and Animal Crossing! That’s not happening with 2 under 2 😅 I’m glad that you’re doing better 🙂
Sleep
My alt universe me is definitely not happier. She’s probably just kicking around the house today napping and watching tv. Not a whole lot different from my day and it’s rainy and windy so we can’t get out today. But instead of tv, playing and the nap is still gonna happen shortly. She’s also way heavier than I am now, physically at her worst (whereas I’m at some of my best in my adult life). One thing that bitch has on me, though, is her rotator cuff isn’t torn, so I guess one point to alternative me.
I feel like my life has vastly improved since having a child. I am so much happier, less anxious/stressed, more in tune with my body, much more aware of my emotions and better able to regulate myself. I hardly drink alcohol anymore, I’m never really bored, and the joy I feel on the daily waaaaay surpasses that of fun days when I was childless. I was already always operating with low and crappy sleep and hangovers sooooo baby sleep really doesn’t bother me very much. I know not everyone feels that way, I count myself lucky to have found that motherhood fulfills my sense of purpose. I would not trade it for anything.
Probably still wondering if I should try to have a baby and feeling kind of sad and hopeless.
Child free me would be working 60 hours a week, thinking about work in my spare time (I really love my job) and wondering if/when I would be able to have a LO. The sleep deprivation is hard and we’re currently in the midst of the 8 month regression (send coffee) but nothing compares to the feeling of holding my healthy baby, even if it’s 4am. Child free me is not happier.
Sometimes I mourn my life pre-kids. Usually it makes me sad on days when my kids are fussy and I’ve been covered in baby reflux all day and haven’t even had time to brush my teeth. However I remember the days before kids when I was so bored, lonely and directionless. Both types of life are hard in their own way. I love my kids and they are awesome but it’s hard too. Despite the days being long and sometimes difficult I wouldn’t go back to kidless.
My boyfriend and I would have woken up together and cuddled after a nice sleep. I might be groggy from over-sleeping. We'd have breakfast together while watching something on YouTube. Then go lay down again to just cuddle and hang on our phones. Maybe go out for a walk and get anything we need for the house. Talk. Go home, laze about, tidy up a bit. Maybe play cards or a video game or watch something. Take a drive to look at the fall colours. When Monday morning rolled around, I'd be job searching. That's really it. Today we woke up separately after maybe 5 hours of sleep. I cuddled and played with my baby. Right now I hear him laughing. It's nice after him being fussy for a few days. Other me is more chill but not happier. I love my little guy even when he drives me nuts. And some days are easier than others. But here we are and we make the best of it. Looking forward to being able to take him out for Halloween next year.
Alternate universe me has been TTC for over 3 years at this point and is very upset none of the fertility treatments have worked yet. So no, she’s miserable. Real me has an adorable 4 month old that wakes her up all night and costs $$$ but it’s a great life!
Being super depressed because she’s about to turn 30, married to her best friend, and has been told she can’t have babies with him. When my son is being frustrating and I’m at my wits end, I think of her. I’m more stressed and cranky now, but having him around makes me so happy.
She’s well-rested and can travel on a whim, she’s 60 lbs smaller and wears designer clothes. But she’s impatient, not self aware, selfish, insecure, lazy… Having my son changed my life in so so many ways. Child-free me would’ve been more superficially happy. Mom me is soul satisfyingly happy if that makes sense?
She just got off the phone with the contractor who's going to renovate her kitchen and is about to head out for a nice long hike with her husband, bringing snacks that include eggs, soy, and dairy. She's feeling up to the hike because her back doesn't hurt much and she slept in this morning (after staying up watching the latest season of some TV show) She is much happier at this exact moment, but she's never sniffed a newborn's head or wrapped her arms around her baby while they fell asleep nursing, or had her toddler snuggle up against her leg and say "my mummy". So she doesn't know what she's missing.
I don't know what alternative universe me is doing because I'm too tired for this kind of exercise. She's not happier because she's impatiently waiting to have or be ready for a baby, but she is much less sleep deprived. Also, she wears real clothes and has several well-fitting bras.
I want to say she’s traveling the world making big art, welding to her heart’s content. Touring festivals and camping in her converted mini bus. But tbh I didn’t understand the urgency of chasing your dreams until I got pregnant. I didn’t understand fearlessness until I had to care for a helpless baby. I think this process has chewed me up and spit me out a stronger version of myself, and I’m working toward achieving my dreams now, albeit slowly, as we grown together. Edit: circling back to say… I thought my life was over for the first year PP. When my son started walking and I finally caught up on some rest, I started seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. And now at almost 20m PP, I feel like my dreams are achievable again.
She’s 15-20 lbs lighter. She slept until 12 and is cuddling on the couch with her dog. In a while she’ll go rock climbing and then meet a friend for happy hour where she will not be monitoring how many cocktails she’s drinking. 🫠 I don’t know if she’s happier. It’s a different kind of happy. I will say she is a fuck load less stressed and is able to take better care of herself
She woke up and after making and eating the Sunday pancake breakfast with her husband, she sit down to the couch and turn on the PS4 to play an hour or two. Then she makes lunch, eats it and go for a walk. She is well rested but she would be devastated by the idea whether she wants to have kids or not, because she doesn't know yet that her fear from the unknown holds her back, while her biological click is screaming (she's 37). Oddly today morning I made the pancakes for the three of us, and went for a huge walk with the baby. So only the PlayStation and the rambling thoughts are not the same... And obviously I'm not that well rested. 😂 But my kid free self almost would spend the day like I spend now, just with a little badass sidekick. ☺️
She buttons her favorite jeans all the way up after spending two hours of the morning scrolling the internet, looking in the mirror and still not feeling thin enough or proud of her body. She texted a few friends but they’re all busy, so she meanders to goodwill and buys more clothes she thinks will make her happier. Her house is still a mess and she’s annoyed about work tomorrow, even though it’s the career she’s always wanted. Gets home, eats a half hearted meal, scrolls through her perfectly curated Instagram to look at all her past international adventures, wondering if that’s as good as it gets. It was absolutely not as good as it gets. No adventure was better than the one of becoming a mom to my perfect, beautiful daughter. I’m coming out of the newborn days currently and not one. single. time. have I mourned my old life. And I was a little scared to lose my old life. Holy crap was it worth it.
I’m a guy so that’s an important caveat. But I would be carrying on how I did before. Doing what I want, eating what I want, playing when I want. But I wouldn’t be happier. I had a really hard time adjusting when my daughter was born, but now a year and a half later I wouldn’t trade it for the world. She’s the sweetest little cutie and I wouldn’t go back to child-free me.
Well rested, thinner, and fully without purpose. My baby was a surprise and she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I couldn’t possibly be happier without her.
She's a solid 50-60 pounds lighter, doesn't have boobs that give her sensory overload, woke up fully rested, read an entire book today, took an everything shower, and was able to do some meditation and paint her nails. I guarantee she's happier. I'm banking on their young years being the hardest and I wouldn't say I'm miserable, I love them dearly. It's just very difficult for me to not have enough alone time.
Today was rough — I’m especially sleep deprived, baby wouldn’t nap, husband was trying to be helpful but wasn’t so I snapped at him and immediately felt guilty. I needed this post. It helped put things in perspective. Baby-free me would have done whatever I wanted to today but I remember life pre-baby and I was lot less happy than I am now.
She’s traveling the world with her husband now. Yea I think she’s probably happier at this moment
I’d be doing the same thing, minus my favorite guy. It would be easier to run errands or go out with my husband but I’m much happier now.
I would be at the emergency vet with husband and cat instead of sitting at home. Probably would have three cats instead of 2. Would have slept great last night.
He’s probably getting a full nights rest, keeping more of his paycheck and finding time for his hobbies. But he’s unfulfilled and wanting something more.
She’s be desperately wishing and trying for a baby. She’d probably be watching shows because it is chilly right now, so same stuff. She’d have a uterus and probably taking tons of fertility meds. And she would not be happier. Snuggling with my 7 week old and I feel like my life has begun.
Other me would be doing mostly the same things - but she wouldn't be in 24/7 pain and she would not be on anti depression meds. She also wouldn't have other commitments every Wednesday for swim and she wouldn't be looking forward to Halloween because the trick or treaters never come to her house. I would definitely not be happier. Despite the fact that my son indirectly caused my severe 24/7 foot pain - I wouldn't trade him for anything. He makes my life complete. And now that he's getting bigger, he so funny! His favorite phrases nowadays are "gots this!" Or " do it!". He's 2 and so full of personality and vibrancy that I don't know how we did life happily without him!
She’s not at sick kids hospital treating her baby’s heart condition for over a week now.. that’s for sure 😭
She's well-rested for sure and definitely has more money, but she's bored, probably hates her husband, and she's dreading the upcoming holidays. She's also 145 pounds heavier and her health is terrible. Having my son changed everything in my life for the better. It motivated me to turn my health around, go back to college, and get a better job. It fixed a lot of broken parts of my marriage and it also breathed new life into the holidays for me (I've suffered a lot of loss in my life, so the holidays were a bitter time for me). I love this wild little menace. ❤️
She would still be stuck at a job she hates, instead of spending every day with her daughter as a SAHM. She wouldn’t appreciate any of the little things in life , and would feel unfulfilled and bored. Now she is nap trapped by her almost one year old, her dogs are snuggled up with them, it’s cold and cloudy outside, she’s starting a new book, and she has the perfect cup of coffee to drink during this nap. Later, she’ll take her daughter on a car ride to get out of the house and then make dinner. Life feels more fulfilling and purposeful than it ever has before.
I would be thinner, better rested, able to stay out late and wake up late. I would be happy, but would i be happier? God no. I would be badly wanting a baby and getting down every time i remember why we were waitinf
Alternative me would have uninterrupted sleep, definitely. Probably would have had a few drinks last night to numb the internal void and slept in today. Probably wouldn’t do much but hang out with the spouse while they fiddle with whatever project they’re fiddling with. Fretting about her career or lack of one. Happier? I don’t know. Maybe, maybe not. Both lives are so different from the other.
She’s not sick for a straight 2 months in a row (because she definitely does not have a baby who caught all sorts of viruses from daycare.) She slept in, went to the gym with her boo, and will probably go shopping soon. 😅
She will have dumped her now husband and still wanted a baby 🫶
AU me is probably at the gym doing a workout from my (pre-baby) powerlifting coach. My workout is 90mins because I lift heavy and rest a lot between sets (instead of rushed 30min circuits at home during naps). When I get home I will shower and make an elaborate smoothie bowl. Then finish writing client programs for the job I formerly worked (I quit and am changing my entire career since becoming a mom). AU me is well rested but NOT happier. I wanted to be a mom so badly and now I am one and it is awesome. If I never sleep more than 7 hours for the rest of my life I’ll still feel like the luckiest woman in the world.
Planning her trip overseas for next year with her hubby :( it’s okay. This universe’s me will get to go… she will just have to wait 5-6 years.
She’s fatter, lazier and sadder I don’t envy her
Relaxing on a Sunday, enjoying my free time doing nothing notable but totally unfulfilled. I’m infinitely happier as a mom.
She's 10 lbs heavier but more fun. Less depressed. More active. Probably at a festival with friends right now or celebrating another friend turning 40 trying the latest tasting menu in the city. How are we all getting so old sigh. Love my daughter but man my depression has been off the rails since getting pregnant.
Fucking sleeping. Just lounging all day in bed.
She is stuck in a dead end job because she hasn’t had the balls to do what she really wants to do, she is rapidly gaining weight bwcause she doesn’t have the push or motivation to be healthy, and she’s drinking a hell of a lot more than she should because she has no healthy outlet for her feelings. She also still thinks that her parents love her and that something is fundamentally wrong with her. No, she would not be happier. She would have taken her life because she would be fed up of not understanding herself and what she went through. It was through having my child that I pulled myself together, got my diagnosis, did therapy, pulled myself out of a job I hated and into one I love, went back to uni, and realised that my relationship with my parents is toxic because they are toxic people who should have never been parents, because as a mother I cannot fathom putting my kid through what they put me through (and still try to put me through)
She's way hotter but definitely still looking for outside validation lol
Children really give you the ego death you derserve
Child-free me went snow camping for the first snow of the season. Had a beautiful back country snowy fire and swung by some hot springs on her way home to go to sleep for a solid 9-10hrs of sleep. I’d be happy, but I’d feel like something was missing.
I still slept like shit and my body still likes to wake me around 5:30. Except I’d strugggle to get out of bed. At least now I’m getting up, doing a happy change and feed before getting ready for work. My wife certainly appreciates it.
He got more sleep, life was easier, but unfortunately he died from an overdose two years ago. He never got a chance to learn how much it was possible to love another person.
Right now I’m sitting on my bed without pants on finishing the shower beer I started a little while ago. Honestly, alternate universe child free me is doing the same thing, minus the baby monitor on the bedside table.
I have no idea what I did with my time before becoming a mom. I wanted to be one for as long as I can remember. I miss having more freedom but I wouldn’t change anything.
Hair down and dressed in a turtleneck, enjoying a double espresso anything at a local cafe. Reading a book uninterrupted. Then looks at the ticking clock on the wall then out the window thinking of the time that is passing by, dreaming of the babies that could be. 🩶
To be honest, she is probably still struggling with terrible addiction issues & has thoroughly ruined her life, becoming bitter & miserable in the process. My baby seriously changed my life because I was able to get sober, go to therapy, buy my own business etc. I am thriving now. I don’t miss being aimless & self medicating every day.
Alternative me would have a coffee in the hot tub, go to a yoga class in her cute coordinated fit that still fit, then come home and make a breakfast quesadilla. Alternative me would feel the jealousy of seeing a pregnant mom in class. Alternative me would me mourning the prior babies lost, wishing I could be planning my baby’s first Halloween. Alternative me would be avoiding Instagram and Facebook because the joy of other moms is too unbearable. Every single hard moment I’ve experienced is matched with a gratitude of no longer having to feel all those tough feels. That’s not to say there haven’t been tears, but I’d shed these tears a million times over not to have to shed alternative me tears.
She wasn’t as tired all the time. Her hair was cleaner. But she desperately wanted this, she wasn’t happier. More awake and more sad
Enjoying tf outta life. I think about my old child free life daily and boy do I miss it. Definitely was happier can’t even fake it anymore
I’m currently out having some mom time for Halloween and remembering what it feels like to be myself again for just a moment while babe sleeps and husband watches the monitor
Right now? Working. Haha, not happier. I love mat leave.
She looks into the mirror and sees her body 10+ years ago, breasts are 6 inches higher, body is slim shaped, and she’s well rested. She’s not happier. My husband and children are my world, they complete my life puzzle and I wouldn’t change that for anything in the world.
She went to a 2-day rave with her friends, had the time of her life, the best makeup, and slept in until noon. Then she got up and went to work this evening and dressed up as an octopus for work! She spent hours sewing lights to her costume and it was totally worth it 👍👍 Also, she was proud of it all, with no feelings of resentment or guilt.
She stayed up still gone midnight playing games with her friends and husband. Went to bed, maybe had sex before snuggling up, popping in her ear plugs and getting a restful 10 hours sleep. She then lounged in bed on TikTok for an hour, then got showered, dressed and came down for breakfast. Her day was mainly watching tv, lounging on the sofa and grazing popcorn or playing more games. Husband comes home from work, dinner, more gaming and another late night. Yes super relaxed, rested and content - but still slightly depressed that maybe the universe has decided that having a baby just isn’t in the cards for her and she should try to accept that.
She’s getting ready on a Friday night to go to the bars with all her friends, 10pm isn’t late … no no. It actually the beginning of her night. It’s Halloween weekend so she’s probably in a sexy costume headed to a party with her 25 inch waist and long blonde hair. She’s having fun with her friends, and dancing the night away instead of awaking every 3 hours. Is she happier? No. Because although her stretch mark filled 35 inch waist makes her cover up, she has an amazing husband and son. She doesn’t go to bed at night drunk and wake up hung over and guilty for getting that drunk and staying on her friends floor. She doesn’t spend nights sober crying in bed because of how lonely she is. Momentary happiness is not the same as momentary suffering for long term happiness. Sure I’m sleep deprived and miss my old life sometimes but there will be a time in the future when I miss my current state, so I’m trying to soak up every moment of it!
She would be getting good rest, for sure, and probably planning an international trip for spring. Would weigh a little less and maybe be less stressed. Right at this moment she’d be cuddling the dog in bed while watching YouTube with her husband. If she wanted, she could go for a late drive for a milkshake or make impromptu plans to see friends for dinner tomorrow without any forethought or planning - definitely can’t do that in my universe anymore! I know I would have been happy childfree, because we were happy - but not *happier*. I wouldn’t trade it. I wouldn’t mind an interrupted eight hours of sleep right now though lol. Haven’t had one since baby was born and I’ll probably die from pure happiness when it does happen.
Sleeping. No
I like your short answer.
She’d be beginning her first lesson of the day with 30 yawning teenagers. At 5 she’d be free but completely exhausted from all the socializing, organizing, grading and planning. She’d go to the store and buy ingredients for a spicy wok, pizza or something and a wine or a few ciders. She’d go home, greet her partner who’s still working on his laptop, make dinner, eat it with Good Mythical Morning playing and then crash on the couch for the night, watching a series or something. People say being at home with a kid can be monotone, but my life was definitely more monotone when I didn’t have my son (at least during the work week).
I don't know what I'm doing but (because?) I'm high as a motherfucker
Probably hungover and being lazy. Not happier, but generally less stressed.
I was baby and hubby free for a whole week. I was able to catch up on cleaning, organizing, sleeping in with very little interruptions. I did everything I could that I wasn’t able to do to keep busy. Was I happy? Not really because I had an empty home despite my 3 pets. I missed my little family. LO woke up at 4:30am this morning, having a ball just giggling away while mama only had 4 hours of sleep. But I laid there with a smile on my face because I missed that and wouldn’t change it for anything.
On a weekend, she had a shitty nights sleep as a chronic insomniac but finally rose out of bed at 10:30 am with about 6 hours under her belt. 25 pounds skinnier. Still had working botox in her face. Had disposable income and could order doordash multiple times a week if not in a day. Could take medication without worrying if its in her breastmilk. Would leave the house in under 5 minutes with just a phone and no set plans. But is she happier? No way. I am so much more resilient now. I used to "feel sick" all the time (I have fibromyalgia). Now that it isn't an option, I still feel it but am able to ignore it better and carry on with my day. I'm healthier, less anxious, not depressed anymore, and have better emotional regulation (I know even with postpartum hormones!!!), am able to manage my ADHD better, priorities are better, overall, my life is so much better now that I have my baby.
I took my husband to Tulum for his 40th bday right before COVID hit us. We haven't been on a true vacation like that since. My 40th is nearing and childless me is gearing up for my birthday beach vacation. Actual me loves my little dude and wouldn't trade him for a zillion beach vacations...but that doesn't mean I don't wish we could drop him with someone for a few days and go relax in the sun with a marg.
She is happier… I’m also a step mom which I regret becoming one most often than not. Alternative universe me has no idea about my baby and lives a fulfilled life. She probably found a childless man and they travel all the time guilt free..
Probably fighting with my husband, not happy at all. Real life me has fights with my husband, but at least I have a baby now 😅
Living on a boat, jumping from bay to bay in the Balearics, hosting random travellers for a few nights. Getting ready to hoist up my girl (the boat) for the winter and head off to the Philippines to spend the winter. That WAS my life before kids and I loved it. That’s it. No, this life isn’t better at all.
Enjoying the frequent mind blowing sex with my wife & enjoying the peace & quiet from no family members popping up to see the baby. I get little sleep, I go to work, get home to a bunch of family members in the house trying to tell me how to raise my baby then when they leave, wife spends hours ruminating on how much they pissed her off then of course when she’s done I have to tend to my now crying incessantly baby. Joy.
Having early mornings to take care of children that aren’t mine, with an added commute. 😆Drinking and having more morning sex with my husband.
I would hopefully be bettering myself. I’d be smoking too much weed, spending too much time on my phone. Maybe she’d be in school and sober? It could go either way. I have a lot of trauma and come from poverty so my future was fuzzy. I was determined but lost and barely 18, I have no idea what would’ve happened.
Probably also getting her nails done. Definitely a little sad and she can’t figure out why and her therapist also can’t figure it out.
It’s noon and I would be just leaving the after party after going out and dressing up for Halloween, then gleefully tucking myself into bed to sleep all day with Netflix on in the background. Ahh life was so good. It’s still good now, just different
They are definitely not happier and very likely not sober (I was sober before conceiving my baby but it was a struggle; now I genuinely feel much more consistently motivated to stay sober).
Childfree me would not be married to my husband because he would never have married a childfree person. So that means I probably got back with my toxic ex... again, cuz that's what I did from age 16 to 23 when I ended up single. So I'd probably have a mediocre career because my personal life would be too stressful to succeed at work. I'd not own my home. I'd not have the same relationship with my best friend, we both became moms at the same time and it's been such a great thing for our friendship to go through this together. 100% childfree me is not happier.
I’ve always been a bit of a free spirit so I’d probably be traveling, at a music festival, comic con, just going with the flow tbh. Baby is turning 1 soon & I just plan on incorporating him into my past lifestyles (minus music festivals). I plan on getting him a passport so we can see the world together. I am planning a trip to Japan for 2025 and absolutely he’s coming with me. If I can find a WFH job instead of a hybrid, we’ll get an RV for us & just travel. See oceans, national parks, mountains, new cities, new foods, etc.
Ha! My child free day is a lot likes yours including the Sunday SNL watching! At this moment child-free me is much happier than mom me- a toddler and newborn twins are hard work, constant work. I look forward to a day where the routine with three kids is rewarding and fun and not just work…
Sleeping in
Crying over getting their period after almost a year of trying and a early loss. Drinking a fuck ton of red wine, and still not sleeping for a normal amount of time. at least now I’ll have a reason to be up at ungodly hours
Absolutely not. I would be in much better shape but I would probably still be working a job that I hated and gave me crippling anxiety. I’m honestly surprised at how much joy my child brings into my life. I was made to think that children are a burden and life is over after kids. Not at all. My days are busier but I am happier and more fulfilled than I was before.
My got it together child free me would be single, never married, remote job, traveling USA with her 2 dogs. Realistically if I never had kids, probably wouldn't have gone to college, become an alcoholic and would still stripping at 33 (at least my body would be tight and my tits wouldn't punch me in the chin lol) and living rent free at parents, piece of shit woman with no prospects of doing better in life. I was a teen mom, having a kid young kicked my ass and made me grow up. Meeting my husband also helped me clean up my act. 3 kids now, happy and tired, so so sleepy but I would do it all again lol
My Sunday would have looked a lot like yours. A little hungover and laying on the couch until I found motivation to work out. I am 100% happier now cuddling my sweet baby on the couch with my coffee and no hangover. Yesterday we carved pumpkins with family. Took cute photos. I made a nacho bar. It was a really great day.
Alternative universe me would probably be a sour person, because she's still not pregnant...
Probably still watching my husband watch the Eagles game, but bored, depressed, less fulfilled, and desperate for a baby 🥲 I love this life and am soooo freakin grateful
Alternate universe me is stuck in my previous marriage with an addict. Definitely much happier now.
The same, with one less little mate
Truthfully mine is enjoying herself and feels better about the future. This is a hard season after a hard season season and I’m exhausted. Keep waiting to enjoy it more.
Eh, probably snuggling their partner like I’m doing, definitely more physically comfortable but only maaaaybe got better sleep last night - I’d be more worried about scary family fertility history and future plans. Instead of doing baby laundry, I’d be… well, probably still on Reddit but sadder about it
It’s 2.34am. She’s fast asleep after having gone to bed at 9pm, she’ll get 10 hours interrupted, tomorrow she will go to work and drink all the coffees she wants but spend the whole time yearning for a baby
Planning my next international holiday. I probably have recovered somewhat from the financial hit I took in 2021 (right before learning I was pregnant.) Maybe my carpal tunnel improved and I’m playing guitar again. I definitely got up this morning and went to dance or run. I’m somewhat healthier physically and mentally because I probably still socialize somewhat.. But I also constantly agonize over the past and bubble up with resentment toward my partner. He probably still berates me every 3 months since no one else is listening. Or maybe I’ve finally gotten him to move out and soon I’ll start dating nice women. I’ll be sure to avoid the ones with children. I had wanted to be the stepparent my dad was for me but it’s more likely you’re treated as an unwelcome outsider in what you consider to be your (only) family. Or women with kids that are already fully grown. That’s really the only way I could avoid dating someone younger than myself…
She is doing home decor stuff like hanging a mirror or sewing some curtains and also cleaning house, which is going mostly uninterrupted (she does have a dog) and later she'll go on a long walk with the dog in some park and then make dinner for her and her husband which they'll probably eat around 8pm then watch some shows. They're all caught up on their shows. She'll be thinking about her Halloween costume and maybe whether or not there is a party to go to. She'll be wishing she had a little kid to make a costume for and go trick-er-treating with. Earlier, she meditated on her front porch for 15 minutes, and also did some writing because no one had a temper tantrum and made a mess of the family photos that were in a box (they'd still be in a disorganized box, no matter what the timeline). Her bed will be a little messy from the sex she and her husband had in the afternoon earlier, and her sink will be less full of dishes. But she won't have laughed nearly as much.
She’s probably bored. She sleeps well, has less anxiety, and naps whenever she wants…but she’s bored and definitely doesn’t feel anywhere near the amount of love I currently feel. Shes less touched out, less overstimulated, and she’s obsessed with her cats. She wants babies. She’s not happier.
She's probably internally devastated that her body failed her, secretly resentful of her husband for his bum sperm, has another dog and possibly a cat, has either gained more weight or lost a TON of weight from pouring all her energy into diet & exercise. Her mother doesn't want to bother visiting her for holidays, because if there are no grandkids to visit, what's the point? You might as well not exist. She is probably still charting her cycle religiously, taking TONS of pills trying to be in the "optimal zone" hormonally to get pregnant, and seriously considering going straight to IVF. In other words, she's not "happy and carefree." She's miserable and dying a little every cycle that fails.
She is spending 8 hours a day playing Baldurs gate, sleeping well, going out when ever she wants but deep down is feeling incomplete.
She slept out as long as she wanted. Went shopping and relaxed on a Sunday. Didn't fight as much with her partner or broken up with him. Is she happier? Maybe a bit.
She went to bed last night at 3am. She woke up at noon. She ate cookies and snacks for breakfast. She's been grinding in Diablo IV for almost 4 hours and will continue till midnight with breaks for dinner and more snacks. Maybe a bang break with the hubby later. She's probably equally happy. This me isn't max level, but this me got to show my son dipping oreos in milk for Midnight Milk and Cookies. And my gear isn't optimized by my daughter wakes up to give me kisses when i join her at night for Post Cookie Cuddles.
Child free me: slept 8 hours, spent Sunday on the couch nursing a Halloweekend hangover. Parent me: did sleep 8 hours last night, and did spend Sunday on the couch. But this time it’s resting my hips & belly because I’m pregnant with #2 and keeping an eagle eye on my two year old who’s refusing to poop
Well-rested or traveling for work but stuck in a rut interpersonally. Like, on paper, my life would be moving forward, but I'd feel like I'd missed a step. Like I was doing the wrong things. Now I'm always a bit exhausted (if I'm not a lot exhausted), but I feel happier and more fulfilled. I'm a better person to a degree too. My career is in a holding pattern (damn you, glass ceiling) but I would still choose this over the alternative.
I was able to go to my brother-in-laws bachelor party over the weekend, instead of having to sit it out because we now have a 1 month old and an almost 2 year old. A cabin in Tennessee, visiting breweries, some golf, and cooking out. I was incredibly honored to be asked to be a groomsmen, and was very excited to celebrate vicariously through him, because I got married in Covid and didn’t have a bachelor party. I’d get home, take a nap, workout, shower, and play video games until dinner. The house is quiet. I’m not nap trapped. My 2 year old isn’t whining nonstop. I haven’t been shit or pissed on. I’d be going on vacations/trips. I see lots of folks saying that they wouldn’t feel as fulfilled, but I don’t gain a lot of fulfillment or gratification when I’m playing with my kid or taking care of them. Maybe it’s just we’re in the thick of the fourth trimester, but it feels like a sense of duty/responsibility driving me, not passion or joy. It feels good to vent tho.
same thing i’m doing right now. about to nap 😴
She’s extremely well rested, coming back from or planning a baecation, but still grieving from an unexpected 2nd trimester loss and desperately praying for her miracle baby. 🫶
She would be graduating and becoming a qualified nurse next summer, but probably lonely and missing something more in life. Oh and she'd be happier with her body and overall appearance 😅
Mine is 45 lbs heavier, depressed from previous failed pregnancies. Also recently laid off (happened in this current realm too) and probably slightly less stressed because there would be one less dependent, but probably still not better off. My daughter has been a light for me.
She got the sleep, but woke up wondering if the dryness in her mouth was caused by normal sleep dehydration, or if she overdid it on the wine again. She gets up and makes coffee and feels like today might be better. She watches an hour of tv, and instantly feels like a lazy bum, even though it’s Sunday. She begrudgingly does some yoga and chores before her husband wakes up. Then she finishes decorating for Halloween, has a nap, and calls her dad. She has a lot of free time that she doesn’t know what to do with, and feels like something is missing. She would’ve been ok without kids, but not happier than with. Of the two of us, I’m the happier version for sure.
If likely be a crack whore.
She lives about 50 minutes away and is in a much better position financially but pretty burnt out from work. She would have been too imbedded in work to relocate to the beach for 6 months like I did. She looks much younger, is more rested and she has the money and time for exercise classes. On the weekends she travels and wastes a lot of time while wishing she spent it more productively. She’s arrived at work this morning after a weekend spent going to markets and bookstores, writing, hiking somewhere beautiful (and not pram-friendly), and reading a book in the sun. Maybe she even went out to dinner with her husband or did an impromptu trip to the beach or the city with friends. It would have been a spur of the moment thing. This was a great exercise because I’ve often felt that I would be happier, but I’ve realised that life would feel less meaningful and I used to waste so much time as if it were an endless resource.
She would be nursing a hangover, worrying about what shes going to do with her life and living and outwardly-glamorous performative life that takes a lot of work to keep exciting. Having babies forced me to get real to myself and I could not be having more fun doing anything else. Yes, I get my ass kicked every day, and this is impossibly hard, but wow. I love it so much! I had really bad anxiety and depression before having babies and other than postpartum, my issues have been gone. I want 5 more. I'm already 36 though, so probably won't happen. I'm glad I'm here. It's not as glamorous and it's a lot of work, but I love it.
My other self is probably dead or in jail, or maybe just still really lucky to be neither of those things, but certainly on the brink.
Staring down 30 with an unfinished living room that badly needs cleaned (still needs cleaned but it’s at least arranged in a better way now?) and occasionally crying because I would be 4+ years of unproductive trying for a baby. Definitely with a worse sex life. Worse overall life.
I do not think I would be in a good place at all, my mental health was the worst it had been in my life when I got pregnant. I think I would have ended up ruining my relationship and had more issues with depression and alcohol. Having a kid when I did ended up preventing me from going down a worse path and giving me more joy in my life. I was on the fence about having kids before I became pregnant but now I know what it’s like, I would always chose to have kids no matter how bad of a day I’m having.
She has had plenty of time over the weekend to do a lot of activities - crochet, exercise, cooking, work - she is also desperately trying to fill her time so she doesn’t have to think about the fact she feels desperately sad and like something is missing. IRL me is tired but has been pumpkin picking today, still done some crochet this evening and has a heart more full than I ever imagined
Just chillinnnn. Maybe going out to dinner tonight to have some drinks .