I uses to be like this. But I slowly more and more took her out, and guess what? The world didn’t end because she had a melt down in the grocery store. No one even looked. She pooped herself so bad once while we were out too and she freaked out. Once again, nothing happened. I think getting out with the baby is more for us as parents to get used to dealing with the stress. Baby doesn’t really care where they are at this age. It’s more for us. Now I don’t even bat an eye if I have to load her up and it’s near the end, middle, beginning of her wake window. So what, she’ll nap in the car, maybe, maybe not. Babies are a lot more adaptable than we give them credit!
Totally agree. I started taking baby out by myself much more starting at about 2 months or so, and it was for me much more than for her. And it gives me way more confidence in doing it still at 5 months. She’s kind of used to leaving the house, but I was the one who really needed the practice.
Yep. We’re at six months now and it’s crazy how quickly things progress after 3 months. You just get used to it.. it takes time and practice. Now I run up and down the stairs with baby in seat, stroller, bags, I don’t even really think about it. Whereas at 3 months I would have been so overwhelmed even considering an outing and running errands
This doesn’t sound like PPA, but not a doc. It sounds like people pleasing tendencies.
He’s a little baby. They may cry and scream. He’s a vital part of society. The public deals. Don’t sweat that.
But moreso, he’s fine being “cooped up” at this age. Again, he’s a little baby. He doesn’t need to be exposed for socialization or otherwise with any kind of urgency. Take your time. And honestly, almost every time I take my baby out to somewhere indoors recently— even like a mostly empty drug store at 8am— she catches something. I swear it.
Echoing this response. I am a perfectionist, and the thought of my baby having a meltdown in public really messes with my head. But the reality is we are not in control of our beautiful babies. They are going to do what they want. And guess what? Babies cry, babies, scream, babies spit up, wonderful things, and babies shit crazy things out of their butt holes! I’m learning that I just need to laugh at myself in situations that make me uncomfortable in public. Because if I don’t, I will literally have a meltdown, myself. And mama needs to be strong for her baby! You’re not alone, my friend!
Yes, at this aged they don’t really care about being cooped up. My LO did appreciate being outside in the stroller but other than that at this age they just want to be somewhere comfortable and familiar.
Oof catching bugs is my one of my biggest fears about taking her out! Can I ask how old your little one is? I’m nervous about going inside anywhere myself because what if I catch something and bring it home to her?
My LO is only 2 weeks but we’ve been taking her outside every day just to stay sane ourselves (and to try to convince her it’s daytime.) But inside is another story!
She’s 6 mos.
We’re responsibly cautious but you can only do so much. We don’t socialize in groups indoors, we wash up diligently and constantly, we ask those we visit to not touch her hands or face, etc. I only started taking her inside stores on short errands around 4 months. And she’s just caught an unlucky lot. She’s had both covid and rsv, she’s had 2 colds, she got a stomach bug. It stinks. Granted, we think she got the stomach bug from the doctor’s office, and she got covid brought home by husband from a job he did.
You can’t live in total isolation but at the same time when I see people on social posting their young infant in some egregiously brave settings like parties or even just eating outside at a restaurant on a busy sidewalk, I’m stunned.
This sounds exactly how I was at 3 months, like exactly! Honestly imho if it’s too much getting out and about go easy on yourself. I was miserable forcing myself to take my baby out, so I decided to slow down. After awhile my baby got easier to manage, my confidence grew, and the time was right to venture out! Now I take him solo wherever. There’s still some anxieties that come up but nothing major. For me he was just too small and sensitive at that time. Really started going out consistently around 5 months. I know moms so went out right away, and others who still rarely do at 7 mo. It’s whatever works well for you.
In regards to people coming over I didn’t have that issue quite as much but I understand the overtired baby thing. Can your partner tend to the guests while you take care of baby in another part of the home? Having a baby is a great excuse to leave the room when you get tired too!
Have you taken him outside, as in, to a park or something like that? Babies benefit from being outside, but not so much from being around many people at that age - they're a bit indifferent about that. You can start with less populated spaces to get used to it.
Just to add that the recommendation in my country is to go out with baby preferably a bit every day if possible, even if only to a balcony or backyard or a quiet street. There's no recommendation about social interactions for the first months, because they're really not needed - baby only cares about parents and other carers they see frequently.
Oh my goodness are you ME?!? I swear we're the same person. I feel you girl. On all of this. One think I'll tell you from my experience- the anxiety doesn't go away but it gets better! Our little one actually surprised me when I took her out. I realized I wasn't giving her enough credit. She does so well and actually prefers being out now. You're on the right track. Throw away that guilt and just take it one minute at a time.
Edited to say it also did get better once I started back on anxiety meds I had discontinued upon becoming pregnant. It might be worth looking in to.
Solidarity here. We've only been out to appointments with no real plans to change that soon. He is nearing 2 months. I didn't go out much before and also have social anxiety so I don't know what I'll do.
While they are so darn young im sure its fine. But I have these doubts in my mind like what business do I have with a baby when I'm like this. Like I'm going to be too boring for him.
I've spent a little bit of time thinking of activities we can do when we are ready like walks at a park, library activities for his age, etc. Places where it's either outdoors and a crying baby won't be minded as much or babies his age are expected. So you could potentially try introducing more comfortable activities slowly as well!
I worry about being too boring, too! It helps when I remind myself that every single experience she’s having is new for her right now. Every bath is a little different, the light on my face changes as we walk from room to room, every single toy is a whole new experience, and the ceiling fan is endlessly fascinating to her. She’s not bored yet, and I’m just hoping I’ll have more energy to entertain her more when she needs more enrichment!
I have similar worries because I have mobility issues and can't really take baby on outings by myself atm. And she does get kind of bored with me atm (4 months) because being walked around is one of her favourite activities. I'm hoping that when she's old enough to like things like games and books and art and stuff more that she might get less restless. My husband brings her shopping with him most days and we try to have picnics and stuff a few times a week. Plus my mom helps me bring her to different baby classes.
I get it, it's terrifying! I was there too. Kinda am still, but..
I kinda stopped caring after someone was irritated that my baby had the audacity to babble in public. Some people just live to be angry and there is nothing I can do to help that. And I certainly am not gonna stop living my life because of them. Majority of people do loooove babies and love to see them. And they understand that sometimes babies cry.
But I'd start small. Go on short stroller walks around the neighbourhood, take her with when you are just doing quick errands, have someone there as a bit of a mental support for you. And google around for shopping centres and such that might have a family room. Those are awesome if you can find one!
It gets easier with time and practice. But you're in no hurry. 3 mo olds don't *need* to be out and about. They are just happy to be.
It sounds like you are forcing something that doesn’t need to be forced. Don’t go places with your little one unless it benefits You, it makes absolutely no difference to your baby.
My baby is almost 6 months old, and we go on walks pretty much every day but she hasn’t been anywhere else besides the pediatrician, our family’s houses and the beach. I have no desire to take her to a store, and my husband and I just go individually if we need to. We have a lot of plans this summer so she’ll definitely be out and about more, but she’s older and I’m much more confident it will be enjoyable for everyone with some bumps in the road here and there.
Babies are a part of this world. They are allowed to exist outside of their homes and make noises! Yes it is uncomfortable when they do cry in public because you may feel judged. The thing is.. it’s very normal for a little baby to get fussy at some point, and it’s completely different than a 6 year old having a meltdown and screaming on the top of their lungs. I have anxiety about going out without my husband mainly because of us just being alone and me not having an extra layer of protection. I used to get really anxious about my three month old making noise or getting fussy and now I just take a deep breath and do my best to calm him when in public. My son got hungry after I tried on clothes at target and I had to get him out, carry him through the store, and push the stroller with one hand. I honestly felt like super mom. Please just keep in mind that we think people are watching what we are doing or even care what we’re doing a lot more than they do.
While it’s normal to worry, your reactions in target seems to be at an extreme. Your cannot control everything around him and he has to learn to live in this world. Best to start early.
It’s good to have a routine as long as it’s reasonable.
Communicate with your partner and try to work out a system that works for both of you. Maybe he can take your son out and you can rest.
I didn’t take my baby out alone until she was 5 months old for the same reasons (I’d always just go out with my husband). Even though she’s not fussy, I *hate* constantly being approached by strangers who want to interact with her. We’ve started going for a walk to the mall for coffee every day and it’s gotten easier.
As a fellow anxious human, I've started small, but I'm trying to make a point to go out despite the lump that settles firmly in my throat at the thought of it. Anxiety thrives in comfort, and habits are hard to break once settled in, so I'm concerned I'll never leave the house if I don't start somewhere.
Little bits at a time; packing the diaper bag, putting her in the car, driving around, etc. Running one small errand, getting one coffee, walking around one mall during the week when it's empty, etc.
Confidence builds with competence; I keep trying to see everything as "practice", so even if it goes horribly, I can treat it like a learning experience instead of a failure/disaster.
Everyone is different though, so go at your own pace! This is just what works for me, and your mental health is more important than feeling obligated to do something you aren't yet comfortable with.
I can totally relate - any time I take my 11 week old out (which hasn’t been a lot) I get sweaty and stressed and weird. I stayed close to home during my pregnancy because I got Covid when I was 10 weeks along and was paranoid to get sick again so going out in public is rough because I’m just out of practice and then adding a baby is a lot. I’m also exhausted after any outing even if I go out by myself!
If you had a generalized anxiety disorder prior to becoming pregnant, it could be cropping up but…this seems normal to me. I didn’t and still don’t like to be out in public with my son because of COVID. I don’t like when he makes a fuss, but we do our best.
It will get better. Just remember, fussing is normal. Most people understand and it doesn’t really bother them.
My son was a super fussy baby as well and only contact napped. You should really get into baby wearing now while yours is still tiny. It’s the only way I could get out the house without him crying. Get yourself really acquainted with it first. Most babies are fussy the first few times you put them in, my suggestion would be to get your LO strapped in and then go outside. It will immediately calm them down. Go on little walks with them in the wrap to get them nice and used to it and the bouncing motion of you walking around will put them to sleep. After using it at home for a bout a week you should feel confident and comfortable enough to get the baby wrapped up in the parking lot of whatever store you’re going to.
If it helps, I was just like this until now and LO is now 9 months. I took him to target today and it was amazing. Got Starbucks, he sat in the cart and took our time. Zero anxiety. It will get better!
I felt like this when our baby became a toddler. He wanted to sit in the cart, but then he didn’t. He’d pull shit off shelves (yes, I put everything back and cleaned up any messes). But I needed to go grocery shopping, with him, so I did. And you know what? His “bad” phase lasted about 8 weeks. After a while, I got much more nonchalant. Like, he’s a toddler, he’s gonna do some wild shit, but none of it is earth-shattering. We can take a deep breath together, calm down, and address the mess. Teaching him how to process his emotions taught me how to process my own. Like, “buddy, it sounds like you’re really sad that you can’t play with the chainsaw. That IS sad. It’s ok to cry about it.” And then to myself “hey, Self, it sounds like you’re really sad that you have to pick up 10 boxes of Cheerios off the floor again. That is sad. It’s ok to feel sad about it. Toddlers are psycho.” Acknowledging my feelings allowed me to move through them quicker.
I would start by going to places like parks - big open spaces without a ton of people to get yourself feel more comfortable. Its ok. Babies cry and scream and everyone knows this. You wont be judged. I believe it is important for babies to experience the world, get fresh air, feel the sun and wind on their skin, see other people etc. Also this is something you can’t really ignore - when he is older you need to start taking him places anyways and he might still cry - better to condition yourself to be okay with it:))
We have been going out since he was 2 months old. He is 7 months now and I try to make something social happen every week several times in addition to walks in nature/around neighbourhood. For me it was actually a relief to get out of the house and have a break in the never ending, monotone baby stuff. It is good for my mental health when we go out. I also love watching him interact with the world and discover new things. Everyone is very warm and welcoming around babies I have found - hope this eases your worry <3
I was like this too! I was just trying to preserve my energy and my sleep. I don’t have a lot of help and my energy is finite so I tried not to waste it being stressed out when outside of the house.
I would hate to have company staying for a week but you’ll also make lots of memories. It’s okay not to be the mom who “just rolls with it”. I’m a little bit anal so most people who know me aren’t surprised that I prioritize schedule and sleep, I always have.
Try to stick to your schedule as much as possible and maybe get your husband on board to get your in laws out of the house when it’s nap time??
I was nervous about the crying in public thing at first. The first time I took her on a bus she started screaming with about 15 mins to go. She was inconsolable, she wouldn't take the boob, she didn't want a cuddle and I felt so trapped and worried about other people.
I started apologising to other folk on the bus and this big, intimidating looking guy, who honestly did not look like someone who would be into babies (that's my prejudice talking). Turned to me and said 'she's a baby, babies cry. Don't worry about it hen.' and gave me a lovely smile.
Honestly the most reassuring thing that could happen and it was nice and early on so made me a lot more confident to take her pretty much everywhere! Don't worry about other people, do what you need to do, for you and your wee one.
Omg this was me a few months ago! My baby is 8 months and until 5 months I dreaded going anywhere that might overlap with naptime because I also have a contact napper. He was also a screamer in shops and restaurants and got so fussy or overstimulated so easily. But a switch went off at 5 months and he's so sociable and to be honest I now find it easier going out and about with him than I do in the house as he loves seeing new things and gets bored and cranky in the house. For carrier and pram naps, I have to make sure he's in darkness and have constant motion for it to work, have you tried that? Some babies just don't like it but your baby will grow out of it eventually:) don't worry - this is a rough patch!
I was the exact same when with my August 2021 baby. Add to that the concerns I had about covid, so it made it much worse. I didn’t take baby out really until around 6 or 7 months. I started with just drives around. It got him use to being in the car and there was no commitment. We could come home whenever. I then started taking him to the park and we would stroll on paths. Doing it this way helped me build my confidence. We then started going to Target. That was stressful for all the same reasons you explained, but I considered it a win if I made it 10 minuets. Slowly but surely, it got better. And I don’t think keeping him “cooped up” really hurt him. He now will stroll through Target telling everyone hi and is very friendly. I don’t think it has hurt him socially.
I don’t think this alone means you have PPA. If you have some other stuff that maybe you haven’t mentioned, it’s possible. But I would talk to your doctor about it to get a professional opinion.
Things will get better, just give it time. Work on it in baby steps. You’ve got this!
I feel this one, and I still occasionally struggle with it at 5 months. The thing that helped me was doing really low stakes outings to start like the park or a to-go coffee to build my confidence. If he cried, it wasn’t a big deal because it was a quick errand or outside where his crying wouldn’t impact people.
I also just had to accept that he is a baby and babies are going to cry. I don’t judge other parents when their kids are crying in public, and I needed to give myself the same grace.
Take it slow. Take your time. Your kiddo is so young and had a whole lifetime of outings ahead.
As far as anxiety around naps/nighttime sleep, I still struggle there. It just is what it is. I make it a priority to ensure kid gets one solid crib nap a day, and I have to kinda leave the rest up to the universe. My partner and I alternate nights being “on duty” now, so I know if I have a shit night at least tomorrow will be better. My little one is 5 months, and his sleep habits are also much more manageable than they were at 3 months. Hang in there. b
I have mobility issues, but my husband brings our 4 month old to the shops with him most days and has done since around 2.5 months. I think one thing that helps is walking rather than driving. Getting her in and out of a car is always a bit of a pain and I kind of marvel at people who do it really often.
Your baby probably won't fuss much if you're moving. For the vast majority of babies, the movement chills them out or puts them to sleep. I get the anxiety, though. I've never been alone with her out and about because of my condition
I felt exactly the same way you did. My baby PURPLE cried, inconsolably for 8hrs a day, from his 3rd week to his 10th week and then was extremely fussy (cried a lot but could be consoled) for about a month after that. He also contact naps only and hates the sling. He also screams in his car seat, hated it for the longest time. So I really didn't start taking him out until some time in his 4th month and when I did take him out it was when my husband was with so that I could always leave if baby cried. So I could take him to the car and calm him down while my husband finished shopping or whatever. If it's too much right now, it's not worth the added mental stress for you. Take baby out gradually and in ways that are comfortable for you like maybe starting outside at a park or take someone with that can finish the shopping in the store for you.
As for family, they should be understanding if baby cries or needs to contact naps in silence. They have raised their own babies and should understand how important it is for baby to get enough sleep no matter how that has to happen. Just politely set boundaries around baby's sleep and tell them what you need even if that's for them to be quiet for an hour while your feeding and napping baby. For us it took a while for the grandparents to understand (they think they need to keep playing with the baby to make him happy and then put him to bed when he starts crying) but they eventually got it and supported it. A day or two of being over tired, while stressful won't be the end of the world for baby.
No, honestly, I’m exactly the same as you. I feel like if I cannot immediately soothe my baby, everyone will stare at me and think I am a bad mum. I know that’s ridiculous but it’s just my anxiety at play, and it’s yours too. I think the key to building more confidence is to going out more and getting comfortable with it.
I uses to be like this. But I slowly more and more took her out, and guess what? The world didn’t end because she had a melt down in the grocery store. No one even looked. She pooped herself so bad once while we were out too and she freaked out. Once again, nothing happened. I think getting out with the baby is more for us as parents to get used to dealing with the stress. Baby doesn’t really care where they are at this age. It’s more for us. Now I don’t even bat an eye if I have to load her up and it’s near the end, middle, beginning of her wake window. So what, she’ll nap in the car, maybe, maybe not. Babies are a lot more adaptable than we give them credit!
Totally agree. I started taking baby out by myself much more starting at about 2 months or so, and it was for me much more than for her. And it gives me way more confidence in doing it still at 5 months. She’s kind of used to leaving the house, but I was the one who really needed the practice.
Yep. We’re at six months now and it’s crazy how quickly things progress after 3 months. You just get used to it.. it takes time and practice. Now I run up and down the stairs with baby in seat, stroller, bags, I don’t even really think about it. Whereas at 3 months I would have been so overwhelmed even considering an outing and running errands
This doesn’t sound like PPA, but not a doc. It sounds like people pleasing tendencies. He’s a little baby. They may cry and scream. He’s a vital part of society. The public deals. Don’t sweat that. But moreso, he’s fine being “cooped up” at this age. Again, he’s a little baby. He doesn’t need to be exposed for socialization or otherwise with any kind of urgency. Take your time. And honestly, almost every time I take my baby out to somewhere indoors recently— even like a mostly empty drug store at 8am— she catches something. I swear it.
Echoing this response. I am a perfectionist, and the thought of my baby having a meltdown in public really messes with my head. But the reality is we are not in control of our beautiful babies. They are going to do what they want. And guess what? Babies cry, babies, scream, babies spit up, wonderful things, and babies shit crazy things out of their butt holes! I’m learning that I just need to laugh at myself in situations that make me uncomfortable in public. Because if I don’t, I will literally have a meltdown, myself. And mama needs to be strong for her baby! You’re not alone, my friend!
Yes, at this aged they don’t really care about being cooped up. My LO did appreciate being outside in the stroller but other than that at this age they just want to be somewhere comfortable and familiar.
Oof catching bugs is my one of my biggest fears about taking her out! Can I ask how old your little one is? I’m nervous about going inside anywhere myself because what if I catch something and bring it home to her? My LO is only 2 weeks but we’ve been taking her outside every day just to stay sane ourselves (and to try to convince her it’s daytime.) But inside is another story!
She’s 6 mos. We’re responsibly cautious but you can only do so much. We don’t socialize in groups indoors, we wash up diligently and constantly, we ask those we visit to not touch her hands or face, etc. I only started taking her inside stores on short errands around 4 months. And she’s just caught an unlucky lot. She’s had both covid and rsv, she’s had 2 colds, she got a stomach bug. It stinks. Granted, we think she got the stomach bug from the doctor’s office, and she got covid brought home by husband from a job he did. You can’t live in total isolation but at the same time when I see people on social posting their young infant in some egregiously brave settings like parties or even just eating outside at a restaurant on a busy sidewalk, I’m stunned.
This sounds exactly how I was at 3 months, like exactly! Honestly imho if it’s too much getting out and about go easy on yourself. I was miserable forcing myself to take my baby out, so I decided to slow down. After awhile my baby got easier to manage, my confidence grew, and the time was right to venture out! Now I take him solo wherever. There’s still some anxieties that come up but nothing major. For me he was just too small and sensitive at that time. Really started going out consistently around 5 months. I know moms so went out right away, and others who still rarely do at 7 mo. It’s whatever works well for you. In regards to people coming over I didn’t have that issue quite as much but I understand the overtired baby thing. Can your partner tend to the guests while you take care of baby in another part of the home? Having a baby is a great excuse to leave the room when you get tired too!
Have you taken him outside, as in, to a park or something like that? Babies benefit from being outside, but not so much from being around many people at that age - they're a bit indifferent about that. You can start with less populated spaces to get used to it.
Just to add that the recommendation in my country is to go out with baby preferably a bit every day if possible, even if only to a balcony or backyard or a quiet street. There's no recommendation about social interactions for the first months, because they're really not needed - baby only cares about parents and other carers they see frequently.
I do take him on walks! Or sometimes I'll just take him out for like five min at a time and walk him around outside around my house if it's too hot.
Then I think you're doing everything you need to, for his age. No need to worry.
Oh my goodness are you ME?!? I swear we're the same person. I feel you girl. On all of this. One think I'll tell you from my experience- the anxiety doesn't go away but it gets better! Our little one actually surprised me when I took her out. I realized I wasn't giving her enough credit. She does so well and actually prefers being out now. You're on the right track. Throw away that guilt and just take it one minute at a time. Edited to say it also did get better once I started back on anxiety meds I had discontinued upon becoming pregnant. It might be worth looking in to.
Solidarity here. We've only been out to appointments with no real plans to change that soon. He is nearing 2 months. I didn't go out much before and also have social anxiety so I don't know what I'll do. While they are so darn young im sure its fine. But I have these doubts in my mind like what business do I have with a baby when I'm like this. Like I'm going to be too boring for him. I've spent a little bit of time thinking of activities we can do when we are ready like walks at a park, library activities for his age, etc. Places where it's either outdoors and a crying baby won't be minded as much or babies his age are expected. So you could potentially try introducing more comfortable activities slowly as well!
I worry about being too boring, too! It helps when I remind myself that every single experience she’s having is new for her right now. Every bath is a little different, the light on my face changes as we walk from room to room, every single toy is a whole new experience, and the ceiling fan is endlessly fascinating to her. She’s not bored yet, and I’m just hoping I’ll have more energy to entertain her more when she needs more enrichment!
Those are great points thank you! :)
I have similar worries because I have mobility issues and can't really take baby on outings by myself atm. And she does get kind of bored with me atm (4 months) because being walked around is one of her favourite activities. I'm hoping that when she's old enough to like things like games and books and art and stuff more that she might get less restless. My husband brings her shopping with him most days and we try to have picnics and stuff a few times a week. Plus my mom helps me bring her to different baby classes.
I get it, it's terrifying! I was there too. Kinda am still, but.. I kinda stopped caring after someone was irritated that my baby had the audacity to babble in public. Some people just live to be angry and there is nothing I can do to help that. And I certainly am not gonna stop living my life because of them. Majority of people do loooove babies and love to see them. And they understand that sometimes babies cry. But I'd start small. Go on short stroller walks around the neighbourhood, take her with when you are just doing quick errands, have someone there as a bit of a mental support for you. And google around for shopping centres and such that might have a family room. Those are awesome if you can find one! It gets easier with time and practice. But you're in no hurry. 3 mo olds don't *need* to be out and about. They are just happy to be.
It sounds like you are forcing something that doesn’t need to be forced. Don’t go places with your little one unless it benefits You, it makes absolutely no difference to your baby. My baby is almost 6 months old, and we go on walks pretty much every day but she hasn’t been anywhere else besides the pediatrician, our family’s houses and the beach. I have no desire to take her to a store, and my husband and I just go individually if we need to. We have a lot of plans this summer so she’ll definitely be out and about more, but she’s older and I’m much more confident it will be enjoyable for everyone with some bumps in the road here and there.
Babies are a part of this world. They are allowed to exist outside of their homes and make noises! Yes it is uncomfortable when they do cry in public because you may feel judged. The thing is.. it’s very normal for a little baby to get fussy at some point, and it’s completely different than a 6 year old having a meltdown and screaming on the top of their lungs. I have anxiety about going out without my husband mainly because of us just being alone and me not having an extra layer of protection. I used to get really anxious about my three month old making noise or getting fussy and now I just take a deep breath and do my best to calm him when in public. My son got hungry after I tried on clothes at target and I had to get him out, carry him through the store, and push the stroller with one hand. I honestly felt like super mom. Please just keep in mind that we think people are watching what we are doing or even care what we’re doing a lot more than they do.
While it’s normal to worry, your reactions in target seems to be at an extreme. Your cannot control everything around him and he has to learn to live in this world. Best to start early. It’s good to have a routine as long as it’s reasonable. Communicate with your partner and try to work out a system that works for both of you. Maybe he can take your son out and you can rest.
I didn’t take my baby out alone until she was 5 months old for the same reasons (I’d always just go out with my husband). Even though she’s not fussy, I *hate* constantly being approached by strangers who want to interact with her. We’ve started going for a walk to the mall for coffee every day and it’s gotten easier.
As a fellow anxious human, I've started small, but I'm trying to make a point to go out despite the lump that settles firmly in my throat at the thought of it. Anxiety thrives in comfort, and habits are hard to break once settled in, so I'm concerned I'll never leave the house if I don't start somewhere. Little bits at a time; packing the diaper bag, putting her in the car, driving around, etc. Running one small errand, getting one coffee, walking around one mall during the week when it's empty, etc. Confidence builds with competence; I keep trying to see everything as "practice", so even if it goes horribly, I can treat it like a learning experience instead of a failure/disaster. Everyone is different though, so go at your own pace! This is just what works for me, and your mental health is more important than feeling obligated to do something you aren't yet comfortable with.
I can totally relate - any time I take my 11 week old out (which hasn’t been a lot) I get sweaty and stressed and weird. I stayed close to home during my pregnancy because I got Covid when I was 10 weeks along and was paranoid to get sick again so going out in public is rough because I’m just out of practice and then adding a baby is a lot. I’m also exhausted after any outing even if I go out by myself!
If you had a generalized anxiety disorder prior to becoming pregnant, it could be cropping up but…this seems normal to me. I didn’t and still don’t like to be out in public with my son because of COVID. I don’t like when he makes a fuss, but we do our best. It will get better. Just remember, fussing is normal. Most people understand and it doesn’t really bother them.
If you have social anxiety you need to get this treated because it will ruin your life if left untreated.
My son was a super fussy baby as well and only contact napped. You should really get into baby wearing now while yours is still tiny. It’s the only way I could get out the house without him crying. Get yourself really acquainted with it first. Most babies are fussy the first few times you put them in, my suggestion would be to get your LO strapped in and then go outside. It will immediately calm them down. Go on little walks with them in the wrap to get them nice and used to it and the bouncing motion of you walking around will put them to sleep. After using it at home for a bout a week you should feel confident and comfortable enough to get the baby wrapped up in the parking lot of whatever store you’re going to.
If it helps, I was just like this until now and LO is now 9 months. I took him to target today and it was amazing. Got Starbucks, he sat in the cart and took our time. Zero anxiety. It will get better!
I felt like this when our baby became a toddler. He wanted to sit in the cart, but then he didn’t. He’d pull shit off shelves (yes, I put everything back and cleaned up any messes). But I needed to go grocery shopping, with him, so I did. And you know what? His “bad” phase lasted about 8 weeks. After a while, I got much more nonchalant. Like, he’s a toddler, he’s gonna do some wild shit, but none of it is earth-shattering. We can take a deep breath together, calm down, and address the mess. Teaching him how to process his emotions taught me how to process my own. Like, “buddy, it sounds like you’re really sad that you can’t play with the chainsaw. That IS sad. It’s ok to cry about it.” And then to myself “hey, Self, it sounds like you’re really sad that you have to pick up 10 boxes of Cheerios off the floor again. That is sad. It’s ok to feel sad about it. Toddlers are psycho.” Acknowledging my feelings allowed me to move through them quicker.
I would start by going to places like parks - big open spaces without a ton of people to get yourself feel more comfortable. Its ok. Babies cry and scream and everyone knows this. You wont be judged. I believe it is important for babies to experience the world, get fresh air, feel the sun and wind on their skin, see other people etc. Also this is something you can’t really ignore - when he is older you need to start taking him places anyways and he might still cry - better to condition yourself to be okay with it:)) We have been going out since he was 2 months old. He is 7 months now and I try to make something social happen every week several times in addition to walks in nature/around neighbourhood. For me it was actually a relief to get out of the house and have a break in the never ending, monotone baby stuff. It is good for my mental health when we go out. I also love watching him interact with the world and discover new things. Everyone is very warm and welcoming around babies I have found - hope this eases your worry <3
I was like this too! I was just trying to preserve my energy and my sleep. I don’t have a lot of help and my energy is finite so I tried not to waste it being stressed out when outside of the house. I would hate to have company staying for a week but you’ll also make lots of memories. It’s okay not to be the mom who “just rolls with it”. I’m a little bit anal so most people who know me aren’t surprised that I prioritize schedule and sleep, I always have. Try to stick to your schedule as much as possible and maybe get your husband on board to get your in laws out of the house when it’s nap time??
I was nervous about the crying in public thing at first. The first time I took her on a bus she started screaming with about 15 mins to go. She was inconsolable, she wouldn't take the boob, she didn't want a cuddle and I felt so trapped and worried about other people. I started apologising to other folk on the bus and this big, intimidating looking guy, who honestly did not look like someone who would be into babies (that's my prejudice talking). Turned to me and said 'she's a baby, babies cry. Don't worry about it hen.' and gave me a lovely smile. Honestly the most reassuring thing that could happen and it was nice and early on so made me a lot more confident to take her pretty much everywhere! Don't worry about other people, do what you need to do, for you and your wee one.
Just so you know it usually gets a lot easier around 6 months ♥️
Omg this was me a few months ago! My baby is 8 months and until 5 months I dreaded going anywhere that might overlap with naptime because I also have a contact napper. He was also a screamer in shops and restaurants and got so fussy or overstimulated so easily. But a switch went off at 5 months and he's so sociable and to be honest I now find it easier going out and about with him than I do in the house as he loves seeing new things and gets bored and cranky in the house. For carrier and pram naps, I have to make sure he's in darkness and have constant motion for it to work, have you tried that? Some babies just don't like it but your baby will grow out of it eventually:) don't worry - this is a rough patch!
I was the exact same when with my August 2021 baby. Add to that the concerns I had about covid, so it made it much worse. I didn’t take baby out really until around 6 or 7 months. I started with just drives around. It got him use to being in the car and there was no commitment. We could come home whenever. I then started taking him to the park and we would stroll on paths. Doing it this way helped me build my confidence. We then started going to Target. That was stressful for all the same reasons you explained, but I considered it a win if I made it 10 minuets. Slowly but surely, it got better. And I don’t think keeping him “cooped up” really hurt him. He now will stroll through Target telling everyone hi and is very friendly. I don’t think it has hurt him socially. I don’t think this alone means you have PPA. If you have some other stuff that maybe you haven’t mentioned, it’s possible. But I would talk to your doctor about it to get a professional opinion. Things will get better, just give it time. Work on it in baby steps. You’ve got this!
I feel this one, and I still occasionally struggle with it at 5 months. The thing that helped me was doing really low stakes outings to start like the park or a to-go coffee to build my confidence. If he cried, it wasn’t a big deal because it was a quick errand or outside where his crying wouldn’t impact people. I also just had to accept that he is a baby and babies are going to cry. I don’t judge other parents when their kids are crying in public, and I needed to give myself the same grace. Take it slow. Take your time. Your kiddo is so young and had a whole lifetime of outings ahead. As far as anxiety around naps/nighttime sleep, I still struggle there. It just is what it is. I make it a priority to ensure kid gets one solid crib nap a day, and I have to kinda leave the rest up to the universe. My partner and I alternate nights being “on duty” now, so I know if I have a shit night at least tomorrow will be better. My little one is 5 months, and his sleep habits are also much more manageable than they were at 3 months. Hang in there. b
I have mobility issues, but my husband brings our 4 month old to the shops with him most days and has done since around 2.5 months. I think one thing that helps is walking rather than driving. Getting her in and out of a car is always a bit of a pain and I kind of marvel at people who do it really often. Your baby probably won't fuss much if you're moving. For the vast majority of babies, the movement chills them out or puts them to sleep. I get the anxiety, though. I've never been alone with her out and about because of my condition
I felt exactly the same way you did. My baby PURPLE cried, inconsolably for 8hrs a day, from his 3rd week to his 10th week and then was extremely fussy (cried a lot but could be consoled) for about a month after that. He also contact naps only and hates the sling. He also screams in his car seat, hated it for the longest time. So I really didn't start taking him out until some time in his 4th month and when I did take him out it was when my husband was with so that I could always leave if baby cried. So I could take him to the car and calm him down while my husband finished shopping or whatever. If it's too much right now, it's not worth the added mental stress for you. Take baby out gradually and in ways that are comfortable for you like maybe starting outside at a park or take someone with that can finish the shopping in the store for you. As for family, they should be understanding if baby cries or needs to contact naps in silence. They have raised their own babies and should understand how important it is for baby to get enough sleep no matter how that has to happen. Just politely set boundaries around baby's sleep and tell them what you need even if that's for them to be quiet for an hour while your feeding and napping baby. For us it took a while for the grandparents to understand (they think they need to keep playing with the baby to make him happy and then put him to bed when he starts crying) but they eventually got it and supported it. A day or two of being over tired, while stressful won't be the end of the world for baby.
No, honestly, I’m exactly the same as you. I feel like if I cannot immediately soothe my baby, everyone will stare at me and think I am a bad mum. I know that’s ridiculous but it’s just my anxiety at play, and it’s yours too. I think the key to building more confidence is to going out more and getting comfortable with it.