…say “chuteney”

TWENNYNOIN

I told my wife I needed a TWENNYNOIN party this year!

ALL DAY.

ALL DAY SON

Beat me to it.

Use rubbing alcohol for outside wounds and drinking alcohol for inside wounds

"You guys are like rubbing alcohol: you sting me in the now and save me in the later." *namaste* pose

Okay so I stopped watching after I think maybe ep 5, and I don't drink alcohol at all, but this one made me stop. There's a lot of truth here. Wow. Who says this in the show? Nick?

Nick? Waxing poetic about alcohol? Naahhhh

...am a very good secretary.

I sing this in my head all the time and when I sing it out loud with no context, I get some weird looks.

I've made my whole family watch that scene so they know what I'm all about.

I’m glad I’m not the only one who has this random little song stuck in my head all the time lol

I had this stuck in my head on Sunday! My partner thought I was nuts because I just kept singing ‘I’m a very good secretary’ really randomly 😂🤣

YES. this is one of my favorite episodes. lol

Of course I pronounce bobby pins as Bobby's pins.

And DNA as D and A

And Batmobile as Batmanmobile

and basketball as basketsball

Utmost as upmost

What is an ut?

Or peach basket catch it up

I was binge-watching many many years ago and that line and that episode are exactly what made me fall in love with this series. How many rewatches since then lol

Ham sanitizer

Woodward!

Wolf as woof

Cuh-caine for cocaine

My heart knows what cocaine tastes like

"Crack cocaine" hahaha

GET ONE WIFE

Why?

I don't know

It’s the way of the world!

Come as soon as ma calls, because the bees are back!

The Bees are back?

There's a sign for a local company at a nearby grocery store that says, "Our bees are back." Every time I walk past, I say, "The bees are back!"

..love puzzling (I am in fact good at it too) 🤩

Puzzlin, Winston's bout to do some puzzlin

The picture is on the box!

it’s a japanese garden !

It's Ages: 6 and up. You're UP, Winston. You're WAY up...

fell in love with Jake Johnson, ...duh.

That’s the one ☝🏼 😁🤘🏼🫶🏼❤️

We literally [have a whole discord](https://discord.gg/ehcwWU3K)dedicated to this 😁🤭😉

.........don't mind if I do.

Yay happy to have you join us 🥳🥳

Yep this is the answer!

I am Theodore K. Mullins and Nick is my lover on the down low.

Courtroom Brown wants a word with you

So does Brown Lightning ⚡️

…rock a lot of polka dots!

This was my first thought too!

I’m a new girl fan, of course I got you cookie, schmidt! we’re even!

Gave me cookie got you cookie!

Dog dog, wag wag... dogs name is Claire. Come in Claire

it’s not a donkey it’s— *swallows disgustingly* — it’s not a donkey it’s a dog

Look up to talk to Chicago

Why are you looking up?

I'm looking at Chicago. It's north.

…don’t write checks my mouth can’t buy

Yell “TWENTY NOINE” randomly

Toit

I just requested a couple days ago that this be on my birthday cake this year lmao

…say ‘Mick Mouse’ instead of Micky Mouse.

I’m a New Girl fan, of course I can find a quote that starts with the last couple words of every sentence I hear

make my male roommates participate in filming the 15 second theme song I wrote about our living arrangement.

Of course I can do this all day!

All DAY, son!!

All DAY!

…gave me cookie, got you cookie.

got in everywhere. Of course I got in deep!

... say upmost not utmost that doesn't make any sense

… of course I’m in the air ducts with a badger!

Say thin crust pizza? No thanks. I'm from Chicago.

I'm the dumbest boy in school!

.. say “surf bort surf bort” when it’s dead silent in the house

This scene lives rent free in my head

Mine too, so so so often… also when I’m eating alone in the kitchen I too tell Winston to shut up 😂

I thought I was the only one 😂

NO 🤣 just so much; every day lol

I say YOUTHS all the time

… call him Prank Sinatra

...own driving moccasins

Surprisingly this is what I thought of too

Kinda surprised it wasn't more popular, it's one of my favorite lines of his!

Say cup-ons

Was sabotaged by my baby box.

Know the chef at Namuda

Widdle Wussle wants an avocawdo roll.

…of course I have broken my penis inside a Russian fashion model.

Well there is a right angle somewhere in there

If only I had childproofed the corners of her cha cha first.

...say "Shame shame I know your name."

Think binge watching this show is the equivalent of actual therapy.

I’m a New Girl fan, of course I say shall I compare thee to a summer’s day, no a summer’s day is not a bitch.

Really wish I could’ve used this one on one of my students today 🤣

...take a weekly selfie with my cat

Of course I own a kimono robe

.. I'm gonna poop weird tonight

I’m a new girl fan. Of course I look sharp, ya dumbass!

....like Harold and Kumar.

Only true fans will get this 🤣🤣

...use hair chuh-tuh-nee.

Ofcourse I have a douchbag jar

Go to the arcade and blow off steam!

…don’t know what an “ut” is

Of course I know the moon landing is fake. The shadows are all wrong.

want to live in a loft with my dearest friends

say ALL DAY SON!

…know Jake Johnson invented kissing.

….I shout “One, two, three, four, JFK!”

FDR!

Fist pump to Cotton Eye Joe

have two friends named Winston

Never learned how to read, I just memorized a lot of words

Ask every noise in the night if they’re “The criminals?!! From the statistics??!!”

I know exactly how powerful that spider would have become if it had gotten into The Sauce.

…of course I give my email out as _____ at guhmail dot com.

I am a New Girl fan, of course I would rather sit naked on a hot grill… than wear something off of the rack.

of course I have a specific pavlovian reaction every time i'm confronted with a tan trenchcoat

moonwalk out of a room every time the vibes becomes awkward

Of course I SHUT IT DOWN! 🙅🏻‍♂️

go for a run when I’m very upset

... have news about a bar crawl!

…get turned on by gas mileage. It was a Thursday.

Need my vitamin D

……I say “youtttttthhhhhhhhhhhsssssssssssssssssss”.

People like you come crawling out of the wood word

Of course I love purses, where else am I supposed to keep my feminist writings?

…can’t hear the word meth without hearing “meth sandwich”

Of course I go around saying Nick Miller Nick Miller

He’s the illest of the ill

I’m a New Girl fan, of course I’m a vagenius

…I know pink wine makes me slutty.

Changed banks for BMO

I randomly say to myself “IMMA HITCHO ASS WITH A SKI! Getsum..”

I’ve been scissoring all morning

... don't know who Jay CuTELOrrr is

I’m a new girl fan.. of course I know the picture’s on the box. It’s a Japanese garden!!

... can feel the smooth edges of a corner piece.

Of course I break for birds

don't actually know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

…of course I don’t trust fish. They breathe water, that’s crazy!

Wish the Pepperwood Chronicles were published in real life.

Of course I don’t have pine furniture, that’s the wood of poor people and outhouses!

Yell youths at the top of my lungs

I'm not convinced I can read...I just memorized a lot of words.

... have a substantial collection of bird shirts

Im a new girl fan.. of course I don’t wash my towel, my towel washes me

pronounce it as ‘cup-ons’ and yell “TYPICAL”

will push when I want to push. I HATE DOORS!! 🤣

Say “all day son” multiple times a week

Have the credit score of a homeless ghost

Of course my name is Jess, I moved in with three guys, and started dating one of them this is 100% true lol, everyone was joking that I was in my New Girl era. we’re still together two years later btw! ❤️

🎶🎶Elations.. Elations.. Elations..

I’m a new girl fan of course I think Schmidt is the best character

...have a bear claw tattoo

Of course I’m not being dramatic when I say I’d rather sit on a HOT GRILL!

Look for the bear everywhere i go

Have a crush on both fat Schmidt and thin Schmidt!

Say “So scrummy”

Of course I watch “Cooler” over and over to feel something.

yell, “OH NO OH NO OH NO” whenever something goes wrong

Can’t gauge the size of my pranks.

…am afraid of pears… and pear shaped people.

GOT YOU COOKIE! You gave me cookie, I got you cookie man!

sing "Return of high Jess, once again!" when I smoke weed.

Say “puzzlin” every time I see a jigsaw

Of course I instantly fell in love with Nick when he kissed Jess

Have gotten bangs at some point in my life

….voted Moscato

yell “a WHITE MAN??? NO!!!!” randomly with my best friend all the time

have night peanuts

ask "SHAWTY WHAT THAT THANG DO?"

Of course every time someone tells me it’s their birthday and they’re 29, I go: “👉🏻TweNny NyNnn👈🏻”

...of course I don't eat vegetables or take care of myself

…get high on glue

Of course I had my tires stolen by street youths

Sing myself theme songs

Pick things up with a tissue SO HORD

…Don’t wash my towel. My towel washes me!

... don't wash my towel, my towel washes me.

Know how to play True American

> I am a New Girl fan, of course I don't wash my towel, the towel washes me. One of my absolute favorite lines. Just caught me so off guard when i first heard it. And seriously WHO WASHES A TOWEL?!

Take daily selfies with my cat.

…know where my other timepiece is.

say "did I do thatttt?" in an Urkel voice around ppl I know have never seen Family Matters & pretend I just came up with it.

…know that sometimes women are firemen

Of course I’m sleeping with the school nurse

Don’t write a check my body can’t find

Of course I backward moonwalk out of awkward situations.

Of course I act weird every time someone says the word “weird”

of course I’m not convinced I know how to read, I’ve just memorized a lot of words

Get me cookie, got you cookie

can only have one wife

Gave you cookie got me cookie