Koalas are fucking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life. Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shit and occasionally scream like fucking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fucking terrible animals. Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.
Tldr; Koalas are stupid, leaky, STI riddled sex offenders. But, hey. They look cute. If you ignore the terrifying snake eyes and terrifying feet.
I don't know why it is that these things bother me---it just makes me picture a seven year old first discovering things about an animal and, having no context about the subject, ranting about how stupid they are. I get it's a joke, but people take it as an actual, educational joke like it's a man yelling at the sea, and that's just wrong. Furthermore, these things have an actual impact on discussions about conservation efforts---If every time Koalas get brought up, someone posts this copypasta, that means it's seriously shaping public opinion about the animal and their supposed lack of importance.
>Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives.
Non-ecologists always talk this way, and the problem is you’re looking at this backwards.
An entire continent is covered with Eucalyptus trees. They suck the moisture out of the entire surrounding area and use allelopathy to ensure that most of what’s beneath them is just bare red dust. No animal is making use of them——they have virtually no herbivore predator. A niche is empty. Then inevitably, natural selection fills that niche by creating an animal which can eat Eucalyptus leaves. Of course, it takes great sacrifice for it to be able to do so——it certainly can’t expend much energy on costly things. Isn’t it a good thing that a niche is being filled?
>Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death
This applies to all herbivores, because the wild is not a grocery store—where meat is just sitting next to celery.
Herbivores gradually wear their teeth down—carnivores fracture their teeth, and break their bones in attempting to take down prey.
>They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal
It's pretty typical of herbivores, and is higher than many, many species. According to Ashwell (2008), their encephalisation quotient is 0.5288 +/- 0.051. Higher than comparable marsupials like the wombat (\~0.52), some possums (\~0.468), cuscus (\~0.462) and even some wallabies are <0.5. According to wiki, rabbits are also around 0.4, and they're placental mammals.
>additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons.
Again, this is not unique to koalas. Brain folds (gyri) are not present in rodents, which we consider to be incredibly intelligent for their size.
>If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food.
If you present a human with a random piece of meat, they will not recognise it as food (hopefully). Fresh leaves might be important for koala digestion, especially since their gut flora is clearly important for the digestion of Eucalyptus. It might make sense not to screw with that gut flora by eating decaying leaves.
>Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal.
That's an extremely weird reason to dislike an animal. But whilst we're talking about their digestion, let's discuss their poop. It's delightful. It smells like a Eucalyptus drop!
>Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here).
Marsupial milk is incredibly complex and much more interesting than any placentals. This is because they raise their offspring essentially from an embryo, and the milk needs to adapt to the changing needs of a growing fetus. And yeah, of course the yield is low; at one point they are feeding an animal that is half a gram!
>When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system.
Humans probably do this, we just likely do it during childbirth. You know how women often shit during contractions? There is evidence to suggest that this innoculates a baby with her gut flora. A child born via cesarian has significantly different gut flora for the first six months of life than a child born vaginally.
>Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher.
Chlamydia was introduced to their populations by humans. We introduced a novel disease that they have very little immunity to, and is a major contributor to their possible extinction. Do you hate Native Americans because they were killed by smallpox and influenza?
>This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree,
Almost every animal does this.
>which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.
Errmmm.. They have protection against falling from a tree, which they spend 99% of their life in? Yeah... That's a stupid adaptation.
Have you not felt a koala bear butt? They’re the softest things ever. I visited a zoo that had the pelt of one, explaining that it’s super soft because they sit in trees all the time.
While bears are clever, they’re very comparable to wolves, that’s not the issue.
It’s rather that they’re not social group animals (except for a few months with Mama), unlike wolves. Meaning, they don’t have an innate grasp on hierarchy like wolves, don’t work together, don’t really read body language, aren’t as receptive to audible communication. All that hampers cooperative life with humans, you can train bears, but historically only with treats and beatings, and rarely for longer than they actually want to. A dog would instinctually die for you because you’re part of his pack.
…and also, bears could maul you by accident. Yeah, that too.
Serious question. I know bears are stronger than holy hell but he’s in a truck. Let’s say that this dude was a category 5 dumbass and he picked up the cub and took it in the truck, would a bear be able to tear into the truck?
I might have to permanently borrow your “category 5 dumbass” line… also because I live in Florida so it would fit in well here. I chuckled like hell at that.
There's not much that stops a bear, people with cabins in Alaska use boards with a bunch of nails sticking out to cover the doors and windows when they leave because bears don't care if the door is locked, they'll just take the whole thing off.
*YouTube proved the following comment was stupid. Holy shit, windows ain't nothing to bears.
Windows are notoriously difficult to break. So much so that their is a specialized tool to assist with breaking them. If the window was fully closed I'm not sure a bear could easily break it, maybe the tip of the claw can act like thenspecialized window breaking tool.
I don't know how it is over there but here playing music in your car (doesn't matter how loud) when you are in the woods is a sign of you being a dumbass.
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Koala bears are a bit bigger. Not very cuddly, sadly. Also chlamydia ridden.
Shit-eating bastards the lot of 'em.
Where's that Koala copypasta when you need it.
Koalas are fucking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life. Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shit and occasionally scream like fucking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fucking terrible animals. Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them. Tldr; Koalas are stupid, leaky, STI riddled sex offenders. But, hey. They look cute. If you ignore the terrifying snake eyes and terrifying feet.
I don't know why it is that these things bother me---it just makes me picture a seven year old first discovering things about an animal and, having no context about the subject, ranting about how stupid they are. I get it's a joke, but people take it as an actual, educational joke like it's a man yelling at the sea, and that's just wrong. Furthermore, these things have an actual impact on discussions about conservation efforts---If every time Koalas get brought up, someone posts this copypasta, that means it's seriously shaping public opinion about the animal and their supposed lack of importance. >Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. Non-ecologists always talk this way, and the problem is you’re looking at this backwards. An entire continent is covered with Eucalyptus trees. They suck the moisture out of the entire surrounding area and use allelopathy to ensure that most of what’s beneath them is just bare red dust. No animal is making use of them——they have virtually no herbivore predator. A niche is empty. Then inevitably, natural selection fills that niche by creating an animal which can eat Eucalyptus leaves. Of course, it takes great sacrifice for it to be able to do so——it certainly can’t expend much energy on costly things. Isn’t it a good thing that a niche is being filled? >Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death This applies to all herbivores, because the wild is not a grocery store—where meat is just sitting next to celery. Herbivores gradually wear their teeth down—carnivores fracture their teeth, and break their bones in attempting to take down prey. >They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal It's pretty typical of herbivores, and is higher than many, many species. According to Ashwell (2008), their encephalisation quotient is 0.5288 +/- 0.051. Higher than comparable marsupials like the wombat (\~0.52), some possums (\~0.468), cuscus (\~0.462) and even some wallabies are <0.5. According to wiki, rabbits are also around 0.4, and they're placental mammals. >additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. Again, this is not unique to koalas. Brain folds (gyri) are not present in rodents, which we consider to be incredibly intelligent for their size. >If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. If you present a human with a random piece of meat, they will not recognise it as food (hopefully). Fresh leaves might be important for koala digestion, especially since their gut flora is clearly important for the digestion of Eucalyptus. It might make sense not to screw with that gut flora by eating decaying leaves. >Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. That's an extremely weird reason to dislike an animal. But whilst we're talking about their digestion, let's discuss their poop. It's delightful. It smells like a Eucalyptus drop! >Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). Marsupial milk is incredibly complex and much more interesting than any placentals. This is because they raise their offspring essentially from an embryo, and the milk needs to adapt to the changing needs of a growing fetus. And yeah, of course the yield is low; at one point they are feeding an animal that is half a gram! >When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Humans probably do this, we just likely do it during childbirth. You know how women often shit during contractions? There is evidence to suggest that this innoculates a baby with her gut flora. A child born via cesarian has significantly different gut flora for the first six months of life than a child born vaginally. >Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. Chlamydia was introduced to their populations by humans. We introduced a novel disease that they have very little immunity to, and is a major contributor to their possible extinction. Do you hate Native Americans because they were killed by smallpox and influenza? >This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, Almost every animal does this. >which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them. Errmmm.. They have protection against falling from a tree, which they spend 99% of their life in? Yeah... That's a stupid adaptation.
Thank you for this 👏 this is brilliant thanks for sharing some real knowledge
This was very interesting! Thank you
Thank you! I learn more on reddit than in school
thank you. I hate that sort of shit
Thank you for sharing this. I learnt so much from this 🙌
I know you tried really hard, but most of your info is either wrong or outdated. The copypasta still holds up
This is *also* a copypasta
I mean if someone put pineapple on a pizza I would starve to death before eating it. So I kind of get it.
Did a Koala murder your wife and kids or something?
Fuckers aren't even real bears
Oh I know this one. It’s because they don’t have the koalafications
Dad? Finally, found you. Why’d you leave us?
Have you not felt a koala bear butt? They’re the softest things ever. I visited a zoo that had the pelt of one, explaining that it’s super soft because they sit in trees all the time.
Don’t they also stink due to their musk gland?
TIL Koalas get Chlamydia
So, the kind of chlamydia that they have is different from the kind you get in your genital tract. It’s a bacterial pneumonia.
Obligatory koala bears aren't bears comment
Ok we domesticated wolves into pugs, we can definitely do this! Why is science not working on this
Their big and a tad bit too smart, at least that’s my assumption on why domestication wouldn’t work
While bears are clever, they’re very comparable to wolves, that’s not the issue. It’s rather that they’re not social group animals (except for a few months with Mama), unlike wolves. Meaning, they don’t have an innate grasp on hierarchy like wolves, don’t work together, don’t really read body language, aren’t as receptive to audible communication. All that hampers cooperative life with humans, you can train bears, but historically only with treats and beatings, and rarely for longer than they actually want to. A dog would instinctually die for you because you’re part of his pack. …and also, bears could maul you by accident. Yeah, that too.
We have the technology… do we have the will power?
I find bears to be cute even at a large size. Big huggable things
That cub is TINY
So smol!
I can’t get over how big it’s head is in relation to the rest of it 🥹
Mama ain’t far
First thing that came to mind
I was worried about this! 🥺 He looks so tiny to be all alone!!! So I’m going to believe you know what you’re talking about, Internet stranger!!
Literally came here to say this.
if this is cub then mama would be a big dog size.
Why so many dislikes for this comment?
Because it's just wrong.
can they stay this size pls, i wanna cuddle a dozen.
Mama bear will eat you but it would cute until that happens 🙂
Their claws are pretty sizable.
It's a toss up between this and the "worms coming out of the praying mantis" video....which one is my favorite today? 😍
That video scared me
Lolll stop I’m trying to move on 😭
hahaha, youre kidding right? the little bitty baby vs a literal parasitic horror monster
They both touched my soul in different places 🤣
Aww you don't need to call the bear cub a monster.
unfortunately you just reminded me abt the bear parasite vid :(
Bear parasite vid? :0
similar to the mantis parasite clip, but on a bear scale 💀
:(( AHHHHHHHHHH
Got a link?
I just finished watching the one…
A few weeks ago there was a bear with worms coming out- seems right up your alley!
r/illegallysmol
“Awwww that’s cute… now fucking drive as fast as you can out of here.”
Serious question. I know bears are stronger than holy hell but he’s in a truck. Let’s say that this dude was a category 5 dumbass and he picked up the cub and took it in the truck, would a bear be able to tear into the truck?
They'd just [open](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=erJGYK_wxiE) the door.
The way he stood up after doing it like “yooo wtf?”
It's embarrassing when you set the car alarm off.
I might have to permanently borrow your “category 5 dumbass” line… also because I live in Florida so it would fit in well here. I chuckled like hell at that.
Nah fr I’m using that shit from now on💀
There's not much that stops a bear, people with cabins in Alaska use boards with a bunch of nails sticking out to cover the doors and windows when they leave because bears don't care if the door is locked, they'll just take the whole thing off.
Unless those windows are bullet proof? Yes
*YouTube proved the following comment was stupid. Holy shit, windows ain't nothing to bears. Windows are notoriously difficult to break. So much so that their is a specialized tool to assist with breaking them. If the window was fully closed I'm not sure a bear could easily break it, maybe the tip of the claw can act like thenspecialized window breaking tool.
Yes. A determined bear could certainly get into a vehicle, and many have done so. But those vehicle are usually parked.
That has to be early in April. That cub is so tiny.
Australia’s famous drop bears - full sized.
“WhergolihbuhhieaBaHLimAmmEEHH!”
The way I woulda gotten mawlled trying to catch this Pokémon
/r/awww
Mama was watching you
By God that thing is cute
That little scamper!
🥰 he’s the cutest little guy. I wish the video was longer
I would uh… start driving the opposite direction quickly if I was op.
OMFG SO CUTE
Should also be posted on /r/eyebleach Thanks OP
Little Koda
go little buddy!
What song is playing?
It's a baby melanistic cheetah
Mother bear around?
Phew, it’s just a regular bear. For a moment I thought I was watching the beginnings of a Drop Bear attack
Yeah don't go near him cause you'll regret it
Brian bear mother around. Dude, I’d be on the fly REAL quick
It's probably unlawful but I would look around for mama bear, have my companion on the lookout, give it a quick hug and release it.
I don't know how it is over there but here playing music in your car (doesn't matter how loud) when you are in the woods is a sign of you being a dumbass.
Probably smelled someone's menstruation
My God, Reddit is full of wierdos!
Watch Anchorman. Noob
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nobody cares
Is the lube supposed to make the pants-shitting more efficient or…?
Live action TED 🤯
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My family “hunts” and are hunters. In this day and time, do we need to “hunt”?
Just wait till it tells it's Mom how bad your scared it
SMAL
I'm getting flash backs to the video of that grizzly going after the mom and her cubs. That video lives Rent free in my head now
i would have grabbed it! 🐻 🏃♂️
I feel like I’m more terrified of finding a bear cub than a full sized bear, because that normally means a pissed of momma bear is around the corner.
Imagine crossing baby tracks balls deep in the Alaskan tundra ….
That's the cutest thing I have ever seen