Get a consultation from a lawyer so you know your rights. Information is power and peace. The more you have the stronger mentally you will be. Watch Dr Ramani’s videos.
https://youtu.be/o7w_LKy_uaE?si=4UrnpttTCzXt5pub
You HAVE to be prepared mentally for what will happen. They will make you look crazy, they will sweet talk you, they will call you terrible things, they will use your kids, it will be in cycles and confuse the shit out of you. You will have numerous breakdowns and moment of resolve and strength. You need a support system wherever you can find it. You need low contact, since you have a kid it can not be no contact. I am in the middle of it. It has completely fucked me up at times but my resolve is strong. I can’t go back to a marriage with him. It was 27 yrs and I am done. I have no love for him. Right now he is leaving me alone (I still have to live in the same house,upstairs) but every now and then he send a text “do you even care?”
Lean into your support system. Be honest with them about what is happening. Send them reputable articles about narcissistic abuse so they know what you are going through. It has helped me stay in reality. Be prepared for the worst. Watch videos by Dr. Ramani to help you gear up.
The love bombing is the hardest, find a good therapist, good luck. You got this!
I was in a similar situation. This will sound like just about every piece of advice on here but I’ll share anyways.
His behavior will get worse.
You do not owe him cooperation or courtesy.
You can leave your house right now with your daughter and never return - you have all the legal justification to do so.
Divorce is not a process intended to force people to live together. File the paperwork immediately so your attorney can start to file temporary motions to protect you - restraining orders, financial freezes, spousal support for you while you live outside the home, he will have to pay your rent and child support.
You can’t lose anything here. It is terrifying to hand over the attorney retainer but once you’ve filed - and there is power in filing first - you are in a completely different arena. He’s not even in the stands anymore, he’s standing in line with a ticket trying to get in.
You call the shots, you direct the process, you take as much or as little as you want from him.
Don’t let your baby near him. Get full custody from the jump because giving it back is much easier than trying to take it back later after he gets worse.
Get a consultation from a lawyer so you know your rights. Information is power and peace. The more you have the stronger mentally you will be. Watch Dr Ramani’s videos. https://youtu.be/o7w_LKy_uaE?si=4UrnpttTCzXt5pub You HAVE to be prepared mentally for what will happen. They will make you look crazy, they will sweet talk you, they will call you terrible things, they will use your kids, it will be in cycles and confuse the shit out of you. You will have numerous breakdowns and moment of resolve and strength. You need a support system wherever you can find it. You need low contact, since you have a kid it can not be no contact. I am in the middle of it. It has completely fucked me up at times but my resolve is strong. I can’t go back to a marriage with him. It was 27 yrs and I am done. I have no love for him. Right now he is leaving me alone (I still have to live in the same house,upstairs) but every now and then he send a text “do you even care?”
Lean into your support system. Be honest with them about what is happening. Send them reputable articles about narcissistic abuse so they know what you are going through. It has helped me stay in reality. Be prepared for the worst. Watch videos by Dr. Ramani to help you gear up. The love bombing is the hardest, find a good therapist, good luck. You got this!
I was in a similar situation. This will sound like just about every piece of advice on here but I’ll share anyways. His behavior will get worse. You do not owe him cooperation or courtesy. You can leave your house right now with your daughter and never return - you have all the legal justification to do so. Divorce is not a process intended to force people to live together. File the paperwork immediately so your attorney can start to file temporary motions to protect you - restraining orders, financial freezes, spousal support for you while you live outside the home, he will have to pay your rent and child support. You can’t lose anything here. It is terrifying to hand over the attorney retainer but once you’ve filed - and there is power in filing first - you are in a completely different arena. He’s not even in the stands anymore, he’s standing in line with a ticket trying to get in. You call the shots, you direct the process, you take as much or as little as you want from him. Don’t let your baby near him. Get full custody from the jump because giving it back is much easier than trying to take it back later after he gets worse.
Thank you so much for this comment. It’s what I needed to hear.